#44 Canada ft. Graham Kay
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Hello folks, welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. I'm here with Brian Bates, Aaron Weber. Thank you as always for listening. Thank you everybody. You know we did the live podcast, we're back in here now, which is very fun. Everybody had a good time. I want to give a shout out to the McPhail family, M-C-P-H-A-I-L. They sent me a dinosaur.

Adopt a dino fact sheet, Nate. I have the herbivorous. No, that's his diet. I thought that was the name of it. It's right above Nate. That's the name. And I'd love to hear you take a shot at that. Right above Nate. Yeah. Has adopted the...

Huh? Where? Oh, here you go. It's written right there. I got the wrong one. So these are life-size dinosaurs. Yes. I get it. For one year, your dino is so excited to have someone to share their adventures with. Thank you for being this dino's friend. Thank you. I have adopted the... Oh, man. Euplocephalus. Euplocephalus.

I don't even think he turned around. E-U-O-P-L-O-C-E-P-H-A-L-U-S. You follow this. I would just call him Nate. His name is Nate. I've adopted a dino named Nate. Very, very cool. And you can go see this. You can see it somewhere, right? I think it moves all around. It goes everywhere. He's still alive. He lived 100 to 66 million years ago.

Size, two and a half tons. Nate spends most of his days out on the old Dingo golf course practicing his short game. Whenever his favorite podcast, Nate Land, comes out with a new episode, he goes out to the green to golf and listen to it.

When Nate, the you so full of us, isn't golfing, he practices a stand-up routine with other dinos. He usually gets in trouble with the staff for making such a ruckus with the roaring laughter. That's awesome. Thank you guys very much. They sent that for my birthday, and we just now mentioned it. My birthday was seven years ago, so that's our fault for mentioning it so late. So, yeah, we're very excited to be back doing the –

back in the room. It was fun. The live one was fun. It was really fun. It was fun to hear people laugh at the inside jokes and stuff. It was like, oh, these people have been listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, you know, and the pressure of doing it live is fun because, you know, it's not stand up where it's like, I know these jokes work. You know, you're making this stuff up on your, you know, just as we're going, as you see. Yeah. So with an audience there, you feel a little more like I got to be like performing, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

which I think we, you know, it was pretty good. People liked it. So let's hear from these comments. Chad Kirk. Hello, folks. This episode has been the best one yet. I love them all, but you can tell that Nate, Aaron, and Bacon Ranch are stand-ups because they bring the heat in front of a live audience. Keep up the great work. It does. It's a big difference when you're in front of people. You get into, like, wanting to tell jokes.

You know, it's funny to be sitting down on stage because you don't ever do that. Yeah. But it was a good show. We will probably do more live ones. You know, I mean, this was at Zany's. It's easy for us to do it here. So if you missed it or I mean, if we do another one, you better come back because it's different, which is great. It's not like stand up. David John, as an 8-land folk since the first episode, seeing Nate sitting in the middle weirds me out. I know. I like the middle, though.

It was like a weird... It's like, where are we going to sit? You got to face the crowd. I want to be able to see the crowd. Yeah, it makes sense. You think if we did another live one, we'd all be facing... You think we might switch it up a little bit? Yeah. I mean, so we... They set up with the picture. So you saw this. And we had a table. And like, so, you know...

At first I thought, I don't know, maybe we'd still use this table. I don't think we'd bring these things and we'd just have little stands would be better, and I think that would be easier. But maybe we could have a table that's a little more rounded out so everybody could kind of be facing that way. So, yeah, I don't know. We'll see what happens. We might be rearranging in here. I'm a rearranger. I like changes. We change a lot.

Like, so I might, I might try, what if we try y'all there, here, back, you know, who knows? We just show up and there's two chairs at the table. I don't even get the point. Yeah. Put y'all in the other room. You can listen to Nate. You can listen to Bates and Aaron. Audio, audio only. Nick Bronwell, fan theory, Taylor Swift's angry teenage love songs are actually about Aaron. I like that. Yeah. I'm Romeo.

You know? She's Juliet. She's Juliet. That was about me. Yeah, that's cool, man. It's just that big of a song. We just blow over it. That's cool, dude. You know. Was she singing? She was like already a megastar. She was not what she is now, but she was huge. Huge. When I moved to Tennessee in 2008, her album Fearless had just come out. So she was very big, but not...

I mean, she's probably top three most famous in the world right now, probably. She wasn't quite there yet. Is she older than you? Two or three years older. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, so she's 30, 31? Yeah, I think she's 31. She went to Hendersonville? Hendersonville High School, yeah. Wow. Sam Weimer, when BoJack compared himself to Toby from The Office, it was so spot on that I nearly Googled to see if the two had any direct relation in real life. Absolutely amazing.

I started thinking more about that question. I mean, I feel like we nailed it. You're Michael. I'm Toby. And I think for Seinfeld, you are Jerry. You should be Jerry. It's centered around you. And I am Newman because you don't like it when I come over. So I think we've nailed both of those. And Michael didn't care for Toby. You're a little bit harder. I was thinking about maybe Oscar because Oscar's smart. Remember the China episode? Oscar's pretty good. Yeah. And for Seinfeld, I don't know.

yeah it's not obvious i'll be elaine yeah it could be elaine yeah i'll take that it's not bad elaine's not bad we needed we needed george she took that iq test yeah yeah she's very smart yeah yeah yeah it could be elaine okay all right we got it tj i mean just you know the fact that no one cares about it all right i think we can move on from that um

TJ Young, listening to this and hearing Nate say Jimbership instead of Jim membership makes me wonder if he's actually the secret genius. Jimbership. Do you remember saying that? No. You're like, if anybody else has a Jimbership in Madison, we'll cancel it. Yeah. I didn't notice it at the time, but I went back and listened. That is so funny. Jimbership. Yeah. Why don't they call it that? I know.

Every gym. It was clear when you said it, you're just moving it along. You don't have time to say the whole word. Gymborship. Gyms should do that. Yeah. They should be like, hey, as an ad for them to be like, hey, do you want to get your gymborship now? Is it too not serious? No, I think it's great. Yeah. It's definitely fits Planet Fitness. Yeah. Yeah. Their vibe. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Have you mailed that letter? No. I forget every time until we talk about it. All right.

You just walk right out. That's how much working out is not on your mind. Because if you're working out at home, you would then be thinking about it. I think about it every time I worked out. But yeah, no, I don't. Yeah, it's just you leave and blank out. Didn't you set a date or something that you, I feel like you bet maybe when he would do it. I can't remember. I don't know. Yeah, we did talk about that. Yeah. I don't know. You've probably exceeded it. That's for sure. Yeah, you've over, you've gone over. I feel like we've been talking about it for years. Yeah.

Rayanne Z. Nate is absolutely correct. I moved to Montana last year, and it took a few weeks for me to adjust to the big sky. It was actually overwhelming and annoying, and I kept my visor down in the car. I've been listening from the start and look forward to your podcast more than any other. BB brings a lot to the show and is a great sport. Aaron makes me laugh just by seeing him laugh, and Nate is my favorite male comedian. Thanks, guys.

Yeah, I like that she, you know, I think it's a she. They get it. Yeah. Being the vice president is very funny. You'd be like, you know, it's night out. You're like, no, I don't need it. I don't need to see what's going on up there. You know, it's a big sky. It's a lot. What does that mean? There's just there's no trees or anything?

Yeah, it's just like you just... It's darkness. And it's just an overwhelming amount of darkness. Because it's... You know, there's no... There's no light pollution out there. Yeah. So when you see like light in a town, there's like some hope. And then, you know, you're like, well, there's... If something goes wrong, there's a town there or something. And when you're just driving and there's just nothing, dude. Wow. And you're like... You know, I was on the side of the interstate. Like, I mean, I pulled off into like a road kind of off on the interstate. But if you went...

I mean, I think it would, and I would love to do it as a trip, is to go kind of through Montana and go really walking around and hiking and stuff through Montana. But if you're way out there, man, it would be a lot. Like, it would take some adjusting to get used to it.

And it's funny, it was overwhelming and annoying. Because I think you could be like, all right, dude. You just get reminded how alone you are. Like in the city, if you're in the city, you're like, that's a city. People are everywhere. And then you're there, you're just like alone. You ain't that visor down. It's a pretty good move to have it down. Just pulling them all down, you know?

It's the Moors. How about the guy who was in charge of building I-24? His only job was to construct a highway through Tennessee from Kentucky to Georgia. But because he got a little off course, they had to throw up extra signs. You're leaving Tennessee. Welcome to Georgia. Welcome back to Tennessee. You're really being Georgia 20 miles down the road.

You ever made that drive? Yeah. Yeah. Like Google Maps will be like, welcome to Georgia. Welcome to Tennessee. Welcome to Georgia. Yeah. Like a bunch. Yeah. You know, they're playing off what we talked about mapping out. And that is true. If you head down to Chattanooga, you enter Georgia for a little while and then you go back into Tennessee. Back to Tennessee and then you back to Georgia. That's the...

especially if you live there. So like technically you live in Georgia and be like, oh, I'm supposed to be in Tennessee. Like if they were really run very, very different. Yeah. And how like, you know, you'd be like so frustrating to be like, it's just right there. Yeah. I think Arkansas or something has a place that's a street. I feel like the street divides the half the street is maybe Tennessee. Maybe Bristol is half in Tennessee and half in Virginia. Yeah. I don't know about Arkansas. I thought it was like a road that split it up. It could be.

Michael, I have to correct a few things. Daniel Boone was a Virginian slash Kentuckian. The War of 1812 lasted for three years and not one, but Ben again killed it again. He's definitely the unsung hero of the podcast. That's the only reason I put that in there. Just for that. I don't care about those facts. Like you are correct, Michael. How did we miss the War of 1812?

Well, we just talked about how we called it a one-year war. Yeah. And he said it's actually three years. Yeah. Well, if it lasted three years, why did they focus on that one year? I guess the year it started. I don't know. Why is World War II not the War of 1941? You know? Impressive. Yeah. I think he just wanted us to know you knew what year the World War II started. I don't know if that's even right, but it ended in 1945. Yeah.

So you're saying why did they not call it a pre-war then? Yeah. Why did they just pick that one year? If it was three years, if I died in 1813 in that war, I'd be pretty offended that they don't even care about that year. I wish we had a way to Google it. Yeah.

I don't think you'd be alive to care, but if, like if your loved one. Yeah, exactly. If your father died in the war of 1812 and they go, golly, that's crazy, dude. Was it like March or something? He goes, no, it was actually 1814. And you go, oh.

Why was he still fighting it though? Like, is there a lot of that? You know? So what's his problem? Because it seems like he couldn't let something go because the war was over. He just kept going. He just kept going. And he goes, that's not enough. And they just kept rolling it. It lasted until 1815. Yeah. What else would they call it? War of 1812 is a good name.

It does sound good. Yeah. Yeah. The 1812 overture. But maybe it's like, it's the war started in 1812. This is the war of 1812. And it took us three years to get it right. And by the time we got to 1815, we were like, what are we fighting about? You're like, I don't even remember. Yeah. It's not even 1812 anymore. It's not even 1812 anymore, dude. Times have changed.

John Lanty, I think my favorite bit of any podcast I listen to is Backstreet Boy always bringing up depressing events as his fun facts. I don't think I call them fun facts, but I do bring up fun facts. Tennessee leads the country in infant mortality rate. Oh, man, let's riff on that for a little bit.

Yeah, what's up with babies not making it? You know, just like, golly. Yeah, that's a big one for me. Just the weight of the world. What was the one, yeah, you brought up infant mortality? Like a few times. Baby killer baits, that's what we call them. Yeah, baby killer baits. We're trying to get out of it, and he's like, guys, there's two pages of this, so we're in it.

I'm just getting started. We're just, yeah, I don't know what you want out of this, but it is. I was up late last night. And that was the best time to be alive episode. Clearly it was. Yeah. Cat Cook, Aaron, the world's fair is also a place where people bring new inventions and such.

The Eiffel Tower was built for a World's Fair, as was the Seattle Space Needle. A lot of amazing architecture came from them, actually.

Okay. So Paris hosted the World's Fair. They get the Eiffel Tower. Seattle hosted it. They got the Space Needle. What did Knoxville get? The big gold. The Sunsphere. Yeah. That's what we talked about last week. Oh, that thing nobody's ever heard of? I've been to Knoxville. I've never seen that. Well, Knoxville probably seems like a weird place to have the fair. Yeah. But they did it, and they put that thing there. How many World's Fair has there been?

I have no idea. I pointed out that Sunsphere to you in an Uber ride one time in Knoxville. I wasn't listening to you. I've never seen that. Yeah, that was definitely an off year for the World's Fair. They go, you going to Knoxville? You're like, no, dude, I just did Seattle and Paris. We're going to Knoxville? And he goes, yeah, yeah, no, we're going to Knoxville. We're doing...

Okay. No, I'm all right. I'm going to do more county stuff. So I'm getting out of the World Fair game once they went to Knoxville. Is that the capital of Tennessee? No, no, no. It's not even the capital. It has nothing to do with, you know, they got football there. It's a big deal. They go, okay, okay.

I mean, Space Needle is so tall. Yeah. And then the Sun Sphere is just... Can you go up in it? Yeah, I think so. Not right now. It's temporarily closed, but I think in general. But that's what I think of when I think of Knoxville. I mean, that's their one landmark. Yeah? Yeah, it's a big deal. And New England Stadium. Okay. 1982 World's Fair. Why did they go? Look up how many World's Fair there has been.

Oh, wait. Something was said. There was a fight. There was a shot fired outside that World Fair in Knoxville. Oh, really? Yeah, let go. It said, where was that at? It said something. In early morning, right there. A shot was fired from outside the fair site and shattered one of the sphere's windows. No one is ever arrested for the incident. I mean, it took $2 to get to the elevator to get to the observation deck.

and look at Knoxville and just go up to the top of that and go, okay, can you see Nashville or something from up here? Yeah. I mean, no, no, no. You can just see Knoxville. No, you can't even see the stadium from up here. Yeah. Somebody got so bad. It's not high enough. I don't think it's that high, right? I mean, the Space Station was so hot. Right. Yeah. It's not that high. It's not that high. See, it was featured on an episode of The Simpsons. Yeah. Yeah.

I bet not in a good light. Seventh season. They were bottom of the barrel by the end of there. Yeah, that's, yeah. It's, yeah, why did they go? I mean, I don't know. Look at how many world fairs. I'm just curious. There's been over 100. 100 world fairs? Since the mid-19th century, more than 100 world's fairs have been held in more than 20 countries throughout the world. Wow. Yeah.

So maybe they just had to go to Knoxville. You just start running out of cities, you know? How many did come into America? Most of them are in the United States or Europe. So everybody's had a World Fair almost? I've only known of Knoxville. Me too. New York. I don't think I really thought this. New Orleans hosted it. I think Montreal had one. New Orleans in 84. They tried in 92 to bring Chicago. That didn't work. But 84 was the last time it was here. We're going to Knoxville.

What about Chicago, though? I think we got a lot on our plate with Knoxville. We're building a sun sphere, and it's being shot at right now. We're kind of all hands on deck down there in Knoxville right now. Is that good that there's shit? No, no, no. People are going up in an elevator, so it's not a...

It's not good. It's not a good start. Where is it this year? It says Warfare in 2021. Oh, yeah? Oh, is it? Dubai. Dubai. More impressive buildings over there. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to be... I mean, does it carry the...

It should be more known. Yeah. It's kind of a cool thing. Like, why don't you... It should be a big deal to be like, oh, we're getting the World Fair. And then they go. Yeah. But you don't ever hear about it anymore. I bet if Nashville hosted one, people would be talking about it. Yeah, it'd be exciting. Dubai, I didn't even know that was happening. I mean, I do remember when I was in Knoxville. Yeah. I was 10, and I remember it was a big deal. Yeah. Y'all went? No, but I just remember that's too far for us. It's a good thing. Horse couldn't make it. And they're...

From Lebanon. There you go. Their phrase was, you've got to be there. The 1982 World's Fair. That was their big slogan. Oh, yeah. You've got to be there. 1982 World's Fair. Yeah. A lot of people went. Yeah. We had the Alabama National Fair. Whoa.

That's fun. That's why I was asking about that because our state fair was called the Alabama National Fair. It made no sense. Yeah, that doesn't make no sense. Well, you're pretty arrogant with football and stuff like that just to begin with. So I think it feels right to me that you're not, you know. Yeah, I guess. Well, we have the Wilson County Fair, so we had no reason to go to Knoxville. Wilson County Fair is great. It's better than the World's Fair. Wilson County Fair is amazing. You have a SunSphere out there? No. We don't waste your time with that nonsense. Some corn dogs and funnel cakes. We'll fire some shots. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, my dad's done a ton of shows at Wilson County Fair. We go every year, and it's the best. It's so big. Yeah. And it's super, super fun. Haley Thornton. I go to Cumberland University. I never knew about that football game score until a couple of months ago. A couple months ago. At least we have a world record now. Go Phoenix! Go Phoenix!

Yeah. Someone else said they learned about it during orientation at Cumberland, but maybe Haley skipped orientation. I don't know. But they're leading with that at the orientation? Yeah, they're what they're known for. That's how they, you know. Welcome to Cumberland, folks. Look, guys, if you think it's bad now, it's been way worse here. We lost 220 to zero once.

And now you're here. That thing that says more about you than it does us. That's what they tell them. It's like really putting them down. I know you might be thinking, why am I out of college? I lost once to 220-0. We might ask you the same thing. Because right now, looking at where all your lives are, you're down about 150-0. So do you want to come back and win this game? That's the motivation, the speech that they use. They just get them all depressing.

What am I at? You're about 60 to zero. No one scored though. Yeah. They don't ever go, you know, they get one super smart guy. They're like, he's got seven on the board and he's only down 50 to seven. So we think he can get out of there. L Peter.

Everybody I have ever known in my life says Kitty Corner, maybe because we're Canadian. I've never heard Catty Corner before today. Kitty Corner, Catty Corner. Yeah. Yeah. What did we say? I think it's 100% a regional thing. It's Catty Corner down here. Catty Corner.

You know, kitty corner sounds funny to me, but that's, I guess like a lot of part of the world says that. Yeah. A lot of people said kitty corner up North and a lot of Canada. Yeah. So we were talking a lot about, uh, uh, or something like that last episode, L Peter's Canadian, right? A lot of Canadian fans, a lot of Canadian fans. And, uh, we have a Canadian for them today.

A lot of people have asked, when you get done with the 50 states, would you please do Canada? Will we? How about now? We've had a good run. This young man right here is Canadian. I think you can tell by how he looks. I mean...

And we're going to finish the States. He just happened to be here. Yeah, yeah. He's just here. The States are going to be... Yeah. I don't think anybody's... No one's sitting there with a New Mexico t-shirt on going, again? He's not doing...

Yeah, the states are when we have someone come into town, they're from somewhere. And we lump all of a country in with this guy. I was going to say, we'll get no more precise than Canada. I mean, half of my country speaks a different language than I speak. Might as well lump them all together. Yeah, they're not listening to this podcast. Actually, they're not. We're positive. So this fellow's name is Graham K. Hello. K-A-Y. Yeah.

And he, me and Graham were in New York together a long, long time ago. I mean, I started before Graham, but when Graham moved there from Canada, and then we were doing shows. I mean, this has been going on now for how long? Over 10 years, I think. 2008? Yeah. Yeah, wow. That's a long time. Yeah. 13 years. You'd think I'd be doing better. Yeah. No, I thought, I think...

I always thought you'd be right where you're at. Yeah. And, you know. No, I get it. I'll be honest with you, I think you've gotten a little bit farther than I go. I like to talk to you like, is Graham still doing it? I got a driver's license now. Now you're real American. Right? You're in, right? I'm a green card holder.

Is that a good, yeah, that's a, I can get, I can't vote, but I can get drafted. Oh, that's pretty sweet. It's a good, it's a sweet spot. Put them to work. Yeah. Yeah. You know, put them to work. I think they go first. Yeah. You know, uh,

uh yeah they picked the guys pushing 40 yeah like those guys they're gonna really do a good job canadian we go we go go to that hole and see what's down there down here down here yeah okay you seem nice you seem you seem trustworthy yeah and then you go down there in your clogs and they hear you right away clogs you think we have clogs up there i don't know man i'm just getting all out early we were we were skates with guards when we're on land

with plastic guards and you walk yep that's how we get around and do you ever when you walk around in shoes were you like god this feels so good i don't want i don't like i feel i yeah you could don't be stereotypical but can you ice skate really well

Yeah. In fact, we don't say ice skate. We just say skate. You could skate. Yeah. Because it's understood that the land is ice. Yeah. Yes. Yes. It's understood that everything is ice all day, every day. In the summer, it's ice. It's ice. Everything is ice. Could you right now skate pretty... Would you have to kind of get back into it? You played hockey growing up in high school. Yeah. It was pretty good. I could play, right? Did you play in college? No. I got...

I got sent away to a boot camp that was, but it was like a hockey-centric boot camp, and we had like 350 people and 14 hockey teams, and a lot of people made the NHL. A guy, like I'm 39, and a guy who, Curtis McElhinney, just retired. So there was like my whole life, there was guys that I played with in the NHL. Wow, so he was in, so you saw those guys. Were they just unreal then? Yeah.

Yeah, one of them was. A lot of times, it's just their bodies are different. You look at them, and they're like that guy. They're just solid. Yeah, they're like 17, and they're men. And you're like, that guy's still going to grow. Jeez. It's like night. And he's just as fast and just as skilled. It's going to be unreal. It's going to be hard. Who was the one that you saw? Wayne Gretzky.

You know, I'm having a brain fart right now, but he... Did he make it to the NHL? Yeah, he scored like 20 goals a couple times. He played for the Montreal Canadiens. He played for a couple teams. I forget his name right now. I should have... Yeah, he... So when you are playing and you're 17, he was just a very highly recruited... Like you could tell, this dude was just above everybody else.

Yeah. I mean, they're just, it's just a different level. I got that. Like when they're, I mean, and he was also playing at a different level than me. So we would go watch them on the weekends and then, you know, sit beside the girls and they'd be like, yeah, I bet you want to be with him. And they'd be like, yep. Yeah. Yeah, we do. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. You're like me too. Me too. He's got great skin. Did, so right now though, when was the last time you skated?

I skated probably like last year. You kind of pick it right back up? Yeah. It's funny because skating is... I mean, you start when you're two. No joke in Canada. For a lot of people...

Like my uncle, they lived – we lived downtown, but they lived in the suburbs. And then they had like one of – like just like a kind of open field. And he would go down there and just like – you know, it's like a Canadian dad thing is making a rink for your kids with like a garden hose and doing it all. And he had like floodlights up. And if like somebody on your block has a good backyard rink, it's like every kid comes and hangs out all day. And you get to like, you know, the mom – like, you know, like –

Like, you're just walking around with kids in your house. They're playing basketball. Yeah. If someone has, like, a good hoop in the back, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I guess you learn it so young. It is interesting because it's like, if you don't skate, which we never really skated here. There's a skating rink downtown. But, yeah, it was not a big... Hockey's a lot bigger here in Nashville than it ever was. And it's starting to be like, you know, kids are getting into it now. So, you know, predators. It's tough if you're not...

Because the thing about why it's so much bigger in Canada is because you don't have to be wealthy to skate because someone's dad has a backyard rink. And also every basketball court in a park turns into a rink. They put up like wood boards with like a little fence for glass in the back and they have like, you just go, all you have to do is get skates. Yeah. And so for here, you said that we had one rink. Yeah.

I mean, that's not going to do it. Well, wait, it's the sportsplex. I don't know if he had in the... Centennial sportsplex? Yeah. And I don't know if that was even around when I was a kid. I think it came later. That's true. It's just totally inaccessible in some places here. I mean, I grew up in Alabama. We never thought about hockey. I've never skated in my life. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. I don't think he had to say it. Where did you sit downtown? Where'd you grow up?

I grew up in Ottawa, which is the capital of Canada. It's like near, I guess, sort of near Syracuse, New York. Hey, let me throw out the facts. Oh, sorry. Don't get ahead. Yeah. I know my place. My place is skating. When we get to the skate question, how fast can you get going? Yeah. But I was a goalie. I was not like a, you know. Is it nerve wracking being a goalie? Yeah. But you know, here's the thing. It's a lot.

I figured that's why it's like a, it's very similar to being a comedian. Same mentality. I don't want to depend on anybody else. I want to do my own thing. Yeah. And you're kind of a center of attention in a way, like when it's in your end, you can swing a game all by yourself. Yeah.

You can, you can, if your team scores one goal, you can win. Yeah. If you're like the, if you're like killing it. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that. I love that. And so. What's the most goals you had scored on you? Oh, about 30. Yeah. Really? No, I played this. I played, no, I played one. Like if you're a good goalie, you know, you want to be like at least under three goals a game. Usually like the best ones are under two. And, um,

I played, we, I made a team and then we, we shouldn't have been triple A. Triple A was the best, but we were like, well, let's, let's try it. We had like, I was a triple A goalie, I feel. And we had like two forwards that were, and that was it. Everyone else was like absolute plugs. And in Canada, we call them pylons. And. Like they're terrible. Like they're terrible. Like we, in America, you call it traffic cones. We, you know, we call traffic cones pylons. And if you're just like a standing still, people just skate around you, you're a pylon. Okay.

And my goals against average was like six. I would just get absolutely... But my save percentage was like in the 90s. I was stopping a lot, but I was just getting absolutely shelled. It was just like... It was just overly being shot at. Yeah, it was nuts. And I just remember my...

I remember one game, my old coach came to see me from a previous season, which is a huge honor. It's like, that guy hangs out at a rink all day. He's got kids. And he took time to go to a cold rink, cold arena, stand in the stands, and watch this kid he's not related to play because he was proud of me for making AAA. And also my uncle, who's... And my cousin, they're like... He's the rink uncle. And they're like a hockey family. And his kids...

Like one played division, division two hockey in the States. And he's like still like the goal, like the point leader. He was at least a couple of years ago, like huge hockey. He came by himself to watch me. Cause he was like, we're going to watch Graham. And it was like,

It was an honor. It was an honor. And I think I let in like four goals in the first five minutes, and they pulled me. And I just watched my uncle and my coach leave. Are you just going as you skate back to the bench? You're like, you know, I feel like that's the move you make when you skate back to the bench. You're like slumping, just being like. I have a signature move for getting pulled. Is that what you're saying? No, I'm just saying like it's funny to see.

When they skate back to the bench, like if a goalie is being replaced or something, but like if you're down and you're kind of like pouting and then you have to go, shh, shh. You got to pout and it's still fun to skate. So you're having fun. And so it's still like kind of cool. You're like smiling. Yeah, you're like, yeah, yeah. Are you smiling? Are you smiling? I enjoy skating. Yeah. I got into this coach because I like skating. Yeah.

Do people get into the figure skating more in Canada, or is it really just hockey? I like how you're really trying to steer away from the stereotypes, and I appreciate that. Well, but this is, let's get, you know, everybody has these stereotypes. It's true. Do you see a lot of moose? I don't. Yeah. Don't ever look at me again. Yes, we see quite a bit. They're everywhere. It's a huge problem. Many people die. Anyway, figure skating. Yeah.

Funny thing about moose is if you hit them, I've never hit a moose. I think I've seen a live moose once in my life driving. But apparently a lot of people die from moose because they're so high.

And if you're not driving like a jacked up truck, the body just goes through the windshield and it will obliterate your family. I've seen one driving in Maine. And yeah, they're enormous. They're so big. They're so big. Anyway, but yeah, my mom was really into figure skating. Yeah. She was really, she'd always be like, look, they're just excellent skaters. Come watch this with me. I'm like, God, geez. She'd be like, look how athletic they are. And they're just, you know, they're wearing...

dinner gown and I'm like how am I supposed to yeah and like he's masculine not just don't worry he's a he's an athlete yeah he's wearing a woman's dress I'm sure he is and good for him but I don't know I think I don't know how yeah she always tried to sell me on it well it's interesting to think like you know you people just read you get into the sport that you're dealt with you know like when y'all saw a soccer ball first time were you like what is this did you not know how to hand it back we we assumed that it was did you grab it and run with it

Well, we broke off a branch from the nearest tree. We started to hit it. And we were like, this giant puck is not so heavy. That's pretty neat. Lacrosse? Lacrosse big there? It was the national sport of Canada when I was growing up. And they switched it to hockey. That was like a little secret fact. Sneaky fact you could put. You could be like, national sport of Canada is? People say hockey. No, it's lacrosse.

And that's just another thing we took away from the native people. You can't have this. It's hockey, stupid. No, I'm just kidding. You may be the first guest we've had who actually knows where he's from and knows stuff about it. Usually they're like, oh, really? Oh, yeah. You know your stuff. I try. Yeah. What's a fun fact? Ottawa is the capital of Canada. Did you guys know that? I did know that. Canada is the second largest country in the world by total area. Mm-hmm.

But it has 38 million people. California has 40 million. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. We're very... You're so spread out up there. If you see a satellite picture of Canada at nighttime, it's actually hilarious because all of the lights are hugging the American border. We're just trying to get free healthcare and be warm as possible. It's not spread out, right? Because this is 9 out of 10 Canadians live within 100 miles of the US border.

Yeah, but the U.S. border is like a five-day drive wide. Yeah, so it's very, it's like spread out in that way. Yeah, it's spread out like as far as across. Yeah, they're not like, you know, you can go, there's towns everywhere. Parts of Canada, you're going to be, you're going to be able to see, what did you look up? I'm looking up a satellite picture of North America at night.

but you can it's hard to tell where the border is there but where the lights stop is pretty much the border yeah yeah yeah

Look at those, the lights that go way up there. Like how, how far up do people live? I mean, there are people that are so far up that it's just never warm. Yeah. What is it? Edinburgh or what's the name of that town? Edinburgh is in Scotland, but Edmonton. Yeah. They got a big comedy festival in Edinburgh. So it was Edmonton. Yeah. I got into it five years in a row. The Edmonton Comedy Festival. I love it.

I said, this is an honor. And Graham's uncle was in the crowd. And then I bombed and he walked out. He did leave. And I go, God. Yeah, he's like, don't ever hang out with that boy again. Anyway, Edmonton is probably the furthest north regular city. They do have a summer. And where it gets to be like, you know, it'll be like 90 degrees once or twice a year. Yeah. And the summer is probably three months long. Yeah. That's not bad. But there is like...

people like my there's like places up there like they they're not there so we have provinces which is basically another word for states but then we have territories which is like you know they have like 10 000 people in it so you can't they can't be like have the voting rights of a province right yeah so uh but people live up there and it's like a lot of uh a lot of a lot of uh inuit people used to call them eskimos and uh

And a lot of people move up there to like work in government or work. My friend became a doctor and moved there because the government paid him extra money. Yeah. And they're always trying to get me to go up there. I'm like, it's beautiful. I'm like, no. Yeah. Why? I don't like being like cold. And there is like in the winter, it's all dark.

It's like it could be dark for 24 hours for like, I don't know, for like two weeks straight. It's like dark for 24. Why would I? I don't know. It just seems like hell.

It probably is beautiful. I guess. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's going to be. Yeah. But yeah, it's a lot. It would be like, I guess it would be the closest. It would be going to like feeling like you've traveled to the moon or something. Like a different planet. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do people in Canada have an identity with their province in the same way that Americans do with the States? Absolutely. Okay. 100%. I mean, the biggest examples I could...

I could say that are... So all of Canada has a huge identity crisis. Like if you ask a Canadian, you go, what is our culture? We'll say we're not American, which is terrible. Your culture is not being another country. It's so embarrassing. But there are...

Like there are two... When we say, you're sure right, ain't? No, you guys say, what is Canada? I've never thought about it once. And so like there are two places in Canada in particular where they don't feel like that way. Quebec, which is French speaking, it's 5 million people. It's twice the size of Texas landmass wise. The biggest city is Montreal. Capital city is Quebec City. So all of North America...

In Napoleonic Wars, English and French were fighting for who was going to win North America. And the base was Quebec City for French. And for English, I think it was New York. I don't know. But anyway, obviously, France lost. England took over. That's why America speaks English. But there are still vestiges like New Orleans. St. Louis is a French name. Vermont means Green Mountain. Whatever. There's like a million other examples.

But they were, they got pushed back all the way to Quebec and that's where they still are. And there's millions of people there who don't speak any English. I would say there's like 5 million people. I would guess 3 million don't speak a word of English.

And so they obviously don't have an identity crisis. They know who they are. They're like, we're Quebecers. They want to separate some... Like a lot of them want to separate. They almost separated in the early 90s and made their own country, which would be weird because they'd be surrounded by Canada. And then Newfoundland, which is an island off the East Coast. Yeah. Right there. And they...

They were... They became Canada in like 1948. They were their own country. They fought World War II as Newfoundland. Yeah. And so they were... We want a piece of this. Get out of here, man. Someone's grabbing your shoulder. Who is that? It's Newfoundland. We're here. Buddy, we're here. We're here, buddy. Well, yeah. Hey, is there more of you? No. This is it. They... So they were...

They were an isolated island up until the 1950s when there was mass media. They were cut off from the rest of the world. They speak with Irish accents. Oh, really? Yeah. So like I'm like the base. I'm going to do a terrible Newfoundland accent, but they're like, hey, everybody, how you doing there? Oh, going there fishing. And like they talk, they go down by the bay. Oh, you're and they go, oh, you're not. They go, if you're from no matter if you're from America or from Ottawa or from France and you go there, they go, oh, you come from away.

come from away and they go yeah where are you two where are you from they go where are you two you're coming from away i'm like what the hell is going on yeah you guys what's that yeah i come from away yeah i come from away are they the ones that has the time zone that's like 30 minutes yes they have a weird their own time zone which is just 30 minutes different from anybody else i'll be honest with you i'm way on board in newfoundland yeah is it newfoundland or newfoundland i i they go newfoundland and it's and they consider it a slur

To call them new feasts, which I think is hilarious. Yeah.

yeah it's like well we don't appreciate it it's like we're just trying to shorten it we don't like it yeah well why don't you take the time yeah speak our what we're called i think i'm way on board with these people yeah and i love it they have the they in world war one in world war one they had the highest percentage of countries of people who died yeah they yeah it's like one out of five men were dead in newfoundland i love it because the british army was like who are these guys like they were controlling newfoundland they were like

Yeah, you just go over the ridge first. Yeah. They're like, oh, buddy, okay. Just get slaughtered. Were you from away? Where are you going to? Yeah, where are you going to? From away? From away? Yeah. So do y'all honor the British monarchy? Like, is that a thing? In Canada right now? Yeah. Well, I think the main, well, that's, I think generation by generation, like my generation is like, why are we still got the...

Queen, honor, money. We don't pay them like money or anything like that. I think the main reason historically why it's there is because we need every little thing to separate us from America just because we are, it's a very unique thing. Like if you're, there's only two countries, there's only one other instance in the world I can think of it where two countries are as similar. Like Austria and Germany, right? Yeah.

But the thing about Austria is you are in surrounded by a bunch of other tiny little other countries. Like Canada is shares a border with, and nobody else with the most powerful, biggest media company,

and most militarily powerful country ever culturally influential country ever right so you when if you want to keep your own country you have to like hold on to these rinky-dink little things like to me Quebec doesn't have that problem they're like we speak a different language Newfoundland is like basically if you want honestly if you watch Newfoundland uh movie you need subtitles and so it's like us it's it's like uh

No, I was just laughing at that. They need subtitles. Yeah, you just touched my leg. I was like, I don't know. I was like, did I go too far? No, no, no. Maybe you're like, I had a lot of coffee. Maybe I'm rambling. I was like, maybe I should shut up. But anyway, so it's like that's, you know, the historic reason is like you guys fought a war to leave England. And we were like, well, and like it's almost like 100 years later. We're like, well, if we just wait, can you and we don't have to die. Can you let us go? Yeah. And that's what happened.

And they're like, yeah, but you got to put the queen on the money. We're like, yeah, whatever, buddy. Okay, fine. We don't have to die. How long is that going to last? So, yeah. Your money, that's the thing that everybody talks about when we go to Canada. I get it. I get it.

It is weird. Yeah, but you don't... I mean, you get used to it when you go. It's kind of fun. Like, I like it more now than I did... The color? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, the color... I think the color is smart. Yeah. Having another country's queen on your money is weird. Oh, I don't think I ever even thought about that. Yeah. But it was...

It was, but like it was always hard with the coins. Yeah. That was the funniest thing about like when you would leave Canada and it coins like $5. No. Right? Two. I thought there was one that was five. No, no. That'd be just a bedlam. Someone looked it up. I don't think Graham's wrong. In Montreal, they don't have a $5 coin? They have the same money. They don't like the queen on the money in Montreal. I'll tell you that right now. Yeah. Yeah.

uh well two dollars so a two dollar coin though so you could be like you end up having like a you know a bunch of it and you're like yeah yeah i don't care like you just get like throwing it around yeah because you in your head it's a quarter yeah and then you're like that was twenty dollars yeah and when we first went to montreal i mean i remember we i you know it's like you have a montreal economy festival you have no money you're like you're going you're i mean you're

the brokest you can possibly be and they make you pay they make you pay to go up there yeah you can barely afford you're like people couldn't I can't afford to go up there and then you got these coins that you're like think it's a dime and you're like no I needed that I needed that eight dollars yeah I won't eat it was like a lunch yeah yeah

Yeah, man. What's the loony? The loony is $1. And then when I was in high school, they came out with a $2 coin, which has a polar bear on it. And I was always like, well, the loony is called a loony because there's a loon on it.

And then the $2 coin came out and had a bear on it. I was like, we should call it a berry. I remember being in ninth grade being like, let's call it a berry. And it just became a toonie. Did you have that much say in Canada? I imagine everybody has. Does everybody have say like that? I was playing AAA hockey in Ottawa, so I had quite a bit of sway. Yeah. Yeah.

How you doing? Miss Queen, is the queen here? And they go, no, it's just on the money. I go, I would like to speak with the queen. You go, there's no queen. And you go, well, why is it on the money? You broke the holes in their whole system. Why is it on the money? They go, I don't, we don't, none of us know. I was just, ah. He said Miss Queen. Well, let me talk to you. He did say Miss Queen. I thought that was a joke. That was a joke. Okay. That was funny. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah that's how you do comedy somebody i laughed yeah i'm the only one that brings comedy on this podcast uh you walk in guys speak the polar bear please yeah i'd like to talk to the book and there's a polar i have a picture of polar bears sitting behind a desk that's the prime minister don't look him in the eye he's just eating meat funny story about polar bears my buddy told me he lives up there the doctor is uh say you're like going on like uh

you know out of town or whatever and you're you everyone has it has a ski do there and uh and that's how you that's how you like you get around off off the road or whatever and uh if you go like if you want to like go have like go to the bathroom i'll like like take a whiz on the snow bank or something uh you got to bring your gun with you if you're if because a polar bear will track you

And they're the only bears in the world that hunt people. And you can't see them because they're white. And they know that their nose is black. And they cover their nose with their paw when they poke their head out to look for you. They look over a snowbank. I'm like, what, like that? And then you're just taking a whiz and a polar bear just, ah! And then you're toast. Yeah, that's crazy. How many polar bears kill humans? I don't know.

Do you have that fact? Oh, I have Churchill in Manitoba. Is that how you say it? Manitoba? Yeah. Polar bear capital of the world. That's right. 15,000 of the world's 25,000 polar bear bears live in Churchill. Oh, really? It's a high population. To the point where people purposely leave their cars and homes unlocked in case they have to run from a polar bear and jump in either. Wow.

That seems like you shouldn't live there. You shouldn't live there to go, how is it up here? It is beautiful. No crime. No crime at all. You got to keep everything unlocked. That's unbelievable. Yeah, wow. You know what? I think I should be here. Just before you move, let me just, I think I should tell you this.

polar bears actually hunt us and try to kill us. It's worse than crime. Just to throw that in there. They're monsters. Everything you build up to move someone there, you're like, dude, no crime. It's beautiful. Everything's great. You go, you know what? I think I'm going to do it. And they go, oh, okay. Well, just, I think I should tell you this. I don't, I hate to,

Polar bears are actively hunting us every day. Yes. Yes. So there is crime? No, they're not. They don't steal anything, but I guess so they're murdering a lot of us. You know that monster from The Empire Strikes Back that gets Luke? We have those. Yeah, we have those. They're here. And they're here. And they know we're here. Yeah. They don't like it. They don't care for it. I mean, all of them are here. Where's the other 10,000 at? A zoo? I mean, I think it's around the area. Yeah.

Let's just say 15,000 live in this one town. Yeah. Probably all 25,000 live in North Pole. Man, that's all active. There's only 25,000 polar bears? According to my research. Polar bears are pretty awesome. As far as a bear, could be my favorite bear, a polar bear. Polar bears are very cool. Yeah. Yeah, they're just, I don't know. You don't know.

You see this stat right here? What? Between 1870 and 2014, out of 73 recorded polar bear attacks, there were 20 human fatalities, 69 injuries. So that's quite a bit for that. That's like, what is that, 140 years? Yeah. And there's only been 73? Yeah. So apparently, but now do it when they figured out the nose thing. Yeah. And they go, oh.

It's like four a day. God, dude, that was it. 2015 was a big year for the bear population. Once they figured that out. Yeah. They stop at 2015 for a reason. I think Ricky Gervais has a joke about that in his special.

I'm almost positive. About the nose? Yeah. Huh. Maybe about a rabbit or something like that. I wouldn't ever be able to play it, but it's... Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he has a joke about it. It's an animal facts joke, and he talks about hiding their nose or something like that. Oh. They finally figured it out. What's in the nose? 71% of the world's maple syrup comes from Canada. There was this thing a couple years ago. It was...

I didn't want any... It was like a headline in the news. I didn't want any of my American friends to see it. And there was a big maple syrup heist in Canada for like $2 million. It was like national news. Big maple syrup heist. I was like, oh no. Yeah.

You don't want people stereotyping you. And you're offended by my ice skating questions. We're trying to, I promise you we're a real place. Well, this is kind of fun. What is it? You always tell me you're a real place. What are you doing up there? Just riding polar bears and stealing maple syrup? And you're like, well, I'll be honest with you. That's two things that we have done. You skate in your backyard and steal maple syrup? What is the heist?

I mean, that's all I remember of it. So they stole 3,000 tons of syrup valued at $18 million. Big heist. But what did they steal in Goodfellas? The Lufthansa heist. Yeah. So it's kind of similar to that. That's $18 million. It's better than that. But in the Lufthansa heist, they stole money. Well, this is... It's the biggest heist in Canadian history, it said, just money-wise. Did they catch them?

I don't know. I mean, that's a good thing to steal, syrup. Yeah, it's untraceable. It's untraceable. Tastes like syrup. There you go. The syrup looks funny. Oh, in popular culture. Where did you get it from? In December of 2012, police arrested 17 men related to the theft. So this was a big operation. My favorite line was... All named Jacques. Yeah. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers has been compared to a cartel. So they're really...

Yep. Really running stuff. Oh, the people that make the syrup. Yeah. Well, yeah. 77%. 77% of the world? Yeah. Yeah.

Maple syrup comes to Canada. I mean, that's... We're like OPEC. Yeah. That is y'all's main thing. It's not. Feels like it. Yeah. You think our GDP is $17 million? I think, yeah. I mean, y'all are eating off the lane. I don't know where you're spending your money. I mean, mostly maple syrup and polar bear repellent.

I don't think I'm the bad guy. You guys did a maple syrup heist. I'm sorry I've been misled. It really is my own fault for bringing it up. Yeah, that's fine. $18 million. What was the thing in popular culture down at the bottom for that heist? Popular culture. Oh, it's part of a Netflix documentary, Dirty Money. Oh, yeah. So, yeah. The maple syrup heist. All right. That's a word that people say differently. I never know if I land it right. Heist? No.

Maple syrup. Heist I can get pretty good. Syrup. Syrup. Syrup. Syrup. Syrup. I grew up saying syrup. Yeah. And then... Well, that's just a regional thing. Like catty corner, which sounds insane to me. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, you say kitty corner. I've never said, come here, catty. Come here, catty. But catty corner means... We're not talking about cats, though. We're talking about the house that's... I understand that, but isn't it like a reference to like...

cats kitty corner oh no no what a cat like as the crow flies yeah yeah kitty corner oh that's the way like if you let a cat go and it would go to that house i get i'm that's the way i'm that's the kitty corner it would go i have no idea i just yeah this is what i don't think we were letting cats go that much yeah reference for it like yeah i think you let a cat go it tries to come right back inside the house i mean you've never owned a cat

They go. They go for days. And they run just... I mean, they'll just go to other people's houses. I know, but why don't you just go get them? They're only diagonally across from you. Yeah, that's true. They can only go diagonally. They can only go... They're like a snakes and ladders type situation. Yeah. Yeah, we have a kitty corner.

Yeah, I don't know. That's y'all's thing though. Syrup, kitty corner. Skating, polar bears. It's a very diverse country. We've got a lot of stuff we've contributed to the world. You have a lot of French people that hate everybody. They hate Canadians.

It's a weird vibe? Well, I would say that 30% of them resent the rest of Canada pretty deeply. Because they don't speak French. Well, no, because they feel like they're subjugated in some way. Yeah. They feel like they're... I don't know what that word means at all. I was like... Yeah. They feel like they're second-class citizens in their own country, which is... I mean, I think that's nuts, but... Yeah. Yeah.

They historically, like they were, I mean, maybe a little bit before back in the day. Newfoundland, see, they feel like they have the right attitude. They're willing to go fight. Yeah. They just seem like great people. They are great people. There's a Tony award-winning Broadway play called Come From Away.

and it's like the hot the most popular uh play on broadway the past couple years and it's about in 9-11 all the planes got rerouted all these like american flights they had to land in newfoundland and stay there for like two weeks yeah and they still keep in touch because they've never met they've never met a nicer group of people you'll never meet a nicer group like group people than newfoundlanders yeah they're just like i love it salt of the earth like i like

They'll give you the shirt off their back, and they're just very hard drinkers and a lot of fun. Do people go there a lot for vacation? In Canada, you go there, yeah, because it's just so different. It's just a very different place. Do you know why their time zone is just 30 minutes different? Because they're just out in the middle of the ocean. Look at them. They're out there.

Because it's just fun to be, like, that's what it makes me like. I'm like, everything's kind of fun. Yeah. Like, our time zone is just different. You're like, yeah, it is. It's just, we're 30 minutes different than every, because we're, yeah. When you come here, leave all your nonsense behind. Yeah.

All you're on the hour nonsense. Don't bring that nonsense in. No, no, no. That's not what this is about. It's 6.30. It's 6.30. I know my alarm was for 7 and it goes, it doesn't matter. We don't even touch zeros. No, we don't. Yeah, we just...

We just wait for half an hour at 6.30 and then it becomes 7. Sometimes we might do 45 at one point. I don't know. It sounds a little French to me. I don't know. What does their land look like? Is it just exactly like Canada or is it pretty? No, it's different. It's like rocky. It's beautiful. I mean, it's all ocean. I mean, I don't know. That's...

You could just Google image might be better. Same kind of weather? Yeah. You're going to zoom in. Oh, we're zooming all the way in, dude. Yeah. What's a good street to go to? Just... I would Google image Newfoundland. I think you'd get a... Do they... Is there...

So, oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah. It's pretty nice. It's very, very pretty. Is their weather any better? It's still brutal. It's brutal. I had an uncle, like a great uncle, and we used to go, I'd go to his house. I mean, he lived in Saskatchewan. Yeah. And Saskatchewan's brutal. Yeah. It's brutal. And he would, they do the national weather, and he'd be like, you know, wait for Newfoundland. It would always be like...

35 and rainy yeah you know it's like it's uh in the summer it's very nice it looks like that all those pictures were taken in the summer go in july yeah yeah when you go june july august but the rest of time it's like uh 45 and rainy and yeah yeah it looks a lot less fun yeah yeah

Canada is the most educated country in the world. More than 50% of the population. Subjugated. Subjugated. More than 50% of the population has a post-secondary education. Wow. And you're doing so much with that. Yeah. Yep. As a comedian. Yeah, I know. I think about that sometimes. I'm like, what if I just started comedy?

Right out of the gate. Yeah. When did you start? Instead of going to school. Instead of going to school. Did you go to graduate school? No. I didn't. Even back then, I was smart enough to be like, what's the point of this? If you don't want to be, I don't get the point. But yeah, I started comedy when I was 20, 26, which is like,

About a year, it's like a year too late, I feel. Like not too late, but it's like getting late. I was 23, though. I was about to be 24. Yeah. So I basically started in 23 and I turned 24 in three months. Right. So. Yeah. That's a good time to start. You got a good person right here. Yeah. What if you start when you're 35? Is that nine years too late? Is that what you're saying? Yes. Okay. Yeah. It adds up, actually. Yeah. Yeah. You're right on. No, I mean, whatever. When you start, you start. Yeah.

I mean, there's a comedian in Canada named Todd Graham. No relation because we have different last names. But he started when he was 40 and he's one of my favorite comics. Yeah. He's so funny. He's just, you know, it's like if it eats away at you, it's better to live your life to try it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So.

Should have been more uplifting. And you know what? He makes a bus driver salary doing comedy. Is that uplifting? Yeah. Well, that's sometimes all you want. You think, if I can just make... You always think that when you first start. I want to make enough to weigh tables. And so you're like, if I can make 18 grand a year... That was my dream. I remember I weighed tables and it was...

I was a bad waiter, but it's the only jobs I could have that fit around comedy. And I just remember, you know, I did it for six years and I was just like, when I, I would, every day I would think about, there's like a Kanye song where he talks about like working at the gap and one day he's going to make it. And I would listen to that song like every morning and be like, one day I'm going to quit. I'm going to quit. I'm going to quit. And then I, uh,

I remember I was down to two days a week working at a restaurant. This is in Canada. And then I booked an Axe body spray commercial. And I booked a comedy tour. And I was gone for two weeks. And I was looking at my finances like, I'm good for the rest of the year. I can quit.

And I was like, when I come back from this tour, I'm going to quit. And for five, six years in my head, I was like, I'm going to be like, screw you, screw you, screw you're cool, screw you. I was going to have this big speech in my head I was going to do. I got back from a tour, walked into my restaurant ready for this big speech. They had fired everybody and hired a whole new staff. And no one knew who I was. Yeah.

Which made it easier. Then I'll tell all of you. You all stink. I walked in there like, oh, you're Graham? We were wondering who that guy was who had two days, like Monday and Tuesday lunch. Yeah.

you know did you seek out the people who were fired and still put in their face yeah you stink you should be fired yeah you should you find them at their new job yeah did they keep you back or did you just quit i mean i quit i didn't want i asked to get hired so i could quit and make that speech i held off yeah so just to get them to learn who i was so i could make that big speech it took a couple months i got them into my routine yeah uh

I got them liking me. I had to turn. I had sent off the hammer now. I actually took a little bit longer because I had to turn down some tours to pick up some shifts. And it took me another year, actually. It's, you know, sometimes when you want to make those speeches, because everybody thinks that you don't. By the time you get to the point to where you can make that speech, you end up kind of being like, yeah.

You don't care at all. But in your head, in that moment, you want it. Yeah, because you think it's never going to come and you're a little insecure. And when you finally do get good enough and make money living at it, you're just more secure. You don't need to do that. It's very, very interesting. I remember asking Judah Friedlander. I talked to him once about it. Saying, did you ever think

you know, these clubs, these comedy clubs, you know, you're like the, when you get to theaters or something and you move up, you, however big you can get. Yeah. You ever going to go back to the comic clubs that never booked you and be like, you know what, dude? And like, yeah, you know, screw you. You never, you know, whatever. And I was like, would you ever do that? And maybe not play some of those comedy clubs. And, uh, he goes, I,

He goes, what are you going to do? Do that to everybody? Yeah. And then you're like, yeah, you know, it made sense. And then you do get to a point and you're like, it just doesn't. Look, if someone was horribly wrong to you, then it'd be one thing. Right. But overall, nobody, rightfully so, you're nobody.

You think you're like, they should be booking me. You know who I am? We talked about like when, after I did that CMT thing, I barked at a comedy club after I did that. I did a TV, I did a TV thing and I flew back. I was on television and I flew back and had to hand out flyers like everybody else. Nobody cares. And then you gotta, you almost just gotta like,

realize that you like you do everything and then your satisfaction is when they do come back and want you to do yeah do whatever you want and it never makes it's never a good look if you were to like tell them off you just look like a bitter and you still look insecure yeah you look like you haven't made it in your own head yeah yeah yeah yeah

Yeah. All right. Narcisse, I hope I said that wrong, in Manitoba is the snake capital of the world. Weird. Really? World's largest concentration of snakes. That's a good name for a snake capital. Yeah.

What? Got a lot of S. Wow. Around 70,000 snakes come out of hibernation every spring. Jeez. It's like cicadas up there, huh? I guess so. I've honestly never heard of this. They're red-sided garter snakes. Most of them are. The pits are perfect for snakes to sleep in during the winter. And then people come from all over the world to watch them come out around Mother's Day. Lunatics come from all over the world. Yeah. A snake would do it. I would go. Do you like snakes?

I don't like, I'm not going to grab them and go as crazy as I would have been a little bit younger, but I enjoy them and I would be very kind of interested in that. And like, it's kind of crazy to me. I, you know, especially around Mother's Day, man, I would take Laura.

imagine taking like i i borrow what happened she's never heard of this yeah uh we are going i know she's never heard of this she doesn't listen to the podcast yeah and that'd be great uh i don't let her listen to this one and i buy her a i mean if i was like we're going to nurse what is it narcease narcease narcease canada where is it at

manitoba yeah okay north of like i mean that's like the dakotas yeah you know what i mean it's like it's like oh it's near manitoba uh like a four hour drive north of north dakota i'm gonna guess so up above winnipeg yeah uh so and i tell her we're going to narcisse and like it's like this magical kind of thing and then it's just all the snakes in the world coming out yeah

I tell you what, that is not a warm place. Winnipeg, not... And if it's north of there... Winnipeg is... I've been to Winnipeg. Maybe Winnipeg was... Not Edmonton. I was in Winnipeg. Oh, you did Rumors. Rumors. Yeah, that's Winnipeg. Great comedy club in Winnipeg. Yeah.

A lot of people go there. Very cold place. That's what I mean with Edmonton. Winnipeg was where I went there. It was like minus 20 degrees. Very similar places. If you live in Edmonton or Winnipeg and you're listening right now, you probably don't agree with me. You're wrong.

They're the same. They're very, very similar. In Winnipeg, he said you'd see people, it'd get 30 degrees, they have shorts on. They're ready to go. They need it. They're like, sun on my yams. Oh, baby. Canada's the first country to create a UFO landing pad. You got a lot to do. St. Paul, Alberta. That's cool. The Queen came to visit it. Really? Yep.

She was probably like, God, these colonies. Were they? Yeah. I like that they're- Where is it? St. Paul, Alberta? That's just like a small town that's like, we need a tourist attraction. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And they did a great job. Yeah. They got the queen there. Yeah.

Yeah. Was Canada like, hey, we got a couple other things we'd like you to do. And she's like, well, I'd like to see this UFO landing thing. Yeah. And you go, it's not even... I'll be honest with you, they were laying in the parking lot next to it. Yeah, small. Like, you know, they're trying to get the queen not to come to there. Queen, we need... Like, you're on the money and we would like it if you come to the major cities and like do some stuff. And she goes, no, I want to...

Go see the UFO landing. That is not a UFO. That is just an outdoor concert stage that they're like, we'll just rebrand it UFO Landing Plan. So we get the open mics there. Yeah.

That is the most unimpressive thing I've ever seen in my life. It's so small. That sucks. I don't think we can lay it. I'll show it with laying right there. No, I'll be honest with you. I think they would park in the parking lot. We got a giant parking lot that would probably be a lot bit easier. They don't have to maneuver as much. Behold, a roofless gazebo. We got a giant parking lot that's never full, to be honest with you. There's plenty of room. There's plenty of room.

Great people of outer space. So, ma'am, if you... Honestly, could you swing by Toronto and just do some stuff? And she goes, I don't know. I got that. I want to see the snake thing. I don't know.

She's just naming all this kind of stuff. We know you flew here from outer space, but we've built you some stairs in case you can't get down. No, no, no. Don't jump off. That's what the stairs are. They don't know what stairs are. They don't have legs. Come down the stairs. The other side. The other side. Yeah. Man. Do they have Reese's Pieces down those stairs? Yeah. King Badger's alien just gets out and he's like,

He's on that thing. He goes, oh, snug fit. And then he walks and sees the parking lot and he goes, you know,

I'm going to move it over here. Yeah. It's just the same like polar bears where you keep everything unlocked. You're like, we don't know what this country is like, so let's get, I'm going to make it where we can get in and out a little bit easier. If they block the stairs, we can't get back to our UFO. So thank you for this. I appreciate it. I did see it. We did park in a handicapped parking spot, so we're sorry about that. We're right up front. Yeah.

I would go see it. We don't have legs, so we don't feel bad about it. That'd be fun to go to. Well, how close is the snake pit? I mean, could you fit it all in there?

Can we do it in one fell swoop? Doesn't seem like it. Seems like it's an island in Puerto Rico. It's in Newfoundland. That was Newfoundland. The least Puerto Rican place on earth is Newfoundland. It's their motto. Not one Puerto Rican has ever set foot or heard of this place. It's the least Puerto Rican place on earth.

Welcome. I mean, imagine you went there and you saw Puerto Rican in Newfoundland. His eyes are just wide. He goes, every day, I can't believe I'm just trying to find a way off this place. They clap their hands on a different beat. Yeah. So,

Saskatchewan. I always liked that name. Saskatchewan? Saskatchewan. Yeah. Now he likes Saskatchewan. I don't like it now that you said it. Yeah, now that you know the name of the thing that you like. Canadians say sorry so much that in 2009 an apology act was passed making apologies inadmissible in court.

You know about this? That is really sad. I never noticed how much we say it. And my buddy, comedian Pat Bircher, just moved to New York from Canada, from Toronto. And he's just like walking around the city, embarrassing me. He's like, oh, sorry. Like someone will punch him in the face. Like, sorry. Sorry. So, okay. So like, like someone will, I mean, it's insane. I'm like, buddy, you, no one's gonna take you seriously. You gotta like, you know, jockey a bit more here. Yeah.

Is, yeah, I mean, you know, the stereotypes that we've been throwing out, I don't understand. Everyone's kind of come true. Yeah, I know. It's like, we don't just say I'm sorry, and you're like, I mean, y'all are like passing laws. Yeah, yeah. Is that a national law, or is that just some funny, like, is that the UFO landing of laws in some weird town? I mean, I thought it was a national law.

It's on the money. It's on the money. Yeah, it's for Ontario. Right next to the Queen's face, it says, sorry. I mean, it makes it mean, apology means expression of sympathy or regret and not an admission of fault or liability. Yeah, in civil court. It's funny, the attitude to be, we want to be, we're not America, but then your most famous word is sorry. I know. Yeah.

It does. Your identity crisis would be very correct. Yeah. And a candidate has got to choose to be like, just be your own thing, dude. Do you. I know. We're getting there. Yeah. Yeah. But it's also, I think, one of the reasons what makes us funny. There's a lot of American comedy is dominated disproportionately by

like per capita disproportionately by Jewish people, black people and Canadians. And it's because it helps to be an outsider looking in and you completely understand the culture. So it's like easy to comment on something you're a little removed from, but you get every single word of that culture. So I think that that's one of the reasons. Yeah, it's a lot of very funny comedians come out of Canada.

The West Edmonton Mall was the largest mall in the world. Still the largest mall in North America. I've been there. Largest parking lot in the world still. 20,000 parking spaces. Really? Take that, Dubai. That's a good place for a UFO to land. Yeah. Except there are cars in that parking lot. Yeah. I've been to that mall. It's enormous. It's awesome. Yeah, I was on a... You were there? Yeah. Or you did... There's a comedy club there. Yeah, I forget which one it's called. No, it wasn't a club. We saw a hockey game.

Inside the mall. It was so funny. Malls here have ice skating rinks, but there's a legit game going on in the mall. It was awesome. Weird. There's a little known fact about that mall is they used to have, they got a giant pool there and they had submarines. You could go in the submarines. Oh, really? And for a period of time, they had more submarines than the Canadian Navy. Yeah.

It was like an embarrassing fact. Yeah. Something happens, y'all go to war and you have to call that mall. Hey, yeah, no, I need you to open up right now. We need these submarines. We need a bunch of trucks to ship these. We needed these submarines yesterday. You know what I mean? Yeah, I remember this big pirate ship. I mean, it's insane. I was on a roller coaster in that mall. Yeah, we went to, what is the comedy club there? Comic Strip or-

Not comics. Yuck Yucks. I was at the Yuck Yucks, but the one in the mall, I think, is Comic Strip. Comic Strip. Yeah. I went there. It's a good club, but it's very funny. They had a girl host. No, the girl did a guest spot, and it did not go well. She bombed really bad. And then when she said goodnight, the owner played Another One Bites the Dust. Oh, my God. He had it queued up. Dude, I was...

I was like, he's doing this on purpose. Like, it was. That's crazy. It was very, I talked to her. I went and talked to her afterwards and made fun of just, because it was like, we've all bombed. Good for you. It's like. Yeah. What is this, the Apollo? Like, this is the West Edmonton Mall, for God's sakes. I remember I was like up there. I was like maybe alone. Like, it was one of the, why did I go there? It was one of the last clubs I did.

And I forget. It's a great place. But it was... Yeah, and I just remember... And I mean, bless her heart. Like, she was...

You know, it was just heartbroken. It did not go well. We've all, you know, everybody's bombed. Yeah. So it's like, I get it. And then he just to play that was like, I mean, it was like, we did not just, we just kind of talked and made fun of that. So she did a guest, was it a guest set? Yeah. She did like right into the dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah. It was probably like a five minute guest set. She bombed so quickly. He had it ready, go queued up. Oh yeah. I mean, right out of the gate. Yeah. Yeah.

if she wants to get back at that guy, I would understand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. Uh, it's also a funny story. Those are the, those are the bad, like for her to have it happen. Yeah. She has somebody here's this, I'd be like, just tell everybody that. So I would tell everybody on earth that story. Like that's cause that's, you know, that's how you get past all that kind of stuff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He salvaged, he gave her a good joke out of it. Yeah. Uh,

uh canada has the longest highway in the world the trans canada highway covers almost 5 000 miles oh yeah there you go big parking lot you ever been on it big uh big highway yeah i mean i think everyone has in canada i think okay i think because it's like the uh the major it becomes major highways at certain parts i feel okay

It's not just, it's not like... Is it like Route 66 or something? I guess it's our Route 66. Yeah. Yeah. But Route 66 is... See how cool our name is and y'all's is the Trans-Canada Highway? We're very literal people. We're Route 66. Are y'all very literal people? Well, our national day is called Canada Day. Yeah.

yours is like independence day we're like canada day it's our day it's like y'all weren't but look y'all were like drawing on the desk and they go canada what day do you want your day to be and you're like uh canada day canada day yeah everybody's like independence to america independence day i've been thinking about it all night yeah y'all are just scrabbling what was the question again what is your main day want to be called uh

Canada Day. What's your Christmas? Boxing Day? We call it Christmas. We have the same Jesus, believe it or not. Why does he not look... Why does he not like y'all as much as us, though? That's a good question. That's the question we want to get to. Well, because he knows you need more love because we're closer to Santa. So we get our presents and he's like, you feel sad, so you got to talk to him. Does Santa not...

give it all his all up there because he's so close to y'all he knows that y'all know him that maybe santa just kind of phones it in you're like yo man just because you live down the street from us doesn't mean you can't you know you're wearing shorts right now yeah like santa doesn't he's like a he's like a comedy club club booker in a club you started out at in your hometown he's like i saw you when you're when you started you're like but i'm good now no you'll always be a six month comic to me

Canada Day was called Dominion Day until 1982. 1983 became Canada Day. That is an upgrade, I will say. We did make fun of Canada Day earlier, but I will say that is an upgrade from Dominion Day. Funny fact, TD Bank...

popular bank in america uh i believe uh boston plays in td bank place yeah uh it stands for toronto dominion which means the country of so like canada basically means toronto in canada bank yeah and boston plays in toronto in canada bank what were the original is it six original hockey teams

Yeah, but only two of them were in Canada. Really? Yeah, there was Toronto Maple Leafs, Montreal Canadiens, Boston Bruins, New York Rangers, Chicago Blackhawks, Detroit Red Wings, and I think that's it. Six? Yep. What do they call the first six? Original six. Original six. Yeah. And who's your team? Ottawa Senators, expansion team in 1992, worst first season in pro sports history.

We came out the same year Tampa Bay Lightning came out and they were like, we need to get fans. So we're going to be good early. And we were like, we're going to be good. We already have fans because we're hockey fans in Canada. So we're going to be bad build through the draft and we're going to win before you, even though we're bad and we have not won a single cup. They've won two. So pretty sweet.

Yeah. And they're Tampa Bay. And they're Tampa Bay. And they have like six fans that come in flip-flops to the arena. Yeah. And they drive through. We have to fight polar bears. Yeah. The games are packed. Yeah. Keep going. How far have y'all made it? We made it to the finals once in 2007 and got slaughtered by Anaheim, another team where there's like 30 people in flip-flops that have never heard of hockey that are watching the game.

Is it, would y'all like, would you root for like the Expos over anything? Would you generally just root for a Canada team no matter where you live in Canada? If the, so the, there's only one baseball team in Canada, the Blue Jays. Yeah. If the Blue Jays, if the Blue Jays play. I think the Expos are still playing. Yeah. What's up? Big baseball fan. Yeah.

I actually was an Expos fan because Montreal is closer to Ottawa. The great name, great hat. Yeah, awesome. Everything's great. Great logo. So awesome. And should have won the World Series. Best record in baseball in 1994, but they had a strike. Very sad. Killed the franchise. Anyway, so to answer your question, if Toronto, which is...

close to Buffalo, New York, if you're trying to figure out where it is geography-wise, plays in Seattle, which is right by Vancouver, West Coast. That's like a five-hour flight away.

All the fans are Blue Jays fans. Yeah. In Seattle. Yeah. Like, it's like the players complain. Yeah. Like, if a Seattle fan stands up and, like, tries to cheer, he'll get booed down. Because it's all Toronto fans, even though it's...

a different part of the continent. Yeah. Because all of Canada cheers for the Raptors and for the Blue Jays. Yeah. Even though they're like an hour and a half drive to Seattle. Yeah. Yeah. And probably easily went down to Seattle the most. Yeah. To go to the games the most. Yeah. I like that. I would be that way. Yeah. I mean, I hate the Toronto Maple Leafs. Yeah. Because I'm an Ottawa fan. But I love...

The Raptors. Like, I almost cried when they won. Like, it was... I thought I was going to cry, and I didn't. But I flew up to Toronto...

from New York to watch the last finals games. Yeah. Because I wanted to be there. And it was like, it was so incredible. Yeah, I liked it. I would be like that. I remember, I was a Braves fan growing up. I remember when the Blue Jays, Joe Carter hit that home run. No, that was off the Phillies, but they went back to back. The first year they beat the Braves. Yeah. And that was so, I remember that when I was a kid. Touch them all, Joe. You'll never hit a bigger one. Yeah. It was so, I get goosebumps. It was so awesome. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Boxing Day is the biggest shopping day of the year in Canada. That's our Black Monday. Black Friday. Cyber Monday. Cyber Monday. Now, we can't even be our own country. Black Friday is all in the

the media in America, like sitcoms. It's just in ubiquitous in popular culture. And that bleeds over to us. So now we have black Friday. It's like, but boxing day was our thing. It made sense. You stop. Everyone bought your Christmas presents. And then after Christmas, everything was cheap because you know, they're trying to sell the stuff. Yeah.

Then you get deals. But now we have both, and Boxing Day is barely a thing now. Yeah, you're welcome. Oh, is it? Yeah, because everyone's like, oh, well, I already bought everything on Black Friday. Yeah.

So why is boxing day after Christmas or it's the 26th? Yeah. So it's the day after Christmas and it was the biggest day for sales because you, it's like this doors, Black Friday, those before Christmas. That's right. It's to start. It's like day after day after. Yeah. It's to start the shopping season to kick it off, I guess was the plan. Right. But so now it's like, now we have that cause we can't be, is that funny that your Black Friday was after Christmas? Yeah.

It should be before because that's when everybody needs to buy the gifts for cheap. But doesn't it make sense if you're a business to try and make the most money because people have to go Christmas shopping and then after you put the sale, after Christmas. Yeah, but they do the sales to get you out. So Black Friday, the idea of it is a mad rush to go buy gifts. And then, wait, so what is 26 the most day where people go to the mall after Christmas? Is it?

I think it's Black Friday. I always thought it was the day after Christmas or something. I think people don't leave their house on the 26th. I thought it was the day after Christmas because that was the day people had to go return stuff.

So, maybe it's, you know. But yeah, Boxing Day is like, I don't know. I don't like Boxing Day. I just like that y'all, it's like you just know that about Canada. It's like fun. But it's like a British thing. It's like a holdover from the British. Boxing Day is big over there. I don't know if I'm getting that into it. I'm just saying. Yeah.

I like texting you happy boxing day. Yeah, you do that every year. I do love that. I love that, yeah. He's told two stories on the podcast about you. One, that you text him every year about your day, and the other one was about looking out on the pier or something. Oh, yeah. Which was that? When we went to Seattle, and I talked about having a kid, and you always think if they fall in the water, how nervous, and anytime I'm around water, I'm afraid –

something to happen and then you said at least you have it's nice to have something you love that much in your life which was which is you know i try to say it on stage i remember that those are the biggest days for stores in the u.s all right so 26 is the third day so i was up there and i i would imagine black friday is pretty newly up there yeah i don't think it was always up there i don't remember black friday being a the biggest thing it's definitely gotten bigger uh

And so, 21st. Number three, Boxing Day. Yeah, so that's what I, but I think that was here too. Yeah. Yeah. The CN Tower, Canadian National Tower in Toronto, was the world's largest, world's tallest freestanding structure until 2007. Yep. In Dubai, right? Yep. Yeah, that's the building that Drake had his album cover on. Oh, the V from the Six? Yeah. That one? Yeah. What's it called? CN Tower. CN Tower.

Did y'all have a World's Fair there? Yeah. Is that where you got it? The reason why they stopped... I was listening to that. The reason why they stopped having World's Fairs is because, like, the internet. You started having... World's Fairs were so popular back in the day. It's because people were like... They didn't... They were like, we wear wood shoes. And everybody was like, whoa. You know? That's why they went to Knoxville finally because it was one of the last cities without it. Yeah. Without the internet. But they...

They're having the World's Fair in Dubai, but I don't think you need to have the World's Fair. No, I think you should use the World's Fair. I think it's very fun. I think I love when people come together. I love that. I love the Olympics for that reason. Maybe it's like a science Olympics for that reason or like a culture Olympics. A science Olympics. Culture Olympics, maybe. That's what you think people are going to come together for? Yeah.

Well, what is the World's Fair then? I think it's like a culture Olympics, right? It's like an expo. But you show what your country's producing, right? Oh, we make this here, which is our, you know, look at this telescope we made. You advertise it as this science fair. Bunch of cool people are going to show up. A lot of people are going to hook up. Who's coming to that? Hey, why was it called the Montreal Expos? Because they had the World's Fair, the Expo 1967. Seriously? Yeah.

Y'all were way into it. They loved it. My mom would talk about it. She went to the expo. When was it? 1967. It was Canada's centennial. We turned 100. Oh, wow. That's nice. They threw y'all a little party. Y'all got it on the 100th year. And they put it in a province that wanted to separate from Canada. So it's pretty sweet. This is the thing. Yeah.

Canada was first visited by Europeans in the year 1000. Viking explorer Leif Erikson. In Newfoundland. Is that right? Yeah. The first Europeans to come to North America was Vikings in Newfoundland. Yeah. It's not that far. Yeah, it's not that far. It's right near Greenland or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And they were already there going, what are you away for? Yeah. They're coming from away. They're coming from away. Where are you going to? And he's like, he's like, he starts fighting them. They're like, whoa. And one out of five were slaughtered. Yeah.

And they go, we'll fight you. They fought him for no reason. Do you think he was like Captain's Log, 12 p.m.? Well, it's actually 12.30. Yeah, 12.30. What are you talking about? You're a little early. No, no, it's noon. You said noon. It's 11.30. Your watch is not working. Canada has universal health care. Yep. It's biggie. Longest coastline in the world. Really? Oh, yeah, because the top.

That makes sense. I just feel like y'all, I always just pictured y'all just kind of kept going forever. I don't really think about the top that much. It's just like one of those old timey maps with like a dragon in the water and stuff. Yeah, you never see the top. It just gets dark. I'm not saying you never see the top of Canada. It just goes down. It always like hits the end of the map. This whole episode, I hadn't zoomed out enough to see the top. I forgot. Yeah, it goes pretty high. Well, they have, there's like some islands up there that's disputed with Russia and they have like this one island

island that if you look at a Russian map, they call that Canada. And if you look at Canadian map, they call it, it's the Canada map or it's part of Canada. And they basically, it's friendly now, but it might not be later, but like Russian troops will come and

And then Canadian troops will come. And what Canadians started to leave, we make rye whiskey in Canada. So we started to leave rye for the Russians. And then when they come a month later, they pick it up and drink it and they leave vodka for us. Yeah. So it's like a nice little...

That's cool. But I'm sure it'll end up with a huge war. Well, someone's going to go, you know what? What if we, I'm going to leave them wine this time. Yeah. And then that just sets it off. The French are here. Yeah. That just sets it off. I think it would be nice. Do you think they won't really want rye whiskey every time? Let's give them a nice Cabernet. And then that just starts the war. He sees it as an insult. Yeah. We don't like that.

So how far up do people... What's the farthest someone lives? I have no idea. So Alert, the town's called Alert. Nunavut, this is the territory. Yeah. It's the most northern inhabited places in the world. Wow. What's it called? The town's called Alert. What's the town's called?

Yeah, alert, like heads up. Yeah. There ain't, you know, we might keep going. No, no, no. This town's called alert. Yeah. Because you is. You go one second after. After this, you're alone. Your legs will fall off. You're alone. Yeah. It's mostly scientists. I think you mentioned that earlier. A lot of scientists go up there to do research. It has polar knights. Pretty convenient of the scientists. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a conspiracy. They go up there. Yeah, they're up there going, no, no, we're doing science stuff. Oh, yeah? You're up at the thing alone where no one can go? Okay. Yeah. They're just having a party? You're just sending stuff back. Cockroaches are 50 million years old. And you go, wow. This came from alert? Yeah. Don't come up. Y'all been up there doing this stuff, right? And they go, yeah, yeah. Now we're up there. We're having a good time. Yeah. We need to do some research on marijuana. Send that up. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And we need that. The Russians are asking for more whiskey. Yeah. Alert. Yeah. Alert. Alert us when you get it. He just covers it. I said alert. I said alert. I did the alerted joke. He goes, what's that? No, no. Party going on. We're doing real science stuff. Yeah. Real science stuff. There's these losers in the back. Huh?

Put the beer down. You see those two ladies? You don't think I got it? All right, what's that? No, we're doing Canada stuff. I don't know if we should keep... I don't know if they're doing work. He said real science stuff. That's... Yeah. We're doing the most... No, we're doing the most science stuff. It's to get... It just goes out on them. It's like a red flag. Yeah, it's north of the Arctic Circle. So they have polar nights, which is 24 hour... People live up there? Yeah. Wow. 62 people as of 2016. Wow.

My uncle Doug's up there. As of the 2016 census. So you had to send one guy up there to knock. Please, please no. I'm here to do a census on the alert area. That's pretty brutal, buddy. Yeah, well, I'm here. I'm accounted for. Okay, thank you. Thank you. One. They couldn't just call. There's a rager behind him. The guy's here.

62 people. It used to be 62. We have families now. Can I come inside for a second? It is cold out. Right now it's 11 degrees up there. Look at that picture.

Yeah. Look at the... I mean, what... Is that 11 degrees? Look at that cityscape. Yeah. Is that Celsius or Fahrenheit? It said Fahrenheit. Fahrenheit. That's bad, right? So, yeah. So, what's the hottest it could get up there? High. You just can't get probably that hot. No. Never really above freezing. Hopefully not too hot. I've been to Greenland. Really? It was dark for 24 hours and we left. What's in Greenland? I said, can someone turn the light on? They said...

Like this is coming on for two weeks in LF. Yeah. No, they, we, it was a cut the light on. I go cut the light on. Hey, someone cut this light on. And then they're, they have polar bears at night. They do tell you, I think it's like, you got to somewhat be aware of like that.

and it was dark for the whole time and we were doing the troops some troops were up there the troops that are actually that's like the system that tells you if you're we're gonna get hit by a nuclear weapon like oh norad most you know norad so they're the most important was very funny because at first i was like as a joke i was telling them like what are these losers up here doing you're like uh the most important stuff yeah all right sorry about that everybody uh it's like they're real you know they're protecting everybody like uh

And so we were up there and we took a flight from DC to there and the flights, the way the flights work to that, to that place, it was basically like you land, then there's a flight within, I mean, I don't know if I was there 12 hours.

And you got to be on that flight back out. And if you don't, you're there for two weeks. Wow. So it's like if you miss the flight, you live there for two weeks. I used to. So I worked after college. I got a job in Budapest, Hungary. And I'd work for the Canadian. The Canadian government paid me to work for a private American shipping company that shipped things from the U.S. into Iraqi American army bases in the height of the Iraq war.

And we had guys that lived in the green zone in Baghdad. And that is like a little, it's basically, it's like downtown surrounded by water and one wall where it's safe. And the other safe area was Baghdad International Airport. And there was a highway, the most dangerous highway in the world at that point in time.

And if you want to go home for R&R from the green zone, you have to go to the Baghdad National Airport and then fly out. And you've been to that airport. No, I didn't go there. I flew in with the military. Okay. No, this is the military. It wasn't the military. Oh, yeah, yeah. You were there. And it's Camp Victory is what they called it. Oh, yeah, I've been there. Yeah.

And, and then, uh, anyway, so if you, there was something called a Rhino bus and it was a bus that I guess just was heavily armored like a Rhino and you would have four helicopters on either side and it would just transport people because there's all these like insurgents, bombs, whatever.

and then anyway they uh if you miss that bus you'd have to keep it they give you where you're gonna leave in the next three days you have to keep a bag by your door and they would knock on your door right oh boss you'd be like ah and i get up in the middle of the street and i grab your bag and if you miss that you'd stay you just miss it you just miss your r&r and just stay yeah for like four more months oh my god yeah yeah

so it's pressure all that military stuff going and then you're on there i'm gonna go see my nana and they're like we're spending millions of dollars these helicopters all this stuff yeah i got a beat bop is feeling sick so we're gonna go say and see how he's doing my beat bop is going we the robot that lives in my house is very sick uh

Yeah, you know who was there then too was my buddy Kenny Clayton. He did some contractor work. Yeah. Because I almost did it. It was 2000, maybe it was –

I don't remember. It was five to seven, something like that. I don't remember when he went. But it was like you could go and you could go there. You go there for a year and then you make like $120,000 not taxed. Like you just get $120,000. And so I was like, all right, if I go... That was 2006, 2007. I was like, if I go over there... Because he did it, but it was...

if you if i was like if i go there for a year you've already doing comedy i was already doing comedy but you're gonna quit comedy four years yeah if i quit for one year yeah go make 125 000 and then come back i don't have to have a job and then i like i just live off that 120 an open mic at uh camp victory yeah yeah just go do and so i was like really really thinking about it yeah and he went and did it and then he came back pretty quick it was like

Cause they were in the green zone. And then it was like, I think it was chaos. No, it's chaos, dude. It was stuff every day. Got people will come home with like crazy, you know, like, did you see everything? Anything ever? I never went down there. Uh, I got fired for getting drunk and calling my boss war profiteer. And I agree. I mean, I, I, I was, I was right. They hired me and I didn't know I was gonna be doing that. But, uh,

But anyway. So you didn't say sorry a lot. No. You went a different direction. Yeah. I'm sorry I have to tell you this. You're a war profiteer. Yeah. But yeah, that was a very interesting job. Guys will come back with like, you know, like one guy on a rhino bus said that one of the helicopters got shot down. Yeah.

And, like, they were getting shot at. And, like, it's like out of a movie, like, trying to get behind the gates of Camp Victory, Baghdad International Airport. It was just a giant wall surrounding the airport. And they had, like, old, like, palaces in it and stuff. Yeah, it's crazy. It's, like, I mean, you read books on that, like, time. Like, it's wild. I mean, it's wild. Like, it was just...

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. All right. All right. Here's one from a Canadian folk that sent this in. Hawaiian pizza was invented by a guy from Ontario. Wow. Oh, really? Yeah. Hey. Why did he name it Ontario pizza? Because there's pineapple on it.

Better marketing. I don't think it would have picked up if it was Ontario pizza. What would be on an Ontario pizza? Poutine? Poutine is Quebec. If it was Ontario pizza, it would be maple syrup. It could be car parts for GM factory.

Laura loves Hawaiian pizza. Yeah. All right. A couple more here. Ogopogo is Canadian's version of the Loch Ness Monster. I know that. Yeah. In BC. Yep. Lake Okanagan. Yeah. Okanagan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just in there. Yeah. It's a very deep lake. The funny thing about that one is- I don't think that's real. No. Well, that's true. It's the same, almost the same-

dimensions of lake as Loch Ness and it's on the same latitude. Pretty neat, huh? It's very deep and narrow and it's on the same latitude. Is that the picture of it?

Like that's the only picture of it? This is a picture that somebody claims is it. Oh, recently. That looks like waves from a water ski boat. You don't see that part. Like right before it's just a jet ski going. So like, do they have a hypothesis that that somehow creates some monster like that on that latitude? Well, maybe I'm just going off the top of my head. Maybe the idea is that the...

Ice age melted at that time at the same time because it's the same latitude and a dinosaur was able to survive there and make babies. That's pretty cool. I'm just guessing.

I like your theory, though. That's pretty good. All right. I'll do one more here. There's an area in the Hudson Bay region that has less gravity than the rest of the world. Weird. Wow. Largest bay in the world, Hudson Bay. Yeah. Second largest bay in the world, James Bay, which is a part of the Hudson Bay.

That's convenient. Yeah. I thought the gravity thing would get you guys, but that's awesome. What's the gravity thing? So they think it's because there were so many layers of ice through the ice age that, I mean, gravity comes from mass of the earth and there's so many layers of ice that they feel like it somehow messed up the gravity and you weigh a tenth of an ounce less than you would anywhere else in the world. Yeah.

Looking good, Susie. I know. I'll take one size down. I'm going to Hudson Bay. Oh, there's Bigfoot sighting there. Oh, no, it's not a Bigfoot. What does it say? Where? Oh, I'm sorry. I got it ahead of myself. Oh, apparent sightings. And no, it isn't because of apparent sightings of Bigfoot.

Oh, like there's a lot of Bigfoot in Canada. Yeah. Yeah, Bigfoot's a big deal up there. Well, each, you know, one out of five families has a Bigfoot in our family tree. Yeah. Yeah. But that's like Vancouver side, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's where they're at. Yeah. You call them Newfies, they get real angry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's it. Yep. Canada. We did it. Hey, thanks for having me. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about, dude. It took a Canadian to finally reciprocate. People don't do that? No, I've been rejected several times. Is that like an inside joke I messed up? People just ignore you when you put your hand out? No, the losers pound them. The winners don't. Wow. That's a nice thing to do. Really? People do that? I think it's like Aaron can't believe he made it through another podcast every time. He goes, can't believe we're still here, bro. Yeah.

Graham K everybody. Uh, he's, uh, what's your stuff? Graham K.com or. Yeah. Graham K.com. Um, I got a new special on YouTube. YouTube. Graham K. Stupid jokes. It was only available in Canada. It was put up by just for laughs comedy festival. And then, uh,

It's available to the rest of the world. On YouTube. On YouTube. Oh, great. And I have two podcasts. One is about autism awareness called Autastic. I have a brother who has autism. And then I got another podcast Nate just did. It's called The Edgelords. Yes.

That's it. That's it. Do you have anything? No. No. No. No. Open. Wide open. I mean, I'm in Zany's tonight, but that probably didn't help. We're both sick. Oh. No. I will be in Houston at, go to the Riot Houston and you can buy tickets. I'll be there. This weekend. Next, this weekend. Yes. This weekend. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. All right. Go check that out, the Riot. Yeah.

Thank you guys. We love you. See you next week. Thanks so much for having me. Oh yeah. Thanks Graham. I'll go. I'll go now. Beat it.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.