#2 The Second Episode
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Trace for yourself with 25% off at ritual.com slash podcast. What's up, everybody? This is Nate Bargetzi. You're listening to the Nateland Podcast, Episode 2. This episode, we talk about UFOs, Joey Chestnut, a little comedy talk. And we talk about, does any of us have anything that could be listed, that could be watched as a Netflix documentary? So everybody, just check this episode out.

What's up, everybody? This is Nate Bergatzi at the Nateland podcast. This is the second episode. The first one, I think that we're going to plan on releasing both. We released today, or, you know, the day that this is. July 8th, which is my daughter's birthday. Happy birthday, Harper. So, you know, come. So, I mean, we don't know. We don't know how this... It's kind of weird to do the second episode, and we've had no...

Real feedback. You know? Is that good? We don't know if we're doing right or wrong. It could be real bad. I mean, what if people hate it so far? They've watched the first one. No one's even watching the second one. Not even giving us a chance. Do you read YouTube comments of your own stuff? I've gone through some hole. I mean, you get in some rabbit hole, is that what they say? I don't do it often, but...

I'm pretty good about it. So right now I have social media is all off my phone. So I don't have it. I'm not really checking it much. And I feel like that's helped, you know, just especially now, like when we're just at home and it's like you just end up just staring at it all night. And I'll do it like I said, I'll try to watch TV and then you end up just looking at your phone. And I get so annoyed with myself that I'm like watching TV. That's it's not like I'm reading a book or something that feels like, you know, like a lot of work.

It's just watching a show. And so I'll just end up scrolling, looking at my phone. So I took... Everything's off my phone right now. And I have looked at YouTube comments. Sometimes, like, I don't know, occasionally you go check and then start looking at some stuff. Yeah. YouTube's the most brutal. It's awful, man. Yeah, YouTube's tough. They... People aren't there. It's the Wild West. I mean, they...

go after you hard and I've tried to think I had I mean I did it recently and I mean it can affect you it affects like how you do comedy like you're be you realize you know I always get like I say um a lot or um like you know and so then I've consciously tried to think of that sometimes during my act and I'll try not to say it

It still does. You're going to say it. Everybody says it. That person that comments says it. Yeah, exactly. So it's just the way we talk and the humans talk as they think. They use that. I find the people who defend you almost hurt your feelings more. Yeah. Because I'll be like, everyone will just be ripping me. And then some old lady will be like, look, guys, he's probably new. Just...

You know, come on. Come to Slack. You'll get better. Just keep doing it. Yeah, you've been doing it 10 years. Yeah. Yeah, those are tough. Well, people will be nice. You know, because people always, you never post the nice stuff. People always post the mean comments. So that probably doesn't help that they're the ones that get the most. If they get anything, it's that you post the mean ones. But the mean ones can sometimes be the funniest or, you know,

So like, that's why you end up doing it. I mean, the nice ones are always truly appreciated when everybody's like, it's great. Yeah. And there's definitely more of those than there is the hate from it. Maybe not on YouTube comments, YouTube comments. I mean, they go through and it's go pull up. Let's see. You want to see? Yeah, I do. Uh,

I'm trying to think if I deserve... I think it's because you have total anonymity on YouTube, right? It's not linked to any of your... Like on Facebook, you click and then there's your personal Facebook. Yeah. So you're going to be less likely to just trash a stranger, I feel like. Yeah, you know, that's like... I've heard people talk about that where you should have to, like on social media, you should have to have your name next to it. Like it don't matter what it is. If you're leaving a comment, you should have to have your real name. So that would...

Because, yeah, you're not going to be like a crazy person if it's like your actual name that people can track your job down. Your jobs right there. Because, I mean, look, regular people can get fired from their jobs. It's not like it's just this celebrity cancel culture thing. It's a regular person that works at Wendy's could be just destroyed and let go because they go on a rant or something. So they should have to put your real name, you know?

1 million views. I don't think guys don't worry about that. I don't think real names would keep the things that people are saying about me at bay at all. I mean, cause everybody would just agree with them. Well, you have people in your comments that are more famous than you. They're doing better in life than you. Like I'm doing better than this guy. Uh,

Yeah, pull up one of these. Yeah, click. It doesn't matter. I don't know which one. Teen Mom. It's our first kid. I don't know if we had a kid too late in life. Sometimes I wonder. All right. Yeah, just pause it. That's like a nightmare. Someone plays your own clip, and you're like, just...

please stop it. You know, a fun thing about this comedy central, look at the top comment. He looks 20 and 40 at the same time. That's pretty good. Uh, see those, I don't mind 5.5 thousand likes. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I could have used that as a, in my act. And that's, that's a great opening joke. I look 20 and 40 at the same time. Yeah, that's pretty good. Uh,

I've gotten Lego Man. Someone says that he looks like a Lego. I've definitely had that, especially with my haircut. So this was my Comedy Central special. Full-time magic, something a lot of people haven't seen. A big reason for that is it aired the same night of the Mayweather Pacquiao fight. The same night. So I was doing the Tonight Show to promote it. That's when they told me that...

And I asked the commentator, I was like,

You know, we're airing this the same night as the Mayweather Pacquiao fight, and they're like, ah, you know, that fight's $100. I don't think people are going to pay that for that fight. And it's like, I mean, they act like we're in some third world country. You're like, $100 is not insane. And you can get 20 people to come and throw in $5, and everybody watches it. That's what people do. They watch it in these big fights. I watched that fight in a neighborhood. Somebody projected it onto their garage door. Oh, really? There were like 100 people out there watching. Yeah.

So it's not... It's funny. I watched the fight, didn't watch my own special. It aired... So what I ended up doing was, which we talked about, I ended up trying to make a joke about it, like saying that it's airing this same night because I was hoping, like, just you might as well accept it. And they aired it. They agreed. They aired it back to back. So they aired it at midnight and 1 a.m. But the fight started, I mean...

Because it was running late, that fight was, and it started the second my special started airing at midnight. I mean, to the minute. It just, like, they both started. And I was like, were you over there? Yeah. Yeah, we were at my house. Well, it was a day of sports, if you remember. Yeah. It was a ton of stuff. Yeah. NBA playoffs. NBA playoffs. Big golf tournament. What day of the week was it? Was it Saturday? Was it Saturday? Yeah. I think it was Saturday. Yeah. Yeah.

There was other stuff. Football was... Did football mix in? No, it was in the spring. Yeah, maybe it was NBA playoffs. It was a golf tournament. I think the Kentucky Derby was that day, wasn't it? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it was a day that's like one of the craziest days ever in sports. Yeah.

And then the Mayweather Pacquiao fight. And then the neighbor gets a full-time magic. OJ 30 for 30, everything else that was going on that day. Yeah. That's what it's like. Yeah, yeah, it was like that. OJ Simpson just got out that day. No, no.

uh, yeah, it was the best one I heard. Uh, and I don't know if it's true, but someone said, uh, Norm McDonald special aired on earth day where they told everybody to turn their TVs off. And so if that's true, he would win. Uh, as far as that's a pretty great one. The station was telling people to, I mean, every network, every people that make television, all television was like, do not turn your TV on today. Go outside, go outside. Uh,

You know, spending the day out, everybody's like, all right. And his special comes out that day. Ours was, so that was the Mayweather Pacquiao fight. And another thing, too, with that, so if you see that special, which I don't know if you can see in that clip. Just play that clip. You don't have to play the volume. Sorry, see my hair kind of does that little, above my right eye, it kind of curves over. I think that's what people mean when they say Lego.

Yes. The Lego hair. So just press mute so we don't have to hear it. I don't want to hear it at all. Well, you've got to mute it on. Oh, God. There you go. So that little swerve, is it like a swerve? It goes over. So...

When you do a special, you tape two shows, and then you edit together the best of those two shows. So when we got here to do this special in New York, they did not have a hair person. And what's funny is, like, so my buddy Anthony Jebs, I was talking to him about... We were talking about taping a special. He goes...

Just make sure someone takes a picture of your hair so your hair matches. This is what he tells me a month before I take this picture. And I was like, all right. And then I get there and there's no hair person that does your hair. And not that I need anything crazy, but you just want... You need it to look the same. So...

we have to get someone just had, we had to get hairspray from someone. And then we have someone that person that did my makeup was like, here, I'll just do your hair. So my hair, I have this swoop, but then in the other show, that swoop is not there. So in the edits, I don't think anybody, I mean, some people noticed, but if you, if, if you can't see, now it's gone in this clip. And now that's a huge difference. And I mean, I just don't think people pay attention. Those people are laughing at me. Uh,

But, I mean, that's an enormous, that's a big, now that you point it out. It almost looks like you cut that part off. It does. Between shows. So it was the, and then we went in between, and then we had two, so I had the thing that I was told to pay attention to is the thing that happened. And so now when I do a special, I'm, I have a hair person, and we take a picture, and to make sure that it's the same. Because people can have two, like, shirts. You can wear a shirt that's like, it gets weird. Yeah.

the collar could be different in both shows. I mean, TJ Miller, he has an HBO special. His is so funny cause he gets, he pours water on himself. So like the, the wet spots are different and they just go back and forth. But I mean, I think that's part of what he does is like, but it's just funny that, I mean his, I mean, it'll be like his shirts like wet, then not wet, then back to wet. Uh,

but mine is just that hair. The hair looks good there. And then for some reason before that it was, uh, not good, you know? So when you did the Tennessee kid, you had a hair person, but then your shoes, the Tennessee kid, I forgot. So the shoes that I wore in the Tennessee kid, uh, I, we're staying as right. We shot it, uh, outside of Atlanta. Was it not Duluth, Duluth, Georgia. Yeah. Uh,

And so we were staying downtown Atlanta at the hotel because that's where most of the hotels were. So I go, you know, everything's laid out. We get to the show. We're about to, I mean, 10 minutes from starting. And I go to finish getting dressed and I go to get my shoes. My shoes, I left them at the hotel. And the hotel's 30 minutes away.

So we have to, the production team calls the hotel and just has someone go up to the hotel room and get the shoes. And the shoes get drove in a cab. It cost me like 50 bucks to get these shoes. And we, thankfully, the production person was smart enough to think. She was like, she told them, she goes, take a picture of the shoes and text me.

And so they take a picture and they were just going to bring my wife's running shoes, like my wife's like regular sneaker shoes. They're like pink. But they look like, you know, and then she's like, are these it? And then, I mean, if she wouldn't have and they would have just showed up, I would have just had...

just some shoes. I mean, I had my brother, I was going to wear his shoes and he had like some kind of boots. We were just looking to go in the audience and be like, everybody put your feet up. Let me see what kind of shoes you got. And thankfully, uh, it got there. We started late because of that. Uh, Brian had to go on and just like stretch in due time. It's like, cause we had to wait for these shoes to get there. Uh, and they made it. Yeah. I would never have thought to be like, have them send a picture.

Because who in their right mind would grab...

The wrong shoes. Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah, I wouldn't have either. It's like little stuff like, you know, stuff like that. That's little. That's like smart where you see someone do something smart. Someone that's been in that situation before. Where they go, no, you need them to take a picture because they might bring the wrong thing. And I mean, it was a good 30, 40 minutes before we got them. And I mean, if you went through all that and then they just show up with, you know, my daughter's shoes and like, you're like, no, that's not good.

And then you're just back to square one. Yeah. It would have been bad. That special could have went with bad shoes. So is there any YouTube? That 20 to 40 thing was funny. Is there any more? The Lego. The Lego. They're pretty complimentary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they get complimentary after that. Why does he look like Josh Hutcherson and Buzz Lightyear combined? I don't know who that first guy is. I don't either. Yeah, that's fine.

I want to look up Josh Hutcherson. I mean, all these are complimentary. His whole act hinges on stupidity. Yeah. I get that a lot. Uh-huh. But he's smart because no one makes it in comedy without being pretty sharp. Well, thank you. I get a lot of people just being like, this guy is... Somebody said Rich Voss did. Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of people tell me, they're like, oh, you're smart. They tell me that. It's like, no, man, you're really smart. And then you're like, okay, I appreciate it. I'm not book smart. I don't know. But you know what you're doing with comedy. I've said it on stage where I'm smart in my world. In my brain, I'm the smartest of my brain. I know what I'm...

I know what I'm talking about in my thing, and I know when to not get into something. I know I don't ever get into... If there's an argument, I'm not diving in some... I'll get crushed in an argument. Because they just start saying historical stuff, then I'm just out. It's like, I don't know, man. And then I just bail out of the conversation, and I go, I want out of it. You ever have anybody tell you you're smart, and it seems like a weird... We weren't even talking about that. Yeah.

Like you never even crossed your mind until they told you? You're smart, Nate. I mean, everybody says that all the time, too. They're like, no, just because I say I'm dumb. And then they're like, you're not dumb. I feel like they want to root me on, you know, like, no, man, you're... And I'm like, all right, appreciate it. It's all very nice, you know. I'll get that with fat jokes. Where they'll be like, ah, you're not that... Come on, you're not that big. I'm like, ah, I appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah.

You're up there talking like you're real big, but you're not, you're not that big. How big is big enough to where I could make these jokes? I feel like I'm there. I feel like you have a good, you're like, uh, you have a good stature for your size. Like you're just like, it looks like a football player, like a big dude. That'd be a football player. Like you're not like, yeah, you look like an offensive lineman. Yeah. There's a, yeah. Hey, thank you guys. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it makes me feel good. Uh,

Tony Soprano was fat, but he was a good fat. He could take his shirt off and you're like, all right. That's a good fat. Yeah. I'm not saying I think you look worse than him. Bobby Buccal over here. Tony Soprano runs circles around you, but I'm just saying. I get John Candy a lot, who I don't even really know. You're not big like John Candy. John Goodman is the other guy I get.

I think it's because I wear flannel a lot. I look like a Roseanne character. Yeah. You do look like you could be a Roseanne kid from that show. One of the kids of the family? One of the kids in the family. Okay. You could definitely show up. John Candy, dude. I asked someone, they talk about if you could bring back someone to life, who would you bring back to life? Between him and Chris Farley, who would you choose? John Candy or Chris Farley?

For me, I would choose John Candy. And I think, by the way, you'd want both. They're both unbelievable. They're both amazing. But John Candy, Chris Farley is usually what people say. I ask this question a lot. I just walk up to people and ask.

Chris Farley's, the immediate kind of response, just how, he was so funny, so funny. But when you watch John Candy movies, like Uncle Buck, and, well, Uncle Buck's got, Plane Trains at Automobile. Plane Trains at Automobile is unreal. Like, Uncle Buck is unreal. Like, some of the stuff. I haven't seen any of this. Oh, dude.

Oh, dude. Oh, man. You've never seen Plane Trains in automobile? No. It's pretty great. It's pretty great. Was he just a comedic actor? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think he was on... Was he on SNL? Or he was on... No, he was on the Canadian version. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

But he's just so funny. And he could do, I mean, he would do serious stuff. Even in Plane Trains and Automobiles, he has this big speech that's just beautiful. Yeah, I'd be curious if that held up for you, seeing it for the first time. Yeah, I'll go check it out. It's good. John Candy, to me, when you just go back and watch him, he's so impressive.

It's so funny. And he's just, I don't know, he's loving it. I mean, Chris Farley is the same way. It's a tough question. But I think most people would say Chris Farley, but I don't think they think about what John Candy did. Yeah. Great Outdoors, he was in that. The old 96er, he goes and eats a 96-ounce steak.

And then eats it all and then just wants to walk out of the shirt just laying on his body. He can't move because he ate the whole thing. Yeah. I mean, it's unbelievable. Speaking of eating, you might notice we don't have the Krispy Kreme donuts. We bailed. I don't think you really wanted to do it.

I talked to my doctor. Did you? No, I don't have a doctor. Do you ever talk to your doctor? I don't have a doctor. I have a doctor, but it's just like a new person that's in that office.

Like every doctor you go to, we can't take new patients. And I just get someone that's just, I mean, she's very nice. I think they know what to do. She's just super young and like, you know, like in training, I guess. She's not an actual doctor? She's not the main, you know, the real deal. Not yet. I'm starting with her from the bottom and we're going to go to the top and she's going to be one of the best doctors in the world.

And I'll be like, remember when I was there from the very beginning? Uh-huh. Is that how doctors move up? But is she a doctor? Yeah, she went to... What's it called when they don't have nurse practicing or... A nurse practitioner? Maybe, yeah. Can they be doctors? Physician's assistant? Yeah, maybe.

They can do a lot of things that a doctor can. Like they can write prescriptions and stuff. You know, you just want someone in the building. Yeah, just somebody. Somebody with scrubs. I think you could. I would feel comfortable going in just talking to the secretary and be like, what do you think this is? And she's like, she's been around. They've seen stuff. A lot of people come in and out of here. Yeah, and they just give you like, they're like, nah, you're...

It's fine. It doesn't look that bad. And that would be enough. Yeah. You know, they should be, you should have an office of that where just someone that's like, I'm not a doctor, but I've worked in a doctor's office. I've seen everything come in and out. When you just want a quick like, hey, does this look cool? Or is this weird? And they're like, no, that's probably fine. And that person, you should have, we should start that business of just, it's you go in and just for the quick and easy.

Yeah, does this mole look weird to you? Yeah, and they're like, no, I've seen millions of those moles. And you're like, all right, thanks. And then you leave. Yeah, I didn't have one of those. Like the drug commercials are always like, talk to your doctor about, I've never been in a position to like, hey, have you looked into this prescription? If you start a new diet, they're like, talk to your doctor. You're like, I'm just going to start it. I don't know. I can't. I just think like dieting,

You know, I've done millions of diets and tried different things. All of them are just, you know, like it's because the problem is like everybody we hear about, like my old joke about it, like,

the before body you know like they're but everybody that starts but talks about a diet they it's a very like healthy person that tells you like you don't want to do that like it doesn't like when they're you're like i'm gonna do no carbs like you don't do no carbs you need car but when someone that doesn't diet you're like yeah man just stick to something if you ate cereal every day that would probably be better than what most people if you just stuck if you were like i just want to eat

I don't know. I'm just going to eat no bread, just steaks, whatever that diet, the carnivore diet, where it's just like you're eating meat all day long. And someone's like, don't do that. You're like, I don't know. If you've never done anything, yeah, start that. Yeah.

And if you can do that for a long time, then you can adjust from there. But if someone usually that's never done a diet, that's the problem. They read too much stuff about it because I'm that same way. I won't do a diet, and then I'll be like, I'm going to start. I start the most extreme diet. I tried the carnivore. I was like, well, I'm going to just do that. I'll just eat meat three times a day. The carnivore diet? It's just steak. You just eat meat. Just meat.

And so you start that, but then when you read stuff, they're like, no, you don't want to do that. It's bad for this and bad for that. But it's like, I mean, what I'm doing is bad. What I'm doing regularly is bad. If I'm eating fast food, I'm eating all this stuff, that's bad. So just start. You don't got to talk to your doctor about this stuff. Just start it. You're not going to – I just don't think you're going to go from –

And this is going just a regular person that probably eats fast food a few times a week to then just go eat meat every day. It's not like that person's like, you're like, well, now you're going to have a heart attack because you did. No, you were on your way to a heart attack. So just eat the meat all day. Why'd you stop doing that carnivore thing? Because it's a lot. I talked to his doctor. I talked to my doctor. He was like, what are you doing, man? Karen.

You got to have a steak for breakfast. I saw my doctor at a red light and I rolled the window. I was like, hey, that's the only time I talk to him. If I see him, oh, there's my doctor. I mean, there's times I don't know if I would even recognize my doctor out. I never had a doctor until recently. I don't even know if you have a doctor now. It's half and half, but I don't know if I do. Yeah, I've never really had like a – how do people get these doctors?

I don't even know where you go. I had to look. I would Google, what do you got to do to get a doctor? I asked my wife. I'm like, I need a doctor. Like, I should be going to someone. Yeah. I called my doctor recently to get in for something. They're like, he's on vacation or something. But she's like, but Kevin could see you. And I was like, oh, that's kind of...

I thought it was very, she was being very loose with not calling him back. She's so close to him or whatever. But then I got there, Kevin wasn't a doctor. Yeah. He was like a physician's assistant. Yeah. But he knows. Yeah. He's around, he's in the, you know, it'd be like if you asked us about this podcast and they wanted to talk to me and I can't do it and you go, you would know and you would be like, I can answer your question. Like,

You maybe can't approve something. We're not going to change the logo. You can't change the logo of the podcast, but you could definitely... You're the nurse practitioner of this podcast. You're good enough. We don't want you doing the surgery. I don't think people would want to pay the full copay if they knew that...

that I was the one running it. Well, if they went to an interview about this podcast and they're like, can we talk to Nate? You're like, no, but you can talk to Brian. And then, you know, they're like, all right, well, that's fine. Like, you know, they would just do that. They go, that's fine. And he answered the general questions of the podcast. But if you have any real questions, we'll wait until Nate gets here.

I'd wait. Yeah, what if they just want to wait? Could you have said that? I guess you can, but I'll wait until he gets back. I didn't realize until I got there that Kevin wasn't a doctor. I just thought she was just being so close with him that she was like, that's what she calls him. Then I got there, and there's no MD in front of his...

Just Kevin. He wasn't even wearing a lab coat. It was just, come on back here. He just came in. He's on his phone. Hello. He just hangs his phone up. What's up, man? What's wrong? I feel like those guys take it less serious. What's up, man? What are you talking about? But did he answer your questions? I mean, I guess. He seemed surprised that I would come see him. I mean, was it like maybe he set up real nice? He's like, what are you, the first one? I think he was excited to see me. Yeah. Yeah.

He dives in. He's got to know, dude. That's like nurses. They always say that. Nurses at hospitals, they do everything. They're the ones that get to do... You're a chicken. Fish. Yeah.

The nurses at a hospital, they do it all. That's who you're seeing the majority of the time. The doctor comes in. You know, when Harper was born, the doctor comes in at the last second. I mean, he comes in. I mean, it's truly the baby's coming out, and the doctor plops in. I mean, he's maybe in the thick of it for...

I don't know, 20, I don't remember how much time it was because it's such a crazy moment. But it's like 20 minutes, he's just in it, and then he's like, all right, see you later, and then he leaves. Do you think every time they're like, hey guys, I'm going to see if I can just literally walk right in and time me in this? Yeah, I think they do. I mean, I think they have to time, you know, they just do it, like how quick can they come and go? Like he's like, I mean, I bet there's times he can be at a dinner, and then he's like, I got to go. He delivers a baby and can make it back to the dinner. Yeah.

Can you imagine that? Like you're a doctor. Don't box that up. Yeah. Yeah. Just leave it. Can you imagine coming back and then you just sit there and you're like, what'd you go do? Did you go to the bathroom? Like, no, I delivered a baby. I welcomed a life into this earth. And now you're just back like eating and your food's not even that cold. I bet that happened. Was it that shortly? It was just a few minutes that he was in there?

Yeah, I mean, I really don't remember. I mean, it could have been two hours, and I don't know. Like, you're, you know, it's a whirlwind. You had other stuff going on. Well, just a lot's happening. You know, I mean, you've got a baby being born. And so it's all...

You know, I cut them, my wife and mom had a bet if I'd cut them bilical cord. And I did. Because, I mean, I say it, I talk about that, obviously, I'm not on that. But, like, because they just put the baby in front of your face and then they, like, cut the cord and you're just, like, you're just in, like, a daze, man. Like, you know. And it's, and then, so I cut the cord and then that was it. And then he went back to his regular life.

I know they try to do C-sections sometimes because they want it. You need a doctor for that, right? Yeah. They don't let Kevin come in and do a C-section. No, he's not. He's like, that's not his thing. But I mean, that's why you wouldn't... Kevin wouldn't be there to do that. Like, your Kevin would just be... But Kevin's there the whole time. You have more rapport with Kevin. You could have...

I don't even know if I would know the doctor that delivered our daughter. Like, if he walked up to me, I'd be like, what's up, man? Like, you know, like, I wouldn't, it's not like you're like, oh, yeah, I know this guy. This is, I mean, maybe I should, but whatever. So, anyway, the whole point of this, we're not doing the Krispy Kreme dough. That was the whole, we tried it, and, you know, we really thought about it. And then, A, watching us eat for an hour, I don't think is good. Yeah.

I think we do need to do it one day, and we're filming it as a separate thing. And I'm going to do it with you. Okay. I'll eat the, you know. That's one of those things I've been able to say for years, one of those claims I could make, and nobody would ever do it.

actually given the opportunity to prove it. Now you want to do it. Now you want to... Under these circumstances that he's saying of a separate thing. We're just sitting here and we're... Watching us eat for an hour can't be good. With a mic right in front of us. That's not fun for anybody, man. We did build it up. Luckily no one's seen this. So...

People are going to be like, ah, I got to see if they do the Krispy Kreme. And then, I mean, they're going to be disappointed immediately in this podcast. Yeah. That they think that's going to happen. I think there'll be a lot more relief than people being upset. Yeah, like people don't care. Yeah. They're like, no one cares. I don't want to see that guy. I don't want to see him. We don't know who that guy is to begin with. Then you can have him eating the whole next podcast.

You know who has the world record for glazed donuts? Who? Joey Chestnut. Does he? Yeah. What is it? He ate, I think, 55 in eight minutes. Okay. In fact, check me on that. But I think Joey Chestnut has the record. We looked this up last week. We're already in reruns. Yeah, I think we... Episode two. Well, I'm trying to segue into, we're talking about, you know... Joey Chestnut. What's his net worth? I want to know that. How much money could that guy make? Joey Chestnut, net worth...

No one cares about the glazed donuts. 257. 257. Okay, a little higher than what I was talking about. You said 55. Yeah, but that was a different... That would be like his breakfast that morning. To get his stomach ready, he would eat 55 of them. He ate over 200 more after you stopped watching. That's a different competition. That's an endurance competition, it looks like.

Oh, those are powdered hoster donuts. He has a glazed donut one, too. I was looking at all the world records he has. I think there's an argument to be made. If you consider this a sport, then one of the greatest athletes of all time. Just the length of time he's been dominating. Do his net worth, too. Because Kobayashi used to be the guy. Well, Kobayashi was very briefly the guy. So when this became... When hot dog eating came, it was...

What is his net worth? $1.5 million. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. It was worth estimating. That's a lot of money, man, for just eating. Yeah, Kobayashi was, he came in hot, Joey Chestnut, like he was the guy. And then Chestnut came in and just has never let up.

And almost, you know, I remember Kobayashi first. Like he was the first one when I first saw it. I thought he was the main person. And then Joey Chestnut's been just on a run. You know, I mean, there's a major league eating MLE. It's a whole circuit that they go do, like Buffalo Wings. Like it's a different season of like what you end up doing. Yeah, Kobayashi's got double the net worth of Joey Chestnut, according to...

I think he's got more of a look. He's got the endorsements in Japan. He's got more of a look. He does have a look. I was thinking, when's enough? At what point are you Joey Chestnut and you go, this is, we're good. I think he was, what, 34? When do you go, you know what? I think when you hold a world record in every food group. That's when you tap out. What if he's not good at a certain, it's like pickles are just brutal for me.

What if that's his... He can't do... He's pretty well-rounded. If you look at what he's... He's got the world record for eating gumbo. He's got the asparagus...

World record? Glazed donuts and hot dogs. I mean, after the asparagus one, his whole house smells weird. You eat half an asparagus. A bite. A bite. It's a wrap. I mean, if you go pee, it's going to be like... It's amazing how well that works. It's unbelievable. I mean, imagine having to... And you eat as much as him. It's got to be a week of that. Like, of just...

You walk over to his house and you're like, it's asparagus season? You just know without even... Yeah, I'm training. I'm training. He's like, yeah, I'm getting into it. Got a big match next week. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. When's it going to be... Yeah, I don't know. I mean, he's in good shape. So, again, it's not... I'm sure he talks to his doctor regularly.

I mean, can you imagine going to tell your doctor that? Like, I can't imagine doctors ever is like, that's good, man. You think it's hard for you to find a doctor? Imagine them trying to find a doctor. Just have an insurance. Like, you're going to insure. What's your diet like? Eat 75 hot dogs in three minutes and like, whew.

All right, just one time a year. It's like just hot dogs one time a year. And then after that, I've done donuts. And you're like, good night, man. He's got the Big Mac eating Big Mac world record too. I think it was 35 Big Macs in 32 minutes. Could you – if you do this, could you – like I don't like onions. So would I be allowed –

I bet not. If I'm like, can I do mine with no onions? If you did the Big Mac? Yeah. Would I be allowed to take, to have? I don't think so. That gives you a really unfair advantage because you got to think about 32. I mean, that's a lot of onions. It's a lot of onions. It adds up. It adds up. Yeah. It's like a whole different few burgers, you know? Yeah. And so they would make me eat the onions. Yeah, there it is. 32 Big Macs. It's the world record. 32 Big Macs in, I think, 35 minutes. Pretty amazing. Yeah.

They always talk about the calories, too, like how many calories to eat. But, like, I never understand calories. Like, what are you supposed to – how many are you supposed to eat? I don't know how they know how many calories are in something.

It says it on the box. That's what I'm saying. But the people who put the stuff on the box, how do they know? I guess I need to know what a calorie is before I ask that question, but I think they're just making it up. Yeah, I mean, who knows what these calories are, man? I mean, that's like when you go look at diet stuff. I think you could write anything on a diet thing to make anybody convinced. If someone just aggressively and confidently talks about it,

Like calories don't matter. And they just tell you why. If that person's persuasive, then you're like, I'm on board with this guy, what this guy says. If it worked for one person. Yeah. If they got a before and after picture. Of just one person. I remember a guy I worked with before I started comedy, and he lost a ton of weight. And all he did was eat tuna fish for like a year. He just ate tuna fish.

Still drank beers, drank sodas, but just did tuna fish and lost, I mean, maybe 100 pounds. Yeah. And I always, I still think about that. I always like think, oh, I should just do, because you're like, I should just do that. That's easy. You just eat tuna fish. But I didn't do it.

But he, but you're, you know, I mean, if you do anything, I think if you do anything to your system, you will lose weight. Like if just any kind of aggressively just change, you're going to drop something, you know?

Yeah. I mean, you just... If you're eating less? No, but I mean, just consistently doing one. Your body is, you know, my body just doesn't know what we're going to get. There's no consistency. I mean, it's all about the map. It's like, what's this day going to be? You know? What's it, you know, are we going to have donuts in the morning? We might. We might have pancakes. We might have nothing. There's plenty of stuff. So...

That's the message. Just do whatever you want to go do. This is a diet. There's some doctors losing their mind right now. I mean, just like... They're like, this is irresponsible. Yeah, what are these guys talking about? But you go just do something. I remember my buddy Justin Silver, he would be like, don't get rid of ketchup. He's like, just get rid of ketchup. You'll be fine. And...

But I didn't, you know, I didn't do that. How much ketchup are you eating that that would make that big of a difference? Well, at that time, I would do a lot of ketchup. I like to do enough that it makes the person next to me uncomfortable. Like, they have to bring it up. That's how much ketchup I like. I like the ketchup enough that someone goes, that's a lot of ketchup. Like, they can't not say it.

You know, like it's that much that they're like, you could use the whole bottle. There's some comment that they have to not let go. You would add ketchup to like if you got a burger at like McDonald's or something, you'd add ketchup to it? I don't anymore. I like ketchup, but I can eat fries without ketchup just as easy. I mean, they're, you know, they're just as good. I'm not sure if I use ketchup on, I don't use ketchup as much as I used to, but there was a time. I mean, I would use it. It was really a big part of your life.

It's getting older. Yeah, my dad puts ketchup on everything. Steak? Yeah, I think so. Wow. I use steak. I like Heinz. But you can't use it if you go to a nice steak restaurant.

Because it's insulting, right? Yeah. If you get a real expensive steak and then you're asked for A1, they get real upset. My dad used to say that. That's like you get wine and you put ice in your wine. Is that a thing? Oh, yeah. You look like a real redneck.

If you get like a couple... I've never even heard anybody thinking of doing that. They would do it at Applebee's, and I worked at Applebee's. That would be a big... My wife used to do it. Like there, you'd get... Red wine? No, no. Like white wine. And you'd put ice in it. Make it like a... It's like a drink. And you'd put ice in it. Okay. Yeah, that seems a little weird. Yeah, it's not as classy. It's not, you know...

You don't want to cheers that. It looks like you have something on the rocks. You're like, oh, what is that? Scotch? Cabernet? I don't know. What's pinot? Whatever white wine is. White Zinfandel. White Zinfandel. Yeah. That's the one you would put ice. White Zinfandel was... If you get a cup with ice and white Zinfandel...

I mean, you might as well go ahead and light that cigarette. I worked at a place that had like 64 different beers on tap, and then we had a ton of different wines, and I was supposed to learn about all of them. But I learned everything about one beer.

And then one type of wine. Yeah. And then when people would ask for it, I would just really sell those because I didn't know anything else. You just go in on the one. What was the one? It was White's Infidel. The house White's Infidel. That's the one? Yeah. That's something that's like, what do you got special back there? You're like, let me tell you what. A lot of these other services. If you knew nothing about wine...

Doesn't that sound like something legit? I sound like I know what I'm talking about. If I were just like, the house red is great, you'd be like, this guy doesn't know. But if I say Zinfandel, this guy knows what he's talking about. I think a wine person would be like, what? But it's a wine person asking me for a recommendation. What restaurant was it? This is a Bricks wood-fired pizza.

I think you need something more obscure. So you're not in like, yeah, you're in a pizza place. I'm not in, no, I'm not wearing a tux or anything. I mean, there was, when I worked, when I waited tables in Chicago, we had someone that worked there. They also wait tables at like this, I want to say Rosebuds or something like that. And, but it was a very nice restaurant. It was like those servers, that's their career.

Like those guys make a hundred grand a year being servers. So there, it's like that level of serving. Cause there's different, like if you're at Applebee's, if you're at like what you're just using like a college kid or you're,

you know, or like you just, I mean, sometimes people become bartenders and work there their whole life cause they can make a lot of money. Uh, but then you get to that next higher level where it's a restaurant. You're, that's an actual like profession. Like you're, so you're there, you have to know everything. You have to know all wine and you have to really, you can't just phone it in. Can't just, your standard, you know, what's really good. Our house white Zinfandel. Uh,

Like, I feel like once you say house, you're out, like it's out. I don't remember if it was a house or not. What was the beer? Kentucky Bourbon Barrel was the one that I always recommended. That one I would believe. It's a good beer. Yeah, I'd be like, whoa. I'm like, I don't want something that dark. You'd be like, eh, I mean, it's pretty good. Is it dark? It's pretty heavy. It's a high-gravity beer. I mean, it would knock people out. Oh, that sounded good. High-gravity beer? Yeah. Yeah.

See, I know a little bit. That just means, I think it means it's 10% or higher, high gravity. So the Kentucky Bourbon Barrel was like bourbon. It tasted like bourbon, and I'd recommend that to everybody. They're like, I don't like bourbon. I'm like, well, you might like this. Well, let me change your mind, and if you don't, I'll bring you over a little glass of white Zinfandel. Put some ice in it. Put some ice in it, and then you can clean your palate. Yeah. Were you a good server? Man, no, I don't think so.

I would forget stuff a lot. Yeah. I would always try to remember the whole table without writing it down. Yeah. People don't like that. Uh-uh. Because they're just like, you sure you got this, buddy? And you're like, I got it. And then if you miss one thing, they're like, we told you. Yeah. Yeah. Because you got to find little ways to keep yourself entertained. Yeah. And that's how I would do it. And I'd miss stuff all the time. And then I'd have to comp the table stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

I sent this girl to the hospital because she said she's allergic to feta cheese. And I was like, okay. And they kept saying she's allergic to feta. They got a pizza that had feta cheese.

So I was like, okay, I'll make sure. And I, and, uh, yeah, they go, we want this pizza, but she's allergic to feta cheese. Don't get it. And I didn't really know what feta cheese looked like. And, um, and I gave her a pizza with feta cheese and she ate it and it was a real problem. So we had to comp their whole meal and they left to go to the hospital cause she was about to break out.

I don't think I understand. They ordered it, but just said don't serve her? No, they said don't. They said take... This pizza usually comes with feta cheese. Yeah. Don't put it on there. Okay. These people like to look dangerous. And then... Like, because they could order a pizza that doesn't have that from the beginning. And you know what? Yeah, and like, I remember later that night, I felt so bad. And then I was like, how did they not know what feta cheese looked like if you're so allergic to this? It's a little bit on you. It's a little bit living on the edge to go, we know feta cheese can kill this girl. But...

We do like the feta cheese pizza here. So let's get that, just no feta cheese. Yeah. And you didn't type it in to say, hey, no feta cheese. I think I did, but I only put it once. You're supposed to write it like five times so that it comes out real, you know, in the receipt. Yeah. So, you know, a lot of people share the blame, I think. Yeah. Do you ever hear what happens? It starts with the head coach, and that's you right there. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I don't know. I don't know what happened. They left, and they got a free meal, so it might have all been a scam. We have her here today. Come on in! Come on in, Sarah. And she's come in. She can't speak. I think I was a good server. I liked it. I could remember people... I loved the idea that you just knew...

You knew all your tables kind of orders. Like, you know, you kind of just, it's like you're in your own little world. So you know, like these, what these people are eating and drinking and you know where they're at, you know, when to stop by back by their table and be like, Hey, I remember one thing I learned from waiting tables that I think was a good thing to learn was, uh, they'd always talk about sense of urgency. And so you should always have a sense of urgency. So you should always feel like you're in, you're, you're, you're hurrying to get these people what they want.

And it was like a great lesson I learned just for life. Like you should have it like there's your life should have a sense of urgency. You should like, whatever you do, you should be like, we need to do this and do it correctly and do it as quick as we can. And I,

And now, I see it even just in regular, if I go to somewhere, you can tell when they don't, there's no sense, they don't care. It's like the food's going to get there when it gets there. There is no sense of urgency. And I can really see it. And I always thought that was like a good life lesson that I learned in just how you live your life is just have...

an urgency about yourself that you should be like, I, whatever thing I'm trying to accomplish, I go, I need to accomplish it. Don't put it off. Don't do, you know, you go accomplish things. And you learned that at, I learned it, uh, uh, Jake Melnick's in Chicago. I learned it there. Me, Michael Clay, who I moved with to start comedy. We, we were the first people hired at that restaurant and we went in and I mean, I went back to it,

I showed it on my YouTube, the road life clips. And then, were you there? Yeah. And we went back to the restaurant. And, I mean, I walk in this restaurant just like, how you doing? I'm back. I mean, I come back like, I'm back. I haven't worked there. It's been 17 years. And I think, like, I just don't let stuff go. Because I didn't go to college. Yeah.

So like anything that I go do, I always say like, that was during my college years. I was, I still talk to people that I taught. I was texting with a good two nights ago that we worked with, uh, there when I meet people in my life, if I do meet you in some step of my life, you're usually in my life. Like I don't, you don't leave. I don't like, it's like, especially then, like I kind of know you kind of keep an eye on what everybody is doing. Uh, I was there, I was in Chicago for the Bartman years, uh,

Steve Bartman. I waited tables that night for that game. I remember we made a lot of money waiting tables because it was –

It was unbelievable. Just the atmosphere of Chicago. I mean, they're going to win it this year. I was like, I can't believe I'm here in Chicago. We're going to win it. And I remember the Bartman thing when it happened. Still to this day, Chicago people make me livid about the Bartman thing. I think what they did to that guy, I don't think they deserved a World Series after that. I wish they would have just lost for the next 300 years because they –

ridiculous that they put... I mean, dude, the newspaper posted that guy's address. They ruined that guy's life. And then these Chicago fans have all still been upset about it up until maybe five years ago. Then they were finally like, all right, I guess we should... You're like, yeah, well, you've already ruined this dude's life. This guy can't do anything. He can't go back to another game. He's never done interviews. It's not like he...

went and got famous out of this. He tried to stay out of the limelight. You embarrassed him and he did nothing wrong. He did absolutely nothing wrong. And people just trash him. And it's, I mean, it's the, it was the most disgusting thing. I remember at that moment seeing it being like, why are you putting where this guy lives like out? Like, I wish you would have sued everybody and just cause they've ruined his life. And I mean, uh,

So I remember working that night. If you watch the 30 for 30 on Steve Bartman's great. And if you watch it, so after when they had to escort him out, the girl that they talked to that worked for Wrigley Field, she ends up having to take him to her apartment because they get him outside and the stadium. And then someone's like, that's the guy. And so they have to like run and he has to go hide in her apartment until like everybody leaves.

So I'm waiting tables and another girl that I worked with,

We leave that night. She goes home. The next morning, she comes back, and we're just like, you know, all the news is Steve Bartman. That's all that was on ESPN. And you watched it, and you're like, man, so crazy. The girl that I worked with, she was roommates with the girl that took her to her apartment. So she got home. And, you know, this is really before your text. Like, this is before any of that stuff. So she walks in the door, and Steve Bartman's just sitting on her couch.

which is unbelievable. Like, can you imagine the, you know, that's like a manhunt is going on and then you walk in and he's, you know, the fugitive. Richard Kimball. Richard Kimball's just sitting there. I mean, it's unreal. And so she came back and just told us that. And I was like, dude, that's, I mean, especially then you were just like, what? Like, you know, and she just walked in and he said he was just sitting there like sad. He was,

He felt, you know, he had phones still on headphones, still on listening to them, just trash him. Like he's the reason they, you know, can you think of another famous person that, uh, had something crazy happened that never, ever, ever did an interview or never, ever come back in the spotlight. Cause he has done nothing. He's done nothing. I think they sent him a world series ring.

Yeah, but I mean, he's never done an interview that I know of. His whole life is ruined. It's like Cubs fans are like, we forgive you now. I'm just surprised there's not like YouTube video or Instagram people just posting, hey, I saw Steve Bartman at Walgreens.

Yeah. I mean, that stuff wasn't around when that happened, or I bet... I'm talking about now, even. Yeah, but now it's been so long that I'm sure people... Yeah, I mean, I'm surprised that you don't see something, but I think he lives in a town outside of Chicago, probably keeps to himself. And then he just kind of missed the time of Twitter. I mean, if Twitter would have been around then, I mean, he would have...

I mean, yeah, you would know everything about him probably without him wanting, but him just staying out of the light and not doing it. That's what's crazy is it was mainstream media doing this. There wasn't people on Twitter doxing him. It was newspapers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. It's crazy. I feel like I've seen that clip so many times, but if he wasn't wearing exactly that, I couldn't pick him out of it.

If he wasn't wearing that same outfit with the headphones and the hat. If I just saw him at Walgreens in normal clothes, I don't think I'd recognize him. Yeah. You're not looking for Steve Barton. No, but I mean, other people I think would recognize him. Yeah, you're probably right. Somebody. People that were truly mad about him. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just very impressive that he's never done an interview and never been back in the spotlight. Maybe we'll be the ones. We'll get Steve Bartman on here. If he's listening, open invitation. Yeah. Anytime you want to come, buddy, you're welcome. The pressure of interviewing that guy for the first time...

I'd be like, I don't even do interviews. So what's going on, man? How are things? Were you excited when the Cubs won? You wouldn't even bring it up. What do you think affected you more, when the Cubs won the World Series or when your life was ruined by the city of Chicago? Which one? Yeah, it was a crazy time to be in Chicago during that run. It was, you know.

it was just the, I mean, even before that, just the energy of that city and like, I don't know how much, you know, I mean, you wanted them to win. Then I remember going to, I went to a White Sox games too. Uh, the people that Levy foods, uh, who was like own the restaurant or something, they had a box. And so they gave us tickets, uh,

like the last game of the regular season the white socks were out of it i mean there was maybe 50 people at this game yeah and we're sitting and like we got to go sit there but it's like one where you're like no one's going to but they're like i give them to some of the servers and we're like we would love to go and then we just go sit and eat all right doesn't matter uh this this podcast is gonna troll off quite a bit where it's just like all right anyway doesn't doesn't none of this matters

So, well, Major, you were talking about that. Talking about, like, doing shows like that going back. We were talking about, like, any bombing stuff that we've had. Because we get asked this comics a lot, like, bombing. And I've talked about some of mine. I can never remember. So the thing with when you bomb, it's like with hecklers with comedy. People are always asked, too, like, are you getting heckled? And you don't get heckled as much as people think. I think it got really...

blown out of proportion. I also think comics stealing material is something else that I don't love that how much that's been blown out. People accuse comics of stealing. There's been a world that's been built up now that if anybody has a joke that sounds like someone else's joke, they're just like, this guy's stealing. It happens to me all the time. Someone accuses me of stealing something. And no one realizes you're like, yeah, man, everybody's going to talk about some of the same stuff.

If someone gets caught stealing a joke, it's usually a nobody comic that's doing someone's act somewhere on the road. That shouldn't be done, but that happens, I'm sure, but no one even knows. I know Carlson C. was the biggest example of stealing stuff.

But, I mean, I just... It got blown out into... Comics, I just don't... They're not stealing stuff. I mean, people are going to talk about the same kind of things. And you can tell when you have a joke that's like... You know, sometimes when it's a comic, you come up with a joke, and if it's very funny, quick, and then you're like, ah, this feels like someone could have talked about this...

And you try to ask some other comics, like, has anybody ever talked about this? And then, you know, but some people are like, no, I don't think so. Then you just do it. And then sometimes that's the joke that ends up with someone's like, well, they did talk about it here or whatever. But I wouldn't, you know, I've had people tell me I've stole jokes. I've had people tell me that someone else has done a joke like mine. But I just think it's like everybody has a lot of, you know,

the experiences that are the same. So comics are going to end up talking about stuff. That's the same. And it's, it's, you know, you just hear the different takes on it. It's almost like, that's how it should be looked at is like, they're doing the same kind of idea. Which one do you like better? Like which one is presented, which joke idea is better. I think stealing jokes as a whole is just not, it's just not a thing. Like it's not, it's not a problem.

And I wish, and I want everybody to know that because I don't, there doesn't need to be this search. Like I feel like people are trying to, especially now it's like this gotcha, like they're trying to catch people stealing stuff. And it's, it's just not, it's just not a, I don't think a problem enough in comedy that it needs to warrant like a sheriff. Comics are pretty good on policing.

And you do that. You come up with a joke. I'll call you. I'll call someone and be like, have you heard this? And that's all you can really do. And then you just do the joke and then see what happens after. Have you ever had anybody steal anything from you or been accused of stealing? Yeah, I think I've...

It's just like doing jokes at open mic. Somebody will be like, so-and-so did that joke. And I'd be like, oh, maybe I did hear that. And then you just stop doing it. And nobody's ever approached me with malice. You know, like you stole this from me. It was just, you know, you might have heard me talking about this, you know, small stuff like that. But you're right. If I were just looking at YouTube videos, I would think this is a rampant problem.

Everybody's sitting in the back of the room with notepads, stealing each other's jokes. I mean, that's, there's a lot of stuff. Like I get to another thing I get on YouTube. People think I just do the same jokes on everything. But the problem too is like when you, well, I do them different shows. So, you know, coming up with a new material is it's very hard. It's hard to come up with a new act. And then when you're, when you're first starting out until you start getting specials, you are just putting everything kind of out on YouTube, like just different shows and,

So a lot of these clips have the same jokes on them and I'll be doing this jokes ever. So I have some like, I was like, this guy just does the same joke on everything. And you're like, well, they're different shows and I don't always think they're going to be put on YouTube. And then I especially don't think about it back then when you're almost just always throwing stuff up on YouTube. Cause you're hoping what's the thing that's going to be like, people are going to grab, grab, go towards gravitate towards. And, uh, so like then now it looks like I just have like,

10 jokes that I only cycle through. But you're like, no, those were all different shows and those were the jokes that I was doing at that time. So they're going to be put up. So when you see a comic when they're younger, a lot of their clips, they're only going to have so many great... If something is ever being filmed...

especially then you're only going to have so many jokes that are like good enough to be filmed. So you're going to, those jokes are always going to live there. And then the older you get into comedy and like where I'm at now, it's like, I can't do that. So like, I can't, I mean, if I could do a late night set, I'll do jokes that I'll have on my Netflix special. I'm not going to write a separate five minutes for that. A late night set to me is, is a showcase of,

of your special. It's, it's somewhere to be like, here's a little five minute segment from my special. And then you go watch the entire special. You're not going to write just its own separate kind of thing. So besides that, but now you have to be way more careful about what gets put out and what's getting filmed. But if I go, like I had something, uh, when I did a Prairie Home Companion, which is the poster behind me, like when I did that, I had that video, um,

out, and I did super old jokes on that. And then they're like, oh, this is from his Netflix. But you're like, yeah, man, it was like a radio show I did. Like, I'm not going to have – you're not just throwing new stuff out. Everything's got to be saved for the special. So the special is the most important thing. So at that point, if I do anything, I'm just grabbing old stuff that I don't care if it gets –

like wasted. Like I'm not going to put my new, you just can't put your new thing. I got to save that for the hour special. That's the, in the live shows. Those are the things that are the biggest things, you know, what percentage of people do you think don't even know that you've written this? I think that you're just going out there and winging it. I don't think it's as much anymore. I think it was, I definitely don't think people understand. No,

they don't understand comedy or like what you do. They, it's definitely, you know, it's hard for them to see it, to like figure out what you do. I, I, I think now there's more, you know, cause now people will ask like, is he doing new stuff or is this like, you know, when you see some comments, there's people that are definitely more aware than they ever were. I think, you know, I think for a long time it was that like, they just think you're up there just like riffing and having a good time. Uh,

But they don't realize how much you do the same joke. They don't, you know, comedy, it's like, it's, I wish people would like, you know, like people get into music like that. They've really like love music and they love the art of music and they like watching new musicians if they never heard them to see if they're good.

And I wish that comedy had that. I mean, there's definitely fans of people that do watch young comics. I mean, I know people that have watched y'all and like that been in my shows or something and see, and they, they like, they, they enjoy watching the process, but that, that group is much smaller than music. And I wish people would see, I mean, you know, when I first got into comedy, seeing like Bill Burr, uh, uh,

and Bill Burr was, is a huge deal for me. Like he was, he was one of the first comics that I got to watch when he first started. It was, I remember him going to his first late night set and get and see him rise up from there. And I watched him do that late night set and,

I watched his HBO one night. I was at that taping. And then I remember going to Caroline's where we could just go and he would be headlining and you could just sit anywhere because no one was there. There'd be 30 people watching Bill Burr and we would go sit and watch him. And then I remember going to Caroline's where we had to ask, it was sold out and overly packed and

And we would just wait in the lobby to see. And then like the manager there would be like, you can come stand in the corner and you'd go stand in the corner and watch him. And then to when he went to town hall and then like, so watching his whole rise to what he is now, you know, was a gigantic, is a huge, huge influence on me. And like, but I remember when I first found him, I mean, like if you can go find comics that are new and,

like to the audience, like it's a go discover new comics and just go like, you know, go watch them the way you would eat food. Like if you're just like, I don't, that's not my cup of tea. Like you can find your thing and then go watch that person become who they are and realize like how much like art, you know, I'm no, no comic wants to say they're artists, but you know, it's like, but the craft of it is unbelievable. And like,

when we write jokes and we come up with these stories is, is, I mean, to make it seem like we're just talking regularly, con conversational, uh,

is you know it's it's it's hard to do and you got to learn how to do it and you and to see someone learn and figure their kind of voice out and you're always kind of doing that it's just i mean i don't know comedy's it's unbelievable like i mean like people don't realize like a placement of a word can ruin a whole joke and it can make a joke perfect it can make a joke not perfect and

And that's fun to see. It's fun, you know, and watching people, you know, when I would watch Burr, I remember his HBO One Night stand tape. It's his HBO half hour. And I remember when he got off stage, I mean, the audience, because I was in the crowd, they're losing their mind. And they can't, they almost can't believe it.

Like, I don't think all of them knew him and they were just like, what? What was that? Like, you know, that's so exciting. That was, I remember just feeling that to be like, that's what you want, man. Where, you know, when you go on stage and no one knows who you are and you go murder super hard and the crowd's just like, what? You know, they just can't believe you.

They're like, golly. And making someone laugh, it's hard to make someone laugh. To really laugh, it's very hard. That's the same time I heard Brian Regan. First, my dad bought a CD of his at a truck stop, and then he told me he had to pull over the car. I remember just wanting to have people tell me they had to pull over. To be laughing that hard...

That you have to, you can't drive. Yeah. That's unreal. Like that's, that's a emotion that is tough to pull out of somebody, you know, to cry. I mean, to cry, they're laughing and crying. Like that's, that's, you know, to bring that much joy to someone. Cause that, I think like, that's, that's why we, what we love, what we do is you, you love that you can,

I mean, everybody's worries go away, man. Like they're, you know, like I think it's more, you know, I know music, I like listening to music that are like fun songs, like we talked about last week. There might not be fun songs in Fear the Reaper, but I think they're fun.

Uh, but like comedy, it's like, if you can make people like, just give them a break of their, like, you know, life is hard, man. Like, and people go through so much stuff. And if you can just give them a break from their, not for an hour for them to not to think when we did those shows at Zany's and it was just like a few weeks ago. And, uh,

with the first night of COVID, like you could just feel the, the crowds were just like, I don't know, man, they've been through so much and everybody's been through so much to give them a break is, is, is something that like, I, and that's what I want this podcast to be where it's like, it's not just sitting here just talking about the problems, you know, you gotta have some kind of,

You got to have somewhere to go where you can like just refresh and then you can go back to everyday life. And that's what like, and that's why comedy is like, you know, I think it's so good. It's so fun to watch and watch. You see young comics and they come and to hear their take and their point of view on stuff and then see them rise. And that's what it was for me with Bert. Like seeing him, you know, Bert was older than me.

He's older than me, but seeing him come up

And through that thing, I mean, that's, it changed my life. And like how, like, and that was a big aspect of me moving to New York. And why I was so glad to live in New York is I was able to see that. I was able to see people's rise and see how they did it. And he built it very slow. He's earned it every step of the way. And he's put in the time. And, you know, now he's as big as, he's the biggest comic, you know, working. It's pretty special.

You know, I don't know. And then to feel yourself be going through that same process. I think I'm better than Bill Burr right now. So I'm on his network. All things comedy. I think I'm a little bit bigger than Bill Burr right now, but that's just me. No. Yeah. Well, yeah. To see, you know, it's hard to see it when you're in it in yourself, right?

You know, it's hard to take anything. Like, you know, it's hard to think about, you know, starting this podcast. Like, you know, it's like, I don't know what it's going to do, man. It might be do nothing. No one might listen to this podcast. I don't know if it's going to be what everybody wants it to be. But I remember, you know, getting to these specials and doing the standups, doing that full-time magic and the standups on Netflix and then doing the Tennessee Kid. And then hopefully we'll be doing another one. It's like, you're starting to build this cycle of,

When you start doing these stand-up specials, being known as a stand-up is an accomplishment in my mind. Like being known that like no one, you don't see me, then you're like, what is that? Oh, he does stand-up too? Like there's none of that. I'm known as a stand-up. And that is something like Sebastian Mascocco, Gaffigan, Burr, Chappelle, Chris Rock, Seinfeld. And Seinfeld could be known for a million other things. Chris Rock could be known for a million other things.

but you know them as stand-ups. And like, so to be known as that, like I always loved like, you know, I mean Jay Leno, Jay Leno's known as a stand-up and Jay Leno didn't, he did stand up the whole time. I love that comics didn't get big and then just move on to something else. They kept doing the thing that got them there and they, and they love it. And those guys are true comics. They're the ones that kept doing it. You know, Letterman like stopped doing it. Like he, you know, I don't know how much he was doing it to begin, you know,

I don't think he was in it like crazy. I get Steve Martin stopping, though. I understand he got so big that it was above what it can be. There was nowhere to go. He was doing stadiums, so he got so gigantic. That guy I get stopping. Or even Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy. They got so big.

where can you go? You can't really go for, you can only go down. So if you get to that level of things where it was just the excitement for those people, like, and them coming, I don't think you can produce enough to keep up. So I understand them having to like kind of step back, like, or being like, I can't do this anymore. Like there's just, you're just going to be a disappointment. You know, you get to that high of a level. I mean, no one's like,

you know, I mean, Eddie Murphy is probably the phenom of comedy. I mean, for him to put those specials out raw and delirious and, uh, I mean, he's 20 or 21. I mean, people did like, you know, you're, it's a, it's,

You know, comedy is like, you know, I'm 41. So like I was saying in comedy, you either make it at 20 or 40. Like no one makes it at 30. No one's just in the middle and then becomes huge. You either come out super hot and you make it or you have to wait till you're 40. And you look like you're both. Yeah. As that guy said, like I'm the one that does both. So for him to come out and put those specials out, I mean, it felt like a grown man. Like when you watched it,

Think about talking to a 21-year-old kid now. I wouldn't listen to a 21-year-old. I'd be like, what are you, crazy? You're 21. I think about what I knew at 21 was nothing. And for him to put both of those out and be that young, that's unreal, dude. That's a special, special...

And obviously he's been rewarded and shown how special he is. But that's something, man. That's like something crazy, dude. Like he's probably, you know, I could see, you know, he could be the Jordan of, like it's just, I think. It was just too good. Like he inspired too many people. I'd say he's like the Bo Jackson. Because he stopped? Well, yeah, because it just was like overnight. It was just kind of over.

He never saw him fade. He affected the game too much. Oh, okay. That's fair. Chris Rock, Chappelle, everybody. He affected what we did. There's no Wizards years, though, of his career. No, he's kept them not happening. There's always rumors that he's going to come back and do it. Chappelle's that now. Chappelle's been...

You know, I mean, Chappelle is the one that you could argue is the best. I mean, Rock, Chris Rock, too. I mean, his first, his specials, when they came out, they were so big. So what are people saying about me and Aaron? This whole time you've been talking about it, I was just like, what? Where were you? Where are y'all at? Yeah. Like you said at the very beginning of this, 10 minutes ago, you're like, yeah, people now talking about you and Aaron. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, you guys...

You know, you're in the beginning stages of it, you know? I know you're 75 years old, but you're... I mean, you can't give us one example of something somebody said? Oh, what they said about y'all's comedy? Yeah. I mean, people say they like your comedy. I've had people say that. They're like, they like, you know, I mean, I've had people say, people ask me who you are and stuff like that. They're like, who was that first guy?

And I go, Aaron? And then I just always say your name. They're going, no, no, we know. We've been following him for a while. The other guy. And I go, oh. I go, the guy that gave, the guy that just did the messages up at the top, that gave announcements. And they're like, no, no, the guy that actually did some jokes. And then I go, I don't know. I go, send me a picture. And then they find a picture. And then they find out. They go, never mind, we found him. And then, so I'm assuming they mean him during all that. I regret I asked. Yeah.

It's a mistake. We did, so I was talking about, so we got off on a tangent there, the bombing stuff. One show that happened, because this can tie into the other thing. I remember I did a show in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, and my wife came, and so it was a big night. I was opening for, so Boston, Boston, I think Boston produces the best stand-up comics. They, Tony V, Tony V was on this show.

legendary Boston comic, but they've had like Burr, Marin, Patrice, like all these people, Stephen Wright, Dennis Leary. Like it's pretty crazy. And then like Joe list, a lot of guys that I'm Bobby Kelly from like, there's all these comics that are from Massachusetts.

And Bird, I said Bird, like he's, and so it's pretty wild. And so we were doing a show in Pittsville, Massachusetts, and I got paid to host. And I was getting like $500 to host this show, which is crazy. And it's going to be this packed out room in Pittsville. Everything's great. We stay, it's in a hotel. My wife came. It was, the show went unbelievable. I got paid. Vandy beat Georgia.

That that day In football and it was like what a night. It's amazing night. I get paid 500 bucks cash Can't believe it like you know, it's so much money and And I lose the money it's in my on it's in an envelope my have a pocket cash cash gone. I

Drops out somewhere. We ask. No one turns it in. And then me and my wife get into a huge fight, and the whole weekend was ruined. Not fun at all. But I remember at the time, I would always tell my wife, do you think if this $500 matters, then we have a bigger problem? I always think of that with money. I always think if this $500 is true... Obviously, I don't want to lose it, but I always try to think, well, hopefully someone that has it needed it more than me. And then...

I'm just trying to get out of this fight at that point. I'm coming up with anything, but it's, and then I was like, if we, if we can't get over this $500, like if this in our life, you know, like if, I mean, right now, like we can't, like we have one less microphone because we're like, well, we needed that $500, you know, we're short. We're always $500 short. So anyway, that story, which brings, but it was in Pittsville, Massachusetts. The reason I thought of this, we watched, uh,

All three of us watched Unsolved Mysteries. It started on Netflix. And so we watched one last night. All agreed to watch it about UFOs, which I thought was a very... We all like UFOs. And in this year, how crazy 2020 has been, UFOs have come out. And they've said that they're around, right? They've acknowledged them now, the government? Well, those videos that...

I think came out a couple of years ago that the Pentagon's now acknowledged they're real. Yeah. Not saying they're from outer space, but there's unidentified flying objects that there's video of made by Navy fighter jets. Yeah. And so there, yeah. So, I mean, that's the first real acknowledgement. Yes. Of that this stuff is happening. So we watched, you said you watched, you love space. All right. Yeah. Like space is your thing. Yeah. You love outer space.

I mean, it's a little vague, but yeah, I like... Aliens in outer space. I mean, what would you say? Yeah, I just, I love space. You love space like outer space? I do. Which is funny, we won't say, but there's the conspiracy theorist of stuff that someone doesn't believe in space. That's a conspiracy, right? That they don't even believe outer space is real? Yeah. Which is my favorite. I think it's above flat Earth. There's just no outer space.

That's up there, man. That's pretty great. What do they think, the moon? I think the moon and the sun are just kind of right above us, and then that's it. That's it, yeah. I love that. That's all we can see. Well, stars. I'll defend them. Stars? Yeah, you see them, but you don't know how far away they are. But where would they be?

It's right there. So there's no outer space, though. They're in our atmosphere. Everything's in our atmosphere. It's just a big snow globe. Yeah, that's right. And then there's nothing else around. And I haven't been out there, so who knows? Yeah, that's true. I love it. I love the idea of someone not believing in outer space. I think it's so great. Just that they're like, well, if you brought up space, would you ever go to space? And they're like,

I don't think you can. And you're like, what's that? And then you just have to, and then they explain why. I think it's wonderful. You know, you probably don't bring that up with many people and it, I don't think you can. I think it's tough friends, you know? Yeah. I think it's tough.

But I enjoy it. Yeah. I definitely enjoy it. I'd rather talk to that guy than someone that does believe in space. I think that guy's way more fun to talk to, someone that doesn't. Would you rather talk to him or somebody who has been in space or claims to have been in space?

I don't know. I mean, I could read books about that. I think I want the guy that doesn't believe... I'd want to get them in a room together. Oh, yeah. Would be great. Just to get that conversation going, I think is super fun. Yeah. I mean, you know, someone that doesn't... I like a nice... I don't know, something that's so insane. Like, you know, I love hearing their side of things. It's wonderful. Like, it's amazing. Yeah.

I think they should teach that in the schools. They should tell the kids. They should be like, we do believe in space, but just a heads up, as you get in the real world, you might run across a guy that tells you there is no outer space. So there you go. Just letting you know, and then they're like, the kids can digest it how they want to digest it. So we watched Unsolved Mysteries last night. It was about a town. If you haven't seen it, it's the only UFO episode on new Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix.

And so we watched that, and these people had a big sighting of UFOs. UFOs that went around, they kind of messed, they went to Pittsville, Massachusetts, and they went a bunch of areas around there. And I mean, had a real go at these people in this town. I mean...

You know, it wasn't like they flew over. I mean, these people... Oh, you're talking about the UFO had a real go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The UFO, I mean, it drove around town and did some stuff. Ruined several families. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't... You know, it's not a typical, like, I saw... What was that? Yeah. Yeah. Just, oh, that was quick. You think that was a UFO? Like, you know, and then, like, that discussion, it was... I mean, this UFO came in to do some work. Mm-hmm.

Got it done. Got it done.

kids were abducted and put, you know, I mean, one was the lady that kind of starts at her and her son, like just didn't talk about it forever. They, they, it happened to both of them. And then they, neither one of them brought it up to each other. It was kind of crazy. Like, how do you not like, they just were too scared, I guess, to say it. You gotta think this is 1969. So this is, you know, like obviously there's,

There's nothing that you could ever look up. So when stuff happened like this, all you had was the newspapers the next day or the news, and there was no breaking. There was nothing like coming. You could just cut on the TV and be like, oh, let's see. Did anybody else spot this? You were going to have to go out on a limb and be like, hey, man, did you... I mean, it's a tough conversation. Because you can't... I bet you can't imagine that you're seeing that. And so...

You know, you're not going to just walk up and be like, hey, do y'all, anybody else? This is also a month and a half after we landed on the moon for the first time. So you probably would come across like, oh, this guy's crazy, you know? Yeah. Because it's like in the public discussion. Which probably started the whole go.

To land on the moon. What? Start of what? Well, the fact that we went up there. They got mad? I bet they didn't care for us. And they're like, we're going to go back down there. I mean, the timing of it is unbelievable. I mean, we go to outer space. Yeah. And then they go, all right, let's see what's up. You think this was from the moon? I think that there's aliens that don't believe that they've been to Earth.

There's people that don't believe that we went to the moon. I think in the alien world, they've been to Earth and it was staged. And they go, no, no, they went there. And they go, we haven't been there. They haven't. These one people they talked to in the car I thought was interesting was they said... Because they were like... A light came over them and it was like kids in the back. And then...

You know, they're like, it feels like it's 15 minutes, but it could be three hours. And so they said the only way we know something happened was the mom and the grandmother switched seats. So the daughter's driving and...

And her mom, the grandmother's not driving, said she never drove. And then when they wake up, now the grandmother's driving, and so they switch, which would have been super funny if the baby was behind them. That would have been unbelievable. You're like, the baby, and then the person has to go, by the way, the baby never drove. We never let the baby drive, but the baby was behind the wheel.

But I was thinking, like, do you think, so the alien messed up. Yeah. He messed up. That's what I thought. And so, like, does he get in trouble? Like, you know. I was thinking the same thing. I mean. It just shows, even among aliens, there's some guys who do their jobs better than others. Yeah. And they're watching, like, Carl. Yeah. No sense of urgency. You had one job. The alien didn't have a sense of urgency to get, or maybe too much.

sense of urgency they need to take a picture of the car before it's like the hair yeah it's like why didn't you I mean to this day that he they probably bring it up and they go alright buddy we're gonna go back down there uh who's driving this guy never made that mistake ever again this alien cause he looked like a fool

And then now they go, the grandmother never drives. In fairness, every alien we've seen, they all look the same. To them, we probably all look the same. So he's like, come on, can you really tell the difference? This isn't the time to bring that up. These two, Brian. The climate that we're in, buddy, you don't need to say stuff like that. You could make an argument that it was intentional.

Why? Right? Oh, like a little nod? The rest of the story is they're not trying too hard not to be seen, you know? And they're kind of just messing with us to a certain extent. So they're like, something that small, switching two people in a car, that's enough to get them talking, but not enough to...

that they have incontrovertible evidence. I think it was more a mistake. You think it was just a mess up? I think it was just, you know, aliens have bad days too. It's not like they have to have bad days. But this is their big day. They've been planning this for a while. Well, we don't know. They could be doing it all the time.

The guy who was in the back seat who was telling the story, he lives in Knoxville now. Oh, yeah? And I looked him up. We have four Facebook mutual friends, so I friended him, and I think we're going to become good friends. Wow. I think he might come on the podcast. Well, you're not in charge of getting him to cast. Get him and Steve Bartman together. That's the end of an episode. Open invitation. But they've got to come together.

They and we interviewed the wrong one like we don't know we're like all right Steve so this UFO did it come he's like what's up? It's yeah, he friended y'all message or anything No, but I was looking at his pro He's not like shy like you always hear about these guys who get abducted like I don't want to talk about it He he threw a party at a bar in Knoxville a lot of guys get inducted Like is it a video like it's funny you're like, you know

This is not your typical get abducted, keep your mouth shut, I want to be left alone guy. This guy's out there. Look, man, I love space. This guy threw a party at a bar in Knoxville, a watch party. So he's not too traumatized about it. Well, that's funny because I feel like a big part of that documentary was about the shame and the secrecy about this for decades, right? Because none of them wanted to be made fun of. And then you tell me this guy is like, no, everybody come watch me on this.

Yeah. Well, I mean, the fact that one lady was like, they would get followed home. She had to move. Yeah, that was his mom. Yeah. It's crazy to be like, that people would get that mad. They were just mad at them. He's like, where can I be accepted for my UFO? Oh, East Tennessee. Knoxville's open to it. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy.

It made me think, too. Do you have... I mean, we've got to be... What are we at? Like an hour and over an hour? I don't know. This clock is at zero. Hour 20? Was I supposed to start that? I don't know. We haven't even started. We're at an hour 20. This is a long one. It doesn't... There's no rules. It's the internet. But do you think you have anything in your life that could be a Netflix documentary? Like this guy has got to... He walked around like this for 50 years and...

You know, being like, I could, I mean, I saw, I got addicted to UFO. Like there's gotta be a documentary. Like, do you have anything that's like nothing? I mean, that's so crazy. It is funny to be like, no, my life is just straight up. I'm very boring.

like a one episode documentary or like a, like a making a murderer? No, I mean, well, I don't know. We would decide by what we hear. I mean, it's how much you just tell us and we'll decide Aaron. I don't feel like interesting, not, not singular events, but there are interesting things that could be explored. Not about me specifically, but just stuff in my family. Nothing, nothing supernatural. Yeah. Yeah. It would not fit. Or no. I could, no, it's nothing wild. I'm just like, uh,

Now I don't even want to say it. I feel like I built it up like it's going to be... I hope it's nothing. No, I'm just like... I get a squeaky wheel at the grocery store. My mom always gets that wheel. You're like, oh, maybe we dive into why do you always get the wheel? You ate 36 donuts and you set a world record? I'm just talking about my dad being a high school principal. There are a lot of interesting stories about that kind of stuff. But that would not be a geek.

I mean, look at the board. Oh, my goodness, dude. I mean, that was a big buildup. We should have ended the episode. My mom was a crossing guard for a couple years. We could probably dive into some of that. I didn't say it'd be a good. There are a lot of bad documents. Why don't you go start your own podcast? My dad was a principal. Let's just dive into those stories. I mean, we have 30 minutes. This is a 30-minute, like, full series. Episode one, dad's a principal. How'd that go? Not bad. Not bad.

Alright, thanks for tuning in everybody. That's a wrap on My Dad's a Principal. I mean, golly. That wouldn't be the title. My dad's a magician. I don't think I had the ego that you had about your dad being a principal. I mean, honestly, my dad's a magician. It was a clown.

I mean, we could probably do something. I don't know if it's Netflix worthy of a documentary. Hey, I didn't say I'd be the star of the documentary. I'm just saying. I mean, yeah. All right. I'm sorry I brought it up. I think the documentary would then turn into like, who does this guy think he is that he thinks his dad could have? Like, that's what it ends up becoming. It would be a mockumentary. Yeah. So I guess the answer is no, I don't. I don't know. Next week, we're going to bring in Aaron's dad and just really get into some of these stories.

about him being a principal. All right. I mean, that's roughly it. We did it. This is a long one. And these are the ones that are going to be out. So next week we will have some feedback to see if, you know, maybe this shouldn't be a podcast, which is completely fine.

So, you know, I hope everybody, you know, I don't know, checks it out. If you run, we're going to have, Bates is going to be on the social media, the Nate Land podcast. If you have any, you know, if you want any comments or any of that stuff, questions, maybe we start answering some questions that people have. I am? Yeah. You're going to be...

running that. You're the one on social media. If you can log in to the thing. So yeah, go do that. Any questions, any stuff? This is all work in progress. So if it's not good, don't come yelling at us now.

You know, who knows? All right. Anything else you want to say? You're good? No. You're good. Thanks for listening, and we will see you next week. Bye.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation's consulting and partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.