12 Pups of Christmas LIVE!
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bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a tech company with lost doggies and a pet shrink. We saw the 12 pups of Christmas. So you know what that means? I didn't just get me. I didn't just get me.

Oh, people of Earth, Francisca!

We are live at the Masonic and we are so happy to be here tonight to talk about the 2019 film, "The Twelve Pups of Christmas." We're gonna go through this classic San Francisco film. A film that feels like "Sleepless in Seattle" meets "Marley and Me" and a whole bunch of other shit.

A pet psychiatrist from New York finds out her boyfriend, fiance, it's a little unclear because he doesn't even think to know that they're getting married, is cheating on her. So she moves across country to work for a tech company here in San Francisco. Woo!

where they're putting GPS locators on dogs. So no dog will ever go lost again. And guess what? True love. That's what happens. All right, so to help us break down this movie, please welcome my cohost, Mr. Jason Manzoukas! - What's up, jerks? I'm doing San Francisco! That's what I'm talking about! - Jason. - Ooh. - 12 pups a Christmas.

It's a comfortable chair. It's a real relaxed vibe. Oh, I'm gonna chill so hard. I drove here! Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce somebody who is part of the reason why we're doing this movie tonight. A person who's gonna have a lot to say, my other co-host, June Diane Raphael! Positively bounding, bounding onto the stage. Wow.

Welcome, June. How are you, Paul? I'm doing well. June, I just want to take a moment here because very rarely do you and I find a film. Normally, Avril Halle finds all of our films, but last Thanksgiving, you and I were watching TV. There was no cable to be found, and we stumbled upon this, and we looked at each other and we said, this is the movie. This is it. This is it. And this is us. And I have to say...

I'm so happy with this pick because it really, this movie is a dream. This is the best movie we've ever seen.

This is a Christmas classic. Oh, I agree it's a Christmas classic. Here's, I did that thing where I wrote so many notes on the movie that I started to be like, oh no, I'll never get to talk about all of this. I've written too much and there's too much gold in the middle of these notes. I got, and then I was like, I'm going to have to curate these notes. And I was like, what am I talking about? This is the 12 Pups of Christmas. Ah!

Jason, did you hear what we just said? We've seen this movie twice. One when it was not assigned. No, one was elective.

And I gotta tell you, rewatching this movie, it was love from first credit because the credits are like that Calypso font, that font that you never use in Microsoft Word because it's too confusing. It's like, oh, let's make it fun. And it's like, eh, it's a little too much. Yeah, it's almost like it's a font for dogs. By the way, no one steal that. That's my next movie, Font for Dogs.

About a typographer who only is friends with the dog and then he falls in love. I would believe it if you told me this movie was intended for a dog audience. That would make sense to me. This movie is intended for an adult, sexy audience. This movie plays like a sexual thriller from the 80s. Like when we first meet Aaron. It does? Oh my God. Aaron pops on screen. Fatal attraction. I was. Jagged edge. Yes. 12 pups of Christmas. Yes.

I mean, don't you think that first therapy scene with Erin, like, I'm like, you're playing this a little too sexy for me. It's like, it's too steamy as everybody. Here's what I don't understand. Okay. So the movie. Well, I want to start off with her profession. Canine therapist.

Because when I think of anyone who's like dealing with animals and dealing with behavior issues and dealing with their owners, you know, they're in jeans. They've got a fanny pack on with treats in them. Okay. They're on the ground, to be quite honest. That's what I want to ask. They...

They are putting the canine therapist in the position of, or in the environment of human therapy. Yes. And my understanding is the canine therapist would be working with the owner and the dog in the world. Or in their home. Am I wrong? Wait a minute. Is there a canine therapist? Because San Francisco's absolutely rotten with them.

Is there a canine therapist in the house? A reputable one. A reputable one. Just so we can have someone to go to. License, please. Yeah, license. License. Anybody? I believe that canine therapists are called trainers. Like, they're dog trainers. Like, the way that these people are coming in is like, oh, my dog hates Christmas music. First of all, these dogs have more issues with Christmas than anyone. And it seems like Aaron also is like, ugh.

I hate Christmas, but yet later on she's... Now listen, I actually do know and I wish I thought to have her on or to have her call in, but I do know, I do know a dog life coach. Ha ha!

I do. Her name is Katya Friedman. She has a podcast. A dog life coach? She's amazing. And she is amazing. She has worked with us. We are patients? Question mark? Clients? I would understand therapists. I would understand so many things. But a dog life coach to help the dog realize its dreams? And its owners. And its goals? To really, like, to really kind of curate our joint vision. Okay. You know...

What does a dog want? What do we want? Yes, she does work. I guess this is what's different than a dog trainer. You know, dog trainers are usually working on behavior with the dogs. And a dog life coach, again, the only one I know is Katya Friedman, and she's absolutely incredible, hosts a podcast called The Animal That Changed You. Anyway, put that over there for now. But she is amazing, and she does work with both human and dog people.

Does she work like this? Like in this scene right here? Is this character the one that's Carly's friend? Yes. Oh, is it? Yes. This is like a Maria Bamford character. This to me is a Maria Bamford character. I mean... Watch it through that lens. You can't leave us, Erin.

It's only because of you that my boys don't eat all their kilos. Can you pause it when it gets to the font? If I don't see you once a week, I might not have my couch. I also feel like that's the font from Friends. Or from, like, Suddenly Susan. It feels like a font that might be in a dog food commercial. Like, tasty biscuits. You know, it's like there's... So she is very upset that the therapist is leaving. Jade, I'm so sorry.

Why would you tell a patient this? Here's my first headline about this movie. Erin is a terrible therapist.

is only interested in herself and I think like every other person in this movie is a psycho. Yeah. Every character in this movie is a straight up psycho. What I really thought was and this is my big theory on it and this is what I was trying to get to the bottom of. I was like is she an improviser because it felt like she went off book a lot. I agree. So here's what I'm going to say about that.

And I guess we'll get to the love interest in a bit. The boyfriend or the love interest? The love interest. Got it, great. I don't remember his name. Martin. Martin. Martin. What a crazy name for a love interest.

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I found the chemistry between Aaron and Carly to be off the charts. Electric. Off the charts. Electric. They were, I agree. By the way, Carly, just the absolute MVP of this movie.

But when they're together, they've got, I feel like they're like dancing around the script. When they get together, Erin comes alive. She's alive with Carly. They're dancing and laughing and having emotions. Carly's zigging, she's zagging. When she's with Martin, she's basically like, it's this, you're a piece of shit, you're a piece of shit, you're a piece of shit, kiss, you're a piece of shit, you're a piece of shit, fuck. Fuck.

You're a piece of shit. End of movie. She's so miserable and like she's so over it but I also feel like the movie makes no sense and then I'm also like does your fiance know that you are getting married? Like because she's like we're getting married on Monday. Like it's like and it seems like

It all seems like, oh, right, right. It's like a dinner plan. Like, oh, we're going to Susan's on Saturday. Oh, right. Yes. And then she has to say to him at one point and people get married because they love each other. I want to just reiterate. She's a mental health professional and is picking up on no signs. Taylor is there early. What? What?

is Taylor there so early? Wait a second. I want to pull that back a little bit. Erin, get on the ball. All I want to do. Also, Erin appears to be seeing clients on Thanksgiving. Well, that was my issue. She saw three clients on Thanksgiving morning and then her instructions to her fiance were reheat up the turkey. Not cook the turkey.

the turkey, like, heat it up. And then she's butt hurt. She's so butt hurt when Travis and Erin have done it. She's like, she's so passive aggressive. She's like, the cooking is the best part. And like, they did it. In my opinion, I'm like, oh, they did a nice thing. They were like, you were working on Thanksgiving. Yeah. So they did this. When were you going to eat? And also, it seemed like the instruction she gave was heat up the turkey, warm it up. They did warm up the fucking turkey. Yeah.

They did it. I'm team Travis and Taylor? And then, to add confusion, this is all just the first two scenes and we won't leave New York. We'll come back to talk about the San Francisco parts. We're just going to focus on New York tonight. Because that's all we care about San Francisco, your goddamn town.

But then she gets in the cab and, you know, and she's like, oh, can you change this station, this Christmas music? And the guy shouts back, the cab driver, New York cabbie, they're pre-programmed. What? There are so many, by the way. They're not on a fucking Disney ride. The drivers in this movie, you never see. You never see. There's driver erasure happening.

And they just pipe in some VO. When they're being, when Martin and her are going around to try to unload some of the pups, there's that driver who's driving the SUV, like never get to see him. It's just like- You get to see more of the car pulling into a driveway than you ever see of a driver driving that car. Yes. There's a lot of, they're like, oh. I have to say too, I'm going to say something that's maybe controversial. I don't think Aaron likes dogs. June-

I don't. Yes, I agree. I'm going to piggyback off of that. I don't think Erin likes people. Yes. I think Erin is bad at her job and is...

a bad person? Well, what's really interesting is if her job is to kind of intuit what the dogs feel and want, like, she's certainly missing the cues that Galileo's giving her. Mr. G? Her dog is telling her shit is... Oh. Oh, yeah.

What? Goliath, not Galileo. I'm sorry. Goliath, not... June! How dare you? San Francisco has turned against you. Goliath! I feel like there is one moment in this movie where I really feel like we understand who Aaron is. And I'll talk about this in a second. Here we go. I'm going to have to get revenge on him.

I think we should... Can you pause again? Can you pause again? Okay. Doc doesn't want to go to her. We're going to rewind, and we're going to rewind and start it again. But I want you to watch how much you can't really tell what Erin is saying because the words aren't actually coming into the air. No, they go down her mouth and into her body. They evaporate. This is the movie that needs closed captioning maybe the most.

And then there's Taylor who's like, I'm talking. I was just thrilled though to be able to hear her. Thank God for Taylor and Travis. And I do want to talk about Taylor for a while. The sound man on this movie or sound woman on this movie who had to be like modulating between both of them. He must've been going nuts. But quickly, I just want to just for one moment, just show you what I think is really going on inside Aaron's head. So here we go. One second.

Pull, pull. Yeah.

No. No. Oh. I think that she did want to do that. Yes. I wrote that down. That's like. I think so too. That's a moment. That's the real. That's her. That's her. That's her. She wants to get revenge, tie him up and tattoo him on the forehead. So he lives a life of torture. It is. It's fucking nuts. Everyone is a fucking psycho except for Carly, who is an angel.

Listen, Carly is a psycho. Carly is a psycho, Jason. Okay, okay, fine. Carly's a psycho. I love Carly. Carly's in a cult. This whole movie takes place in a cult. Well, San Francisco loves cults. This town's built on cults. If there's one thing I know, at least seven people in this room have been in a cult. Raise your hand if you were raised in a cult in this town.

Cowards. Cowards. I bet they're in the balcony. We can't see. The scenes where she's, where Aaron's being introduced to Dogon and the corporate culture there are terrifying.

They play like a horror film where they tell her over and over that she's a part of their family. Your family now. Your family now. Your family now. Day one, your family. Do you know, okay, this scene that we just watched here, right? Paul, will you just play a little bit of it again? Sure. Just like, don't you feel, in this thing where she's saying, plotting her revenge and you know what we should do and blah, blah, blah. Don't you feel like, yeah, don't you feel like inside of this scene... There were even pictures. Oh, God. Yeah, it was bad. She's going to turn around...

remove her hair and it's going to be Gabriel from Malignant is going to be on the back of her head. That's where I feel, I feel like this movie is in the Malignant-verse. Yeah.

And I mean, look, this is, I don't know if these people are unhappy, if they haven't found a home or whatever, because it seems like everyone's kind of broken and nothing is working for anyone. Right? Like, I mean, even in San Francisco, they're not, no one's really truly happy. Not even Wayne. Is his name Wayne? Wally. Not even Wally is happy. I mean, listen, they're all working for a startup that's bound to fail with a founder who is an actual idiot. Yeah.

This is... There are... He's the dumbest person I've ever seen on screen. This is a massive tech startup that is... What an indictment on tech bros in San Francisco. The privilege of this white bro, this white tech bro, whose greatest challenge is overcoming the loss of a dog he had as a child? Colby!

Colby. Who he assumes was dog-napped. Dog-napped. He says dog-napped. He says dog-napped. I have never heard that term. He also is immediately gifted a new dog. The fucking gall of this guy. But here's my question about his company and honestly the mission because I guess I have to wonder like why

Are they trying to build this GPS collar before chips? Or have chips already been invented? June, this is 2019. AirTags.

are readily available. And so are those tiles. Remember tiles? We have an air tag on our dog as we speak. And it's this big. The size of a quarter. Maybe two put together. This is 29, this is not like 2005. This isn't a revolutionary idea. Tile have been doing this for years. It also feels like they should be smarter than this because Carly has been at nine dot coms

She is an engineer, a tech guru, a programmer, a social expert, and a graphic designer. It seems like she either got fired- And she's working for her brother, who's a fucking idiot. This is the patriarchy. He is an actual idiot. This is the patriarchy at work.

But Carly should own this company and it should already be IPO'd. Give me a fucking break. This guy's a dunce. But also they bring in the dog therapist and she figures out you should rename it. That doesn't seem like what a therapist should be doing.

And she really, what she adds to it has nothing to do with her background about dogs or therapy. Not only that, but she is told upon arrival that the success of the entire company, by both Carly and Martin, she is told the success of the entire company and all of its employees and apparently all of its puppies are in her.

hands. And right before the holidays. And within one week, she saves it. By the way, well, yeah, because the two things that you looked at. She does the whole thing at this volume. She saves the entire company at this volume. The things that she notices though, anyone would notice. Like if I brought my six-year-old there, he'd be like, that's too big.

And that's what she says. And it doesn't seem like he runs a fear-based company, although I do love when he's typing on a computer and you can clearly see the screen in the frame and it's black. Black screen, black screen. This is what's so weird, is that you would think that she'd be saving the company because of her connection to animals. Because she's able to really, you know, draw the lines between humans and animals. But that's not why.

It's just basic, like, brand narrative and, like, just a marketing lens. And she's also there to give therapy. The reveal at the end of the movie, which is fucking cuckoo-caroo. Yeah.

Is that Carly hired her to give, because she thought she'll be perfect for my brother and give him therapy to make him better. And you guys will fall in love. Carly is setting up a series of events that are an HR disaster. Yeah. From day one, Aaron is like, day one, Aaron is like, day one, Aaron is like, the boss is fucking hot.

Holy shit. The boss is hot to his sister. And then it's like, uh-oh, that's your sister? By the way, but when she said that, she's like, ooh, that was your sister? It's like, it wasn't like your wife. It's like, would your sister be like, I don't know why it would be that embarrassing to tell your sister that your brother's hot. There's a whole MTV show about it called Dude, Your Sister's Hot. What she says is, he is way better looking in person. She also says... Aaron is at work just horny.

She also says, "He seems brilliant." He seems brilliant?

How do you seem brilliant from just get in my office in 10 minutes? I also think Carly, I don't know what Carly wants out of this. I have to imagine, here's what I had to come up with because the movie didn't provide me with much. I had to imagine that Carly had asked her own father to fund her brilliant startup idea and he said no.

The dad will come back later on giving the oddest performance I've ever seen in all my days. The dad feels like when they cast Mark Cuban in things. It's like, hey, Mark Cuban's here. He's like, hey guys, I'm here because I really like what you're doing. Keep it up. It felt like he was some sort of a local celebrity who was brought in to be in the film. Or I was going to say they were like, fuck, we didn't cast this part. Gary from craft services, he'll do it.

He'll do it. We'll put him in his suit. It was just so strange. I had to imagine that she asked him for funding at some point and he said no. Is the... Okay, I need to know this. Doggone. Doggone. The name of the company. The company, the tech company that has hired a pet therapist for reasons unknown because it is simply a collar-based, GPS-based... And I'm so sorry, Jason, Jason, Jason. We really can't... And I know we're in San Francisco, but I don't

I don't think we can call this a tech company. - Well, my question-- - Okay, okay, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. - No, no, no, that is my question. - The technology already exists. - When she gets there, it appears to be a dog hotel.

No, no, no. She says, welcome to the doggone hotel. I'm just joking. She clarifies. I'm just joking. I thought they also had a dog. No, no. To be clear, there are a lot of dogs that are staying there. But by the way. I don't know why. When those 12 pups. The titular pups are pointless. Are pointless. They're not in. They're not important to the plot of the movie. You know how I know?

You know how I know? Because midway through the movie, the movie...

The movie says, hey, Aaron. First the movie's like, Aaron, you gotta find homes for these 12 dogs or this company's gonna fail and I'm gonna put them to sleep, right? Martin's like, I'm gonna murder these dogs unless you find them a home by Christmas. And then two days later, he's like, come with me to New York to save the company. It doesn't matter, the dogs don't matter. Who cares about the dogs? Taylor's back, she'll take care of the dogs. What? What is this movie? But the crazy thing is, the crazy moment about that is,

First of all, the reason why there are 12 pups there, which you all know, is because of a lazy photographer left them after a photo shoot. An ad agency. So like, no one just got on the, can we call up the ad agency and just get them to take their fucking dogs? That felt suspect.

It's like the Balenciaga campaign when people are blaming the art department. I'm like, I don't know. It was so odd. So then they have these 12 pups and it's like, all right, dog therapist, if you're such a good dog therapist, get rid of these dogs.

Okay, and then he seemingly is going to go bankrupt, but yet he's forced to deliver every one of these dogs? He should be working on that computer that has the screen. And they're truly trying to play a he's a Scrooge, he doesn't like dogs, and then his heart opens because she forces him to deliver puppies. The other question I have for her is, shouldn't these people, if you're a canine therapist...

Isn't the first rule of thumb that like every owner should meet the dogs first before they make a lifelong commitment to them? This movie, the movie is irresponsible. Irresponsible. The movie is, is that? Like animals, honestly, animals were harmed.

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We've spoken about Erin's measured tone and do you have clips of the moments when she... Yes. When she exhibits... Comes alive. When she exhibits the only other emotional pull that she seems to have. Yeah. I mean, we should watch the breakup just for a second because this is pretty great because here's the plan. I would, honest to God, I would re-watch this whole movie with you people here right now. It really is. You guys...

You guys get it. You get it. You get it. That's why I say next level. I don't get from you what I get from Taylor. Taylor's there. Okay, so this is my issue.

Was the plan, I'm going to break up with you. And then when I break up with her, Taylor, why don't you come in and you can explain your side of it. And then Taylor's like, well, wait, do you want to do it on the way? Do you want to do it on the way to the courthouse? Or should we maybe do it like on Thanksgiving Day? Yeah, and should we let her get dressed in that wedding dress? I think it would be more interesting to do it right at the, right there. Travis is a coward. Travis is a coward who should have done this earlier.

I mean, ages ago. Taylor should have said something. I feel like though, Travis, I feel like Taylor is there for the wedding. Like, I feel like she's supposed to be there. I don't think she's, you don't think so? Like as their witness. She's not dressed for it, someone said. And I think that's true. She's not dressed for it, someone in the audience said.

Okay, then no. So she is just conveniently... She knew there wasn't going to be a wedding that day. And so she storms off. And let me just say one thing. If you've not seen the movie, you have to know that our main character here, Erin, played by Charlotte Sullivan, is carrying a dog in her, like...

Her arm is always in like an L shape. The dog is permanently in her, like even when she's walking around. Can I add to what you're saying? Yeah, please. This is a movie that is full of multiple scenes where people are having emotional conversations, both of whom are holding two puppies. It is so funny and awkward to watch people hold wild animals while trying to act.

Alright, so here is the first explosion of her, this is the first time we get to see Erin pop off. This is a person coming undone. Okay. Okay, you- Can you pause for a second? That's a point of view shot from the dog.

Just so you understand, this movie has POV shots from the dog's point of view, which would have been so cool if they had done something with it. But once or twice, so it's odd. It's like there's no pattern. And I thought for sure, oh, this dog, Galileo, is going to talk. Is Goliath. What's his name again? Goliath. You know what? Actually, I'm with you. It's Galileo. Galileo. Galileo.

Eat shit, San Francisco. For sure. You don't correct us. We correct you. For sure, Galileo is going to like jump and chomp on his balls. Like, and I want to see it. I'm ready for it. And there's also here, there's also here a clear relationship between Travis and Galileo that is fascinating. Well, but Travis says on the way to get married after dating for three years,

Why does he hate me? Like, today is the day we're asking that question. And the answer, Travis, is he smells other pussy on you. Right. And even if it's... Gallo gets it. But here's what's so weird about her...

I don't know her approach to her work. Her answer to that is, oh, he's really protective of me. And I don't know everything about dogs, but I'm like, I know a little. And that's your fault, Aaron. Like you should be working day and night to make sure that that dog isn't overly protective of you. Physician, heal thyself. And I will say that, look, here's the thing.

This guy has got a secret server full of women. He's got...

He doesn't even have an alternate email address. I love that. He's got a server. Like, how many women do you need to be fucking to have a private server? I mean, and I don't even know what that means, really. It seems to me like when I hear a server, it's like, that's like a corporation. So you and I wouldn't even be on the same Wi-Fi? Is that what it means? It would mean that we'd be on a hotspot and I'd be in a different computer setup. Also, it would mean that Taylor is a hacker.

Taylor, it means, like, Taylor, Taylor found Hillary's emails. Like, to have a secret, for Taylor to find his, is everybody, like, a tech genius? San Fran, is it normal for a person to have a private server? Also, do you guys like being called San Fran? No.

I know, I know you don't. I know because you guys like being called Frisco. I literally, every post for this show I made sure, every post for this show I made sure I never said San Fran, Francisco, type it all out. But, alright, so this is the first outburst. Okay, sorry, yeah, this is her outburst. You've been cheating on me with my best friend. Okay. I'm so sorry, Aaron.

Erin is a psycho.

By the way, also, this movie, Erin learns nothing. Erin's journey is not an arc. It is a flat line. And she's like a creepy person. You know, there's something very, she has a line where she says, and I think she's joking, but who knows, with her cadence, she says, it's nice to be with people who are alive. Yeah.

Yes. But you know what that was? But you know what that was? This is why I think she improvised a lot. Because I think there's a lot of work in there. Because she said, we're family. And she said, oh, most of my family are dead, so it's good to be with family who are alive. Whoa. She does say to Taylor at one point, and, you know, Taylor has it coming. And I do want to talk about Taylor's arc and the penance she pays, which is to, I guess Taylor learns from the 12 pups of Christmas? Yes.

Well, we don't see that movie. We don't see it, but I think that's... We need like a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern for Taylor. We really do because I'm like... Justice for Taylor. I do think that Taylor, if I had done that to a friend, I do think Taylor's making the right moves. Like just showing up and being like, I fucked up. I need to make amends. I need to make amends. And Aaron...

gives her an opportunity to do that. Now, it is taking care of, at that point, I think only 10 pups. If you don't count Galileo, nine. They kind of mess up the math because she goes, you need to take care of 13 pups while I go out. Then she gives away two pups and she comes back and she goes, I've just been taking care of 12 pups. So one went away, but she gave away two. And I don't know if Parvo hit or what, but...

But the number of pups is coming and going. And why is Taylor carrying all of them? You don't need to carry them around like children. But she does say to Taylor, she says to her when they're in the house, she says...

You are, I wrote it down. I have it here. Taylor, you've always been very weak. Taylor. She says it twice. Erin's positioning and framing of this isn't like, you're such a bitch. You're so, how could you do this? She's like, you're weak. You're weak. And it's, you've always, you've always been weak. That's saying I've thought this forever. Ever. It's so chilling. It was always been. Erin is a terrible friend.

She's ungenerous, unkind. No, but Aaron is awful because even when she's on the flight with her would-be beau and he's afraid of flying, she's like, you're afraid of flying? Wings on fire. And he's like, what? And he's like, I'm just joking, you asshole. Fuck you. Fuck you.

And he's like, oh. And he's like, you see, I got you over your fear of flying. Like, ew, get out of here, you grosso. Like, it's too aggressive. She gets him over his fear of flying also by calling him a piece of shit. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She's like, hey, you're a piece of shit. You stole my ideas. You pawned them off as your own. You're a piece of shit. And he's like, well,

wait a minute. No, I didn't. And then she's like, haha, just kidding. I got you over your fear of flying. And it's like, she's playing games that are fucking nuts level, like psycho bullshit. But then he basically says like, oh, were you kidding? She's like, not really. Yeah.

Like, it's like, yikes. She is, that's like, it feels like a movie about a serial killer. Yeah. She does come off, and I thought for sure, well, once we realized she was an orphan, you know, which I thought was coming, she had, Aaron, Aaron,

She's an orphan? Well, I think she's, both of her parents are dead. Jason, do you want to weigh in on this one? I don't think. She does tell a backstory story about how, like. I think she's an adult orphan, like me. Is that what it is? Oh, okay. An adult orphan, okay. She's an adult orphan. No, no, she wasn't like all of her twist. She wasn't an orphan child. I mean, maybe she was, but. She was not like, can I have some more? Yeah.

Sorry, yeah, that's what I thought. She might have been like an adult. I think she's an adult orphan, and I guess orphan's not the right word, but she does have... No, no, no, I think you're right, yeah. I do think that there's a trope in these movies where, you know, adult orphans are portrayed as really, really sad. That's only eight pups.

But unfortunately, what I think is supposed to come off as sort of sad and more connected to animals than people ends up coming off psychotic. It's the way that she stares. It's like the unblinking, unemotional. It is. Except when she's with Carly. Yeah. And then it's. Well, at the Christmas party, at the Christmas party, at the company house that they all live at.

Why do they all live in the same house? Is that what you guys do here? No? I do think. I feel like this person over here was like, eh, kind of. I also really want to have a conversation with a costume designer because the number of women under 60 who are wearing Christmas pins is utterly insane. Everyone has a sweater and a pin on. I mean, let's watch a little bit of this Christmas party because it's really good. Does this include the Jingle Bells sing-along? It might. It might.

You're part of our family now. Everybody, Aaron's here. Hi. Hello. Hi. How are you? Good to see you. This is your new family. Welcome to the family. What? Can you pause for a second? Everything, everything so far is from a horror movie. By the way. Everybody. Psychotic. Everybody. Aaron's here.

This is the trailer that we need to cut. This is your new family. This is Midsommar. What? Midsommar and this are similar in so many ways. This just has more dogs, more pups. This is terrifying. I will tell you this much too. I've seen the house. There's no way. The movie? The house? The house. Yes. You were great. Rent it. Rent it. Please.

But I've seen, like, the house isn't big enough to house the amount of people at this party. That means that people are sleeping cult-like in bunk beds. Three bunk beds to a room, six to a room. And instead of everybody singing jingle bells, they should all be like, what do we do? What is this company? Yeah, and is my check going to clear next week? They seem to be being paid in stock options and happy with it, but everyone comes to her with a problem. Now watch this. Here we go.

What? Can you pause for a second? Can you pause for a second? She's still whispering all her lines. They're at a party. It's nice to be with people who

It's nice. It's so good. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy. It's so great. It's so great. I love it. I love being here. At one point, when she's cleaning up the dishes, Carly says, Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. It's so great. It's so great to be here. Oh my God, you guys. I'm so grateful to be here. It's so great to be here. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful to be here. It's so great to be here. I love it. I love San Francisco. I'm so happy to be here. I can't believe it. Everything's so great. Everything's so great. Everything is so great. I can't believe it. Oh my God.

Everything is amazing. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. And again, we talk about this movie, there's no continuity because at one point when she's cleaning up glasses, Carly goes, now that's a sign of a good guest. Well, no, you live there. That's your house. You're not a guest anymore. You live here. But here we go. This is the end of the party scene. I love this family!

That's like one of the only peaks. The sound department was like, ooh! I'll tell you the other thing. I will tell you the other thing that I get with, just to go to Erin again and her psychosis, because I'm thinking about it now. I would love it if this was like, if at the end of the movie it was like a Blumhouse reveal. All they need is a little re-editing. And June, I want to ask your opinion on this as well. So when her boyfriend comes back, right? When her boyfriend comes back into the picture at the end. Yeah. Yeah.

He basically puts his arm on her. He's like, I want you back.

And then the guy comes in and punches her ex. And then when the cop comes in, he's like, he had his hands on me. And I felt like she was trying to get him arrested. And I don't feel like he was attacking her or even really aggressively touching her. I thought he had both hands on either side. It was grabby for sure. Right. But then Travis says she assaulted me.

That's where I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Travis, what are you up to? But I just felt like she really was like trying to, I felt like she was trying to get him jailed for this. I know we can make this work. Get your hands off me. Let go of me. Hey, guys! I love this woman. I want to know everything about her. Another Maria Bamford character. Hey, hey!

By the way, listen to the music under the fight scene. It's like curb your enthusiasm kind of horns. The movie is all public domain music or silence. Who is this guy? He's the loser who dumped me on my wedding day. Who are you? I'm her boyfriend. What? What?

Tell it to the judge? Tell it to the judge? But she's not brought in as a witness. So it's just the two guys who fought but not the third party. You want her to go to jail? No, for her to testify. Wow, you're saying lock her up?

Paul is saying lock her up. Lock her up. Lock her. Wait, what? Paul? I was just saying that I felt like she should be able to be there to at least tell her side of the story. In jail?

To the cop! No one took our statement! No one took a statement, but I don't know where his partner was. Also, the cop is going to arrest both of these guys, tell it to the judge, who's pressing charges? That's what I'm saying! Who's the aggrieved party? And why is she so surprised that he's her boyfriend when he left a note like this? Okay, is this note framed?

It is. I mean, it's in some sort of... Because at first I thought he took the menu. That's what I think he did do. It looks like that's what he's done. Okay. But what a weird choice the movie makes here. Well, they're just in New York staying at the San Carlos. Right. Just let him write a note. Like, why put it in the frame or take out the frame? Like, maybe that was the Wi-Fi and password. Right.

Also, yeah. Also, see you downstairs. See you downstairs? You're an amazing woman. I cannot wait for our future. See you at breakfast. Like this, this is the note where you're like, oh, I was drunk. Oh, I hooked up with an idiot.

Why did I do this? He is a true, and I did really enjoy his performance because it's like, oh, he's an actual idiot, you know? And by the way, June, that's Erin's type. That's true. Erin dates morons. Because I do think like Erin's kind of an idiot too, but she's one of those idiots that's like, I want to be in a relationship where I can feel like I'm the smart one. Yeah.

But everybody else is like, you're both idiots. Yeah. Wait, I'm also remembering when they're falling in love and telling their backstory, she's like, I grew up on Staten Island. Every day I took the ferry to school. What? You took the ferry to school? And I'm sorry. Staten Island's bigger than, not like you grew up on Roosevelt Island. And also, it's like, there's not a single person in Staten Island that talks like that.

Yeah. There's, you're not going to find this kind of experience. It's like, I'm from Staten Island. Like, no, you're not from Staten Island. I went to friend school. I took this, my commute to school was three and a half hours. Yeah. Like, if you grew up in Staten Island, you screamed. She dated Pete Davidson. Yeah.

Left Staten Island, found this other guy. Boy, would I love that. Boy, would I love that. And by the way, if you're from Staten Island, throw out a Wu-Tang Clan reference. Come on. Protect your neck. Give me something. Tell it to the judge, I wrote. Tell it to the judge. The cop kept saying, tell it to the judge. It made me laugh. So tell it to the judge. Tell it to the judge. Tell it to the, what? What?

Come on. It doesn't even seem like they get tried. It doesn't even seem like that's part of it. The only chemistry in this movie, like straight up, is Aaron and Carly, period. The only couple, though, that I'm interested in, Taylor and Carly. Give me that forever. Let Taylor and Carly be a couple. Let them raise all the pups. Taylor and Carly? I want it.

I'm shipping Taylor and Carly. Do they even have a scene together? No, but they are the only normal people in the movie, according to me. Okay. No, Taylor's not normal. I do think Taylor's psychotic as well. Taylor flew across the screen. This is a movie where everybody is psychotic. Of course. Carly is not psychotic. Yes, of course she is, babe. Of course she is. She hired Erin just to fix her brother, who's her boss, even though Carly is clearly a genius. Yes.

And Martin is like a, Martin is like a Dutch wooden shoe. A sabot? Is he a sabot? He's a sentient clog. This dude is a fucking dunce times a million. I mean, again, all,

She could have brought so many things to the table. The thing that she brought, like he didn't figure out that Doggone or, and I love that he goes like this. She's like, let's rename it. Dog and Found. We don't like that. And he's like, Animal Tracker. And then someone goes, oh, it rhymes with animal crackers. I like it. Yeah, agree. That's the thing. Everybody's an idiot. Everybody's an idiot. Why?

This is a movie. I think this movie is for people at home to feel like, oh, I'm smarter than them. At least I'm smarter than them and they're millionaires. When she arrives at Dogon and they're like hooking up collars to dogs that appear to have, I don't know, lunch boxes attached to them.

Scientists are in lab coats, but in the middle of the office. So it doesn't seem like that's a sterile environment. And it also seems like they don't need to have the dog in a sterile environment to put the collar on. Anyway, I just wanted to put this one scene up because we can see the relationship between these two people. It's my fiance. He kind of like dumped me on my wedding day. Can you pause for a second? Can you hear her?

My fiance. My fiance. Can you let me on my wedding day? Can you let me on our wedding day at City Hall? They sound like the Quiet Place monsters, right? She would be the one that would actually survive in the Quiet Place, no problem. It's like when you're on the Amtrak quiet car and you see a couple get into a fight.

I just said, I just, what I'm saying is, you don't understand. You should have stood up for me when your mom said that. I don't understand. Your mom was clearly belittling me. Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, come on, babe. I know. Carly's got all the earrings. You. You.

Oh. No. I don't know. I don't know. Now, please no. Pause it for a second. Four dogs. Four dogs. Pause it for one second, Bob. And this is the only time, this is the only time I can legitimately say, look at those sweater puppies, and I'm talking about those puppies. At this point in the movie, I thought...

For sure. Because when I say we watched this movie twice, we really watched, I think, half of it the first time. You fell asleep the first time. I fell asleep. So I didn't see the second half. I saw all the way up to the fight. Okay. So I, up until, during this scene, I was like, I think that Carly's like an elf. That's what I thought. Whenever he's rewatching, I was like, he's going to be Santa. Well, let's talk about that.

So we find out, although we already know because they don't do a great job of hiding it, that he's playing Santa Claus to a bunch of... Orphans? Orphans?

Yeah. Kids, he goes, he's repeatedly. And why would he need to hide that? He repeatedly arrives at work in a Santa costume. Quite often, and I think year round. And when he's in, and multiple times in the elevator with Aaron, he also inexplicably just doesn't talk.

As if Santa doesn't, as if that's like a private moment? That's why I thought he kept on saying, I need to get it done by Christmas Eve because he was Santa and this is going to be the gift that Santa was going to give to all the dog owners of the world. And then his sister was an elf who was like, Santa needs love because he's so obsessed with getting toys for other kids. So that's the story I was following. Well, and also what's, well, okay. To your credit, I want to piggyback off of exactly what you said because...

Because I do think the movie is suggesting that because it puts Erin in the Mrs. Claus red suit. And she says, I'm Mrs. Kringle or something like that. And there is a way in which the movie is, wow, the movie has all of the ingredients in it.

For a movie that could have worked, but it really isn't interested in doing any of it. No. It's about Aaron and it's about a Mrs. Claus finding a Santa Claus who's a Scrooge who needs the 12 pups of Christmas. Every one of them is a stage of the cross for Jesus Christ. Right.

Obviously. Right? The 12 stations of the cross. Obviously. Christ, he has to walk the stations in order to be crucified. He dies for our sins. Amen. He is risen. Put Christ back in Christmas, people. If we give you one message tonight, that's the one to leave with. We've always said it.

This is what we're talking about. The 12 pups of Christmas, the 12 stations of the cross. Anyway, the 12 pups of Christmas could have been how we get from Scrooge to Santa to Mrs. Claus. And instead they're like, we got to go to New York so you can pitch Santa.

The Asian businessman where they play weird Asian music in the movie. Which is next level offensive. 2019. There is a gong in the movie. This movie has a gong sound effect. And again, she's so good with people or whatever, but she doesn't understand that this man is not. She's pitching for 20 minutes before she realizes that he does not understand. I like to believe.

that they shot that scene and cut it because they were like, it's offensive. Before we go out to the audience, I want to do something that we've never done here. Give up? So I don't know if you have, if you've been hearing about this, but there is this AI bot

Okay, and so what, oh, you got so scared. Yeah, what did you do, Paul? All right, so this AI bot, you type in a question, and the AI bot will give you an answer. And so our producer, Scott, typed in a question. Can you please write a script scene of How Did This Get Made of the podcast host discussing the movie 12 Pups at Christmas live in front of an audience in San Francisco? Wait, you can, wait, this is real? Yep. I do not understand. So this is Jason's script pass it to Jason. What?

This is June's script, Pass It to June.

- I'm not gonna look at this. I'm not gonna look at this until I'm on camera. - I will read stage directions here and we go, "Interior, San Francisco Theater night. "Paul, Jason and June are standing on stage." - Paul, can I pause you for a second? The bot wrote this? - Yes. I'm totally serious. - That's what I'm wondering. - I have two scripts. - The bot wrote even this? - Yes, everything. - Okay, got it, got it, got it. - "Interior, San Francisco Theater night. "Paul, Jason and June are standing on stage "in front of a large audience.

Welcome to How Did This Get Made, live from San Francisco. Shut up! I have a line. Tonight we're going to be discussing the holiday movie Twelve Pups of Christmas. I have to say, I was not expecting this movie to be as bad as it was. The title itself is ridiculous. Yeah, then when you actually watch it, there are only six puppies in the entire movie. Yeah.

And the plot is just all over the place. It's like they threw in every holiday movie cliche they could think of. Right, the poor dog acting was also a major distraction. I've never seen such poorly trained puppies on screen. And let's not forget about the villainous real estate developer who wants to tear down the mansion and build a mall. It's just so over the top. But the worst part has to be the terrible Christmas songs they play throughout the movie.

It's like listening to your drunk uncle sing jingle bells at a family gathering, but with the puppies humping each other instead. How does the AI know I'm the pervert?

Jason, that's not appropriate. Yeah, let's try to keep it clean, Jason. Sorry, sorry, I got carried away. That's all right. Now on a more serious note, June and I actually have a funny story about our marriage and 12 Bucks of Christmas. Right, so we were watching the movie on our first Christmas together as a married couple.

And we were both so disappointed by it that we ended up getting into a huge argument. And then in the heat of the moment, we both just started barking at each other like puppies in the movie. But then out of nowhere, we heard a knock on the door and it was a pizza delivery guy. And he looked at us like we were completely insane, standing there barking at each other like a couple of lunatics. It was so absurd, but it ended up breaking the tension and we started laughing about it. Yeah, it's one of those moments that we look back on now and we can't help but chuckle. Exactly. And it's a reminder that even the worst movies can bring us closer together.

Thanks for joining us tonight. We'll see you next time on How Did This Get Made?

I was so confused. For real. What? For real. I don't understand this. I don't get it. So we put it in again. We said, let's see what it comes up with for a second time. And we'll just, and this one, the audience is in here a little bit more. Here we go. Interior, San Francisco Theater night. Paul, June, and Jason are on stage. Microphones in hand as they discuss the 12 Pups of Christmas. So what did everyone think of this movie?

I thought it was absolutely ridiculous. Yeah, I mean, I can't even imagine how this idea came about. Let's make a Christmas movie about 12 puppies that saved the day. Audience laughs. And the thing is, it's not even a good Christmas movie. I mean, there's no romance, no heartwarming moments, just puppies doing silly things. And the acting is terrible. I don't think any of those puppies were actually trained to do the things they were doing.

Speaking of things being trained, did you guys hear the one about the guy who trained his dog to give him oral? The audience laughs. It gets me.

Okay, Jason, let's keep it PG, please. Sorry, sorry. But seriously, this movie is so bad. You know what's even worse? The fact they made a sequel. Oh God, don't even get me started on that. But speaking of sequels, did you guys know that June and I actually got married on the set of the sequel to this movie? Audience gasps.

Yeah, it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing. We were both so fed up with the production that we just decided to elope. And the best part? We exchanged our vows while a bunch of puppies were running around our feet. Audience laughs. Yep, it was a pretty ridiculous day, but hey, at least we have a funny story to tell now. And a terrible movie to look back on. Definitely. But hey, that's what makes it so perfect for How Did This Get Made. Unsettled. I feel shook. I feel revealed.

I feel vulnerable right now. I do too, and I don't like this. It's so interesting. The first, each of the scripts is thirds, right? The first third is we're talking about the movie. The second third is I say something gross, you guys correct me. And the third third is your guy's marriage. That's both scripts are that.

That's fucking crazy. I'm freaked out right now. What is this, Paul? Why did you do this? This is what Scott found. He said, everyone's talking about it. All right, I'm going to go out to the audience right now.

All right, sir. Your name, if you have a dog name, you can give me that. The one that would be great for 12 Pups of Christmas. And then your question. Damani and then maybe Mistletoe? I like it. That's great. Ooh, I love that. So I'm trying to make sure I understand this correctly. Carly, so she accepts the job in San Francisco before she knows that her fiancé is going to break up with her. Is that correct? That is... So Carly is...

Yes, yes. But Carly has hired her even though she knows she's married to come date her brother? Yeah, you see, that was my issue. Oh, I think she's... Oh, wow. Yeah. Because she said at the end of the movie, she said, I did my research on you and I knew that you were divorced because when she says... Okay, you know what though, Paul? I think Carly is so brilliant. And I think Carly probably is already hacked into that private server. Yeah.

Maybe. Wow. She's a CEO nine times. Yeah, Carly's a hacker. We just missed the scene where she hacks Hugh Jackman to rap rock and figures out that Aaron's been dumped. Here we go. Your name, question, dog, name, dog, question. My name is Reagan, dog name, Holly Berry. My question is, at the very end of the movie, the angel investor who comes in and saves the company, is his dad who he met in jail? Yeah.

And you didn't know that his dad was a billionaire? Well, yeah, I was confused about that, too. I was going to ask, and I did. Did I miss something? Oh, I think his dad came and bailed him out of jail. Yes, but it was really confusing. The way it was set up as though he met him in jail. No, no, I agree. And I agree that that was a... I mean, listen, are you suggesting the movie is not well-written? No.

Or is confusingly written? Absolutely. But it seemed to me that he was saying his dad came to bail him out from jail. It's so interesting that the dad didn't join the first round of funding, but was like, now that the company's in this position, I'm in.

But also... Well, he believes in tech now. He believes in it. But frankly, I'm with the dad. I'm with the dad. That other product was not good. I wouldn't have invested in it either. I guess. I guess. I mean, Martin is dragging Carly down with him. I do. San Francisco, I hate to do this. I've had so much fun. I do have to get on a flight back to L.A., and I know this is a huge disappointment. I know. I know. We have our wonderful nanny has given birth, so we are desperate in child care situations. So that's why June is going to go back and...

I'm going to figure out how to get back there in a couple days. So sorry to leave you. And if Paul doesn't come back, enjoy him, San Francisco. Enjoy Paul Scheer. Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It's now time for second opinions. Two page of Amazon. Here's my second opinion. This movie's great. Would you hate a thing?

Amazing! Amazing Christmas spirit.

Great work. Great work. Very festive. All right. So there are 93 total reviews. 59% are five star. 10% are one star. We'll read some of those one stars as well. But this one is written by Anonymous. May 22nd, 2020. I love this movie. The Hacker Group? I think so. When they're not... I would love it if that's... Anonymous was... If that's part of what they were up to.

We like holiday movies. Leaving Amazon reviews for holiday movies. You know, you work hard, you play hard. Anonymous writes, love Charlotte Sullivan in this movie. So good. Love her. You're being real pervy with this voice. See her. Wait, hold on. I love...

I love this movie. Charlotte Sullivan is so good in this movie. I love her. See her. Be her. Self-shy and see her different role than Rookie Blue. Love her as Gail Peck on She Is One of My Favorites of the show besides Aaliyah O'Brien, the one who played Tracy and Chloe Dove

and Oliver and Captain Noel. Happy face. Applause, applause. Thumbs up. Star, star, star, star, star. I could watch this over and over again. Like, buy it on DVD. Own it now. We'll go to DVD. DVD emoji. DVD emoji. Now, that's a weird review. But... Wow! As our producer Scott pointed out, three people clicked that review as being helpful. Wow! Wow!

Here, you keep reading. I'm sorry, I'm going to go pee. See you right back. Okay, got it. And then this one right here is from Heather McKenzie. Not afraid to use her full name. It's a one-star review. And the title is Not a Feel-Good Christmas Movie.

The lead character is a bitter, spiteful, juvenile person who's a canine therapist. She insists that dogs are intuitive to human feelings, and yet she's not a happy person. I would not take my lab to her because they would come back like Oscar the Grouch. The puppies are cute, though. One star. And, um...

And what I'll mention here is another one of our producers, Molly, she points out that she has a friend who is a background artist in this film, and all the San Francisco scenes were shot in L.A. It was all shot during the summer, and the actors were very uncomfortable in their winter clothes. They did shoot some scenes in New York City, but also it was summer because people in the background are wearing T-shirts and shorts. At one point behind the lead actors, you see two jet ski riders go by.

And finally, this director, Michael Felter, seems to have taken a sharp pivot with this film, as his earlier films were Bundy, A Legacy of Evil, Boston Strangler, The Untold Story, Ed Gein, The Butcher of Plainfield, Chicago Massacre, colon, Richard Speck, and BTK. Okay.

But once he did make this movie, we did get to see a different side. And we are now going to get to show you some of that different side because he also directed The Dog Who Saved Christmas, The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation, The Dog Who Saved the Holidays, A Christmas Wedding Tale, A Dog's Christmas Miracle, and A Golden Christmas 3.

So real, like when you talk about the greats, Kubrick, Spielberg, put Michael Pfeiffer in there. He goes from serial killers to just dogs having fun at Christmas. The movie came out in 2019. The tagline is, this Christmas brings a little puppy love. And there's no tomato meter rating here. But Jason, I think that you, June, and I can all agree, this is a must watch.

Absolutely. I mean, this one, this, I mean, I, again, we didn't get to so many of the notes that I made, which was, which is always for me the case in, in a movie that I truly thoroughly enjoyed for what we're doing is that I'm looking at this thing and I'm like, Oh wait, we didn't talk about this. We didn't talk about that. I feel the same way. I love that. This movie is absolute dog shit. Literally.

The scene we briefly mentioned, they're falling in love in New York and the winter scene is like shot clearly in summer. I wrote down, there is no chemistry between any of these people. I wrote down, tell it to the judge so many times. I wrote down one line that I really wanted to talk about where she arrives at the Christmas party and goes, I forgot it was Christmas. What? This company deserves to fail.

Before we get out of here, I want to tell you two quick things. One thing is this. Drop Dead Fred, one of our biggest episodes, one of the most divisive episodes of all time. Come on! Team Fred, where are we at? Team Sanity, where are we at? San Fran is Sanity Town. Wow, Team Sanity getting a lot of cheers in San Francisco. We are making a limited edition vinyl album. You can pre-order it before Christmas. It won't probably come until May because we're making one pressing, and then when it's done, it's done. That's it. You have to order...

By December 21st, go to hdtgm.bandcamp.com. Mitch Gerrits, who did our poster that some of you might have gotten here, is going to do original art for the album labels themselves. This is fucking cool, everybody. We're excited about this. This is for nerds, but this is great stuff. Especially if you are on board for what is...

I believe, inarguably one of the best episodes of this dumb show. One of the most insane ones. I mean, there it was. One of the most argumentative ones of all time. The beauty of the analog recording is that you can hear Casey Wilson's vocal cords pop.

During the show, because she injured her vocal cords screaming so much. It was amazing, and one of the few times that we regret not having people take pictures during the show because we need more documentation, and we have so little of it. But it was masterfully engineered by Devin Bryant, our producer, who is with us here tonight as well, recording the show. An amazing...

addition to this team, an amazing producer, editor, engineer, the whole thing. One of the greats. Give it up for Devin! And I'll be remiss if I didn't mention this, but

This is not announced yet, but I figured we're all cool, we can talk about it here. On December 16th and 17th, Rob Hubel and I are hosting a show that we created called Celebrity Garage Sale, where we are giving away a Hyundai on Twitch, the first time it's ever been done. And we are having insane guests on there, like Randall Park and Janelle James, poopies from Jackass. Oh my gosh, I'm blanking on so many people. Carl Tartt, Nicole Byer,

Oh my gosh, I'm blanking on it. What's the Hyundai? The Hyundai, that one. Oh, oh. I'm sorry, I should have looked back. Yeah, we're giving away a big car, and the whole idea of the show is that celebrities come on, and maybe even Jason will come on, they'll bring an item, anything from their house, and then you'll have a chance to bid on it. You don't have to use real money, and then we'll give it to you. We'll send it to you, so you can get weird celebrity shit. Uh,

Like, you know, if Randall Park's like, this is the T-shirt I wore to propose to my wife. If you guess the price of it, you get it. I don't think he's going to get that. Is that what he's bringing? We were hypothesizing these are things that you could bring. That would be amazing. I'd love to own something that someone proposed to someone. I think. I mean, Caitlin Olsen will be there. It's going to be just jam-packed, full of people bringing in on items, guessing. And we're going to co-host with Eva Anderson, who is our appraiser. She will dictate the price. Amazing. And then the final end will be...

we'll be giving away this car, but it's two hours each day. So it's like one part antiques roadshow. Yes. One part like celebrity auction. Yes. Got it. And the only thing we can't give away are, they said, don't give away any weapons or anything living. So we couldn't give away 12 Pops of Christmas here. That's too bad because I was going to bring a sentient AK-47. See, this is what I'm saying. All right. Well, thank you, San Francisco.

Photoshop puppies in our hands. Puppies, June, everything. Thank you so much. We'll be back. Bye-bye. Eat shit.

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