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bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Ever thought, wow, I'm enjoying this James Bond movie, but I wish there was more gymnastics in it. Well, you're in luck. We saw Gymkata, so you know what that means. Now it's time to
Hello people of Earth!
And hello, people of Los Angeles. We are live at Largo for a very special episode of the show. Let me get it started right away by introducing my two co-hosts. Please welcome June Diane Rayfield and Jason Manzoukas. We have a very special guest tonight. One of the funniest people I know. Please welcome Michael Showalter. Thank you.
Jim Kada. It is like the Hunger Games meets The Room. I just wanted to start this off by saying this.
Was this in the-- was a producer thinking that he was going to create a new martial art? Because I don't understand the difference between karate and gymnastics. Like, I don't-- I mean, besides the gymnastics equipment. Well, this just-- this movie appears to be just gymnastics with people's faces where your feet are. I'm pretty sure he's just doing gymnastics, only there are people in the way. Yeah.
- Or it's just like karate with a flourish. - It is odd that whenever he is in trouble, there happens to be gymnastic equipment nearby. - Oh, we're sending you into a country called parallel bars. - There is literally a vault in one of the cities. - There's a pommel horse. - Yeah, you're right. - A city square just has a pommel horse in the middle of it, why?
They live in like the fucking middle ages like goddamn animals and there is a pommel horse in the center square of their goddamn town. We might be getting ahead of ourselves. Sorry. Yeah, we might be getting ahead of ourselves.
We need to go back because I actually learned a lot more about this movie from that trailer than I did from watching the entire film. Truly. I mean, I ask the question, what is the premise of the movie? Well, here, Michael, I don't know if you felt this way, but when I first started watching this movie, I felt like the first act was somehow missing. Yes. Like I checked, I rewound. I rewound and I was like, I must have missed like three scenes. Nope.
I missed nothing. Right from the start. Well, this is basically, I pulled this clip because just to get us all in here, this is basically how the movie starts, besides the amazing gymnastics opening. Well, I like, too, the very beginning of the movie starts, all of the credits are rolling over just a static shot of a handlebar.
It's the least visually interesting opening of a movie I've ever seen. It's just a handlebar. I think that's bold. I think that's a bold choice. I think that's a bold choice the movie makes to say, just watch this because when this shit's done, your mind is going to get blown. I will also say that when he is doing the gymnastics in the beginning, they do a lot of crotch camera work.
Which is not an impressive way to watch gymnastics. Like, gymnastics is better from afar. Well, there's also that scene that there's... At minute eight in this movie, there begins a training montage. And then at minute nine, it is over. Yeah. Which is inexplicable why we're training already. But at one point, he's trying to climb upstairs on his hands.
It's the... All right, relax. It's the Gymkata equivalent of the running on the beach scene in Rocky, which is he can't do it, he can't do it. He can almost do it. He can almost do it, and then he can do it. He can. But meanwhile, the entirety of that section, which they keep returning to, is a camera right above his dick. It is a camera. He is upside down. Ladies, relax. Relax.
They're excited about the awesome dick package of Kurt Thomas, Olympian. The other amazing thing about the training sequence, and we are cutting ahead, is the guy with the gigantic eagle. What is it, an eagle or a hawk? He's chopping wood. He's chopping wood.
He's chopping wood and his teacher tells him you have to be able to chop it so it doesn't make a sound, right? You hear that? And then it pans over. That's the teacher. The eagle never flies. The lesson doesn't need a falcon. I want to just address one thing first. Well, first let me talk about this teacher. I wrote down his quote. Now he's teaching him how to chop wood.
Do not hear the wood split. Hear only the sound of the axe cutting the air. Read the air itself. It has much to say to you. Okay, I guess. Guess what? The air is saying, what's up with this fucking falcon? When are we going to get to that? I feel like the falcon was just added as extra, like, shit, we need some animals. I will say, though, this. We talked about this walking up the stairs on his palms.
Would you think, would that come into play in the third act? And that technique will show itself. No. You would also think there are multiple scenes in which men prove that they are masters of specific martial art weapons. Yes. And you would be like, oh, so I guess Samir eventually is going to attack him with his sai, right? Yeah. Nope. Nope.
He'll use the bow and arrow. Or this guy's going to use his ninja axes or whatever those things are. Those things he flips around. Nope. Never seen it. Never seen him again. Basically, just if you have not seen the movie, I'll just quickly say that this is what we're missing. Somehow an Olympian is a secret agent. We don't know how it happened. He says, he says, I did write this down, because he asks...
The CIA guy, like, why don't you just, because, well, you'll explain that they're going to go steal something and that's going to save the world. Yeah, talk about it. They're going to save the world, but he says, why don't you just send military in to do this insane thing that they're asking to do? And he's, the CIA says, because direct military action is out of style.
That's a quote from the movie. Well, and that's their logic. That is a theme that runs through the movie. Like the old versus the new and things that are out of style and in style. Joan Rivers, fashion police in Congress. That's in style, that's out of style. Nuclear weapons, out. Sending guys in for karate gymnastics, in.
But wait, so I want to talk about... Seriously, Joan, pay your writers. I do want to talk about that thing, which is, what is he trying to do? It's the Star Wars... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in the title card at the end. He has to go to this country where apparently Mel Brooks is the leader. Well, by the way... By the way... Right! Right! Mel Brooks...
By the way, the name of the country is Parmistan. Yeah, yeah. Like a Parmesan sandwich. Like a chicken Parmistan. It's Parma, Parmistan. Let me get a chicken Parma. Okay, relax. Get it together. Well, also, the father, his daughter, the princess, is also a part of the story. And I just wanted to talk about the resemblance of the two. Okay. Okay.
Well, it should be pointed out, she barely speaks English. Both of them speak. Neither have the same accent. Wait a second. Neither has a discernible accent. Wait a second. This is a direct quote from the movie. While whatever his name is, do we even know his name, the hero? The hero? Kurt Thomas. Kurt Thomas. What's his character's name? What? John Cabot. While Cabot is training...
The CIA guy can be overheard saying, "The princess is interesting. Her mother is from Indonesia." Yes! I wrote that down too! I wrote that down! Ergo, she is interesting. Well, let's just play a part of basically, so he has to go and train because if he, if he, this is the premise of the movie. If he goes in to this parmesan and competes in something called "The Game,"
and wins. No one has won in 900 years, but if he wins, he is granted a request. Anything he wants. And what he wants is for the U.S. to put their Star Wars defense system in their country. They want a military base, basically. Exactly. I will also just point out to you, just to put some...
thought behind it. This is the year the Americans boycotted the Olympics in Russia. 1985. That's when they shot this, so he had some free time, the Kurt Thomas. It's a very politically charged film. It's kind of like Gorky Park with Jim Cotta. Here is the explanation of Jim Cotta. We'll just take a listen here. Here we go. Oh, and by the way,
This dude's totally into the princess because she's smoking. So he's thinking about her and they're like, think about the game, dude. Here you go. Looking good. I'm never going to make it. She does crazy things. The game's never the same. Other countries are training their best men now to defeat you. She's driving me nuts. You know she doesn't talk? The princess will come around. Interesting background. Her mother was Indonesian.
You know, one of the problems that you've got to face is being able to distill the essence of what you've learned. It's a subtle blend of the martial arts of the East and the fighting skills of the West. You know karate and you're on special gymnastics. Everyone basically says nothing for the first 15 minutes. Who is this guy? Is this guy part of the CIA? Because he also feels like he knows him and his dad.
Oh, yeah. His dad is an ex-secret agent or something, right? Yeah. Is his dad a gymnast as well? The cold open is that. The cold open is a man playing the game. Yes. Being chased by ninjas. Yeah, being chased by ninjas. He is like a Bobo Kurt Russell. That's...
And we don't know it's his dad. Spoilers for this terrible, terrible garbage movie. But that guy is trying to climb across a chasm, across a rope, and someone shoots him with a goddamn arrow. And that is why young Jonathan Cabot is forced to compete.
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But I mean, the thing that blew my mind about this movie is at every turn, insane-o things are happening to him. Like crazy next level bonkers stuff is happening to him constantly in the movie. And he is always like this, huh?
The one thing I'll say is I buy that he is a dumb gymnast. Yeah. Because he plays it really well. He is every step of the way like, huh, wait, look at this. Oh, my God. Where's Gomez?
I do want to... You guys see Gomez? Oh, shit. Gomez has a pitchfork in his face. Oh, Gomez. I do feel like we're going to get to something that I really want to talk about in a second, but I feel like we've got to talk about the love story because here in the beginning moments is when it really heats up between him and the princess. Well, by the way, I love that he sets up like she doesn't speak, she hasn't spoken a word. And so you're thinking there's going to be some like crazy reveal where she starts talking. No. Yep. She just in one scene starts talking. Yeah.
Do you want to see? For the people in the theater, I'm going to play you guys their first meeting. Yeah. Now relax, everybody. Don't jerk it. I mean, this is one of the coolest, sexiest Sam and Diane kind of love relationships you're going to get. The sexual tension is nonexistent. Here we go. The princess is an expert at the game, and she'll be handling your training from now on.
You'll be leaving together. Part of the training, huh? What, a game? Hey! Hit the ball. Hey, wait! Land in a wall. Karate child. What she's saying is, don't trust anybody. Hope to tell ya. What does he say there? Hope to tell ya? Hope to tell ya? Hope? What does that even mean? Hope to tell ya. It's what they say in Gymkata circles.
When you wish that you heard something before it happened. No, did anyone notice the foley sound work in the movie? Okay, it starts here, but the market scenes are insane. And it must be pointed out, he's wearing sneakers, and it's like clip-clop-clop. He sounds like a horse going down a cobblestone street.
But my question is this. The princess in the beginning is shown as being, she's well-versed in the game, she's deadly, as we saw with that one karate chop to the upper shoulder blade. And... But yet, she seems always... And also that there's an element of, like in a James Bond movie, where we don't know if she's good or bad. Yes. We don't know if we can trust her, because he keeps getting close to her, and then she'll pull a knife on him at the last minute. That happens more than once. It does. But...
She never shows off her skills. She's just a captive from the majority of the film. At a certain point, I also thought, oh, she's now in place to be his ally during the game. No. No. She just runs around. She's like a ninja, basically, who runs around being like, where is everybody? What's happening? Help! How come nobody's back yet from the game? Help!
And also the other women in this movie who are over 18 years old are monsters. They're just complete monsters. It's like garbage bags full of mayonnaise. Toothless garbage bags full of mayonnaise. Toothless, sexy garbage bags full of gorgeous, rancid mayonnaise. So he falls in love with this beautiful girl. Within the first 12 minutes of the movie, he has won the Olympics twice.
completely trained for a secret mission in another country and fucked the princess. We are at minute 13 now. And, and, and they're the most, I hated this love relationship. She's giving him the most lackluster massage.
Because she's giving him a rubdown at the end of the night. Then they get into a lazy kiss. Their kissing is lazy. It just seems like, I don't want a kiss, but I will. I do feel like every time he's going to pull away and secretly wants to be like, gross. Gross. Her lips make me tired. All right, so he goes... Did we get it? Did we get... We got to do it again? Okay.
I know we're playing a lot of clips, but it's so good. Is it worth playing the scene where he talks to himself in the flips? Oh, God. Oh, God. You can tell that this was his big acting moment. Do you think this is the scene he auditioned for? Well, I was going to say this might be his audition scene, but I don't think there's any other gymnasts that were up for this. I was just going to say...
I think there were auditions for this movie. I think he was given the part. He was... Okay, Scott Baio, can you do a backflip? I actually, I think there's, no, I don't know this at all, but I think there may be a version of this, like the story behind the movie, which is that it was just a script about a guy, you know, who was going on this mission and...
They decided to cast him, a gymnast, and so made up Gymkata to make it work. I will say this. The first credit at the credits, the first thing to come up, it says that it's based on a book. Yes. Which I did some research on. The book is called The Terrible Game by Dan Tyler Moore and zero gymnastics in the story. Ooh, interesting. Interesting.
This is a review that was on Amazon of the book. I picked up this book because of the cover art. It's pretty good. I'm already in. Gladiators with Swords and Hooked Ends.
That's the cover art. This story is a modern spy thriller with a unique twist. Spoiler, in Russia, there's a small plateau populated by a warrior race. A very narrow path leads up to their country, easily defended. Any visitor must play the terrible game, and if they survive, they can interact with the locals. The game involves multiple contests of horse... That's the prize? Yes. By the way, we've seen the locals. You can just say...
The game includes multiple contests of horsemanship, archery, wrestling, and swordsmanship with the hook swords. In 500 years none have survived, our hero is on a mission to establish diplomatic relations, but first he must win the terrible game. So yeah, there's not much there. By the way, I want to read that book.
Let's start an offshoot podcast called How Did This Get Written? Where we just talk about terrible books. What about page 86? I couldn't believe they used... Oh, boy. Here we go. Here is the best acting scene from Kurt Thomas. Here we go. Check out the shorts. Good morning, princess. Good morning, Jonathan. You're looking handsome as always. If you're listening, he's doing flips.
Did you sleep well? Like a log. She likes that. She likes that half twist. What? She has not spoken yet. Kurt Thomas knows what he wants. That's a lazy kissing right there. There's a knife. Don't trust anybody, right? Sometimes you just got to take a chance. Gross. She's holding a knife by his head. Bad kissing. Knife into the wall.
One of the first times we see a knife thrown into a wall. Not the last. Again, I have no idea why he's attracted to her. She's hot. She shows no interest in him, but she's into him. I mean, there's not even, like, I guess in this world, like, a smile is consent to be kissed. What?
Sometimes he's got a hope test. They've not shared anything. I will say this about the movie. There is something exciting about knowing someone's doing their own stunts and knowing like, okay, guys, just listen for a second. For a second. Like Jackie Chan? Yeah, there is something to it. Yeah, exactly. There's something to it where it's like, okay, this man is doing all of his own gymnastics. Right.
And I do appreciate it on a level. On a level. I would say yes, but not for this movie. This movie, not super exciting. It's weird because I was just listening to it now. It does sound like it's almost a whip sound. And every punch is...
Everyone is punchy. We were talking about this backstage, and you can say, like, oh, well, this is a bad movie. It's like, it's not supposed to be good. The budget was, guess, what is the budget of a 1985 movie? So, 85, inflation, what do you guys think? 30 million. Okay, that's a little high. 85. 500 million. I don't know. What are we doing? That is high. I have no idea. $1. $1. $8.5 million. $8.5 million.
Right? So this doesn't look like... That's a lot of money back there. The vast majority of this movie looks like it was shot in a cabin in the Catskills. And inexplicably, a cornfield. Yeah. What is the most terrifying element of the game but surviving the cornfield? Well, that's not the most terrifying element of the game. Elephant?
But I don't want to give away where... Because I felt like watching this movie, it was unbearable until the end. Oh, until the end. The end of The Village of the Crazies. Well, The Village of the Crazies. We've got to get to The Village of the Crazies. But I don't want to... You're right. The Village of the Crazies. I don't want to skip to that. So you didn't enjoy any of the gymnastics?
What's that? I think I genuinely do like gymnastics. I enjoy watching it. I did too, but I was actually felt like, and I actually remember when this movie came out. I saw this movie in movie theaters. I didn't see it. So many times in different theaters? No, just once. I remember when it came out and there was like this and then the Lombada movie and da-da-da. The Forbidden Dance? The Forbidden Dance. Well, there was Lombada and the Forbidden Dance. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, those are both good. There was a whole spate of movies, but...
But but I was disappointed that like I thought Jim Kada was gonna be like this whole crazy thing But it's like most of the time he's just doing karate and then every once in a while He does some gymnastics basically like that's Jim Kada. Yeah, it's like he's doing karate But like he'll do a cartwheel to do the karate. Yeah, I
I want to put this a little bit more in perspective for you because I'm just going back to this. 1985, number one movie at the box office, Back to the Future. Budget, $18 million. $18 million.
This movie, 1985, budget $8 million. That's a high-budgeted movie. It's a very high budget. All right, yeah, 1985. This is a great year for movies except for this one. Did it even make the top 100? There's a shot. There's a million times we see people climbing over the river and on that rope. Yeah. And there's never a wide shot of it. No. We see people getting on the rope and getting off the rope.
No, and I noticed too that they did reuse the close-up shot of the really scary townspeople. Yes. Twice the incredibly inbred looking townspeople. Yes, the trash bags. I think they spent all their money on extras because they were all very real. All right.
And horses. And horses. They go to horses. I want somebody to find out how many minutes of this movie is just horse feet running about. Yeah. To me, that's most of the movie. I also want to know at the feast thing, celebration thing, there is a game being played between men on horses with men. I love this.
I was like, what's this horse and net game? It's like netting a ninja. It's ninja nets. It's just two ninjas on horses with giant butterfly nets. With circular nets. Trying to capture each other.
What is happening? Bring in the ninjas on horses and give them nests. And then Mel Brooks is like, I don't know. What are these guys going to do? And there's the two guys that are training him in the beginning of the movie. Which, by the way, I watched the beginning twice. He trains for two months. Yeah. They say that. The training takes two months. One of the guys training him seems to be riding on a Clydesdale horse. Yes. Yes.
Another animal that they could get with that and a hawk. It's like, what can we get with this amount of money? A hawk and a Clydesdale. Okay, give it to us. My buddy's got a sick Clydesdale. We'll use it.
Again, I just want to talk about that horse and the net thing. It would be interesting if they were running at each other. Nope. They're just simply closer than we are to each other in a semicircle. On horseback! You could touch them as easily. I'm not a horseman. I think they're endorsed. And I could win at this game.
Instantly. Well, and this is the weird thing about the movie because you think to yourself, oh, I guess this is going to come back at some point during the games. Like, this is a type of fighting. None of this is coming back. Oh, this is just... Enjoy it while it's happening. This is gone forever. Just stay in the moment with the movie. But the listen to the sound of the axe hitting the wood, that came back. Yeah.
That came back when he realized if I go like, something to do with an arrow? Yes. He's in the woods with Thor. Is that his name? Yes, Thor. Thor. Okay. What? Thor. All right, shut the fuck up. These guys have seen the movie. They're excited. And he remembers, he remembers listening to the wind and so he can hear the arrow so he can duck just in time and then the arrow goes into Thor. And then Thor lives for a long time. Yeah. Yeah.
Thor breaks the arrow off in his heart but then lives for a long time. That's what's so weird about arrows in this movie. There's a lot of arrows in this movie and their effectiveness is questionable. Yeah.
Sometimes a direct hit, that person is alive and fine. Does his father that we don't know is his father get hit with an arrow in the first movie? And he's on the rope bridge, so he falls. Doesn't he fall? Yeah, and you hear a... That's another effect that's added in. Everyone who falls is like...
It's not quite a Wilhelm scream. No, they couldn't afford that one. It's almost that. I want to talk about this. He goes to Carabelle in the Caspian Sea, something they really want to get out there.
They put it up on the screen. Yeah, yeah. But now he is a secret agent on a secret mission. It's trying to be like James Bond. This guy cannot dress more loudly. Oh, yeah. He is wearing a red sweater and white pants. Like you and everyone else is in turbans and they're like, oh, I'm in a country. Like he is Waldo. He's basically red, white, and blue. He's Waldo. Basically a walking American flag. Yes. Right.
And he is clear. Like, this is not what a special agent should be dressed as. Well, what happens is they get there, him, the princess, these other fucking dildos, and they're like, okay, you're going in tomorrow. Today, you've got some time. Maybe go see the markets.
What? I was expecting him to go like, hey, so we have some extra time. Do I get per diem? Or like, you've got extra time. Sit right the fuck here. Don't go anywhere. Don't compromise the goddamn mission. Don't leave this goddamn house. Read a map. Do something. Wait, I have a question. Why were they there? Why did they have that intermediary? Why did they just go to Parmesan? Oh, and why?
Why did they show them a thing? What was accomplished in that middle part? I think that the gymnast is like, look, guys, I'll do this, but I need a break. I'm not going to be on a boat, an airplane. So it's literally, I can't go straight to Parmistan. Yeah, I can't do the full mission. I need a stopover in wherever that was. Isn't this like the, yeah, it's a stopover, and they have like, aren't there like Parmistani counter agents who are helping them out? The guy with the weird mustache goatee scenario? Well, but then he is a double, he doubles.
By the way, and then the CIA goes shows up and is mowing people down with a machine gun. It literally turns out to be a mass murderer. He's shooting that gun like he has not a care in the world. Just destroying that room. I will say, I will say though, here, I mean,
I'll rewrite this one section and just go, how about this? You've got to stop in this town and do some gymnastics for the people. That's their cover. You're a gymnast. This is how we can get you into this country. It would be as simple as that. Not like have a free night off in town, enjoy the nightlife with a princess. I'm confused. And the nightlife is just doing shopping. If only you had been in the writer's room, you could have saved it. I could have. Can I ask a question? I need to. Because kind of what you're saying, to take that another step further, is...
He's going to play the game, right? Yeah. Yes. Okay, so what's the secret? None. That's what I didn't understand. I don't understand. He's going. They know who he is. But they don't know what his request is. That's the secret. Who fucking cares what his request is? He's clearly an American dude who's coming to play the game. And why don't they...
But nobody's won the game in 900 years. But why does it have to be a secret who he is? It's all different countries. Oh, it's a secret who he is? That's what I'm wondering. I didn't know that. Is it a secret? No, it's not. But who is he being chased by then in the market?
Why are they trying to kill him in another country? But here's the thing. Are the other people also from other countries trying to get a nuclear base there too, or are they just competing in the game? They have other requests. They just want to win cash and prizes. They want to get their one request. Who knows what Gomez wants? There was also, we talked about...
Gomez is like, get me the fuck out of wherever I'm from. Which one was Gomez? Huh? Who is Gomez? Gomez, inexplicably, in the middle of the thing, he becomes really attached to one of the other competitors. Right, they make friends. And he's like, where's Gomez? Where's Gomez?
And then he sees Gomez impaled by pitchfork. He's like, oh, Gomez. Here? And then his mind reboots and like a fucking dumb robot, he runs off to jump around like an asshole in a country that appears to be 2,000 years in the past run by Mel Brooks. This is a fucking terrible movie. Well, wait a second. It's history. It's...
It's like Mel Brooks as his character from history or from Spaceballs. It actually reminded me of the Spaceballs character. I felt like he was going to be like, may the Schwartz be with you.
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But you mentioned the 2,000 years ago thing. Did anyone pick up the part about the 20s? Yes. What was the 20s? Okay, she says to him, because this was like, you notice it literally looks like it's the medieval times. The whole thing looks like a bad renaissance fair. It was on the worst backlot of Universal. Yeah. Sorry, just to clarify, so what year is the movie set in? In the present. 2056. In the present. Great, great, great.
And she explains to him something about the 20s. Have you heard about the 20s? Because there's some social unrest in Parmistan. Okay, sure. Please stop saying Parmistan. I can't take it any longer. He says, what are the 20s? He goes, what do you mean the 20s? Did you miss this? No, I did, yeah. Okay, the 20s are the young people.
Okay? And the 20s live in Parmistan, and they're the young people who are in their 20s and who want Parmistan to enter into the 20th century. Yes. And Samir is the guy who's going to stop. Well, her father, the day after the game, is going to announce that from now on, Parmistan is going to be...
Well, it's going to be the best of the old and the best of the new. But Samir is going to let that happen. Now, I will also just go back and say this. We're talking about the Mel Brooks character. He is the most affable gentleman. He is so friendly, so lovely, yet he runs this fucking crazy-ass game where people are getting brutally killed.
All the time. Why not put a stop to that? How did you get elected? He's taking prisoners who are, I guess, going to die in jail anyway and just releasing them to the game. He's like a Saddam Hussein type. Go ahead. In the game, he goes, oh, the locals love the game. How do they watch it?
There's no way to know. It's like the Hunger Games. I get they're watching it on screen. Running Man, that Schwarzenegger movie. They watch it. Here's what's weird, though, Paul. It's happening in a cornfield. It's like golf. It's like golf, though. You sort of drift from one hole to the next. Okay. You know, like, let's go over to the ropes course, you know?
them running at the beginning of the game. Where were they running to? To the cornfield. They're running to the cornfield. They often cut back. I thought they cut back to the courtyard during the middle of the game and everyone was like applauding.
Like, there was a game of telephone going, someone just got lit on fire. Like, yeah! I will say this. The game, like, conceptually, I love this idea. Conceptually, I love this game. I like the most dangerous game. I like people hunting people. I like that just as an idea. I'm a fan of it. But...
So I was like, oh, we're finally going to get to this game and this is going to be a cool part of this movie. The game is run through a cornfield, climb up a rope, climb across a rope, Village of the Crazies. Village of the Crazies deserves as much time as we can give to it. I will just say, I wrote this down, I was looking at notes and I said, I wrote down this note, there are moments in this movie where I am confused about how I'm supposed to feel. LAUGHTER
I just don't know. Like, is this a romantic moment? Is this a sad moment? Is this a happy moment? You don't know. But let's not hold off. By the way, I'm just realizing now to segue into Village of the Crazies, the tongueless lady in the beginning when he's... Oh, my God. I need to talk about her. She actually... I do need to talk about her, too. But she...
She should have been in the Village of the Crazies. Well, she was clearly probably rescued from the Village of the Crazies and made some sort of house service. I have a feeling that she's like, yeah, the Village of the Crazies is where she would live, but she works in Palm Island. I feel like, yeah. She works in the castle. At night, she goes to VOC to sleep. She comes back, and then she's good.
She jumps on the local rope bridge. Here's what I couldn't understand. This is a woman who, it is established, her tongue has been cut out of her mouth. All of their tongue. She cannot talk, okay? At a certain point, dumb, dumb idiot over here, this guy, grabs her and he goes, at knife point, he may take me to the princess's room or whatever. And then he's like, is this the room? And she goes, and then he goes, tell the princess to meet me in the garden. Yeah.
And also... Hey, you're a secret agent. This bitch can't talk. Jason, Jason.
But he also gives her the knife. Yeah. And she just, like, why did he trust her to do that? I think he was saying, like, I'm not going to hurt you. Here's the knife. Tell the princess I'm in the garden. However, an insane village of the crazies person communicates, she has no tongue. Yeah, but then in the next scene, they're in the garden. It all worked out. It all worked out just fine, but he doesn't.
Here's what I want to understand. The first scene with her, he wakes up, she's there. It's terrifying. It's absolutely terrifying. Here's a picture of her if you have not seen her. She's petting him and it seems terrible what's happening. Then he sort of resigns himself to it. Yeah. It seems like consent. Yeah. She's his only ally in the palace, I think. Is it the bed of pillows when she wakes up? Is that the bed of pillows? Yes.
Parmistan seems like some of the stuff from the old school is pretty good. If they keep that and they bring cell phones in, they're doing good. The bed of pillows. I feel like, you know, look, Kurt Thomas is going to be a very trusting guy. He's not going to judge her because she has her tongue cut out and she looks insane. She's also not in any sort of servant garb. She's in her crazy garb, isn't she? Yes. Yeah, she's always in her crazy garb. Let's talk about Village of the Crazies.
Oh, and flag ninjas. I want to talk about flag ninjas, too. Oh, flag ninjas. To get to Village of the Crazy, you got to run by flag ninjas. And flag ninjas are basically ninjas. They're just refs. They're just linemen. The worst use of a ninja ever. They look like they're just holding up storm front flags. It's like...
And they don't say anything. They're signposts. I have a question just before we get to Village of the Crazies, which is going to be amazing. Before he goes into the city, they give him a tutorial on all the gear he's going to bring in, which includes a thing that shoots a razor blade and a bunch of other... an axe and all this shit. Oh, you're going to ask why does that come... He never has any of that garbage.
Because maybe that guy that was evil that double-crossed him never gave it to him. No, but CIA guy shot that guy. Yeah, but maybe he hit it. I felt like they wanted to have a scene where they were like, we'll have a scene where he has cool weapons. But you can't use weapons in the game. Oh, it'll never come back. That's what I'm saying. It's like a bad James Bond movie. Everything is... It's like its elements are there. It's like gadgets, girl, mission,
bad guy, but there's no line that pulls them all together. Well, here's the one thing I will say. There's a scene in this in, okay, we're going to get to Village of the Crazies now. There's a scene in Village of the Crazies. So Village of the Crazies is the final test and it is a village. Guys, I'm sure you see this coming. It is full of crazies.
This woman being the kind of example. Anyway, at a certain point, there's like a nine to 45 minute slow motion chase sequence.
Where he is chased with pitchforks, and I wrote in here, I was like, oh, this is basically like Frankenstein, where he's being chased with pitchforks by village people in the Middle Ages. And two dogs. And two dogs. Two very, very scary dogs. I feel as though this movie is a movie written by Frankenstein telling his life story in a slightly more cool way. He's like, people will understand me now if I write this. Did it.
Part of me made... I was thinking it reminded me of that Bruce Lee movie, is it Enter the Dragon, where he goes in and he has to fight all these different... Yeah, these levels. But here, the levels were only just...
like crazies. Like the first crazy, I think the first time you know he's in the village of the crazies is when that guy like touches like a pole and then he's like, ah, and then he takes out a knife and just cuts off his own hand. Yeah, yeah. That's the first sign that he's in villages. They're crazy. They're really crazy. Now, are we to presume that was the only way that man knew to get himself off of that pole? No.
And he only gripped it. I rewound it and I was like, is it a freezing pole? Is the pole really like in the Christmas story where the tongue is stuck to it? No, it looks to me just like a sewer pipe. He touched it and he's like, oh. Then he walks away and falls down.
Yeah, I felt like the movie got good during Village of the Crazies. Well, also because all of the insane people were well-versed in martial arts. Yeah. Maybe these are all the people who lost the game and then they're forced to live there and think about their defeat. Like, oh, I could have gotten my one request in. But how... No, I mean, to lose the game is to die. I know, yeah. I don't know that there are like... How...
How amazing was it when he goes into the pig thing and he's walking on the pigs?
He's walking on the pigs, and then... In this movie, he walks on pigs. And then that's when Thor... He walks on the backs of pigs for a while. And then Thor comes back, inexplicably Thor's back, and then the pigs eat Thor. Yeah. Okay, there's a sound effect there that I really want to get to the bottom of, because it seems when Thor... Thorg. Okay, I'm sorry. Thorg dies that he squeals.
Like a pig. Like a pig. Wait, isn't it the pig squealing? I swear it's not a pig squealing. Even though there are pigs there. There are pigs squealing in that scene. But when he gets, I don't know, someone throws something at him and he gets. I think they hit him. It's a pitchfork. It's a pitchfork. Multiple pitchforks or something. It's a human pig squeal.
We're talking Ned Beatty deliverance squeal? I'm going to say that I'm not, this movie does not shy away from having their heroes whimper and squeal. Jonathan Cabot whimpers at one of them. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're the hero of this movie. It'd be like seeing Bruce Willis and Die Hard going, eh, eh.
I also like the costumes in this movie. Thorg, was he padded with something? I mean, just the dimensions of him didn't make sense to me. They were just crazy. He had a body type I found deeply confusing. Yeah. Didn't line up. I didn't know what was going on up top or down below. I couldn't make heads or tails of that guy's body situation. And his face was a goddamn mess.
His face to head with the headband scenario was very weird. I have a theory that this guy was a top secret Muppet that Jim Henson had created. I believe it. And this was to be the launch of it. But also, Kirk's game...
What's his name? Kurt Thomas or Cabot. So Kurt's been preparing for the games for such a long time. You'd think he would have put together some sort of like an outfit that would have made sense. He's essentially from what my eyes can see. No, no, Michael. He's wearing khakis. Khakis.
He's wearing khakis like maybe with pleats. With an elastic waistband. His pants have an elastic waistband. But you see, my theory on that is there's only certain things you can do gymnastics in. So they're like, oh, he's got like, that's all he's got to wear. But why not? He can't do gymnastics in sweats? You think he needs a little sweat? I have a controversial statement. Sure. None of the training was relevant to the game.
Wait a second. What about the time when he took that one class of just watching a guy be blindfolded and do swords? You might even ask, did he do the swords blindfolded? Nope. Nope.
He just watched someone. I wrote down, at a certain point in this, I wrote down, does everyone get a martial arts weapon jerk-off scene? Because that guy has it. And then when Samir is challenged, he's like, oh, I see you looking at my girl. Guess what? He's like baby Kevin Sorbo. He's like, I'm going to take off my fucking shirt and I'm going to jam on these thigh for a while. Fucking...
And then he throws them like he's jizzing, like throws the side right at KT, right? So he's like jizzing all over. You guys get where I'm going with this, right? This movie is deep. You're saying it was symbolism. I'm saying there is like deep subtext to this movie. I was going to play that scene. Why not? We're here. Let's play every scene. There we go. You must understand, she's mine.
It's not over yet. So put your hardware back in your pants. Yeah. What is KT wearing? Is he wearing the Obi-Wan Kenobi collection? He's wearing, I swear to God, he's wearing Luke Skywalker clothes. What the fuck is going on? And he has a, you see, for a guy who has a lot of change of outfits, he did not bring one for the game. He's like, I feel like in this scene my character would wear a velour bathrobe.
JT, you're unstoppable, whatever you want. He's like, I feel like Jon Cabot for the most part wears elastic band pants and a velour bathrobe. I'll be in my trailer face fucking Thorg if you need me. I want to go back to VOC for a second and ask, who was your crazy? I'm going to tell you my favorite crazy.
You've heard about... VOC. VOC. VOC. Village of the Crazies. So you know that thing, it's like when you have a mullet, it's like business in the front, party in the back.
There's a VOC-er who also keeps the same look. Oh, he's normal. Normal, normal, normal. Turn around. No back. No back. Just ass. Ass out. What's weird is that the front looks like a priest's vestments. It's not just clothes. It looks like a holy man turns around. Very normal. Boom. Prince. Totally naked. Prince.
That is my Village of the Crazy fave. Well, that's a theme in Village of the Crazies, is that don't get too comfortable with what's on the front. Because someone could turn around. I liked that guy, too. And reveal another face. Now, here's my question. Was the first face we saw, was that a person he had killed and taken his face and sewn it onto the back of his head? What do you think?
Well, the face was sort of so poorly constructed and it looked terrible. For someone who lives in the village of the crazies, that's probably one of the best faces they've committed. He's probably like the pioneer. So do you think it's a real face or a mask? Or a face that's been turned into a mask? June is really taking that question to heart.
What's going on in that head, Jim? Okay, here's what I'll say. When I saw it, I thought it's a fake mask. I mean, it's a mask. It's not... Like papier-mâché? Yes. But what I wished it was was a real face that that person...
had taken off Silence of the Lambs style? Silence of the Lambs style. It rubs the lotion on its skin style? Wow, June goes dark for her imagining of what you would like. I like that. I was watching the same thing. I had the same question and I settled on it's a real face. I settled on that's a real face. This guy stole someone's face and he wears it as a hat. He wears it. I thought that guy was my favorite of the Village of the Crazies. Do you have a favorite VOC-er?
- Uh, no, no. No, I was so engaged at that moment that I-- - There is-- - They slowed down the movie at this point because I guess they realized at a certain point that the first cut-in came in at like 64 minutes.
And they were like, "Okay guys, how do we extend it?" And they sew down things that don't need sewing down. - Well there's the slow-mo. I wrote that, I had so many things to talk about in the slow-mo, 'cause it is slow-mo forever! And the only thing you hear is his heartbeat and his aggressively, increasingly more and more sexual panting.
As this slow-mo scene continues, it just starts to be like... That whimper is really an unbecoming of a secret agent. And then... No, but you're right. They needed to stretch it out because then they did the pommel horse fight scene, which goes on for hours.
It is why you've come to see this movie. We should play a clip of it. Play it in its entirety. Here we go. So wait, I think you need to set it up a little bit, right? Yes, please. Please set it up. Well, he's in the village of the crazies. He finds himself surrounded by tons of crazies and then luckily there's a pommel horse there.
So lucky. For him to get onto and then, as you said, just kick so many people in the face. Now let's talk about- Let me ask you a question, Joe. Is it, it's not a real pommel horse, it's just something in the middle of the square. No, it looks like a pommel horse. It is a pommel horse. It is a pommel horse. It handles. Is it set decorated to look old or different than a pommel horse? No. Not really. No, but- Why would they need handles?
on that thing. I looked at it very closely. No, it's a pommel horse, but they clearly like painted it gray. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Here's the question. What in the world of the movie is it? I got it. I have a theory. I don't know. It was a place to hook up your horses. Yes, yes. In my mind, they were like, yeah, yeah, you hook horses up to it. Okay, fine. Well, should we have a horse hooked up to it just to make, no. No, let's just let him jump around on it and hit people with his dumb feet. Uh,
But then the fight scene goes on so far past anything you could possibly imagine it going on past. And it gets, I mean, it's repetitive for sure. Oh, there's nothing happening. He is, there is, okay, again, village of the crazies.
That would presume it is full of abject lunatics. All of them have either swords, spears, or pitchforks. They are all attacking him from all sides. He is weaponless, but for his feet. And the poma horse is the delivery system for his thrashing. Wish we could have a... Is anyone here a gymnast? Damn.
All right, well, here we go. Here we go. Really? No gymnasts? Here's what I'll say, though, about gymnasts, and especially male gymnasts. I mean, male gymnasts are the most physically fit people in the world. Excuse me? Wait a second. If you're going to walk away with anything tonight, I want it to be. I have a lot of problems with that. It's true. What they are able to do in terms of athleticism is unbelievable. Unbelievable.
They have an incredible amount of... Oh, don't girl power this. They're very strong. They're very strong. Very strong. All right, they're very strong. All right. What about professional wrestlers? Professional wrestlers don't have to do the same amount. Michael Showalter, you're a gymnast. When you were wrestling, Michael, when you were wrestling, how much? I am a gymnast, but I was much more tumbling than... Right, right, right, right.
Alright, let's see the scene that made this movie famous. Alright, here we go. Pummel Horse. The...
Wait, but that's not it. It goes on a little bit longer. It goes on way longer than that. I just noticed, by the way, the extras in the back, while he's kicking someone over here, behind him, the extras aren't trying to get him with their various weapons. They're just raising them up and down. There is a number of scenes I noticed where the Village of the Craziest people are looking straight into lens. They're looking like, well, they're crazy. They don't take direction. They don't take direction. Um...
It's pretty special. It's like, oh, we're in Romania or wherever we shot this piece of garbage. Why don't we just... Is there like a home for absolutely destroyed mentally people? Can we dress them up like monsters?
Maybe they shot it in the psychiatric ward there. I would believe it. Wherever they shot it, it's cold because you can see their breath in like every scene. And Samir is shirtless riding a horse and his horse, it's like iron, true grit, like the horse has...
shooting out steam like a train. I felt bad for Samir. I want to say, the thing about that pommel horse scene is he spends a lot of time not even doing kicking, just kind of getting revved up for almost like a motor going... Let me just get some reps on here before my kicking starts. And the same time is when he finds that pole happening... Right. In the alley. He finds a pole in the alley. But here's the weird...
Here's the weird thing about how it's going. They didn't have a bunch of poles so that it looked like that was part of what was going on. It's just there's one pole. And again, they didn't even try. They didn't put a shirt on it. They could have ripped the shirt off. Oh, cool. This is something I know. Again, put a horse to it. Untie the horse. Slap it away. No, they don't even try. I have a question, a legit question. When he says to the con, Mel Brooks, hey...
My father came and played the game. What happened to him? Is that the first we're understanding that his father played the game? Or did that happen earlier? No, in the first scene. The very first scene. It comes up earlier. Oh, it did. I missed that for some reason. Well, by the way, the pictures he's looking at in that first scene, especially the one of Samir, is a production still. It is absolutely staged movie production still. He learns there that his father played the game and his whereabouts are unknown. So that was recently? Yes.
Because the father and Samir look the same now. It seemed like when he was winning the Olympics, his dad was playing the game and getting killed. Got it. I think that's what you're led to believe. But he's not going in to save his father. No. He's going in to get a military base put into this country. That's right. But his dad was sent first to probably do that as well. I'm sure. It seems for him, in my mind, that if he finds out what happened to his dad, great. You know?
But no, there's no mystery. There's no mystery. His dad didn't disappear. He was killed playing the game. But then when his dad rescues him, I don't mean to spoil, but at the end of Village of the Crazies, he's in a very bad situation where he's going to get killed, and then a ninja comes along and helps him out of the situation, and the ninja is his father. Yes. And then he's like, Dad, what's up?
And Zad goes, I knew you'd come, John. Really? And then immediately the father is killed. Well, he's shot with an arrow. But as we know, arrows don't do a lot of damage.
I mean, it's crazy. Again. And he doesn't seem that bothered by it. No. When his father gets shot by the arrow, Cabot is like, doesn't even blink. Because he already grieved. He already went through the grieving process. Okay. This dude is a fucking robot.
He is, like, he is 100%, I've said this before, on the spectrum. He has no concept of human emotions. But he does, no, I would say... He cares more about Gomez than about his father!
We see him mourn Gomez and dad gets shot. We do not know. We do not know what his relationship was like. But again, as a screenwriter, why bring back the dad didn't give any information. Nope. He didn't give him any piece of advice. Didn't give him a weapon. Nor did he explain what he's been doing in Parmistan. Like, yeah, I'm alive and I just figured I'd hang.
I'd hang here and wait. Like, to what end was he working on something? Did he get the village of the crazy people to become an army? He's like, I've been working with the 20s. We're going to overthrow the... Nope. He's like, I found a ninja outfit. I thought I'd save you. Waiting. Just waiting. Uh-oh. My back hurts. What is it? Arrow? Uh-oh. The most disturbing thing is that when he does complete the games, he rides back into town on his horse with his girlfriend...
And his dad's on another horse. Dead. No, he's not dead. Yes, he is dead. I think that the idea is that he's brought his father back and that his father's going to live. And he didn't bring back Gomez.
Gomez is like mega dead. His dad is slumped over. I thought Samir was going to be on the other horse and it would be like, this is who, I killed Samir. But it wasn't Samir, it was the father and I'm thinking the father's going to go to the hospital. I thought too, did anybody else feel like Samir's death was really uneventful? Yes! He's the main villain! I thought that showdown was going to be like Roadhouse level throat rip. Yeah! Nope, it's like...
Kick, kick, I've got you now, crack. Crack, done. In like a pile of autumn leaves. Actually, no, I thought it was a vent. Well, it's the moment where he really has to call on... He really has to call on Gymkata to get through that fight. Right, you're right. Because if he just fights Samir, just Braun and whatever, he's going to lose. But then he kind of becomes Gymkata...
And then he's like, how would you describe what is when we talked about it? When does he become Gymkata? I mean, during the fight with Samir. Do you feel like there's a moment that you're like, oh, it's just, yes, there was a moment with his when he crosses his legs over and grabs his neck. I don't know. I mean, no, before that, he's losing the fight. You guys know what I'm talking about? He's losing the fight. And then he's like, no.
Because he was losing the fight to Samir and he's like, how am I going to beat Samir? I can't beat him this way. I need Gymkata to win this fight. And Gymkata is? Is cartwheels into karate. Got it.
Yeah, I get it. I will ask one other question of you guys. Did you think that the movie was going to continue after they rode that horse back into town? I thought there might be a moment or two. This was the most abrupt ending that has ever happened. It was shocking. That's why I really don't think that that father's alive because I think if he was, they would have cut to him and he would have moved around.
around right he would have right right by the way why would he bring his father back dead well he wants to bury the body look how happy he is his father is within feet of him a corpse
But basically they ride into town and then the movie just freezes frame and goes, in 1985, the first early warning earth station was placed in Parmistan for the US Star Wars defense program. That is it. The movie is over. Why is there... Is that exciting as a viewer? Like, oh yeah. Way to go, USA. Why is there a double space between Star Wars and defense program? Is that a subtle kind of like... Star Wars.
Hey, right as you're about to walk out, Star Wars.
But I took it as like it was almost saying that it was real, like at the end of like Erin Brockovich or something where they're like, Erin Brockovich toppled these corporations, da-da-da. It's like this was the most bullshit, weird story point, and they're acting like we even remembered that that was even... That was the goal. It's like the end of Argo where it's like the real people show up or whatever. It's like the real guys are going to show up and be like, this was based on me. Yeah.
Like, we never needed this to begin with. No, not one bit. Early warning Earth Station. I'm just reading it again. This is what he fought for the entire movie. And that is a good thing, right? I mean, it's really relatable. It's really fun. Let's go out to the audience here, see what kind of questions they have.
What kind of questions do they have? Oh, a lot of hands. A lot of hands. A lot of hands. All right, I'm going to go to this guy here first. All right, sir. First, you have to say your name, do a sound effect of a punch, a kick, or whatever, and then ask your question. Nico. Great. At the scene when they release the convicts to go into the game...
Kurt Thomas and others are going to observe on horseback. When they leave, they totally destroy a random civilian with a horse. Do you think it's deliberate or that person actually fucking died? A real person gets trampled by a horse. But Kurt Thomas says we can't just leave him there and they say if you go get him, they'll kill you.
No, that's a different person. That's a different person. So they release the prisoners. What this guy's talking about is they release the prisoners and all of the villagers are like, yay, let's go watch the thing. And our guys are on horseback and one of the horses tramples a real person.
Oh, that really happened in real life? It must have happened in real life, yes. It has to be an extra. Or it's the best stunt in the movie. It is, because I watched that, and I think I rewound it, and honestly, it does look... Kurt's face, I mean, he couldn't have acted it, I guess is what I'm saying. I think it really happened. All right, here we go. We've got a question back here. Your name, your best sound effect, and your question. My name's Ashley.
Those are the leaves that they walk on that are so freaking loud in this movie. And actually, I just wanted to, you mentioned Enter the Dragon. Can we just talk about how this is the same director as Enter the Dragon? What? I did know that, yes. He is the same director. This guy went from Bruce Lee to Kurt Thomas. Yes.
And here's the thing that I was going to talk about before. They slow down kicks. So, like, Bruce Lee is so quick, you've got to slow down kicks because he's so fast. Here, you can see them, and slowing them down makes them fast.
progressively less impressive. In the slow-mo whole thing, the slow-motion scene is mostly just running. There's very little slow-mo fighting. Well, the slow-mo kick was when he gets on top of that bridge and he tosses those two dudes off, who also in slow-mo go, whoa! Whoa! All right, your question over here. Your name, your best sound effect, and your question. My name is Javi. Good. Thank you. And so my question is,
At the banquet they introduce the village of the crazies, generations of people criminally insane. So they say that they're cannibals. Why don't we ever see them eating anybody? Hold on. I think we got an answer about that face. That face is definitely a human face. Just as I wanted.
And you think the rest of the person was eaten? Yeah, absolutely. I like that. I like that. Wait, but you're right, though. Why? Well, look, why? Why they set up everything and it never pays off? Why didn't they have the crazies eat Thorg instead of having the pigs eat Thorg?
Because the pigs learned it from watching The Crazies. Here's the reality. The reality is nothing makes sense in this movie until you get to the village of The Crazies because then everything's allowed to not make sense. That's true. That's when this movie starts making sense. Okay, your name, your sound effect, and your question. Winona. Winona.
Good. What is it? That's what the knives make when they land in the wood. So you know that part where Thorg, like, so in the game, I guess the ninjas are chasing you, and if you get caught by the ninjas, you die. So why does Thorg waste so much time trying to kill the Asian guy during the race? Okay, Thorg hates Asians. That's the only reason why he's there. Who knows? Yeah.
I also had a thought about this too, which was when the game starts, they all take off running, but it's not based on time. Nope. It's based on survival. No, but I would assume that, I know nobody's won the game in 900 years, but I would assume that only one person could out of this crop. But my guess is...
If no one wanted 900 years, let's take it slow, Serpico. Paul, I thought that they got a head start on Samir and his men. Okay. And that's why they're running is because Samir and his men... Because there was a moment way early in the movie where they kill someone. His dad? No, one of the ninjas kills a guy trying to climb up a mountain. And then they kill him. And then Samir says, kill him.
and he kills another ninja, not the guy. Oh, yeah. And they're like, why'd you do that? Because he broke the rules. And then when Kurt Thomas sees the rules being broken, he's like, hey, he broke the rules. But what it tells me, what it told me is that they take the rules of the game very seriously. But when Samir is breaking them, not so seriously. Well, that's the thing. Samir decides to, it's a coup, where he tries to overthrow Mel Brooks and take...
wrest control of the country from him. And the thing is, he's now going to go and hunt the guys. He's breaking the rules of the game, right? But the flag ninjas, who are they allegiance? Like, where's their allegiance? Who knows? Oh, to Samir. They are all to Samir? Yes, they're all to Samir. Because they try and attack Mel Brooks later on. And when Mel Brooks is asked by his daughter, why did you let, you know, your aide have this much power? Mel Brooks' answer is, for security reasons. Yeah.
Did anybody else feel like Thorg was like a returning champion? Yes. Everybody seemed to know Thorg. Everybody's money seemed to be on Thorg. And it seemed like we were setting up some sort of a competition between the two of them. What if people went to go see Catching Fire and this is what played? This is like, that was it. That was it. Jennifer Lawrence introduces it. I would love it if she was just CGI inserted into this movie. As Gomez.
Katniss Everdeen. That's why there's so many arrows. She's like, oh no, where's Peeta? And it's just Thorg being like, rawr. Okay. Your name, your sound effect, what your sound effect is, and your question. Go. My name's Steve, and my sound effect is, and that's just every other noise the crazy made. And am I the only one that noticed that the flag ninjas looked like Devo in the Whippet music video? Good point. Good point. I like that. Have a seat. At a certain point, I was like, oh, these aren't ninjas at all.
They don't do much ninja stuff. No, I think that they got discount ninja costumes, but it was like, we ordered the ref costumes, but we got all these ninja costumes. Put them on, put them on. I feel like it's just the producer being like, put them in fucking ninja outfits. Well, they're not ninjas. We haven't even talked about one of the best moments in the movie, which is when one of the flag ninjas watches, I think...
Thorgg killed the Asian guy and then the flag slowly drops.
I couldn't figure that out. Was that guy, was his flag representative of the Asian dude? No, he was just, whoever was inside that ninja costume was horrified at what he had just seen. He was like, whoa, I've seen some fucked up shit. He's like, honestly, I know I'm supposed to keep this flag up and all, but what the fuck just happened? But Thorg is out here fucking wasting dudes. Sad moment for the flag guy. Okay, your name, your sound effect question. Here we go.
My name is Chris and that's when the sigh hits the table. Good. Okay. This is really important. The title of the movie, Gymkata, that is not the proper fusion of gymnastics and karate. What is? Gymkate. Gymkate. I like that. Sounds like a really delicious coffee drink. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Well, you have the right answer. Oh, God. All right. Here we go. Is that...
She looked it up. It's a noun and it's plural for a system of basic body positioning and movement exercises as in karate or judo. Kata. All right. So that's something.
That was something. We got it. All right, who has a good research question? Who has someone who's like, I can't leave tonight until I bring this fact to light. All right, ooh, good. I like this. Your hand's been up. I'm going to both of you because you both kept your hands up. Here you go. Your name, your sound effect, your question. Go. All right, my name is David. My sound effect is... Great. And that's every kick in the movie. Got it. And my question is, all right, it's established that the princess's mother is from Indonesia.
No one has been in the country for 900 years. How did you meet the king? Wait, how did the Indonesian mother get there? How did the queen meet the king? Wait, you're saying that people can't go to the country? Everyone who goes to the country has to compete in the game. Oh, yeah. He's the king, though. And as I've heard, it's good to be the king? You fucking nerds. This is you out of your head.
I have a feeling the king was away on a business trip to Indonesia, met this beautiful woman, had this daughter. I mean, 100% she was sold to him. We know that that's what happened. Sexual slavery is how she came to be there. Your name, your sound effect, your question. Here we go. My name is Mike, and my sound effect is...
It was like every time he did that back flip, I don't know why that made that sound. He did hit himself. And so my question is, when they were going inside the bazaar, and the guy who looked like Manzoukas up there throws... How dare you. And he throws some liquid on him. Like water at him. And you don't know if it's...
- Come, or if it's... - Hey man! Hey guy! - Wow. - Hey fella! - So far, two, if I was a flag, then the two red flags would have gone up over here. - So your first thought is, "That guy filled a cup full of cum and just threw it on them."
You're a fucking weirdo guy. Here we go. Here we go. Where is it coming? I'm feeling more unsafe over here finish. Okay, and here's the vote And then the guy next to him said hey don't want to start anything You know there's a lot of anti-american things and then boom shot with an arrow and then Kurt Thomas runs the other way and leaves the princess and everything. Yeah, why? Riddle is your question a riddle sir? Oh, you're the worst. Oh
Last question, worst question. His question was an interesting one in that why would Kurt Thomas chase after the killer instead of protecting the rest of the people that are clearly in danger? I also want to talk about that one thing when he gets that cum thrown on him. He says, I guess that's it for the nightlife.
Again, maybe a spectrum response. These are lines that were written for the movie. He's not improvising. He's like, oh, I guess this is the line I have to say now. And then he says nonsense like that. Here we go. Your name, sound effect question. My name's Connor. My sound effect is... That's every spear throw. It's like every five minutes. That was a good one.
I had a question about the props in this movie specifically it seems every time there's a fight there's just a guy on the bottom of the screen handing up props to people like the fire extinguisher or an axe they come out of nowhere it's kind of like those old LucasArts games that you played as a kid where you would have a million things in your backpack but never any signs of having that I'm in Maniac Mansion and I have a skeleton where are you carrying this?
Just being pulled out. I want to talk about set design and one thing too. The guy who's holding the princess hostage at one point has three axes on the wall in a crest and then right next to that crest is just a lone axe on the wall as well.
Just a lot of axes. Like, oh, put some axes here. Is there, all right, one more question? One more question. Let's see. Who's going to have a good question? I can't tell by people's faces because sometimes the more excited, the more, I will say here, what's your question? You don't look excited about it. So let's see. Maybe it's going to be good. Your name, your special effect, your sound effect, and your question. Do you want me to stand up? You want to, sure. Allison, my sound effect is nothing, which is the sound of the hawk.
I knew it. We got a winner here. And my question is, I don't know if I should be posing. Everyone. We can all hear it. Okay. Yeah. That's the way microphones work. So basically, when the princess comes to train, what's his name in the Catskills, was she like rented for the weekend? Yeah.
Yeah, you're right. That was my question, too. Why was the princess there? Could she not get back home? Second part of my question is, did she also help Gomez? No. She's helping the Americans train their entry. Why does she give a shit about Star Wars? That's a really good question. Because of the 20s.
I'm serious. So she's a part of it. I'm serious. But it's only America that can... Because she's... Yeah. Because she's in with the 20s and the 20s are looking towards America to help bring Parmistan into the 20th century. That's what I... I mean, that's what I think. Pretty good. Yeah.
Because, I mean, I guess the question is if she helps Gomez win, what the fuck is Gomez going to ask for? Does it help the 20s at all? I would like to see what... I would love to have just seen, like, at the beginning, you know, before the game started, they'd step up, like, I'm Kurt Thomas, and my request is this. You know, and then they're like, my name is Gomez, and I would like a Subway sandwich. And then, like, I would love to have seen everyone's...
What were all their requests? Because why would you compete in this game? Kurt Thomas has a very strong reason, but I can't imagine. Not really. Well, to put a military. I would argue it's not a very strong reason at all. To put a military base there? To risk your life? I agree with that, but at least he has a request. How about diplomatic relations? You have the princess there. Oh, that's so out of style, man. But the princess says to him, you're going to die, and he says, no, I'm going to win. He tells her that.
I think it would be amazing if someone made a sequel to this movie called The 20s that was about the 20s that was really good and totally dramatic and had an amazing cast and was really well directed and then you just let people find out that this is the movie it was based on. It would be great...
If you, in that 20s movie, if they, like you had a younger actor, like a James Franco or whatever, playing Kurt Thomas, and he has a very small part, almost like a cameo. Like, oh, and that was a great day when he came back on the horse. You know, and then you just have this one moment of him, a fleeting glimpse of, ah, he's
And then it goes forward, because I would like to... That would be amazing. It's just like this weird sort of detail that this really good movie happened to have been based on Gymkhana, and that's just... Or what if you did something a little... If you did a movie that was about a college-age kid who does semester abroad in Parmistan...
And so it's like a modern day Parmesan story. And there's no mention of Jim Cotta. Right. Except for like at the very, like there's a couple of very slight things. Like the ruler has been overthrown. Maybe you get this actress to play the present ruler. But like otherwise it's just a story about a young kid on a semester abroad. Right. I have a version of this movie. The 20s have been successful. They've mixed the old and the new.
So much so that new towns are being built up in the old towns. A group of kids, their house is being taken over. They've got to move out to modern-day Goonies. These kids from Parmistan, they're like, we're going to have one last weekend. And they find the old game. They find the old game of death, and they accidentally are falling through the old game of death. They go to the town of the crazies, which somehow still exists.
They find treasure and they save their small town. I think that modern day Goonies in Parmestan would be great to find the old courses and everything like that. I guess what we're talking about here is everybody just go online and start pitching your versions of how you would make a sequel and or a parallel movie to this movie. Post it on our Facebook page. I would just want to see a prequel that was like his journey to winning the gold medal. Right.
Final thoughts, would you recommend it? In its insanity and for the gymnastics, it's really fun to watch. I do. All right. I do. I had one scene that we didn't talk about that I loved or that I liked, but I was let down a little bit, which is when they're climbing over the ropes course,
in the very final game sequence. And the first guy who goes over it might have been Gomez. He uses his legs and his hands. And then you think each person, when it gets to Cabot, you think he's going to do Gymkata on the ropes. Yeah. But he doesn't. He just does his arms like everybody else.
The jimkate is very... I don't even really... I guess I don't even really understand it because sometimes he's using... He does use his fists sometimes too, right? Yeah, he boxes too. Very rarely. Very rarely. It's really just... It's a lot of footwork. Jason, do you recommend it? A hundred percent.
Well, that is Jim Cotta. We normally do a section of the show called Second Opinions. Unfortunately, this movie... Okay, this is an interesting fact about this movie. This movie was re-released because Amazon... There was a voting... I don't know how to describe it. I don't have it here, but there was a contest. Like, what movie would you like to see our studio re-release? And Jim Cotta won that? Yeah.
That is the reason... This is recent? This is recent, in 2007. So that is the only reason why it is even out in an available way. For many, many years, this was not able to be gotten. So it won this contest. So on Amazon, all the five-star reviews are like, fucking, this movie is dumb, five stars. There's no earnest...
There is no earnest five-star reviews. And they're not even that funny, so I opted not to read it. Jason, I wanted to do this. Last time we were on the show, you improvised a song and you said, well, I hope people make that into our second opinion theme. Here are two of the finalists. Oh, there's multiples? There's two. We'll listen to them really quickly. They're only eight seconds. Here we go. Back in a minute.
Pretty good. Second opinion. Second opinion. Pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. I'll tell you what, Internet, you can do better. Well, thank you guys for coming out.
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