#66 Animals Pt. 2
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Hello, folks. Welcome to Nateland. All right, everybody. Welcome. Welcome to the show. We got a lot of stuff. I want to thank Chad and Kim. We got a little FBI glasses. They worked at the FBI. They came to the show in D.C. Gave us some glasses. Had some hats and stuff, too. Pretty neat. He said he was like, you know, he loves after they wind down from a day because they have a pretty...

Eventful. Yeah. I'd say so. It's just like watching, looking at just chaos all day. And so they're fans of this. Also, Megan and Scott, they wrote me a nice letter. And thank you guys for that. And then the Titans. Titans sent me some stuff. And they won. Yeah. Titans are doing pretty good. Yeah. Went to the game yesterday. Yeah? How was it? Good? Felt great? Fun game. Weather was nice? Yeah. It was hotter than one would think. Yeah. It always is hotter in those...

stadium seats up there yeah up there closer to the sun yeah yeah you're near the sun you're looking your head's behind the sun looking down could you move over could you you try to get some of the clouds to come over can y'all down down in front yeah uh yeah night night games you want half moon is it full moon or half moon three quarters they're like all right we'll see sometimes we get lucky uh

Yeah, it was fun. I mean, you know, this is our big high hopes for the Titans this year. I mean, you know, it's been more exciting than Vanderbilt. But, you know, I got all the messages about Vanderbilt. I get everything. He's like, you watching this? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm watching. Vanderbilt has a 32-year-old tight end who played 11 years ago at Notre Dame. Really? Yeah.

Walked out of Notre Dame, played 11 years ago, left, went to the Navy, I think served two tours. Now he's back at Vanderbilt, walked on, tied in. It's like our Ted Williams. Yeah. Like all those guys had to go. Yeah. Fighting wars, come back. That's crazy. Does he play? I'm sure he does. I think they all do. Yeah. They're glad to have him. I think I can play. Yeah, welcome. We welcome. Open arms. He's out there telling war stories in the huddle.

We get a delay game penalty. He goes, what happened? He goes, I got carried away. One time we were in Baghdad. And he just starts, all right, that's fine. You know, we're always good. We're like, all right, thank you for your service. And then we let him back up. It's a guy older than you playing out there. Yeah, that's wild. He's older than you. Oh, that is true. You could wear his jersey. I could and not feel that weird about it. Yeah. Because most of those kids, I was watching Notre Dame this weekend, and I was like, those kids are like 18. Yeah.

He was probably playing at Notre Dame when you were there. I mean, he was probably like older than you, but... Yeah, I got to look this guy up. Maybe we were old friends. Maybe. Yeah. Your freshman year, he was a senior. I wasn't hanging out with many seniors when I was a freshman. He was going to save the country and you were one of the problems. And...

He had your camel hat on. He would nod at you and go, you want to go do this? And you go, yeah. We did used to, sometimes we'd be walking back to campus at like pretty late, like four or five in the morning. And we'd walk past the ROTC kids running in the morning. Man, you just feel like a loser. Yeah. They're like up, they're chanting, they're running to, you know, could have saved the country. Yeah. Yeah.

Just embarrassing myself. Yeah, did you salute them? You know, we did do stuff like that. Looking back, I'm a little ashamed of it. Yeah. We thought we were being funny back then. Yeah, I mean, at college, you know, you're always being funny. Welcome back, Bates, as well. Yeah. Thank you. I hate to miss last week. My mother-in-law passed away, and sweet lady, I don't know.

She lived with us. I think I told her on here a joke one time about we race each other to the mailbox. Yeah, yeah. And she passed away kind of suddenly. So I had to miss last week, but glad to be back. It was weird not being watching it as a folk. About 30 minutes in, I was like, these guys are idiots. This is not good. What are they even talking about?

I'm yelling at the screen. Yeah. I kept that seat warm for you, man. Yeah, that's weird. The springs are all crushed. It doesn't go up and down anymore. No, I'm joking. You look better than any of us now. Hey, I know. You are. You lost a ton. Gave mud hens on. Yeah, dude. Coach Doug, Coach Bockler, the Toledo Mud Hens, Big Fulk, came to the show.

Got us a bunch of merch. Toledo Mud Hens. Toledo Mud Hens. That's a good name. Yeah, it's great. I like it. You know, I was thinking about, you mentioned once getting a Toledo, you thought you got a Toledo jersey. Yeah. I was with you on that. I thought about that. That was their hockey team. Yeah. And they met us downstairs before the show and presented you with the jersey, I think with your name on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I do have that. Yeah. I have that. But I have a total, I think I have a Mud Hens, like a...

Not like that jacket, but the little jersey. I think I had that too when I went to Toledo, the Funny Bone. Yeah. I think I got one there. I'm almost positive I looked at it last time. But then I do think I got that jersey. I do remember that. Yeah. No, that was Scranton. I didn't go with you to Scranton. But in Toledo. Maybe it was. I'm pretty sure you got a jersey presented to you. Yeah. The name on it. I got to go. I was doing. I golfed this one. Got a lot of messages about golf.

Appreciate you all reaching out for that and stuff to do. We got to figure out the system. It's hard. When I have two shows, it's hard to go golfing. So that's a good, when there's two shows, it's tough. And sometimes the night before, and sometimes I got buddies with me, but I'm going to try to slowly figure this out. And cause I would love to be able to go golf with, you know, just some guys on the road. You can meet some of you guys go play. This one was a kind of special. I got to go golf with Tony Kornheiser.

So that was, but, you know, I play with everybody. You know, it was Tony. Tony lets on, you know, if anybody's PTI fans, we are obviously big PTI fans. Tony's always, you know, I'm a big hack and all this stuff. Not bad. Yeah. For what he claims to be, he's not, I mean, I'm not, he's not, you know, a scratch golfer by any means, but he's definitely plays it up a little bit more. His son, by the way, because he was telling me,

We played, and then he's like, where's your son? He's like, y'all want to play from the back tees or up or whatever? And I'm like, whatever. He's trying to accommodate me. His son is an unbelievable golfer. I thought, all right, so I'm about to play with this dude, with his son, and I'm going to end up –

Like, I'll just, you know, he'll be like decent. Yeah. Whatever. I mean, not even, I think he was one over. Like, I think I shot an 85. Like, I mean, it was, I just got beat up by the course. I was playing bad. And then he just was unreal. Great swing. Knows everything. Like, just very, just knows a lot of stuff about golf. A lot of cool, like, just, you know, the way the grass is. I don't know. It's always fun hearing that stuff when someone's like really into it. But it was an awesome experience. And Tony's just the, I mean, he's just a great dude, man.

He's just a solid, solid guy. Like truly.

He's like what you want to be if you're known and stuff. You'd want to be that. He was talking about meeting Cal Ripken, and he's like, I couldn't believe that Cal Ripken's talking to me. I was like, how is Cal Ripken talking to me? And he still thinks that. He still believes that. He's been on PTI. That show would be in the Smithsonian probably. I think tonight's their 20-year anniversary show. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's an insane. I used to watch it every day after school. I watched PTI.

Yeah. I mean, it's a big, big show. After school. Yeah. I know. It's great. Yeah. I get home from work. Oh, sorry. After all my lunch break at work. My bad. Yeah. He remembers when they were going to hire Tony. Yeah. It was between me and him. Yeah. Yeah. And they went in the younger version. Bates, you're just too old. Yeah. He's just like a good... I love that.

idea of just when you meet like when you you know he's like i can't believe cal rip was talking to me like he's like i'm just a dumb journalist like you know that attitude is just always is always great to hear someone say and you know i think it makes it when you meet them you're like oh this this person's a solid person you know yeah it was cool so we're all you're all over the place this weekend no i don't even know we pulled up in the bus this morning

Hershey, Pennsylvania. Had some great time. Great time in Hershey. Met a lot of people. Yeah. A lot of people listening to the podcast. Let's go, folks. Get yelled at every show. I love it. We went to the Hershey. We did go to Hershey World. We went. Nick went and he left us. We go to like, so it's an amusement park. There's a chocolate world. Yeah. And there's a big amusement park.

We walked around the music park, walked to the zoo. We didn't ride any rides. It was a kind of crap. Like rides were a little long and then we didn't have a ton of time. And then, so we were going to go back. I was going to go back to the hotel, take a nap and get ready for the show. Cause we were leaving Sunday night. We left right after the show bus and drove home.

And then Nick's like, I'm going to stick around for a little bit. So we just watch – I'm just watching Nick just bees everywhere. And then he gets on a – Nick, I mean, he'll have to tell – we'll have to get him back to tell the story. Like he somehow got on – he went on some tour on a trolley. He's got a bike, right? Yeah. So he always brings a bike with him to ride. So you always got to watch Nick because Nick's got to talk them into letting him bring his bike in. Mm-hmm.

So whatever you do, Nick's like, I'll get it in. And then you just kind of, we went in, and then Nick just, we wait to see if they're going to let him bring his bike in or not. And he usually gets it in. And so then he rides the trolley, goes through, and then I think I lost at one point. He was on a trolley. He went to some kid's show, and he sat in the front row with the kids. And it was like children, you know? And like the parents were kind of uncomfortable with it, rightfully so. Yeah.

And so, and then he ended up like on the bike. This is like a very brief. This is the stuff that Nick tells stories. He goes, and then I got lost going back. I rode my bike to a golf course, met some really nice people out there. And I'm like, what? And then he doesn't like really get into that. Like, how do you, I understand. Or you took a wrong turn. He's somehow driving on a golf course, riding his bike on a golf course. Yeah.

Still not great, but I can wrap my head around that. And then just be like, I met some really nice people. Like, how do you meet? So you stop and talk to them? You didn't, like, it wasn't like waving. Like, just like. He rode over the green while people were putting. How y'all doing? I mean, because he went over, I guarantee, and asked, hey, how do you get? Yeah. Can you imagine you're about to putt? And then Nick walks over and goes, hey, where's the Batman building? And rides over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He was asking where the direction was. How do you get to Hershey Theater? He'd ride away, and they'd look at each other and go, did that just happen? How many drinks have I had? Yeah, exactly. They gave us this big chocolate bar. It weighs five pounds. I was going to buy a harp or something. Then I was like, you know what? This is pretty good. It's a five pound. I actually got a Kit Kat bar that this family gave me. It was a very sweet family. So it was fun.

It was a good, I'll try to think about thinking of anything else. Let's look at some of these comments though for you guys. Roger Maffie, my favorite episode to date. Loved Maffie.

No, I'm upset. It's his favorite episode. Oh, my favorite episode to date. I feel like you and him work together on that. My favorite episode to date. Loved hearing about the experience that shaped you guys as comedians and made me think of how life is about getting out there and doing it. And if you want to learn, you have to gain experience, not just by performing, but by learning from other performers. Yeah.

That's true. Experience is everything, man. I guarantee you could, that'd be just, you got to, people don't want to do experience. I met a lot of people wanting, was going to start comedy actually this weekend. You know, they were like talking about like, God, they're trying to get into it and stuff like that. I was like, you got to just go do it, man. Like, you can't think, you know, sometimes people are older and they're like, I'm older when I'm starting all this. You just can't think about that. You're starting when you're starting. You know, Louis Black was in his forties, you know, Bates,

Early 50s, he's making it now.

You know, Rodney Dangerfield. He was in his 50s, I think, right? Yeah. I mean, a lot of people do good. I mean, I'm 42. It's not like I'm 21. But it takes a long time. But you just can't get into that, man. You can't think about that. You just go try to be the best comic that you can be. And if you have true talent, I truly believe you get a shot at it. I was 35 when I started. 35. And I do feel like comedy is the fairest of all the...

in that regard because if you are funny and put in the work, I think it'll happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you just get up and go do it. I'm glad, you know,

What if when you say that, people now don't do it? They're like, so this is the best case scenario? I'm out. Now, think about Rodney Dangerfield and Louis Black, folks, when you think about it. Rodney Dangerfield, Louis Black, Brian Bates. I think you'd be surprised, though, if you show up to your local open mic or your local scene, the age range is pretty wild. Yeah. I mean, I'm friends with guys in their 50s and 60s and then kids that are 18, 19. Yeah.

There's a little bit of everybody. Just say me and Brian. I don't know who your 60s. There's some guys in there. Yeah, you just got to go. I see kids. There's like 16-year-olds that want to start stuff. Pete Davidson was 16 when he started. But you could make an argument just as much starting too early. You're 16, you're still in high school. I don't think it's bad. Maybe go get some –

You go up, you do some stuff. But if you do start very young, I would say you still need to go live a regular. You need to go, you know, if you're going to go to college, go to college. If you weren't and get a regular job, get a regular job. Don't like just think I'm going to pay for like this. Go do regular stuff because experience is what you talk about. And that's what you make funny. Jordan Lundeen.

Hello, folks. Had a funny moment walking into church this past weekend. As I was walking up, the greeter said to me and my wife, hello, folks. I slowed down and tilted my head with a smile, not knowing if he was going to think I was crazy. I said, let's go, folks. And he gave me a fist bump and said it was good to meet a fellow folk from Nate land. All right. That worked out. That's really cool. It may have been really fun. I'll be honest with you, Jordan, would have been funnier if it did not work. No, it's awesome to hear that it did work out.

uh brian kennelly i don't know kennelly kennelly i bet that's it brian kennelly keneally keneally brian keneally keneally yeah sounds like a dustin looks like a police sketch artist trying to draw nate based on a poor eyewitness description that's funny uh yeah

Robbie Lightfoot, tell Nick not to feel bad for brushing his teeth with cortisone cream. My dad was a college basketball coach for 30 years, so growing up, my brother and I would attend all of the summer camps. My dad was an early riser, and on the first morning of overnight camp, he realized he had forgotten to pack toothpaste. He decided to quickly sneak into my dorm room to use some of mine. Rather than an alarm clock waking us up for camp that morning, the entire floor was greeted by the sound of my dad screeching throughout the halls.

springing out of bed i opened my eyes he might have violently rinsed his mouth out it quickly became evident that rather than grabbing my toothpaste he had mistakenly brushed his teeth with my roommate's jock itch cream we've got a few examples of stuff like that oh yeah yeah yeah like a lot yeah people making bad mistakes and then to be like he's at least like at least it was my son's that was his roommate's son's roommate that's a joke

I know. His dad's like, well, at least it was my son. Oh, and then he finds out it wasn't. Sorry.

I do comedy for a living. Sam H. It is very obvious that Aaron is not used to facing the camera. Aaron's face during the conversation about how Nate came up in comedy is the same face five-year-old me would make when my mom would run into another adult in a mall and have a full-on conversation. He didn't like it, did you? No, I apologize that I came across that way. I mean, it's literally the stuff I'm most interested in in the world. So I'm sorry that didn't come across.

He needs to do better. Maybe, you know, don't just lose weight here. Lose it in your frown. You look worried. Yeah. You're the new worried. It's the seat. Andy Berry. If I don't go to Hershey, it's like those guys died for nothing. It's the funniest line in the last year of this nearly perfect podcast. Well done, Aaron Lane. Thank you. There you go. Yeah. Came back. Brian not being here really. Freed you up. Yeah. Cleared things up in my head. That's good. You know? Yeah. Yeah.

You're able to just get out there and boom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Without fear of somebody just putting a spoke in my wheel. Ooh. Nathan Burbank. Yes, Aaron's use of oughts is pretentious. It's still correct. If we limited language to only the words agreed upon by the lowest common denominator in any room, good night.

We would soon be back to grunts and gestures. Love the podcast and its members. Please never stop. Just admit that you need Aaron to occasionally inject intelligent perspectives. Hmm. I don't know. I'll take any of that, Nathan. Uh, just cause we don't use ops. And the next thing you know, we're grunting and just hitting each other in the head. Seeing whose head's harder.

Are you Nathan Burbank? No. Oh, he sounds like a cool dude. Yeah. He gets it. Kaylee Byram. Nate kept trying to talk about the order from Barker and then the next step, but never got to a finish. Inquiring minds want to know. Oh, so talk about the order from Barker and then what goes after that. It was like Barker, uh,

Barker, you would get a – then hand out flyers kind of by the door. And that would still be Barking technically, actually. So you're handing them out. First step was you're not near the club. You're two blocks down or whatever. Then you're in front of the club, and you get to kind of hang out there, which is nice. And then you just get to work the door. You don't have to try to get people in. And then you would hope to get to emcee and host. And you get to emcee and host the show. And then you would get to a point where you then want to just be able to do – check spots was a big one. Mm-hmm.

So in New York, you get to go up. You don't have to do anything for your stage time, but you go up when they drop checks for everybody, which can be, you know, it really depends. Some places it was okay, and some places it was not.

Brutal. I remember doing them one time. They dropped checks to everybody. And your job is a check spot. That's your job. You're going up there and the waitresses know, do not drop checks until Nate is on that stage. And then Nate, you do not get off stage until everybody's done paying. And when they're done paying, you get off immediately.

So you get no, you just got to hope that maybe this is a nice crowd and they're just not really, they're just handing credit cards to their waiters. If there's any problem, it's over. And I, you know, and some comics used to complain about it. They'd be like, I don't want to do these check spots. You're like, but me and Soder always talk about it. Like Soder is, because I was in check spots and Soder got in check spots. And then it was like, that was like, that's what makes you do. Like, is that's what, being able to go up there and handle that situation. I mean, I remember being up there. No one's looking at you.

You're talking in a microphone. It's pretty surreal to be in a room of 100 people, and you're talking in a microphone, and nobody knows. There's people that were in that show that wouldn't have known that I was ever on the stage. I could have talked to them afterwards. No, I was up there talking to y'all for 10 minutes. Can you imagine being someone telling you that? You'd be like, when was that? When were you up there? When were you up there? I don't remember you getting up there at all. I was up there. Arguing about their bill and stuff. Yeah.

Well, you got to deal with that as a headliner, right? So it's kind of a good... I got to do a check spot once in New York. A guy put me on. I didn't know what a check spot was. And I was like, I'll take it, sure. Yeah, I get a check for doing it. I got up there. I think I might have thought that's what it was. And I got up there and it was the whole time. It was like 10 people in the room and they're all just looking. And I was like...

kind of furious because I'm like, what are the odds? As soon as I get up there, they drop the checks. 100%. Odds are 100%. I didn't even know what it meant. I was just glad to do it. I get all furious like, are you kidding me? Yeah. That's what helps you. That's what I think helps New York is...

And then you want to get out of that. So it's like you're just in it. And so you need to be put in those positions to then work to get out, to be like, all right, I've got to try to get better. And you're kind of hanging out there. And we used to hang out hoping for check spots. You would just go there and be like, man, it would be amazing. Can I just come hang out in case the check spot doesn't show up or something? And I'll go up. And that was like a big deal to be able to go up. But you were at least getting on that stage. And you were watching sign photos on that show. And I've got to be on that show too. All that stuff. It all matters.

So what came after check spots? Uh,

Waiting tables? Yeah, waiting tables. After check spots, you would just usually get, I think you would get, maybe you could get guest spots or you would get passed at some clubs. So you kind of get to a point where you just were, maybe you went to a check spot, you're like, I don't really do check spots anymore. I'm kind of like, maybe you're not getting paid all the time, but you get to go up and sit and wait. Some clubs are kind of paying you, some are not. You're not passed everywhere. It's not like there's a blanket. You're passed at every club at the same time.

But you would do some free shows, but you don't get checks and you don't get whatever. There used to be a spot in L.A. that you'd go up before the MC went up. It was like a big – you'd go to an L.A. show. And these shows – L.A. used to do – it was like Laugh Factory, I think. And they used to run these shows. You remember the Dane Cook – the HBO thing with Dane Cook and Jay Davis? Yeah.

Bobby Kelly and Gary Goldman. And Jay Davis used to run this show, and it was unreal. This show was crazy. And I did it once, and you would go up before he would go up. He was the emcee. And so you would get to go up before him. And then so you'd go up and kind of try to get the crowd to pay attention. And then Jay Davis would go up, and then the rest of the show would start. But, yeah, that was a brutal spot too, man. I mean, because they don't even know. You just go up, and they think the show started, and it's not.

You just do it. Easton Bennett, it hurt me to my core hearing Nate call the Broadway straight, or as he referred to it, the Royal straight, the second best hand in poker.

He also followed up with calling the community cards the river. The river is the single card that comes last. Last thing to mention, there are five other hands that would top the infamous Royal Straight, Flush, Full House, Four of a Kind, Straight Flush, and a Royal Flush. Please bring back Baby Oil to hold this podcast together.

I didn't know that. And you would think my dad's a whole, I mean, I ate dinner off of cards. Someone being really good with cards. Maybe that's why I don't pay attention to them as much. We played this other game, AC Deucy. It's another on the bus, little fun, little card game. And it got wild. I mean, you play like a dollar hand. No, no, you lay down two cards. And so it's like a king and a three. And then you either got to bet the pot or not the pot to be

like so so everybody puts in a dollar so we have every person there's four of us four dollars yeah and then so if you king in a three and then if you're like all right i'll bet four dollars that my card will be in between those and if it is you win the money if it if it's not you got to put four dollars in or if the card's a king or three you have to put double the pot in so you have to put four eight dollars in so it's like it can get

And there's one point we're on this bus and we're playing, you know, not everybody's like willing to just wants to lose a hundred dollars, but there's one where you're like, it's going to be a hundred dollars. Like it gets so quick that you're like, if you bet that pot and it lands on that one, you then owe a hundred dollars. You know, we have chase our merch. He's 22. Like I'm, I'm like, go in chase. I'm just trying to talk him into it. He's like, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Uh, and Nick was hilarious. Uh,

I mean, he got destroyed in AC Ducey, and then we played poker afterwards, and I think I got it to $100.

He ended up being up 100. Yeah. He had quite the swing. He would just be, you know, Nick can't see the cards. So everybody, someone flips the card. And then Nick starts getting tired. He starts falling asleep. And so he'll be like this. And you're like, Nick. And he's like, what? And he'll just sit there and think about it for a long time. And there was times where we said, Nick, are you in? And he didn't answer. And we would just play the hand. And then we would be like, oh, chase one. And then we'd take the cards away. And Nick goes.

He would be like, I'm five in. And we're like, no, the game's over. We thought you folded. He goes, I didn't fold. We came to you and said, are you out? And you just didn't say anything. Corey Alex White. The pitcher from King and his court struck my grandfather out from second base.

I have a couple stories. I'll tell this other one. Thomas Seitz heard a story about King in his court. The catcher called timeout. The King secretly gave the catcher the ball. The catcher returned to the plate with the ball. The King pitched so fast that people couldn't see the ball, so the King wound up

wound up let nothing fly the catcher loudly smacked his mitt in the up called strike assuming he didn't see the pitch and the pitch was never thrown uh so talking about this too my uh king of the court my dad played my dad uh took a bat against him really yeah so my dad played uh i mean i don't even know if i was born yet but he was he would play uh

fast pitch one year and he said the fast pitch was all these four fields where the sounds their old sounds field or something and they and they had four fields and they would cross each other and I think I've played in something like that where your fields were the the

The right filter of one game is looking at the left filter of the other game. Yeah. And so you're both just standing opposite of each other and you're playing. And so the king and the court did one of their games, and then he was like, I'll stay around if anybody wants to try to bat. And my dad tried to bat. He's like, I mean, we never touched it. He's like, that's why they could do – because he's like, no one could touch this guy. He was so good. He said – my dad goes –

He said he pitched the ball high and you think, oh, he made a mistake. I'm about to just rope it now. And the ball would just drop to the ground. You would just swing and miss it completely. And then Ronnie Bargetzi, my cousin, Ronnie, he's my two thumbs. He's the one that told me about the two thumbs Bargetzi.

Ronnie Bargetti played against him a few times, and he got struck out from second base from him. Wow. He would go out to second base and just pitch. He just pitched from second base? Yeah, he just could. He could do whatever he wanted. You just couldn't get a hit on him. He was just so... Here he is pitching blindfolded, right? Striking people out. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty crazy, dude. He threw behind his back. Blindfolded.

and just striking. Where are they at? Like, where are they at? So there's a guy standing there just so he doesn't, you know, and then the guy's just like, they get hits. Jack and home runs. Can you imagine? I mean, that guy's, yeah. I could, I mean, this king, you know, they just rope him. I mean, just, you know, yeah, it's crazy. So interesting. All right. Chris Kelly.

Hearing Brian's story of calling Al Gore reminded me of the first time I ever called into the Jim Rome show. I immediately got through. I was so shocked that I actually made it to the show in one try that when they asked me, what's your question? I got so nervous that I yelled, go Lakers. Then immediately hung up. That's the sad thing is I'm not even a Lakers fan. That's great. I love Jim Rome. Man, we used to listen. It's so funny.

He's so funny the way he talks today. His card brother is always feeling for me. I was always such a big Jim Rome fan. All right, everybody. This week.

We had, what did y'all, you were, did you go out this weekend? Were you on the road or no? I had to cancel one show, but last night I did a surprise birthday party for one of our folks. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Kelly Rose, her husband, Brian Rose, threw her a surprise 50th birthday party. Oh, nice. And he rented out a theater, invited all her friends, and it was great. They were a lot of fun, big fans of the podcast. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, it was fun.

That's great. Happy birthday. Kelly? Happy birthday, Kelly. Yep, she's 50. I couldn't identify. I kept saying it over and over. She's like, all right. Happy 5-0, Kelly. Well, I'm just making the point that I'm not close to her age. I'm just making the point that I'm so much younger than her. Oh, yeah. Two different generations. Happy over the hill. Kelly, when did you start doing over the hill stuff? 40? 40 is over the hill. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I think now, when I was growing up, over the hill was, yeah, you would say 40. Now you'll say, what, 43? I'll say 50. 50 is the new 40. 50 is the new 40. I think you're over the hill is whatever it is. I feel like you got a good 40 to 60 is prime time now. That's the prime of your life? 40 to 60? And I bet it gets to 70 by the time I get there. Yeah.

Just keep shifting. It keeps moving until I'm done with it. Then it goes back to normal. So what am I at right now? I'm like, this is... Well, outside and inside your body is different ages. So inside has been beat up a little bit. Outside... You're about to be 30, right? Yeah, I'm going to be 30 next month. 30 is a big one, man. 30 is a... You know, it's your first... It's like you're like, all right, I'm an adult. You know? And then...

Yeah. And it seemed crazy, 30 feels old, and you never realize how young it actually is until you're past it. And then you're like, God, I'm so young. But I think 30 is much different than it was, like, our parents, 30 and 40. Oh, yeah. Our parents, 40, it felt like they were about to retire. Yeah. You know, not now. Well, when your parents were 40, you were...

Probably, at least in high school? Yeah, 79, 20, yeah. Yeah, I think so. I remember I started comedy going to my dad's 50th. And I remember that was crazy. I was like, golly. Yeah. I can't believe I'm at his 50th birthday. And I remember that. Yeah. And then, yeah. Wow.

Well, I just, my big, my big adult moment is I mowed my own lawn this weekend. Whoa. I had this high school kid that would come by and mow it. And then I would just not even think about it. And he would just show up every week and then Venmo request me. And it was a great relationship. And then,

A few weeks go by, my lawn just looks awful. And I'm like, where have you been? And he said, I retired. He said, retired? He said, I retired. Yeah. Kid's like 16. Yeah. So I went. I went to Home Depot and got a lawnmower. And I mowed my lawn. And I weed-eated. And it feels really good. Yeah. You know what stinks, though, is you mow your lawn. It took me like hours. I'm sweating. And then just nobody cares. Yeah. Like, I go inside. It's your duty. Yeah, I know. When you're a kid, you at least get like a thank you.

Your wife posted a photo on Instagram of you holding a rake. I would have loved a thumbs up in person versus an Instagram post. The kid said, I retire. Yeah, he said he was done, man. Did he really say the words retire? He said, I retired from mowing lawns. Sorry I didn't let you know. Yeah, he's too young to know he doesn't know how to retire. His dad didn't go, you got to let your...

Imagine just going to business. I don't just show up to this podcast next week. I'm like, oh, I retired from the podcast. Yeah, I retired a couple weeks ago. You're like, oh, we just needed to know. It's a two-week notice. I kept seeing y'all come over here. I was like, why are y'all still over here? I love it. 16-year-old retired. They should throw him a retirement party. We should. I would throw him one. Yeah. He'd get out of the game and talk about the good old days. What was it? You guys remember that time? He goes, pfft.

He's like, do you think I just turned 16 then? You know? My father-in-law retired yesterday at 82. Wow. 82. So that's a real retirement. That's a real retirement. Yeah. He told everybody. Was he working as hard as this kid? That's the question. Cause this kid was really putting in some work. Yeah. He had a few different houses on my street. Well, he was, that was the big thing. He'd go mow grass. Yeah. Uh, my buddy, we would always mow grass and they, uh,

And he was like, people would always be like, I'm going to start my own mowing yard, lawn. And it was like such a good, I remember my buddy Nick Newman, his brother, Josh, he started one. That gets him out of Julia. But he was like, he was like very, he was younger than us. And I remember he started mowing the grass. He's like, oh, so I can make money doing the mowing grass? They're like, yeah, yeah. And then he like, he was just like a dude that like started it, you know, like someone that just gets it. Like that's the people when you're young and you're kids, if you get what this is, they

The hard part is when you don't get it. You're like, oh, I can make this money. I just want this $10 to buy this one thing. I don't really care. I don't need more than what I need right now. And that's all you think about is what you need at that moment. And so the kids that think, well, I'll start saving this money. This will add up. They can wrap their head around all of it. Usually pretty successful because they just get it very early. And so then they start preparing. And then they're very prepared by the time they get out. Because they're always thinking ahead to the next thing. Always thinking ahead to the next thing.

I used to mow this guy's lawn. He lives about a mile away from me. I used to roll my, our lawnmower to his house and it'd take a few hours and give me 25 bucks.

And then I'd roll that lawnmower to Rite Aid. And I got a Diet Coke and a $20 iTunes gift card every time. I blew it all every time. I just never saved that money. That's two hilarious things to buy. I mean, not only just the... I made some of the items. Just the fact that I'm hearing an old-timey story and you bought iTunes cards. That's how you got music back then. I know, but I don't even... Like, I got paid $5.

to mow my grass in my neighbor's misgivens yard five to she gave me five dollars you get amazon gift card yeah i mean i'd go buy candy at a candy store like i was born in the 20s like i mean it just took such a big jump after you know like i thought you're not blown away that it was an itunes card that seems insane yeah you could buy a couple out a couple cds with that with 20 bucks yeah

That was big. I almost, I think I just never heard it. I've never heard it like that. I almost, if you told me about CDs, I would be like, okay. I think I've just never thought about. I bought baseball cards. Yeah. Yeah. I bought candy and like $5, you go in this candy store and just get a lot of stuff. Yeah. A dollar would get you a lot of stuff. It was on the tail end. That store shut down pretty quick.

I have a joke about mowing the yard, and when I say it here in the south, that's what I say, but when I do it up north, they're like, they don't quite understand what I'm saying. They say cut the lawn. Cut the yard? Cut the grass? Cut the lawn or cut the grass. I think I say cut the grass. I say mow. I say mow. Yeah, it's the same thing. I think I always say cut the grass or mow the, I don't know. I think it is a regional thing, though. Yeah. I call it landscaping. Yeah. I gotta go landscape real quick. That's what you do.

Where were you at this weekend? You just did that? I was in Louisville. Played golf, made my first birdie. Oh, wow. Congrats, man. Felt good. Felt real good. Par four, par five? Par three, pitch and wedge. Got a foot and a half from the hole. Oh, wow. And that's the real pressure to make that putt. Because everyone's like, oh, this is easy. And then I... Yeah. How long was it? 120 yards? Yeah.

Nice. Not too bad? No. It's a good pitch wedge. I was playing with Henry Cho, who hit a 71. He was so good. Yeah, Henry's good. I'm playing Henry next week. Oh, really? Yeah. I'd like to see you two play with Henry Cho. Henry's good. He's very good. But he was super, we've talked about it, he's super patient with me. Very helpful. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Yeah. He's great. We played at Golf Scramble last year together. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Talk about animals. I mean, it's kind of tough. Y'all don't feel that? I feel it for sure. For sure, I feel it. You do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just want to make sure. Yeah, but I mean, are you saying it's just us? No, I'm just, you kind of like, once he started spiraling down this, once that Henry Cho started, it's like he tells the birdie putt story, gets it going. Henry's a great golfer. I don't think that, you know, we start feeling like, feel a little sense of urgency.

You feel it at all? Uh-huh. Yeah? Little like... Yeah. You know, people are listening to this and you're going like... And they're like, you know, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it just trails off. Like, you know, we're just all sitting outside with our hands everywhere. Like, I mean, the next thing is going to be like, all right, I'm going to get out of here, man. Like that's... It's the perfect, I'm going to get out of here. Yep. Ah.

All right, dude, I'm going to hit it. Time to hit the old trail. And you go, yep, I'll hit you up later on. It's a little bit like talking to your parents and you're trying to get out of there and they just bring up one more topic that who cares? Yeah, you can see it. Yeah. And you're just looking, when you're looking for the point to transition and move into something else. Right, right. I think Sins of Urgency is all gone, which I think I've talked about that before.

Just in general or on this podcast? No, I think in all of work, working, there's just not much of it anymore. You don't see it. If you have a sense of urgency, I think you can dominate any job you want. Because there's just not much of a hurry for anything. When you go order something, you know,

It's like, there's just not there. If I have a waiter, even if they're not great, if they look like they're really, if they have a sense of urgency, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. It doesn't have to be crazy, but it's like, I shouldn't feel like I'm bothering you. They act like they enjoy their job. I really like. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a sense of urgency. A little like, Hey, let's make sure you guys doing good. We'll make sure you have a good experience. So it's not like, it's not just like you're sprinting. It's just a little like I make your, I'm making sure that you have everything you need, you know, but I don't know. Okay.

Well, today we're talking about animals. That was a popular topic a previous episode, the whole penguin incident. I had two people come with a pink penguin shirt. Oh, yeah. Yep. These two ladies had two penguin shirts.

We posted a picture. It was very funny. One of the ladies, one's next to me. They're both next to me. One's standing there in the camera. The other woman, Travis, tour manager, took five pictures. Not one, she's looking at the camera. Yeah, it looked like a mistake. Yeah, she was like, what's that? What's that? Like everyone just is, you know.

You're kind of separated. I mean, the whole thing looked like a mistake. Well, you know, we do these meet and greets and they're always very nice. And so we take the picture and stuff and, you know, you talk to some people, but I don't know what people want to do. Like people shake hands. They not shake hands. Who's comfortable with what? Who doesn't want it? You know, whatever. So I just kind of leave it. You know, I kind of try to fill the vibe out to be like, whatever they want to go do, I'll do it. You want to shake hands? I'll shake your hand. If you want to hug, I'll hug you.

If you want to stand 50 feet away from me, don't stand. Even better. So on the way here, I saw a sign at a church. I didn't catch the name of the church, but it said, this Sunday, Blessing of the Animals, 2 p.m. Do your church do that? I remember my parish used to have a day where everybody brings their pet in. And what happens? And they just give a blessing for all the pets. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wait. What did you say? Blessing of the Animals. Blessing of the Animals.

And then people know to bring you... I would have went in there and be like, wait, we can bring our dog here today? I was surprised when you said, uh-huh, like you knew about this. Did they explain it more or is it that's it? I'm asking y'all to explain it to me right now. It's just a sign that said blessing of the animals. I'm trying to figure out what it is. So you knew that and you know that means bring your dog? So the way my church did it, this wasn't like a normal church service that you can just bring your animals to. Yeah. It was just a separate ceremony outdoors. Everybody bring your pet and give a blessing. And you take your dog back home and hopefully they live a little.

longer yeah that's what it's for i don't know just just to bless your pet but it's not like afterlife like they don't baptize them right no animals don't have souls you know okay yeah harper's down there watching all dogs go to heaven right now

I mean, they don't, right? I don't know. This is not the form to, this is not the place to try to figure that out. Let's dig into that a little bit. So it's just a good life here on earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's a fun family thing. It's great. It's an afternoon. Like you do it as like,

It's like a fun, like, you know. You just learned about this 30 seconds ago. You're asking like these hard-hitting questions like you're working for 60 minutes. I'm trying to figure out what it is. Do you guys believe that the animals are going to go to heaven? I think it's a nice adventure for the day. It's a nice activity for them to do. I didn't say that. He's the one that's gotten to the soul or not a soul. But you were like, do they baptize them? Do they do this? You kept asking these real questions of going, it's all being taken a little more seriously than it should be. All right. All right.

Did you feel it that time? Yeah, I mean. All right, so your church did this. Yeah, we did. Oh, yeah, keep going with it. Did you ever bring your pet? Yeah, we did. We brought our dog in. We had some cats. Your family dog? Yeah, family dog, cat, snakes. We brought them all in, man. How many different types of pets have you guys had? They did. Why did we keep going with the church thing?

Is this going to come back? Is it coming back to something? I was just trying to have a, what is it George said? To make the conversation end? Yeah. It ended. It never got going. You're looking for a button. It never got going, yes. It never got going. You still go, after all of that, you then go, all right, so you took your pets to church. I think that's fascinating. If you're a real life example of taking your pet to church, get it blessed. Yeah, yeah. All right.

I'm glad to be back. Yeah. Welcome back, Brian. We had a lot of pets, which I talk about some of this in my... Like, we've had... I've had a snake, spider, fish. All... Snake didn't die, but all the other ones died. Like, a spider, I was a kid. Our heater broke, froze to death. Fish jumped out of the back of the tank, committed suicide. We had a bird, flew into a frying pan.

Parakeet. Maybe you should have went to the blessing of the animals. Yeah. Full circle. Yeah. Mine needed it. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, we, we had to talk with them before all this stuff happened. They knew they had, we gave them the choice. We had multiple dogs. I don't think we were at a cat. Yeah.

You know, yeah. Dogs. Yeah. Your parents had a cat. Oh yeah. My parents had a fat cat. That's right. Cosmo. A lot of this stuff from Abigail. Cause she would get, my sister would get all these animals. Like she went, she worked at a vet thing. She, she takes in these dogs and all this stuff. So it's a lot of stuff. A lot of dogs. We got some of these, like some of hers that she takes in. Then one of us has to take, what is a spider? What is that all about? You had a spider, like a house, like a tarantula. Yeah. Okay.

So you would put it on, you know, I mean, we would fall asleep. My dad would just put it on our chest and we'd be a kid falling asleep and we'd just wake up and there's just a tarantula on your chest. He thought that was pretty fun. Yeah. He had a good time doing that. We didn't love it. It was just like having, you know, just having a cool pet. Like, you know, I don't know. You just think like I wanted a snake. I got a snake one year and my dad had to go. I remember he had to go buy it. I was 12. It was like a big, it was our first big Christmas ever.

where my dad had a good like before that we never really had a lot of stuff they always gave us stuff we always had plenty of stuff but like it was the first christmas where it was like my dad like got a lot of shows that christmas we were all getting like you know getting a snake it was a big one yeah and uh it snowed that day it was like this awesome day and uh i and we had my dad had this aquarium set up my room and i was like i think i'm getting it i think i'm getting the snake and then uh

We had a hamster. In the middle of the night, he put a hamster in there. Because he knows we weren't kind of not off and on. And Derek, my brother, wanted a hamster. So he's trying to make me think I got that hamster. And then when I woke up, I got a snake. Yeah. Red-tailed boa. Where's Holly, by the way? I don't know. I haven't seen her the whole day. Yeah, I don't know. I just got home this morning. She wasn't here. So I don't know if that's a conversation I've got to have later on. She's done.

We had a, we got, when you're for Easter, my sister and I each got a chicken. It was dyed. They don't do this anymore, I don't think. I think PETA makes this, but like they were dyed pink. Why? It was supposed to be like a cute little Easter, like someone dyed them. Yeah.

Like a little... Like a baby chicken. Yeah. Dyed pink. Yeah. And then does it grow up and become like a big one? Well, it got... We didn't think this through. Yeah. Like at first, we just kept it inside and then in a box, two of them, and then they started flapping more and more. And then we had to go to school one day and we put them outside and...

And like in a box. And when we got home off the school bus, they were gone. So you never know what happened. Well, I mean, we don't know what got them, but. Something got them. There was a lot of feathers left. Yeah. A lot of pink feathers all over the yard. Oh, I thought they ran away. You had the box top open. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the 80s. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff I did. People talk about evolving as humans. Uh-huh.

And like some old tweet or something. I'm not that type of person. I mean, growing up in the country in the 80s...

We just chained our dog to a tree. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We did stuff that now people would freak out about. And now as someone who has a dog who's like my child, I would never do that and think it's crazy. But at the time, that's just the way we did it. Oh, yeah. You let them run on like a clothesline hanger. Like just let them go back and forth like that. And that was like, if you had money, you did that. Yeah. You know, it's like, well, real money, they had a fence. Yeah.

But if you didn't have a fence, which I remember when we got a fence, it was like crazy. We were like, I can't believe we have a fence. But then, yeah, you'd walk the – you never walked a dog. You just let it out the backyard. And you wouldn't even let a dog inside. No, all my – We never had one. All my dogs and cats were outside. Yeah. Just left them out there. Yeah. Yeah.

If it snowed, we occasionally would let the dog in. Yeah. Just in one hallway. Yeah. My dad was furious about it. It's so crazy to think now this dog just lays in, is in our bed. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of runs the show. Yeah. You know? Oh, that's so, yeah. Yeah. Does your dog sleep in the bed with you? Yeah. Yeah. You have a cat, right? Yeah, we have a cat. You like it?

Are you a cat person? I wasn't. I wasn't until Lucy has a cat. So I was just like, this is just part of the deal. And I kind of like it. It just hangs out with me. It's just me and him a lot of times. It just hangs out. It's real fat. I don't really know what to do about it. About it being fat? Yeah. Get on a diet? Yeah. Do your feeding window. Here, you'll eat during your feeding window. Why don't y'all do that together? Big intermittent fasting? You may do the feeding window. Mike Vecchione.

Oh, does he really? Yeah. Yeah. He does a feeding window. He looks like he's in good shape. He is. We open the back of his door and we put a stick of meat. We have meat on a bowl. And we open the door and he's like, get back, get back. And then we jam the meat in there. We hold it and pull it back. And usually the spoon part's gone. And then he comes out. He's a normal guy. You know? Sleeps upside down in the back of the bus. Not a big deal. Do you know how much your cat weighs? Too much. Too much.

Well, the fattest cat in the world right now is 40 pounds. No, he's not that big. Fattest cat on the record ever was 47 pounds. Get a spoke world record. Stop doing this to discourage people from overfeeding their cats. Oh, people were trying to break the records. Yeah. So they, well, the record's still already there though. God, it's a big cat. I would think that weighed more than 40 pounds. That's four. That's a 41 pound cat right there. Just for some frame of reference. Yeah. That's pretty large. It's, it's almost like a,

His stomach's so big. It's all stomach. He probably can't move. Yeah. Like it touches the ground. His legs don't touch the ground. Yeah. Yeah. You got to imagine if he owned that. They ain't in the tip top shape either. No. You rarely see that. And then you're like, okay, the owner of them, super healthy. They run marathons. Yeah. Yeah. Two thirds of Americans families own a pet.

The most popular dog for 30 years in a row. Most popular breed. Golden. Golden Retriever. Golden Retriever. Labrador Retriever. Labrador Retriever. Yeah. I don't even know the difference. It doesn't matter. Labradoodles are the new way. What's Holly? Labradoodle. It's like the fancy dog that's genetically built to be perfect. Doesn't shed.

People don't want you buying them. But I guess I already talked about it. It's too late now. It's too late now. I mean, a lot of people have them, you know, because they don't shed. I mean, Laura's allergic to cats. They're like non-whatever they're called. Hypoallergic? Yeah. So we know we have people that are allergic to dogs, so then they can have them too. And so they just, you know. Yeah. That's what you got. Last one, Annie was not.

Yeah. Most popular dog name for male dogs, Bailey. Female dog, Bella. Okay. I don't know where you take this poll at, but it's just like... I was going to say, how to... There's no way. Why, first of all? Bailey? I don't know. It's from the American Pet Association or something. But what is that name? Is there a popular Bailey in the world? I don't know. I don't think it matters. I think it's just a name for a dog.

I know, you know, just the name, man. Cat Luna? You look like it struck a chord with you on this one for some reason. But why would so many people make that the name? Because this is a made-up pull. Like, I mean, you know, because it used to be. They just like it. Yeah, it used to be. Probably their friends got a dog and they're like, oh, that's a cute name. Yeah. Or they probably go to a book, like a baby book, and like, oh, I like that name. Yeah. And it just sticks. So when you name your dog after the person and you meet that person.

You know, ours is Holly. If you meet someone, she's like, I'm named Holly. You're like, that's my dog's name. Yeah. You tell them to their face. And there's a lot of Bailey's. I don't know any Bailey's. I know a Bailey's. Really? It's a drink. Person or dog? Person or dog, man. I don't know any Bailey's. Bailey's.

My buddy's kid named Bailey. Okay. But then I can do a few Baileys, actually. All right. No animal Baileys. I actually don't know any animal Baileys. Yeah. But that's the most popular one, apparently. You think I would know one. I met a bear named John once, but never Bailey.

Sorry, should I put some calm in this? Horses and cows do sleep some standing up. They can lightly sleep standing up because their legs have a ligament called a stay apparatus that allows them to lock it in. But once you get in deep sleep, they have to lay down. So it's just for like dozing.

Just share that for your horse joke. Yeah, you read that like that was the question that just got asked. I mean, that was out of nowhere. It was like you saw someone in the back. Like I was answering it? Yeah, like, can horses sleep? Oh, perfect question. And then just actually. Yeah, I know it is. Coco the gorilla. Remember Coco? Yeah. She had IQ between 75 and 95 and could understand 2,000 words. And what did we say Nate's IQ was?

70, 75. Below 75, we think. How is it? The herd's in between 75 and 95. They're just guessing? I mean, I guess, I don't know. I guess it's like we do with any of us. She took some tests. But I don't think you can hold a pencil to take a test. Yeah. You know what I mean? I feel like that's got to count against you a little bit. Yeah. You probably lose some points when you can't hold a pencil. Well, when Coco, if you're up against Coco to test, you know.

Imagine they make y'all do it as a competition. Against Coco? And you go, how many points did you get for not peeing and pooping all over the room? I guess we're not counting that today, are we? That's what you say when he beats you. I guess that doesn't matter. I guess that's what you're saying. Because it's not written on the paper, I guess.

humans and great apes are the only animals who suffer from gout. Oh, wow. Is that true? Yeah. Like really true? That's really true. Wow. Coco could have had gout, huh? Coco did. And you could have talked to Coco about it. We would have had something to talk about. You had something to talk about. I'd do a sign language for it. Yep. Point at your foot. Go balloons out. Balloons out. Yeah, go. He goes, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Go fist bump. Go fist bump. Yeah.

The Earth has an estimated one quadrillion ants. There's one million ants for every human. I used to always think if someone could be like, you could have a dollar, which a dollar is kind of crazy, but you could have one penny of anything on Earth, what would you make it? I thought about it this weekend. Would it be sand or salt or ant?

If you could have a penny for everything, what would be the most? What would be the thing that you'd be like guaranteed? That's actually sand probably, but I think maybe ants. Yeah. Yeah, I would think sand. I would always say sand. I didn't even talk about salt. We went, where were we this weekend? I can remember downtown, Norfolk, Virginia. And so we went to their boat. I mean, they have a big battleship.

When you walk in, there's enough salt that they said if you grabbed all the salt in the world, it would be almost as tall as the Empire State Building high and cover all of North America. That's how much salt there is. Really? Yeah. Now, yeah, that's in there. Now, who knows if that's true? Yeah. It sounds great. Sounds crazy, though. Sounds crazy. Just looked at how many grains of sand there are in the world. Seven quintillion grains.

So that's what you want. That's almost a number that means nothing to me because it's so big. So that's how many pennies you'd want. Yeah. I'll take that. I'll take those in pennies. Yeah. I was going to say atoms. How much money is that for pennies? I mean, it's got to be. Could you even figure that out? You would say atoms? Yeah. Yeah. I'd say stars, if I could count that. There's more stars than grains of salt. I'm saying. Things on Earth, so they go zero. You mess up the first question. He goes, well, I said things on Earth. Zero. And you're like, golly. Yeah.

Yeah. You want to walk out of the room. Everybody's walking out with money. You know, you said pencils, the guy's a millionaire and you go stars. Are they on earth? No. Oh, come it. And you've got to leave. You're the only one can borrow. So you have, you have 17 quintillion dollars, dude. You won't give me a billion. Why are you being so weird about it?

Just get the cool end question. Wait in a room your whole life. You walk in that room. Didn't think it through. Your family's, you're the one. It's like, it's like a hunger game. You got, you got picked out of your family to go in and get the money for the family. And everybody's like watching on TV. Just say sand. Just say sand. Just say sand. Just say sand.

it's here, it's on earth, there's so much of it, it doesn't matter. And he's like, what if I say salt? And then they go, or salt, yeah, sand, salt, perfect. Either one, fine with either one. I'd go with cups. Shoes, who cares? Who cares? It doesn't matter, we're going to be rich. Stars, stars are not located on earth. Golly! You walk right out of there. Yeah!

All right. All right. What'd you get us? What'd you get us? Oh, God. Now you're down 400 bucks. You got to buy your own plane ticket there. God. I thought I was going to fly private home. You know, I thought for sure I'd just buy an airplane home. And now I'm actually, oh, golly, doing standby. And you're just sitting there. Everybody's walking by you. They're stars.

You're the only one at the airport because everybody's got so much money. They all just fly their own planes now. I'm on the Today Show the next morning. What happened? What happened? I didn't think it through. I didn't think it through. My family said salt, sand. You know, they were fine with rocks. I didn't know that it had to be on earth. Animals with smaller bodies and faster metabolism like chipmunks and squirrels see things in slow motion.

Okay. Animals with faster metabolism? Yeah. Yeah. How they know that, I don't know. That's probably how they, yeah. That's how they dodge things like cars and... Oh, because it comes up, yeah. Well, some of them. Like squirrels? We're including squirrels in that probably? They see things in slow motion. Yeah. They don't do much with it, huh? They don't get killed regularly.

They do something... I would say they do the most with it. When I was with that BB gun, they could dodge it. It's like the Matrix. That felt slower than slow motion. I think that squirrel even went... He hit his own head. He was like, golly, I think something's... Is there a still photo here? I know I've seen slow motion, but I think that's a little slow. I mean, they're actively...

In like the street and the things are trying to hit them and eat them. I just like to think if I had slow motion, I could do a little more with it. Then what a squirrel does is kind of run around and eat acorns. It's not very impressive. But they're not big. So what do you think they would do? I don't know. They can't like kill something.

You get in street fights? Yeah, if I could. If I could see things in slow motion. They steal bird seed. Yeah. Yeah, they get on that. They get into some shenanigans for sure. Yeah. I think their life is shenanigans. That's kind of all they have. That's kind of all they got. It's a fun, it's not a bad life. They can jump out of a plane and live. Yeah. They could. Yeah. A Venus squirrel's not a bad animal. It's not a bad life. I would think. It's hectic, busy a lot.

They do always look in a hurry. Yeah. Always running behind. Always late for something. Yeah. Always going to keep your eye out. I mean, you're always just kind of. There's always a hawk around. Very paranoia. Yeah, it actually wouldn't be a good life. Very paranoid, you know. Do you hear that? A lot of that. You know? Maybe just a squirrel. What's that? He goes, nothing, man. We're just talking. The other day I was going to the store. I got to get out of here. There's something over there. You see it? You see it? Nothing's over there.

It's a lot of that. They're very fidgety. Yeah. They do have that energy. Yeah. Yeah. Just a lot of, you know, they would touch the microphone a lot just being here. How long is this? I don't like to be in one place too long. Yeah. Look behind them. Can we shed those shades? The shortest living animal in the world is the mayfly. It lives for 24 hours. It's a good run. Gotta do a lot in that time. Imagine if it came out squashed in the first 30 minutes. You're like, I ain't got that much time, man. Yeah.

It's amazing they can stay around. I mean, they do a lot in that time period. What do they do? Well, they got to reproduce. Oh, a lot. Get out and get after it. Golly. All right, that's fair. I was 48 before I got married. Yeah. That means the first six minutes of your life, you're getting told about the birds and the bees. You got to get told, you know.

You're born at 6 a.m. by 6.05. You got a job. You're doing an interview. And then you got to get your stuff in. Got a tie on. Got a tie on. Just, I'm going to work. Swifts can spend most of their life in the air flying. Not the family you go on vacation with. Yeah, not the Swifts. The birds. They can fly a year without landing. Wow. That's a long time.

Now, how they eat and sleep, I think they get really high, and then they just start going down when they sleep. For, like, you know, what's their alarm clock? How do you know to wake up?

So let me get this straight. They get really high up. They fall asleep. They just start. It's just a free fall. Yeah. And then they wake up before they hit the ground. I think so. Go back up and do it again. Just take little naps like that. Yeah. I think so. Yep. So they must have some kind of built in. They can tell the alpha. It's a lot of just nodding. It's that kick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got to go back up to get tall again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

There are no male or female earthworms. All earthworms have both male and female parts, but it still takes two of them to reproduce. There you go. Probably easier to date that way. Doesn't really matter. Yeah. Is she pretty or handsome? Kind of both.

She's a good person. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's all personality driven. Uh-huh. She's a good worm. It's kind of beautiful in a way. I know. I feel like if you're an earthworm, you'd be talking to the one side and then you'd realize it's the butt and you're like, oh. And you're like, you've been seeing someone else the whole time. He goes, my God, we've been married for 15 years again. You know, they're so down here at the vacuums.

There's no eyes or nothing. It is hard to tell which ends. The guy had two families. Once they finally find him out, they go, what's going on here? Nothing. And they go, I know, but I just looked over. Who you talking to down in the back end? I thought it was you. I thought it was you. Koala fingerprints are so close to humans that they've tainted crime scenes.

That would be bad if you're on... Yeah, well, why would you not then look into the koala bear? That's what I would say. Well, I mean, I think if I was on trial for murder, I would bring up, it was a koala that was on the scene. Yeah, I would be like, you know, they go, oh, it's another koala bear fingerprint. But why don't we look into them a little bit? That could be kind of a tear. That is like, that's pretty crazy. How often are koalas hanging out where people are murdered? Crime scenes. Probably more than you think. Yeah.

But, yeah. Probably not a lot, but occasionally. I will say this is the one thing that animals that makes me uncomfortable. Does he just come in and he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Everybody slow down. I just watched Taken 3. That's what Taken 3 is about. He's like a koala bear that comes in and he goes, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't do it. I went through all Takens this weekend. Yeah. How many are there? Three. Three.

Went through every one of them. I don't want to watch anything new anymore. Yeah. I'm going through the, I'm watching the interpreter now and I think I've already watched it. What is that? Nicole Kidman. Yeah. There's one scene I was like, Oh, I've seen this movie. And then I kept going. I was like, I don't know if I've seen this. Yeah. There's one scene though. I think I've seen.

I was going to say, these animals, they make me... It's uncomfortable when animals have human hands. I don't like looking at that. It creeps me out a little bit. Raccoons, they have the human hands. Yeah. They can just grab stuff. They can open sliding doors. They have hands, too. Yeah. And these koalas have them, too. I'm not a fan. Yeah. Well, they're out there. I'm not trying to kill them. I'm just saying I'm not trying to hang out with them. Yeah.

The loudest animal in the world is the pistol shrimp. It claps its whatever together. So it's claws together so hard that it causes a sonic boom or a sound louder than the Concord sonic boom, 230 decibels. And it heats the, when it does it, it causes the temperature of the water to heat up to 8,000 degrees, killing its prey. Why? They, uh,

That'd be a great name for a minor league team. Pistol shrimp. Pistol shrimp. Pistol shrimp. That would be great. That would be great. Yeah. Yeah, the pistol shrimp. Let's get through this ad. Yeah. I mean, this is... All right. All right. Keep going. This just happened. I killed it on Google last week, by the way, dude. Yeah. That's what I heard. I stepped up. Yeah. You know? I'm back to my old ways now. This just happened like three months ago. A guy got swallowed by a whale. Yeah.

Well, he didn't get swallowed, but he was fully engulfed in his mouth. It didn't go in his stomach, but he was clam diving and it came up behind him. And next thing he knows. He's just in it. He's in it. And he thought at first it was a shark, but then he was like. And he saw something else in there, the room. He was like, it's too roomy to be a shark. And then he said, he realized, oh my God, I'm in a whale's mouth.

And he's trying to swallow me. And he was wearing a scuba gear and his breathing apparatus. And he was completely dark. And then he sees everything about his wife and kids. And then the whale spit him out. Yeah. How long was he in there? 30 to 40 seconds. Yeah. I mean, think if you eat something, you could not swallow it and be like, get it back out.

Spit it back out. They said that marine biologists said that it was probably just a mistake. Like if you were running with your mouth open and a gnat flew in your mouth, that's probably what the whale was doing. Yeah. I don't think the whale was creeping up on him for the past two months. Keep an eye on him. I would imagine it was a mistake. I don't even think I would have even blamed the whale at all. I never thought, man, this whale ate this guy on person, on purpose. I think most people would think. That he did it on purpose? I would think it's a mistake.

I think most... Really? Yeah. Because they eat just big things of fish. There's no signs that they want to eat humans, a whale. There's no signs of that. Besides a killer whale, I would be like, oh, wow, you just got caught in the thing. I assume the whale's doing it on purpose, man. You did too? Yeah. No.

You don't think that they just saw some dude out there? Let's see what this guy tastes like. No, I wouldn't at all. I trust. Do you know a lot about whales? I believe in them more than y'all do. We believe in them. I think you know more about them. How many whales have eaten people? I don't think they've eaten that many people. Nobody. Well, how many people are hanging out around whales? That's why they're not eating people. How many mistakes have been made? I don't think that many. I mean, you would hear about them unless they get swallowed.

Less than 10 people. So that means the scientist had to come give, here's what that scientist comes in and goes, after the study that we did, we would like to conclude that we think the whale did it just like if you were running and you ate a gnat and did not do it on purpose. And I'd be behind him like, I said that from the beginning. We paid this guy, did scientists get paid for that?

They get paid for... I don't know if it was a study they did. I think it was the newspaper called a marine biologist and said, you think they did that on purpose or something like that? I don't know. It might be in that article right there. Yeah. Let's take the time and read it out loud for the audience. The animal health company Zotus is donating more than 11,000 doses of COVID-19 vaccines to areas, zoos, 170 zoos all over the country for 100 different species. Wow.

Well, I don't think they should have to take it if they don't want to. Well, some are arguing. Some are fighting it. Just Johnson & Johnson, one dose, please. I'm not doing this twice. Dumbest animals in the world, the domesticated turkey. Really? Not a wild turkey? So they're saying like if you bought one at a store, took it home? I don't know. It just says domesticated turkey. They look up. One's in a bad relationship? They have a condition called titanic...

That's very funny. Domestic abuse. Just leave. Witness protection. Why don't you leave? They have a condition called titanic collier spasms, which makes them stare up at the sky nonstop, even when it's raining. Some drown to death by looking up at the sky. Golly. Wow. That could have been the national symbol of America right there.

The eagle. The turkey. That's what Benjamin Franklin wanted, wasn't it? Mm-hmm. That's what a lot of people wanted. Was the turkey? It was the turkey. And I would have probably been one of those guys. I'm a coward. You were over the eagle. Yeah, the eagle doesn't impress me that much. It's powerful. A turkey is kind of majestic. Mm-hmm. You identify more with the turkey? After what you just read, yeah, I think so. Walking around, just kind of looking around. Looking up at the rain. Yeah. Drowned.

Hawaii has no native snakes and it's illegal to own one on the island. That's what you think. You think there's no snakes. There has to be some snake. They try to keep it from that. They said they have no post serious threat to Hawaii's environment because they have no natural predators. So they keep it off the island. Yeah. In Guam...

which is one of U.S. territories. They had no snakes until World War II when a cargo ship accidentally brought brown tree snakes to the island, and they've since taken over. Now there's 2 million of them. They've wiped out 10 of the 12 native birds. God. Snakes just dominate when they show up. They dominate when they show up. It went from a ship full of them to 2 million. Yeah. They get after it. In New Zealand, they don't even allow snakes in zoos. They just can't take a chance at getting out.

And they have 20 professional snake handlers around the country whose job is to find and catch any snakes spotted trying to enter the country. They see them at the border? Yeah. And they go in? Build the wall. You got glasses on? Can I talk to you in the back with a hat on? I'd like you to jog for me real fast. You can't jog? No, but jog. He's not going up and down. Yeah.

That's their whole job. To look at the, see if there's snakes. To look for snakes. Yeah, if you don't want them. You've seen it in Florida, right? Where they just, these pythons came in and just devastated the Everglades. I think we talked about that in the last one. Yeah. Pretty wild. Yeah, so you can't do that. I mean, so they just don't want them in there, so they just don't let them, you know? It's got to be a freedom to know there's no snakes. You don't have that fear of walking on a snake. What happened to your snake? We let it go in New Zealand. Yeah.

Did you let it go? We let him in the ocean towards New Zealand to see if he made it. We told him, New Zealand. So I guess we didn't think anybody was looking out for him. Apparently he got caught.

Give him a hat and glasses? Yeah. I gave him some money and some that. We gave it to someone that had snakes. It was starting to get big. Yeah. It was like, it's one of those where you start to make a mistake where you're like, you're about to start feeding it rabbits. Like, you're just going down that road. Rabbits? Is that big? It was like feeding it mice and then buying bigger, like kind of, like big mice and then a rat. And then maybe you could maybe get to where it could be rabbits. And so then we just gave it to someone. That's where you're like, we bit off a little more than we could chew. Yep. Yep.

And your family dog ate yours, right? Yeah, our dog ate our snake. Oh, you had a snake too? What did y'all have? We had a ball python. Yeah. My pet hamster, Skunky, my mom fed it to the snake one day, and then it got out and the dog ate the snake. What did your mom? Why did she feed the hamster to the snake? I think she knew it was dying, and she just didn't want to go to the pet store to get more mice for it, so she was like, let's just put this thing out of its misery. Like a garage sale.

She knew the hamster was dying? I think it was old. And it ate mice? No, no. You said the hamster was dying, and then she said, I don't want to go buy mice for the snake. Oh, okay. I'll just throw that old hamster in. Tell Aaron the hamster died of natural causes. But then years later, she was like, you remember Skunky? Yeah. Slither ate him. Yeah. That was y'all's snake's name? Slither? And Skunky? Yeah.

Y'all are too smart to think of it. And you made fun of Bailey? The dog's name was Rocket. Rocket? Like Rocket Mortgage? Because it was fast. Yeah, like the mortgage. Because it was fast like a dog? I would almost think your dog's not. I like to see how fast his dog is to be like, yeah, it's normal dog speed. I don't think it was exceptionally fast or anything, but it would run around. We called it Rocket. Yeah. They let the kids pick. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good thing. I mean, y'all, you know.

I bet your dog was smarter than most dogs. Yeah, it was all right. Sitting around the family. I don't know. The name was Skunky. It was an out. Slither. And Rocket. And that's what's going on in that house. They're all just eating each other. Yeah, Rocket was an outdoor dog, man. Y'all never met a person that named that. Rocket's not a bad dog.

Slithers. None of them are great, man. None of them are great. Slither's not great. They're better than Bailey, I think. I don't know. I'm afraid to name their cat Rocket because that's a character in Guardians of the Galaxy. The raccoon's Rocket. Yeah. Oh. I don't think we were thinking of that. No. Well, it wasn't out yet. Okay. So probably not. We're just thinking of Fast. Yeah. Fasting goes. Fasting us. Animals have affected professional sporting events. The most famous is Randy Johnson, who's pitch...

Totally destroyed that bird. It's crazy. If you Google Randy Johnson baseball, it gets less Google searches than Randy Johnson bird. Dave Winfield got arrested for hitting a seagull with a ball.

Do you remember this? No. He was warming up in between innings and he threw the ball back into the dugout and it hit a seagull and killed it. Was he trying to? There's debate about it. He says no, but some animal rights people said he was. So when he got done after the game, there were plainclothes police officers waiting for him. They charged him with cruelty to animals, punishable up to $500 fine and six months in jail.

Took him to the police station, read him his rights. He posted a $500 bond. He was supposed to come back, but they later dropped the charges. But it was a big deal. This was in Toronto. He went on later to play for them. Yeah. Oh, that's awkward.

Okay, so he killed a seagull and he wasn't trying to... I don't understand. I think they think he was. Like he was watching someone tell him that word. How far away? There's no video of it. This is between innings. Okay, so he's out in the outfield. He played outfield. Yep. And he's just throwing, like they're warming up before the innings. It's a lot of he say, she say. What is it? What? She sells, he sells. It's a lot of she sells, she sells down by the... She sells down by the... He sells, she sells down by the seashore.

So it's a lot of that. It's a lot of that going on. He said that he couldn't have done it if he tried. You can't kill a seagull trying to. Yeah, I think he did. I find that hard to believe, too, that he wouldn't. He's warming up between innings. He has the ball. He's like, the inning's about to start. He throws it to the dugout. He was a pitcher? No, he's an outfielder. Yeah, yeah. He's still throwing a ball around between innings. Yeah, no, but it just seems, yeah. Where was this bird? In the dugout.

Right? No, I think it was out on the outfield. Okay. I think this was the old Toronto Blue Jays stadium. I think they had a lot of Seagulls that just kind of hung out there, and he threw it in and nailed it. Why are they called the Blue Jays then? You know? Yeah. Not one Blue Jay out there. Blue Seagulls. Or just the Seagulls. Yeah. And then Steve Lowry, the 1998 Players Championship, was about to putt for eagle, and a seagull landed and grabbed his ball and took it off and dropped it in the water. I've seen that. Yeah.

He's going to replace it. You see that cat at the Yankees game recently? Mm-hmm. That ran out there. It was like a 20-minute delay. Mm-hmm. It was pretty crazy. One was on a wire or something. Is that not that one? There's a different one at the Miami game. Oh, yeah. That cat was hanging off the second story. Kind of traumatizing to watch, that thing trying to hold on for dear life, man. Traumatized by it? A little bit. You're like, this is jarring, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not traumatized, but. Okay. Yeah. You made it to work that day? Yeah.

Made it here. You made it here? Yeah, I did. I can't make it today. I watched a video that went viral. The only reason it could go viral is because this thing had to live. If it would have died, they never would have went, you know. Yeah. Do bad things reach it? Think about your own mortality? A little bit, man. Thought about my own cat's mortality, too. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. There's a species of jellyfish that is immortal. Mm-hmm.

It reverts back to its child state after it reaches a certain level, so therefore never dies. It's called an immortal jellyfish. I think I've impressed Nate, finally. Where is this? In the ocean. Yeah. Where it would be. Where'd you think it was? So you can't kill it at all? You can kill it, yeah, but it's not going to die of old age. So is it, like, real? Is it just, like, just keeps going back and forth? I mean, it doesn't make sense.

I mean, I think the only way they die is if something eats it or it gets killed. Like it's, yeah, it's not invincible, but it somehow reproduces itself and just, yeah,

Never dies. So would it shrink and get small again? I think so. I think it somehow. So it gets old, small again, and then goes. Yeah. What if they're like, you know what? Turns out it just lives 500 years and we just never paid attention that long. Yeah. How would they know? I was going to say, how long do you observe one before you go, I think this thing never dies? Yeah. Yeah. What scientist goes, they go, I don't know how long you think it lives. He goes, immortal? Yeah.

I'm going to just throw that out there. I'm going to say, I think it's immortal. And then that guy gets to keep that job and he does it. And they go, you know what? I think you're right. They go, my grandfather watched this. My dad watched this. And now I'm watching it. We're all watching the same things in a cup. So it must be. You're just in a cup. You just sit out. It must be immortal. I mean, that's really unfortunate that much more if you're in an accident. Yeah.

Why? Because you're going to live forever, and then you bump into a boat and die, or you're paralyzed. You're saying that thing's life means more than me? Yeah, I don't know. He's trying to make a joke. Imagine you make that joke and live that joke over and over again. Every time you come back, I look, and you go, do you say the same thing? What happened? Did you get hurt real bad? No, I can't, no. They try to lead you over here, someone eats you.

I'll probably get rid of you. And you pop back. The male seahorse goes through pregnancy and gives birth to the babies. Yeah. Only animals on earth where the male carries the babies. Okay. And I mean, if that doesn't, I'm running out here. No, I've heard of that. Okay. Yeah. This is an immortal one I've never heard of. What animal, if you could own any pet, any animal, what would it be? A dog.

I mean, I don't know. You're pretty happy with how things are now? Yeah, man. A dog shows you love like a dog. It's like how much a dog... You wouldn't want a tiger or a chimpanzee? No. You want a bit of hug something. Could it be your friend? You know it won't kill you? Sure. Well, otherwise, why would you want a tiger? I don't know. What would you want? Probably a chimpanzee. Yeah. Something like that. Something that's... Rip your head off. Yeah.

It would be fun if you just had a monkey on your shoulder at all times. That would be pretty good. Just carrying one around? My little puppy. That's what she rides on my shoulders. Yeah. Marks her in the house. Yeah. It's just kind of her thing. Little does she know, you prefer a monkey. Yeah. It's not even your favorite pet. Have you guys heard about Operation Cat Drop? No. I hope y'all like it. I think so.

In the 1950s, there was an outbreak of malaria on the island of Borneo. To eradicate the mosquitoes that were causing malaria, the World Health Organization spread DDT to kill the mosquitoes. But it had...

and necessary effects. It killed mosquitoes, but it also spread to the flies, which were eaten by geckos, and the geckos were eaten by cats, and all the cats on Borneo died. And with no cats on the island, rats flourished, and the people were now threatened by the plague and typhus. So to cope with this problem, the World Health Organization had to parachute 14,000 live cats into Borneo to fix the rat population. It's called Operation Cat Drop. Did they?

Yeah. They're in Borneo again. I'm just kidding. Where's Borneo at? It's an island in Asia, a giant island in Asia. You think they would just let it be its own thing and just don't go to Borneo? Well, there's people that are living there. Oh, we'll get them off there. How big is it? Oh, it's a pretty big island. Oh, we need it.

This is a smaller one. We could have probably just been like, how do we get there? It's often used as an example of how sometimes when we don't think about the repercussions of an action, how it leads to unnecessary consequences. You end up dropping cats in. Parachuted them. They didn't sign up for that. Did they all have individual parachutes or were they like... I think they were drafted. Yeah.

Until the Garfield, the Muhammad Ali of cats, refused to go. And then he... And that's when it stopped. They said, I'm not fighting your wars. He was a conscious objector. Yeah. Do you know the story? I know you know it. Boo Weekly fighting the orangutan? Yeah, it's my favorite story. No, what was it? You can just read it. All right. So when he was six... Boo Weekly is a professional golfer.

When he was 16, he and his buddies went to a county fair. A guy got out. He's big. He's like 6'6". Oh, really? Boo Weakley's a big dude. All right. A guy got out at the fair, set up a cage in the bed of his truck, put up a little table, and went out to the cab of the truck with an orangutan and started yelling, $5 to win $50. Who can beat this orangutan? So everybody's pictured. I've told this story in a bunch of stuff.

This guy would set up at a fair, right? You just said like in nowhere Georgia, middle of nowhere. In the South, Boo's probably about my age.

I don't know Boo, but he's probably, I think he's around my age maybe, maybe a little bit older. And so they would set up and bet five to win 50. Right. So if you bet $5 and if you can, what do you have to do? You have to fight a ring attack. You have to fight it. Do you have to knock it out or you have to win the fight? I think you just have to spend, you just have to last with it in the ring. Yeah, like one round. Yeah.

And you win 50 bucks. Yeah. And it's got, does it have boxing gloves on? Yeah. So then he, they drew straws. He drew the short straw among his buddies. Everybody pitched in a dollar. There was five of them. So he gets up there, puts on gloves and headgear and he had to sign a waiver, which he said, looking back, that was a bad sign. Make sure you listen to this. This is good. Yeah.

He said,

I moved in close and faked with my right, and the last thing I remember, I woke up bleeding in the back of a friend's pickup truck. The orangutan had knocked me cold with one punch, which I didn't even see coming. My friends thought it was hilarious. They said I had a glass jaw and called me glassy. After I came to, we watched the orangutan knock out guy after guy. Not one guy could lay a glove on him. He had reflexes like a cat and later learned that an orangutan could tear a guy's arm off. Oh, my God.

That's the old dude. I mean, I've heard that story. I've told it. It's one of the best stories I've ever heard. I mean, just so, he goes, I'll fake to my right, go to my left. It doesn't even mean he's like, welcome back in everybody's truck. The reggae thing, you got to just really, if anybody's at home, you listen to the story, you got to really picture

an orangutan arms the gloves are probably touching the ground uh-huh and he just stands and goes in a circle and just kind of follows you and it's shorter it's much smaller than you yeah yeah and then right before it you don't ever see it even swing it just goes and it's so strong that it knocks you out i mean and he's i mean it's not like you see him get into it there's no like

I got my legs into it. It's just out there. Wow. And then they carry you up and lay you in the back of the truck. And this was, you know. I think he said he didn't tell that story for a long time because he didn't want animal rights people upset about. Sure. But, you know, it was when he was a kid. It was when he was a kid. And, like, yeah, I mean, I don't, I bet it's going to be pretty tough to find that now. If you want to go watch an orangutan fight a guy, I don't think you can just go find it. It's not as easy. There's not public orangutan boxing matches. Yeah. Yeah.

Not like the good old days. So funny to think of just have no idea what's happening and just boom, it just comes up out of nowhere. Wake up in a truck. I love that the safety health procedures, he gets knocked out, they just put him in their friend's truck. There's nothing else there. There's no ambulance nearby. I mean, he became a professional golfer. I mean, if you told him that, like, hey, you're going to be a professional golfer and actually you're going to be a big-time golfer, famous golfer,

And, you know, in his life, and you look at his life's resume, and part of it is he was knocked out by a orangutan. Like just seeing. It's such a, like you look at his life, what did you do? Fresh from a golfer? Knocked out by an orangutan at 15? Probably should have ended there. Yeah. Made it past that. Yeah. Is that it? That's about it. Yeah. Hummingbirds is the only bird that can fly backwards. Okay. That's cool. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, ask them about it. They'll tell you. All right, that's it. This is a short. This is a little bit shorter one. A little shorter. Some of these I thought maybe would take off more than it did. So that was my mistake. Yeah. No, I think I brought some thunder to it this weekend. You did. You did. It's pretty tough when you got you know who's. Honestly, it's hard to just get when I keep having different seats. It's like I never get settled in. Yeah. I'm just not back in the groove. Yeah. It's tough.

It's tough. Yeah, it's a little bit quicker, but that's all right. I rolled up this morning with a bus. Last week was two and a half, so we gave them extra last week, and that was good. So we're evening it out. Even Stevens. All right. I am going back to Washington, D.C. tomorrow, if you're watching this, and I'll be in Richmond, Baltimore, and Red Bank, New Jersey.

And then the Raincheck Tour. We're coming everywhere. The shows have been fun. It's been awesome. We've had a really great time so far. So come out to those. They've been great. Yell, let's go, folks, like everybody. It's a fun time. Do you all have any stuff? I'm here this weekend. Wide open. I'm in Wichita this weekend, the Looney Bin. If you're in Wichita, come out. Wichita. All right. Thank you guys very much. Talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating on our comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.