#31 Odd Jobs
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Glad to have you. I'm wearing a sweater. I get asked sometimes about this, but this is a buddy of mine, Adam Agee, a guy I golf with. He gave me a sweater. He's in a band. He sings. Yeah. So there you go. Is that their logo? Yeah. Because it's Adam Agee, A-A. Oh. So, you know, I don't just... He didn't ask for this. I said I'd wear it on the podcast. He's a good golfer.

Really good golfer. Better than you? Yeah, probably right now. We're close. We would play. We match up very well together. He hits it very far. A long hitter. Much longer than me. But I almost caught him last week. I let him know. I was like, I'm getting close. How do you feel about that? Just chirp out there a little bit.

About golf? I like people that don't like golf stuff. It's out in the open now. I went to the driving range this week. How'd it go, man? It sounds like not a good time. I go down to the end, away from everybody else, just to kind of be left alone. Most people will leave you alone. Do you go to the side where your back's to everybody? Or do you just go to an end? Because you're left-handed.

Oh. Would you rather have your back to everybody? Yes. Yes, my back to everybody so they can't see me and I can't see them. Wow. And then if his front, that's all open to be, you're able to be hit. That's true too. Yeah. You got sideways to here a ball can shoot off. Now, I didn't go to the very end, but I was the farthest down at the time. Yeah. This 80-year-old lady comes down there, props down beside me, like the one right, and...

I know what she's doing. Her husband is still back there getting the balls. Yeah. So she's just waiting. So she's just staring straight the direction toward me. And I'm trying to ignore her and just kind of do my own thing. And I hit one like a duff at like 12 feet. Yeah. And I'm like, and I'm just looking like, you know, watching like, and then I just hear a voice say, I know that feeling. Yeah. And then her husband comes down and he's like a hundred. Yeah. And they're hitting. Yeah.

And they're not good. My wife said, well, that should make you feel better that at least she was terrible. I was like, no, it makes me feel worse because she thinks we're the same. Yeah. She was saying that to make me feel good. Like, hey, man, we've all been there. We've all been there. And we have. Yeah.

That's the tough part about being left-handed is you have to face the right-handed hitter next to you. Yeah. If you don't get the right direction. I'd never thought about that. And so you're just looking. Because, like, when everybody's right-handed, you can see just the person next to you, but your back. You know that guy's probably looking at you, but you don't see him looking at you. Yeah. And you're left-handed. Like, when a left-handed golfer goes to range, like, on our course, all the golf balls are just already laid out there, and they're in, like, a...

Yeah. And so they always have to move the basket over to the other side. It's always a nightmare when you got to go there and you're like, why are these dumb balls on the wrong side? These left-handed people coming in and ruining it. But you have to face each other. Yeah. And yeah, as long as you didn't get one sideways. That's the... Oh, I've hit one through my legs before. Yeah. Somehow it went straight through my legs. Yeah. And then...

There's a great video I just sent to my brother, but a guy hits and he misses. It's teed up and it goes right under. And then he's looking down at the ball, keeping his eye on the ball, and the ball just comes straight up and hits him in the eye. I mean, unreal. That's why golf is so...

I love it so much, and what makes it so funny is stuff that seems impossible happens, and it happens to the worst golf. I mean, for you to be able to swing a full swing with a driver, teed up, and make the ball hit you in the eye, I mean, you just can't. No one can do that. You couldn't replicate it if you tried. You just can't. And for that to happen, that's the beauty of golf is just –

Your club, you hold it wrong, you dig a bad swing. Duffing it is, you know, you're at least like, all right, it went forward. Right. But, I mean, it can go sideways. I mean, as you know, I've had a Yale 4 on a driving range before. Yeah. He was hitting in the net, just to quick tell the story, and he just sliced it, I guess, to his – he sliced it. And so, like, he's hitting – he's kind of hitting farther back because he just took lessons.

And so he's hitting farther back and the range is up. And so, but up to the right. And so he slices it and it just comes flying down the line of people. And he has to yell, four! But no one knows to, when somebody yells four at a range. Yeah.

Like people don't know where it's coming from. Like they don't understand what's happening. As far as they know, everybody's hitting in line with it. Yeah. Where could this ball be coming from? And it just comes and there's a net there to try to stop it. But his slice was so good that the ball, which is crazy to think that you can hit a ball that goes straight and takes a hard right.

And then almost gained speed at that turn. And all these people had to drop to the ground at the rain. They don't, you know, they don't know where it comes from. I mean, man, when somebody yells four at you on a golf course, you just, Ryan Malone, he's like, four! He's a very deep four. We all love his four because it's very just like, four! I had a guy one day behind us playing, and he was yelling four.

I mean, it was every hole. And you're like, what are you, what's happening back there? Like, I mean, every, I've had fights, that's where fights happen. People hit into people. And, uh, I've, I've had it where I've almost, someone got into it with us, our neighbor, our neighbor hit, uh, one guy hits, ball goes on his tee box, my neighbor, Dwayne. And he, uh,

He goes on his tee box. These people are teeing off. So they look at us and throw their hands up like, what are you doing? And it's sitting there. You're like, I always think when someone hits into you, you always should go, don't get mad. What do you think they want to hit into you? Yeah. Do you think that they're going, I hope I get into a argument with this stranger? No, nobody wants to hit into you.

So we have to go over there and we're like, dude, and I tell him that I'm like, no, we're not trying to. He yelled for you didn't hear it. We're sorry. Obviously, obviously why we're not trying to hit into you. And then as we do that, my other neighbor, Felix, that's with us. He's kind of near us off to the side a little bit. He's hitting and he's hitting in an opposite direction. And I get everybody kind of calm down. And then Felix hits it to the right and hits the cart with the guy's wife in it.

And she just goes, oh, come on, guys. And I mean, at that point, it looks, I'll go, and I just had to, I was like, look, he might have been trying to do that. I can't apologize for that one because I don't know what his plan was with that. But I mean, just to get the emotions calmed down. That's what I, yeah. Golf is just, it's beautiful. You know, basketballs don't shoot off in weird directions. Like, I just love the idea of like, it's just, you see stuff. The worst golf in the world

could hit a shot that a trick shot artist couldn't do. Because they're just so... The laws of physics don't apply. They don't. Yeah. John Augustine, who just played at the AMX...

he can top one on purpose. And so he'll do that when people come and they'll be like, hey, this guy's playing in the Masters. And they're like, whoa. And then they all watch him at the driving range and he'll just top it and he goes just nowhere. And they're like, oh, that guy's playing in the Masters. All right. So we talked about golf. Can't help it. I'll have to start my own golf podcast and just...

So, as always, we'll start off with comments from YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Apple Podcast Reviews, or you can email us at nateland at natebargatzee.com. Max Parsons. Most people say those were simpler times when referring to pre-internet, cell phones, social media, etc. But not Nate. Nate sees the simpler times as being when Neanderthals...

Is that how you say it? Neanderthals. Neanderthals. Neanderthals. When Neanderthals, there's no way they use that word to describe themselves. That's too big of a word. They didn't, you know.

That's what we call them, a gigantic word. I'm trying to do a new joke about big words. Big words are just to make people feel stupid. And that would be that. And I might actually use that in the bit. Because Neanderthals would be like, well, you're a Neanderthal. And you're like, well, I don't even know what that is. And they're like, exactly. And you're like, well, you're only using that word to make me feel dumb. And then you use, what is a Neanderthal? It's like a caveman, right? So you always go, well, why don't we just say caveman?

man why do you gotta fancy the word up a little bit and it's so y'all can pay for your so y'all can say your education means something so y'all talk different had all right nate sees the simpler times as being when neanderthals that's like bartholomew like i have a real hard time with that one

Nate sees the similar times as being with Neanderthals, had to eat 10 hours a day to stay alive and gave almost a sigh of disappointment that things aren't that way anymore. This is the Seinfeld of podcasts, a show about nothing, but somehow it's funny and I keep coming back for more. P.S. Please do more states. We are going to do more states. Thank you very much. Yeah. So, yeah, because I said it was when they ate 10 hours a day to stay alive.

You said something like, but they didn't have anything else to do back then. It was a simpler time. It was a simpler time. Is that not a simpler time? For sure. That is the simplest time. You just got to eat. That sounds like a lot. You just got to get some food. Because it's not like you can just go to a grocery store. You know, you got to find that food. Yeah, but they don't know that. You know, it's not like they're living behind a Publix going, what's in there? And they don't know that just they can get, you know, well, you can just buy fish in there. They don't even know how hard they had it. No. They had no idea. Yeah.

People don't, you don't know until you know later. That's right. You don't know what you don't know. Simpler times. Caitlin McKinsky. Could be right. Machinsky or McKinsky. Caitlin, I work at a university. My plan is to become a professor, so I feel like I can help clear up the confusion. All professors teach courses. An adjunct is hired semester to semester and paid per course rather than salaried. An adjunct.

Still not. Is that better? You're hired semester to semester and paid per course. You get cash after you get done teaching your class. They just walk up and give you a envelope. They give you a couple hundred, a little extra for Christmas. And you're like, I appreciate this history. Been pretty fun to me, actually. I mean, just to get you're just piece by piece.

She wants to be a real professor. Yeah, she went on... I left that part out because it would really confuse you, but she explained every professor and what the different levels. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So that's the general idea. Yeah. But adjunct professor is someone that's not salaried by the university. They're paid per class. Yeah. They just like to bounce around. It'd be someone... Do they want to be a professor though? I have a friend who's adjunct professor at Vanderbilt. He teaches a business class. Yeah. And he's...

Happy with what he's doing. He's not trying to be something. He's like, I like this. I get to do my own thing, mix it up. I wonder if they make as much, though, as a professor. For that one class? You get paid class by class. They're like a celebrity. They might get paid more, right? Who are you talking to? He was nodding no, answering our questions. Aaron started his own podcast within the podcast. He's over here.

What is going on? He's just, my goodness. Everybody, please welcome to listen to Aaron Land. When is it air? Air's during Nate Land. Sorry. I didn't know you guys were going to do something together. He was answering the question. I'm sorry about that, man. What was the answer? He said, no, they don't get paid as much. They don't get paid as much. But like Pete Buttigieg. But they might like the freedom.

My wife is an adjunct professor at NTSU, but her day job is an accounting manager somewhere else. Oh, so it's like a side thing. Like she likes teaching. Yes. Yes. Okay. So what I'm saying though, it's not a full on, but if she doesn't want to be a full professor, she has no desire, but she's like, I still like to teach. Yeah. And it's, yeah. Okay. I mean, I didn't know we had an adjunct professor in this world. Where were we at? We had a whole, you go, I do it every day. Yeah.

I'm glad you talked to him, Aaron. Yeah, absolutely. Good job, Aaron. Pete Buttigieg was an adjunct professor at Notre Dame when he was mayor of South Bend. Yeah. He taught like an urban development class or something. Yeah. So it's like you're doing it and it's just, it's a good thing for your resume. Yeah. Yeah. You say I'm an adjunct professor. Yeah. That should come up with a better name. Adjunct doesn't sound, you know, I would almost, if you're, if I'm interviewing and you go, I'm an adjunct professor, I'd be like, uh, thank you, but no. Uh,

We don't do that stuff in our, it just sounds bad. I don't know. When someone walks out, they go, what was she? I think she said she's a junkie. She's a, she's a junkie. She said, I'm a junkie. That's how I would hear it and go, well, that's crazy. You just say that out loud. Lauren, Alyssa, Alyssa.

I'm from Las Vegas, and I just wanted to let Aaron know that the casinos each have a signature fragrance that is pumped into the air vents, so it creates a certain smell in the hotels. I'm assuming other places probably have this, too. Okay. That's like Starbucks. It's his inventions. Oh, yeah. It was one of his inventions. You're making dangerous assumptions there, Lorne.

Oh. She's just assuming other places have it too. Yeah. I mean, that's for commercial use. That's a very way to say it where you're just annoyed with the person talking. Casinos do it. I'm assuming other places do. And then you go, well, I said other places probably do it too. Right. I want a residential. Residential units. Yeah. You're inventing just like something that's also already invented. But you're just like, what if we did it?

In tree houses. And you're like, oh, I guess that's never been done. And you go, yeah, yeah.

Look, I've lost confidence in the invention idea since I said it. I'll say that. Yeah. I've lost confidence in it for sure. Yeah. We'll see what happens. Pastor Will Rose, the story of the fast food heist reminded me of a prank my friends and I did in high school. One evening, we taped a sign on the drive-thru menu and speaker that said, speak really, really loud. Microphone is broken.

And then we went into the restaurant to listen to people scream their orders so that everyone in the restaurant could hear them. It was pretty dang entertaining. Every time I go through a drive-thru, I laugh thinking about it. You know? Give yourself a memory every time you go to the drive-thru. Which is a pretty good memory. That's very funny to hear them. Number one! Just people screaming. And then the inside just going, what is going on with everybody today? This town has gone crazy. Wally Gustafson.

This guy was just like Beauty and the Beast. Isn't he Gustav? Isn't it something? Yeah. This is some old money right here. Loved the podcast and was laughing so hard at the baby cage discussion. In 1988, I visited Finland with my family, and we went to the grocery store. As we were walking in, I noticed roughly 12 baby strollers lined up neatly all filled with live babies crying and doing whatever babies do when they think...

They might have been abandoned. I asked our host family while the babies are sitting there alone, to which they responded, who wants to bring a crying baby into the store with them? People literally left their babies outside, unattended, in 1988. Times have changed. Keep up the great work. I think I've seen this. I've read something about that. Yeah? It was almost like it was that safe of a place that you could leave your baby. In Finland? In Finland. I think, look,

If you're brave enough, I think you can leave a baby at a Walmart. No one's in the road. I don't know. I think you could leave it. I think someone that wants to steal a baby, you have to be, you know, you might go, hey, we should steal that baby. And someone's like, what are you going to do with the baby? And you're right. And then they would move on. I think it's, I mean, people are stealing babies, but you would have to, it'd have to be, you'd have to get someone that's prepared to steal a baby. Yeah. Yeah.

But, I mean, I'm definitely not going to – I was not saying we should leave babies. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't in this confidence. There was just a case locally where someone got carjacked and the baby was in the back seat and the car was found soon after abandoned. I mean, the baby was fine. Yeah. But I think, to your point, when that happens, people don't want that baby. I mean, it's not as easy to get the –

I don't know. It's not as, you know, you can't, how do you, you should probably get a cell to like some of the ones that adopt. That's just a lot. That's a little bit more, you know, why'd you steal a baby, dude? Just don't like we do, we do car radios. You think, you think you're like, you don't have someone that can do a baby. You're like, I mean, it's a whole nother world, dude. That's like, this is the big leagues right there. You know, that's, yeah. We just like steal stuff out of trucks. I don't know.

Paul Emmy Mueller. Hearing Nate give advice about healthy eating because he feels better after his week of homemade steak and burritos is like listening to a newlywed couple give relationship advice. Paul, let me tell you something. We have gone off the rails. So...

People don't understand. Me eating just homemade steak and burritos is a gigantic step. If you're eating processed food all the time, trust me, it is huge. And I'm just trying to give, because my problem with healthy, when people talk about eating healthy, people always say, I might have talked about it, but eating fruit, someone would be like, oh, you don't eat too much fruit.

No one's getting fat because they're eating too much fruit. No one is just a big guy. They're like, what do you do? I just have an orange problem. That's just not happening. But real healthy people, I do get the idea. You shouldn't eat that much fruit because there's sugar in the fruit. But for me, eat all the fruit you want. Do what everyone wants. The guy that's going to help me eat better...

which is Kluge Matt McQuiston is a strong man.

But he's really just like, I'm just trying to get you to eat at home. He's like, let's just eat at home, and then we will make adjustments from there. And that's what I'm saying. There's a lot of people that don't, I don't understand healthy stuff. But you've gone off the rails since then? You've been eating outside? You know, it's just people are in town. You got to go eat with someone. You don't realize how much you're like,

We have a buddy coming in this week, Justin Smith stopped by. He was doing a road gig. I'm starting to become the house. If a comic has a long road gig, I let them stay here.

Which, I mean, we're good friends with Justin. And so Justin was driving to Elon University. It's like a 17-hour drive from Oklahoma. So he came here and stayed, went and did the show, came back and stayed, and then drove back home. But, like, Justin was here, so then we'd go eat. And then, you know, you have the fight. You just, like, have, like, stuff. It's, like, very hard to...

for someone like me and I go I believe you should just go right let's just get a burger somewhere like you know so that's where I'm going but I do I do yeah I get it I'm not definitely not healthy when you say the fight you're talking about UFC the UFC fight yeah McGregor great fight Poirier great fight wow

The other kid, the one before him, Chandler, he's local. Nashville guy. Nashville guy. Trains here. So, yeah, UFC is – I love UFC. UFC – you may tell you what UFC does good, what they do so good, is their post-conference is wonderful. UFC is becoming one of my favorite leagues. How open and, like, they just talk about stuff is no league does it. I'm so tired of NFL interviews and –

You know, it was like, how was it? Well, the game was like, whatever, Bob. They say the same stuff. What are you going to do next year? They're like, I don't know what I'm going to do next year. And I get that they might, some might not know, but it's like, there's no answers. No one gets any answers out of these. They ask them the same dumb questions. They answer the same ways. You're interviewing Nick Saban after every... Yeah. What's he going to say? Well, they played hard. We didn't play hard. You're like, no one cares, dude. Like,

Give us something. Or don't do the interview. Yeah. You know all those interview moments that have gone viral and are famous among sports fans, like the playoffs. They are who we thought they were. There's like one of those every week in the UFC, I feel like. All the time. All the time. There's something entertaining and hilarious. So they do it. I mean, I watched a post. So Dana White goes, and he's – so the big question with UFC is Khabib.

Because Khabib retired, and so is he going to come back? And he hints that he would maybe come back, and he wanted to watch these fights, and he was like, let me see if anybody shows that they're great and I want to fight them, then I'll come back. And so he was not. So Dana White goes to the post-conference, and they said, the only question people want to know is,

Did Khabib think he'd want to fight one of these guys? Yeah. And he goes, yeah, I talked to Khabib and Khabib just said, Dana, be honest with yourself. I'm better than all these guys. It's a waste of my time to fight them. But Dana said that to us. Dana went from talking to Khabib and then told us. No league does that. If you're asking Tom Brady if he's going to come back every week,

There's not an answer. I don't know. I don't know. He's not going to go. There's no answer. Maybe. It's all this cat and mouse kind of game. And with Dana, it's like, no, no, talk to Khabib. He wasn't impressed with anybody. And they just openly just say everything. And that's, man, that is a breath of fresh air as far as watching. I mean, I watched the entire episode.

uh post conference yeah i mean it's an hour and a half i just watch everybody come out they call each other out they say what they want to go do dana says like he you know he doesn't always like say what kind of fights he's playing in but he kind of goes yeah i talked to him i'm trying to plan it let's see what happens see you know the being transparent right that is that's man it feels great and the ufc does a really good job at that and and they do a really good job of uh

having big fights you know yeah because I'm a big fan of UFC but I only know so many guys I'm not as I'm not into mixed martial arts where I know all like you know everybody I didn't really know who that Chandler guy was yeah but he had a good story and he was fun and uh alright Matthew Gerber Gerber from the Gerber the Gerber baby what if that's I mean he could be loaded Mr. 36 Donuts is making wheels no problem love it is there oh

That was it? No, that's just part of a larger issue, which is that I have no credibility anymore on this podcast. Any prediction I make, any statement is just... Oh, you're making it because you're making wills. I'm the guy who said he could eat 36 donuts and I ate 13. Yeah, and you said you can make wills.

Is that what he's saying? I said I could easily make a wheel, and Brian didn't think I could. Yeah. And none of our viewers or listeners did either. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. Nobody did. I didn't say it would be easy, man. I said I'd figure it out. As you go speak to the town and go, I think I want to try to make a wheel. And they go, oh, man. Are you going to like you ate 25 pineapples last week? Did he? Like, no, not even close.

And then people just walk off. I think you would be like the town crier. The town crier, yeah. You're just always yelling at me about these stuff. I'm going to make a will. And then you're like, we'll make it. You're like, I just want you all to know that I'm thinking about it. You know what my strategy is, though? This is my strategy in life. I had a friend in college who played beer pong a lot, and he would always call every shot.

You know? Yeah. And you miss most of them, but you remember the ones that you make. Yeah. And we're like, oh, I called it. You know? Yes. That's my strategy. Long term. That is, yeah. Long term. That is true. You do it. You got to be around enough different people to do that. So your network of people you're saying that to, you can't be the same people. Right. Because they're going to see through it. That's true. So I'm done on this podcast. I can't do it again. You can't do it anymore. But elsewhere in life. Hey, your other podcast that y'all started during this one, maybe y'all could do it.

Aaron Land. Aaron Land. When is it Aaron? Right in the middle of Nate Land. Cranjis McBasketball. McBasketball. Cranjis McBasketball.

It's crazy. That guy's real name. Penguin. Penguin is one thing, but how about how Brianna pronounces wheel? Wheel? How do you say it? Probably like me. You both say it the same way. A few people pointed out I say wheel. I say wheel. And how are you supposed to say it? Wheel. Wheel. Yeah. Wheel. Yeah, we don't do enough wheel. Oil. Oil. That's how you're supposed to say it. We say oil. Yeah. I got to get my oil changed. I say that a lot if someone's outside of... Yeah. Yeah.

talks like me, they're like, what? And then it's like, it's a tinfoil. I don't even say it. Tinfoil. I go, I say motor oil. Cause I'd know that you're at least put that together. Yeah. I mean, I bet he always say tinfoil. Yeah. Yeah. We just do. That's how we, that's how it is. Wheel. I talked about when they had to change all the words for me on a wheel, David Robertson, for your information, wiki is a Hawaiian term that means quick.

I only know this because I visited my brother on a naval basis in Hawaii and we had to take the Wiki Wiki bus from Honolulu airport. It means quick, quick. It is now germane to looking things up quickly online. Wiki, Wiki Wiki bus. That's a very funny bus to take. You're not on that long, but it's fun to, by the time you stop laughing, you're off. Joseph Wolniski.

Wonsky, Nate, a gasp is a breath in, not a breath out. You kept excelling when reacting Aaron's gasp about the iPhone. It sounded like you were exasperated, not amazed. Reenacting. I was a lot of things during that. Yeah, I saw some people commented on...

All Things Comedy posted that clip. And then people were commenting. I saw those. They're like, yeah, dude, were you not impressed with the iPhone? The idea that people understand anything about comedy. To go, yeah, dude, what do you think? I'm just like, no, I'm not, bro. I'm not impressed by the iPhone. I mean, my God.

The podcast should just be like, wow, I gasped. Yeah, you should have. It was a new iPhone. Next thing. Let's move on to the next thing. I mean, people just take the... They suck the fun out of life, dude. Everything's so serious. Bradley Geck. I would love to see Aaron call and try to cancel his gym membership live on the podcast. Keep up the good work, folks. We should do it. We should... Have you canceled it? No. And then...

Yeah, I mean, there's no way. More than one person suggested this. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think we do it. We're posted on. Yeah, maybe we should do it. Okay, I'll do it whenever, man. Yeah. I literally just keep forgetting until we talk about it. And I dread phone calls. Yeah. You know, I just dread them. Yeah, because we can hook up like the phone call and stuff and all that.

Yeah, yeah. All right, we'll do it. Try to do it next week. All right. He's already canceled on his podcast. Yeah. Yeah. He'll reenact it for us. Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah, yeah. So, all right. Sorry. A couple things that we've had happen recently is we've noticed, speaking of Weekie...

Our Wikipedia pages have been updated. Yeah, dude. It's so great. Yeah. Or mine. Yeah, yours. On July 8th, 2020, Bargetze started a podcast titled The Nate Land Podcast, which is available on YouTube and Spotify. Bargetze co-hosts a lighthearted podcast with fellow comedians Brian, Boo Boo Bear, Bates.

And Aaron liked the grill Weber. The podcast revolves around the three hosts picking a seemingly benign topic like calendars or weather and then spiraling hilarious downhill to the point where Nate usually declares the topic the

The worst they've ever chosen are declaring himself confused and incredulously asking his fellow co-hosts questions about everything, everyday things. The podcast has been touted as a show about nothing, and the hosts frequently make references inside jokes out of the TV sitcom Seinfeld in the office. A frequent tradition is for Nate to open the show with hello folks, deemed the official name for Nateland podcast followers. The first 30 minutes is usually dedicated to comments from viewers, listeners about the previous show.

Typical comments are usually raves about the previous topic, people adding facts or correcting the group, and most hilariously, expressing their disdain for Bargetze, Bates, or Weber or the show as a whole.

Bargetzi famously stumbles through reading the comments, usually ending up with some rant or comic bit in the process. The show has received great critical acclaim with reviews doubling it insightful and lighthearted as well as ridiculously funny. Recently, Weber was fan diagnosed with gout at the young age of 28, and his scary gout foot is now a running gag.

And after having this name mistaken early in the series, Brian is now frequently referred to by the wrong name. First name often started with the letter B. He has affectionately been referred to as Brisket, Barnacle, Butterball, and even just Worried Bates. The latter referring to Bates' generally worried-looking resting face. My personal life, Bargetze currently resides in Mount Juliet, Tennessee at a home with no front door. Ha ha ha.

He lives with his wife, Lorraine Baines Bargetzi, daughter Tallulah, brother Wolf, and dog Macaroni Bargetzi. Man, that's a lot. That is great. That's funny. Whoever did that, man, it's really, really good.

Yeah. I mean, we're going to send some people your way. Just go. When they want to know, just go. Yeah, just go read my Wikipedia. That describes it. I'm pretty on board with all of that. Yeah. It kind of says it great. Worf is a callback to the very first episode. Yeah. Lorraine Baines Bargatze.

Lorraine Baines-Bergetzi. I love it. It says, every episode spirals downhill to the point where Nate declares the topic the worst they've ever chosen. That's happened quite a bit. It happened today, probably. Yeah, I mean, I'm hoping. I did want to, we were talking about eating, or talking about eating out like eight the other day. This has nothing to do with anything except chives.

These places got to chill out on these chives, man. They're throwing it on everything. Everything. What happened? I had it on eggs. It's loaded with chives. It's like I said, eggs and extra chives. And I ordered it thinking no chives. And it looks like I asked for extra. No tomatoes, no onions restaurant that I want to open. But people throw chives around like it's... You're going to make it no chives too, this restaurant? Well, that's an onion.

Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Chive's an onion. I didn't know it was. Yeah, it's an onion. When I worked at the country club, I'd throw chives on everything. That was part of my job as the expo guy. Yeah. They'd give me the plate and just add chives. You'd just sprinkle some in. Yeah. It's low impact, and it makes it look better, dude. So you just kind of add those. It doesn't make it look, A. It makes it look great. Where I'm going, there's not a design in the chives. It is just plumped on there.

If there's a heart around my eggs and chives, then we can talk. Yeah. But they're just thrown on there. Making a heart. But just adding some green to the plate does wonders. No one... For plate presentation. Who's... Look, come on, dude. What are we at? The nicest restaurant on earth? No. I'm talking about every day...

You have to say no chives. I swear. I think I've had chives. I think someone's had chives on dessert before, on ice cream. I'm almost positive I did somewhere. That I could be making up completely. But in my head, it happened. Because they always give me, I don't think to ask. And now I've gotten better. I try to get better where I just go in and I always go, no chives. I know you. Because we just act like it. Dude, chives were banned from this country.

Not too long ago. And one of the greatest times of my life.

Oh, because there was an outbreak of something? Yeah. And so they had to just get rid of chives. Like a coli or something? And I mean, I ate out every day with just complete confidence. I mean, I felt like a normal person not having to say, no, I don't want any something. I was like, yeah, just bring it out. As long as no chives are being thrown around. Chives and onion. An onion is a tasty, it's not, you know, what is it? Parsley? Parsley is like, that's what you put on. That's like a show.

If you want to bring the plate out to be nice. Where I worked, man, we did it with chives, dude. And that was like my main job was just to add chives to stuff. So that's hilarious. I'm surprised you didn't know that it was an onion. I don't know. It's just green. It's little circles that are green, right? Yeah. But it's an onion. I never thought about what it is. I know. They're just there in a little bowl and I would just sprinkle them in. I know. It's just insane to me that we're just throwing...

Someone could order no onions and they still put chives on it. Yeah. And that's because it's like just, oh, it's decoration. I don't need direct, you know, I'm ordering the food. Yeah. I'm ordering eggs. I would like to eat the eggs. Yeah. I don't, when you sit down and I don't think anybody's walked out of a restaurant because the plate looked, it was like, ugh, this looks pretty rough. Put like a, lay a rose on the plate.

I'd be fine with that. You want to do some plate presentation? Maybe don't do white plates. Do a different color plate. How about that? But have you walked out of a restaurant because there were chives on your eggs? I don't go back. Oh, okay. All right. I know that they... Look, no one cares about this chive problem. Clearly, no one's...

I just wanted to publicly get it out there. No one cares. Everybody's just, because you assume you're supposed to just be fed chives is what you assume. You're just like, it is what it is. You get chives. They come with chives. But it's like you don't ever, they don't say it in the description, so I don't know to not ask for it. Right. Yeah. It's just like, oh, yeah, we are just putting onions on everything, and it's a problem. I mean, it's a problem for me.

Yeah, I don't like chives either. They put it on baked potato. Yeah. A lot of stuff. Yeah. Baked potato, you at least know that usually that kind of goes with... Yeah, that's part of a loaded baked potato. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's like if you, but they throw it on stuff where you don't expect it. And then you're like, what are these doing? They're throwing on pasta, like, and they're just sprinkling. And it's just, you can't get that out. You can't get that out. I just try to pick it out. And it's just, it's like, you know, it's like when Kramer's chewing gum in the dough that he made where it just gets mixed in. You're like, yeah, you're not getting it out. Yeah. Eggs are tough to scrape it off too. Yeah. Yeah.

Because then you get them over medium. A little yolk, it's like surgery because you can't pop that yolk yet. So, all right. This is what I have to do. But I wanted to make a point.

I'm hoping there's a change. It's a good segue to our topic because this guy had a job chive placer. That's right, dude. Yeah. Today we were going to talk about jobs, kind of odd jobs that we've had. Yeah. Where did you work at? I worked at a country club in Hendersonville called Bluegrass Country Club. Oh. You played golf there? I did. My mid-am. I tried out for a mid-am tournament at Bluegrass. I got a hat from them. I've wore it. I'll wear it again. But like...

Yeah, I did my mid-am tournament. Didn't make it. I'm trying to do real tournaments. It was a very funny, we do this mid-am tournament, so if anybody doesn't know. And the other thing about golf, we talk about golf. Anybody, like, I could go try to make the U.S. Open.

Like you can go, you can go qualify in these, all these small areas. That's what open means, right? That's what open means. I mean, there's no, you know, if you want to play in the NFL, you're not just like, Hey, go try every year. And, but so golf, they have like amateur tournaments, mid amateur tournaments. And so mid amateurs is, you know, I'm about, that's where I'm at. And you try to make a cut and then you can go play in like the state mid AM. You play like a full four round thing.

So I played in it last year. I'm going to try playing it every year. I like, it was so much fun. It's real, real golf, real tournament. You know, the rules are all birdied the first hole and then kind of crumbled after that.

But one guy we played with, he shot so bad. And I think he's a good golfer. It just wasn't going for him. And, I mean, he was all over the place, dude. And the 10th, we get on number 10, which is kind of by that restaurant. And they got water on the par three. He hits it into the sand, goes in the water, and then has to go back to the sand to play. So anyway, then like, I think goes in the water. I mean, he gets in like an eight or nine on this par three. And then he just comes over to us and takes his head off. He goes, all right, boys, I got a long drive ahead of me. I'm going to get out of here.

Which is the funniest way to put it. He just quit. He's like, this isn't happening. And just to go, I got a long drive ahead of me. He was like, yeah. And you're like, I'm going to go. And he just left. And he just left after because it was like it was over. Right. But it was very fun to do. But yeah, that was your bluegrass. Well, they didn't let me anywhere near the golf course. Yeah. I worked at the kitchen mostly as an expo food runner. What does that mean? So they get a ticket and they prepare the whole plate.

And then it was my job to take the plates and put them on a big tray and then bring them out. So I just kept track of what was going where. But the expo was also, you did a lot of little things like add chives to stuff or... Yeah, I've done. You're standing in the... The cooks are putting the stuff up there. I'm on the other side from the line cooks. Yeah. I've done that. Just stacking everything. That's kind of a fun job. You had to take it too? Or would you give it to someone else? Yeah, then I'd run it out to the restaurant. So you were expo and runner. Mm-hmm. What does expo mean? It's...

Expose, expedite, like get everything ready to be taken out. So the cooks are just putting the plate up there and then you're going in like, you know, I did it at Applebee's and, uh, and you just kind of look and you go, all right, this is ready. You know, table 35 chicken, whatever broccoli chicken Alfredo.

broccoli on the side. That's how I would do it. And I'm really just not eating it. I'm just ordering broccoli on the side just so my wife doesn't go, we should get it. Because I'd rather just go, just leave it in the kitchen. And then, so then you put the receipt on the bowl and then, or so the person, either the, usually the server comes and gets it or he's doing it all. Right. Which I imagine a country club is not as, it's not like an Applebee's. It's not like a restaurant where it says high volume.

No, not super high volume, but it's always funny. Well, I used to compare it to the great analogy I heard was like a geese swimming.

on the on a pond yeah you know on the outside it looks very smooth and then you go under the water and it's chaos just to walk from like the the dining room with this country club back to the kitchen where it's just animals back there just everybody yelling and cursing and everything else yeah yeah they got pretty hectic that's a big saying where they do the like a duck and so don't show them all the hard work that you're doing right usually they do it for like

more things than just be an expo at a restaurant that that analogy would be for you know a michael jordan tiger woods that's usually where someone says you know i mean it's like it's like people hang that poster on the wall when they're trying to be a professional ballerina when they're six years old and they're

toes are bleeding and it's going, don't show them all your hard work. But I would imagine, yeah, also running food is a long, I was the Michael Jordan of expo. You were, I think you were very good at it. That's a big analogy. I mean that, do you know that analogy is like they, you just, you only know that analogy from them at that restaurant. No, I mean, I just wonder it. You never, you miss, uh, that's the only thing I've used it for. You miss a hundred percent of the shots that you take. Wayne Gretzky, Michael Scott, Aaron Weber. Yeah.

It's something we used to say that my country club do. We always said the grass is always greener on the other side. Yeah. That would be very funny to only be called bluegrass, bluegrass. Yeah. The only, the only, uh, all your references are just like all these things. You're like, where'd you hear that? You're like, ah, this guy used to work with. You're like, it's a big saying, man. Like, uh,

uh yeah it's well it rushed i did like that about waiting tables i love the idea of waiting tables it is it is the chaos of when you're like in the world it used to i used to when you wait tables i was you know what everybody's eating that you're serving you kind of know where they're at you know that they probably need drinks now they probably need this and so it's like what's going on your head you couldn't even describe like describe it it's

Your brain is just going. And it is. Inside the kitchen is nuts. Yeah. Screaming, yelling, all this stuff. And then you go outside, it's like, hello. Exactly. And you're presenting yourself. Right. My favorite part of that job, I'm just remembering this, my favorite part of the job is...

The upper level of bluegrass, you're not allowed to wear shorts. Yeah. This is a country club. So I got to... We got to take turns kicking people out that were wearing shorts. And that was like the most fun you could have. You loved it. It was the most... It was the only moment where you had any power at that place. You know, you're just an idiot with like a black tux on standing there. And then some dude would wear and have like flannel shorts on. And you have to walk up and tell him to leave. It was so great, dude. I remember this guy had green...

flannel. She had just got done playing golf, so he just came up to eat, and I had to walk up and go, excuse me, sir, only long pants are permitted up here. He's like, these are $180 shorts. I was like, well, you can go down to our pro shop. You can get some long pants down there. It was like the one thing we had. So when you saw somebody with shorts, you're like, oh, this is going to be a good day. Yeah, so you enjoyed it. Yeah, especially because I was an expo. I wasn't getting tips from these people. If I were a server, I would have been more delicate about it, but

Like a 19-year-old kid with no money, you get to go tell these guys. These rich guys. Exactly. You get to tell them they have to leave. Yeah. Feels pretty good. Yeah. They could go eat downstairs in shorts. Yeah, they could go eat at the card room or whatever downstairs. Yeah, on the parking lot. Yeah. Hey, buddy, you got to get out. Look, there's a Cap'n D's open across the street. You got to take your dumb legs over there, or you can go buy some pants. You're just ruthless with these guys. Yeah.

Hey, Mr. Johnson, there's an Arby's that's about to close if you want to take those hot legs over there. Otherwise, if you want any of what we're doing in here, let's class it up a little bit. We need you and your white calves to get out of here right now. I need you and your black socks to beat it. You know what I mean? I worked at a golf course. I worked at...

uh, Hermitage golf course. When my first job, the Opryland also Opryland theme park and Hermitage were my first two, uh, when you're young jobs. And, uh, we lived down the street from, well, Hermitage golf course. We could never have played there growing up. It was expensive to play there, but then there's all these trees and then the street we lived on. So I could walk down our street and then cut through these trees to get to the golf course. And, uh,

I mean, it would look like just like a poor person's entrance into this golf. You know, like how we got to go in just like through, like I'm going like under a fence and thorns. And then you're like, hey, it's in a parking lot. And so I worked at Hermes Golf Course and we did, we do driving range, pick up the balls, cleaning carts. I loved it. I get the idea. There's a lot of retired guys that,

work at golf courses, and I get it. I get it. They're just retired. It's not like they need really any giant income coming in. They like to golf. They like to be around golf. I mean, I totally get it. You just get carts. You kind of help people out. You like helping people out, telling them what to do. It's fun. We worked there at the driving range. I remember our driving range cart at Hermitage, when we would pick it up,

they the cards so it's usually it's metal fences all around you because people are hitting golf balls you know and while you're driving around but the back of our thing wasn't metal it was a net and the net wasn't tied down to anything so if a ball hit it it just comes in it's i mean it doesn't fall it stays in the net but it just hits you so you would just be getting hit

All the time. You would have to make turns quick. Yeah. Because you just couldn't. Because you're like, I'm going to get drilled. They're trying to hit you too, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't try to hit the cart.

now really anymore i feel like it's a younger man's once you get older you kind of get over it but yeah you got some young kids out there i mean that's all they're trying to do like they you just watch their body turn wherever you go like it's and they're trying to act like they're not but you're like i see you moving i see you going he's right why i mean no one no one is practicing that range he going i'm gonna go to the right side and left side the whole time they kind of pick a flag and that's what they're

and they're just trying to drill you, and you just whoosh. And when it hits, dude, you don't see it. It just whoosh, and it just kind of goes. There's another driving range in Hermanns. They put a car out there, which I thought was a pretty good idea. Yeah, I've been to that one. Yeah, just set a real car. Just put it in the middle of the driving range, and people just aim at that car. That kind of distracts. That's like the red flag with the bull if you're picking up range balls. You just got something else out there for all these maniacs to hit at.

But I worked there. We had one cart break, almost went in the water, the lake. That was fun. We're trying to pull it up down the hill. The brakes went out? No, it's one of the stupider, you know, I do stupid things, but just dumb 16-year-old. It ran out of juice, and so it was down at the bottom of this hill. So we're trying to pull it up, and there's a lake. And so we tied just like a hose.

from one cart to the other hose yeah and then both got in the first car and drove which is like why do you not one of us stay in the other car so we just press the brake but you know you're just 16 and so we both just get in the other car and then of course it breaks because it's a hose yeah and it's running down the hill and i have to run next to it and i get the wheel turn just enough to hit a tree yeah otherwise it was just in the right in the water i mean just in the water

Yeah. Yeah. I loved it. It was a fun job to have at that age, man. Yeah. It's a perfect, it's a job. Yeah. It's a job that I, yeah. I wish I would have stayed at it longer than I did. I, you know, I mean, I was like 16. They used to have the LPGA out there and the Hermitage and I would carry the scorecard for that. And so that's cool. Sarah Lee classic. Sarah Lee classic. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I mean, I always walked there. It was like, it was, it was great. And so we would do that. And then I worked at Opryland. I've never had real jobs.

Like I worked one sales, I worked in one office building and we were on a sales team and we would make sales calls and they moved me down to the mailroom and all my buddies stayed up in the top. So usually the mail, you move up from the mailroom and go to the top. And I was at the top and then went to the bottom. I mean, I remember riding in the elevator and

And then they open and they go, you all just work down here. And I went in and the male guy's like, how you doing? And then I just went and worked with him. And where was this? At Lifeway. Yeah.

I used to, when I, it was like out of high school and you were supposed to do just sales calls. Yeah. And I just wasn't good at it. So they, they, they go, all right. And they moved me down to the mailroom and I wrote, I remember riding, it was a long elevator down. I mean, you're going to the mailroom, you know, mailroom's not on floor 19. Right, right.

You're going below where the lobby. Yeah. You're going, what's down here? That's where the mail comes in and you're going to be delivering it. And all my friends are at the top. Were you reading scripts like that for the sales calls? I think so. I don't even really remember, but I think so. It was like reading scripts or, you know, whatever it was.

But I just wasn't good at it. I'd love to see you do that. Yeah. Hello, please welcome, or please call something. I don't know. You asked him over the phone how to pronounce the word? Yeah. How you doing? Ney Bargetzi. I'm going to come at you. How do you feel about this word? How would you say this? I'm trying to think what's a nice big word. Neanderthal. Neanderthal. Just to go. You know, these aren't the...

n e i just start spelling it they're like what's that you go what's that word they go neanderthal go these aren't those times anymore yeah i was that could be a good selling call just to start spelling a word if you just throw them off they're like what's that yeah do sales calls still work people call you know they call your phone all the time does that work i i that was my last job before i quit

It went full-time standup was doing that. I made zero sales in all the time that I worked at this company, but I made hundreds and hundreds of phone calls, cold calls to people. And I couldn't, I never could get good at it. Cause I'm sitting there thinking if I were this guy, I'd be like so annoyed that this dude's calling me. So I just, I started to try to be like, hello. And I go, Hey, this is Aaron with this company. I'd love to just talk about like,

what you got going on? The guy's like, why? I'm like, maybe, maybe, maybe see, you know, I could sell you anything. He's like, no, we're not interested. I just couldn't figure out how to frame it. You know, it's just, it's just, I'm not, some people are good at that. Yeah. To just cold call people. I could never separate myself.

The company I worked at, they were even like, just say a different name if you want. And just like get in character. And I was like, I can't do that. Separating yourself is a good way to put it. That is a... I can't do that either. Like you can't... Yeah, there's a lot of people that can like, oh, I do like a different accent. Like it's fun to them to be this character. And I can't... Separate yourself is a very... There's a good analogy. Yeah. That sounds like something out of the back of a restaurant. Yeah.

And that's a really good analogy. You can't separate yourself. Because that's all I ever felt with all this stuff. I'm me. So whatever I'm... It's not a made-up person asking you. It's me. And I feel like you're going to be like...

You feel like the person's going to be like, come on, Aaron. You know I don't want to do this. And you go, I know, dude. They're making me. I'm sorry. I should never. I feel bad. That's what you feel. I always wanted to say that on a phone call. Like, listen, dude. I have to make this call. I don't care. I don't want to. You can't do that. I would be the worst at sales. I've never done it because I know I'd be bad at it. I don't want to bother you. Did you have any jobs? What was your weird? You worked at Channel 5, but I mean, you haven't bounced around a lot.

I mean, my first job in high school, I've had jobs that aren't odd in them stuff. They're odd to think I did them. Yeah. I worked at a trucking company. Yeah. I worked for tobacco farmers. Yeah. Did you really? What'd you do at the tobacco farm? Just every level of tobacco from planting it to cutting it to harvesting it. Really? Yeah.

Well, these were different times back then. Well, they were. I just can't see you working on a farm. I mean, no offense. I grew up in the country, and my summer, like in the summer of college, I would just help these farmers out doing...

I feel like someone just went to your dad. Someone just sees you, like this silhouette of you out there, and be like, that's nice. You got his daughter out there helping him. And your dad's like, that's my boy. I couldn't keep up. You're right about that. The setting part's fun. First, you set the tobacco plants, and that's kind of fun. You sit on the back of a tractor, and you just sit back there, and you and a buddy, and this wheel goes around. You take turns planning the...

put it in this wheel and the wheel puts it in the ground. Yeah. It's kind of fun. You just get back there and hang out and talk and do it. Do you work with friends? Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. These are guys I knew growing up. Yeah. Yeah. I got fired from my first job. Really? Trucking company. Yeah. What happened? Uh, well, I wasn't fit out fit for blue collar, blue collar world trucking company. Um, I mean, my job was to watch. You were doing a lot of gasping at all the stuff you were hearing. Yeah.

They had me move one of the trucks, one of the 18-wheelers. Oh, boy. And that's not easy when you don't know what you're doing. Yeah. Backed it in, and I hit like a bus. And, I mean, I wasn't a good employee anyway, probably. And I think this was just a way for them to fire me. How old were you at this point? I was in high school. Oh, man. A high school kid to move a truck like that? Yeah. And I think it was probably between my junior or senior year. Did other kids do it, though?

A buddy of mine, my best friend got me on there working there and I was making like 375 an hour or something like that. I think I remember making 375 or 425 maybe was my first minimum wage job. But yeah, they, but then they didn't fire me that day. But the next day I came in and the guy called me in his office and I had to go in early, like at 6am and he called me in his office and,

He fired me. And I just had to drive home. And my parents, like, they ain't left for work yet. Yeah. And I got home. And they're like, what are you doing home? I had to tell them I got fired. It crushed me. It was like the worst thing ever. To have to tell my parents I got fired from my first job. Yeah, not a good start. No. That's hilarious. I did all, like...

trucking kind of, I mean, I've driven like box trucks. My buddy, we worked at a Hunter's delivery and we would deliver all these, um, I'd have to drive trucks there. And, uh, which we scraped the top. So the top of a truck, like a box truck is a aluminum, uh,

And so, like, you would drive in some of these driveways down the middle of nowhere. And, like, you have a tree. You got to avoid the trees. And I'm kind of like, you'd hear them sometimes. Sometimes they would just kind of go over it. You just hear, like, a little bit of a noise. And so I'm hearing that as we're backing up. And I'm like, you know, we just go, I don't know, hopefully nothing. And then so we drive to downtown, actually, a block over, first avenue from where that bomb went off.

And we're delivering a thing up there. And I get, we get this guy, I go to open the door and deliver this mattress. And right when I open it, it opens up about a foot and it won't move. And I see sunlight inside the truck. And I'm like, Oh no. And I look and I mean, it is just the whole tops ripped open, just trees inside of it. I mean, I just wrecked the entire truck.

And then so we have to like get the thing kind of barely open to then get the mattress to deliver it. So then we get up there and the guy, I remember he goes, we're like, man, this apartment is nice. He goes, oh, you got to come check the view out. And we go out to look at the view and just look down and I just see the top of that truck. And I was like, oh, it was just gone. The top of it was just ripped open. So you drove underneath a tree and you just took it off? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It just, it scraped on top of it. Yeah. And so like something caught in, but it's like an aluminum. Yeah. So it's not like this real thick. Yeah. And it just ripped it, peeled it back like nothing. That was my, as like odd jobs, like that was a very fun job that I had where I don't, I remember, I always say that I would go, if I, you know, when comedy falls apart,

But like if I didn't do comedy and I had another job, like starting a delivery company, my buddy Jimmy Hunter did it. And he, I always liked that. Like he always worked for himself. We did a bunch of different stuff. We weren't, we delivered for Sears for a little bit. We did Lowe's. You did a lot of odd things and it puts you in a lot of funny situations. Um,

which I are, you know, I just loved and, uh, I love doing them. And we, I mean, I went to, I've been to a pagan wedding. Have I talked about all this stuff? I've been to a pagan wedding before because of, uh,

the Hunter's delivery. Me and Jimmy, he was going to do some delivering. He would have all these trucks, so he had a contract with Lowe's. They were doing it in Lexington, Kentucky. We would drive to Lexington, and we went up there, and we were training the guys that were going to start driving the trucks, and then we would have came back. We're training these guys, and we meet this one kid. He's 18. He's marrying a

we meet his wife he said he was engaged about to get married and she's 44 years old and he's 18 and so it's just not good and when you meet her and the relationship and of all you can just tell it's not good you're like yo man you're 18 don't get married to you know she's 44 you know it's like

just you got so many you're so young just be don't do this and uh but he's you know he doesn't care like so he wants to do it so i mean we don't even know this guy we've been we've kind of been working with him for a week he invites us to his wedding and we're like you know all right i guess we gotta go you know we're like i don't i mean we don't even know his last name we don't know him yeah

And so we go, all right, we're going to go. And so we're, I remember, forget me, me and Jimmy are driving to the pagan wedding and a train, we get stuck behind a train. And so he calls him and says, hey,

you know, we're like, just go ahead and do the wedding. Like we're not going to, we're a train just stopped and not doing, they go, we're going to wait for you. And you know, you want to just be like, man, we don't know you. Yeah. Just start the wedding. But it's a guy that's like, I'm sure people know these kinds of guys. I don't think they really have any family or who, you know, it's like, if you come in their life at all, you're in their life. And then, you know, it's a big deal to be at someone's wedding to be like, I don't know this person. Yeah.

And so we get there, and the wedding's – it's pagan. She's pagan. I don't even know what pagan is. What does that mean? I think it's like nature. What was different about the wedding? I mean, the fact that 44 and 18 – I don't know. They're just saying not typical Christian things. Pagan was the least weird thing about the wedding, it sounds like. Isn't pagan like –

non-religious wildlife like polytheistic yeah yeah whatever i still don't know uh i knew i wasn't comfortable with it i knew you know at this point i'm like i've never heard of this yeah they might as well they could have said anything and so we go out to this park and we walk over their friends like doing it and we all stand at one point oh they asked me to film it so i'm filming it

The wedding, which is insane. So I get like their camera and now I've got to film the wedding. Was there a lot of people there? No. Yeah. And 15. Okay. And so I'm filming the wedding and so I'm going around filming it if I could ever. It'd be great. So we're filming it and then he puts us all in a circle and then he starts making some kind of chanting and going around the circle. Ah.

And so then now we're getting pretty uncomfortable. And now I'm like, well, I don't know if this is his. And I'm kind of like, I'm trying to get back. I'm trying to back out of the circle. I don't want some circle curse made on me and I was inside of it. And so I'm trying to break it and just be like, I got to film. So I need to back off a little bit. And so I remember I'm filming him go around the circle. And then I go and I film my buddy Jimmy. And I mean, I had to move off of him because Jimmy's looking at me. He goes...

Like, so their whole wedding video is just Jimmy being like, what? And like, and so I just kind of moved off him because I thought, well, I don't want, I don't want to make fun of their wedding day. But we are not thrilled with what's going on. And so then they got married and we went to, I think, Applebee's or Chili's. Bought them, you know, took them all to eat. Jimmy bought all their meals and stuff. Jimmy was a great guy. Like, he was like, that's where...

I mean, he is a great guy. But he's a very friendly guy and a very... I think I have some of...

I learned stuff from him. He was a very... He took them out to eat afterwards. I'm paying for all this at your wedding. That kind of like, no, don't you pay. I got it. That kind of attitude. Always taking people with him. I met him at Applebee's. He came to Applebee's when me and Laura were working there. He would always sit there. They would always come there and drink beers after they got done. They all sit at this one round table. I ended up working with him for a long time. I still talk to him. He comes to shows and we...

And I mean, I worked with him and like, I met him at that table. Like he's a guy like that. That's like this guy, you know what? Come, you should come and work for me. Like that kind of niceness. Yeah. And just, it's, it's yeah. It just was, I don't know. It was great. And it was like, I always loved that. He just always like finding his own thing to do and had these trucks and would have to do it. I mean, we would deliver to, I mean, delivering, I mean, delivered to my, my one ghost story.

I've talked about this sometimes on stage, but my one ghost story is we go to this old house in Belmont, around the Belmont area, kind of Nashville area. And we're delivering this old house. It's a twin mattress. Me and my buddy Jamie Mueller. I'm standing in the back of the truck. We go up, knock on the door, and the guy's not coming to the door. But since I'm standing on the truck that's up higher,

I can see inside the guy's house and I'm seeing like a silhouette walking back and forth. And I'm like, the dude's right there. And I'm like, dude, it's a silhouette. It's, I'm watching a human being walk back and forth. And I'm like, he, I was like, I don't know how this guy's not hearing us.

Ring the doorbell, knock on the door. It's insane. And he's just walking back and forth. And so we go to leave. You put a note, and we're like, whatever. And so we go to leave, and the guy comes to the door, and he's got a towel on, and he's wet. And he said, I was in the shower. And I just was like, I don't believe. I was like, that's such a weird thing to say you were doing. I was watching you walk around.

And then Jamie goes in and delivers the mattress and he goes, Jamie just says, hey, this seems like an old house. He's like, oh yeah. He goes, this house was on Unsolved Mysteries. There's a ghost that lives here. I'm surprised you didn't see him. And so then that made me think, I was like, that's what I was seeing. And like what I say in the joke on stage, it was like, that was either I was seeing a ghost, which happened, or the only other thing that could have happened was that guy walks around his house in a towel

It doesn't answer the door when people are knocking on it, but you can still see him. And then right before you leave, he pours water on his head and lies to you and says, I was in the shower, which I don't know which one I would want it to be. I like both of those things. That's my joke. Cause I would like, I would love both of those things. Uh, that we got shot at, got caught in a drive-by shooting. I think I was about, uh, this all might be stuff I'm trying to talk about on stage coming up just so everybody knows.

we delivered this old mattress in Nashville. I mean, a refrigerator. We were doing a refrigerator this time. And I remember we delivered this old lady who was a dead cat behind the refrigerator. So we moved it, and there's just a cat there. And she goes, oh, that's where that cat's been. She was super old, I think was kind of not all there. And there's just a dead cat that she just thought ran away, and it was dead behind the refrigerator.

And then we put the new refrigerator in just back over it because we don't... We're not a dead cat remover. We just feel like kind of like, eh, just kind of put it back and you're like, I don't know. You know what I mean? And then we go, we're driving and we make a turn and we're driving back up this other street and we hear...

We hear like pop, pop, pop, pop. And I remember seeing a kid in front of us and he took off running. I thought he set off fireworks because he was like bent down in the street. It looked like he lit firecrackers and then just took off running. And he just took off running. And we're like, what is that? And we like look in the mirror and there's a car is pulled up to a house behind us. And just like they're just lighting up this house.

And so they're just shooting this house. And then we're in a truck and we're kind of, you know, it's a big truck. And so we're kind of blocking the road and they shoot at us. And it goes through the back of the truck, a bullet, and comes out to the top of the truck where I'm sitting right over my head. Maybe, maybe, I don't know, this big, like, what is that? Four feet, three feet, three feet above my head.

bullet comes out so they shot us so we pull over and then they we watched them take off and then just uh and like run a red light they had to get out of there where was this uh nashville like broadway i mean like not not broadway uh if you got off church street like you know left church not downtown church street but you make a left like i feel like back in those back in that area

over there. That's crazy. Yeah. Did you ever see the guy again who got married? No. So you have no idea if that marriage worked out? I mean, I would be blown, I would be blown away. Yeah. If it did. I hope it did. I mean, she would be in her 60s and he's, he would be, he's got to be a little bit younger than me. I was probably 20. Yeah. I mean, I might've been 21 or 22. And so, and he's 18. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, he's 38. She's,

60, 66? 64. Yeah, 64. Yeah, 67. Like, I mean, you know. And he's 38. Oh my gosh, man. And he wasn't marrying her for money. I tell you, I mean, it wasn't, you know. Yeah, yeah. The 15-person pagan wedding? Yeah. I'll let you know. Actually, I've never...

smoked or dipped in my life, but I did get nicotine poisoning from working in tobacco. Yeah. Yeah. We were, uh, when the cutting the tobacco one time and it rained a lot and the leaves were really, really wet and we'd worked out in the field all day and we got done. We went home, our super wise me and the guys were doing with, and we're going to go out that night. And then I just started feeling sick. I was like, Oh my God. I started throwing up. And then, um,

I called one of them and said, hey, man, I'm not going to make it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sick or something. He's like, we're all sick.

And it affected all of us. Somehow it got in our pores or something. It seeped into our pores, the wet leaves or something. Yeah. And they just... I mean, that's our diagnosis, nicotine poisoning. Yeah. It was the guy in charge who said that. So I was like, I guess he knows what he's talking about. Hmm. Did you feel great for a little bit and then you felt sick? I just remember feeling sick. Yeah. What are some other odd jobs that you've looked up? Online dating ghostwriter. $24 an hour for this. So...

I'm sure you've never done online dating. No. No, I never have. You've never done it. Well, I'm a professional online dater. No more, but I was. You're a rare success story for online dating, right? I mean. Well, success story. I don't know if it's rare, but you think most of them don't work out?

I think the overwhelming majority of them don't. Yeah. We'll see. We'll see. But anyway. It was like the Cubs winning a World Series when he did it, when he got married. He's been playing that. They've just seen Brian. They were just like, they hung him up. That's how people were rooting for him, like the Cubs. You know what? I'd like to just see him win more. Yeah, right.

I'll tell you that. Well, I have that joke. I mean, I've been on social, on those dating sites since the beginning. My username on eHarmony is just Brian. Yeah. Is it? Because I was the first one. But. Do you remember hearing about dating apps first? And were you like, whoa. How did you hear about them?

Because this is before TV and stuff, right? Radio ads. I'm kidding. Yeah, radio. How did you, yeah, how did you? Television, I guess. Yeah, just a TV ad is a whole new thing. You can date online now? Yeah, I think so. I just remember when the dot-com boom just took off and just, do you remember that? Just everything's just like. Yeah, everything was like a website. I remember making my first comedy website. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Like when you had to just do it and you just make it yourself. Yeah. And it was like, you had a website. I built websites as a kid. Yeah. I had a Creed fan website. Oh yeah. And a POD fan website. You know, the band POD. I don't know. What does it stand for? Is it? Oh, payable on death. They had some big songs.

Yeah. Here comes the boom. Here comes... Oh, yeah. When I was like 9 or 10. And P.O.D. Because their actual band name is Payable... On Death. I mean...

I was going through a phase, too. Let's use P.O.D. That's why they did P.O.D. Who's up next? Payable on Death. Oh, God. You're not going to be successful if you don't do... We'll just go by P.O.D. You're like, okay. Can we change it what it stands for? They're a good band. Party of Downs. I think they're still around. They're still doing it. I kind of...

My musical tastes have changed. I love Creed. Yeah, Creed's awesome, man. I'm a huge Creed fan. I think he lives here, Scott Stapp. I met him once. Yeah. At Zany's. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he came to a Burt Kreischer show. Yeah. And he came back in the green room, and I shook his hand. He goes, hey, I'm Scott. And I didn't realize at the time that's who it was. I just go, hey, I'm Aaron. Nice to meet you. And he left, and Burt Kreischer goes, you know that's Scott Stapp, right? And I was like, you've got him.

I had a website. I was nine. I had myownprison.com. You had a Creed fan club? I had a Creed fan website. Was it like a mock one? No, I was nine, dude. It was like the coolest band I was allowed to listen to as a kid. I still think they're kind of awesome. We're getting to this. You gasping is making more and more sense every day. It's just the stuff that all leads up to it of being a child that gasps.

I mean, it all makes, like, the pieces are just lining up. Like, yeah. Yeah, you did. Yeah. I loved Creed. Yeah. So I'm a big fan. I love Nickelback, too. Everybody always actually don't like them. They're doing real good. They're selling out arenas. Arenas. Yeah. They're doing great. And every song is like, it's a great song.

I'm not a good music guy. Anyway, that's what I always say. I love Nickelback, but I know all these musicians now, they get mad. I don't know why. I guess because it's, what is it, vanilla music? Is that the idea that's why people don't like it? Well, it's like there are comedians where if somebody were like, this is my favorite comedian, you'd be like, all right, dude.

You know, it's the same thing. Same kind of thing. Yeah. But there's, but I would be like, I get why they're successful. I say that if I don't, I get why they're as big as they are. But what, what he said, what is the reason people don't like them? I think they're, they're people started to think that their music was super repetitive and just sort of formulaic.

And kind of cheesy white angst became like the narrative around, you know, I think they're one of those unfairly kind of got, got a lot of that, that pressure. Like it was fun to just, and it just became a joke. It's like Dane Cook. It's exactly like Dane Cook where you're like, why are you really making all these jokes? I mean, it was good. You can't deny how good they are, how successful they are. It just became a joke. Yeah. You know, if enough people like it and then, yeah, yeah. Dane Cook, Dane Cook got that. I never liked that.

I do distinctly remembering, because I was doing comedy when it was like Family Guy made a joke about Dane Cook and everybody kind of switched and then it all turned into like, oh, that's all just trash Dane Cook. And it was kind of gross to me because it was like, you guys liked him. Now,

Now you don't like him because you're being bullies. Everybody became a bully. All of you turned. He was the greatest. He's selling out all these arenas. He can do no wrong. And then it became cool to hate on the guy. That doesn't make sense to me. That's kind of gross. Yeah. It's like a kid building something with blocks that they build it up just so they can knock it down. Yeah, just so they can go. Yeah, the same magazines were...

Like a year ago, like he's great to now he's terrible. Well, nothing's changed except you're trying to be cool or, you know, stay relative. Yeah. All right. But online dating?

Oh, well, we can go back to that. But basically, if you have an online date, all the profiles look very similar. They all kind of say the same thing. You're trying to say things that you think the person wants to hear. Yeah. But there's writers that you can hire to spice up your online, to be funny. I kind of did that. I took the George Cassandra, the opposite approach. Oh, yeah? It wasn't working, so I'm just going to go have fun with it and did it. The opposite of everything? Yeah. Yeah.

Just started trying to be funny on it and saying different stuff to try to stand out. Yeah. And you feel like that's when it worked. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Because, I mean, not everybody, like, everybody doesn't enjoy going rock climbing. Right. Long walks on the beach and all that kind of stuff. Stuff like that. Yeah. Who are we kidding? We're not going long walks on the... No. Yeah. Because you have to... I'm allergic to sand. You know what I'm saying? It's the night, you know. Just that kind of... No. Yeah.

I was getting my eye. My eyes fell dry. Did you delete all of your... Did y'all delete them together? Like when Dave Ramsey cuts credit cards up? Once we got married? Yeah. We didn't delete them together, but we both deleted them. Of course. I kept my password just in case something went wrong. Do you miss it? You probably, you know... You kind of like...

looking into people's lives. Yeah. Yeah. So like, do you miss that aspect of it? Uh, I mean, I still go back occasionally. Yeah. Well, again, just check, see what's going on there. Just see what's happened. You don't know. You could be like, I'm hot right now, baby. Yeah.

They're coming after me. Get off the market. I remember like, because you had a- Do they put like, when you get married, do they put an X with, you know, like when someone's dead? Over their eyes? When they're wanted? When America's Most Wanted, when he dies, and they put that for online dating? Like you're gone? Maybe. Maybe. They should. You don't know. Your picture should stay up there just to float around and be like,

It's working. That should be the goal, right? Yeah, it's working. And then... Yeah. Yeah. Well, if it doesn't, then you're, you know... That's true. I remember, like, they said, list three things you're looking for in your mate. And I put someone who accepts me for me, someone who is, you know, that's not superficial or something like that, and someone with big boobs. Oh, yeah. Stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Just for fun. Yeah. That's great. Computer hacker. Computer hackers make $100,000 a year. Companies hire computer hackers to legally break into their network to find weaknesses to help prevent real hackers from...

I'm getting in. Yeah. My uncle does this for a living. Really? In Huntsville for the army. Yeah. He leads a team where they launch campaigns against the military. Yeah. To hack them. Yeah. And he said, you want to know what's scary? They have a 100% success rate. Wow. Of hacking the government. So what could they do?

So they'll just decide as a team. My understanding is they'll just get together and they'll go, let's try to be saying all this stuff, by the way. I'm not going to. I don't know. Yeah. Let's they'll go. Well, this is a potential weakness. Let's try to hack in and exploit this. And they just they'll do it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's almost, they don't know what, they're not working with the army to know. So they just come in separately. It's like, almost like an offensive defense or playing against each other. Yeah. We don't know what plays they're going to run. Right. But yeah. Right. Where my uncle's team would be the offense of the government. Yeah. The deep and they would score touchdown every time. Yeah. So it's a little scary. And,

And how fun is that? That's got to be a fun job. He loves it. It's like the perfect job for that kind of guy, you know? Yeah. If you just grow up loving computers. I mean, your job is to be a hacker, man. Yeah, yeah. It's a very fun job. I mean, it's very cool. Yeah, you're going to be a hacker, and then you're going to do the government, and you're going to do it under you're not going to go to jail. Yeah. You're, you know.

That's like if you were hired to be a bank, you know, the bank robbers. Do banks hire people to try to break into their bank? I'm sure they do. Yeah. I'm sure they do. Just to let them know about their weaknesses, where the holes are. Yeah. Is everyone in your family good at computers? No, not everybody. I have a lot of them, though. My older brother was very good growing up. He taught me how to do the websites and stuff. Yeah. Hand model? George Costanza. Yeah.

I don't know if I, I always think I've batted. Now after golf, I had very good hands. Laura always talked about my hands. Yours used to be too orange. Well, they used to be orange. They should not, hopefully not now, but that was the middle of golf season. But now my hands are pretty beat up from golf. So now they're back to just real beat up. A hand model can make up to $75,000 a year. Is that what, George Costanza was a hand model. Yeah. Was that what would have been his check?

No. He always told me he got a big check. This woman, a professional handballist, she once made $13,000 for two hours of work. Yeah. That's what I imagine George Parker did. But at what cost? Having to protect your hands like that all the time? Yeah. Having to wear gloves? I mean, it depends if...

Is that crazy lady that you found? Who are you talking about? This woman? I don't know if she's crazy, but she does wear gloves. And she said she got on the subway once and a lady with a ring cut her hand and she couldn't work for a couple of weeks. She used to wear gloves all the time. I mean, that's, you know, a lady. What's crazy is that story. Someone cutting your hand with a ring on a subway and

you're like well that only happens to a hand model that's that's never i've never been near a situation where i thought that could happen yeah and it's funny to be like it happened to the one person that like that that's a story that i go i don't know if i believe yeah she made it up i don't know if i believe it right now yeah a lady cut your hand you know i i would want to know more yeah she's a competitor of the hand modeling business yeah

Gotta be. It's just, dude, you can't shake people's hands. I mean, I guess you can't do that now. I bet they're living well now. Yeah. During COVID, but. They're looking for long, straight fingers with no lumpy knuckles, lines, or scars. And an even skin tone. You do have pretty good. I have good hands. You got a nice looking hands. How do yours look, Brian? Not that good. Yeah. I mean, yeah.

Yeah, I have good hands. I could be a hand. I could do it. If I just quit golfing, all the blisters and that kind of stuff would go down. Yeah, callous fingers. Be a hand model and get out of this game. Focus group participants? They make between $50 and $400 to be a focus group. Oh, so if you do it every... Oh, that's what they... Yeah, so if you're for food... They did it for our TV show.

Yeah. They have, yeah. They show the TV show and they have a... I didn't see it. They have a knob. And so they turn down like, I guess like less likely one to 10. Like, when are you interested in the show? Yeah. Not as much now. I'm feeling like it's crazy. They say... Did you watch those results? No, I could have. And they go, it just, it's not worth it. Yeah. It's not worth going. It's like, just hear what the result... Because it's... Yeah. You want to just run through the glass. What are you not getting? Yeah. I mean, you know...

I honestly think that kind of idea of testing is like... There's no way that works. You're asking the same people. And so...

Someone that knows how to do those focus groups, that's how they're making money. They're just going to do every one. I don't feel like it's honest. It's kind of like, yeah, what do you do here? They're like, oh, I know what to do. Just say when you like it, when you don't like it. They've kind of become a critic in a weird way. I'm saying this because our show didn't go, but I don't think it didn't go because of that. I think we did okay.

And the networks are kind of aware of it. They know that it's like kind of taking the grain of salt. I remember I was in Salt Lake City when I got a call, and they were telling me something about the focus group. Yeah. Yeah. And I forget what our number was. I feel like I was getting – it could have been bad. Maybe it was worse than that because no one was really telling me. Now that I think back on it, I never got really straight answers, and I bet it was bad. Yeah. How are they looking? I mean, they're looking. It's good. We're not bad. Nothing –

It's where everybody else is. That's what they say. We're no different than anybody else. Seinfeld got, they felt like Seinfeld got a this. Yeah. You know, and you're like, oh, okay. And like, so they just tell you that stuff. You've done focus groups, right? I have. Yeah. Just for money every now and then. I got, the service I subscribe to, they send me emails every now and then looking for males 18 to 34 who do this or brush their teeth every day or something. I don't know. Yeah. So you can go in and do those and get money. Hmm.

I went through some dark times in college. I had no money. I sold plasma. Yeah. And I went to that pond, a bunch of my stuff. What happened? I just, you're a college kid. You have no money. You just blow it all every weekend like an idiot. You're drinking 36 beers a night. So that's expensive. Well, yeah. So I do, you know, you can do focus groups like that and make like 50 bucks for like an hour. Plasma was a big deal.

Have you sold plasma before? I haven't, but I knew that was, I remember, I mean, we, it was in the realm of like something I was going to try. Yeah. I mean, I just was like, I don't know if I can do that. You can make like 75 bucks your first time.

What's the difference between plasma and blood? I don't know. I have no idea what it is. It's the same thing, like the same process, though. Oh. Please go draw blood for me. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But you make like $75 your first time. I think it comes out silver. You can go once every other...

Does it? It comes out silver and it's a little chunkier. That was just Aaron. That's what I feel. That was just me. That's what pictured in my head when you go get plasma and you're like, what's that? It's like some weird... It's like green and glowing. And you're like, oh. But then you can make 50 bucks every other time you do it. So it's not a bad...

And you can do that more than blood, I think. I think so, because it's like every couple weeks maybe you can do it. Huh. Yeah. You did it a few times. I did it in college, yeah. I was struggling there at the end. Yeah. You don't have a ton of plasma right now as we speak, right? You've given a lot of it up. Do you have to call him and tell him that you have a gout now? Do you have to call back? I would let him know in the screening process now. No, but you need to go tell him, go, hey, guys, I know you haven't used my plasma, but

I have a pretty big gout problem. Dude, I hope I didn't have gout when I was 21. If I secretly had gout for eight years, that would be embarrassing. Yeah. Well, I mean, you're only 28. I mean, it's embarrassing to have it now, but imagine if I've had it for a decade. Yeah. Like if I said, I hope I didn't have it at 21, you're still in your 20s. I mean, you're like, God, can you imagine if I had it just a couple years ago? I mean, it's...

That's fair. Did we ever get checked out for gout? No. People keep telling me to. Oh, my mom texted me and said, eat a jar of cherries. Are you serious? Yeah. Did you hear that? Have you ever heard that? No. Look up cherries like in gout. There's got to be. Yeah. She said you eat a, and I could be saying it right now.

At least 10 cherries per day reduced the risk of gout attacks by 35%. A combination of cherries and, I don't know, prurinol, medication often taken to reduce uric acid, reduced the risk of gout attacks by 75%. Wow. Now, it makes sense his mom would maybe know that.

She's probably never going to tell someone who's 29. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I have gal, dude. I looked it up. I don't think that's what it is. But I should probably look at it. No, I think you're handling it the right way. Look it up on your own. Ask people that listen at home. And then do nothing about it.

You're trying to do nothing about it is what you're trying to do. You don't want to do anything. So you keep going, I think it's fine. And you just want it to go away. You're right. Is it gone away? Yeah, I haven't had it since last summer. I thought someone scheduled you a doctor's appointment. Somebody did. But now it's on me to get that scheduled. When's the last physical you had? In high school. Come on. Just call them and go do it. Yeah. Which wasn't too long ago. I'm not saying you need a physical.

I could use one just to see what's going on. Just to see. I didn't do physical. I mean, I do them now, but I haven't done them in forever. Most you can, you know, you kind of go through. You don't really need them in your 20s and 30s. Now, if I got gout at 28, maybe I'd jump in and try to go do one. But I wasn't a big doctor guy, man. I never went to doctors. I never went to doctors. I'm just – I go to like –

I'm not even seeing a doctor right now. I'm seeing a, like, what's the thing? Nurse practitioner? Yeah. Like, because where I was going, doctors are just, you can't get a time. And so, like, I'm not even to a real doctor. I mean, she knows everything. But I'm probably going to have to get, I got to go move on. Because now I'm 41, so I'm about to have to get in some real deal. Yeah. Now you're getting the real deal testing. Yeah. Everything he goes through. Right.

I mean, he goes to the doctor. It's what the doctors get paid for. When you're 28, I mean, you're like, that's a breath. That's true. That's a relief when you walk in there. Yeah. And then they get to go. They bat you around with a couple. Is your elbow moving? And he's like, get out of here. And then when this walks in, they're like, all right.

How old are you? About to be 50. He's like, all right. No, no, no, no. I'll eat lunch after. He has to buckle down. I'm at that age. I'm 41. I'm going to have to probably do colonoscopy. It's supposed to be 50, I thought. I thought it was 40 you're supposed to get. It was 40, but I think it moved up. It was 40, moved up to 50, and now recently it's back down to 45. Yeah. I'm about to...

I'm about to go. Yeah, I mean, I'll be 42 in a month or March, two months. So, yeah, I'm right. I got to go get a real deal. Get in there, man. Get the real deal. Yep. I just had my first colonoscopy. It was fun. Snake Milker. That sounds like, is that what he calls his colonoscopy? That's what colonoscopy is.

that's what uh that's a fun doctor term like if you go to a doctor that's fun he goes what do you do he goes i'm a snake milker and you go that's cool what's that he goes i don't know if you want to know it's not what you because are you saying it's not what i think because it's definitely not what you think like a fun you know proctologist you ever sit around a proctologist sit around hear his stories a million to one doc snake milker what a snake milker is

I mean, I assume it's... Is it the venom? They get the venom out. They just wring it out like a wet pair of socks? No. No. No, that's your logic. That's what... You didn't think that, did you? I mean, I'm congratulating... Okay. So you think... Yeah. Where do you think this milk comes out of? What are they milking out of? What part of the snake are you scared of? If you think that's how they're getting this stuff out. Like, if you see a snake or you go... Do you immediately go, get away from the tail? Get away from the tail? No way.

Is that your first thought? No, they rig it out with the head on the bottom.

No. And then, no, they put their fangs over a glass and they have them and then they do that. So their head is over the glass or the fangs in. Yeah. And then the venom shoots in the cup. Oh, they're milk. They're collecting venom. Yeah. It's not milk. I know it's not milk, but I figured it was. I do. You know, it's not milk. I don't know if you don't. Huh? Snake innards for maybe for.

What? Yeah. Leather and stuff. Yeah. You know, people always say about you, am I dumb? Could I be dumbing you down? But...

I think this is, you know, growing up with computers, kid talk that doesn't never seen reality. Listen, dude, I've never milked a snake before. I'm sorry. I haven't lived a worldly experience like, but I've lived a life and you never turned the TV on accidentally and seen them there. I mean, you can see it everywhere. It's not some, I've lived a life. I've accidentally turned on the TV and saw it. And you see it. Oh man, you're out there, dude. I'm out there.

I've never heard of this. So they collect that. What do they use the venom for? Well, that's not we don't need to dive into it. But well, now you're making me feel like an idiot for not knowing what it is. Yeah, but I don't think it's interesting enough to drag this. Now, don't don't overplay it now because you don't know it. You're like, OK, sorry, man. Go ahead. Tell us all about it.

It's not like they put the venom in for people to do venom. I think it's for cancer. To make anti-venom. Anti-venom. Yes. The Kentucky Reptile Zoo sells the stuff to people. Oh, they sell it? And you just drink the venom. Ain't that crazy? No. I thought you've never seen. I just can't believe you've never seen. I've never seen that. No. Where they bite into. Never seen it. I'll have to look that up.

But you're a snake guy, so. Yeah, that's true. That's true, you're a snake guy. That's true. So maybe I was around it more. When did you see it? You've seen it, right? Yeah. Just like, yeah. Just living life, man. Just living life. By the time you hit your 40s, you'll see it. Don't you think you just see it? Yeah. You see it on TV, you don't watch animal shows? I do watch animal shows. Yeah, I just must have missed the snake milking episode. I'm sorry, man. Yeah.

I mean, you're right. They literally hold it over like a cocktail glass. And so this image you've never seen? I've never seen that. No. I don't really like the way the inside of the snake's mouth looks. Yeah. It's not fun. Yeah. All right. All right. Maybe look, maybe no one's seen it. Maybe I'm crazy. I don't think you're crazy. I think, I mean, I probably should have been able to tell right away what that meant, milking a snake.

Here's a job I bet you know. Yeah. Odor judge. Someone who does odor tests to test the effectiveness of hygiene products like soap and body wash, deodorant, mouthwashes. So they literally smell people's armpits, their feet, and their breath just to rate the odor on a scale of one to ten. Wow. Breath would be tough. Yeah. Breath would be my probably hardest, but...

More than armpits? I think so. Armpits, body odor, it's like you kind of get it. Breath, I don't know. Your face has got to go to inside someone's mouth. I think you do it like you're taught how to safety rules in a lab. When you're supposed to smell something, you're supposed to just put your hand over where the scent's coming from and just kind of waft it towards you. That's what you do. You don't put your face in somebody's armpit, probably. Maybe you do. I don't know what I'm talking about. We live a different lifespan. We're around a lot of different things. The fact that you know...

how someone would do this. That's crazy to me. But I think it's crazy that you've never seen a snake at its venom taken out. And we just, I don't think we would have crossed paths. I honestly don't. I think we just were not on the same streets. You got to take a lab class in high school or anything like that, like in a science lab? No, I mean, I almost failed science. I'm talking about special. I had an F in science, and my dad talked to the teacher and said, give him a D, and she gave me a D.

The only reason I graduated high school is because my dad went and talked to the teacher and said, come on, man. He's not going to do science stuff. And then they all agreed that I wouldn't. Getting me out of school wasn't going to. Yeah. I wasn't going to go dive into the science. And they were right. They were right. They were right on. I mean, they, yeah. Not even worry that this would ever come back to them. Uh-huh.

Well, this woman has smelled 5,600 feet in her 15-year career as an odor tester. Do you call that a career? Do you think you use that word? I think vocation more like. Yeah. I mean, I would say, yeah, is it like career sounds like stats? Yeah. You know, LeBron James, her. Yeah.

Like, careers are kind of weird. She put up some great numbers. I mean, she has put up some great numbers. 5,600 feet. I wonder if there's any that she goes, I remember one out of 5,600. You know, is it all just kind of that's the grade of the office when he pees. They're all having to pee in that cup. And she goes, hi. And Dwight goes, you remember me? And she goes, ah, we see a lot of people. My pee was green. She goes, oh, how are you doing? Yeah, she just remembers.

Like, that's got to be... With her, is there... Does she go, I remember... I mean, I do remember one... There's got to be one foot that's just so gnarly. She's like... That just stuck out. It was like the first time she's like, I really am starting to question my career path. Yeah. I have to smell this foot. Who do you smell feet for? Like, shoe companies? I mean, who...

Oh, no. Like who contracts this person out? Hygiene products. Oh, okay. Feet scrubs and that kind of thing? Well, I don't know about feet. Yeah. I don't know. But soap, body wash, deodorant, mouthwash. Okay. I think you get into this job, you got to get into it through other people. Like this is, you're not finding this. You got to have a buddy? You don't find it on Craigslist, you think? Yeah, you got to have someone that knows someone that's like, yeah, this is not a...

you don't stumble upon this job or maybe you do stumble, you know, I don't know. It's either like, you know, someone or you go, I'd never even knew this was a thing. And now this is my job. It's not, it's not in the, well, I make 40,000 a year, but there's also armpit testers. They got to find people who were willing to raise their armpit and let you smell them. How much they make? $65 a week.

Yeah, that's about right. That's the only one that sounds like that. That sounds like, yeah, okay. That sounds fair. I think everybody that agrees with that goes, yeah, I think that's fair. To let someone smell your armpit and they go give you $65 a week, I'd go...

Yeah. You know what? That feels right. And I, you know, that's the only one that most time you're like, what do you even pay someone? You're like, I don't know what to pay you. But that one, for some reason, 65 bucks a week to lift your arm up. Yeah. Sounds right. Sounds right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. $65 a week. Perfect. You know, uh, chicken sexer.

Anybody want to guess what this is? No, I mean, I'm out on guessing. Yeah, Maiden and the Chickens? Well, it's these mass poultry production places where they just pump out thousands of chickens. They need someone that can determine whether it's a male or female.

So they just walk around just going male, male, female, female, male. Kind of. I mean, they have to observe them. It's not easy. Might be a little more involved in that, I think. Yeah. It's a little bit more. I feel like you're taking shots at me now because I'm making fun of you. Have you not seen this? I haven't. I mean, come on, dude. Have you seen it? Have you lived a life, man? I'm turning on the TV. I've seen Chicken Sexer. You've seen Chicken Sexer? No, not at all. I don't even think this is real. Yeah.

It's a real thing. Because hens, female chickens, lay eggs and males they use for meat. So they have to have somebody at these mass poultry production places to immediately determine the females over here, the males over here. And when they're first born, it's not easy to determine. Yeah. So this is a full-time job, $60,000 a year, just determine if it's a male or female chicken. Wow. How good are you? He's like 70%. Yeah. What's a good accuracy rating? What's a bad day? Yeah. Yeah.

If that guy just has a bad day and he's like, I don't know, male, male, female, you know, just saying it. Yeah. If he, or if it's like the, uh, if there's a, if it's a married couple, it's a woman and she's mad at her husband that day. And she's like female, female. And then she just, you know, I don't know what's a mean word to like, you know,

For a man? Yeah. Buffoon. She's like, idiot. And you're like, what are you doing? She goes, well, all males are idiots. So woman, goddess, goddess, idiot, idiot. And you're like, yo, kind of calm down. Because I don't think they have a lot to talk about. No. So this would...

You know, other jobs you got, this is kind of straightforward. Mm-hmm. It sounds like a lot of work, too. You're just sitting there. It's a lot of work, and it's the same thing. Are they coming through on an assembly line? Like, I love Lucy. Like, she just can't keep up with me. That's what I like. That's what I'm picturing. And he goes, she goes, female. And I think they just, and then they got to run and grab it. No, male. I guess it got pretty far down away from me, but I knew I was not feeling that one. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know how you know. Look at them to the bottom. Like, all right. Kramer. We had a lot of times that he looked at that. He goes, it's a rooster. He just holds it up backwards. It just looks. Yeah. All right. We're about, what are we about to be done? Is there more or is that it? I mean, there's a lot of crazy jobs. Yeah. Professional bridesmaids. Yeah.

Oh, that's sad. Yeah. Is that what I think it is? Somebody doesn't have enough friends? Actually, it's the opposite of what you'd think. I don't know what else it could be. What? I mean...

It's someone who has too many bridesmaids. This person that goes and tells them to leave. Yeah. It's actually, this is like me. I feel like I'm talking to you're talking to a child. I don't want their feelings hurt. And I go, it's actually someone has too many friends. And so they come in and have to say, not all your friends can come and get some other jobs. And they go, well, it's so great. You go, it is, isn't it? It is exactly professional bridesmaid. It is what it is. You're, you don't have enough.

I'm just saying it's sad, man. You go? What are you, a second cousin? I'm not saying it's not sad. But it was the, ah, it's sad. Is that what I think it is? Professional Broadway? She's also a little bit like a personal assistant type thing. Oh, she does that. Yeah.

You know why she's there. I mean, that's... No one's... No, she helps me do stuff. You're like, okay. But she's also going to be a bridesmaid. Yeah, I mean, we've become friends over this time. So, you know, her and her friends come and help, and I thought, yeah, they're great, you know? I don't want my husband to realize I married a loser. Oh, let me introduce your friends. I don't think I've met that side of the family. And then it's all, you know... Have y'all been...

like in people's weddings before? Yeah. I mean, you've been groomsmen. Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is there a weird feeling to reciprocate that on your own wedding? Cause I'm just going through it now planning my own wedding. Yeah. And I'm just thinking like, there are people not going to be in my wedding that I was in their wedding. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I think you could. No. I mean, I don't think with dudes. I mean, you know, I imagine dudes can be a little more they don't care. And some guys would rather be like, I'd rather not be in it. Yeah.

So are you having a big, a lot of people? No, not seven. Yeah. Not huge. Yeah. Seven groomsmen? That's a lot. Is that a lot? Yeah. I mean. It's a ton. Yeah. I think so. It's not a ton. I don't know about that. Yeah. I mean. I mean, what'd you have? Yeah, a couple professional groomsmen. Yeah. From a guy from zero. Yeah, seven's a lot. It's a lot more than zero. That's for sure. I was in one with 12 once, man. Yeah. Really? 12 people. Yeah. Yeah.

I think more than five. That was the smallest one, too. Yeah. Oh, really? Some big dudes. Yeah. Favorite day. Yeah. Is this where the woman thought you were in the commercial? This might be where you got Gallup. Different wedding. Bringing out those guys? Just for hanging out with fat dudes? Yeah.

Might have, dude. I don't know. You were packed in there pretty tight. I think you just picked the ones that you're like, look, it's just working out for your grooms. This is what's working out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not too worried about it. I'm just thinking about it. Yeah. So you have seven groomsmen, but neither one of us is one of them? I mean, I will go ahead and tell you no. I don't know if he might want to do it. Brian's probably wide open, but I...

Is he on your... Yeah. You're both invited. Yeah. Me and my podcast, co-podcast host over here. Yeah. Aaron Land that goes and airs during Nate Land. You're both invited, but... I will go. I'll go to the wedding. But I'm not going to make you do a whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. You would want to be a groomsman. Have a ring, boy. Carry your ring down. Can I do that? Yeah.

You can't, you and my nephew can walk down together. His mic belt on this show. I mean, yeah, it's got to eat. He's done. His mic was like, all right, dude, this is, this is bait. Breakfast is if someone's at home, breakfast is microphone. Couldn't handle what was being brought to the table. Uh,

All right. Yeah. Thank you, everybody, as always, for listening. We appreciate it. Always leave your comments, all that kind of stuff. And yeah, we'll see you next week. All right.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.