Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
Nate Land Podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, you're listening to us talk while you're driving, cleaning, exercising, or even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you can be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance. It's easy and you can save money by doing it right from your phone.
Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner, and more. So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers.
who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations. Wow, this is crazy. Sacramento being in an NBA arena. Yeah.
I'm a Celtic fan. I know, I know, I know, I know. A lot of you guys are looking like, well, why are you wearing that Kings? Well, I like free swag. Plus, I look good in purple. No, I am also a fan of the Kings. It was hard not to be a fan in the 90s. I mean, you guys had Vaati Diva, Chris Webber, Jason Williams, White Chocolate. That's actually what I used to go by.
I wasn't a basketball player, I was a lifeguard, but I wanted people to call me that. Big Kings fan, as of today.
I know you're a Celtics fan, but it's not, you don't. Yeah, I'm not hardcore. You're not a hardcore fan. I don't know. A hardcore fan is the only person that will go up in the Kings Arena and say I'm a Boston fan. They literally, Sacramento just lost to Boston in a heartbreaker. That night? I mean, not even that day. Minutes. In a playoff push. Before the show started. Yeah, they're trying to make the playoff. And they lost by one point.
They were, they came back, they were down 19. I'm trying to remember, did he get them on his side first with some good jokes? No, no, no. When you watch Nick up there, just know, whatever Nick's saying before he says Boston, all he's thinking about is Boston. So, the words he's saying is just like, you know, that's just like the work he has to do. It's like, hey, fine, uh, Boston. He just can't wait to get it out. I'm a Celtic fan. Uh...
As he wears all their stuff. And then they booed. It was fun. It was a healthy boo. It was close to 20,000 boos. But it was fun, though, to go from that to they were back. To doing fine. Then you went into your... To doing all right. I'm joking. You did do great.
So he did, he turned it around. Yeah. And then he closed it, he goes, "That's my time, go Boston!" And then he left. That would have been great. I do kind of want to do the Kings. It would be stupid to do it, but there would be actually an equal amount of Kings fans here. He's still wearing the Kings clothes. He wants to say LA Kings. That's what I mean. So he wants to do it again tonight. I do because...
I don't know. Because you're mad at your dad or something. I don't know. His dad's a wonderful person. It's not fair. Yeah. It's not fair to these people. It's not fair to his dad. Guys, Nate's on stage for another 20 minutes. Yeah. Let's talk about whatever we want to talk about. I'm going to hold Mike's hand during this. I think that's nice. Because, Mike, this is your first weekend on the tour this year. This is my first weekend on the tour. And how'd you feel out there tonight? I was good.
It's in the round. It's in the round. It's a little bit disorientating, to be honest. Yeah. Oh, you say it the British way. Disorientating. Disorientated. Yeah, disorientated. Disoriented. He separates them. I didn't realize you went to Oxford.
I'm sorry, Julian, that I'm educated and it infuriates you. It does make me furious. He's so disoriented that he said disorientated. Mike, if a guy that looks like you is smarter than a guy that looks like me, what is this world coming to? We both look dumb. Speaking of professors, Joe, what do you think? Yeah, I mean, completely.
Compared to all three of you, I look super smart. You do. Well, Joe is actually super smart. We were stuck in the airport together, and Joe, like, a flight got canceled. Joe was already on, got us all booked on another flight faster than anybody I've ever seen. He had us checked in. He canceled the flight and had the points and had the flight rebooked.
And by the time we knew what was going on, it was crazy. Well, we thought he was smart and then found out that his day job, he works for the airline. He's an industry plant. Is he taking a bag in the back over there?
No, I hatched a clever plan and I won Mike Vecchione $275. Yeah. Oh, wow. In the travel bank. How'd you do that? We'll talk about this after. That's going to be literally the most boring conversation of all time. How to get more points. What happened on the plane? Oh, so basically... I don't know if Joe wants this blown up as personal. Can I just say, my wife, Meg...
uh met joe and thinks he's very sweet but also feels like sexy was the word she used she said thank you yeah she said that his personality seems like the kind of guy who his therapist told him that he needs to say hi to five new people today that's the right that's the and then yesterday on the plane he had a pretty good day a little you had a pretty good day it
So your first person was the flight attendant on United. Tell us a little bit about how that happened. Yeah, I had that in my head that I needed to say hi to five people a day based on what your wife imagined a therapist would say to me. Now I'm in on it. Yeah.
But the thing is, I'm sitting next to Joe, and I wasn't in on it. So Joe goes, oh, go ahead, Joe. I'm sorry. Well, there was a woman that came. There was a stewardess that came to the front of the plane. We were front row, first class. Ooh, listen to that. That came out there. Bulkhead. Yeah, bulkhead. I don't know how to request non-bulkhead first class. Yeah. As soon as I figure that out. Bulkhead is the worst. As soon as I figure that out. We're going to get back into it. We got it. Yeah.
Nobody wants flying. Well, the pilot was talking to her. Clearly he was trying to hit on her. And he was like, did you get hurt in the back? And she was like, well, the seatbelt came off. And he was talking about all the turbulence. And he was apologizing for all the turbulence. Because he flies the plane. Was that a power move? Yes. He was definitely using a power move. I was flying the plane. I hope it wasn't too bumpy for you because I was flying it. I hope it was bumpy enough. It was a power move. That's why I can't be a pilot.
So then she was just standing there and I'm like, this is my chance to chat, to practice. Sure. Yeah. Practice. Cause she can't move. She can't move. And, uh, and I said, Hey, did you get injured? Uh,
And she said. This is on the heels of the same conversation that she just had with the pilot. I like that. She said they have the cart in front because the pilot is out going to the bathroom. And 9-11, they have to put the cart in front with a flight attendant standing there. Murderers can't get over carts. Yeah, murderers can't get over carts.
The Taliban cannot hurdle the cart. Right. And she's guarding the cart. She's guarding the cart. She's doing her job as a United States citizen. As a hero. And Joe, you decide to chatter up. I said, hey, are you injured? And she said, are you injured?
Are you injured? God, that's cool. Oh, that's so funny. Are you injured? That's right, you did say that. And what did she say? And she said, what? Yeah, but then you said. And then I said, are you injured? And then she said, I'm sorry. And then Mike said,
Joe said, are you injured? You take it from here, Mike. I don't know what she said. She had a thing on her. She goes, no, I just, it was bumped. And ever since that, ever since that, I'll let her Alaska thing happen. I said, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Joe said, what was the air Alaska thing? I said, I'm sorry. My friend doesn't read the news. I kept her going. I kept her going. Yes, it was. I,
I didn't realize you do read the news, but it was your play. You were playing Possum. I played Possum. God, Joe. You played Possum. Silky Joe. Silky Joe. I love that Smooth Joe says, hey, explain to me this air-based tragedy that just happened while we're on a plane. She had to go through it, and you know what? I felt like a little bit of a connection there, but I didn't feel like I did enough
Because when the flirting between the two happens, it's nice and there's a little bit sparks flying here and there. But...
You know, somebody has to step up and make it awkward and go, hey, you know, my friend Joe is handsome. He smells great. He takes care of himself. He's got a suede jacket. First class. He's in first class. He's in first class. Yeah. And he's a bird watcher. Don't make me go into it, how debonair this guy is. Yeah. She rides on planes. I watch birds. There's some coming out. You guys are both sky people. You're both sky people. You have sky interests. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
But I didn't do that. And I was waiting for her. She was working in the back of the plane, and we were in the first class. So in my defense, we didn't see her again. Now, hold on. I do need to say that Joe has had relations in the past. And I'm curious, what is your move to make it to like the, now I'm getting the phone number. What is that move? Joe is so smooth, I don't think the girl even knows. Yeah. She thinks she's signing up for a seminar. Yeah, exactly. It's like...
How do you have my number? And then how are we on this date? And then how are we dating? How are we dating for nine months? But I like a good stump. Stump them in a conversation. Like, what's your favorite color? Whoa, I didn't know. Are you injured? Was it great? You don't know what's coming. How do you respond to that? Maybe I am. But Nick, that's your technique. So aggressive that it startles them. Yeah. See, Joe is silky. Yeah.
Silky. It's not my method. I've never asked anybody if they're injured. I don't know. I think the way you get into a relationship is you chat up. You just chat up. You just keep chatting people up until one of them just kind of like falls into your lap on accident. But isn't there a thing, Joe? You mean like wear them down? I mean more just numbers. Isn't there a thing where... Numbers. But isn't there a thing where you have to step up and go, look,
can I get your number? Can we go out on a date? Like this chatting has been nice. Yeah. I'd like to continue it at my place. We got to get this winky stinky. I probably move a little slower. I probably move a little too slow on that. But you need to connect, you know, otherwise like in this situation, like the girl is going to go away if you don't close, if you don't make some way to connect to her. Right. Well, I mean, that was too. So to me, that was too, uh,
forced of a situation to press for anything. That's more of a situation where if you run into her again 17 times at some point, you're like, hey...
We keep seeing each other. Yeah. Let's, let's maybe take this to an 18th time. Have you guys ever used, I know it's been a long time since a lot of us have been single. Sorry, Joe. But have you ever used your act in a conversation? Like, have you ever been like, you know, people say I sound like Winnie the Pooh. No, I have a guilty. I have a very guilty conscious with that. I will go over the top to be like,
If they ask me about a topic that I talk about in my act, I'll go over the top of the bag. Well, I do have a bit about that topic and I'm not going to do the bit on you, but, but, but, but if I did do the bit, it would be like this. Yeah. Yeah. But what about the Uber ride from the airport?
To the hotel With Gina We picked up another A girl named Gina Which is a good omen Because the girl that you wanted to hit on Was Gina Oh right And this was another Gina The flight attendant was Gina Yeah it was a two Gina night And then the Uber driver was Gina The Uber driver was Gina And I had a really good one That I would like to recount now Where I was like Thanks for the pickup Gina I know you gotta move fast Because you got a lasagna in the oven And it really didn't hit with her No
She didn't realize there were comics. That didn't help. But a lasagna in the oven, Gina, a lasagna, and then she said, my brother calls me Gina. She took it blue. So listen to my Uber from the airport. I'm in the...
Somebody had to rescue this. You just hijacked the Uber truck. We need another Uber story because it was, Gina was, I didn't know where this was going. We're supposed to be supportive of each other. We'll bring it back to Gina. Go ahead, side tangent. Side tangent. I took an Uber and
It was hard to find. It was better be better than our story. It was hard to find. It was hard to find the Uber. I get in it. He asked me what I'm doing. I tell him I'm a comedian, you know, and he says, yeah, you know, I had a ride earlier. Nick Thune. And I was like, oh, wow, Nick Thune is here? And he goes, the comedian? He goes, no, the pilot. I picked him up earlier. I was like, why would you tell me the name of the Uber?
On Nick Thune. First of all, you're revealing your customer, which I don't think you're supposed to do. Right. And then you randomly say Nick Thune. I was like, did he have a beard? Then I was like, did Nick Thune just say he's a pilot? Like, was that his thing? And he's like, no, he didn't have a beard. Oh, so there's a Nick Thune out there that's actually contributing to society. Nice. Well, the funny thing about this, too, is we were tracking. We don't need to talk about me at the airport. We were tracking.
A milkshake and a massage. That's right, milkshake. Julian went off the rails on his diet. We were about 20 minutes into a six-hour layover, and I was like, that's it. I can't take it anymore. I'm getting a milkshake and a massage. I don't know what I'm going to do for the next five hours. And Joe went to Starbucks.
We all went to our, and then Pimp went to a steakhouse. I don't know how many people need to hear this, but for future reference, if anybody, massage, then milkshake. Way better. Yeah. Way better order of doing things. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did the milkshake first. The massage guy was so- He's bloated. He's trying to hold back. He's like- He's pushing on my back. I'm like, whoa, buddy.
Don't push. Yeah. The... And then you ended up back to security. Oh, yeah. I also... You had to go back. Well, I realized that I had... Oh, no, that was a different time. Isn't it fair to say you're a wanderer, though, at times? Yeah, but all who wander are not lost. But I got lost. That was good. And I was...
Yeah, I went to, I don't know where I was trying to go. I was trying to go to another terminal, and then I took the wrong, the monorail thing, the wrong direction, and ended up back at the entry of the airport, and I couldn't get back in without going back through security. So I went through security twice. But that's a good way to kill time, too, because that takes a long time. It is. So I was finding fun ways to kill time at this layover.
Julian has ADHD. He's the smartest guy, but he has ADHD, so he can't focus on anything for too long. No. He gets distracted easily. That's why he constantly needs... I'm already doing another podcast right now in my head.
So the whole time you guys were traveling, we were monitoring it. I'll say Nick's story right after he's done. Did you say Nick's story? We were playing blackjack for, you know, or gambling for six hours, and we kept seeing, oh, they delayed further. And now all these dating stories and Uber. Did you gamble on which flight we would be on? We probably would have. Yeah.
I didn't know. No one knew, actually, anything about you guys. My favorite subtle moment was that nobody heard. This is great. Was at the end of the Uber ride. She kept asking, what are you guys here for? Are you here for a bachelor party? And we evaded the question. Yeah, we never like answering. Are you guys here for work? We evaded the question. And finally, the Uber was pulling up and she asked again,
And we were about to get out, so I was just like, Mike's a comedian. We're with him. After the lasagna line. Yeah. Mike's a comedian. We're with him this week. And she goes, well, have fun, whatever it is y'all are doing. She refused to believe. Jaina. Jaina. Jaina refused to believe. And I gave her a four star because of that instead of a five star. All right. We should stop because I don't even know when he's going to.
But, you know, I think we don't have something. So let's – no, I'm kidding. That was funny. We're going to wrap this podcast episode. We can hear Nate closing out. Yeah. So we should probably go back out there. He's going to say, I want to bring everybody back up. And we're going to be here podcasting. Be funny. All right.
All right, so we're in Sacramento where the Kings play basketball. I think it's called the Golden One Arena, which does not roll off the tongue so much. But Nate is on stage right now. I just brought him on stage. He's got an hour to go. How did you guys feel like your sets went tonight in this arena? Joe, how did yours go? I went first tonight. Mm-hmm.
And it was 16, over 16,000 people. It was very large. And the in-the-round sets have been going very well. But within the first, it went well. It went well. But in the first minute, I said something about. No, hold on. I love you. I want to make sure everybody understands that it went well. It did go well. It did go well. Despite what he's about to say. It did go well. It did go well. All right, Joe, what happened? eBay Motors is here for the ride.
Remember when you first saw the potential? And then through some elbow grease, fresh installs, and a whole lot of love, you transformed 100,000 miles and a body full of rust into a drive that's all your own. Look to your left, look to your right. It is official. No one's got a ride like this.
There is nothing else that sounds like, feels like, or looks like the set of wheels in your garage. With over 122 million parts, you can make sure your number one ride or die stays running smoothly. So there's no limit to how far you can take it. Brake kits, turbochargers, engines, exhaust kits, roof racks, LED headlights, bumpers, whatever your baby needs, eBay Motors has it all.
And with eBay Guaranteed Fit, it's guaranteed to fit your ride the first time, every time are your money back. Plus, at these prices, well, you're burning rubber, not cash. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply.
Nate Land Podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, you're listening to us talk while you're driving, cleaning, exercising, or even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you can be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance. It's easy and you can save money by doing it right from your phone.
Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner, and more. So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers.
who trust Progressive, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National averaged 12-month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.
So I don't know if you've ever had 16,000 people boo you all at once. I did. Nick did. I did tonight. He goes up and he goes, I'm a Celtics fan. Hey, hey, hey. Don't get ahead. By the way, don't ask questions that are going to get ahead of you.
Because we'll get to Nick in a second. All of a sudden it's coming across like this is just the worst show. What did you say exactly, Joe? How did you get booed so fast? I don't remember. What did you say? No, I'm joking. Within the first minute, though, I have a newish joke about how I read a lot of self-help books and I read one that said, what you need to do is you need to look in a mirror and say, I love myself. And a lady goes, I love myself. I love myself. Yeah.
Wow. I didn't hear that. And it was like so early in the set in front of 16,000 people that I was just like, okay. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no more yelling out. He did turn into a teacher. I'll just continue with this joke because I don't want to do crowd work in front of 16,000 people this early on in a set. We're different comics. No, no. So I would have handled it differently. But that is hilarious to yell that out. That's the craziest heckle I think I've ever heard. I know. I wish I had been more ready to...
But I don't think people understand it's the first thing you said, so there's no momentum. Yes. You know what I mean? That's why it's difficult. They don't trust that you're funny yet because you've just gotten through a setup. So they're just like, you can't just attack a lady. They were rowdy, though. They were definitely like random things. All I've done is a setup in front of 16,000 people. I love myself. I love myself. And I'm like, well, I haven't earned the other 16,000 people's trust yet.
To really go into this. I do need to get 16,000 people to love me also first. Well, $15.99. Yeah. $15,999. That's funny. And then, Mike, you went second. And that was following. Wait. I'm sorry. I didn't know Joe had more. So anyway. This is longer than your actual set, by the way. Basically, I just...
I was like, okay. I moved on. And then I was just like, I tried to do my best material. And it went well. But I wish I had been more fun with that lady. That is very early. It takes quite a bit of, you got to think of something quick when it's that soon. Because you really are. That now becomes your first joke. How you handle that. If you miss...
It's like, not only did I miss, I missed attacking one of you. And you're attacking a self-help. So if it goes wrong, this is somebody who also needs help. Also, she didn't attack you. She just yelled, I love myself, which is... But she was making it about herself.
We all know that people do that like it's like she's making it about her Yeah, first 15 seconds of your set which is not cool a perfect comeback for me would have been okay Maybe love yourself a little less. Yeah, or quietly. Yeah quiet anyway. Let's move on from me. My set was terrific It was hard for it was hard for Mike to follow you. Okay, Mike it was and
You know, Julian had an interaction with a guy beforehand, and I was like sitting. First of all, Julian did 15 minutes on a shirt. Yeah. Which I thought was great. It's like glitter. And then they were like rolling in the aisles like, oh, my God, it's a glitter shirt. It is. They could. I mean, but, you know, it's a. Julian was killing with off the cuff material. I only did 15. All right. So I think I showed some restraint. There's a lot of rhinestones. It is.
So, um, and then, so I'm just, it's weird because it's a long walk to the stage. So I went to the stage early and then I just was there.
You went back and forth and scored off him. Yeah. And crushed. Yeah. And then Joe, that means somebody heckled and I handled it well. Okay, go ahead. Interesting. So then I'm just pacing back and forth.
and the people are looking at me like I'm a psycho, and then I squat down for some reason. Mike, no one thought you were a psycho. You are the most sensitive dude in the world. That place is enormous. That just hurt my feelings. You're 5'9". That just hurt my feelings. Tops. 5'9", tops. No one was staring at you like, who is this psychopath? No one was looking at you. Look at this shirt. They were looking at the shirt, Mike.
Look at this. Well, then you called me up, and then I went, and I had to focus on staying in a certain part. I'm not used to, this is my first leg of the tour in the round. So I had to focus on staying inside the tape and in the light and all that stuff, and watching the clock. But the set went very well. The crowd was very responsive, and the jokes were...
I think it helps to slow down a little bit because the jokes hit and then there's a little bit of a delay and then you feel it come back. In the club, it's just an immediate response, so the timing is a little bit different. Yeah, if you wait, they'll give you an extra one. Almost every joke. If I had to do an hour, I would be going so slow. You know what I mean? But also, I feel like if you go really fast, too, it's like...
there's no time for them to feel what you're doing. Right. Right, right. Beyond that. You're just like, I feel like there are times when I have gone really fast and you're just like, then you're like, oh, wait a minute. And then you just, it's a weird rhythm for them. It is funny to go fast and be like, I said everything I had to say. Yeah.
No, but it definitely pays to slow down and be in it. Cause, and also it's like, we all have to remember also, it's like, we're trying to get that. It's like, especially for me, it's like sitting to laugh a little bit. I know. Like just sitting in and relax a little bit. And you know, they're going to be there for the next one. It's so hard to enjoy it. It's crazy. Uh,
Nick, you opened with a doozy. You brought it on yourself. I brought this on myself. First of all, I love that you have to set up like, we're in Sacramento. We're the Kingsway. I'm wearing a purple Kings. Everyone's wearing like insane swag. Kings merch. So I...
I was talking about, I had a joke that I was gonna do about white chocolate and you know, I'm just talking to the lady with the swag stuff. But in reality, I am a Celtics fan. So I opened up being like, it's crazy to be here. I'm a Celtic fan. Decided to like, I decided to get a boo. The Celtics beat them tonight too. Oh really? Yeah.
So I decided to do it, and then I was like... I thought that was a dumb thing to say when I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. It was a dumb thing to say, but also I kind of... I knew that I was going to get the boot. Yeah, yeah. And so I was like, I know what I want to do next because I liked them at that time. And, you know, in reality, I probably stepped on... If I had just gone something about Kings, the white chocolate thing would have hit harder. Yeah. But it's still kind of... I liked...
It was strategic. I wanted them to do that and then lead into the next thing. I wish you would have gone complete heel and be like, I'm a Celtics fan, and then just let them boo you and go, shut up. You shut your mouths. You shut your mouths. Celtics are the best team in the country this year.
yeah but so and when i was in when we were in boston i said i was from philly right away oh yeah and i mean the booing that was nothing the boo obviously the booing in boston for philly is like insane and then i go i said uh i can't i go i knew you guys were gonna do that but can you chill out a little bit i have my 10 year old daughters here and they booed louder they booed goldie and i thought that was uh that made me respect the city a lot it
It really did. What was their reaction to the Boston racism joke? I reworded it a little bit where I said, people say...
I do the Philly thing being the rudest. And then I say, um, and I always defend you guys. I go, Boston's not the rudest city in the country. You're thinking of racism. That's right. I, so I, so I do like a flip like that. They loved it. I mean, it was, it was fine. And, uh, mostly I, I crap on Philly. So they love that. But I think even when you do that always, though, if you could do something that's like you, you can win them back in easy by getting that reaction, like, uh,
Like a boo? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a way to just, as long as you have something to go dig a hole and you have a way out already. But they were fun in the 90s. You know who used to dig holes just to see if he could get out of them that were so deep it was like, as a comic, you're like, I don't know. I can't.
if he's going to make it, was Patrice. Patrice used to dig a hole that would take seven minutes. He would dig a hole with no laughs for seven full minutes. Because he would say a statement that everybody would disagree with, and then he would, like, argue it. Oh, that's it. Now I'm really good. I watched him the best. Like, there was, like, a bringer show at Stand Up New York, and this guy went up and did 20 minutes, and he'd been doing comedy for, you know,
four months or something he's an author he did 20 minutes he did yeah he's like an author it wasn't comedy and he gets up there and he goes that was the worst trash I've ever seen this guy should like kill him yeah yeah he just starts like but everybody in the audience was like his family friends and he just trashes him like
And then everybody's like, and then he decides he just goes right into material. And you just hate him. Yeah, that's unreal. But when you're that good and you get bored, you're like, let's see how much I can make these people hate me before I bring them back. And sometimes he never did. No, it's great if you would have...
said the thing about I'm a Boston fan and then let the boo die out and then go, and that's why you guys can't satisfy your wives! What? I said it! You know what you could have said? That's my name. Also, you could have said, I brought up the Sacramento Kings when we were in Boston and they didn't know who I was talking about. That's good. But that
But that is the funny thing. They'd never heard of you. They don't really have a rival. Is there a dynasty? Who, the Lakers? I don't know. I have no idea. Well, they like to... They're about an hour from Golden State, so they try to go hard against Golden State. But Sacramento's only been good for a year and a half at basketball, so they don't yet have a rivalry. But...
I'll say that crowd had the energy of a blue collar, and I mean that as a compliment, a blue collar, second market town that's like, they are always the best crowds. They were awesome. And they had that energy. And that was a great Bakersfield reference. Oh, yeah. It was really a good one. The whole time I'm up there. So it's so funny because when you're in a show that big, I wonder what people think is going through your head because you'd think, oh, you're never more present.
than when you're like in a situation like that. And I swear to God, I brought up that Bakersfield thing. And for the next four minutes that I was up there, I was talking, I was riffing. And I, all I was doing was trying to remember my Bakersfield joke. I had a Bakersfield joke.
that used to kill, I still can't remember it. And I was just like so mad up there. They think I'm having a great time. They think the show's going great. And in my head, I'm just like furious that I can't remember this joke. But no, you probably, was your brain going crazy? Like how can I work Bakersfield into this? And you did it off the Florida thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You said Florida. No, no. I brought up Bakersfield because the idea was they booed Florida. Yeah. And I'm like, you're not better. Yeah. You know, you have Bakersfield. So that was all that was. Right. But I also have a bit about Bakersfield, and I just couldn't remember it. But if I could have done it then, they would have carried me out of there. You know what I mean? That's their reference. The rival city. Yeah. Guys, can we switch gears and talk about the workout today? Oh.
Oh, well, I didn't. But yeah, you guys can. I gave it about a 12% today. I didn't work out at all. I signed a waiver and I went in the parking lot. You spent the whole time looking for a bathroom. I did. I went in looking for a bathroom. I was like, here's a shower. Here's another shower. I'm going to take a call outside. I didn't see Nick for 20 minutes and then he came in. Is there a bathroom? Yeah.
Nick filled out his emergency contact information and was like, what's this for? He's not doing anything strenuous at all. When Mike works out, he looks like he's trying to work out so he doesn't kill somebody. That's what it looks like you're doing. Dan Soder used to, I used to have a bag to go to the gym. He goes, what's in the bag? A picture of your enemy?
Dan Soder. Yeah, you do. Same joke, same joke. He looks like he's, you do, you do look like you're taking out a lot of, getting out some anger. Yeah.
And Joe – All the anger comes out, too, when you hit those little bars. You do that jump and you get it. Yeah. How about how competitive Nate is? Oh, yeah. Nate is like, first of all, on the phone and then gets off the phone and starts working out. And then I'm going back and forth doing what Eric is telling me to do. Eric the trainer slash barber. Slash nutritional. You got to let it know. Slash nutritional. And then –
And Nate just, I'm going between things and he goes, can you jump and get those rings? Because you can. You can. So you want to see if I can. He's that competitive. I love it.
We got to play basketball today, too, in the King's training facility. Yeah, that was wild. We did it two a day. Nicest practice court I've ever seen, or like nicest basketball court I've ever been on. Well, there's two courts, so there could have been like a tournament. Yeah.
I didn't get the rooftop. I didn't go out. You could get to the top of it. We walked up two flights, which I wasn't a fan of. And I see this ladder and I was like, okay, the chances of getting down for me are not the best. But what about the people who were there? Yeah, what about it? How was it up there? How was it? Should we be allowed to hear about it then, Nick? Yeah, let's hear about it. I'd like to hear about it. No, I want to hear what it's like from the person that was down below the roof.
I was pacing around like a cat on the bottom. I want to get up there. Then Eric comes down and he goes, look, even if you do get up here, it's a five foot railing. So you're not going to be able to see showing me a photo. So I was like, even if I hurt myself trying to get up there, I still can't see. Right. That's great. Yeah.
Yeah. It was beautiful. It was incredible. I mean, I could barely see. Joe, by the way, speaking of the workout, Joe is sneaky athletic. Yes, he is. Joe looks like he can read really fast, but it turns out he's also a menace on an exercise cycle. He is sneaky in everything.
Not just sports. Joe's a winner. He's unbelievable. I'll just say it. He can play cards. He wins at poker. He's an unbelievable poker player. Joe's a winner. He knows how to shuffle. I will say this, though. Clumsy. A bit clumsy. Yeah, sometimes. He's a high IQ klutz. A lot of people compare me to Luka Doncic. Doncic? Is that a Russian author? Yeah.
It's pronounced Dusty-F-Key. He's related to somebody that played on the Kings in the 90s. Joe is a low-key champion. Oh, keeps it low-key. By the way, if you've been watching the podcast this whole time and you're waiting for Nate, he has 40 minutes left. So just stick around and he'll be here. We've got a lot of time to fill. He's going to come in and sanction it. He's just going to come in and go, I approve this. And then he's going to walk away.
It'd be great if he came in and said, no, this is all wrong. So where on your list? Yeah, I was a Division I college athlete. That's probably why. Yes. Wow. Probably why all the winnings. What sport was that, Joe? It was a men's sport, Division I. Oh, man.
Division one. He won. He was a golfer. It was the sport you would guess. Yeah. A lot of walking. The one with the most walking. It's dinner time. All right. It's time to eat.
It's a tough life we have. We have a catered dinner with an award-winning chef. I interrupted you. So we have to leave. Continue, Joey. So real quick, thank you for joining us in whatever locker room we are every time on this podcast. But I want to say, so on a scale of all the cities, say there's 50 cities, what's Sacramento rate for you, Joe, in terms of that crowd?
From one to 50, one being the best city ever, 50 being wherever you're from. Yeah. For me, solid 24. 24? Okay. How do you like that, Sacramento? Nick?
I'm going to say it's a top 10. Top 10? Wow. Recency bias. You would say that everywhere you were at. Everywhere he was at, he would say top 10. He's trying to get booked at the Sacramento Punchline. Recency bias. Mike, how about you? I don't hate because Nick is pandering. Hey, I'm not going to pander during the show. I'm a Celtic fan in real life. I want to let him know. I want to pander here with the three of us. The people watching are around the country. It's number one for me because this is my first weekend of the year in the round.
So it's number one. It's the only one I know. It counts. It counts number one. I like it. All right, let's go eat. Wait, you didn't rank it, Julian. Yeah, what do you think? Oh, 76. Philadelphia reference. This is Rugged Coffee Bros. Cool, man. We're just going to be looking for churro flavor in every city. Now that'd be easy. This is not churro. That's the one Chase had. This guy makes his own churro snack bar.
Yeah. Yeah, pretty good. It's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Vecchione, you want to weigh in on if it was a good idea? Sorry, am I interrupting content? Yeah. Ooh, Mike Vecchione. Thanks for hanging out with the group. I lost you guys on the scooters. Yeah. Mike doesn't ride scooters. We're all past his age, it looks like. Mm-hmm.
Oh, goodness. Your insurance policy has a clause, right? I have a scooter, but it's a different kind of scooter. It's got a basket. There was a 1994 wrestling injury that we have. You know I'm sensitive about that, Nick. If you can call the chair that goes up the stairs a scooter, yeah, you got one.
I bowled with a little push cart last night too. Mike and Nick walk in every arena like, what's your elevator situation like? I do.
I know exactly where they are. I'll tell you, there's one over here. And I'll tell you if it's a violation. You know the whole perimeter. I know the whole perimeter. I also know there's no bike locks. So they, I was here two weeks ago, I was looking for a bike lock. They kept going, it's right on the other side. I went completely around. There is no bike lock here.
She was like, you know, she's in swim lessons. She's two, so she's like scared by everything. And, you know, I'm pacing around on the side like Mike in a wrestling tournament. You know what I mean? I'm trying to include you. You get quiet.
It's not my story. I'm not shy. I know how to do this. But it's not my story. It's your story about how you almost wanted to drown your daughter. Who invented wrestling? You almost drowned your daughter. Go ahead. My daughter's alive. Everything's good. Mike was a Division II wrestler, almost Division I. He didn't make it.
If he was four inches taller. No, you had it wrong. Typical Nick Novicki news spin. I was a Division I wrestler and didn't make it. Thank you. All right. Will we just end on the sad moment? Yeah. But he loves wrestling. Who's the number one wrestler in the world? All right, anyways, we'll see you at the end. Oh, my God.
You're a great one. I had to say that, baby. I hope you fall off your scooter. Oh, man. I'm not riding a scooter for that reason. I'm a bike man. You're a bike man now? I'm a bike man.
I'm glad there's no locks and I'm in Anaheim. There definitely isn't. There's definitely no locks. Do you guys ever look at the empty seats and... I don't know, it freaks me out that there's just going to be that many people. Well, I'm comfortable because this is how I draw. We're doing the 3 p.m. show. I'm comfortable in a daytime show, actually. A lot of people don't like the daytimes. I like daytime shows.
Is it a 3 p.m. today? No, but I'm saying in general, it's like... I hope not. You scared me. This is crazy, though. When you sit with the lights on, it's a little bit more intimidating. Like, my vision is so bad that usually I can't even tell the difference until you actually are there and then you're just in the moment and, you know, on stage. Because when the lights are out, you can see the people, but mostly just...
here but when you're with the lights on it's insane looking around and how many people will be here do you like the lights off or on I like them off truth be told you like them on yeah you always have liked a room really light I like a dark room I'm just used to the club so it's used to connecting to people yeah I like them you're not connecting to people in a dark room you can't see them you're just doing your jokes into the darkness right
Yeah, but I can't see more than a couple roads either way. You're blind anyway. In a club or this, I'm just basically like...
You know, it doesn't matter. The vision side doesn't change for me. And now coming to the stage, a man who badly needs to see a doctor! I'll be surprised if he can make it up here! Give it up! Seeing eye dog included! It is not for his act, it's so he can make it to the stage! Give it up for the Polish rifle, Nick Novicki! Cabasa.
Oh yeah, that was the only time Paul was on tour.
Here we are. We're at the Hunt Center. Because of editing, this just never ends. It's like, you're still on! Mike, what do you think about the seats? Do you like them with the light or the dark again? No, I like them padded. Now, can you do this again with a little bit more energy? A little bit of smile. Give it a little pepper and a little bit of Mike Vecchione in a varsity wrestling match. On the count of three, mean mug them.
I have to pee every 30 seconds. Don't take... You cut that. Cut what I just said. You understand? I'll have you in court.
Martin Short goes, the only time I don't have to pee is while I'm peeing. That's a great one. But you're 30 seconds. That was funny. 30 seconds to Mars. What? You're just appealing to the young people that are 40? You know what I'm doing to Robin Williams where I just say something and then rip off? 30 seconds to Mars. 30 seconds. 30 seconds to pee. 30 seconds to Mars. You know what I'm talking about. Wacky. Woo!
Alright! Moving on. It's the same words. We're just moving on. Can I do a confessional? Yes. Cut Julian out of the shot. Of course. Julian... Okay, we've been friends for a long time. Julian and I have been friends for a long time. And I love his...
style, his talent, his quick brain. He's unbelievably emotionally available. He's a fantastic person, okay? Known him for years. We lost him to LA for a while. I was afraid he was gonna come back with an earring.
maybe a nose ring and try to explain it in some kind of neo-political way that they do, like in the trendy coffee shops. But he didn't do that and I was like, "Our boy is back. He's home." Anyway, we're on the road.
And, uh, are you shooting me still? Are you shooting B-roll while I'm on? Sorry, no, no. I don't know what your technique is. I don't know what your process is, and I'm not trying to judge it. But if this doesn't come out perfect, I'm slapping you. I'm gonna open hand slap you. I hope that's okay. I bought you a coffee. It was a great coffee, thank you. Thank you. Now, Julian, um, I got a text. Like, we're on the road. We're flying back.
Okay, great shows. Julian's an amazing talent. I always thought so and I'm in the bed Scrolling doing my boxing videos that I watch and the guys are speaking in Russian. My phone starts going off 4:00 a.m 4:00 a.m. My phone starts going off. I look at it It's a text from Julian and not a group text where we all get to chime in It's just one-on-one Julian to me and he's like hey Mike
Will you wake me up in the morning? I forgot my charger. And I think to myself, at first I get pissed. I'm like, this guy, who does he think he's dealing with? Then I go, that is so Julian. That, I remember who you, you know how sometimes you get in a whirlwind when somebody sends you a text and then you go, oh wait, who am I dealing with? This is so Julian. This is so Julian right now.
So I give him a little I wanted to sweat it out. So I wait about Seven to ten minutes and then I text back because it needs to be on my terms I go look I'll I'll knock when I wake up. I'll knock on your door when I wake up forgets. I forgot the body of the story that happens sometimes Where I'm telling a story and I'll just forget the main idea of the story because I'm off on a detail so much. I
Julian has your battery. Is your battery okay? 11%. 11%. That's how much I give during my headlining shows. Go on. Okay, so he texts me. Look, I forgot my charger. Classic Julian. And my phone is dead. I have no way to wake up in the morning. I might sleep. So can you wake me up at 10? Can you knock on my door at 10? He gives me the room number, which I don't want to give out.
So, even though we're not at the hotel anymore, I don't want people going in and sniffing Julian's sheets. His fan base does that, they're sheet sniffers. Look at me, sheet sniffers. Anyway, he texts me, "Can you knock on my door to wake me up? "I forgot my charger." And I text back, "Hey, buddy," 'cause I'm a boundaries guy, "when I wake up, then I'll knock on your door."
So he doesn't reply and I'm like that's a bit odd. And so I wake up naturally at maybe 10:30 and I go to Julian's room. I almost lock myself out of my own room.
and I go to this room and I knock. I knock a couple times and he's yelling to me like the rooms are not suites, they're small. He seems to be yelling at me from across the room and I'm like,
can you let me, can we see, can we have an interface, like friendship? And he's like, yeah, I got it, I got it. Yeah, I'm up, I got it, I got it. And I'm like, Julian, I don't think you understand how friendship works. It's like, open the door, eye contact, face-to-face conversation. You don't just yell at me through a door after you ask me a favor. I mean, maybe that's how they do it in LA. Maybe that's called networking.
in LA, but in New York. That's not how we do it. It's a face to face. So, Julian just goes, "I'll see you down there, I'll see you down there." I said, "No, Julian." I found Reese. I go, "I'll see you down there. I'll see you down there." I say that to him. And he goes, "Okay, okay." He felt where I was going, you know, first responder energy.
I go back to my room and then I do my aggressive breathing. It's 20 minutes. No one buys into it. I try to tell everybody it's a form of meditation, but it combines breathing with meditation. And I swear by it.
And I took a cold shower because I was heated from the interaction with Julian of being disrespected. But then I thought, this is classic Julian. It's not disrespected. It's just classic Julian. And then we met in the lobby, hugged.
and I held the hug longer than it should have been held. - It was a little tight. - We jumped into an Uber, a tight Uber, and I did that on purpose. I didn't want room, I didn't want space. I wanted to sit next to Julian. You know, you have to repair the bond sometimes. You have to repair the bond. And then we made it to the airport, and I even said to him, to show there was no hard feelings, "Julian, you want a coffee?" And I think he was still hurt, so he's like, "No, no, I don't need a coffee from you." And I was like, "Julian,
a coffee and he was like no and here we are so that's stories from the road everybody thinks we get along and we're great and we're friends but there is conflict on the Nate land if if if like
You know, if Nateland was a country, I would be New York, Julian would be LA. Oh my god. And we have to bridge the gap between lattes and networking and going out and hanging out. You live in LA for 10 years, all of a sudden you're LA. It's not fair, alright? I never felt like I belonged there. I prefer your face-to-face, you know, awkward, intense closeness. I prefer that. Why would you answer the door?
Just answer the door. You asked me to knock on the door and then you didn't answer. To be fair to myself, I forgot I asked you to do that and I thought you were housekeeping. And I said, "No, thank you." And then you got offended.
You forgot that you texted. How many other guys? How many other men are you texting it for? You knocked at 10.30. I'm not used to it. Every morning knock I've ever gotten at a hotel is housekeeping. So I hear the knock. My fight or flight goes, it's housekeeping. I yell, no, thank you. And then you're like, oh, you asked me to do this. I'm like, oh, God, it's Mike. You know? But then. I'm a pizza guy now. I'm a pizza delivery guy. Don't want none. Don't know. I ask.
pepperoni here i do think it's funny that i asked you to wake me up in the morning and then you knocked and i was like no thank you but i did uh i appreciate it and i woke up and when you have when you woke me up i immediately i i uh i rolled over and i turned on a movie and i fell back to sleep so thank you you fell back to sleep after i woke you up a little bit i did i thought you were like were on the phone or they felt like you were doing something it sounded like i was uh
Panicking. It's okay, thank you. It's alright, Michael. See you downstairs. I've got other things going on in here. I thought you were on a Zoom with a network. Yeah, like I got a money counter going. I didn't know what you were doing in there. No, I was, uh, you woke me from a dead sleep and I panicked. And I said, go away, please, after you were doing me a favor. Uh...
But yeah, I recommend if you do have your friend wake you up, don't have someone as intense as this guy. You want to get your more like, look at this haircut. I do the job. I do the job. It was funny. I was shocked. You were like, you're not going to let me in? I'm like, for what? I'm awake. But now I get it because you're, you got feelings. Yeah. Yeah. And I forgot about that because it was early.
I thought you were already up. You were like, I'm up. I'm already up. That's my trick. Yeah. From years of alcoholism to go from a dead sleep to be like, I'm dead awake. I've already...
So things are not always peaceful. I want to just stress the narrative here. Things are not always peaceful on the road with Nate Land. Oh, you guys get along. You guys are doing... Yes, we are friends, and there's a deeper bond, which is how we're able to weather these conflicts. This is a conflict. I think people need to understand something. When I saw Julian in the morning in the lobby, I didn't know how it was going to go. I didn't know how it was going to go. Is this going to be...
problem are we squaring up julian's a natural athlete baseball player could have went pro it's true i don't know what i'm dealing with here i don't know if i'm getting my head taken off yeah i gotta be in a defense i had my hands up i was like what's up julian what's up how you doing just in case yeah he decided to come over with a with a hook or something and i wasn't expecting it then you then a man's down in the lobby and we have to call abigail or somebody not nate himself but
Somebody from the Nate Land team. Nate doesn't want to hear about this. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Mike says the Nate Land tour is not peaceful. It's actually really peaceful. Mike is a little tense. I didn't say it wasn't peaceful. I said that there's conflict and there's undertones of conflict within the Nate Land family. I'm saying it's within Mike. No, it's not. It's all within Mike.
What we're doing is... I understand the Nateland brand. Do you understand branding? No. What is it? Okay, branding is when you portray yourself. And Nateland, the Nateland brand is peaceful. But the people who are watching this...
They're like, "We've had enough peace. What's the dirt?" And I'm giving it to them. Okay. And I'm giving it to them right in the throat. I got you. Yeah. The Mike brand is someone's always coming, so get in a stance. Yeah. And get ready because the world wants to beat you to the ground and it's up to you to have boundaries. Right, boundaries. And then make people feel bad about not being a better friend. And that's a good brand. I think it's very likable. People like being around it. Yeah.
- I don't know if that's my brand. I think my brand is too. Can I cut you off there? - I don't think I understand brand. I don't think I understand what a brand is. - I don't think you understand a brand either. - Was I describing a vibe? - A vibe. - Is a vibe different than a brand? - Yeah, a brand. - Guys, my camera's on 2%, so.
Oh, his camera's gonna die. Can you wake him up later and let him know he's got a church? So if you guys want to wrap up the weekend here. That was a perfect wrap-up. Your camera's gonna die. Julian's phone died. It's like, are you guys responsible at all for anything? It was a great weekend because there's...
Nate books a nice balance of acts. The crowd had a great... Nate's hour is amazing right now. It's unreal. So he's great. He's all set. The drama's with the openers. Yeah. So I feel like, you know, I get up there. I'm the host. We are. But I get up there. I'm the host. I'm fun. I'm like, hey, we're having a good time. Then we bring Mike up to remind him that the world's not a safe place. You know what I mean? And you better laugh at it because people are out to get you. And then we have Nick...
No, Vicky come out. And he's like, you know, his happy horse shit. And then we bring out Joe Zimmerman, who... You have to tell him there's a stage. He'll wander past it. Is that a hawk? He brings his own leather-bound chair to sit in, and then he smokes a pipe and does his act. No, it's a great, you know, one of these...
before Nate gets up there. It goes like this with the openers. It was a great weekend. We did Sacramento, we did Anaheim, and we did Tahoe. - Tahoe. - And I'm telling you, the vibe on stage, it's very cool. It starts, it's like this, then it goes like this, then it goes like this, and then Nate gets on stage and then it's good. - Yes.
And in between that we played pickleball, which is for somebody over 70. No, I love it. I love it. I'm not complaining about it. Pickleball. It makes you feel young. Pickleball. Pickleball. I'm a Celtic fan. I'm a Celtic fan.
Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. It's back to deals time. Now through August 15th, enjoy store-wide deals and earn four times rewards points. Look for in-store tags for eligible items from Kraft Singles, Keebler, Triscuit,
Zip lock and helmets for lunchbox surprises. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event-long savings. Enjoy savings when you shop in-store or online for easy drive-up-and-go, pickup, or delivery. Restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. Visit Safeway.com for more details.
An official message from Medicare. A new law is helping me save more money on prescription drug costs. You may be able to save too. With Medicare's Extra Help program, my premium is zero and my out-of-pocket costs are low. Who should apply? Single people making less than $23,000 a year or married couples who make less than $31,000 a year. Even if you don't think you qualify, it pays to find out. Go to ssa.gov slash extra help.
Paid for by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
