#74 Thanksgiving ft. Justin Smith
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Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous two-year contracts, they said, what the f*** are you talking about, you insane Hollywood a**hole?

So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. $45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. Hello, folks. Welcome to Nate Land sitting here with Brian Bates, Aaron Webber.

And our guest, Justin Smith. What's up, guys? How are you? Welcome back. Yeah. Welcome back. I love it. People know him. He took a ton of pictures. I know. It's great. Unless people are confusing me with Aaron, which I love so much. Still a fair amount. There's a few. There's still several. Yeah.

Yeah.

And with Warby Parker's free home try-on program, you can order five pairs to try at home for free. Shipping is free both ways, too. Go to warbyparker.com slash covered to try five pairs of frames at home for free. warbyparker.com slash covered. Welcome, everybody. It's been a crazy, it's been a great, crazy, busy, busy time out, you know, on the road. People come to shows. Yep.

It's been great. They're yelling out. This is my Saginaw spirits. We just did the place in the building that they play in, not at the hockey rink. But they had a game going on during our show. Oh, yeah? Really? Yeah. The whole place was packed. It was, they had, we had two places like that.

Saginaw. And then Peoria. Peoria. So it was like that too. Yeah, where that place they would have like a theater, like a smaller room, and then they have a hockey rink. And both of them had, I mean, full. Everything was going. Everything was going. Parking lot was full. Parking lot was full. Wow. That's crazy. Yeah. And it was super cool. The crowds have been awesome. I got this in Saginaw from a sheriff.

He gave me, huh? From Peoria. What? Yeah. Are you supposed to have that? I think I get it. I'm a sheriff now.

I get to fill in for the days that he calls out. You were deputized? Is that how they word it? Yeah, I mean, it was very brief deputized. It wasn't a ton, but it was Brian there. He's going to get fired for this now. This is a big story about it. He gave me a gun, too. Yeah, he gave me a gun. I got his cop car outside. I think he does that for everybody. But yeah, I'm a sheriff, Sheriff's Police, Peoria County, Illinois.

So, yeah, I mean, if I ever want to pull somebody over with the bus, I can do it. And they go, come on. I go, excuse me, sir. I could show that. Name and registration. Yeah. And he goes, can I look at, if you ask me one question, what's your county? I go, it's all, oh, Peoria County. I know that. You can't ask me that. That's hard to forget. That's hard. Peoria County. I've been a sheriff there for a long time. I'm old enough to be a sheriff, you know? Yeah. Pretty excited about that.

Carry with me at all times just in case. I would. I'd get in a gunfight. Be the only person to ever pull somebody over with a hockey jersey on. Yeah. I'd go, how you doing? I'm undercover right now. So, yeah, it was awesome. Let's restart with some of you guys' comments, though. As always, thank you for sending them in. We love reading them. I love, you know, I'm getting to meet people, too, that have comments. We met someone this weekend. Do we have the...

Of the video? Yeah. Text Travis to get that video. Yeah. That was maybe the coolest thing that I've ever seen. Yeah. Text Travis to get that video and the word do it. We'll have it up at the end of this. Christy Crawford, as if this podcast could not get more wholesome. Having breakfast, sharing that baby brunch is on the way. I like that. Yeah, that's good. Baby brunch.

And the immediate support from the guys is what the world needs more of. Congrats, Brian and Ruth. Keep up the good work, everyone. Got a lot of tell people to tell breakfast congrats. Had a lot of that. Everyone's been so nice. Yeah. Very, very supportive. Yeah, it was a big moment. I think it's the moment we jumped the shark of this.

Ryan's going to end up, he has seven kids. It's just a giant family. Just trying to bring us back. Can you imagine you having seven kids? Well, see, I couldn't imagine having one. Yeah. But I know, it would be like if you just have a bust. The breakfast bunch, dude. The breakfast bunch. Just seeing you having to rile them all. Isn't there a show, Bringing Up Bates, that's just that? Yeah. A ton of kids?

But it's you specifically having to just get all your kids and it just would be... I mean, everybody would watch that show. Just the overwhelming... I would want the camera on you the second your eyes open and you just know...

The overwhelm that you're going to have to deal with, with seven kids just running in and you having to, you know, you got to get them to school. Ruth's working. You got to get them to school and just, oh, it'd be great. Even just waking them up, you get a broom handle banging on the roof. You look like Forrest Gump waving at his kid as he flies away. Haley Jo Osment. Yeah. You just got your hand on your back.

Is he like me? Yeah. Is he worried? Is he worried like me? Or is he normal? You see all your kids are like, I got everything today, like right before they leave. Everybody pat, make sure you got everything. No, that'd be wonderful. Yeah, it would. RY Givens.

The way that Aaron and Nate both made the same movement at the same time in sheer glee and happiness for Brian was one of the most heartwarming and beautiful moments on this podcast. Congrats, bangle bracelet. You're going to be a great dad. Bangle bracelet. Do you know it's a real thing? I looked it up. Oh, really? Yeah, it's called a bangle bracelet. Oh, wow. I don't know what's special about it. I don't know what makes it a bangle bracelet.

It's a bangle. That's what's special about it. It's just circular. Yeah. The different movement you guys made, though, is Aaron punched me so hard that I couldn't feel my arm for a while. Yeah, dude. We thought he was having a stroke. We tried to jump start it, like starting a lawnmower.

I think I forgot about that. In that moment, I forgot that you had a serious stroke scare earlier that day. Are you a puncher? He's young. Like I'm a 42-year-old man that you shake a hand, you buy him a gum cigar, and you go about your day. And this is a young child that doesn't know his own human strength yet.

It's like a dog that doesn't, that's too strong. And you're like, you gotta, you're playing with a cat, man. You gotta go easy with it. He's playing with the old dog. Lick him. He's like Clifford. He's like Clifford the dog. Yeah. It's very sweet. There's a bruise. It also hurts. He's got a bruise. It's very sweet. Derek Visor, or Vizor. My best friend's dad was 50 when he was born.

Sounds like his dad, when he was born, he was like, you're already 50. He's like, golly, I missed the whole thing. Am I reading it like this or not? My best friend's dad was 50 when he was born. It could be construed that way, yeah. He came out 50. He came out just like this. Yeah. Is it a baby? He goes, what's that? Sir, where are you going? You're like, I was just born. That's a movie right there. Come out, you're 50, miss all the beginnings. Yeah.

He was a great and loving father, and on the plus side, his lack of control of his gas and other such old people shenanigans made for comedy gold. And he wasn't even a comedian. Biff is going to be a great dad and makes a lot of his daughter's friends laugh. Congrats. I may have teared up a little when you gave the news.

My best friend's dad was 50. When he was born. I'm like having trouble with that sentence. Yeah, because you can't tell if he's talking about his dad or him, but he's talking about his friend's dad. Oh, my best friend's dad was 50. When my best friend was born. Oh, when my best friend was born. That's how they meant to word it, but it could be construed that way. Oh, my best friend's dad was 50 when he was... Okay. Man.

I love a guy coming out at 50. I've never seen Benjamin Button, but isn't that what that is? That's the idea of it. But he gets younger. You're saying he comes out old and just keeps getting old. He just keeps getting fit. He doesn't get a full run at life, you know?

Just starts at 50. Just starts at 50. Like, dude, you're almost done. Yeah. I just started, dude. First thing, he comes out, and he's like, God, my back is tight. And you're like, yeah, well, you're 50, man. That's what happens. He just didn't get a chance. Born first. They take a picture of his first stroke. He has it immediately. All this. His heart attack is just all the pictures of him in the hospital. He just didn't. All right.

How do you think you get dressed when your dad's 50? Is your first onesie a cardigan sweater? I just feel like you're just wearing bow tie. Wait, if he's... If your dad is 50, then... I feel like Brian's a little bit younger than... He's not at all. I'm just going to let him finish. He's not like... Were there's originals...

Thank you, Justin. I mean, he can still take a punch, apparently. So, I mean, he's not doing bad. That really hurt. We had to... You can't raise this arm. I feel bad the last time I was on. We had to have a talking to with Aaron. And we said, I pulled him aside and I bent down on my knee and I said, hey, buddy, you can't hit the older people like that.

You know? Gotta be nice to grandpa. It's the same thing when you get like Harper goes and hugs her grandmother and you're like, hey, let's be easy. Gentle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotta be easy. Yeah. Can I comment on the stroke? No. Okay. No, you can't. Yeah.

A lot of, I mean, again, everyone's so nice telling me how much they're thinking about. I haven't figured it out yet. I don't think it's a struggle. This is a really, really drawn out one. Yeah. We're still trying to figure it out. So everyone's been so nice and saying their prayer for me. Some are so nice. They're like, you know...

the Bible says our body's only temporary and that we'll be reborn again in heaven. I'm like, they're writing me off. Yeah, they're writing you off. They're totally writing me off. They're already, they just put, when they're watching this on YouTube, they just put a tape over your face because they're like, I'm just trying to get used to, he's not going to be there much longer. So I just want to get used to not seeing him. You just start getting all the funeral Bible verses. We're going to have Justin just is in that seat and I put you over there just so we can will that seat out. I'm like, I'm,

I'm just trying to get everybody used to seeing it. We don't even announce it. Bates? Oh, yeah. He died a couple weeks ago. Anyway. Brad McMurdy. McMurdy. That's a fun name. That's a fun name. Brad McMurdy.

At the end of the episode, I watched... That sounds like a name that you're like Brad Mick and you're kind of excited for it. And he goes, Murdy. And you go, that was as good as I hoped it was going to be. At the end of the episode, I watched after the sign-off as Nate walked to breakfast and I expected him to give him a hug or something after breakfast is big news. Instead, he reached over and grabbed some Sour Patch Kids. Typical Nate, keep up the good work. That's so funny. That was good. Yeah. We've hugged. I don't think we did. Did we hug? I think we...

Not much. It's very funny. I'm going to pull that up. I want you to watch. No, I think we... I want you to watch. I think we have hugged. It'll take a second. We've hugged occasionally. When you got married. Yep.

When this baby's born. I mean, the fact that you guys are ever going to argue about it just proves it's not enough. I just wish we hugged more is what I'm saying. Yeah, there's a point. I hug. Yeah, there's my buddy Dan Chackie. We never would shake hands when we would leave because he'd be like, we're about to see each other. You know, it's like sometimes it's like you can be like, what are we doing? Right. You know, but I like hugging. But when you're around someone all the time, I'm not hugging. Here we go. Here's the end. So you get up. It looks like you're about to get up. Hey, man. Here we go. Congratulations, dude. Oh.

Priorities. Leanne Carr. I love that no one caught Nate's Napoleon and Neapolitan mix-up. Yeah, I guess we were talking about Napoleon. I didn't catch it. Neapolitan.

And you were talking about the ice cream, right? I think so. Yeah. I don't know. You said something about, you're trying to think of another country where someone's from and you said Napoleon and we said, well, he is from France. And then you said something about there's three different ones.

Oh, well, I think I meant Napoleon, and then I made it Neapolitan. Like, I made it as a joke of, like, that was a joke off the Napoleon name. I didn't catch it. I didn't catch it either. But I think I thought Napoleon was the ice cream. Okay. I don't think I would. I was thinking, oh, Neapolitan, like, those are close enough. To me, Napoleon and Napoleon ice cream would have been the same thing. I got you. So she's right. Yeah.

I did think. And I don't like Napoleon ice cream. I don't like strawberry. I mean, I love it. It was my favorite. You like Napoleon ice cream? Oh, I used to. That's what it's called. I mean, I love that everybody was crucifying you for it. It's like, man, I just stopped doing that like five years ago. Well, it's because I don't ever eat the strawberry in Napoleon. You eat all of it?

You ate every bit of it. I'd just get after it, man. You'd eat all three together. I don't even think about what color it is. Really? You just get in there. You don't think you've got to be told strawberry? I don't like strawberry. I don't mind it. Do you do the carton of it, or do you do the ice cream sandwich? Oh, the ice cream sandwich. Because ice cream sandwich was a big deal for me when I was growing up. I don't eat strawberry ice cream. Napoleon's never been a big part of my life. And if it was, I'd stay on one side.

Just like the real Napoleon. I never went full strawberry. Yeah.

Brandon Conrad. Nate is a former restaurant general manager. I can say that the ketchup comment about putting it in the cooler overnight is false. I never failed a state inspection and never had the ketchup in the cooler. It came with dry stock on our truck and was never refrigerated. Laura's thankful for this comment. Laura is truly, Laura might have wrote that. She did. Yeah. That's the first time I'm seeing that. Yeah, Laura was very happy. Laura's brought that up to me at night. Like, you know, it was like 11 o'clock and she's like, you know, I don't,

Why no one keeps their ketchup outside? You don't do that at the restaurant. You don't put it in the fridge or you don't take it back. So Laura agrees with you. Laura agreed with me. Okay. That's why I got Laura on it so good. Yeah. When we first talked about this 15 years ago. I laid the law down when we got married 15 years ago. I go, you want to be a part of this? Ketchup stays out. I just came from a refrigerator ketchup family. And our family going forward, we're ketchup out. Yeah.

Someone sent us a photo of a ketchup bottle that says, keep refrigerated for freshness. What do they know? I'm talking about Heinz. It's going pretty good so far. Yeah. Megan, you have discussed bread and ketchup, but have you discussed where you all stand on butter? I'm a fan. My husband comes from a family of people who leave their butter on the counter, but I come from refrigerated butter people.

He has somewhat converted me because room temperature butter is more spreadable, but I'm still a refrigerated butter person at heart. I would keep it out. I like that she says that because I might start doing that. It's dairy. Yeah, it's dairy, so I thought that wouldn't be good. I actually thought it would melt if you kept it out. But I think it depends on how much you're using butter.

You can leave it out. I mean, you got to put it in something. You can't just drop it on the counter. Yeah. Stick of it. I liked it smooth because then when you go, it is the worst when it's like hard and you're like, well, there's no point. But to Justin's point, it's dairy. So it seems like that just wouldn't work. It's dangerous. Well, her family's doing great with it. Yeah. I mean, there's no last name. So I'm very skeptical. She's on her own. She lives alone. I think it's safe to leave out. I think it's safe. Yeah.

Y'all can come to me, Megan, and Aaron's house if you want left out butter. I trust Justin. I mean, he's got a background in stuff that I feel like he knows. And when he says stuff, he means food. Yeah. Breakfast, getting a little throwing darts kind of early. I'm telling you, when that butter topic came up. He gave you a nice compliment. He was trying to say you're a young man. That's true. I try. And you come back with, Justin knows about butter. Justin, go ahead. What about jelly and jam?

I like jelly. I don't like jam. What's the difference? There's a difference. I don't think there's a difference. There's a difference. Why would they call them two different things? And what is preserves? That's different. Soda and pop aren't two different things. That's not, but they don't sell soda and pop, and that's just what someone calls it. They sell jelly and jam will be next to each other. Right. In glass, so you can buy one or the other. So they have to be different. Otherwise... It's chaos. What does it matter? Why are we even doing this?

Jelly is great. I'm not a big... Jam is thicker. I don't like jam. I like whatever they do to it to make it distant from the actual thing it is. You know? It's like smooth or no seeds. Whatever. Yeah. No jam pulp. Yeah. Processed. I like... I want you to go... I want mine to be processed. I want it to go through a few things. This is about the Seinfeld episode. Caitlin Blanchard. The Blanchard family. The Blanchard family's back.

Without question, this was the liveliest and most engaged Nate has been on an episode. He's clearly passionate about Seinfeld. I could never really get into the show, but this episode has convinced me to give it another try. Hey, that's good to hear. I thought she meant the podcast the first time I read that comment. I could never get into the show, but this episode convinced me. We didn't have Aaron bringing it down. Maybe that's what. He didn't have any dead weight on the show that week.

Kyle Gordon. Mark gets more and more red and sweaty as the ep goes on from holding in all his no-no words. Seriously, though, what an excellent episode. I love Mark, and it's awesome to see him talk about something so personal to him with Nate. Yeah, I mean, Mark loves Seinfeld, obviously. Joe List loves Seinfeld. Sal Vacano loves Seinfeld. There's a bunch of us that can talk about it a lot. But it was, yeah. I'm glad that worked out. That was a...

Kind of a very, very last minute that we did not think we were going to get to do. And then we were able to kind of all get together. And so that's why I put it together. So that was, yeah. It was one of those that we were going to leave as a special episode. And then it was like, this is a pretty good episode. Someone did say, I wish Aaron was on because it had been the one episode where Nate knows more than Aaron about the topic. Yeah.

Well, I knew more so much that we didn't invite him. Aaron found out about that episode the day it aired with y'all. What's this? He goes, so y'all recorded? I was outside of my van and we're like, oh, were you? Michael Rumsey. I'm 35 years old and I've known that Seinfeld existed for basically my whole life. Yet I have most certainly watched less than one hour of the whole show ever.

For some reason, listening to you guys talk about it made me want to watch. So I started this afternoon and was hooked after the first scene in the diner. There you go. Converting people. Converting. New fans. Caralee. Caralee. Caralee. C-A-R-A-L-E-E. Caralee. Caralee Crow. Caralee Crow. That's a good name. That's a great name. Caralee Crow. Sounds like a name you'd write in a script. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm currently in the middle of season seven. Just getting past the point where George proposes to Susan. I was at the gym listening to the pod last week, and y'all talked about Susan's character being killed off without even kind of a spoiler alert. When I heard this, I immediately stopped what I was doing, left the gym, drove home, and watched Seinfeld until I got to the episode where she died. Disappointed, but not surprised.

Gotta love Nate and Brad because it's pulling a major plot point. That is true. I guess I did not think about people going back and watching it now. It's like your Sixth Sense joke. It's been 30 years. Yeah. And it's a comedy. But yeah, it's very funny. Isaac the Salsa Shark. While I get why some people... While I get why...

You can't throw double H's like that. Yeah, that's why you got to go with though instead of while. While I get though. No, no, no. Instead of while. Though I get why. Oh. See, that's what I would have done to prevent what you said. While I get though, some people prefer season three. Though I get why. While I get why.

I think I helped him write this. Yeah. While I get why some people prefer season three and beyond, season one and season two are the best seasons of the show. Season three starts to go over the top and loses the realistic underpinning that made season one and two much more genuine. Three and four are surprisingly steady, and five or six are still quite enjoyable, but the show becomes a parody of itself and can't sustain the simple and clever joy of the first two seasons. I just disagree. Yeah.

I mean, look, I like jelly, so I think I'm fine with it becoming a parody of itself. Like, that's just the guy I am. I could see someone that does like the beginning of it, and, you know, it's like the people that liked Metallica. Didn't they not like them once they became super famous?

I've never heard that. I thought I heard like those people thought they sold out. Oh, yeah. Because they, right? Probably. I feel like everybody, all these, well, they're going mainstream. They're not. Yeah, you like music. Like Nirvana fans. You like some music and food? Go ahead. No, I mean, I think bands, I think it's a common thing with like grungy bands like that. And even like hip hop is the same way where it's like you like an artist when they start and then all of a sudden when they start getting successful, you start seeing other types of people

get into them, and then you're like, I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah, but they can make money. I mean, it's good for them, but you're just like, ah. Who's stuck true the whole time? Jay-Z? I mean, there's a few dudes that are... 21 Pilots. 21 Pilots? I think there's a lot of them that are like that. I think it's just kind of like you have to make a decision. Do you want to be commercial, or do you want to like...

be that life. You know, if you, do you, do you want to play, do you want to play venues? I mean, DMX is a great example. Yeah. Um, but do you want to play venues where there's bars in the middle of them? Yeah. Or, yeah. Yeah. DMX would be like one that he stayed true to who he was. Tupac. Well, Tupac was never, never what, like he, I mean, I get into arguments with people about this. Biggie was, Biggie was for sure. Yeah. Um, Biggie was that dude his whole life.

But Tupac was, I mean, Tupac went to like an art school and was like studied dancing. And that's how he met Jada Pinkett Smith early on in their career. So like he was never, he was never that dude. He, what happened was he hung around like real gangsters. Like Suge Knight was a real gangster. So he was just trying to keep up. It's kind of like a thing where it's like when you're around a bunch of real like pit bulls, you gotta, you gotta act like a pit bull. I never knew that. It's,

This is the most hip-hop this show has ever gotten. Yeah. Well, it's me and you. I stuck to my roots, and you went more commercial. That's true. That's true. I do more underground. The underground king over here, dude. I do the East. Garth Brooks over here. That's Lebanon for you.

That's crazy, but Tupac. I bet we're going to get some comments on that. I'm sure. We could do it. Then Justin will be gone and we'll have to field your message. Yeah, I can't wait for that one. I can't wait for this group. Message Justin if you have any big problems with that.

Stephen Kelly. I once had a conversation with Jerry Seinfeld. He was at a Porsche show in Hershey, Pennsylvania around 1999. I was 11 years old, a big fan of Seinfeld, and his show had just ended. Jerry had entered the event as my father and I were leaving. I was just young enough to have the confidence or lack of self-awareness to yell out, Hey, Jerry. He turned and looked at me, not knowing what to say next. I just said, You're pretty funny.

His response delivered in the classic Jerry tone and cadence was to shrug and say, me, no. And he kept walking. To this day, the best conversation of my life. That's great. Yeah. I found out, I also got a message from, it was pretty exciting. Spike Ferenstein. Is that how you say his name right? I think so. Yeah. Spike messaged me. He wrote Andrea Doria.

which is very, very cool. I remember I always liked Spike because he had a talk show too. He got his own stuff. And he said he showed the clip that we posted. He said he showed it to Jerry. He was with Jerry. Wow. And Jerry loved it. So we're close. Really? We're close, yeah. Oh, that's awesome. So that was pretty fun.

The one episode I'm not on. Yeah. Yeah. This is a podcast with you, Brian, and Norman, because that's a great podcast. I would never change it. And if Jerry tells us that, Aaron, you're out. I get it. I get it. I would resign if he said that. You and Justin could do Aaron Land. It'd be a lot skinnier on this side of the table. We'd get on other sides of the table, for sure. No, you'd have to do Aaron Land like this. Same side. Same side. Yeah.

You ever sit same side with your wife at a restaurant? I don't think I'll ever do that. But you see couples that would. Yeah, my daughter I have. Daughter's different. But no, just talking, you wouldn't be able to do it. A lot of people don't talk. If you go to a restaurant, you'd look around. Couples. Get in on that. What's your secret? I just noticed y'all over here, you haven't said a word. And I love that.

That's a George Costanza moment. Just walk over, shake their hands. I'd like to thank you, sir. Thank you. I'm going back in. So we've had... We were just got back. If you're watching this. Saginaw Spirits. I have that. We were just in Saginaw. Yeah. And then...

We were on the road. Yeah. Living it up. It was great. This weekend was awesome. You were in Peoria, I think? Yeah, we were in, yeah, I mean, this last campaign, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Rochester, Royal Oak, Saginaw, Peoria, another show at the Opry. Shows coming up, LA, Los Angeles, December 3rd, 4th, and 5th, I'm in Pittsburgh and Cleveland.

And then that might be it till January. I mean, it's a big, a lot of dates announced. If you go to my website, if you want to buy stuff and we're adding shows and these shows have been, I mean, it's, it's unreal how many people are coming out to these shows. I mean, truly, like I always say, none of this is lost.

These shows are for you guys, and I wouldn't get to be where I'm at if it wasn't for you. And I never, you know, I'd never try to take that for granted. And I know the reason I get to be there is because y'all are listening to this and y'all come to these shows.

And y'all decide if I get to do those shows. So thank you for coming out. And they're traveling. They're traveling great distances. Yeah, no, I always feel bad. People are like, we drove from Chicago. And I'm like, yeah, she's got an ounce. I mean, that happens. It happens a lot.

But people, we had someone from Nashville, Sugar Tree. Yeah, absolutely. Tennessee. You ever heard of Sugar Tree? I have not. Yeah. I think it's like she said Sugar Tree, Dixon, Nashville. And they- Very nice people. Cheeto County? Or Dixon County? Decatur County. Decatur County. Hmm.

Disappointed that you didn't know that, man. No, I mean, that's not Dixon. I'm just going off what he told me. Yeah, yeah. So they were cool. People have been trying to... Me and Justin went through Friday the 13th. Oh, yeah. What an adventure. Yeah. All of them. All of them, the Jason ones. Look, if you're a little listen to this and you're like, well, my parents don't let me watch Friday the 13th, guess what? Mine did not either. And so you have to wait and watch them when you're 42 years old like I do.

I mean, I've just realized when your parents don't let you watch movies, it's not a bad thing. Because then you get to watch these movies later. Like, I'm going through, like, diehard. I'm going through all these movies that I never would have been allowed to watch. And I'm getting to enjoy them now where I understand them more. I can't wait until I get to you watch Executive Decision. He wants me to watch Executive Decision. Oh, my gosh. So good. Kurt Russell at his most Kurt Russell. Yeah. Oh, so good. And Steve Scrooge. I need to hear this.

Oh my goodness. Jason. What's so funny about the Jason movies is like, should we say spoiler alert in case anybody's jogging on a treadmill right now? Yeah. I don't, you know, the first ones, it just starts out and then you get to, we, we, we got really hung up on, he goes to Manhattan and we're like, well, how does he get to Manhattan? So we had to watch a bunch to go like, how does he go to Manhattan? You know, funny. And he gets to Manhattan. Uh,

It's on a boat. Look, I can save you. You can watch them. They're rough. Well, the series has been asked because we started because he'd never seen any of them. And again, spoiler alert, the first Friday the 13th, it's not even Jason. It's his mom.

Well, I just watched Scream with him. So that's a plot point they reveal in that. I would have missed that question. Right. And then the second movie, I mean, if you ask anybody, what's the most important part of Friday the 13th? What's the most iconic thing? They're going to say Jason and his hockey mask. Yeah. In the second movie, he didn't even wear a hockey mask. He wears a pillowcase with one hole in it to look through. To see one eye. And then the third movie, he doesn't wear a mask through three-fourths of it.

That's a whole part of the theme of Jason is like whatever the title is, they wait a good amount of time before they get into it. And so like every – and then he always just comes back alive. Like he's undead. And so like they always show how he comes back alive. And then they do – and look, Jason's – if you watch his horror movies, I know that it gets – I like Friday the 13th. I think the beginning ones are better and then it gets kind of wild. When we watch like the Manhattan one is just –

You're like, how does he, he's always in this crystal lake. Hey, we always, the crystal lake, how is this even open? I mean, how is not this major news that this guy keeps coming back to life and every year kills 30 to 40 people and how they just have not blocked off this area to go, guys, you can't,

And he's doing it. And these kids come and they're like, oh, we're going to do it. And it's like, it was a year ago this just happened. It's not like they're like, oh, it's 50 years. A year ago.

I mean, so many people died. There was a massacre. Real bad. Not good. And they're all convinced it's a conspiracy theory. Yeah, it's an old wives' tale. We're going to have fun. Was it one of your first jokes about that series? My first joke about Jason. Yeah, I posted it, I think, recently. But then it was like, it's just very funny that, A, that is happening. And then, so then when you're like, he goes to Manhattan, you're like, well, how does he get there?

And so that makes you go just to go, I don't, I want to see he's in Crystal Lake, upstate New York and gets to band like Jason, by the way, is,

His brain is tiny. He's like an animal. He's like real dumb. He's a child when he passes away. So he's kind of got a brain of a child. Yeah. But he knows a lot about electrical work. He can take the lights off of anything, boat, house. He just knows where phone cords are. I don't think he could use a phone.

but he knows how to make you not use a phone. It's like you went to a trade school. Yeah. Yes. Yes. It's like you went to a trade school. Weaponry, I mean, any weapon, he knows. I mean, crossbow, whatever. He can get anything and use it unbelievably. And precise. And precise with it. But just not good, but can be tricked in other ways. If you just say you're his mom in a voice,

He doesn't that. He's like, ah, what? What's happening? You know, even an impromptu haircut, impromptu haircut. Well, he's chasing somebody else around. You just go up there, give yourself a haircut. Oh my gosh. A couple of strains by a 30 seconds. He doesn't know what's happening. And then, so we're at the center. How does he go to Manhattan? He goes to Manhattan. He gets on a boat, takes the boat. Crystal Lake. Apparently,

You can get from Crystal Lake to New York City in a boat. On a boat? On a boat. It's connected. Not just a boat, a luxury cruise. A luxury cruise. He goes somewhere and then jumps off his boat. His boat sails into the...

Just a dock. A dock. And no one even talks about that. So just the fact that his boat, he just dives off in the water and that boat sells into a dock. And then he climbs on the boat next to it, which is a cruise. No one even stops this cruise from going out being like, hey, we've had a pretty bad accident with this other boat. No driver. Where did this boat come from? It's kids and they go, doesn't matter. It doesn't get talked about.

They get on the boat. He then, you know, kind of gets everybody on the boat. No one knows it. And then he gets to Manhattan and he's just walking. I mean, he's at Times Square at one point. And you actually believe he's on a subway and no one's stopping it. And I actually believe that. Yeah, that's the most believable thing. Yeah, because Manhattan is so crazy that you're like, I think...

New York, they don't stop stuff. Also, there's that moment when the crazy guy is going through and you get real small. You treat crazy people like a T-Rex. If I just don't move, don't breathe, he'll just go right past. When he goes to Manhattan, that's the very end of the movie. If you want to see it, it's

Honestly, just kind of fat. You could just kind of skim through these. Which one is that? What's it called? Jason takes, goes to Manhattan. Yeah. I mean, is it really? Yeah. But he takes an hour and 15 minutes to get there. The Muppets take Manhattan. And then the other one was Jason goes to space. And so that was the one that really got us. We go, well, how does he get to space? New York has a new problem. Yeah. Jason takes Manhattan. Uh,

barely in Manhattan, to be honest, and really only going after a couple people. Right. Uh, everybody handles their close ones being killed very well as well in all these movies. Like, it's people they're getting, you know, that's part of their families, they get killed and they just kind of move on. Uh,

But then he goes to space and you're like, so we're like, how does he get to space? That's a real one. That's a real one. After this is Jason X. Jason goes to space. And I'll be honest here. The most plausible one I've seen. I actually make sense of him getting to space. It's the only one that you're like, I can see it.

And they make it the year 2455, which we were saying, I would think when they wrote it, they go, Hey man, don't go that far. Yeah. That's too far. Yeah. And he goes, no, no, we got to go to 24. They go, that's 2040. Let's do that. Like just, you know, this was written, this was made in 1990. When was it made? 2001. Oh, 2001. So you like go to 2050 or something like that. Yeah. Uh,

And it's like just, or something. Like, $2,100. Yeah. You go in and he goes, no, no, $2,455. You're like, I just, that's so far away. We don't even, we can't even make it look like it's $2,455. But him getting the space completely made sense to me. Because they go back and, like, they bring him. And, I mean, it's just, I would say, this is all fictional, obviously. But...

We don't know how generation after generation, this has not passed along to go, if Jason is not on your planet, do not bring him on the planet. It does not. It's never gone good for every year.

This guy gets brought back to life. Did they ever talk about why he kills people? Does he just enjoy it? It's because of his mom. It's like a whole thing. The whole plot is that he drowns because people at the camp were negligent. They should have been watching him, and they weren't. So the whole thing is that he comes back and punishes people at the camp because it's like a tradition kind of thing. Then he's in space killing people from 500 years later? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they brought back...

So they bring back two people from that Jason person. So, I mean, Jason, it's, it's, it's, so the movie starts, it's supposed to be like 2008. It's kind of gets wacky. The next one after this is Freddie versus Jason. And it actually goes back. We're, we're, but we're going to go, but we're going to do the Friday the 13th or no, the, we got to do Freddie for Freddie and then build up to it. Yeah. I think Freddie and Mike Myers are supposedly a lot better.

uh but jason it's just it is very funny to think with just any like i would like to you're just a part of it you go like guys we're not gonna like he's at one point he's in a he's chained up and they got him at the beginning of it and they're like you know they got him he can't get out and they're like we need to freeze him like they're gonna cryo whatever and they're gonna freeze him uh and they because you can't kill him and so uh

this one actually does make the catchment with the FBI. Like it's like, it's the only one that kind of makes, they have a trap for him. They have a trap for him. It's like,

The FBI is involved. You're like, finally, after 40 years, the FBI is like, I guess we're go investigate this guy that keeps coming alive every other year and just wiping out 50 people. I mean, they just leave sheriffs and I'm like, literally at the at the beginning of these movies, they show the end. And I promise you, it's literally like at the end, like all these people are dead.

And ambulances just show up. They just put everybody in the wagons and they just leave. There's no yellow tape. There's no investigation. It's like, let's just get them all and then we'll figure it out later. And no one ever just goes. And every time they're like, Jason's alive. And they go, that's a wise tale. You're like, I mean, it was. Did we have newspapers in there? This is not the 1800s.

This is 1980 when this is happening. And they keep going to the lake. And they keep going to the lake. Just go to Myrtle Beach. You're on the East Coast. You're on the East Coast. Go to a different lake.

Apparently Crystal Lake's the only, that's the only place he's at. Just don't go to that. Or Manhattan. You can, well, because they bring him to Manhattan. Don't give him a, don't dock a boat in the lake that I thought was closed. I didn't know. That'd be like, if you go to Old Hickory Lake, can you get from Old Hickory Lake to. Well, that one little stream goes all the way to. To Crystal Lake. I guess it does. Goes all the way to Manhattan. And then we zoom out. I mean, that's brutal. I don't know how he gets over there.

He takes a boat from Crystal Lake right here. Yeah. Does he see the Statue of Liberty? There's no way to get out of it. How do they get that boat out of there? Well, it goes down. Yeah. And then it goes... Through the trout pond. Yeah, trout pond. He's probably like, all right, we're in good waters now. Then you take Beaver Brook. And he's on a pretty big boat. It's a...

I guess he had to go up. How many people die on a regular cruise? 30, 40. I mean, on his, yeah. If Jason's on it. And the one guy, he goes, I mean, Jason's on this boat, which I do. The main guy's like, doesn't believe it. I understand that. Because you're like, why would he be on a boat? Yeah. How did he get on this boat? You're like, you're right, man. I don't know how he got on this boat, but he's on it. He's on it. And then you get to Manhattan.

And yeah, I don't know. And everybody keeps disappearing and nobody's like, hey, there's no red flags. Just like, ah, it's just... Yeah, everybody, I mean, just... There's explosions and nobody asks questions. No one ever knows where anything's at and no one's ever surprised that lights go out in any Jason movie. Electricity goes out, they go, golly, again. And like, they never, they never just question it. You know what I get? Look, that's the idea of horror movies. I'm trying to get serious. It's just...

If you do watch it, just have fun. When you watched it, because I think that's more than any horror movie, the one that people parody. Yeah. So were there really scenes? I saw it a long time ago where the car doesn't start and for whatever reason people are hiding ridiculous places. You know, there's commercials now, Geico commercials where they make fun of it. Is that really happening? Oh yeah. Yeah. Every, every, every movie. It's like if you opened an O'Reilly's at Crystal Lake, you would be a millionaire.

Like, no car works. Or they'll do dumb things. They're like, hey, we're going to sit out here for eight hours. What? I kind of like that. O'Reilly's Auto Parts. Wait, why? Because every car is broken down. All these cars need repairs. Oh, that's funny. Thanks, buddy.

Do you think I bombed a joke? And you were like, God, man. I don't think I got the joke, and I think I represent all the people listening. And so I think I was trying to make it where they... I think this is the Votek part of the table. So I think that's why Eric got it. Look at that hat. I think our high-brow listeners got it, but I think us regular folk, maybe it breezed past us.

But if you open it over, yeah, that's funny because nothing works. Yeah. Or they do dumb things where like, hey, so we're going to have like a picnic, but we need some light. It's like, I don't know. Why don't we leave my... We'll turn my headlights on for eight hours. Yeah. And then they get there like, oh, gosh, somehow the battery's dead. Yeah. I forgot to charge it before I left. Like, that's not how batteries work. And one person always knows about Jason there and talks about it. Yeah. And they just go... And that person still comes. And then...

A lot of times that person that knows was in the last movie. They're like, I was here last summer. Didn't learn their lesson. Let's have a picnic. Yeah. So that's what we did. Also, I was on CBS this morning, which is very cool. A lot of cool responses from that. Yeah. It was very nice. Gayle King seems to be a fan. Yeah. One step away from it. We got Gayle, then Oprah. Yeah.

Yeah, it was very cool. It was a great story. Yeah. It was very cool. It's cool that my dad got to have him on it. Aaron, you're 30 now. Yeah. So I texted Aaron, happy birthday. He gave me a thumbs up back. Ooh. Does that seem weird? Kind of busy, huh? I texted him happy birthday. He didn't even text me back.

I think I'd rather not have text back. I said, thanks, man. I thumbs it up, and then I said, thanks. I don't think I got a thanks. I texted everybody. He said, new phone, who dis? Yeah. Well, you know how it is. When it's your birthday, you're getting all these messages. It's a big thing. I think that's what I'm fine. I think I'm more fine with no response because I'd be like, oh, yeah, I bet you got a ton. Then a thumbs up.

Like I'm your uncle. I think if you open it up, you would see that. I said, thanks, man. I don't think so. Because I haven't looked again. Okay. I treated him to a round of golf for his birthday.

What'd you write back to Brian? Big letter? When he said happy birthday? My dearest Brian. I gave him a call. Yeah. I called him. So nice to hear from you. I'm glad I heard from my true friends today. Hey, dude. Well, it's good to have you here, man. There you go. Happy birthday.

Yeah, and then your baby and the stroke on the same episode. Yep. A lot of stuff happening over there. That's the most stuff happening to a man that could happen. Yeah. Now, you dropped a lot on us that episode. Yeah. Going to be a dad and having a heart attack. Is a stroke a heart attack? No. I think it has to do with the blood flow from the heart. Oh, okay. Yeah, so it's related. It's related. Yep. Yeah.

I went to Titans game yesterday. Oh, yeah. Met a lot of folks. Yeah, at the game. At the game, which I loved. And...

And then somebody posted one of the photos and then some other people replied, oh man, I would have loved to have met you there. And then I'm like, oh, well I'm in section three 30 row B next week. And they're like, okay, well you come down any like halftime. Like they want to meet me, but I don't want to go to my seat. What time do you come down? Yeah. Just know if you want to meet Brian at the show, he will be the highest up of any of you that want to meet. Yeah.

You can't go much higher. Go to the top of Nissan Stadium. If you're standing on the last row, you're closer to him than at any point of that stadium. Your third row. I posted that flyover video, and I was above the flyover. I could look down on the helicopter. But section 330, row B, come by. Yeah. You're there every game.

I'm in town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. He'll let you know. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. I did a show in Amish country this past weekend. Ship Shawana, Indiana. Ship. Ship Shawana. It's a good name. Let me tell you, I've done a full 180 on Amish. I used to not like them. And now you're way on board. Now I'm kind of on board with what they're doing. Did you try the room temperature butter? Is that what it happened? Yeah.

That's where you tried it? That would have been where you tried it. Yeah. Believe it or not, it had nothing to do with butter. Yeah. But I just like what they got going on. If everybody I knew and loved was doing that, I would have no problem doing that. So it's no electricity, right? Well, they can still go to a room. They can enjoy it. They just can't do it in their house. Oh. So they can go to a movie? Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think they would. I don't think we have any podcast fans. There were no Amish people at the show. I was kind of disappointed. But I was telling these guys, you know what's really interesting? You're in Amish country. There's Amish people everywhere. You go outside and you listen, and in the distance you just hear...

You just hear, everyone's taking buggies everywhere. You never think of that. There's no cars in the distance. This is how we're meant to live. They do scooters too. They're big on scooter culture too. They have these big wooden scooters that they... Oh, yeah? It's like when young kids got to get somewhere. They have these big, they're crazy looking scooters. And they just...

They're not ready for a horse yet, huh? I guess not. I guess when you're that young. The buggies are weird too because a lot of times they sit in the back. So it literally looks like nobody's in the buggy. The buggy's just kind of going down the road by itself. That's the moment you're like... I always have a thing in my life where if I see something that's weird and there's supposed to be somebody there. Even on the bus, there's that thing where I see people and there's nobody there and I'm like...

did the rapture just happen? Like, it was like, I'm like that. Cause I grew up with those movies and stuff like that. There it is. Yeah. That's what happened. Yeah. I always think that's a funny, that's, you should do that as a joke. I think you think so. I think it's funny. Have you never had that? Like when you're little, the rapture, like I just had it with my dog. My dog disappeared. I thought, did they take my dog and not me? Yeah. You would have it like as a kid, you just always like, hello, hello. Did the rapture, you just think the rapture happened. And then, uh,

And then your mom comes around and you're like, oh, hey. Yeah. I went down to a grocery store the other day and there's just a cart there full of stuff. And I was like, wait a second. What's going on? Until you see somebody else, you think maybe that's what happened. Maybe it happened. Yeah. I think about that all. I think a lot of people thought about it. If you grew up in church, I think then a lot of people...

I think especially because I'm not in that life anymore. But even like that's like the one thing that still like sticks to me. So you sold out. Then you should be worried about it. Yeah, yeah. You're the Tupac of Christianity. That's right. Yeah, we're the biggies. We're the real deal and you're Tupac.

I did a show in Indianapolis this weekend, and I was coming down the elevator at my hotel, and the door opened. This young woman with her luggage was about to get on the elevator, and I stepped off, and then I realized I'm still on the second floor. So I immediately, like, oh, and I got back on, and then she just stood there, and I'm like, are you coming on? And she's like, no, no, I'm not. And it was clear that she thought, after I saw her, that I'm like, I'm going to get back on this elevator and do something. Oh.

So she wouldn't get on. So I just went on down the first floor. And then I thought, I'm going to wait for her and show her what I'm doing. This is the point. I know. She's nailing it. She was right. You're right. I thought, well, I'm kind of proving her point if I follow her to her car. She's like, see, I told you I'm normal. Yeah. Did you wait for her? No. Because your point, she'd be exactly right. I'd be proving her point. It was kind of funny that. Did you see her come down? No, I went ahead and walked to my car. I didn't want her to freak out.

freak out. Those elevator doors open on the first floor. Brian's just standing right there waiting for him. Here I am. I thought you said you didn't want to come down. Yeah. I thought you weren't coming down. You can't get rid of me that easily. I was on a flight and the guy behind me is this old man and he had his window shade pulled down. You know how sometimes when you're going down the runway to take off, you'll go a long way taxiing down. He was talking to this guy behind me. He was from another country. He was talking about cricket.

Cricket Wireless? No, the sporting event. Good, nice. I don't think anybody's talking about cricket. Oh, Riley and cricket on this side of the table. I think when cricket came out, I don't think people ever got in. I don't think you talked to a seat behind you about it. Cricket was like the first phone I had. I don't think I ever talked to another table about it.

I didn't bring a stranger in. And that was when it was invented. Okay. My bad. So the sport. Anyway, we've been going. $9.99, huh? Unlimited texting? Yeah. Does it work everywhere? Does it go dead a lot? He goes, no, no, no. I'm on it right now. I got it right now. Yeah. Those are the next slides that Aaron's get. It's cricket wireless slides. Yeah.

So we were taxiing down the runway to take off and we'd been on there a while. And I was going to say to the guy beside me, have we landed? We didn't even take it off yet. And he thought we had landed because it was just so funny to me that, and the guy besides was like, no, no, no, no. We haven't landed yet. That's pretty much the story. I've just never heard a guy say,

So out of it. So zoned out. That we had not even taken off yet and he thought we had already landed. They were in that conversation. And he was older. He was from another country. I don't know if that had anything to do with it. And he had his window shade down. And then I think he was like, I can tell now we're just... And he's like, have we landed? And then the whole flight

he would just take calls full conversations call people on it he'd take the ad using that cricket dude I guess so cricket works up high I mean he was like hello and he was like hey I'm on a flight he would just have full conversations and no one stopped him nope just laughed had a great time just lived it yeah

How does he get a signal that high in the air? You can do Wi-Fi calling with Cricket if you get it all set up. You can do Wi-Fi calling. I'll get FaceTimes if I want Wi-Fi. I feel like Aaron's getting side Cricket money that he's not telling anybody about. He's getting sponsors that nobody's talking about. Listen, you give me a free month. Put me up with Boost Mobile, dude. I'll take anybody. Aaron. Boostmobile.com. Yeah.

promo code Aaron land. They, uh, yeah. Cricket. I remember having my first, I had the, the, the phone that was just like the black phone that you, you know, there was not a flip phone. It was just straight flown. No, it wasn't a flip one. Have you seen the new flips?

No. Those new flip phones? It's like an iPhone that just bends in half? Yeah. Have you seen those? Yeah. The screen just bends in half. Yeah, it's not an iPhone, though. No, but what I mean is it's just one screen, and that just folds down. That's where they get you. Because iPhone, they have some other... Like, iPhone just makes the same phone, and you're like, I would like to try different phones, but then you got to leave the network. That closing thing, that was the one thing I like...

I mean, there was something so amazing about having a phone and talking to somebody and then just doing that... Just the... Oh, that person is gone. Just ending the call aggressively. Yeah, it's just a phone and just fold... The screen just folds right in the middle. Yeah. Does he? Where he talked about how you did... Now you just have to go...

Or maybe his was like slamming the hard drive down. Yeah. That feels more... I feel like it's very Tony Soprano. When the Sopranos was on, he was always mad about something. He's always slamming his cell phone and throwing it. No? He flipped it. He would have had... Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. This week...

You know, I did want to talk about, too, I almost thought we could talk about comedy. I know people talk about it a lot, but I, it was like this weekend, I was like, I love comedy. Yeah. We talked a lot about comedy, like how to do comedy, you know, like just- I mean, you literally, we had a conversation and it blew my mind so much that literally while you were on stage, I pulled by, I started redoing things that I like-

that I was doing on stage. Like I just redoing them all in my notebook. Well, it's like fun to like, you know, it's like, I don't know. It's like, I feel like you're, you know, like if you do it a long time, it's just crazy, dude. It's so crazy how like when you first start, you know, nothing. And then you hit 10 years and you think, all right, I know something. And you're like, you don't, you don't know anything, you know, enough, you do a good show. And then now I'm at 18, 2003, right? I'm almost at 19 years.

And not that I still, I won't know everything, but you just start knowing like, oh, like you just get it more and it just takes time. There's no trick. It takes a long time. It takes a very, very long time. Do you find that as you're doing it longer, you think less about the mechanics of it and now it's all just second nature in a way where you can just kind of walk out there? It's...

Or do you still think about those things? Well, we talked about, I think you start becoming funny. So you, something, you can say stuff funny. Yeah. And I don't, I can't even, I don't know why. I don't know if I can really describe it. So you can say something funny. So now I'm just looking for situations and I rely that I know I can make this funny. So now you're not, I'm not trying to write a joke. I'm just looking for something to happen and then I can make,

a joke with it. And that's what you end up doing. And it's like, you know, Louis C.K. said it once where he, I remember saying once, he goes, you don't know anything about Kanye until 20 years. And I remember just thinking like, that's so like, A, it was like so out of reach that you're like, so no one knows it until 20 years. But I mean, as you get closer, I get more of what he means. And I wouldn't say it as abruptly as that is that no one knows it 20 years, but I would say it takes a long time

to get you just, it's a good change. You change. You don't know what you don't know. Yeah. And you just get, it's like anything. Everybody needs experience. And if you want to be good at a craft, you, it takes 20 years, man. Like that's just what it's going to take. And you got to die. You will have moments of like, you know, I'm not like I'm embarrassed of my old specials or anything like that on comedy central. I'm not, those were the comic that I was then. But then as you get older now, you're,

It's just a different kind of thing. And you just do it, you know, and you're just always growing. It's wild. Like when we were talking, because it's good to talk because it's like I'm reminded. And then I learned stuff that like I'm like, oh, yeah, like you just know this stuff more. I know how to like, you know, it's like telling jokes or telling stories. And I don't know. I just this weekend I was like, I love it so much. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I told you when you when we had that conversation, but it was like,

It was like I feel more inspired by hearing you talk for 30 minutes than I have any other thing that I've ever read, any other inspirational anything that I've ever read, listened to. It all went out the window. And like I said, I pulled my thing out and just started changing things.

writing stuff down, writing, reworking everything. Yeah. I'm a big, put yourself in the middle of everything. Yeah. So that's what we were talking about where it's like anything that like any jokes that I have in this new hour, there's a couple that I've already pulled out because I feel like I'm making fun of someone else. And if I feel like, you know, it's not like if it's, if it's me and my wife or it's me and my daughter, me and my family, that's not making fun. That's our family. Like that's the situation that we're in. But when I feel like I'm making fun of a stranger or something, um,

like someone that's not there to defend themselves. Like I'll, you know, I'm not saying I don't do it, but there's been a couple of jokes that I'm like, eh, I'm just kind of not doing. Cause I'm like, it feels, I just don't feel like I can ever really get behind it. Cause I don't, I'm like, even though it's a funny situation,

Like I have one of them was like a funny situation, but then it's in the joke works, but then you're like, I don't know. It just feels mean or something like I'm. And then I'll end up, I just pulled, I just ended up not doing it. And I, but I try to put myself in everything. You put yourself in anything. You can make fun of anything in anybody. Cause you're making fun of you. Then it becomes about your reaction to it or how you handled it. Yes. And less about them. Yeah. And that's why being, you know, it's like,

I talk about being dumb a lot or like, you know, cause it's like, it is, it's about me not knowing the situation. I can't be the one that's always like, you're not doing it the way. I mean, even though I say,

But even me telling you that you gave me a thumbs up in a text is like, that's us. Right. And that's being like, I don't think you should have done that or something. I don't know. I don't know if that makes sense. No, it makes sense. But it's close. I totally get it. It's me and you talking. I would never say that. I would never do a joke where this guy I don't know did that and just trashed that guy. But I can say it to you.

Especially when he's right here in front of you. Yeah. Right. And he needs to hear it. Yeah. Well, I always feel like whenever Con... That came off mean when you just moved on. I go, he needs to hear it. You start talking, I'm like, I'm just kidding. No, I mean, I think that even before I started kind of changing things up,

I, I always, if you, if you're a comic and you use broad strokes, we're like, when you start using people groups, like all these people do this, all these people do that. Well, there's always going to be people in that group. They're like, well, I'm not like that. I'm in this group. So I always, whenever, because I, you know, I went to a Christian college and I always use the Jesus's parable. Um, like that's the bracket that I used, um,

Because Jesus would always teach life lessons, but he'd use very specific stories. So what I would do is I would still do kind of like the broad stroke thing, but I would tell a very specific story about... I'm not saying all these things are like this, but I'm saying in this instance, this is what happened. This is what I learned from it.

And you can take from it what you want. But that's what I've always enjoyed is being able to... When you put yourself in a situation, people really do enjoy it a lot more. And what's cool about what you did is I was just a little bit into it. And you're like, no, no, you got to go all the way. Yeah, he had a joke. I won't give the joke away, but it was a joke where he's had something that happened and he was...

And he just made it like, you know, if it was like this happened at Arby's and he was saying it happened at McDonald's. I was using a generic. I was like, I was at a place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At a place. And I was like, make it specific. I go, what was the real story? And then he tells me what the real story is. And I'm like, everybody knows that. And then that's what makes stuff relatable. Because you're like, it is sometimes we tend to like make stuff not be the actual thing. Like make it the thing.

Tell exactly what it is. It's easier to write that way. You're telling it's the truth. People are going to relate to it more because they go, I know that place.

If I had a Starbucks, if I said that Starbucks order, which I had to do on once because I couldn't say Starbucks on tonight's show, and it didn't work because I said I went to, I don't know if I said Starbucks, but I was like, you know, one was like the Pep Boys joke I did somewhere and I couldn't say Pep Boys. And so I said, I go to this mechanic shop and it's like the joke kind of works, but like it doesn't work like when I say Pep Boys because you know Pep Boys. Mm-hmm.

And you're now in that store in your head. So anything that happens, you're picturing me and that store. And that's what makes it work. So you got to name the actual place because then someone goes, I know that. Oh, yeah. Well, you're even good about, even if you don't know the place, like the dog bakery in Mount Juliet.

making that work and then people react a different way because that's so unique they know that's true yeah you're really good about that Leanne Morgan who I work with is really good about that talking about yeah because everybody doesn't know where but when it's a true thing yeah then they can put their self in it specificity is important oh it's the most it's the most because you can you know like if you ever make up stuff

You make it up in what you think. You thinking what that woman was going to do at the elevator. That's you making that up. So you thinking all that stuff. Now, those are thoughts that people will have. But if you did that as a joke, you'd be like, you can make up whatever you want because that's...

In your head, you think what she thinks. You're not throwing it on her. It's you imagining. That's right. That's what you're so good at. I think I've said on this before. New comics especially will come up with a scenario where, so I said this to her and she said this to me. And then people are like, all right, that didn't really happen. But you're good about saying, well, what if this had happened? And then you can just do whatever you want to say. Yeah, you're not tricking them. Yeah, you're not saying this really happened. You're saying, what if?

Yeah. So like the hitting a home run off a walk joke. Yeah. You talk about what if this, this, this. You didn't say all this stuff really happened. I mean, that really happened. That really happened. But the stuff that you put in... But then I go back and say, what if? Right. You know, it's...

And then that whole last run is I'm giving thoughts to everybody out there. That's right. Which that's the funniest, that's the funny thoughts I can give. That's right. So that's the joke. That's the being funny. That's the, you know, the setup is literally what happened. And then, you know, and like another one that we talked about, like my McDonald's joke with Louis.

where I take a bite of the burger and it doesn't do it. Like that joke is so Dan, as I've said before, Dan Soder was there. It was me, Dan Soder, and Louis. I told Dan to take the bite of Louis's burger. He did. And then we wrapped it back up. And then Louis came back. And all that stuff happened. And when I first told that story, we were all telling it. And then it was like, I've, it was almost like we could race to see if you could tell the story first. Yeah. But we, you know, we could never get it. Finally, I got it.

But I took Dan, I would say Dan at the beginning, but then he had to go out just because he was like, you got to look at some stuff. You're like, it doesn't really matter that Dan's there. Like, you know, it's like that gets a little too confusing when you're trying to. So sometimes you just do that.

Does it matter if he, if Dan, if the story mattered, Dan, I would have kept Danny in. But the fact that it didn't matter and it was me and Dan both playing this on him, you go, all right, I'm going to just take Dan out because it's just too complicated right there. And then I go, this is a happen, blah, blah. I do Lewis's reaction. And then you do, what do you think? You know, then you get to do that part of it. And that's the fun part. That's the part that you get a, you can do whatever. You can be as crazy as you want. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Yeah, I just loved it. This weekend was just so good. It's also good, I think, that I think a lot of times younger comics... And I'm experiencing this more and more when I... The more younger comics that I meet where people get so frustrated. They're like, I'm not doing the things...

that you're doing or you're not doing the things like you're not doing the things you want and you get a lot real focused on what's going on at your level. And my whole thing is, is the, the ladder above you go so high. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Like most people in the scene that I came up in, they can't even see where I'm at.

And I look at somebody like you and I can't even, like you're like, it's like, so the ladder just goes so high. It's unbelievable. So to get caught up in like little small petty things are like, oh, this person took a joke. It's like, listen, if you're great, write another one. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't. Your vision should always be up and forward. Like if you get stuck in the mud, you're always going to be there. Yeah.

It's, I always say that would, I've had a lot of jokes where someone else did, and I don't think they stole them. Some, I had them out before some, I did it. And it's just like a lot of, a lot of jokes. The jokes still is not as much as everybody. I believe it's not as much as everybody thinks it is. It's a lot more parallel thinking like, yeah, dude, we're all writing about the same kind of thing. But I always looked at it as a,

That joke wasn't original enough. That's what I always looked at it. So if I did it and someone else did it, I either hoped I did it before or I...

Just so I could be like, you feel better about it. But then I also looked at it as like, all right, well, that was too much of a joke. And that was too not, that wasn't original enough. And I wasn't original enough. That's something Marin told me. Just write about yourself. No one can steal that. No one can steal anything from yourself. And again, I said we say steal. I'm not trying to say stealing happens all the time. But no one's going to write a joke similar to yours. Yeah, they're not going to replicate it. Because you can't. And then you can talk about literally everything.

Because then you're not even, even if you are somewhat talking on a topic that's like maybe a topic that's been talked about, it's you going through it. And then no one's like, he's still, you're like, no, dude, he's just doing his show. Like it's, that happened to him. He's just telling us it happened. He's not relying on that. You know, I, in this new hour, like I talk about like 12 and under eating free. I'm not gonna give away the joke. And like my parents had no money when we grew up. And so we always had to go eat where kids eat free.

That's been done a million times. But that's in the setup to this other thing. But I do a little quick joke about that, but I don't even feel like I'm like... Because when I was younger, the whole joke would have just been 12 and under eat free. That would have been the whole joke. Now, that's a setup to get into the joke. And that's what changes. And if you're a young comic listening to this, you just have to...

And I don't want to like, you know, just keep getting better and just take the wins. You will get better. And after you get one year, you're going to always look back after a year and you get three years, you're going to go like, dude, I was awful at one year. I was terrible. That's a win. You want to be terrible then.

And then, you know, not saying everybody's going to think you were terrible, but you personally. Right. And so you always got to go like, oh, yeah. And then the next year, you're like, I didn't know what I was doing in year three. And now I'm at five years and I'm like, I wasn't even a real comic then. And like those are, that's how you know you're winning and you're moving forward. And so if you don't think you're, if you can't look back and think that you were better now than you were then, you're stuck. Right.

And you feel... If you ever feel stuck, that means you're trying to grow out of it. That's why you get stuck. Because you're trying to get better. And you're trying to get like... And so you're kind of stuck in like writing this old thing. And you'll be able to see it's so... It's like so... I love it so much. And you'll be able to write a joke. Like you'll be able to have your act...

where you can have like old stuff and the new stuff and they feel different and the audience won't laugh as hard at the old stuff that they do the new stuff. And even though the old stuff could be better than the new stuff, or you think it's better, it's just, you're not telling it the way that you told it. And it's, and that's like,

You just realize, oh, like I'm gotten a lot better. Yeah. That's why this stuff gets more personal. That's when you could always tell, like when people come up and mention like the Krispy Kreme thing they talk about, because that was a real thing. And so that last night, the guy that came up, Steve Inslee, my dad's friend, he goes, but Krispy, they always mention your joke. Yeah. Yeah.

They will mention a joke if you do something relatable. That's when the audience comes up and goes, that joke. But if you make it up, they don't remember it. It doesn't stick with them. Right. But if you put them in the position of saying the thing...

Krispy Kreme and that experience that you had with it they then come up and go Krispy Kreme like you know because they know that feeling you're trying to make them you can feel the connection like yeah it's weird even like it's not even like a laugh it's not it's I don't even know how to explain it but what like because like the last show you did when we had that talk I said the restaurant which is Schlotzky's I do I do a thing about getting a big sandwich Schlotzky's Deli yeah and they have their large sandwiches enormous

And, but it's the, I was not saying the name of the place because I just wanted to, I wanted to get to where I was getting as fast as I could being efficient. Yeah. And then he was like, you need to say, you need to say all these things that you just told me.

And I just started by saying the name. I didn't want to change too much right before I went on stage. And this was five minutes before. He's full. I mean, he's full. This is like when Laura's trying to go to bed. And I'm like, it's like 1130 at night. I'm telling her all these ideas. I mean, Nate's literally being comedy Yoda to me. And Travis is like, hey, man. We have one minute. Travis has got the headset on. He's like, all right.

I'm walking to him to the stage. I'm like, and then do this. But I said the name of the place. And just in all my experience, I could feel the connection was different. I could feel it was different. And I can't tell you how many times you've given me something. And in my brain, I want to think. Because as a comic, you're still a competitor. So you're always like, oh, well, he's... I mean...

He's right about a lot, but he's not right about this. And then I do... Everything that Nate's ever asked me or told me to do, I've always done it. Even when I was like, I don't know about this. It doesn't work all the time. And at the end... I mean, I'll tell you at the end, it's always like, yeah, he was right. Well, it's...

It's not about giving you tags. So people ask that. We have talked about this with the comedy episode. Tags? Yeah, I don't know. So people give you tags a lot. That's what comics call. So if you give me a tag on a joke, it's like, hey, what if you said this at the end of that joke? And then you go, oh, yeah, that's... I'm trying to remember. They don't always work. It's hard because sometimes you get tags and it's not in your voice. The Bobcat thing, that was the first time I'd ever heard you say that. Yeah.

What was the, the, the carpet, the, the, the plan and the Christian. Yeah. And he goes, uh, he goes, you stole it. And you're like, I forgive you for stealing. Yeah.

Yeah. That was like Bobcat. Yeah. Goldwood. Yeah. Gave me that tag. Yeah. Yes. So that was a long time ago. Long time. Yeah. So in that joke was the, you're, I mean, you're a better comic now. Yeah. The Bobcat. I didn't mean it like that. I wanted to use a better comment. I wanted to use an old example. Yes.

But yeah, Bobcat Goldthwait. I said the church thing. I think I remember now. I was in Atlanta and he was there. And then I did my playing basketball. I got cut. You know, that joke. And then he said, I was like, someone stole my ball. And then he said, you should say, I forgive you.

And like, so he gave me that tag. Like that's a tag. And so then I said it doesn't always work when you get tags. It's actually pretty hard for you to take tags. I don't, I don't think you should be able to take tags that much. I don't think you're in, if you're, if you can take too many tags, I don't think you've got your voice down. Um,

and your voice is too generic. So if like, if, if everybody can take a tag, if like everybody gives you a tag, you're like, I can use that. That's probably not good. You should be able to be like, I can't say that. And I think that means when you start getting to that point, you've kind of got your voice. And that means you're kind of on track to your voice. Cause you're going like, I, I, that's not how I talk or I won't, I can't say that. Uh,

Do you find yourself though, probably not now because it's rare you're ever on a show where you're not the headliner, but...

I still, a lot less than I used to, but I still, if I work with you for a while or Leanne or anybody, I find myself still kind of wanting to get right like them kind of. Yeah. I still find myself wanting to emulate people who are doing really well. Yeah. But you've got to just, it gets less and less, but it still happens. It happens. And that continues to happen for a long time. I mean, I had that, that Jason clip that we talked about that's on YouTube. Uh,

I mean, I sound like Jay, Big Jay, Patrice O'Neal, Dave Attell, and Kurt Metzger, like all in one. And it's because we were hanging out with them. They were ahead of me, and I'm watching them every night. And so you would always sound like that. So you always do kind of have that sound. I think you get out of that, and I think you get out of it on your own. You just got to make sure it's like,

You do get as be aware of it. Fill yourself when you feel that sounded like something that person would say, or they did something like that. Just somewhat be aware of it. And I think you do eventually get out of it on your own, but you got to get your voice. I don't think you won't. If you don't have your voice, you got to find your voice. And all this being said, this is me. If you're doing comedy, like I do, like if it's, if you're somewhat like me,

you know, if you're like Jeselnik, Jeselnik does a lot of jokes. Very, very funny. Norman. Norman. A lot of jokes. So like, if you go that route too, it's then go that route.

Like then don't mix in, like you might have a little truth that makes you think of that joke, but you can't, I don't think you can really, it's like you're mixing both. It's like be one or the other, either be, and so that other way works too. I can only speak for the way that I do it. That other way works, but you got to do it, you got to just do that way. That way the audience, when they fit there, they feel like, well, I think he's making all this up. But they like, but you like that because now you're going to watch a bunch of jokes. And I like all of this.

And so it's like, you kind of go that way. You know, you want almost the audience to go like, yeah, I'm not going to even go up and go, did that happen? Right. I'm going to go. I love that joke about that. You're trying to make them believe what you're selling. You're not trying to confuse them. It's like, be very exact what you're, what you're presenting to them. So they don't, so they're not like. Be one way or the other, but don't be in the middle. Don't be in the middle. Or like. Make a decision. I think you can do that for everything in life. Make a decision. Make a choice.

Go that route. Stick to that choice. People can do that. If they can't, that's how people connect is they make a choice. When they watch Norman, they connect because Norman's doing all those jokes and they go, I'm in it for a great time and it's going to be joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. That's why I say the comic I would pay to watch more than anybody. The only comic I would pay to go see is Dave Vettel. And Dave Vettel's not clean. No.

Yeah. You know, tell the children. Yeah. But it's, but no one's, you're not going to, no one's as fun as David. Like no one's, he's a joke teller. It's, it's just rapid jokes. It's like, I mean, he's the best ever do it like that. I think even watching him lie, like, like watching lives, the whole thing, because it's like you, you, a lot of times you watch comics that can do that. And then you watch them again. And it's the same that you're just like, Oh, you just, you've built that thing. But he's so,

Like so quick on his feet. So fast. So funny. I mean, I remember one time I was at the Cellar. I told you this this weekend. But we were at the, I was at the Cellar. And when you hang out at the Comedy Cellar in New York, there's only one bathroom in the place and it's downstairs in the showroom. So if you're upstairs eating at the restaurant, you have to go downstairs through the showroom. Which is very funny just for, there's people that don't even know a comedy club is downstairs.

I mean, most everybody now is because Comedy Star is super famous. But there was times people would just walk up there to go eat. And they're like, where's the bathroom? They're like, oh, downstairs. And they have no, they're like, they have to walk through a crowd, which is very funny to be like, hey, I just came to eat. Yeah. And there's a chance you're going to get trashed now. Uh-huh. And I mean, not even. Romano's down there. Yeah. What's going on? That's crazy. Yeah, it's bananas.

And it's not even like you're like in the back of the room. You walk like right next to the stage. It's one person. And in the comic, literally you do the row that you walk in. There's a one table.

I mean, you're, you could, you, if you walked with your hands out, you would touch the comedian. Yeah. It's crazy. That's why the con, that's why the seller's so great. That feel, that's New York. That's like, that's what it's about. Yeah. And so you're always close quarters. So I go downstairs and it's a tell and, uh, Jeff Ross is on stage and they were doing a thing where they were kind of working on their, they did a special where it's like they bring audience members up and they roast them or whatever. And I'm walking down the stairs and,

And as soon as I emerge, like you can see my silhouette in the door, I see Dave look up and I see his eyes light up, which is a very, you're like, oh no. If you ever see a comic, like if you've ever been in the crowd before, you'll see a comic kind of like lock eyes with you and they get, you're like, oh, here it comes. Here it comes. Here it comes. And then I guarantee you he,

peppered me with so many jokes. I mean, it had to be 10 jokes on my way to the bathroom. I'm in the bathroom. Like I gotta go. I have to go back. I have to go back.

and the worst part is when you open the door of the cellar, there's a light between the door. And he knows it's me because that light, for normal people, is like a little bit of a sliver, and this one, the door has to come all the way open. So he knows it's coming. He knows the big guy's coming. And as soon as I come back, it's like he was waiting for me. He was waiting for me, and then as soon as I come back,

He just hits me with joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, just making fun of me the whole time. And then at the end, you're like, there's no other joke that he could possibly do. There's no way he could top what he just did. And I get to the door, and I'm almost out. And he goes, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the Six Borough. And I was just like, oh my. The whole room goes bananas. And it's like, you ever get hit with a joke that's so crazy, you just stop and play, and you're like,

Like, you got nailed so much. And then you just have to walk up those steps just extra hard. The sixth burrow. That's great. I watched him do someone sit up in the front row once, and they were going to the bathroom.

And, uh, but he's the guy that stood up and he goes, where are you going? He goes, nowhere. He goes, no, I mean, right now. It's so funny. I mean, it's the best. It's easy. There's just guys. He's just, his jokes are just so good. I mean, it's just so good. He had the one story. Uh, I don't think I've ever told this one, but it was, uh, a

Atel, Ben Bailey, host of Cash Cab, and Joe DeRosa. And they're standing outside of the Comedy Cellar. And Atel is like, a lot of his fans, especially the Insomniac was still on the air. Yeah. On Comedy Central, if y'all might know Dave Atel from that. He hosted a show. And that's another one that was very, that was a very Dave Atel show. Because he was just rapid fire, making the jokes.

And, uh, so he's sitting there. So let's say your breakfast has, uh, been Bailey. You're Joe DeRosa. And so David tells, stand there talking to him. And then a guy that's real drunk comes up and starts grabbing Dave and being like, I love insomniac. And he's like, you know, like kind of grabbing him hard. And Dave's like, all right, man. Thank you. You know, he's saying, thank you. He appreciates it. But it's also like, dude, you grabbed me. Like he doesn't love that. And then, uh,

No one's saying anything. Ben and Joe are just standing there watching it. And he goes, oh, he goes, let me introduce you to my two friends. Just stands there and watches it happen. Which is so funny. Just stands there. Oh, let me introduce you to my two friends. Yeah, it's...

it's just special you know it's like i love it like that's what i got this this this run going out a people are uh very excited to be coming out but it's like it's made me like just you fall back in love with it more where you're you're just like it's so good and like talking to you about it and you're like it's just there's nothing better does it make you very thankful on thanksgiving uh yeah it does i'm thankful for everybody that comes out and that's the other thing too is i think

A lot of it is like, you got to make it. It's about that audience. It's not about you. It's about them. It's about, you know, you're, they can walk away and then you have nothing. So everything that you make has to be, you know, I think a lot of times the entertainment that can be, it gets hard because you get, you can become a big name and a star and whatever. And you think it's about, everything's about you. You have people helping you, blah, blah, blah. And it's, it's, you, you have none of that unless they come.

If that audience doesn't come, I mean, it is borderline, probably 50-50, maybe in favor of them. They decide. You have to be good enough to get them to come in, but then you have to stay good enough to keep them. And if you don't stay good enough to keep them, you will lose it. And so you got to always look at everything to be like, I've got to try to be better. Not saying everything's going to be perfect because it's, I mean, it's very hard, but you just have to be like,

It's about that audience and about them coming out. And they decide everything. Every TV show you write, every show, movie, all that stuff, that's what people lose out of touch with. Hollywood, like, it's about them, dude. It's about making them come. They decide that, you know? And I think people forget that.

That's one of the reasons I, even the whole tour, like we're playing these great places and it's so easy. Like when you do so many of those things, you're like, you know, you kind of lose this theater, that theater. And it's just like, no, no, dude, dude, like Elvis was here. Yeah. You know, you go on this wall and all these legends are behind you. Steve Martin was in the theater that we were in last night. Yeah. And Martin Short together. Yeah. You know, it took both of them to sell out the thing that you did. Yeah. You know. Yeah.

You got to gas him up a little bit. I make him give me, I go, give me a little pump up. But it's like, it's a thing where it's, it's like you, you also need somebody. You took the $50,000 friend. Yeah. It's like, that's what you, you, you got to have somebody around. He's like, dude, this is great. Enjoy this. Like, enjoy the moments.

because you never and like i think it's something we forget to do a lot is i mean like everybody at this table we all have do doing amazing thing you know yeah mr opry over here he's doing it just as much as you are you know yeah yeah absolutely much we're doing way more than both listen i i didn't i don't want him to get i don't want to lose i've never sold a single ticket there but i've been on the offering

But yeah, like that's the $50,000 friend thing that we talked about is like just having like, especially this is specific for this, our business, but it's like having your, you know, I'm still, I still talk to my, like my friends from high school. Like I, that's who I talk to almost the most. And my Travis, my tour manager, me and him, I've known him, we've known each other since we were 14.

And so it's like, you got to have just people that are like, you know, my sister's about to start working for us. Like you have my family. I have a lot of people that cause you look, you get a world. A lot of people say yes to you. A lot of people, you know, if I asked for something, a lot of people go, we'll make it happen. And there is a world where I do need that stuff to happen. Like if I'm like, I want this, it's, this is driving me crazy. And like some of it's, I'm trying to stay, I don't want to become miserable on the road. Like I don't, it's very hard and you're gone a lot. I'm home.

And I'm gone. You know, like, so there's some stuff that's like, you know, it's like, yeah, you do little things where you're like, the hotel will be nice. Or you do, you know, some stuff is like, just be like, I'm just trying not to, I don't want to lose my mind. Mm-hmm.

But you also, but you have, but I still, I'm gonna hire my sister who's going to not listen to me once. Like, you know, you got to have those where you're not, everybody's going to say yes to your friends or try my Travis is going to like, you're dumb. And like, you know, but then I got them. That's why you guys, that's why all of us are together. Cause no matter where we get, it's still, you're Vecchione will make fun of me. You make fun of me. Like we all make fun of each other. It's like, that's what you're doing. You're keeping it to try to be like,

you know, I was, I say now you want to build like a city around you. Like that, but it's a city of your people that you trust and that people are not going to be, you know, they're not just cause you have your people outside of that that are going to be, you know, you know, they advise you. I mean, my managers and agents are really good at like, they advise you on what to do, whatever. And, uh,

But you can tell people, I could say I can do whatever. I don't want to do that. I want to do this. And someone goes, all right, I got to do it. So you need someone that's like, yo, dude, you can't. That's insane. You go, that's right. That was crazy. I'm sorry that I asked that. And that's the point, I don't know, I think. Absolutely. You doing that is the most important thing because my dad is like that. I mean, my dad has been very successful in business before, but it's like he always keeps his –

his circle is always just the guys are just like, why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? Why do you need a gold gun case? And he's like, I don't know. And he's like, yeah, what are you doing? That's a very specific reference. Just taking your advice. There it is. It's a more specific story. Yeah. So Thanksgiving, so this is Thanksgiving week. Let's just talk. We'll do Thanksgiving.

Yeah, where does it rank on? Halloween, you said, is one of your very favorite. You said it was your favorite. Halloween was my favorite. Very favorite. Yeah. Do... What did you do? I have one little side. I had a side bet going. Christian won. Yeah.

Nate Lance spinoff? Yeah, Nate Lance spinoff. I go, do you feel it, right? And he goes, I do. And I go, all right. Next week will be me alone. I go, right? It just doesn't connect with him. All right. Anyway, so Thanksgiving. I don't, I mean, I guess I like the food, but I'm not a,

You know, not the most food. I like if the food's made the way, again, that I like it. Like where it's like, and that's how we always make it. If it's ham, corn, mac and cheese, mashed, you know, I'm not a big stuffings guy.

Ice cream. I like that. Savory stuff. Yes. All that kind of stuff. Honey baked hams. I love it. Not a big turkey guy. No. I despise it. In fact, my biggest fantasy was always there was a commercial. What? Did I do something? What did I do? Just your biggest fantasy. I can't wait to hear this. I'm telling you. Speaking of turkey, my biggest fantasy. No, no. Because I think it was a walk-in cooler for him. Yeah.

When I heard him say it, I was like, man, he's not wrong. He gets it. He's not wrong. He gets it. I'm a little further into DXL than he is. But there was a commercial where it was basically a farmer had to go execute the turkey for Thanksgiving, and the turkey gave the guy a Bud Light. Yeah. And the next shot, you see the guy at Thanksgiving dinner, and there's a pizza in the middle of the...

In the middle of the Thanksgiving table. And I was like, man, dude, if we could have pepperoni pizza for Thanksgiving, I'd be like the best Thanksgiving ever.

I always wanted to have a Thanksgiving where it was just all the favorite foods. Just as a side dish? No, just every... I think you could do that as a Thanksgiving. It could be a table filled with favorite foods. Yeah, yeah. You'd be like pizza, mac and cheese, a hamburger, McDonald's hamburger. I mean, even pizza rolls. I mean, just go crazy. It should be a table of insanity because all Thanksgiving is... I associate it with sports. Yeah. So football is day before. Thanksgiving is your Super Bowl.

I love it. I love it. Because the day before, the day of, the day after, there's great sports. Your dad's a big cook. Huge. I mean, he was ready to... My dad met him for the first time. And my dad has an insane grill, like a bunch of them. And he's like, you know, next time, I'll bring you some brisket. And he's like, why don't you just cook for these? And my dad was like, I'll cook for the whole show. Yeah.

Like the whole venue. He wanted to wheel it out and start selling things. Yeah. And then my dad tried to get him to come do his venue. He tried to get my dad to come. He tried to get Nate to do a field. Justin Bonds always makes his stuff. Cinnamon rolls. She made cinnamon rolls that Ricky, our bus driver, thought they were burnt ends and put them in the refrigerator and ruined them all. Ruined them. Ruined the two pans of the best cinnamon rolls. He said, well, I thought it was Boston butt. And I put it right in the pan.

Yeah.

They were very funny. Ricky was right there. That was the best. I think the sides are the star of the show on Thanksgiving. I think everybody pretty much agrees with that. I don't mind. The turkey's nice. The ham. I don't even know. What's your name again? Justin's idea of saying, of doing your favorite foods. Because I always like after Thanksgiving, like a day or two after, I always get like, I go to McDonald's and I don't get

no pushback from anybody because it's like usually after you eat like like feel like fancy food and then after two days of it you're like i just want mcdonald's man and then i just go get like you're like i just want something dumb like i don't this is i've had too much living on the high horse yeah yeah you know all right i had a college i had a thanksgiving alone i was the only friend that didn't go home it was just me at the dorm oh and i had no money dude i

No money. And then my paycheck hit the bank account the day before Thanksgiving. Oh, wow. And I went to McDonald's, dude. Yeah. And then I went and got some beer. And I did exactly what you described. I just went around and got all my favorite stuff. You sent it all out? And I just spread it out in my little dorm room there. And I put on a movie. And it was like one of the better Thanksgivings I've ever had. Why did your family not allow you to come home? I just, I don't think I...

I don't remember why I didn't go home that year. It's only a year that I didn't go home. Because y'all have arguments at the table, right? Oh, big time. You didn't feel like it. I just felt like this is too much. It was an election year. I was like, I can't handle this. I can't handle this. It's the top secular holiday. It is. It is.

What is it? Is it a popular holiday? Yeah, we talked about on one of the previous episodes how it's the most traveled holiday. I like it for that. I like your family gets together. I do love that. You get to see everybody. Laura loves it. Laura loves that for that reason. Laura's a big, like, she just wants stuff to get the family together. I was surprised. I feel like most things that are tradition, once you delve into what really happened,

It's nothing close to what the images you have. The first Thanksgiving was very much what tradition said it was. It was pilgrims from the Mayflower at Plymouth. The first Thanksgiving, they had a three-day feast, just like Justin. Jason. Yeah, just like Jason. It's a whole thing now. At least it's not Aaron. That's all I care about. Just like Mick. Now they're going to go. Yeah, you're going to get...

Jason. They celebrated their first successful harvest. The Native Americans showed up. They invited them to come eat with them. I mean, it was pretty much what you'd think. How do they get them to come? You think you got to walk over, walk and find them? Were they in a different town? They don't live like... You just got to walk around to teepees and other... There's no... You ride a horse to another town? Well, the Native Americans came to them.

Like they were having a feast and they showed up. They're near the coast too. Yeah. I know, but I'm saying like, how do they know? Oh, so they just walk by and go, what are y'all doing? Something smells good. Yeah. Yeah. It seemed like they invited them. I'm saying like, did someone go out? Well, they were starving.

The people that landed there, because you land, and this is how smart the people that came here were. They landed, and they were just like, we're just going to stay right here. Yeah. Right where we landed. So they started cooking. Well, it was probably- But they didn't have any- Oh, I'm sorry. You go ahead. You're the history guy. It was about 100 that came over the Mayflower. About half of them died. So now it's down to 50. The Native Americans taught them how to grow corn, how to catch fish, stuff like that. So they kind of saved their lives. So they were, yeah. And they were friends. They were friends. So that's how they-

Yeah. They were... It helped them out. And then they had this feast and the Native Americans showed up and they said, well, come eat with us. So it was a three-day feast. They said four women did all the cooking. Yeah. Really? They stayed in the kitchen while the guys lived it up. Yeah. It was more like you think... Simpler times. ...tradition was than I was expecting. Because...

You hear every Thanksgiving, you hear like, oh, yeah, because we killed all the Indians and took their whatever. Well, that came later. I'm not going to lie, Brian. I was waiting for that to come from you. Yeah, I know. Yeah, bad news. Yeah, the Oklahoma Red people. But at least on Thanksgiving, they did get together and eat together and lived it up. It was beautiful. In 1621. Yeah.

And then in 1863, Abraham Lincoln made it a national holiday because this woman who wrote Mary Had a Little Lamb kept harassing him for 17 years. Mother Seuss? Mother Goose? Yep. That's her name. Yeah, yeah. It was a real goose that was a mom. It's the only goose that could write. And you don't hear about her as much as you should, you know? A goose that can write stories? Yes.

That's impressive. That's impressive. I think it should be. I think it was like Jason Voorhees. Like you should have, the country should have known more about Jason Voorhees. Mother Seuss? You said Seuss. I got confused with Dr. Seuss. Someone pointed out that Dr. Seuss tried to use as few words as possible in his books to make a point and that you're special did the same thing as far as the number of word count. Like you're like a modern day Dr. Seuss. I like that. Yeah.

But this woman wrote a letter for 17 straight years to the White House trying to get her to make a national holiday. And Abraham Lincoln, I mean, this is during the Civil War. I'm sure he's like, I don't have enough on my plate. He's so busy. Sure, lady. Just to get her off my back, I'll do this. But it became a national holiday.

4,500 calories average consumed on Thanksgiving Day. Those are rookie numbers. Yeah. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. Those are appetizer numbers. Thanksgiving challenge. 4,500. That's from the night before. Warm-up meal. What is it? 4,500. It's my rehearsal dinner. What is it, Tuesday? Come on. I have one thing that's 4,500. Yeah.

Is there one food that has 4,500 calories? That's so many for one thing, man. If you look at a Chili's, dude, there are some entrees that have 3,000 calories. Applebee's, too. Oh, my God. Applebee's, yeah, yeah. You get one with two salt shakers next to it, you're like, oh, man, this is getting to the force. Yeah, you don't think about all the calories you're adding. The day after Thanksgiving is the busiest day of the year for plumbers. Oh, really? Oh, man.

Oh, I believe it. That's something you don't think about. Those are rookies, though. That's all I think about. Listen, if you're still doing one flush, you're doing it wrong. Well, maybe some of that, but people pour cooking oil down the drain. Oh, that's what they say. Well, then I went a whole different way.

I don't think anybody was like, oh, he means cooking oil. Did you think cooking oil? Yeah, because I thought it was garbage disposal. No, I thought about that substantial post-Thanksgiving bathroom trip. Yeah, that's what I thought you were talking about too. Plumbers are like, oh, no. No.

And they got to go over there. I mean, literally, I thought we were going to go into a bidet read. Like plumbers, they show up at your house. They don't even talk to you. They just go to the bathroom. Where's it at? Where's it at? I told you I had Thanksgiving at a buddy's house, and I had left and went to a gas station. I'm not doing this. Just lit it up. Yeah, I just got to leave. And the next year, you didn't get invited home? Yeah. I don't know why they didn't want me to come home this year. Nobody wants me at their house for Thanksgiving. Yeah.

Yeah, we always have to call the plumber after airing. Can you imagine having to call a plumber? Like they go, you think we're going to fix it? Not only can we not fix it, we have to call another guy to come in. That's how much damage you did to it. Do you think it had anything to do with that cooking oil that I put? They're like, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Did you pour it in the toilet? Yeah, I did it. Do you even know what cooking oil is? I don't. But are you...

Did someone do that? Is that just like the grease in a pot left over? I think so. Okay, like bacon grease. That stuff, you're okay. All right. I would be willing to bet that it's not...

These plumbers are not coming for the cooking oil. They're coming for the other thing, and people just lie about the cooking oil. I think you get stuck, and they go, I don't know. Just pour cooking oil down the toilet. And then they get to tell the plumber, you're like, why did you do that? My dad made me pour cereal down the toilet, so I just always do stuff down the toilet. 50% of households serve red wine Thanksgiving dinner. Wow, that's a good percentage.

We're a sweet tea family in the Bates household. Oh, yeah? Diet Pepsi. I mean, just put the jug right on the table. Yeah. Jug of sweet tea? No, just any, whatever plastic is on the table. Yeah. We do absinthe.

What is that? I don't know. It's a liquor. It's a liqueur. You'll appreciate this. During the 1993 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, Woody Whitpecker ripped a hole in the float and deflated, requiring him to have to be lower to the ground.

There's a Seinfeld. Seinfeld. So that really happened? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Wow. They did it the episode of the next year, but it was based off of that. Yeah, that's funny. And so did he deflate? There's been a few like that. Barney got ripped in the abdomen. Did they say abdomen? That's what it said on this, due to strong winds. Why would they not just say like in his belly? Like, you know, because it's a...

It's a balloon. You got to be medical about it. It's a kid's balloon. It's a kid's balloon. Just go like... Laceration's tight. Yeah, there's pelvic tissue. Why do you even need a location? Just be like, hey, you got a hole in him. You got a hole in him. And he ripped in his tum-tum. Did you ever do the thing in New York where you went the day before to go see them blow him up? No.

I don't know. I think I saw some of them. They do it in the park. So like the night before, they do the parade. Yeah. You can go and see all the balloons blown up before. Yes, there are diehards there. Pretty deep in the parade. Yeah. No, no, no. We went one time because I was trying to – my mom was in town. So we're like, we're going to do this thing. And then we got like – we saw the line and we're like, no, let's just go eat chicken. Yeah. I mean that's – yeah.

You love seeing them inflated? I do. Would you like to see them deflated? Where you can't tell what they are? The cat in the hat struck a lamppost on 72nd Street and crumpled to the ground. The Pink Panther had to be stabbed by police in order to be stabilized. I mean, these are... Sounds like a bloodbath. It sounds like crimes. Like, it sounds... Like, these... Like, they came alive and they're going, oh, no. They finally had to lower the size of... Restrict the size of these floats. They were getting too big. So they were causing problems.

I just think they should have the parade in the middle of nowhere. And that way you could go real country with the balloons. I'll go big with it. Yeah. That would be interesting to...

to have a parade with nobody there like you go to where like uh i mean go to oklahoma i'll go to flat they go somewhere big field big field go flat have to go down the road and just be super flat and be like you can make them as big as you want to make them yeah that's a good idea and then to deflate them you get like a like a pumpkin cannon like a big pumpkin thing and then the pumpkins take them you can get real country real fast yeah

Put jelly inside of it. That's what I'm telling you. Or jam. And jam. Jam and preserves. Some have jelly, some have jam, some have preserves, and everybody licks the street. I'm telling you. We're on to something. They're laughing. We're on to something. Yeah, we're going to have to iron out the details. I was with you to that last part, but I think it...

The people that go to something like that, I think they would. Yeah. Well, last year we showed a picture. Last year, the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, no one was allowed because of COVID, but Ronald McDonald still wore a face shield. Remember this? Yes, I do. He and Grimace were in the back of the car. We talked about it because Grimace had, it looked like Grimace was trying to get it. Yeah. Grimace is already wearing a mask though. Yeah. One of them had a cone on, I think. No, Grimace had a cone.

And then, but it was upside down. Right. It looked like one of those dog cones, right? Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. Ronald had it, but it was like perfect. Like where you're like, I've never seen this before. I did not know that Ronald McDonald's could get more terrifying, but there it is. I mean, that looks that, I mean, that looks like the guy that competes with Jason. Yeah. Do you know what grimace is?

Oh, did we talk about all this? Is it a teardrop? What is he? Oh, hold on. It came out recently. Oh, he's a... The purple people eater. Yeah. He's a taste bud. Oh. Oh. And the guy who said it was named Brian Bates. Really? He was the McDonald's manager of the year. Did you find this out from Google Alerts? On my daily Google Alerts, let's see what I did today. Yeah. And then people started sending it to me.

You're just mad because he's done more with your name than you've ever done. A little Jerry Seinfeld. Pardoning of the turkey, Harry Truman was credited with it because he received the first turkey, but he didn't know what it was for, so he had it for dinner. The National Turkey Federation sent him a turkey, but he had it for dinner, so he did not pardon it. John F. Kennedy was the first one to let a turkey go.

George H.W. Bush was the first one who actually made it a national tradition to pardoning of the turkey. That's funny that Truman just ate it. Thank you. Yeah, that's cool, man. And then just... The Lions were the first team to play on...

Thanksgiving 1934. Wow. Wow. Haven't won since. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was on the radio for years before it's on TV. Think about that. Yeah. Just be like, oh, who do we got next?

I guess you'd be like, who do we got next? Did he say it? Mickey Mouse! And then you really show the footage of it. It's just a guy in an empty room. And there's no Macy Day's parade. Up next, Star Wars. All of them are there. And they're bigger than the buildings. And everybody's at home like, wow. He's just making it up. He's in a room. He's dumb, people. That's why you have the commentators. That's why they're there.

When you see on TV, the people that you've never seen before in show business ever. Isn't there someone famous, though? It's always like Jesse Palmer or somebody like that. But it's also one of those guys. But that's what they're there for. It's because of the radio tradition.

Because that's why that whole thing... I think that you have to have someone talking. Or otherwise, we're grown people watching balloons in silence. I mean, you don't need somebody to tell you what something is. I know, but you need just the pure awkwardness of just... If there was nobody talking... No, I think you could do it. I think you could absolutely...

Little things across the screen. How many times do you watch television with things going across the bottom of the screen? Never. Somebody's always talking. Yeah, someone's always talking. For everything, though. Think about it. The puppy bowl has announcers. Yeah, you're not listening to them, but they're talking. Otherwise, it's going to be... It gets real weird, dude. If I walked in someone's home...

And they were watching the Macy's Parade alone in silence. I would leave. I'd be like, well, we're doing this somewhere else. I like it when no comment. And I'd wait in the driveway as everybody pulled up. I'd go, do not go with this. You don't want to see what I saw. And he's like, is everybody dead? And I'd go, worse. Worse. He's watching the Macy's Parade alone. No volume.

Not even eating anything. Not even eating anything. I said, why? And he goes, because I know what they are. I don't need them to tell me. And I go, you know how crazy that is coming out of your mouth? So you'd like to watch football without announcers? I do. Because you can do it on ESPN. If you watch the spider cam only, they don't have the broadcast voices in it. So you just watch the game. Because I can't say how much additionally angry I get.

When I hear a broadcaster say something, they say so many dumb things. Yeah. I get that. Or they try to spin you. I don't at all. I get it, but it's just part of it. You can't. Yeah, you can't. You just listen to your team's thing then. Well, they do that now. You can listen to the home broadcast. But, I mean, I'm talking just inside. You just hear what's going on in the field. It's actually way more peaceful.

You don't have anybody yelling at you the whole time. Like you can hear that. Is that why it's pretty tough to find? I mean, it's so good of a thing. They just, it's only when they have the spider camps.

Yeah, because they don't have that many because no one wants to. It's you. You like silence. They're waiting for you to stop watching so they can stop it altogether. Listen, guys, you still got one guy. You guys are not going to ruin my inner peace. Okay, I'm telling you. Peace. That's such a funny word. It's so much more peaceful. And this is how Kirk Herbst corrupted all my friends.

You want me to wrap it up? Yeah. Psychology Today said 60% of Americans would rather do anything other than think about what they're grateful for on Thanksgiving. People don't like to do it. Anything. How do you even know that? That's what I mean. Where'd these polls do? How would you ask that question? It's not like, do you like turkey or ham? That's like, all right, I can see how you get that.

What's the question? Three in five respondents reported preferring to do something other than think about what they're grateful for during Thanksgiving. They'd rather watch football, read a book, or play with a pet. The way that's even phrased, I guarantee you.

it's phrased like, what do you want to do all day? Do you want to sit in a room alone and be, and just thankful? Are you going to watch a football game? And you're like, I'd rather watch a football game. And it's not being like, I'm not sitting at all thankful. It's like, you know, does anybody want to sit in a room for four hours and just be like, let me go through what I'm thinking? No,

The way that's framed. They're not mutually exclusive either. You can do all of those things in like five minutes. Yeah. Is it where you go out? There's a football game on your, thank goodness there was a football game on and you go, okay, well, Jessica do both because the game's silent. He can think about it. That's true. So maybe it does need this. Well, also I think it's a thing. It's like, where, where were you interviewing people? Cause like a lot of times you like, like where were you? Oh, we're interviewing people that were coming out of it. I think they go to, I think they asked their neighbors. Yeah.

That's what I honestly, I believe these people that do these polls. Felix? They go, yeah. They go knock on, they're in New York. They knock on four doors and they go, that's good. That's all of America. And then it's like, and then they just go and go. Everybody's doing it this other way. You ask someone, does every country have Thanksgiving? A lot of countries have it. Not for the American reasons. Yeah. But Canada has Thanksgiving. Theirs is like the second Monday in October. Mm-hmm.

Ours is always the fourth Thursday in November. Yeah. I remember when that happened. We were on tour with Graham, and Graham's like, I'm Canadian. And then some woman goes, Happy Thanksgiving. Because it was Canadian Thanksgiving. Yeah. Most people booed. One woman did yell. I'm glad somebody said it. Yeah. Yeah, so a lot of countries do have Thanksgiving for their own reasons to be thankful for. Yeah. But we have the best one. Yeah, we have the best one.

All right. We're thankful for it. We're thankful. We're thankful for everybody listening to this podcast. Cause I mean, it's, you know, your first Thanksgiving as a married man. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Columbus, Ohio.

I'm at the Columbus Funny Bone up there. Yeah. But I'm up there. I got family up there somewhere. Oh, okay. I thought you were just promoting your dates instead of talking about Thanksgiving. Are you doing a show on Thanksgiving? Not on Thanksgiving, but that weekend. You know, one of the best nights for comedy was always the day before Thanksgiving. That Wednesday? I'm on a show on Thanksgiving. I'm doing that. Yeah, yeah. On Thanksgiving? No, the day before. Because everybody gets there and they're like, let's go out because you're going to be home all day tomorrow.

And so that would always be a big day. It's the drunkest night in the country. Yeah. That Wednesday night. Yeah. Before Thanksgiving. Wear your seatbelt. Just, you know, don't get out and drive. Don't be dumb. All right, everybody. Again, we love you. Thank you for everything. And yeah, we will see you next week. Bye.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.