Matinee Monday: Godzilla (w/ Chris Gore)
49:19 Share

How long have these meal kits been in my fridge? One week? Two? How much am I spending on these? Hey, Erica.

Did my subscription go up? When your questions about life turn into questions about money, there's Erica, the virtual financial assistant to help you spend, save, and plan smarter. Only from Bank of America. What would you like the power to do? Erica is only available in the English language. You must download the latest version of the mobile banking app only available on select mobile devices. Your chat may be recorded and monitored for quality assurance. Message and data rates and additional terms may apply. Bank of America and a member FDIC.

Hey, everybody. Just wanted to give you a quick heads up here. There's something we should all be doing. It's going to improve your life, make every day a little bit better. And that is eat more Reese's peanut butter cups. Yes. Think about it. All the gurus, all the coaches out there, they've never said the words eat more Reese's peanut butter cups.

Eat more Reese's. I mean, that combination of sweet chocolate and salty peanut butter. I mean, this is something that brings other people and ourselves joy. That's why there's two in a pack. Shop Reese's peanut butter cups now at a store near you, found wherever candy is sold, and often in my pantry because I love these.

Hey, everybody. Sweater weather is over and sweaty weather has begun. And that's why you need a pair of Bombas socks because they are a premium extra long staple cotton sock that feels light on your feet all summer long. I love my Bombas. Why? Because they support my arch. So get ready to get comfy and give back. Head over to Bombas.com slash bonkers. Use the code bonkers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-O-N-K-E-R-S.

Now it's time for

How did this get made? We're gonna have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater, cause you know you wonder, how did this get made? Let's follow in the mediocrity of subpar art, perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello people of Earth and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am joined as always by Jason Manzoukas. How are you? Very good. And June Diane Rayfield. How are you? Hi Paul. Hi Paul.

We have a very special guest today on the show. You might know him as the creator of Film Threat Magazine. He is on G4's Attack of the Show and has a brand new podcast called Podcrash. Please welcome Chris Gore. Thank you for having me. I am so excited to be here. We are very excited to talk about Godzilla 1988. Oh my gosh. 1988? You mean 1998? Oh, sorry, 1998. You almost just blew my mind. I was like, this

This is an amazing movie. And I was going to say, that would explain why Matthew Broderick looked that young. And I want to thank you for not having me on your heart beeps episode because it would have been a three-parter, right? Three-parter at least. Oh, man. Andy Kaufman, right? That was heart beeps. I just remember this is a movie, personally, that I remember being so excited for in the theater. I saw it like opening day. Really? They were giving out free t-shirts on a line. It was like, size does matter. They only had XXLs.

And at the time, you were obese. I was huge. I was drunk. So pretty snob. Before I started eating Subway sandwiches. And I just remember being so disappointed at this movie because it was such a bummer. The marketing was great. I mean, those trailers, the teaser trailers that basically showed you nothing. Just people in New York in fear. Yeah. I was so pumped. I was just like you. I couldn't wait for the toys. Yeah, everything was cool. I remember that even...

Like, New York Post had a thing called Now You See Him, and the day before the movie came out, they had printed stills of Godzilla, because everyone hates what this Godzilla looks like, because he doesn't look like Godzilla. He looks like a big lizard. It basically is... This is basically like a Jurassic Park grab. Oh my gosh, yeah. This is basically just like, how can we do a Jurassic Park movie without it being Jurassic Park? Well, what if we just make it Godzilla, but it still looks like a Tyrannosaurus Rex in New York City? Yeah.

And then they even have their, I mean, Godzilla, spoiler alert, has babies in this movie that are just raptors. He has babies. Godzilla, a male reptile, just has babies. Babies having babies, guys. I think to talk to Jason's point, Matthew Broderick, this movie came out in 1988. So why do I keep on doing that?

Wow. I'm reading it, too. 98. He looks like he aged like three decades in this time. He looks like a young man. From then until now, he literally has opposite Benjamin Button disease. Very strange. Matthew Broderick. He still looks like Ferris Bueller in this movie. Yeah. He looks younger than Ferris Bueller. In the beginning, he's acting like Ferris Bueller. He's got his Walkman on, and he's singing, and he's ba-ba-ba-ba.

That's what's so weird about the whole tone of the movie is it's not, there's no fear. There's just this sort of, especially with the fanciful music, like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. There's so much just dumb humor. While tens of thousands of people die. Right, right. And while a dinosaur is loose. A giant dinosaur is loose. That's the whole thing is like,

No one gives a shit. There is a hole in the MetLife building, the old Pan Am building. Literally, Godzilla went through it. And the mayor's like, oh, you made me evacuate this city for nothing? Yeah. No! No, there's a fucking dinosaur!

running around like no one cares the only time they get pissed is when they realize Madison Square Garden is under attack that's the only time New Yorkers get pissed doesn't yeah and that mayor that you talked about is supposed to be Roger Ebert right his name is Ebert and his right hand man is Gene his right hand man is Gene oh I didn't catch that and the whole thing is I remember when it came out even they hated it even though they're referenced in the movie yeah because the

Obviously them. Well, you know, I think the reason why they were referenced in the movie is because Siskel and Ebert gave Independence Day a bad review. Right. And so he wanted to like... So he makes Ebert eat all the time. He's like, I want these snacks. He's like, oh, Mr. Mayor, you can't eat this candy until after the... And like all the billboards around town are like, thumbs up for Mayor Ebert. I did feel that part though. Like I...

I did when he was eating candy. I remember on 9-11, I ate like five bagels within the first hour. My response was just to eat everything I could find. You're like, let me carbo-load right now. But it's bizarre because what's so funny is it makes you miss the man in a rubber suit. Yes. This actually makes you go, you know what? These effects might be better technically speaking, but I

I miss a guy in a rubber suit. And the whole thing is, in the old Godzilla movies, all those actors took it so deadly seriously. The generals, and they were all serious. In this, they're just sort of goofy. And the worst part is, is the one guy who's giving orders has a stutter. Yes! Shoot the missiles! It was awful! But by the way, I don't know if you noticed, but by the end, when he sort of has his big moment, he loses the stutter. He has a baby arc of his own. That guy...

I thought his career was going to explode out of that. Every one of those characters. I thought he was okay. What happened to that? I liked that curly haired girl. Maria Petillo. Who is that? Maria Petillo. I checked out. She's not done much after this. Right? But I was like, this girl is cute. What's her story? Okay, but by the way, her whole, I love the fact that she felt that her hair was holding her back. Her hair.

Having that hair down was holding her career back. Right. She was a newspaper researcher? She wanted to be a reporter, a journalist, but had fallen into being just Harry Shearer's assistant for years. Who then really bluntly says, I want to fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, why don't we talk about the promotion at your house for dinner tonight? Aren't you married? That was the one thing I feel like I missed about the 90s, just blatant sexism. No questions about it. We can bring it back. No.

Junior, a screenwriter. You could do it. There are so many things in this movie that I was like... We haven't talked even... We haven't even set up really the nonsense of it. Yes. You know what I mean? Or Jean Reno. The fact that there's a surreptitious French organization behind the scenes of almost the whole movie makes no sense. Yeah, can someone explain that to me? I never got to the bottom of that. Well, basically...

Basically what happens is you don't know how Godzilla is created, really. You just see this opening title sequence where there's a lizard and there's some nuclear testing. And all the lizards. It's like two dozen lizards watching a nuclear explosion happen. They got good front row seats for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then one of them happened to, I guess, become Godzilla. It attacks a Japanese fishing boat. And then Jean Reno... Japanese fishing boat where the captain is just watching sumo and eating noodles. Yes. Like every insane... It's like in Speed 2 where the people were on the boat watching boat disaster movies. We need to just bring it. So yeah, so Godzilla attacks. And now it keeps... It kind of Godzilla...

somehow goes all the way from the Pacific Ocean all the way to New York. He's made some kind of... In no time at all. But then also that French guy somehow gets into the doctor's room where this old... Holy shit, this scene is crazy. That was one of the craziest scenes in the movie. There's one survivor. Of the Japanese fishing boat. Sailor survivor, I think was the cook on the ship. Where all the knives fell around him and stuck into the floor. That was amazing!

It's amazing. And the only good part is when he says the words Gojira. Gojira. But what's crazy is you and I are going to say the same thing. Go ahead, June. The French guy walks over to this sailor and says... Who's catatonic. Okay, yeah. Okay, yes. Yes.

Who's catatonic. He's staring straight ahead, nothing going on behind the eyes. Right. And he goes... First he says to his translator, ask him what happened. Ask him what happened. So the guy says in Japanese to the guy, what happened? The guy doesn't say anything. And then the French guy says to him... Wait, first what does he do? I don't know. First he lights a lighter. Oh, I don't remember this. First he lights a lighter and waves a flame in front of his face. And then in English said, what did you see, old man? What did you see, old man?

And then the non-English speaking Japanese man who did not answer in Japanese says, Gojira. Gojira. Okay, wait. So was he hypnotized? Who knows? Into speaking English? What are you talking about? And understanding English. What are you...

I just didn't understand how the flame played into it too. It was like, all right, well, this takes people out of catatonia. The best, the most insane part of that is then like 15 minutes later when the U.S. military are reviewing footage of

That scene of the lighter and the man saying, Georgina, Georgina, are in the clips package that the military has. How did they get that? I don't know, but I'm starting to understand something. Here's what I think. What I was really stuck on...

more so than the flame was the fact that the French guy was calling this guy old man to his face. Well, the guy was old. I know he was old. Wait, that's your takeaway? Well, yeah, because I thought it was really insulting when he needed something from this man. But now what I'm realizing is the flame. I don't think that Japanese man heard him at all.

I think whatever he did with the flame made him just say, Godzilla, Godzilla. And that he actually didn't even hear and didn't understand what he was saying. I think you're wrong. I do too. And that the Frenchman knew that he wasn't going to understand it. I have a bigger issue with the fact that the military got footage from this movie to then put it in. Because that's what I'm saying.

That's all they did. They just replayed the scene from the movie. It was shot. It wasn't like a security camera. It was just like a scene from the movie. And it basically, that posits the idea that the American military has access to Jean Reno's French Secret Service footage. I'm assuming because it's a close-up shot.

It is the shot. It zooms in, yeah. It is the shot of the flame and the Japanese man. Godzilla. And the dumbest part is then Harry Shearer's character later mispronounces Gojira and says, Godzilla. And then this is how we get the name of the movie. Right there. To put a button on it. By the way, in my mind, when he said Gojira, like...

Is this a world where Godzilla films exist? I don't understand. That's what's confusing is that, like, is there a lore to it when the movie starts? Yeah, sorry, go ahead. I mean, because the original name of Godzilla is... Is Gojira. Gojira, right. So, like, but I mean, it was... It's not like giant lizard. I mean, like...

by the way, I don't even understand how he saw this giant lizard because basically his hand just kind of... He was in the galley. He was in the galley and had like a claw kind of game through. Like, he didn't get a good shot. It was in the middle of the night. I'm still surprised at how he even made it back to land. Uh,

They, in the first 20 to 40 minutes of this movie, every 15 seconds, jump to a different part of the world. Yeah, it keeps on moving, moving. And it would be like Pipette, Tahiti. It would be like Ukraine, Chernobyl, Ukraine, and then New York City, the city that never sleeps.

My favorite title. It doesn't say New York. It's just like the chyron says, the city that never sleeps. And by the way, it does take 24 solid minutes before it gets to New York City, before the actual movie kind of begins. And then when it gets to New York City...

Watch out. How come nobody ever sees Godzilla? My favorite guy was the guy with the headphones working on the dock. Yeah. Just like doing stuff. This is a fucking giant monster that's destroying the South Street Seatport over there. And this guy's like, doesn't even look up at all. Like, how loud is that music? That was like a very mid-90s conceit that if you had headphones on, you were detached from everything that was going on. Literally.

living in a vacuum. You would not feel the giant footprints crashing down, the shaking of the earth. Because you're listening to your music. Yeah. Man, this Metallica album is really good.

But the thing is, how they integrated the, I mean, it's more about this disaster with all the stuff falling on people. There's constantly stuff falling on people. The digital effects just looked, to be honest, it looked really bad. Oh, really bad. In retrospect, right? The whole movie's shot in the dark and in the rain to cover up the bad special effects. Exactly. Yeah, it's always nighttime. And they justify it one time to go, like Hank Azaria's talking about his news story. He's like, oh, what are we going to do? Another lead story on how it keeps on raining all the time?

It's like, it's like, you just like, oh yeah, yeah. It's raining and we're in a rainy season. Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. I love Squarespace. I'm in the middle of trying to balance my business life and my real life. This work-life balance, it's tough. But Squarespace has been helping me by giving me the tools to reach my goals and have time to celebrate. That's right. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform.

website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. With the guided design system of Squarespace Blueprint, you can select from curated layouts to styling options optimized for every device. Get your website discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools. Plus, make checkout easy for customers with easy-to-use payment tools. You can accept credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay. Plus, with Squarespace AI, you can explain what your site is about. You choose your tone and enter what you need to get auto-generated.

perfect text. Anyway, I love Squarespace. I've been building sites with them from the beginning. And when I launched my book, I said, I'm doing it all myself on Squarespace. And I'm very pleased with it. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bonkers to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This back to school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon. Now, here's the thing. I love back to school season, but I'm going to be honest, it's expensive.

Every year I'm getting a new backpack. I'm getting new scissors. I'm buying so much stuff and back to school season. I need a little bit of help, but back to school shopping doesn't have to break the bank. And here's the thing with Amazon, you get great deals and everyday low prices on everything.

everything that your kid needs for a successful return to the classroom. Now, I was one of those kids whose parents would go back to school shopping too late, and then I couldn't get like the cool folder with ALF on it. But don't worry about that because Amazon's got a whole wide selection of back to school items. Get it now. I just bought...

my kids' stuff on Amazon in July. And then when September comes rolling around, I am the hero. You'll find quality products at Amazon that your kids will love all while sticking to your budget. Shop Back to School at Amazon and spend less on your kids. Visit amazon.com slash back to school to get started. That's amazon.com slash back to school.

I don't know about you, but I am a person who always is thinking about the safety of the people and things that I value the most, especially when I'm away. And that's why I trust SimpliSafe to protect my home because I will sleep better at night when I'm not at home, knowing that SimpliSafe's 24-7 monitoring agents are standing by to protect me and you. So if someone tries to break in, they can send emergency help when you need it most. Best of all, they have this thing called

the live guard protection. That means that SimpliSafe agents can act within five seconds of receiving your alarm and even see intruders and warn them that the police are on their way. You know, I recently read about a break-in in our neighborhood and my initial instinct was to get worried, but then I remembered I have SimpliSafe, which means I don't have to worry.

because my home is protected. So protect your home this summer with 20% off any new SimpliSafe system. When you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring, just visit simplisafe.com slash bonkers. That's simplisafe.com slash bonkers. There's no safe like SimpliSafe.

Why does somebody say initially, in one of the first shots when they realize that Godzilla's in New York, somebody, the mayor, someone says, well, Godzilla can easily hide in Manhattan. How? Yes. How? I want to actually play that clip. Can we play that clip? This is our clip one here. This is a great...

Not really. Not one.

Not one bit. Not at all. None of that is true. A million people, three million people are there. They can see him at any given time. He's like a seven-story dinosaur. Yeah. He's 100 feet tall, and he's constantly evading people. It's a giant fucking lizard. They'd be like, oh, yeah, I don't know where he went. He kind of just snuck up on us. What do you mean we lost him? We lost a seven-story dinosaur in Manhattan.

By the way, I also love, this is another dumb conceit of these movies, a lot of Black Hawk helicopters flying in through the streets. They're all flying in a narrow, like, it's not happening. When Godzilla, the other thing I was going to say is when Godzilla comes in, he comes in like off the, out of the water and he attacks the South Street seaport and all this other stuff.

For like the first five minutes. Oh, he also comes in a text Wall Street. You know, for the first five minutes, every minute or so, a boat falls off of Godzilla and crashes to the ground. He's covered in boats. He's covered in boats. It's like it's like there's a like ticks. There's one that happens so late in the movie that I was like, wait a minute. No.

No way! That boat has been on Godzilla this whole time. That is craziness. It got caught in Godzilla's beard. Yeah. A little bit of boat. I didn't know how that happened. My favorite line, too, is like, Godzilla is attacking, and the city is shaking. And someone goes, ugh, not another parade. I

I've lived in New York. Parades have never shook the ground. This movie is like a stunning 9-11, pre-9-11. I mean, obviously it's pre-9-11, but the specifics are so 9-11 that it's crazy. Well, they even...

They even say, oh, you're going to say the thing? Oh, no, go ahead. Or they even say that thing where they go, this is the greatest disaster in New York since the World Trade Centers were attacked. But the first one, yeah. The 93 World Trade Centers, yeah. And to me, I was like, they're treating, and it's so interesting to watch it now because

like buildings are falling to the ground. People are like, it's like chaos on wall street, all this kind of stuff that we recognize as like the kind of hallmarks of September 11th. But everybody is so glib and so not taking it. Exactly. Exactly. You can't help, but be like,

But this isn't how it then happened in 2001, you crazy people. Well, people are like, we got, yeah, it was ridiculous. I also love one of the news, like, they're so glib that the news is literally, I wrote down one of these lines. It's like, the city has been destroyed. The Warner Brothers and Disney stores are being looted. Yeah.

Is that what we're leading with? That's the lead story that the Warner Brothers store is being checked? That must have been a Sony note. That's what I think. Yeah, like, stick it to it. Stick it to it. The other thing that I was obsessed with was, like, it's obviously chaos. The city is being evacuated. But, like, Matthew Broderick later in the movie can, like, walk up to, like, a really small mom and pop pharmacy and buy out all their pregnancy tests. Right. And I was like, shit. And she's like, well, we only have...

these ones and I'm like why isn't he screaming get out of the city we're very close to a murderous giant lizard you stopped selling ibuprofen what's going on the mayor just was constantly upset like guys if you lost the lizard we could just bring people back in it's an election month an election month like you were gonna lose everyone that's gonna be voting for you

And then also everyone uses the subway, which was another head to the subway. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like just that was my fate. Oh, my God. My favorite. One of my favorite things. So so Broderick at a certain point, because they've lost Godzilla in the city. Right. Totally. I don't know where he is. And Broderick's got an idea. He's like, well, no, we have to figure we don't go find him. We have to figure out what does he want?

So they make a giant pile of fish, right? Like a giant, 12 dump trucks full of fish. They make a giant pile of fish as bait. Okay. Smoke them out. So I get that, right? And they're all waiting. It's a waiting game. Okay.

Then they cut into the computer center and there are guys who are looking at computer screens looking for, is Godzilla coming? Is Godzilla coming? In the middle of the computer screen is a giant fish. It's a giant computerized fish to tell you that's where the fish are. And I was like, this is...

This is as bad as Willem Dafoe's stupid speed tube computer that was always like, when should I activate? And he would type in like, now, please. You know what I mean? It was like nonsense. It was like a giant floating blinking fish. Well, I also loved in the fish scene that like, you know, they're waiting for Godzilla and Matthew Broderick has some time to kill. So he goes over to one of those camera vending machines. Yeah, yeah. You know, one of those very popular. Yep.

vending machines, buys a camera, one of those disposable ones, like, I'll take some pictures. And he's like, I don't know why he's documenting it on those pictures. And the crazy thing about that is the size and scale and impact of Godzilla changes with each frame. It's like, when he does come face to face with Godzilla, I mean, this dinosaur is enormous. No, no, no.

Enormous. Boats are falling off of him. 100 feet tall. Okay, Matthew Broderick, they lock eyes and have this crazy moment of eye contact. Meanwhile, Godzilla's eyes are on either side of his head. So it's impossible at all.

And he's humanized for a moment, and Matthew Broderick takes a picture of him with his tiny throwaway camera. Godzilla reacts as though he's been blinded by the flash. It's the tiniest flash in the world. Is that why Matthew Broderick has the idea later to flip on the high beams? Yes. What? Oh, okay. See, I didn't pick up on that. I just picked up on that. That flash must have been so small. The flash is insignificant. It's a disposable camera flash.

The animal is gigantic and it is focused on eating fish. Matthew Broderick takes a picture with a paper disposable camera. The kind that people used to give out at weddings that you would then take and take pictures of your dick at. Cardboard, yes. You know, like cardboard garbage cameras. Takes that shitty picture and the animal, you're right, flips out like, what the, what is this? Come on. He's momentarily blinded. Be cool, man. Ha ha!

I also am... I'm also confused. I mean, I guess this goes back to the original Godzilla movie, but it's a hundred foot tall monster. Everyone's got their rifles trained, like machine guns. Like, this is gonna... This is gonna really take it down. Well, there are so many scenes in this movie where Godzilla... They draw out Godzilla and find him and lure him to a place. They stare at him for about a minute and then everybody runs away. It's like...

That happens about five times in this movie. It's always these dumb last minute like, oh, I like that guy on the dock who was fishing. I'm waiting. They're seeing this big thing coming towards them. Wouldn't you think he'd turn around and run immediately? Everybody waits. He waits until the dock starts exploding behind him. It's stupid. People love to wait in these action movies. Wait until the last possible second. I did love that, I think in this movie, Godzilla is amazing at ducking.

Oh my God. All he does is duck. Every time they shoot a missile, yeah. Torpedoes. I can't for something of that size to be so incredibly agile. Very agile. And he's running in these narrow canyons, all these streets.

But like, I just don't think that this lizard has the wherewithal to know like a missile's coming at me. I'm going to duck this one out. Like it does like, well, but he misses, they miss him so many times. Like they have nuclear subs aiming at him. They have helicopters. Meanwhile, let's, meanwhile, we got to cut to a scene of the French secret service keeping tabs on everything. And guys, do they like

our coffee? They hate our coffee. Not strong enough. I thought you said this is French roast and the guy pulls up a can and says French roast. More milk. It is French roast. But I feel like they were just trying to throw that in to give the film an international appeal. Yes. Right? Oh, 100%. Totally.

how can we get the French? Jean Reno. Yeah, you're totally right. It was like, yeah, this is a world movie because he's, because Jean Reno is the hero and also at one point dressed like the professional when he's like waiting in that one room wearing the white undershirt and the suspenders. But yeah, it was like, but they make him so cheesy. He's like, oh, what? No croissant? He does not like that. He's holding a donut. He's holding a donut.

The one thing, though, that is good about this film, and it's better than any of the previous Godzilla films, the one thing they got right was the lip sync. The lip sync on the film is perfect.

Which in previous Godzilla films has not been the case since they're all dubbed. Sure, sure. The lip syncing is the only positive thing I can say about this film. I have to say about that female reporter. Audrey? Audrey. She doesn't have the chops to be a reporter. There are so many times in this movie where she's like...

don't we have enough footage? Let's go. I'm like, I don't want to go down there. There are rats down here. She is not capable. She doesn't have what it takes. And she does not have what it takes. Well, I mean, she, uh, so anti-feminist. I'm sorry, but it's like, we're watching her. She should not be promoted. Why was she, why was she in her bedroom crying? She's crying hysterically at one point because, but why though? Because she feels like she sold him out by giving that, that,

The VHS tape labeled top secret. Oh, yes. That's a chick thing. None of us would understand that. Yeah. But I appreciate you here to translate that. She betrayed the man that she loved in college eight years ago. Right. Who he still has a thing for because he puts his pictures in his toolbox. Yeah. He proposed to her and then she just bailed.

That's weird. Would a chick do that? So he proposed and then she didn't say anything? Didn't write back? That's really weird. Is that what happened between the two of them? I thought that was strange. She broke his heart. I also thought it was strange though to not have You didn't say it was off the record. to not have

her and Matthew Broderick kind of trying to escape from Madison Square Garden together. She spends probably about 15 minutes at the end of the movie with Animal. Yeah, with his area. Like, how strange to not put your two love interests together for the end of the movie. It's bizarre. Well, because I think the true love story is between Jean Reno and Matthew Broderick. Yeah, that's it. I do want to play the clip of her apologizing

her reason for apologizing. So basically, she steals a tape labeled Top Secret from Matthew Broderick, and then that gets used on the news, and then this is her reason why she did it. Look, I lied to you. I'm not a murderer. It's raining. We broke up, and I first came out to New York. I was so sure I'd make it, but I haven't. That's why I needed this story so bad. I'm sorry.

I just couldn't tell you I'm a failure. And you thought that made it okay to steal my tapes? No, it was a terrible thing to do. I never should have done that. Good luck with your new career. Yeah! You have what it takes. You were careful.

He goes off to Newark Airport. He says, Newark Airport. Little does he know, Jean Reno happens to be driving this cab and is going to abduct him. And, by the way, Hank Azaria, who's been watching from down the block, goes, I'm going to follow him. Yep. What?

Why? Hank Azaria says, he says out loud to himself, come on, man. Yeah. Something like that. Hang on, man. Yeah, like he was like, I got to settle this. Yeah. I guess Animal just wanted the scoop. No. I think he wanted to help Audrey. But I got to say. Because Audrey's his wife's friend. If it wasn't for that newscast that she stole his top secret tape, you would never have my favorite line in the entire movie, which is,

Army generals sitting around the giant table. They're talking about what to do. And then you hear like the local like news is like, and now with a special report on Godzilla, then one of the army generals like, Oh, Hey everyone, hold on. We should watch this. And they,

turn around and they watch the local news and then they go hey that was the top secret tape we gave you and get out of here magic project you're fired like it was it was the they're in the middle of a intense like how we defeat this creature hold on the news the news has a story we gotta check in we gotta see what Hank Azaria does the way she gets the tape is like Godzilla is literally rampaging New York City like again thousands of people must be dying it's crazy right yeah

And he runs into Audrey. And he's like... At that pharmacy, because she's just walking by. Because she's walking by, and she's like, Nick! And he's like, Nick Totopoulos, because he's Greek, of course. Yes, of course. But he goes... It's a Topoulos. Everyone mispronounces it. Oh, that's another running gag. Everybody mispronounces his Greek name, which never happens. But he's like, Audrey? And she's like, yeah. And they have a meet-cute...

While a dinosaur destroys the city and then he goes, you want to get a cup of coffee? What? Your job is to stop the giant dinosaur from rampaging the city. She sees him buying like five pregnancy tests and she's like, oh, so you've got a harem back home? Oh my God. Flirting. A dinosaur's out there. People are literally dying everywhere. You could easily say like,

Over 100,000 people probably were killed, right? There would be no way to evacuate the city. So yeah, that quickly. So yes, hundreds of thousands of people are dying. Here's the other thing. Godzilla, we find out he's pregnant and he's having all these babies. He does it in Madison Square Garden, but no one knows that he does it in Madison Square Garden, which means like...

I don't understand how he could just lay 200 eggs in Madison Square Garden without anyone going like, I think he might be in here. Yeah. I think this might be. Don't they have a manager there, like a night manager? Yeah. I'm just going to keep an eye on Madison Square Garden. Yeah. What are these eggs doing here? Well, that's the thing. Nobody seems to have any mode of communication to say like, oh, there's that giant lizard. I'll call in.

You know what I mean? Yeah, and by the way, there were cell phones at this time. Harry Shearer is using one. Yeah, but they don't use them at a lot of times. They just kind of use them when they want to. But when they go into Madison Square Garden, they see the 200 eggs, and it becomes like a giant raptor scene. All these raptors are attacking. And all the eggs hatch.

Pretty much simultaneously. Simultaneously. Yeah, go ahead. And they go like, well, we need to get the word out. The incubation period must have been like four hours. Yeah. Like those eggs, like penguins sit on their eggs for months. Godzilla lays eggs that hatch within hours. 200 eggs all around, like literally litters them all around. Like an alien. But this is like, yeah, exactly. Like alien, you mentioned that. It's like, but movie pregnancy is different because things escalate quicker in movie pregnancies. Yeah, that's true. Alien, Prometheus, I don't know.

All those things. It's just like, it happens instantly. Yeah, right. Yeah, she has a baby very quickly. We can't waste screen time with that. I did love, though, once those baby Godzillas are hatched, they're all trying to escape Madison Square Garden. And at one point, I don't know if it's before or after Madison Square Garden is about to be blown up, but...

They're running away from them, and I think they shoot a gumball machine or something. No, he knocks a gumball machine over. He knocks one over, and all the baby Godzillas run out and all slip and fall. It's like a Keystone Cops. And it was one of the most delightful things I've ever seen. Well, baby Godzillas slip and fall. I love it.

Is it as cute as the baby Godzilla eating the popcorn, having his head stuck in a bag of popcorn? Here's what I, yeah, you know what I could not figure out for the life of me is I genuinely felt like the movie couldn't decide whether it wanted us to care about the giant misunderstood Godzilla and his babies. Yes. And want to save them. Like, which seemed to be the Matthew Broderick kind of character would naturally be like, no, you don't understand. We have to say, like, he doesn't mean...

to harm or anything, but Matthew Broderick and everybody else is like, tell them to blow up Madison Square Garden and kill the babies. We have to kill the babies. This is my favorite part because they go, how can we get a word out? We can't use our cell phones for whatever reason. Let's go up to the booth because our news station covers all the Rangers games so we have a live feed up there. So they run up to this booth that's ready for all the great Ranger games reports. Yep.

And they contact the guy who's at the other news station. He's like, Henry, put us on. Put us on. He goes, there's no Ranger game tonight. No. No, there is no Ranger game. You know why? Yeah. Because there's a giant dinosaur rampaging the city, dummy.

And he was kind of reluctant to like, I mean, I may get in trouble for putting you on. Like, no, no. We guarantee you're not going to get in trouble. To your point, Jason, I think that's why they made the Godzilla he. And they kept on referring to Godzilla as he. Oh, so that it wouldn't be a mother? Yeah, because if it was a mother, I mean, that scene is already pretty painful when...

Godzilla comes back to life, I guess, after being blown up. Yeah. And realizes that all of his babies have been murdered. That was a pretty dark scene. The best shot of the movie was an aerial view of that one dead baby Godzilla on the ground. It's just like a limp dead baby Godzilla. And then he's like, oh, and that's when Godzilla gets mad. You killed one of his 200 babies.

And then, then all of a sudden, once the final chase is going on, Godzilla is getting stuck like a motherfucker. Like he doesn't, he can't get, like before he's running through buildings, burrowing tunnels under the city. Now he gets like, runs up to a building. Oh, can't get in. Can't get down this hallway. Can't get back to this place.

Godzilla is. Yeah. His tail rips through buildings. But now he's like, ugh. He gets caught ultimately in a couple of wires. Oh, that's how they finally get killed. The saddest ending. Go to the Brooklyn Bridge. Where's the nearest suspension bridge? He says at one point, where is the nearest suspension bridge? Oh, and that's the other

No one in the movie, everyone's looking at maps of Manhattan. How do we figure it out? It's a grid. Manhattan is a grid. You can figure it out really. It's like, looks like 34th. Make a right. If you could have one, they could have handled this situation with one helicopter in the sky. Yes. Being like, okay, I see the giant dinosaur. Exactly. It's at 34th and Lex. Exactly.

Okay, it's moving north. Just stay above it. Don't engage it. This is where Dean Devlin would have benefited from a writer's room. Because he would have needed people to just say, hey, that's kind of dumb. This is stupid. People wouldn't act this way. Nope, just did it himself. Exactly. Oh, man. Dean Devlin, after this movie, really kind of went downhill for him. I guess he did The Patriot. Oh, he just produced that. But as a writer...

Not much. Not much. It's all producer after that. The last, oh, he did write, oh no. I was going to say Universal Soldier. He only got creator of the characters. Yeah, that was the last movie he wrote, Godzilla. I did love this scene though, I have to say, when they're in the French guy's taxi cab and Godzilla eats the entire cab and they're in his mouth. Oh, when Hank is there, he goes...

We're in his mouth! I loved it. I laughed. It was wonderful. By the way, it just felt like a universal ride. It felt like The Simpsons ride. Yeah, of course. It's like, whoa! He's eating us! Whoa! He's spitting us out! Whoa!

There was also a great when they are, when they see, when the military guys see Godzilla for the first time. There's the dude who's, I believe, a husband on Desperate Housewives. Who's that guy? Who's like the military guy, handsome military guy? Oh, yeah, I know who you're talking about. He's maybe not that, but, you know, he's a guy who's still around that you see now. And he goes. Kevin Dunn. Huh? Yes. Kevin Dunn. And he goes, oh, we're going to need bigger guns.

And I was like, really? You're going to pull a, we're going to need a bigger, basically you're quoting Jaws at this point in your stupid Godzilla movie. I did like the French guy's arc though with-

I mean, he ultimately became a New Yorker at the end, driving a taxi cab. That's a cliche version of a New Yorker. Like, what an Austrian thinks of a New Yorker. That's what it is. I love that that's your takeaway. It was. What's the movie Godzilla like? Well, it's basically a Frenchman's transformation into a New Yorker.

Well, I do love that at the end of the movie, you know, Animal, Hank Azaria's character, has taped this entire thing on his Betamax camera. And then he goes- Then he cannot get the tape into him. Oh, he can't get that tape into him. And at the end, he's trying to take the tape out, and the tape is gone. Then Gene Renaud calls up Matthew Broderick, and he's like, I have the tape. I'm going to edit it, and then I'll give it back to you. And I go, what?

There's a few things on there you cannot see. What? What couldn't you see on that tape? We know about everything. Everything is public knowledge at this point, right? The dinosaur destroyed Manhattan. And it's dead on the Brooklyn Bridge. We've all seen it and lived through it. What are you going to edit out? There's nothing to hide.

And then the final scene of the movie. Final scene. Oh, wait. What happens? Well, everything. He's a sequel. Yeah. All of a sudden. But everything's already been blown up. Uh-uh. What? Because you go into Madison Square Garden. But they blew everything up, right? Well, no, no. That's the thing. In the locker room. You know, he laid all of his eggs in the stadium seats. But he.

He laid one egg in the Knicks locker room. Which, by the way, there is no way for him to fit into that locker room. In an enclosed locker room. It's almost like Godzilla was like, I'm going to lay all my eggs over here, and then I'm walking over, hey, what's that? Uh-oh. Well, there was one more egg. And it fell into the locker room. It fell into the locker room. The locker room was not destroyed by the massive bombing of Madison Square Garden. And, you know, this is a good locker room. And then crack, crack, crack, baby Godzilla comes out. Yep. Which, to

To me, ultimately, isn't super scary. And a boat drops off of him. The end, question mark. Oh, man. Well, let's take a quick commercial break. We'll come back with some Amazon reviews. This back to school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon. Now, here's the thing. I love back to school season, but I'm going to be honest. It's expensive.

Every year I'm getting a new backpack. I'm getting new scissors. I'm buying so much stuff and back to school season. I need a little bit of help, but back to school shopping doesn't have to break the bank. And here's the thing with Amazon, you get great deals and everyday low prices on everything.

everything that your kid needs for a successful return to the classroom. Now, I was one of those kids whose parents would go back to school shopping too late, and then I couldn't get like the cool folder with ALF on it. But don't worry about that because Amazon's got a whole wide selection of back to school items. Get it now. I just bought my kid's stuff on Amazon in July and then

When September comes rolling around, I am the hero. You'll find quality products at Amazon that your kids will love all while sticking to your budget. Shop Back to School at Amazon and spend less on your kids. Visit Amazon.com slash Back to School to get started. That's Amazon.com slash Back to School.

Hi guys, Amy Nicholson from unspooled here and the national sales event is on at your Toyota dealer making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new truck, like a rugged half ton Tundra combining raw capability with premium comfort and advanced tech to fuel your wildest adventures or check out the fully redesigned Tacoma delivering trail dominating power and captivating style. The new Tacoma was born to make your off-roading dreams come true.

Check out more national sales event deals when you visit buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places.

Okay, you say, I want some breakfast. Your so-called boyfriend says, we got eggs in the fridge. Obviously, when you say breakfast, you mean McDonald's. Definitely a side-eye situation. Bring home the bacon, steak patty, or others with a BOGO for $1 breakfast. Only in the app. Limited time only at participating McDonald's. Valid once a day. Must opt into rewards. Visit McDApp for details. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

All right, so obviously we had a pretty low opinion of this movie, but there are some people who had a very high opinion, and now it is time for some second opinions. This is from one of those reviews called from Amazon.com.

A Dent Aragon writes, Godzilla is one of my favorite movies. The kind I watch when I'm exhausted and all I want to do is relax with a cocktail or a cup of cappuccino and not worry about world peace or cosmic disasters.

Sure, the Japanese Godzilla is an American movie after all, but I can't see why we don't have our own Godzilla the same way Japanese have their own baseball and rock and roll. What? Five stars. Amazing. Here's another one. This movie was good. It had all sorts of feelings in it. All sorts of feelings? Suspense, sadness, action. You know the feeling of action. You know the feeling of action.

You know when you get that feeling of action. You know, it looks like good. I don't know. I feel a little action. A little comedy here and there. Plus, it was physically possible. In other words, not fake.

All in all, definitely worth a while movie. Five stars. Wait, is that person saying that this was a documentary? Are you correcting the grammar? Because those Amazon reviews are usually riddled with horrible grammar. I did love, by the way, there's a line in the movie where the looters are looting the Disney store and one looter says to another, he goes, I got to go.

I got that feeling. That bad feeling. Bad feeling before something bad happens. By the way, you should have gotten that when the giant Godzilla attacked. It wasn't like... Yesterday, you should have had that feeling. Yeah, they were looting after the giant lizard was known to be an entity. That's the thing. It's like no one really communicated that there was a giant lizard in town. Nobody. You never saw anybody say to another person, hey...

Isn't this fucking crazy? Yeah. No, it's not. Isn't this a dinosaur? Like, Jurassic Park, they're like, holy shit, dinosaurs shouldn't be here. This is crazy. Everybody in this one is like, we got to get out of here just because. But nobody pauses to be like, dude, crazy, right? There's a dinosaur. People are pissed they have to go to New Jersey. Yes. That's what it was. This is my favorite final Amazon review.

To anyone who didn't like this movie, you must have got hit on the head with a coconut. Five stars.

Well, there's nothing to say to that. Now, I went all out. I don't know if I get extra credit for this. Yes. I listened to the commentary on the DVD. Whoa! Well, what do you have to share with us about that? Well, there's only one interesting thing I learned. I mean, first of all, I learned who did what special effects. I mean, Roland Emmerich, the director, didn't do the commentary. It was just these effects people. Oh, okay. But the name of the guy who designed Godzilla, his last name is Totopolis. I heard that. Amazing. So Nick Totopolis' character came from... Oh. And that guy is hated all over because the Japanese...

hate this version of Godzilla. Right. So much so that the next Godzilla movie they made with the guy in a rubber suit, they kill a lizard-like character that looks like the Godzilla from the 1998 Roland Emmerich Godzilla. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, wow. So they're still making man in a rubber suit Godzilla movies? Are you kidding? They come out at least once a year. There's been a ton of them, but this was Sony's attempt to, we're going to make Godzilla an international hit. We're going to get the big

director of Independence Day and Austrian who is going to explain it to the world and it's just but then of course they have to set it in New York it makes no sense I think also the lack of Asians is a big problem for me I really feel like that's what and a fast moving Godzilla movie

I love the idea of a looming, like something that large looming really, really slowly, like slow-moving zombies. He swims super fast, too. Swims fast? He can burrow. And he can burrow holes. This Godzilla can just... He's like a boll weevil or something. He is exactly like a boll weevil. Yeah, but they've done a ton of Godzilla movies since. He's just wreaking havoc on our cotton.

And they killed the Godzilla from the 1990s. I love that they killed him. That's really funny. As an FU. And they also killed Matthew Broderick's career. They killed his career. They did.

Would you guys recommend this movie? No. I personally would not. I don't think it's worth watching. No, it's not bad enough to be good, I think. It's long. The thing is, it's long. It's two hours and 20 minutes long. Yeah, it's a very long movie, but I enjoyed it. It's not a good, bad movie. Yeah, it's not. Which is a real thing. Yeah, it's a bad, bad movie, and it's upsetting on more levels than one. It makes you want to see movies with worse special effects. Yeah. Just because those original Godzilla movies, there's something kind of fanciful, because

In my mind as a kid, I always imagined Godzilla would come and destroy my school. Yeah. And the idea that it's like, he's destroying a train set. He's getting to play with these toys. That was always kind of fun that you could see, you could tell it was fake. Yeah, I didn't feel like he really got to destroy much. He just kind of was always running. The military destroyed more than

Oh my God, that was the thing. Oh, we didn't talk about when the military, they're always trying to shoot him down and they literally blow up the Chrysler building. The military blows up the Chrysler building. Chrysler building destroyed. They're like stormtroopers. They can't hit their targets. I guess when Godzilla was hiding in Manhattan, he was just always in Madison Square Garden. Or he was burrowing under the ground. Yeah, he went into the subway tunnels, I guess. And to eat fish. That was the other thing I was like, really?

All Godzilla wants to do is eat fish? Hey, guess what, buddy? Stay in the goddamn ocean. Yeah, by the way, I just don't... Guess what the ocean is full of? Fucking fish, you dummy. And by the way, why was that island perfect? That was the clip we heard. It's a perfect island. No, the island that he was on where they first found his footprint in the beginning of the movie, that's the perfect island. Yep.

empty and he can do whatever he wants. This is an island where people are shooting at him and there are buildings. And there's giant, by the way, to go from where he was in the Pacific to New York City, he's passing through where there's like whales, where there's huge, he could have lived a great life. There is no, what they do a terrible job of, there is literally no reason he comes to Manhattan. Well, except for the nest of Madison Square Garden.

Wait, so he came because he heard about Madison Square Garden was a great nest? Well, it's a big round, like, protected nest for 200 eggs. I'm serious. But it's something. Earlier you were talking about this movie kind of, you know, sidelined Dean Devlin's career. Also, Roland Emmerich, too. I mean, the biggest thing he's done since, really, is 2012.

Oh, yeah, which is also a huge flop, right? That was a huge flop. And then also, just look at Godzilla sort of as a career. You know what I mean? Like, they've tried to make Godzilla an international thing. They're actually developing a new Godzilla at Warner Brothers right now. Oh, really? Yeah, trying to bring it back. Broderick, I hope, is still in it. Yeah. Oh.

Who knows? It's a cameo. I think that we're in this world of these Cloverfield monsters now and stuff like that. And it's like, just bring back the dumb Godzilla that we all love. I think that would be... I would enjoy this movie even more. A big campy Godzilla movie would be fun. Yeah, that would be actually a really great idea. Because the whole thing is that actually the fun part of those old movies is they took it so seriously and that's what made it dumb and fun. But in this, they do not take it seriously at all. And that just makes you hate everyone in the movie. It's just another Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I think they just don't know what the movie is. Well, all right. So that is our Godzilla. Who's that French guy? Okay, let's... Jean Reno. Jean Reno. No, I know the actor's name. I mean, who was he? Oh, he... Well, basically, the French did some nuclear testing in the French Foreign Legion. No, no, no. The French Secret Service. So, yeah, that's what I was going to say. He basically says, I'm very... This is his... He gives Matthew Bryan... You look so angry, June. I'm really...

He gives Matthew Broderick a speech. He says, I'm very patriotic. In our past, my country has not done some great things because they were the French who were responsible for the nuclear testing that created Godzilla. And so their opinion was that it was their job to clean it up.

Right. So he felt like it was France's responsibility to get rid of Godzilla. Can we go to Amazon France and see if there are any five-star French reviews? This is the last thing I'll ask. So then at the end when he has the tape, and I know we've already gone over this, and I'm circling back, but when he has the tape at the end, what is he planning on doing from that point forward? Jerking off. Okay.

Thank you. I just want to point out something right here. Like Dean Devlin, Roland Emmerich, who directed this, right after Godzilla, he's just made some really bad movies. He made 10,000 BC, which if you haven't seen it. Holy shit. Oh, I saw it. So bad. Holy shit, that movie's bad. 2012, really bad. The day after tomorrow, horrible.

Bad. And now he's attached. That's another Destroy Manhattan movie. What's this guy up to? I don't know. I think that Roland Emmerich actually saved the world, and I'll explain why. All right. Dead seriously. I went to the junket for 2012, which they had. 2012, of course, is about December 21st. The Mayans. The Mayans, Nostradamus. Everyone predicts it's the end of the world. Yeah.

So I went there and there were a whole bunch of 2012 experts. They did one of those weekends where they wanted to educate the junket attending media. Forget about the movie. Get into the... So there was all these 2012 experts there explaining their theories about what it is. It's going to be a spiritual reawakening. There are going to be solar flares. The world's going to end. Whatever. I raised my hand and said, look, I said, is it possible that in the mind's eye of the Mayans and Nostradamus...

they might have actually foreseen the trailer for the movie 2012. And in their brains, they just saw a movie trailer. Because the movie trailer comes out, right? And it says 2012. So they're thinking, these ancient cultures, 2012 is the end of the world. And it's like, no, it was just a movie. You didn't see the end of the world. I mentioned this to Roland Emmerich. And then the 2012 experts, I kind of blew. They were just aghast and annoyed by...

One of the guys was like, that's a very interesting theory. That is a good thing. He actually said that I had a valid theory. That they saw in the future to the movie. They saw in the future a movie that came out called 2012 about the end of the world. And so I mentioned this to him. And thought that was the reality. And Roland, I said, you may have saved the world by making this film. Yeah. Because that's what the ancient cultures foresaw. How did he react? Fair enough.

He thought it was funny. He were escorted. He thought it was funny. They had me expelled from this guy's market. Well, he had a good sense of humor about himself. Now, right now, he's directing a big movie with Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, and Maggie Gyllenhaal about the president, White House down. Oh, yeah. It's basically Air Force One, but in the White House.

Because the White House is, as everybody knows, an airplane. Yeah, of course. I wonder if Channing Tatum will take his shirt off. Oh, he has to. That's a certain point. We have t-shirts. They are our traditional brand new Crank 2 inspired t-shirts. They are awesome. Bye Ling on them. They're pretty good.

So, Chris, you do your podcast called Podcrash. Yeah. The premise is I'm too lazy to do a podcast, so I just go on other people's podcasts. And then I run the highlights on my show. And where can you find it? It's on iTunes, Podcrash with that Chris Gore. And you can get more at chriscore.com. And thank you for having me. We're so excited. This is one of my favorites. It's just I love that you guys have the same view. I love bad movies.

And sometimes in this case, it's like not a fun, bad movie. But being here and just watching guys do this live and just being a part of it is a blast. We love having you. And June, you have your new web series out right now. Burning Love on Yahoo.com. I'm not sure when we're airing this, but the... It'll be on. So you can go to BurningLove.com, right? BurningLove.com or if you go to Yahoo...

But burninglove.com is easier to find. Or Yahoo. Stop plugging Yahoo. Jason, and you're still in the dictator. I'm still in the dictator. They have not, since it's been released. Since it's been released, I have not been excised from the movie. So if it's still in theaters by the time this comes out, please go see it. I am in Piranha 3DD. If you're one of the lucky people to be near the 70 theaters that it's playing in, I

It's on VOD. It is on VOD. You can download it. You can download it as well. Yeah, the first week out, Piranha 3DD made a whopping $135,000. So guys, On 70 screens? On 70 screens. So if we continue this average in about 30 years, if we continue this kind of thing, we'll make Avengers opening gross weekend. That's pretty great. That's pretty exciting. Um,

We're on Twitter. I am at Paul Scheer. I'm at Miss June Diane. I'm not on Twitter, guys. You got to get on Twitter. I'm at that Chris Gore. And that is it. Thank you very much to our engineer, Cody, Caroline, who does all the stuff on our website, and Dave Steffi, who pulls all of our clips. Remember, if you have a friend who has been in one of these films and you think they'll have a good sense of humor, tell us about it, because then we'll bring them on the show as well. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. I'm just going to be here, boy.

Hi guys, Amy Nicholson from unspooled here and the national sales event is on at your Toyota dealer making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new truck, like a rugged half ton Tundra combining raw capability with premium comfort and advanced tech to fuel your wildest adventures or check out the fully redesigned Tacoma delivering trail dominating power and captivating style. The new Tacoma was born to make your off-roading dreams come true.

Check out more national sales event deals when you visit buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places. Be warned that once you pick up a refreshingly cold drink from McDonald's and

and people see just how refreshingly cold that drink from McDonald's is, you may create drink envy. Because there are drinks. Then there are drinks from McDonald's. For a morning brew that really creates a stir, get any size iced coffee, including caramel and French vanilla, for just 99 cents before 11 a.m. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer or combo meal. Ba-da-da-ba-ba.