Strategy of Discernment w/ Milan Harris
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can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you I feel that for somebody you don't need no edge entity you need boundaries what I don't need your likes I don't need your validation all I need is a God fighting for me that says all things child

One thing I love about the delegation and Woman Evolve is the fact that we dare to challenge ourselves to live without limitations. Okay, so we may get nervous doing this, but we ease our way into where God is calling us. But I love when you all share how you're putting action behind your faith.

I think that's also one of the things that drew me to Milano DeRouge's brand and social media presence. Her name is actually Milan, but her go-get-it attitude coupled with the belief that God has her back is the reason why we are familiar with Milano DeRouge. If you're not familiar with Milano, one, I'm happy to make an introduction because you are going to find this episode so helpful and impactful.

And two, by the end of this episode, I think you'll be following her on all of the socials. Let's get into it, shall we? Hey, gorgeous. Hi, honey. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you so much for doing this. I'm sorry we had to reschedule last time. No problem. I'm looking forward to this. I know we've interacted on Instagram, but I feel like I get a chance to get to know you. And I know, of course, our listeners will, too. But I'm just looking forward to spending time with you.

Yes, I am too. I'm so excited. Okay, Miss Milan, let me tell you something. You are out here doing big girl things on this here Instagram. I love following you. I love seeing the work that you do. And I cannot help but recognize how much strategy goes into how you present your work and your brand.

and how you share on the platform in general. So I want to ask you, what do you know about strategy now that you didn't know when you first started building your life and your brand?

I feel like I normally just do what's natural to me. You know, I feel like I don't want to be controlled and I don't want to. I'm so organic with my content, you know, and I really authentic to myself and my brand. And I think people really dig that, especially now. Like people want authenticity. Yeah.

I think that's the best strategy. Yeah, I love that. I feel like that's part of the reason why so many people kind of gravitate to me. I wasn't trying to do anything to gain a platform. I didn't have growth strategy for your social media or marketing for your social media. I was just out here sharing the lessons that I was learning as I was learning them. And I think I felt a responsibility to really be intentional about that.

the platform once I realized it was a platform, but I kind of figured it out afterwards. When was the moment where you realized, you know what, this is something that is bigger than me? I'm really resonating with women, especially mothers, because I know you do a lot of work with mothers. And when did you decide that this is something that I can really begin to change the world with?

at the age of 23. It was this Beyonce song, I Was Here. And that song, it meant so much to me. It was my 23rd birthday. And I was like, I don't want to just exist. I don't want to make the world a better place because I'm in it. And literally, I just started to align my steps. And during that time, I wasn't the most positive person either. Like I would get in fights. I was like, I'm a young girl from the hood. So I was just...

figuring myself out. But when I created Milano DeRouge and I was at the age of 23, I had set big shoes for Milano so that I can grow into them. So I changed my way of thinking and it changed my life. So I was like, I no longer want to be negative. I want to grow into this positive person. I want to grow into someone that's going to motivate and inspire people. And every day I just followed those steps and eventually I grew into that person.

So it was just a transformation. Okay. So you will have to break this down for us because what I hear you saying is that like you discern that there was an opportunity for you to show up in the world differently. So I want to ask, you said that you switched from, I don't want to think negatively anymore. I want to think positively. Like what were some of those negative thoughts and where do you think they came from? And then I want to ask about how you changed.

It was like growing up in Philly, you, the environment that we grew up in, it was like, if people, people just, it's like a crab in a barrel city, you know, just the hood part. It's like a crab in a barrel city. So people just want to bring you down. Just that way of thinking is like, if you networking, they consider it Joe and Philly, they call it Joe. So it was like, you don't want to network. You don't want to reach out to people because you don't want to be seen being, you don't want to be called Joe, you know, or you don't want to be called, um,

But it's just a stagnant mentality that I had to realize, like, I want more than this. Someone, I cannot listen to the opinions of someone

where I don't want to be, you know, like, so I don't mind. Like, I just want to grow. And just being on Instagram, it helped me realize it was much more than my circumstances. So I seen girls with businesses. I seen them buying their own cars. I seen them getting their own houses and coming from where I'm from. The only girls that had those luxuries were getting it on behalf of men. So I didn't really see women doing it on their own. But once I got on Instagram and I seen it, I'm like, okay, this is obtainable.

And once you see it, you realize you can have it. You know, you realize that that can be yours. So that was my goal. I literally decided like, I don't want this life no more. I want to create my life. I want to create my destiny. And from Milano DeRouge, it really saved my life. I literally create a brand that everything that I love, I incorporated in it. Everything. Like our app, we have motivational quotes. I love talking to my friends and sending them daily quotes.

I have fashion shows. I love putting on entertainment. Every fashion show I have, I have a poet there because I love someone that speak life into you. They can understand your circumstances. So literally everything with the brand, I just tie it in my full personality. And this is why I literally love everything I do, you know?

Okay, so someone would say, you know what? This city is toxic. This environment is toxic. It's this crab in a barrel mentality. And I get these messages all of the time where someone is saying, you know, I'm going to move. I need to get out of this environment. I need to change the way that I think. But what I hear you saying, Milan, is that you stayed in.

in the same place physically, but mentally and spiritually you expanded because you didn't think at least at the time that the only solution was to move. Because if you move and don't change your mindset, then you really didn't change anything. How did you know that you could do it without moving?

My mom. Okay. My mom has like, I always been a believer in Christ. I was saved since the age of 10. So like, because I had her, I already, I always knew what could be. And it was just at the age of 23, it was like me realizing like, what do I want to be? You know? So just having her there to help me see like the vision and you really can't, like you said, no matter where you go, it's,

If you don't change your mindset, your life really won't change. So it's about changing who you are first and changing your mind and how you think and how you perceive things. That's the first step. And then from there, so many doors has opened up for me because some people don't have the opportunity to just move to another city, you know?

right and even if they do they'll go to the same another city and attract the same people because their mindset hasn't changed so you have to change your mindset and your mindset will change your life okay so 23 is young to just decide like i'm gonna start this business i'm gonna throw everything i like into the business and i'm gonna put all

my eggs in one basket. And yet it seems like that's exactly what you did. And did it take off immediately? Did you have to take some classes? Did you have to read some books? What did you learn? Like, how do you go from I'm going to change my life. I'm going to start a business. I'm 23 years old. And here it goes.

So, yeah, I did take classes. I was actually in college during this time. I went to college for entrepreneurship. I didn't finish them, but I'm planning on finishing for my son. But I was in college for entrepreneurship and I was in my macroeconomics class and something just clicked for me. Like, I want to do more. You know, I want to do more. And it didn't just it didn't just happen. I literally I started as a hairstylist while I was doing here.

While I was building Milano de Rouge, I called myself a stylist. I really wasn't a stylist, but I called myself a stylist. I had to be a model for the brand. I had to be the photographer. I had to be a videographer. So I picked up all of these little traits along the way. And ultimately, these things helped me along my journey because now...

I know the basis of all of these little of all. I know the basis of every role in my company, you know. So like when we're on set, sometimes I have to fix them out of here. When we're on set, sometimes I have to work with the videographer to edit the photos and edit the videos. So I know like I know exactly how long it's going to take you to edit. And this helps me. So I'm like, no, it's not going to take a week. You can get this done in two hours, you know, but it literally helped my journey.

But it wasn't overnight. Every day. I remember when I started, I used to hear people say, you got to put in 10,000 hours. Like, you got to put in your 10,000 hours. And now, November 11, 2022 will be my 10th year. I feel like I put in my 10,000 hours times 10. I work every single day on my laundry room. Even when I was giving birth, I was working. I never stopped.

Okay, so you remind me of myself. When I first started Woman Evolve, I just, I got this revelation. And at the time, I was just sharing my story. But Woman Evolve was really me saying, like, I want to be intentional about this platform that God has given me, about these women who are connected to my message. And I was, like, answering the customer service. I was editing the videos. I was taking the pictures. I was editing them. I built the website. I did the Photoshop. Like, you sound like me. And that...

of don't tell me it's going to take a long time because I don't even have the skills you have and I can get it done in less time. Like, I live by that and I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop. Because I'll be out here looking at people like, eh, I don't think so.

Yes, I was production everything. Now we got fancy production and lights and stuff. Girl, I was turning these cameras on. It was dark. It wasn't well lit, but it was live on YouTube. And here we are. So I love a woman who knows how to get things done. What has been like the most I'm going to do everything project that you've ever worked on? And do you regret it? It was my one of my first big fashion shows.

I don't regret it, but oh my God, it was exhausting. I stayed up for 24 hours straight and I was like, oh no, we got to build a team. Next year, we cannot do this. I was so exhausted, but...

It was such a beautiful feeling. Like you've seen everything, you watch everything come to life and then you're on that stage and you see everybody in the audience. And it came from an idea, a concept to an idea to fruition. It was just like, wow. But it was a lot. Oh my gosh. Okay. So I can't decide whether or not I want to ask you about how you built your team or how

how independence keeps us from asking for help. Which one do you want to talk about? Because the good thing about like, I can do it all is that you can do it all. But the difficult thing about I can do it all is that it doesn't always make room for other people to come into your world. And most of the time when we ask for help, it is because we are exhausted. So which one do you want to talk about first? Okay.

I can't actually answer both because that was me. At first it was the independent. I can do it all. And I was really scared because Milano DeRuge is my baby. So it was like, trust the other people to come in and with your baby, you know, but I looked at it like a heartbreak. Like once you get your heart broken, are you not going to love again? I say, yeah, I'm going to love again and I'm going to continue to try. So it's like, okay, it's okay. It's not the end of the world. So,

I literally decided like, I can't do this by myself. And in 2014, I literally started slowly hiring people. And some, some of those people met my worst fears. They, they did exactly what I thought would happen, but I'm happy that it happened early because it showed me like, okay, I didn't die. Yeah. Hire someone new. And, and,

I realized I cannot grow to the level that I wanted to be without a team. In 2016, I have opened up my first flagship store and I had hired a team and I put my check in the Bible. In March 2016, I put a check in the Bible. I said, this is the last check I'm going to pay myself. I'm going to build my team.

And I didn't cash that check. I literally just focused on growing my team because I knew I did not want to. I did not want to work in my store. I wanted to grow the brand. I wanted to grow Milano to be a global brand. And I didn't cash that check until March of 2017. But by the time then I cashed it, my brand was already good enough and it was standing on its own feet that I had. I had the money, you know, so it was just good.

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Were you afraid when you first started making hires? Because I was afraid. I'm going to speak for my own behalf. I was afraid when I first started hiring people because I didn't know about someone's livelihood, depending on something that I was still getting off of the ground.

And I feel like there are so many women who find themselves at that stage where they're like, I'm maxed out. I'm doing everything that I can. But I don't want to hire someone because I don't want them to dedicate their life to building this thing, their livelihood rather, to building this business that is still getting up off of the ground. If you were afraid, what would you say to that entrepreneur who's like, I'm at this crossroad and I need to hire someone, but I'm also afraid that I won't be able to keep them on if I hire them?

I would say...

You got to hire people that you trust, that can understand your vision. And I will just be so honest with them, you know? Because like when I first started hiring, I told my girls, like, I'm not sure how much money we're going to make. But so if you need to keep your side job, keep your side job. But like, I have faith. I'm going to work hard for us. And at the time, I didn't have no kids, but I looked at them as my team. Like my team, I looked at them as my family. Like I had to work hard for them to eat. So I just made it my priority, like,

every day I'm posting, every day I'm working hard because I got to make sure that these people eat. And I want them to be able to leave their job because they were so passionate about Milano DeRouge like I was. So I think you just got to trust in your team, be honest with them because you don't want nobody to leave a secure place to work for you and you really can't provide them security. So I think honesty is the best policy. And then just work hard with them. Like ask them for their feedback. I feel like the people that's on the ground got the most

They know the customer, you know, they can give you the best advice and just be open to so many suggestions. Don't think you know it all. You don't want to be the smartest person on your team.

That's a word. I love when our team gives me feedback because my perspective is limited, right? I've been a mom for most of my life. I'm married and we're doing things for Women Evolve. And if we only have my perspective, then we're only going to reach people who can identify with my experiences. But when we all collaborate, we have an opportunity to meet the needs of every woman. And so I love having diversity. A lot of times we think about diversity individually.

in terms of having different racial or ethnic representation on our teams. But diversity also comes in different lived experiences. You need someone who understands the rural South. You need someone who understands city life. You need a single woman. You need a divorced woman. You need a widow. We gotta be able to pull from everyone. I have a question for you about work-life balance. Like what does balance look like for you? Does it exist?

So, you know, it's so crazy. I was doing an interview and I was explaining my process and the interviewer was like, it doesn't sound like you're balancing. It sounds like you're harmonizing because you're letting everything flow. Like balance is like this, like you're trying to make it work, right? But when you harmonize and you're making everything flowing together and I was like, I like that. So like with my son, I literally try to balance

Have everything around his schedule, you know, or have him around my schedule out. I try to make everything I work all the time. I'm on calls all the time. So it's like my little 15 minute break. Let me read to you. Let me go outside. Let's go for a walk. I just try to harmonize into it so it doesn't feel like I'm trying to force it. But rather, it's just flowing together. I love that. I'm still in that.

Yeah, I think my bio says something foolish like Sarah Jakes Roberts expertly balances business family. Every time they read it, I cringe because like does anyone expertly balance anything? I'm changing my bio. I harmonize. It's going to help me become a singer. If I can harmonize my life, I can harmonize these vocal cords. Has becoming a mother changed you? Absolutely.

Oh, my gosh. I took my hat off to moms. I had no idea that...

Just running a business and becoming a mom is just, it's a superhero. I had no idea what mothers went through, even stay at home mothers. Just, I took my head off to mothers. It definitely changed me. I think one of the biggest things my son did was he made me think about ownership. Like in 2020, when I had him, I was doing really well with Milano, but everything was like materialistic things and just traveling. And it was like, I don't have no ownership. Like, what do I have to pass down to him?

So once I had him, I had him in May. In August, I had purchased my first store. I had purchased my first building. And then from there, now 2022, I have 12 investment properties. But it was like, I have this money in a bank. What am I going to do? I had to learn so much stuff, but he forced me to want to learn it because it's like, what am I going to pass down to him? Your money is no good in the bank anymore. Money is depreciating the value all the time. So it's like...

let me invest. And I just went here first and started investing and just building. I did my will and my estate. It's so many things I didn't think about, but with him, he just forced me to think about it. And it just changed my life for the better.

I'm so blown away about how intuitive you are. I mean, I think that you're the perfect person to talk about discernment because though you're speaking about it in a way that comes so naturally and easy, I think that's just a reflection of how gifted and talented you are. There are some women who are listening who are like, I don't know that I could ever think on that level. Like right now, I'm just trying to make ends meet. Or right now, I don't know.

know what I want to do with my future. And yet you have this gift and ability to receive an idea and act on it seemingly without fear of the risk connected to it, or you're not deterred by the risk connected to it. Have you always been that way? I have, to be honest. It was like

I never think about what if I fell, you know, because I come from that bottom. It was like you either try like you never lose, you know, you either win or you learn. Yeah. So it was like even if I fell like I'm not defeated. So I never thought about like what's what's going to happen, you know, if this doesn't work, it had to work. And if not, this is going to launch me to somewhere else, you know. So I'm not afraid to start. And this is how I look at it. Like, what is my dream?

No one made me want this dream. I wanted this dream on my own. So I work like I want it. Nobody's forcing me to do this. I don't have an alarm clock to wake me up for Milano DiRuggi. Milano wakes me up. I'm fueled by my dream. So I think people just got to figure out what makes them happy.

you got to do what makes you happy. Milano wasn't making money for the first, I didn't see money. We were making it, but I didn't see money for the first three years because I just, I was in a cycle. I didn't understand it, but I was still working. Like I was becoming rich off of it because I enjoyed it. I just turned my passion into a paycheck. So I think people got to just figure out what makes them happy. What would they do if they wasn't getting paid for it? Some people enjoy cooking. Some people enjoy talking to people. It's like figure out what makes you happy and just try to,

drive that like you know like watch other people I normally tell people to find three people in the industry that you're in or that you want to be in and learn from them use them as your mentors everybody be like oh I need a mentor I need a mentor I didn't have a mentor I had mentors in my head you were one of my mentors in my head actually so it's amazing for me to be here but it's like you learn from these people and you watch what they do and then you just follow their steps right

Okay. You just make me want to like go to sleep and wake up different. Like I don't want to wake up different. I want to be passionate about salad. I want to be passionate about this business. You are boosting me up. Okay. I totally relate to what you're saying though. Even though we grew up in different environments, I think because I experienced my pregnancy so early and

and in the church culture that I grew up in, that's like failure at an early age. I really felt like there's really anything is going to be improvement from here, right? Like I graduated high school and people's like, oh my God, you did it. I'm so proud of you because everyone was kind of like, this is going to be hard for you to win in any way. And so success to me is like,

within reach because it was never something that felt really far-fetched. So that fear of failure, you know, my team always talks about how I don't dip my toe in the water. Like if we have an idea, I basically push everyone into the pool and I'm like, don't worry about it. We'll swim. Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. But I do think that now that my life has kind of leveled out a little bit, that sometimes I maybe fear failure.

I think I fear burnout and sustainability. Like, can you sustain at this pace?

for the long haul, right? Because now I've gotten over this hump of like, okay, we have something, we got a foundation, we building something. But then I look down the road and I'm like, I want to do this for the next 30, 40 years. And I don't know if I can continue to have the energy to do it at the level that I'm doing it on now. What are you afraid of that maybe isn't related to work or is related to work as you continue to grow and evolve in your life?

I think one of my fears is just not reaching the expectations I set for myself or not reaching my full potential. And another one is protecting my baby. It's like, how do you protect your baby? And it's,

It was like the hardest thing, especially just when he was a baby. I used to be just checking to make sure he's breathing. Yeah. Or like just making sure that like the right people are around him. It's just you don't you never know, especially you hear so many stories. It's like, OK, how can I be present enough? Whereas though I can make sure that he's OK. And it's like sometimes you can't.

Like, you know, sometimes you can't be there. You know, some moms got to send their kids to daycare and they just got to pray for the best. So it's like, how do we protect each other? I don't know. That's just one of my biggest fears. Yeah, no, I totally feel that. And I've got three that lived in me and then I've got three bonus babies. And I'm at this weird stage, especially with my oldest that lived in me. He's 19. He's moved out to college on dorms. And I'm just like, he's out in the heart of Los Angeles.

And I know he's out in the streets. Like, I know you're in the streets and you're just like this kind hearted kid from Dallas, Texas. And like people, I watch the news and people are out here doing things. And yet I find peace and safety in the fact that like he started with God, you know, and at the end of the day, I'm going to do the best that I can and I'm going to trust what I placed in him. But I realized that like, there are some things that like as a parent,

I can't teach. Only God can guide. And so I'm having to trust that. I have a question about your other fear, this idea of reaching your full potential. Do you think that you will know when it's there or are you the kind of person that once you have reached it, the flag is pushed back a little bit?

That's me. Once I reach it. So this is what I say. I always say like, once I make one dream a reality, I dream some more. I dream bigger and I dream better. Like, I just never want to feel content. But I just want to like, I want God to use me until he can't use me no more. So like sometimes when I'm on a plane and it was turbulence and I'm like, oh no. This can't be it. You be scared. This can't be it.

God got more for me. God got more stuff planned for me. I know this isn't it, but it's like, I just want to make sure I'm like reaching my full potential. Sometimes when I feel like this was like, like I wasn't, I didn't give it my all today. I'm like, no, I got to tap in. I know like God got a bigger purpose for me. Like I got to tap in. I got to inspire. I got to do more, you know? Yes. They're trying to get me. They got hair on my face. I got it. Amen. Okay. Yeah.

No, I totally get that. Because those moments, especially on the plane, that's when I'd be like, this is it. You devil trying to get me. You done flown up here trying to take me out. But reminding myself, like, I still have work to do. I just wonder, though, especially as women who I think are constantly finding something to do or a new dream to pursue once we arrive to a certain place, like, how do we celebrate the reality that

Like you're at your fullest potential. Like there's still, I think maybe the fullest potential is not a destination. It is a way of being. It is a commitment to continuing to cultivate, a commitment to showing up regardless. Like maybe that is the fullest potential and not necessarily once I have this in the bank or once this has happened, because that's always going to continue to grow. What do you think about that? Right. Right.

No, I agree. I think that I think you're so right about that. You know, I absolutely think I think that's it, you know? Yeah. So it's not really a destination. There's not really an amount of money because what I learned that everything that you want. I remember I used to say, like, I want a G wagon or I want a penthouse. I used to say I want these things. And then once you get them, it's like, no, that's not it. Like to me, I think like.

What makes me happy is figuring out how to make other people happy or figuring out how to help other people grow. Like just being able to be like a, like I say, like this is what I tell people. Milano DeRouge is a clothing brand, right? But I look at the brand as a vessel because some people are attracted to my brand because of the style or the coolness of it. But once they hear the story or once they start to see what Milano is about and how we inspire people to chase their dreams and stuff,

It's more so the vessel of really getting people to really believe in themselves.

That's what makes me happy. When I see people with my brand on, it's like, wow. But when I see people wearing it and they're making their dreams a reality and they're buying their car or they're signing their mortgage or they're getting their first business started, that right there, I'm like, yes, because now you're opening up so many doors and you're creating this generation where they can believe that dreams are real. That's really what makes me happy. This is why I use my

to promote that type of stuff. That makes me so happy because I feel so many people believe that the only way that they can be effective in changing the world means that like I may have to go into ministry or I've got to write a book or I've got to do something like preaching. And I realized that like God has gifted so many people in so many different ways individually.

And ministry is not just grabbing a Bible and preaching. Ministry is how you use your life to serve other people. Literally, to minister is to serve. And so you're serving through your fashion brand. You're serving when you pick up that camera. Like, there are so many different ways to serve. It's about recognizing who you are in a

room and the light that you carry and the ability that you have to shed light in dark places, which I feel like is exactly what I see you doing in your philanthropic endeavors. Tell me a little bit about why you felt it was important to have the mom and heir clubs and the woman heir. I want to make sure I'm saying the woman heir club. Like what made you feel like this is the lane that I want to take up space in? So can I just tell you one thing? Because as you were talking, it made me think about like

ministry and just using yourself like you don't have to be a preacher right so I remember I was in college and one of my friends she she practiced a different religion than me and she would literally like she loved her religion she talked about her religion equally as much as I talked about mine yeah and then like we've been friends for three years and then one day she was like can I go to church with you I was like you want to go to church she was like yeah I'm like

Really? She was like, yeah, come on. She was like, I see what God has been doing in your life and I want him to do the same in my mind. So I'm like, oh yeah, for sure. Because I never put religion on people. I just let them see how I operate. I never try to tell them like, oh, oh, you got to do this. Like, I literally just try to let them see what God do in my life. And I always talk about Jesus and I always pray, but I never try to make them become religious because I am, you know? So she went to church with me and the pastor called me

Did the author call and I was doing something. I seen her walk past me and she was walking in the house. I just ran down with her and I grabbed her hand and I'm like, wow, this is God works because she was so devoted to her religion. And she literally just switched hers because she's seen what God did in my life. And she's been a Christian for like five years now. But it's just amazing to just live in it and people can see what God does and they want it, you know.

That gave me chills. Like, no, no. We got to let that settle in for a minute because I don't know. We live in a different age and in different generation and culture. And I think that we have to be willing to respect the differences that exist in our friends and our coworkers and sometimes our family members. But to trust that our light is powerful enough to attract and to draw people to Jesus, that is the goal. I think

sometimes we don't trust the light. And so we have to force ourselves on other people and force our religion. But if you stand flat footed in the transformation that God has done in your life and the growth that you're experiencing, the conviction that you're going through, it will draw people to you. And so, yes, that was testimony service and we love to see it. Yes. Okay. Now you can answer the question, whatever it was. You helped me remember what it was. It was about, it was about the woman in a club and the mama in a club. I,

created the Womenaire Club first and it was because the Womenaire Club is a club for women that are entrepreneurs and I created this club because when I was even now it's so hard to my friends don't understand things that I'm going through you know so like the advice that they'll give me is it doesn't really help for business so this club is really for business women where we connect we share resources and we give each other advice because

Well, another business woman go through, that's just a testimony to show you that you can get through it. Or if you just help you, whereas though your average friend may not have a clue, they may not give you the right advice. So having this woman in the club, it was so essential. And another thing I did, the reason why I did it was because most women in my position, the bosses, they are the ones that everyone lean on. Hmm.

They're the ones who people come to for everything. So they don't have no one to actually lean on. So it's like, they're just so built up where they don't have a release. When I started the club, I started it with a retreat. And in my retreat, I had a therapist come. I had a nutritionist come. I had someone do a yoga session with us. I had a spa, massage, facials. And then I just had different workshops where we talk, we learn, and we engage. And I did the therapist because it's like, we don't have no one to talk to. Mm-hmm.

I wanted us to be able to like sit on that couch and talk and really release. And women were coming out there room crying because it was like, I see, I see what you go through. I go through it too, you know? And it was just able, just a beautiful feeling being able to connect with somebody that can understand you on a level where it's nothing about, it's nothing personal. It's no bias. It's just, you see me for who I am and what I work to be and you helping me, you know?

It's just beautiful, you know? That's amazing. And so you started Womin' Air Club, which sounds like a retreat that all of us want to go to, especially after surviving this pandemic. What made you decide to start the Womin' Air Club?

I started the mom and your club when I was pregnant. I used to look on all different pages. I was researching everything when I was pregnant. So I would look on all these different pages and I started following a bunch of different pages. But I realized every most of the pages that I was following, they were like specific to certain genres or certain niches.

And I'm like, I want somewhere that has everything tied in. And it was certain advice that like people from the hood where I come from, they don't follow these pages and they would never probably follow these pages, but I know they follow me. So I'm like, okay, I want to share the stuff that I'm learning for those people that can use this advice. You know, I remember watching Oprah with my mom growing up. A lot of the things that

We learned from Oprah. My mom didn't learn from her mom. So the things that Oprah would share on her platform, my mom would incorporate that in our life. So one of the episodes, it was Oprah was saying like, kiss your child before you go to sleep and tell your child you love them every day. And my mom incorporated that when I was like 10 years old. So that was like a natural thing. But had she not watched Oprah, she would have never known it because her mom, her parents didn't do that. So it was like, let me use this.

let me use this platform for me to be the Oprah, you know? So for me to share different tips and stuff for parents to learn because they follow me, they may not check these other pages, but because they follow me and they see me as a representation for them, I'm like, let me try to be the voice for them. And with my Mominary Club page, I just share different tips that I'm learning. I share different advice. I tell them, make sure you love your child. Make sure you hug your child. Pray over your child, you know? My kid right now,

every time he eat anything, it could be a cracker. It could be a bottle. I would say, say to, I would say to grace. And after the grace, he'll be like, amen. But I taught him that I've been doing that since he was a baby. So it's just little things that I think together we can share and we can help change the narrative. Milan, you are a baddie in more ways than one. Thank you.

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Okay, we have an advice question and I can't wait to hear your perspective on it. It says, so I'm a single mother of four, ages 14, 11, 9, and 7. I recently tuned into your podcast with Kandine Ellis discussing purpose. Her explanation on what she felt purpose looked like prior to her stepping into it is where I am currently.

I have been single for four years now after an eight-year relationship that I thank God every day for delivering me from. And during this time, my walk with God has gotten stronger. Although I'm still concerned with what my purpose is, God has taught me that worrying about it won't make it come into fruition any faster, but that in my waiting season, I can still be of service to others. For the past two years or so, it's been heavy on my heart to create a ministry titled

that assists women. And more recently, I've wanted to add men because there are a lot of single dads out here as well and not losing themselves trying to find their purpose, but also not struggling with their identity as an individual. So much of our time is consumed with being a parent and doing things out of sheer responsibility. We end up losing sight of ourselves. That's been the hardest part for me.

I can't tell you what I love to do besides being a mother. Although I have many skills and talents, none of them speak to me when it comes to it being my purpose. That's been my conversation with God so many times over the years. And since I'm exhausted with trying to figure it out. Anyway, my point is that I can't even begin to start this ministry if I'm still currently in my walk with uncertainty. Do you have any advice for me while still being a work in progress and getting started?

- Oh, I'm gonna let you start. - My advice for her is you can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time. And your purpose may be motherhood because like, if that's what you enjoy, them four kids, they can change the world. You don't know who those, sometimes your purpose is who you created, you know? So just instilling things into them and helping them grow and change the narrative, that can be your purpose.

You don't have to look at everybody else and think because this is what they're doing or I need to do more than just being a mom. Being a mom is a superhero job in itself. And you create in this ministry to show other women that no matter what you decide to do in life, as long as you're happy and you're fulfilled, that's all that matters.

That's going to be my advice to her. That's my advice too. You know, one of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves is resisting the pressure to engage in hustle culture when we don't know what our hustle is, because pretending that we have one is a recipe for disaster emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. If you don't know what your hustle is, don't make one up. We're

Thank you.

Amen.

same truth for themselves. But I think you've got the inklings that there's something for you to do, work being a mom, help out the other parents that you have a call to, and just let that be it for now. And just know, I'll say this too, that purpose reveals itself. That as you really embrace where you are now and you become settled in it, you'll see that like Milan started Milano de Ruz, she was 23. The Womanaire Club, the Mominaire Club, that was awesome.

all in that same seed of what she started when she was 23 years old. So work that seed and see what it becomes. That's it. That's all I got. Yes. Yes. And can I add one thing to it? So like even me, my child is about to be two. Whatever you start from being a mother, I would probably like people like me would want to be a part of that because we want to know like how to bake cookies or how to do domestic stuff.

This is a job. This is a you can create a career from that in itself, you know, like a Pinterest mom. You can share different cool things because I know you have four kids. You probably got the coolest stories that you can share with us. So just take that and own it and don't let nobody tell you any different because it's going to be a line of mothers behind you supporting you because they believe in what you believe in. So.

Like she said, listen to Sarah because she knows. No, listen to Milan. Join the Wominaire Club. Join the Mominaire Club. I'm going to be in there getting all of the tips. Teach us how to make these cookies and do the things. Milan, you're amazing. I think the world of you, you are a gift to women everywhere. Thank you for preserving your life.

protecting your life and for not protecting your life and not allowing anything to extinguish it because it is certainly making the world a better place. I enjoyed this so much.

Oh, thank you so much. And I definitely enjoyed it. And I just, I'm just so grateful to God for even having you in my presence because this is just a full circle moment. Like it's a blessing. Thank you so much. My pleasure. I want to reach out to you. I think there's something that I'm working on that you'd be interested in and it's helping teen moms and moms in general get some of those tips and tools that you're talking about. So I'm going to DM you. I'm going to slide into your DMs. Okay. Thank you so much. I look forward to it. Okay. Take care.

All right, you too. Bye-bye. Bye. Give me my flowers. What did I tell you? Milan is so dope, right? Okay, so go ahead and follow her on all of the socials. While you have your phone in your hands, you already know what I'm about to say. Email me your advice question or a one to two minute video about why you should be my next co-host.

Podcast at womanevolved.com. Milan, sis, friend, girl. Thanks for carving out time to chat with us. Keep giving women around the world a reason to believe that they can dream bigger dreams. Your evidence that dreams can be executed with excellence. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.

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