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Hello, folks, and hey, Bear, Aaron Weber here with my co-host, Brian Bates. And across the table from me, filling in for Nate Bargetzi is Dusty Slay. Dusty, welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. Good to see you, buddy. I'm pumped to be here. How's it feel from that side of the table? Feels good. I always like this. Yeah. Nate's not here today. I don't know what he's doing. He's headlining the Roman Coliseum or something.

All over the world. I don't know where he's at. I feel like I never see him anymore. I miss him, but I'm happy to be here with the two of y'all.

He sent a statement. This is about the shortened episode. Did he really? Is this a real? I haven't read this yet, so I don't know what it says. Feels like a bet, though, doesn't it? Guys. This is the first statement in the history of the podcast. I know a lot of you are upset about the recent decision to shorten the podcast to an hour. While I understand your concerns, I don't care. I'm a huge star. I wish I had read this ahead of time. I'm a huge star now. We don't need any of you. This is awkward. Yes.

The truth is, no matter how long the podcast, you rubes will still listen to it because you have nothing to do with your sad little lives. No. This is awkward. This is intense. You should have read it ahead of time. We love you. None of this is lost on us. Well, that's awkward. I wish I had read that ahead of time. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

No, actually, it was my decision to shorten the podcast. Was it really? Nate wanted to do three hours, but I'm like, come on, I am so busy. I'm going to be honest with you. I support one hour more than three. We've done three before. Haven't we? When John Reap was here for like four hours or something crazy, right? I feel like we did a long one. John Reap's got a lot of energy. He does, and he sustained it for the whole length of the time.

We've done a few. I don't know if we've ever hit three, but we've pushed over two and a half. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, leave them wanting more. I mean, it's my motto. I do get it. Like, sometimes if I'm like, I got a flight and I'm trying to download some podcasts to listen to, if it says two hours, I'm like, nah. I can't. I don't. You know, I'm not going to have the time to listen to it. And then I'll never go back and finish. Yeah. So. Yeah.

An hour is a real sweet spot. But I also don't work a desk job. So I think if you work –

where you can be free to just listen to podcasts all day, I get wanting more time. Because podcasts are pretty filthy out there. So it is nice when you can find something that you could listen to at work or around your kids. I didn't realize how filthy a lot of podcasts were until I had kids in the car. And then I was like, oh, gosh. Because I'm completely desensitized to the world. Right. But-

I've been around a lot of filth in my life. People always say that...

They wish they could comment during the episode. I get it because I mean, even the ones I'm not on, if I listen, I'm like, these guys are idiots. I listen to Dusty's every week. I'm like, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. I was listening to talk radio today in Nashville and they were talking about the moon landing. And then they go, can you believe a lot of people don't believe we landed on the moon? And I know the host. So I text him.

While he's on air. Yeah. And he gave me a shout out. So now Nashville believes that I don't believe in the moon landing, whether I do or not. Yeah. They believe that. You're not coming down on it either way. Yeah. You're just interested in the conversation. Yeah. And that's what it's all about, really.

Is this someone you want to say? Well, yeah. Matt Murphy. I listened to him on 99.7. Really fun guy. Okay. He's had me on a few times. Really nice guy. Yeah. And they're covering just topical stuff like the moon landing. Yeah. He just talks about anything. Just like day-to-day news. He'll be political, but he really just gets it. He's like a libertarian. So he just kind of goes off. People get mad sometimes when I'm on the show.

stationed with him because they're like, we got all these hot topics to talk about and you're talking to some comedian. And I'm like, well, not just some comedian. I'm the best. So take it easy. Where were we all this weekend? Where were you, Dusty? I was in Huntsville, Alabama.

And I did a moon landing joke and it went very, I spilled water on myself, but it went very good. I'm left-handed and when I'm over here, everything's backwards. Oh, okay. So you can move that around. Well, I need the handle to be, yeah. You're left-handed too? Yeah. God, that explains, it just explains a lot. Yeah. I mean, we're geniuses. What do you get out of that? Like finding out you're left-handed. Like that makes sense to me. Well, why just me? Yeah.

I don't know. Dusty's he's got a lot going on. Yeah. But you, you're like, yeah, you're just, you probably drive with your left foot too. No, I drive with my right foot. Okay. But I do a lot of things with my left foot.

Well, I was in Huntsville, Alabama. Stand up live. It was great. I never sold out a show in Huntsville before. I've been going for years and years and years. Nobody ever has. I never sold one out. I sold out three this weekend. Yeah. Three of the five were sold out. Wow. And it was incredible. Good for you, man. Great shows. I made a joke.

I said, you know, the roads in Huntsville, this may not be for everyone, but they have this weird road. And it's just right out in front of the club. It's like kind of an interstate, but you got to get off, get back on, make U-turns. I said, I don't know who's designing this, but I can see why we haven't been back to the moon. Hot joke. They loved it. One show, I gave it a nice pause. And then I go, if the moon's even real. And another great pop. All right. They loved it.

and there's nasa people in the audience yeah and because and they're the people who know it's not real you know what i mean like they're right up in it they're just in on the lie so when somebody somebody says it they're like ah yes it's like a a big relief for them yeah it feels good like of course if we were in a conversation they would have to go no it's real no yeah but

But I do believe the moon's real, just that we can't go there. I do believe it's real. Oh, you do believe it's real. That's quite a conception. Of course it's real, but we just can't land on it. Okay. All right. Yeah, that's quite a conception. They said we were going to go back this month, and then they were saying that last year. We're going to go back in January, and now we're not doing it. I don't think that's quite right.

Well, maybe we have different news sources, but I think the first of the year they were saying we're going to go back this year, make a trip around it in 2024 with people. 2025, we're going to land on the moon. Now they've already scrapped the 2024 trip around it. So everything's been pushed back. So regardless of the timetable, we're not going to do it now. Okay. And then India did it. But then when the footage looked like the video game Galaga, right?

Or Galactica, whatever the game was called. Yeah. India landed a rover on the moon. I don't know if it's called a rover. The footage looks bad? It does look bad. I'm not saying they didn't do it, but the footage is not a good look. Yeah.

I think we try to show it on here. It'd be like me telling you that I got into a fight and saying it's on video and then showing you Street Fighter 2. And I'd be like, no, that's me right there. And you're like, that's a cartoon. And I'm like, nah, dude. When I get into fights, I get into cartoon mode. Yeah.

Were they claiming it was video or just saying this is animation of what it looked like? I don't know. So Huntsville was good. At the end of the day, Huntsville was great. It was a great time. Great time. A lot of fun. Great club. Yeah. I love it there. There's a lot of coasters here. Coasters stacked on top of coasters around here. Well, you got two cups there. I do have two cups. That's kind of a boring coaster. What about you, Brian? What were you up to this week? You use coasters at the house?

Yeah. Well, Hannah does and tells me to do it. You don't. I could care less. I buy a lot of my furniture at, you know, a thrift store. Mm-hmm.

It's the kind of furniture that you can afford to just throw out at some point. Yeah. And I like that. The whole thing's a coaster. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's don't get ahead on furniture talk. Oh, right. This is a furniture episode. Once Nate's away, we can finally get into it. Some stuff we've been wanting to get off our chest. Yeah. I love that. You're right. Yeah, we got a furniture episode. This is fun. Save all the furniture talk. This is a little preview of what's about to happen. Right. That feels good.

I was at a venue called the Walnut House in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. The Walnut House. This is my third time to do this place. It's a great venue. Two shows. I think they were both sold out. Nice. So, yeah. Good deal. It's a great time. Oh, I'd also like to say this, though. This is something that I did. All right. Sorry. Sorry.

Back to Dusty. I did a podcast called Are You Garbage? You sure did. And I know it was shared in the Facebook group, but maybe there's more listeners. And on Reddit. And on Reddit. Oh, I didn't see it, right? You know, I'm out of Reddit now. Reddit's not kind to me. It's not kind to anyone. Yeah. But I did that episode, and your wife texted me and said it's maybe the best podcast she's ever heard.

Wow. She likes to speak it. She gets excited. But I'm just saying, I don't think she would mind me saying that. Have you ever seen her Instagram story? There's something right now that's the greatest thing. All I'm saying is she texted that to me personally, and it made me feel good. And a lot of people have said it's a hot episode. It was a hot episode. The consensus is it's one of the best episodes of that podcast, which has a lot of great episodes. Lucy said best ever that she's ever heard. So, yeah.

all podcasts, all committees. She didn't get detailed with it. Best of any type of media.

Yeah. But, you know, I felt good about it. Is this the beginning or the tail end of the Dusty Slade media blitz following the Netflix special? I don't know. I don't know how long it'll go on, but it's still happening. I'm going to make a trip to L.A. next week. Nice. So it's still going. Any other big stuff in the works? You did The Tonight Show. Anything else like that? Well, there is some stuff. I don't know that I can say yet.

Okay. But there is some stuff in the works, some stuff I'm very excited about. Okay. All right. A little teaser. Can we guess? Well, you can guess, but I won't say yes or no about it. That kind of takes the fun out of guessing. Yeah, it does. Where were you, Aaron? I was in Des Moines, Iowa. I got to tell you, Iowa.

Great state. Doesn't get talked about enough. I like it a lot. I think it's a great comedy state too. I was thinking about it. Had great shows there. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had a bad comedy experience in Iowa. Dubuque, Cedar Rapids, Des Moines, a couple other smaller cities I've done stuff in, but the Des Moines Club was great.

Sold one show out, not three. All right. One show sold out. That's big time. Yeah. Out of three shows, one of them sold out. Not bad. And it was just every show was great. The people were nice. A lot of Nate Lane people came out. It was a lot of fun. So thank you, everybody.

that came out in Des Moines. Iowa seems to be a hot Nate land place. So does Ohio, by the way. Oh yeah. And, uh, you know, that the time I brought us those longhorn gift cards, that was from a lady in Des Moines. Oh, nice. Yeah. So yeah. I wonder if she came to your show. Well, we'll never know. Yeah. Cause if somebody gave me $450,

gift cards. I don't think I'd ever bring it into y'all. I think I would not tell you about it. So just putting that out there. Who knows if I got something. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Maybe we call around to the Longhorns. Say hey to the guy. Spend 200 bucks in there on four separate gift cards.

Do you remember seeing him? Maybe. You want to hop into these comments? Yeah. Let's do it. What do you think, Dusty? You want to read them? Or Brian, you want to read them? I feel like one of y'all should do it. All right. Dusty, you want to do it or you want me to do it?

I'm not like, it's one of those days I don't like the sound of my voice today. Yeah, let me read a couple. We don't have to, I don't have to read them all. All right. You know what I mean? We can split up the duties here. Oh. You know what I mean? That'd be a first. Maybe I'll read one, then you read one. We'll take some turns. If you want to jump in on one, you know what I mean? Spread it around a bit. Okay. Well, I do want people to know.

You can read the first one, but I want people to know comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcast Reviews, and nateland at natebargatze.com. Not Brian Bates' Gmail or Brian Bates' social media. Or my Twitter. Yeah. You getting a lot of that? No, not a lot, but I will just tag Brian in it when that happens. Yeah, people ask him, hey, how can we get a comment? He'll just tag me. Let me take care of it.

All right. This is from Erica Breaker. I think it's Breaker. I like that last name, though. That sounds like a wrestling name. Erica Breaker. About to break these bones. Aaron mentioned the plane where the door flew off. I was on that plane sitting across from the hole and just wanted you guys to know that it was not a door from the inside. From the inside, it was broken.

From the inside, it was a regular seat and window. Imagine the terror of flying and a random piece of your plane rips off and you have to look at the earth below you. That does sound terrifying, but I don't know that it's any less terrifying if it's a door, a window, a piece of the wall. I think just something ripping off the plane and you being open is pretty scary.

Yeah. There's the picture right there. How crazy is it that we had somebody who was on that flight listen to the podcast? That's so crazy. Mathematically, what are the chances? Dusty, you want to calculate that for us? I think very low. I would say one in a million. I'm just going to – I have no idea how those sort of statistics work. Yeah. How many people were on that flight? 150 maybe? Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I mean, that's insane. Erica, I'm glad you're okay. And there's the picture right there. We've got a nice picture.

I'm glad you weren't sitting right there. I think it's, I'm going to disagree with you, Dusty. I think it's more terrifying that just the side of the plane flew off and not an exit door. I didn't know that. I didn't know that's what happened. I thought it was the exit door. I think that's insane. I think most people are thinking that. Imagine you're at the exit and

And then when it lands, the flight attendant comes and goes, I thought you said you could handle the duties here. Okay. I came by and I told you to read the brochure and I go, I'm looking for verbal confirmation. And you said, yes. Right.

And then here we are mid-flight, the door comes off. I think it's got to be a relief that it's part of the wall. Imagine being at the exit row and another part of the wall goes off and you're like, I don't know, should I jump into action here? She didn't ask me about row B. Should I open the door, get a little flow going through? Have you ever been a hero like that? Absolutely not. You haven't? A hero like that?

No. Like, have you ever stepped in in a situation like that? Not just on a plane, but anything in general? I think I've tried before in certain situations, but I feel like it's like it'll be all wrong to where it's like they're like, no, no, no, we don't need anything. And you're like, OK, I was trying to.

What do you mean? Like you saw somebody on the ground or something? I don't know. Like, let's say this, uh, like when, uh, you know, the tornado hit Nashville, I kind of wanted to go and help clean up. Yeah. But I feel like, you know, whenever I show up to something like that, there'll be somebody already in control and they're like, oh, we want you to just, uh, you know, pick up small sticks. And I'm just like, oh, I know I'm not out here to just pick up small sticks.

That's called being a villain. That's the opposite of a hero. Maybe you're right. But I want to be more involved. I don't want to be off to the side. I don't need to be a hero. I don't need to be on the news. But I'd rather, you know, let me help, you know, people inside see if they need, you know, take my arm or something. I don't want to. Okay. I don't want to be picking up little pieces of sheetrock out here.

You think they're going to be cleaning up while there's still people trapped? I don't know. And we need you to reach in to pull them out? I just feel like I always get that. When I used to help my church do things, I just felt like I always got the least important. They're like, why don't you go get the donuts? And I'm like,

Sounds pretty good. Yeah. It sounds important to me. I wish they would do that to me. Yeah. I've never been a hero. Far from it. If anything. Far from it. I've called some detriment, probably. So you're a villain too, then. Yeah, I guess so. But Angela Johnson, who was on our podcast a few weeks ago, I opened for her at Stardome and

Uh, in Hoover, right? Like two days after the tornadoes came through Tuscaloosa, so much damage. And she stopped and bought all these supplies. I don't know. I can't remember if she had a contact there and knew what to get. Yeah. Well, we stopped at target and bought all these supplies that apparently, uh,

maybe rescue workers need or something. And she paid for it all. And we took it to the scene. And that's cool. It was a lot of stuff. So Angela stepped up. Wow. See, I feel like you were there. I was there. You were in the room. Do you help load that into the car at all? No, I stayed in the car, but you're like, Oh man,

I'll keep the car warm. Yeah, I was listening to a podcast. I had to finish. But I feel like if I were to buy stuff like that, I'd show up and they'd go, yeah, just put it over there with the other stuff. I don't need them to pop a confetti balloon when I get there. But you want someone to go, is that Dusty Slick?

Or I just want somebody to go, hey, we really appreciate this. This is very helpful. Oh, sure. I get that. Instead of being, yeah, just put it over there with the other stuff. We don't really got time to deal with it right now. Right. I just feel like that's how people are going to react to me. Yeah. It's people's, the worst day of their life.

You'd still like it to be a little bit about you. Yes. Okay. That's fair. Or not a little bit about me, but, you know, just I don't want to be pushed to the side. Like, you know, the movie Superbad, right? They spend these two guys spend the whole day trying to get this liquor for the party. Right. And then they go through so much trouble to get it. And they finally get there with it. And they're like, yeah, we got tons of it over here.

Let's put it over there. Yeah. Sure. Or a Teen Wolf. This seems to be a theme in a lot of – like they go through so much trouble to get a keg, and then they finally get there, and they got tons of kegs. Right. You're not a hero. Well, I always reference Seinfeld. There's a Seinfeld episode where George puts a dollar – I can't remember what it was. It was a bill in the tip jar, and right when he reaches to do it, the guy looks away. He doesn't see it, and he wants the recognition. Yeah. Sure, I get that. I get that. I have told people that I tipped before.

Just want you to know. Just want you to know I put something in there. I did put some money in there. And then you can lie about how much you did. Yeah. Because they didn't see it. Put $100 in there. And they're like, we can see there's only three in there. Well, somebody took it. But I don't know what to tell you. I wasn't there. But Nate's bus driver, Ricky, was really a hero. Nate's road manager at the time started choking on food. And Ricky gave him the hoblet maneuver and saved his life. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah.

Could you do that for somebody? Could you do that for me? I, uh, when I'm going to get your arms around me and dusty together, you have to join hands to get around my stomach. Laura, come up here.

That's funny. You're filling in nicely for Nate. Listen, I see an opening and I'm like, do I want to make the joke? It'll probably be worth it. Well, I did take a infant CPR class when Eleanor was born. Oh, okay. But they also did it for adults. And she was talking about, I have a joke about this. The woman from the Red Cross teaching it talked about abdominal thrusts.

And I said, are you talking about the Heimlich maneuver? And she said, yeah, but we don't call it that anymore because Dr. Heimlich had some beliefs we don't agree with. He was a Nazi, right? I don't think that. I think that was the thing about maybe Asperger's.

You know what I was. But the bottom line is they don't call it the Heimlich maneuver anymore. Wow. It's abdominal thrust. Oh, good. You can even lose your maneuvers. Yeah. We're losing it all. So anyway. You want to? Well, I'd like to know Dr. Heimlich's views. Yeah.

I think it was, I looked it up. I think it was not anything as sinister as that. It was just about the moon landing. It was. Yeah. I think it was about a actual procedure, like the proper way to do something. And they disagree. It was like a scientific disagreement. So, so they canceled it. Wow.

So anyway, I think you shouldn't do the maneuver. If you see somebody choke and you go, you know what? I don't believe the way that Dr. Heimlich believed. So that's my joke. So it always is. Sorry. Well, don't bring it up. Well, let him punch it up for you. Shingle ladies. Let me do this one. Yeah. Joshua Heimstrider.

Friday at work, we sometimes watch a show during lunch. I picked Dusty's new Netflix special. Within eight minutes, two people had spit out food laughing and one guy choked pretty bad. Oh, perfect timing for this. How about that? Yeah. He is okay now. This is Hein Strider. I mean, that may be related. That's what I'm saying. This is all related.

The manager declared that this is not work appropriate. I guess not. However, everyone in the room asked me afterward who that comedian was. I think Dusty made some new fans. All right. I love that I'm killing in the lunchroom. Yeah. I love that. All right. Thanks, Joshua. Hein Strider. That's pretty awesome. That's awesome. I love that. Very nice. Go watch Working Man. I hope that choking. Oh, he does say he's okay now.

So I'm glad to know that. Well, that's awesome. I love that. Alex Thomason. Thomason?

Thomas on Aaron Thomas own Alex T. Aaron was wondering about other uses for hot hands technology. As a young single man, I took a lady on a date when it was cold out. I only had one hot hands packet left, so my date and I had to share it. Boom. Instant hand holding. Probably the only time I've ever looked smooth with the ladies. My friends started calling me hot palms.

I love that. That's risky, though. It's like, your hands go, put it in this pocket. It's warm in this pocket. Oh, I don't think he left it in his pocket. I think he put it in his hands. Let's share it. That's how I would do it. That's a way creepier way of doing it. That's how I would do it. It's nice and warm in this pocket. Oh, jeez. It's a hot pocket.

Well, Alex, if you plan that, I mean, that's brilliant. I think just to have one. But then there's always that. I always think, what's the possibility? She goes, nah, it's not that cold. You like apples? She's like, I'd rather do this. I'd rather just go home. Yeah, I'd rather just let's go back inside. Yeah, if she's like, it's not that cold, but then you see her doing that. You're like, you don't want to end the date. You think the date's over? David Lewicki.

Would love to get y'all's thoughts on comedians using visual or PowerPoint slides to aid in their acts. I've been seeing it more often lately, and it seems like something that might bother traditional stand-up comedians. I wonder who he's been seeing it from. There's a friend of mine. He's a Nashville comic, Ben Palmer, who moved here, and his act is –

He uses a lot of visual aids like that, and it's very funny. It's great. It's just a different type of thing. Yeah. It's not something I think I would ever do. I don't think of y'all would do.

that either but it's just a style thing well i'm against it but um not uh if you like i i think if you're a stand-up comedian then you just stand there with a microphone and do comedy but you can still be a comedian and entertainer but i do think if you're a considered a stand-up comedian then you know that's your thing but if you're uh you know you could still be in you know an entertainer where's the line what do you think can you rock

What do you mean? Like I do on stage? Yeah. Well, I mean, you don't got to stand still, but you do got to be standing. Yeah. Even people that sit down, I'm kind of like, if you're a legend, you're almost like, all right, you can do it. But I mean, I think if we're stand-up comedians, we got to be standing. I think a lot of church comedians use –

visual effects. They do. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying you can't do it, but personally, I'm not going to be doing it. Yeah. And that's what I was saying, too. It's just a style thing. And I choose not to do it. Yeah. But also, who knows? You know, I'm not too big to get a laugh any way that I can. I mean, I was told that, you know, James Gregory would used to he once hit a guy's

puppet that used a puppet and the guy you know couldn't do his act because he lost his puppet yeah but i can you know i've lost my voice and still did my show and i thought it was a very good show i did a weekend recently with with i lost my voice

And I was very hoarse, but luckily my voice is already a little raspy anyway. Yeah. They couldn't even tell. Uh, so I still, I did four shows in, in, uh, Spokane, uh, not feeling very good. And, uh, I think I crushed it. You guys plan on ever retiring from comedy?

Next week. If I ever sell out three shows in Huntsville, I think I'm done at that point. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not even like that's a personal and also like a financial decision. And like neither in neither department am I even thinking about that in any way. What about you? I mean, you're getting there. So you're going to have to decide. If it's a financial decision,

Maybe I should use Robin Hood. Dang. Boom. Hey, dude. Didn't even see it coming. You played the long game. Did you know that was happening when you... I did. Did you know that even if you have a full... They're playing you all week. Well, hold on, Brian. I got to read this verbatim. So can you just hold off on the comments? All right.

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Robin Hood Gold gets you the most for your retirement thanks to their IRA with a 3% match. This offer is good through... Wait, he wasn't? Oh, his wife and sex. Okay, okay. During his act, Aaron had several very funny bits about the city of Columbus. It got me wondering, how do you guys go about creating material for a specific place? Has it ever backfired and upset the audience? Oh, man. I don't remember...

what Adam's talking about. I don't remember what I said. I think I said, good to be here in Columbus. And then I kind of moved on from there. But I don't know. That's very nice of you, Adam. Thank you. I'm glad everybody enjoyed the show. I don't know. I feel like I need to do more of that. I see some comics. I had Monty Mitchell. You know Monty? National guy. Very funny. He was with me this weekend in Iowa. And he...

We went to the state capitol in Des Moines, and that night he talked about the state capitol building for like nine minutes on stage, doing great, getting big laughs. I was like, how do you do that? Monty's great. Some guys are great at doing that. I don't feel like I'm one of those guys, so I don't talk about where I'm at.

that much. I mean, I was with Nate in Tacoma when he did the dead horse and the Mount Rainier that day. And I was blown away by crazy how great it was. Very first time he told it. I think for me, it's like some cities I go to something happens and I'm like, Oh, I got something. This is great. Uh, but other times it's like, yeah, I mean, I,

For me, I've walked around Columbus and I like Columbus. I don't find there to be anything particularly funny about it. I do like the city. Yeah. But as I'm walking around, I'm like, there's nothing really to make fun of here. Some place, like when I was in Tacoma, I made fun of like how I went walking down one side of town and it got real sketchy and people seem to agree. They enjoyed it, you know? But yeah, I did the Huntsville thing. It's like, but.

I don't know. Just if something's funny, but it's like, you know, you go to like a real rundown place. I don't want to be trash in the city. Right. Like your city's crap. You know that, right? Because people will like it, but it just, some people won't. And it just, I don't like it. It doesn't feel good. More than once, because I know Tennessee,

pretty well yeah i've been to a small town in tennessee where i've made references to things there that they didn't know about oh like i knew too much yeah and i thought these jokes are gonna kill and then they just stare at me you start doing research on the city and then you're like you know yeah yeah one of them was i did a christmas party in lewisburg tennessee and i when i grew up lewisburg is a very small town there was a guy who made it

I think all the way to the majors from Lewisburg. He was my age. And, and, and I thought this guy is going to be a hometown hero. And I started talking about him. Nobody knew who I was talking about. Not one person. Wow. Now, granted that was 35 years ago, but, uh, I'm like, Oh boy, there's a car that came through Nashville recently. He was like, I got some good jokes about your new mayor. And, uh,

Nobody knows who the mayor is. Yeah. Nobody knows anything about the mayor. Nah. I don't know how much you think we know about stuff. Yeah. Not a lot. All I know about the old mayor is that he raised all our taxes. That's all I know about him. And I don't like him. Well, the last mayor was a woman.

No, no. No, the laugh. Come on. Come on, guys. We just got a laugh. We could have convinced them that was true. Well, come on. Get with it, guys. It's two mayors ago. Again, that's because I'm too- And she's great. She's a big comedy fan. She is. I met her. We met her at Zany's a few times. Yeah. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Y'all just want to keep going? Yeah. You don't want me to shut it down? Nah. I just need to blow my nose. Okay. Well- Yeah, I think we all want that. Okay. Well, I'll just go on with Jasmine Lozano. Yeah. Yeah.

I've noticed that Brian has been corrected for putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable multiple times. My mom does this too. She says six flags instead of six flags. I don't get it. I don't know how to read that. And after correcting her for decades, I've just given up. I think you read it correctly.

I think the emphasis is supposed to be on six. Oh, six flags instead of six flags. Yeah, maybe not quite that strong, but yeah, that's the point they're making. Six flags. I don't know how to do it, but yeah, okay. So she just really wants to let you know there's flags there, but it doesn't really matter how many. I could see me doing that. How would you say it? I mean, I could see it being like her mom, like six flags. Yeah.

Instead of six. Let's see. I can't even. I don't. Yes. Yeah. I guess I get it. Like the thing. Foo fighters. That's right. Yeah. There was one other day that Aaron. Aaron, what was that word you corrected me on just the other day? What do you mean? Which one? Where I put emphasis on the wrong word.

Oh, you do it all the time. Oh, okay. Well, that cleared it up. You added a... I feel like you added a syllable to a word the other day, but I don't know about the emphasis. I feel like I've been fighting this thing. I just want somebody... I don't know if this is medically possible. I want someone to just poke a hole in my face and just let it kind of drain out. I think it's the cats. You get cats. It's not cats, though. I've had cats for a while, and it's just... You got a new one, though. I got a new one, I mean, four months ago, dude.

I was on a plane the other day. I had a full-size lab across the... Really? No cage, just hanging out. And everybody is across from me. All the flight attendants are acting like they'd never seen a dog before. Was it a friendly dog? Did it behave itself? It was fine. Okay. But my sinuses were just on fire the whole time. Just from a dog being there? Yeah. Maybe that is what's happening. I'm ready to move to a pet-less society.

What's the country where they have no pets? Is there one? I've never heard that. I think you're going to have to. Antarctica? Where they have no pets or they're not allowed to have pets? Either way. I think you're going to have to give away some freedoms if you want to live in a place where you're not allowed to have pets. Yeah, that's true. We might need to pick up the pace on some of these. Okay, my bad, my bad, my bad. Look at us, dude. Sorry about that. We're used to a two-hour podcast. I know. We're used to really stretching out.

Kyle Scott, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, how often do you guys find yourself bombing in front of an audience? Bates, you can take this one. Does it happen often? Do you bomb less as you get more chances to do stand-up? How do you recover from bombing in front of an audience? On a serious note, I appreciate you all persisting through those times when you bomb. Look, bombing happens all the time. You have bad sets. I don't think...

Like the sort of caricature of a bomb where it's like just a disaster. That's few and far between. And as you get better at comedy, you just learn how to handle that better. And I think you're in fewer situations where that's possible, where like the setup is a nightmare. Like that corporate gig I had a few weeks ago. Yeah. Those don't happen that often. But yeah, you still, you know...

Not every set's great. Yeah, because I don't bomb in the traditional sense at all anymore. But I've also invented a wave and I say we're having a good time, which helps me a lot. Yes. I have some situations like you're talking about corporate gig where it's like it's a tough situation. But even then, I'm not bomb.

But I got so much material now that I've developed over the years to where I'm like, all right, this is not working. Maybe sometimes I think I get a little, can get a little weird, whereas like people know me, they buy tickets to come see me. And then I'm in a corporate environment where it's like, there's a chance that nobody or only a few people in the audience know who I am. Yeah, yeah. And now they're like, what's this guy doing? So I go back to some of the older stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, my last two bombs have been two of my higher paying corporate gigs. You think there's going to be the best, but often they're not. Well, the buyers I find in those situations know your comedy, love you. They enjoy you. So they reach out and they get you hired. And then, you know, you just... Nobody else does. You're just dealing with a room full of people that may not even be fans of comedy. And oftentimes a corporate gig, it's like...

they're in there listening to people talk all day. So even though you're funnier at talking than the rest of the people, they're still tired of hearing talking. Yeah, right. Yeah, I agree. And then some guys coming in talking about, you know, you drink a lot and they're like, okay, well, we still drink a lot. Okay. I'm blacked out right now. I've pooped in a David's bridal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We are David's bridal. Okay.

Who's turn? Elijah Brown. I'm nearly 40 years old. How old is too old to start a career and stand up? Two in a row for Brian. Am I crazy for wanting to pursue this? Yes. I say this. If you have kids that are young, yes.

If you're single, go for it. Well, I was going to say the same thing. I started when I was 35, but I was single. To me, that's more important than your age is your family situation. If you have young kids. Your life situation. Your life situation. Your job and everything. Because you're not going to just become a star overnight. It's going to take a long time. You're not going to make any money. It took me, I mean, really from the time I went full time, it took me.

you know, four years to make any kind of money, but I was already doing it, you know, six years prior to going full time. So you're looking at 10 years before I actually was making any money with comedy. But I do have, I'll offer a counter to that. In Nashville alone, I can think of people who,

have great jobs and a family and they come to open mics and they've gotten very funny and they get to do shows and travel a little bit and, uh, and, and enjoy doing comedy and their kids hate them. No, I mean, I'm thinking of like, uh, Bo, uh,

Our friend Bo, who was a doctor, and he has adult children now. Yeah, he has adult kids. Yeah, I guess 40, you might not have adult children. Yeah, Bo is also, I think, retired, and has made himself a ton of money, probably. I don't know his bank account, but he probably made himself a ton of money. At 40, his kids could be close to grown. Could be. And then that would make it easier. I mean, Brian Covington is a very funny comic here in Nashville. He's got great shows, but he's got a great family life. Right.

And his wife comes to a lot of his shows. She does. Very supportive. So that's a big part of it too. Is your wife like into it? And does she understand how much you'll be gone? Right. So I think the short answer is no, it's not too old, but it's going to cause, depending on your life situation, it's going to force you to make some sacrifices with your time. And ask yourself, are you an alcoholic? You know what I mean? Because if you are, it's going to get worse. Yeah.

That's for sure. I ask myself that every day. How about this last name, Brian? I want to see you tackle this. This is crazy. Cosmo Krumenknocker. I think so. Okay. I like it. I think it's fantastic. Cosmo is a great name. Yeah. Cosmo Kramer. Cosmo Kramer. That's a reference to that? I don't know.

Is it my turn to read? Yeah, I think so. I saw Dusty at the Tempe Improv. A few hours before the show, I got the wild idea to dress like Dusty to just sit in the crowd and laugh and enjoy the show. My wife talked me out of it, but I am really regretting listening to her now. Just wanted to know what Dusty would think of performing in front of a crowd full of imitators. Would you be into it? Well, I'll tell you this. I've done shows all over the place, and people sometimes will go, some of the wait staff will go,

Oh, there's people in the audience dressed like you. And then I'll make a joke about it and then get no real reaction. And then after the show, find out they're not dressed like me. That's just how they dress. Yeah.

So a lot of people. He was a homeless guy who wandered in. Yeah, a lot of people look like me. And depending on where you're at, when I go to Florida, there'll be a lot of people in the audience that looks like me. And it's like, people just look like this. And that's what, when people think I'm ripping off Judah Friedlander out here, it's like a lot of people look like me. And, but. What about that guy?

But yeah, I mean, this Cosmo, but once in a while people do dress like me and I am into it. I wouldn't mind if the whole audience was dressed like me. I'd go, well, at least these guys are my fans and let's get into it. It's about to get weird in this show because you're into what I do. There was a guy in Lexington at your show that we did that was very much like you. Oh, yeah. Oh, he even had the belt with the name on it. Yeah. You have a very easily. I don't know the word.

It's easy to do you. Yeah. Costume-wise. Yeah, because you have a good time. You dress like me and then you go, this is fun. But if you had to dress up as me or Brian or even Nate, what would you even do? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know that there would be a...

I mean, if you dress like you, you're like almost dressing like me. But, you know, you got a hat and a beard. Right. Some of those leaves you've been collecting. Yeah. Maybe turn the hoodie around backwards, put some popcorn in the hoodie. That was an old reference. Oh, yeah. Were you saying like a fat suit? Is that what you meant just now? Maybe. Yeah, stuff some leaves. Yeah. One of the sumo wrestler suits.

All right. Those are the comments. Thank you, everybody. Let's get into it. We've got some time. We've got a good 10 minutes to talk about furniture. We're going to stretch out a little bit. Yeah, we are. All right. This week, we're talking about furniture.

I got to ask you guys, when you come home and have a hard night, hard week, whatever, do you have a place that is your designated place to sit? I don't. And I wish I did because I feel like that was a hallmark of my childhood was my dad had his chair, right? Yeah. Come home and you sit in your chair. It's a recliner. Like a lazy boy. Yeah. Yeah. And it looked like just that feeling must be great. I've never had that.

And I wish I did. Do you have a chair, Dusty? Now, this is what I do. I come home after a hard weekend on the road and my wife goes, here, take this baby. And I need to do something with myself. I've been here with kids all weekend and I need just a little bit of time to be myself. And then so I'm on the couch, if I'm lucky, with two kids. And it's great. I love it. I do love it. But yeah, I mean, it's like, oh, I'm tired. She's like, well...

She's like, I'm tired of you. You've been out hanging out with your buddies. Having a blast. Having a blast. And I've been here. And she's like, I love being with the kids, but I'm, you know. You need a break, everybody. I need a break. Do you have a chair, Brian? No, I have a spot on the couch, but. A spot on the couch? That's where you take all your videos. I've seen your spot on the couch. Oh, I think I know the spot on your couch, too. Your dog and your daughter there. Yeah, and at the end, right, with the armrest there. Yeah. I got to say, I think a couch is overrated. Yeah.

That's going to surprise the two of y'all that I think that. Yeah. But wouldn't you rather have three individual seats? Yeah. Than a couch. I mean, I do have some comfortable chairs. We have a. What are you talking about? You don't want an armrest with each arm? I have an armrest on the couch. You want to sit that close? Let's say you have to put three people on the couch. You want to sit that close to another person? Well, I mean. Well, maybe there's five. There's not three adults at our house. Okay. Then why have a couch?

Sometimes I like to sit there and then if there's nobody out, I'll just stretch out and keep watching television. Lay down? Yeah. Okay. Before I got married, I had this set up going. I had a couch and I had taken all the back cushions off and then I had a king-size blanket that

that I would put on it. And then I could lay on one part of the king size blanket and then pull the other side over me. So I created like a little pocket and then I would have a pillow. And then I had a wireless keyboard and mouse where I had, and then I had a big monitor for a computer and I could just kick back, watch YouTube videos and, you know,

And just for hours. And that was before I was married, before I had kids. And I could just do that. So maybe you're right about sitting on a couch, but the whole laying, watching TV on a couch, I mean, that is where it's at. And this was back when YouTube was great. I mean, you watch some crazy video. You watch a crazy video and then it rolls you right into the next one.

Now you watch a crazy video. The next one is some mainstream media plug in and there. And I'm like, well, I'm not trying to watch this. I'm trying to get away from this. About the moon land. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, I, you know, I learned a lot of things. Right. Right. Yeah. I remember dude, the best couch you ever had. I remember sophomore year of college, a friend of mine's older brother had a couch at his apartment and he was like, I'm graduating.

if y'all want this couch you can have it for free and we showed up thinking it'd be this you know little futon or whatever we walk in it's the nicest couch it's like too nice for a college kids apartment yeah probably 1400 1500 couch

And we were like, oh, dude, it was huge. It took up half our dorm room, but we carried that thing back. Oh, you're in a dorm room? And we carried it to our dorm room. And it was, I mean, the envy of the whole floor. Yeah. They have this nice couch. It wasn't big enough. They had to do it on a tilt. Well, I mean, I brought a tape measure. It barely fit in the room.

And I think it actually compromised how far the door could open. But it was one of those like we're willing to make the sacrifice. It's that nice of a couch. And I actually retract my statement about couches early because I'm remembering how good it felt to just lounge on, get zontal on that couch, dude. Yeah. After class or something. I'm thinking that's the problem. The couch was too good for.

And now no couch compared to that memory. Couches are overrated. Oh, man, that was a great couch. We used to go back and just watch Maury after class. Underrated show. I miss that couch. I love the show. There's like a screenwriting. I was listening to some person talk about screenwriting. And they're talking about when you're combing through your life for things, like stories about your life, a good way to think about it is the cars that you've driven.

Think about all the cars you've driven, and that'll place you in your head in those different times of your life. But I think it works for couches, too. Oh, yeah. Because even just talking about it is taking me back, and I'm thinking about all the times I spent on that couch. That's interesting. I do want to do that now. I've done it with cars. Yeah. I do it with music. But I've had a lot of couches, too. I've lived in a lot of places. Yeah. I'm guessing, I mean, what?

wild a wild range of quality of couches for you too you know we had a couch one time that we sewed or we sawed the back legs off of it you know those little ones yeah we sawed those off so that it would have a little tilt to it and had a real like when you sat in it you really lean back in it oh a tilt backwards yeah okay i'll say tilt forward sounds like a

nightmare. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A real tilt backwards. Yeah. Have you ever in the time of your life, the couch has been your bed?

Yeah, to some degree. Yeah. Growing up, I lived in a two bedroom trailer with four people altogether. So the couch was your bed? Yeah. For a long time. Yeah. I just meant as an adult, like you ever had a... Not some sad, poor childhood idiot. Yeah. We're looking for more like fun stuff. I thought I'd be like in your twenties, me and a bunch of buddies. And that was my... But no, that was your childhood. Nah, never as an adult.

No, I didn't. My senior year of college, I had just a mattress on the floor. That's about as close as I've gotten. I've had a mattress on the floor a couple of times. Yeah, sad looking. When you had a couch in your dorm room, did you guys have bunk beds? My sophomore year, I had a quad. So we had a common room in between. So we put bunk. We actually lofted.

the beds and each side of it. So in the middle, you just had room for the couch and a TV or whatever you wanted in there. And half that room was that couch. I mean, it was so like deep that it was cumbersome in a lot of ways, but it was awesome, man. Oh, I see. I had a, I lived in a house when I first moved to Nashville and I had a queen size mattress and box springs and the stairwell was so small that I couldn't get the box spring up. So Joe Kelly helped me. We sawed

the box springs and folded it and then carry it up the stairs and then unfolded it out. It worked great. Really? Yeah. It's awesome. Folded the couch in half. Yeah. No, no, not couch. Box springs. The box springs. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. What's the longest you've ever had a mattress?

Oh, gosh. I have a joke about it. I mean, I had a mattress that I think my sister gave to me. I bought a trailer that she used to live in, and I think the mattress was still in there. Who knows how long they had it.

And then I had it for a couple of years in that trailer. And then I took it to Charleston and it moved with me several places. And this was when I was an alcoholic and I was living a rough life. And a lot of things happened to that mattress. And I moved from one place to another and I flew off the back of the truck, landed on a bridge, got ran over. I picked it up. It was all bent up. And I kept that.

Until I quit drinking, I had that mattress and I threw that mattress in a dumpster and it was so worn out that when I threw it in the dumpster, it was able to just fold over. I mean, I bet I had, what would that, that would have been 2012. I bet I had it for, you know, 20.

14 years. Yeah. And then who knows how long it had been around before then. Yeah. Decades. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, my like a older brother's bed when I took his room, when he moved out, that mattress was still around. I think it's still in my parents' house. Yeah. I mean, 30 years, maybe. Oh man. Yeah. Maybe. I guess now. Yeah. Just flip it over every now and then. Anytime it feels weird, just flip it over, dude. Flip it on its side.

Whatever you need to do. The average age of a mattress is seven years. Okay. Seven. They do gain weight over time. Oh, they gain a lot of weight. Mine was very heavy and flimsy. You can only guess why they gain weight. Skin cells, dust mites. That's for the mattress. What makes them. Yeah. Yeah. Back to couches. I don't know if there's a difference between a sofa and a couch.

I wouldn't be able to tell you. I feel like it would be in the north, they call it a sofa. In the south, we call it a couch. That's what I would think. A sofa's average life expectancy is 2,958 days. That's roughly eight years. A sofa's life expectancy? Okay. Sofas never end. Yeah. We eat on average 13 times a month. We eat on the couch.

Yeah. It's a little low. Yeah. I want to say I'm on, I'm on the right end of that bell curve for sure. Yeah. I would only say 13 because I'm gone. A good bit of days. Yeah. Is there a piece of furniture that you've always wanted for your house that you've yet to get besides the walk-in cooler? I guess that would be furniture. Yeah. Uh,

Man, I don't know. I'd like a lazy boy. There's no room in my house right now to have a lazy boy chair, but I would want a throne. Every man needs a throne in his house, right? Yeah, I would like that too. Just to kick back. You tell the kids you're not allowed on it. Just sit there and complain about stuff. Just be... Yeah. It sounds great. I would like that. I got a small recliner that I like, but a nice... Thinking about it, I may go get one. Yeah.

I got a Netflix special now. I may go get it. There you go. Yeah, you can go get it and share it if you want it. I don't have a Lexus SUV that a lot of people in the Nateland Facebook group think I have. Should we clarify that? Yeah, let's clear it. Dusty and I did a video.

with Rated Red, where we ate hot chicken around Nashville. In the video, Dusty picks me up in a Lexus. Yeah. And there are a lot of comments, can't believe Dusty's driving a Lexus. Didn't strike me as a Lexus SUV guy. Mm-hmm.

But what's the real story about that? Well, you know, the rated red people had the Lexus all wired up with cameras. The GoPros and microphones and everything. So I just drove their car. Yes. So that wasn't Dusty's personal car in the video. That needs to be made clear. Yes. Yeah. I have a Toyota Tacoma. I have a Mercedes SUV.

And a lot of times, a lot of times I'm driving a Toyota Corolla out here. Yeah. I love that car. We call it the zipper. I can just zip around in that thing and it is great. I don't worry about getting it dinged up. Right. It's been dinged up a bit. You've been in some wrecks with it? Not wrecks, but it gets dinged up. Well, if you haven't seen the video, it's a very funny video that these guys are in. So go check it out.

Check that out. It is funny. It turned out very, very good. And I know when you're not eating hot chicken, you're eating HelloFresh. Yeah, I don't even like to eat a lot of fried chicken, but I do do it, though. Hello, folks, to HelloFresh.

That's nice. Yeah.

And I had a spot. Now, it's got to stay there because I drilled giant holes in the wall to hang a TV hanger. Yeah. And I never wanted to move it. But, yeah. I mean, I like the TV to be in a hot spot, you know? High up. Yeah.

Or the wall? High as it can get. It's a bit of a... The wall kind of starts to tilt a bit. For the last few years, I've been obsessed with this subreddit called TV Too High. Okay. Where they basically roast people who have their television too high in their house. Now, ideally...

The television should be eye level, right? And you shouldn't have to look back like you're at an IMAX. Right. You don't want to hurt your neck. The problem is the instinct is to put the television right above a fireplace or on the mantle. But that's usually too high. So we have to rethink that. This subreddit is a blast, dude. Mine's not that high. It's completely changed. Think about that particular height.

I'd say that's a common height. Oh, geez. Don't show that one. My bad. My bad, everybody. We won't show that. Let me find a good example. All of these have been fine so far. Well, hold on. Okay. I didn't know what that was. Yeah, yeah. This is Reddit, so I'm sorry. Here's a good example. That's too high. But let's go back to that one for a second. If you have that view,

Don't be watching TV. Exactly. Put it on a different wall. Yeah. Now, I'd say even here, I'll say this. The television's pretty high.

in Nate's place, but they have a mount that you can pull down. Yeah, they have a nice adjustable. You can pull it down to get at a good height, right? But this has totally changed the way I go to friends' houses and I just not judge, but I'm so aware. This is like perfect height for me. Yeah, I think so. Right here. Yeah. Right above. I mean, it's mounted. It doesn't even need to be mounted. It's right above the television stand.

That's where you want it. I agree. Our TV is above the mantle, above the fireplace. Oh, it is. It's it's,

Now, in our defense, though, we cut the back legs off our couch so it tilts. Exactly. So we're kind of looking directly at it. Exactly. That's what you want to do. I was listening to that. How much of a tilt? Was that a joke? That was a callback to Dusty's. I know. You know Ruth ain't having the legs cut off the couch. Eleanor with a salt. Yeah. One of those Adirondack chairs. Yeah.

Well, I was just going to say, I looked up TVs, current prices, because I had no idea. And of course, there's a lot of deals right now for the Super Bowl. That's when they try to get you. The most expensive TVs I could see that you could buy like in a normal store, like Best Buy or whatever, was $5,000. $5,000. And what is it? Like,

Like 98 inch, 4K, 5K, whatever the top K is. What kind of room are you dealing with when you have a 98 inch TV? You ever go to somebody's house and they have a huge TV, but the living room's real small? It's like, you don't need this. Why are we? I can't see. I agree. I need sunglasses to watch TV. I want to turn my head to see stuff on TV. Yeah.

You remember when the TV's had a little bend on it for a second? I feel like they were trying to make that a thing. Curves. Maybe they still are. Now, computer monitors, they still make curved in a lot of ways. If you get a big, you can get a huge, wide monitor that's curved, that kind of envelops you in it. Oh, yeah. That's fun. It's tougher to do in a TV situation. I read where desk chairs were basically invented by Charles Darwin. Oh, okay.

He was doing a lot of research and he wanted wheels on his chair so he could quickly go back and forth on his stuff. From what to what, do you think? He said a bunch of desks? From a beaker to, I don't know, whatever Charles Darwin was doing. He's trying to help in that evolution of hunching our backs. That's right. I thought that was interesting. That is interesting. Yeah, he never gets credit for that. He just gets...

credit for other stuff. Do you guys ever check into a hotel and be like, what is this? Oh, all the time. I've been chronicling this a little bit on social media. It's been a lot of fun for me. I've just had a lot of bad hotel furniture lately. I think it's dusty every time. I think it's not plugged in up there. What is it?

Sometimes I'll check into a hotel and there'll be like a desk and a couch and I'll be like, oh, this is awesome. I got a lot of places to sit. And then I spend the entire weekend sitting on the bed. Of course. Now, what do you think about this chair? I was at a hotel and this was just set up in the corner.

It looks like an ottoman they kind of threw a half of a back onto. They're like, we got all these ottomans and all these extra backrest. And I want to go, what do you expect anyone to do? You can't even set a suitcase on it. Yeah. It's just a waste. Here's another one.

This is a bit of a fainting couch. I mean, this took up half of a Hampton Inn. This is, I think they call this a chaise lounge. And this is not a particularly good design. Are you serious? I think so. I've never heard of a chaise lounge. Is that how you say it? A chaise? I think it's chaise. Oh, yeah. I've heard of that. A bit of a debate. I would have turned around.

For sure. But this is like a long it looks almost like a therapist chair, but there's only a back on one side of it. And you go, what do you envision? This is the kind of thing for Brian, like sitting on the end of the couch. He's got one armrest. Well, you want to ask like the whoever designed this hotel room. What do you envision me doing? I get in.

I don't know what they expect me to do with my suitcase, but I just sit on that like Kate Winslet in Titanic. That's what I think of when it paid me like one of your French girl. This is what it looks like. This is what I think was happening. They are on some kind of website for hotel furniture, and they're clicking along, and they go, ooh, this is on sale. And then they're 50% off. That's all the thought. And they're like, ooh, we could get a lot of these. They're like, it looks good. I don't think that looks good.

At all. I'm saying. What hotel is this? I don't remember. An upscale hotel? No. Because it looks like somebody trying to look more upscale. Middle of the road. I would say middle of the road. Yeah. This is like a Hampton Inn level right around there. It could be placed on the wall in a way that it shouldn't be in this corner like that.

It should be up against the wall. Well, here's what you do. You take it out. And then my reaction would have been, wow, this hotel room is very spacious. Yeah. Instead of it's cramped. And I don't know what that is in the corner. Yeah. You know, if you guys were president, how would you decorate the White House? Like, what's one dusty sleigh touch? I think about this a lot because I watch the West Wing all the time and they talk about a little bit. When you show up and you get the Oval Office, you can put anything you want in it.

basically any national museum. You can go take whatever you want, just put it in the Oval Office. So here's, this is what Joe Biden's looks like right now. You can get any paintings you want in there, any desk, any furniture. You can arrange the couches any way you want.

What would you have in there? I'd get some old couches and I'd get some lava lamps and probably some Salvador Dali paintings. And I'd make it look like real like a stoner kind of room there. And just be like my trailer looked in the early 2000s.

Some blinds. Yeah, some blinds. Just old. Instead of the door, those beads that men walk through. Yeah, and just like an old rug. Fabric poster of Jimi Hendrix. Yeah, no paint. I said Salvador Dali paintings. I mean posters. Oh, posters. I'd get like that Pink Floyd one with all the women sitting on the side of the tub. Right. And not framed. Not framed. Duct tape. Duct tape or thumbtacks. Yeah. Yeah.

Thumbtacks in the oval. And a lot of holes in the paint poster where you can see you've moved it a lot. Maybe some empty liquor bottles on the shelf. On the shelf. Yeah. Yeah.

And not even an expensive liquor brand. Just something you're proud of. Evan Williams, early times. Maybe like Jack Daniels honey. Something fun. Yeah, yeah. And you don't remember the good times you had. Yeah. Take down all those statues from the Museum of Modern Art. Or put like a beanie on this head. Right. Some sunglasses. Sure. Maybe a mini fridge. Yeah. You'd go to Goodwill and get you some stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Desk wise, no desk. You just be on the couch. Yeah. Maybe a folding table where we would be playing beer pong. Folding table. Yeah. This desk. This is the most famous desk probably of all time. You know what this desk is called? The presidential desk right here. The Roosevelt.

Pretty darn close to the Resolute desk. Oh, wow. Have you heard that? No. Before, this is the desk that most of the modern presidents have used, though you can choose. Some people chose not to use it. It was made from, like I said, I can't remember. The Resolute was a ship. Who chose not to use it? Yeah. And what did they do with it? Put it in the closet? Yeah. There's a lot of storage at the White House. You go, I'd rather not use that particular desk. Oh, it weighs 1,300 pounds. Yeah.

And there's a red button used to call AIDS. There's a red button that you've probably heard of a red button on the desk. It became famous for people thinking it was like, that's the nuclear button. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Right, where you want to launch nukes at Russia, you just hit the button. But really all it's ever done is just call AIDS.

somebody to come in yeah though the legend is and is that trump just it was just a diet coke button oh yeah he would press it and then somebody would come in with a diet coke on a silver platter and he would press that all the time and who wouldn't do that's what i'm saying if you're the president like you're like i got some things like you may maybe maybe a little quirky thing what would your red button be on your fold-out table oh man what would my red button be

Let me think about that. I don't know. Someone to come change the TV. You know, like the old school days, my dad had a little intercom at his house. Yeah. And he had a satellite dish. Mm-hmm. And he had remotes for everything, but there was one button that he would have to push to go turn the satellite dish off to go back to regular TV that he didn't have a button for. So he would hit the intercom. He'd go, hey, come in the living room. And I'd come in. He goes, push that button up there. Yeah.

So that's what you would have. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Here's me at the Resolute desk. Wow. And that's not the real one, obviously. That's at the George Bush Presidential Library in Dallas, Texas. But they have a full-size replica of the Oval Office in there.

And they let you sit at the Resolute desk. I got to tell you, you do feel powerful. Yeah. Yeah, you look powerful. I think the desk, I think all of that, the chair, all of that is important because you sit in it and you're like, all right. That's a nice desk. I may keep the desk. Okay. But still do beer pong of sorts on the desk. Beer pong on the Resolute desk. I don't drink anymore, but just the idea. We would just do it with sweet tea or whatever. Well, nobody plays beer pong with beer anymore.

Oh, yeah. Too sanitary. Now they play with just water in the cups, and you drink a beer while you play. But nobody's filling the cups up with beer anymore. That's weak. That's weak.

I think it's much cleaner. That's what it's all about. Overall better experience. It is about the bit of the germs too. You know, it's like, Hey, you're like, you know, when, when somebody hits it, it's not only is it a punishment that you have to drink the beer, but you also, you know, you have to drink the germs, you know, be better at the game. Right.

And we would always put it in its own solo cup of water and run it around. Yeah. That's how you clean it off. For half a second, maybe take it out. Yeah. That's how you clean it off. Yeah. There was no COVID back then when we were doing that. Sure. What about a pool table? Would you consider that furniture? No, I don't think so. I think the way, what is, what would you, what would the definition of furniture? I think it's, you have to interact with it in some like sit in it or on it or.

I would say yes to a pool table being furniture. Furniture? TV wouldn't fit that definition. I don't think TV is furniture. Oh, you don't? No. Okay. But I think like your couch and everything in relation to where the TV set up is a furniture discussion. But TV has gone through this evolution to where at some point, you know, TV used to be in a big wooden box that sat on the floor. So it was kind of, it was almost like the Resolute desk. Yep.

And it was that heavy. And now, you know, it just can hang on the wall. So it might have lost its furniture status. That's true. Because as a kid, that's where we put a lot of stuff on. Yeah. It was the big. My mom had her Christmas village on top of the TV. You know, she had set up all her little houses. My grandmother had on top of a grand piano. And there was a million things on top of that. Oh, yeah. Picture frames, plants. Is that furniture?

The way she was using it. And you do sit down at the piano. You do sit down. I guess the piano seat is furniture, but not the piano. Right. I guess by that definition, a guitar is furniture. Yeah. Yeah. A flute. Yeah. I don't think you go to a furniture store looking for a saxophone. You got flutes in here, guys? You don't have flutes at a furniture store. Are you kidding me? What about a pinball machine? Same thing? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think pinball machines furniture, but there's something about a pool table. I get it. You got the wooden, you got wooden, you got leather pockets. And we have a nice pool, a nice pool table. Yeah. Ping pong table. No, no. Yeah. It have to be very nice. I might put a ping pong table in the oval office.

I'd be fun. There's plenty of room in there and that's kind of a fun, you know, when world leaders come, you make decisions based on who wins the ping pong match. Well, you go, it's a fun icebreaker. Yeah. You know, bring a king of over whatever and you go, let's play a little game real quick. Yeah. You know, it'll help.

North Korea, they love ping pong. If we had a ping pong table in the Oval Office, I find it easy to believe that presidents have putted balls in the Oval Office, right? Into a nice glass. What's the difference between that and a ping pong table? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're probably right. I think a stairmaster or treadmill is probably one of the... It becomes furniture. Sure, sure, sure. I just got a treadmill in front of my desk.

Oh, yeah. Because I have a standing desk. Oh, yeah. Which are increasingly common, I think. But I have one in my house and I just leave it up and I put a walking pad. It's called a treadmill that you can't run on it, basically. Yeah.

But, dude, it's awesome, man. I think it's going to change my life. We have a treadmill at home that we use. I mean, we love it. We love our treadmill. We use it all the time. Do you put it on a desk in front of it or anything? We have a TV. We have a TV that's too high. Yeah. Just walking like that all day. Yeah. But I'll sit there, and I got to answer emails or something or whatever. I'll just walk as I'm doing it. And you kind of forget that you're doing it, man. Yeah. And I'll walk eight miles.

I don't believe you're even rapping the whole time. Just doing stuff. Losing yourself. Just doing whatever. How'd Mom's Spaghetti get up here? You have a lot of misspellings because you're walking and hitting the inter? I did have to find the right speed to walk at where it was possible to type. Because when you walk as fast as you want to walk, I can't do anything on the computer. Yeah.

If I'm at about 2.6 miles per hour, I can work and not even realize I'm walking. That's awesome. Yeah, it's pretty great. I mean, they say sitting is the new smoking. Sitting is the new smoking. Have you heard that, Dusty? I guess, but not nearly as cool, though.

I had someone message me about how much they were disappointed in my special that I had glorified cigarettes. And I'm like, do you not really get the irony of what I'm saying here? I mean, I'm pretending as if I'm glorifying cigarettes, but I'm also being like, I quit. You know, if I thought cigarettes were so great, would I have quit?

Yeah. I like doing it, but obviously it's horrible for you. Of course. It made me feel awful. Of course. Yeah. Do I love it? Yeah, of course I do. But is it cool? Yeah. Yeah. Should you be watching Dusty Special for health advice? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. Do you know that we put out that clip of the green beans, the Western Sizzling Green Beans? Uh-huh. And people are arguing about how much they eat the green beans at a buffet. Yeah.

I'm not saying you don't have some sometimes, but you don't go, you know what? The Golden Corral has really good green beans. They're not the star of the show. Yeah, I think I'd like to pop in there and get the green beans. And they're like, why were they refilling them? And I'm like, I don't know. Over time, maybe they get dehydrated. They dry out in the bottom and you got to pour some more in there. It's like, don't try to argue with the jokes here. McDonald's has cinnamon rolls.

Yeah. I'm sure they're good. And you may get it once in a while. You may get it once in a while. But if they take cinnamon rolls off the menu, nobody's going, well, there's no reason to go to McDonald's anymore. Exactly. That's all we're saying. People love to argue. I know. I'm just saying, don't act like. Now, you're in there fanning the flames, though. Let's be honest. Of course. Yeah, of course. You love it. Don't stop arguing. Yeah. Well, that's probably a good place to wrap it up. You think so? We probably need to. Okay. Let's do it.

Dusty, where are you going to be this weekend? Well, this weekend. I just want to say I love everybody. Should we just say that? Yeah. I feel like when Nate's not here sometimes when it ends, I feel weird about. The way it wraps? No, not the way it wraps, but just I don't know. I overthink how everything went. I think this is a great podcast. And I hope none of this came across as too, you know, whatever. I think this is a great podcast. Okay.

This weekend, I'm going to be part of the Grand Ole Opry. I want to be part of the showcase of the Opry. Sometimes I've pitched the Opry before and people will think that it's my show. I'll be part of the Opry show. But then coming weeks, you know, I'll be in February. I'll be in Milwaukee at the Improv. I'll be in Tulsa, Oklahoma and Indianapolis. Nice. So just if you're in those areas, it's going to be hot.

It's going to be fun. And it's all new stuff from the special. Oh, all new stuff. I got a totally new hour. How about it? I mean, it's amazing. Yeah, it's going to be hot. That's the most impressive thing to me. Yeah, thank you. I'm going to be in Palatka, Florida. People told me how to pronounce it. Palatka. Yeah, I think I was saying Palatka. It's Palatka, Florida. February 17th. Let's ask this, though. Will you be taking your shirt off in Florida?

Depends on what the weather's like. February still could be dicey. Not at the show, though. Who knows, man? We'll see. Could do a little Bert Kreischer at Church of the Heights. Yeah. Bates Kreischer in here. My big closer. Yeah. Although he starts with it, doesn't he? February 29th, I'm at the Comedy Catch in Chattanooga. All right. Hot club. Yeah, my buddy Alex Valuto, who's been on this podcast, is coming with me there. All right. And then March 1st, the next day, Hudsonville, Michigan. And then...

at Fellowship Church. Nice, dude. I'd like to say comedy catch, great green room experience. Great green room. And Danielle is an excellent swimmer. Danielle's the best.

This weekend, I'm going to the Windy City, Chicago, Illinois, at Zany's Comedy Club in Old Town, Chicago. Five shows. One show Thursday, two Friday, two Saturday. I'm doing a ton of press for it. I'm hoping I can pack those out. I'm excited to be back. So Chicago this weekend. If you're in the Chicago area, come on out. Go see Aaron at Zany's in Old Town. Yeah. All right.

That's it. Brian, you want to close it out? Yes. As always, we love you guys. None of this is lost on us. Right. And Nate will be back next week, as far as we know. Boom. Dusty will be gone. What? I don't know. Maybe. But we're having a good time. All right. Well, we'll see who's here next week, but I bet I'll be here. And yeah, we're having a good time. Thanks. That's it. Bye. All right. Thank you all.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the Audioboom platform. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast. eBay Motors is here for the ride. Remember when you first saw the potential?

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