Treasure Hunting w/ Roosevelt Stewart
48:28 Share

Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good you'll be shouting!

So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Requires trade-in of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Hello. From Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten.

Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you You don't need no edge entity you need boundaries All things

It's podcast day. I know you've been waiting. It's your favorite day of the week like mine because I get to kick it with my besties. If I was a cheerleader, I would have a whole P-O-D-C-A-S-T podcast day, but I wasn't a cheerleader because I was a mom in high school. Some of y'all like to call me auntie and I guess it's because, can I be honest? I really don't

really don't enjoy when y'all call me auntie, but instead I like bestie or homegirl because it's just not giving auntie yet. Also, I'll know if you listen to this episode if you're still calling me auntie after today. Anyway, enough about me, okay? Today's guest is likely familiar to a lot of you if you worship with us at One Online or TPH Denver. Pastor, musician, friend, and fiance,

♪♪

God is still working on the hearts of men. So whether you're in relationship, in a marriage, or you're just waiting, I think you're going to be blessed by this. Let's check it out. Hello. Hello. How are you? I'm doing great. How are you? Good. Are you nervous?

Excited? I am. It's kind of both because I told Karina, I was like, you know, one day, and I said this last year, like, my day is going to come. I think it was when y'all brought that, those flip-flops and that coffee mug. I was like, this is going to be my moment. But then now it's here. I'm like, man, I've never done this before. This is crazy. It's different. First of all, how are you adjusting? How do you feel? You're in a different state, in a different city. Yeah.

I am. I am in Los Angeles, California. Does that feel surreal? It does. I never thought I would be here. I never thought I would be here. That's how I be driving around. And I've been here almost eight years, but I'm still kind of like, I like live here and that feels strange. Right. I keep saying to myself, okay, eventually when is my flight coming?

I'm going back to Colorado, but I literally am in LA. And I feel like a tourist every day. I literally feel like a tourist every day. And it's just never thought in a million years I'd be here. It's mind blowing. Like the places you see like on movies, like you're driving through. It's just really crazy. It's a vibe. It's a vibe.

I got to change my outfits and everything because I was dressed for the cold. As soon as I got here, I had to come out of those jackets, out of everything because it was a little warm out here. That's okay. So I'm going to say this, then we'll start the podcast. But one of the things I had to learn when we started this store is I was buying clothes based on the weather in Los Angeles. So during winter, we would see ourselves just tank because like here, it's still flip-flop season. What winter storm? Never heard of it. And

And so, yeah, I've had to remember, like, L.A. is not the only place in the world you're going to have to think about other cities. So it's a blessing, but sometimes it can feel like you're disconnected from what's happening in the rest of the world. For sure. For sure. It's snowing crazy in Colorado. So I was just like showing off the sun. It's a blizzard over here. So I'm learning, too. Sorry. Sorry about that.

Okay, so we're just going to chat. I don't know where the conversation is going to go. This is our first time having men on the podcast. So we're just going to see like what your I guess relationship has been like with women, what you admire about them, what you're learning about yourself. I don't have any planned questions. So we just want to see what happens.

Sounds good. Let's do it. Okay, Pastor Roe, you are a powerhouse. Let's talk about it. Let's get into it. Okay. I mean, I remember the very first time I saw you singing. It was in Los Angeles and

I told PT, he reminds me of my brother. My brother is like this six, four big guy. He's like tall. And, but like this teddy bear, like this spiritual sensitivity. And I saw you up there like functioning and moving in that element of faith. Has that always been something that just came kind of naturally to you? Or did you have to cultivate how you show up spiritually? Yeah.

I'm gonna have to say it's a mixture of both, honestly, like, because what I've learned is all I ever had growing up in Florida was my worship. And that was like my safe space. And what I was struggling with when it first, you know, I first started leading worship was helping others to see that this is not just my safe space, but I want us all to enjoy that safe space. So something I did in private, like,

trying to bring into the public setting, it was a little weird at first because, you know, you had to think about the outside elements all the time. You have situations going on at home. You have your mother's sick. You have so many things going on. And I have to somehow replace that, not replace, but remove the

the thoughts of what's going on around me and focus on what's happening in me in the moment of worship. And so it became a process of helping people realize. And I think the coolest part about it was that I realized that we are all the same, even though I'm holding the mic and I'm leading worship, we're all the same. We all have outside environments that are giving us every reason to not give God the worship that he deserves. But the more that we get closer to each other, the more that we realize that we're the same,

It just creates such a beautiful atmosphere. So I'd say it's literally both one in the same of what you said. Do you think it's more difficult for men to worship publicly, worship maybe in general, because worship demands vulnerability? Yeah.

Yes, I will be the first to say it. I struggled. I didn't start lead worship until I was 18 years old, mainly because I had the ability to sing growing up. And honestly, I remember that while I was singing and the guy didn't mean anything by it, but he was just like, you know, you hit high notes like a girl. And when I heard that, it kind of like.

threw me back that I didn't want to portray something that I wasn't. And then at the same time, it was just the freedom that I had to be emotional and to cry. It caused me to misunderstand

The vulnerability that I so walk into really now, it was almost frowned upon as a man growing up. Like a man is not supposed to cry. A man is not supposed to be vulnerable and show his emotions. That's what toxic masculinity has taught us. But growing through time, I've realized that even when reading the Bible,

The reason why these men are so powerful in the Bible is because of their transparency. And I think it's powerful to understand that I have the honor to lead men and help them understand that being vulnerable is the very thing God wants from us. Being transparent is the very thing God wants from us. And I think the most...

The most masculine place you can be is where God can look through you and show you the places you can improve, show you the places that you're weak, show you the places that he's also endowed you with an anointing to do great things. The most vulnerability is the best place to be as a man. So it was hard at first, but when I realized and looking through like,

I always talk about my explanation of what worship is and I always talk about Jesus when he lifted his hands to show the marks that he had gone through. That's the vulnerability. I want you to see what I've gone through, but I want you to see what the power of God has in my life. And I think that's what

Worship is for me, it's a moment for me to say, yes, I was that person. Yes, I went through those things. Yes, I had so many insecurities about myself and still battle with today. But when I'm in his presence, me being vulnerable helps me remove those issues or the power it has over my life.

Is there something that women can do to create safer spaces for men to be vulnerable? Because I'm hearing you talk about your relationship with God. And then I know so many of our women listeners are wondering, how do I cultivate or how do I create a space where my husband, my son, my brothers, my father can begin to tap into vulnerability? I think a lot of us women have experienced men who have like this wall up where you can't

Ask them anything. You can't create a space for them to share about what's troubling them. They want to be left alone. Is there anything that a woman can do to make a man feel safe enough to open up so that she can at least be a safe place? Right. Because even if we don't have answers, there's something about venting that can be very cathartic. But sometimes we don't know how to get it out of you all.

For sure. I think one of the things that has helped me and even this podcast is doing without even knowing this, I realized that

I was able to converse with, like, you know, I'm in a relationship with Korean, I shout out to Korean who love me, we're engaged, I'm about to get married, okay, moving on. I can't get crazy, I can't get crazy. But what I've learned was I am able to see by two things. Men, even though we don't say much, we realize how much words matter to us.

I can say literally words in my past were things that closed doors. And now I'm learning now that words have the same ability that closed doors in my life. They are opening doors. And what I mean by that is Karina made a safe space for me to open up with vulnerability of the things that

I felt that because of the way I was brought up, the way I was raised, the environment I grew up in, it was never a safe space because I deemed everyone not able to be trustworthy. I always deemed that it would always lead to someone because what we don't realize is love is a risk. It is giving someone the opportunity to hurt you. And so not that they will use it or exploit that weakness, but when I was able to

one, allow her words to open the door in me. It made me feel safe. And then the second thing is I realized that we're, even though I'm a man and she's a woman and I'm a man and you're a woman and, um, you know, this is women evolve podcast and I'm on here. I realized that there are a lot of similarities between the two of us. And because of that,

if I can find that common ground between a male and a female, then we'll be more open to have conversations. And I think those are the two things that have really opened up doors for me. And I think it would be helpful for women to open spaces for their men to be vulnerable is find those words that unlocks his heart. He's probably changed the locks on the door because a

a past relationship or his childhood or trauma that he's experienced and tragedy that he's experienced has caused him to change the locks of the doors of his heart. You have to learn those keys. What opens his heart? What gets him to open up and find those spaces

And it doesn't require manipulation. You don't have to play games and you don't have to. And this is not this is on both sides. So I'm not saying women do this. I'm saying in any relationship, you don't have to use manipulation to get what you want. Learning your partner and learning the men in your life, your father, this could be a sibling. It opens doors for you when you find the right words to say and then find the coming ground.

Help him understand he's not alone because men are taught that we have to carry this fight by ourselves. We have to stand in the paint and not show. We have to be Superman. And Superman is one of the most isolated superheroes in the world. But when he finds out that there is a woman that understands, it opens up a door for a man to be vulnerable.

Can I tell you, I am low-key proud of myself because I have been making much better food choices lately. I didn't have a lot of time to make breakfast this morning and I knew a sugary bowl of cereal wasn't an option. I wasn't worried because thanks to HelloFresh America's number one meal kit,

Limited time and healthy, savory food options are their specialty. My Spinach and Feta Egg Bites Breakfast on the Go understood the assignment, okay? Quick and easy to make recipe with fresh ingredients. Go to HelloFresh.com slash WomanEvolve16 and use code WomanEvolve16 for up to 16 free meals. And hold on to your wig.

Three free gifts. That's HelloFresh.com slash WomanyBall16 and use code WomanyBall16 for up to 16 meals and three gifts. I think a lot of times that what we do when we are engaging with people in relationship is that we look at the final product of who they are and we're able to say, oh, congratulations on that job or I'm so happy for you. But I think when you are in intimate relationship with someone, you're not just looking at the

final product, you're looking at the cost, right? And so it's the difference between congratulations to I can only imagine how exciting this opportunity is for you considering how hard you've been working to finally get here. And I think that that creates space for a person to feel seen. And when a person feels seen and they feel like there's empathy connected to how you view them, then they are more inclined to be vulnerable. And I think those slight tweaks with our words, like my husband,

finished his book and like you know everyone's like oh so proud of you but I'm like babe you fought for that book I saw you you stayed up night like to really say I see you is the best way to create a space for someone to be vulnerable because at the end of the day I want to know that you see me without me having to tell you everything that I've gone through but with the little

bits and pieces, we know we can imagine how challenging or difficult it's been for someone to get to where they are. And I think to really take that into account when engaging with someone is super important.

Absolutely. That is so good. Okay, I have a question for you because I already know it's women listening. They heard you shout out your boo, your fiance. Okay, Karina. All right. I didn't have nothing to do with them getting together, but I did know both of them before they got together. Let me tell you something. They're doing a thing together. Okay, so don't make us have to woman dissolve because you done rolled up on Roe. Okay?

Because listen, we roll tight. Karina is a part of the woman evolved crew and his backup and a delegation. So like, don't even do it to yourself, but we're going to ask you to speak on behalf of men. What makes a man propose to a woman? What makes a man say like, this is the one, what does he have to feel? What has, where does he have to be in his life emotionally? Like what makes you finally say, you know what? I'm trying to do this life thing with you.

oh i gotta speak for me like that that moment and i i i wrestle with them i don't think men realize when you're about to make that decision i mean it it does something to you where you are literally like thinking and there's moments where you're like should i yeah you you think about the the the past failures of your last relationships

You don't want to ruin the current one that you have. And I definitely thought about those things that I experienced, the bad decisions that I make, the lack of the character flaws, the character fails. Like, I'm just going to talk about it. Like we we think about those things leading up to the person. And I think what what really did it for me was.

It wasn't how much, and I literally said this in my Instagram when I posted our engagement, it wasn't so much how she shined in the light. We expect that. That's like trophy mentality. I expect when things are good, you're shining in the light. But I literally, through the darkness of my past failures and the darkness of my traumas, I literally saw her glow in the dark. That is what did it for me.

And I think that's the separation between treasure and trophies, trophies shine in the light there showed up case, you know, and, and honestly, that's what led to a lot of failures in my last relationships is because I approach women with the trophy mentality, because that's what pop culture taught us. It's what, what, what toxic masculinity taught us is,

you can never have too many trophies. You can never, you know, when you've had one for too long, it's time to replace it for something new. And the longer you have this trophy, the more it loses its relevance. And to some, to a certain extent,

Trophies are not a bad thing, but when it comes to treating the thing that God has put in a woman as a trophy, you then begin to misuse what God has intended for that woman to be. And I had to acknowledge that.

that I had to fix, God had to fix some things in me for me to be able to switch from looking for trophies to finding treasure. And that required not just digging into the relationship with me and Karina, but I had to dig into myself. I had to root up some things in my heart that I didn't realize was perpetuating in every relationship. As soon as commitment was involved, I would run away because

of the traumas in my past. I grew up with my mom because I literally

saw my dad cheating with my mom. And it was my words of what I saw that caused the divorce, that caused the huge fight, that caused me moving from Memphis to Florida. And so to think of the traumas of what has happened, I had to literally dig into myself. God has put in every man a treasure hunter. He that finds a wife finds a good thing, right? So he's put something in us

that we're gonna go dig for that good thing. PT does for the good thing in you. I'm digging for the good thing for Karina. And I think what's important is,

We have to make sure that before we try to dig in a relationship, we have to dig into ourselves. We have to let God dig into us. And when I found the things, the generational curses, the insecurity, which men don't like to say we have, insecurities, the feeling of needing to earn people's respect and earn people's love. And I was

treated honestly based on how I perform. So even I felt that my love was only received as long as I played football, as long as I would try to join the NFL or if I had enough money to give people when they needed it to make months rent, then I felt like that I was loved, but that was the trophy mentality. And so when I saw Karina see

see the darkness in my life because I refuse to ask someone to marry me and they not know the complete version of who I am, the good, the bad, and the ugly. You know, it's easy for a worship leader to be on stage and look like he's, you know, he's got it all together. But we go through a lot of attacks, you know, and we have a lot of things that we're battling, not just from the enemy, but with ourselves. And what I realized was,

I had to reveal that to Karina and I had to share with her. This is who I am. And to see the love I'm trying to get emotional, not that it's toxic or anything, but it's just like, it's a beautiful thing that someone saw like,

I feel like love is someone singing the ugliest side of you and still find the beauty in it. And she found beauty in me being vulnerable and gave me the space to allow time and healing and God to really fix those areas. And I thought about that moment. Could I, would I ever want to have to find out is

Is there another treasure that I want? Is there another place that I can go dig for? And my heart said, no, this is where we need to dig. And that's what did it for me. I mean, I feel like I need poetry snaps. I feel like I need praise hands. I need jazz fingers like that.

idea of there's a treasure hunter inside every man, but he has to first dig within his own soul before he goes to find a woman is something that honestly, I will tell you, I don't hear a lot of men talking about. Um,

I think that men, to your point, are so wired to go get the trophy. And even from our messaging standpoint, I cringe when I hear pastors. They're generally men talking about what a woman needs to do in order to prepare for a relationship. And you hardly ever hear men talking about what men need to do. And like we're doing all of that.

the things we go into the gym, we celebrate, we learning to take control of our mouth. We learning to pray for you. We learning to prophesy over you. And no one is having these conversations with men. And I feel like that is such a failure because we have women who are preparing to become wives, but no one's teaching the men how to become husbands.

Yes, yes and yes. I think that's that. I think accountability is what really helped change my perspective, holding myself accountable for how many women that I treat like trophies. How many times did I have my intentions were good. I wanted to be. But no one wants to do the work.

Because to be a treasure hunter, you have to dig. And digging is not fun. I've dug before. I've had to dig when I used to work in landscape. Digging is one of the most laborious, unending, like no one sees it. But that's what makes it so powerful. I'm not in a relationship to be seen.

I want to see what's down here. If no one else comes here. And that's the thing. If no one else sees the treasure that I have, it doesn't mean that my treasure is a treasure. Trophies are designated what's trophies by what everyone else is saying.

You can't tell me what I found is in treasure, even if you see it and then don't see the value that I see. And I think if men saw it that way, they wouldn't allow what they see on TV to determine what woman should they look for, because it's not about those things. But when the trophy stops shining, because it will stop shining eventually as time goes on, no one stays, you know,

the way we like them forever. You know what I mean? You can beat your face for only so long. Right. After a while, you know, the lace front is going to start losing the glue. It happens. Listen, it happens. I was raised by women. I've seen it with my own eyes. So I know

There comes a time, right, that you have to realize that eventually the trophy is going to stop shining. But if you got treasure, treasure appreciates over time. The longer I have it, the better it gets. And I, because of how long I've kept it in clothes and kept it and honored it and stuff like that, it makes it so much. And now that we're talking about women, it makes her so much valuable. And I think that's really awesome that we have

you know, to be able to say to ourselves that as men, in order for me to even find the wife, I have to acknowledge that it's my job to be worthy to hold that title of a treasure hunter. I have to qualify as that first. If I'm looking for what

Everybody else is looking for Donald. I don't really count as a as a treasure hunter treasure hunters dive in the deepest parts of the sea treasure hunters dive in caves and crevices. You understand what I'm saying? So it's not necessarily the figure. But that's not what treasure hunters do. They don't go where everyone else goes. And that's when my that's when I was able to find Karina. I didn't do what I always did to find girls. I didn't.

I didn't find her on a dating app. I didn't find her at the church. Thanks be to God. I didn't find her. You know what I mean? It doesn't really count where you find her, like per se. Cause I don't want to be like, well, I found my woman at the church. What does that mean? What I'm saying is the place where you least expect it is where your treasure is going to come. But that all, that all starts from God. What do I need to do to qualify for,

As a treasure hunter. And it took me having to end a previous relationship for me to go through the process of becoming a treasure hunter, because that person that I was in a relationship with, I was.

I misused her. I abused her because my mentality hadn't shifted to looking for treasure in people. It was to be seen. It was to keep up appearances. This is what it should look like. Trophy mentality. I had to let God literally say, you're not ready for a wife yet. And I would rather you spend time alone and learn what it means to find a wife, even if you never find a wife, than for you to

Marry this person with the intentions of which marriage should be to treat her as treasure and you still chasing trophies I am sick of you on today You were preaching a mighty word, okay, I have a question for you one of the things that I have noticed in my marriage with PT is that we have these moments where

We see one another's treasure. We're doing life together. We're building the family. We're working through the business. We're doing all those things. And yet there are these moments where I can tell that the little boy in him is having a confrontation with the little girl in me. And we're not functioning maybe at the highest version of ourselves anymore.

And instead we've been triggered. And I think that we falsely believe that the more that we're in relationship with someone, the less those moments will happen. When the truth is, the more that we dig within one another, the more we're going to realize that.

there are so many landmines on the way to treasure come on let's talk about let me take your analogy yes there is treasure to dig but there are also land mines and if you are not careful in the pursuit of trying to get the treasure you may stumble over a childhood trauma your words may slice and dice me in such a way that you never get to experience the treasure

How do you navigate those moments when you know what I just said came from a place of brokenness or I'm experiencing a place that hasn't been healed by my fiance yet? And how do you do that without losing the butterflies and the joy and the love? And I think this is like such a necessary question because I think

For me, there have been times in the moment where I have been afraid that PT can accept me or afraid that I've like never seen this side of you before. I don't know what to do with this. And yet we find our way back to love. But that doesn't mean that we haven't gotten off course. What is that self-talk that you have in those moments where the relationship isn't warm and fuzzy? It's not so cute. And how do you stay in it when it's ugly? How do you stay in it when it's ugly?

For my experience, even with me and Karina, what did it for me was because I got a lot of triggers. I'm learning that I had a lot of triggers and have a lot of triggers. And living in the culture that I lived in, it didn't seem as triggered. It just felt like this is the way of life. But I'm realizing now that a lot of things that triggered me

I have to understand that because she's digging, she is not digging to get to the bad parts. That's not her aim. She is not digging to get to the parts to say, oh, I knew you was never who you said you were. That's not her. We ran into this.

That was never your partner. Think about how far you've come. We're this deep in it now, right? So I know that you digging was never the intentions to find the cave of my insecurities or my childhood hurts or the little boy in me. It was never to find that. We just ran into it. Now, my job is just like any treasure. Listen, we can go ride this elephant. Let's do it. We can't ride it no more. We can't ride it no more.

But in those cases where a treasure hunter gets to a place and digging into the cave and the rocks start to crumble and things start caving in, he doesn't continue to dig in the same way. He has to slow down.

You have to slow down because if you're maintaining that momentum, you don't know if the rocks are ready to hold this weight and this momentum that you're digging in. So we have to slow down. And sometimes you got to be still. And in that being still, reflect on how far we as a relationship have come. So I know that you digging at me or me digging at you is not because you're here to find the place where I crumble.

That's not what you're here for. You're here because you're trying to get to the deepest parts of treasure in this earth and vessel. And we just ran into that.

We ran into a childhood trigger spot and that's okay. But my job is to understand that your intentions was never to stay here. Because if you dig too hard in the opening caves, now we're stuck here. You're stuck into my childhood trauma. You're stuck into my childhood triggers and we can't move forward. So it's taking a moment to pause a little bit. Even in those moments where I've triggered her or she's triggered me,

When she triggered me, I have to stop. I know I have to stop because I know for me, it's like, look, if we're going to ride this road, we're going to ride this road all the way down. But we can't have that mentality. That's what that's what gets relationships stuck in a place they can't know where to come out from. And so I think what's helped me is to be able to look back and say, look how far we've dug.

We've dug this far. We've gotten this far. And there was a trigger there. There was a trauma there, but we got through it. Why? Because her intentions was never there. Her focus was never there. We just ran into it. She's trying to get to something better. And even with my intentions, my intentions is not to exploit the little girl places of your life to hurt you. I'm just trying to get to the greatest part of the treasure. And if it means I got to slow down here and we take a moment and acknowledge that we're in a space

Let's acknowledge it. Let's talk about it. Because as we talk about it, we're able to ease our way through those places where it's a little tight. And I think that's what has helped me for sure. In a way, I feel like you're saying that

a relationship paradigm that you have to have in order to go the long haul is not necessarily about trusting a person's actions. And this kind of sounds counterintuitive because when we're in a relationship and it begins, it's like, look at their actions, look at their actions, look at their actions. But once their actions have established something, you then have to move from trusting their actions to trusting their intentions. Because when you're in a relationship with someone, sometimes their actions aren't

aren't going to align with their intentions. And so you have to look at the intentions, which means you have to have intimate knowledge of who a person is. Maybe you said something sharp. Maybe you didn't act the way that I thought that you should act. At the end of the day, I trust that you want to be good to me. I trust that you want to see me win. And that is a deeper level of vulnerability, but one that is necessary if you're going to do life with someone.

Absolutely. That is so good. That blessed me because it helps me realize that

I don't realize, I don't know if I said it, but to hear you say it that way, it makes so much sense because sometimes we put a lot of focus on the action, but we don't know why they did it. And to us, we feel like you're trying to exploit the little girl. And it's like, no, I just bumped into this on the way to what I was trying to get to. I wasn't intending to do that. And I think intention is so important when you realize that

the intention of someone's heart, you don't really dwell in those places too long. You still, it still happens. The triggers happen, but you don't stay there too long because you understand your partner. You understand the person that loves you. You know, their intentions from the beginning was never to exploit those areas. It was to get to the greatest treasure in you. You know, okay, I'm going to say this and I'm going to ask our advice question, but I love this idea of like,

I know people are going to drag because it's like listening, but your actions hurt me, your intentions. And there's merit to that. But even as a parent, if my child starts acting out, if I only respond to the acting, then I miss what's causing them to act that way. And I think we do ourselves a disservice when we're in relationship with people and overreact.

only look at their actions and not also include their intentions. Make a decision based off the intentions and the actions. And it may be that with those actions, I can't be in relationship with you because you don't have a good understanding on how to make your intentions show up in your actions.

But if you are willing to do the work to make sure you're even if that means apologizing, forgiving, showing up better. You got to find the connection between your intentions and your actions. And I have to trust that when they don't align, that you'll work harder to make sure that they do next time. Absolutely. That is so good.

Have you ever mentally kept a running tab of your banking balance and it ended up being less than what you thought it would be when you logged into your account? As you're looking at your statement line by line, you realize you're the culprit. You forgot to cancel several free subscriptions that you no longer use. That used to happen to me one too many times, but thanks to Truebill, not anymore.

Truebill is the new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions you don't need, want, or simply forgot about. Don't fall for subscription scams. Start canceling today at Truebill.com/womanevolve. On average, people save up to $720 a year with Truebill because companies make subscriptions hard to cancel. I love that Truebill makes it incredibly simple and has stopped me from spending money on subscriptions that I was no longer using.

Just link your accounts and Truebill will cancel your unwanted subscriptions in one tap. And your Truebill concierge is there when you need them to cancel unwanted subscriptions so you don't have to. Truebill has over 2 million users and helped save them over $100 million. Here's what Jennifer B. has to say. With Truebill's help, our family has saved $587 a year on unnecessary subscriptions.

I really didn't understand how Truebill could help me until we decided to save for a very large home purchase. Go right now, Truebill.com/womanevolve. It could save you thousands a year. Truebill.com/womanevolve. Ro, this question is long as Monday, okay? Put on your listening ears. - Oh! - Put on your listening ears. - Here we go.

Okay. All right. All right. First, I want to thank you for surrendering and allowing God to use you. Came across your message. End of an era. While watching on a Bishop Jake sermon. Thank you. Love you. Your work is incredible. Thank you. Appreciate that. I'm going to get into your question. She says, I am in a season of transition. I am transitioning from the person I was into the woman God has called me to be.

Since I was a child, I knew I was different. I couldn't pinpoint how, but I knew in my heart that I was called to something greater than myself. Honestly, it scared me and still does. I have big dreams with no guidance on how to get there. My family did the best that they could with the resources and knowledge that they have. However, this calling, my calling, is taking me to an unpaved path, the wilderness, as you would call it. I've been battling my anxiety by leaning into God, and although it has helped, I am still terrified.

During this time of transition, God has revealed to me that my purpose is to help others activate slash walk in their purpose. I'm not sure if I will be in the capacity of a coach, speaker, or both. God is still working out the details, but I'm being called to LA. I feel it so strongly in my spirit that something is waiting for me there. My dilemma is that I am comfortable where I am physically. I have a corporate job with benefits, stock options, and a 401k. Sis, where did you go to college? Okay. It's giving college educated. Okay.

As a 28 year old who was still working on her bachelor's degree, I recognize how blessed I am. I was also born and raised in the Bay where I reside to this day. The Bay area is home. I know God is trying to get me to activate what he has placed on the inside of me. I'm hesitating because I don't do well with uncertainty and moving to LA will place me into the wilderness by myself where it will just be me and God. How do you overcome comfortability when you step into purpose?

is what actions do you take while walking in faith? And I guess most importantly, how do you silence the anxiety that challenges your decisions to walk blindly in faith? This is a great question for you, Roe, because you've had to move and get out of your comfort zone. So I want you to kick it off.

Literally. So my whole life is, is literally that question where I was comfortable in Fort Myers, Florida. Shouts out to anybody who is from the 239th quarter area watching right now. I just had to put that out there, but I was comfortable. Life was great. I knew everything that was going on. I felt like it was just an environment that was just comfortable for me. And what I didn't realize was that,

As I continue to grow, those spaces started losing their comfortability. And you're starting, we talk about God increased me. I want to grow. I want, and then what happens is we start finding situations where things don't fit the way they used to. And that is literally my life. And what happens is you have a dream. And I had a dream that I literally had a dream that I would,

be in LA and I never wanted to be in LA. It was never in my thought process. But what happens is when I spoke the dream, the earth, our ability to speak something causes the earth to start to respond. And what starts happening is the word that God has put in us that we've released into the earth, the earth starts obeying and starts shifting the path, even though it doesn't look like a path, it's shifting the path to get us to what we've spoken. And so here I am in

Fort Myers, Florida, small city, just happy, just treating it like it was just, I was just happy. I was so content. Like, God, this is great. If you do nothing else, I'm good. Had offers so many times said no. And I was like, God, this is where I want to be. And what was happening was each time,

was shifting and something was growing and the place that I felt comfortable, I felt confined. Like I felt like the same place that gave me so much comfortability. I started to feel like I,

I couldn't fit there anymore. And so as that time is going on, I started having these unlikely encounters with people that I've never met. I met Travis Green and he spoke to me. He was like, I don't really know you. You know, you're just filling in to play for me. But I just wanted to say there's something special in you and where you are, you can't stay there. And I was like,

heard that before, right? Not gonna, not gonna listen to that. Like God is planting me. I was so big on being a root planted in a community, pouring into kids in my community. I was a youth pastor and a worship pastor. I was just, I was so content. But as that word kept hitting in my head, I started to see like, I can't stay here. And the environment changed.

If I stay here, I may not grow anymore. Wow. I may stay stuck right where I am. And so what happened was I got this call out of nowhere. And I thought I thought I thought it was a tax collector. I was like, listen, I paid Uncle Sammy's money. I paid.

I paid Sallie Mae, I don't owe nobody. And so I let it go to the answering machine and let it go to voicemail. And it was Pastor Tore and he asked me to come to LA. And it was to just lead worship, right? I was just filling in leading worship and I thought it was like really cool. And that was like 20, maybe 2017.

Didn't think anything of it, just led worship and was done. And then the next year I was asked to come to Denver, lead worship there and did it, came, just had a great time, went back to Fort Myers. And the more I kept getting exposed to what was bigger, I would go back to the confined space and be that much more uncomfortable. It's kind of like being in a plane seat for me. Being in a middle seat is like...

the most God forsaken area for me because I can't fit. I just cannot fit. You know, look, I was like, look, Lord, you can do anything. You can send me through any storm. Just don't let me sit in the middle seat of any plane in Jesus name. But what I'm saying is as I continue to get exposed to what bigger he had for me,

I kept going back to, it's kind of like Joseph sharing his dream. That environment was too confined for him to continue to share that dream. And so now what happens is the earth has to figure out a way to get you there. Even though the dream was about LA, somehow it ended in Denver and was so happy, like enjoying Denver, like excited, but that wasn't the dream that God had.

it wasn't the full plan of what he had. And so watching the environment, watching the path that he's laid and prepared somehow in me to right here, I'm in LA right now. It's because you have to trust that the environment that God is putting you in, and it looks like a wilderness, but it's the only way to get you to where you need to be. And that's what you have to trust. And so to get rid of the anxiety, knowing that

God is a preparer of a place, but he also prepares people for that place. So wherever you are right now, you have to understand God is preparing that place for you. It's prepared, but he's not going to make sure he's going to make sure you don't walk into that place unprepared for that place. And the reason why is because.

He's got to make sure that when I send you to this place, everything that you learn in the wilderness is what's going to prepare you for this place. And so for that question, I just challenge her to not be held to the anxiety. Take

take peace in knowing that the place you are in is either doing two things. It is directing you or it's building you for what you're about to walk in. And, and, and that's really what it is. My life is a testament of that from being in Fort Myers. Never. I had no, I never knew. I mean, I literally watched your father on YouTube, like, and, and, and that, and that was it. It was like, he fathered

He doesn't realize it, but he fathered the whole country for me. Everybody knew. And then seeing you step into what you're doing, it's like every woman from Fort Myers talks about Pastor Sarah. Like, oh my gosh, she just posted this. And to me, I felt so far removed from that because I was just like, there's no way I would ever meet these people. There's no way that I would be near these people. And to watch God orchestrate this path

of unlikeliness. And here I am on a podcast with Pastor Sarah Jiggs Roberts. It's almost like overwhelming to see the

the road he chose to get me here. And so it's just trusting that wherever I am, it is literally the path. It is the path that he's using to direct me or prepare me for what I'm about to walk into. - Man, that is so powerful. What I love about your story that I think this person should really resonate with is that when God makes it clear that he's calling you somewhere else, whether that is a new city or to a new job or wherever,

that you may be wondering, how do I move from this comfortable place into something that's going to be uncertain? And yet what I hear you saying and what I think people need to understand is that turning your face towards it is the beginning of it. A lot of times we think to ourselves, like, I can't move to that city tomorrow. I'm not ready to move tomorrow. I don't know where I live. I don't know all of that. But to turn your face towards it and to begin to make it something that you are walking towards is how you end up in that place.

place. And I believe that we get so overwhelmed with where we need to be that we don't see how we're going to get there. But I hear God saying that from a place of peace and stillness, I'm going to help you turn your face in the direction of where I'm calling you. And it's going to take step by step, day by day. But I need you to settle within your heart that this is what I'm going to do. Now, God, show me how it's going to happen. And that's exactly what you did in your story. And I believe so many women are going to benefit from hearing that. Thank

Thank you, Pastor Roe. This was easy. Look, you made it. You made it. You made it. This was powerful, though. I know it's going to help a lot of people. So thank you for doing this with me. Thank you for having me. It's an honor. Okay. If y'all need anything, y'all down the road, let me know. I told Karina, I'm here. I'm a resource. So don't be out here struggling when you can get some help.

That's a great question because, you know, my heart really needs a pound cake. Oh, done. And I kind of. It's a housewarming gift. I will have it for you. All right. Hallelujah. Thank you. You know, the question is, you want chocolate pound cake or regular pound cake? Choose you this day. The one you made, I need that one. Okay. Don't tell Brunis, but I got you. Secret safe with me. Take care. I'm going to send you a cake.

All right. Thank you. You're welcome. Bye. Bye.

You would think my least favorite part of each episode is the end, but it's not. I don't have one. Okay. The end means we're close to having another one, which means we're close to another podcast. And I want you to be my next co-host. Shoot me an email podcast at woman evolved.com. And let's link up multi hyphenate Roosevelt Stewart. Thanks for hanging with me and my girls today, man. You drop so much wisdom that we will never, ever forget.

All right, guys, I'll see you next week. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney. Always bet on Jax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good you'll be shouting!

So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T connecting changes. Everything requires trade in of galaxy S note or Z series smartphone limited time offer 256 gigabytes for $0 additional fees, terms and restrictions apply the att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details. Hello from wonder media network. I'm Jenny Kaplan host of womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women. History has forgotten who,

Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.