211: #211 The Return of John Crist
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You guys all know him. He's a teenager from a mall drinking a Bobo drink. John Crist! Oh, yeah. That's it. I can't drink this? Is the drink called Bobo? Yeah, that's like a tea, I thought. Yeah. Isn't it? I don't know what Bobo is. It's the tea with the things inside of it. And it comes out of the...

It's in the same family as what John has here. Yeah, what do you have? Just a coffee? That's an iced vanilla latte from right across the street. I mean, dude, it's 2.30. Yeah, yeah. Or 4.30. What time is it? I had a coffee. It's 5 o'clock. Yeah, what do you want me to be on my A game at 5 o'clock? Yeah. Yeah, I need something. You're off by two and a half hours. Yeah, see? I don't even know what time it is. It's 2.30. Guys, come on. It's 2.30. What time is it?

Look, I drank coffee too just a second ago. The way the straw, this blue straw. Oh, it looks like a kid drink. Everything looks like you came from a mall. We called you and you go, boys, I got to go. I can't. I got a big podcast. You had to call your buddy's mom, had to come early. Come get me. Your friends are like, can we stay? I mean, if I'm here picking him up, might as well get everybody. Yeah.

Well, parents don't have that anymore. Is Harper old enough? Do we say her name? To go to a mall? Are we allowed to say her name? No. All right. Cut that out. You'd drop her off at the mall? Yeah, you would. I don't have children, according to this. You would drop Harper off at the mall? Harper? Who's that? Oh, yeah. No. Would I drop her off at a mall? With her friends. Have you been to malls? Malls are just like... Oh, yeah.

Look, I don't know what malls are, but I believe they're war grounds now. It's not. Yeah. The mall I grew up in. I don't go to the mall. They shot Stranger Things in it.

The mall that I went to, sincerely, as a kid, they made it as like a, they're like, this is so terrible. The mall I went to, they shot strangers. It was too easy. I know. You know, I felt it was an easy. You can see my brain working two seconds behind you. Yeah, yeah. I'll get in there first. Yeah, it was too, how would you have said it? I would have said the mall I grew up at, they shot people.

That's better. That's too aggressive. That's totally different. I said strangers. What is that? Stranger things. You said they shot stranger things, so I said they shot strangers. Oh, yeah, that's way better. I thought that was Strangers the movie. You're talking about just strangers. Thank goodness I got in there and derailed this podcast just to go. I'm sorry, Aaron. Your years of comedy are showing. I'm just here for setups. The Montgomery Mall is no longer...

around the mall that I grew up with. Wasn't there a documentary about it or something? That was a different mall. Jasper Mall. Jasper, yeah. What happened? They're just dying. A lot, you know. It's a global economy, a lot of moving pieces to it. Amazon, I think. Amazon probably played a role. Yeah, and then there's a lot of violence. I walked around a mall Saturday in Des Moines. It was very nice. You need a big store. I learned about Anchor Stores. I think I learned about it maybe on this podcast.

But you need like, like they had a Shields. So we went into Shields. That's the anchor store for the mall. Yes. Yeah. If they leave, the mall's done.

Well, I mean, this mall had a lot of good stuff, and, like, a lot of people in there. I'm still under—I believe people want to go—still want to go do stuff. You still want to buy stuff. I still think—I know young—like, you know, you do see Harper and, like, the younger kids. They're ordering stuff, and then they're like, it's going to come in two days. So maybe their mentality would be, like, they're used to waiting. We don't.

But I think if they go, wait, like I could go get it right now though. You'd be like the right now impulse is – that's why Apple stores are great because you're like – I have to have a charger. Yeah, I can go get it now. You want to get stuff now. But what do they like to do instead of malls? Go to like a dog park or something? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I don't, you know. Where does she go? Are you wanting to know where the young girls are? No, like where does. She goes bowling. They smoke and they go bowling. I don't know where they go. I don't know where they go. They don't go anywhere. They don't go anywhere. They stay in the, I mean, they FaceTime. She goes in the neighborhood and like she'll go to her friend's house and friends come

come over, a lot of spending the night, that kind of stuff. We would walk around a Walmart. That was big. Really? We'd just go sit in a parking lot somewhere. Yeah, there's nothing to do, dude. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, now, yeah, I guess you'd go hang out in parking lots. Yeah, I mean, Opry Mills, man, is I think a pretty – It's not going well over there. It's not going well. Yeah. And I think you shouldn't – like, you can go during the day, during the week or something, but if school's out and all that, it seems like it's not the best place to go.

Because they don't have anywhere to go. So it's like the ones that go there. And I think malls were always kind of like that. Like a delinquent behavior. A little bit. You would walk around it, but it'd be someone... I think I remember one time, it was like Rivergate Mall.

There was going to be a fight at Rivergate Mall. And it was, I kind of, that's vague, kind of vaguely remember, you know, and they would like say, we're going to meet at Rivergate Mall and fight.

Oh, they would love that just to get people in the building. Now, yeah. Now they do it. We need some foot traps. They advertise it. It's a whole show. I had a, we have like a bunch of me and my buddies. We all play basketball. There's like this big group text for like 30 dudes. And there was like, remember that tornado came through that area? Yes. Like six months ago. We said the tornado came through Rivergate Mall.

And I put it, it's not my joke, but it's a group, yeah, I heard it caused $30 million of improvements. Yeah, that's the show. It's not my joke. I haven't heard that joke, but it's like a, and everybody was like, this is the funniest thing I've ever heard. I was like, and I just left it. I don't think I. It's true. They were probably hoping for some insurance money to kick in there. That Rivergate Mall is brutal, dude. I went there recently, and it's. Oh, really? Oh, dude. There's not much left there. That's a big mall, man. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you take your. It's a cycle of life. Green Hills. Green Hills.

Yeah, you can go walk around Green Hills Mall. I've gone there. When I'm in y'all's tax bracket, I will go to the Green Hills Mall. That is, yeah. What, am I going to pop into Gucci store? The store is at the Green Hills Mall. They won't even let you in. Yeah, I wouldn't have said it. Oh, yeah, the security. John said it. I wouldn't have. John doesn't know how to, you know. He goes, hey, your butler goes and picks up your Amazon stuff. He goes, I don't know. Y'all have, you got a mailbox? I don't even get my mail. It comes to someone. They open it for him.

And show them. Yeah, and they make sure it's not anthrax. And if it is, then I also make sure they have a referral because once they go down and we need someone out, we can't have downtime. Did you hear about the people that flew, the band that flew on different planes? No, it was a family. They flew on different private jets because we don't want the family heritage to be done if this plane goes down.

The husband and the wife flew on different planes. They want to put all their eggs in one basket. Yeah. It's kind of the same thing. Have you ever heard their president and vice president do that? They fly on separate planes. I don't think they do. Air Force One and Air Force Two. Yeah, that's the idea. Oh, yeah. Do you know every governor...

Every governor and a mayor do not fly together. The mayor, they don't let the mayor on the plane. The mayor's like, can I come? No, he goes, you got to drive. Yeah. I was waiting to hear who you think would be right under the governor. The mayor. Yeah. Yeah. Who's below that? Who's below the mayor? Yeah. City council. Yeah.

And then it's like a principal at a high school. Yeah. It gets to school real fast. You get down there. Well, it goes all the way. And then on the borderline, you're at Bates. Yeah. Bates is eight people removed from running the state of Tennessee. Like, it's just, he knows all the counties. Yeah. And that's just, you know, that's just something you can't teach. How far does it go below if, like, the president dies to the vice president? How far down does the list go? I mean, all, like, in the 50s and 60s. No way. Oh, yeah, yeah. In the 50s.

If the vice president dies, then who – all the way down to like school board? No. No, it's got to go – well, I think if you get to school board, I think you just got to unlawful – We're done. Yeah, I think you should just run. Yeah.

At that point. But when the president does, when the president makes a State of the Union address and all the high-ranking officials in the government are in the same building, they always leave behind a guy in the White House. A designated survivor. A designated survivor, it's called. It's usually like the Secretary of Agriculture or something. Something that you don't need him in the building for the speech, right? But if the building gets blown up, there'll be somebody there. Wasn't there a TV show called Desi? There was a TV show built on that premise, yeah. Kiefer Sullivan. Oh, and so he was the...

Yeah, he was the same guy. He was the same vibe, too, I bet. I've never seen Disney, so I – and I've never watched 24, but I bet they have to be somewhat kind of a quick pace when we're doing. Would you take it as a compliment or a diss if they said, stay to the end tonight, you got to stay back? I think it's pretty cool. It's better than being – Yeah.

The guy right above him, that doesn't matter. You're at least like, you know, that's the draft. Mr. Irrelevant? Yes. Might as well be that instead of the guy right above Mr. Irrelevant. You want to be the last. You want to be last. Yeah, because you're like, dude, in 2024, they don't trust me. In 2024, they left me back at State of Union. I wonder if there's a small part of them that you're hoping something goes down.

Yeah. He's on the phone with his wife. He goes, he's sitting in the president's desk. Feet on the resolution desk. He's doing fake. He goes, we won't take anything from anybody. Bomb them. Yeah. And they walk in. We're back. Hey. I thought you guys, he's got the president's suit on. He's got Biden's suit on. I thought you guys were gone. How'd it go? How was it? How'd it go? How was it?

He just reeled like that. Ooh, how was it? I was watching. I saw the live stream. I'd be that guy. Yeah. Because somebody back home in the HOA, he's the HOA president. Like, we don't know if we can trust you. You don't know if you can trust me? Yeah. At the State of the Union, I was in charge of this whole country. Yeah. Yeah. At that moment. You can leverage that for some clout. I bet it's a, yeah. It's probably taken a little more serious now, too. I'm afraid you have to really think about it now. What do you mean?

I know what that means, Brian. You know what it means. It's just in general, you would have to... There it is. Yeah. So it's, what, 17? I guess so. Yeah, I guess that's the number that's... Oh, Secretary of Agriculture is number nine. So he's up there. Wow. Secretary of the Interior. Well, what is that? I'd go down to about... After Attorney General, I go, we got to do elections again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Secretary of Interior is responsible for the management and conservation of federal land along with natural resources. I trust her. So the number three person that would be president, I've never even heard of. Patty Murray? That's not accurate right now, is it? Yeah, this is the current list. I don't follow politics closely, but I've never heard of Patty Murray. President Pro Tempura of the Senate. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, President Pro Tempura is usually abbreviated.

So there's a whole... Pro Tempura. What is that? Shrimp Tempura. I said that wrong. I think so. Shrimp Tempura. Shrimp Tempura. President Pro Tempura. That's going to be a comment next week. I'm sorry for that. If you're watching a video, we've got a little fun little thing. We've added all of our senior portraits, and that's John Crist on the right and the bottom right.

I did look like that. I mean, unbelievable that we can put Dusty's up there and you, it could be yours. That's pretty interesting. I did look exactly like that. Have you ever messed with hair color at all? Oh yeah, dude, I got grounded.

Did you really? I have this exact photo. I'm going to text my mom and tell her to send it. It looks just like that. You did bleached blonde hair at one point? Yes, dude. At one point. Numerous points. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's to see. I think that season's coming upon us. I know, dude. Wow. Nate, you looked the same. Yeah. Yeah. So do I.

Bates does too. Nate kind of looks like 40-year-old Virgin. Yeah. You know the cover of that movie? Yeah. He looks like the headshot. Yeah. Look at a young Bates. It's a guy. He's running for office. Bates, did you know all the counties at that point? I knew quite a few of them. Would you name them in Best in Show? Pistachio Nut.

Walnut. Peanut. Look, if your parents, if you said... It's Forrest Gump, right? If you said to your parents... They do that too, but... I'm going to hang out with some kids after school. Who would your parents most likely to least like you when you hang with? Well, the bottom. Aaron, did they zoom in on yours? And...

Abby said, that's zooming all the way out. That's when I came in. I go, you couldn't zoom out from my picture at all? She was like, I tried. There you go. Where did he go? Why'd y'all zoom in on Aaron? He's like, we didn't. That's from the moon. It's not zoomed in. Yeah, Bates and I are the same distance from the camera. It's like the objects in the mirror. They are closer, and you're like, well, he's right there.

That's what your picture is. And objects in the mirror appear closer than they really are. Oh, because these things, they have another inch or two. That's true. So they wrap. That's true. I think that's what it is. But that doesn't explain the other ones, though. No, but they didn't do Aaron any favors by trying to squeeze it. How big was your picture? Was it bigger than that? I thought it was an 8x10. I think it was the same size picture y'all had. Mine was big. Okay. Okay.

They had to shrink mine down. Yeah. Same aspect ratio. Yeah, yeah. So they should have zoomed out a little bit, but they didn't. How tall were you? Same build? Same height, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I was probably 50 pounds lighter than I am right now on that picture. He was agile. You saw him run, dude. He was athletic. That was football. That was strong football days. Yep. That was coming out of the best shape of my life. Yeah, it was a few months removed from it. Could you have played college ball somewhere? D3 or something, probably. But I never really pursued it. Is it you just know you don't want to do it at that point? Yeah. But you played in college.

I played it while in college. But if you're going to break your back playing it, why not just go play for real? Oh, because then I don't know. I had to start comping. No, I know. A Notre Dame education is more important than – Yeah, being the backup at a D3 school. Well, at least you used that education. You could have easily gone to D3 and played football and been exactly where you're at right now.

That's all your dad thinks about every day. He could have slept in his room for four years, saved all that money and been exactly where he's at right now. Could have started on comedy sooner. I might be doing better. Killing four years there. I might be, I've been doing better. I'd be 14 years in a comedy. Well, had to bottom out. Uh,

Yeah, so we did change up some stuff. I switched seats, but we might switch back. So don't think, you know, I mean, I like this, but, you know, we're not doing everything you say, even though we've done a lot of the things that you have said. We've done most of it. We've done most of the things you say, but y'all cannot make us do everything. Where were you? I was sitting right there, but Brian's always been to my left. And then, so this is kind of how it was the old way.

So Brian said, hey, this is not up to my liking. Yeah. He's the figure of the show. You should have seen the temper Tantrum Bates threw last week. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty – it was crazy.

We've made a few adjustments this week just to see. We're a little closer. Yes. We'll make the cameras come in. Oh, you're wider. Yeah. It's a big table. One person commented that we look like even a more offensive version of the Last Supper. More than the Olympics. Least diverse. Not very diverse. That's very funny.

That's wild. More than the Olympics. I was reading something today about the Olympics. The budget for that opening ceremony was like $150 million. How crazy is that? You can do whatever you want. And they're like, a billion people are going to be watching this. And then they go do it, and they do stuff, and they get so weird. And you're like...

You want to, like, I want to do it. Like, you want to go, that's how far removed some of these people on TV are. Like, you go, I don't even know what's going on. Yeah, yeah, what is this? Like, no one knows. Just be a normal person. Just be regular. Just be regular. Do you not have, did they get anybody, did they get anybody that they go, are you, that's what I, when I interview, if I interviewed people, I would go, give me, who do you talk to that is a regular person?

Like how many? Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, they're like, well, I got all these texts from, and you're like, those people are all too out of reality. Yeah. I want to go through your phone. How many people are you talking? You need at least to be talking to eight to ten people regularly that are not on another plane. And we need to see that they are also regular. Yes. Yeah. And I need to go interview them. Yeah. And they better be on the couch with their underwear. Yeah. You need to be that close to normalcy. Yeah. Yeah.

These people are on another planet. It's funny. You got nobody in your life that could read the rundown of what the ceremony is going to be. Nobody's like, wait, what is this? This last supper part? It's a little weird. Yeah, none of it because it's too – they're just too far. It's like too out there. And everybody in that circle is like, this is it. This is it. This is it. Well, you're – yeah. They gave you – you gave someone, I'd imagine –

that's never dealt with $150 million. No. And you go, here's $150 million. Never dealt with $150. Yeah. I mean, and maybe he's done a lot of stuff. I just can't imagine. I mean, that would be, you know, Spielberg, I don't know if he's dealt with $150 million. I mean, he goes, why doesn't Spielberg do it? Why don't he have someone like this? I wonder how long ago he got or whoever got the job. And there was no like, there was no like,

check-in until the night before. They're like, you're in charge of opening ceremonies. He goes, sounds good, $150 million. Got it. First call he made was to Smurf on the table. Because that was call one.

He goes, I already told that guy, if I get this, you're doing it. And he was the first one that goes, I got it. So he was one. That's one million. That's one call. Yeah, one million. Well, that guy, yeah, he's like, he goes, I ain't doing it for anything less than a million. He goes, I have 100. He told him. He goes, I have 150 million. How many millions do you want? He goes, I want, can I have 10? Do you want to see the performance? No, no, we trust you. No. We trust you. Hey, it's Friday night.

We'll see you there. And it's funny when they do that, just because everybody's watching, and everybody's perspective from a country is just like, I guess your country's weird, man. And you don't know. In hindsight, everybody's like, no, no, no, none of us really like this.

But everybody watching at home is like, this is what they do. I don't know. Maybe we're weird. Yeah, it's Paris. You're like, yeah, you know what? That's just not our thing. And people in Paris are like, that's not our thing either. I don't know. Because I don't know how that got up there. We're not doing that. Because we're not on a table laying down. And you go, that's what I think of all of you now. Now I think you all look like that and do that every day. So I'm sorry. That's what. Cancel the trip to France. Cancel the, yeah. Not going anymore. It's not. Why would I go? Yeah.

I want to go do comedy there one day. I mean, are they going to get it? What do I need to do? I think we reviewed something on our podcast. It was like a song that was like a pro Trump country song. And it was so out of pocket. And I go, think about how many people have to like,

sign off on this to get it to YouTube. A producer, somebody has to help you write it, all the musicians, and no one said, hey. Yeah, what is it? That's what I wonder. Was anyone like...

This isn't making sense. I don't know. How does that get through? But I think because you've got to have a strong leader. So the leader has to be able to know. You have to trust that the leader knows to say, this isn't right. Because most people are not going to be able to answer. That's really what it is. And so if there's not a leader, and the leaders are being removed. They're so far removed. I just did a private show.

for Hy-Vee, the grocery store. Okay, don't deflect, dude. I thought you said Hy-C. I got pretty excited. Oh, yeah. Now, Hy-Vee did it in their grocery store.

I didn't. It was like one of their, a very big guy was retiring. And, but he was the person that, because they showed some of his story and I saw it. And so he started like, I think loading trucks at 14 for this small, it wasn't, it's not what it was, but this small company. And he's been in it since, you know, now he's in his sixties or something. And Walmart, same thing, Doug, CEO, Doug McMillan. Yep. Yeah.

He loaded trucks at Walmart and now runs Walmart. He'll be a greeter at one point. He'll go backwards. That is true. That would be very funny. At Walmart, they go, that's the hard part. You get the CEO. After that, it goes down quick. I want to retire, unfortunately. Unfortunately, you can't. You want to keep these benefits. You've got to go all the way back. And then they go, what? Everybody talked to every greeter is worth $450 million, and they have to stay in there.

And you're like, it's like the masters, the guys in the green jackets. You're allowed to go ask them questions. And that guy's a member of Augusta. It's like, where's 14? And he's got to tell some drunk guy, like, can't pee behind the tree. And he's, he's animals. He's a member of the. But that stuff is like, you're kind of losing that.

Like that's what makes it so great because you got someone that's like, well, that person loves this place. And stuff gets wrong. Stuff doesn't happen right. Like, you know, it's so big that it's hard to – but the general idea of it moving forward is like they know what they're doing. And I think you're getting a little removed. That's what –

you know, I mean, this last special talk about being from the 1900s and all that, but it's, it really, we weren't that long ago. Yeah. Like Walmart, you know, when was it? The 60s? When it started? Yeah. Yeah. The 60s. I mean, my parents are alive. He was alive. When it started. Bates was alive. Yeah.

It didn't really take off until like the 80s, I think. But I mean, Walmart just existed. That's like crazy, dude. 1962. Rogers. It's crazy. To where it is now. To where it's at now. And that's how new it is. So like Doug McMillan, who runs it, I mean, he would have probably started working there in the 90s, maybe? Late 80s. Late 80s, 90s. So it's...

It's so still new. And so you got some of these places that still have that connection, but then you got some companies where you start bringing in people that like they don't,

They're not from that world. Nobody knows what's going on. They're just like, well, my first job, I sold cell phones. Second job, I was CEO of Nike. And you're like, what? And there was no in-between. They go, no in-between. I went straight to the top. And so you get a lot of that. And then those people, it's experience in general. And the companies that last...

SNL. SNL. One thing, Lorne's been on forever. Lorne's there. Lorne was like, the camera crew's been there the whole time. He keeps everybody. Everybody stays there because they love it. And that's why you can say whatever you want, but it's just a well-run kind of thing, and it's a staple. It's somebody knows and cares. So if you look at, I don't know about the order of the Olympic committee or whatever, but you're like, who are we like –

who's accountable for this? You're like, some firm, we got them to do the thing. The CEO of the Olympics is probably a guy that from, he's like, no one really has ownership of,

of this yeah yeah it's like snl there's such a history there's a face to it maybe that's what it is you need a face to it or like a like the one the walton family yeah it's like this has been in their family and you're like yeah they might not be but they somebody cares about walmart deeply yeah i know it's bentonville arkansas they're dude these people grew up in it their dads their granddads here like we're we just we understood by like who's

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All right. That's a plosive heavy ad read, isn't it? I don't know what that word is. You know what that word is? Pelosive? Yeah. Pelosive heavy. He's got these pet control pets, protect your pets. Oh, yeah. Just a... And that word is pelosive? I think so. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do people say that? They would go, that's too pelosive?

Is that how they would say it? Nancy Pelosi. Yeah. I thought that was you. They go, we got Nancy Pelosi over here. And you go, all right. We got an older Nancy Pelosi over here. You go, all right, dude. Well, I'm going to quit talking then. That's an insult to someone. He goes, oh, give it up for Nancy Pelosi. This is the smartest podcast on the planet. Please welcome to the stage Nancy Pelosi. All right. That's enough. Everybody goes, what? I never heard of that. Yeah. Is it only P words? P's and B's.

So it's a word just for that. Bring back my. Is that Belosive? Is that Belosive? Like the Belosive well? Is that Belosive? Is it Pelosive and Belosive? It's all Pelosives. So why do you even know that word?

What year did they go? Well, what's interesting, we all talk into microphones for a living. I'm surprised you don't know what that means. Wow. You never think about when you hear that in the microphone on stage? Yeah, yeah. I think, man, that's a tough thing to say. I thought that was alliteration. That's how I would say it. That's tough to say. And everybody goes, yeah. See, that's what I mean. You're the Olympic committee that doesn't know what it means.

That's what you are. If we left it to him, Aaron's going to be doing stuff and Yard will be at home. There'll be two blue guys up here. Yeah, at home, Yard will be like, what is this? And you're like, oh. I know from the news, on the news, they have to write the news to a fifth grade level.

So everybody can understand the news. That's just what your girlfriend tells you, John. So you can understand the news. You've been in the news. Is that true? No. No, that is true. Where you can't speak. That word should not be. That should be excluded. I don't think they would use Pelosi. Do you think they would use Pelosi on Channel 5? No.

We tell people, do it a way Nate would understand. So I guess you're right. Do you all have a picture of me on the wall? That's who you think about. Yeah, the greatest average American. That's what it's about. Yeah, it's a picture of me behind the camera, and you just go, act like you're talking to him. And is he going to get it? Is he going to get it? Yeah. So is Pelosi a form of alliteration?

Plosive. Plosive. It's a sound that will... It's a sound. Can you look it up? Yeah, can you use it? It's literally where you're blowing air. There's the sounds where air comes out and will hit the mic. That's what these windscreens are for on the end of the microphone is to stop some of that. Yeah, yeah. Use it in a sentence, like for real. That was... Like the way is it... That was a lot of Pelosive words. You should lean away from... Yeah. Yeah.

You should lean away from the mic when you use a plosive. Okay. Can you do it in another sentence? Because my theory is that there's only one way to use, one time to use this word. Be mindful of plosives when you're speaking into the microphone. And it just happened to be a lot of P words. Yeah. So that was just... S-T, pet control, protect your pets from...

pesky pet. I didn't say you didn't read it wrong or anything. I'm just saying it's a lot of P's and B's. I was focused on the P's and B's, but it's really more about the sounds that those P's and B's make. When you say those letters, you're like...

You're plosive. Explosive. Is that what they did? They just said, it's explosive. And he goes, that's cheating when they made that up. Shorten it. This word, they go, yeah, dude, they just took explosive and just said plosive. When was this word invented? 1994? I don't even know what that first word is. The occlusion? Terminology? Plosive refers to the release burst or plosion of the consonant. So that's when...

Like Africa. People are out here learning. Homeschool moms should let their kids listen to this episode. Yeah. They're going to learn. Because they would learn Pelosive. Yeah. They would learn that it's not that impressive. When was this word invented? It had to be pretty recent. It doesn't have that on here. There's no etymology. Yeah, they know what it is because a guy did it himself on that. Wait.

I bet there's a chance that it's, yeah, is it you, Aaron? No, I didn't. Also. I didn't write this Wikipedia entry. I know, but you're the one that knows how to do computer stuff and you make up words. And my greatest concern is that he's been just roaming around this earth.

saying that and no one's ever checked him on it. And no one knows what he's talking about. They just go, huh, okay. The whole production crew knew what I meant right away. And did y'all notice that during the ad read that it was a lot of plosives? Yeah, yeah. You guys are all lying, Dan. And you've said this, you've used this word before. We're the blue collar guys. Y'all are the living up on ivory tower. No, no. You have the luxury of not having to know what this stuff means, dude. We're in the thick of it. I'm not booking high V. Yeah, yeah.

I did Aldi's Christmas party, dude. There's a little less money. Hy-Vee's nice. That's what you did? Yeah. That's a high end. They're coming to Tennessee now. I don't think it's high. I mean, Publix, it's like along the lines of, yeah, I think, yeah, probably it's a good, you know. It's not Kroger. Yeah, but if you would do, I've done a show for Dollar General.

I did a corporate gig for a window and glass installation company in Rogers, Arkansas. Yeah. Their Christmas party. And they had a, it was a bad year. Oh really? And the whole beginning of the, the event was the owner talking to the employees going like, I know it's been a bad year, but things will get better next year. Yeah. We got, we got,

We got a comedian here at the house. I think I made $100. I bombed so bad. You should have just gave it back to the company. Yeah. Y'all need it more than I do. Yeah, yeah. That would have been a great opener. Look, I'm not going to take the money tonight because apparently y'all need this more than I do. That would have broke the ice, and you probably would have got that company going. That's for sure. But I needed that money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go, I got to get it home, and I need. Drove in a day early for this. Yeah. Yeah.

Anybody at the top, if you're like, oh, whatever you imagine, something like Waffle House. The top guys, the top eight at Waffle House are killing it. Oh, yeah. They're like, I work at Waffle House. You're like, ugh. No, no, no. No, no, no. Yeah, they're like, we're doing just fine. Yeah, I would think they work in...

they would say I work in Waffle House corporate. Like, I think that's what I, I know someone that works in Dollar General and they go, he works at the corporate. He works, he just doesn't work for Dollar General. Yeah. But I think you can also tell, to be honest. You can tell. If I'm not, not trying to be judgmental when a guy goes to work at Waffle House, I think you can eyeball him and you can go like, yeah,

Yeah. I mean, maybe I could see you asking the CEO of Waffle House. Yeah. Like you work in this, what store you work at? I could see you asking. You would do it. You would do it. You would go in. I mean, I, I mean. He just shot, he just shot a video at Waffle House. Yeah, I shot one or two. Yeah. One or two. There's more to come. I think, I think Derek, Derek, Derek Stroop has a joke. He did it when we did in Bentonville, Arkansas, which is the home of Wal-Mart.

He goes, this is the only place you're like, you work at Walmart or for Walmart? It's very different. Yeah. Very different. You're like, oh, yeah, Walmart is like, you roll your eyes when you think of Walmart, but you're like, yeah, they're doing just fine. I mean, they would do, I did not know this, but I mean, I was talking to Felix, our neighbor, you know, but he was...

He was, Walmart's like so big, dude. Like the government has to know what they're up to. Oh yeah. Cause they're just, they employ more, they employ more people. You didn't know they were that big? No, I did, but you just don't think about it. They're like the biggest private employer in the country. Yeah. I know that they're big. Yes. But I've never, but it's, it's just when you hear it and,

dumb down terms i'm sorry i'm not reading the new york journal and it's not a thing he goes that's the thing that he reads this is the only thing anybody knows it's five people you gotta have an iq because you can't find it because it's a website subscription only yeah so you probably hear all about this stuff but i'm saying when you new york journal new york journal when you think uh

When you think like the Walmart, like if Walmart makes a big move, like they have to tell the government. That's pretty crazy. To be that big of a company that you're like. Does Nate Land have to tell the government when you do stuff? Do they know about the studio? Not all of us believe in the government. That's true. Yeah. They do not know about the studio. It's underground. They don't know. That's where we're hoping to be, Nate Land. It's probably the same as if you tell someone just like working for Walmart or for Waffle House. It's probably the same as.

Telling a stranger you're a comedian. Yeah. You're like, all right, this guy's on unemployment for sure. Yeah. And you're like, no, this guy's actually doing great. I'm doing okay. If you say I'm a comedian, the general consensus is it's not going well, right? Yeah. Because there's like three comedians that anybody knows. If you say I'm a comedian and they don't personally look at you and know who you are, they assume you're on food stamps, I'm guessing. Yeah.

Or have another job. They assume you didn't know how to go through the process to get food stamps. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah, you couldn't file the paperwork for it. Like when I did, what's it called, jury duty, and then I said I was a comedian, but then I didn't want to say that, so I said a podcaster, and then they kicked me out. They were like, no. Oh, really? Yeah, they go, well, you're not. No. No.

You said, hi, I'm John Crist. I'm a podcaster. Yeah, I didn't know what to, because I thought, I wanted to try to be a part of it. Yeah. I wanted to be in it. You should have said an older, one of your older jobs.

I don't want to lie. It's under oath. You go to jail. Chick-fil-A line cook? What would you have said? What was your last job? Landscaping. Landscaping. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm a landscaper? Yeah. I said a podcaster. Were you wearing that? I'm a landscaper? And they go, nah, this guy's a podcaster. He's lying. That's what they said. Yeah. I'm a landscaper. I'm going to write down podcaster. Oh, boy.

That's not cool, man. Podcaster? That sounds terrible. That does sound terrible. What's worse, comedian or podcaster? Podcaster. Yeah. It's tough. Podcaster is a tough look. It's worse than influencer. Yeah, influencers don't, I think, don't have any... They don't care that they're saying it. The thing with podcasters is we're embarrassed because we're comedians, so we, I think...

We don't like saying something like that. But where influencers, I think, they're kind of oblivious to it and they're happy to say, I'm an influencer. They're into it. But it's like that isn't, you know, it's like. It's not a job. That means you're, yeah. What is your job? I influence people.

That's what they would have to say. Sounds evil. It sounds, yeah. I manipulate minds. You're off jury duty for sure. I'm an influencer, bye. Immediately. And I'm going to influence this jury to be guilty. They go, sir, you don't even know what the crime is. Just wait. I bet he did it. You don't get this far if you don't do it. You know what I mean?

Well, everybody, they were going around and interviewing everybody. And they were like, what do you do for us? You guys say it out loud? Yes. And the one guy said he did Civil War reenactments. And they were like, all right, well, thanks. Has a full-time job. See ya. Whoa. Yeah, put him on trial. I bet he made that up. To get out of it? He probably did that on the weekends. But, I mean, maybe, yeah. He probably, maybe did it on the weekends. Maybe it's like, it's so crazy that he's like, I don't want to do this, so I'll just say my...

I'll yell out my passion. That's not a lot yet. Yeah. And they didn't even kick him. I thought before they kicked him off, they should at least ask, like, well, whose side? Yeah. That's right. Yeah. What war? Civil war? Yeah. Civil war reenactments. Okay. Do you know the case? I think you can tell what side looking at him. Do you know the case? I think you can tell what side. What would you say? What was the trial? Murder. It was a murder trial. Whoa.

It was a criminal murder trial with a gun. Oh, wow. That's why they asked. And you would have been totally live streaming that whole TV in the jury box. Hey, what's up? They go, no, you're gone. You would have done a video, juries be like. It's like illegal footage. Juries be like. And then they got to redo the whole trial. It's a mistrial. They would declare a mistrial, yeah.

Well, what? You would order Chick-fil-A for the jury group just to make a video? Yeah. Hey, let's get Chick-fil-A again. They're like, oh, God, jury number eight is brutal.

I'm deliberating with everybody. No. Well, the one girl, they said, what do you do for a living? What does your spouse do for a living? And then what is your involvement with guns? Because it was murdered by a firearm. And then the one, she said, do you have any children? And this one lady said, well, do you have any pets? And she goes, no, just my fur babies. And they go, what? They go, fur babies. And she goes, what?

They go, well, thank you. And then immediately gone. Immediately gone. Because you said, I don't have kids. I have pets. Yeah. And they go, no. Bring back the podcaster. And you're like, what up? And you're back in it. They call you in the car. Come back down here. Yes. Well, I didn't have anything to do. So there was jury duty. I was like, some people always try to get out of it. Do you try to get out of it or do you want to do it? I've never been summoned.

So I was never, I remember I was summoned once when I was in New York, and I don't think I even went. I was like too young. I mean, I was like, you know, my 20s. I don't know what it really is. And so I get it, and I don't understand that it's like telling me, it's like, well, you got to show up on this day to go. So I just didn't go. But it wasn't because I was deliberately not trying to go. I didn't, I don't know. I just didn't know.

I was like, are they saying I can? Maybe I want to go. And you're like, if you want to go, come this day. It's like an invitation. If you want to come, check it out. It's free. Do you want to do jury duty? Come do it. So I think I didn't come. Nothing ever happened to that. It's probably a foul on you. It could be. Yeah, you're on a list. And then I got it. If you want to get out of it, I got it in the best case scenario. I got a deer in COVID.

And so I got jury-dealer in COVID, and they canceled it because – so my name got picked –

And I didn't have to do anything. They just go, it's not happening because of COVID. And then I'm out. They didn't do it over Zoom? I bet they were doing Zoom journey. At the time when I got it, it was still pretty. Pre-Zoom. It was kind of crazy. And so they were still just, they go, all right, we're not doing it. And it was like, I mean, best case scenario to be like, so I have it checked off. Can they ask you again? Oh, in like 20 years or something? I thought they can't ask you. I don't know. I don't know. Brian, you feel like you've done it.

Every year. Yeah. You're just a fan. You're at the trial anyway. Yeah. Do you ask? I'm going to be in the stands anyway. I want to be an extra, so eventually they'll pick me. Now, I got summoned once, just like you, during COVID, and then it got canceled. Ruth's got to do jury duty next week or the week after. Oh, wow. When was yours? Mine was like two months ago. It was awesome. I would have canceled shows for the weekend. Did you follow the trial after the fact? Oh, yeah. Oh, you would have had to cancel the shows for? I would have. No, I would have wanted to because it was sweet.

I was trying to be involved. You would have so been on the news. No, 100%. The jury sequestered. They got one of my buddies. My buddy was on the jury. I didn't get accepted, but my buddy, I was calling him every night for updates. I was like, dude, what are they doing? How do you even have a buddy that also gets jury read at the same time? He was in there. I don't know. He was in there. Yeah, but the guy was guilty. Did he tell you all about it?

I can't say, I don't think. Here's what I think. Are you allowed to say that ever? I can't say. Yeah, you can say. Did he do it or not do it? I don't think I can say, but if you're watching at home, my head's going up and down. Okay, there was like a, it was a murder trial. Yeah. And they like,

The guy walked out. Like, he was there. Yeah. And I was like, that's him? That's the guy? Oh, you get that far that you see the guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy's out there with his attorney. So you got to answer in front of them? In front of him. Yeah. And I was like, that's him? Did he start laughing when you said podcaster? He's like, at least I'm not that guy. Yeah, he goes... He goes, what'd he say? What'd he say? Yeah.

He goes, that's more embarrassing than what I did. I should have killed you and I got away with it. Yeah, they have to review everybody. They have to like...

I thought it was awesome. I think your buddy got summoned and you didn't have anything to do, so you just went down there with him and tried to get on it. That's what I think happened. I was in the courtroom and then they have 12. And then the defense on the other side, I don't know what the jobs are, they have a certain amount of people. Yeah, no, he's gone. Like fur babies. And then the other guy goes, like, if I was on trial, I'll tell you out of this room who would I want to sympathize. He would be on my team. He would probably be against me.

You would be against me. I'd take you. I could convince you either side. Yeah. You can get me. Yeah. Yeah. Because they want. Yeah. They go, what about that guy? I think that's a good dude. Yeah. That's what the lawyer says. I think that guy's a pretty fun hang. Well, you don't. They said they don't want anyone. They don't want anyone because I looked it up. They don't want anyone with a strong opinion. Yeah. They want people that can be.

Yeah, so they go, like, what do you do? You want me to tell you what I do to see if I get to do this jury of the guy that clearly did this? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm a judge. Yeah. There you go. We talked about this maybe three or four years ago, but there's – for patent law, patent lawsuits, it can be extremely complex, and there's a lot of technical language and stuff used. So the majority of these cases, or at least a high amount of them, are tried in one county in Texas. Yeah. Because statistically –

the jury pool is the easiest to convince of from there, from anything. Yes. So like major tech lawsuits are in this one County in Texas because they know that

I can convince these people of anything. They're not going to understand the technical language of this. Yeah, I think there's a movie with windshield wipers. With Greg Kinnear? Yeah. Yeah, I talked about that recently on here. You recommended it to Dusty. To Dusty, yeah. Does that take place in that county in Texas? Oh, I don't know that, but it felt like it was a patent lawsuit. There was like 100 people, and I go, if I was on trial,

I could look at those people and be like, who would I want? Just by looking at them. You assume a lot of things, but the way people are dressed, the way you go, that person would be sympathetic to me. Yeah, I think they know. And I think they know to ask. I could be swayed so easily. I'd be the perfect juror. Or the worst juror. I'm not saying I'm a comedian. I'm in the field of drama. They'd be like, no, you're out. Content creator. You're out. The worst. It would be brutal to be like, you

You know, I would say it, but I'm a stand-up comedian. You would say that? I would, just because it's like, you know how people used to lie about what your job is? Yeah. It was always like, I was just like, if I have to lie, they're going to say something else and blah, blah, blah. Like in an Uber, and you don't want to have the conversation. I'm a stand-up comedian. Now, I'll try to not say it. They're like, what are you in town for? I'll be like, I'm just visiting, hanging out with some friends. I'll try not to say what I'm in town for. I say I'm unemployed.

Like an Uber. What do you do for a living? To the other guy unemployed? Yeah. He goes, I'm unemployed. Hey, how do you sign up for this Uber thing? How do you start this? Well, at least to say I'm a writer. I tried that for a little while. You know, he's a big Uber driver. I was, yeah. He was. Do you ask what people do? Oh, he talks to them all. He lets them put their purse up front next to his, and then he...

And then he suggests they sit up front. I clutch them both. He goes, why are the back doors locked? You should come up here with me. The back door's locked. No, because sometimes the front seat's pushed all the way up. This one's back. It's all laid back. And he's got stuff in the other seat. And you go, I guess I got to sit up front. And he goes, I guess so. I don't know. I got a question. Did they...

Do you guys profile people and then turn the music based on who you're looking at? I'm going to have a joke about that. The music? You have a joke about people doing it to you. Yeah. Did you have music going in the car when you picked somebody up? Yeah, I think so. I never drove for Uber. Dave Ramsey's radio show or something. Yeah.

1-0-4-5, the zone. Probably that. Yeah, that's what you probably had. Somebody's from out of town. They're going to hear about the Titans practice facility for two hours. What do you think about the Titans this year? You're like, I'm not from here. I'm from Cincinnati. I don't care. You're going to learn now. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I have a joke about me being profiled, which is true. I've gotten into Ubers, and there'll be a young black man driving, and he'll put it on 70s light rock. And I'm like, I swear, I don't think- You were not listening to this. That's what he was listening to before I got in his car. But that's pretty good. That's probably, it adds to the, that's a guy that's doing a service. Yeah. He's going, I'm betting this guy-

He's right. If you got in, I would turn the radio off because I would be like, this looks like a guy that wants that radio off. That would be the judge. Why is the radio always off? Because you... Just silence. Yeah. All right. Aaron, you want to tell us about Rocket Money? Rocket Money...

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This is my first time here, so I didn't know. I was like, maybe it's just hot. Yeah, I don't know. I feel good. Y'all need to get in shape. There's no way. You had a sweatshirt on. Yeah, I feel good, dude. This is what just being in control of your mind and body looks like. That is true. How's your diet going, by the way? It's good. I started seven days of eating eggs.

Chicken and steak every day. Wow. Seven days. I've walked five miles every day but Sunday, this past Sunday, just my body was hurting. I was supposed to walk. We got up, went to church,

And like the day ended up just kind of getting away from me, but I was hurting so bad. From walking? From walking. Like just, I walked and I worked out one, like one, a full workout one day. And I was just so, like Thursday or something, I was just so sore. And I was like, all right, I was supposed to go walk before church. And I was like, I didn't really get up in time. Our church is 11, 1130 or something like that. 11? 11 maybe, I think we went to the, I think we went to the 11th. That's the whole day. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, the church, one service is at 945, and then the other one's at maybe 1130 or 11. But so we were going to go to the 11. I didn't really get up in time to walk. When I go walk, I'm walking five miles. It takes— That's two hours. It's two hours. Yeah. So, but I enjoy it.

In your neighborhood? Huh? You got to go to like a trail. No, in my neighborhood, I just go pick up path. I mean, we walk down some trail, but I walk Holly. I take her usually for the first half, so maybe it'll be like two and a half miles. I kind of get her on. And then... So you're walking like a 30-minute mile close to it? Is it? Maybe. 20 minutes. Yeah. Five miles an hour, a little under two hours, I mean. Yeah. Well, it's...

It's just like I enjoy it. Let me tell you what, man. It's a wonderful way to start your day. Amen, brother. It really is. And the fact that it's two hours is it's so long that you just kind of like you're you just kind of I go away. I don't have my phone. Like I'm not. I'm just minding my own business. Eric has been walking with me. Yeah.

And so he comes with me, and then me and Eric walk and talk. Is this a guy? Eric, the barber, trainer barber. Oh, especially you call a guy and say you want to go on a walk. I find any man I can, find the closest man to me, I ask him, sir, will you walk with me for these next five miles? If you texted me and said, can I go for a walk, I would go, that's a red flag. That's a red flag.

But I'm doing it because he's training. Because A, I can't get up. And you know what? I don't need him to help me walk. But if he's not... But he helps. But he stands. He holds under my arms. Yeah. He holds me under my arms. You can do it, big guy. He walks behind me.

But it helps to know he's sitting outside my driveway. Yeah, somebody holding you accountable. That's all it is. Oh, okay. He just goes left, right, left, right, left, right. And then I go, I can't do it. And then I do like a little full body with him, just like these little weights. It's almost like doing a burpee without going to the part that's the worst part of the burpee. Does he walk backwards in front of you like a tour guide as you're walking around? No, no. We just walk. We have a wonderful – we're bonding. Okay.

We have long conversations about a lot of stuff, career stuff. Oh, yeah. You should come. Dude, it's amazing. I'm going to try it. You want to come out and walk with it? We're walking tomorrow morning. Well. You come walk with me tomorrow morning, and I'm supposed to golf at Legends. Four hours? Two hours of walking? We get up, and we have a nice little journey, a little walk. And I got a 30-minute drive on each side. That's a three-hour commitment. Is that too hard? You said you're walking for two hours. I never heard of this. What do you have to do? I guess golf is that.

Yeah, I could golf. I could golf. You could walk playing golf. You know what? I could see that tomorrow. Maybe if I'm golfing tomorrow, maybe I will be like, look, I'll just walk when I golf. Walk 18. And that kind of solves that. And then the second hole, you call, you go, bring me a cart. Bring me a cart. I could walk nine holes and then get a cart. But, I mean, yeah, walking, golfing would be. It's like seven miles walking 18. So it's even more. Yeah, if you walk nine, you'd be set. Yeah.

All right. Florence Linderman. That sounds like a nice woman. Florence Linderman. I feel like you say that and then he goes, I'm a man. Yeah.

Because that also feels like a name where they were. Florence Linderman organized. Yeah. Hello, it's Florence Linderman. Hey, ma'am. Sir. All right, sir. My bad. Congratulations to Nate and the Nateland Company. Wow. You have made a tremendous stride since 2020 when I found y'all. Your studio is gorgeous, as I would expect from the people around Nate. May God bless all your upcoming endeavors. Endeavers. Endeavers.

I called it. I mean, that's just a nice comment. Endiverse. Endiverse. Endiverse. Endiverse. All right. Thank you for once. I never get endiverse on my food. No endiverse, please. Not today. Matt Lazari. I will say I did enjoy the old set, and it's weird to see the change, but the best part about a new studio means the podcast isn't going anywhere, and I'm definitely excited about that.

Very true. It will not go anywhere. I will be leaving soon. Podcast over here to stay. You are nailed it, Matt. The Nate Land podcast will die in this building. No, we're going to be doing it.

It's been fun. I like coming down here. We have new material tonight at Zaney's. We've got a really perfect situation right here. You just come down a little bit early, and then all of us are going to, I think, go up on new material night. Oh, yeah. Building a new hour. You've got to tape a new hour. I've got to tape a new hour. I've got nothing. No, I'm ready to go. Did you just tape a special? Yeah, two weeks ago. Wow. How'd it go? Real good. Real good. Did you do the gas south?

you film one there where did you do one in duluth i did my yeah tennessee kid was done at your place where you did yours yeah yeah yes that's a great spot yeah yeah yeah you call it the georgia kid yeah it's a little different yeah yeah

Aaron Bowles, one week you hear trees being cut in the background, a couple weeks later, a new set in a new location. That's true. It did feel like a last straw. You're like, all right, we got to get out of here. That's enough. We got to get out of here. I tell you what, I'm enjoying it. No, he's implying those trees were the set.

One week you hear trees being cut in the background, a couple weeks later, a new set in a new location. I thought the comment was saying you're complaining about the location, and the next thing you know, we're in a new location. Yeah, that is funny. The next thing you know, we're using the tree from... That was cut. Yeah, I cut the tree down because I was so mad at my wife for planting that at that time. What do you hear in the background now? Police sirens, ambulances. Not an air conditioning. Yeah.

Somebody asking for money. Yeah. We heard police siren and stuff. Yeah. You know, we're here at Zaney's, and I saw it last night at the Dave Smith show. When it rains, it's so loud. Zaney's is almost a perfect club in so many ways, but there's just the one thing about it. When it rains, dude, it is so loud. I wonder if it sounds like that over here.

I haven't heard it yet. Yeah. Something about the roof over there. It's crazy. Yeah, it's loud. Yeah, Dave Smith was at Zany's. I started with Dave Smith. If you don't know Dave Smith, he's very political, but it's very fun. He's great. I've been with Dave for 20 years, so he's starting to do great things. Yeah. Yeah, it's the best. And if you come down, I would say if you're a fan of this podcast and you come to Zany's,

Take account of between me, Nate, and Dusty, the priority we've been put around this building. You were first on the wall outside. Yeah. Then they're like, let's keep going. And I got second.

And then Dusty got, but then Dusty's photo in the lobby is gigantic. Yeah, it is. His in the lobby is great. You're in a great spot on the wall. Yeah. They started with you because it was going to just be that wall, right? And they're like, let's keep going. Killer B is me. Yeah, I think it's good that they kept going because it is great. It is great. It is great. And Dusty's. You're in a good spot. You're right on the corner. Like, I mean, everybody sees you even more than they would see mine. Yeah. Oh, because I'm on the eighth. No, I wouldn't think so. Huh? Because.

Because yours is perfect. You kind of come down that hill. You see yours for a long time. And you've got your full face. That's kind of like of our career. Like, I think you're going to see me for a long time. And John, you better look at her. You're going to miss. John's going to get painted over here pretty quick.

Don't blink. They could switch me out at any time. That'd be funny if they painted all our faces so that we can make y'all anybody we want you to be. Depends on who they fill you in with. Next week, you're going to show up and be like,

is that Hannah Gadsby? And they just changed your answer. Why did you have to choose that? Because I was just trying to say someone. No, I think it's perfect. It is a pretty good one. It could be at any time. But then inside, which is the lab, it's just created. You've got a whole wall. You've got a memorabilia wall. You've got a shadow box. You've got a shadow box. Yeah, very nice. We have the...

Yeah, they have the guitar that I smashed for SNL. It's on the wall. It's on the wall. And then, yeah, the Bridgestone record. Yeah, it's very cool. Yeah, it's very nice. And Dusty, you can't miss Dusty. You can't miss Dusty. How did that get so big? It's just a big thing. It looks great, but yeah, you can't miss Dusty. He's big. Yeah. We had to put him in here. He wants... I'm going to name this the Dusty Podcast. Yeah.

Matt Yep Matt Malone I love how Nate has traveled the world is now selling out arenas has been on numerous TV shows doing a stand up but when talking about his new studio he says we're the real deal it's like a real thing yeah that's how I feel I feel that yeah I don't think because we're all none of us feel like we're really professional no I sure don't

donna harton i'm going to miss holly and i'm sure she's already missing you could you maybe bring her in as a guest on occasion i think so we could bring holly and that'd be fun today would have been a good day to bring her in it's nate's daughter yeah no dog i knew that i knew that yeah she barks okay she does okay yeah yeah uh laurie peacock uh

It was an adjustment seeing Brian Muffin Bates at a new angle. Brian Muffin. Brian Muffin Bates. Get that right. Brian Muffin Bates. That's why he just called him Muffin. I read it. These. Brian Muffin Bates at a new angle since he really gives off dad at the head of the dinner table vibes. It will be worth the change to see Needland expanding with more good, clean, funny podcasts.

Yeah, well, you switched now. I enjoy it over here, I think. You like it in that spot? I think I do. There's going to be other podcasts in this set? We got one. Not in here, though. Yeah. Well, I think they will do podcasts here. It will...

I think eventually whatever this room becomes, they will just either, if they're not a part of ours. So Dustin Nickerson, which makes sure everybody go listen to Dustin Nickerson's podcast, him and Melissa. They're under the Nate Land Podcast Network now. So that was just announced last week. But they shoot theirs in San Diego. But if we have other ones...

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, yeah, we have it figured out. Just cover it up. Yeah, we're going to cover it up. And like, they would just be, we'd have, yeah. So he came in to announce his podcast, but he stayed at my house. So do you guys not cover lodging or? We don't. We do. And we go, see what John's doing. He got a buyout. Yeah. He got a buyout. $100. Yeah, we gave him 40 bucks. See what Chris. Well, John charges 60. I'm losing money. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I read that one. Georgia Peach. Oh, there you go. Oh, me? Georgia Peach. Oh, that's their name? You're from Georgia. Oh, yeah. You're Georgia. That's me, baby. I can't believe only Aaron knew about Ambrosia. Do you know what Ambrosia is? No idea. Never heard of it. That was such a staple at places like Piccadilly Cafeteria. Definitely a solid thing. It was fruit salad with marshmallows and coconut. I always hated it.

Fruit salad with marshmallows and cookies. I mean, who's the blue-collar guy now? I think I'm proving myself. That golden ambrosia? Yeah. I mean, you said it's a staple at Piccadilly Cafeteria. Well, I think because this is what you and your family would serve to people like us when you go.

When y'all feel, you know... We have like a theme dinner at the house. No, I'm saying like for... You're feeding the homeless, is what I'm saying. So y'all would feed the middle class because you couldn't even understand homeless. Y'all were so high up that you thought... Well, someone that works at Walmart is basically, you know...

Let's feed them. Let's treat them well. And they walk into, yeah, your family walks into Walmart. Just go buy a tub of ambrosia and give it out to them. And what does she mean, places like Piccadilly? What does that mean? I think it's a restaurant. Cafeteria style. Right. Like a bad place. Is it called Piccadilly? I love Piccadilly. Yeah, Piccadilly is a place in Alabama. We used to have our pregame meal there Fridays before football games. All right. At the Piccadilly. And then Golden Corral after that.

That was a place where you could bring the church bulletin and get a discount. Really? After church, you bring the church bulletin. Oh, that's great. They were like, you went to church. Yeah. They were like in trying to encourage people to go to church, I guess. That's great. Krispy Kreme had, if you bring in your report card for every A, you get a donut.

Wow. You talk about incentivizing. Yeah. Yeah, that is pretty good. That would be a good incentive. They still do that? I don't know. I don't know if it was just the one by our house. Is that how you got into Notre Dame? Say less. Straight A's this whole childhood. Dang, dude, this guy's killing it. What if we all find out it wasn't Krispy Kreme never did this, it was just your family did this to you? Yeah.

And they go, Chris McQueen's like, I don't even know what he's talking about. They walk in. He's like, let me go in there first and make sure they're still doing it. He slips into the box. He's like, when my son comes in. When my son comes in. Yeah. A 12-year charade. He goes, I don't even know if they're open. Let me run in real fast. And his dad goes, hey, I got a son. You're going to, you're noticed. And. There's his senior photo. Yeah.

How we know it's him, you'll know. You'll know who I'm talking about. That picture's sitting in the back of the van. He's got a kid. Listen, when this kid comes in, he's going to show you his report card. Are you still doing the thing? Oh, yeah, we're still doing it. We're still doing it.

I have a hard time looking at Dusty's picture, man. It's tough. Dusty, a different time in his life, man. Yeah. Much different time. I mean, look at that Netflix picture and then look at that. It doesn't even look like him. Yeah. Honestly, it's like borderline doesn't look like him. Which Dusty's doing better?

The first one. Definitely the Dusty now. I say the first one was. Did you know him in high school? You didn't know him? No. No. We grew up maybe 35 minutes from each other, which is pretty crazy to think about. We didn't meet until Nashville. Dusty in high school was a kid that played Stan in Eminem's music video. He goes,

Listen, if this kid was on the football team, this kid was smoking cigarettes under the bleachers. This kid was student body president. No, he was student body president. I was a perfect attendant. Just a nice guy. I did nothing wrong. I was a perfect kid. Just showed up, cheered. I was a toupee model. Yeah. Yeah.

No, you were the drum major for sure. He was Benjamin Button. It just caught it at the right time. It just worked out perfectly. This is the only picture that looked normal. Because that was the best year of my life. It's the only time everything lined up.

It's downhill from there. All right. Jake McCleary, looking for the new Nate Land Showcase, except I have no idea when it is because Nate described it as every Tuesday once a month.

You can't figure it out from that. I don't know what to tell you. First Tuesday each month starts August 6th. So then it's September 3rd, October 1st, November 4th. And the first one sold out already. Oh, it is? Oh, nice. First one sold out, get your tickets. Yeah, it's going to be, you know, we are starting to build this world out.

And so we're going to have a lot of great comics on it. They will be at the lab. Hopefully, we will start doing more shows. But Tuesday, the first Tuesday each month, I think we're filming them. There it is. So it's, yeah. Come see some of these comics. We're booking Lucy's. How did she normally say that? Preacher Lawson. Oh, yeah. Lucy's. Yeah, Lucy's booking it.

But because she's the best. She booked the first showcase that we did. And so this is similar to this and then similar to that. And we're going to just be, you know, just having stuff out on the YouTube page, on everything. Just, yeah, I'm very, very excited about it. And, you know, we are. We're becoming a real thing. Mm-hmm.

Holly Ballard. I was shocked to hear that John Chris had never had anyone comment on his thumbs. I, too, have distal hyperextensibility. Okay, don't say it like that. That's pretty great. I said that good, right? Yeah, you did. Hyperextensibility. I think it was distal, but yeah. Well, distal, that's the hard part. You said distal. Distal.

Distal Hypertensibility. That sounds like something you don't want. I thought I just had a thumb, and now I have this. So much so that my thumbs go back into 90-degree angles. People's reactions when seeing them are always entertaining, but y'all's reactions to John's are by far the best. Yeah. It's cool, man. Do I have to, like, say if I fill out an application, do I have to say I have that? You need to say that. I do? Yeah. You do jury duty. You need a jury duty. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm a podcaster with distal hyper-extensibility. Get that guy out. We'll start putting a ramp up for you when you do shows here. I think they're changing doorknobs. You know, when you go to put a hook on them.

John's coming. Change the doorknobs. Get the staff in here. I think when I go to, what's the thing at the airport when you got to say, you do the clear. I go, I got to opt out. What do you do? Stand on your head? I got to opt out. They go, can you hold that upside down? They got to come in from the top. They have to, yeah.

I can't. I can't. I can't do it. Yeah, it's probably... Yeah, it could be good, though, because once they got all our fingerprints, they're like...

The style hypersensitive something. It's just too long. But it goes on too long. And so, but your group will be like, you know, you'll be running. Yeah, yeah. You'll be, yeah. Now I have this for the rest of my life. Yeah, I don't think you do anything. You probably go to physical therapy and work on it, but. Surgery. Yeah. Yeah, and that's just, they're telling you don't do it.

That's all they're going to tell it. Hyper extensibility. This is what therapy can't do anything to that. I know. Distal hyper extensibility. No shame in those thumbs, my man. Okay. Yes. It's a callback from a year ago, dude. Yeah.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway.

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Lauren Marksbury, it's rude to point with one finger in Japan, so you have to make a sweeping gesture with your whole hand. Imagine people doing that at Chipotle.

Yeah, you do a sweeping. I would like the beans. You don't have an accent. I don't know how. He's from Italy. I would like the beans. I would like the beans. And they're like, none of it makes sense. Well, you're at a Mexican restaurant. And you're in Japan. I would like the beans.

He also has an accent. That's a great comment. Yeah. Or is that a reference to something you talked about last week? Yeah, Chipotle. When I order a Chipotle, I try to not point and try to do it without doing any physical movements towards your ingredients that you want and just go off words. It's a fun little exercise to do. Apparently Gary Goldman has a joke about it. Oh, really? Yeah. He has a joke about Chipotle. Very funny.

He's like, you don't have to point at the corn. They know where the corn is. You found it. You don't even work here. Aaron, is that how you exercise? No.

You said it was a very fun exercise. What did you want me to do? I didn't even want to do it. Yeah, coming from the guy that walks four miles a day now. Dude, I've been five. Five miles a day. Four. I wish four miles. It takes you three hours. That's unbelievable. Because I get up. I mean, dude, it's a full two hours. Before church. Yeah. It bumps into church. Some 11 o'clock, I'm...

We're in trouble. Okay. What percentage of the people that listen to this podcast do you think go to church? Honest guess. Oh, I think I'd be at least 50%. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Why? 1130 is maniacal for the service. What do you mean? That's Pelosi. Yeah.

1130? No. You're not going to church at 1130. 1130 is our mass time every Sunday of my entire life. Well, I meant like church. I don't know. Maybe your church is 11. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just joking. I meant church, church. I mean, my church is at 9 o'clock, and it's like sold out. They didn't call it sold out. Sold out. Sold out.

You wouldn't go to church that says we're sold out. You wouldn't go to that one to be seen. John's like, I have a residency at first base. Sold out. Can't get in. Sold out. Sold out. Boom. Boom. I made it. And do you go to that one or the added show? I go to the matinee.

You're saying 11.30 is late to start church? Yes. What time is your second church? 11. 9 and 11. And I think... Maybe ours is at 11. I could be wrong. And I'm saying 11.30. And then by the time I stroll in there... It's 11.30. It's 11.30. We would do 5 p.m. I actually think it's 11. I think we do a 5 p.m. I actually think it is 11. You get there at 11.30 to be seen. I get there at 11.30.

Walks through the fright. Yeah. Yeah. Another band's kind of, you know, winding down. You're getting in there when you, Laura and them were there. And then I, you know,

You know, I drop Laura and Harbaugh off, and I go and find Park, and it takes a good 30 minutes. It's about time I go. And it's weird at our church because they do the preaching first and then the music. I go, I think you're coming in between services. That's the best way to go. I catch the back end in the first half. And then I'm out. Then I'm out. Yeah, to lunch. Yeah. Well, we have, I don't know if this makes sense, we have a Bible study that we go to, and it's at a house.

And the leader goes, hey, we've gotten too big for the house. And he said, no more. No more. He can't invite anybody else. Because Jesus would want it. Yes. And I go, so this guy was like, hey, do you have a Bible study? And I go, no.

Nah, dude. I go, no, we can't. We can't. No. Yeah, you can't. You go, I don't have it. Where it's sold out. It's sold out. It is sold out. What are you going to say to him? We can't fit more people in there. You can open up some seats. They usually can on a sold out show. But is it at the guy's house? Yeah, it's at his house. Maybe you could be like, have it at your house. Yeah. You don't have anything going on there. It's wide open. You got, what, a mattress on the floor? No seats. Yeah.

You got just a mattress and a bucket with your socks in it. Bucket? I don't know. A sock bucket. Isn't that how a church starts? So we go, we're just meeting at your house. And then he goes, hey, it's getting a little too big. We got to meet at the school. Or we got to meet at my office. And then he goes, well, to keep the lights on in here, we just got to, like, can a couple of y'all put in some money? Just take like 10% of everything and just get it out. And then you go, well, this guy, he has a guitar, so he's probably going to do a little...

Now, are we a church now? In your Bible study, do y'all sing? No, we don't sing. Oh, man. I was like, if they play guitar. That's a church. I couldn't do it. Yeah. No, in a small group. Oh, in a house. Oh, yeah.

That's tough. Do you have to talk at every one? No, I don't usually say anything. If you're new. What you do? It's not rehab. Did you have a hard time switching out of that one thing to get into that one? Your first Bible study? You go, I've been here before. My name's John Chris. No, you don't say your last name. Oh, you don't? Not at rehab. Oh, okay.

Hi, I'm John. And they're like, what is he? What are you doing? He goes, oh, sorry. Sorry. No, everybody goes, hi, John. Like that's in the movies. That's in the movies. What's up, everybody? I'll give you my last name if you want it. Can y'all just meet outside? I don't think in the winter. Yeah, it's like, you know, it's a whole thing. How many people can you fit at your house in your, the biggest room in your house? Not more than 30.

We couldn't have 30 people in there. That's what I'm saying. How big can a Bible study get before you were like, we got to convert? Well, I would think it would be...

I would think you wouldn't even want 30. I would think I wouldn't want to go to something of his. I mean, maybe you would because you're just like, you could sit in the back and not be. Be a part of it. Yeah. But then you're like, you're basically at a church then. A 30% church. I thought a Bible study was supposed to be more like 10, 12 people and everybody's kind of talking. Everybody's contributing. Yeah. You think 50% of this podcast listeners go to church? You're asking, I don't know. I mean, I hope so. You think that's high or low? Low. You think it's a lot more than that?

Yeah. I think 50 goes to church. I think the other 50 knows where they're going. Sorry. Sorry to all of you. Danny Kerr, Steve Kerr's cousin. I didn't learn to tie my shoes until third grade, which is much later than most kids. And I tie my shoes the exact same way as Aaron. Love it. That's cool. Loop, swoop, and pull? No, bunny ears.

You do the bunny ears first. Yeah, you make the loops. Yeah. And then you just...

Do that? Yeah. I do loop, swoop, and pull. Sorry about our cord. I think I do loop. Sorry. I do loop. Got a knot over here, guys. I don't know what I do. I do this the way that America does it. You have your barber trainer do it for you. Yeah. I go, I haven't been down that far in years. My shoes untied again.

I did come out with you guys. There was a lot of guys out there. It's a big operation. Yeah, a lot of guys. But you know Eric. You've met Eric, right? Yeah. No, but I saw you guys post the tour wrap photo, and I go, this is a lot of guys. Oh, we have a lot of people. You added one person per show for the whole tour. Yeah. How many did it start with? It started with him a long time ago. Sure.

Just y'all two. I mean, at the beginning, it was just me and him. And then we got, were we doing Just Me and You theaters? And not one more person? No, it was just, I think, the theaters. No, it was just us. Tennessee Kid was just us. No way. There's no Outback rep or no? No, no, no. I think there was that. So three. I'm talking about comics. Comics.

Yeah, so there was like one... Oh, no, you know that photo. There's like 50 people on that stage. Well, that's because now you got an entire creative audio crew, and we got a great crew. So you got... You have... We have three semi-trucks, three buses. Like, so there's a lot of people. And that was anybody who'd have been involved in a show in the whole time. Yeah, yeah. That wasn't just a crew from one show. Our promoter, Tony...

and Will and like I mean just a million yeah there's just a lot of people because it's such a big like thing so that's what that became and in the comics I just like having Julian usually host Julian McCullough and then I think he'll be here next week and then and then yeah then three comics you know just to like do a show again we're trying to you know build it up so people can there's comedy for people that they don't want to listen to you know whatever

Yeah, and look, if we didn't have all my guys, we played softball, we would have had nothing. Yeah.

You wouldn't have a starting lineup. No. Yeah. We had a full-on, we had a real game. Yeah. Been five on five. That was the best, dude. That Nick in the outfield. That was unbelievable. Yeah, I was thinking about, because you did in Des Moines this weekend. Mm-hmm. One of your last shows in a club, you'd already started doing theaters, and I was with you, Des Moines Funny Bone, and the guy came in and said, which one of you is Nate? Yeah, I tell that story. It's... No, the sound guy came in. Yeah, I tell it a little, you know, I lead up to that so it's at least funny. Yeah.

He's TNU up to tell the story. He's already told the punchline. That's like going like, do your joke, Olivia. Tell your Olivia joke. That's the whole point of the whole joke. Tell your Joan Lee Bonley joke. People yell that to Henry Cho all the time. Tell that Joan Lee Bonley joke. That's the punchline. That's the punchline. Yeah, it was very funny. Des Moines Fun and Bone, great club. But then I was in there. I was running my...

to get ready to go to theaters because I was in theaters and then we were, so I'd just go there and it's just like where you're at. Like you think you're like, I'm about to go on this big theater tour. It's going to be big time, whatever. And the sound guy, yeah, just opens the door, walks in and goes, all right.

who's Nate? And there's just three of us in there. And I had to go, I'm Nate. And I mean, just like where he goes, so 45, 25, 10, you know, like your typical time. You know, where it's like, once you start in theaters, you're like, I'll save the time. Yeah, yeah. You know. So, yeah, it was great though. Who's Nate? It was the same guy that was pointing at the beans. Yeah.

Yours wasn't. Mine was added a clap to it. It's a big build up. You just go do the who's Nate thing. And the who's Nate guy was the same guy that was pointing at the beans at Chipotle. I feel like it's the same. Because I want the beans. Who's Nate? Who's Nate? It was the same guy. This guy thinks he's at Fajoli. What's that restaurant? Fazoli's. Ah, Fazoli's. Close. Yeah.

Huh? Fazzoli's closed? There's still Fazzoli's around. Yeah, yeah. Drew Maddox owns it. Don't disrespect it. Is that true? No, we've talked about that before. Did you ever hear that? Yeah. You've mentioned that before. I don't think it's true. There's no Fazzoli's still in Nashville, are there? There used to be one right outside Rivergate. Yeah, Hermitage might still have one. Dana Buell, Buell.

B-U-O-L. B-U-O-L. Breakfast is correct on women's basketball. We played half court, the defense on one side and the offense on the other. Once we got to the center court, we had to pass the ball. We could also only dribble twice and then had to pass.

That's brutal. Yeah. I wonder if they were higher scoring games, though. I think they were. They are now. Really? Some people emailed and said, yeah, my cousin scored 76 points in a game. Wow. Really? Because it's three on three, basically. Oh, so you would have six people out there. Yeah, three on defense, three on offense. Oh, you just pass it over. Is this the Olympics? No. This is how women's basketball was.

And a couple of states... Well, we think they should go back to it. A couple of states like Oklahoma and Iowa went until like the mid-90s doing this. Oh, so the defense would get the rebound and then dribble it up to half court. They would only get two dribbles and then they have to pass. I didn't know that part, but... That's pretty fun. I'll tell you what, we could start playing like this on the road. Oh, yeah. Like, that could be pretty fun where it's like, you know, because everybody kind of needs a break. And so...

I would do it. All we need is what? Six people. You need 12 people. 12, three, three, three, three. Yeah. Still play that way though. Just cut it out of two and two. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. I saw you wore a Caitlin Clark hat. I did. Yeah.

I went to, we did a show at the Indiana where they play the fever play. Oh, sweet. And so they gave us a bunch of kid and card stuff. And it was, yeah, I'm a big fan. Yeah. What about the Pacers? You were like, nah, we don't want any of that. I got a Pacers jacket too, but they're in, see the Indiana fever jacket. I think someone, I think my nephew took it. I don't know. I've lost it somehow. Someone took it, but it was awesome. Clean. Yeah. Oh yeah. You want to get them? Make sure you get that out. It was what? I know it was clean. Yeah. What do you mean?

I don't know. You kept saying it. You're making sure that we all heard that you're saying a word you're too old to say. Yeah.

Clean? Yeah. I don't think you can say clean. A jacket looks clean. What do you think the cutoff is for that? He's bossing, dude. The cutoff for saying clean? Yeah. I think you should have been saying it as a kid in the cutoff. You can still say all the words that you said as long as you want. When they started with you. Yeah. I don't think clean started. Once you go... I graduated.

From clean. Yeah, I should be. Yeah, you are like, I'll still say dope. Brian still says groovy. Yeah. I can't even say cool. Yeah. You've been long after me. No, you were pretty cool. Yeah. He just does thumbs up. Brian says, hey. Brian says, E-gad. Yeah. E-gad.

What did y'all do? Firm handshakes. Yikes. Yeah, you can't say. I can't say. Jeepers. That's cap. No cap. No cap. No what? No cap. Can't say no cap. I just saw a joke. Do you know what cap means, Brian? I don't know what it means either, but it's like. Cap means like a lie. It's false. So as soon as it says no cap, that means I'm telling the truth. Well, you see some of these like.

I saw Draymond Green or something even use that. And even him, you're like, I think you're too old for that. Like some NBA players where you're like, you have gray hair. Maybe that word is like two years old. But if they're key players in the culture that that comes out of, then it's like – There's still a point. I know. But you let the – Anthony Edwards might say cap. Yeah, yeah. But Draymond Green, you get older, you're like, I don't think you need to –

I don't want to see LeBron say cap. You're like, all right, dude. But you don't mind seeing the young. What is it called when you got to apply for an exemption? Closive. Yeah. If you're a comedian or an entertainer, you can apply for an exemption. To say mid or something like that. To say mid? This podcast is mid. Oh.

Oh, like you're... Like in golf, they get an exemption. Like they... In golf tournaments... Because you bring so much to... There's like three players or something. You get a pass. You get a pass. Yeah, an exemption. A sponsor's exemption. Yeah. So if you're like... Yeah. To say mid. Or like a comic might get... What does mid mean? It's like average. Oh. It's pretty mid. And then... How was that drink? That coffee was mid. I think I say dope. Bananas. Bananas. Bananas.

I think you can't go backwards. You can go backwards. I think you can go back as far as you want. Yeah. I don't think you can go forward. I think you can go backwards. So, like, were y'all saying clean? So, like, I can't pick up any new slang from this video. You can be like, that's nice. Nice, maybe. Yeah. You know. That's sick. I can do sick. Sick, you can do. That's stupid. What about nicey with it instead of. No, I couldn't do that. Maybe. Is that what y'all said? No. Oh.

I don't even know what you're talking about. I see. Yeah, you can't say, yeah. You can go backwards. But it's like if somebody wears bell bottoms right now, but he's like, are you going forward or backward? Because that was out, but then it's coming back. Fashion's cyclical, right? Are you ahead of it or behind it? Well, if they're ahead of it, I guess if they, if they really say fashion's, what is it? It just keeps coming around? I think I'm allowed to say clean.

That's clean? I don't know. When did that word start? There's no way to find that out. That's clean, dude. Yeah, but people say that about my outfit sometimes. Like, dude, you can't wear that. I'm 40. You can't wear that outfit. I would say for you, it's kind of... To be honest, you kind of work with it just because your personality is very fun and you're going to say these words. And I don't think anybody takes you...

I don't take you seriously when you're saying it. There's irony in it. Yeah, yeah. I joke about you saying it, but it's like, it's kind of, but I also, I would want you to say it because that's what's funny. Oh, so fresh and so clean. The phrase originated in hip hop and R&B music where artists would use it to describe their personal appearance, clothing, or lifestyle. That's clean. So, I mean, that was our time. So fresh and so clean is high school. Yeah. Outcast. Yeah. Yeah. So fresh, so clean isn't a slang word. Oh, okay. Yeah.

He's not actually saying he's clean. Yeah. You're clean. I have to take a shower. I just showered. You look clean. Hey there. It's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. It's back to deals time. Now through August 15th, enjoy store wide deals and earn four times rewards points. Look for in-store tags for eligible items from Quaker, International Delight, Oikos, La Cologne, Starbucks, and Frosted Flakes for quick breakfast favorites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings when you shop in-store or online.

For easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery. Restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Squeezing everything you want to do into one vacation can make even the most experienced travelers question their abilities.

But when you travel with Amex Platinum and get room upgrades when available at fine hotels and resorts booked through Amex Travel, plus Resi Priority Notify for those hard-to-get tables, and Amex card members can even access on-site experiences at select events, you realize that you've already done everything you planned to do. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms apply. Learn how to get more out of your experiences at AmericanExpress.com slash with Amex. You know, I think we'll save the topic for next week. Yeah. But I did want to...

get your guys opinion on something. So the century is almost a fourth of the way over, which is hard to believe. Yeah. ESPN just put out their 100 greatest athletes since 2000. I, the top nine, you could argue or be made are the best ever at their sport, which is pretty crazy when you think about just a short time period. It is, but I wanted to show you guys and just see what you guys thought. Obviously Phelps. I think everybody would agree. He's the greatest swimmer. So he's the number one athlete.

Yeah, so far for this century. So far for this century. But I don't think I would guess Michael Phelps. I would have guessed Tiger. Yeah. Would have been my number one. But Phelps is, I'm not upset about Phelps being number one. I am. You don't think either? I think Tiger. Yeah. He's just won so many. Tiger's got to be top three. So number one, Michael Phelps.

Serena, too. All right. But everybody's... It's going to be three's an F1 guy. What are we doing? Serena Williams, too? No, like super dominant, obviously. Obviously the greatest women's player. Three, Messi. I get on board with that. Let's get back to LeBron. LeBron, like, you know.

I'd put LeBron, I'm surprised Tiger's down this far. Yeah, I guess he- Some of Tiger's greatness was in the 90s. But the year 2000 was his biggest thing. It was his big, yeah. 99 really was it. Yeah. Okay. I think 97 was first. Yeah, he should be in. What else? Five is Tom Brady. I think I would have him even. Yeah. If you told me he was one, I think I'd believe that. Federer is number six. Yeah.

Number seven, Simone Biles. Tiger Woods is not on here. Seven-time Olympic medalist. Four Olympic gold medals. She's going to win more this year. It's a weird thing, though. It would be like being like, well, Michael Phelps has all the gold medals. And you're like, all right. But, I mean, the NBA players, like LeBron has had to play for 20 years in the NBA season. So is that...

worth more. Tiger comes in at eight. That's crazy. 13 major wins. Yeah. Most of any player during that span, 11 major wins as the world number one golfer, nine more than any other player all time. Yeah. Just the dominant. I'll be honest. I think this feels like a list that would be picked by people that are born at this time.

Yeah, I was going to say something. I go, what intern wrote this? And I'm not trying to... This is why these lists get tough, because... Well, you just have to accept that this is all rage bait, and we're doing exactly what they wanted us to do, which was...

We'll finish out nine and ten, then we'd be done. Yeah, yeah. Number nine is Usain Bolt. Yeah, I would have had him even up higher. Usain Bolt. Because you've got to look at guys that changed whatever they did, which I guess Michael Phelps, I guess those people are at the top. Every one of them actually changed everything. Kobe Bryant is at ten. I remember the last Olympics, you're like, there's just not any big names left.

like there was before. Like, he was saying Bolt. Yeah, I remember that. What is, like, scroll down. When do you get to the, let's find the first person we don't know. Djokovic comes in 11, 12 is Nadal, 13 is Ronaldo, Steph Curry, 14, Katie Ledecky. She's great. You can move her up to one eventually. Tim Duncan, 16, Shaquille O'Neal, Patrick Mahomes. He'll be in the top five all over. Lewis Hamilton, we all knew Lewis Hamilton. At 19? Yeah.

I mean, he's a seven-time Formula One champion. Yeah, but that has nothing to do. It's whatever your team, your car. No, they have to do that. They did a whole thing because they don't have air conditioning. And people want air conditioning. Athlete? Yeah, because you have to sit out. It's hot. You're telling me this guy is better than scroll the next person. No way. No way, dude. I guess we're doing what they want. Don't you own a NASCAR team? Yeah. And this guy eats ham sandwiches and Mountain Dew. He's not...

He's very talented. Extremely talented. On the level, like if he gets sick, are you like, then I could just fill in? Maybe somebody could. No, you. Could you do it? No, I couldn't do it. Just scroll to where you think we don't see the name. We don't have to say. What about, yeah, there's 21. Diana Taurasi. Sydney Crosby. We'll go pretty far before we do that. Kevin Garnett. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. Albert Pujols. We probably know all of them. Yeah, yeah. Albert Pujols. I texted him. He didn't text me back.

Oh, really? Yeah. When did you text him? Oh, I don't know that person. He's won 44s, Michaela, Schiffer. We're done. The skiing. Three-time Olympic medalist in skiing. Sheriffin? I never heard of this person. How do you know Albert Pearls? Well, he came to one of my shows. Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. And he's like, what's up, dude? And then we got a photo. And he's like, here's my number if you ever need anything. And then I think... And I guess he needs something. Yeah.

Kid right there. I think you're supposed to not text them. Just to wait for a while. No, you're supposed to never text them. Oh. That's the deal. If you ever need anything, let me know. And the thing is, I will never need anything. Well, it's like, you know, if you meet somebody that's like your buddy around town, you're like, let's get coffee. You're not supposed to do that. Coffee could be different. Let's go grab lunch sometime. Yeah, you're supposed to not do that. I love to pick your brain sometimes. Yeah.

I've said that to someone. Have you? Seinfeld? No.

You said it to Seinfeld. I love to split a Pop-Tart and pick your brain. I would love to talk to you. I did not say it to Seinfeld. I did say it to Adam Sandler. I was like, I'd love to talk to you. And he turned it on to Adrian? But he did respond and say, yeah, Adrian worked with him. And he responded, he goes, I'm really busy. I'm too busy right now. He's like, but yeah, we're going to catch up at some point. Yeah. But...

He was... Yeah. He was... You texted him, it's green. He's like, it's green. I don't know his phone number. I got his email. Yeah. But so we... He emailed me. He started it. He emailed me. Yeah, yeah. But like we've emailed a couple of times. But yeah, I didn't want to bother. I'm just like...

And you know what it is. Right when I said it and I sent it, even thinking of it now, you're like, I don't need to talk to him about it. I shouldn't have done it. You would have to think about what do I want to talk to him about. Yeah, I guess I just want to – I don't want advice. It's like you just want to – What's up, brother? Yeah, yeah. What up? Go Jackets. Sandman. Go Jackets. Out here killing it. I think I would probably just ask him a lot about his career.

Heard you hosted... He did not see... Say, heard you hosted SNL. What's it like? I got to do it next month or something like that. Well, I think...

what you do is you go ask them a lot about their, your career, their career. You don't tell them anything about yours because they don't, what does it matter? What I'm doing? You know, unless they ask, unless they're like, so what are you trying to do? But you kind of go like, Hey, like how, how did things go with you when you started happy Madison or you started this, you started that like, well, and you would just, you know, kind of ask them their career. And I, that I think a lot of people wouldn't mind talking about, but yes, I think, I think I, I might've said, pick your brain. I don't love that.

I don't love that. But you started with that phrase, so you can keep it forever. He said, I'd love to break bread with you sometime, brother. That's the worst. See you, Donnie. You know what movie I watched or I started last night? Ninja Assassin. Ninja Assassin.

I was going to say, whatever it is, he got 22% on Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, I don't know if it got 20. I don't know if Rotten Tomatoes picked it up. Nate wants to know what the movie's about just from the title. 2010. I know. It's actually not that bad. Audience is 50%. 54%. 54% audience. So I did not, I should have watched it.

I just felt the first scene I was like what is this it's a 15 year old movie pretty brutal like a lot of blood how did you come across it it was just on like you know I still like to see like some of the movie channels on direct TV on TV I do that because I just want to see what's there because I'll be forced to watch something instead of

taken forever. Look at this review. Not the best movie in the world, but certainly a good time. That's what I bet it is. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like a crazy... Now, Will Lawrence from Empire Magazine says, decent ingredients, but as a whole, lacking in choreographic flair and plot substance. Yeah, so that's a person that you're like, well, what are you... You know, that's a guy... Top credit. That's me. Yeah, but that's someone that's saying that about Burger King. And you're like, yeah, but you're a Burger King. And you go, why would you even...

Why would you review... A garish and poorly filmed chopsock-y frolic. Did you write this, Weber? No. That's David Jenkins with Time Out Magazine. A lot of words. Ninja Assassin isn't a bad movie. It's just not very involving.

The viewer watches from a safe distance as limbs are lopped off, blood erupts from volcanic blasts, but the ninja rules remain ambiguous. But see, that's the first thing was like a lot of like big hands cut off, head cut off, blood. And so it was a little much for me, but I love the idea.

But you kept going. Of a ninja who was actually an assassin. Well, if you go in and you... I mean, if you pitch that to a network, if you go, I want to make a movie called Ninja Assassin. What's it about? Well, they... And you go, then it's not right for you. Yeah. That's what I would tell them. If they go, what's it about? You go, then...

Then you don't get it. I'll pass on you. I'll pass on you because you don't get it. We don't have to do all this. I'd love to break some bread with you. Talk about Ninja Assassins. Yo, Adam Sandler, I got this movie idea called Ninja Assassin 2. I really believe in this project. Ninja Assassins 2. Yeah. I want to buy the rights to the Ninja Assassin franchise. I got another heartfelt movie. It's donkeys in a tree. Yeah.

Donkeys in a tree. It's not for you. It's about, they go, is it not about? They go, no, it's about what you, it's about what I say it's about. Maybe this is. It's these family donkeys that live in a tree. This is us, but for the Olympics opening ceremony. That's right. Yeah. You're like, you don't get it. Yeah.

The guys that are pitching the Olympics, they did the same thing as we're doing right here? Yeah. But they didn't pitch Ninja. I'll tell you what, everybody wanted to see Ninja Assassin, and they didn't pitch Ninja Assassin. They pitched Ninja Assassin. The Olympics did something that's like some movie you never heard of that's won 12 Oscars. It's got a lot of awards. But the country's like, can we watch Ninja Assassin? Look, it made some money. I think this is a different movie.

Oh, maybe there's a better one. Read the title. Is that what you watch, Nate? A young ninja turns his back on the orphanage that raised him, leading to a confrontation with a fellow ninja from the clan. Was that the movie you watched? That sounds like they made that up in the room. But does that happen in the movie you watched? I just saw the beginning. So the beginning was...

You said you watched half of it. I don't know if I, I don't think I said that, but I watched, I watched the beginning. I watched the beginning and then I didn't, it was like, yeah, this is the same movie. Yeah. I kind of wanted to finish it, but it was like, it was, it was a movie that I wanted to be able to fast forward, you know, just give up on it with the Olympic ceremonies budget. They could have made this movie five times. Yeah. Yeah.

So I think I didn't want to watch it because I couldn't fast forward. Like, I'm getting a little bit, some of these movies, I'm like, I want to see them, but I want to be able to fast forward and kind of get through it. Like, get through the parts. Because they started with the slow part. Like, the first part's like crazy, and then they start with the slow part. And that's a movie that you're like, you're not allowed slow parts. Like, Ninja's asking, you're like, we're rolling, dude. It's...

It stays on the ninja the whole time. And that's the thing. And he's a sass. I think the one thing you can't forward, though, fast forward, is movies that you haven't seen. I mean, look, I don't think I'm going to miss. I mean, you already know what this is about. Like, if you fast forwarded the football game, you're like, oh, it's the fourth quarter. It's 14-10. Yeah. You can't fast forward a movie. John, you've never seen this movie. Tell me what you think it's about. A ninja. Yeah.

And then he goes around killing people. He's an assassin. Yeah, but why is he an assassin? Then you've missed nothing. You've missed... He's an assassin because he's a ninja. This is what... In the pitch room, that's what he is. That's why I didn't pick it up. This is where the people would be frustrated. Well, why is he an assassin? Because he's a ninja. And that's what they do. He got kicked out of his... Why is he a ninja? Because he's an assassin. Because he's an assassin. Right, right. Because he loves assassins. We need to see the prequel. There you go. I don't know. He just said there's a...

He loves Assassin. They go, what about? Dating people. He goes, I'll do Ninja. We're going to do like Batman. We're going to do Ninja Assassin. Then I'll do Ninja. And then I'll do Assassin. And then I'll do when he was a little boy.

For the diehards. The origin story. The origin story. Do you think that guy gets recognized whenever he goes outside his hide? Currently? By Nate. They were like, Nate Wood recognized him. Dude, are you a ninja assassin? I'm sorry. I don't mean to... I don't want to draw attention to you, but...

Overly serious and incomprehensibly edited. Jeez. These reviews are brutal. That's the write-up for Nate Land. That is true, though. When you watched it, it felt like it took itself too serious, just the little bit I saw. Where you're like, the beginning did not. The beginning was like, there's this ninja...

And he's killing everybody in this room. And then this one guy goes, I knew you existed. And this ninja comes out of nowhere. And he goes, and then he cuts his head off. And then it felt like it started getting, like, then we were in an office setting. And you're like, well, I don't want to be in an office setting and ninja assassin. Fast forward back to look at the killing people. Yeah. Well, then I was already, you know. And if I could have fast forward, I would kind of fast forward.

to your pockets. Sometimes I'll fast forward and you're right and then maybe you get too far and you go like, wait, how is he? How did he become a ninja? Here's what we need to do. Score back up right there to the director. Anything we ever try to get greenlit from now on, you tell your agent, I request a meeting with, go to the director. I need James McTeague. And anything you pitch to him, he goes, I don't think so. And then he goes,

You greenlit Ninja Assassin. And then he goes, okay, fine, let's do it. Yeah, because it's a guy that likes a hook. He knew. This is Ninja Assassin.

It's the same thing that Greg Giraldo said. I might have told this on here before. He directed V for Vendetta. That was a huge... And The Matrix. He went from V for Vendetta to Ninja Assassin. And then what did he do after? Any other crazy big... The Raven? The new Matrix, yeah. The new Matrix? Star Wars. First assistant director. But the way I would look at it for these dudes is I think a lot of directors, you got to make one...

crazy movie and so V for Vendetta it was great great and then you get this other one Ninja Assassin you're like alright it's like they just it doesn't even matter if it's bad because you're just never going to hear about it you can't buy a thousand yeah you can't buy a thousand yeah yeah so they're just like yeah alright I watched have you guys seen The Color of Money I don't know no no well this isn't going to be easy I've been watching that

Ninja Assassin. You're asking the wrong room. It's a great movie. Tom Cruise, Paul Newman. Oh, I know what it is. About racing? No, it's about pool. Oh, yeah. Pool hustlers. I might watch that. That would be very fun to watch. Are you about to ruin it? Well, I'm not going to talk about really a major plot point. It's a great movie. I love it. But there's so many scenes. Oh, that's the guy from what's it called? Top Gun? No. No.

You don't know who Tom Cruise is? It's a guy from... That's the guy... It was from... No, Hiroshima. Not Hiroshima. Whatever the movie that came out. Go back to that photo. Jillian Murphy? That guy. Oppenheimer. That just popped up on the tool tip when I...

Oh, Academy Awards. Yeah, for the Academy Awards for Best Actor. Paul Newman won it for this movie, Color of Money. Oh, yeah. You mean save my criticism? No, what is it? There's so many scenes in this movie where someone gets mad and storms out. Yeah. And I'm like, golly. Have you seen it, Adrian? I'm just reaching to anybody here. Yeah, man, I think you could probably stop if you're trailing off and asking...

Off camera people. I just wanted one person to... Maybe when it's time to... Tristan, have you seen it? Yeah. Maybe when you're in the middle of the street asking if anybody's seen Color of Money, let's maybe round it out. Is Holly here about you? Well, anyway. It's a great movie. Well, thanks for that. That was great. I'll watch it. We'll talk about it next week. Thank you. It's a sequel to The Hustler. Is it a movie about people walking out of rooms? Is that what that movie's about? That's my life.

All right. This was fun. This is a nice... But you didn't have to do the topic. No.

No, we got it for next week. We have some really great stuff. Yeah. Wait, this isn't... There's more to do? No, we're done. No, no, we're done. Oh, you usually have a topic. We didn't get to it. Yeah, we didn't get to it. You were the topic. Because you're wearing... Your whole outfit is from Topic. Jury duty was the topic. That's pretty good. His whole outfit's from Topic. Yeah, what did... Hot Topic. What do you got there? Hot Topic. Hot Topic. You ruined it like I ruined that Stranger Things joke. Yeah, and that was going to be a callback to Malls, which we started on. Dang it. Gadzooks.

Gadzooks. Well, there you go. You remember Gadzooks? Yeah. At the mall. That's a phrase I still use. I thought it was a phrase. That's what I thought that was. I'm like, my brother. Finally, somebody talking my language. Gadzooks. All right.

I forget. I'm in Atlantic City this weekend. Atlantic City and Jamestown, New York, Lucille Ball Comedy Festival. The National Comedy Museum is there. It's awesome. Jamestown, New York. I'm doing a show Saturday. The museum is awesome, and so I'm pumped about that. So I will be in those two. That's where I'm at.

If you're listening to this the day it comes out, I've got one more show tonight. When else would they listen to it? Oh, I guess maybe later. Yeah. That wasn't crazy to say at all. I'm sorry. I think I got confused. That's my bad. If you're listening to this, they're like, yeah, we're listening. You're a little trigger happy. I got a little crazy. It's a new studio. It's a new studio. You're listening to this before it came out. I'm firing on all levels right now. I'll calm it down. Give us your thing that you have so specific.

If you're listening to this on a day it comes out and you're over 50, come to my show. If you take Prevagen, you're going to love my show.

Only matinee shows. There's no regular one. Just matinees. BOGO. The best BOGO. BOGO gum. Yeah. All right. Off the hook comedy club. Wednesday. Boca Black Box this Thursday. August 14th. The Lab at Zaney's. I'm here. John asked.

to be on it nope can't do it uh you asked me and i said no or i asked you and you said i asked you and you said no and now you're begging me to be on my my next show yeah um august 24th in atlanta at vision studios and just added st louis funny bone st charles funny bone say august 29th through 31st awesome oh whole weekend wait see oh yeah where it's i said st louis but it's the st yeah yeah yeah that's great that's great off the hook's great too

great weather. Naples. Yeah. Naples. Like it's a, yeah, it's a real deal. A real deal clubs right there, but that's what I do. Yeah. Uh, Aaron Weber here, but I'll help the dusty next week is in Kansas city sold out four shows. He added a show. So if you're in Kansas city area, go see dusty. He's good. Now it's Aaron Weber talking about my dates, Aaron land. Uh, this weekend I'm in Billings, Montana for the yee haw hee haw festival. Uh,

Sounds like something he made up. It's his own show. That's what Aaron calls his own show. Is it a comedy festival? Yeah. It's a country music festival where they've got a little bit of comedy, which is what I will be providing in Billings, Montana. And then Sunday night, Corvallis, Oregon.

at the Majestic Theater. That show's almost sold out. It's pretty crazy. Where's that? Corvallis, Oregon. That sounds awesome. The Majestic Theater, Corvallis Comedy Night. That'll be a lot of fun. And...

If you'll allow me, I'll make a little bit of an announcement. I'll make an announcement right now. September 6th and 7th, here at Zany's in the lab, I will be recording my first special. Let's go. As part of Nate Land, Nate Land's going to produce this. Unlike Dusty, Aaron actually believes in what we're doing. Well, yeah.

Well, I will say if Netflix comes in at the 11th hour, I might think about it. Hey, we will talk. We're going to do a great job. We're going to sell it. We're going to, you know. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be great. So grab tickets to that. That's in the small room here. Hopefully, they'll sell out September 6th and 7th. I'm recording a special. It's going to be great. Yeah. You got an outfit? I haven't thought about it yet. That's the most important thing. Yeah, these are going to Buc-ee's. Yeah. Come on, dude.

You can. I might. They got good stuff. I'll be there. If I'm in town, I'll be there. Yeah, it'll be great. What about you, John? I'm doing, I got 27 tour dates. I'm off for the next about two months. Oh, really? I'm not going to list them all. But actually, I'll list three. Because in September, before I go out to all the theaters again in October, I'm doing three comedy clubs. Oh, nice. Which is my favorite. Yeah. I'm just doing three. I'm doing Philly at the Helium. And then that Wisconsin room.

I should be. Tommy on State? No, the other one. The one we went to. Skyline? Skyline. Skyline's awesome, yeah. And then The Blue Room that you just did. Oh, I was just there. I was there with Yakov. Gosh. He was talking about you and you. Was he? Yeah, yeah. Did he do a spot on your show or something? Yeah, yeah. And if you would, it's like, those are so, it's like, because that only happened that night at that show. They're so unique, the comedy club shows, and I'm looking forward to those, so just those three. That's awesome. They might be great.

Yeah, did I tell the Yakov story? We talked about it on the podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah. But he asked me about it. I did his podcast, and we talked about it for a while. He thought it was really funny. Oh, great. So Nate saw Yakov in the crowd in Springfield. Yeah, he told me that. And Yakov, I told him that, and he said, I thought I saw him recognize me. And each time he turned around, he's like, I think he knows that's...

He could kind of see that in your face. Yeah. Hey, I'm making a circle every time I come around. I think that's Yakov Smith. And then you ask him, you're like, did he know? He's like, oh, he knew. What a country. Yeah. He's the best. He looks unbelievable. For 73? Unreal. It's crazy. He's great. He's 73? Yeah. Seinfeld, he went on the open for him.

He did a spot opening for me at the Blue Room, which was just nuts. I said, just do whatever you want. He had the Comedy Store Letterman's jacket on, which looked awesome. It said 1988 15-year class reunion. So I said, who was in that class? And he said, him, Richard Pryor, Robin Williams, Howie Mandel. That was the group that he started with. That's nuts. That's nuts. Anyway. All right.

All right. Well, go listen to that on Yakov's podcast. Check Aaron out. Yeah, too. This was great. We love you, and we will see you next week. Bye. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the Audioboom platform.

Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. It's back to deals time. Now through August 15th, enjoy store-wide deals and earn four times rewards points. Look for in-store tags for eligible items from Kraft Singles, Keebler, Triscuit,

Zip lock and helmets for lunchbox surprises. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event-long savings. Enjoy savings when you shop in-store or online for easy drive-up-and-go, pickup, or delivery. Restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. Visit Safeway.com for more details.