225: #225 The Senses Part 5: Touch
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Hello, folks. Hey, Bear. Aaron Weber here, host of the Nate Land Podcast, joined, as always, by Brian Bates and Dusty Slay. Happy to be back. It's a beautiful day here in Nashville, Tennessee, recording live from Zany's Comedy Club. Nate is not here. Nate's got a million things going on. I'm excited to see him again. You know what Nate's got going on? He's got a Nashville Christmas special. You guys have heard about it on CBS, airing December 19th.

produced by Lorne Michaels. Big time. He's also got, and this is a big announcement. I believe this is the big announcement. His special is coming out Christmas Eve on Netflix. Has that been announced on the podcast yet? Last week. Okay.

I was excited to break news on here. Santa Claus come early. That's right. It's called Your Friend Nate Bargetzi. It's coming out Christmas Eve on Netflix. Dusty and I are going to watch it together. So Dusty can see Nate do comedy. I've been telling him for a long time. This kid's pretty good. Yeah, he's funny, Dusty. Yeah, he's got some jokes. You know what? I listen to... I don't care for his attitude a lot of times, but on stage, he's okay. I listened to Yelled At by a Clown a long time ago. Big fan of that album. It's a great album. It's a great album. Yeah. I think that was his first one. Yeah.

Yeah, he's done a lot more. We're working our way through the discography. He's also got a book, Big Dumb Eyes. You can pre-order that now. Nate's got a million things. He's going to be back soon. I'm excited to see him. But for now, let's do the episode with just us. What do you say? It's been a while since the core three. Oh, we don't want to talk about that yet, do we? Oh, okay. I mean, we can. I got it pulled up here. Nate Bargetze to star. And it's so funny. There's so many things going on with Nate. It's like...

any one of these things we would have done a whole week of programming about four years ago. Now it's like, oh yeah, big deadline article. He's starring in a comedy called The Breadwinner for TriStar Pictures. He sold a movie. It was a major big production movie that Nate wrote and is going to star in. So that's exciting. I think this came out

yesterday. So, or today, a few hours ago. A couple hours ago, yeah. How about that? 1.11 p.m. I do get to break a little news on the podcast. The movie came out? Yeah, I already watched it. What's the matinee? The movie's not out. I don't even know if they started doing it. I mean, they've written it. It got greenlit. It got bought. Whatever. It says the script's under wraps, but I'll tell you guys if you want to know. Okay. It's about me. Um...

Quitting my job. A contest that you won one time where the prize was bread. I was like quitting my job and then having to get married so my wife can be the breadwinner. And breadwinner is one of your nicknames, so it all makes sense, right?

No, I have no idea what it's about. Breadwinner Bates is not a nickname I've heard before, and I like that. It's too complimentary, I think. That's a good one. What's the opposite of breadwinner Bates? I kid, that'd be for my wife. That's what we call her. Breadwinner Bates. The opposite is bread eater Bates. The opposite would be bread loser. Well, you don't really, you're not, yeah, you don't lose the bread, though. You just, you know, it's like you make money.

Like, you're not really losing the money. You're just not making it. So I would say you're eating the bread. That's losing it too, though. Okay. It's funny to think. Yeah, my wife makes more than me. I'm the bread loser. Yeah, I don't think you would call yourself a bread loser.

The opposite of winner is loser. That's just the only point I'm coming to. Yeah, but in this context, though, you know, you'd be the, your wife's making the money and then you'd be. She's making that fudge. Did you get. She's the fudge eater. She's the fudge winner. Yeah. Did you get trick-or-treaters in your neighborhood? Halloween, Brian? No, I mean, we don't ever get many, but it rained, unfortunately. Yeah. Halloween. Only day in October it rained. Last day of fall.

The month here. God was washing all the sins away. I was excited because this is the first time I've ever lived in a neighborhood where people would trick-or-treat. So I was like, I'm going to be the star of this neighborhood. I got full-size candy bars. I got them in a big bucket by the door. I'm ready to go. We got maybe three...

Trick-or-treaters. Three or four of little groups of kids. And they were 15. One group, they were a little old. But there's, if you like, trick-or-treating is interesting. It's really cool and fun to do as a young kid. And then as you get older, it gets less cool. And then at some point, it's cool to do it ironically again. Yeah.

And just get free candy. Yeah, 14, 15, maybe like eighth grade, ninth grade. It's like, oh, wouldn't it be fun if we went trick-or-treating? And then it gets lame again. So I caught a couple kids on those waves. What full-size candy bars did you have? I went all, dude. We got a Costco membership. I had never really...

giving costco a shot i was a sam's club kid growing up you know yeah really branching out there lucy got a costco membership for the family and i went and uh it's pretty amazing in there i got all kinds of i just went to costco for not the first time but the first time in a long time the other day it's fun right it is fun yeah yeah i got a lot of stuff what were you kind of a little happy that nobody showed up because now you get to eat the candy was left over

Did you have mixed feelings is what I'm asking. Look, I've been taking care of the problem the last couple days. I've been knocking some of that candy out. But I don't know. It's fun to...

The kids will go, oh, they've got full size. I was like, yeah, dude. Tell the neighbors. This is what you do. When they do that, you go, oh, I'm sorry. This is the full size. Let me switch it out. I didn't mean to have the full size out here. This was for me. This was my bucket. See, I was saying to you before that the Snickers bar, I think, is the superior candy bar. Yeah. And you disagreed, but you didn't really give a...

That is a surprisingly un-nuanced kind of cookie-cutter, lame take from you.

It doesn't have to be exciting. It's just the truth. It's a superior candy bar. Yeah, but I would have thought just you being you, you would have, you'd be like, man, a Charleston Chew is number one. I would have thought you'd had some crazy take. You showing up with Snickers as number one is just, it's so disappointingly boring. A Charleston Chew. I mean, I like a Butterfinger. I'm into a Butterfinger, but it's not the superior candy bar. Look, we like them all, right?

I think Aaron makes a valid point, Dusty. You're going mainstream here. Yeah, Dusty comes in. The Dallas Cowboys are the best football team. Coca-Cola is the best drink. Snickers is not the Dallas Cowboys of candy bars. It sure is. It's America's candy. That's what they say. It's America's team, America's candy.

But I'm saying mainstream candy is what I'm talking about. Mainstream candy. You know, Aaron shared his love on the candy episode for Milky Way and got a lot of traction. What's a Milky Way? I kept quiet, but I'm... A Milky Way is a Snickers without peanuts. I left you off the hang, but Milky Way is mine as well.

You guys hate peanuts? Hold on. This is big news here. You've been letting me take the heat for the Milky Way. I get enough heat as it is, buddy. I mean, years people have been trashing me. People will bring me Milky Ways after the show. I know. That's what makes me get on board with it. George Washington Carver is rolling in his grave right now. Why? Because you guys hate peanuts. You know, I was listening. I'm impressed that... I don't think George Washington Carver cares what I'm doing right now. You know what I mean? He's a peanut man. Yeah. I, uh...

in my long car ride home yesterday. 300 different uses for the peanut he came up with. He did. He saved the crops in Alabama, right? Yeah, he did. That's right. The locusts were coming in, eating all the cotton. He said, we need to grow peanuts. I think it was the bow weevil. Okay. That's a locust. Yeah. They hang out. Was this a history podcast now? What's going on over here? Dusty spouting facts?

Dusty, we don't know anything really happened beyond 1982. I'm going to be honest, though. I just want to say this, though. You guys are really trashing me about the Snickers, and then your hot take is Milky Way is the best. But we're more mainstream.

Yeah, you'd expect that from me and Brian. But I'm talking amongst mainstream candy bars. We figured you made your own candy. Well, you know, I do try to make stuff. You're backpedaling a little bit. I was listening. By the end of this podcast, Snickers won't exist if you just let Dusty marinate on this for a while. You know what I mean? Snickers is the best. I was listening in my car ride home yesterday to this audio book called Atomic Habits.

And Nate's barber trainer recommended this as a way to make good habits, get rid of bad habits. And he said that the reason we crave sweet and salty and fatty foods is it's an evolutionary thing because our ancestors, those have more calories and food was hard to come by. So therefore evolutionary, it made us realize those have more calories, so they're better to eat.

Interesting. Interesting. A lot packed into that. I don't know if we have time to dig into that today. We evolved right into candy bars. Peak humanity here. Well, I wasn't looking at you, Dusty, because I know your take, but I thought Aaron might find it interesting. Yeah, I like that. I like that. We instinctively, we crave the higher quality.

Fatty. Out of calories. Yeah. Because back in the day, you needed those calories. Trying to avoid them. You never knew when you'd get your next meal. Where were you this weekend, Brian? Well, let's see here. I was Wednesday. I'm a walking billboard today. I was in Bartlesville, Oklahoma. Of course you were.

I don't know why it's funny. He started laughing and it just made me laugh. Well, you said that like it's Kansas City. Like we've all heard of Bartlesville. Well, to me it is. Okay. What happened in Bartlesville? It's a lovely town. Yeah. I'm sure it is. Established in 1924. Well, this church was. I was at Spirit Church. Okay. And had a great time. Met a lot of nice folks.

In Bartlesville, you fly into Tulsa, if anybody wondered. There's no direct flights, but I was there. And then... Hot show? Hot show. Yeah. I love it. And then Saturday, excuse me, I was in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

Well, Hot Springs out here is fun. Yeah. Childhood home of Bill Clinton. Really? Did you go by and visit it? Nope. But Billy Bob Thornton was born there. Okay. The two people I know from Arkansas. Whose childhood home would you rather go see? Billy Bob Thornton's or Bill Clinton's? Billy Bob Thornton for sure. Yeah, probably. Okay.

But anyway, it was for an organization called For King and Kingdom. It's a men's Christian organization. Helps men get on the straight and narrow. I signed both of you guys up. Did you really? So you'll be getting some stuff in the mail. That's good. I probably need it. And they gave me this hat, and I had a great time. And apparently they gave me this hat. Yeah, they sent you that hat.

You've got a Tennessee Pride real country sausage hat. Yeah. I like that. Growing up, Tennessee Pride, I mean, I don't know how it's doing now, but it was big as a kid here. Tennessee Pride sausage, yeah. That was a pride thing. So anyway, I was in...

Again, I don't know what's going on. Tennessee Pride Sausage has a different thing now, though. I don't know. But anyway, yesterday was my birthday, and I was driving home from Hot Springs, Arkansas. Yeah. That's nice, man. When was your birthday? Yesterday. Yesterday was his birthday. Oh, happy birthday. You didn't say happy birthday to him? No, I'm sorry about that. Are you into birthdays? I try to not be, but I feel like I can't lose all the holidays. Yeah.

I feel like you keep the one that's all about you. I find that my wife's not going to go for the birthdays. Okay. I'm fine not celebrating my own birthday. You know, one year I took my birthday off of Facebook. The amount of people that said happy birthday to me.

Pretty slim. Not many. Yeah. Not many. So you put it back. Yeah. What's the point of Facebook? I think I still kept it off, but my wife loves birthdays and things like that, so she'll post about it. The word will get out. Well, I always get picked on for being the old guy, but there's 10 years apart between each of us, but now I have to go first. So right now,

I'm 11 and 21 years old. Okay. Until next week. Some people think that the happy birthday song is an aging spell that we're casting on each other. Of course they do. Of course they do. Yeah. And when we sing that song to each other and then we make a wish and then blow out the candle and then the smoke rises. It's an aging spell. Yeah. That's crazy. I guess, yeah, because you sing it and then like they do get a year older after that.

But it's like the constant acknowledgement of the year older. You go, oh, I'm going to be 30 next year. And then you're like, oh, I'm going to be 40. And you just put that weight on yourself. What about the Black Happy Birthday song? Same spell? I don't know that song. It's a lot more fun. Is it? It doesn't feel like a spell. It feels like a good time. All right. I turned 53 at midnight. Then the time changed, and I went back to 52. Wow.

all right for an hour pretty crazy yeah so uh a lot of people congratulated me on another trip around the sun yeah so dusty yeah yeah another year of not stepping off too far yeah exactly falling off the edge i did nothing i did absolutely nothing this weekend oh okay just sat around how do you feel felt all right yeah you know i'm gonna be back out on the road pretty soon so i'm i'm soaking up these uh

These first few months, being a dad, sitting around, watching football, doing nothing. Well, I went to Albany, New York to the Funny Bone. The last comedy club weekend that I have on my calendar. Ever? Obviously not ever, but currently for weekends, I only have theaters. Wow. And all the way, you know, and I still like doing clubs, but it's pretty...

weird in a way to be like, this is the last comedy club weekend I have on my calendar. So what's next? What's next after theaters? I've known you long enough. I've watched your goals and comedy change, Dusty. I remember being on the road with you and you said, all I want to do is just keep doing full-time comedy, right? Right. And then it was, I just want to keep doing weekends at clubs. I never want to do anything else. Yeah. And then it was, I want to sell tickets. I want to sell out these club weekends. And now look at you, your whole calendar is theaters. Yeah. Well, I will say,

I believe that about clubs. And then I did a theater weekend and I was like, oh, this is really fun. The one with us?

I don't know if that was the first one or not, but yeah, I mean, it was, it was, you know, roundabout. Yeah. Roundabout that time where I was just like, wow. Cause I did a rock club and it was kind of like positioned itself as a theater and I didn't really like it. And I was like, I don't think I want to do theaters. And then I did like a real theater and I was like, oh, this is really fun. Yeah. It's awesome. And so, yeah, I mean, but you know, I had a great time at the club. This is what I like about the club. I did three shows and,

And then my third show was my lightliest attended show. I don't know if that's the way to say it, but it was least attended. Yeah. And I just got in there and I got loose and I riffed a bunch. I feel like I wrote new jokes during that show because I was just playing around. And you're already pretty loose. Yeah. All right.

Or at least the illusion of looseness. Yeah. And it felt good. And I'm like, you know, I kind of miss that in the theaters. But you know what? I'm having a good time. You do two hours? No, not in the club. In the club, I try to keep it at an hour. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's for the staff and everything. Do you think you'll change as a theater act, as a person? I don't think so. We'll see.

Do you have this conversation with Nate at some point? Well, we saw what happened to him. So I'm just trying not to let it happen again. I'm getting at, but if it does dusty, you may need better help. Yeah, that's true. This episode is sponsored by better help. Thanksgiving is here. And this month is all about gratitude. So let's take a moment to say thank you to someone in your life personally,

I always think of my wife, Hannah, but along with her, there's a person in our lives we never thank enough, and that is ourselves. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Sorry. So here's the reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself. Wow. By the way, I do thank my wife. My wife does a lot. My wife is raising our kids, keeping our whole household going. It's really amazing. She's the best. But-

And sometimes – I just want to say that. You just go, but. Well, because I did put this in here. It's written, but I did put this in here. So I'm reading what was written. But I just felt like we're really grazed over thanking my wife, Hannah. So I wanted to just reemphasize. Right, right, right.

It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we are trying our best to make sense of everything, and in this crazy world, that isn't easy. Therapy is helpful to learn positive coping skills and how to set boundaries. It can empower you to be the best version of yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist today.

and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. And you know what? One, a guy I know told me he used BetterHelp after listening to this podcast, and it was a big help to him. Wow, that's great. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Nate today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Nate. If you can't spell help, you do need some help.

Well, yeah. I want to get you guys' opinion on something. On the way home yesterday, I stopped at Waffle House to celebrate my birthday. You ate at Waffle House alone? Yeah. I love to eat at Waffle House alone, though. I mean, it's great. Especially when you can smoke cigarettes inside Waffle House. It's really fun to eat and then smoke alone. So it's been a while since you've done that. Yeah. Yeah.

It was pretty busy in there. People weren't waiting, but it was full. And when I walked in, a family just got up from a booth. I mean, their stuff was still there on the table. And then the bar was full except one seat right in the middle. Yeah.

So, I had a choice of squeezing in between some strangers or taking a booth to myself. What would you do? Booth every time. Was there a line of people behind you waiting to get seated as well? How big were the two people at the bar? Were they biggins? No, they were normal size, but it was... For a Waffle House or normal size for a human body? Were the people you needed to squeeze into extremely attractive women? No, it was all men. Booth.

Bigger or smaller than me? Smaller. Oh, okay. Yeah, you can find room in there. I would take the... Booth. No, I would take the bar. I would take the bar. I would take the booth and then tip better than I would imagine the next people taking up that booth would. You'd have to tip better than four people would tip in that booth because four people fit in those. That's the dilemma here. Yeah, but you don't know that it'll be four. It could be two.

That's fair. Okay. I was thinking not even so much in that term, but...

If I sit down in this booth and right after that, a family walks in and they're waiting because I'm there alone. You're invited to come sit with you. Well, I wasn't going to do that. That wasn't an option. I'm going to feel guilty sitting there taking up a booth myself. So I sit at the bar. And then the whole time I sat at the bar, that booth never, I kept looking over at it. And it was empty the whole time. That's why you just take the booth. You take the booth and you take the booth with the mindset of I'm just going to tip really well so that it makes sense that I'm here.

I think I got there on the tail end of it being really busy, and then it kind of died down after I got there. But he's saying the concern isn't...

The server getting less tips. Yeah. The concern is the family behind him. Hypothetical family going, we can't sit together. Yeah, but I got a family. We go out to eat. You can wait. Yeah, and you complain every week on your podcast about it. Yeah, but we do it, though. If I did it, you would be complaining next week about, this guy takes a whole booth. Dude, just sit at the bar. This guy in Bartlesville taking up half of it. I need material, you know? So...

Yeah, yeah. Me complaining about it doesn't mean that it shouldn't happen. Yeah, yeah. I did, you know, I did a long ranting complaint about a restaurant experience I had, and then it ended with, you know, it was a pretty good place. Yeah.

You know, we had a good time. Yeah. This was the Reuben sandwich, right? That whole dilemma? Oh, no. I've complained about many restaurants since then. Okay. This is one of the most not that long ago. Okay. No, the Reuben was particularly disappointing. I was with you when you got the original Reuben. I remember the sandwich. I remember...

Thinking I should have gotten that too. It was that good. It was a particularly disappointing thing that not only did they not have it, but they didn't remember it. And then their attempt to recreate it was about the worst attempt I had ever seen.

At least they did something for you. They did. You want to get into the comments here, Brian? Yeah, let's do it. The comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcast Reviews, and Nateland at NateBargetze.com. Let us know your thoughts. Let us know your comments. Let us know your questions. We're going to dig into it right here for the next few minutes on the podcast. First one comes from Edna Okere. I like to see the name Edna. That's my mom's name. You don't see Edna a lot.

You think there's been a new Edna in 10 years? Probably, probably not. I don't think so. Is Edna short for Edna Weese? Something like that. Actually, my mom's middle name is Louise. Edna Louise. There you go. That's nice. Edna O'Curry. While I've enjoyed all the episodes for the past month, it's also, I've also been going through old ones and I have to say Nate Land is not the same without Aaron and his laugh. That's very nice. It is such an important part of the show and I rarely rewatch episodes that I know he's not in. All right.

Thanks, Edna. Aaron, I'm so happy for you. Lucy and baby Olive are home and healthy, but please don't ever leave for that long again. That's very nice, but I want to jump right into the next comment from music fanatic 82, who says, I'm going to say this again. This podcast will be just fine with just Nate and Brian. All right.

I've been saying that for some time. Well, I want to just say, I want to stop Edna's comment, though, real quick, before we address music fanatic, that she's right. We missed you. Yeah. Oh, thanks. We missed you. I appreciate it. Even the moment of you laughing at Bartlesville, Oklahoma, was a fun moment that we've not had. I didn't miss that.

Cause it's either me just accepting that he went to this town called Borrow'sville, which is just a, probably a normal town in the, in the country. Or it's Nate harshly criticizing him about going to this town. We don't get just a good laugh. Thanks man. Yeah. I appreciate it. That's very nice. And then music fanatic, um,

Let me ask you this, Music Fanatic. Without, say, me and Aaron, it would have just been Brian for the last two months. Exactly. I think that's what we want. So that's what Music Fanatic 82 wants. I would like just one episode, just you and Nate, Brian, like crossfire, just like two of you on either side of this table, just Nate getting increasingly annoyed with you throughout the episode. Yeah, it wouldn't go well. That'd be fun. It'd be fun to watch.

Music fanatic should maybe stick to being a fanatic about music. Music fanatic, 82. Probably born in 82. So they grew up music from the 90s. That's probably what they're most fanatical about. 90s country, probably. Christy Belleville. I think Brian may not be as popular as the other three. Next comment is from Andrew.

Chris, he says, I think Brian may not be as popular as the other three, but to me, he is the man behind the podcast. The guy who sits right in the middle is the man behind the podcast. Of course, it's Nate's podcast, but he seems to keep it together. I think that's very, that's, that's, that's apt. That's a fair analysis. I mean, I don't agree with the first part, but.

The second part I did. I think it all is right on the money. You need the whole thing. This comment was very funny to me because this was in a thread. Everyone's out there trying to pit us against each other. Like, who's mad at who? Yeah, exactly. You know, I work with you guys. I don't necessarily care for you guys outside of here. My mom's in one of those groups, and she'll be like, are you? She's like, you and Brian fighting? I was like, Brian's at my house holding my daughter right now. No, I don't think we're fighting.

You know, interesting thing. Mm-hmm.

You know, who knows? We're recording this on a Monday. The election's on a Tuesday. This comes out on Wednesday. This could be the last podcast ever to be released. That's beautiful. The world could be burning right now as this is being released. Well, let's take their mind off of things. I don't know why people say you're negative. I don't know why. I just thought it was very funny. Christy was defending me in this thread, and her way to start is, look, I don't think he's as popular as the other guys, but, you know, he helps out. Yeah.

I like that she says, may not be. Are you even paying attention, Chrissy? Yeah, she was being kind, wasn't she? Andrew Nicotera.

Met Dusty this weekend in Albany when I finally got to a show. When he says it was a hot show, he's absolutely correct, as he is with most things, it seems. You're all great. Boom. Andrew gets it. I'm putting on hot shows out here, guys. Hot show is one of those, you know, you pick up things your friends say.

And at least for me, I start saying them ironically. Like, I'm obviously quoting you. Like, I do, all right. And the joke is, I'm doing you. And then about a week later, I'm doing it for me. All right is fun to say. And I'm saying, hot show. And I'm saying, all right. These are fun things to say. And I say we're having a good time. And I wave at people awkwardly. And I do three hours on stage. I'm slowly becoming you.

Well, it's fun. It is. It's fun being you. Yeah. It does look like a good time. Get into the negativity a little bit. Brian, what about you? No. He does my thing every opening to this podcast. Yeah, I do. You didn't even do it today. I know, because I was like, well, I got to find a new thing. What's your thing? I said, all right. Oh, yeah, but mocking Dusty. Not mocking, but. Well, in the beginning, but now he does it every episode. And now you don't even think about Dusty when you do it, right? Now, today, he said, okay. I do okay a lot, too. I'm taking over, all right. I started saying low-key.

Ironically. Like low-key. You're saying low-key. Yeah, like, yo. Low-key from the Avengers? Low-key, really good. You say that ironically. And then before I know it, I'm talking like the person I was making fun of. And I've got all these little phrases and terms that I'm embarrassed that I use. You know, I had a Waffle House waitress one time. She was kind of young, hippie. She kept saying cool beans. And this was in 2016, 17. Yeah.

Cool beans. Cool beans. Cool beans. A lot. She said it so many times. Cool beans. Like, what do you want? You got some hash browns? Cool beans. And you know she's spelling it K-E-W-L in her head, too. She just kept saying cool beans. Yeah. I was like, what are we, in 2004 here? Cool beans. Cool beans. Coolio. I had a teacher at my daughter's preschool, a new teacher. She says, is this your daughter? And I said, yeah. She said, she's a trip.

She kept saying she's a trip, and I thought, that's a weird way to describe a two-year-old. She's a trip. Yeah. Yeah, I'd have to hear what her voice sounds like. If she's got the accent I think she does, I wouldn't think anything of it. You know what I mean? No. She's a trip. No, it wasn't really like that. It's not a southern accent. Mm-mm. Interesting. I like it. Things come back. Things are cyclical. You know what I mean? You've seen this a dozen times. They go away and they come back. Erica Zee.

Do it. You want to take a shot at that name? Erica Zach Kreski. Zach Reski. Zach Kreski. Zach Kreski. Erica Zach. Nick, you babies are some of the toughest kids. All three of mine are Nick, you graduates, and we are lucky they are healthy and thriving. She will be a fighter for sure. Congratulations on baby Olive. Thank you, Erica. That's very nice. Olive's doing great.

It's been nothing but good news for us since we've got her home. All the stuff we've been waiting to hear back about. It's all been good news. We're loving it. We had our first, dude, I had our first, like, we had a night the other night. The first, like, tough night. You know what I mean? Where I knew that this was coming, but it was the first night where I'm holding the baby and I'm like, what's it going to take? You know what I mean? You're trying to, like, reason with it like an adult. I'm like, what do I have to do to get you to just...

Daisy was a lot more so than Sam like that. But man, I used to, I used to put her in a stroller inside the house and would just push her around the room. That's a good idea. She would be pretty cool in the stroller. And I would put on a podcast on the YouTube that I liked and there was just audio and I would just walk her around the room and just listen to this. Just laps around the house. Yeah. Yeah. And this is your podcast. No, no, just,

Just put on my favorite podcast. I never listen to any podcast I ever do. It was Somebody Stopped Me. I did listen to all those episodes. I'm bringing it back. When I get fired from Nate Land, I'm bringing back Somebody Stopped Me. Next comment is from January 2025, folks. Bob Culver.

Founder of Culver's. Oh, yeah. Bob Culver. Yeah. You've been to Culver's? Yeah. Bob Culver. I think there's a good chance Bates was at the hospital for his own procedures and just ran into Aaron. That's very funny. That's very funny.

No, Aaron knew I was coming. Yeah, I did. It was a nice thing that he came. He went out of his way to come. That's very funny. That's funny. Just to run into you and go, Brian? Yeah, I'm here every week. Just have a spot removed. Just in case. Spot removed. That's really funny. You hear old people say that a lot. Yeah, just get a little spot removed. I put spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. Steven Wright. Yeah, yeah.

Lois Phillip. One of the best ways to be a great dad is to be the kind of husband you want your daughter to have. Okay. She's watching you, dad. Just some unsolicited advice, which you probably already know from a long time listener.

You know, this name, Lois Phillip, it sounds like if there were a hierarchy of Phillips, she would be the lowest one. She's not even a Phillips. She's just a Phillip. Lois Phillip. Yeah, that's my husband highest. And that's so funny.

It just took me a while to get the wording up. Be the kind of husband that you want your daughter to have eventually. One day. Yeah. I think that's great advice. Fathers, be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do. And also be good to your wives so your daughter sees how you treat your wife. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers. So mothers be good to your daughters too. Yeah. Yeah, that's a song. John Mayer. Okay. Right there. Next comment from Hunter Ballew.

Sounds like an old Civil War name. Went to me ease in that last time. Baloo. Hunter, it should be blue. Yeah. It's Balooey. Vandy isn't going to beat Auburn in Jordan hair. Get real. I saw this comment, and I don't want Auburn to lose, but when they did, I thought about this comment. I'm glad you included that. I loved it. Because the guy goes, get real. Like, you get real. Have you watched Auburn this year, dude? Yeah.

It's such a crazy take. I was surprised. Auburn was actually like a seven, eight-point favorite. Were they really? Yeah. It's because they're still Vanderbilt. At the end of the day, they're still Vanderbilt. I guess so. I guess so. They got to finish strong, and then they'll get some respect. It's going to be a while before they shake just the name Vanderbilt. Yeah. But Auburn, it looks so bad.

I mean, everybody I went to high school with is an Auburn fan, just about. And I read it on Facebook every week. And I mean, I see what's going on. At least they got a really likable head coach. Next comment comes from Kelsey Kirkwood.

Great name. Alliterative. It's a strong name. Kelsey Kirkwood. Rolls off the tongue. Aaron's Thanksgiving comment about the turkey vulture had me laughing so hard, and the rest of the guys just breezed on past it. Brian, this happens to you 10 times an episode. What do you think about that? Well, I didn't know. In that case, if you were joking or being serious. I think it was my guesses, if I were to guess what my headspace was in that moment, is I tried to make a joke.

It wasn't as funny as I thought it would be, and I was pretty glad we all moved on. Do you know what I mean? Because sometimes you'll throw that out there, and Nate will catch it and just pounce on you for a while. So I was glad we moved on. Yeah. So you knew that a turkey vulture is not what we have for Thanksgiving. And you don't want to eat a turkey 36 years old anyway. It's going to be real tough meat. No, I'm saying eat the junk. That's probably true. Yeah. Wait, so you eat like young turkeys? Yeah, you want to eat young chickens, young turkeys. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

I think so. I mean, because the older the animal, the tougher the meat. Interesting. Cows, too? You want young cows? Well, that's what... What is that? There's a term for like a... A heifer? No, no, like the meat. Veal. Veal, yeah. Veal's lamb, right? Young lamb. Young lamb. Yeah, so I think there's some for cows. So whatever the veal of beef is, that's what you want. Young pig? Yeah.

Pig meat's not good no matter what. Jeff Mazzone. Jeff Mazzone. Maybe Leo Mazzone. Remember old pitching coach of the Atlanta Braves? Always rocked. That's right. Always sat there and rocked. Yeah. Jeff Mazzone. Capital T tradition. I love it when Aaron drops a deep Catholic reference. Meatless Fridays is certainly a lowercase T tradition, though. That is true. Didn't realize I did that, but that is a Catholic reference. That's what...

You know, that's what 20 plus years of Catholic education will get you. Seems worth it. A missed reference. What does that mean exactly? On a comedy podcast. Well, there's a difference between capital T traditions, like the big ones, the ones that are central to the faith, and then lowercase t, which is like things that we do. But see, I usually think of tradition in a negative sense.

when it comes to church stuff oh see that's the protestant in you right there i guess yeah we love tradition like why do you guys celebrate christmas at church well it's just tradition yeah we're talking about yeah 2 000 years of stuff though you know what i mean yeah yeah okay we can get it but is this uh meatless friday that's not something that's been around a while

No, it's not just about how long they've been doing it. It's about whether that's central, like a central tradition to the faith. If they got rid of meat this Friday, I don't think anybody would care. I got you. Especially since you just don't count fish as meat.

Yeah, I think it's just warm-blooded animals is what we're talking about. Just warm blood. Yeah, yeah. That's the distinction. Yeah, I looked that up. That is what it said. Land animals, not water animals. The apostles were fishermen, a lot of them. You know what I mean? So they can't. Yeah, they don't want to hurt the fishing business. That's right. Carpentry or fishing. Yeah. Steve Kelly. Hey, Dusty. Hey. Hey.

Your family needs to get a bread maker. We got a really good one, and it's amazing. You throw it all in. It mixes it, proofs it, bakes it. The house smells amazing. There's no junk in the bread, and the bread does go bad, unlike supermarkets. It's been great. I think so. I think you're right, Steve. I want to make sourdough. My understanding is you can't make sourdough in a bread maker. So that's what's held me back from doing it. So now, as for now, I'm just not making bread at all. Mm-hmm.

You should write a movie called The Breadmaker. Yeah. What's the opposite of that? The Bread Destroyer? I guess so. Sourdough, a lot of people do it. I know people are into it. Making sourdough bread, it almost becomes a full-time job. It seems very difficult. You got to put this in a jar for 36 hours, and then over the course of eight hours, you need to mold it and put yeast. I don't even know what you're doing with it.

It's a lot of work. I watched a guy. He was like, I'm going to show you a really easy way to make sourdough. And he took the bread out of the oven about 10 times to keep folding the dough over. I was like, if this is the easy way, I'll never make it. This is the hack, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Or you can go to the store, and there are companies that really do a great job. Well, there's a place in Hermitage called Flower Your Dreams Bakery. I go there a lot on Wednesdays. They sell loaves of fresh sourdough. Is it good? Yeah, delicious. We had a bread maker at the house growing up. We called it R2-D2. It just looked like it all was beat up. My mom held together with duct tape. She used that thing for 15 years. Made bread all the time. It was awesome. Good stuff. Carson Meyer says,

Aaron, Olive is a very pretty name. Congratulations to you and your wife. Thank you. The best part about being a dad is when you go out to eat and they can't finish their plate of food and you get to finish it for them. Don't worry. The calories don't count against you because it wasn't your food to begin with. That's great. Looking forward to that. My daughter is mostly eating breast milk right now, so I will not be...

I will not be doing that for a while. Yeah, it'll change soon. But that does sound fun. I'd do that, though. Eat the rest of the food off my kid's plates. You do the little dad, like, let me make sure it's not poisoned. Let me make sure it's cool enough. Dusty's doing that for real. Well, yeah, that's true. It is, though. Especially if you go to a restaurant. I'm like, I already know it's poison. Aaron, you want to tell us about Delete Me? Yes, Delete Me.

You know, I have people in my life, I'm sure you all do too, who have been victims of identity theft. I've seen it. It can mess up your whole life. That's why privacy online is important. Your name, contact info, social security number, home address, it's all being compiled by data brokers and sold online, and they make a profit off of your data. Don't let them do that. It's a commodity to them. That's how identity theft starts. Nate and Laura have been using Delete Me Forever.

And now I use it too. A reason I love it is that it's not just a one-time service. This is something that it's continual. It will crawl through the internet, find your info, find anything out there that you don't want it to be, and they will take some steps to make sure that info is removed. They do all the hard work of wiping you and your family's personal info from these disgusting data broker websites. Take control of your data. Keep your private life private.

by signing up for Delete Me. Now at a special discount for our listeners. Today, get 20% off. That's a fifth. That's a good deal. Of your Delete Me plan when you go to joindeleteme.com slash nate and use promo code nate. The only way to get 20% off is to go to joindeleteme.com slash nate. Enter code nate at checkout. One more time, joindeleteme.com slash nate. Code nate.

Good read. It's exciting. You're the best. We got through those comments pretty quick, I think, because you are a good reader. Was that a bad? By the end of the comments, we've done an hour and a half. We're usually wrapping up at that point. One time I hosted our friend Ben Sawyer.

He's a good dude, good comic. He runs a show called Perfect Timing, a comedy game show. And they used to do it in the main room at Zany's. They did for a while. And one time he was out of town and he asked me to host his game show. Oh, I remember that show. You and I were partners one time. We were partners as like panelists on it, right? Yeah. The one time I had to be the host of it. Okay, yeah, I got you. It's supposed to be an hour and a half show. Right. And we're about 35 minutes in. Yeah. And...

And Lucy runs up to the stage and is like, you need to – the show's almost over. Like, you're like an hour short of where it needs – because I was just blazing through stuff like an idiot. I don't even know what we did. I think the show just ended super early. And you did a little – you should have just did a little stand-up at the end. I think we did stand-up at the beginning, too. So I think we had already done stand-up, but we could have just gone back out there. Yeah, you could have been like, this show, we're going to have a host and a headliner, and then your feature will be a game show. Yeah.

And the headliner is me. It's just stay up there.

You know, there's only been one of our 225 whatever podcasts. This is 225, I believe. Oh, okay. There's only been one where I was starting to sweat about not having enough, and it was because it was in front of the live audience here at Zadie's. Oh, really? And it was the one with me, you, Nate, and Mike Vickione. Yes, yes. And I just didn't take into account how much tighter we are in front of a live audience than...

you know, on here or we're clearly not tight. So I was running out of stuff and we weren't even going to hit our time at Zany's. Yeah. What were you going to do? I don't know. I was running out and I, you saved me at the end. Um, I said, um, and I just heard you, I don't even know where I heard you talk about this, but I just remembered, um,

There was something about getting hit up for a credit card. Oh, yeah. And the guy on the street hit you up and all that. And I just kind of threw that out. And you told the story. And it got a lot of interest from Nate. And it helped fill the rest of the show. Yeah, man. I wish I could do that more. I mean, I think now that we have Dusty, I wouldn't worry about it. That's right. But, you know, Dusty checked out. Yeah.

No, yeah, you did. We're doing a podcast. Yeah, I wasn't at the show that you guys are kind of talking to each other. Well, if it's not about you, you do not care. Well, it's just a function of how we're sitting, too. Yeah, yeah. If I lean to talk to Brian, it does feel like

Yeah. You know what I mean? We're in a circle. And you know, you, you were sweating it and then Aaron saved you. And Mike is not the type that's going to just riffraff. I mean, he's funny, sharp to the point. He's not going to just share some long pointless story, which I really needed at that time. So thanks buddy. Yeah, absolutely. How about that? I've been with you the whole time. Yeah. Um, all right. So this week, uh, uh,

This week, we are finishing up the senses. I know it's going to kill Nate that he wasn't here for the last one. That's right. We'll just catch him up when he's back. So to recount, we've done hearing. Hearing. Ears. Ears. That's hearing, yeah. We've done ears, eyes, nose. Yep. Smell. Yeah. Taste. Mouth. Mouth. And now we're doing fingers. Or whatever you touch with.

Yeah. That is true. That is true. Primarily fingers, but you can get creative. Yeah. You can get creative. I got to think if you told someone to list the senses, touch is almost going to be the last one they mention. That's true. All of the rest of them are all around here. That's true. It's all face stuff until touch. Yeah. You don't seem like it's its own category. That's right. That's right. Well, let's get into it, man. I'm excited to learn about touch. All right. So there's...

That sounded so sarcastic. Yeah, it did. Yeah, no, I am. There's two parts to touch. There's the factual part, like how hard I just got hit, the pressure, all that stuff. And then there's the emotional part. What does this mean? So if I slapped you on the back...

Your brain would process how hard I hit you. And also, was that a love? Was it an anger? Yeah, intent. There you go. Okay. So the brain's doing two things at a time. And I'm making these calculations very quickly. Milliseconds. Wow. Yeah, almost instantaneously. Okay. And if you slap me on the back already, I'm like, I don't care for it. Yeah. But will the intent change how I feel about the physical reality of it? Of course. Every time. Of course. Every time.

But not retroactively. Only if you know the intent while it's happening. You slapped me on the back when I announced I was having a baby. Nate gave you a hard time about it because it was kind of hard. Yeah. But I knew it was from love. Right. But if you hadn't have known that, it would have hurt. You would have been like, what's going on here, dude? I think the pain receptors would have been the same, but I would have probably been like, what are you doing? Okay. Isn't it funny, though, how, I mean, I guess this is obvious, but you've got to know a person to a certain level before you can do certain types of touch. Yeah.

I mean, if you went in for a job interview, you're not going to... You don't give them a hug when you go. Yeah, you're not going to give them a hug at the end. You're not going to get the job if you do. You don't know how well it goes, I guess. I did a job interview for this advertising internship in Dallas when I was in college, and I was so nervous. The morning of...

I woke up. I put on the suit. I'm using air quotes. The suit that I had could not get it. I mean, I had gained so much weight since I wore a suit last. Could not even fit. My sister drove me to Target where I bought the whatever. I bought what could pass as a suit at Target. I was so nervous. I get the job interview and I walk up. I stick my hand out for the handshake so far in advance. We're like 20 yards away from each other. And I

so i'm like walking for 20 yards holding a handout and i just said like thank you so much for meeting with me she goes oh yeah anyway you want to come here i go yeah i really i appreciate it thanks and like walk in the other room i go thanks for i said thanks like nine times in a row after the third time i was like why am i thanking her this is her job is anyway and then like uh

I remember like a week later, I read like this guide on how to conduct yourself in an interview. And it was like, the first thing was like, don't say thank you too often. I was like, ah, that's all I told them. I like an all the way across the room handshake though. I like the person to know what they're in for. Here I come. To the point where your arm's tired. You had to put it out for a while before you got there and go back.

I walk all the way, dude. You open the door. Hey, I like that. I don't know how you didn't get the job. If you're nervous on stage. Polite and ready for a handshake. Yeah, underqualified, lazy, all that kind of other stuff too. But if you get nervous on stage, I'll watch myself. I'm doing things physically I would never do. I'm like, what am I doing? I'm leaning weird. I'm grabbing. What am I doing?

That job interview, I remember I was like, I've never done that with a handshake before. I've never thanked somebody profusely like that. What was the job? It was for an internship for an advertising company. Oh, so you lucked out. No, I liked advertising at the time. I wanted it to be like Mad Men. It's pretty not like Mad Men. Yeah. It's a lot of guys with Nerf guns sitting on medicine balls with graphic tees.

You think it's going to be cool dudes smoking cigarettes? Yeah. Those dudes are gone. Drinking bourbon. That's not happening anymore, man. They're drinking kombucha and all that kind of stuff. Now, when Olive was born, I know she had to go to the NICU, but was there time for some skin-to-skin contact? They do skin-to-skin immediately. So we had a C-section. The first thing they did...

They took the baby out. They did a couple. They wiped her off, whatever. And then they immediately bring her to the mom to do skin to skin. Yeah. So they want to do that for...

I don't know, maybe 15, 20 minutes they did that. Like, so that's the first thing that she felt immediately. Yeah. What's the, what's, what's the deal with that? Well, it's just incredibly important just for bonding and for extra warmth. Their body's often cold and that helps, but it helps with bonding. It's especially, you know, important for small babies. And, um, I said, this is why nowadays when premature infants are born and put in isolators, they're taken out for a few hours a day and pressed against the parent's skin and

Initially they thought they should be isolated to prevent infection, but then they started realizing that it's more important to get some skin to skin contact. They even did a research study in Sweden, which sounds terrible. They study 71 preterm babies who were born between 28 and 33 weeks. They were divided into two groups, either receive standard care and incubator or rest on their mother or father's chest for the first six hours after birth. And then they, uh,

Went back and checked on them. Researchers found that on a five-point scale, infants with early skin-to-skin contact had an average score closer to four compared to just three for infants cared for at incubator. Boy, it's tough. I know that's how you do a study, but it's tough to be like, all right, we're trying to prove skin-to-skin is good. Yeah. We'll neglect those kids and give the other one skin-to-skin. It's like, ah, or we can just take a leap. Seems like the parents would have to be in on this. Yeah, these are the people that you guys always trust all the time. Yeah.

I still trust it. I just don't think it's ethical. We're trying to prove that water is good, so we're going to withhold water from 50 kids and give water to the other 50 kids. That's what I'm saying. Anybody who is able to do that kind of experiment is sick. Well, I...

I don't know when this took place. Maybe it was a long time ago. You can call them a scientist if you want. But what a sicko. We're going to neglect these kids. We just want to see how it works out for them. I don't think they're leaving them in the alleyway. I think they were still just sitting in an incubator, though. Just alone and scared. Yeah. Yeah. Alleyway incubator makes no difference to this baby who knows nothing about the world.

Maybe they weren't sure until they did this, and now we know. Yeah, now we know, and now we don't have to do that anymore. Did you do skin-to-skin? Yeah, I did, too. You know, there was a picture of The Rock with his little girl. Oh, I saw you recreate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. People couldn't tell the difference between me and The Rock. Well, you're ripped. Yeah. Yeah, you're real jacked. Exactly. Do you lift weights? I mean, obviously. Bert Kreischer and I share the same birthday. You really? Yeah. Same year, too? He's one year younger than I am. What?

That's crazy. You live very similar lives too. Yeah, we should do a tour together. We have a lot in common down here. Bates and Bert? Yeah. Bates and Bert. I like that. The machine and the cog. That's funny. The touch of a woman is more impactful than a touch from a man.

What is your Russian mafia story? Oh, you're still on Burt Crusher? Yeah, I'm picturing you on Burt's tour. Let me think what mine would be. My church youth group. When I was 22 years old, I got involved in local journalism. Squirrels eating your wires out of your car? Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Were you into that? I would put another shirt on. There was a guy who's... Put on a cardigan? You're the opposite of dirty. You go out there and you put a jacket on and they go crazy. Yeah. I love that. I'm sorry, Dusty. It was a guy and they killed a squirrel over the weekend. Did you see that? I saw that. They euthanized him. Yeah. This guy had a pet squirrel that he would make internet videos with and

Apparently, I don't know, the government of some sort broke into the guy's house and killed his squirrel. Yeah. Why? I think, was there an accusation that it gave somebody rabies or something? They said they were trying to test the squirrel for rabies, and apparently you have to kill the squirrel to test for rabies. So I was just wondering if you read that story and if that made you a little bit happy knowing the conflict you've had with squirrels.

I did not read that story. Occasionally I'll see a dead one on our street. We're walking my dog, got hit by a car. I don't mind it. Yeah. I caught a dead mouse in my garage. Oh, yeah? You caught a dead mouse? I trapped it. You trapped a live mouse and then it died? Oh, it died immediately.

oh oh you got it with them oh i got it with a oh yeah yeah dude i got some intense ones i saw what i thought were rat droppings in my garage i'll be honest with you i didn't tell anybody didn't tell my wife i'm not trying to make a big thing out of this but i'm gonna get some traps yeah so i got them months ago completely forgot about them and then i just hear from the graph across the house just like a huge loud noise i go out there the trap

The force of the trap when it was used, it was like 10 feet from where I put it on the ground. And it was just a little baby. Smashed his head? No, got him on the side. It was intact. Yeah. I just kind of opened it up, dropped it in the trash can. Yeah. But there's probably more in there, right? If there's a baby. I don't know. I'd reset the traps. Yeah. It's a bit of satisfaction. Yeah, it felt pretty good. Yeah. I felt bad that I had to take out a kid.

Yeah. But it might not have been a kid. It might have been a full-grown mouse. I looked up baby mice, and that's what it was. Okay. Yes.

You went too far. You're like, I'm going to try to get this guy's family history. I didn't set it up to go, let's get the babies, right? I just said, I got to get something. Well, the babies turn into adults pretty fast. That's true. They set them out to, you get out there and earn for yourself. That's right. That's what happened. Yeah, take them out early. As I've gotten older, more and more, I hate killing anything, animals-wise. I mean, don't get me wrong. You robbed it as a kid. I tolerated it. I mean...

Dusty, you did some pretty perverse things as a kid. There's a lot of microwaving. I hate killing stuff now too. But yeah, I microwaved a lot of insects. And don't get me wrong. I will put mousetraps in our attic. I'm not going to let it just live there in the house. But I try to go out of my way not to kill anything. And I kind of feel bad. I mean, he was here first. The mouse? Well, just these animals. Well, not really though.

I mean, you know, that house. Yeah, you live longer than like 50 generations. But his family probably has lived there for hundreds of years. And then I come in, build a house. That's right. You conquered it. Yeah. I don't think you should feel that way with mice. With deer, I feel that way. With birds, you know, because they're, you know, they're just. Birds got all the room in the world, though. Right. Right.

Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, but like the mice get into your house, you know. It feels like in Hermitage where I live, somebody told me that it's a bird sanctuary, that area. So it feels like birds kind of continuously go back to the same places year after year just because of a kind of a migration pattern. Yeah, you're trying to stop that. Well –

virtue of these houses i feed the birds i'm into it but the bats and all that everything i try to feed it all yeah but it feels like yeah but i wouldn't feel that way about mice and rats

Yeah. Yeah. They get in the house and they, they just destroyed me and Hannah, you know, you might've heard it, but me and Hannah did a whole podcast on rats one time. And they, I mean, the rats are like, like they'll get into say like a bag of potatoes and rather than just eating a whole potato, they'll take little bites from every potato and just ruin your whole sack. Mm-hmm.

They're like, they're the worst. And they spread disease and they're disgusting. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. Don't get me wrong. Again, I'm not letting mice just live in our house. I had strawberries growing in my yard and the rats got into the strawberry. I've never seen rats. They got into the strawberries. No, I watched them. I watched them. Was that y'all's strawberries that Hannah brought over? Yeah, well, we didn't want them. No, no, no. But those were strawberries that you grew?

No. If she just brought them over to you, no. Oh, you don't think? No, because this year we did not have strawberries at all because I had a weird sunlight issue and I couldn't get sun to my strawberries. What happened? The sun moved? Well, my grapes really grew. Ah, so they covered it up. And they covered it up. Oh, that's interesting. Sunlight issue. Yeah, it covers it. It was a grape issue to me. Yeah, it blocked the sun.

The grapes did. What Bill Gates wants to do to the rest of us. That's right. The touch of a woman is more impactful than a touch from a man. Impactful to whom? Because we are cared for by our mothers when we were young, and the feeling is rather similar. Interesting. I don't know if that's why. I'm not talking about that type of touch, Dusty. Yeah.

I don't go, ooh, my mom is a toucher that way. Okay. I'll move on. Yeah. All right. Touch can change your impression of someone. Researchers have found that when people hold a hot drink for even a short amount of time, they're more likely to judge others as having a warm character.

Because the part of our brain where we form both form judgments of others and where our bodies, homostasis, whatever that is, is regulated. If you hold up, they did a test. People hold a hot cup of coffee. Then they was introduced to someone. They considered them warmer, like a nicer person. And then they gave cold to someone and they consider them colder people. Whoa.

Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Who's giving the drinks out? So I'm holding a warm cup. Yeah. And then I meet you. Because I'm holding a warm cup, I'm going to perceive you as warmer than I would otherwise. Yes. Okay. Okay. What about if you're holding a cold cup? Does it cancel it out? Yeah, I think so. They also did cold compresses.

But is it, are you perceiving it because it's a hot cup? Because you're warm. It's a hot cup and I'm holding it like this. And you're like, ooh, that's a warm person. Mmm.

if you're listening, Dusty's mocking me right now. You got a sweater pulled up. I'm trying to figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. You got a little, you got a little light hoodie on and you're like, it's like one of those, uh, uh, hippie hoodies. Yeah. You know, and you're like, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. The hippie hoodies. You know what I mean? I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. I tried to pull one of those off once. Yeah. What do they call those? Like hemp kind of. Yeah. I like them. I'm into it. Yeah. I like the way they look on other people. I bought one at a gas station once. I thought maybe I'll be this guy for a while. Yeah. Didn't last long. Hmm.

Didn't fit. But... I always wanted to be a real hippie looking dude. Well, congratulations. I mean...

Look at the dictionary. I'm not mocking you, though, by the way, about that. I'm saying, is I'm holding the warm thing, so are you perceiving me because I'm holding it? No, no, no. You are perceiving other people as more warm because you're holding something warm. By warm meaning they're nicer. Like, oh. Yeah. Okay, whatever.

I like this guy. I like one of those. I will say, me and my wife have coffee in the morning, and if we have too much, we fight with each other. And we're both holding pretty warm cups. That's called caffeine. Yeah.

We start fighting over nothing and then we go, what's going on here? Oh, we've had too much coffee. Next time we do that, drop a couple ice cubes in there. Yeah. See what happens. Yeah. Because like Lois said, your kids are watching how you treat your wife. The lowest Philip. The lowest Philip. Yeah.

uh even clipboard weight there's a study where people evaluate others resumes on a clipboard and if they were on a heavy clipboard rather than a light one they were rated as having more gravitas more authority wow wow they use thick cardstock then for a resume something like that what like a clipboard like a construction site clipboard where it's like you can open it up and have papers on the inside it didn't say i don't think so

I think it's just a regular clipboard. It's just like construction dirt and everything all over it too. I think nowadays the perception is, why is this guy carrying a clipboard? I like a good clipboard. Is this guy a time traveler? Put a pencil in there.

All right, so back to that study. I skipped this part about the cold and the hot. So they gave the test subjects. They told them they were testing a product. It was a cold pad or a hot pad. After rating the effectiveness of the pads, they were given a choice of reward for participating in the study. Either a Snapple or a $1 gift certificate to a local ice cream shop. The reward was framed as either a gift to treat a friend, and the other one was as a personal reward.

those that had the cold press were more likely to give the gift to themselves, while those with the warm one were more likely to do the one that was considered the gift for a friend. How close was the ice cream shop? Does it say? I have to think. I always think if I knew that I was a participant in a scientific study like this, I don't know if my behavior would be authentic. They didn't know, though.

They didn't know that anything was being observed? They thought they were just testing these products. And what do you think of this cold press? But even then, I know I'm being observed about something. But I thought it was just, I think they were just thinking, we just want to give them our feedback if we like this or not. But I know what you're saying. So the people who got the warm took the Snapple? No, I think the people, the warm was the one that did the ice cream with a friend. Yeah.

He read all this on the back of a Snapple cap, too, which is pretty crazy. That's where he got this info from. I don't know. What is... It's not connecting with me on these studies. Okay. I'm trying to understand them. This is, you know...

Pretty in-depth. It's a lot. It's a lot, you know. Warm and cold. These are tough concepts. So the one who got the cold was like, give me a Snapple. And the one who got the warm was like, you know what? I'll take the $1 off ice cream for my friend. Seems like a pretty lame gift. I agree. Yeah.

A $1 off coupon. Wow, thanks. Glad I drove down here for this. Got a $1 off coupon. I mean, I just think... Pay $50 to park. Yeah, I just think the people are like, I'm thirsty, I'll just take this apple. I gotta buy my friend an ice cream later. You buy your friend ice cream? I don't know if I ever bought ice cream for a friend. Well, maybe you should. Yeah, I bought ice cream for people.

Yeah, because we had warm. Many times. When you didn't have it yourself, you just show up and go, I got you some ice cream. Oh, no. You know, we go together and I buy the ice cream. Hey, Dusty, I just got this $1 off. You want to go get ice cream together? Ice cream with me. I'm going to save a dollar. The ice cream. Ice cream's an impulse buy, dude. You're walking by an ice cream place. Sometimes. You don't plan a trip to the ice cream place with a friend.

You do that? When's the last time you and a friend went to go get ice cream? It's been a while, but only a year or so.

Who's the friend? I'd just be on the road with a... You'd be on the road with another... This is a different situation. Oh, we went in Huntsville. Yeah, we did go. I don't think that's the last time, but we did go. Me, you, and Matt Price. You had a $1 off coupon. But you didn't go, Brian, just got this coupon for ice cream. What do you say tomorrow to I take you to Ben and Jerry's? I would never say it like that. There you go.

But if he did, I would go. That's what I'm saying. But it'd be nice. What about AG1? Never held a warm clipboard. Never held a warm clipboard.

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So we're talking about touch. What's the worst pain you've ever felt? Interesting. Interesting. And you're not talking about emotional pain or spiritual pain. I was thinking physical pain. Physical. Okay.

Anytime you fall on concrete and scrape your skin up, a real bad sunburn, those are really bad pains. A burn in general. Burns are not good. Burn with fire or any kind of oil or those are painful pains.

But you've experienced those? Yeah, to some degree. You've had like a third degree burn? I don't know if I've ever had a third degree, but I... You've been burned. I've been burned and it hurts. Have any of you had kidney stones? I never had a kidney stone. No, but I've heard that's the worst. Have you had a bad one? Amazingly, I haven't, but everyone says it's really painful. You know, when I ruptured my appendix, I had to go to the hospital and I was in a lot of pain. And the guy...

gave me he told me he gave me the strongest drugs he could give me and i felt really great yeah and i was in there for so long that those wore off and the pain came back and then i think i was going through some kind of withdrawal symptoms was it the loudon was it i don't know but it was pretty awful yeah i got the loudon once at the hospital yeah synthetic morphine yeah

It's awesome. Yeah, it was great. But I was in there so long that it wore off. And I just, that was some of the, actually, you know what? This is the worst pain. Let's hear it. When I had surgery, they pump you full of gas. And then so that just, I don't know why exactly, but to have surgery, they pump you full of gas. And then that gas has to, it starts to move around and has to come out. And I had surgery on like my,

colon and small intestines so gas was not moving well and you that gas pressure in your body is some of the most painful stuff i've ever experienced it's really bad was there a lot of relief when it came out though uh well it just i don't know how it i don't know what happened but it's just one particular night it just i just was really feeling that pain while in the hospital and it

I mean, it didn't really come out. Okay. It just gradually got better. Yeah. I was picturing one big release. That would have been amazing. The most satisfying feeling of all time. But gas pain is some of the worst pain to me. I mean, I've had, you know. I would never have guessed gas pain. Gas pain is really bad. Your appendix exploding inside. Yeah. Like a bomb went off. Yeah. Gas pain. Wow.

I've broken my back. When I broke my back, it hurt pretty bad. Yeah, I'd say so. Yeah. According to Brian Regan's joke, they say a femur crack is the worst pain. That's what they say, right? Yeah. Yeah, just a straight break to the femur. It sounds painful. And then he said childbirth is probably nine, right? So that's a 10. Childbirth is nine. So the highest you can say is an eight, right? Yeah. Without somebody calling you out on it. Yeah. There are some people born without the ability to feel pain.

There's an episode of House about that. It's not as fun as you think it'd be. Yeah, Tony Dungy's son. Really? Yeah, has this condition. He didn't play football, probably. No, he seemed like he'd be great, right? Yeah. Not afraid to go over the middle or just do whatever. He said when he was a kid, he enjoyed his son's cookies. So he thought, oh, if they're good on the plate, they're even better right in the oven. So he would just go right to the oven and

Reach in, take out the rack, take the pan out, burn his hands and eat the cookies. And not even know it. Never even feel it. You can get all kinds of infections and your skin's all beat up and you have no idea. Tough though. He tweeted, this is a few years ago, he said, we were told he wouldn't make it past early childhood and no chance to live a normal life. He's now 20 years old in college working to be a chef.

I thought that would be inspirational, not funny. I thought you just said the kitchen was the most dangerous place for this guy. Now he's trying to be a chef. Well, he turned it on his head. Maybe make this guy do spreadsheets in a padded room somewhere. He's living a normal life. Yeah.

I think that's great. I love it. Yeah, it is. I mean, that's good. I find this even more interesting. Some people don't have emotional pain, so they feel the pain. It just doesn't bother them. Sociopaths. I guess so. Is that what sociopathy is? Maybe. I think so, yeah. If you stick their hand in a bucket of ice water, they know it hurts, but they don't mind it. Wow. Okay. That seems more useful. Yeah, exactly. Than the other thing. Exactly, yeah. Except for personal relationships.

Right, I think you're going to live alone. Yeah. I think you're going to find out all this stuff alone. But it'll be kind of fun. All right. That's interesting, though. You've got a whole section called Tony Dungy on there. Look at this other page. Well, I thought there would be more Tony Dungy. Well, I like Tony Dungy. He's a very nice man. All right, we're touched. We've got half a page on Tony Dungy. Obviously. Tony Dungy touches me right in the heart sometimes. Yeah. You're cold-hearted. I'm sorry.

Always talking about your kid. I'm holding a cold Mountain Dew. Oh. Not yet. That was a callback to holding cold drinks. Remember that? Yeah, I do. Let me ask you this. If a blind person had a ball. Just a joke. Blind man works in a bar. Blind man or rabbi. If a blind person had a ball and a cube and felt them.

Then they got their eyesight back, their vision. Could they just look at them and tell which one's the cube and which one's the ball? Sure. Yes. I say yes. They would know the hard corners of it. The vertices, whatever they're called. But they don't know yet. They've never seen a corner to even know that that's what's hard. So you're saying someone's blind from birth. I think so, yeah. And then they gain eyesight somehow. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. I think those two specific examples. I mean, I agree with you, but I do believe that you could go, well, based on what I felt. That looks smooth.

It's called the Molineux problem. Okay. Is this a big problem? Do people gain their eyesight like that? This is an epidemic. 1688, Irish scientist William Molineux sent a letter to John Locke in which he posed that question to him. This is philosophy. It is philosophy. They just write letters to each other about stuff that'll never happen. Yeah. I love it. Yeah.

But I looked it up and it said that somehow they figured it out that you wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. Unless you touched it after you saw it, yeah. I don't know. With those two, I could see with some things maybe. With those two specific examples, I think there's a pretty high probability you'd be able to. This has nothing to do with touch, but somehow it made me think about it. Do you know the Pinocchio paradox? I know a lot about Pinocchio. Sure.

Do you know the Pinocchio paradox? Hold on. Hold on. I want to get into that. I would like to hear about what you know about Pinocchio. I tried to write a joke about Pinocchio recently. So you've done a lot of research on it. A little bit, yeah. Okay. What about him? Well, you ever read the story of Pinocchio? No. I mean, it's like... It's in the cartoon. Basically, Geppetto is his dad. Geppetto is a puppet master. Right. And Geppetto carves the pumpkin of Pinocchio. Or...

Carves the puppet of Pinocchio. Okay. And then, you know, you carve a pumpkin too. Yeah. And I bet he does. Jacqueline. Jacqueline. And then he goes, I wish he was a real boy. And then some kind of witch comes along. Oh, a witch does it. And makes him kind of a real boy. Right. He comes alive as a puppet. Yeah. And then it says the next day he was walking to school.

So Geppetto was so lonely that he wanted a son. And then the very first day he had him, sent him to school. And then Pinocchio gets kidnapped by some kind of trafficker locked in a cage. Geppetto has to go get it. And then later, Geppetto sends him to school again. He gets kidnapped again by someone else.

I don't think he was ready for a kid. I think there was a reason Geppetto didn't have kids.

I've heard this joke before. The sending him to school on the first day is the funny part. How old was Pinocchio? It's hard to say. It was like kindergarten. It's not high school. He looks pretty young. You've never seen Pinocchio? I don't know if he's third grade, fourth grade. He's young. He's not high school. I give him eight years old. Yeah, me too. And then the witch in the end actually does turn him into a real boy.

They call her like a fairy godmother or something, but she's a witch. Okay. This is the dusty version. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, that is a lot weirder story than I remember. Yeah. Well, all those children's tales are... They're all weird. There's always a lot of death. Every time I try to read one of those Disney stories to my kid, they're like, starts off with like, and then the mom died. And I'm like, I'm not reading any more of these. Just read them some Old Testament Bible stories. Well, that's another thing. I try to read some of the Bible and I'm like, even like David and Goliath, I like the story, but I'm like...

The guy kills a giant and then chops his head off. I'm like, that's a little much. You got to let people know. You couldn't post a, you couldn't tweet back then. Yeah. So you got to carry the head around. Yeah. Well, I'm not against him cutting the head off, but it's tough to read to a kid. Okay. Pinocchio, what he's most known for is if he tells a lie, his nose grows. Right. Which is pretty unfortunate. That's how you get kidnapped a lot.

Where are you headed to? Going back to my dad's house. Did anybody know you're out here? Yeah, everyone. All right. So what if Pinocchio...

Hang on, I want Aaron to hear this, so let me finish. What if Pinocchio were to say, my nose grows now? What would happen? Yeah, what would happen? Oh, because it's only a lie if it doesn't grow.

Yeah, that's the paradox. There's no reason for it to grow if he's not lying. Yeah. I think he just dies when he says that. Okay, I thought you'd be more interested in this. You pulled a nade on me and just killed it. I've heard this before. It is an interesting logical... Circular. Yeah, paradox. Because it only grows when he tells a lie, and that's not the way it works. But then since he did tell a lie, then it would grow. So therefore it's true, so then it shouldn't have grown. Well, does it grow...

If it's an intentional lie, or would it grow if it's just like a mistake? Get something wrong, like a mistake. But that wouldn't be a mistake. I guess I'd have to know more about the mechanics of it. Does he think it's going to grow? Is Pinocchio aware of his situation? How does it go back down? I think you have to tell the truth, and then it comes back. Oh, does it? Or do you cut it off? No, I don't think it's just...

It'd be a good way to get some firewood, huh? It's like a mechanical pencil. It keeps coming out. I thought it was to tell the truth. It comes back a knob. I mean, Dusty, you know the story. Yeah, you know all the details. I got to dig more into it. I got to get... Because I want to do the joke. Could you maybe research that? How does Pinocchio's nose go back?

Dusty, have you... I gotta tell you, I did not think we'd be getting into this in the touch episode. Dusty, have you ever been tased? No. I've been electrocuted by... Well, I've been... I've touched a cattle fence, like an electric fence. Yeah. And I've also...

In the shed we used to have, we had a light switch, but it didn't have a cover on it. So you'd go out there and try to reach for the light and sometimes stick your finger in there. And I've been shocked pretty good, but never taste. Here you go. In the Disney movie adaptation, Pinocchio's nose only grows once, and there's no explicit depiction of it growing back. In the original book,

His nose grows on two occasions in response to lying. They never address whether it shrinks back or gets smaller again. So this is unexplored territory. I think you have to cut it off. It's very painful. Right. It's tough to do. When he becomes a real boy, does this still happen with the nose? I don't know. I wouldn't think so. He's a real boy now. But is he still made out of wood, or has he just become a regular kid? I think he's a regular kid.

How's he a real boy if he's still made out of wood? I don't know. I just thought he had a soul all of a sudden. I think he's like AI at first. Capital T tradition. Yeah, then they give him consciousness. That's interesting. He is kind of AI. He is like AI. He's like a robot that a demonic soul has inhabited. That's right. That's beautiful. So beautiful. Yeah.

These people who say Dusty's so negative, where are they coming from? I don't know. It's crazy. It's like, we're just having a good time. What does Geppetto do for a living? He's a puppet puppeteer. This is his job. He makes puppets. I think he's a woodcarver. If your name's Geppetto, that's all you can do. That's true. He's a woodcarver. Does he do shows? Is he a performer as well, or does he just make the puppets for people?

It's been so long since I've... And do you really want a puppet master to be given control of real kids? No. Can he just make puppets and then go, I wish it was a real boy? No. That seems like that could get dark. And how big is puppetry in this town that this guy can sustain a living making puppets? Yeah. I figure if you buy one puppet, you're probably good for a while. Yeah. Right? You're not rebuying puppets every time.

Maybe he doesn't sell them. Maybe he is putting on shows. Okay, that's what I thought. Maybe he's a performer. That's what I think of a puppet master. Yeah. The guy pulling the strings. Yeah. Okay, so you're a puppet master, not a puppet creator. I mean, you've been calling him a puppet master, but I always thought he just made puppets. He's the guy above them. That's some woodworking, yeah. He carves it, and he controls it. Is it said that this is all a metaphor for something? What's the moral of the story?

I think it's if you nose cut off. Yeah. I mean, don't give Geppetto kids. It's really a cautionary tale about Geppetto. Yeah, exactly. It's more about Geppetto. It's a local tale.

That's the reason Geppetto wasn't married. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Well, anyway, tased. Hold on. I have one more question. Yeah, sure. The mechanism for the nose growing. Yeah. Was that Geppetto's design? I think that was the witch. Or was it just sort of an unintended consequence? I think it was the witch. Yeah. Oh, the witch added it in. Yeah. Why? That's part of it. It's a fairy tale. Because if he was a good boy, then he could become real.

Oh. I think so. Oh, okay. And they needed to know if he was good or not, so they needed to know if he was actually lying. Oh, okay. Wow, it was a test. I think so. What was his one lie? Is Geppetto a good dad? Yeah.

Social services is there. We want to speak to Pinocchio in private. Geppetto's got a saw against his neck. Oh, he's real. Wow. Good stuff. Who named him? I guess Geppetto. I guess Geppetto would have had to, yeah. He's like, what's a worse name than mine?

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I do like that. I had some, I had some memory middle school. Taco bell. Me and code red got to know each other real well. When we go on tour with Nate, he loves to play games. We'll play basketball or something like that. And then the games get pretty serious. You know how you wind down after that, a refreshing Mountain Dew. It's always the best part. The mountain is calling. You should answer, grab your friends, grab an ice cold Mountain Dew, wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the do.

You mentioned playing games on the road with Nate. Mike Lavin will just sometimes randomly post photos from the tour. Homeless pimp. Yeah, he posted a couple of when we were playing basketball.

And, boy, do I look ridiculous. What do you mean? What were you wearing? Well, I'm just... I don't think it was his outfit. Oh, yeah. I was wearing a top hat. Yeah, this is where we were playing. We played knockout in Kentucky basketball. I thought that was Kevin Smith.

The clerk's guy? Yeah, it did look like him in that. I'm not wearing a hockey jersey. I'm wearing a... Come on. Come on. That's Kevin Smith. Come on. I'm sure he's a nice guy.

Is there a picture of you somewhere in here, Brian? There I am. That's you and Greg Garcia. That's me guarding Greg. I said it to Greg. I said, hey, why are you wearing a glove? Oh, wait. That's my defense. That doesn't look bad. I think it looks funny. They immediately made the two old guys guard each other. Yeah, it looks like the other guys aren't even playing. Well, look, they're trying to get the ball, and my defense is stopping Greg from being able to pass it.

Those tour buses back there. Hands up. Yeah, if you're listening, it's very athletic stuff going on here. That's true. I didn't even know it was Brian first. Yeah. And here's Brian trying to argue you. We're all pointing different directions. I'm not sure what that's about. That's a Spider-Man pic. It kind of does look like a Spider-Man pic. It does. Oh, yeah, there was three. You're all just thinking about where to have that Mountain Dew after this game is over. I guess so. Yeah. I guess so. I mentioned Tazing.

I'd wondered if you touch someone who was being tased, if you would get tased as well. I think so. While you're being tased, if you grab onto somebody else, you like transfer it over? Like if my friend was getting tased and I was trying to help them, like pull them away, would I get tased by like grabbing them? I would think so. If you're touching skin to skin, I bet, I bet you would. Oh, see, we got to try it now.

The electrical current, I bet, would travel to you. This says no. I'll hold my baby skin. Oh, it says no? Tase me. Yeah. If you're touching a person who has the darts in them and is being shocked, you can't feel it at all. Oh, that's good. So if you see your friend getting tased, it's okay to grab them and help them. Yeah. That's good to know. I don't know. Better to not do it, though. Better not to commit the crime that would require you to be tased. No, I mean, if somebody is getting tased, I even try to tackle the person tasing. Oh, yeah, I guess so.

I don't know. If they're being tased and they're on like a bed of coal or something, hot coals, and you need to move them off. You know what I mean? Yeah. All right. Seems like a violent situation. Yeah.

I found this interesting. Online shopping, as convenient as it is, only 9% of shopping is done online. The reason partly is because we want to touch the items before we buy it. You do want to touch it. And I think you told me a little trick is don't make your merch table be too organized. Make it a little messy, and that makes people want to get in there and touch it more. It was Rich Guzzi, comedy hypnotist, told me that. He said when you have a stack of items,

Have I told you about this before? Probably. This is like his theory about merch is when you have a stack of shirts on a table, don't make the stack too neat because they're going to be resistant to kind of mess up the stack or they're going to be less likely to really comb through it and then really have...

Have the pile messed up kind of so that they're more willing to touch it and then they feel the quality of it right away. That only works if you have good quality shirts. If you got dirt cheap, terrible shirts. You don't want them touching. Individually wrap those. Behind a glass case. Yeah, exactly. But if it's good shirts, if you're proud of the material. You know, I used to, when I would pitch my shirts, I would tell people that they're very soft. And I would just say this as a joke. I would say, even if you don't want to buy it, just go buy, touch it.

It's very soft. And as soon as they touch it, they go, man, that is soft. It does feel good. Yeah. I read a long time ago about Apple, these Apple stores, you know, like the genius bars. Yeah. They have a laptop or something like this. They would deliberately leave the laptop a little bit not fully open so that when you go up to touch it, the first thing you have to do is immediately, you immediately feel the quality of the product. A MacBook feels good. That's what I'm saying.

And if you never touched a MacBook, walk into a Genius Bar, just touch them a little bit. You're like, golly, they're so powerful. I think that may be the downfall of mankind, Apple products, but I love the way it feels. I love the way it feels.

You ever take the iPhone out of the case and just hold it? Oh, golly. That feels good. That feels amazing, dude. You got to put it back in the case because you're like, it feels too good. That feeling where you know it could break at any moment, that's a good feeling too, right? Yeah. You're like, this is a delicate piece of equipment here. And then you drop it between the seat or something. Yeah.

And a MacBook feels good. When you close it, it's just smooth. Yeah. The way that it closes, it's almost like an airtight seal. Yeah. Oh, gosh. I didn't mean to close it. It feels so good. That's amazing. Yeah. Best feeling in the world. Yeah. Now, are you guys overly ticklish? Let's find out. I wouldn't say overly, but yeah, I can. What is overly? Like it's a problem? Are you sensitive to people touching you?

Depends on who it is. Is it my mom? My hot or cold? It's funny. My daughter doesn't like it when you're doing it, but then she wants you to keep doing it. Tickle? She wants you to chase her and grab her and hold her down. Then she'll kind of stop you, but then again. Kids are funny like that. They like to be scared, but then do it over again. I like scary movies.

Why is that something I like? I don't know. I don't like them either. I watched the creepiest movie I've ever seen the other night. What was it? Speak No Evil. They just did a remake of it in America. Is that Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor? It is not. That is... Hear no evil, speak no evil. Talk about the one where Richard Pryor's blind and Gene Wilder's deaf. No. There are a lot fewer hijinks and laughs than this one.

This is about, speaking of evil, it's a 2022, and then they remade it in America. And from my understanding, it's basically a shot-for-shot remake. They just remade it for America. Yeah.

But it's about a family. They meet another family on vacation. And then that family invites them to their house in the country. And then things happen. I'll leave it at that. But it made me uncomfortable. But you were still enjoying it. I loved it. I want to watch it again with somebody else. I want to watch it with somebody who hasn't seen it so I can experience it again for the first time through their eyes. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's interesting. I don't have that.

need to be scared. I don't like it. I don't have a need. Well, not need, but I don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy it. Okay. You don't like it at all? No, I don't think so. I don't... I mean, there's certainly intense movies I watch that are scary. Seven and...

Right. Right. Thrillers more. Six Sets. I like thrillers. The horror movies, I'm not into it. This is not a traditional horror movie. No jump scares, anything like that. It's just like dread for an hour and a half. Yeah. I sat weird on the couch watching it. It made me that uncomfortable, dude. Yeah. Wow. It was awesome. Sounds fun. It was awesome.

Did you watch it with Olive? We did, actually. I was holding her. Did you watch this before or after the really miserable night that you had? Yeah. I mean, like three nights before. Before or after the rat? It was after the rat. Oh, okay. I don't think there's a problem in my house right now. I mean, I'll look into it, but I don't think there's a problem. Favorite movie about Touch? Favorite movie about Touch is Shawshank Redemption. Why would you say that's about Touch? Yeah, in what way?

Hold on, let me think about how I can spin this. I mean, there's a lot of really bad touch. Touchy scenes, yeah. With the sisters? Yeah, with the sisters, exactly. Some bad touch scenes. That's your favorite part about that movie? I cut the movie off after that scene. I gotta watch Shawshank just for bogs. That's what I watch. Touches your heart, dude. Tugs at your heartstrings. There you go. Touches you. A movie about touch. Yeah, I don't know.

That's just how we close every podcast. Now I'm just doing it to be funny. I don't know if they're... Yeah, I mean, I was just trying to think of what a movie about touch would be. It'd have to be a 4D movie almost. Yeah. You know? TV show Touched by an Angel. There you go. Yeah. But that was about like...

Angels, right? Yeah. Touching your soul. What about the movie with Patrick's... We talked about it when Angela Johnson was in it. Oh, Ghost. Ghost. Yeah, I mean, they're touching while making clay on the potter's wheel. I just re-watched that movie. That's a pretty weird scene at the end. I didn't feel that originally, but, you know... Is that at the end of the movie, that scene with Patrick's making pottery? No, no, no. Not that scene. That's at the beginning. That's the only scene I know from that movie. At the end of the movie...

And he's dead. He's dead. Whoopi Goldberg is a... In real life, too. Yeah, he is now. Yes. Not during the film. Okay. In the movie, he's a ghost. Whoopi Goldberg is a medium who can talk to him. She has the ability to communicate with him. Okay. And it's shown in the movie that ghosts can jump in her body to talk to the person directly. Okay.

At the end of this movie, he has one more touching scene with his wife, Demi Moore, where he jumps into her body, into Whoopi Goldberg's body to have this romantic touching scene. But she still looks like Whoopi Goldberg to Demi Moore. This is definitely about touch, though. That was a good call on my part. Yeah, it is a good call. Good job, Dusty. Yeah. And at first, he's scared to go through a door because he, you know.

it seems so weird to not be able to touch it and then finally he realizes you know he carefully jumps through it so and then he died right what uh yeah

I love Patrick Sweeney. You guys know the song Human Touch by Bruce Springsteen? No. No. We all need the human touch. I'm not a huge Springsteen fan. Oh, I'm sorry. I really blew that. Not Bruce Springsteen. Rick Springfield. Oh, okay.

That's like me and Bert Kreischer. I'll be honest with you. I'm even less of a Rick Springfield. Well, that's you in most of America. My bad. Not the Eagles. Jackson 5, actually. My bad. My bad. Well, I just took America's favorite artist, Bruce Springsteen, and then Rick Springfield, who hasn't had a hit in 40 years. You're telling me he's the Snickers of music, Bruce Springsteen? Yeah.

You know what? I never have been a huge fan of his. I like the song Atlantic City. Big fan of that song. Okay. That's a really great song. He's got a bunch of hits. Yeah. He's had a pretty successful career. No denying. Of course. And people love him. Yeah. I'm just saying, personal preference, I've never been that huge of a fan. Yeah. I get that. That's totally fine. Yeah. It's like Post Malone. Well, no. I would take Bruce over post any day. But Atlantic City is so good.

You know it? No. I don't think I do. Give it a listen. Okay. By Bruce Bricey. Yeah. Really great. All right. Yeah, I think I'm done. Yeah, we're dying down. That was a fun one. It was good talking to you guys, man. Yeah. Hope you all have a great rest of the week. I'm glad to get together and just touch up with you guys. Just get into it, man. Just touch you guys and talk about touch. Get in touch with each other. That's right. Stay in touch. Yeah, stay in touch, guys. Just don't drift apart. That's right. Where are you going to be? Where can people come and touch you?

If you want to touch me, this Friday I will be in Paducah, Kentucky. There it is. Part of the Kentucky Comedy Festival. Part of the Easier to Drive Tour. Yeah, one of the hottest festivals in the country. It is. Greg Warren did it this past weekend. Amazing. I'll be doing it this... Drew Harrison I saw was there.

Yeah, Drew Harrison, Drew Thomas. Oh, Drew Thomas, yeah. I saw a picture of him too, and I saw Drew Thomas in a long time. Sunday, I'm back here in Franklin, Tennessee at the Franklin Theater with Stephen Bargatze and Caleb Elliott, two guys you've seen on this podcast. That's right, yeah. It's a fundraiser show at the Franklin Theater for Agape Nashville, which is a foster care organization, wonderful organization. Awesome.

So come support a good cause. The next weekend, back on my Kentucky tour, I'm in Litchfield, Kentucky at the Alice Theater. I'm a theater comic now, Aaron. I love it. Yeah, yeah. Litchfield, Kentucky at the Alice Theater on November 16th, November 17th. I'm in London, Kentucky. That's at a church, the Creek Church. But it's called Laugh All Night. We'll see about that. But...

Laugh for a good bit of the night. Yeah, laugh some. There'll be some laughs. There will be laughs. There's a few comics on the shows. It's not just me. That's where I'm at. November 24th. That's the Sunday before Thanksgiving. This is Aaron Weber talking, by the way. I have two shows at the St. Louis Helium. They're both almost sold out. I'm in love with you. They were both sold out. Then I moved the date.

And a lot of people thought, well, this is a good opportunity to refund my ticket, which I understand. But there's still some tickets available if you want to come see me November 24th in St. Louis at the Helium. And then January, I'm back at it, baby. I'm going hard, dude. Detroit. I'm going to San Antonio, Austin, Houston, Boston.

Hartford, all the good places. Spokane, Tacoma. Keep an eye out for that. 2025, I'm coming back at it, but come see me

St. Louis, November 24th. Awesome. All right. This weekend, as I've stated earlier, I'm expecting by the time this podcast comes out for our country to be in total chaos. And who knows if this weekend will even happen. But it'll happen. I am going to be – I have four shows this weekend, two in Portland, Oregon, and two in Seattle, Washington. Hmm.

The both of the early shows sold out. So we added shows. The second show in Seattle is almost sold out. That's great. The Portland show. We could use a little bump, uh, but there, uh, it's still, it's still enough tickets to be a great show, but, uh, you know, um,

it's going to be a great weekend. I love going to those cities. I always have really good shows when I'm there. Yeah. And, uh, it's a lot of fun. I managed to find direct flights. There's an app on Alaska Airlines. There's a, yeah, there's an app on your phone called sky scanner. It may not be on your phone, but you can get it on your phone. And,

And it will tell you all the flights. And I don't know how it took me this long to find it. But I finally found it, and now I'm getting direct flights. I've been an American Airlines loyalist for a long time, but they were not getting me a lot of direct flights. Loyalists. And now I'm going for direct flights. I go for direct flights too. Alaskan Airline does operate with American Airlines. Yeah, they're in conjunction. Yeah.

Aaron, let me ask you this. Do you have a Southwest credit card? Oh, yeah. And what benefits does it give you? You get X amount of points per year. You get bonus points for every dollar spent on the card. And you can apply it toward flights. Oh, yes. The companion pass is almost enough to make me want to swap to Southwest. The companion pass literally changed my life. I've never had a company...

changed my life more than Southwest did with the Companion Pass. Because I can bring other comics with me on the road for free. I can fly people across the country for the 9-11 tax. That's all you gotta pay. Five bucks to take a friend to Seattle. For five bucks. It's crazy. It is amazing. I may have to get one. I'll get the referral bonus. People have been telling me for years to get it. In my mind, I'm like, this will probably be the last flight I'll ever be on.

And then I'm like, every week I'm on Southwest just stuck in there. I'm like, why don't I get. Yeah, you're crazy, dude. I'll refer you. I'll get the points. You'll get the points. I'll see you in the A-list, dude.

I'll see. Does the credit card give you a bump up in that area? It makes it easier to get. I don't know the exact benefits, but it'll jettison you to the front of the line. Why did you have to take a Tums? What happened during this podcast? Well, it's just my entire life. Okay. Just like that. You're eating poison over there. I don't prefer Tums, but sometimes that is maximum comfort. I don't prefer it. I'm a big fan.

I like papaya digestive enzymes. I can't believe we're still going. Oh, I thought we'd stopped. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, I like that. This is what I want to talk about. Yeah. He told me about papaya. Finally. All right. Let's get into it. All right. You want to wrap it up? Yep. That's it. Thank you. We love you. None of us is lost on you. We miss you and we want to touch you. We want to touch your soul. So thank you for listening. I don't. Your soul. Tune in. Yeah. Tune in next week to the Nate Land podcast. And Nate will be back soon. And we're excited to have him back. All right. Y'all be safe.

Y'all be safe out there, dude. We got a Mountain Dew. The mountains are calling. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Brian. Happy birthday to you. There he is. Yeah.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the Audioboom platform. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.

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