#70 Halloween
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Hello, folks. Welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. I'm Nate Bargetti, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber. We are here. This is the Halloween episode. Halloween. Pretty fun. I love Halloween, and we're going to talk about Halloween. And so these are the comments. A lot of this stuff is being shot a little. A, the Halloween episode, we had a card malfunction, so when you see the whole episode, it's just kind of shot different. But I'm kind of excited to see it because it'll be different. I like change.

I'm not afraid to change. Love it. Might be changing y'all up. Would you switch the whole setup in here? I would switch y'all. I think I'd keep this room. I think I'd keep the room the same. I think I would just change this situation. Yeah, the co-host. That's easy stuff. Easy things to move. Now I could see. I don't know. I guess it's a little different because you've got to think about

like the comfortableness of watching this show. And so I wouldn't change like the setup. I think because of that, I mean, I would change that. Maybe there'd be some stuff up there that gets kind of added or some of the pictures could change. I would be down for that, but I kind of like something being the same, but I think that's just because it's this, I'm not against change for, you know, I can change cars. I can change. I don't, you're not a change. I don't do as well change as I should. Yeah.

We should still have – what's his name? His coach, the Titans, the lineman, the guy that played at Penn State or something. Oh, Mike Munchak? Yeah, yeah. As of DeBriant, we should still have Mike Munchak as the coach. He didn't love any of the changes. Let it rot. Yeah, there's a lot of people that don't do well with change. I'm just one of them. You're laughing like I got a problem. No, it's just funny the way you said that. You said it with like a deep sorrow in your voice. I think change is good. Most people –

know that, but it's just hard to do it. Yeah. But you got to just change. But I mean, you don't, you rearrange your apartment? No. Well, I mean, I live in a house with my wife, but no, I never, once I set it up, I never think about it again. Yeah. You just like it to all be there. See, I think my family, we used to rearrange everything. And I mean, we'd come home and it was always like, the rooms are different. Everything's different. It was exciting though. I always loved it. You come home and you're like,

My parents would switch where the kitchen was because we had a small house. It was basically a two-bedroom home, and then they had to make it three bedrooms. One bedroom is either going to be in the kitchen or it's going to be in the den. Their bedroom is in the den, and then one day they come home, it's all in the kitchen. It feels like a different room. I've always loved that. There's a chance we show up one day and this is all in the garage.

I mean, the only difference of, you know, I don't know. The only difference with a show is like a show can't really do that because you can't. I think, you know, people are watching it and you need them to get used to. Everybody's got to get used to seeing, you know, like Seinfeld. If you watch Seinfeld and he had a new apartment, you'd be like, well, that's weird. So that's a little different than I think what I'm talking about. I'm talking about if I could.

yeah, if we could change our, you know, now houses are kind of, the rooms are built for what they are. This was, we were in a very small house growing up. And so I think you had to do it just because you had to do it. And so now it's a little different, but I'm, I'm, I'm for change. I'm for mixing it up. I get, I can get a little bored with something. I want to just be, it can be the way I set the bus up.

I'll be like, I'm going to try this. And then I had these shelves put in and then I think we're going to take them out now. And by we, Ricky. This is how Ricky finds out. Rick, I need those shelves removed. No. But I like that kind of little change here and there. It's good. Yeah. You know, mix it up.

So in this, so this episode, uh, so this is, we're doing comments separate from Mike Vecchione is on this episode of Halloween, right? Yes. Mike. Uh, and, uh, it was wonderful with Mike and I will, we will talk about Mike when he's here. Uh, and if you see stuff kind of shot kind of piece by piece going forward, we're trying to keep, it will always be here. Keeping the rhythm. Just, you know, bear with us. If you're seeing us have different outfits on and stuff like that. Uh,

Because, you know, the road has been crazy. I'm still going out to see all y'all. And then, oh, this week this comes out. We were in the day it comes out. Yeah, we'll be doing Nashville shows. Crazy week. Yeah, crazy week. Ryman. No, Grand Ole Opry, Ryman, and then Columbus, Ohio. Two shows Columbus. Right. Big week. It's a big week. Pretty excited. Robert Minion. It's a tough last name, you know? Yeah.

Minion is not. It doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound good. Yeah, it's not flattering. Yeah. Nate might want to know that there are over 100,000 words in the English language. However, people typically use between 20,000 to 40,000 when they write and only about 8,000 when they speak. Please don't ask my source on this. How many do you think you use? 50. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. 50 words. Yeah.

I do pretty good out of them. I would like to take a transcript of one of your specials and do like a word cloud and see how many different types of words you did. I'll do that.

You got to listen to it all? How do you do it? You can find, there's transcripts of it online already, I'm sure, that have it beat for beat. And you can see, I mean, what do you think the most common word in your last special was? I would say like. Yeah. Just because I'm using it like or so. Some of that stuff is like you're using it for the rhythm. Sure. For the song. Right, yeah. Not good or bad, I'm just saying. You probably do even more than 50, probably 100. Look up the specials.

That would be great if it's like 60. See if you can figure it out. Don't tell me. 60 words. Tell me on the podcast. I'll look into it. I'll look into it. See if it's better than... Because I bet there's going to be an argument that some of those, you could argue three of them are not even words. What if a good 20 are not? There's 20 words in here that are not. They're your own words. They're not real words. They count as my words. Yeah.

Luke Luman. Nate Land is a podcast about nothing. Aaron Land is a podcast correcting Nate Land's mistakes. I can see breakfast starting a podcast about bird watching. I'm all for that. I could see that too. Yeah. I took my dog for a walk today. Saw a couple of blue jays. Checked them out. I could get into bird watching. You like it? Yep. Have you ever done it? Like hiked out in the woods and just... No, he just looks like it. Yeah. Uh...

You know who's a big bird watcher now? Joe Zimmerman. Oh, really? Yeah, he's like in a big society or something. He got into it during COVID, and I think he goes to Central Park and like the whole shebang. Yeah. I guess because they're telling you like which birds are rare, and so you're looking for the rare ones. I guess. So it's kind of fun. I could see it. I don't think I'm to that age yet, but I bet I'm not far. Dusty Slay does it? Well...

They used to eat them. Joshua Dawes. Nate is absolutely right about flipping Let's Go to get rid of it. I have a nine-year-old son who I only called bro for a month, including during a parent-teacher conference, and now he doesn't use any bro anymore. It only took two weeks and enthusiastically yelling, Let's Go, in response to his questions before it was eradicated at our house.

Having an old guy really embrace the lingo is the quickest way to make it not cool anymore. So if you and Aaron can get backgammon to really embrace it, we can end it forever. You need to be a let's go guy. All right, I'll start doing it. Yeah. Kids, let's go. Randy Brake. Randy Brake. I mean, he's got to work in a car shop. I was about to say, works as a mechanic or something. He's got to be a mechanic. Hmm.

Randy, don't let us down and be... Scientist? Yeah. My friend and I played a drinking game where we took a shot every time Nate said the word yeah. I'll be honest with you. So far, it seems good that you work in a mechanic shop. My friend exploded and I woke up in Japan. Loved your relaxed Southern style and Brian and Aaron are perfect co-hosts. Thank you all for my new favorite podcast. I mean, you better have been... There better have been some cars around you. Or at least know...

Randy Brake. It would be very funny if he's like, I'm a secretary. I never saw that coming. He's probably young. Why do you think that? Because he's playing drinking games with his friends? I mean, he's 65 years old. I mean, he's either younger or it's past. Or it's just a problem. Or he's good. Or Randy's a good time. Maybe that's it. His friend exploded and he woke up in Japan. Yeah.

I've never heard. That's two amazing things to say. After a long night, my friends exploded and I woke up in Japan and then you walk off and people go, what? Garen Barna. This is Holly.

In 2010, I was given a partly used $5 iTunes gift card by my aunt and was just getting into stand-up comedy. I bought Nate's stand-up special on a whim and was blown away. I took my iPod Touch to school that week and showed everyone I could the Cambodia rocket launcher joke. And now 10 years later, I'm listening to this podcast.

Finding Nate through a partly used $5 iTunes gift card from my aunt is a fitting way to get into his comedy. I started a new job as a principal this week, and the long drive has been made so much better by listening to Nate Aaron and Bob Berry. Bo Berry? Bo Berry. Bo Berry Biscuit? Is that it? I mean, that's what this is. Is that a thing? I don't know. Oh, Bo Berry. Bo Berry Biscuit. That's a great name.

Yeah, it is. You call someone a bowberry biscuit? A bowberry biscuit. Oh, Bojangles. Bojangles. I'm going to go down there and get me a bowberry biscuit. Every morning, thanks for the laugh, folks. That's awesome. I truly appreciate that. That's cool. Look at that. Aaron used to do that on his way home from cutting the grass. Oh, yeah. I didn't buy Nate's album, though. I downloaded that illegally, but I bought music. You did buy it. You would listen to music, not comedy?

I do remember seeing, when I was young at my grandmother's house, she had cable and I didn't. I do remember seeing you in a promo for your first, must have been your first Comedy Central. Yeah. Remember the joke about being from Tennessee and the other states? Yeah. I remember that joke when I was a kid watching that on TV. Yeah. Pretty wild. Yeah. Wow. But not enough for me. Grew up and met him. Not enough for me to buy it. Yeah, never bought it. That's cool. Remember that?

Do you remember me? First time I saw Bates on TV. Channel 5. Channel 4.2. Oh, there's going to be Channel 5 doing his weather thing. Oh, yeah. That wasn't on there. Your weather? That was just a class. Raleigh Fornier. Foreigner. Foreigner? Foreigner? Isn't that like the runner? Isn't there a running back name with that last name? Fournier? Forte? Matt Forte? Maybe I'm thinking of Forte. But I thought, what's the running back in...

I played at LSU and then went to Jaguar. Leonard Fournette. Fournette. Yeah. I would say Fournier for this. Fournier. That'd be my guess. Riley Fournier. While I was having a nap in my bed wearing just shorts and no shirt, my six-year-old daughter grabbed my phone and took some pictures of me. I had no idea this happened until a couple of days later when I was at the auto parts shop.

Was Randy Blake there? I had taken a picture of my VIN number on my truck to make sure I was getting the right battery size. Instead of reading the long number off, I just passed my phone with the picture to the woman at the parts counter. She smiled while looking at the picture, entered the number, and handed the phone back to me. When I looked again at my phone, I could see the previous photos were...

previous foes which were me with my shirt off looking like I was posing for the camera I don't know if she thought that whole thing was intentional or not but I was definitely a little embarrassed gave it to her I wonder if she did maybe maybe did Harper ever take I do always think that huh did Harper ever take pictures of you when she was little and you didn't know it

Uh, probably. I don't, I don't know. I guess I wouldn't. You can at least understand, easily understand how that can happen. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They think it's funny and they, you know, and you don't see your phone. I mean, my pictures, I got, you know, I talked about it on the special. I got videos of Harper like that they make and it goes to my iCloud. So there's a bunch of stuff on there that I don't see. But I do. Yeah, I totally get that. That would totally help. Yeah. You know?

Tom Sites. Nate, would you be willing to share what your TV pilot's plots were based on? I have a TV pilot for you based on Nate's joke about time travel. Similar to Quantum Leap, Nate gets stuck in a time travel loop in order to prevent some crisis from happening. Each episode is Nate trying to prove he is from the future, but nobody believes him. Yeah, so the ABC one was a real... Basically, everybody loves Raymond. And it was...

with Kurtwood Smith and Debra Jo were up. They're bringing them back to that 70s show. Yeah, I heard that. 90s Rubik. So we were on the right track.

because that's what we had them as my parents. That one was like I was living back in Nashville. My wife would have been from L.A., and we met in L.A. So, I mean, Laura, I met in Alabama. But the idea there would have been so she moved back to Nashville and I moved home. And that's that one. The time travel thing, I can tell you I pitched it as a show a long time.

I don't remember when. You remember the 2000? It was probably 14, 15. Yeah, that sounds right. I actually sold it as a script, wrote the script, and it was right when that other time travel thing came out. It was a show that came out briefly on Fox, and I was up against them. And I remember selling it, and they're going to pick who's going to make a pilot. And I was like, does this one matter? Because it was just like...

what are the odds, dude? We're both going to the same network and we're both pitching a time travel show. And, uh, I was like, is that, is this going to matter? You know? And they were always like, nah, I don't think so. And you're like, there's no way. And it was the guys that did last man on earth, uh,

They did all the Lego movies. They're a huge company. And so they ended up making their show, and then mine didn't. And then they owned the rights to it. That's when Century Fox owns your script. So if I did it again and pitched it, it would have to be different. And I don't want to say what it was because I think I could do it as a movie. Yeah. That's the only other way around it.

But, so I always have that idea. So, I mean, yes, it is a good idea, Tom. I'm a fan of it. A fan of it. Did that other show go very long? What? The other time travel. No, it was like back in time or time. Never heard of it. Something. I actually, I'll tell you, I didn't really have a ton of time travel. I did have time travel on my show, but it wasn't a lot. It had been, I had it being two times. I'm already telling you all. I was a caterpillar. Yeah.

Jake Peterson. Hello, folks. I recently had my own version of the Krispy Kreme Challenge. One night after a few drinks with friends, I suggested I could eat four double quarter pounders from McDonald's in under 15 minutes. My friends immediately challenged me, and when I finally attempted it, I could only eat three in 10 minutes. My stomach could not handle a fourth. Would love to hear how many double quarter pounders Aaron thinks he could eat.

It's the time restriction that would mess with me. I'm not a good speed eater. Yeah. But I feel like if I just sat down and just let me make a day out of this, I could eat seven or eight, no problem. Yeah. So I would say if you're doing something like this, don't throw a timeout. That's where people go wrong. Like this guy, I mean, so he learned he could do three and ten, which is crazy. Three and ten is impressive. But he could have done four and –

30 minutes. Half an hour, no problem. And then it would have been easy. So it's like I almost would be like, I wouldn't... What I've learned from hearing some stories is we're quick to give times out because we think, I'll do it in 15 minutes. And you got to go start, give yourself a little...

Go hard on the number and give yourself a little loose ending just to be like in 30 minutes. Yeah. I think I disagree. I think the more time passes, then your stomach catches up with you and you start realizing you're full. Where if you do it speed, you can do more because you don't even realize yet that you're full. Yeah, but he did three in 10 minutes. That's too quick. And then that's like you're going to get sick. So like you just eat it, eat it, and then you can eat the other one. Just give yourself a little –

Like he could write, he said 20 minutes and probably done four. You would eat it still fast, but I mean, three and 10 is fast. Yeah. And I think that's just too quick. I understand your point for sure. Like you got to realize for your body knows what's going on. Yeah. Like those hot dog eating champions. I bet they couldn't eat. However many they eat over two hours. Oh, I bet they could. Uh,

I bet they could. They trained for that. Maybe them, but... This is a guy who was drunk and sitting in a car, probably driving. I don't know. This is Randy Brake. He goes, I'll do it. Yeah. Maybe it was Jake and Randy. They should get together. What's he talking about? Yeah. This is a guy that woke up in Japan. Yeah. Yeah. This was his Japan. Yeah.

Jonathan Fisher. Hey guys, in the comments last week, you talked about faster cuts in film TV. Do you also find there's a, there are faster cuts you need to make in your sets. Rob, Robin Williams seemed like he got faster cuts way early and was almost consumed like a newly released drug by the audience. Even if it wasn't the funniest, most prepared thing, you were still going on a rollercoaster of transitions from one impression to the other. Now,

Nate's delivery conversely was a breath of fresh air because he takes his time and jokes even when he is talking a little faster. Do any of the three of you feel pressure to have a faster or maybe slower rhythm? I'm kind of going through this right now actually and I'm trying to make myself slow down. Some of it I almost think I'm getting more southern again because I'm back home and so I'm like I got to make sure that people can hear these words and

And so I'm trying to go a little bit slower. And so I've caught myself. But the hard part is like if you have a joke that you're like, I am not positive about this joke, then I'm going to speed it up a little bit just because I don't want to be left out there. You know, I don't want to go super slow. You know, some of if it's a joke that you're like, well, if you really think about this joke, you're going to realize it's stupid. And so, you know, and you have some speed up moments. I'm having more speed. I'm getting a little more like, you know,

Speed up, a little more emotion shown, I guess. Not really animation. But I've weirdly been thinking, I thought of it just the last show I did. I thought, let me slow down. And it's like, all right. I've always had that kind of...

like it was in New York. It was, it was like, well, you got to murder. You have five minutes and these people hate you. So you got to go up and be like, everything's good. And you got to stay on top of them. I stayed on top of the crowd one night recently because they felt a little drunk and they felt kind of party and all this. If I'd have been too slow there,

they're going to yell. They just yell stuff. So you got to, those, you kind of feel a little fat. Some of it's just the crowd. You got to figure out like, all right, I need to stay on top of these people and kind of always be talking or they're going to kind of unravel and start yelling stuff. And then sometimes you can be like, all right, I can slow it down. This crowd's,

into the show. That's what I believe. Yeah, and to his point, shorter attention spans because everything's quicker cuts in TV can sometimes lead to shorter attention spans in comedy. You're probably at the point now with your audience, I mean, you just said there are still examples where you still have to get on top of them. Yeah, but my speeding up is just to put more jokes in. So it's like even when I tell a story, there's not that, I don't really leave a lot of space. Like, I mean, everything you're saying is kind of, there's a laugh.

So I try to do that. So that's where I feel sped up. But I can sometimes talk too quick too. And some of it, you got to figure out the rhythm of what you're trying to say. It's interesting. Now this new set, I would say I have, I do an hour, but I would say I have 40, I would say 40, 45. That's pretty, that's like, I'm like, this is good. And then,

The other stuff is like, some of it's fine. And I mean, I think it's fine. It's like, but I can just look at places where I'm like, I need to work on a couple things and you can feel, you know, and some, some of that is rhythm. It's a different thing when you get into theaters.

I mean, it's so different. You know, when we do theaters, it's like a different feel. The laugh is different. It's longer. It goes farther back. The pacing is different. When you're in a comedy club, everybody's kind of real close. It's opposite of that. You don't feel like you have time because you almost feel embarrassed. Like, you start like, so you're like, I got to just stay on these people. In a theater, it feels, it's a show. And it feels like that, you know? Yeah? No, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I didn't know if y'all had anything, you know? No, I mean, I totally agree with you. When we did that arena in Mississippi, Tupelo, that was even a different vibe because it's so much bigger. Yeah. With Leanne Morgan. Yeah. She's out on tour now. Yeah. It's with you. You're going out. And then, yeah, it's a whole different, that's even, because the laughers is different. I was talking to someone about arenas and,

That's an endorphin. Zanies. I own Zanies. Me and Dorfman are close and we were talking about this. And we... He was like saying like arenas... I don't... I want to do arenas just because you do. But then it's also like I get the idea that they're not... It maybe isn't the greatest thing. But it's like you don't want to do like... I want to do Bridgestone and Nashville. I want to do...

Madison Square Garden, you know, Chicago, kind of the places I started. Yeah. Where I'm from would be very cool to get to do those. But, you know, I was looking at everything. Look, I got to try it and see what it feels like. And you could decide if you like it or don't like it from there. But, yeah, I think you want to be like, yeah, you want to be like, I did this. For sure. Yeah. Definitely.

I've done a couple. I've opened for people at arenas, and the experience of it is awesome. But I always think comedy is better smaller. At least I'm more comfortable when it's smaller. So the bigger it was, I didn't have much fun on stage. As cool as it was, I couldn't get in the pocket. I would do in the round.

I've never done a show in the round. I love the, in the round. And so if I did a theater, an arena, I would want to do in the round. And cause it's like, then everybody feels you're, you're closer to a lot more people. Yeah. And so you at least, you at least pull them in and stuff like that. See the one I did, they were so far away. Oh yeah. Hundreds of yards away. That's crazy. Yeah. Who was it with? With Chris and Minneapolis. Yeah. Uh,

Brett Lobb, Loeb, L-A-U-B. I'm a pilot for a commercial airline, and I recently have been told no more saying ladies and gentlemen because some may be offended. I now say hello, folks. I'm hoping one day one of y'all may be in the back and realize he just said hello, folks, and come up to the cockpit and say hi. That's awesome. Yeah, you want us to just walk up to that cockpit? No, I said hello, folks. Okay.

So I need to get in there. Tap it on the door. Just banging on the door. Let's go, folks. Just yelling that out as you're just getting thrown off the plane.

I mean, when he's going to announce it, it's like when you're about to take off. Hello, folks. Door's shut. Can't get up. Love you guys swing by the cockpit while we're on the descent and maybe, you know, let's go, folks. Just yell out.

Getting restrained by air marshals. Let's go. You're on a list. Let's go, folks. And you just see him. He just opens his little window and he goes, hello, folks. He yells out that little side window. Brat. I wonder what's the highest they can open that window, you know, on a plane, your pilot, when you have to shut it. What window? The window on the side window. He's talking about once they carry you off the plane where you could see the plane. Yeah.

No, I'm saying like when you take off, does it have to be shut? Like can you 10,000 feet be like, all right, let's shut that window. Like the Wi-Fi? I think you got to shut it before 10,000 feet. I don't know. I mean, let's try it. Brett, let us know, honestly. Yeah, Brett, let us know how we're supposed to say hi to you.

We won't announce it. So everybody goes, he goes, there's a little key above the door. He just gives, that's what he tells us. It's right above the, you know, the code is always one, two, three, four. Just come on in whenever you want. It's funny. Southwest is so cheap because the pilots cracked the window to save on AC. That's the drag, like just slowing down.

Hair blowing. Matt Gable. My kids are having a sleepover with their cousins tonight at our house. From downstairs, I heard my seven-year-old son, Parker, on a microphone saying he thought I looked like his elderly wife with no shirt on at a car he didn't recognize. I think me and Olivia could both have a word with him.

As you can imagine, I couldn't contain my laughter and had to go see what was happening. Come to find out they were having their own talent show. Parker says he wants to be a comedy guy like Nate, but his cousins only gave him 2.5 out of 10 with the Olivia joke. Learning the basics of bombing early. I tell you what.

uh, Parker, I think you killed it. And that joke was great. And your cousins, I don't, what did they do? I don't know if they had, you brought the heat Parker. And that is, they did our, our X. Yeah, they did. Yeah. Did they do, uh, Bo Berry biscuits and Andrew? They, I would think, I think you did great Parker. And he, and he looked, he told everything. That's, that's how the joke goes.

Keep doing it, buddy. That's what you got to do. You got to, it is, you learn the basics of, you know, tight rooms and you learn to get through these sets and then you do it. It's going to come and you're going to come around me and you'll be working together one day. I'll be open for you, Parker, at an arena going, I don't think I would do this. Chris Minette, Minette,

I don't know. My Nat? Doesn't sound as fun as Manette. Yeah. My wife and daughter were recently in Nashville. I said, go by Zany's and get a picture next to Nate's mural pic. I was never more disappointed when this is what they texted me. If you see the zone, this is a picture of Tom Segura. And they're standing next to him. That's so great. I texted it to Tom. Do you ever get mistaken? For Tom? Yeah.

No, I've never been. No one's ever said it. I mean, they always say we kind of sound like and stuff like that, but no one's ever. I've never been called Tom. I can see that with the beard. Yeah, yeah, with the beard and all that stuff. Yeah. I know he makes fun of Burt being fat, but I think I'm in better shape than Tom. I should be, right? I need to go stare at him with his shirt off. I'm going to go meet Tom and be like, let's take your shirt off, buddy.

Let's see. Pound for pound, what are we looking at? He's like a big dude. I mean, not a big dude, but he's a football player. He was a big dude. A strong guy. But yeah, I texted Tom. He loved it.

It was very funny. All right. All right, everybody. Thank you. This week. Oh, that's the Halloween. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So here's the Halloween episode with Mike Vecchione. Halloween's a wonderful, wonderful holiday. I hope you guys have a great Halloween. It's the funnest. If you're a kid, when you have kids, nothing better than Halloween. Have fun. And here goes the Halloween episode.

We are here once again with Mike Vecchione. Thank you guys for having me back. Yeah. Changed jacket. His other jacket is just in that other room. So is mine is too. I like this. He's broke the fourth wall, Nate, of the podcast. I mean, Aaron's got an Aaron Lynch shirt. Aaron went downstairs to put that on. Breakfast. The only thing I did different was actually spilled water on me. I think it's about dried now, but...

That's it. That's it. Still same shirt. Brian, I think a good thing to say when someone calls you the wrong thing is to go, put some respect on my name. Yeah. Put some respect on my name. Put some respect on my name. I would love that. That's as aggressive as you can get right there. You can't. I think the only reason you can't do it is because when he does it, they will push his face away with their hand because they feel no threat. And they would go. Andre the Giant meat. Yeah. Yeah.

Get out of here. But isn't that a cool thing to say? Yeah, that's what I tell his daughter. And she's like, no, you're Bob Ripple Pants. Yeah. That doesn't work. Bob Ripple Pants. Such a good name. That's kind of how it started, I think, too, was the Bob. Every time it was like my daughter and Maya. Yeah. They started calling him Bob Ripple Pants. Which is a great name.

Yeah. I thought you kicked me under the table for something. Yeah. Bob Ripple pants. You know what I'm talking about. Mike, why don't you bring something to the show? No, no. That's the only thing I was talking about. So this episode, we're going to talk about Halloween. And the title is probably Halloween. You know, I probably don't ever need to say what we're talking about. But it's hard not to. Yeah. In the moment. And so. It's like the discussion is in a disguise. Yeah.

Halloween. Yeah. So I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to do two recordings. All right. So here's the first one. What's everybody got? Mike Vecchione, Halloween episode. Mike, quiet down. Don't say anything. Hey, what's up, everybody? Me, Aaron, Brian only doing a Halloween episode. All right. Let's just see how this feels. I got two different options to use. Vecchione died, everybody.

If you're seeing this, you probably saw different comments. We're doing, as you all know, we're on the road, and it's pounding away. And so we're having to record some stuff here and there, but we're going to always make sure that we give y'all, y'all will have stuff every week, because that's the job, and that's why we're here. So this week, Halloween.

Halloween's one of my favorite holidays, I would say. It goes from your favorite holiday to then your age with no kids and you're like, whatever about it. And then you have kids again and you're like, it's my favorite holiday now. Doesn't that apply to all holidays? I feel like I would get that way with Christmas too and with Easter. You kind of relive it through your kids. Well, your older years, they like Thanksgiving more because it's like the family... That's my favorite right now. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, that's how Gout got started. Yeah.

No hat today either. Your feeding window. Well, isn't... A lot of people will be hitting on that. I don't have an Aaron Land hat, so I had to... Yeah. I just wore the jersey. No hat. Do you ever not wear a hat? You look like you're having trouble processing it. Yeah, do you ever wear a hat on stage? I've been not wearing it on stage lately. That's good. I think you should. Yeah. Because everybody thinks I wear a hat all the time, as I've always said, and I've never wore a hat on stage. I mean, maybe I've done it on like...

whatever shows, if I'm doing 10 minutes or something like that. But as far as a big show, I've never wore a hat. And why you shouldn't is it hides your eyes. It hides my eyes even in this podcast, but... Yeah, well, I did a show with a comic who had a hat and I couldn't see any of his face. And I thought that probably is how I look every set. It is. Well, your eyes are very important. Yeah. You know, and then... And you already cover up the bottom of your head. So...

Just your nose. I mean, you're basically like people see this. Yeah. Now, I have been wearing sunglasses on stage. Yeah. You look like a poker player that comes out. In 95 masks. You don't see where these jokes are coming from. You're like, went to the grocery store the other day. Always get the wobbly wheel. Like, you're always looking like, who said that? Retro-liquistic. Yeah. Golly. I thought, who's up there talking, man? So...

I was thinking when I prepared this episode, if we were Halloween, like Jason, Freddie, Mike Myers, the background, we were one of those. What would be our backstory? I think I'm the whistler. No one gets killed because you hear me comment. It's like... The least successful serial killer ever. Yeah, but the one that wants to... Oh, you have a nose whistle? Yeah, yeah. Wow. And the audience already let him know. So they...

They, uh, you'd be, I think the guy that wants to kill the most and can't, but you're definitely like you get around other serial killers and then they get uncomfortable when they talk, just shop talk.

When they shop talk, they are sitting there and they're like, ah, man, just go get it over with. Like just, or kill yourself maybe. I don't know. Have surgery. Deviate a septum. Guys, I just watched a Joe List old sketch video where he did a whistle.

It was very funny. He goes, buddy that has a nose whistling for us. And he's like doing like the Andy Griffith in his nose. It was very funny. I just saw it today. Yeah. But yeah, you would be the one that they caught. I mean, like you just would never be, you know, it's not for trying. But they just always know I'm coming. Yeah. Yeah. They always see. They go, what's up, man? And you're like, you got leaves taped up on you, hiding in the bushes. And they always go.

Brian? And then you're, you got to walk home with your leaves and sticks sticking out of your hat. You're like, stupid nose. Yeah. Yeah.

Or if you could do it, I mean, as a serial killer, if we're going to go down this road, go like, I have a nose whistling problem. Can you come over here? And then you like chop them with an ax or something. I can't hear you over my nose. Do you mind coming a little closer? He just kills like ENTs. Yeah. And then everybody thinks it's birds killing people.

Because they go, I heard chirping. I heard birds chirping. I'm only killing ear, nose, and throat doctors? Yeah. People do like to give medical advice. You've only killed with exact appointment times. It's never random. It's always 10.15 a.m. left at 10.20 a.m. You're like, well, why don't you just talk to them about the nose whistling thing? He goes, huh. I thought they're the ones that caused this.

That'd be great if your nose would only whistle when there was COVID or something in the air. Oh, yeah. Like an alert system. Like a dog. It's the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer story. You make fun of him until he's useful, and then he's your whole thing. What if you were a bomb detector, like a bomb dog? I couldn't control it. They walk you, they got a leash on you, and a guy smaller than you walks you, and you're like...

What's wrong, boy? What's wrong, boy? What's wrong? And the person's like sweating. What's this guy doing? Brian's a human alarm. Human alarm. Human alarm. Yeah. You'd be the gout foot. Uh-huh. Gout foot. Anyone you touch gets gout probably? No, I think he can only go right. Can't go left because he got on the left. So if you don't, like he's going to, when people are watching the movie, they're like, go left. He can't go left. And they just keep going right.

And they get around a circle just running right, and he just catches them every time. He gets out because my footprints are different sizes. Who do you think did it? I have a great idea who did it. If you notice, his one foot's wider than his long. It looked like a man with a rectangle foot.

That'd be funny if you're in an argument with your lady and she's screaming at you and she goes, get out. And then goes, gout. And it double hurts. It hurts. It hurts like twice. Or tell Lucy to do it tonight. We're here tonight. So we're, yeah. That's a good one. That's a good one. Get out. Gout. Gout. Get on out of here. Get on out of here. And you're like, what did you say? You're trying to fight him then? What am I?

You'd probably be the dyslexic, maybe? Like you're forcing people to read to them? I do it in backwards. So I kill them, and then I try to bring them back to life. I do it, you know, and then I go, I shouldn't have done this. Why am I doing this? I'd see everything backwards, and then I turn myself in, and I only get one kill in.

Your dyslexic doctor, they go in for a physical and you kill them because you move backwards? They read those letters and I go, oh, it's perfect. You got perfect vision. They get hit by a bus and walk out immediately. I'm not sure. I've never seen someone get it like that.

It's great if you're pulled over and you've been drinking too much and they go, you have to say the alphabet. I'm drunk too, but I'm also dyslexic. I'm going to nail it. Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T-B. You're kind of doing it. Z-Y-X-W-U-T-B.

Threw a B in there pretty quick. Yeah. U-T-S-R-B. V. I don't know. I could do it quick enough to go, I'd be like, Z-X-Y-W. That's good enough, right? You know I could keep going. And he's like, yeah, that was pretty impressive. I go, yeah, I'd do this, dude. That's a dumb question. And if he goes, just do two more, I'd be like, nah.

A, one, two. It's actually not doing the alphabet backwards. It's actually the letters flipped over. Yeah. So actually you're doing that wrong. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Z, X, W, Y, one, five, niner. Niner. Yeah. Exclamation point, pound sign.

That's what you should do. Uh-huh. And then they go, man, he's not drunk. You know, like, then you're like, this guy's just a comedic genius. Yeah. Exclamation point, townside taco. He threw an emoji in there. I asked him for the alphabet. This guy's making it fun. He made it fun. This guy is laughing at

Hey, I'll be honest with you, sir. You're still going to jail, but this has been the greatest night of my life. And he shakes your hand. You know what? I appreciate that. He's like, you are never going to drive again, but I will pick you up when you need something. Because, man, I had fun. I needed this. I needed this tonight. It's usually so serious, and this just felt great. I'll be honest with you. I'll let you drive one more mile. Let's just see what happens.

Did you ever hear that joke where they pull a guy over for a DUI and he's like, I'm in a hurry. I'm a juggler. I got to get to my thing. And the cop's going, look, I don't believe you. Get out of the car. He's like, I swear to God, I'm a juggler. And he goes, here, I'll prove it. And he gets out and he's got chainsaws in the back of his car and he starts juggling the chainsaws and another drunk driver sees him from across the street and he goes, I better sober up. Look at the test they're giving now. Yeah.

That's so good. Look at the tester, you've been there. All right. What would you be, Mike? The cop? Wrestler. Every bad cop? Quiet. He's not what you expect. Right. Mike would be...

Probably just a regular serial killer because I think you have that personality. Right. To be normal. The meditative, deep breathing, cold shower. Be in shape. I mean- The guy, you run, I'll just keep running after you. Takes a cold shower. I mean, he's already, he's got the starter kit. You take cold showers? Freezing showers, yeah. Every time? We're on the road to this theater and the theater, these theaters are old, a lot of them. And he goes, oh, what was wrong? The shower cold? I'm like, I don't know. Yeah.

Yeah. If it was cold. He goes, no, it was just cramp. It was just small. It doesn't matter. Imagine you get a look at every shower and you go, I don't care.

You don't even notice it. No, I notice it. I still notice it. I'm not that far along, but I don't even put it on. It's not a possibility to put it on warm. Do people get that far along, like where they don't notice it? I mean, that guy Wim Hof, that guy's like, they're like, so sometimes you- Do you follow a guy that's just known for taking cold showers? Are you in a group? Yeah, you're in a group. Yes. And you're acting like, you said that guy Wim Hof, as if we all might know the greatest cold shower of all time. He's the greatest cold shower guy.

And that's his thing? His thing is breathing, the breathing practice that I do, and cold showers.

And that's all he's known for. Is he a Navy SEAL or something? No, he's a guy who gets the best out of himself by breathing. And he does these amazing things. He'll swim underwater. He'll run up Mount Everest barefoot. He does all these crazy things. I don't believe that one. It's really, you got to read it. You got to read his, I'm not doing his story justice. Also, there's no video. It's just a story he wrote. And he said, I ran up Mount Everest barefoot. Oh, I did too. I flew up it. I can fly.

He's like... Wim Knopf? Wim Hoff. Wim Hoff? Yeah. He was on Rogan and all this stuff. Yeah, yeah. He's out. What's the purpose of cold showers? Seinfeld is so you don't sweat during the meeting, George Stanton. Yeah. Yeah, but that's Seinfeld. They're really good for you. Like, they're really good for you. And also, my... Because when... It's good for your...

all your systems. Your circulatory? Yeah. Well, when the water hits you, your natural tendency is to tighten up. Right. And the whole point is to breathe through it. Okay. Breathe through it and adjust to it. Wow. Yeah. I started doing it.

I was, I was, I was sweating when I get out of a shower and it was so frustrating. Yeah. That for the, I do like a super cold for like 30 seconds right at the end. Yeah. That's all I need. I know. Do you ever think about eating better? You giving the truck stop advice? Yeah. You would be a great truck. Cause you're every shower. You're like, I don't care. I do get it. I'm joking. I've done that too. So if you, uh,

if you like sometimes you want it sometimes I want it cold but I could see taking a cold shower like I get the idea of it and like so you never take a hot shower I haven't now now I

now i haven't but in florida sometimes it's hard your water here in the south like it's just naturally because it's like warmer it's it's not as cold i was in vancouver in the winter and i put it on cold and i was really i mean i had to put it down it's still cold but i didn't put it on the coldest that it was because it was it was really really cold but there's all kinds of benefits to it but one major benefit is man we talked about this before which is um

Your mind tends to put you in a comfortable place sometimes. Not sometimes, a lot of times. Your mind is just looking for the easiest, most comfortable. And this is an opportunity to tell your mind, like, I'm not, we're going to do this. I'm not listening to you. Because your instinct is...

Let's just take a cold. You start having that conversation. And David Goggins, I love David Goggins. I listen to all his stuff. He's a Navy SEAL, like motivational speaker. And he's like, you have to win the argument with your mind because your mind will always go to the most comfortable, weakest place. So it's like, it's okay. We don't have to take a cold shower today. But if you just go, this is what I'm doing. I do not care what my mind says. And you just do it anyway. Yeah. Wow.

Halloween. I mean, it's so funny to get. Yeah, so this dude was- He's unbelievable, man. He was fat at one point. He was fat. He went through Navy SEAL training three times, which is unbelievable. He does these unbelievable feats. But the reason I love him is because he breaks down mental toughness. When growing up playing sports, be mentally tough. You got to be mentally tough. He breaks down the conversation that you have with yourself when you're suffering. Yeah. Yeah.

So no one I've ever seen does that. Yeah. I think it makes you probably be not, you take the ego out of yourself too. Right. Like if you do it, you know, and you think, like he's got to be humbled. Like he looks like that and he's humbled by it because it's like such hard work to get to that point. Right. Where you have to, I was thinking about that this week when we were talking about like when you earn stuff,

I think people that earn stuff really are not egomaniacs about it. Cause they, they are like, you know how hard this was, man. Like it's hard. Yeah. And so they don't, they're, they're proud, but they don't, they don't, they would never think they're above anybody. They're like, no dude, I just had to do it. It was the worst. And it was hard. And like a guy like that would be,

You'd be like, well, this guy's more appreciative than someone that's just born with that body. Yeah. That's never like, they've had it easy. Yeah. My experience getting to work with other comedians, it's the very few have been rude or weird or anything, but those are always the comics who've had some sort of weird path where they've gotten things quickly. Yeah. It's the old guys that have been through, you know, the, they've,

grinding it out for years. They're all very grounded, very humble, very friendly. Yeah. And the ones that get it young and quick can be the divas. Exactly. Because it's like you're supposed to be getting that. And that comes from

everybody's kind of a yes person with you. Your agents are like, you know, doing all this kind of stuff. It's hard. I mean, I understand that it's hard. I mean, you know, I can see it some now where it's like stuff is like, you know, when I go do a show, you know, I get an iced coffee on my rider. So someone brings me an iced coffee at sound check is when I want to get it. So I don't have to go get it. Because, hey, sometimes I'm not there. It's the timing of it all. But even that simple of a kind of thing where you're like,

Sometimes I want to be like, I need to go get this on my own. Because I can have... I got Travis as my tour manager. So Travis will get a lot of stuff for me. Some of them I need it to get because it's like, hey, I'm trying to do this. Or I'm trying to go out to eat with my buddies and I'm trying to go walk around a mall and have just a normal day. And so sometimes it's like having assistance. When people have that, your life gets busy. But then sometimes you do. You got to... It's like...

Go get your tires changed. Well, you go change them. Like go drive up there yourself. Sit in that, you know, it seems, you know. You do that? No. Travis does. No, Laura does that actually. But it's, but I mean, you know, I actually haven't done any of this, but I know that I should. I've been, but I haven't been home. And so it's like, I'm trying to like, some of it's like, well, I need to go. I need to, last night was like,

be with harper like sitting there i put her to bed we talked it's best time to talk to a kid when and how are you with her do you have that kind of like don't look at me don't you look directly at me who do you think you are i'm better you're nothing well so last night i met her for the first time and she seemed nice you know little uh now the best time to talk to a kid man

is when you're putting them to bed and she always as a show right now is like she sleeps with us and uh and so like she always wants to snuggle and she'll be like you know it's very cute like tonight's a snuggle night because some nights we're being like no you need to just go to bed uh but it's like we have one kid we had a kid late so we're having one kid you're like i tell her all the time let's she's not going to want to snuggle with us too much longer right and so like let's just

Let's enjoy it. And it's a special, like, you know, it's just odd. Even though she can be asleep, it's like the very sweetest moment where I get to really kind of talk with her and hold her. And she's my little girl. And so, but it's the best time to talk to them because they're trying to stay awake.

So they will just, you know, when they're busy and doing stuff with their friends during the day, they don't want to talk to you. But when they want to stay awake and you're trying to make them go to bed, I mean, she'll talk about anything and everything. Wow. And just like, so it's a kind of a fun moment to be like, like last night,

We talked for like 30 minutes. She should have been asleep, but it was like, I haven't been home. And then we're just talking about they're going to go out with me in a couple weeks for her fall break or something. Or maybe they just went out with me on the fall break because when this is coming out. And so we were talking about the plans for that and what we're going to do. I'm like, we'll be on the bus. She loves the bus. She loves the hotel. She likes the green room. It's like all that kind of stuff. It's very fun. Obviously, every kid, a tour bus is fun.

And so we were just talking about the plans for that. And, you know, it's, I don't know. I feel like you get to learn their personality. You know, we had in the car too. The car is good too. If you can get them to be like, you know, it's like sometimes she wants to just like, can I have your phone? Can I do something? And you get like, no, we're going to, let's talk. Do you ever say just take off your seatbelt and live?

A little bit. Are you going to listen to everybody all your life? She's always... I've always let her sit in my lap and drive the car. I mean, obviously, I'm doing gas and brake and my hand's on it. But since she was five, I would always... Why are we pulling the driveway? I'd be like, you want to drive? And I'd let her sit up with me and let her steer a little bit. You know, when she was five, I was kind of doing it. Because, I mean, she's steering and, I mean, she's just like looking...

Everywhere but Ford. And I'm like, you got to look forward. We're driving forward. Women drivers, right? Yeah, right? No. No. Okay. I don't support that. Okay. All right. But then I let her drive in our neighborhood too. So when I get in the neighborhood, I'll be like, do you want to drive? And now she's bigger. I still do the gas pedal because I don't know if she knows it really that well, but I kind of let her do the driving. Okay.

and I've let her, she'll drive the golf cart, she ever comes out with me. You let her pump the gas? Yeah, she's never pumped the gas actually. I remember my dad letting us pump the gas for the first time and it was like pretty crazy. And I remember moving to New York and you'd meet people from New Jersey and they're like, I've never pumped gas in my life. Because in New Jersey, every gas station has people that do that. And so there's kids that are like,

are you meet someone who's like 30 he's like i've never one day pumped you never pumped gas well you'll meet people in new york never drove a car oh yeah i grew up in the rondale hartley remember he had he got his driver's license after we knew him and he was an adult he was in his 30s or something yeah and he like his goes just got my driver's license i was like and i'm like what yeah just now and he's like i mean we've never needed one and you know i don't why would i you're just riding a subway

Yeah, you're 50. Are you going to do your first communion tomorrow? Yeah. Yeah. Are you guys doing everything backwards here? Yeah. Big cities, right, guys? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Halloween.

Hey, could I say one thing about Halloween? Like your daughter sleeps with you every night. I think a cool thing to do on Halloween would be like for the first time you take her to a separate cold room with a big clown on it and just go, you sleep in here tonight. Halloween. You got to get into the spirit of being scared. I do like Scanner. I bought her a bunch of stuff at the spa museum in D.C.,

And it's like those glasses with the mirrors you can see behind. There's all the stuff that I was like, I remember getting stuff like this. The knife comb that you press it and it's a comb. Oh, it is. Switchblade. Switchblade comb. Yeah. And then. I think that's Travis's, right? Yeah. Actual comb. Travis has a lot of knives. Yeah.

We go to the spy museum and Travis, me, Graham, and Travis are going to the spy museum. And we walk in and they go, he's going through metal detector and Travis always has a knife with him. Like it's a pocket knife, but it's a big pocket knife. And he goes, he doesn't want me to tell everybody on here. Like I won't tell you where his other knife is because he has one more too. And he has his knife out and he pulls it out. And then they go, he gets the guys like,

He's like, well, is it a small knife? You can take it if it's small. And he goes, he pulls it out and the guy flips it open. And he's like, yeah, man, this one's going to have to, you got to take it. You know, you go, he goes, go put it in your car. And we're like, we don't have a car. He's like, I mean, throw it in a bush or something like that. And then Travis had to go to a bush and he was very funny. He goes,

Just threw it in the bush. And then we were just picturing we come back out and like Travis, because Travis left for us and we come back out and just all the bushes are pulled up and everyone's like, he can't find his knife. He's yelling at the guy. He goes, someone took it. Someone saw me drop it in there. And so... That's a pretty cool spy museum story. Yeah. It really is. Yeah. And then have to hide the knife. Had the knife. So great. Yeah. It's like you're...

One joke, which we won't tell, but your detective joke. Oh, yeah. But it's like, yeah, it's like, I guess this is part of it. This is part of it. This is part of it. I went to the Mob Museum in Las Vegas and pulled in, and the parking is really expensive, and I was like, why are you trying to shake me down? Huh? Is it part of it? Yeah. Is it part of it? $24. Yeah, $24. Tell the Gambinos I said hi. Yeah, different for everybody. Why didn't the car before me have to pay? Well, they get a table up front. We know them.

Is that museum good? It's pretty good. Yeah. I went with Ari. Is that the main mob? The mob museum, yeah. That's like the main one, yeah. Yeah, there's not a bunch of them. The rest of them are just social clubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we should have done in Vegas.

And we're blowing it this Halloween, but I'll have you back. A mob episode with him. He knows a ton about it. Know all about it. He loves it. And I watch all the mob podcasts now. I love them. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you do a mob podcast? Because all the guys are, everybody's doing them. All the guys who are in it are doing them. The guys who cooperated, they all have their own podcast. And I had a guy on who was a Bonanno associate soldier. And it was pretty interesting. Yeah.

But you get a different fan base then. You get a whole different... No, but there's a whole genre of people who are just like me looking for mob. Yeah. All right. I'll figure out... You'll be coming back. So I'll figure when you come back, we'll do a mob one with you. That's great. Because, yeah, he knows a lot about it. Halloween. Do one thing Halloween. All right. It started...

Let me find another one. No, do it started. It started as a Celtic festival during the Middle Ages. It was called Samhain or something like that. Samhain.

They basically, their new year started November 1st. And they felt like that was the end of summer when everything starts to die. And they felt like at the new year, the ancient spirits come back and walk that one night, the night before the new year. So they would start dressing up in costumes to disguise themselves so the spirits would not realize that they're people. They think they're other ghosts. And they would put food out by their door to try to give the spirits to...

to appease them so they wouldn't try to come in the house and they ever imagine this is your parents doing this like it's not children it's your parents they're doing it and then you go out the next morning and you're like i mean all the food's still here there's a bunch of fat raccoons laying around everywhere like just they give them like mashed potatoes and stuff you're like what do they give them what would you give a ghost some light especially two thousand years ago salad asparagus something light yeah something light

Well, they're hiding from the ghosts, right? So they're like, oh, the ghosts won't know if we dress up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I mean, then they leave food out for them, which is where the candy is left out. Right. Actually makes a ton of sense why Halloween is Halloween now.

It's like basically that's what it is. But then after a few centuries, our buddy Pope Gregory got involved. Not the same Pope Gregory, different Pope Gregory. Which one? Do you know the number? Pope Gregory III. Third. And he decreed November 1st is All Saints Day. He was trying to change these pagan holidays into religious holidays. And so the night before, or All Hallows Day, and then the night before it's All Hallows Eve.

You know, that's what everybody should do if you're a pope, president. Just do something kind of that will live forever. The other ones are kind of like... You know, when he probably did that, they go, that idiot is changing a whole... That's what you're here to do? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, let's see what happens. Yeah. And his is...

The most famous thing that like no one else remembers anything else. So if you're any of these things, like they always talk about like time zone, what's the daylight savings time? Be the president that changes that. In 100 years, when no one knows nothing that any other president did, they'll be like, that guy did daylight savings. And everyone's like, oh, man, good for him. Like, you know, or something. And you look back on it and you're like, and he's like, he's sitting there like, yeah, yeah. He's playing to the people. Yeah.

I like the conversation that Pope Gregory had. Like, hey, Gregory, can I get a second with you? Yeah. You can't do it. You can't do that. The second, Pope Greg II came and talked to him. He goes, hey, what are you doing? And another guy comes in. He goes, who's that? That's Gregory. I'm assuming probably the fourth if you go through with this.

Jack-o'-lanterns is an Irish myth. There was a guy named Stingy Jack, and he made a deal with the devil not to send him to hell. But God didn't want someone so conniving in heaven either, so Jack was forced to walk the earth every night with just his lantern. Oh.

That's nice. So he wasn't a pumpkin? Now we buy plastic versions of him. This guy was real? Yeah. No, it was just an Irish myth. Stingy Jack was his name? Yeah. I don't know if I believe in that. Irish. Stingy Jack. I like how they didn't want to let him into heaven because he was too conniving. Yeah. Keep an eye on that guy.

But he's so good at being conniving, he talked himself out of hell. That's pretty great. He's like, is he good at it? You're like, pretty solid at it. I'm not going to talk myself into heaven, but I got out of the worst for once. Yes. I'd rather be roaming the earth. Oh, yeah. Just walk around and roam the earth. You see everybody. Purgatory, if you believe in it, that's a good place for that guy to be. Purgatory is just stuck in the middle. Just kind of hanging out. Right below heaven, but not hell.

Yeah. You know? I think we're in purgatory. Now, purgatory is a holding pattern, isn't it? Let's go to the Torah on this one. Can we go to the Torah? It's just a holding, like planes. You're just being like, you just have to be circling going, I'm so close to landing and I don't want to land.

Some parts of the country celebrate beggar's night. It's the night before Halloween, kind of like mischief night. But this one, kids are required to tell a joke, poem, or perform a trick for their treat.

Oh, I like that. That's good. I like that a lot. Make these kids work for it a little bit. Yeah, come up with something. Yeah. Bring something to the table. This should be something schools do or churches or community centers. They should have stuff like that the night before. Don't call it beggar's night anymore, but I like the spirit of it. More like beggar's can't be chooser's night. Yeah. Right? That's pretty good. You get what we give you. Thank you. Go to beggar's night. Where's it at? Loserville? Loserville?

It's at their community center. Didn't you learn that in the hobo college that you went to? Beggar's night. The White House is supposedly haunted. The ghost of Abraham Lincoln is supposed to roam the White House. He's been spotted by Eleanor Roosevelt, Queen of the Netherlands, and Winston Churchill. Queen of the Netherlands opened her door and he was standing there and she fainted. And Winston Churchill got out of a hot bath and he had nothing but a cigar. Yeah.

And he walked into his room and Lincoln was standing there and he tapped the ash on the end of the cigar and said, good evening, Mr. President. You seem to have caught me at a disadvantage. Lincoln smiled softly and then disappeared. Well, that's, I would believe the other one more than that. But when Churchill, I think you were drunk. You had like, A, you're telling me you were so put together that you see a ghost and

There you go. Oh, you come up with a great line. Yeah, on the spot. Take another drag of your cigar. Ash, and he goes, seems like you called me at a disadvantage. And then either...

That's made up, or Winston Churchill is the most charming human being ever, which is a possibility. I think he was up there, man. I mean, he honestly might be the most just kept person that you're like, this guy was wonderful. Great name, Winston Churchill. Yeah. Great name, and then just cutting it up with, saw Abraham last night. Eating cereal in the morning. Yeah.

That guy right there. Maybe. Possibly the greatest person ever. He had one of the greatest comebacks of all time. You ever heard that comeback? He was talking to some other...

world leader, a female world leader, and she said, if I were married to you, I'd poison your coffee every morning. And he just takes a drag of a cigar and goes, if I were married to you, I'd drink it. I mean, this guy is awesome. This guy. That's so, that's unbelievable. Maybe it's true. Maybe it's, you know. I believe he saw Lincoln. I believe Lincoln was still making his rounds. Yeah. Especially back then. He got unfinished business. That means he left the Ford Theater.

And went down the street. Yeah, it's odd. We talked about this. Ghosts, where do they hang out? Usually it's where they die, right? But he walked back to his house after he died, I guess. Yeah. The ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. I guess if you live in the White House. Maybe it's where you spent most of your time. You go back to where was the most...

impactful point of your life and you kind of go back to there. Some people, it's their house. Some people, for him, it would be the White House. So maybe just shoot on over there. Google the Mary Todd Lincoln photo with Lincoln's ghost behind her. He's behind her? Oh, wow. Oh, this...

That's so obviously... That's real. Did people think this is a real photo? They did. Okay. That's one of the more fake things I've ever seen. Yeah, it is fake. People thought it was real. I would say the hands make it fake. Yeah, that's what it is. You almost want to go, why'd you do the hands, man? The hands are too much. Yeah, the hands are too... Yeah. What is she wearing? He's doing that like... What's that symbol?

The Hawaii? Oh. No, the Hawaii symbol where he's just doing... The hang ten? Yeah, hang ten symbol. And they're like, why did you... He goes, I thought... What is she dressed in? That looks like she's playing for Notre Dame. Yeah, it does look like she's playing for Notre Dame. Yeah, to be honest with you, I think she could have. Okay.

A year ago, we were on the drive-in tour, and almost on Halloween night, exactly, we watched the movie Halloween at the movie theater. One of the best experiences I've ever had on the road. Really? Yeah. Drive-ins are fantastic. Fantastic. Drive-in movies. We were the only ones there. Yeah. Drive-in movies are fantastic. Doing the shows, the shows were fun at the time. I would still do some if I could, like maybe do some summer stuff just for that. I would do it for the fun experience of the hang and like,

Did they beep when a joke hit? Yeah, Chicago did. I wasn't sure we didn't do the Chicago one. But Chicago, when I walked out, they did it. They honked. It was the best. The best, dude. I'd be like, set up the rules. If the joke hits, please honk. And if the joke really kills, everybody do their wiper fluid.

at the same time you know let's get some action going and they go what about the hazards you go I wouldn't mind if those stayed on the whole show let's just have some energy you know and then if it go from there

Everybody's just getting sprayed in the car next to them. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. They're sitting on their car. But we sat and watched, yeah, the guy. It was in Louisville, right outside Louisville, wherever Louisville's driving through. Right, LaGrange maybe? LaGrange. And then so we sat there. We did the show. Then we were like leaving, you know, I think the next morning. So it was like kind of just staying on the bus. And the guy's like, if you want to watch a movie, he's like, I can just start a movie. And like it shuts off on its own.

He had some radios.

We have some folding chairs. And we're like, well, that would be unreal, dude. And then so we sat alone, like six of us in a parking lot watching this big screen and watched Halloween and like the first Halloween. And it was, I mean, one of the best experiences there. Because you're just like, you're walking around that. You're like, it's so big of an area. It's huge. You're just alone. We're all sitting next to each other. It's the best. You're outside. Outside. It'd be great if you had a grill. You did it like a tailgate. Yeah. Right.

I would want to do it. I would do that to be like, just have a drive-in. If you could rent a drive-in theater for a day and just be like, we'll have tailgates and we all just watch this movie. And I mean, I don't think you have that many people. You just kind of keep it kind of like tight. And then we'll eat lunch and dinner out here and we'll watch eight movies. And that would be the funnest thing ever. Yeah, it'd be fun. It was fun.

The movie Halloween was shot on such a tight budget that for Mike Myers' mask, they went and bought a $2 Star Trek Captain Kirk mask. They spray painted it and reshaped the eye holes. So what he was wearing was a William Shatner Captain Kirk mask. William Shatner, man. He's in... Yeah, that's crazy. And then...

William Shatner, like, I mean, you're, no one, I don't know if anyone thinks about it. I think he could have been the most famous person. Like, he's up there. Yeah. Shatner? Yeah.

Dude, the fact that the most famous Halloween movie is a mask of his face. I don't think people know that that's him. I don't, but it's one of those that you sneak in and you start talking to him and his name just comes up more and you're like, that's your face? That's him first thing in the morning, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Are we not doing that anymore? He's going up in some spaceship with... Yeah. Elon Musk. Yeah. Oh, Bezos. William Shatner is? Yeah. Still doing it. I mean, it's just like kind of like he's just a dude that was like, I guess, I mean, Star Trek was... I didn't ever watch Star Trek, but Star Trek was the biggest thing on Earth. Yeah. And so that made him big. But it's crazy just to think he weirdly came at a good time.

The idea that you're like, where's that mask come from? And you're like, oh, that's actually William Shatner's face. You'd be like... That's pretty crazy. That's pretty crazy. And you're like, he was... So when they made this, he was the biggest... He was on a very famous episode of The Twilight Zone where he sees a gremlin out on the end of the wing of the plane. Yeah. The Twilight Zones, by the way, are just the best. Yeah. The old ones is... Yeah. Did you type in William Shatner? Mm-hmm. With his name? Yeah.

Yeah, so you can see this is how they got there. Yeah. See the resemblance. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's pretty crazy, man. Yeah. It's the same face. But I would have never known that. Never in a million, no. Yeah. I bet people, I bet there's people that go, God, it reminds me of William Shatner. Like, you know, I wonder if people really thought that.

That's not a good picture of him. No, it's not. It's a great picture of him on the right. Yeah, he's on the left. That's him with high blood pressure on the right with low blood pressure. Yes. Or gout. Boom. All right. This is too much. Yeah. All right.

Originally, with trick-or-treaters, they did not give out candy. They gave out pieces of cake, fruit, nuts, coins, and little toys. Now those people would be psychos. Yeah. If you went somewhere and they go, you want some fruit? There are always those people in the neighborhood, though. There would always be somebody, I got some apples, and you're like, oh, thanks. I'd get an apple. Toothbrush. We had a dentist, and he would always give toothbrush. Yeah.

I think you should just show up dressed, uh, your kid regular and a knock at the door and go, and what are you dressed as? And the kid goes, I'm a vegan. I can't have anything with any dairy in it. And then just lay out your dietary preferences. Oh, I bet that's the, that'd be a trick. I bet Beverly Hills. Like you get those kids. You guys were going to say that it's probably happens on the coasts. Yeah. Right. Oh yeah. Just fly over territory here. Huh? Yeah. Uh,

I don't think it happens in New York, but I think in California, definitely. I mean, I think you could go to some places and you're like, it's all like grown candy or something. It's pumpkin seeds or it's something weird. And you're like, everything's from Trader Joe's.

And it's just some awful candy. And they're like, I bet. Oh, I would love to go. Would you ever go to a good neighborhood? Yes. We'd go to my grandparents' neighborhood. We'd always go there and trick-or-treat. Would you say your grandfathered in? I was kidding. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. It was good. The people that got it, got it. And they, it would be, yeah, we'd go to, there's a neighborhood here, Brandywine Point.

And that was a big one to go to. And, uh, cause it was like where all the like rich people lived. And I mean there, you know, it's like then you go there and they give you like a full candy bar. Yeah. I always think that's what you want to give. Cause you're like, I was such a big deal. Yeah. To be like, dude, they give you a full candy bar. That's so crazy. But now you get so much candy. I mean,

I don't know. You get so much candy. But a full-size candy bar is so much more satisfying than the same amount of candy, but in little fun sizes. You want the one. You want the one. And you know that that person cares. Yeah. Yeah.

Something beautiful about it, man. According to candystore.com, which I bet Nate has already bookmarked. Skittles were the top Halloween candy last year. All about Reese's Cup and Starburst. I would say because Starburst is kind of surprising. I think Starburst is one of my favorite candies. Yeah, but it's an insult to give somebody one Starburst. Talk about... I bet they bought those little packs.

How many are in a little pack? I don't know. It sounds like the most thing that was sold was this pack that has Skittles, Reepsy, and Starburst in them. But M&M's are just a classic, and you get those little bags. You go buy them. I mean, it's just a giant classic. It's an easy one to give everybody. Starburst, the only thing I would ever say about Starburst –

The only thing they haven't done that I wish they would is, you know, it's all wrapped. Yeah. And like, it's kind of annoying. And so then they came out with the unwrapped, but it's little. And I don't like the little ones. So you're like, give me some big unwrapped Starburst. Do normal unwrapped. Like why? If you can do the little ones, what's so risky about throwing big ones in there? I just always think, why do they always wrap? Are they, do they get dirty? Yeah.

Or something. They're in a package. Where would they... In a... Oh, yeah. You don't go buy Starbucks like... A double wrapped. In a bowl. Right. And you go, I'm glad these are wrapped. They're wrapped in the package. So like... Doesn't it have like a Christmas feel to it, Nate? Yeah. Where it's like your opening stuff. It's like, oh, it's a gift. Yeah. It's like a tiny little flavorful gift. Look, if you're reasonable and eat one, that's how you can take it. But if you're going to pound a...

Two sticks of them. Oh, you don't like the fact that you have to unwrap each of them? When you're eating like that, you get a little lazy about those kind of things. Because that's, you know, you're wasting my time. Wasting your time or burning calories? Wasting my time. And I would usually, I'll unwrap a bunch of them.

before I even eat. So then I can just enjoy it. I'll be like, all right, well, you know what? I'll get my work done now. Push them together. Yeah. I didn't push them together. I'm just, I'm getting my work done now. Lay them all out. Set them strategically on your blood sugar machine. Yeah. And then conquer. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you think? Compromise, have them stacked up like one of these lifesaver rolls, like one of these. And then you could just open them and then they're not individually wrapped, but they're still put together like that. Lifesavers are so good. Man, lifesavers are so good. That's an old candy that's like, they did it. Holds up. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you check your kids' candy after trick-or-treating? Yeah. What do you look for? I always wonder, what do you look for weird stuff? Razor blades. Yeah. They always say that. Do you have any of that stuff? I do. All right, go to that. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. So paranoia about tainted candy spiked in the early 80s after a rash of Tylenol poisonings, which cyanide-laced Tylenol was found on store shelves.

Do you remember this? Yeah. I do remember. It was a huge thing. Before this, they didn't have childproof. Now, any medicine you open, there's also a seal. Back then, you could just take the top off, put something in, and put it back on the shelf. Yeah. Which is kind of crazy to think about now. And so they put stuff in and it killed people? Killed people. It was just, you go somewhere about Tylenol, it was like...

Yep. Wow. But did those people have a headache afterwards? Yeah. No, they didn't. Yeah. They were dead. Technically worked. I feel terrible, but I also feel great. But most of it's just rumors about razor blades and all that. It's rarely, rarely, rarely. It has happened before. One guy killed his own kids, I think, taking out insurance on them.

Yeah, it was like a framing. There's an insurance for that? I like to take out insurance on my kids. Yeah. It's like, are you going to kill them? Halloween insurance? No. We've got a rough neighborhood we trick-or-treat in. I don't know.

I like the idea of just getting packages of Gillette razor blades that aren't open razors, the tire shavers, and giving them to the kids. Be like, I'm being upfront about this here. You're going to – I want you to use it when you're older to shave. But then have – put – press starbursts on the blades. It's like – he's like, is there razors in this? You go, it looks like a starburst to me. You're like, I know, but I'm holding the razor thing. Holding the handle. And he's just like –

He's like, no. He's trying to shave at the Starbucks. He's so mad. He's just not good at it. Yeah. He's like, it's not. Those are rumors. He yells at his. Those are all rumors. He yells at his wife. He goes, yo, we left the things in. The handle. Yeah.

I don't think that's how it works. Why did you give me the shaving cream? Yeah. Also, if there's no razors. Yeah. Honey! The razors is like, I do check their, we do check their candy. You're just looking for like, see if it's already opened or something like that. Seeing what the candy is. I mean, some of it too, you just, out of matter of like, when they're littler, you don't want them to choke. So you kind of point out the stuff you think that you just like trying to be safe.

But I would do, you want something? What about a neighbor who just injects performance enhancing drugs into all the candy and then just gives it to the kids and then you have a neighborhood of champions? Yeah. They win state. And he just goes and he's standing at the end. He's by himself at the field goal post leaning on it because you can't and they're just dominating. And no one knows why. You can't tell anybody. You can't tell anybody. But he knows. He knows. Yeah. Yeah.

And then no one figures it out. And then like the year he moved away, they're like, we did not win a game. What happened? And then they just finally figure it out.

Yeah. American spend an estimated $6 billion annually on Halloween. It's the second largest commercial holiday after Christmas. I love it, man. Oh, my God. Halloween's so fun. But the kids, it's, I mean, it's just. I didn't even know anybody trick-or-treated. I thought you guys just had parties now because trick-or-treating is like so dangerous. No. Truck-or-treat now, right? A lot of those. I thought it was just everybody had parties and you just bring candy to the parties and everybody.

does that. That would be fun, but no, the kids still, our neighborhood does it. I mean, you got neighborhoods, the neighborhoods that are cool to do it in, ours is a lot of kids in this neighborhood. It's now, I mean, these families, the family neighborhoods, yeah, on the streets of

Brooklyn, where you live, or Manhattan. Yeah, I'm sure there is stuff like that. But in everywhere else America, the coast, if you're not on the coast, you're in the rest of the country, which is all of the country. Real America. Real America. No, I think it's solid.

And I like the eye contact as you're talking down to me. Yeah. For those of you just listening to this, Nate is making eye contact while condescending me. Go ahead, Nate. Yeah. Well, I don't want to make sure you're getting it. Yeah. Yeah. Because people on the coast don't get it? They don't.

You know they do. High horses. By horses. High horses. High horses. They're on their high horses. We're on their high horses. So we have great trick-or-treating in this neighborhood, and everybody goes around the house, and we always go around it. And so I always actually ask off for Halloween. Like, I don't ask. I mean, I tell my agents I don't want to work. I know. I always think of it as like a boss. Like, I'm like, hey, can I get off?

I do email them like that. I go, hey, man, get off on Halloween. They're like, yeah, just don't do a show. Yeah, just do it. I'm like, that's cool, man. Appreciate it. You always work like you kind of like always got a boss. And then we and so I always ask off because it's so fun. Like I love, you know, it's fun to get to do. It's fun to get to go watch them. And it's just great. You wear a costume. You dress up.

We did when she was little. Sometimes now she will ask me to, and I can usually be like, I'm a Vandy coach, and I just wear Vandy stuff. That's a good one. Don't even change? Yeah, I don't even change. I go, I'll be a golfer. And she's like, that's a great idea. And I just wear it exactly. I think the Vandy coach is great if you wear these. Yeah, that would be good. You're like, I'm the offensive coordinator. Yeah, yeah.

And then, uh, that is good. So I'll do that. When we were little, we dressed up like Paw Patrol, a rebel, like, and she was like, uh, I forget who she liked, Sky or something. She liked one of them. So me and my wife were the other two. And, uh, what's she going as this year?

I don't know. She's thinking. She's in between. She said that was one thing we talked about the other night. I think either zombie softball player, which is she's playing softball, which is the classic you switch into like kind of you want to be like a scary kind of thing or a horse. Can I make a suggestion? That's pretty good. That's pretty good. A gambit there. How about a crossing guard?

Because you're not a cop. Okay, it's not a superhero. You're just down-home working class. You're a crossing guard. Yeah. But you carry a flask around. You have a little bit of a drinking problem. Yeah. For him or for Harper? Harper. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because you're only working from 8 to like 9, and then you're working from 3 to 3.30. Right. So the rest of the day, you've got to give yourself a little bit of a backstory.

Yeah, and you're lonely out there. Yeah, you're lonely out there. Just went through a crippling divorce. She can just wobble as she walks to the door. She's like, she trips and is like, I'll drink her, treat her, trick her. And then you're like, and I'm just behind her like, are you a drunk crossing guard? Oh. Top costumes for kids, Spider-Man, Princess, Batman, Superman.

Witch, ghost, zombie. Zombies are my guy. Yeah, witch, ghost. Witch, ghost. It's a witch, ghost. Which ghost are you talking about? Witch and the ghost. Aaron, I'll give it that. For pets. A lot of people didn't give it that. Does Holly go?

We walk her. She walks, like we're bringing her with her. I mean, she might throw something on her. You know, it's nothing too crazy. It's not, you know, physically like a hat. I've been calling the dog Ollie the entire time. Really? I didn't realize the dog was Holly. Have you said Ollie the whole time? I've been calling it Ollie the entire time. Like Muhammad. Yeah. I thought it was O-L-L-I-E. Yeah. Muhammad Ollie. Ollie Joe Prater. He's a great old comedian. Yeah.

If I can remember, I was on Foxworthy, worked with him. Just the best stories alive about this guy. He was so fat that they'd have to put him on stage before the show. And so he would just sit on stage and there would just be a blanket laying over him. And the other opening acts had to do comedy in front of him. And Foxworthy was one of them.

And then he goes, there's a great book, which I don't know if I don't, I can't find, what's that book? Uh, telling the roads from the stories from the road or something. Yeah. It's a great book. I'll find it. I used to have it. I think I gave it to someone. Uh,

It's just all these old comics telling these horror stories of the road. And they're so... Dude, I mean, I laughed so hard when I read it. It was Ollie Joe Prater. And they did... And he would do that. And when it was his turn, they would just pull the blanket like they're revealing a new car. And they just pull it. He's just sitting there smoking. He's been smoking cigarettes the whole time. He's drunk. Yeah.

Just yell at the crowd. They'd usually leave. He'd just sit up there. He never walked off. He was just one of those old school comics that were like a legend in maybe not the best way, but a legend in just...

So funny. I mean, so crazy. Just like, I'll show him, dude. Like, it's just that attitude. And I mean, there's a blanket on him. Do you address it as the opener? What's the move there? I think it's obvious. I mean, you can see his head and shoulder. Like, their blanket comes over. There's smoke coming out of it? Yeah, it's kind of coming underneath it. Like, my dad said there was a magician they had to do that to because he was just really big. And they had to put him up there before. And you just sit up there and they just have something. He just sits there the whole show.

And then they reveal him. And even when they reveal him, he's in a chair. So if they revealed him and he could stand up a little bit, it would at least be like, oh, maybe he came up from the back. But when they reveal him and he's in a chair, you're like, I think he's been back there the whole time. The whole audience realizes it. I mean, this was like 80s. You know, this is when it was just chaos. Pretty great. Some popular Halloween costumes this year for adults. Beth Harmon from the Queen's Gambit.

Jeff Bezos in space. Oh, um, Ted Lasso, Carol Baskin, Joe exotic, Dr. Fauci. What about Brittany? Brittany's always a big one, but with the conservatorship, you could have a handcuff to a mannequin and be like, that's my dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you be the conservatorship? And then you got like Brittany, yeah. A doll. Right. And you handcuff the daughter. You go, who's that? That's Brittany Spears. I'm the man that makes the calls around here.

And he goes, does she want candy? You go, no, she doesn't, but I'll take her candy. And you take all her candy. That's great. Yeah. Are you off this year for Halloween? I think so. I might be. Halloween is Sunday, so I don't know, are they going Saturday? That's always like, are they going Saturday or are they going to go Sunday? I might have to, if it's Saturday, I'll probably come home. If not, I might, because I'm in Columbus.

on the 29th. And that's Saturday, 21 Pilots are playing in Columbus. So I was going to stay and go to that. But if they do Halloween, then I'll just go home. But hopefully if Halloween's Sunday, then I'll just come home Sunday. So another alternative, Airbnb is renting out the Scream House for three nights. Oof.

October 27th, 29th, and 31st. Where is it? I think it's in Oregon or Washington State or something like that. What's the Scream house? The house from the movie Scream. Oh, okay. Sorry, dude. I would love it. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I would love it. You'd love to do it? They can settle in for a VHS movie marathon of Scream films with a snack pack, Jiffy Pop included. Is that from the movie? Yeah. You'll get a direct call on the home phone from Ghostface himself.

Oh, man. And I think it said David Arquette. Is he the sheriff? Yeah. I think he greets you or something. Oh, God. You may have to do this. I like the idea of a haunted house, though. How much is it? It's $5, I think. Really? It's kind of like that blockbuster thing. It's not about the money. It's just about the promotion and who gets to do it. Yeah. I would love it. I wonder if they rented out Scream House. Yeah. Oh, I would love that. Wow.

Oh, gosh. Doesn't have the price on here. $5 a night. $5 a night. Pretty cool. So you got to win it. Yeah, I think so. Oh, man. I would love it. What are the nights? 27th, 29th, and 31st. Oh, I can't even do it. Yeah. I wonder if you can ever rent that house out on its own. Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh. An artist's 20th anniversary, and they're doing a new one in 2022. Yeah, I think it comes out in January. Really? Yeah.

Oh, no. That's so exciting. I love Scream. Scream was the last horror movie I thought that it wasn't about the goriness. I mean, there's blood and stuff, but it was just a good...

It was like the perfect horror movie for me where it wasn't like too gross. And then you got into Saul's. The first Saul was cool. Then after that, it just got like, we were talking about that. Like, yeah. And one of them, like a guy's mouth gets ripped off and you're like, all right, dude, like I can't, I don't need to see that. I can't, this is too much. Allude to it. Allude to it. And so scream was just my favorite. And then, you know,

Oh, man. I love that. What was the one in the woods that was in the low budget? Blair Witch. Blair Witch. That was great, too. Everybody thought it was real. That was a great one. That was a super fun one to watch. And that was like, you're like, is this real? I mean, because this was the first time, you know, it's crazy to think. People don't realize it. You would think it's fake now. But when you're first watching that, you're like, well, who films themselves? Right. And you're like, they were doing it. Like, the only time you thought you filmed yourself was like, something like that could have happened. Yeah.

And so it was such a good documentary style. Found footage. Found footage. And you were like, this is real. Like, you know, and so they just did it really good. Man, I love the idea of that. That's great. I need to watch all the screams. I'm going to rewatch them. Ooh, this month they would have a scream night on the bus. Oh, wow. And we go through them all. Yeah.

I don't think you're back until November, right? No, I'm not back until November. So hopefully there'll be some Thanksgiving movies you could force us to watch. Yeah. He's chasing all over. You'll be fasting. For Thanksgiving? Yeah. You'll be sitting above the couch floating because he sits and that's where he meditates and he raises up a little bit. And we have to sit and everybody's got to, on the bus go, be quiet everybody. He's listening for a train car in the distance. All right.

We were talking about Blair Witches. Witches have been around since at least biblical times. It was in the Bible.

King Saul sought the witch of Endor to summon the dead prophet Samuel's spirit, and she did. And he prophesied about the death of Saul and his sons. And that didn't work out too well. And then in Exodus... What about the Salem witch trials? Well, I'm getting there. I'm sorry. If he started with witch stuff and he went Bible first, do you think he's going to work up to it? Not talking about the most famous witch of all time? I just think Black Boyd went after me.

Blackboard Diglett. I think you went after me. Bubble Bubble. Bubble Bubble? That's what I would call you. There was a word. There was a book written in the 15th century called, I can't pronounce it, Malleus Malefacorum, translates the Hammer of Witches. It was basically a guide on how to identify, hunt, and interrogate witches. And it spread throughout Europe as a way to spot witches. For more than 100 years, it was sold more copies of any book in Europe except the Bible. Wow.

And then how to spot witches. Yeah. Well, like when, when somebody comes to your door, dress like a witch, you go, that's it. You have a black hat. Yeah. Kids don't want to go old school anymore. Yeah. Like when you tell them to dress up, like you'd be like, what about a witch or a ghost? Or like, they're all kind of like, yeah, dude, we're crossing guard with the drinking problem. I'll be honest. You don't want to go old. I think that's a good one. I bet that's an adult one. That would be a great adult part.

like a real just then you just go and you drink and become that problem and you go what are you crying i'm a crossing guard that the parents complain about yeah you have a whistle would you have a whistle my mom you have a whistle and then you tell them you tell them uh or you you uh go guess what i am and then they have 15 seconds which is as much time as it takes across the street yeah to guess it yeah my mom was a crossing guard

Okay, well, did that hit too close to home for you, Nate? Yeah, she wasn't drunk, but she did it. She loved it. Yeah. All right, so now we're up to the Salem witch trial. 150 people accused. All right, Brian, give me a glare. We're up to the Salem witch trial now. Make sure you're listening. Call them bankrupt. Yeah, bankrupt's pretty good. It's like Brian, who's Brian? 18 people were put to death. That's a shame. Yeah. The most famous witch of that time was- Bathsheba.

No. No, come on. Oh, for me? No, is that what her name is? Bathsheba? No, Grace Sherwood. It's a very normal name. It sounds like Grace Sherwood. Johnny Bitch. Her neighbors accused her of being a witch. The court decided to use the controversial water test to determine her guilt or innocence. They bound her arms and legs and she was thrown into a body of water. They thought if she sank, she was innocent. If she floated, she was guilty.

She did not sink, so she was convicted of being a witch. Why didn't she sink? Just because... I guess she was just really floating and just... Really buoyant. Yeah, yeah. Well, someone would do that. You give her time, she's going to sink. Yeah. So maybe... So what we're getting at is she was a witch and they nailed it. I like it they just didn't like her as a neighbor. Yeah. And they're like, she's a witch. Yeah. Doesn't cut her lawn. She goes, I don't want to say anything, but...

A lot of brooms over there. Have you heard the theory that the reason so many people were accusing other women of being witches back then is there was a late frost when they were harvesting wheat or something where it manipulated the crops in some way that there was a psychoactive chemical in the wheat

For a certain amount of time. Yeah. So essentially, all these villages, they were just tripping out of their minds. And they had no idea what was happening. I thought you were going to say you're going to blame the poor harvest. You had to blame it on somebody. So why not these backwards women? I think they just... I got bored during some of that. Are you kidding me? That was less than a minute. And I just thought it... I thought... I think that's amazing. They were all tripping like they were on LSD. I don't think I believe that. All right. I don't think the whole town is...

I've never heard that. Because they thought witches were everywhere. So every town, this is just about Salem? I think they went off in Salem. They were just a little too much. But every other town, they can track that it was down. They're all next to farms. I think it's just Salem. Oh. They think this is Salem. But witches have been around forever. Yeah. Well, that's why they knew what the idea of witches were. But they were just tripping. And then they go crazier. And that's why they stepped it up a notch. Yeah. That's why they took it to the next level. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. You don't believe it? No. I wish I knew more about it to defend it, but that's pretty much all I know. There are werewolves. They're real, too. A guy named Peter Stubb was a wealthy 15th century farmer in Germany. He's the most notorious werewolf out there. According to folklore, he turned into a wolf-like creature at night and devoured many citizens of Bedburg.

He was blamed for gruesome killings, and people said they saw him shapeshift from a wolf to human form. He experienced a grisly execution after confessing under torture to being a werewolf. He declared he owned an enchanted belt that gave him the power to transform into a wolf, but not surprisingly, the belt was never found.

I wonder if he could be a werewolf and then you'd be like, but he's a rescue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll let him live. Yeah. We'll let him. So he did kill people? He confessed to it, but he was being tortured. Yeah. Yeah. So they just thought it was him. Right. I mean, man, just, I mean, that's the crazy. Just a hairy dick. That old. Yeah. It was like. Turns out he's Italian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They think back on it and let it go. That makes sense. All right. All right. Let's hit it. Just got to go back to the normal life. Can you imagine you go to another town that's like farther along than them and you go, we killed a werewolf in our town. And they're like, good. There you go. What are these people?

You go to like a New York City, you know, I don't know if New York is there, but you go to like, you know, a nice town that's like, people are in libraries and they're reading books. I would be from this town that killed this werewolf. And I walk in, we killed a werewolf the other night. And they're like, what? And you're like, yeah, he had a belt. And he goes, well, did you grab the belt? Because that'd be pretty cool to have.

No, I think we couldn't find it, and we kind of gave up. We enjoyed killing them, though. What are you guys reading? According to a study conducted at Australia's Calvary Newcastle Hospital, a full moon brings out the beast in many of their patients. Of the 91 violent incidents that happened at the hospital, a quarter of them happened during full moons.

Patients attacked staff and displayed a wolf-like behavior such as biting, spitting, and scratching. That's also when they bill you. Yeah. The prices are outrageous. Come on. My insurance doesn't kick in. Can you not cash this check till Monday? Yeah.

vampires Dracula was a real dude Count Dracula his real name was Vlad Dracula or Vlad the Impaler he was from Transylvania and they went with it yeah he killed people with a wooden stake but according to legend he enjoyed dining amongst his dying victims dipping his bread in their blood hmm and they think that's where Bram Stroker's Dracula came from wow

What a high carb life. This guy had a family? I guess. I don't know. What makes you say that? That painting. Oh. Of him, beautiful wife and daughter. There's them getting married, man. Or shaking hands. Yeah.

That's like, how was he at home? We go, I mean, he was great. He was a great, great father. We wouldn't see him till dinner. Maybe if we got up early for breakfast, we'd see him, but out of the way supportive. Oh, the news. Yeah. When they interviewed the neighbors, it's always that they go, how was he? Good. Good guy. I mean, I saw him.

I went through a phase where I was doing late night jogging. I'd see him all of those nights, but outside of that, I never really saw him. Uh, felt him, felt his, I would feel his, uh, existence. They always ask you the direct question too. Did you ever see him take bread and dip it into someone's blood and then eat it? Never saw it. And they go, and then they get mad at that person. They go, well, you should have saw it coming. That's when they do that with everybody. Every parent, I always feel a little bad. I, uh,

The parents, like Jeffrey Dahmer's parents or all these serial killer parents, and they ask them, they're like, you didn't see any of this? And you're like, you don't think your kid... It's like winning the lottery. You don't think you can ever win the lottery. You don't think your kid could ever be a serial killer. And they had the kids in Columbine. They're like, well, I don't know. I mean, they're like emo kids. You're like, I mean, they're one out of, I don't know, thousands of emo kids that don't kill people. Thousands and thousands of them.

And so you're like, you just don't think your kid could be the one. And I always kind of feel a little bad for the parents because everybody's like mad at them. And you're like, dude, you think I would have stopped this? Yeah. Like I wouldn't have, you know, I mean, if they treated the kid bad and made him grow up in that environment, then that's one thing. But if it's sometimes it's just like a parent that's like, I don't, I didn't know what he was doing. Like, you know, sometimes it'd be older parents. They're like, I don't even know what that music is saying. Right. I can't hear it. Yeah.

Ghosts, the most famous ghosts in America, right here. Casper. The Bell Witch. Oh, yeah. You went a different direction. Yeah, sorry. The Bell Witch. Do you know the Bell Witch? Her name was Kate Batts, and she's very close to 30 miles from here, probably. You can go over there. Yeah, there's been movies made about it. Some people think the Blair Witch was part of that came from her story, but-

She haunted this family in the 1800s. And you can still go do a tour there now. Andrew Jackson supposedly went there. Did they get to the bottom of like, I like that. Oh, she's been haunting this family for so long. But did they get to the bottom of like, why? What her problem? Yeah. I think John Bell cheated her out of some land maybe. That was the dad of the house. And she really messed with him. She ended up poisoning him. And I think one of his daughters she really didn't like. Yeah.

Messed with her. Did he die? I think so, yeah. From the poisoning from the witch? I think so. So she was alive and they said she was a witch, but she was just like a neighbor. No, when she was alive, she was just a regular person, I think. Yeah. Kate Batts. And then after she died, I think she came back and haunted him supposedly because maybe he... And he got poisoned. And back then they just go, that makes sense. It's the witch.

And then his wife lived a happy life because she poisoned her husband and said, these idiots think it's a witch. I'm not saying I want it to be a witch, but it's kind of crazy. Like, that doesn't make sense. Like, you know. So he got poisoned and he died. I believe so. And no one...

He had paralysis in his mouth. They think now probably it was Bell's palsy, but at the time they thought she gave it to him. Well, this makes a lot more sense. So what was the poisoning? I think that's something separate. Yeah. In 1986, a staff writer for the Tennessean and a photographer visited the Bell Witch Cave, which you can still go to today. And they saw so many weird things going on and heard so many weird noises, they left. They would not stay for the night.

So that was at night when they went. Let's go to Bellwitch Cave and save for the night. Would y'all go? That's the new Krispy Kreme challenge. Yeah. Would you do it? I would do it. 100%. I would love it. 100% I'd do it. Maybe we can do it. Maybe we can set it up and they'd let us go do it. Maybe. If you can Bellwitch people listening. People got to run that place, right? Yeah.

And we're not going to tell you when we're doing it because I don't want a bunch of people showing up just making it worse. I'm trying to be handled that night to begin with, and I don't want a bunch of folks just coming down banging on this cave. And I'm like, Brian runs out with his shirt off covering his chest. He goes, I can't do it. No, you just hear a weird noise. Brian came out of the cave with no shirt on, and you're like...

He's sleeping with no shirt on in there, like with just us. He's sleeping like he's normal sleeping. We're sleeping in jeans and a coat, and Brian gets ready for real bad. He has to bring a generator, plug his CPAP machine in, and he goes, all right, good night. Extension cord that runs the springfield. Yeah, it runs the springfield. That's how they find us. And he goes, good night, everybody. And he says, good night, folks. And you're like, just go to bed, man. We're all in here.

Got a nightcap. Yeah. I say, I wonder if we can do that. If some reason, if someone from Bellwitch is listening, will they let us go stay there? I don't know if you can stay there. Or if you can, though. I don't know if you can either. Yeah. If not, we'll just go visit it. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, it'd be fun. A couple more ghosts. The Lady in Red of Huntington College. This is in Montgomery, Alabama. Montgomery, Alabama. Oh, you know this? I know, yeah. The Red Lady. Oh, the Red Lady. Okay.

Well, she was from New York. She went to college in Alabama, her parents sent her. She didn't like Alabama. Who does? She didn't fit in there. My wife. She's

She's from there. Me. I'm from there, too. Aaron's from there. No. I can't turn it down. I can't turn it down. It still feels good. Yeah, it still feels good. Even when it's against you, you're like, I kind of like it. I like this guy. Yeah. This guy's a lot of fun. Everyone tried to befriend her, but she just didn't fit in there. I doubt that part of the story. Yeah. Everyone tried to invite her to stuff. Where's she at? We killed her. But, I mean...

I mean, we were, you know, asked her to go out with us. She just never wanted to. Her father was the lobster claw guy. Lobster boy? Lobster boy.

So she ended up jumping out of a window and killing herself. But now she roams the school there. Well, I definitely don't believe. You don't do that if everybody's going, we were trying to make her come out and hang out with us. Where were they at? Huntington College in Montgomery, Alabama.

And so they have her dorm room blocked off. Yeah. And it's like a historical site on the college now. Can you go see it? Wow. You can go, but yeah, you can't live there now, obviously. He wants to sleep there. He wants to sleep every haunted place for one night. I would go look at hauntings. I love the idea of hauntings. I'll watch that stuff. How about she jumps out of the window in a red dress and guy just walks by and goes, roll tide. Yeah. Yeah. I guess she was really a fan. Roll tide. Yeah.

Then the guy's like, worry, worry, worry. And then they fight about it. And then the guy, the guy that poisoned that tree becomes a ghost. Harvey Updike. Yeah. I just got too much Bama in me. Yeah. Yeah. Have you heard this guy? He's a crazy Alabama fan. He poisoned some trees and like.

Not some trees. So Auburn has a main tree in the QR4. Yeah, it's a famous thing. And it's a big, big tree. Been there for hundreds of years. And they would roll it with toilet paper after every win. And I think every win. Yeah.

And so it was a big tradition. It's been going on forever. And Auburn beat Alabama. And an old man that's a big Alabama fan went and poisoned the tree, and it's gone. The tree's gone. Who loses a football game and goes, time to go see an arborist? What's his name? That guy. Harvey Updike. Not to defend him, but his argument was they had disrespected Paul Bear Bryant by taping a scam Newton jersey.

to, as he calls it, a Cam Newton jersey to the statue of Paul Bear Bryant. So he said, I'm going to repay that by poisoning the trees. Yeah, it's like you're like, so you cut the jersey. I would think, I look at that as being like Scam Newton or whatever. Scam Newton's against him.

Yeah, he's an Alabama fan. Auburn fans taped a scam. Well, they call it Cam Newton. He called it a scam. It was a Cam Newton jersey. Yeah, yeah. But you want to go, that's the point of shenanigans in college. Yeah. And this is why you're an adult and you should not be. Well, he named his kids...

Bear Bryant. Yeah. And he has a daughter named Allie Bama. Yeah. So it's, it's all makes sense. He admits he's like starting to come into focus. He's like, my priorities are not right. Yeah. He said that interview. He's like, I'm not healthy. Yeah. Now, does he go to prison in like a log cabin or what do they do to him? Uh, he lives in mud now.

Yeah, he died. Did he? He did die? Last year, yeah. Oh, really? Right after we talked about him on the podcast. Oh, yeah. Did he go to prison? Yeah, he went to prison. He admitted it on Paul Feinbaum's bridge. Yeah, that was the only reason. No one would have known that the tree was poisoned. He could have got away with it. Right. Because how would you ever know that the tree was poisoned? And then he calls and says, I poisoned the tree. He called in the most popular sports radio show in the South. He was like, let me tell you what I did. Yeah. Right.

I responded. I poisoned the tree. Crazy story. I think that's a new show. Nature court. Yeah. He bring the tree in and he's got to talk to the tree and the tree's got a lawyer. And you have the lawyer standing next to the tree. He goes, you see my tree? The tradition is a hundred years. And then that guy's just got to sit over there with his lawyer and his lawyer's an Auburn grad. And he's like, this ain't fair. Yeah.

Resurrection Mary is a well-known Chicago ghost. She's also called the Vanishing Hitchhiker.

People see her walking down the street. They pick her up to give her a ride. She gets to this cemetery and says, can you let me off here? And then she gets out of the car and she vanishes into the cemetery. That's pleasant. I'd like to do that with her. She's like a level-headed ghost. She's not trying to bother you. Yeah. She needs a ride. She gives you a cool experience. She's basically like, I give you a good time. But doesn't pay, you know? That's true. Take an Uber. Take a Lyft. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe she started doing that. We'll visit her too. Yeah, we'll visit her. We'll pick her up. So we'll visit Resurrection, the Bellwitch Cave, or if you're a college girl in Montgomery, Alabama, we could come stay at your dorm, right? Yeah. Is that it? Yeah, I think that's the order. I'll do one more. The Exorcist, based on a true story. So in the late 1940s, Roman Catholic Church performed a series of exorcisms on an anonymous boy

They call him Rolando. He was 14 years old, and he was supposedly demonic-possessed. The first they called a Lutheran.

and he couldn't handle it. He said, you need a Catholic priest. You need a professional. That's really great. That's really great. He's like, I don't, we're not, y'all are kind of cuckoo. You know what I mean? He goes, I ain't never seen this. He was all interested at first because he was really into it. And then he was like, no, you need a Catholic. I can't handle this. So then they call in the Catholics. He comes in with the, pulls the hose out of his mouth.

He's like a professional. Like, he just says this stuff. Holy Mary. He's not even really there. The Lutheran can't handle it. And the Catholic priest is like, if you asked about it, he's like, maybe I remember that day. I don't know. During the exorcism, the boy allegedly slipped out of one of his hands of the restraints, broke a bed spring under the mattress and used it as a weapon, slashing the priest's arms.

Which made them halt the first exorcism. And then two priests came back and they reserved shaking bed, flying objects, boys speaking in a weird voice. Can I say that never would have happened if it was a helix master. Yeah. Bring the sponsor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There aren't arbitrary springs where you could get possessed and then slash a priest. Yeah. You know, unless you put it to that sleep number. They could make a movie about it. Like you just show the priest walking out and smoking a cigarette. Yeah.

And you just hear nonsense behind you, like, bar, right? Like, yelling. He's like, he sits outside. He goes, all right. And then just goes back inside. I like that. Yeah. As a Catholic myself, these priests had to endure all these scandals. But no one talks about when they show up for an exorcism, they're there and they mean business. Yeah. Like, they're not calling anybody else. You know? Yeah. They're calling Catholic priests to come in. Yeah. Do you guys know of any real exorcisms?

As the resident Catholic, sir? No, I don't. No, none like this.

Well, you get your low-key exorcisms. They're like kind of a witch scenario where it's like, this one kid I grew up with, I always thought it, and we almost killed him, but I just got started football, and then I just got out of it. Aaron's like, nothing that they made a movie about, but yeah, I've seen a few devils come out. Yeah, yeah. Not the famous ones, but I mean, typical stuff, crawl on the ceiling, blah, blah, blah. We thought this one kid did. Turns out it was the flu. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

But now, I mean, they say that a lot of this stuff probably didn't really happen. Yeah. It was probably just exaggerated. Yeah. But who knows? Who knows? All right. That it? That's what Halloween's all about. Halloween's all about. Yeah. Have fun. Happy Halloween. Have a great time. It's a wonderful time for kids. Dress up. Don't be afraid to be a hobo.

That's an old school one. It's a fun one. I think it's a good thing. Do a backstory. Yeah.

Get creative. Get creative. Whatever you are, if you're a princess, have a backstory. Why are you this? If you're Cinderella, tell them and be into it. And be like, I'm this because that's fun. I like the idea of going as not to prolong the podcast if you're trying to wrap up, but one of like an ancillary character, like not Cinderella, but I'm one of Cinderella's sisters. Things were supposed to be going great for me. Yeah. And then she just stole, she threw shade. Yeah.

Well, so when they're little, I think they just... It's so hard not to be Cinderella. But if the older you... If you're 12, 13, 14, I think that's brilliant. Like, start just being the, you know...

be, you know, be a Ghostbuster, but be the one they fired before the four came in. Like, you know, like make up, make up something. Right. To be like, oh, you worked with the Ghostbusters? You go, I was, I got let go. Or so, I don't know. That's not the best, but. Fifth Beatle. The Fifth Beatle. Yeah. Yeah. Peter Best. Pete Best. Yeah, Pete Best. And like, just, you know, and then. Who had a good career. Who had a good career. Really good career. Yeah.

I like that. The Cinderella Sisters is a good one. That's a great one. Yeah. Yeah. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Pinocchio, you go as Geppetto. It's like, I can't control this kid. It's just he doesn't want to be real. He got to be real with me. You're going to do a scare straight? He got to be real with me. You're lying all the time. Yeah, that would be a good one. That one, if you get your sibling involved, would be great. Jack and the Beanstalk, you're the guy who sold the fake beans. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you just look like you're always trying to get away. Like you're...

Because everybody's like, God, that bean thing is growing pretty quick. I was like, I don't know. It's kind of crazy. You just walk up to groups and go, I don't know. How about even, man, I wonder who did that? And you walk away. And then the last house, you tell them, like that guy that called in and poisoned the tree, you tell them, I sold the beans. Let me tell you what I did. Let me tell you what I did. I drove down from my house about 35 miles from Dayville. I sold him magic beans. Yeah.

Roll Tide. Roll Tide. You got a shirt that says Magic Bean Salesman? Yeah. Yeah. I want Magic Bean Salesman. All right. Thank you, everybody. Yeah, if you listened to this, Grand Ole Opry, Ryman, Columbus, Ohio.

27, 28, 29th. Columbus, we have two shows. I believe these Grand Ole Oprys and Rymans are close to be sold out. And there's one more Grand Ole Opry November 15th, and it's not far off. So you can still get tickets for that. But big, big shows for me. These will be some highlights for me to do them in Nashville. And then

I'm with you on those shows. Oh yeah. Y'all are both with me. Yep. So some Nate land shows. So if you want Nate land shows, cause they haven't gone out a ton with me. Uh, and we got a few dates. I've been doing a lot of like, well, we're here doing this. Yeah. And then I've been bringing a lot of my buddies from New York and stuff like that. So it's been fun. Uh, but they will be on these. My dad will be on it. Grand Opry, Ryman in Columbus, Ohio is all of us. And my dad, that's awesome. Uh,

And then you got... Oh, yeah. Please follow me at ComicMikeV on all social media platforms. ComicMikeV.com on all social media platforms for a link tree. But at ComicMikeV on Instagram and Twitter. MikeVecchione.com for dates. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That's like a real, like a PSA announcement. Also, my podcast, Mike Vecchione Investigates, available on iTunes and the Macaroni Rascals, which is a Patreon.

Thank you. Thank you again. Thank you again. Thank you for having me. Have a good day at school, everybody. All right. Good night. We're saying good night now because it's night, but have a good, whenever you listen to this, have a good rest of that, whatever that is. Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.