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Today's episode of the Nate Land podcast brought to you by I bought a rocket money. He looks sleep and good. Hello, folks. And hey, bear. Welcome to the Nate Land podcast with Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Dusty Slay. This is a nighttime taping. This is as late as we've ever taped a podcast. I might like it.

Are we going to start doing it all the time? I don't know. We'll see how the energy is. One o'clock comes quick for a comedian. Yeah. You know what I mean? Uh-huh.

Does it not? Of course. Yeah. Well, it's come quick for me. Yeah. For a long time. Get up, it's upon you. It's just like that. Yeah, yeah. I wake up at like 7 a.m. every day. You do? Yeah. Were you like that before the kid? Not that early, but yeah. I mean, with the kid, I mean, my daughter now just wakes up and I'm the go-to guy. Yeah. Do you ever wake up and like expect the sun to not be there?

Well, one day. One day I do think that I'll wake up and it won't be there. Do you keep an eye on it? Do you think you wake up and just a little make sure you see it? Well, I do like to look, yeah. Because sometimes I'll be like, those clouds don't seem real, and I don't know what's going on out there. I like that, to do a little wake up, make sure everything's. Just a quick peek outside. Just a quick peek outside, make sure the sun's right, and then be like, all right.

And they kind of start your day. When I was in school, I feel like they would have us look at the clouds and it would be like cumulus clouds and cirrus clouds. Circula nimbus. Is that one? Something like that. Maybe there was a different one, but I don't remember a lot of the clouds that I see today. There's like just a weird kind of cloud out there. Now it's chemtrails. Well, maybe. I don't know what it is. You said it, not me, but I'm. You ever think it's weird that the sun goes down?

In the West, and then you're looking to the West. And where does it go? It pops up from the East. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. That's what I mean. It is wild. It doesn't make sense. Yeah. You got a pretty aggressive hat on today. Aaron Weber. Yeah, what is that? It's the Indianapolis Clowns. Okay. Okay. Yeah. It's a minor league team. It was a Negro League team. Is it? Yeah. Oh, really? I think Nashville had a team of the Clowns as well. And the Nashville Stars. Yeah.

Yeah, I think they had the starters because that's what, when we get a major league team, that's what they're going to be called, right? Yeah. How were those games growing up? What are you going to say? Do you think Sheila Stroh-Jackson did it? I was there. Does anybody, do you know Sheila Stroh-Jackson? Oh, yeah. I know the name, but I think it's from...

It was a movie that came out when we were kids. You'll know it from Field of Dreams. Field of Dreams, yeah. Eight Men Out. Yeah, Eight Men Out. Isn't Ray Liotta a Shoeless Joe Jackson? I think so, yeah. In Field of Dreams, yeah. Yeah, no, not in real life. Well, we just mentioned another movie about Shoeless Joe Jackson. The Black Sox. Yeah. We're doing this one tonight. I just got back from the American Century.

I watched the entire thing. Did you? Really? Did I get seen on? Did they show us? I saw you one time. I recorded, and then every night I would fast forward just looking for you. The only time I saw you was during the closest to the pin contest. They didn't show your shot, but you were there in the group. You were sitting in a director's chair. Yeah. And then group photo, I saw you in. They didn't show my shot? Mm-mm. What is it?

I came in third place. Yeah. You got to make a hole in one to make it on. I was 23 feet away. It wasn't that bad. You know, the funny thing, you posted the day before, because they didn't show it till Sunday. Yeah. And that was Saturday, right? Okay. Yeah. And you posted it and I was reading them to Roots. She didn't care, but I was reading them and I was like, Riberio, is that how you say his name? Alfonso. Alfonso. And he said five foot eight. And I told her that's a joke because he's so short that he listed his height. And then I'm watching it the next day and that was real. Oh yeah. He got it real close.

I mean, so this whole thing. You understand any of that? No, no. That last part, I didn't understand at all. They do a hole-in-one challenge, so whoever gets closest to the pin wins. Okay. And Carlton from Fresh Prince, he got his height away from the hole. Oh, okay. It was a funny coincidence. Oh, okay. Yeah. So the object is to get the ball in the hole. Steph Curry got the hole-in-one? Yes. Okay.

On this contest? Yeah. Not, no, on this golf tournament. Okay. So this golf tournament, one of the funnest times of my life. It was the best. Yeah. The whole thing is, I think if more, look, Tahoe, like I get, like if you're down here in the, you know, if you live in the South or it's like Tahoe is not an easy place to,

are in a place that we think about going. Uh, but man, what an event to go to. I mean, you signed, I was not prepared for what it was. I, you, uh, we got in and right when I got in, we kind of like, I had to go, I played in two pro-ams, uh, at that course and fans are allowed to walk around those pro-ams. So, uh, you got two days of the program, the three days of the actual tournament. And, uh,

I mean, right when you get there, I mean, you're just like kind of mobbed and everybody's like, Hey, you're signing autographs. You're taking pictures. It's a pretty overwhelming kind of thing, especially not expecting it, but it's also done very, very nice. I mean, everybody's so nice. Every, the fans are so wonderful and they're walking around and they're, you take pictures and you meet a lot of people and, uh,

It was, I met the largest senior that picture. I didn't meet my buddy Kellen. He came and I haven't seen him. Kellen, I did a polar plunge and the guy in the right behind him in the red shirt. I met him too. That guy hung out and kind of follows around for like two days. That guy was a great guy.

He's a big fan of the podcast. It does look like me on there. Yeah. I think that's Aaron. And he, I made a video for him because his wife was watching the kids. And so, so he could come back one more day. That's nice. But Kellen here is the best. So that was the last time I've seen Kellen. We did, we did a polar plunge together and he, Kellen had been doing them that whole day.

He's unreal. Wow. And it was the funniest thing because when we did the polar plunge, I came out and they were like, you could go to the middle.

To jump in or go to the left. And they go, don't go to the left. And Kellen goes, well, that's where I go. And Kellen just went to the left. And then we jumped in. I immediately tried to get as fast as I can. And then he was in there a little longer than me and then got out. And so, I mean, just a wonderful, wonderful surprise that I did not expect to see him there. And I got to see him. And he walked around me one of the days. And, I mean, he's the best.

Kellen has not changed a bit. You, on the other hand. I have changed. Where was the polar bear plunge? Minneapolis.

Uh, this was a few years ago when I did it with the Kelly. That was in Minneapolis. And then, uh, Utah, I mean, Utah, uh, Lake Tahoe. Oh yeah. Wow. But so like, I mean, you're just walk around, like, you know, you have the groups following you and, uh, you're playing and it's, I played, I, you know, I, it's a stable for my goal was to, I wanted to beat all the comedians.

Uh, and I did, but I mean, it's not, uh, you gotta celebrate that. You gotta celebrate that. Ray Romano, Rob Riggle, Colin Jost, cable guy. Nice. Uh, you beat a lot of athletes though. Yeah. I think you finished what? Tied for 53rd. I think so. Out of how many people? 54. Uh, it was, that was my mom joke. She made that joke too. Uh, but it was, uh,

It was out of 90-something, maybe, or something like that. I was kind of in the middle. I...

I did not play good the first day. You're kind of nervous. Yeah. I didn't really know what to expect. I was nervous. And then, and then the last two days I played better. You cannot double bogey. That's the big key. Cause you get, you lose minus two points if you double bogey. So being in the positive, once I looked at the scoring and you go out there, you're, you realize finishing in positives, like,

Like, so you get 10 points for a double Eagle, uh, eight points for a hole in one, which Steph Curry got a hole in one. Uh, I think, uh, for a hole in one, an Eagles is maybe six points. A birdies three points, a pars one point, a bogey zero points, uh,

Double bogey minus two points. That means you do that two times in a row? A double bogey? I don't... Oh, yeah. I played a little golf on the arcade here and there. I've seen eagle and bogey. No, double bogey would be on one hole. So if it's a par four, a bogey is a... It took you five shots. And a double bogey is six shots. Triple, seven, triple. But they don't... If you're triple and quadruple, then you're probably not even on the tour. Well, that's why they...

They only let you put – they stop it at two points. So, like, if you got a double eagle – I mean, a double bogey before you're even to the green, like you've hit in the water and all this stuff, you just pick your ball up and you're just kind of like, all right, just minus two points. We don't have all day. Yeah. Well, when they first started doing this to her, they would do the real score. But, I mean, it's, like, embarrassing because, like, guys are shooting 112 points.

And then you're like, well, I don't, you know, if they're like, it's some guy that was a right fielder for the Phillies just out there. And you're like, hey, you shot 140 today. How do you feel? And he's like, oh, I don't know if I want that. So they did it the stable forward and moves it along a lot quicker. But you got to put everything in and out. I think I shot an 88 first day, 82 second day, 85 third day.

A lot of doubles. And that's what, that's where I messed up. Uh, but it's, I mean, what an event to go to. If you're, you know, with kids, a lot of kids, you can get autographs. They all, you know, uh, you know, obviously they go after the athletes mainly, uh,

last night at zany's a regular at the club has become a buddy of mine listens to the podcast he handed me i left it in the car i wish i'd have brought it in he handed me the betting slip from he bet on you the whole thing yeah and the odds at the time that he bought it were like 250 000 to one yeah it would have been a good payoff for it'd be good i bet on myself you could do it at the casino and it was 20 uh i think it was 250 it was like 20 bucks to win like

2,500 or something, or it was something, I don't remember. Uh, but they don't, uh, they don't know. But I mean, you're there with just like all these crazy celebrities. Like I met John Elway, talked to him for quite a while. That's awesome. He's the best and not what you would expect.

Really not what you would expect. I expect him to be kind of braggadocious. Not braggadocious, but just a big cocky guy. Like stoic, too. He's like a fun guy. Like a super fun guy. It's honestly... I kind of expected like...

you know, a little like, Hey, how you doing? Like proper stoic. Like it's a hard handshake. It's like a Senator. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just a good time. John Elway's a good time. Like you could see if you're Peyton Manning and you go meet him, you're like, this is my guy. This guy is awesome. That's a party. Like it's a, it's a party. Yeah. And it's a fun time. And obviously he's John Elway. Yeah. Uh, met Steve Young. Uh, got a picture with John Elway and Steve Young. Oh wow. Wow.

Steve Young found out he's coming to the Salt Lake City show. Oh, that's great. Yeah, they all like everybody's just, you know, so nice. And Baker Mayfield hung out with him. Jim McMahon. I love Baker Mayfield. Jim McMahon. Love that guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Jim McMahon's a fun time, too.

I don't think I know. Charles Barkley was. The Bears quarterback. I saw Charles. Charles is very nice. You met him and talked to him for a bit? I met him. And I said, I introduced myself or whatever. I didn't expect him. He was like, I know you. And then that was it. They did. And I was like, oh, that's crazy. Yeah. It was. Because you, I mean, you were there. You're like, I don't expect anybody to know. Sure. He has a comic. Yeah. Yeah.

Jim McMahon was out there barefoot. Do you like him? Yeah, I do like him. The kicker who kicked barefoot? No, no. Jim McMahon's one of the 85 super golfers. Quarterback for the Bears in 85. Probably a lot of pesticides out there on the golf course, though. Probably not good for your feet. Yeah, I think his feet have been through it. I think they've seen his day. Probably so. If Steph Curry devoted, instead of playing basketball, if he just tried to be a professional golfer, could he?

I don't know. I mean, he would have to really, I don't like everybody saw what happened, like in all this stuff and like how good he is. And he's unreal. And like Marty fish, the tennis player. And like, these guys are unreal, but man, when you go play with these pros, it's cause definitely played an event.

And like he did good one day, but I mean to do it for four days and like you can have a round where you go, but I mean, dude, the pros are, there's still a noticeable difference. They don't make a mistake at all. Like if you, I watched the last, cause I got done early.

And so I was in the hotel room and I just watched like the end of the round when they were playing. I mean, on one of the holes, it's like, you know, Steph went off in the woods. They all kind of went off the woods. Like, and they get back and kind of, you know, can bogey it or whatever. And they're shooting 67th, like four, he shot like 400 one day and like even and an unbelievable golfer. But that course is not the, it's altitude, not the longest. So these guys can bomb it far, uh,

And it's not taking anything away from him, but the difference of him and a pro is it's pretty crazy. I mean, it would be like someone becoming Steph Curry. I mean, Dustin Johnson, I think, could have played basketball in college. And you'd be like, well, could he have been Steph Curry? I mean, no. But he can go be Steph Curry in golf, and he can do that. But I mean...

The real golfers are... It's another world, dude. These dudes, they bomb it and they bomb it straight. And it just never goes off. And if they would have been on the...

Where they were like in this altitude and where these teas were, I mean, they would have drove a lot of greens. They'd have went for them. They would have got way ahead. Speaking of long drives. What is this video that I got here, Brian? Well, this is a, I believe it's someone you need your, you lost a bet to Nate that you have to mention. Oh, Eli. Yeah.

Right, Eli? Yeah, I did. Eli who? This is their pro-am. I don't know his last name, but Eli, he's going to go play golf. I mean, this is the difference. He's playing. I think he might be going to college to play golf. Maybe he's in high school. And so we're playing, and then he told me if he can out-drive me, I will mention him on the podcast. Pretty easily he did that. I then proceeded. That's Nate. Yeah.

Did you hit yours good? Here's how I was hitting my driver so bad that I did not use driver during the tournament. Oh, wow. So this was the pro-am. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I used 3-wood the whole time. Wow. Did not use driver. So Eli gave me another chance with this 3-wood. I was bombing this 3-wood, Eli. So then we let Eli go. Is that his dad there? Yeah. Yeah.

No, I don't think his dad's filming. And then we mentioned it. You can fast forward a little bit. Eli crushes it. I mean, because Eli's going to go play for real. And he just bombs it right over the thing with all that pressure. He hasn't swung a club. A great swing. Yeah.

It's just immediately was better than mine. Yeah. And like better. And it's the, but that's the difference that, and that, that's just a kid that's going to go play in college. Steph Curry's very, very good, but there, this is the, this is their life. Well, who won the whole thing? Steph Curry. Oh, okay. He had an Eagle the last. Yeah. There was a weird situation. If you go watch a Marty fish, Dennis player was up.

And on 18, right when he swung, someone yelled in his backswing. And it was on purpose. And it was yelled because it was yelled perfectly. Del Curry? Yeah, my bad. But it was someone in the crowd, and they yelled. And then Marty Fish...

His ball went way right. And then so he had to punch out and all this stuff and just make par. And then Steph Curry made an eagle, and he won. So you don't get a redo if somebody yells out at the golf course? No, because, I mean, it's real rules and stuff. They have rules officials and all that stuff. They kick you out if you're caught doing that, right? Yeah, but, I mean, it's just kind of crazy because it's like Marty Fisher's on a good roll. He's up. It's a par five that, like...

If he birdies, he wins automatically. Not saying he would have birdied it, but that's a big deal. It's a crazy deal. He had to punch out and then have a long – he had a tough par to make going in. Sounds rigged to me.

Well, I mean, I don't think no one rigged, but it's like you get a lot of Steph Curry fans out there. And so they don't want Steph Curry to lose. And it's crazy that Steph even won, but it's a weird thing. But the event is super fun, very, very kid-friendly.

You know, kids signing autographs and you sign a lot of kids autographs. A lot of like it's a every the celebrities are all cool. I mean, the ones, you know, I met, they were awesome. And it's I highly I mean, if you're either want to go to it or if you're around that area, when that comes, that's a great event to go to a fun. You know, if you want to meet some players, it's easy. It's pretty easy access to meet everybody. I don't know about me, you know, Steph and.

That's you have to go. I think you would meet them, but it's going to be a lot harder to meet like, you know, the Steph Curry's or the Mahomes because I think the crowds are pretty big around them. Yeah. But what about Kevin from the office? I golfed with him two days. Awesome. Brian Bump Gardner. Yeah, he's great. He's great at him and cable guy. And then I had him and Rob Riggle.

which was super fun. And then last day at Howie Ledbetter, very, she's very funny and she does a lot of golf videos and stuff. And I did a video with her once and then she does stuff on golf pass and then Colin Jost.

I've known Colin for a while, but we've never really got to walk and hang out. And so that was pretty cool. When you play that 17, I mean, it's like music playing. It's, I mean, it's a lot of people out there. It's, it's a real turn. I mean, it's, it was fun to watch. Yeah, it is fun to watch. And I think people like watching bands.

like what it would look like if you got, if they golfed out there. Cause you're, I know Ray Romano is a good golfer, but they, he putted pretty far off the green. Uh, like he was out there in the fairway and put it, it was a great putt, but I'm like, that's my kind of guy right there. Yeah. Well, Ray, Ray played really good. Ray was, I was, uh,

As the comics, being the comics, I was like, I got nervous because he was at zero. Then he had one point. He might have finished at one point. But Ray seemed to play pretty good. And it's, you know, and then you got like, if I, we did, if I would have had double bogeys, which is a big wish list to not have those, I would have had 30 points. But double bogeys are, that's, I got to get rid of those before next year.

But what a great event. And it's super fun. And yeah. And if you got, look, if you want to meet celebrities like me, you can walk right up to me. There's a lot of us. You can come up pretty quick. But I think you can get close there. But if you go sit somewhere, you're going to get close to...

everybody. It's Vince Carter. It's all these. It's like your people that you're around. Charles Woodson was there. Mr. Peterman? Mr. Peterman. I talked to him. Oh, you did? Yeah. There's a whole circuit of the people that do these events. Larry Fitzgerald said me and Larry had a side bet as well. I did lose to Larry Fitzgerald this time.

I don't know if I talked about it last time. Last time, I won our side bet at Pebble Beach, but Larry pretty easily handled me this time and I landed with a text of a guy just going from Larry Fitzgerald, just being like, hey, where's the money? And I was like, all right. So, yeah, awesome, awesome time, man. A really good time. That's great, dude. Yeah.

Well, I had a little bit different experience. I played Dungeons & Dragons for the first time at Zany's. That's about as opposite of a Pro-Am weekend as you can get. Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. I'd never played. I didn't know what I was doing. I still don't know what I'm doing. What was your character? What did they give you? I was a wizard. That's about right. I was a wizard. Then they give you little characteristics. Yeah. For a wizard, I had very little wisdom. So, you know, I...

I didn't. Were you a human? Yeah, I was a human wizard. Okay. Yeah. But I still don't really know what was going on. But did you win? I had a fun time. I don't even know who wins. I asked at the end. I'm like, who wins? And they're like, we all do for playing. So. Yeah. Does he might win in Dungeon and Dragon? I would think you have. There has to be a winner. There's not really a game. I mean, he would give you different scenarios. And then he being the dungeon master. Yeah. And then he's like, you guys succeeded. You did it.

You know what I mean? And then we'd have a new scenario. You think they don't have like a clear winner just because in life none of them are winning? No. All right. Sorry. I don't look. I have nothing against Dungeons and Dragons, but I'm not. The joke was there. The joke was there. What am I going to do?

I think what you're doing for the live show, these typically, these Dungeons and Dragons games can go on for hours and hours. Sometimes it's days and days. Yeah. So this is like a very condensed form of it. Yeah. Hour and a half for a live show. Yeah. What makes it, and I'm not even making a joke here, what makes it, you know, like a live show? I mean, I know you're doing it live, but like you wouldn't do like live Monopoly. Yeah.

I don't know why people enjoy watching it, but it's a little bit like Price is Right. People yell stuff out. I don't know if it was for you, but suggestions and stuff like that from the audience. It's a lot of... The people in the crowd are passionate about Dungeons & Dragons. They play it a lot. So they like the idea of... I don't know if it was the same way for you as it was for me, but I said...

I've never played before, so y'all help me. And they're helping me. And to me, it kind of felt like just a giant improv game. Okay. That's fun. Where they're like, y'all are in these scenarios. You're these characters. Oh, that's fun. Like, go ahead and do it. Yeah, I like that. So you're kind of just riffing about what's happening. And it's fun. What was your character? I was a half-orc.

I think. Okay. Do you do like a voice? I didn't do a voice and I just talked to as me, which is funny. Did you do a voice? Can you do a voice? I couldn't, but they, they encourage us not to half or half. What? I don't know. Half human, maybe half work, half human. Okay. Some kind of hybrid.

Orion was my name. Oh. All right. So that's what I did. Okay. That's awesome. I was nervous. Yeah. I mean, I would be too. I had no idea what I was doing. Everybody's just talking. It's like another language. You roll the dice and you don't even know what the dice means. I don't know what anything means. You're supposed to be funny. I'm like, I don't know what this means. Did you kill people? What did you do? I mean...

No, I mean, I don't know. I don't, I mean, I don't even know. I remember I made one funny joke. He was like, well, I hope you prayed after. Yeah. We like a kind of out of work wizard. I was more like an out of work comic.

Your character should have been like a wizard that's like, well, I haven't done this in a while. Like, you know, you're like kind of hung it up. You got a real life now. Yeah. And then they brought you back. Shaking the rust off. Yeah. Yeah. You got some stuff shooting plate. You're like, well, I didn't mean to... You got a wall on fire. You're like, well, I didn't mean to... I haven't...

I'm trying to get back in it. Like the movie Willow, when they find the old witch and she gets the wand and she's trying to do things and she keeps turning the guy into different animals. You guys not familiar with the movie Willow? Yeah, I do remember that. I don't like to watch those kind of movies. Well, it was in my past. It was in the past. I remember Willow. I remember Willow, but I don't remember the... I remember Willow Smith. Is that who you're talking about? Yeah. If you're into Dungeons and Dragons, that show is fun. I think you would enjoy it.

Yeah, absolutely. It's different. Were you all doing anything? I went to Albany, New York to the Funny Bone. I had three great shows. A lot of fun. I hadn't done comedy full set in like two months. So I got to really be rusty, dusty out there. Rusty, dusty. Yeah, it was great. It was a hot show. Very fun. I didn't do anything else. I napped.

Like the whole day. Oh, yeah. And then that felt great. It's the first time you've had an opportunity. Yeah, in like two months. I was out of the house. I could just, I mean, I just napped the whole day. I mean, it's the best. Yeah. That's what a man's supposed to do. Yeah. It felt good. Let's start with you guys' comments. Kevin Hanson. I love how eclectic a group you guys are. Eclectic? Eclectic. Eclectic. It's a weird word. Electric. Electric.

Eclectic? That's what you say? Eclectic? You say eclectic. Eclectic. Yeah. I thought that's what I said. Eclectic e-bike. I love how eclectic. Different kind of bike. Yeah. Eclectic group you guys are and how everyone brings their knowledge or at least confidence in the subject of the Nate Landtable every week.

This week's cars episode was a good one. Dusty pulled so many songs with car references out of who knows where I'd say probably could create a great road trip playlist, but I don't think anyone who listened to the cars episode should probably get in a car. He is driving. That's right.

That's true. Well, I'm a lot better now. You know, I only like today, I only had one incident on the way here. So that felt pretty good. What was the incident? Well, a guy got in front of me, was going all slow and I flashed the lights at him and then I went around him and he tried to speed up and then I still made it in front of him. And then he was yelling from his car. I was like, dude, take it easy. In your neighborhood. No, no, no, not in your neighborhood. Right outside. On the interstate. I was like, don't.

But he got over in front of me on the interstate going slower. It's like, why are you doing that? Infuriating. Yeah. So I had to go around him and he's yelling and I'm like, just don't do that kind of stuff. Is it because you fly? Why didn't you just go around him? Well, he got, you know, cause I got in another lane to try to go around him, but he was like going the same speed as those cars. So then I had to get over two lanes to go around the guy. And I was like, come on, dude. Yeah. I wasn't even mad. He couldn't handle it. Yeah. I was fine with it. How often do you, do you think you honk every day?

Yeah. Every day that I'm in the car. Yeah. I'll probably honk twice a year. I like to, I don't want to go. I like to give him a little toot toot. You know what I mean? Just go, Hey, wake up. A little throat clear. What's going on out here.

Yeah, I don't honk much. There was one time you and I were going to a show at the Ryman, and we were downtown. It was John Chris show. Do you remember this? Yeah. Do you know what I'm about to say? I think so, yeah. And we were on Church Street trying to turn, and there's a car in front of us that has to turn too. And all these cars come out of the way. All of a sudden, Dusty just honks the horn like, go, dude.

And I'm like, Dusty, there's a bunch of cars coming the other way. He's like, well, you got to get out there. Yeah. You got to get out there. You do have to get out there. You can't wait for the opening. Make the opening. Yeah.

But I felt so bad for that guy. I wanted to follow him and say, hey, I'm sorry about that. You would like New York. I do. I always like New York because I'm the one that's in the way. I'm like, this feels good. It feels good for other people to be like, move it along. And I'm like, I'm sorry. Because I know how they feel. It feels good. Randy Moore. By far, this episode is the best Dusty episode.

The way he said, don't drag gourmet into this had me tearing up laughing. His input in Wild Stories carried the whole episode. I've never related to something the way I did when he said he loves to sit in a car and smoke a cigarette. That is usually what I'm doing while watching the podcast. I love you guys, and the show brings me joy every week. Thank you.

When I sold pesticides, I mean, I used to go clock into a store and then just go back out and sit in the car and smoke cigarettes. I mean, it is the best. Clock into a store? Well, you know, I had a bunch of stores that I went to, right? So I didn't work for the store, but I had to go, I have to go into the store and physically call in so they know I've checked into that store.

Yeah. So then once I'm checked in, then I go sit back out in the car. How long would that tell you? How long would it take to check in there? Five minutes. And then what do you got to do? Like go like. Well, I would eventually go back into the store and do my job. Yeah. But I could, you know, they want you to, they wanted you to be at the store a certain amount of time. Yeah. But I could do the job much faster than that. Yeah. So I would just, you know, I go smoke for a while, listen to the radio, go back in, do the job. Yeah.

You know? And you got a call from their phone? Yeah, you have to call from the store's phone. People get fired if they call from their cell phone. Yeah. Because you could be anywhere. Yeah. But you got a call from the store's phone. I had a real system work done. Yeah. It's a pretty dicey job when they got a...

You know, most of their employees are like, you use their phone. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's no trust. It's like checking in with your parole officer. Yeah. There is no trust. That's for sure. And we're seeing why there is. Yeah. Well, that's true. Yeah. But it's like, yeah. I mean, I, I used to do that all the time in my job. I did a great job. Yeah. So I don't feel bad about it, but I was like, you know, I'd go get coffee and sit in the car and smoke and,

I mean, I felt terrible, but it was really a lot of fun. Yeah. Ben Bryant. I love this episode. I am an auto claim adjuster for a large insurance company. Totaling a car depends entirely on the cost of repairs versus the value of the car and the state you are in. Most states are around 75% of the value, but a few are at 100%.

That is why an older car with minor damage can be a total loss and a newer car with heavier damage is not. That makes sense. All right, Ben. Bringing the hate. Yeah. Ben Bear Bryant. Ben Bear Bryant. Austin Meeks or Mike's.

M-E-I-C-K-R-M-E-E-K. Yeah, either way, there's not an S at the end. But there's an S in the thing right below it. Hello, folks. So that's not my fault completely. There's an S in the vicinity. Should have added a couple extra spaces there. Yeah, that's my bad. Hello, folks. I think I may hold the record for most total vehicles by a non-demolition derby driver. By the time I turn 30...

I had totaled 13 vehicles. Wow. I walked away from all of them without a scratch. By the grace of God, I've been clean from addiction for four years. Next month, congrats. All right. And haven't had an accident since. Keep laughs coming. We love you guys. Well, that's awesome, Austin. That's amazing, too. 13 vehicles. I mean, I knew guys like this, but 13 is a lot. 13 is a lot. I mean, that's, yeah, that's.

pretty impressive. 13 is usually when you decide I need to change some stuff. Yeah. I don't know if people, most people would never even own 13 cars. I definitely have. You know, what I want to know is, does he have a driver's license to this day? Yeah. What I mean? What if Austin's like, he goes, uh, how many cars have you owned? He goes, I've owned 14 cars, 13 when I was, you know, uh, getting after it a little bit. And then 14, yeah, it's the one. And it's probably the one you want to be totaled the most in your life.

but you're, but you're living life. Great. So you're not. And what if this is not even where it ends? He says, by the time I turned 30, I had totaled 13. Maybe he's 55. Yeah. Yeah. But now he's been, now he's good to go. Yeah. He's off everything. And. Hello folks. I want to tell you about a new sponsor. We have called I bought a, a body gives you cash back on hundreds of grocery items for produce to personal care, to pantry goods, uh,

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Sign up and download Grammarly for free at grammarly.com slash podcast. That's G-R-A-M-M-A-R-L-Y dot com slash podcast. Grammarly. Easier said, done. I'm a pro golfer. Yeah. Pro golfer. Stand-up comedian and professional golfer. I asked someone, I was like, can I back out? Like, I don't know if I'm like, you know, because it's like...

You could almost like, I don't think it really matters for obviously our level, but like you could be like, oh, you can't play in a local tournament or member guest tournament because I'm not an amateur and I'm considered a pro. Yeah. What if it really came back to bite you? Yeah. It could. No pros allowed. No pros allowed. Yeah. The places I play, that is the rules. Yeah. Riverside. Master crafter. Master crafter. I manage a tire shop.

Aaron crushed that answer about tires having air. They would also cause a lot of road damage if they were all rubber. They are working on tires called twills. They don't hold air, so they don't go flat. Wow. Twills. It's a prototype device developed by Michelin as an alternative to the tire. Oh, it kind of looks like a rim, too. Maybe you can get some chrome twills. Oh, so it's just like a hard. Yeah, these are interesting.

Oh, you got some flexibility there. You see that tackle in a curb. Yeah. I'd like that on a lawnmower. Yeah. Yeah, I want some twills. Yeah, yeah. The wheel hasn't, you know, it's been just kind of... It's kind of random. I'm sure it's been... I know the run flat was a big deal. I remember that. When they came with like... What's that? The run flat tire, it can't get a flat... Like, if you get a flat, it'll work for...

100 more miles or something. It doesn't go immediately flat. Yeah. You don't know that tire? Does it let you know that it's been damaged? You've never heard of a run flat tire? No. It seems like it still wouldn't help you if you punctured it and you had 100 miles, but you didn't know that it happened. Just 100 miles down the road, what did you find out? Yeah.

So it has a support ring system that employs a ring of hard rubber or another structure that can support the vehicle's weight in an air loss condition. Interesting. Never heard of this. I could have used these. Tweels. Well, they're supposed to kind of get you. So if you get one, you're like, it can get you. I can get to the tire. Out of the situation. Yeah, yeah, totally. Grant Morgan.

The way you know someone's speed before radar would be to time how long it takes someone to travel between two points.

It's a simple formula to figure their speed. This technique is still used in some areas where they have airplanes monitoring speed. If you're driving on a highway and notice an X painted on the shoulder of the road, that is what they are using as a reference point. Oh, wow. All right, Grant. So they're being like, you got there from there to there in 30 seconds and it should take you 45 seconds. Sure. Yeah.

So somebody's just sitting there with an old-timey pocket watch. Yes, that must have been what it is. So if you see, I guess, a helicopter just sitting over the road and there's an X sign right there. Oh, yeah. I would slow it down. Yeah. For sure. Because if that's how they're doing it. I mean, airplanes, how could you monitor the speed with an airplane? You'd be like, you were moving. Yeah.

You're like, you know what I mean? Like he's, he's like, well, you crossed the X, you got it too quick. I go, well, did you, what angle were you at? Right. Yeah. Like, cause from my angle, it seemed like you were going very slow. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes airplanes look slow. Yeah. And they're going 500 miles an hour. They're cruising. And then, so yeah, I don't know how you do that, but yeah, I would say just a helicopter. If you just hear a. It's almost like if you're going that slow from my perspective, then maybe it just seems like I'm going fast. Mm-hmm.

You got like a whole, like, you know, like a superhero movie where they have a real fast character. Everybody seems like they're going real slow. How do they give you the ticket from the airplane? They drop it. They land. Right in the interstate. Land on the side of the interstate. Just to give you a ticket. Communicate with somebody on the ground and then they. They go, this guy's speeding. That seems like a lot of work for a ticket. A lot of work. I figured they just mail it to you. They got to get your license. Maybe. Maybe just airdrop it.

Like to your phone. Yeah. That's part of what they're doing. They're probably started doing that. Got your maps on all of a sudden you got dropped at a ticket. Did you see the guy that got, got arrested and kicked off? He airdropped a bomb threat to everybody on the plane. It just does like a joke thinking nobody will know who this guy immediately knew who it was. They walked up very normal looking dude, just sitting there. And he's like, Oh yeah, it was me. I think with the prison, it's like, you can't do that. Yeah. Oh yeah. I love the joke though.

That's too bad for him, though. You ever get airdropped a weird thing in a public place? I have. Not really, but I've pulled up airdrop and could see other people and go, I want to send them something. Yeah, yeah. What do you do? You have it open to public? You have it set to where they don't need to be in your contacts. Yeah. You can receive from everybody and you can send to everybody. Why do you do that? Just...

For this reason. Sometimes you want somebody to airdrop something to you that you don't want their phone number or them to have yours. Like, send me that picture. Not text it. Yeah. Airdrop it to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, why are you leaving it open to no context just for this situation? Like, you're... Just see what's going on, you know? Yeah. I want to be in the mix. Someone on the plane sends you...

I just don't know who's afraid of that. Like I saw a video the other day where a guy goes into like some business to rob the business and he's like, all right, everybody hands up, hands up. And like every, it's just like a bunch of older women and they're all just sitting around looking at the dude. I saw that. Yeah. The dude ends up, he's like, hands up. And nobody responds to him at all. He just leaves. He just gets so defeated. He's like, all right, I guess I'm gone. Yeah. Is it like security footage? Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. They say go robbing that. I mean, they just kind of get up and walk out. Are you seeing it? I see it too. Yeah, it's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Eric Phillips. Horses have different gaits that correspond to different speeds. A walk is about four miles per hour, trot eight miles per hour. And canters and gallops even faster.

These gates are easily identifiable, so a speed limit of eight miles per hour was, what? These gates, am I not saying something right? You just bulldozed through that word, man. Inde-deviable. These gates are easily identifiable.

So a speed limit of eight miles per hour is effectively a ban on anything other than a walk or trot. Well, just word it like that. Identifiable? Identifiable. Identifiable. You did say it like you say LMNOP in the alphabet. Like, this will go real fast. Maybe nobody will hear me. That's what you do sometimes. You just plow through it.

get through it. I do that sometimes as a name. If you're like, I kind of think this guy's name's this. Oh yeah. And then you're like, you know what I'm talking about, Derek. And you start, you kind of, if it's like, you think it's Daryl, but you just kind of go, Daryl. Like you just, and then you just, and they're like, yeah. And you're like, he,

He's, you know, they have to be like, ah. His name's Frank. You know, it's just a guy from close. I mean, you got to be confident enough that you're like, I know it's, I'm in the direction. I know the general sound of it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like, if it's like Aaron, you go, I don't remember if it's Aaron, but I know it's like, you know, you're like, eh. You're like, he goes, look at over there. And you just kind of blow through it. And then they're like, ah. And you're like, eh.

uh all right well that's how well about four miles are trot that makes sense yeah it does make sense why not just say you're not allowed to gallop or you're not allowed to canter why do we gotta put a number to it i would teach your horse to when you canter to make it look like a trot yeah that's what you do they're like uh i'm gonna gallop yeah like if a dude's like like really on a horse like

Then you're like, all right, dude, well, this guy's too much. But, you know, a walk four miles per hour. Is that not fast for a horse? No, I wouldn't think so. That's like a human. It's about twice as fast as a human. Yeah. I'm saying that a human walks two miles an hour, 2.5 miles an hour. Oh, I thought about 15 minute mile. Yeah. I thought a human walked about four miles an hour. It says how much you stopped and look at the birds. Yeah.

Was that directed at me? I don't even know. No, no, no. It's just a funny thing to say. Josh Cantrell. The reason cars have the capability to drive faster than legal speed is so you aren't maxing out the engine at, for example, 70 miles an hour. It would be like yelling all the time just to be heard. You destroy your throat in the same way you destroy your engine, pushing it to the limit.

Well, that's the best example I've ever heard. Yeah. That's the best example. That's a great analogy. Wow. Way to go, Josh. You should be, I don't know what you do for a living, but you should be in education.

I do remember, like, my mom had a car that 85 was as fast as it would go back in the day. And, like, we got it up to, like, almost 85 one time. And it seemed like we were hauling. But cars now, I've accidentally done 90 several times. This weekend, I just looked down and I was going over 100. I was like, whoa. You were watching West Wing? Yeah. I'm watching Friday Night Lights. Sorry. Had a lead foot, you know?

Was it the traffic going that way? No, it was like, it was a late night drive. It was like 2 a.m. Not a lot of cars on the road. I was flying. Just a deer. No, no, no. No deer. You can get going. People go fast now. I thought about that on the way here. It's like everybody drives really fast. Oh, yeah. And you can just be in a situation. I guess maybe it's because of ways. Like, because they have the cop stuff and everybody's, you know.

And so, but I mean, man, you're just be going and you're, I've said, I don't know if I talked about it. I thought about it with like saying, cause Laura, we'll be driving Lars. Are you going 85 miles an hour? And you're like, you don't even know what's going on around me. Did I talk about this last week? Yeah. So it's like that. And I thought of that, like everybody, everybody does go fast. You will be caught up in a group of cars and they're going 90 and it's like,

11 a.m. on a Tuesday. Right. And you can argue, you can argue if I were to go the speed limit and it's actually dangerous to be going that much slower than the cars. I got to get way over. I got to keep up with the pace of traffic. Yeah. So I got a speed and everybody's just, everybody speeds. I'm always prepared to make that argument. I never get the chance.

But I think cars just go faster and you don't feel it. Like an old car, you went 85 miles an hour. It was like, you were like, you were, you're, you're going. And now, I mean, you know, yeah, now I do a hundred and a Toyota Corolla. No big deal. And, and have no idea that you want a hundred. Yeah. Yeah.

I got some fat facts here. I didn't get throw out last week. So I'm gonna try to slip them in. Okay. Uh, guys, Switzerland was going 180 miles per hour. His ticket was over a million dollars. Wow. Cause in Switzerland, they figure out your ticket fine by your income and the speed you were going. And he was really rich. It's a percentage of your income. Let's see. Jeez.

So if you're poor, you're not going to be charging. Yeah. So if you have basically no income speed, all you want.

It's going to be 15 cents. Yeah, there you go. But even 15 cents, so if you had nothing, it's still like, oh, this is my last dime of nickel, man. A million dollars seems like a lot. Yeah, that's his extreme. For a speeding ticket. I mean, he's going 180 miles per hour. That's pretty reckless. Yeah, yeah. I guess it is like they could go, you go to jail, or you pay a million dollars. Yeah.

I mean, how rich was he that that was just a percentage? I just always want to know where's the million dollars going. That's all I wanted. It's like you're going to take a million dollars from this guy. What are you doing with it? Is it going to something? Schools. Is it? Yeah. Is that it? Yeah, I'm going to try to slip some more in here. Okay. Paul Collier. I own a Turo car in Hawaii, and someone thought it would be a good idea to use our car to rob a bank.

Unfortunately for him, to check the car out, he sent us a photo of his face with his driver's license and address. It made the police officer's job very easy. Wow. That's good to know. Feels like Hawaii wouldn't really be the place to rob a bank either, right? I'm sure the island's big, but you are on an island. How much money can they have out there? Yeah, right. Well, yeah, you're kind of stuck there. Yeah. I mean, what?

Where do you go? Nowhere to go. And then, I mean, it's so far away. I mean, really, what amount of money could they, you know? You're already in Hawaii. I think a lot of robberies, like you want to go, what, how much, what are we trying to get? What was best case scenario? Does that come to, like, I would hope if you're going to be a bank robber, you would have the conversation of what's the, what's our best we can do? If something's like $800, you're like, is it worth it?

Going to prison. For $800. $800 cash. Yeah. In marked bills. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And you have no idea. Like, are they marked? Is that thing going to blow up? You've seen enough movies that you're like, I don't know what's, you know. My buddy from high school was a bank teller. And he told me he got robbed. And he said most of the bank robberies now are just people write down on a piece of paper.

Give me all the money. Yeah. And their policy is they just give it to him. And he's like, we never have like astronomical amounts of cash in the bank. So give him like 10 grand and then they leave, you know, they get, yeah, they're on 15 security cameras and their cars in the parking lot with their license plate. And then you're caught. Yeah. Yeah.

They have a mask. My mom worked at a bank. They got robbed too. And that was a long time ago. But they're... Yeah, but they walk in with like a ski mask on. You know, I don't know about this guy. That's why... You spot him right away. This guy... I told you. This has a bit of a character. He would be... You bring that guy in. He's next to you, but that guy doesn't rob the bank. And you have another guy rob the bank. And everybody's like, dude, I thought it was going to be you with the ski mask. A little misdirection. And you go, I'm just a guy that likes ski masks. Yeah.

I don't think that's true because I'm against COVID. COVID just shows. He thinks he can only get COVID. Well, that was what was funny about banks. My bank will say you're not allowed to wear hats or sunglasses into the bank, but then they would say mask required. I just think that was really funny. Yeah, the mask was, I would imagine a fun time.

If you're a criminal. If you're a bank robber. But criminals in general. Criminals in general. Yeah. Just was a decent time. Yeah. And now, mask or... You know, it's kind of normal to wear a mask. If someone did wear a mask, you wouldn't, like, think, why are you wearing a mask? So, it's just a... I might, depending on where we are. Yeah, but I know. But I'm saying...

overall, if so, if you have a place of business and someone walks in with a mask on your program to not be like, that's true. What's up with like, it's like, yeah, some people are wearing a mask. Yeah. And so a mask would be, I'm saying if you're a criminal, it was a,

Probably a pretty good time. You don't get COVID and you're rich. It's a win-win, really. You tell me the downside. Yeah. Will Horn. Hello, Vokes. That's not my joke. That's the joke I told last week. Yeah, what was it? About Hitler would have the people say, hello, Vokes. Oh, yeah. I win my...

Is the eye not supposed to be there? I think that eye is, it got dropped in there. When, mom will say it. I, when my father-in-law was a teenager, he drove a car with a broken cigarette lighter. He finally had it fixed, but never bothered to tell my future mother-in-law. She decided to play a prank by pretending to activate the lighter and jam it into his sister's thigh. What? I'm zoned out of this.

Neither say chaos ensued when the piping hot cigarette lighter seared a circular burn into her future sister-in-law's thigh. Wow. Wow. I bet the sister-in-law was not playing games after that. That's got to hurt. Did you ever have buddies in high school that would get branded? No. No, I know of that, but no. Were you ever in a situation where you would get branded? No. Okay. What was the situation?

In the same situation, you would get a tattoo, you know? Yeah. Just for fun. It's like an attorney thing or something, right? Yeah. I'll tell you about that. Q-Dogs. The Q-Dogs, right. My buddy got a... In Alabama, actually, he was a Tennessee fan, and he got a T-

on his arm when he was a sophomore in high school with a coat hanger. Yeah. And it, it did not look like a T you had to tell people it was a T is still there. I'm sure it is. Yeah. It was, it was raised. Yeah, man. If you're look, I think I remember someone doing that too. Like, uh, they did a, a branding thing and it's, if you're young and you're in high school and you're in school, I promise whatever you think is awesome, uh,

We'll never be awesome in your life, but I understand the moment and enjoy the moment of going. I can't believe her and let the other person get the branding. Sure. But you should just go.

I will never be happy I have this branding. Yeah, let them call you a bunch of names and then like 10, 15 years later, give them a call. Just go, how's the brand? Yeah, how's that arm? Not even 10 or 15 years later. Maybe next week you go, how's the branding? How's the infection?

Exactly. Once it heals and you're like, I guess I just have this now. Not even the... You don't even have to go like, how's the infection or anything. You could just go a week later and go, so how's it going, dude? Has your life really picked up since that branding situation? Now, I know there's fraternities that do branding, so it's not that situation. Those guys, that's like a tattoo. They have a reason they're doing this. So...

But if it's just a... This was very off the books for the moment. I think it's... Isn't it like Shaq has a brand or like... I think a lot of black fraternities might do something. It's from Q-Dogs, right? Yeah. So that reason is one thing. But I think in our circles, we're just people being stupid and going, do you want to get branded with a T? They just think it's fun. And it's not a cool design. It's not something that's like...

It's literally just you're it's idiots together. Yeah. Don't burn yourself in general. But it's, you know, in the moment you could be you're feeling it. Everybody's being cool. Camaraderie. Yeah. But I mean, all this stuff, you will just be like, why would I? I'm not going to want that in now. You will have a life that's longer than that moment.

I mean, there's tattoos I wanted to get that I'm so happy I never got them. I don't even tell people what they were. The ideas are so bad, I don't even want to tell people what they were, and I wanted to get it tattooed on my body. You know what I mean? Where on your body? Just, you know, just wherever. The neck? No, I never thought about the neck. I always liked the idea of stomach tattoos. Oh, jeez. I could see you having a stomach tattoo. Yeah.

I mean, who knows? Who knows? I could see that. You have a good body for a stomach tattoo. Yeah, I'm a stomach tattoo guy. It's kind of like...

You know, it's a little, it could be out a little bit now, but it all just still works. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got like a good redneck body. Yeah. I mean, I got the, I got a build for it. You got a Myrtle Beach body. Oh yeah. Yeah. A good Myrtle Beach. Like you have a tattoo on his stomach. You're like, no one's really, everybody almost expects you to have it. Yeah. So it would have been cool for me at the time.

I mean, it would have paid off at the time. It might still have been cool with your look and everything and beliefs now. I think you could have done it, but only in the stomach. It's never too late, Dusty. Well, you're a little older now, and you have kids and stuff. I feel like you don't want to be older with a fresh tattoo. You want to be older with a faded tattoo. Yeah.

I remember my grandpa's military tattoo on his arm. It looked rough by the end, dude. Yeah, but that kind of stuff I get. That's sort of cool because of the story of it. Was he a Marine? He was at Air Force. Less cool. I don't know about Air Force, but... Never mind. What was the tattoo of his desk? That's...

uh, I appreciate the Air Force. Yeah. I did. I'm in the military. I remember they, they, they all had like, uh, called chair force. That is the job. Everybody makes fun of the Air Force. Yeah. Uh,

Wow.

That's my kind of car. That's very funny. Yeah. Just start talking. You just get in the fast lane. Get out of here. Get out of the way. And just the whole time, you're like, I'm sorry. You're driving by people going like, and they can't even understand. I think a little Miss Sunshine that happened in that movie. Anybody see that? No, I've never seen it. I saw it, but I don't remember. Yeah. I don't see it. Yeah, that old van that just honked on its own. Oh, okay.

And speaking of horns, horns honking F or F sharp, whatever that is. It's a note. Well, I know it's a note, but I don't really know what that means. I thought that was a prompt for an ad read. Well, I say, listen, you know, rising prices are stressing me out. I mean, aren't they stressing everybody out? If you're looking for ways to cut costs...

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They also help you manage your finances in one place and automatically categorize your expenses. So you can track your budget in real time and get alerted if anything looks off. If there's an unusually large transaction made, you'll get an alert. You know, they keep an eye on it for you. Over 3 million people have used Rocket Money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. Stop. I guess. Yeah. And then you. Yeah.

Yeah, Cavalier Z24. I do remember that car. I used to have a joke about it. You did? About that car? Oh, I think I was. Your joke? Yeah. It was that one I told every other year. It was an even year for me. Yeah. I had a joke about how back when I was 18, I thought I was such a man. I had a good job, serious girlfriend, driving a brand new 1990 Z24.

Cavalier Z24 or whatever. Now I'm 36 looking for work, looking for a girl and driving a 1990. You know, that was, that was my original joke. Then I turned 37. I was like, the joke didn't work anymore. Cause I was doubling it. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I think I started to joke by saying I'm 18 times two now.

or something i don't know something like i had a lot of math really cornered yourself then i turned 37 and that joke didn't work anymore and then i turned 38 and i started telling it again i was like when i was 19 and i did that every other so you can tell it now right 52 i'm 51 51. i would say it's coming up yeah back in the early days a good joke in the 80s it's still relevant now yeah uh good lesson for young comics don't corner yourself

uh with math and a joke i had a lot of math jokes a lot of stuff yeah you need a lot of stuff to work out i would make the audience do a lot of math i was gonna the crowd's got a pen and paper out trying to carry the one yeah you know 19 that's what i remember that z24 that's why i remember the cars because you saying that cavalier z24 my sister did have that car that was why i drove my senior prom oh so you didn't have the car

No. You never owned a 1990? No, it was my sister's. I think we had a green Cavalier, and it was not a cool car. Okay, well, we're learning a lot here. But I don't know if it was a Z24 or not. I don't... Oh, oh, okay. I'm seeing Aaron has it pulled up here. Yeah. That white one there. That is not what we had. That's what it looked like? Not that one. The one of...

That one. This one? Yeah, more like that one. Oh, man, the worst one. Oh, see, that's a little better, though, I think. Mine was a four-door, real boxy. I didn't own it. It was just kind of in the family. Well, wheels were not a big thing back then, right? Like, I don't remember people talking about that. What do you mean? Like having cool tires or cool rims. You could get the bullet hole rims and then the whitewash. But that came a little later. Like, I think I remember...

I mean, maybe it's just also the circles I was in. No one had a cool room. Yeah. You know what? I do remember like when, uh, I went to high school, whitewashed tires or something. And it was like some of the kids in high school, they like, they, they had money. And so like, they would get like a,

brand new car and I think they would talk about rims or their sound system or something. Sound system was a big thing. That was real big. People would buy though, you would buy cars in Wills and Dills magazine. Do you remember that? Yeah, I do. Y'all don't? No. Oh yeah, I would get at Wills and Dills and you would look at it and just like if you needed any cars. It's like Craigslist except it was a little magazine you look through and see a picture. I feel like, what was the auto trader? They still have it.

Oh, Wheels and Deals. Yeah, I remember magazines like that. Yeah, Wheels and Deals. It was a great magazine. It was fun. If someone was into cars, they would look at it. You remember Auto Trader, though. They had those magazines, too. Yeah, but Wheels and Deals was the one that I remember the most. Before we talk this, I was going to say, Justin Smith, if you listen to this, he has a show at Zany's.

uh tomorrow night this comes out wednesday right thursday uh nashville zany's uh 7 p.m uh also our buddy dustin nickerson is there uh on the friday and saturday early shows so if you're in nashville uh great comics all friends dustin we've shown he hasn't been on the podcast yet but he comes on the road with me a lot uh but for justin smith's show i'm gonna i'm also gonna go on that show i'm not gonna like

put it on social media or anything, just kind of letting you guys know. Joey McCullough, who also opens on the road with us, he's going to pop down. And Justin's going to let us pop on and do a set. So, yeah, the show's at 7 Thursday. I'm going to Australia, so I need to, you know, I haven't really got up and I need to work on the accent. Yeah, need to work on the accent, need to work on just kind of

get back in the rhythm of, uh, saying some jokes cause I've been off for probably two weeks or feels like forever. Uh, and so, yeah, so this, yeah, this Thursday, July 20th, Nashville Zanies. If you're here, I will be down there. Justice Smith. Uh, it's his show.

And then, yeah, and then go to Dustin Nickerson's show. Guess who else is on Dustin Nickerson's show? Who's on Dustin's? You? Two fourths of the Nate Lamp, me and Brian. Oh. Big time. Hot weekend. It's a hot show. Thursday through Saturday at Zany's, that's a hot weekend. Yeah, you can knock everybody out. Yeah. You can knock everybody out. Except Dusty, but yeah. Yeah. Except, yeah. Dusty's on the Will Burkett show there. Burkhart? Burkhart?

Yeah. Where are you at? You're doing something. Yeah, I'll be off in Orlando, Florida at the Orlando Improv. Oh, yeah. Okay. I might do Zany's Comedy All-Stars if they'll let me on it. That'd be fun. I tried. Okay. Lucy said, check back another time. Okay.

We're trying to make it. It's trying to be a good show. Yeah. All right. This week. Talk about appliances. All right. We bring the heat. A lot of podcast fans.

Yelled hay bear. A lot of hay bears. Oh, really? Hello, folks. At the golf tournament? Yeah. Yeah. Like a lot. That's great. You know, you never... Look, these podcasts... Like, we love doing this podcast and it's... But in your head, you just think... You're like... Yeah. Is this going to anybody? Totally. The crew checks out. They're asleep. They left. Yeah. They hit record and then they...

go to the car and smoke a cigarette. Yeah. They run errands. Yeah. A guy at the airport in Albany bought me a little bear that says I live in New York. And he said, Hey bear. Oh, that's nice. He bought me a little bear and my daughter. So it's, yeah. When y'all come up and say stuff, uh, it's always very, very much appreciative. And, uh, and it means a lot like to, and like this weekend was like a lot of people like saying, you know, I love the podcast. Hey bear, all that kind of stuff. And that it's cool. Uh,

Yeah, I get a lot of hay bears at my shows. Yeah, it's awesome. We had some people from Newfoundland came to see me in Albany. Oh, that's great. Yeah. And this is why they're here, because we're talking about appliances. Yes. This is the stuff they come for. This is what other podcasts are afraid to talk about, I think. It's political. You know, appliances can be a dicey subject. What appliance do you think has the longest lifespan?

Name brand or actual, like... No, just the actual appliance. Appliance. I'm going to go... I don't know if anybody thought he was thinking name brand. But, I mean, out of all... Maytag. I just said, I mean, there's so many people listening to this podcast, and I would think you were the only one... It could be. ...that thought Maytag.

May, like they're Maytag. Were you going to say Maytag? No, I don't know. I would say Maytag, but you know, like LG or, you know, something like that. I like a good LG appliance. I would say toaster. A toaster feels fragile to me.

I was kind of thinking of toaster too. Here's my microwave. Well, let's ask this though. Is it, is it of all time or things they're creating today? I think today, I think it's a general, what are you talking about? Well, things used to last longer. Are we talking about cotton gins? I mean, we're talking about stuff that lasts longer. Look, we've got a first time listener here, Dusty. Pretty basic stuff we talk about. No one's getting in the weeds of this. I,

I kind of, in my head, I was thinking toaster just because that's all I can think of is toaster. But... I've never heard of a microwave on the fritz. I've never heard of a toaster going, you know... But I think you lose a toaster, you misplace it, like you replace... Well, that, but now you're getting it. We're not talking about like you move and you lost a toaster. You buy a house and you get microwaves usually in a house. That's what I'm saying. It's...

One's just left over. I know. Microwaves, there's a lot more to it. A toaster is, there's not much to it. Yeah, you're proving my point. I think it's a microwave. All right. What is it?

Dishwasher. Really? That can't be true. I don't believe it. I feel like dishwashers are what get replaced the most. The average woman lives to be 80. Boom! Yeah. I'd like to apologize to absolutely no one. No, it's the gas range.

Oh, a stove. Yeah. Yeah. We call it a stove. Yeah. Yeah. Gas range. 15 years. That seems short to me. Yeah, I think so. 15 is pretty good. Dryers and refrigerators, 13. This says microwave- I didn't think about dryers and refrigerators. This says microwave, nine years. My mom's had hers for 30 plus. Wow. Yeah. Puts duct tape on to keep the radiation coming. And not a lot of, microwaves haven't changed much since then. No. Where's toaster coming from?

This was major appliances. Toaster wasn't even on the list. It's not even a major. It's a minor appliance. Did you throw major in there when you asked the question? No, but he assumed you wouldn't give any dumb answer. I guess we are in the weeds, isn't it? I mean, he didn't even think of a refrigerator. That's the first appliance I think of. I thought of toaster. Yeah, me too. But I feel like a fridge is always on the list.

Fridges break down. He didn't even think those refrigerators were appliance, did you? I would. I just don't think I thought of it. But it's closer to furniture. An old refrigerator, I think, you've won those old white ones that got the two things. I think those things can run for 75 years. But the new ones are going to break. They break a lot because there's just too, again, it's too many parts. With Wi-Fi and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff going on. Well, that's what I meant by all time, right? Like now everything breaks down, I feel like. But my dad's had his refrigerator my whole life, I think.

Yeah, because there's not so much in there that it's going to work. What was I just... I was about to say something. What were you talking about? Toaster appliances. I don't know why refrigerators need Wi-Fi either. They're like, it can identify what's in the fridge. How about you just make a list? Order them from the fridge door. Yeah, but you don't think that's going to be... That's pretty awesome if you're...

Like some of them now, you're like, we need milk. And you just press, we need milk tomorrow. And you go, oh, we got a little milk left. You press it and your milk gets delivered to your house tomorrow. Pretty amazing. I mean, I do, but how hard are our lives that we're like, I can't. You're right. They're not, you're like, no one's lives are as hard, but they're busy and they're like, whatever it is. And you're, so you look at like just the time of going, all right, it's just going to become that. I mean, I'd imagine like, yeah,

Do you think in our time...

Which I know we talked about, like, you're going to get to where like, there's just no shops or stores or there's no, for sure. Like your, your food is you're ordering your food. I mean, maybe they have like gas stations for like, you know, quick, like, I bet they have unmanned gas stations with the necessities for like, if you're like, Oh, we don't have milk for tonight or like a little sandwich or a little something. And it'll be like an unmanned kind of thing that you can go grab. Uh, but yeah,

I mean, what do you have gas? Yeah. What's the point of a grocery store? It's like all good. I just thought about this week. Is it all going to be factories? So it's just going to be a factory. That's just like doing it and just sends it out and then goes with a drone directly to your doorstep. I mean, yeah, maybe a drone, but it's, uh, yeah, it's going to be Nashville has its own factory and just all the food comes to that. I mean, you know, it's not ideal. That sounds gross. I agree, but right. If they let you, they,

They're going to do it. I've started thinking a lot about microwaves too, a lot. Oh, yeah. You are just like, this can't be good. I know. What do you mean? I love that you're coming into it. It's heating up this food. I'll just sit there. A, your head is, you're staring into it, the glass. Still, when you go to the dentist to get your teeth x-rayed, they stand behind multiple walls and-

I don't think it's the same. I don't, maybe it's not the same thing, but you, my head is looking in the glass of something that is heating something from stone cold to within 40 seconds, 40 seconds. I can't touch it. It's that hot. And it's, it's not, there's no like warmup. There's no like a stove or an oven is you got to preheat an oven and eventually it gets to 400 degrees. A microwave is like,

In less than a second, I will appear at 500, whatever degree you want it to be. I don't know why. I've just thought of it recently. Yeah. And it's just like, man, that's crazy. It's sketchy. Yeah. That we just have. And look, I know it's the convenience of I use a microwave. I'm not saying I don't, but I just, you know, you start thinking of all this. You know, they say stuff about like having your phone in your pocket and like all this kind of stuff.

You're just like, yeah, dude, you got a lot of stuff around you that's just like, what? What is happening? Microwave is insane. It is insane. That's insane. Yeah, it's great. It's amazing that you open the door immediately and that nothing happens. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not saying I think it's bad. I'm just saying it's amazing that you... I think if they had microwaves and they still were like, you had a room built for the microwave and you shut the door and you left...

Like that would make sense to me. Yeah. I put a hard boiled egg in a microwave years ago and it exploded the egg. It just, it just, I was watching the egg heat up and then it just exploded all over the place. Just, it didn't like blow up and like crack up. I mean, it exploded all over the place. It gets very hot. Like what is that? Yeah. Yeah.

I think it would do that if you heated it up any other way too. Yeah. But you just, but you want, I think stuff needs to take time and microwaves don't take time, which is the point of everything else is like an oven. You're like, all right. Yeah. I let it sit there for 30 minutes and now it's 400 degrees. And you're like, okay, I can wrap my head around that. A microwave is it's, you can microwave something for 10 seconds and it can get hot. Yeah.

Yeah. 10 seconds. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get it. I get, I get why you love it. And it's, uh, it, but it, it just, uh, I'm just saying, you don't think about it. Like you don't, I just lately I started going, huh?

I put a Chick-fil-A bag in the microwave. Are you going to say that? No, but you'll have a million stories about stuff you've put in the microwave. Are you going to? Yeah. I mean, did you, hey, hold on. Did you think he was about to tell his Chick-fil-A? Like, you go, oh, sorry, Brian. Were you about to do your Chick-fil-A bag in a microwave story? Well, the way I said, I put a Chick-fil-A bag. He goes, oh. Yeah, like it was like, all right, well, that's.

Everybody calm down. One by one, tell your Chick-fil-A bag microwave story. Dusty, we're going to you first. Now, you're talking about that bag that's like 50% tinfoil. Yeah, it's got like aluminum foil inside. I had no idea that was in there. And I just put it in the bag and it caught on fire. Yeah, yeah. It just caught on fire. I've had that happen. And-

Because I'll have to ask Laura. I should say it in my joke about – I have a microwave joke about not knowing how to use a microwave. And I used to have it in there. I'm like, does this have metal in it? Like, so if I can microwave? Because I didn't know. Because I would microwave. I microwaved a plate once that had some kind of metal thing around it, and it caught on fire. So I don't know. I'm like, what has – you start thinking, I don't even know if I know what metal is. Yeah. Why make a plate that can't be microwaved? It's rarer than they do these days, I feel like.

That's crazy. Oh, yeah. Or like a cup that can't go in a dishwasher. It's like, what are we doing here? I agree with that. I'll get off my soapbox. I'm sorry. Yeah. I can see why it does feel dangerous or looks dangerous. But, I mean, microwaves have been pretty regular now for 50 years. And we're as healthy as ever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But I mean, are microwaves killing people? Uh, no, I mean, yeah, I don't, who knows what's going on. But then now you got, now it's all blended together. It's a, so it's a mishmash. Yeah. There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on, but now one thing that, uh, um, you know, scientists say it's

It's safe. FDA says it's safe. All right. There you go. All right. That should suffice. You should have led with that. For the record, Nate said, let's not talk about anything controversial. And you threw out appliances. Ten seconds in, we're like, I think it's killing us. I just think I think about that more now. But look, if the FDA said it, obviously these are...

You know, that's their job. If you superheat your water in a microwave, they've been known to explode, like, even after you take it out. What? And it'll just burn you. Superheat in what? Like, if you put a cup of water in a microwave and, like, really got it hot. Wow. And then take it out, sometimes it just explodes. Wow. If you microwave your cup of water. For, like, 10 minutes or something. Yeah. Like, 10 minutes later? Like, boiling. Like, boiling hot. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Why would you do that? Well, I don't know why you would, but... Just be careful. Generally speaking, after you take it out, you know, you think it's probably going to be safe, but... You know, when you want to...

Warm glass of water and drink. Who told you? Did the FDA say that? Yeah. That's the FDA said that? Well, you know, the trick is, have you ever heard the trick that if you're heating up pizza or something, you put a cup of water in the microwave with it? You just heat it up. Get it crispy. It's normal. I don't think he gets it crispy. Oh, yeah. It doesn't. I don't think it does. It's not as soggy.

I think this is like not based on anything. I think it's not based on anything. I think it's based on someone saying that on the internet. And I think no one does it. Oh, I read it for a time. You put a cup of water when I'm heating up stuff. Yeah. You put a cup of water on the outside, not on the plate that spins, but put it in there. So you have, so you have, you bought a microwave that has extra room.

Where does this cup fit? I mean, I don't know. Do you move the couch out of the microwave and then set your... Do you have a cylindrical microwave or is it a rectangular prison? What do you mean? A circle? Do I have a circle microwave? You open up the microwave. The interior is a rectangle, right? And there's a plate that's circular. So there's going to be a little room in the corners. Not for... How big... What's your cup...

How big is your cup? A little shot glass. Yeah, I'm not putting a stein in there. What are you putting, a shot glass? No, maybe a little juice glass or something like that. You can fit a juice glass in your microwave, dude. That's crazy. You can't. There's no way you're going to fit a juice glass. I'm thinking maybe like a little plastic cup. Like a cup. Like a red solo cup?

Maybe about that size, maybe a little smaller than that. You put it... I don't even... You're out of your mind. I think so. I don't think... You got to make a video and send this to us. Yeah. You would have to have it leaning on the circular thing that spins. No, I mean, look at this. You can't even just pop it. I mean, you know, you don't got room like that in a microwave. That's a big microwave. I mean, you're buying... I mean, look, look...

Maybe you got a real deal. Smaller plate, maybe. I buy a regular microwave and you bought one. It's just a little saucer in there. Yeah, that you got. What? Just a little saucer. Maybe that's why you got a small plate. I thought maybe you could share it. Yeah. I think my plate might be a little smaller than that. Yeah, it would sit on the plate. But I mean, you act like you could decorate the inside of your microwave with like put furniture in there.

I think the circle goes, because if you get off the circle, if that gets off a little bit, it's just... Oh, yeah. It's a mess. It wobbles. It's chaos. It wobbles. A lot of stuff doesn't go right. Why would you not just put the cup on the plate? I guess you could. I think maybe I have. But maybe you don't do it. I guess if you have the room he has, why would you not? Right. That's true. Use the room. That's true.

Multiple plates. What do you, most, is it because your meals are mostly bigger than the plate in the microwave? They bleed over the plate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah. Hey, I need a little more room. You're like, what do you got? What do you microwave there, buddy?

There was a Reddit thread where a woman, I assume it's a woman, would microwave her water and water her plants with it. And she, one with just normal tap water, one with microwave water. The microwave one started dying in the tap. I've read that before too. Now Snopes says it's fake. It's not real, but...

Why would even this even be a conversation? I think, I mean, I think it was an experiment. I don't know why anyone would have done it first, but I think it was an experiment and the microwave was killing any nutrition that the water had. Oh, so that's what it's saying. We're getting nothing. Yeah. She was trying to prove a point, right? Yeah.

I'm actually dusty doing that. Oh, well, she's trying to prove. Yeah. But I mean, oh, by saying like, this is how bad microwaves are. Yeah. Look at what the water microwave does. That sounds like you're, it sounds like just the difference between tap water and distilled water. If you're heating up to a point where you pasteurize it, essentially, then yeah, it's going to be different. It's going to be a different type of water. I know, but there's nutrients in water. I don't think it's the microwave. Yeah. The fluoride and stuff like that from tap water.

Yeah. Yeah. You're going to, you need some of that. Well, if you heat it up, you boil all that out of it. Yeah. You know? So it's nothing to do with the microwave. Yeah. I got a thing with, I can't say I can't take away microwaves. No, no. I got to think of my buddy for the rest of this part. Rich, uh, that with this, uh, he is, it's med water. It's a water company. It's a water thing. They filter water, but they can filter it so much that it's like,

it could almost kill you it's like too clean you need some stuff in what there's like minerals and there's a lot there's like there is stuff that you need in water you can filter out too much mineral salt in the water yeah yeah the dasani well you know that we've talked about this i think but learning this about salt has changed my mind on dasani a little bit not entirely because i don't think they're putting mineral salt in there but it's probably ocean water

Mm-hmm. A little ocean water. Yeah. They fill it all up, and then they just do one dip in the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. And then Sonny bottles it up and sends it on its way. Yeah, exactly. They do this. Yeah, they do this. Shake it up just a bit. A little shake. Shake. Put it in a 24-pack. A little kelp in there. Yeah. Did you ever hear you could charge your phone in a microwave? No.

Is that possible? No. That sounds like a practical joke. No, it was a thing. It was going on the internet that it would work. You could charge your phone. They said Apple didn't want you to know about it because they want you to buy their batteries. Even Apple would just start making microwaves if that were the case.

It didn't work. It got a lot of people to ruin their phones. I mean, a lot of people says it's true. I'm not going to try and see, but... I got an old phone. Maybe I'll give it a try. Yeah. You're going to light your house on fire. Again, Snopes says it's not true. Okay. That wouldn't work. Snopes is... Well, they're the best. There's someone there, and that's what they do. They tell the truth. Just a guy in his house. Yeah. With all the answers. Yeah.

Uh, this woman's my spirit animal. American tourist in New Zealand, uh, called the hotel saying that, uh, she couldn't get her pizza out of the microwave oven. They went up there to see what was going on and she'd put it in the safe and locked the safe. What? Wow. I think I'm, yeah. Hold on. I might need it read back. And you also said spiritual animal, animal, and I didn't understand that. Spirit animal? Yeah. You said this lady is your spirit animal? Mm-hmm.

What does that mean? Somebody I relate to. Okay. Yeah. All right.

She put her pizza in a hotel safe and locked it. Thinking it was a microwave. Oh, that's funny. Either way, call the front desk. I do want the pizza. Either way, help. And she locked it? And she couldn't get it unlocked? Yeah, she was pushing buttons trying to get it to go. And then she locked it. She thought it was one of those old-timey microwaves where you twist it. Yeah, that's funny.

That all makes sense, though. Now, your refrigerators, there's three types, basically. Okay. The freezer at the top, then the fridge, side-by-side, and then freezer at the bottom. Yeah. What you got? Side-by-side doors, freezer at the bottom. Three different doors. Very fancy. Actually, no. Oh, wow. Hold on, hold on. No.

Sorry. Four doors. Sorry. One door at the top. That's the fridge. And then I have two fridges. There are the fridges with the double doors on the top. Yeah. I don't have one of those. You have two fridges. Yeah. Whereas when we moved into our house, there was already a fridge downstairs. So we were like, oh, we're going to leave it there. Yeah.

Yeah. We're going to use it. Yeah. And that one's just freezer on top, fridge on the bottom. What do you keep in that one? That's just drinks and stuff down there. And overflow. You know what I mean? How much do you go down there and get stuff out? Oh, the TV's down there. There's a watch TV down there, and there's a fridge right by the couch, which is pretty nice. Yeah. Where do you keep your Lazy Suze?

I got three Lazy Susans on the upstairs fridge. That's the real fridge. Okay. It's the way I think. Well, you have a Lazy Susan on the fridge? In the fridge. Yeah. So that's a thing that spins around? Mm-hmm. And you have that in the fridge? Oh, yeah. He based his whole life around microwaves. Think about it. And refrigerators. Yeah. I never thought about that in the refrigerator, but I like that. Oh, yeah. It's nice. Because stuff gets lost back in the back. Of course. I'll find things and I'll go, oh, I forgot about these. Imagine if you could just...

I forgot about this watermelon and now it's all moldy and it's been dripping down the back for a while. It's tough to lose a watermelon in a fridge. How big is your fridge? It's a bad example. It's like you lose pickles. Yeah, it's a bad example. I forgot about this water. It's a full watermelon in here.

I did lose a watermelon in a car one time. I bought it roadside, put it in the trunk, forgot all about it. It was in there for weeks. It got busted open. My car smells so bad. And I open it up, there's a rotted watermelon all over the trunk. There's a bunch of flies in there? I don't think so. I've not gotten to it. He just pulled over and saw a watermelon stand. He's like, I'll take a watermelon. Yeah, I've done that many times. You like watermelon. I do love watermelon. Yeah. You eat it every week?

In the summertime. Yeah. Yeah, I get into it. You know what I'll stop to eat? Peaches. Oh, I love a peach. You know, roadside peach. Yeah. It's tough to find a good peach. It is. It is. Watermelon, you got to work for it. You got to load the thing up, take it home, get a Ginzu knife to cut it up. It's heavy. Yep. It is heavy. But once you get in there. It takes up your whole refrigerator. You got seeds you got to work through. There's a lot going on. I eat the seeds.

Brian's got to call Buddy over and help him move it in. Well, Ruth, yeah. Yeah. Ruth gets one side. Brian gets the other side. I call Buddy over to watch the baby while Ruth helps me move the watermelon. Watermelon's delicious. A good seeded watermelon. I'm not a big watermelon fan. Are you not? No. I love it. Put salt on it. That's good. I would do that. I'm not a big watermelon fan. Oh, I love it.

You ever do a watermelon eating contest? No, I mean, I'm not a fan. You've done one? Have you done one? I think I did one.

You don't know if you read it? When I was a kid, when we played baseball, it was just a fun thing after practice one day where they gave you just a bunch of... They're pre-cut into the slices that you could just get into. Like a typewriter. Yeah, exactly. Offensive line kind of competition.

Yeah, actually, that kind of camaraderie. How hot is your urine? Yeah, exactly. That kind of thing. Did you win? No, I think it was just about like the... Bonding experience? Yeah. It's like a Dungeons and Dragons sort of thing. Yeah. You all win for participating. I did a Chick-fil-A chicken biscuit eating competition in high school. Did not do well.

Just in front of the school? It was a fun... Just Aaron. That was his talent. It was just me. Every morning. Lower the drape. Trying to beat your record from yesterday. Go, go, go.

He did one as a fundraiser. He slowly went from walking inside to now just going through the drive-thru because you've done this every day for four years. It's like, what's hard for him to get inside? But back in the day, his freshman year, he came inside. So y'all did it. It was a fundraiser in front of the whole school where each class had somebody to represent them. And I think I was a freshman at the time and I was the guy representing the freshman. This goes along with the

brand getting branded something that probably you look back on you're like probably not the best idea to go up there and do that but I didn't scar be for life yeah you know I don't still I

Think about it. I think about it. Yeah. But I'm not living with. Well, who did you compete against? I mean, we did do a Christmas cream challenge. There was someone representing you from your class. Yeah, your first thing in this podcast was to go, I want to eat the most, see who can eat the most. Well, you know how it is in a new environment. You got to show up. You got to throw down a little bit. You got to establish yourself. That's how branding happens. Yeah. I remember who won.

He was the sophomore class president, Roscoe Anderson. Wow. Sounds like a thin guy, athlete, but thin.

And he was the thinnest guy in the competition, and he won. And just like in these real eating competitions, it was the Joey Chestnut looking guy that took the win. I think about him all the time. How many did he eat? A lot. I think we did like 10 minutes, and he ate over 10. Oh, a competition 10 minutes long. A full size or a mini one? The full size Chick-fil-A chicken biscuits. Yeah, that is. I mean, it's an impressive number that he put up. I think I only got through four or five. Yeah. And what's he doing now?

I think he's a teacher. Oh. Pretty fancy school for y'all to be able to afford all that Chick-fil-A. You know? It was a fundraiser. I mean...

I don't think we could afford a fundraiser. We just stayed poor. Yeah, we couldn't afford the trip across town to get Chick-fil-A. Yeah. We didn't have a Chick-fil-A right there in town. Not at the time. Yeah. Puppet school in the 80s. I mean, they weren't. We did cakewalks. Chick-fil-A, I don't think was invented, was it? No. I mean, it probably was. I didn't know of it. I had one Chick-fil-A at the mall back then, growing up. Oh, yeah? Yeah. That was the 90s. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, not when you were growing up. I'm not trying to make that joke. Thanks to our friends at Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode. As we've always said, everybody slept on the Helix mattress. Everybody loves it. We love it. It's the best. We've had all sizes on it.

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uh trial to try it out and they offer a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model uh unlike a lot of companies helix owns its own manufacturing facility i love that they're all made in the us it's great by a team of skilled manufacturers ship directly from their facility fridge and it's turned to like max and all my fruits and veggies freeze up and all my lettuce is all hard yeah

I don't expect the hotels you're at, they expect a lot of people to bring lettuce. I get a lot of looks. Yeah. When I come in with all my groceries. It's the first vegetable in a hotel room. You think when you check in a lot of hotels, they go, you going to be here for a while? You got a look of just like... There's some questions. Yeah. There's a lot of like...

You got a check-in date, but they don't expect to hear a check-out date. Yeah. They call the mission and say, who's paying for this over there? Yeah. They want a card. They always want a card. Yeah. We need some collateral, buddy. Yeah. They go, I imagine your check-out is just, you're going to see how things are going. They go, is it under your name? Is it, are you storm? What church did this? Yeah. Are you a storm chaser? Yeah. I was like, hey, I don't know how long I'll be here. Yeah. Yeah.

Until the tornado passes. Yeah. Well, mid-30s is the recommended. Okay. It's got to be above freezing, but by the time it gets to 40, some contamination can start happening. Now, freezer, theoretically, you could go... You could keep going all the way. You could. Go down to absolute zero. Well, they recommend just zero. Zero. Yeah. And then they say mid-30s? That's what they say. 33 to 37 is anywhere in there. So they don't say...

They give those, 33 and 37. Yeah, I guess I threw in the mid-30s. I was trying to concise it because I got so much information hot off the presses. Don't want to give people the, just fill it out somewhere in the mid-30s. Yeah. I don't know if you're going to think 33 is a mid-30.

It seems low 30 to me. That seems low 30s. I hope someone's listening for their refrigerator temperature advice. That's what I hope. I think they are. I think a lot of people are going to go check. I think there's a lot of young people that, you know, you're going to get a refrigerator soon. You're going to be going to college. You're going to, you know, they're not going to know what to do. Yeah. Check those hotel refrigerators. Yeah. Don't ruin your veggies. Yeah. In fact, they say don't put hot food in your refrigerator because it could warm up the inside.

And custom contamination. Whoa. Wow. That's good to know. What do you got to do? Wait until it cools down to room temp and then put it in the fridge? What, I got to be in the kitchen all day? Here's what I'll tell you. Just put it in and don't even worry about it. Because there's never going to be a situation where you have something so hot that you then go immediately put it in the refrigerator. Ruins all the food in the fridge. It's just... Yeah, that's hot. That's a hot dish. I can tell you...

Yeah, I can tell you from full just life experience that you're just not going to run into that situation. It's not going to be a problem. Maybe if someone's a big chef or there's something, there could be. But if you're a normal person, I don't think it's going to be a problem. Maybe don't put the hot pot next to your eggs or something. You know what I mean? Don't butt them up. The hot pot? You know, if you put a hot pot.

You know, if you cook- That's hot. Yeah. Yeah. Hot pot did sound like it was, you meant like a crock pot. Yeah. Like it's a specific thing. Yeah. Yeah. Like a hot dish. A warm pot. Yeah. But a hot is- Would you cook something that you would have it be hot and then you want it to cool off and you put it in the refrigerator? Maybe your plans change and you go, I can't eat this right away. Yeah.

Yeah, but your life doesn't work like that. So it's just, you got to really think if your plans change to where you go, I had this big dinner, but I'll just put it in. It's piping hot. It's an emergency. It must be. So you're not going to, then you're not really worried about your meatloaf and being at the, you know. For sure.

Otherwise, I think it's either emergency that your meatloaf is you just come home and it's still sitting out. The dog probably ate it. Yeah. But it was emergency. Or if it's like right outside the emergency, it's like maybe it's not like immediate family. But it's like, you know, we need to go to the hospital. We got to be there a couple hours. Your buddy needs a jump or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to eat some meatloaf. Then you're just going to have a couple bites of meatloaf probably and just go like, I'll be there. Yeah.

I'll get there when I get there. I'll get there when I get there. Or let the meatloaf just cool down on the stove. Yeah. We do. Laura says a lot. Just put the light on in the oven and you put a lot of stuff in there. And that light in there is enough to keep pizza like just. Now, is it true that the tray, I saw this, the tray at the bottom of the oven.

That's not for storage, even though everyone uses that for storage. That's where everybody puts their lids and things like that. That's actually meant to put something down there to just keep it warm. It's a little like...

just a little compartment. I saw that on TikTok. Have you seen that? Have you tried it? I haven't tried it. I got too much stuff. I'm storing so much down there. What you got down there? Well, I just got, you know, pots and pans and whatnot. Nothing, nothing sketchy. Books. Yeah. Yeah. But is it like a little, it's like,

thin door right it's not too thin i mean it's it's it's thick enough to where you can take a tray out and place it down there and let it cool for i just think i don't know if i believe like it's wood around it you know what wood falls in your food and where do you yeah i'm talking about this door that pulls out right there oh i didn't know what you're talking about yeah i don't have wood in mind

I'm talking about, yeah, see, here's somebody using it. My oven is warm. Oh, yeah, yeah. Using it for that reason. They got some corn on the cob. Yeah. Just put it down there. You got to keep that corn cob warm. Yeah.

And like most people don't do it. That's all life is now, isn't it? Yeah. A video every day of going, you're not doing this right. Well, we don't know the purpose of anything. And why are they not telling us these things? Yeah. I mean, I look at them too. And you're like, I didn't know that. And everybody's like, I never heard of that. I didn't know you had a ketchup packet like that. Did you know a ketchup packet is a bottle of water?

That's what I think of video. I was today's years old when I found this out. I was today's years old when you unfold... You tell me every now and then one of those doesn't blow your mind? No, they do. I'm just saying, but it's just, I'm annoyed knowing... I don't want to know everything, I think. You're just like... You're doing all right. You know, but it's like every... It's...

It is like you just go through social media and you're just like, what am I doing? Like, and I look, I have a problem. What on earth is everybody talking about? Absolutely. Well, everybody's got to make a video. They're like, I got to do content.

Yeah. Gotta keep it going. And the little things go, Oh, I never knew that. And it does. I tie my shoes. I'm not saying I'm better than it. I do it. I tie my shoes away because I saw a way to tie your shoes. It goes, it ties them straight instead of like crooked. Oh, okay. And so it's like, and it saw it on a video and it's, uh, yeah. Yeah. And then, but it, you know, it's like that kind of stuff. You're like, I don't know what to do. Ruth was, I hope I can explain this correctly. She was putting some type of,

I don't know what meant on our baby. It was a new tube with the seal still on it. She took the top off. The little thing at the top. The little piece of tinfoil thing at the top? But the cap itself has a little thing. A little thing to puncture it. I didn't know that's what that was for. I knew that. That one I figured out.

A lot of toothpaste. First time I bought a tube. Like a mini toothpaste has it. Yeah, they have that. I was today years old when I made it. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. I'll try it. Ruth was like, geez, you didn't know that? Yeah. You were born pre-tube. You know, the stuff is a little more laid out. Still want one, but in jars. Yeah. Toothpaste in a jar. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what he did. They made it themselves. Do you ever think about why it's called a refrigerator?

But then when you shorten it, it's fridge with a D. I didn't know a refrigerator didn't have a D in it. Yeah. I might have too. I don't know if I really. Is there a reason why that happened? They don't know for sure. They think it just rhymes with words like bridge. I was thinking it was because it's like cold, like fridge. Like frigid. Yeah. Yeah. Frigid. Yeah. Interesting.

I never thought that. Yeah. All right. All right. Gooder makes $25 active sunglasses that do not slip, do not bounce, and are 100% polarized. This is a brand I really like, and I think y'all might enjoy them as much as I do.

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That equals 100% satisfaction guaranteed. I have a few pairs that I rotate through, and they're affordable enough that I can keep an extra set in my car. They're lightweight, and I love how comfortable they are to wear all day, and they are 100% polarized. If you want to support the show and pick up a pair, Goodr is giving Nate Land listeners free shipping on your first order. There's a link in the show notes. I'll get in there, and I'll go, what's going on in here? And then I got to organize it, and I straighten it all up.

And I... I'm sure she appreciates that. Yeah, she... I don't feel like she has a real technique with it. She's like, I'm doing it, so don't complain about it. And I don't. But if I'm messing around with it, I'm like, I got to get some organization here. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if they still make them this way, but my dishwasher growing up at the family house, I remember if you put plastic on the bottom, it was not good. Right. And either my dad or my brother did that by mistake, and we had to evacuate the house for a while because there's some real toxic fumes going on. Wow. Did you ever...

Have a house that didn't have a dishwasher? No. Like you would never remember that. I remember not having a dishwasher. We didn't have a dryer growing up. I remember that. I remember when we got a dryer, that was a big deal. But we always had a dishwasher. We never had one. Really? Never did. No.

Yeah, it's like wood bowls. We had real bowls, but yeah, we always hand washed until. But do you, let me ask you this. Do you have a lot of great family memories doing the dishes together? Not really. A lot of good conversations happen over the sink? Hey, Ma. Get in there. You were in there alone, dude? Yeah. No, she was. Oh, okay. I remember, like, I think when we moved to Chicago, I want to say we might have even had an apartment that didn't have a dishwasher.

I mean, dishwashers weren't... It was kind of advertised like, this place has a dishwasher. We did not have a dishwasher growing up. It was a big deal, I think, when we got a dishwasher. I forget when we got it, but it was a really big deal to get a dishwasher. It was crazy. Yeah.

It's like borderline deal breaker. Well, now I don't know if they... Yeah, most houses, they're going to just come in houses. But you could buy separate ones you have to plug off on the side or something. But I mean, yeah, I remember. When we bought our house, the dishwasher was broke. And we were like, it's just the two of us. We're fine. We don't need a dishwasher. And we hand washed for like a year. Wow.

And we were like into it. We didn't even really worry about it. And then we decided to get a dishwasher and we was like, what have we been doing? Oh yeah. It's so great. Why have we been doing this to ourselves? We acted like we were all high and mighty. Like, Oh, everybody uses a dishwasher. We act like everybody's lazy. And we're like, Oh, this is the dumbest thing we ever did was wash dishes for a year. Yeah. Hand washing. Yeah. We would, we would, I would have to, uh,

God, I think we had a, we had a dishwasher in the apartment. We moved into New York when it was broke for, I mean, the whole time almost. And then finally it's like they went and came and fixed it, but we didn't have dishwasher in New York for a lot of the years.

This says- When I'm single, I was using a cup and a bowl. I mean, that's all. And I would just rinse it out and dry it off every time. I just had my little cup and my little bowl and my little plate. It was no problem. Paper bowls. You used paper bowls. I never really did that. I do. I did all paper bowls. I use it at home still. I do too. That'd be the problem with-

Yeah. We're not the most environmental. Like you're just trying to, you're just trying to solve the problem of going like, I'll just do all paper and plastic. And then you just throw, I mean, we don't do that, but if I go get something alone and Laura's not in charge, I will use a paper plate. Like if she's out of town, I'm going to use stuff that I'm just throwing away. Well, what's worse for the environment, the single plate you're using or all the water that it would take to wash it. Uh,

Probably the plate, I'd imagine. I mean, look, I don't even understand how it affects the environment. I don't even know any of this stuff. Yeah. But, I mean, I just can't imagine the water you're using to clean it. It's a lot of water. It is a lot of water. I think water's unlimited, though. Yeah, there's ocean water. Tell that to people that don't have it. You can filter it, though. The average... Well, maybe it's kept from them, probably.

Control. The average dishwasher uses 10 gallons. The average hand washing session uses about 20 gallons. Yeah. Oh, so you save a lot of water using the dishwasher. Yep. According to this. According to that. But if you let it get full, if you just- Yeah, you got to let it fill up. That's why I would just use a little cup, just rinse it out, put it back. I mean, when I was single- The best way is just to be single, don't have a family and any purpose. And that's-

That's how you save the environment. That's how you save the environment. Yeah. Live for yourself and nobody else. Yeah. And this says leave the door of the dishwasher open when you're not using it to air it out. I think Laura does that and I always shut it. Washing machine too. You should do that. You can leave it. I've never done that. Or maybe Laura does that. Leave that door open. Yeah. That door is open a lot. I don't know why. That's usually the top, right?

Yeah, mine opens on the side. All right. I'm into that. Just crack it a little bit. Don't leave the dishwasher like all the way down where you can trip over. Why not? No, no. You just like, yeah, you just crack it. Yeah.

Okay. I liked, I'd never thought of that. I liked this. I was today years old when I liked this. Today's the year. Yeah. Let it breathe. Yeah. You ever heard the term nuke in the fridge? Yeah. Now. You know what that means? Nuke in the fridge? Yeah. Nuke in the fridge or nuking the fridge? Nuking. N-U-K-I-N-G. Is that when you put baking powder or baking soda in there? No, I thought it was like just heating, like you're heating something up. That's like nuke in a dish. I'm going to nuke it.

Maybe the microwave. This is, uh, it's, it's the movie version of jumping the shark nuke in the fridge. Yeah. I'm thinking of microwave. So I was thinking microwave the whole time. Yeah. Um, in the, uh,

Indiana Jones movie about the crystal skull. Crystal skull, yeah. He survives a nuclear blast by climbing the refrigerator. Do you remember this? No. A lot of criticism for that scene. And it was so dumb that a term came up, nuking the fridge, that it's kind of like jumping the shark. It's ridiculous. You're out of ideas. And that just means a movie's

out of ideas. Wow. I didn't know what to jump in the shark. Like, but saying like, if you got in a fridge, you could survive a nuclear blast. Yeah, and I read that George Lucas doubled down on it and said, no, no, no. He tried to post proof that you have a 50-50 chance of surviving a nuclear blast from climbing a refrigerator because the lead levels or something. It's tough to prove that. But scientists said, no, you'd die instantly.

And in the movie, Indiana Jones just doesn't survive. He flies through the air, like really, really far inside the fridge and lands in the desert and just gets out and dusts himself off. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. That's worse than jumping a shark. I think I was fun with it. Yeah. It's a movie. Yeah. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm.

Did you say you never heard of Jumping the Shark? I never knew what it meant. I'd heard that term. I mean, isn't he, they just made another one and he's 80 years, isn't he 80? I heard it even got worse criticism. I've heard it was a huge bomb. Yeah, but I mean, that's like, but it's like when they do that stuff, when was this one? How old was he then? Probably 65? Yeah, this was, yes. Yeah. So like, I mean, it's just, if you go like- Probably close to 70, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So if it's like, well, I don't know if the fridge is going to do it. You go, Hey, I don't know if a 70 year old man can do any of this. Like he can't survive a fall in his bathtub. Like, yeah. So you're like the fridge thing. You're like, man, all right. I'm fine.

I believe that. If I'm believing this 70-year-old- This is already crazy. Yeah. You might as well. I'm believing a 70-year-old is going to grind it out in the hot deserts of whatever to look for something. Yeah. Crystal sky. Then, yeah, I would think a fridge would stop a nuclear thing, too. All right. Mm-hmm. All right.

Is that it? That's that. Well, we keep going. It seemed like a good place to stop. Everybody was really into it. Was there a lot of appliance? Was there a lot more appliance? We'd made it through my kitchen, yeah. All right, well, go ahead. No, we got an appliance part. Multi-part, multi-part, honestly. Yeah, let's save the rest of it. I mean, I'll talk for 30 minutes about a magic bullet.

but we don't have time to get into it right now. I do like a blender conversation. Oh, yeah. I mean, you start on air fryers. Well, we'll save that for another time. Okay. Yeah, this is a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. We only basically talked about microwaves and fridges today. Yeah, okay. I like it. All right. Yeah, you want to say where you're going to be? This weekend, I'll be at Zany's Comedy Club with Dustin Dickerson and I forgot who else. Oh, Aaron. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool, Aaron. Yeah.

Yeah. You have fun introing me to the stage. That was bringing the heat here. A little baseball. Inside. Inside baseball talk. Inside. I'm just kidding, dude. I'm looking forward to working with you. I got a tour. I guess a tour coming up. I got a bunch of dates. You can come to Denver or Louisville or Cleveland or Boston or Pittsburgh or Des Moines. I'm all over. So come hang out.

I'm going to be at the Orlando Improv in Orlando, Florida. I've not been there in a long time. So it's going to be very exciting. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's good. It's going to be hot. All right. Yeah. Again, I'll be going. I'm going to go down to Justin Smith's show this weekend or Thursday at Zany's in Nashville if you're, you know. And then Australia. Australia. Be at all these places. I had it earlier.

2930 Sydney at Inmore Theater, August 1st and 2nd, Melbourne, right? Melbourne, Victoria at Anthony Neum Theater. I mean, this is like, they use like our American language. August 4th, Perth, Western Australia, Astor Theater. August 6th, Brisbane, Brisbane,

Brisbane, Queensland at the Fortitude Music Hall and August 9th, Auckland, New Zealand at Bruce Mason Theater. And then the middle of August, I'll be at Alaska State Fair. So I'm pumped about that. So, yeah, let's go check everybody out. Hope everybody has a wonderful week, rest of the week. And, yeah, we love you. Talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the Audioboom platform. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.