#3 The Money Episode
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What's up, everybody? Welcome to episode, this is the third episode of Nate Land. We're on to something. We're rolling. I thank you for everybody. You know, this is the first podcast we've done where we've actually, the episodes have been out.

We've seen the response. It's been good. Everybody's been positive, I think. Thank you for everybody that's been watching. Everybody gets that we're... I imagine the beginning of every podcast is you've got to figure out what you're doing, the system, how we're going to do it.

And I think we're figuring out, we've kind of stumbled on an idea. Like it's almost like the theme of a podcast, you know? It's tough to, because it's like, what are you going to do? Like there's interviews, there's whatever. And then, so we have a new formula that we're trying this time. And it's Krispy Kreme donuts. We have a lot of papers. I like papers.

I'm a fan. You really feel like you're getting something done. Yeah. It feels like, you know, when you stack them, it feels nice. We have this new sticker that we put on the table. See if that, we just try stuff. Yeah. We just put stuff out there, man. See if it works, you know? We met a fan yesterday. You met a fan? We did. We did. Remember when we were at lunch and the guy, hey, listen to the podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Where was it? Oh, yes. The guy we met yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I'm not a big, I don't like talking to the fans out in the public now. Yeah. Very nice guy. Yeah. Didn't know my name, but. Yeah. He called him Matt. Called Brian Matt. So Nate and Matt? Yeah. Wasn't sure and went with Matt. And so I don't feel like he looked like a Matt.

I was going to say, that's a pretty good guess. He said, I don't know why I thought your name was Matt. And Nate said, well, we got an Aaron. He said, oh, yeah, I know Aaron. I love Aaron. Yeah. But his name was Ben. I know him. But then when he left, he's like, what was your name one more time? Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. I should have said Worf. He was very nice. Worf. Okay.

See if he's a real fan of the, you know, does he dive deep? Like, did you go back to episode one? You one of those real fans? Like, are you just a new guy that shot showed up at episode two?

Yeah, he was very nice. What's SATCO? San Antonio Taco. They have outdoor eating. Yeah, spread out. Spread out. And I'm a huge San Antonio Taco fan. Really? Yeah, it's my favorite. We'd always go to it after Vandy football games. Because it's right by the campus there, right? Yeah. I used to work right around the corner from there. We'd go there for lunch all the time. Oh, really? Yeah. Where'd you work at? On Music Row. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Just like doing music stuff? Just doing big. It's very vague. Yeah, you know, Music Row. I worked at a company that had nothing to do with music, but we were on Music Row. So would y'all make everybody furious that y'all were on Music Row? Well, we would get, this is truly once a week, somebody would walk in thinking we were a music place. Yeah. And like some guy would show up. He's like, I'm from Texas. This is my CD. Like I drove all the way here trying to make it.

He's already off to the wrong start. Exactly. I guess he just thinks you just walk in random places and give them your music. Yeah. We would take it. We'd be like, all right, we'll see what we can do. Yeah. We had nothing to do with music. Yeah. What was the company called? It was called 16 Digital. I mean, I'd believe that. Yeah, I would think that's... What did y'all do? We were a social media company. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. But you just think Music Row, they're all studios. Yeah. They'll just show up and somebody will buy them. I mean, it's got to be all day long. Those guys are just, and people are driving in just going like, this is my dream. I typed in, you know, I'm from, I drove from Texas, typed in Music Row. Yeah. And then just drove. Which one of these looks like a 16 digital? That sounds like the place I need to be. The guy's like, I'll go there because that's,

positively music and then I'll the other ones I'm not sure yeah my dentist is on music I think it's music real I don't know I never know I got another thing that I go there I went I still give them my CD when I go in there was I there's they have a music thing in like across the hall from them from the dentist and they do I saw I saw people in there yesterday talking about music

I thought about it. I think I can write a song. I think it's super insulting. I'm not trying to be insulting to the music writers. But it is. But it can be. As comedians, we write jokes. We're writers. I've written shows. I know how to write, so why could we not write a song? A song is a story, right? The lyrics to a song? You say you could write the lyrics. The lyrics that I don't listen to. I'm not saying I'm good. So that's why it even makes me think I could do it even more.

I think I could write the lyrics. I could write a song. But no musical element to it, just the lyrics. I can't sing. I played the trumpet when I was in seventh grade, so I might throw some trumpet in there. I might, whatever. And when I would give my song to people, I would just be like, there's just one thing. I would like a little trumpet. And then I would see it, and they'd be like, oh, I don't know, man. That would be the deal breaker for them, is that I would be like...

I played trumpet very briefly and don't even really care about the trumpet. You know why I played the trumpet? I wanted to play the saxophone. Saxophone, when I was in high school, saxophone was the instrument. It was the one to do. It was so cool, but it was expensive, and my parents couldn't afford it. So they could only afford a trumpet instrument.

And then they got all their friends. Then we had a friend that played the trumpet and they had him come give me a big talk about how cool the trumpet is. So like, they're just trying to trick me into being like, he's like, I played the trumpet and it was, I mean, it was a cool. And I was like, yeah, maybe it was cool. Like on the saxophone was cool. Well, my parents couldn't afford it. So why was the saxophone cool? Is that when Bill Clinton was playing it? Yeah, it would have been, uh, yeah, it would have been nineties. Like, so get on Arsenio seventh grade. Yeah. So,

Saxophone was just cool. It's still pretty cool. Saxophone's still pretty cool. Trumpet's up there now. Trumpet's cool. What do you play? I played the xylophone in high school. I know, but you play a lot of instruments, don't you? Drums, guitar, piano. So if he wrote the lyrics, you could put the music together. He can't be that good. I feel like I've never heard him play. I think we got something right here. I know, but I've never heard him play. Well, I've never heard you write a poem. But I have written jokes. That's true.

But now that you're like, well, I can play everything, you seem like that makes me worry. I'm not great at anything. I'm pretty good at a lot of different stuff. Well, he's a great songwriter. I'm a great songwriter. You've never written a joke that rhymed. I mean, the dead horse joke is a beautiful song. Yeah, it's iambic pentameter. It's written in, yeah. Yeah.

All right. Well, maybe it'll be the new song for this show. You're going to write a theme song for it? No, I'm just saying maybe you do a little bit of everything. Do you have all those instruments at your house? I don't have a xylophone at the house. You have everything else? We've got a guitar and a keyboard. Did you bail on the xylophone? I never got good at the xylophone because I could never practice at home. Who has a xylophone?

In their house. What is his life? Yeah, it was technically a marimba where it's just wooden blocks. It's like a piano, but you hit it with... He's got a joke about it. It's a prop comic. He plays it and it's fun. You bring it out. Have you ever done it on stage? No. Do you want to? If I had a... No, I wouldn't, but...

I've never done a show where a xylophone is around. Yeah, but if you walked in, I've done shows. I've done a show at a high school where they would have all this stuff. If they had a trumpet nearby, would you pull it out? No, I couldn't do the trumpet now. I mean, I could barely do it in seventh grade. If they were like, we need a songwriter, anybody? I'm a marine biologist. I would say I could be a songwriter.

I would be like, I think if they needed a songwriter immediately and there's no songwriters, I think I would be in big demand as at least being a writer. I've written songs.

I would tell them that. I've written stuff before. That's what I would stand up. Hello. I've wrote things in the past. And they would be like, oh, that's good enough. And then I would go up there and I would just do my act. Just do like... Try to sing it? I would just do like a Tonight Show set, like a five minute, I would find a five, which the dad whore story is five minutes long.

I did it all in one tonight show. So that's, I mean, how long is the song? Four and a half minutes. Three and a half minutes. So I cut some stuff out, throw some rhymes in. Dead horse, I say divorce and dead horse. Those rhyme in the thing. I mean, I don't know how this is not going to be a song. There's one. There's one rhyme. Yeah. It's a journey. All right. So one thing, we did watch something, and...

We all watched, I don't know if people at home have seen The Perfect Bid. The price, I think it's on Netflix or no? It's on YouTube and Amazon Prime. And Amazon Prime. And two sponsors. No. We get big sponsors. Amazon Prime is our sponsor of the show.

So The Perfect Bit is a great documentary. I think it's on Netflix, too. It's a great documentary about a guy that was a Price is Right contestant. And they thought he was cheating because he knew all the prices. He just was a guy. Because when you watch that show, when you watch Price is Right, it's like a can of beans. How much is it? You think people would be great at it.

or like how much a couch is or something. But they're not. But this guy was like a photogenic...

Right? Is that photogenic? Well, he was just... No, wait. Is that how you say that? Photographic. Now, what do you say? He was very photogenic. This guy was a looker. Yeah, photogenic's not his name. He was not that photogenic, but I want to throw that out there. What's the memory thing? Photographic memory? Photographic memory. There you go. Photogenic memory. Yeah. This guy was not photogenic, so therefore he had a lot of free time to memorize prices, and he kept it like a spreadsheet. Right.

Yeah. Uh, and he just memorized them all. And then he caused a lot of trouble for them. It wasn't doing anything illegally. Um,

just was too good at his job, basically. That's how I look at counting cards with casinos. Yeah. Like that, where they get mad. It's not illegal. I've always thought that. Yeah, why is... I'm just too... I'm just good at the game. Yeah, I don't know. They don't like it. And it's like you've created a system. It's a problem for these casinos. But I don't... Why couldn't you just go in and go, I am counting cards. Yeah.

In my head, I'm not touching the cards. I'm just counting them. And what are you going to do? I feel like if you walked into a casino and had a camera crew with you, and you're like, I'm counting cards, and I'm going to do it. And it's not illegal. And then just see what they do as you get murdered. But casinos maybe still do that. Take people in back rooms and...

I don't know if that really goes on. I don't know. I mean, yeah, now would be the perfect time to do it because you can't do stuff like that. I bet they still do it, though. What? I bet you've got to go to the right casino. Yeah. You're going to go to some casino down the way, down the strip at the other end. You don't go count cards there. They're like, yeah, we still do that stuff. We're old school. You've got to go to MGM, The Wind. Go to a nice...

One that's like, we can't afford to do this to you. But yeah, I never understood why don't they let them? Like, why is it not? Like, just say it. It's almost like being sneaky is the problem with it. Versus if you walked in and go, I am counting these cards. I'm doing something legal. I agree. I'm going to do it. You think they'd be fine with it if you were just up front?

I'm saying it gives you a better chance than being, when you're sneaky is when they go, what else are you doing? But if you just come in and go, I'm a card counter.

And that's what I'm doing. And I'm going to see if I can beat the game by counting. How's that not a strategy? You just tell the dealer when you sit down, just letting you know, I'm counting. Just heads up. How you doing, everybody? I'm counting cards. You got a little slower than normal. I appreciate it. I'm new. It's my first time. We'll try this. First time we'll try. Are you good at it? I don't know. We're going to find out. Hang on. What was that before you throw it back? Yeah. What was that? The Price is Right guy, it couldn't happen now, right? Because he...

Back in the day, because once something aired on television, it didn't air again for a week, they would reuse prizes on the Price is Right. And they don't do that anymore because of this guy. Wasn't that part of it? This and DVR.

Yeah. So this guy, that guy had a big spreadsheet, kept track of everything. Yes. But I mean the, so the final thing is he's not even up there, but another guy's doing the showcase showdown and he yells out the exact right amount. It's like 20 something thousand. He's figured it out.

And the guy nails it. And I feel bad because the woman that he was competing against, she came within $400 and something dollars of getting hers right. Hers was $30,000. That's an incredible bid. And she knew she probably had it. And then this guy gets exactly right. Well, people wouldn't listen to him. And then some of them would figure out to listen to this guy because that was where he was the most damaged to the game.

It wasn't him playing the game. Right. It was him yelling this stuff out. And once people realized that, like, oh, you should be listening to this guy, this guy knows. Because everybody just yells all these crazy things, and this guy was just yelling the exact amount. And once... Like, you would see some people, like, catch on to it and be like, that guy knows what he's doing. And then they would listen to him. How do you think you would do Price is Right? Do you know the price of milk? Uh, no. I don't...

Would you listen to your wife if she was yelling? How much is milk? $3? I used to think, you know, my iced coffee with milk joke, one part of it that came from an old way, I would say milk is not in your life unless a woman is in your life. You have milk growing up because you're your mom.

always making you drink all this milk, and then you go to college, or you live on your own, you never buy milk. Milk's just gone. And then you get married again, and milk is right back into your life. Like, guys just tend to not do milk. You just don't think to buy it, I think. Oh, I don't think that at all. Well, you're a 50-year-old, 100-year-old man. I think single guys eat cereal three meals a day.

Cereal is the only thing, but I don't know what they do. I think they eat breakfast. You think I just debunked that joke? No. The joke stands to this day. It's still good. It was good in the 80s. It's still good in the 80s. Yeah, it's – I don't know. I don't know how I would do on Price is Right. I –

I mean, it seems like a simple game, but it's like, how much are these beans? I mean, no one knows. No one's paying that much. It's not like it's a rich or poor problem. It's not like there's poor people on it that are like, I know all the prices of these. It's all weird things that...

You know, it's funny, these two people, remember, who was that guy we met that won a car? That's right. His name was Kramer. His name was Kramer, which is unbelievable. His real name's Kramer. Yeah. And he was like a Kramer from Seinfeld. Yeah, he was. He was the manager at the time at Stardome in Birmingham. Yeah.

Okay. And he was taking us around for media, and he was like, yeah, I won on the Price is Right. Well, we were walking back to the car, and he's like, look at my license plate. And it had a Price is Right thing, and he said, I won that on the Price is Right. And he won the whole thing. Won the whole thing. Showcase showdown. Wow. Yeah. How long ago? It'd been a few years, but it's on YouTube. I looked it up. Okay. Okay.

Because he talked about, too, when those guys win, you have to pay taxes and stuff. So people have big trouble if they win the money or if they win these prizes on Precious Right. I mean, some people have to just sell the car, I guess, or they have to. You can buy it. But it's kind of interesting to think, oh, this person's won all this stuff, and then maybe they don't even get to get it because they can't afford. I had someone else. I talked to my neighbor about it. My neighbor's saying on...

That home makeover show that they used to do, they would redo someone's house. And then after they left, they would go reappraise the home. And then their taxes would go up. And then people would be... Now, I didn't look it up to see if that was true or not. I'd heard that too. Yeah. That's pretty crazy to be like, you think, oh, I'm going to get this free. You know when people get cash on...

Some game shows, you win $100 cash, and they never would get the actual cash. I did one game show. I forget who. I want to say Jeff Dye hosted it on MTV. People would go into stores, and it was on MTV, and see how long they could stay in there before they got kicked out.

And so you would tell them to do crazy things. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. You would tell them to do crazy things. And then if they would do them all, if they said no, then they're out of the game. And if they do them, then they get money. And you'd always say, oh, you get like $100 cash. But they would never get the cash. And it was always like, so you're like, just give them the cash. The whole point of this game is they can walk away and be like, I got this cash, instead of being some weird...

Instead of 100 bucks, they get $63, and it's a check, and it comes later. But I remember I had my funniest moment on there was we went to this candy store, and I told this girl, I had her go around asking people, because she wasn't 18, to buy her the candy cigarettes.

So anybody else that she'd go in, she'd go up to adults and go, I can't afford to buy these. Will you buy these cigarettes for me? And they're like, I mean, they're candy. Like anybody can buy them. And they're like, I'm not 18, so can you buy me these cigarettes? And so she would ask everybody. It's kind of fun. Yeah. And I had her do the milk joke. I go, hey, tell this milk thing. Workshop this one. I go, try this. That guy seems like he would get this milk thing. Yeah.

So you don't think it's a rich-poor thing on Price is Right? You think celebrities, like they have celebrity who wants to be a millionaire or family fee. You think celebrities would do just as well on Price is Right? I don't know if they would do just as well. I'm just saying it's not like there's a mom on...

Price is right, that's like buying milk every day, being like, I'm just crushing it. Like she goes shopping or something, and then she knows all the prices. I don't think it's that. Isn't that used as a litmus test for politicians, for how relatable they are? Yeah. I feel like that's used all the time. You don't even know what a gallon of milk costs. Right, yeah. And most people are like, I don't know what a gallon... Yeah. When you think... I mean, because you're not ever going to... I'm sure there's a time where you see how much milk... I mean, there is some people...

That I think get mad when milk goes up. Like, they notice that. Like, milk is $5 now, or whatever. You know. How much is milk? Do you know how much milk is? I don't know how much milk is. How much is milk? $3.79. Oh, you asked the woman? I get oat milk, $3. Oat milk is $3. I don't know what oat milk is. What about gas? Do you notice gas prices? I do. You know what gas... I remember...

What's the cheapest you've ever seen gas? I remember seeing gas for 69 cents. Wow. It was the cheapest I ever saw gas, and I was driving. The guy just hadn't put the two up yet? Yeah, it was way more than it seemed. But I remember putting $5 in my car. That's all you would put, and it would be half a tank. Ten was a full tank.

And that was, you know, you put $5. And that was in high school. I mean, it sounds, now it sounds like I grew up in the 30s. But it was, I remember being 69 cents and I just remember thinking, man, because it was always under a dollar, I think was what it was. And then, but 69 cents, I was like, it was in Murfreesboro. And I saw it and I went and filled up because I was like, you're like, you have to. But that's when you're, now I fill my car up. That's a very adult thing versus a kid thing is like...

Adult is like you just always fill your car up. And then when you're in high school or in college, I mean, you're just putting in basically enough to get you to the next gas station. It's like you're never really filling all your money in it. I think you're always hoping your parents somehow drive your car. Or something happens where they give you gas money somehow. But I remember, what's the cheapest you... Do you remember? 32 cents. Really? No. I don't really...

I don't know if the cheapest, I don't think I noticed it until it gets below like $2. Cause now sometimes, you know, pretty cheap right now. There's places like Lebanon, $1.87. $1.87. Yeah. Uh, I, there's a, there's a gas station in, in LA and my buddy Travis had always pointed out. It's like right in, it's kind of Beverly Hills, uh,

But it's in the middle, kind of on its own. And he's always like $5. He's always maybe $2 above everybody else.

And it's so like, you're almost like the audacity of this guy. He just doesn't care. Cause it's like, you could just drive a little bit more and it would not, it's unreasonable how expensive this is. And you see people there. Cause I think he's just like, he's in Beverly Hills. He's like, look, these people don't know how much gas costs. And they, so he just puts it up for more. And then it's, it's a, I think it's a BP or Mavco or something. And it's, I always see it. And I've never, when Travis pointed it out to me,

I noticed it and I was like, God, that's so funny that this dude just is like, whatever, man. And I'm just charging more. I don't really understand price gouging, but I remember when I worked at the TV station and prices went way up for gas, people would call complaining like, there's a guy selling it for $3.29 and everywhere else around it across the street, it's 80 cents cheaper. I don't think that's price gouging. Like, why wouldn't you just go to those other places and

I think price gouging is when you have no other choice. Yes. I'm looking at... Yeah, well, I remember seeing gas stations would be more expensive to be across the street. And then you would still see people over there.

Like, so you, you know, it might be like $3.29 and then across the street would be like $3.19. And so you'd be like, well, why would you not just go to $3.19? And then, I mean, people would still be at the $3.29 because I don't know if they would even notice or they would even care. What would make you choose the one that's slightly more expensive? Is there anything about the gas station that would make you go, I'm willing to pay? If his wife told him to go to the cheaper one. Yeah, that's what she would want. But it's, I would...

Mine would be if I feel like I'm getting duped, that's when I don't do it. So if I saw them across the street from each other and say it's the same kind of gas station...

I would be like, well, I'm going to the cheaper one just because I'm not an idiot, and I feel like you're making me feel like an idiot. I get very like, if I feel like you're duping me on purpose, then I go to the other one. You would feel like an idiot if you spent one more cent a gallon? Not one more cent, like 10 cents. Oh, 10 cents. 10 cents is his idiot cup. Yeah, 10 cents is like, what am I? Eight, I don't know, man. That could go either way. Come on. Who do you think I am, dude? 10 cents? Yeah, 10 cents more. That adds up the gallons.

I can never tell anybody what gallon numbers. They ask your car, they're like, how many gallons did you get? Like a mile? And I'm like, I don't know, man. They're like, how many gallons is in your car? And I'm like, I don't know. I've never known that kind of mileage. If a car is like, this gets this many miles to the gallon, it's like that never registered. They should come up with a better way. They should just be like, this car cost $40 to fill up.

That's how they should sell cars. And you'd be like, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. I don't think they want you even thinking about you got to spend money on gas. Yeah, so they do it. They break it down. What about a rental car? I've started doing... When I would rent with Avis, they do a...

I tried to rent Avis when I ran cars. I ran cars 10 years ago when you could actually go out in public. But when I did Avis, you can do a thing where you prepay to fill it up and you just have to have it empty for it to be worth it. But I like that.

Like, I always love that. So you don't have to, cause you know, trying to find a gas station somewhere else. But I mean, they charge, you know, if you don't fill your car up and you return it, I mean, they will be like, it's like $7 a gallon. It's like something that's ridiculous. Yeah. Where it's more than the car, you know, that you're like, I forgot. They're like, ah, that's it. They're like, some guy walks out with a cigar and tuxedo. Like, he's like, ah, he's been making a living. Which,

Which is so crazy. Why do they charge? Why is it that much more? I have no idea. You know, what's the system with that? We get to the bottom of that and investigating series of Nate land where we go, excuse me, Avis, uh, you were talking about celebrities. Could they, here's what I, uh, a joke idea that I had, but I thought with like, uh, with celebrities like making money, like I was saying, like Tom Cruise,

Tom Cruise lives in a—by the way, I've been going through Mission Impossible. I'm going through them all. Okay. Back through them all. They're great. He does all his own stunts. I watched a whole YouTube video on that. It's pretty crazy, the stunts he's willing to do. I mean, this guy is basically a walking Walmart. His name's on a movie, and it's going to make a billion dollars. So it's like he has to be protected.

And, I mean, Tom Cruise, you think about how famous he's been. I mean, his whole life he's been famous. I mean, there's no reality he lives in. Like, you know, and I'm not saying, I think you always hear he's a great guy. I think he's a nice guy. Like, from all the stuff you see, everybody says he's, anybody I've met that knew him, or people I know that have met him, they're always like, he's amazing, dude. Like, someone met him, and the guy told him, he's like, just so you know, when you meet him,

You're going to be like, oh, we're best friends and he's the greatest guy ever. Because he's that much engaged with you. When he talks to you, he really looks at you and remembers you. He's just a wonderful person. But he can't.

If he goes into 7-Eleven and buys gum, and they're like, it's $2. I don't know if he's going to even know what it means. If he's going to be like, oh, it's $2. I think if he walked in, you could be like, it's $27 for gum. And then he might be like, oh, it's a little bit cheaper than it was. It's gone down. I don't think he would even...

Would he even know what $20 is? Is he going to, like his cash? And maybe he is. Maybe he's into money. Like maybe he thinks about money. But I mean, that's someone that's like, I don't know if you would ever even see the money coming in or out.

Like, you're never seeing, like, here's your paycheck for this. It's just money gets put in. He has, you know, business people. Money gets put in, and then money is getting taken out. Like, where, you know, I don't know. Does he have any inkling of... There's a scene in Rain Man where he asks Dustin Hoffman how much a candy bar is. I think the doctor asked, and he says about $100. Yeah.

Tom Cruise probably didn't even get why that was funny. He's probably like, I don't get this, but sure, it's in the line. Yeah, it's in the line. $100? Even back then? Yeah, well... I mean, probably back then. I mean, dude, he's been famous my whole life. I'm 41. And so...

Yeah, probably my whole life. Been mega famous. So you're saying he's just so far removed from a normal life. He's like a corporation at this point. I think he is a corporation. All the money coming in and out. He's not even seeing it. He's not doing his own shopping. He's not going to... He can't. Yeah. You know, like Last Dance, they talk about Jordan. Jordan would...

call a grocery store and they'd stay open for him so he could come shop alone. I mean, it's that. It's like Tom Cruise is that. Where those guys, they can't go out. They can't go by themselves. It's too insane. You would see, if someone sees Tom Cruise, if a celebrity sees Tom Cruise, they're going to be nervous.

Like someone else that's famous would be like, oh my gosh, it's Tom Cruise. You just can't be above that just because that guy has been in your face on everything for 30 years, 40 years. So there's no way he can buy anything, dude. I mean, he can't. He's not going to the store. That should be the next Mission Impossible. Tom Cruise shopping. A shopping list. Can he do it? Here's your shopping list.

You have to make dinner for four. Do you accept this? Do you accept this mission? And he's like, oh. And then they go, your note will explode. He's like, I gotta memorize the whole list? I think he just say no. He says, I can't do it. It's the first one I'm not taking. That would be a good show to have super rich people and have them go buy, do regular things. That's the thing that I don't understand. Like when, you know, like when celebrities like,

People listen to celebrities for things that are important, like advice or whatever. And to me, that's why I don't get it. People need to realize that they don't live in your world. They don't understand. Some of them get so far removed that nothing they do is normal. Nothing. And I'm not even blaming them. I mean, some of them can't go out in public without getting mocked. That's got to be exhausting to...

Always just everywhere you go is just people. Taylor Swift just gets, she wants to go to the store. She can't. She's got to just, they get like, Brad Pitt would watch, he watched Tom Segura's special. I heard that. I was talking to Tom about it. Someone found out. He's like, I'm a big fan of Tom Segura. And they're like, why aren't you watching stand-up? And he's like, well, I can't go anywhere. So I just watch Netflix all day. And you're like, yeah, because he can't.

do anything. I mean, Brad Pitt's another one. Like, Brad Pitt's... You know, I'm not saying these guys are not even normal guys. I think there are good, nice guys, but I'm saying there's just things that they would never even... He doesn't know how to... Like, if his water bill is paid, like, you know what I mean? Like, he's not going to even know, like, what? You think those guys mow their own lawn?

I bet you could find someone that randomly is just like, I want to do something that's normal. And then they maybe choose to do it.

I mean, I think they asked the guy that mows their lawn, can I mow it today? Like, I don't think it's... Can I push that? Yeah, he's like, do you mind if I do a little bit of it? And the guy's like, sure. And like, you know, I think the guy that mows it is there and watches Brad Pitt mow the grass and then he puts the stuff away. He lets him drive and he's behind him? He sits in his lap, like he just... And Brad Pitt's in like a guy's lap. Now turn now, turn, turn, turn. Yeah.

I don't think they're doing... It'd be very interesting. Look, I've been around... Here we go. I know, here we go. Let me tell you something. I have a lot of money. I'm a billionaire. Now, I've been around billionaires. I knew Paul Allen, who's a wonderful, wonderful person who invented computers.

I knew him like... I did a show for him. Like, you'd meet... Because we do these shows, and these shows are crazy. So you'd be around Paul, like... And I mean, Paul's was just like a... I did this crazy cruise where I did a show...

Which I think... I always never know if I'm... It was like the thing that I had to sign a thing and you couldn't talk about it. That I did it. But Quincy Jones was on it and then he talked about it in a Rolling Stone interview. So...

It's out. So I did this cruise where I got hired just to be a comedian on this cruise. And Paul Allen was put together. He wanted to do this kind of cruise that was basically people that are super famous and a lot of them wealthy that can't take normal vacations. And it was a group of very awesome people that got together. And it was people that were tech people, and there were celebrities on it.

And I was hired just to be honest. So it was in, uh, we flew to Vietnam. My wife went and we got on a cruise ship that he rented out. So it was like 200 people on this cruise ship. And, uh, he just rented and they told us he wanted to invest like the wifi. I watched, you know, in North Carolina and Villanova play Villanova won the championship. I watched that in the South China sea and we, they had it on wifi and,

And their wifi was not great. So he just invested in the company and then upgraded their wifi. Like it was like, it's so it's like, it's like stuff like that. Like, you know what I mean? Where like their brain doesn't think like, I wish the wifi was better. And like, they try to do something. He's like, I'll make it better. And I'll just get into your company. And, uh,

Paul was an amazing dude. The little bit that I was around him and knew him was very nice. He would talk to me about comedy. He loved musicians. He played too. He's like, you probably did not as talented as you are because you did everything. We would meet all these crazy people. I remember I did this show

And it was like a crazy show to do because I was so nervous with like, because we're in the South, and everybody that I'm performing for is just famous or wealthy. Like it's just, you know, and you are a little worried that you're like, I'm going to be, how are you going to be relatable to these people? But it worked out, and it was great. And like, I mean, Joe Walsh from the Eagles was on it.

A super fun dude. Very funny. He's very... And he loves comedy. I mean, there's a... I don't know if I'd be naming it. There's a ton of people that was on it. It wasn't Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise. No, they were not on it. I wish they were. But it was an amazing... Quincy Jones, he's on it. I talked to him a little bit. I mean, he's super old, but you're doing that... And then we ended up staying the whole time on the cruise. They asked me to do...

set because we were supposed to fly off but the show went good and Paul was like why don't you and your wife stay because it was like a nine day thing so now we're staying now it's funny you're kind of talking to everybody it's like normal and you're doing all this stuff Quentin Tarantino was on it

He was very fun. After I did my second set, I saw him right when I got off. And he just went up to me and goes, oh, how'd it go? And I was like, oh, it was good. And he was like, I'm just kidding, man. I watched it. It was great. He was very fun like that. But it was like this amazing group of people. But it's a group of people that don't like...

No, I heard Paul talk about someone – he told someone – it was like a French director, like someone that's huge. And he's telling them like – he goes, oh, I – he goes, my NFL team, I have the Seattle Seahawks. I own an NFL – he's like explaining it to them. And it was so funny just to hear it. Like I've like –

You know, like the draft was about to happen. I'm like trying to ask him questions about the draft. Like, what are they going to do? And, uh, and he's like explaining to someone like, oh, well I have a team, an NFL team. And so we play football. And he's like explaining the guys like, oh, okay. Well, how's that? Like, and he's just like, and the guys like truly interested in like, it would be like my daughter plays softball.

and I plays baseball and I run the team, I sponsor the team. It would be something like that, but he's talking about the Seahawks and you're just sitting there watching them just be like, oh, okay. It was, I don't know. I don't know what this story might be. Anyway, it was an amazing, but being around those guys, he's in a different world, man. He's not,

Obviously, he's a billionaire. I mean, he's in another... It's just... I don't know. Money is just not... The meaning of money is not the same to them. But I think it means something to them. They do want the money. But their money comes in... You've got to think... If you get a check...

If you make $1,000 a week, I mean, they make, you know, Patrick Mahomes, they broke down his thing. He's going to make like a million dollars a week or something for his new contract. So a check comes in for $1 million every week. There's a point they get used to seeing that money.

You get used to seeing a million dollars a week, so you're not even like, wow, I can't believe this is another million. You know, you're like, whatever. You could have one that you have that you forgot to cash. Like, you could have one. Can you imagine having a million-dollar check, and you're like, did we put that in? And then if you lose it, you're like, I don't know. I might have lost a couple million here. Like, if you have, you know, we're talking about Jeff Bezos.

I mean, he's got, what's his net worth? It fluctuates. Let's pull it up here. $150 billion? Well, according to Forbes, I guess it depends on the stock market. Let's see here. A couple days ago, it was at $196 billion is what they had as net worth. Now it has $181. I think it's based on how Amazon's doing. He had a tough day. He lost $18 billion in net worth. Who's Bernard? All right, let's find out. So I think we all know the other three here. What does this guy do?

Oh, he owns Louis Vuitton, Sephora. He owns a bunch of luxury brands like that. Yeah, yeah. And he bought Tiffany & Company. First ring I ever bought my wife was at Tiffany & Company. It was a $200. I went in and bought the cheapest ring they had. Did you ask for the cheapest ring? And I was... I mean, I gave the vibe off of this guy. Yeah.

They didn't walk me over to some other counters. I was waiting tables in Chicago when I started comedy. And I bought her. I think she still has the ring. And I bought her a Tiffany. Because I heard where you hear your girl mentions something. And my wife's not into super materialistic. She doesn't really care about stuff. But I just heard her. I knew it was a nice thing. And I think I heard her say something. And I bought a ring at Tiffany Company. So I...

I'm part of that 110 billion is what I'm saying. $200 of it. And he would be like, I appreciate it, man. Thank you. Like, you know, if I told him that, how you doing Mr. Uh, are not in your family. I would love to, and your family, uh, I, I have, I'm a part of the Tiffany family. I bought $200 ring from you in 2003, I believe maybe four. I don't know. You might guys can look that up. Uh,

But I'm excited for your success. You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. And he's like, oh, man, I really appreciate it. That means a lot. That's how we get where we get is about $200 at a time. And then his security tasers me and I go down. So these guys are all in the top three for $100 billion. Yeah.

I mean, so a billion dollars is... For you to live a life that you can do whatever you want, I don't know what you need. He's got a lot of instruments, so... Yeah, you got a lot of money to fly out the door. If you got $10 million, if someone gave you $10 million, is that enough? If you're 30 years old, is $10 million enough to be like...

You're good. You don't have to work. Because what people don't realize too is the way you live goes up. The way you go buy a nicer house. You live in a different neighborhood. You have a different car. People think if you're some guy who's in an apartment by himself, he's like, dude, I could live off $10 million easy. And then you're like, well, you're not going to stay in that. Yeah, if you stayed in that apartment, you could. But if you... I mean, you could live off more than $10 million. But if you go buy a million dollar home...

If someone gives you $10 million, you're probably buying a $2 million home. Well, now you're down to $8 million. And then...

And then milk is probably going to go crazy. Gas, you're only going to that one expensive gas place because you can afford it. And out of reason, I go to the one that's $5, and everybody's like, why would you not do the $3 one? And it's like, because I have $10 million. You spend time with a bunch of plebes down at the BP. Yeah, yeah.

What, I got to get someone trying to sell me cigarettes in the parking lot? I go to the real deal. I saw this on Reddit yesterday about a visualization of the difference between a million and a billion dollars. I'm always fascinated by these. If you took one million one-dollar bills and you stacked them up and you laid them down on their side, that stack of one million one-dollar bills would be about 120 yards.

So it'd take you a minute and a half. I thought you were going to say the length of this table. I mean, I was expected to be like, it's like this. And you're like, is it? It's a $1,000,001 bill. I'm just saying with my head. If you would have gave me a second, I would never have said 120 yards. I was thinking you were going to be like, a little more than this table. Yeah.

And I would be like, wow, okay. And I would believe that. So that's impressive. I thought you were setting us up just about how small it would be. No. Okay. Well, now let's say we have a – so it takes about how long to walk 120 yards? Maybe a minute and a half? Depends who's walking. If you took $1 billion bills and stacked those up and laid it down on its side, how long do you think that stack would be?

I mean, it's got to be 1,000 yards or something? 68 miles. 68 miles? 68 miles long. So a little over 1,000 yards. I think a little bit over, yeah. It'd take you an hour to drive to the end of it. An hour. Okay, so that's the difference. You go from walking a minute and a half to driving for an hour. That's the difference between a million and a billion. If you go to a trillion, which people are talking about Jeff Bezos being a trillionaire, then that's 68,000 miles.

Which is like two and a half times around the circumference of the earth. That's how long that stack of money is. Of dollars. Of one dollar bills. Yeah. Pretty crazy. Pretty crazy.

I mean, yeah, it would be all the dollar bills. Like, would you not, like, would dollar bills just be gone? Like, if a trillionaire is like, I want all my money in dollar bills. Singles, please. Yeah, and what are you going to say? No? I mean, he's a trillionaire. He's like the first one, obviously. And you can't, he's like, no, I control money. And so we just, all our dollar bills are out of circuit. Like,

You just see everything you have to buy in dollar bills. You're like, why are we having to pay in dollar bills now? Because this... Jeff Bezos has all the ones. All the ones. He wanted to stack them up. It's a power move. There's no more change. You pay $5, you get $5 back because they can't break it. They just have to go...

Just keep the five. The whole system falls apart. Kroger just announced that. They're not giving you change back anymore. Really? Yeah, they don't have it. The Federal Reserve's not printing it. Unless you go through self-checkout, which makes me think they just won't. It's a way to get you to go through self-checkout. Well, they don't want COVID, I would think, not to touch. Does that have to do with coronavirus? I don't know. I just read the headline.

Let's move on. I think it was you can... You have two options. You can donate that change to charity that they would have given you, or they put it on your loyalty card. Yeah, but that's insane. People ask for charity these days.

It's infuriating. Everywhere you go. They need charity. You know what? I don't give to anything. No. I give stuff. We give stuff privately. You just give your things that you give, and you make sure that you give...

I mean, you try to do the right thing. But when you go to any regular store and they're like, do you want to give this money? Hey, some of them, you're like, who are you giving this to? Is it going to go somewhere? I've always thought with charity, I have a weird thing with charity, like cancer.

All this money's gone to cancer. They haven't solved any of it. Like, they haven't. I mean, dude, how much money's raised? Steve, look how much money's been raised for cancer. I don't even want to. I mean, is it a trillion dollars? I feel icky even doing this. And they haven't. Like, there's not like, we've got, you know, we're close. Like, you'd be like, we're close. We're near cancer.

I mean, there's a head start. If you get toe cancer, it's not even a problem anymore. There should be something. How much money is raised each year for cancer research? So in 2018, the government paid $39 billion.

I don't really have any idea. I don't know why I started to read that real confidently. I think they're making some advances on cancer. There's a lot of cancers, though. I know, but solve one. We're all giving money to cancer. Have one be fixed. Why do we keep giving all this money to cancer and we're getting nowhere? What do they need? $70 billion will be the one that sends us over. Give it to one. Look, I don't know how science works, but

I imagine let's write a check to one guy that's the best guy and be like, here's all the money. Go solve the cancer. All right, there it is right there. Look, where the cancer money's going. Oh, breast cancer. Breast cancer is the most funded cancer research biologist.

Wow. All right. There's two of them. Look, we might have... My mom had kidney cancer and she's all right. She just... Well, there you go. Caught it very early. A lot of money went to it. She actually got a check for $20 million, so I didn't know where that came from. But now I see. I'm just... Look.

Do I believe in cancer? No. I just... It never made sense to me to think, like, we donate all this... Does that make sense? We donate all this money to something, and you're like, I feel like we're nowhere with cancer. Like, it's still just brutal on everybody. And, like, you would think one of the cancers should be like, we got it. We figured it out. Like, it's, you know... I mean, how many people are working on this cancer? Like...

They're doing like COVID vaccines. They're like getting somewhere. Cause I mean, they put a, like all the money, like everybody wants this COVID vaccine. So they're at least like, you're seeing like, all right, we're almost like at least some kind of a vaccine. And so with cancer, you're like, we've been raising money for cancer for 50 years. As long as Tom Cruise has been, it's been Tom Cruise's first movie.

He's been just giving money to cancer. I mean, I just feel like we should be. Maybe we are. I mean, you know. I think we are. Yeah, I think we've gotten better. You don't feel like we're any better off than we were 50 years ago with cancer? I think we are, but it's been 50 years of just maybe billions and billions of dollars being thrown at the research. I mean, you don't think there should be, like, it's solved? This says, currently there's no cure for cancer, but recent advances in medicine and technology are helping move us closer than ever to a cure.

There you go. Nice little statement for $100 trillion. Just to be like, we're getting there. Maybe we are getting there. What do I know, man? But I'm just saying. If you gave me a billion dollars, I feel like I'd figure it out. If it said, Aaron, here's a billion dollars. You cure cancer, here's a billion dollars. Can you make the xylophone more... Can people move it around easier?

Can you figure a way to have people travel with it? I could do it. In their pocket. In their pocket. For $1 billion. Yeah. You think you could do it? Probably. Yeah. Would you make the instrument smaller or pants bigger? You have a billion dollars, so you could go two different ways.

How do you attack the problem? Do you go instrument small? Because I don't know if you really can. So then maybe you dive into the pant world, which is something a billionaire does. They think outside the box. They think outside the box. And they go, oh, how did you make it that small? You go, I didn't even touch the instrument. But have you seen pants lately? Their pockets are gigantic. Their pockets are enormous. Problem solved. Here we go. That's hilarious. It's a billion-dollar idea right there.

So, I don't know. We got a cancer. Cancer's soft. Here's someone that we looked at that was interesting. Pablo Escobar was on the Forbes list. Which, if anybody watches Narcos, I'm an enormous Narcos fan. Narcos is unbelievable on Netflix. I love, like, cartels. Like, I don't know. I'm obsessed with, like, cartels. It's just so crazy to me. I think it feels like, you know...

You know, it always stuck with me. I remember a long time ago, I was near the Mexican border, near Juarez. I was in, I think it's Arizona or New Mexico, whatever backs up to it. And we were close to Juarez. Like, you could go there. And this is like, you know, I was probably 20 years old. And I remember seeing the news in my hotel room, and they said, no one go to Juarez. It's a lawless place.

place right now and i remember just seeing that in the news and i was like that's crazy dude like i mean i've never heard like that and it was like that was 20 years ago and it was just always like i don't know i always think about that but then you start now seeing these cartels and like the way it is down there it's it's unbelievable i mean there was a a guy that did not narcos that was like a scout like a location scout guy was killed by the cartel

How crazy is that? It's a Netflix show. It's not like they were doing some weird documentary. It's a Netflix show. That guy was killed by the guard. It's like you just can't go do anything there. But Escobar, so what do you have? In 2019, if he were alive, his net worth would have been equivalent to $59 billion. So look at this list of who else he'd be right up there with.

Michael Bloomberg is currently worth $60 billion. Mackenzie Bezos, Jeff Bezos' ex-wife, is $59.9. That's crazy. She got $60 billion. She got, I think, $36 billion in the divorce. And then she already had a billion. I guess she had some stock in Amazon or something. I don't know. Dude, how do you imagine that divorce? Is that bothering? You get a divorce, and you're worth $200 billion, so she gets...

She gets half of his hundred-some billion dollars. I told my wife, I go, look, if we ever get a divorce, you're out of your mind if you think you're getting some of my billion dollars. Her argument is we don't have even nowhere near $1 billion. But I said, if I do get there...

you're not getting half of the billion. Like, does it not feel, but she made a good point to be like, look, if you have 50 grand and you get a divorce, they get 25 grand. And I'm a, if they've been there from the, like, if they've been there from the get go, like, I get it. Like, my wife's been with me before I ever started comedy. So she deserves half of whatever I have.

which is close to $4 billion. And then... But she... I'm not against... But there's a point. If a guy's got $120 billion, don't they just go, well, that's kind of ridiculous for you to get $60 billion. Do they not say, that's insane. We will give you, I don't know, $1 billion or $500 million or $1 billion. You should put a cap on it somewhere. They should go...

There should be a cap in the divorce court to go, if you have more money than the state you're getting divorced in, the wife gets $1 billion. She doesn't get it. Who do you think has more of a right to their $59 billion? Mackenzie Bezos or Pablo Escobar? I mean, Pablo worked. I mean, he built that. I don't know what she's done. I'm kidding. Oh, you're...

I was saying one acquired it through a divorce, the other one acquired it through... Murder. Yeah, building a drug empire. I don't know, man. It's a tough one. I'm not on board with either. You know what's interesting? Pablo took the harder route. That's for sure. I mean, he was burying his money. See, that's the thing. The cartel, I mean, they probably have more money liquid than any of these people.

because I don't know what it's like being this rich, but imagine most of their net worth is tied up. It's like having a lot of instruments at your house. Hippos for Pablo. Yeah, he had hippos. But I would say Pablo Esco, he probably had more cash than any of these people, like actual cash. Actual cash, yeah. But it was buried. He forgot, and then it would get messed up. Some of it, they stay still buried. When I did shows for the troupe, we went to Saddam's palace.

and uh and then uh we so going to his palace i feel like y'all are looking like you're one of my dumb stories i'm sorry i've done a lot of things anyone about like what do you want me to do i'm sorry why don't y'all talk about performing in nashville locally more uh so there's i've done a lot i've done i've been to iraq multiple times uh did show for pablo's people uh they uh

I did think I once, when I went to the Astro, the World Series Astros game when I was in town and I bought a ticket and I sat down and I think I sat next down to a cartel member, but that's a complete judgment because he bought, it was him and his whole family and I just pictured, but that's completely probably not true. I hope it's true. Yeah. You know, but they look, it was like his grandfather and it's like, it just looked like they could have been a family of, you know.

They're a big Astro fan. They're sneaking in the U.S. just to go to game three? I didn't say they were sneaking in the U.S., that's you. So I said they legally came in.

And then... You just said cancer wasn't real. Yeah, this is a lot. And women should not get any money. Yeah, this is... We repeat what we talked about? All right, Pablo Escobar. Saddam Hussein. Those are the role models of what we need to be looked at. Cancer's not real. Everybody, check out Nate Land Podcast. Make sure you subscribe. Click the links. Leave a comment. So I performed at... When we did Suffer the Troops, we would stay in Saddam's palace.

And so it was unbelievable. And so you go around. The interesting thing about Saddam's palace is he would make everything was painted gold.

So it wasn't like real gold. So when you would see it, it was all painted gold because he, he didn't want to speak. He had palaces everywhere. And so that way when people would see it, it just looks like it's golden. People would be like, man, he's our leader. He's look how rich he is. And people right outside the gate, like didn't have water. And I mean, it's the difference. So when the, when the soldiers took over his palace, uh,

His son's palaces were on that property too. We saw where the bomb came through his son's palace. He had lions and tigers and all this stuff. Our troops go in and they have to fight people and then also lions because they would just be there. Can you imagine you're just in Iraq and you're like... He just had them at his house? He just had them at his house. He had a safari. Yeah.

And so they had to go and do that. Was he a billionaire? He probably. Yeah. I mean, dude, some of those guys have crazy, like I thought that would be the richest guys, the guys like this old money, like some of them, they have like stupid money. That's what they are the ones that like end up like paying for Beyonce to come sing to them for one million. And that's like nothing. Like they don't, you know, but I figured, yeah. Yeah, he was a billionaire.

Two billion dollars. At the time of his death, two billion. I mean, good night. Jeff Bezos was like, if he's sitting at his table, he goes, hey guys, Saddam's coming over? Uh,

And Saddam walks in with a bottle of wine, and he's like, I got this for you. And they're like, ugh. Because I feel like you're that rich, you don't bring anything to a party. But he's only got $2 billion, so he's like, here's a bottle of ice. It's like Boone's Farm. And they're like, oh, yeah, we'll keep it. They roll when they open a window and just throw it out. They're like, thanks, man. And then we'll give that to the hippos like to drink wine, so we'll use that for them. Give it to Pablo.

Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos' wife's there, and he's like, oh, that's embarrassing. So how's it going, Saddam? I mean, you getting by, buddy? And he's like, I flew commercial over here, and you're like, oh, God. He probably has COVID. Oh, God. Did they check his temperature at the door? Can we check? Do you mind if we just read this? Saddam's been dead for a while. Wow. Wow.

That's how I just found... Oh. Yeah, we got him. That joke went nowhere. So... All right, we got to be close. What are we at? We're just over an hour. All right. Man, time's flying by. I did use... We did see a story where you said... It said...

Once you make 75 grand, you're no more happier? Yeah. This is a 2010 study by Princeton University. Basically said... Who's doing these studies? I'll go down to the end of it. They just... You never see a study that's done by Volunteer State Community College, and you're like, oh.

I don't hear what that guy has to say. It's always one of these fancy schools. Ball State would be like, we hear if you get to 75. You're going to be better off. Can't prove it. Dreams. Come to Ball State. We had a guy make $75,000 one time. They can't even find anybody to ask. You went to Ball State. I went to Ball State. Did you graduate from there? One day I'll make $75,000. Yeah.

No, I didn't. No, I didn't graduate from anywhere. Serial killer went there too. Do you know that? Really? Yeah. Who? Paul Reed. Who's Paul Reed? What did he do? He killed a bunch of fast food workers here in Nashville area in the nineties. Friend of mine had classes with him at Ball State. Yeah. And when he finally got arrested, he killed, this is very morbid, but two people at Captain D's, two people at McDonald's in Hermitage.

Three? I don't... Yeah. For the record, guys, I'm not condoning anything that's been said in this. Well, Captain D's, but the other ones are... This sounds so made up. No, this is real. And then some employees up in Clarksville. So then one of the workers at McDonald's played dead, and he lived. So he testified to the guy, and they arrested him. And when he went through night court for the first time, we're finally seeing this guy. He's wearing a Vol State shirt. Really? And you know Vol State must have just been like, oh, no. Yeah.

Yeah, I had a friend of mine, a friend of mine had a class with him. Was he killing them through the drive-thru? Like, he would, how was he doing it? Were they at work? I don't know if they had a drive-thru. No, he was doing it inside there. I think, I can't remember. Oh, he was actually going in. Yeah. Wow. I figured he'd just do it through the drive-thru. It was like, I feel like three different fast food murders. That's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy your buddy had a class with him. Like, did he say, you know? Did he have any signs? Oh, yeah. Yeah, was she like, you know?

I think she remembers him. Did she see, like, was he always making a list? Like, you know, like, is he always, like... He brought Captain D's to class every day. He looked real mad about it, though. Yeah. He goes, oh, stupid. He goes, one day, one day I'll show him. And they're like, what's that? Paul? He goes, nothing, nothing. Paul Reed, wow. Yeah, man, look him up. Go ahead, Nate. Anyway, so I brought on stage one time. It was, like, a weird story. Didn't...

They introduced me. They gave a car to a vet that had no legs. And they gave him a car. The whole audience is crying. Wow. He had no idea. His name was Nate. And I swear to you, they give him a car. Everybody's crying. Can't believe it. And they go, all right, everybody, please welcome Nate Bargetzi. And then I come out. And I'm like...

My wife's so crazy. I'm like, that's my complaints. It's like, oh, you ever guys take your kids to Disney World when they're two? This guy doesn't have legs. He's not even off the stage yet with no legs. And like, that's it. He can't even use the car. I just bombed for five minutes. No, he is. Was it a special? Oh, okay. No, yeah, he's fine. Yeah, dude. There's Paul Reed, by the way. He still runs. He's faster running. There's...

There's Paul Reed? Oh, Paul Dennis Reed. You got to throw in the... Yeah, my bad. That sounds way more like a serial killer. All the three names? Yeah. Paul Dennis Reed. The second you start killing people serially... He's the one that... They start saying your middle name. He was my reference to Vol State. They put down, how'd you hear about us? I go, watching the news in the 90s. And just said, oh, I'll go there. When did you go to Vol State?

When I graduated high school in 97, so 98. Oh, you just missed him then because he was doing his... Well, maybe he did his murders in 97. He got the death sentence. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So you were saying 75 grand doesn't make you happy. I don't know if I'll believe that. Anyway. I mean, clearly. And the lottery doesn't. Yeah, people that get lucky. Well, let's cut to...

because we're going to be running out of time. Some of these game shows that I did find interesting was like the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was another one where people frauded. And where Guy won by having his audience cough. Have you seen it? Let's just play the cough. All right. What if I told you? Oh, my God. We're going to watch a whole ad. All right, here we go.

Oh, wow, he started at the beginning here. Let me get ahead to where it's... Let me get ahead. Should we explain what's going on? All right, so... So this guy, he went to court about this. He was having another contestant and his wife cough whenever he... He would read the answers out loud like he's trying to decide, and then they would cough whenever he would say the right answer. And he won the whole million. This is in Britain.

You know, it's like, why didn't just the other person play the game? The other person tried. They do the fastest finger at the beginning to try to get up there, and the other guy just didn't make it. And maybe they had a deal where this guy, if he didn't get up there, he would help him. Yeah. Can you hear the cough? Yeah, a little bit here. There it is right there. I think he does it again here. Now, they increased the volume of the cough for this documentary, but it was just somebody sitting in the crowd. Yeah.

That's crazy. But this guy, he would be about to say an answer, and then somebody would cough, and he would change his answer. Yeah. So, I mean, it's funny that you don't think that no one picked up on that. No one's like... It's so obvious now. It's so obvious now. I guess you... You know what was suspicious is he has to say all four answers. Yeah. So he's like deliberating out loud. He's like, ah, could be A.

Or it could be B. But then again, C. And then there'd be a coffee. Some guy, there's a hiccup guy. He's like, that's what they should have picked on. He's like, I'm going to do just a bunch of different stuff. Just, I'll do it. So the trial, the guy's defense was, I've

I've had allergies and hay fever my whole life, so I've just always been a big cougher. Okay, that's fair. That's what they tend to do. All right, that makes sense. My grandmother had hay fever. When were you born, sir? The 1900s? Is hay fever still? Did they solve hay fever? Probably have that solved. That's one of the, whenever you hear a correct answer. They probably gave 75 grand to hay fever, and they knocked that out. Like, that's all it cost. I don't know what hay fever is. Okay.

I like to call my parents right now. Sure. Use my lifeline, call my parents. What are their names? My father. I'll talk to my father. Okay.

Hi, Dad. I don't really need your help. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to win the million dollars. How awesome is that? You really got to get it right after that. Yeah. I mean, he got it wrong. No, he nailed it. He's...

I mean, it's unbelievable. It's like, I remember watching it. Like, and this was when, I mean, that show was enormous. Yeah. And it was just so, it was like such a good, yeah, the confidence of that is crazy. But like such a cool thing to be like, you know. I mean, he's just that positive that he did it. All right, for us to wrap up, what game show do you think you would be the best at? I think Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Really? Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah.

Would Nate be one of your lifeline calls? No. Hello? Who is this? He'd hang up on me. They changed it now. I think Harper wants to talk to you. And then he's the whole 30 seconds is like, who's this, Bob Ripples? That's what my daughter calls, my daughter and niece, all the kids now, call Brian Bob Ripple Pants. They made that name up, which is a great name. It is. I don't know where it came from, but Bob Ripple Pants.

And then they call. That is very funny. There's no way he wants to be a millionaire. What is it then? What's my answer? I just don't think it's... You want to know all the answers? That's like Jeopardy, dude. Like, you know... But the difference in Jeopardy, I wouldn't be fast enough to ever ring in. Oh, that's a good point. But on here, if I can look at it... You can stall. I feel like for Jeopardy, you would realize at the end of it you've been grabbing the wrong remote the whole time. Like, you're like...

You've just been, you're like, no, dude, that's the thing that holds the pen. And you're like, ah. You're like holding that pen that you have to write. You're like, dude, I was not getting anything. You're just like been the whole time. And they're like, I don't know. Broke even. Broke even. Well, what is yours, Mr. Smart Guy? What's your big? I'm smart enough not to say the one that we have to answer questions. It would be. Love Connection? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I would probably be, you know, deal or no deal, where you're just guessing, like strategically trying to guess that kind of stuff. It's going to be something like that. That's going to be my best chance. There's a lot of math involved in that. No, there's no math. It's literally just a game of math. It's statistics, probability. He doesn't know what the show is. Yeah, yeah.

But you just pick a case. But you're picking it based on the probability that it contains a good amount of money, right? Yes. But I don't think there's no strategy to it as much as... I think there's a strategy. No, because they used to... People would be... They could pick the prettiest girls or something like... Honestly, they would do stuff like that. Are those people winning it?

I don't know. I don't know if that's even true. I think you'd go on Family Feud and get in a feud with your wife while up there. Are you kidding me right now? That's your answer? Deal or no deal. It'd be something like that. Okay. Where it's not knowledge-based. It's not like a trivia. Yeah. I'd say, are you smarter than a fifth grader? I think that's tough. That's a tough... I don't know. I watched the show when I got every answer right.

Just playing along with it. The only way I could, Kids Jeopardy I was pretty good at. When they let kids go on. Like the really young kids. The really young kids. Not the college kids. No, no. It's when they let like, when it's like eight year olds. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like decent. And so, I'm like, I do pretty good. I love it. Like I'm like, I always get that. So I would do good at eight year old Jeopardy. Or,

I don't think y'all are smart enough to do what they are saying. I think y'all would get crushed. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? I think I would have a fighting chance on mine. I think you'd get crushed on who wants to be a millionaire is at least a little bit of a guess. I'm pretty good at multiple choice. Yeah.

I don't know that. Who would you call if you were on Who Wants to Be a Hero? Who would be your lifeline? It could be Ryan Malone, my buddy Ryan. I grew up with him. He's super, super smart. Felix, my neighbor, just knows a ton of stuff and is an unbelievably smart guy. Probably Felix, actually. Because Ryan knows a lot of stuff. Felix, his business is, I think, he knows a lot of things, a lot of different things, and very good at games.

You know, wouldn't be anybody here, I'll tell you that. I'd call the guy from the Price is Right game that we talked about at the beginning. He actually could be a good guy to call. Yeah. He just knows. Yeah, but he knows everything. If I was on it, I would get a hold of him and say, hey, I'm about to go on this game. Can you start putting your focus into this game?

And then I would like, you know, and be like, cause that kind of energy, this guy figured out price is right. I think you can shove that guy in any direction of any game and he could go be all in and he'd be all in and do it. He's committed. He's committed. All right. Uh, all right. Well, we did it. We did it.

So, yeah, I don't know. We're going to figure a way to end these better. But, you know, that was it. That was a new format. That one, you know, was pretty good. We kind of stick on one topic. Yeah. I like it. That's what we're doing now. Maybe it's not good, but you know what, guys? These are not all going to be good. No, I agree.

All right, that's it for us. Thank you guys for listening to Nate Land. Subscribe, do all that stuff. We appreciate it. Leave comments, ask questions. If you have to, we'll try to get some of those. You can follow us on Bates, runs all the social media on there. So make sure if you have any questions you want to ask, you can send to him on there. And yeah, that's it. We'll see you next time.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation's Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.