#40 Middle Ages
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Hello folks, welcome to Nate Land. Once again, we love having you. Yeah, we're going to start off as usual. As you use usual. Is that right? How do you say it? As usual. Usual. I'm saying it wrong.

Usual. Am I saying it right now? Now I've thought about it too much. Usual? Usual. Like we always do. Like we always do. Just avoid it. All right. Hello, folks, like we always do. I don't understand. Folks, hello. Goodbye. Hello.

Goodbye. What does she say in Seinfeld? She says it in Bizarro World. Oh, up is down. Up is down. It is bad. Goodbye. Oh, it was bad bye. Bad bye. Yeah. Wouldn't it be bad bye? Yeah.

All right, first up, Joshua Lott. I just want to tell you guys how grateful my friends and I are for this show. We've all been friends since sixth grade and are still in a group chat and generally have the same sense of humor. You three hit all of our interests as far as talking about anything and everything. Thanks for being a breath of fresh air. Your podcast has helped me through some dark times. My friend Daniel Begno listens to you guys on his way to chemo treatment every few weeks.

and it brings a little added happiness to his day. Please give him a shout out so we can hear his name on here. Daniel Begno. Daniel, we could be saying it wrong. I think it's Begno. Begno? Yeah. We hope it's Begno. Might be Be-no.

Because it's B-E-G-N-O. So what if it's just B-N-O? I think I spelled it like that. Now he's in a downer on the way to camp. He's like, I just turned it off. Daniel just can't. Because it's done. I've never liked this podcast. And Josh was like, dude, you know, I thought. And now one of them are out of the group chat. Yeah.

I love that they've been friends since sixth grade and they talk that much. That's my favorite thing for people to not, they just, you talk to the people you meet young and you keep it rolling. Yeah. I love it. Zach Wright, dear Nate, Aaron and Brumbledore. I was not, I was not expecting to love your podcast, but I do.

It's hard to describe to friends and it doesn't make sense. One guy reads Wikipedia while the other guys jump in with jokes and inaccurate facts. The third guy sits back and occasionally chimes in. I don't think that's true. Also, the guy with jokes reads comments at the beginning, but he doesn't read good. On paper, that description doesn't work, but somehow in practice it does. I learned absolutely nothing from this podcast. In fact, I think I've gotten dumber.

but it's just what i need keep up the good works guys uh yeah i that is a very funny i was not expecting to love your podcast but i do it'd be a very funny way to if you're going to first date you know and you tell a girl your pictures look horrible but i'll be honest with you not that bad uh when i see you in person you look all right yeah i like all that i'm fine with all that yeah he's right on with all he's right on none of this makes sense

Every time we post a clip on Twitter, I'm just afraid they're going to put a disclaimer saying none of this stuff. None of this is fact check. It's fact. It makes sense. We get banned. We read it on Wikipedia where everybody gets to put their voice in. Le men cela. Le men. Le men cela.

He'd turn around. Easily. Maybe she would. Please do a live Q&A. Maybe substitute for the comment reading. And if it's not too much trouble, notify me so I don't miss it. Thanks.

Let me and we will be sure to get on it. We'll text him. You'll be the first one to know. Give a heads up. A live Q&A. That would not be bad. That'd be fun. Yeah, we do just take real questions. I'm just describing what live Q&A means in case someone's at home going, what does that mean? So take questions live. And answers. And answers. That's the A part. Oh.

I thought it was questions and ask. Kevin G doesn't want to give too much up. The dynamics of the trio feels like an order for Nate to hang out with his buddy Aaron. His parents made him bring his little brother bottomless mimosa baits.

who every now and then makes his way into the conversation. Can't get enough of this educational podcast. We are on the educational podcast. Yeah. That's hilarious. Some people, one person thought Brian was Nate's dad, and Kevin G says Bates is like your little brother. How does that make you feel? It's a Benjamin Button situation. Yeah.

So we're about to make that pass. We're about to make the pass where it's going to start making sense. Right. It's real close. I was talking to Nate last night. We were talking about the podcast. And he's like, you know, like, I'm the guy that people say doesn't know how to read. And you're the old guy. And Aaron's the fat guy. And I was like, wait a second. You're the one saying that about us.

I don't say that. That's what people are picking up from the podcast. Picking up, yes. I'm not saying it. You think I'm saying that you're the... I don't know. I mean, you're the old guy. That's factual. That's the only factual thing we have on this podcast. I don't know how to read.

I think we know where the rest goes. It kind of sounded like Michael Scott when he went to that seminar where he, the other branches, how he remembers people's names. Yeah. Noel. James Miller.

Is Brian the only one of you three that does any show prep? Nate strolls in there and can hardly remember to open his own show with hello folks. And every time Nate states what episode he is recording, he is wrong. Aaron, on the other hand, reminds me of a friend of mine in high school who was always high and would just start laughing at something and then not tell anyone what was so funny. The only show prep that Aaron does is trying to figure out what hat to wear.

They always say you're only as good as the people you surround yourself with. And this is a shining example of that because if Brian ever takes a week off, then Nate and Aaron are in big trouble. Boom. Thank you, James. That's true. It's your favorite comment you've ever gotten. It is. Yeah. Yeah. I don't do – the point of this is I don't want to do show prep for this.

What I bring to the table is the multiple Netflix specials and stuff like that. So I thought that was understood of just, you know. But I guess that's not enough. I still got to bring a little bit more to that. Why are you here, James? You here because of Brian? You saw him at Zany's? I wish. I mean, James Miller is... I bet James Miller's got to be older than you.

I love him. In my head, that's what I picture. It feels like a defending. Why are y'all messing with that young guy right there? No. James is right. Brian does do all the work. All the setup of all the information. And Aaron does not much. The hat. He does bring a hat. That's fun. Now a hat of a different podcast.

I didn't even think about that. What is it? Yeah, you didn't think? Water Champ, Segura's podcast. It's his favorite podcast. James Frederick. Has Bill Gates been listening to this podcast? He wants to dim the sun. Great work, folks. Yeah. That's what he wants to do. Yeah, he's on board with it. Yeah, if you're a billionaire and you...

can afford and do whatever you want. Yeah. Your ideas are going to get pretty wild. Right. That you just go, what if we dim the sun? It's because it's a guy that's, you know, why don't we have a grocery store in my house? And they're like, Oh, we'll get one. Like, I mean, he could say that. Yeah. I don't go to the grocery store. Can we do one in the house? And they're like, yeah, of course. That's, you know, if Bill Gates is listening to this, the world is in trouble. That's all I have to say. What if he needs a break from being Bill Gates? From curing polio and stuff.

Yeah. Just need an escape. I mean, it's a lot, you know, it is probably a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Just, yeah. Does he ever get any just moment to, you know, I mean the world problems or, I mean, you know, you're, you have that much money, you know? All right. I don't know, but he's probably not, uh, Kate C A T E. Kata could be Kata. I listened to a standup album where the comedian got annoyed at the audience for laughing during the setup of the joke.

Do any of you get annoyed when the audience laughs at the wrong part? I don't get annoyed when they laugh at their own part. I always think that's pretty good that I got a laugh off of this part I wasn't expecting to get a laugh off. So I'm excited about sometimes. The one thing I can tell is if I feel like they're not really following and they're only laughing at kind of the big parts but not the little jokes that are sprinkled in. I don't get annoyed, but I can just tell that show's going to be...

They're going to laugh quicker. They're not laughing at everything. Cycle B is drawn... Like, you know, laughs are...

We always talk about a quick laugh. An audience can have a quick laugh where they go, and then they all stop kind of very fast. And that same material, if you have a good rolling where people are laughing super hard, that material, it could be an hour and a half. And then if they're quick laughers, you could do that same amount of material in 45 minutes. Pretty crazy. That's wild. And so sometimes you just know that, all right, this is going to be a pretty... We always say it's kind of a tight crowd situation.

is uh loaded a lot of comics say and uh so we just know like hey this crowd's kind of tight and you're gonna have to either be real comfortable with silence more than usual usual uh are you will are you know you got to just kind of pound them and just like stay on top of them and the shows that you try to make it be an hour instead of whatever it was uh matt curry nate your story about the open mic or with the ponytail reminds me of a buddy of mine also an open mic or

He had a super long goatee for a while and had a couple jokes about it. I'm pretty sure in one of them, he'd put it on his arm and say, look, Robin, look, Robin Williams arm. I said that wrong. He put it on his arm, the goatee on his arm and say, look, Robin Williams, his arm at a certain point, he shaved it. But for at least a few months after that, he carried around in a Ziploc bag to Mike's and pull it out to do the jokes. Dude.

Yeah, that's, I mean, you're in the wrong business. That sounds like somebody you'd see in an open mic. Yeah. It's always good to be reminded there are crazy people everywhere. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You got to go to, you know. That's insane behavior. You're just sitting there and you're like, I'm just doing five minutes. Oh, we need you to do 10. It's like, all right, I guess I got to pull it out. And he pulls out his goatee. He's on the way out the door. He's like, got my wallet, keys. Where's my hair? Where's my hair? My goatee hair. My goatee hair. My beard.

Uh, yeah, that seems crazy. Uh, but yeah, that's why open mics are great. That's why some people should go to open mics. You're going to see some guy. I'm not, maybe this person turned out to be great. A lot of comics start off doing weird stuff and they become great. But, uh,

People should go to open mics because you, and you got to go out with the attitude of like, look, it's not a regular show. So you're not going to see Chris rock and don't expect a lot, but expect the insanity. And that's what's if you, if you like seeing a train wreck,

An open mic's about the best place for you to go. It's better than music. It's better than anything because it's just, you know, music is like, I mean, maybe someone can be bad, but they play a song you like. You can sing along with it. I mean, it's just, dude, it's great. It really is. You're going to see some crazies. You're going to see, yeah, some pretty wild stuff. But all the people you like started there, so you never know who you're going to see. You're going to see some really good people, and that's even...

I think it would help us as comedians if people went to open mics and they could see, oh, here's the difference of when somebody gets really good versus how bad somebody is. You're going to notice it in that show. You're going to see someone, you're like, I kind of remember that guy. That guy was pretty good, you know, or whatever. And then you're like, those other people were, it was terrible. Yeah. Yeah. And if you're a normal person that comes to an open mic just to watch, like, comics will be so appreciative. Yeah.

of you it's like oh man we got a real there are real people just real people yeah we can treat it like a real show it's not just inmates running the asylum yeah and you're gonna sit yeah just go and you know don't be a problem don't yell anything

But just go if you want to see how long you can stay. How long can you make it? Because if there's a real crowd, then everybody wants to go up. This is the time of year when the fantasy football losers show up to do a box. Oh, yeah. A lot of that. It's like the bachelor party. Less than that now, just because of COVID and everything. Yeah, that's true. But they bring their buddies with them.

yeah so it's actually people like it and as long as those yeah if that if you are doing that if you're hearing this and that is one of your things is the loser has to go do an open mic the other guys look you can go cheer on your buddy but like try to go at least be realist like you know don't just ruin the show by thinking it's just you there's actually guys that are there that are trying it and your buddy's gonna really try it so let you know

Just be like, yeah, man, you got to go give it your best. And that person that's, you know, the one that lost that, go give it your best because maybe it's your thing. Maybe you love it. I wonder how many actually come back. I've never seen another one. None that I've seen. Yeah. Yeah.

Including their friends. Yeah. Well, they usually leave as soon as that person's done. That's why I put them up at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of times they go up last. I ran a show right across from Vanderbilt at the, uh, that beach bar and there'd always be Vanderbilt kids. I would walk over, you put them up last. So I didn't have to stay. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, we're on to you. That's what comedians, we know. When a regular person comes in, that's, at an open mic, we don't have any money. We have nothing. That's all we got is a live audience member that's not a comedian. So we, I mean, it is like a,

rush to try to be like, let me on. Yeah. And then you got to try to like, other guys got to get on that are really funny. And like, you guys try to, you know, then you get to see, I mean, it's a regular crowd. You walk into an open mic, you can change the whole show.

Because once you sit down and you're normal, then the comics that have been doing it for a while are going to go up and it's going to be like, oh, let's go. The order changes. Everybody gets a little more proper. I'm going to try tonight. You got to really do it, which is good, which really helps the comedians.

Adam, ordering a glass of milk at a restaurant on a first date, power move or just off-putting? Love the podcast, boys. Ordering a glass of milk at a restaurant on a first date, it's off-putting. I don't understand. He's asking, is that a cool move on a first date, or is that going to just turn the girl off? I have a power move because my bones are strong. Well, is it a cool move to impress? You let her know. I got strong bones.

No, it's got to be off-putting. It would be off-putting if you did it with your best friend. Yeah. I'm off-put by hearing that you're thinking about doing this. You know who orders milk at a restaurant? My eight-year-old daughter. And you think she wants milk at that table? No, she wants a Sprite. And she only gets to get milk because Laura makes her get milk.

I mean, if she's with me, I always end up getting her... She gets chocolate milk or something. I always... I fold under pressure. But I mean, on a date, ordering milk... I mean, look, if you were...

maybe it sticks out in their head. If you're like, wait, you better have something behind this. You better be able to go on a rant. If you're relying on that to like shit things up, you got a problem. I mean, I mean, it is a power move, but it's probably not going to be a second thing. I don't know if it's a power move. It's not a power move. I mean, that would be, you know, pulling your goatee out of a bag would be a power move. And that might be the same guy. That's what he's going to go do.

it'd be better just to talk about i thought about what if i ordered milk yeah that was that would be bad be funny just going i thought about ordering milk yeah and then i get a milk no i'm just kidding i'll get a something like that she's gonna tell that story to her friends for years yeah yeah uh build if you don't like her maybe order milk if you want out that would be actually that is a good now you're trying to tank the date yeah you're like this is not gonna work

Can I get a couple milks? One backup? You want one for her? Yeah. You want? I mean, yeah. We're taking milk, please. Bill Dempsey. Billy Dempsey. Hello, folks. I was thinking about your Krispy Kreme challenge and couldn't remember if you had heard of the Krispy Kreme challenge in Raleigh, North Carolina. Runners run two and a half miles to a Krispy Kreme. They're given a dozen donuts to eat and then must run another two and a half miles all in one hour.

The only thing I've heard about a buddy of mine that I've golfed with, Jeff Carpenter, has done this. He's a real in-shape dude. And that's who does stuff like that. I mean, I'm going to walk to those Krispy Kremes and I'm going to eat a dozen. And then I'll probably eat them as I walk to the next one.

But that, I mean, that's a lot. Yeah. It makes it, yeah, it's fun, I guess. It makes it something different. You know, those good people eat it and they feel like they run it off. Mm-hmm. Have y'all heard of it? I have. I've heard of one, like, I had a friend that did one where- You got tricked into it with, they go, you maybe want some Krispy Kremes? You're like, yeah, dude, I would love some. Oh, there's one about two and a half miles away. All right. Oh, I'll drive? Yeah. No, we're not driving. No, no, no, it's all blocked off. Yeah.

Now, I saw it ESPN 30 for, not a 30 for 30, but. Yeah. Is that serious? What if I told you you could have a dozen donuts here if you just walk this way? A little segment about it on the SportsCenter. Yeah. What were you saying? I had a buddy that did something similar where you drink like a certain amount of beers. Yeah. And then you have to run a mile. Yeah. But you're kind of buzzed. Yeah. All right. All right.

That would be something crazy. You get drunk. It's probably fun. You add some heavy machinery into it. You drink a couple beers, NyQuil, then drive a bulldozer. Okay, I'll try it.

Meredith Caldwell, when I was in college, I would use a different email every month to get the month free for new users on CBS All Access. Well, apparently I forgot to cancel one of the free trials before they charged me and couldn't figure out the email and password combination.

So not only could I not cancel, I couldn't watch this stuff I was paying for either. It ended up charging $6.48 to my card every month for seven years because I kept forgetting and I didn't feel like calling them to explain why it happened. Seven years and $550 later, I canceled that card because it was stolen and they finally stopped charging me. Too bad that's all it took or I could have done that seven years ago.

Wow, that's crazy. I mean, not to... How much money? I would love to know how much money they make on stuff like that. Yeah. Like, how much is their business is just built on just... You're not going to call... I dare you to call and cancel. They offer it to go, no, it's free. Cancel whenever you want. I mean, Planet Fitness is doing that where they're... Cancel whenever you want. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. And you go, all right, I'll show you. And they go, show me. Show me. And then they watch you walk to their van...

They drive off and they go, we'll never see that guy again. But we got his money. Sucker. Yeah. It's a loser. We got his money. All right. So this week, we've pre-recorded this. So if you're watching this, Laura left me.

No, she's still here. But so we wanted to record one, one that we've been asked about a lot. We talked about it a long time ago. People brought it up and and I'm interested in it is the Middle Ages.

Something that I, I mean, I don't know if I know anything about him. It's funny that it says middle ages because it's, I mean, it seems like there's an end, right? Like there would be an end time. I'm middle aged, right? 40, middle age, 41. You're, he's not middle aged.

Close. 30s? 30 middle-aged? Yeah. Close. Depends on what your life expectancy is. Yeah. So you're, I mean, back half with the gout thing. I'm over the hill, man. No, you're not middle-aged. Your foot is...

So you're saying we can call them the Middle Ages for now, but thousands of years ago, it won't make any sense to call them that. In the future, thousands of years in the future, I mean. Yeah, because it's, I mean, yeah, because there's other ages. Do they say ages? Yeah, it really doesn't make sense to call it that now. Yeah, it doesn't fit in the time now. It doesn't fit into it, you know. Are you Middle Ages? No.

I mean, I thought about this the other day. I'll be 50 later this year. Average life expectancy is around mid to late 70s. Well, I'm almost two-thirds of the way done. Oh, you can't start doing that. Yeah. You can't start doing the math. No, it's fine. Let them do it. Someone's got to do it, you know? Everybody was doing it in their head to begin with, so it's like, why not, you know? I mean, to be truly middle-aged means I'd have to live to be 98. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Not without... Not crazy. No. It's not crazy with the technology we're having. Do you want to live that long? 98? If I'm healthy? Yeah. Who doesn't... Who goes, that's enough? I know people do that as jokes. Your grandmother, right? Yeah, I know. You get to a certain point where everybody in your life has died. You're just like, all right, I'm about ready. Yeah. You know? I think...

I know comics do it as jokes or you go, you can say that, but I just can't imagine unless you've lived a horrific life and it's, I just, and you're, maybe you're, if you're in tremendous pain or you're going through something like that, but that's the only reason. And I mean, that person, I think that they, they feel bad. Otherwise I think, and no one really has a, you know, you're not going to hit a number and go, that's good.

Yeah, I think. You'd want to be 100. I agree with you. Yeah. That's how I'd feel. Yeah. I want to be 100. Larry King, a lot of old people were like, I'm ready to go. He wasn't. He was like, I do not want to die. Yeah, he was still working. Yeah, he said that on podcasts. Yeah. And he was like, no, I don't want to go. Wow. He was very honest about it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think you don't want to go. I think you think in general you do, but then, you know, what are you going to do?

You know, what are you going to do, Aaron? If you die? I don't know. Schedule might fill up. It's going to be hot down there. That's what someone would say that knows they're going to hell. They're like, I just can't take these cold winters anymore. I'm just ready to get, just ready to get to it. There you go. Get warmed up. I need to get warmed up a little bit. So middle ages, uh,

I don't think I could guess the time. Yeah. I don't think I could have either before. 1300. Yeah. That's it. Well, that's in there. It's a very broad range. Big span, right? The 500 to 1500. Yeah. We will be middle. Did you look that up?

I think maybe a while ago. Like Tuesday? Maybe. Yeah. I mean, that's basically around 500 to 1,500. Which is a huge range. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Because think about it. If you back it up 500 years, 1,000 to the year 2000, you'd be furious if everyone just lumped you in. I know. That one. Well, I think we will probably be middle ages. Yeah. What are they going to call us? What are we?

I think we're at the technology age or something like that. There's all kinds of different ages. So it comes in between... The Middle Ages came in between the fall of the Roman Empire and the Renaissance. Yeah. And the Middle Ages is also called the medieval period. Same thing, very medieval. Or the Dark Ages. It's often called the Dark Ages. Yeah, because it's dark a lot. Yeah, it got dark very early. No, because...

The Romans, after the Roman Empire fell, they were very cultural and they kept great records and they were on top of stuff. And then after that, everything kind of went into chaos. It's just known as a time there wasn't a lot of scientific advancement, not a lot of charts, not a lot of graphs. Yeah. You loved it. I might have loved the Middle Ages. Yeah. You just thrived. Yeah. Just been like, yeah, just not on top of you. Yeah.

thinking like we got to get better it's like no we're we're good yeah the fact that they can lump in a thousand years together tells me there wasn't a lot going on yeah and there's there's different there's like early middle ages late middle ages generally speaking middle ages the romans kept great records they were great with stuff and then the dark ages there's just a lot of wars just a lot of just not the best of times plagues stuff like that how long do people live then

Life expectancy was like 30 to 35. Yeah. But again, it wasn't a ton of people dying at 35. It's just that so many people die in childbirth that the average. That messed the average up. Like one out of every five kids died. Yeah. I think if you get, as an adult, I think you live to like 60 or something. Yeah. But. If you just make it past, it's like a turtle. Just like a turtle. Yeah. Odds are you're not.

If you can make it out of it. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same thing. Same thing. So the Roman Empire basically ruled... Now, we're talking about... America's not even a thing yet. Yeah. Unless you're a Native American. So we're basically talking about Europe. And the Roman Empire basically ruled most of the known world, most of Europe, other places. Then it starts falling apart, and they lose their power, and it's kind of getting chaotic. And then the Catholic Church becomes the most powerful entity. That's right.

And then it began. Yeah. What'd you guys do to just get control, you know? Well, if you're just right about stuff, then people kind of... That's what it was? You know, I looked that up because they made everyone tie 10%. Everybody had to tie 10% to church. And the church wasn't... Whether you win or not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So they got all their wealth during this period. But I was trying to figure out what made them do it. Did they have an army or what? It seemed like they just guilted people. Oh, there's probably some bloodshed going on. Yeah. But I think a lot of it was just guilting. Do you want to go to heaven or not? You better give 10%. But the Pope became the most powerful person in the world. And the Catholic Church started kind of running things. I mean, there's kings and queens. Yeah.

but the Catholic church kind of called the shots during this period. That's pretty crazy. Southern Baptist never took off like that. You know, you would love to, you would love to. Yeah. Yeah. You guys were, you know, we're not evil. Uh,

You got to have... My parents were Catholic. What would your Vatican be? The Southern Baptist? Southern Baptist? I don't know. Cracker Barrel? Probably do a lot of stuff out of there. That's your Sistine Chapel is a Cracker Barrel. I think that's where it gets started after Sunday. You go to Cracker Barrel and we get some ideas flowing.

You see who can do the triangle T thing. And if they can't, you know, if they get to four, you're like, all right. And you tell them about what the plan is. And if they just cheat or like they can't, they leave eight. And then you're like, all right, kind of get them out. You know? And we sit on the rocking chairs. And then we get called in to talk to them. That's your conclave. Let the kids go look at the toy section. Yeah.

Sounds fun. Buy some unverified Vanderbilt Titans gear. They always have hats that are just like, you know. They always got that weasel thing attached to a ball too. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Put your hand down harder if you don't. I mean, you just gave up. I'm just disappointed, dude. Do you ever, when you put your hand down, ever control it? Or do you do a little drop? Are you always just a drop?

Was that that hard of a drop onto the table? Someone in Iowa heard it. So, I don't know. Let's ask them. You know? Like, that's... I like the idea, though, of when you drop your hand, you just give up at the end. Yeah.

Like you don't, when you set your hand down on stuff, there's no. Some people sit like that. There's people sit like that. Like that last few seconds are just a free fall. Yeah. Yeah. They, the first, the first seconds are to confirm the chairs there. Yeah. And then the last seconds are there. Just let it go. Just drop. Trust that it's there. This is what I'm talking about. That weasel ball. Oh yeah. That thing's always sitting there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then it goes around. Yeah. That's fun.

uh this is like a toy from the middle ages the weasel that's the middle ages goes this is where you guys got to you call us the dark ages yeah we don't know what's going on but y'all we this was y'all advanced to you're like well it's a fun it's got different colors and stuff uh who likes that toy is it for dogs is it for dogs

I can see that being for dogs. Yeah. I hope it's for dogs. Oh, I always wanted one. What if it's not? It is fun. Yeah. Yeah. It rolls around. It looks like there's a little thing attached to it. I'll get it. Okay. There's an episode of Seinfeld where they're trying to do the roommate switch.

And George says, do you realize in the history of Western civilization, no one has successfully accomplished the roommate switch? In the Middle Ages, you could get locked up for even suggesting that. And Cherry says, there weren't roommates in the Middle Ages. And then George says, well, at some point between the year 800 and 1200, there had to be two women living together. Yeah. That's the Middle Ages. That's the Middle Ages. I wonder if they did live together.

Like roommates, you know, like living, I mean, you had to, I'm sure there was families and tribes. So the system was basically feudalism, which was peasants that worked land of some lord of the manor. Serfs, right? Yep. And then the ruler, the nobleman, the lord or whatever, would let them live on that land in return. Yeah. So they'd raise crops. They'd do all the work. He'd make the money off the crops. In return, they get to live there.

And that was kind of the... That's what almost everybody did. It's kind of the operation room I have in my house. What do you mean? Same idea. I don't know. But same philosophies. I like what they're talking about. I can get on board with this feudalism thing, man. Yeah. So this was like any movie... You guys didn't watch Game of Thrones. No. Which is a fictional world, but...

Kings, queens, knights, jesters. Dragons. No dragons, but... Maybe. Well, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't there. I can't prove I wasn't. Could have been. Could have been. Well, I don't know about that. A couple dinosaurs still walking around? Do we think dragons are dinosaurs? No, I don't know. Komodo dragons? Komodo dragons. Ooh, that's a good one. That's technically a dinosaur.

Well, I didn't mean to get off on that, but Court Jesters. Court Jesters were the original comedians. Yeah, what were they all about? So they were also called Licensed Fools. Yeah. And they weren't like, they were actually held in high esteem to some degree. They weren't just

licensed fools. Yeah. The king liked them. They could make jokes about the king that no one else could make and get away with it. Yeah. They warmed up the crowd. They wore the bright outfits like you imagine with the crazy hat, stuff like that. But they juggled. That's pretty good that they got to do a lot of stuff. That's pretty good that they, almost like the kings knew, like, I got to let some, like,

Some release of what's going on. And if you do that, then you can do whatever you want. Yeah. Like if I make fun of myself, I know it's crazy. You can't. I know, you know, I would cut your aunt's head off. I get it. I get that you're upset. But, you know...

And then as you do it, and you're like, and then you're like, yeah, well, your mom's head's off too, by the way. And I figured this was the time to tell you. Yeah. Because I think they cut people's heads off all the time during this. They did a lot. I think that was regular. You just see that. That's just how you died back then. Yeah. Well, they had- You didn't die as a baby. They had executioners for sure. Yeah. And if they didn't cut your head off, a lot of hangings, a lot of public hangings going on. Yeah.

But the court jester also gave people bad news. Like the king. They often had to give the king the bad news because he was like, you break it to him and do it in a funny way. So there's an example. He goes, pick a card. Pick a card. Pick a card. There's other guards outside the door. Pick a card. There you go. There you go.

Your wife was kidnapped? Two? Did you pick a two? That's just what they... He's just trying to go, hey, what's that? Your wife's been kidnapped. But that was the right car. Right. And he's like, that's pretty good.

Francis' complete naval fleet got completely destroyed by the English. And the jester had to go tell the Francis King that their navy was completely destroyed, all their ships destroyed. So he told the king, those English don't even have the guts to jump into the water like our guys do. That was his joke. Yeah, just to soften the ground a little bit. Yeah, that was his big joke. I would like to say...

All our guys are now floating dead in the water. Those guys are afraid to get wet. So do you think the Jester, are they just on call in the castle at all times? Just like, I'm here to just. But you're on call has some leeway. Cause I think he was on a phone. So you got to go chase them down. And so you're, you know, it's, it's not like, like now on calls, like you're straight up within seconds. You're alerted. Yeah. But you might have a week headstart. You're on call, but a week, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

There was an example of a young, I mean, sometimes babies were born as kings and there was a young teenage king and he never read any of the royal decree. He signed papers, didn't even know what he was signing, the documents. So the jester wrote a royal decree. I'm listening. All right. Yeah.

The jester wrote a royal decree that made himself ruler of all of Scotland for 15 days, and the king signed it without looking. He tricked a baby into signing it? No, this was a teenager. Still. After this, the king never again signed a document without first reading it carefully. And the baby signed it. And the baby signed it. It was a two-year-old. Can you believe that? He tricked the two-year-old.

But my favorite jester was Roland the Farter. What'd he do? Well, let me tell you, he was a medieval flatulence who lived. What was the actual list? Hold on. That was the reminds me of what's the, uh, Craig, what's that movie with Craig Robinson? Uh,

Yeah, it's like time... Hot tub time machine. Hot tub time machine. So, Greg Robinson's hosting Last Comic Standing. Greg Geraldo, one of the greatest comedians ever. Yeah. Who passed away. But...

He's hosted, and then Craig Robinson tells me, he goes, oh, I got a new movie out. It's called Hot Tub Time Machine. Greg Jawa goes, what's that about? It was like a very funny, quick, that was a very, extremely funny thing to do. They did it on, it was on TV. Oh, what was that? What's the Hot Tub Time Machine about? Like, yeah, it's hot tub, all right. Well, Roland the Farter was a medieval flatulence, lived in England. He was given 30 acres of land in return for his service as jester for King Henry II. Yeah.

Each year, he was obliged to perform one jump, one whistle, and one fart for the King's Christmas party. One jump? He had to do them all at the same time. A jump, a whistle. And a fart. So he had to just jump in the air? Whistle and fart all at the same time. Do exactly what he's saying. So just do a jump in the air, whistle, and fart. I think we got a new Krispy Kreme challenge. I mean...

This is, uh, I would love to just be around him leading up to that week. What's he eating? He's just eating with the horses. He's just like practicing barn. That's gotta be harder. Yeah. I think a lot of older guys do it on accident. I think they do all those things. I think, I think my dad can do it. Just tell an old man to try to jump and then it'll happen. Yeah. If you go just jump all of those other things, we'll, we'll try to, we'll, yeah.

So this is just this king. This was just his thing, man. He just thought this was the funniest thing in the world. His whole party, dude. Every year he'd do a Christmas party. I mean, still doing pretty good. Call Roland the Farter. Is he available? Y'all got to see this guy. Did they have... It said Christmas? Like they did Christmas? Yeah. And then the Christmas party. That's all he did. They get paid? He got 30 acres of land. Yeah. And then they just grew their own food and stuff. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. The money wasn't really... I mean, they had money. I don't know...

How much should he have been paid? This was 12th century England. So this is the year 1100. To fart. Well, I mean, if the main guy wants it, the money's... 30 acres. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot of land. But I mean, you're in the Middle Ages. There's just nothing around. That might not be a lot of land. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, America's... No one's over here but Native Americans. There's a lot of...

claim land here's 30 acres yeah this is in england in england yeah and then you got yeah i hope it's in a good spot i hope those people are watching when i mean that's pretty fast what if you're in the bathroom you're like oh i missed it yeah can you do it again i missed the entertainment not till next year yeah it's funny to me like he has to do it all at the same time that's what makes it hard we can all do the other three yeah yeah

What's Roland doing this year? Same thing he did last year. Same act. I can tell the wheels are turning. You're like, kid, we do this? I can't whistle, so I'm out right away. But I'd make up for it. And when you jumped into the other thing, I'll bring in the whistle. Each one of us could do one of the things.

Oh, man. You tell them like five minutes, they're like five minutes of show time. And he asked everybody to leave his green room. He's like, do you guys mind getting out? And then he's just like, I just need some time to...

just gathered my thoughts he's like you know it's like alright man have a good show he's like I appreciate it you know thanks man yeah and then he's just jump whistle JWF JWF JWF and then he goes out there and they just shoot him I don't know they had guns but they shoot him and they publicly hang him

And the king's like, how does he not get it? It's funny. You got to do the, it is the, do you do the, the fart as the land could be the land. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. And maybe that's the, you know, you're like, ah, what, what order are you going to go in? He's like, I guess you better be there. I guess you better show up and see. Cause I got some nice and planned. He's eating a big turkey leg. You know, it's just like, what order are you doing? I'm gonna feel the crowd. Yeah. I'm not completely sure. There's not a microphone. Yeah.

I think maybe you jump off a table or something, get a little air time. What if it didn't make noise? And then he's got to be like, I swear I did it. And he goes, I didn't. And then someone has to walk over and they're like, he goes, nah, he did it. He did it. Yeah, he did it. He goes, I told you. And the king's like, all right, technically. Like he's just kind of putting a hard, he's like, all right, all right. This is a lot of,

A lot of questions. If I could go back in time, I would maybe ask these. I would want to go. I'd walk right to the king first. Yeah. Or the court gesture and be like, so what's, you know, what happened? How did, how did he sell the show to the king? Did the king just see him do it? You think? I think there was a lot going on back then. I mean, I think this, these were three of the,

main things people do. I mean, I'm out. These were jumping, whistling, and farting were like, I mean, that's... I think there's a picture of it. That's entertainment. Wait, what? Of rolling the farter. You just want to see what the guy looks like. Well, it's probably a painting, right? Yeah. That's a regular picture. Oh, man. Yeah. All right. Yeah, now I get it more. He is... Oh, geez. Oh, geez.

There's some little two in detail drawings of our boy Roland. Wow. He was a legend. He was. That's incredible. You think that was, I'm just wondering how long was he a gesture? I don't know. Let's see what his age was right. Yeah. Roland the Farter. He has a Wikipedia page. That's more than I got. Oh, it doesn't have his age on there, does it?

Yeah. One jump, one whistle, one fart for the king's court at Christmas. Unum saltum et servitum. That's how they said it. Each year, he had to do an unum saltum et stiftum et unum. Bumbalum. Bumbalum. And then the bumbalum, you're like, all right, I get the bumbalum. What's the other stuff? That's how the bumbalum kind of makes sense. You're like, okay, I understand that. But what's the other stuff? A jump and a whistle. Oh. Yeah.

Okay. That says he was giving Heming Stone Manor. So he was given a manor for his work. Wow. I love how you just brushed over flatulence, like that's a real job title. Well, I mean, it was then. Yeah. Yeah. Flatulence. Wow. Yeah. Are there flatulence now? Is that a regular job?

Look up and see if it's a regular job, because this might be the... Is this like the Richard Pryor? If you're in the flatulence world? We've got a list of notable flatulence. Yeah, it's a small list. So there's Mr. Methane. He's a contemporary flatulence. You've got Roland the Farter. He's kind of the... He's like the Carlin of the...

And then Will the Farter, the Howard Stern show. 2007 to, wow, 2008. That was it. So it was huge in the Middle Ages. And then Will the Farter brought it back. Le Potomac, he performed in France from 1887 until 1914. That's a long time. Then it finally got old.

And I bet everybody asks his wife, does he just do it all the time at home? She goes, no, not as much as you would think. It's like he doesn't. Same question y'all asked Laura. Is he funny all the time? He's like, no, I mean, he doesn't. He's pretty healthy at home. He doesn't. He's pretty, you know. So you're thinking that you're 1950? Well, who's Mr. Methane? Mr. Methane. Contemporary flatulence. 1991. Yeah.

He briefly retired in 2006, but restarted in mid-2007. I'm back in it. Yeah. Just when they pull me out. He got bored. He claims to be the only performing farter in the world. Good for him. He worked on the railways before focusing on history.

Anyway, I got a lot of stuff here in the middle. He was able to focus on it the whole time. On the railways. Yeah. He worked on the railroads. He's like, I didn't take it seriously. He was like, oh, were you doing it? He's like, oh, yeah, dude. I was doing it. I've been doing it the whole time. I just, you know. Another big thing in the Kings Court was dwarfs, court dwarfs. And so jesters were only part-time employees. Court dwarfs were like permanent in the Kings Court.

There was the personal dwarf and the chamber dwarf and the court dwarf. And the king liked them sitting next to him because it made the king look much larger and made his position look more powerful. So dwarves lived lives of privilege in that time. They got good money, benefits, it says. What is the benefits?

I mean, what protection? Yeah. Probably protection. Yeah. That's like real legit benefits for one K protection and food. You know, it's like, I don't know. You like, I mean, there were Dennis, you just, someone knocked your tooth out with a hammer and he's like, ah, it's free. Like, ah, thanks man. He's bleeding from the mouth.

The benefits paid for that. A favorite dwarf of Peter the Great received a state funeral, including miniature horses and a small priest. Oh. Feels like they didn't need to do that. They could have just given him a regular priest. It was probably. I mean, they're watching a guy whistle and jump. I mean, I don't think they're above anything. That's a little on the nose to use miniature horses to carry his body. I don't think they were...

Imagine and tell them some of the problems we've had here now. These people that like they would, they wouldn't even understand. They'd be like, what? Like you're just whatever typical stuff we have where you're like, that guy says mean stuff a lot. And they're like, oh, okay.

archery became a big thing in that time just for protection because during wars and stuff like that. So the king made, in England at least, a requirement. Every Sunday, men had to practice archery every Sunday just to become good archers. Yeah, I mean, that's such a tough way to fight a battle. I mean...

You're just going to get hit. You're like, oh, it's no fun. An arrow. And this isn't like even just like up close. This is when they launch from long distances and it just comes down and hits you. And it's a slow, like you see it coming, you're trying to run, but there's 15 of them. Yeah. So then golf was invented in Scotland.

And it became such a problem because everyone was playing that the king decreed no one can play golf because they need to practice their archery. Wow. Everyone was playing golf on Sundays. He actually outlawed golf and football, soccer, during that time.

There's a, Robin Williams has a joke about golf starting. Creating it. Yeah, creating it. Scotland, right? Yeah. Yeah. But then, that was King James II. King James IV lifted the ban about 50 years later because he became a golfer himself. Wow. And he got addicted to it. And he had the first set of special clubs made by a bow maker. Made him a set of clubs. Big Bertha?

I don't think so. No. Big Bertha's are now. No, I know. Big Bertha sounds like it could be. That was his wife that hated that he golfed that day. Big Bertha. He goes, you going to get a play today? I can play nine. Imagine Big Bertha's on my case about. So this was in 1502 when he got the clubs. But they play 18 holes?

I don't think so. The first, so St. Andrews is the oldest course and that opened in 1574. That's a links course. That was past the ages. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. There's some old, old school golf, man. Yeah. Yeah. The ball was made of wood. Yeah. Just hidden into a hole. What about a swing there? What do you think about that? Uh, it's not good. It's not good.

He's going to have to shift all that weight over. Yeah. So Bates swing. Bates hits the ball. That's me, by the way. And then finishes the swing. What do you mean? The ball is hit, and then he gets into the proper release form. That back foot I lift. So he lifts the back. So his ball is 100 yards away from him, and then he lifts his back foot up. It's almost like the way a gymnast lands, and then they gather their thoughts. That's how –

The video of Bates, yeah, it's pretty great. Yeah. Because the ball is gone. Yeah. And then you just see something in the back of his head go, right foot. And he goes, and he lifts it. But, I mean, I'm already putting a tee down. Yeah. And, like, the other guy's already about to hit. Oh, look at that.

All right. So also during the Middle Ages, Islam started. Muhammad lived during the Middle Ages. He started Islam in Mecca, became obviously a major religion. At its height, it was three times bigger than all of Christianity. Can't joke about that, so let's move on. All right. The only reason I tell that is because that's when...

The crusade started. You guys heard of the crusades? Yeah. Yeah. Just in general. Yeah. I've heard some stuff. Yeah. I've heard it mentioned.

that was basically wars that went on for years and years and years between Christians and Muslims because the Catholic church wanted to take back the Holy lands. And so, well, I'm glad they figured that out. Uh, glad they got that all sorted out. Yeah. Yeah.

Can you imagine if someone from the Middle Ages shows up today, y'all are still fighting? And you're like, yeah, dude, I don't know. We're just always going to keep doing it. I mean, it's basically true. The Knights Templar was a group of devout Christians that fought to allow people to visit the Holy Lands, travelers, and they became fierce fighters during the Crusades. Some people say they went underground 700 years ago and still exist today.

Oh, what are they doing? They're still alive today. How old would they be? No, not the actual. I think they just fit. The order, not the people. They'd be pretty old. You think they want to die? I mean, you think they wake up every morning and go, come on. What am I, 1,200 years old?

Let me give you some people from the Middle Ages. Two out of these five aren't real. See if you guys can guess which ones aren't real. Did you go to school with any of them? That's why I removed myself from this. One of them is going to be Brian Bates. That's real. Joan of Arc, King Arthur, Robin Hood, William Wallace. That's who Mel Gibson played in Braveheart. Marco Polo.

Okay. Who's not real? Two of those five probably aren't real. Yeah. Okay. I would almost say is Robin Hood. I don't think is real. And then I think he's based on a real, it's almost like they're Paul Bunyan over there. I would go, I would go Robin Hood and William Wallace. Not real. William Wallace is for sure. A real person. Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson's real too.

I guess technically, yeah, I guess he is. Yeah, William Wallace is a real guy. Joan of Arc was definitely real. I think maybe King Arthur. That's my sleeper pick. King Arthur, not based on a real person. And who else? What are the other ones? Robin Hood and Joan of Arc. Marco Polo. Marco Polo is real. So, yeah, we'll do Robin Hood and King Arthur. You're correct. There we go. I mean, they are based maybe on some real people, but they're...

I thought Braveheart was like, that was like kind of like, I thought it had been a made up guy. Well, I think they dispute it, you know, because in the movie, William Wallace has a kid with the princess. Yeah. And that would completely taint the bloodline of English Kings. Yeah. So Scotland claims that that's what happened. And then.

England's like, no, that never happened. So there's some dispute over what happened, I think. So if I'd have watched Braveheart recently, I'd have been like, I know he's real. I thought it would be, you know, where I'm from, there's a bunch of movies. Yeah. I thought it was like that. Oh, okay. Like a legend. Like a mythical figure. William Wallace is real. He used to do. He was so much more violent in real life than he is in the movie.

He used to scout people and make belts out of their skin. Yeah, he was ruthless. You know a lot about him. What do you think he would, during the farting show, do you think he would enjoy it or would he be just no fun all the time? I mean, you think he ever was fun?

I think a lot of, I'm guessing a lot of these people that lived back then, there's just very little joy in their lives because they just couldn't afford to, they just had to, they woke up and worked all day and then they went to bed. Yeah. And then that's pretty much it. Yeah. And they may not know any better, so they may have found joy other ways. Yeah. You mentioned going to the dentist, how that was. Most people couldn't afford a doctor or a dentist, so they went to the barber and that's how they got treated.

By the barber. Like he would do all of it? Yeah. Yeah. He would do all of it. So the barber pole, the red and white barber pole, that came from red blood. Yeah. And like, because they would do a lot of bloodletting. Bloodletting was their big go-to thing back then. Yeah. Which is just literally letting out some blood. Yeah. That's all they need to do. They're like, let's try to just get some of this blood. For everything? For all problems? Let's get the blood out and see if that helps. You know, there's times I feel like I could lose a little bit. Yeah.

You know, it's all in there. You're not putting any new in, just take something out. I feel like it's a little too... I mean, the other thing, it was leeches for the same reason, to get the blood out. They put leeches on you. Yeah. But the barber pole is what you gripped when they're drawing the blood out of you just to hold on to because of the pain. Yeah. So that's how they knew if this barber also did dentist and medical stuff, he had a barber pole out front. I mean, that was like pain...

Where, you know, like now, like when a woman gives birth to like, you're going to never know that pain. You almost could never say that back then. Yeah. Like a woman just it's like I've given birth and the guy's like, are you crazy? Like I cut my hand off and I've been shot. I've been hit by 50 arrows. Yeah.

And still walking around and not going to let blood out. But not that women are going through that pain. There's so much pain that there's just, you know, they're like, ah. It's a lot of pain. It's a real creepy thing to pay homage to. You mean like now? Modern day barbers still use those poles? It's like, you don't have to do all that. Yeah. Most people probably don't know what they symbolize. Well, I think there's blue in them now. There is, yeah. And so that makes it. Wow. Yeah.

Had you heard... Let's all get rid of the past, Aaron. Is that what you'd rather have? Sorry. Mr. Friendship. Yeah. Had you heard that... I grew up and somebody told me, hey, your blood is actually blue. Yeah. Until it hits air. Until it hits air and it's red. And I believed that for a long time. Yeah. That's not true. It's not true, apparently. Yeah. Do you know if it's red or blue? I think I've heard of it. But I think it looks blue in your skin.

In your veins? Because your veins look green and everything else is blue. Yeah. So I think that's totally made up. Yeah. Took off. Wow. All right. Thanks. I'm going to let that air on y'all's podcast, and we're going to cut it out of the Nate Land podcast. We'll cover that on Aaron Land, I'm sure. Aaron Land. We'll dive into that. What color is your blood, really?

The other thing, if you weren't doing bloodletting and leeches or couldn't go to a barber for your medical treatment. Can you imagine not being able to afford that? The barber? Yeah. You're going, I'd love to go to a barber. You're like, what do you do? What do I do? Throw myself down a cliff. What else could you do? Can you imagine if he did all that to you, though, and he was like, anything else? Well, plum hair, a little touch up. He also does your hair. Yeah, yeah.

He washes the blood off and then gives you a trim. And then just the pain of that, you're missing that. That hurts worse. It probably does. You're not washing your hair. Are they washing it? I doubt it. Is soap around? I mean, is there? Well, deodorant hadn't been invented yet. I think that's a deodorant's a very recent invention. And it was like the solution to a problem that nobody thought was a problem. Everybody just smelled bad all the time and nobody cared. And then somebody was like, we can get rid of that. And now we all have to do it.

We could all just agree to not wear deodorant. Yeah, but it's a long time of getting used to that. I don't wear deodorant that much. I'm not the biggest sweater in the world. And so if I know I'm going to be outside, I didn't put on deodorant today. Did I? We know. Yeah. No, I don't really stink. But I'm saying it's a solution to a problem that we created.

I know. I'm saying I don't do it. I'm saying we all agree. Yeah, I'm saying we could all agree. Then you'd be, you don't have to do it ever. Yeah, because they, it's not good to, people say it's not good to put a deodorant on. Put too much. Yeah. I do it when I go out, like if I'm going somewhere, but I just don't, like if I'm golfing, if I'm doing stuff during the day, I'm around the house, I'm not going to be sweating. Like I just don't have to. Why isn't it good?

It's, I don't know, you know, whatever. Alzheimer's? Whatever the new rules that you can't do anything. Yeah, sure. I'm sure of something. Just someone says it. I don't know the exact reasons. But just like anything, you can't do that anymore. I put it on before I go to bed. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. Seriously? Yeah, why not? Because you got to get up and go somewhere? Like the ER? Yeah. Because your armpits can't breathe because they're being smothered. I don't want to smell bad ever, dude. I know. No one does, but...

I mean, for someone that was just trying to get us to all not wear deodorant to then say, I put it on when I sleep. Look, what I'm saying. I don't think you would go along with the deal that we made. And I'd just be the only good smelling guy in the world. I think I would really. You're like, Aaron always smells wonderful. I'm saying, as long as we live in this world where everybody has to wear deodorant, I'll play the game. Yeah. You know? When was it invented? The 80s? Good question. Good question. By the way, our blood is red. I looked. Yeah.

I looked it up just to make sure that a bunch of blood doctors in the comments won't get mad. All right. All right. So another big... 1910s. Deodorant. Okay. So another big medical thing people would do is just beat themselves. They'd just whip themselves or have a friend whip them. They're called flagellants. Not flatulence, but flagellant, I think is how they're pronounced. Yeah.

And they basically thought. That's man. That's a close. I know. They say that I'm flagellant. You're like, oh, because no, no, no, no. The whip. You go. Oh, oh, yeah. My uncle's about to. Sorry.

They thought if they had any type of disease or sickness that God was punishing them. So they would whip themselves to try to punish themselves for their sins, thinking God would then forgive them and heal them. And this was a big thing to just go around and publicly whip yourself for atonement for sins. And when the Black Death came to hit Europe... I wonder if that's like someone that talks with their speakerphone now.

You know, is it that annoying if you're just in line getting bread and then he's just, he's just slacked. Like Kroger? And you're like, oh, God, yeah. You have to do it the whole time, dude. You can't not. Excuse me, sir. You can't wait and maybe just whip yourself outside like all of us do. You got to do it with everybody sitting here. You've hit me three times and I'm in wonderful shape right now.

So the Black Death, the bubonic plague, was the worst pandemic in history. Well, they haven't seen COVID. This lasted for about three years. It killed 20 million people in Europe. 30% of the continent died. A third. That's a lot of people. That's a big one. 12 ships sailed into the Black Sea in Italy. When they arrived, they were almost all dead, the soldiers. They were oozing blood and pus everywhere.

And they all die eventually. And a lot of people would just go to bed at night feeling healthy and be dead by morning. Oh, it was that quick? According to Wikipedia. Yeah. What was it? It was like... The bubonic plague. Someone's like, it's a cold. That's how someone started. What is it? A little stronger flu? And he's sweating. Just let some blood out. You'll be fine.

It killed cows, pigs, goats, chickens, and sheep. Led to a wool shortage in Europe. COVID's not taking out animals, is it? I don't think so. So flagellants became a big thing. Everybody going around whipping themselves to try to get healthy. Did it work? No, it did not. We're still talking about the Black Plague. That's pretty wild. That's so many people. Yeah.

A third, almost. Was it a virus? Yeah. Yeah, it was rats. Didn't it start with rats? Yeah. Scientists believe the plague started through the bite of an infected flea or rat, both which were common in the Middle Ages, especially on ships. They would eat rats? A flea. Oh, bit a person. Yeah, yeah. Oh, the bit a rat, the bit a person. The rat bit the person? Either a flea or a rat, they think. Just like the bat, they think, for COVID. Yeah.

Could they have ever figured that out back then? I don't think so. Yeah, that's a good question. How do they know? Are they just going, something's up?

Yeah. I mean, people are just dying. Yeah. Do they even have any concept of what a virus is back then? Probably not, right? I mean, people are dying just regularly. During this time, during the great moments of it, people are just dead. And then, so now, I know it's like a rapid kind of thing. Yeah. But, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I don't even think they would think about quarantine. I mean, I'm sure you'd just think, I'm going to stay in my house and keep away from everybody. But I don't think you're thinking about... Did the people that survived, the 70% that survived, do you think that they just had a genetic immunity to it or they just got lucky, I guess? Was it...

Did you stay home a lot during it? That's how you ask that question. Like, he was a part of it. You're like, did your parents... You said your aunt got it, right? And so, did y'all not see her? That's how that question is. Like, he was there. Hey, we're just two guys in our 40s. Four in the 70s, graduating high school in the 90s. That's what we are. So, yeah, the Black Death was... It was bad. It was much worse. Um...

A lot of sayings came from the Middle Ages that we say today that, well, maybe you don't, but a lot of people do. Baker's Dozen. I used to do, we were talking about being a wrestler, and I would, what would I say? I'd want to be the Baker's Dozen. That was my wrestling move. What is it? I don't remember what it was. What was it?

It was something like that. I was called the baker. My wrestler, I would have been the baker, and my move would have been the baker's dozen. Okay. You give them one more after they're done? Yeah. It would have been 12 punches and then a stone cold stunner. Oh, a 13th right on top. Yeah. Oh, wow. I like that. I just made that up. That part I made up right now because I don't remember what it was before. But I was the baker. Nate the baker.

And then my buddy P, we'd call him PP the Pronoun. And he would come in and teach a lesson on him. I forget what his move was. His nickname was P. PP the Pronoun. PP the Pronoun. Nate the Baker and PP the Pronoun come in.

I can't believe they didn't take off. But basically, bakers were accused of selling underweight loaves, so legislation was put in place to make sure they didn't. So to make sure they didn't sell underweight, they would start giving an extra piece of bread away with every loaf. Because they were, oh, so they had to give. Yeah. They had to give another one. Yeah. And then someone's like, I'm doing it already, and they will give an extra. Then they for sure probably went low. Uh-huh.

It was almost like, oh, we were giving you a full and now we're not. Nest egg. Peasants used to collect eggs from chickens and they would leave one egg in there to encourage the chickens to continue laying eggs in the same nest. So now it's thought of as like something you keep. Nest egg? Yeah. A little extra money on the side, but it was done to keep an egg in there to keep the hens laying eggs in that same area. Yeah.

I mean, just explaining this to these people now, like, because the nest egg is, that's like retirement, right? Like. Yeah. Yeah. Just something insane. Like we talk about that. Oh, you keep in a little nest egg. Yeah, a nice little nest egg. And they'd be like, well, that doesn't make sense because it's, what it means is an actual egg. No, we just get our eggs from the public. From the store. Yeah.

Sink or swim? That's a good one. It's a medieval practice of judging whether a person was innocent or guilty by casting him or her into a lake. The belief was that water would not accept anyone who had rejected the water of baptism. So if the victim sunk, they were innocent, but if they floated, they were guilty. So either way, you're not going to... I mean, were people learning how to swim back then?

I think they would tie you. You couldn't just try to swim. They tie you up and throw you in. And if you floated, then you're guilty. I mean, were there people floating? Probably not. I can float. Huh? I can float. But if you're tied to something. Maybe just your arms. Like a dunk tank almost? Not weighted down, but you can't. I don't think swimming was allowed. If you're looking at it going one way or the other way.

There has to be the other way. It has to have worked or you wouldn't be no other way. You know, someone's got to go. They're going to, you know, they're not a person going, they're going to sink. Everybody sinks. You tie a boulder. Some people must have been floating. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because then you're like, oh, okay. And one guy floats and then they look back at him and like, oh.

Where are you at now? He goes, okay. Well, now I'm a little convinced. Either way, you're probably going to die. You're either going to drown or found guilty and it'll kill you. If they think you are, they think you're a witch anyway. Yeah. Yeah. No one, they, yeah. I mean, once you get called the witch, there's, I don't think there's much, I don't think you get out of it. You know, you don't, there's no talking. There's not like, all right,

Everybody's got to like kind of looking at you like, why did I even... You know what I mean? Like you're not going to... Once a witch, always a witch. You're not going to rebrand yourself. Yeah. A stereotype. Yeah. There was a lot of people being called witches during the Black Death, by the way. A lot of people thought that they were causing it. Yeah. Pay through the nose. Vikings did this. If someone did not pay, they suffered punishment by having their nose slit. Wait. It's kind of a weird...

You know? Your nose slit? Yeah. How? I don't know if I want to know. Okay. Probably a knife. Yeah, I know. But in what way? Probably cut. Voldemort type? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. Vikings did whatever they wanted to do. Yeah. They were kind of their own. They beat at their own drum. Also, probably Middle Ages. Probably so.

Don't kill the messenger. I think you guys could probably figure that one out. A lot of messengers were being killed after they brought the king bad news. So finally laws were enacted to protect messengers for such events. Oh, that was don't kill the messenger was a law. Yeah. Yeah. That's like the, well then the court gesture. Yeah. He's like, I'll tell him. I'll make it funny. Yeah. Yeah.

Bouncers. Bouncers came from the Middle Ages. Oh, wow. They used to make you give a coin before you walked into a tavern. Coin. Okay. Sorry, what did I say? Cone. Basically, cone. Coin. A coin. A coin. Oil. Yeah, I know. I say stuff wrong. No, I say it like that, too. Wheel and wheel, people are still confused about what we're talking about. Wheel and wheel. We've done it twice, and they're like, we have no idea what you guys are talking about.

a coin you had to give at the front of the door and the guy at the door would bounce it to see if it was real or not. And if it didn't bounce, that means it was a fake coin, coin, uh,

And then now we have bouncers. So the guy at the door was there to check. Yeah. Now they just do it with IDs. But that's why they're called bouncers. Yeah. It's because... They still throw IDs at the ground to see if they're real. That's crazy that these words stay around. I know. That is... This is a lot of words that you hear. Get off your high horse? Yeah. Stuff you don't even think about. I think of that a lot. You think about what it means? No, just what I add to a lot of people. Yeah.

I say this one regularly. Go ahead. During the noble times, nobles were given a taller breed of horse to ride to signify their status and authority. Often commoners would tell each other to get off their high horse when one was acting like a nobleman. Makes perfect sense. I think they measure their horses, you know? I think they're just so much bigger, you don't need to measure them. They're just like a different breed. I like that.

What is the... The Kleidsdales. They could have all been on miniature horses and they wouldn't know. And then they give the nobles real horses. Yeah. I mean...

I think if someone listened to this podcast in the middle ages, they would turn it off. And they wouldn't even understand what they were hearing because it's technology. They would think it's magic. But they would go, God, just... Still bored? Still get bored with it. So bored with just... I mean, it'd be witchcraft. If we dumped this Nate Land podcast into the 600s, they would ask... Their first thing they would do is find the off button. It is.

You want to hear this thing? Yeah. I'm good. Can I give a couple more? Yeah. Caught you red-handed? This phrase comes from the 12th century practice of dipping a thief's hand in berry dye. The dye was soaked into the skin and stained the hand for several weeks and served as an act of public humiliation of being convicted. All who saw the red-headed person knew he was a thief and a criminal. You didn't get away with a lot of stuff back then. No. You know? What do you mean?

I mean, you're hand-dread for a month after you do something. I know, but it was probably hard to get caught. But if you did get caught, like, yeah, they weren't going to take it easy on you. You're going to publicly know about it. Right. Xerox, that was actually a person, it was a scribe who copied a bunch of history into different languages. So the company was named after him because they're a copy company. I'll do one more here.

nate's hanging forward like god wrapped us up please there's xerox oh man i'd like to explain him what goes on at the real xerox store and he goes where y'all write all the stuff down they go oh no most of us can't even write uh he goes wow uh i'll give one more um give someone the cold shoulder

In the Middle Ages, lords and nobles were often faced with the common problem of getting rid of unwanted or obnoxious guests at feasts and gatherings. So they would serve the guests a cold shoulder of meat, the toughest and most undesirable portion of a roast. This was a symbol in giving the guests enough of a hint that he or she have overstayed their welcome. Yeah. Mmm, this looks good. Talk about passive aggressive. Did you guys heat? He starts just touching everybody else's...

And he's like, huh. And it would just be the guy that eats it. Just goes, no, I love the cold shoulder. How many of those guys were there? It has to be a lot of them. Yeah, they go, you know what? I asked for the cold shoulder. Just the toughest part of the one.

All right. Is there, I mean, was there other, there's like a lot more. I mean, there's a few more here. Apple of my eye. Oh God. I thought you meant like more other stuff besides sayings. All right. We'll wrap it up there. I thought you meant. Oh goodness. Wait, what is apple of my eye? Tell me afterwards. What is apple of my eye? You might as well say it now. The pupil of the eye was known as the apple because.

If so, it was the most cherished part of the eye. It's a big deal. Yeah. I mean, we got one more. That's the worst one. Yeah. I wasn't going to tell him, but then I thought that's what he was asking for. I'm sorry. I lobbied for it, man. I was like, we'll get them back with this one, Brian. No, I was going to hit him on the shoulder. Yeah. Yeah. I know when I said, is there more? I thought that meant like, is there another like little fact? All right. I'll throw out one more little fact. I just listened to what you're saying. Yeah.

We hit them all. Valentine's Day started during the Middle Ages, at least the romantic Valentine's Day that we know of. St. Valentine was a saint from much earlier, but Geoffrey Chaucer, the medieval poet, invented the holiday around 1375. He wrote a poem celebrating St. Valentine's. And then a guy in prison, Charles, Duke of Orleans, wrote a letter to his wife and called her his Valentine. And that's how the holiday started being celebrated on February 14th.

Because that's when that letter was written? Well, February 14th is known as a day when birds and humans both go in search of mates. That's the day? Just that day? Just that day. I guess they did back then too, humans. I mean, yeah. We did Middle Ages.

We did it. It had some good times. There's a few things we learned, right? It's a lot like the Middle Ages. Yeah. Some highlights, some highs and lows. Highs and lows. The Renaissance came after the Middle Ages. Yeah. That's when things started taking off. Yeah. Paintings, culture. That'll be our next episode. Probably not. Yeah. It's the Renaissance. The Renaissance. Right. I would like to learn about the Renaissance. I do like hearing this stuff. Yeah. I do. Oh, okay.

Some of it, but I just also think people are listening. And that's where you got to think about. Get off your high horse. Get off your high horse. Not trying to give the cold shoulder here, but this episode was not the apple of my eye. All right, everybody. Thanks for listening to Nate Land. We will talk to you later.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.