Matinee Monday: Ernest Goes To Jail
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BAS.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Wrongly imprisoned. This is a story of a hero's triumph over the prison system to come back to a life in normal society. We saw Ernest goes to jail, so you know what that means. Now it's time for...

Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am Paul Scheer, joined as always by June Diane. Raphael, how are you, June? I'm great. How are you doing, Paul? Very good. And Jason Manzoukas, how are you, Jason? Oh, Paul, you know what?

I'm fine. I'm fine. I just watch this movie, so. We have a very special guest, a very funny, talented writer. You know her from shows like Girls, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and her book, Dear Diary, Leslie Arfin.

Hi. Hi, welcome to our show. Thank you for asking me to do this. I am so excited about this. And you're welcome for having an opportunity to watch Ernest Goes to Jail. Oh my God. Yeah, this must have been huge for you. You guys. I'm going to say, I'm going to admit it right off the top of the bat. I cried at Ernest Goes to Camp. Like that movie when I was a child. When you were a kid, okay.

Because he had that song about he likes to cry in the rain because he can't see the teardrops. Very moving. I did not follow the further adventures of Ernest. Scared stupid. Goes to Africa. Africa? Okay, you can't even find that. I know. And I had somebody...

One of our interns was able to watch it, and it was not as racist as you would think it would be. Ernest Goes to Africa? Yeah, which is a bummer, because you feel like at that point they probably just were like, well, fuck it. Goes to Jail was a little racist. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's still a little bit here. You just assumed that Ernest Goes to Africa would be way worse. I don't remember watching any of the other movies, but the first thing that came up for me was...

I was curious, is the conceit in all of the Ernest movies that there's another character that looks like Ernest? No, I don't think so. In what sense? So in Africa, maybe there's a black Ernest? African-American Ernest. There's not an African-American Ernest.

So it's an American. He moved back to Africa. That's correct. He has repatriated himself to his birth country. That's correct. And so he's an African-American living in Africa. Yes. It looks like Ernest. Is that the conceit? No. It's not a question. The conceit from Ernest, from what I understand, is Ernest is always a janitor who is striving to be something else. Oh.

So like in this one, he wants to be Jynx and Sue. But he's not always a janitor at that bank. No. Sometimes it's at camp or in Africa. Yeah. I don't know the reasoning why he goes to Africa, but I do know there's one movie where Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gives him magic sneakers and becomes an amazing basketball player. But he's probably a janitor at an NBA facility. But none of the players that are in Ernest Goes to Jail are also in...

And none of the town's people. No, the only one that is, and this is one of my favorite characters in the entire movie, is the old guy who doesn't speak. The guy with the gun. Bobby, Bill Bergey. Oh, the guy from Raising Arizona. Oh, no, no. That's his prison mate. This is like the older man who had that crazy face. He looks like the kid from Road Trip. DJ Qualls? Yeah. He's grown up with that.

By the way, there are a lot of characters in this movie who don't speak for the entire movie and then start speaking. Oh, yeah. In the last 20 minutes. Yeah. He's one of them. Well, I will talk about this guy, Bill Bergey, I guess. He retired. He worked in a Nashville library and then retired to start acting in Ernest movies. And that's pretty much all. And his dream was achieved? I guess he may have been friends with.

It's so specific. I'm retiring. I'm going to work in these Ernest movies, so I'm moving to California to figure that out. And he does it. I think that he's only been in Ernest movies. He was 81 years old. Ernest must know him. He was 81. Oh, I guess he's 81 now. Sorry, yes. He's 81 now. But yes, so he's the only reoccurring character, but does not play...

does not play the same... Oh, he actually plays Bobby in every one of the movies. I'm just looking at it right now. Yes, he does play Bobby. Okay, but he's not with Chuck in every single movie. Not that I know of. Okay. Can I ask a question? Yeah. We haven't even gotten into the movie. You know what? And if we never do, I... That's fine. Our lives will all be richer for it. What does... What...

Where does Ernest come from? Like, what is the origin of this character? Okay, well, there are a couple things that I know, and this is true. Ernest, you might think, oh, maybe this is a Groundlings character. He was a stand-up comic who created this character. Like a Pee Wee Herman type character. No, it was created by an ad agency.

And he was cast as this character. Oh, for the, oh, wait, wait, wait. Really? What was the product? I remember this now. The Ernest character was created by a national advertising agency called Cardin and Cherry. He used to be in commercials throughout the country and used mostly in dairy commercials at first, then moved up to news and local TV promos. He was the guy who was like, hey, Vern. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's Vern? We never saw Vern.

That was the joke. The audience, the people at home were Vern because he was always talking to the camera and Vern was like in the shower or on the toilet. Guys, I think... Oh, I don't care for that. Philosophically speaking, we are all Vern. Ha ha ha!

Now, the character got so successful from commercials that it was spun off into a TV show called Hey Vern, It's Earnest. And then I don't know how long that lasted. I'm sure I can find that out. I thought the TV came after the movies. No, because it said in the opening credits of the movie that he had won an Emmy. He was Emmy Award winning. It said that? Yes, it said that. In the credits? Wow, did I say that? In the credits? Yes.

I fast forwarded the credits. By the way, it was the longest credit sequence I've ever seen in my life. But I'm pretty sure it said that. Hey Vern, it's Ernest, ran for 13 episodes. And then he went right on to do Ernest Goes to Splash Mountain, a Disney movie. What did he win an Emmy for? Yeah, exactly.

Wait, what? What did he win in that? For children's programming actor. Yeah, I'm sure he got children's show. I don't remember this as children's. Here's the thing that's going to blow up your whole podcast is that this movie did really well. Yes. And it got millionaires.

made because kids loved him. It was like a huge franchise. Yeah, I mean, I love this movie. I mean, I love those. Ernest Goes to Camp. You did? That was a good one. Ernest Goes to Camp. Was that the first? I think it was. I didn't see it. That was the one that had the most, like a snapping turtle bit his nose. Like that was classic Ernest. Oh yeah, that sounds familiar. I remember that in the trailer. I'm having a flashback. But he was also like a straighter.

Pee-wee? A shittier dressed... Right. But see, I did not find him... Well, because his houses still have all those machinations of pee-wee. Yeah, I had a question about that, and we can wait till we get... I don't know how it goes. You can go. I mean, June didn't find him lovable, so you're like... I didn't. Yeah, I don't know if he... This is shocking news. If I may, this is shocking news. I didn't. Are we supposed to think that he is different? Yes. And if he is...

Yes. Why is his house a Rube Goldberg adventure? Yes, contraption. Well, I had trouble with all those contraptions because I usually find them satisfying in movies. When they take... It's just satisfying to watch. Can you hit me with like two examples? Oh, P has like five. That's true. Yeah. He's the only one. But usually they make life easier on some level. Right.

his contraptions. It was just like a rubber thing hitting the TV. Yeah, there was no strategy to it. It was like, why would you even want, why would you start to create that? What problem are you solving with this product? His products seem to hurt him. Like instead of a shower, which is a relatively simple contraption, he created a washing machine that he puts himself in and is violently shooken. You know, we have an event

I haven't even talked about the powder aspect of this movie. The movie powder? That he became powder conveniently. I say he became electro, but that's just the kind of nerds that we represent. I was like, oh, so this is like Ernest becomes powder. Yeah.

Well, in the first couple seconds of the movie, he is violently electrocuted. Oh, yes. He's repeatedly, he is, a degree of voltage is put through his body repeatedly throughout this movie. At one point, this is a children's movie, I believe, now. At one point, he is electrocuted in an electric chair in a prison, which should kill him, but only makes him more powerfully magnetic. I really don't understand.

I really want to talk about, because it is in one of the first scenes, the science behind his conductivity and how it cracks through the movie. Do you want to talk about the science that gets us even to that? Which begins with the floor buffer that has a sticker on it that says, do not flick switch rapidly. Which he has been doing repeatedly. And then that floor buffer can climb walls and go across the ceiling. Okay.

I would argue the floor buffer is like the antagonist of the movie. Or the catalyst. Yes, absolutely. Basically, if this was like to break it down on a superhero origin story, it is because of the floor buffer that his latent mutant talents are awoken and he's given this like magneto kind of electric power. I was going to say, like, is this any...

Is this what we're going to see in the new Spider-Man movie? Yeah. Kind of this, you know, maybe Jamie Foxx is playing with a floor buffer. I heard a huge part of it is a ripoff of this movie. Huge part. So he becomes electrocuted. Well, I don't even remember how because of the floor buffer. Yes. The light falls on him? The lamp. The plugged in lamp falls on him after the floor buffer has poured gallons of water that...

The floor buffers shouldn't have had that much water in it. There is definitely a problem in that. I don't think floor buffers have water in them. I'm going to argue that too. Controversial. Controversial statement. They don't have water. But do they shoot out a lot of foam like a shampoo? Oh my God, the foam was real. Do they not obey the rules of gravity? No. Oh, there was another part in this movie that got really...

they didn't obey, they abandoned all rules when Bobby peeks behind the coat rack. I love this scene. I don't know how to describe it to the radio. This is like a Looney Tunes scene. Yes, this is a Looney Tunes scene. Sound was great.

Just picture a microphone stand and a grown man peeking out from one side, but his other side is, you can't see it. So it is like a Looney Tunes. But that's like, yeah, it's a Looney Tunes thing where he keeps popping up. He's spying on the Ernests. Our Ernests. Oh, God. Evil Ernest. Yeah, on Evil Ernest, the double. But he keeps popping up all over the bank. It's like, boink, boink.

And then, yeah, everything in the physics doesn't make sense. And you know they put that in because they were like, this is so classic. This is funny. We gotta do this bit. There is so many things. I mean, again, this movie starts off in the... Just to even pull it back to the beginning before we even get into the prison element of it. The movie starts off with the premise that the two men who work in the bank as security guards are frightened and scared of Ernest cleaning the bank while they're all in...

in it together. Of a noise. They're just frightened and scared of a noise. And that seems to be his job, which is he is the night janitor. By the way, the hours and times in this movie never make sense. Oh, no. Court is getting out at midnight. He goes, the boss goes, I have to go. I'm late for dinner. The sun is shining. It's 1 p.m. The people in prison are working during, I mean. None of it makes sense. Ernest could have been in jail in this movie for years.

12 months? Or 12 hours? I have no idea. So basically, so that opening sequence with the cops and everything, that's fine. Can I just say, okay, so to go back to the science for a second, he gets electrocuted by a lamp and then becomes, I guess, a conductor. Well, he becomes magnetic. Until his face gets smudged. He's like magnetized. He's magnetized. Everything metal starts shooting across the room and sticking to him.

Right. But that goes away for most of the movie. I did enjoy the scene. I'm not going to lie. I did enjoy the scene where he takes Charlotte, the love interest, out on a date and the spoon started. I thought that was funny. Because he went like that and he put his fists against his face like a little kid and he looked cute.

Yes. I did enjoy that scene. Well, that love romance between him. I had a real problem. I had a real problem with this. Because Ernest is speaking like a three-year-old kid. He's like, I don't have confidence. He's like, I don't have confidence that that man's a bad man. In case just for the listeners, and I don't know, there are probably listeners who are like, I don't actually know what this is. Yeah. Ernest is conservatively a 60-year-old man. Yeah.

Okay, no. I want to say that is a part of the problem. He is in his 50s. Yeah, it's strange. Well, I will say that Jim Varney passed away at the age of 50. During pre- Yes. During pre-production of Ernest the Pirate, which is half finished. Ernest the Pirate? Yes. Changing the rules. Yes, changing the rules. And by the way, just another side note about Jim Varney, he was a

a smoker, a very bad smoker. So he died of lung cancer. He would always put the lit end in his mouth. He was terrible. He never knew how to do it, put it in his ear. But that's why in this movie even he says don't smoke. He goes, hey, you want a cigarette before he's about to get electrocuted? So he had cancer while he was shooting? I think he just realized that as a person, I don't know if he had cancer during this film. It said on Wikipedia that once he found out he had cancer, he quit smoking.

Yes. And did a PSA. So maybe he did. As Ernest, yeah. So who knows? That's very sad. Also, when he was evil, when he was his doppelganger and he, Ernest was Jim Varney, he was hot. He was as fuck. Yes, I agree. I totally agree. I was actually like. Wait, what is happening? I 100% agree. I was shocked. Shocked. And he was kind of aching to do drama. Yeah.

Well, here's the thing. He actually did do some drama. And he was so good as Evil Ernest. Really good. He was great. Jason. At one point, I thought to myself. You know I'm right. I never thought. I never was like, ooh, this is getting me going now. I was shocked. And at one point, I thought to myself, is he really attractive? And I thought he was oozing sexuality. Totally. Oozing? Yes.

I have no idea about it. Uzing sexuality. Yes. Jim Verernest. In the Ernest movie. I agree. In Ernest. Okay, I just want to make sure. In Ernest Goes to Jail, there was a character that was oozing sexuality for you. Yes.

Yeah. Wowzers. And that was really cute. And then he sort of raped. I know. There was a rape scene. Yes, there was a rape scene. But what were you going to say? I was going to say at one point I thought, okay, this is, it's just in comparison to how childlike and boyish Ernest is that I'm thinking bad Ernest is attractive. But looking back on it, I don't think that was the case.

I think we can tell. Yeah, I think we can. I think that we can admit. I think we're mature enough that we can admit, you know what, this is just a compare situation. No. This is, if I may, if I may, while if June is going to be, if June is going to take over the role of thinking something is overly sexual when it isn't, then I have to say, this is very upsetting. Ha ha ha!

No. You know what? For people listening. I'm sorry. I was, I was. If you Google Jim Varney right now. I'm looking at a picture of him and he is. Look at that picture. He's not a bad looking guy. Okay. Sure, sure, sure. He's weathered and he's. You know what? He's rugged. He did do a drama called Wilder Napalm. He's also Ernest. Yeah. In this movie.

You didn't see a Jim Varney movie on its own and be like, hey, you know who's not so bad looking when he's not earnest is Jim Varney. No, you watched an earnest movie. I saw the Jim Varney come out. He wanted to come out. Let's talk about this. He did. Jim Varney plays three characters in this movie. Ernest P. Worrell, Mr. Felix Nash, and Auntie Nelda. Oh, where he was suddenly super smart. That's.

Another confusing thing. He does great impressions. Well, he does great impressions. There's a scene. We actually should play the clip at a certain point. Ernest is, well, we should just get into the idea of why he is in jail. He is serving on a jury, and he happens to look like a criminal mastermind. That was a great scene. That was the scene I laughed at where he's chewing on his pen, and the ink gets on his face. But then I got upset. Me too. I got upset.

I got the ink in the mouth and all over the face was making me dry heat. I wrote that. I go, this is like what it's like for me to watch Saw. Because I was like, oh, I don't like. Like I got when he started chewing the paper. I was like, oh. Oh, that was awful. There's a lot of wet mouth sounds.

I'm like gagging right now. There's a lot of wet mouth sounds in that scene and I really can't handle wet mouth sounds. You guys know how I feel about wet mouth sounds. And this one scene has like, because he's chewing on wet paper. And his face is covered in like a real... It's green. And it's like dripping. It looks wet. It's a wet ink. It almost looks like blood. Like black blood. It didn't... But the judge says, Sir, are you okay? I think it's African American blood. Yes. And then...

We look at him and he's covered in ink and chewing on paper and he says, I'm fine. And I thought that was very funny. Well, Ernest... I also thought it was funny. I mean, actually, I thought this whole sequence was funny that when he sort of thinks he's still on jury duty and that they're just being very thorough about it and he wakes up in jail. Like, I've...

I had a couple good laughs. Basically, Ernest is a victim of a criminal mastermind because the criminal mastermind realizes that he looks like Ernest, so he could swap places with him. So Ernest goes to jail as basically everyone thinks he's this criminal mastermind in jail. And then on the outside, sweet poor Ernest, who everyone loves, is planning to rob a bank. That's basically it. Yeah, it's a switcheroo movie. Now, here's a wild card of an observation. Sure.

The colors in this movie. I'm so glad you brought that up. Great. I'm so glad you brought that up. Okay, thank you. Do you want to go just straight for the uniforms of the guards at the prison? Here's what's interesting about those costumes. They're both, well, the guards are wearing bright pink suits. Sort of.

kind of like zoot suits. Yes. They look like they're in like one of our future weird movies. It reminded me of what Raul Julia looks like in Street Fighter. Totally. Very big, like shoulder pads, pink. Which was just such a choice and such a sort of defining like characteristic of this world and it was so kind of cartoon

Was that to make it less threatening to kids, do you feel like? To make it seem more colorful and less scary? Because I'm assuming this movie was aimed at kids for kids. Well, that's the thing that's surprising. It was NC-17 when it came out. Well, when that rape scene happened, I was genuinely like, what?

is happening here? But I was assuming that some of that stuff was to make it seem like poppy and not as kind of like... Well, it is a heavy topic for children. The way that they shot that whole... First of all, there are two sets in the movie. The bank set. Oh my God. The bank set. The walls are cardboard. I was just going to say paper. It's a theater set.

It is, yeah. It does look, like it looks like, yeah, I've never seen more of a set. So much so that when they actually do an overhead shot, it really shows the whole room because there's no roof. But the prison was also, it was so dark. The lighting. The lighting, I couldn't see anything. Well, I thought that the costume designer was like, let's make their jackets hot pink because in the lighting, they'll look red. Yeah.

And I thought she was dumb because everybody else in the movie were army green or blue.

Everyone else. Well, I will also, just to talk, I mean, I know it's a kid's movie and we can't get too much in detail, but the idea that the evil prisoner was able to have a matching earnest prison outfit. Oh, yeah. Like, basically, the evil prisoner puts on, like, an earnest jean jacket, but it's green. No, he swapped clothes with him. No, no, but he- He also had a green vest. Before he bonked him on the head, he was wearing a green prison vest and-

And a green prison hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like the prison colors of Ernest's outfit, which I don't know how he looked. No, you're right. Yeah. Unless you would have believed that this whole prison also had Ernest outfits as well. But the girlfriend wore green. And blue at one point. I want to get into that relationship in a major. Yes, mage. I want to like really...

dig it out. To talk about it. Because, all right, so this is, Ernest has a relationship with Charlotte Sparrow. So Charlotte Sparrow is this nice woman who works at the bank and is really smitten with Ernest. And at first she's saying like, look, we're going to go out for dinner just as friends. Which I think is a good thing.

thought was a little bold. She wants to help him get a job. She wants to help him get a promotion at the bank. She also wants a promotion. She also wants it, but not for the same job. Like, yes. And so she's helping him out in a way that I was like, oh, she's helping the janitor. But then it turns into a weird date. And and that's when it starts getting real weird. But does she like

I don't think so. Well, no, she says it. She says immediately. She goes, she says when they're sitting there, he's like, oh, my gosh, you're so funny. Like, he made that joke. Like, he makes a dumb, like, a real, like, fifth grader joke. Yeah, she loved that joke. And it was so weird that she liked it because it seemed to me that he, like, she was actually trying to open up to him.

Yeah. And he was very inappropriate. Yeah. But she loved it. She goes, Ernest, this is fun. You make good company. Yeah. And then later on, she says, like, I haven't gotten a chance to take a break from my job, which is like, she just works in a local bank. It's not like that. You don't know if you take that work home with you. In the other movies, does Ernest have, like, love interests? Yes. And is he a sexual being? In the other movies, they have penetrative sex. They show. Yeah.

They show penetrative sex. I'm imagining that in all the movies, when he's sticking it in, they... No, he definitely, I think, has... I think he has... I imagine he has a love interest in every movie. I think it's interesting that children's movies do that. They have this platonic love interest that they never... Because they never really get together at the end. No. It's like the princess in Super Mario Brothers or Donnie and Peewee. It's like there's always a...

They don't do anything. There's no point to them. Little kids don't give a shit about a love interest, right? Or maybe girls. Maybe that gets the girls in. What she ended up serving as was really stakes for him once he got to prison to sort of go along with the fact that he was...

bad earnest because they threatened to kill her well that was his whole motivation to get out he seemed to have no problem being in prison if only the only reason to get out of prison was to save this girl that he only had one dinner with that just wanted to be friends I had a hard I did not pay attention like you guys did I had a very hard time watching this movie I get it

Do you remember when he had a lobster on his face? Yes, which means that the lobster was alive when they were going to serve it, right? I had trouble with that, too, because the lobster grabbed onto his nose and cheeks. But is the lobster... Well, yeah, I didn't even think about the lobster being alive. But is the lobster magnetic?

Well, here's the thing. No. Something on that plate was magnetic. The lobster was being served sort of upside down to have flown off his face like that. And alive. It was dead. The lobster was dead because it was red. An alive lobster is green. Right, but it was clamped onto his face, though. Yeah, but how did it clamp on? I think that was just because the thing pushed it up on his face and they thought it was a funny joke. Oh, okay.

Well, yeah, I would buy that that's a funny joke. I laughed. Yeah, I laughed. You guys are buying that. Do you guys remember when he gave a buttery handjob to a breadstick? Oh, that was so upsetting. That was so, I was really like, what the fuck

What is that? The butter tray flew at him because on the date, he's magnetized again. Why? But no reason to be magnetized. There is a reason. Because his dryer is his giant size human dryer is broken. He opens up the circuit breaker and he's like, oh, there it is. I got a short here. And he touches it and he electrocutes himself again. Oh.

I missed that. But it was too much of a delay for me because it felt like, it seemed like his magnetic powers only lasted for about four to five minutes. Oh, man. See, that's the thing is you're just not getting the extent of Ernest's magnetic powers. Remember when he gets cocky? I mean, his power set is pretty clear. Well, he gets cocky at the end. Very cocky. And then it dribbles out. It's like, it is only for two minutes. Yeah, it's like a guy who's like... It dribbles out and turns into...

fairy dust? Yeah. Yeah, that was an odd moment where he just stares at the dust at his feet. I felt sad for him there. It's like a guy who takes a Viagra and comes immediately. LAUGHTER

That's what I felt like. That's the subtext of this movie, right? Just so you guys know also, all these movies were written, oh, well, I guess this one wasn't, but were all directed by John R. Cherry. Oh, this one wasn't? This one was. It was written by Charlie Cohen. Normally John R. Cherry would write them as well. J-R-C. J-R-C.

He was from the ad firm F. Cardin and Sherry. That's so interesting. I didn't know about this advertising. I vaguely remember him. I remember him doing all the commercials, but I'm kind of creeped out by the fact that he's so... It's like the Geico caveman. Exactly. It really is. He is a created... So you never find out how Ernest came to be who he is. He's just a janitor. He's Southern. No, but he's not well. Right. Well, at moments...

He seems really right. Here's the thing I will say. In this movie alone, I see numerous things that happen to him that could cause him to have severe brain damage. So if in the earlier movies those things happen as well, I'm getting like, I get it. He's getting a lot of blunt force trauma to the head.

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- He doesn't have like a fantastical world. - No. - He's a janitor of the streets. - No, he does. - His house looks really dumpy. - His house is so trashy. - Well you might see like on True Detective in that final episode when they like, when they find the Yellow King. - Oh my god, his house is the Yellow King's death cave. - And he does the voices like the fucking Yellow King guy. - He does, oh my god, that's amazing.

He's the yellow king! I would love it if Carcosa was instead that mousetrap style like Rube Goldberg machine rather than just sticks and twigs. Oh, please, someone make a true detective poster with Ernest on it. I want to see that. Well, it seemed also that he was doing his bathing and general hygiene stuff at the bank.

No. No, in the washing machine. Where was that? That was in his house. Yeah. That was the basement of his house? But I'm really confused about that because then he, there's the next scene where he gets out of the. The dryer. He gets out of the truck. No, no, no. He gets out of the truck with Chuck and. Bobby. Bobby and walks into his house.

Yeah, he lives next door to them. Remember, he gets the jury notice and runs to the house next door to tell them. I know, but he first cleans. And they are shooting at him indoors. I understand. Oh, he cleans up before he goes. He cleans up before he goes home.

Oh. Oh, you may be right. Yeah. Because it was like in the basement. I thought that was in the basement in like a locker room that he had fashioned. Yes. That's why because there's probably no shower there. So he's like, oh, maybe what I'll do is I'll build a giant washing machine and a giant body blow dryer. He's a real inventor. I think you're right. Here's the weird thing about that washing machine. It's a washing machine. Like for clothes. For clothes. But it's got the functions of a blender. Yeah.

Yes. Right. And it looks like a washing machine, but it's like puree is on it. And it's for a man. It's for a man to shower. Which he showers in the jean jacket. Yeah. Which, ladies, did you find that sexy or what? Because he had no shirt on. Was this doing it for you? I didn't even notice that. That was totally normal to me, that he wouldn't ever take his shirt off. If I saw him without his jean jacket, I would lose my mind. Yeah.

Oh, man. I couldn't make heads or tails of almost anything. The characters that I loved were Chuck and Bobby, and their lifestyle. Their relationship was pretty fascinating, too. Yeah, they had a camo van. They were shooting guns in the house. They had a lot of hand signals. Were they brothers? I think so. Well, it's like a Bert and Ernie thing. Oh, I buy that. I had Laurel and Hardy.

But now, I want to talk about when Ernest goes to jail, representative of our respective ages, I think.

When Ernest goes to jail, it seems like he is put in this prison and the prisoners are automatically angry with him. It's like, you're going to get what's coming to you inside and out, which is, that's an awful thing to say to anyone. Yes. Because why would you want to hurt this poor man? Well, then they had his back in prison and people were scared of him because they thought he was bad. But then the one guy who was from Raising Arizona, that guy...

Like, was helping him escape two scenes later. Well, look, everybody thought he was Nash. Right. But no, no, no. The guys in the prison knew he wasn't Nash. No, they didn't. No, the Raising Arizona guy. The Raising Arizona guy. Their version of Chuck and Bobby. I think those guys had to continue to support, had to support Ernest, real Ernest, as bad Ernest. Otherwise, the bad guys in prison would come after them. Yeah.

That's why they make him win the arm wrestling. That's why they, because otherwise they think they know that they are weak now. Yes. All right. Yeah. But the reason why I think Raising Arizona ultimately sided with Ernest was because he was racist. Yeah.

He had a Confederate flag hung up in his room. Oh, interesting. In his room? Yes. In his prison room? Yeah, his prison room. It was sort of a room, though. It wasn't a nice room. It didn't seem more decked out than it was. When Ernest was his dorm mate? No, it's true. Ernest at one point is on a floral printed recliner.

in the prison cell. So it did seem more like a room. Talking about the reveal of evil Ernest, they hide the fact that he looks just like Ernest for a long time to no... For like 30 minutes. Yeah, for no dramatic effect, I don't think, because it's clearly Ernest.

But it's like, who is this guy going to be? And when they finally reveal it, he's washing his face and he pulls down his towel. So he was shaving a beard. I know. Oh, he had a beard? I don't know. I think so. Oh, I thought that they were... Wait. That's... What? Yeah, we think it was a whole idea. Look at him.

- What's the fantasy? - This is the fantasy. - Why even invent that backstory? You don't, it's unnecessary. - You know what, I didn't have that fantasy, now I do. - Right? - Mm-hmm. - Ooh. - Wait, wait, no, no, no, no. If he had a beard, then he wouldn't look like Ernest. - Bad Ernest with a sexy beard. - That's why he had to shave it. - He had a little scruffle. - It would be weird. - They wanted you to shave your beard. - Categorically, no evidence to suggest he had a beard in this movie.

There is none. When we are introduced to him, he pulls down like a hot towel. He's just cleaning himself. That's a hot shave.

Why wouldn't they show you him with the beard? That would have been a better reveal. Like, oh, does this guy look like Ernest? I'm not sure. No, because his voice was so different as bad Ernest. Yeah, that one kind of just sounded like that. The ladies know. The ladies know the backstory. I think they handled that just right. Wait, I want to tell you why the electric chair was my favorite part. Please. Because...

It is the most powerful electric chair in the world. And every time he gets electrocuted, he goes...

And I really like that. That made me laugh too, really hard. It went on way too long. And he's not even really in the electric chair. They didn't put the thing on his head. No, and his hands aren't strapped down. So he's impervious to electricity. I can do that for days. Blah, blah, blah.

Here's what's weird, though. It almost seems like... I just pictured him in an ADR room just, like, doing that nonstop. He couldn't stop. There was somebody working. There was a worker working on the electric chair before he sat in it. Which I thought was Raising Arizona, like, trying to help him get out. But it was not. That theory is blown to shit. We...

Can I, just because we've been alluding to it, I want to play the clips of Ernest doing all the impressions. This is how you get a chance to hear the rain. So this is Ernest in prison? In prison, trying to figure out how Nash sounds. How to be tough. Yeah, exactly. Here you go. Hey, you, Murdoch. You're the guy that shot my brother, right? And I'm the guy that's going to shoot you, eh? All right.

Kids love a healthy bogeyman person. Wait, wait. Stop the clip. Stop the clip. You don't think this is for children? What?

You know what? Who is it for? I didn't really feel that way. I'm going to just say that just so you know. There were a couple things in there for the parents. A Daytime Emmy Award was, he was given a Daytime Emmy Award for an Outstanding Performer in a Children's Series for Hey Vern, It's Ernest. So I would argue that because he won an Emmy as his character, it is for children. This has got to be a kid's movie.

It's definitely a kid's movie. We're not debating this. We're not debating that this is a child's movie. This is a... Jason, you know that. Wait. Don't look at me. June just said, I don't think this is a kid's movie. It doesn't have that sort of levity. As we're going through talking about this stuff, I realize that this may be the issue with this movie. Every movie has been written and directed by John R. Cherry.

This is the only one that was not written by him. So maybe they gave up the reins of the storytelling and Ernest went a little bit south. Now here's another thing. You talked about Laurel and Hardy a second ago. John R. Cherry also rebooted Laurel and Hardy and the new adventures of Laurel and Hardy. Oh my God. For love of the money. The mummy. For love of the mummy. Yeah.

Now, in earnest goes to Cam. Wait, click on that. Who played Laurel and Hardy? Let's see. It wasn't these two guys. It wasn't these two guys. Bronson? No. Bronson Pinchot? He's in it as Stanley. Oh, yeah, I guess, yeah. Stan Laurel. Oh, and the other guy. The guy from this movie? The other guy from the movie. The security guard. The Portly guy. The Portly guy. I liked him a lot. Chuck? That's amazing. Chuck? Chuck and Bronson Pinchot were Laurel and Hardy.

I want to see this now. We now are doing that movie. Yeah, I think you guys need to do this. The New Adventures of Warren Hardy. I love it. We haven't even gotten to, like, Ernest flying. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, that was so... If you think there isn't flying in this movie, there is. A little bit of a precursor. Yeah, a precursor for Slam Dunk Ernest, I would imagine. But wait, there's more. Yes, he does fly at the end. Because, again, his powers are a little unruly. Yeah.

it seems like he's able to float and also is rubber because in the end fight scene, the bad Ernest is punching. And by the way, I had a problem with this bad Ernest because when they finally have their showdown, they're both dressed exactly the same. So I figured that was all just to save money on set. Like he did his good Ernest and walked over to the other side of the set and did his bad Ernest. There was also no, I kept expecting there to be the moment of like, shoot him. No. Shoot him. I'm the one. You know, like that beat never happened. And it would have been great

There to see Bad Ernest playing Good Ernest. Exactly. That would have been a hoot. Yeah. But no, we didn't have that satisfying moment at all. And Ernest just knocked him out somehow with maybe the buffer. I don't know, something. Here's the weird thing. Yeah, the buffer comes back here. But the weird thing about Bad Ernest as I think about it is Bad Ernest was just a...

He was about to go on death row. He was. He was about to be killed. He was about to be killed when he was still in jail, right, as bad earnest. Correct. I found it amazing. I mean, I guess this is what happens a lot, but I found it amazing that as soon as he got out of jail, he was staging a huge heist.

You know, it's who he is. Well, he just said he had a great in. Like, Ernest worked at a bank. I know, but my God, he was almost put to death. You thought he would see the error of his ways? Yeah. You think, given this second chance, he has now put Ernest on death row. And you think he should just go up on the straight and narrow? Well, if I were him, I would just be so happy to be alive. Oh, here's the deal, though. I asked him so hard. Why? What?

why did he get out of jail and like not have sex with somebody immediately? Well, he tried. He tried with Charlotte. He tried with Charlotte a week later. Yeah, it took a little bit of time. Yeah, he doesn't do anything fun. Get a burger. Yeah, right. He just goes right into, well, I mean, is that your idea of fun? Get a burger. Get a burger and a

shake well he gets out of court really late night it's a late night court session where they release the jury it's pitch black and Bobby went on a field trip to jail okay what was the justification of that to see how the man fell down oh no no I'm sorry I know this I do know this okay

On the trial, the guy on trial who has a mohawk Mr. T looking guy, he realizes. He's also wearing a very angular, brightly colored suit. He realizes that Ernest looks just like Nash. And he whispers to the lawyer, it looks just like him. We can do this. And the lawyer says, stands up and is like, I think the jury needs to go to the prison in order to see the circumstances in which this happened. Yes. To facilitate the switcheroo. I see.

I see. Wait, say that again because I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking, again, this movie's racist because the black guy was on trial. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, what? Yeah. No, this was nothing but a scathing indictment of our prison systems, which incarcerate an abnormally high ratio of black men to white men. It's shocking. Yeah.

I mean, that's what you get. And that is the subtext. And that, I mean, you always are going to get that. You get that in Slumdog Ernest. You get that in Ernest Goes to the Army. You get all those. And then not to mention, you know, I don't know anything about Ernest Goes to Africa. But I can only imagine that. The tagline to Ernest Goes to Africa is Africa will never be the same.

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Friends. Oh, friends. You want a podcast? I'm going to tell you about one. It is called Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes. Now, after Cheers wrapped up decades ago, Ted and Woody have reunited sharing stories with their friends that they have met over the years. Kristen Bell, Will Arnett, Conan O'Brien, Jane Fonda. These are just a few of the guests that they have had on their show just recently.

to kind of hang out with and just laugh. It is a fun hangout show. What are you waiting for? New episodes of Where Everybody Knows Your Name drop Wednesday. Be sure to listen wherever you get your podcasts. These are the Ernest movies, by the way, just in case you want to know them. Ernest Goes to Camp made $24 million right out the gate. That was in 1987. Ernest Goes to Christmas made $29 million. Ernest Goes to Christmas? Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Saves Christmas. I know the number for Jail.

Go for it. 25. 25. That's the third one, right? What? Then, all of a sudden, Ernest Scared Stupid drops. That goes to 14. That's the one that I saw. You know why? Okay. You know why? I like that title the best. Because I think if I'm into the Ernest movies and I'm like, uh-oh, he's even dumber in this one. Yeah. No thanks. People didn't want to see a scary Ernest movie. But then, this is where everything goes downhill. Because these movies were made in 87, 88, 90. So at $25 million for Jail. Huge. Huge.

Scared Stupid, 14. Then Ernest Rides Again, 1 million. Oof. Wow. And now what would you think Ernest... What year? Wait, what? 93. So this is now been eight years? Yes, of making an Ernest movie. What would you guys think Ernest Rides Again is about? Just because I'm... Ernest Rides Again. Rides Again. It's a western. Okay, what do you think? A motorcycle. Okay. June, do you have a guess? I was going to say he's like, it's not like totally a western, but he's a rodeo guy.

No, he unearths a huge cannon that contains the crown jewels of England. What?

The Unearthed. The Unearthed's a canon? Yep. That is. Crown Jewels of England. Yep. That is. So what is he riding? Who wrote that one? I don't know. Did JRC write that? That was JRC. Come on. Can we get him on the phone? Yeah. Yep. I want to talk to JRC. I want to talk to him too. Whoa. That is, yeah, that is, that's mind blowing. You know what? Here's the thing. I can imagine that in the other movies that are kind of more colorful and bright. Oh.

He befriends a history professor and finds a revolutionary war cannon and must protect it from others who want the precious jewels inside. There it is.

What it's going to say is that Ernest has a special shot, a special camera move. It's like Ernest Cam. Yeah, a fish shot. Yeah. Yeah. I can imagine the other movies it really works because they're probably brighter and well lit and outside and more colorful. But when he's in prison shot like that.

It's a little scary. Yeah. I don't like it. Is that supposed to be the Vern cam? Vern cam. I think so. Oh, yeah? Because the commercials were like, hey, Vern. And he would come right up into frame. Yeah. Yeah. But they didn't talk about Vern in this movie. No. Did they talk about Vern in the other one? Well, Vern died in the first one.

I'm just kidding. Did anyone else notice that the security guard, I think it was Chuck, the bigger guy, when he was screaming in the last sort of bank sequence, his scream sounded like a horse's neigh? Oh, I didn't see. I know.

Did you hear that? No, I did not hear that. I don't remember, but I could have locked it out. Do we care about talking about the fact that he flies in the movie? I don't know what to say. He's electrocuted again in the bank. You know what does Powder fly in Powder's movie? No, I don't think so. I thought he levitates. Maybe he does. Like David Blaine style? I'm doing more reading about...

about Jim Barney. And he did a lot of drama. He did a... He wanted to. He was one of the rebels in a midnight movie called Existo. Then his last movie was in a Billy Bob Thornton feature called Daddy and Them, where he played Uncle Hazel. I'm not surprised. And he was arrested for murder in that. And yeah, he's done a lot. Yeah, he's done a lot of more serious roles. He wanted to. He had to. I mean, he had the training.

- He had the looks. - You guys can admit though, it's fine if you don't think that he's a sexy dude, but he's a good actor playing bad Ernest. - Yeah. - I actually think he's a talented actor. - Oh sure, sure, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Thank you. - No, I'm only saying I don't think he's sexy. - Did Ernest have any children? - Who?

Did Jim Varney? No, he was twice divorced. No kids. Both of his marriages did not work out, according to this. I wonder who's the heir to the Varney estate. Well, I know that someone in his family is trying to relaunch the Ernest franchise. In 2012, they tried to relaunch the son of Ernest. Oh, my God.

Did they do a movie with it? They're talking about it right now. Oh, okay. It's tentatively titled Son of Ernest. Who would play that part? Who would play Son of Ernest? I think his nephew wrote a book about him. Yes, he did. Maybe his nephew is the one that wants to be... The presumption would be that Ernest had sex. I know. Oh, yeah, because it would be the Son of Ernest. I'm not comfortable with that. I'm not comfortable with that either. And who is it? Is it Miss Charlotte? No, somebody later, I'm sure. All right, so...

Obviously, we had opinions about this movie, but there are some people out there that have a different opinion. So now it is time for Second Opinions. These are five-star reviews culled from Amazon.com. These are people who loved Ernest so much. Now I'll be reading their reviews. Here we go.

Brilliant and executed out of style by DSG. If there's one thing I got from this movie, and I have it on DVD, it's that even idiots can save the day. So don't ever doubt an idiot you know, because he or she might be the one that saves your life someday. Brilliant script, funny as nails movie, great actors and actresses. I was just going to say, nails are funny. Five stars. Yeah.

Now, coming up to my favorite review here. If that's your takeaway, if the takeaway is idiots might save your life, that's a bad lesson learned. No, I think it's great. This one is called Super Earnest by John R. Ryzak. He goes, I need to laugh from time to time. Earnest is good for that. Done. Five stars. Now, this is my favorite review because it actually opens up the field a little bit.

Favorite Ernest, but they cut the DVD. This is by MTP. The only problem I have with the DVD is I used to have this on VHS, but sadly, when it died, I bought the DVD and was horrified to find out they cut two scenes. The first scene I didn't mind so much. It was when Nash's girlfriend came and visited Ernest in jail, but then they cut the very final. I would have liked to have seen that. Wait, a conjugal visit? Yes. I would have liked to have seen that. Ah.

That sounds like a great role. See, I don't know that this is a kid's movie. Go on. And they also cut the very final scene of the movie. The DVD ends when Ernest falls out of the sky, got burnt to a crisp, and says the famous line, I came, I saw, I got blowed up.

The real ending was after that because I did think the ending was a little bit abrupt. I was surprised. It goes, the real ending was after that when we see Ernest has finally got that clerk's job that he wanted. While sitting at his new desk, he's shocked by the computer and becomes magnetized again and the filing cabinet started chasing him. It was a much better ending.

Yeah. That's a way of, why would you cut these scenes? Why did they cut that, I wonder? Yeah, he needed to achieve his dream at the end. Yeah. Just to say, I came, I saw I got blowed up. I was like, who made that decision that they didn't want to have him achieve something? Maybe they didn't want to, maybe they forgot to shoot it, didn't want to rebuild the set. Like, it,

That's crazy. Or no, no, they did shoot it. No, they did shoot it. It got cut. Got shot. Just kidding. I don't know. And there are also a bunch of edited scenes. It didn't make sense. There's a bunch of edited scenes on YouTube where like...

Where the evil Ernest goes and has a scene with the evil bank manager, and he's really cocky. But boy, oh boy, would you guys recommend seeing Ernest Goes to Jail? I really would not. No, you know, not even for a kid. I genuinely would say there are better, worse movies that we've done than Ernest Goes to Jail. This was not enjoyable. I mean, unless you want to watch it for bad Ernest.

Oh, for jerking off purposes? For the ladies. You mean why I still watch episode two of True Detective? For the ladies, yes. Wait, did you, can I just ask you, is Ernest Goes to Camp funny? First.

I don't know. I haven't seen it since I was a kid, but I loved it when I was a kid. You did love it. Yeah. I loved that Ernest character, but I stopped following him in the theaters after Ernest goes to jail. I was more of a where's the beef guy. I was always following her career. And I mean, she made some great movies. Oh, yeah. Some solid, solid movies. Yep. Where's the Beef in Space? Yeah.

Oh, it's so good. Well, Leslie, thank you so much for joining us. Do you have anything you want to plug? Anything you want to talk about? No. Jason? Yeah, no, not really. June? Ask Backwards is on Netflix. Oh, yeah. I saw that. Netflix and Hulu for free. I do want to say this. They played a good game.

We won. How I Met Your Mother has gone off the air. Yes. And that was our great rivalry. Yes. H-I-M-Y-M versus... D-O-A. Yes, versus H-D-T-G-M. Guess who's still on the air? We are. To this day. How did this get made? If you want to know what's what...

You can sign up for our Twitter. We have Twitter. Yeah, at HDTGM. And guess what? We're not going to let you down at the ending. You know, H-I-Y-D is coming out. Yes. Yes. Well, that'll be a whole new rivalry. They'll have to come up and see if they're going to. Oh, we got your number, Greta Gerwig. We're coming for you. Boom. Bring it. Bring it. Brow, brow. I'm just going to be. E-R-O.

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