God of Egypt w/ Erin Gibson and Bryan Safi (HDTGM Matinee)
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I am rich, but never seen. I am primarily white, yet full of green screen. Who am I? If you guessed the gods of Egypt, you're right. We saw it, and you know what that means. Now is, how did this get made? We're gonna have a good time, celebrate the danger, not just be the hater, cause we really want to be. Let's wallow in the mediocrity of such far art.

We'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made?

I'm joined, as always, by Jason Manzoukas. How are you, Jason? I'm good, Paul. How are you? I am very good. I am days away from having a child, which explains why... You look great. Thank you. You look great. Thank you. I feel good. You're carrying it beautifully. Been drinking. Yeah. Smoking. Yeah, get it done. It doesn't affect anything. Nope. Yep. But it does explain why our...

Our second co-host is not here, June Diane Raphael. She is on maternity leave. Yep. And so that's that. And after this episode, we're going to go on a brief two to three week paternity maternity leave. So Jason, you can just stay here childless. I'll be here. No kids, alone, crying in the studio, talking to whoever wants to talk to me about whatever bad movies they've seen. But we have a very special show today. Not one guest.

But two guests from one of my favorite podcasts. If you've not listened to it, you've got to check it out. Please welcome Brian Safi and Erin Gibson. Yay! Thanks! What an intro! Yeah! I'm very excited to have you guys. What's up? Do you have anything to say about our podcast?

I love your podcast. Thank you. But let's get into Gods of Egypt. Ooh, I need to apologize. This was a Jason Manzoukas recommendation. This was a Jason Manzoukas recommendation because I caught part of it on HBO recently and was like, oh, we shouldn't do this. And then when I went to watch it, I realized I had watched part of Exodus Gods and Kings. Ha ha ha!

The Ridley Scott movie that is also a nonsensical all-white people in an environment in which everybody would not be white. Well, this is an interesting point. Well, I think we stumbled upon something beautiful here. Oh, yes. Oh, this was, when I started watching this, I was like, wait a minute, I thought Christian Bale was, and then I was like, oh, no, this is terrible. Well, in case you haven't seen the movie, take everything you know about Egyptian mythology and forget it completely. Completely.

Because I think the only thing that you need to know is that maybe Egypt exists. So they don't even really get the pyramids. There's really very little. There's a sphinx. Yeah, there's a sphinx. Oh, yeah, that's good. And anyway, it's about two brothers, one good, one bad. The bad one, Set. That's right, Set, tries to take over the world. And the good one with one eye, Horus, tries to stop it. That's his nephew. I'm already going to correct you. Okay, sorry. His nephew tries to stop it with a mortal who is waiting to bring... Who's just wanting to bring back his dead girlfriend. That's basically...

I mean, sort of. Sort of. There are so many subplots, boring subplots. Yeah. Very boring. That have no, like it was literally like first draft on Mescaline. It was also so many meet-cutes. Yeah. I feel like there were so many times where everyone was flirting. Even when the dialogue, even when no one else was around, it was like a

And everybody's constantly running into each other. Like, we're talking like an expanse of land that is enormous with millions of people plus the underworld. Yes. Like, and everybody's constantly like, oh, yeah.

We're here too. Oh, look at this. Isn't this wild? We're running into each other here. 50% of this movie is people walking into things and seeing people. And then other 50% is things that they've walked into falling down. Yes. All of which is green screen. Oh. Like this is a movie that like must have been just shot in a green screen prison for these people. I called this movie like a platform movie because it's like all they had was a platform. It was like, all right, you're all on this. Yeah. Don't worry. And then there's the skies exploding. And it was all just like so smooth.

Mood and shiny. It just felt like Scottsdale. Yes. Just like really like upper class, she-she like desert. I would love to set this entire movie in Scottsdale. Gods of Scottsdale. Everything's the same. We haven't yet talked about the fact that the gods are 25 feet tall. Yes. And the mortals are not.

And that is a real thing that happens through the whole movie. Yeah. Jamie Lannister is 25 feet tall, and the human guy he's running around with the whole time is a normal dude. Or a normal Hollywood actor, so probably 5'1". Yeah. Yeah, it's opposite Lauren.

Lord of the Rings. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And that, that, that, that was jarring. And it also never works. Never looked good. Like the giant person with us. It never has looked good in any movie. No, I don't like it. I wouldn't support POV shots of just like how, like looking down on the, like, uh, it must've made shooting it very difficult. Yeah.

I feel like, I mean... No, remember, you've got to look down when you talk to him. You're down further. Your eyeline is way down here. And this guy only had one eye, so it's even harder. All right, so I want to just ask a general question about...

Because this is, when I started watching this, I was like, are you ever excited to see a movie like this? Like an Egyptian? Always. Always. Really? And I have to be honest with you, always. I think the, I love, I saw Exodus, God's End. I love biblical epics. Okay. I'm not a religious person at all, but I love the Ten Commandments. I love Ben-Hur. I saw Exodus. It was terrible. What do you like about that?

I think just the scale, just the absurd, the dialogue never matches the scale of what they're doing. It's always so pedestrian. Or like modern. Like there was one moment where a tiny man was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, everybody. I was like, no one's

ever said that in Egypt. Ancient Egypt. Ancient Egypt. Well, the first scene where our mortal meets up with his girlfriend, I'm like, wait, it took me by surprise because it was so jarring how casual they were. Very casual. You could have just replaced the scenery and put this in a regular rom-com. Completely. Fine. The first 10 minutes of this movie is shocking. I mean, because it really... I stopped it like three times and I'm like, wait, I gotta rewind it. Did I miss it? I don't...

Because the dialogue is so cute. And Gerard, no one's accents match at all. No, not at all. I want to play Gerard Butler's accent because Gerard Butler is like, I'm not changing the fact that I'm Scottish. By the way, I won't do that. But even his own accent is inconsistent throughout the movie. His real voice is inconsistent. It doesn't match anything. This is Gerard Butler's accent. Wait. Sorry I'm late.

This is...

It's like a big day for the family. This is in front of millions of people. They're on a stage in front of millions of people at a king's coronation ceremony. And there's opening line. Wait, sorry I'm late. Sorry I'm late. It was like that show Thank God You're Here. Remember that horrible impression? It felt like that.

He's like, hey guys, my bad. But also they're speaking in a voice even lighter than what we're speaking in casual. And the audience all heard that joke. Todd laughing. Yeah, they were like, ha ha ha ha. Killed it. So are gods just naturally amplified? Because they're presenting, but they're not even, they're just like, all right, so we're going to coronate the king today. And they're like, ah.

There's no yelling. There's no pomp and circumstance. And they're in a field bigger than Wembley Stadium talking at a normal volume. They're about to put the crown on Jamie Lannister's head, and Gerard Butler shows up, as we just heard. And they then proceed to have an intimate four-person conversation. Yeah.

on the dais or whatever they are on in front of who are millions of people who are just wrapped watching them undergo like family drama basically it would be like if you went to go see like like if you went to go see Hamilton yeah and then like Lin-Manuel's like mom came on stage and was like hey baby

The show's going great tonight. Oh, thanks, Mom. And then everyone in the audience is like, ooh. Everyone was still as invested as they were in Hamilton. No one has any questions. It was such a strange choice for the director to be like, so at this coronation, we're going to be at our most casual. Yes. Like, we're just, this is, you just came in. It's like you're grabbing a snack from the kitchen. It really, that scene, and again, it's these first couple of scenes that you're like,

All right, what is going on? I can't get the tone. They're setting up nothing except for the fact that everyone's related. So when Gerard Butler turns on his brother, which as you can see from the beginning, the confusing family tree that happens when you're like,

Wait, who's related to who? Everybody's ages were wrong because Gerard Butler's brother is played by Brian Brown. Yes. Who is a much, much older actor. And Gerard Butler is the uncle of Jamie Lannister. And they're the same age. They appear to me to be the same age. Yeah.

And Jeffrey Rush is the grandfather who I believe is the same age as Brian Brown. 100%. I was like, what's doing here? Is Jeffrey Rush Zeus? No, he's Ra. Ra. He's the sun god. I mean, I wish it was Zeus. Then we'd have a Greek pantheon of gods come down and kick these gods asses.

It's true. That's what I'm talking about. Man, do your gods have, can your gods turn into battle armor? Can they turn into like Iron Man with animal heads? No, Greek gods can't do that because that's ludicrous. This is skipping ahead, but there was a literal Iron Man moment. Yes. Yeah, he's like, g-g-g-g-g. Yeah, I would have rather watched them stop the film, put in that scene from Iron Man, then start the film again. Because he's like, when he does do that thing, he's like dipped into boiling hot lava. Yep.

And they're putting in pieces. But this is the thing I was so confused by, and this will kind of run throughout the whole movie, are these Egyptian gods, pieces can be taken out like Legos. Well, that's a big deal. Like, they plop, plop, rip them out. At the end of the coronation, Gerard Butler pulls Jamie Lannister's eyes out. And the eyes come out like they're from a car, spark plugs. Yeah.

They come out like they're blue glowing spark plugs. Like they unscrew. And meanwhile his eyes. Because later he gets them and just pops them back in like screw, screw, screw. Uh oh, my eyes work again. And also they, you would think that maybe they would do something to his eyes when they were in because there are these blue glowing orbs. But nope.

just totally normal eyes. There's nothing even special about anything. Well, no, he has special eyes because he can see. You remember when you see his point of view, he can like zoom in on things. He's got eagle eyes. Which didn't happen. It happened like twice. I know. And we were supposed to get. And far enough away where you forgot that that was a thing he could do. Correct. Also, this is skipping before, but I think the opening line of the movie is something like,

Get ready, this is going to suck. It was like, yeah. It was like, let me see how much of this I can recall. Literally. And it was like, what? Wait, because the narrator is the mortal as an old man, right? Was it Jeremy Irons? It sounded like Jeremy Irons. Oh, I hope it is. And the mortal did not. No. We can play a little bit of that opening just to hear the opening video because it is pretty great to be like, eh. If you know the whole story,

From what I recall, it goes something like this. You don't know. Before history began, Egypt was the birthplace of all life. That's not true. A paradise worthy of the gods who created it.

So not only are they doing this, what they're doing here is saying, again, everything you know about mythology in Egypt, you've got to forget that because we're going to do something different. And also, I don't even know if I know exactly what happened. So it's like it's two frames of being confused. It's so confusing. You have no frame of reference for it, and I'm not a reliable narrator.

And then the mortal guy really, I mean, it really just was like lifting. It was like watching a real life version of Aladdin. Like it was that annoying and just like stealing, robbing, asides. He drove me a little crazy. Watch me do a cartwheel. Yeah. It was just, I don't know. His hair really bothered me. I didn't like his hair. No. I didn't like his hair. I felt like. It looked like a pre-revolutionary war, like judge's wig.

It was to sort of look at the Patriot. But like not, yeah. Like I kept wanting to see a small ponytail made of his neck, but it never showed up. You know what's interesting? The guy that does the voice of older Beck. Also, the main mortal's name is like the least Egyptian. His name is Beck. And he looks just like a white handsome guy. It's basically like we want to do a movie that's set in ancient Egypt starring like a waspy British guy whose name is Beck. Yeah.

Like, this is nonsense. Anyway, the guy, Beck is 26, and the guy that does that ancient voice is 30. What? Ha ha ha ha ha!

That's amazing. It is amazing. I had to look up, because the whole movie, I didn't really understand anyone's names. And so for the entire movie, I thought that Gerard Butler's name was Seth. Oh, yeah. Well, it's, what is it? Seth. It's Seth. So it's, I mean, I get that. But I was like, but it's much funnier if his name is Seth. Do you know what drove me crazy? That's like Kevin Lannister on Game of Thrones. Yeah. Tywin Lannister's brother's name is Kevin. Yeah.

Oh, and here's Kevin. Wait, what? What? No. We've got Tywin, Tyrion, all these great names. And then, oh, Kev, get over here, Kev. Sorry, Brian, go ahead. I interrupted you. No, what drove me, one moment that really got under my skin because I was just like, what a great opportunity.

Did anyone understand what the Sphinx was saying? Oh, no. I had to rewind this clip, too. I was so excited for that riddle, and it was unintelligible. It was the only part of the movie that I really agree. I was like, okay, this is cool. I understand that this is a thing, and they've got to get the smart guy. Problem solving. I understand plot-wise why this can happen. Great. This is the Sphinx, and you can hear it, and I wrote down what it was because I did Google it. Here we go. This is the Sphinx in the movie. Spock is now the king.

Okay, just stop right there. Stop right there for a second. And put your motion in the basket. What? From the get-go, nothing makes sense. It's so much reverse. It's worse than Bane. Yes. I'm like, well, this is arguably the only part of the movie that you want to hear. The only thing. And it's the riddle of the Sphinx. This is like, oh, okay. Sorry, go ahead. Just as it was announced to the king, also my riddle, or it ceased to be,

Go on. I'm waiting. I never was. Out always to be. No one ever saw me, nor ever will. And yet I am the confidence of all who live and breathe. Order.

And by the way, this is where this movie kind of sucks ass too, because he asked that question. And you can actually hear it a little bit better when you've isolated all the images, because the majority of this movie also is just snake-like creatures. Yes. Someone was like, hey, can you design some creatures? Yeah, they can all be snake-like. As long as they can all slither. Yeah. Everything, the Sphinx was slithery. They had guys riding on giant dune snakes. I loved those. Oh, those were pretty cool. I liked that sequence. Was that lady from Diantward?

Oh my gosh. I don't think so. I don't think it is, but I just. It's not. No. Okay. They were in Chappy though. The Diane Ward people. Oh, okay. They were in Chappy. Good. That's, that's what I needed. I needed to know they were in something. Oh, they're, they're, don't you worry. They're out there. Are you talking about. Ninja and, um, Ninja. They had names? Oh yeah. The Diane Ward people? No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. In this movie. The snake ladies. I believe it was Yaya Ding as Annette and Abby Lee as. Annette. Annette. Oh, A-N-N-A-T-T. Oh, and then. Estart. Estart. I,

I loved that scene. I loved the snakes. That was great. That was my favorite sequence of the movie. And I think I was just always confused about where we were at. Like, I used to be confused when I was like, are we in the underworld? Are we not in the underworld? It's a movie in which people are constantly going from place to place.

I don't have any understanding of where and why. No. Oftentimes, they don't know. Yeah. A lot of times, characters are saying, why are we here? Yeah. Why are we here? Oh, we got to talk to Ra. Okay. How are we doing that? Bing, bang, boom. Now we're at Ra's. And also, every scene felt cut so short that they just sliced it in half, and you were always in a new place. And it's still two hours. Yeah. It's a 126-minute movie. And that's the other thing, too. At the end, they're like, well, let's go back to the capital. Oh, you had that ability to just...

traverse from the underworld to back to the real world. And when the girlfriend just leaves the location when she's about to be killed, and I'm like, you could have done this the entire time? It's so stupid.

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By the way, I wrote two lines down that I think illustrate similar points of like there was what you were saying earlier about the voiceover where you're like, why are – They're like, we don't give a shit. Why should you? There was one where Jamie Lannister said to Jon Bon Jovi, which is what I'm calling that mortal –

Because you know there was weird like, oh, this is going to be a funny scene orchestral music. Like, oh, we're about to say something funny, so we're going to show you what this Looney Tunes thing. There was a moment where Jamie Lannister said, do you think I'd put any effort in trying to amuse you? Which I was like, well, this whole film doesn't understand the irony in that. And then there's another one where it was like, why are we here? Why haven't you figured this out? It was next time run towards their weak spot. This is about the snakes.

And then Bon Jovi says, how do you know they have a weak spot? And then Jamie Lansford says, I don't know, but they must, right? Yeah. I'm like, this is not happening in real time. This is a script. You can figure this out. And why can't he know? Yeah. Why can't he know that they have a weak spot in order to defeat them? And why didn't he know what running was? And save everyone time. Yeah. But.

By the way, this is also my irritation with this whole movie is like you set up these things that should be – like they get the philosopher, right? That guy Toth, who I liked, Chadwick Boseman. Yeah. Chadwick Boseman. That's Black Panther. It was shocking, yeah. And he comes in and they set him up. He's contemplating a head of lettuce.

And then they bring him there, and he doesn't figure out the fucking clue. The mortal does. And I felt like that was like a weird undercutting. Like, we got to get this character. This character is so important. We got to get him. Also, do you get three guesses? Yeah, that was another. Are you allowed three guesses? That also drove me crazy. I was like, I don't know. Maybe that is part of the rule of the Riddle of the Sphinx that I'm just not knowing. But he immediately is like, he gives his answer, and he's like, wrong.

He smacks Jamie Lannister once, and then they're like, oh, wait a minute. Well, let me try again. Wait, what? You could just stay there forever. Yeah, that drove me crazy. If you think about what happened in the first 30 minutes, first hour. Oh, we still haven't even talked about the architect.

Oh, the architect. I love that guy. Me too. Didn't you, is this unfair to say, as shitty as this movie was, I respected every single person in there because I thought they did a great job for the bullshit that they had to do. Everyone was in. Everyone was like, I am here, I am committing. Like, Gerard Butler, like, I know he didn't do anything with that accent and sometimes it didn't match, but I was like, fuck, man, he's like, I'm going to do bad guy, bad guy. This is where I will say, like, and I believe this to be true,

A cast of Americans could not make this movie. Oh, I know. There's simply something about a these are like this is controversial. I know people are going to write it and be like, no, that's not true. Here's this person, that person. But this is a movie in which everybody, everybody in it is like men.

Right. Men, grown men, you know, like fighting and for honor and the hierarchy of all this stuff. And for some reason, we just associate that with like, whether it's like British people or whether it, I guess, you know, Jamie Lannister's

Danish? Yeah, or like Australian, like Hemsworth's, whatever. Great. And then there are men, but there's something about those accents, there's something about this that I'm like, you know, I get what this is. Yeah. And like, I don't know if you could cast Americans in all these roles and have it land right. Probably not. It gives it that...

like for whatever it is, that weird bullshit realness was like the same way you're saying that that guy is like just a few years older than the 26 year old doing the voiceover. It's like, he sounds like he's lived a life. That sounded to me like Jeremy Irons. Like, yeah, let me tell you the story. And it's like, oh yeah, I'm just 32 years old. I'm 32. Yeah.

And yeah, I'm like, I just got a new iPhone. And then I programmed it. The thing that is still, that is, we talked about at the beginning, but it is so shocking in these epics still, especially like set in Egypt, that has not changed since like Cecil B. DeMille did The Ten Commandments, is the full-blown whitewashing of every single character, except for Chadwick Boseman. And slaves. Yeah, and Chadwick Boseman is kind of playing again like,

Yes. The magical. We got to talk to this guy. He knows more than us. Yeah. Which is also a stereotypical kind of Legend of Bagger Vance. Like the wise black man. Yeah. I feel like Chadwick Boseman in this movie to me was what I imagined Gina Gershon was like for showgirls and that like she was like, I get what this is. So let's have fun. Yeah.

I think Jeffrey Rush. He was doing a crazy accent. Jeffrey Rush killed it. I pulled a clip of him, Jeffrey Rush, doing him just talking about. Jeffrey Rush now, I believe, only does movies in which he has to undergo a lot of prosthetics. You know, like, because isn't he Pirates of the Caribbean? Oh, yeah. I feel like that's what he does now. I think he's like, if I'm going to be on a movie like on this level, cover me up as much as I can get on my face.

So you can't, is it Jeffrey Rush? I'm not sure. They all played by that rule, which was, I think, really smart, if you're lazy, of like, for the fight scenes, can we just transform into something where you don't need us? Oh, absolutely. It fully happens. Absolutely. And then the movie even ends on the most irritating thing. It's like, you know, obviously the good guy wins. And he's like... The good guy being Jamie Lannister and Baby Bon Jovi. Yeah, Baby Bon Jovi. And then he was like...

Hey, you watch Egypt for a while. And then it's just like, I'm going to go fuck my girlfriend. Where is she? I'm going to go find her. She's in the underworld. Just this is how Jeffrey Rush can kind of just kill, just kill it right when he gets on stage with even a weird line. Here we go. Hail thou great God Ra. Normally when a bird lands on my boat, I kill it before it can shit. What is this? You dare be mortal to the source of creation? He's valuable to me. I could not leave him behind.

I think he's great. I feel like he's delivering that line and I feel like I wanted more space boat Jeffrey Rush. I like space boat Jeffrey Rush. Again, or space raft. What is that? What is that? What's the worm? Yep. Oh, the worm is like that thing. I thought it.

First, this is my- Is it the worm from Dune? I think so. The worm from Beetlejuice definitely auditioned for this. I read about that. That worm gets work. He's a great worm. He is. He's not like that- Golden Glove? No. The Tremors worm pushes it. Yeah.

And this worm is always... That's the back and me of worms. There is something about a monster with rows of teeth that is totally fascinating and effective. Well, to me, this is what I thought, and then I realized I was wrong, but I will share with you my bad idea. So he is the god of the sun, right? And I thought every day he battles with the knight, and that was the knight. And so the knight beats him.

And then it's night, and then he beats it back, and it's the morning. So it's this constant battle. But then I just found out it's chaos. Right. Like the snake of chaos. Yeah. God, that would have been good if they had gone with that. I would have liked that idea. But you're not wrong because it does fight during the night. He has to keep the worm at bay at night.

When it's the strongest? I think when it's trying to attack, I think. Okay. I don't know. I mean, I'm also confused about the powers in this world because they always are saying they can't bring anyone back from the dead, but yet in this movie, everyone's being brought back from the dead. Jimmy Rush is killed in space and he's like, hey, wake up. And he's like, oh, what? What happened? What are we doing? Are we ready to go?

I also had an issue with the fact that I was angry about the fact that gods got to decide what your afterlife was. Oh, yeah. That was just at the whim, whoever was ruling. That drove me nuts. Well, when the girlfriend goes to the underworld, you see this gigantic line. And then all of a sudden, she's at the front of it. I'm like, she made really good time in the underworld. And they also said it was going to take like seven days to walk.

to like the scales of whatever the afterlife another boat it looked like to me so many boats I liked those I liked the underworld decision making scene I thought that was cool I liked when they went to the underworld I also liked the guy running like the like you know the St. Peter of the underworld like he decided it was like when shit went down he's like oh hey hold on whoa whoa whoa the underworld's closing guys back up back up back up

don't walk into this shit. Okay. Okay. I got, like he became like a real frustrated, like, like a, just manager of like a Best Buy. Like, all right, everybody calm down. We're going to get this sussed out. Our computers are down right now. So we're not going to be able to decide who goes to heaven or who goes to hell. I can only take cash. No credit cards. The machines are down. Gold is worthless. I know what I was going to say. So at the end of the movie, spoiler alert, no one cares. At the end of the movie, the,

You don't know where the girl... You don't know where... Zaya. Seth's girlfriend is. Yes. Zaya. Oh, Elektra. Yeah, Elektra. Elektra from the Daredevil series. Yes. You don't know where she is. And then I was reading online that they were... Was this Sony? Or whoever did the Hunger Games. Lionsgate. Okay, so Lionsgate was like...

This was at the same time. I guess they were producing at the same time or something at the same time as Hunger Games. And so they were setting this up as a new franchise that would be as successful as Hunger Games. So that's why that has a cliffhanger ending because they were setting it up to be a whole. To be like more films. That's so dumb because I don't think people are interested in these kinds of movies.

Like none of those epics get money. I feel like they all fail time and time again. Prince of Persia, Exodus of God's End, the new Ben-Hur. Here's my question. I feel like these are movies that are made for international audiences. 100%. But then again, this movie cost like 140. 140 million. What? And it made 145. All overseas. But even if

Even if it's overseas. Domestically or that's added? Everything and all in? It made like 30 million domestically. Whoa. It came out, we were talking about this before, it came out a few months ago. Yeah, it came out in 2016. February 26th. February 26th. I thought this movie was like two years old. No, this came out like months ago. Wide release. I am shocked. I know.

By the way, the Rotten Tomatoes score is 16%. It was, I mean, for a $140 million movie, that's exceptionally low. This movie is, I really want to reiterate, this movie is terrible. Yeah. But again, the performances are good. Yeah. That's what I admire. Except for a few which I didn't care for. But like, I love...

I'm all in on Gerard Butler. Same. I'm all in. I wish this guy would do better stuff because I find him interesting, compelling. His characters are always well-rounded. He does weird idiosyncratic. He can be funny. He could beat

Matthew McConaughey at the game of doing quality movies really well. He's like, he could be to me. I'm like, oh, why isn't he having Russell Crowe's career? Why is he doing this and not a gladiator? Yeah. Like something that is a swords and sandals movie but is actually good. But I think what it is is

He's a guy like he had his 300, right? Like that was his big boom. I'm here. And he was so good. But then I think he's made some good choices, but the movies haven't gotten, haven't clicked. Cause I think Olympus has fallen is, is,

hands down one of my favorite like action movies it's so good in that old 80s style it's like there's like ripping out throats but he's great and it's like it's not like schlocky it's and Morgan Freeman's in it and like good people are in it but I feel like

I feel like he's a fun-loving guy. He's like, fuck it, let's do it. Yeah. Fucking do this. This will be fun. And I think he may not be picking... I don't know. I mean, with Matthew McConaughey, the issue was, from my understanding, that the production company he had, he was just saying, like...

yes to all these rom-coms and not really thinking about the movie and was surrounding himself by people who were like, yeah, just make the money, make the money. So it might be a situation where Gerard Butler's like surrounded by, please, we got to get him new reps. Let's represent him. We will get him some solid work. Let's start a management company. We need, it's all, it's all called, do a movie with Allison Janney, it'll fix everything. Yeah. Look, I'm,

Is that it? That's the project. The road to recovery begins with Allison Janney. Yeah, 100%. I do feel like this is an interesting thing, too, and I feel like Sam Jackson falls into the same category. They asked him one time, why do you do all these movies? Because Sam Jackson's quality of work is— Well, just like Michael Caine. Yes. Right. But Sam Jackson said something that I feel like may be similar to him, and

which is, he's like, oh, I want to be in the movies that I liked as a kid. So he's just like, oh, Giant Shark movie? I'm in. King Kong movie? You get it. And I think he's just sort of like, I'm in on the simple premise of, fuck, cool, we're going to blow up this city. And I feel like when you look at a lot of his stuff,

He's working with cool people. It's like the guy who wrote Seven. All right, I'll be in the next movie that he does. The guys who did Crank, I'll be in their movie. I'll make a romantic comedy with Katherine Heigl at the height of Katherine Heigl being in romantic comedies. He's making all the right choices. Jennifer Aniston, great. Again, he's not devaluing. No, no.

Either gets there a day late or like no one cares. He does get there a day late. Yeah, just like, oh, God. If you had as much money as I assume Gerard Butler has, wouldn't there be a point where you're like, I don't need to do –

I want to start doing stuff that is actually... Unless you're just having a blast. He may just not realize it yet. You don't think so. I will say, sometimes you're making something and you're like, this may be bad or it may be great. I don't know. Right. I think it must be hard to know that when you're making... He could have thought this was going to be

I don't think anyone works on a movie they think is going to be bad now. I think everyone's like, oh, you know what? It'll all come together. And it's, we don't even, especially in a movie like this. Cause you're like, we don't even know what is going to be here. Visually. It's going to be amazing. And we've got, uh, Jamie Lannister and we've got Jeffrey Rush and we've got all these great actors. The most, one of the, one of the most surprising things about it is with that budget. And I honestly was like, well, this just must've been released overseas, not here, but that it was, and that they thought it would be a franchise operation. Um,

that the special effects were so terrible. They were shitty. Like some of the worst I've seen. And the sound design was like, oh, these two robot birds are fighting. Let's get two pots and pans. Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching. It was like.

Someone was going through grandma's like old brass. It takes place in ancient Egypt and it's as if every single thing is made of metal. You know what I mean? Like it might as well take place in a future society where everything is metal. No offense but total offense to Zack Snyder because I think he set up this style of filmmaking. Like 300 was cool and different and I've not seen anything using that style that has achieved anything as interesting as that. Down to the old man VO.

That was such a 300. Yeah. Like down to all those elements. This was exactly that. And it just like, that looked cool because it was sort of like, you could tell like they didn't have enough money to do it. And they were, they did something cool and made it stylish. Yeah. But when you have $140 million, it just like, it just feels like so bloated. Yeah. A, they had $140 million, but looking at this movie,

You have to say, like, it's not like they chose their spots to make, to do, like, CGI animation here, or, like, here's this one battle we're going to do. All of the movie is always computer generated. So when you get something like The Snakes, you're like, well, I've already seen 17 of these things before.

by the time you get to the snakes. And the snakes have no weight in the world. You know what I mean? Like everything, even though the snakes look cool, like when you put snakes in a world in which the ground is CGI, the snakes are CGI, the background is CGI, everything is green screen. Then you're like, I don't know what I'm looking at. I don't know what's going on. And no one seems to care about

about, like, nothing seems like, ooh. Yeah. Just like, oh, eh. Because when literally anything can happen, like, nothing is surprising or carries any weight. There's no stakes because everything, you can, because nothing, there's no stakes because nothing feels real. Like, when baby Jon Bon Jovi breaks into Gerard Butler's house or whatever to steal...

Jamie Lannister's eye? There's like what could be a cool, like, you have to pass, like Indiana Jones style. Yes. A bunch of traps. Oh.

You know, it's a whole secret. It's three different bridges of traps that he has to outsmart. And it's as if this kid might as well be Spider-Man. He has superpowers where he is able to, like, gymnastically jump and bounce and this and that. There's no tension even. And none of it was real. Doesn't even try to make it look hard. Not at all. Just jumps through those things. He is almost killed in almost every scene of the movie and never—

Never is ever nervous. Never breaks a sweat. Never is like, woo, that was tough. He lives in a world where buildings are constantly falling down. So again, he is like. And being built. And being built. Set builds a tower that is higher than any other tower, I think within like a year. Oh, it was. It was a year. It was a year and it was already pretty high up.

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In this world, if you're a nine-foot god and you have infinite powers... Oh, no, they're like 25 feet tall. By point, exactly. Like, why would you then have mortal slaves building your shit? Oh, because they are like ants. You could do it in five seconds. Oh, no. They're not going to do it. They're gods. No, no, no. That's why they need their architect, which gets back to our architect. Why did... Best death in the movie. Okay, why did...

Horace. Okay. His name's Horace, right? At the end of the movie. The architect? No, that's the protagonist. Yeah, Horace is Jamie Lannister. Oh, okay. So Jamie Lannister. Horace is the architect. I like that actor as well. Rufus Sewell. Yeah, he was great. No one would ever fuck someone named Horace. Ever. Really? I just want to say. Oh, man. If this was a radio play version...

But Horus, the root word in that is whore. Oh, right. You're right. It's pretty slutty. I'll say this. If you're a Horus and you're a fan of the show, we do not. Aaron does not speak for us. No. I would totally fuck a Horus. So would I. Come at me, bro. And just so you know, I don't want to offend anyone. I don't want to put Horuses on blast here. Egyptian religion, it is the most significant deities in their culture. Oh, boy. Yeah.

Come at me. Come at me, Greek nerds. Not Greek. What? Egyptian nerds. Anybody. I don't care who you are.

Doubling down. At the end of the movie, Horace and baby Jon Bon Jovi are going up with Rufus Sewell, the architect, up the elevator in the tower. That is the tallest tower. And they're on the elevator. Why is there an elevator? Come on, that would not happen. Okay, regardless, here they are. And then Jamie Lannister is like, you know what? I'm going to jump out the window and climb up the front of this building rather than continue to take this elevator up. Why? Can I ask you a question about that scene? No, why? Why?

Why does he climb up the front of the building? Yeah. They're in an elevator going to the top. Yeah. What's up? Well, this is why I'm confused about that scene, and maybe this will answer it or be more confusing. So they're in the elevator with the architect. Is the architect helping them, and why? I think he's under hostage. Yes. I think they're holding him hostage. Oh, they're holding—okay. So, but he's—

okay, all right, fine. The whole thing. Right, because then he says, I'm ready to die. But then he also says, he's like, well, because I was confused because they were like, take us to whatever the top, penthouse, please. And then, and then, and then they're up. The architect is like, this building boasts 15,000 feet of stone. And I was like,

We're on House Hunters International. He's just proud. He's proud of his work. By the way, one of my favorite things, it's not a joke, but I just love the specific that he had a desk and he has all these scrolls all over it. I just like that he'd be like, sit down, got all these scrolls, just like going through scrolls. And I get that he has a room full of scrolls. And then also, they look at the blueprint and the blueprint is...

The blueprint is like cave drawing. No, it's like hieroglyphics. Hieroglyphics. It's all hieroglyphics. It's hieroglyphics. And they're like, oh, look at this great design. Oh, yeah. Oh, and this branch is going to have some jaw. Oh, there's a trap here. Yeah.

It's like, and you're looking at this nonsense, not nonsense, but it's like they're reading hieroglyphics as if... As if it's like just casual speak. Yeah. And they are like slaves who would never know how to read. Never know how to do that. Well, by the way, I think the one part of the movie I really wanted to see was...

And the woman is beautiful, but she puts on the green dress, and it's as if the green dress in ancient Egypt that is for sale in a street store has a built-in push-up bra. Oh, yeah. That was crazy. It is like a red carpet dress. Tipped up all over. They built the pyramids, and they also built up these bras. Built those pyramids, if you know what I'm talking about. You know, the Egyptians did invent the bra.

Really? That is a real thing. So maybe you're wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that's what they're trying to get at. It's the only thing they got factually correct in this whole movie. If those tits were...

High and tight. I do feel like the movie did have an element of someone sitting behind the camera going like, sick. Sick. That's fucking sick, bro. Oh, you know what? Oh, yeah. Or them coming to the movie like, okay, so you guys are going to get up on this thing. And then what you're not seeing is that you guys are in a flying chariot that is being carried by giant bugs. Wait, what? Okay, so there's flying giant bugs flying.

And so you're flying those instead of like horses or something, but it's a chariot flying. And remember, you're always looking a little bit up. He's nine to 25. And remember, talk a little loud because like the ambient wind noise would be there. But I think that this director, cause he's done some cool stuff. He did the crow and he did dark city. Yeah. He's done some interesting stuff. I feel like he got everyone on board because no one seems self-conscious about getting on a chariot run by scarabs and like,

like hitting them like you would hit like horses like yeah yeah when you bring him up the fact this is why I said Greek earlier he's a Greek guy born he's born of Greek parents in Egypt wait which which character the director grew up in Egypt so the fact

So the fact that— This is his story. I guess that he and the producers apologized as a preemptive thing for all the whitewashing, which— I mean, honestly, that's what made me super bummed out was this guy lived in Egypt and was on board for this casting. Well, it's also like it's funny when people go, yeah, I didn't really think about it. We're thinking about the— You can't make a $140 million movie, though, without a white cast. That is the craziness of it. But without thinking like, huh—

I got one guy in there that's black, I guess. No, no, the reality is they should just not make this movie. Yeah, you know what I mean? But also, I feel like who, for Game of Thrones, Jamie Lannister, is...

He's got a box office job. It seems like it was such a conscious choice to be like, well, this guy probably will bring in, what, $500? I don't know. No, I tell you this. I had a meeting, a Hollywood meeting. Oh. Was it on a sunset or Hollywood? Welcome to Hollywood Corner with Paul G. Here you go, guys. Real facts, real truth. How did this get made? Hollywood Corner. Right up for you. Here you go.

I remember I was in this meeting and they had this like a binder with all the actors that they wanted to work with and who they thought were going to be doing TV really soon. And the list was ridiculous. The people they thought were going to be edging into TV have had gigantic movies in the last year. So it's like that's how far off. But the last page of this like pamphlet of all their actors says,

was a picture of the cast of Game of Thrones. And at the top, it was like, we want to work with any of these people. It was like, and that was their mandate. Any of these people. And I think that that is the mentality. Yes. Yeah. Every Game of Thrones person is in this. Well, that's why you're seeing, I just saw Ghost the Dire Wolf in an episode of Modern Family. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Deep cut. Those direwolves are working constantly. But to be fair, the direwolf was doing comedy. Is that a real name of the direwolf? Of course. Oh, Ghost? Who was he? Ghost is Jon Snow's direwolf. Oh. Yeah, it was... Summer. But he did Groundlings. Yeah, that's true. And he had a comedy background. He got into this. So it's easy for him to do that. No, it makes more... Actually, he made more sense. And isn't he lucky that he can do both? Oh.

Comedy and drama. Not everyone can do that. Comedy's hard, so not everyone can do that. You can't always fluctuate. Oh, yeah. That's what I love. And I love that thing. Like, you know, you've got your Thoros of Myr. You know, like, I want to see that guy pop up in an episode of, like, Better Call Saul. Absolutely. Like, with Thoros.

Jamie Lannister, this is the question I have. Will anybody recognize anyone from Game of Thrones in regular clothes? Because Jamie Lannister at least looks like his Game of Thrones character in this. Yes, he does. That's the thing is, I feel like... Except he's shirtless, which is like, hey, guess what we got? Oh, and by the way, he worked out so hard. I noticed in one part of that movie, I read one thing online that he got down to 7% body fat. So when you do that, your muscles are insane. And he was wearing some sort of

bodice that looked like he had breast. That Elvis robe? Oh no, that was at the end. The one that had the metal, did he have like pendulous breasts? Yeah, he looked like he had breasts. They were just like, I was like, wow, I've never seen like male breasts like that. Male cleavage? Yeah, it was like, every time I watch these movies, I, oh,

one of the first things that pops into my head is always the diets of like, and how miserable they must have been. Especially on the days where they're shooting the fully like topless, like chest out ribs. And what a shitty week they've had. It's a male eating disorder, that shit that they have to pound water. And then like, you got to get it all out. And then you got like, you got like basically like no salt. Yeah. The,

Fact that he went through a very depressing thing, which is that he lost his eyes. Oh, yeah. And then he's in a cave for a long time. A great cave. A really nice setup. By the way, not a bad deal. No. I would have been happy with that. Yeah. And it seems to be that they were bringing— It's chaos out there. Guys, I'm 25 feet tall, and people bring me tributes. Yeah, but where are the— Was he like, wait, were tributes sex? Is that because he's like, oh, no more tributes? He's living a pretty good life. But where are the free weights?

He's just doing... Where is it? Is it like Linda Hamilton style? Push up on the crypts. Gods don't need to work out. There's no such thing as an out of shape guy. They don't work out. That's the thing I thought too. I was like, he's been in that cave all this time and he's like, he pops one eye back in and he's ready to fight. And I was like, wouldn't you be like fat and out of shape at this point? I would have liked to have seen that scene. Yeah. Of him having to do a Rocky style. Am I going to ask a question that reveals how stupid I am, but I will. Like he said he doesn't have all of his power, but he didn't seem to...

lose any power. What it was was without two eyes he was trying to say without two eyes he couldn't fly well. But he does. Ish. Remember when they crash land? Oh wow. It's like that I think. But I thought at that point that was because Ra had given him some kind of like

Like, booster shot or something. Like, yeah. Like, he had a B-12 shot, but then it ran out. And they don't kind of show it either. He's like, can I get that? Can I take some of this water? And he's like, no, no. It's a guard. Get back out there. No, he does take the water. He wants the water to put out the fire, not to drink. Oh, okay. The water is to put out the fire, which they then don't do. And it's not even important. He's carrying this water vial around that he gets water from Ra's sun ocean.

That was disappointing because I actually didn't want to see. Space is water. Space is water. Right. That's what this movie posits is that space is full of water. Yeah. Well, the other thing I was going to say about him. Does it make the worm a fish? Well, I mean, well then...

Oh, then, so that's a... I mean, right? I get an eel. Yeah. It would be an eel. The fact that he doesn't... We are not clear about what his powers are exactly. And at the end, I still have questions on... Because there's a part where Jon Bon Jovi's falling off that big obelisk or whatever. And then he goes to rescue him and he turns into... Jaime Lannister does. Jaime Lannister goes to rescue him and he turns into the Iron Bird. Yeah.

from all the Journey albums. And then he grabs him and he's like, oh, I thought you couldn't fly. And he's like, I guess I had it in me this whole time. I just needed to choose other people, not myself. But that's just such bullshit because then that defeats the other thing where he's like, when the other guy, when Gerard Butler takes like the three parts and like kind of tin mans himself, he's like, I'll put your brain in and your eye and whatever in your heart. He's like, what?

Really strong. And that's the thing is they keep saying in order to beat Set, we have to like extinguish his fire with the space water. They don't extinguish the fire. So the fire is always burning. Plus Set also makes himself much stronger by putting in the brain, wings, eye of other gods, which make him almost undefeatable. And Jaime Lannister is just like bang, bang, bang. I win.

I know. By ripping his wings off. That's all he does, right? He rips his wings off. He rips the brain out. By the way, that fight sequence is like 25 minutes. It's too long. When it's the two actors fighting, it looks so lazy. So terrible. They weren't trained well or they couldn't. They weren't up to it or something. It feels like they may have had training and they put on these very heavy costumes. And it's like, ugh.

It just looks lethargic. And I'm like, I don't know what happened there. I don't either. It did not look good, though. Did you guys laugh when there was a moment where Jamie Lannister, I don't remember what happened, but he had his wings off. Something happened where he landed like Iron Man. Do you remember that? Yeah, he was like, boom. I also liked when Gerard Butler told the girlfriend,

he was like going to go see his wife and she was like but that's your wife what are you going to do with her he's like what are wives for I'm going to kill her and it was like what was that logic yeah I loved that line the male female relationships in this movie left a lot to be desired well the fact that the fact that Jamie Lannister's wife or girlfriend then got involved with Seth out of like necessity I'm on

I'm not going to back down on Seth. Out of necessity. And then she makes jokes about how she's actually his enemy, but then she turns out she is his enemy, but he puts up with her anyway. She's also, when she meets baby Jon Bon Jovi, she becomes obsessed with the fact that he's in love. Yeah. This movie exists in a world in which the gods...

are mostly obsessed with just whether or not people are in love. Yeah. Like, in true love. But that's, like, kind of, like, one of those weirdo things. I feel like gods are these, like, voyeurs. They're, like, the people, like, watching people fuck. Like, I feel like... Yeah, like the gods in Hercules in New York. Yeah, they're just always, like, trying to figure out what love is because they... I think they don't experience it. Gods don't experience love? I don't think they do. I think... What about the god of love? What about the goddess

of love. She was giving people love. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What about the gangster of love, Steve Miller? Well, yeah. He's also Greek. Yeah. That's true. That's true. Yeah. It's Zeus, Apollo, Steve Miller, Aphrodite. Only some call him a gangster of love. That's not a unanimous. Some people just call him Maurice. Guys, some people just call him Maurice.

That was my favorite tangent. I want someone to make a picture of Steve Miller in these outfits. Just superimpose his head on a guy. He deserves that. I think he'd like this movie. Oh, Steve Miller? It's his number one movie of 2016? Oh.

He was all in the domestic sales. I like Secret Life of Pets. I liked Gods of Egypt. I can't believe it came out this year. And Mr. Robot. Is that a movie? No, Steve. That's a TV show. I like Mr. Robot. I still can't believe it came out this year. It's so great. That is shocking. I know. By the way, did, I just, you know, did, sorry, I'm forgetting his name right now. Did, not Osiris, who is the God of Light? Oh, Jeffrey Rush. Did he get slimed?

Like, because, like, when Gerard Butler is, like, shooting at him, it's like he's being covered in, like, blah! Oh, it's like lava. It's the sun. Okay. It's like, I think that spear shoots the sun. Okay, so he's just getting covered in sunlight. And why couldn't they bring back the king to life? They brought everyone else back. They cut him into 14 pieces. Oh, I missed that. Yeah, they cut him. That's what... But that is...

Also, you can kill a god with a knife? That seemed lame, too. Or you can at least... Like, Geoffrey Rush would be floating there forever? Yeah. Why do they bleed gold? Yeah. Not just gold. Gold paint. Yeah. Like, Benjamin Moore 402 is what they... I did kind of think... It's like Pantone 19. It is just gold paint. Because it looks like it has a liquidy base to it. Like, it's...

When Gerard Butler is bleeding out at the end, it's hilarious. It looks terrible. It's so weird. Yeah, it's bizarre. But was it, do you feel like it was done in, I mean, I'm going to say this, in post? Or was it like- Welcome to Hollywood Corner. Because it did seem real, like real- Post means when you're done with the movie, they do extra things to make sure. No one gets it, but that's what it was. Yeah, thank you for explaining. I think that was, just because it looked just like paint spilling out. It's not even an important part.

No, I think they're covered in paint. I think they were like, and you got gold for veins. Gold for veins. This will be the practical effect that's going to sell the rest of the world. Do you know that I read that 200 of the crew members died? Mass suicide right after this movie.

No, 200 of the crew members worked on Mad Max Fury Road. Can you imagine how disappointed they must have been? Oh, wow. So much of that was done practically? Yeah. And this was none of it? That's interesting. Maybe it was, maybe the, oh, I guess this came out after Mad Max. I was going to say, maybe like, they were like so psyched to do practical stuff. They're like, we've worked on this fucking thing. No, but I bet you they had Mad Max. This is a money job for those people.

Yeah. You're right. Maybe they were just like, it's all in a row. They're all just standing on the side of the set going, fuck, man, I could have done this. We should get a big rig in here. That's true. Maybe they were relieved. It was a nice vacation for them. Just by the crafty table, just eating like little mini carrots. Like, man, I'm Mad Max. All this being said, I would like to be in this movie. What? Really? If they were like, hey, you want to come and like,

like, run around and throw a sword around and, like, whatever. I would be. I think I would do that. This is, by the way, a new question we should ask at the end of everyone. Would you like to be in this movie? Would you want to be in this movie? Yes. I would have done it for sure. I would love to be in a movie like this because I know I will never have the opportunity. That's kind of what I'm thinking. There's also, like, so few stakes because if you even listen to the dialogue, like,

It's literally like, Brian, you say something, and then Paul, you say something, but what you say doesn't respond to what Brian said, and then I can come in with something exactly, like, totally opposite. So there's no... You could just be shot separately. They did a great job acting, but you could literally take any...

Have any intention, take, or whatever. You don't have to worry about your backstory. You don't have to worry about where you're going. You can just be bananas clown style. Well, it's almost like they made this movie in an effort to be like, oh, and also feel free to remix it.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, here are the pieces. Build your own movie. I will say I was in a movie year one. No, not to brag. But year one. Welcome to Hollywood, Gordon. How did this get made? Here's the deal. Oh, she is Hollywood. So you've been to a meeting and you've been in a movie.

I don't want to talk about it too much, but yes. Aren't we doing a crossover with You Must Remember This? We're just doing the Hollywood stories of Paul Scheer's life. Meetings. Jokes I told in meetings. We're so sorry, Karina Longworth. I can't wait to hear the challenge of that episode. It's just all over the place.

But it was so much fun. It was a biblical movie, and it was so much fun to be on those sets and be in a toga. It was actually really cool. It's like make-believe 1950s Hollywood. Yeah, there's like the chariots and flower petals coming down. It was just very... It is, and I think that's the reason why you get these good performances because it's like a Western, too. They'll always be making these big, like...

Epics. Epics. And then Westerns because I think at the end of the day, actors are like, I'd like to put

like to put a gun on and ride. Oh yeah. Yeah but take all that away and all you're really doing is standing on a green stage with a lot of armor on. I know. That's the problem like we think it would be fun because there would be all these things but none of it's there. In this instance it would not be you would be in like a hangar size studio in a full green screen. With dots out all over your fucking body. And what you're saying I think the reason a lot of times it doesn't seem like people are affecting each other in scenes is because they cannot due to the discrepancy in how big or small they're supposed to be Yeah.

They can't be in scenes together. They're not actually, you're not in a two shot, you're not actually getting baby Jon Bon Jovi and Jamie Lannister in the shot because the forced perspective would be wrong. You know, like you have to shoot it in a way that Jamie is gigantic and huge and little guy is little guy. And you can never even make eye contact. No. Well, clearly we had an opinion about this movie. There are other people out there that had a differing opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. Second Opinions.

The movie was a piece of shit, yet this person recommends it. Tell me what is the message? Maybe that art is subjective. I need a second opinion.

All right, these are five-star reviews culled from Amazon, and they are great. I wish you could see Brian's face. I can't believe it. I can't wait. This is great. So exciting. So this is from Joseph L. Punasean, and this was written March 21st, 2016. So he just saw the movie in the theater, came home, and wrote this. I've studied Egyptology, and I have to commend the scriptwriters for presenting the Egyptian pantheon very close to the mark.

The human world was topographically not identical to Egypt, and the crown of the king was not the historic pharaonic crown, but the pantheon of Egypt wasn't even real anyway. I'm so tired of remakes and reboots, and it was great to see an original film that stands on its own merits.

Toth, the god of wisdom, was a real hoot. And the character development in Horus is what this film is all about. The CGI supported the plot instead of the other way around.

Proyas has put J.J. Abrams to shame. Not one planet got blown up, J.J.A. It's impossible to make a film without detonating your franchise. Take that. This guy was just burned by The Force Awakens somehow. Or Star Trek. And is taking it all out on this. And this next one, that guy was, I like that he was a, you know, studied. First and last name. Oh, yeah. And he studied Egyptology and he's like, I'm on board. Like, he's on board. He's on board.

But then he says the two things that got wrong at the very beginning. He immediately says the two things that got wrong and then calls characters who...

No charm or funny thing about that. Real hoots. Real hoots. I will say that one of the things he says I do agree with, and even though this is not entirely a successful version of it, I also like that this is not a remake of some nonsense or a thing. This is some effort to be like, let's take something and make it original and find a way to execute it. It just doesn't. The Mila Kunis movie. Jupiter Ascending. Oh, Jupiter Ascending? Yeah.

one of my favorite Eddie Redmayne movies oh my gosh oh boy he's crazy enough it's good to try I agree he's chewing up that scene oh I love it whisper whisper scream making a meal out of that movie and by the way he does that in every movie just somehow didn't get away with it there I do think that people on these movies feel like they're not reined in because the director's like we're gonna do this and he's like and I'm gonna do this and they're like

Yeah, let's do it. And also I think that in movies like this, without any understanding of where you are or what you're doing, when it's a lot of just stuff that's going to be filled in later, you're not really, you're just making a choice and kind of just going with it. But can I say something about this? I didn't even think this movie failed well.

on an aesthetic level. I just was confused the whole time. And that's the script. Well, I kept on stopping it. I rewound it. I was like, it was hard for me to keep track of when they were in, like we said, where they were, what they were doing. And it should be essentially a simple movie to a certain thing. Like he's bribing him to get his girlfriend back. And also maybe this is a simple minded thing to say, but when you have that many accents working together, there is something that's like,

What did they just say? Yeah, it sounds crazy. I feel like sometimes when I see Shakespeare, I see Shakespeare. You brag so much. I saw some Hollywood. No longer. I saw amazing actors doing Shakespeare. Both the girls from Two Broke Girls did Shakespeare, and I saw it and loved it. Oh, man. That's how they were billed?

The two girls would both. I was trying to just find a weird, they're both fantastic. Yes. But here's what I was going to say. The idea, I always feel like when I watch Shakespeare for the first time, the first five minutes, I'm like, what am I getting? And then it gets in. But this movie never did that click in. It was like, what? What? What? And I just never really ever found my footing after that. Because they make it, again, and I know we are, but it's like.

But immediately it's so difficult because you're like, you can't even grasp the concept that they're not brothers, that they're uncle and nephew. It's so hard to grasp. They don't make it easy. But here's another review here. This one I liked because it really, and by the way, all these reviews are like five paragraphs, which is a rare thing here. And this one I like because he keeps on telling you what type of movie it is. Awesome. From Jay Benison. And he wrote this.

He then goes on to say, And how pedantically serious you take your fantasies.

And at the very end, he continues by going, The dialogue is peppered with sardonic lines, ironic lines, and just plain funny one-liners. And if old-style adventure flicks are your guilty pleasure, then you won't be disappointed. So, yeah, well... Any option, anything you want to feel about this movie is valid, according to Jay. These are very earnest reviews, and it's been very... Like, these are...

Interesting to go through. And not stupid, really. It's not like, I liked it, you know? It was their thing. They're thoughtful. These next two are my favorites. Here we go. This is from Nostrom. It goes like this. Yeah.

of anyone looking remotely Egyptian, but then what do we know? Egyptian was a thousand years ago. Sadly, one of my favorite actors is stuck playing Urshah. I weighed him, I measured him, and I found him wanting. I like Beck. From his looks and style, he would have been an excellent Anglo-Saxon peasant. Maybe he thought he was playing one. Great special effects.

Great special effects. Yes, I say that. Used to enhance the story rather than for their own sake. And last, attractive women. Five stars. I want to fuck that guy. Five stars. He hit all the buttons. I have a theory. Swedish guy typed it all out, put it in free translator. Yeah, maybe. Then posted that. Well, I also think you're right. He got something totally wrong here, which is also... Well, first of all, he said that like...

that Gerard Butler was rushed from the set of 300, which was many years ago. So it was a slower rush. And then also that the Swedish actor playing Odin,

Playing Horace. Maybe Nicolai Castorvaldo played Odin in something. Yeah, something Swedish. Oh, no. And finally, we end on this. I hope it's a detective show like Law and Order. I bet it is. Odin's beat. This is from Donnie Stevenson, and he challenges you to look it up because he goes, I'm a combat veteran and former special forces soldier, so it's just not toothless morons that seek entertainment.

Like this. Shove your Citizen Kane shit, because that's boring. I had a great time watching Gods of Egypt. Sure, it's English white guys. Sure, it's got absolutely no basis in reality or even mythology, but it's fun. Imaginative images, monsters, magic, sights, fights, and thrills. Plus, they sold it. The actors did not break the immersion, and that's good enough for me. The actors did not? Five, six.

I get a hundred dollars that guy was asleep after the first hour. But also break the immersion. What movie have you ever watched where it was like, I don't know. Where they look in the camera. I see.

I see you there, combat veteran. Look down the barrel. I don't know. Also, don't bring up your military history as a reason for us to be on your side for everything you're about to say. Yeah, like, I mean, I get it. Like, thank you for your service. But, like, also thank you for your service. Yeah, thank you for your service. My dad's a Vietnam vet. He doesn't start out every sentence with that. Well, by the way, being a Vietnam vet, I do. But, by the way, that would be like if he reviewed a film maybe about war. He's like, hey, look, I saw this and, you know, I see what they were doing here. Sure, sure. This is a movie, like, the, you,

you could be anyone. Fantasy film. You could be a child. Yeah, it's like, not like, yeah, it's like, not like, I was robbed at gunpoint and I like this movie.

So that's what they had to say. Well, I guess we'll just go around real quick and say, would you recommend this movie, Jason? I don't, you know, I... Oh, you seem like you're struggling here. I thought you would easily say no. Yeah, this is a pretty big no for me. I would maybe watch 20 minutes of it just to see what we're talking about. You know, just to get a lay of the land. And actually on YouTube, you can watch a lot of the clips of the film. Oh, do that. I would do that. I would not watch, because it is just...

unfathomably long. It really is. I remember being like, oh, I must, this literally happened. I was watching and I was like, okay, I must be at least near the end. I looked, I was 40 minutes in. I paused it so many times. 40 minutes. At a certain part, they literally, like the end of the movie happens, like they defeat Gerard Butler and I'm like, 20 more minutes? Yeah.

And then the last shot is three minutes of him flying and water gets on the camera. Yes. He flies around like his metal bird character, Jamie Lannister does, and we're all going to be wrapped to watch him fly around. That extra three minutes probably cost like $50,000 or $75,000. At least. Unnecessary.

I would recommend this for clips, and if you're... I think it's a good Sunday hangover kind of... I like that. Yeah, I feel like it's a... If you... Like Jason mistakenly did, if you catch it on HBO...

stay around for like 15, 20 minutes. And you watch the handful of it, I think you'd be like, oh, I get what this is. I actually think the first 15 minutes is worth seeing. I agree. I think, yeah, because that was where it was the most, I at least understood what was going on. And then after that, because if you tune in, you may be like, well, I don't know what's happening. Just rest assured, no, I don't think anyone really does. Oh, yes. Yeah, so that was, you know, no audience, guys. I'm going to say no on this one either. What do you say? I have a very specific situation in which you should watch this.

On the airplane, you've seen every other movie that's on demand. And you have work to do. Yeah. Oh, it's a background movie. I think it's a background movie. By the way, I think you're right. Because otherwise...

Even giving it full attention, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. No, I was watching it with Wikipedia at certain points because I was like, I just want to make sure that I'm understanding what's happening because I couldn't tell if I was overtired. And I was like, am I not getting it? So Wikipedia was like, sometimes I watch Game of Thrones like that too. Just kind of reading along to kind of see where I was at. Totally. Oh yeah, I'll do that. Thank you guys so much for listening. And...

A big thanks to everyone who makes this show possible. I'm talking about Averill Halle, who pulls all these amazing clips. Nate Kiley does all of our research. Marissa Zeitz, who kind of produces this whole thing behind the scenes. Our engineer, Sam. Everybody at Earwolf, July and you. Bye-bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Adam Sachs, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com.

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