Reset Your Values w/ Kourtney Mason
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Can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you You don't need no edge entity you need boundaries

So there is literally potential in like every single day for our values to be challenged, disrupted and changed. And if I'm honest, the thought about that is really unsettling. There are things that I cling to as my values. And yet as life progresses, as my experiences continue to unfold, my values are changing.

I think that we believe that our values will remain the same as the ones that were instilled to us in our childhood. But when you begin to do the work of discovering what's real, what's authentic, what has God deposited in me, it also means letting go of those values. As we evolve, even our values begin to reset.

Some will realize that we need to revert back to some values because they were good and they were helpful for us in the season we had them. And then there are other values that we need to go on and unsubscribe from because let's be honest, this you was a little raggedy. All right. You used to value your looks over your heart. You used to value financial success over spiritual wellness. And that's raggedy. And yet it's hard but necessary work that we all have to do.

One of my best friends, Courtney Mason, is challenging and resetting values in corporate America and in the corporation of her heart, her spirit, her network of friends and family. And she had time to kick it with us today. And I got to dig into this revolutionary journey of resetting values that she's on. It's one that I believe is going to help you a lot. Hey, girl. Hey. Hey. How are you? Good. You look cute. Thank you. So do you. Come on top.

Come on background. You better be a well-read black girl. So Courtney Mason is been one of my best friends for 20 plus years. We're old. We're old in this thing. And the thing about growing up with friends is that you see all of the ways that our lives pivot and change like

Courtney and I were friends before I got pregnant with Malachi. She was there when I got pregnant, when I had Malachi. During college and stuff, we went to different colleges in different cities, but we were still connected. My divorce, my waitressing, like she's been there through it all. My remarriage when I first met PT and moved.

And I've also been a part of her life for many, many transitions. And one thing that has been a constant is that there are always these pivotal twists and turns in our life where it has become increasingly clear that the only way forward is to reset. And so I asked Courtney to come on the podcast today because I want to talk about how she has had to revolutionarily

Reset her life. I think I made up a word. That's fine. Court, tell me, like when you hear that revolutionary reset, like what is the first major reset that comes to mind for you in your life? The first major one that comes to my mind is the one that I'm currently in transition of and just resetting and prioritizing myself. That's something that I have looking back at it. You don't realize you're not doing it.

And admitting it took a lot of work. It's very vulnerable. Can I cut you off for a second? Because the background, Courtney is a single woman. She doesn't have any children yet. But if you know somebody who knows somebody, holler at me because I am trying to get my girl married off. But yeah,

I want to focus in on that as you talk about prioritizing yourself, because I think that there is a misnomer that if you don't have children, if you don't have a spouse, then you are naturally able to put yourself first. But what you are telling me is that even though you don't have those responsibilities that we often think force you to put yourself last, there

is a pathology within yourself that you are resetting because you recognize that you still have this habit of not putting yourself first.

Absolutely. As I've done the inner work through therapy and just strengthening my relationship with God, I realized that not prioritizing myself was actually a defense mechanism. Just starting back to how I was raised. I just always wanted to be a people pleaser. I had love in my home, so I don't want to go as far as say that I didn't have love.

love because I know my parents and my stepfather loved me, but the type of love that I think I needed and yearned for was not in my home. So once I got out of my home, I wanted to prioritize everyone else. And as a result, I lacked giving what I needed to myself as well. What kind of love did you yearn for versus the type of love that you received?

So I think in my household, and this is a type of love, but like being provided for. I never went without. I never went without a meal. We lived in a nice home and a nice community, went to a great school. But I think as I got older and really understood what family was beyond my home, I wasn't nurtured like I think I needed. We didn't, there wasn't a lot of I love you's in my home.

I cannot recall many times like laying on my mother's lap or her caressing me or we didn't have dinners together, things like that. It was always just very kind of robotic things.

But and I think that with what my parents went through as I'm learning grace and forgiveness, they gave love the way they received love. So but yeah, I think there was just not a lot of nurturing. And so my love language has changed and evolved because of that. That's crazy, because I feel like one of the things that I've had to reset to is my desire to really understand love.

what type of love I needed and what type of love maybe I felt was absent. And I think that there is something to be said about having provision, but still feeling emotionally abandoned. Because if there's not a space where you are seen

on the inside where someone is helping you to dig through your emotions and your feelings, telling you what's normal, telling you what's not, giving you comfort, then you're left to kind of fend for yourself and to sort through those emotions yourself. And though your stomach may not be growling, your soul is hungry because no one ever said, this is what that is and this is how you feel it. And so we go into the world feeling emotionally abandoned and just

praying and hoping that someone will make us finally feel at home and to find that rest in place. And that's hard. Absolutely. That was it right there. So how did you, like, at what point did you come to this? Like, okay, I got to change this. I got to reset it. And what are you doing to change that prioritization and feeling no guilt when doing it?

Honestly, it's sad that it took me as long as it did. I'm 36. And just before the pandemic, I'd say a year or so before the pandemic, and you know, I started doing the inner work with therapy. And honestly, that is what unlocked so many just revelations. And looking back in my life, there were so many times I was crying for help and crying for these changes, whether it was classically,

who I was friends with or the types of activities I was involved in or who I chose to be my partners was all just a cry out for me wanting that emotional connection. But it was not until I started doing therapy and just re-

Committing my life to God and really having a relationship with God and not just going to church. We were raised in church. We were in the walls. But having my own independent relationship with God has really just uncovered a lot. And that's kind of how I'm working through the transition now.

Okay, so someone is like, you know what? I totally relate. I'm looking for that emotional connection. Like we got them, we hooked them. They're like, I know exactly what it's like to look for love in all the wrong places because of that aching inside. And yet you've moved into this place of healing and you're still...

You don't have those connections the way that you maybe thought that you needed them. So I really feel like what we're talking about resetting is the value you place on...

connections that you think will bring you fulfillment. So like, where do you place your value now that doesn't make you feel like you're missing something or that you're lacking something? And maybe not necessarily that you're not missing something, because I think it's natural to understand like, okay, this is a part of my life where I want to have fulfillment, where I want to experience connection. But how do you not allow yourself to be defined by that?

It's a process. So the first thing is always prioritizing God, of course. But right after that, prioritizing myself and understanding in different seasons, I do need different things. It's a big thing for me to corporately, professionally, that's always been in alignment for me. But now in the season that I'm in, it's just understanding that.

I need to unlearn a lot of things. I need to unlearn even what my definition of love is. Wow. Okay, wait, you got to break that down. What's your definition and why do you need to unlearn it? So Bishop had a message on Sunday and it gave me such just...

a weight off of me when he was talking about being able to define who you are and where you are. That's always been something that's been very hard for me to put in words. So I'd like to say I don't fully know what my definition of love is.

I know what it's not, you know, based on what I've been through. I know what it's not. But as far as romantic love, I am single. I think I know what the ideal romantic partner I want. I know that I want God to be our center, which is something that I have not prioritized in past relationships.

I know that verbal abuse is going to be non-existent and just different things like that. But what does it look like in a positive form? I can't fully say that. You know what I mean? I think at this season of my life, I try to exude love in the way that I want to receive it. That's great. I think that that's I'm like in my head because I think that

So many of us would probably feel a lot of relief if we admit it. Like, I don't really know what it is that I want in love. Like in terms of relationships, when we're desiring a relationship and marriage, a lot of times we think about company. Like I just want someone to watch a movie with. I want someone who's going to hold my hand when we walk through the part. And that is companionship and it is necessary and vital. But when it comes to love, those are expressions of love, not necessarily the core of love. And to come to a place where you're like, I don't

really know how to define it, but I know that I will recognize it when I experience it because it's going to be a reflection of what I've cultivated in my relationship with God. That's kind of how I knew that PT was the one for me is because the love that I had cultivated in my relationship with God, that's

begin to show up in our connection. And I felt like you make me feel like I can do no wrong. And yet you make me want to do everything right. You make me feel like even when I do everything right, that there's still better that I can do. But the right was excellent. Like there was this grace to be challenged and comforted right where I was. And I feel like that became my definition of love, not because I had the words, but because I had the connection with God that confirmed what was happening in my relationships.

Exactly. That's it. So I think you're on the right path. So with you really prioritizing your relationship with God, how has it changed the way that you see yourself? And now what do you value? Because I know you're a professional, right? You've got your MBA. You got your fancy corporate job. Like this is out here climbing the ladder and doing incredible things. She's the first black woman to be in her role. And it is remarkable on the outside looking in. And yet, how...

Have you had to wrestle with placing your value in your corporate success? That's a really good question. My relationship with God has allowed me to ultimately forgive myself. Hmm.

And the grace that I extend to others so effortlessly, like I'm an extremely, I feel like forgiving person. Um, I'm extremely empathetic person. Um, I try to see the best in everyone, but I have not done that to myself. Hmm.

Like I'm so hard on myself when it comes to professional mistakes or if I say something wrong or I don't want to say this and hurt this person's feelings. I don't want this person to look at me wrong for saying this. So I'm just going to be silent. I'm not going to have a boundary in this relationship because I don't, I'm not, I felt like at the time I wasn't best with working through conflict because I equated conflict with the relationships over. So just like,

The way that God loves me, that's the love that I'm starting to see and give to myself. And that's been like the biggest revelation. And as a result of that, my empathy and grace for others has just even gotten bigger than that. So you're like practicing self-compassion. Yes.

Yeah, which is really hard. But it's been so rewarding. Not that I've lived in a facade or anything like that, but I just am just extremely hard on myself. No, go ahead. And I think that has a lot to do with how I was raised in my home. You know, I was...

straight A student, you know, in all the committees, I would come home excited about it. And not that my parents weren't excited, but it wasn't just like celebrated. It was like, you got A's again. Like, you know, what's next? It was always like, it was, it was never good enough. So then I started minimizing my accomplishments. Like I've never had a

You know, let's celebrate this, you know, promotion. Let's do this for my birthday. Let's do that. I don't know if you've noticed that, but I just kind of shy away from it because I just feel like that's what was always done to me. So I just continue to do that to myself as well. Oh, I don't like that. I know. And I'm just an introvert, too. So I'm battling with what part of that is that. Do I want those things? I don't know. But I don't know because I've never had them.

Because it's never been prioritized in my home, you know? So, and I didn't realize in therapy, my therapist shared with me, even just who I've chosen to be my friends, which kind of goes back to something you said before. I don't feel like I lacked anything because God would not put me on this earth for me to lack things that I need to fulfill my purpose.

It was just put in different places, whether it's friendships or a coworker or this or that. But all of my really close friends have really solid families. Not that y'all's families are perfect or you didn't have anything that you were going through as a family. But as the unit, from what I saw, that's what I yearned for. And all of my friendships had that.

And I never realized that until I look back like, wow. So when I was coming over for family dinners, like that meant a lot to me because we didn't get that in my home. You know, stuff like that, that I was just subconsciously doing. And you all have been in my life for so many years. It's like I didn't lack anything.

I just not no one thing should be your source of everything is what I'm learning. Wow. No one thing should be your source for everything. You better preach the word, friend. Besides God. I mean, but as man, you know, and it goes back to even wholeness of that that chapter in the book that I've probably read four times. But two halves don't make a whole and it doesn't. And how many times do you hear people say you complete me?

you know, or, or, you know, this friendship is my everything. Um, it's like just putting just false, you know, it'll leave you disappointed every time. So me finding happiness in myself, peace in myself, all these are such big values in my life now, because I know I'm not going to find it in anyone else. If I can't find it in myself.

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So what I hear you saying when you even talked about growing up and performance not being something that was celebrated and how it basically made you minimize your own successes and achievements. I feel like you're saying like I used to value performance. I used to value success. But now I value like blank. What is that blank? Is it authenticity? Is it what is it?

vulnerability, authenticity, just coming to whatever relationship as myself and getting genuine love just being me and not having to feel like, oh, in the corporate space, I have to

you know, excel at such a high level to be recognized as the black woman in the room or in my household. I have to not only make straight A's, but it has to be some extra note from the teacher for my parents to look at me like, oh, this was good for this six weeks or going into this friendship and feeling like it had to be this. And it's like now I'm just at a point in my life where I guess I value authenticity. I value just showing up as I am, realizing that I'm not

everywhere God has called me to be or I still wouldn't be on this earth, but really just intentionally striving for that every day. But making mistakes in friendships, not always having the perfect thing to say, be okay with...

Being able to connect with my emotions and talk through them, have conflict and friendships, not always agree with everything or be a yes person. Be who I am and whoever's going to love me is going to love me and whoever's not isn't. And that has been like a very interesting season in my life right now because people either love it or they don't. I was going to ask you, like, what's the hardest part about that?

Having boundaries. Having boundaries, I've realized 100% that the people that have issues with them are the ones that benefited from them. Wow. Yeah. And that's as simple as that.

If I can't make it, I can't make it. And it doesn't have to be this long paragraph that I used to explain why I can't make it. Or it's okay to change your mind. I wanted to go last month, but I don't want to go. I don't want to go today. And I will send a gift, you know, or I just don't want to talk through that right now. Or I'm going through so much right now that I'm going to pray for you or the feelings will change.

Has changed my life. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about the feelings. And then not assuming what people need from you in relationships and just asking. You're so good at that. And and I've adapted that into just my language as a leader and just how I move in the world. Sometimes just because I would assume what I think people needed from me.

You know, sometimes it's just asking, what can I do for you? How can I show up for you? And sometimes it's just as simple as praying. And I'm already about to go do all this other stuff and, you know, overextend myself. And that's not even what you want, you know? So, yeah, I love it here. I love it. You know, I was going to ask, can you give me like a practical example of a time where you like chose to,

Allow your new values to show up instead of the old way that you showed up. And like in that moment, what were some of the feelings that you felt? And then like, how did you finally come to a place of peace? Because I feel like when you finally show up authentically, when you're telling the person, yeah, I know I said I could go last week, but this week has been heavier than I thought and I'm not going to be able to come.

or I've changed my number. I can't show up for you in that capacity any longer. This is the last time I'm going to be able to do that. When you begin to own your truth, to own those new set of values that have been deposited in your spirit through your connection with God, therapy, whatever, I really

feel like it gives permission to other people to do the same because there have been plenty of times where someone has told me something and I've been like, dang, if she could do it, maybe I can do it too instead of just passive aggressively showing up. And so I want to know like in detail and practice what

What has this look like for you? And what did you have to navigate in the moment? Because there are some people who are like, I tried to do it, but then I felt bad or they put a guilt trip on me. So I ended up doing it anyway. Like, what were those feelings? Let's help people see that they're not alone. And then what where do you land? Where do you settle after those moments?

Well, the first example I'm going to give is a corporate example, because I know there's so many people out there that can relate, especially as a black woman in corporate. You always want to show up and give your best. And there's oftentimes the plate is overflowing with people.

Anytime you're asked to do something, it's yes, yes, yes. Because if I say no, that means I'm not competent or that means I can't handle the pressure if I get the promotion. So working through it corporately is different than how I do it personally. So corporately, before I got the position that I was in, I was a frontline manager. And then the next step up was director. And as a result, to see if you're ready for those types of roles, they...

Your director is always asking you to do their type of work just to see if you can tangibly do it. And there will be times where my work life balance will get all out of whack. I didn't even have time to do my own job or be there for my own team because I'm trying to impress, perform and show people that I can do this job. And please consider me. Please pick me once that time comes available. But as I started working through the therapy, it was really during the pandemic.

We were all struggling. And there was a time where I said, Courtney, if you don't wave this white flag and say no, then you're going to break and something else is going to fall. So I just had to have a conversation with my leader and say, I'm not going to be able to do this. And it was the hardest thing ever. And

I was probably in my head afterwards because I didn't get asked to do the next couple of assignments that normally I know would have went to me. So then I kind of felt like I'm not going to get the promotion. Now they think I can't handle stuff. But I had to be OK with that. And I had to understand that I have shown up at this company for 10 years.

I have so many countless examples of where I have done this task. This is just a new task and a new way to show that I've done what I've done before. But my mental health, my anxiety at the time, I was going to give a piece of myself, like what PT said with balance. I'm going to give you a piece of myself, which really isn't who I am as a leader, who I am as a person, just to perform this task and check a box.

And at the end of the day, that leader at the time, I don't think understood it at first.

So I took a time and circled back and I said, hey, which was hard for me to do. I said, I've noticed the last couple of times you needed some things completed. You would normally ask me and you ask other people. And I'm happy that my peers are getting that opportunity. But I just want to let you know that I still have the capabilities to do those as long as it aligns with my capacity. And when I said that, I felt free.

And then the tasks started coming. And then even in the way that they started asking me was different. Now it's like, Hey Courtney, um, do you have the capacity to do this? Or I'm out in a week, you know, is this something that you can fit it? Even just the way they were responding to me, I'm like, wow, I should have said this a long time ago. So, um, that that's the, the, the corporate one. And then personally, um,

I was asked to go to an event out of town. I was extremely exhausted, extremely tired. The event only lasted two hours, but I was going to drive four hours to get there and do a turnaround. I've done this before.

And I've done it a lot. I've been the one tired, pulling over on the side of the road, getting a hotel just to show up for a baby shower or a birthday party or something like that. And I just told this individual, I'm not going to be able to make it. I didn't even say why. And this person just said, no problem. So it's just like, wow, some of the pressure that I likely put on myself was...

My own added pressure. Yeah. You know, and I think sometimes we do that to ourself. And so if you're not authentically showing up as who you are, other people can't give you that either. So it's kind of like I've had to take some accountability and being a people pleaser, too.

Because I don't even know if that's what they wanted. So then I have this resentment driving down the road for hours and I could have said no. So just giving people to authentically respond is important. I love that. I love that the person was like, no problem, because that is like, it's no problem. I was like, oh my gosh, I was so worried about this. And she said, no problem. See you later. Hope you have a good weekend. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And I know all responses won't be like that, but that just showed me that I have to give people a chance to respond to my boundaries also. And then based on their response, we'll show how our relationship evolves in that season or not. Or dissolves or what we're doing, what we're doing. What's been the greatest personal, internal, emotional, spiritual achievement that you have experienced?

cultivated in this healing journey that makes you most proud? That God had intention and purpose with me, you know, for me to be here. I'm not a mistake. Like there's a vessel for me to be here, but God intended for me to be here. And that's something that I've wrestled with for a long time. And that, that gives me so much peace and joy knowing that I'm not a mistake.

That he has purpose in me, whether it's telling my story like this. There's so many people that didn't have both of their parents or were in emotionally abusive relationships. And sometimes it just makes you question your worth. You know, if you feel like your own parents don't value you, it's hard to get it from somewhere else. You know what I mean? So to know that.

God had intention and purpose for Courtney Mason has just been just so rewarding. And I do believe that now I have not always, but I do believe it. All right. Suck it up. Okay. Cause that's not what we're here for. Okay. Suck it up. Cause you're not going to drag me down with you. If that's what you thought, you know, I'm not going with you.

OK, so I hate to interrupt all of this good conversation, but I wanted you to know that I want to talk to you, too. I want to hear your story. I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. You can send me your application, your video to be a co-host to podcast.

Podcasts at womanevolved.com. Let me know what it is you want to talk about, why it's important to you that you be on the podcast. Maybe you're like, girl, I am not going to be on anybody's podcast. I don't do talking to people. First of all, this is a sign. Overcome yourself. But if not, you can send me an advice question. Podcasts at womanevolved.com. Okay, let's get back to the podcast. I'm proud of you, though. I'm proud of the work that you've done. I mean, you know, I've watched the movie and I've seen...

I've seen you take back your value and to take back your purpose and to find joy along the way and to deposit it in the other women around you as well. I see the way you pour into your nieces and not just your biological nieces, even into my kids and to really take seriously your opportunity to share your scars in hopes that another person can heal. I see it. And so

I'm grateful that you get to see your own fruit because there's nothing like being, I wonder, this is such a weird analogy, but if a tree is fruitful, the tree may never know it because the tree is just the tree. And sometimes in order to see fruit, you have to be on the outside looking in. The tree is just doing the best that it can. But I'm telling you, friends, you are a very fruitful tree. Thank you. Okay, we have an advice question to answer.

It's about relationships, it's about a marriage, but I want to hear your perspective. I know a lot of times we try to minimize someone's value in our life because they may not have the same experiences. Like, don't take marriage advice from your single friends. Don't take...

single advice from your married friends or parenting advice from people who don't have children, but we're all a wealth of experiences and knowledge. And so I want you to add value to us by giving your perspective on this question. And of course I will too.

So it says, I'm going to shoot my shot and send in an advice question. Now, it's not a huge and dramatic issue because it's common amongst us women, but it's seemingly hard to get a grip. So I'm 29, a mother of three and a wife. We are in our third year of marriage. When they say your first five years, you are learning and unlearning things about yourself and each other. They wasn't lying. To make all this short but deep, my husband is requesting a wife full of...

a wife full of life and sexy, giving suggestions on how I need to be into myself more, do heels and makeup, get your nails done, go out with the girls, go be a woman. I've seen you as an athlete, a strong working woman and independent. Show me how you flaunt your joy as a beautiful woman. I don't know where it went for me and I just want to know the steps so I can get that. I

I feel every time I watch you, SJR, I am like in awe. Your spiritual posture, your authenticity, your humor and rawness when talking to the delegation. I feel I can't get out of that grave. I just feel like I need a 24-hour life coach. Thank you for this opportunity to just shoot the shot in the email because I have full faith to do so. Love you and everyone that's a part of the Woman Evolve movement. So you kick it off court.

So I think this to me goes back to, um, regardless of what role you play in someone's life, whether it's wife, mother, coworker, friend, it starts with prioritizing and valuing yourself and not that this individual doesn't, but I think that whether it's therapy, whether it's joint therapy with her husband or separately, so she can kind of uncover some of the things that she's going through, it's going to definitely help her show up as a better mother because in hindsight, um,

with me doing a lot of my internal work and having grace for my mother and father with how they raised me, they were dealing with a lot of traumas within their relationship with how she was raised, but then they were trying to show up every day and parent. And I can only imagine that.

what that is like or showing up and being a wife, coming home from work and making sure, trying to act like everything is perfect when it's not. So I would recommend that this individual start with some type of healing mentally and therapy and talking to someone outside of her home just to get a better understanding of her feelings and then maybe connecting that with her husband as well to see what, you know, making sure his needs are met while hers are as well and her boundaries.

But doing the work is very important because generational trauma is real. And she just wants to show up and be the best version of herself for her children because those deposits that she puts in her home daily, whether they're said, they're being observed.

And they will ultimately have a lasting impact on them as well. I love that. And I think that you even speaking about the dynamic of the children being in this household is making me wonder whether or not the marriage example that you guys are setting right now is one that you want to be able to stick by. Not because you aren't going out and flaunting yourself, but because I think there's an underlying concern.

Um, issue that if not dealt with can continue to create division within your home. Because what I hear your husband saying is like, I want you to be a different version of who you are. I want to see you be maybe someone you once were or someone you have never been. And I think then you have the task of being able to ask yourself, like, okay,

Is he asking for a version of myself that I can't deliver anymore? Like when we were young, sexy and full of life, like I wasn't up it with the baby at three o'clock in the morning. Like I was doing that because when I went home, I had time to focus on myself. So when I went out, I did get to have fun. I wasn't barely making it and didn't have any energy. And a lot of times in marriage, we have these challenges.

changes and transformation. And what we end up longing for is a life that we no longer have access to because we have an expansion of our responsibilities. And so I would qualify what your husband is saying, but also acknowledge that there is a sense of rejection connected to that. Because instead of you want to respond and fix it, but there's got to be a part of you that also feels a little bit rejected because he's basically saying who you are showing up as now is not enough, or it could be more.

And that's a really toxic ingredient to have in your marriage so early on. And it's one that in those first five years, they become evident, right? It's not abnormal to have these things come up. But if you don't acknowledge the rejection, if you don't acknowledge his discontentment with whatever's happening in your marriage dynamic, then it's only going to breed an offshoot into other areas.

And so I definitely agree with what Courtney said about seeing about your own sense of counseling. Am I missing that version of me? Did she ever exist? Is it just not who I am? And he's asking for something I can't give. How do we reset expectations so that we can place the value on what's most important in our marriage is going to be part of your task and your journey. But I think that you got to not just hear what he's saying.

But really acknowledge how what he says makes you feel and whether or not it is realistic in the context of your marriage. Maybe you can be full of life and sexy once a month. I can't do it every day, but I could do it once a month. And that will be authentic to what I'm capable of doing. And so I think the other thing that I would say is that you guys are still, you know, you're young in your marriage, a mother of three and a wife in your third year of marriage.

full of life and sexy. Where, how explain it to me? Could never. You're 29, a mother of three and a wife who was full of life and sexy. No, by the, if they are, then they're sleeping 10 hours at night. The nanny is there. When the kids wake up in the morning, you don't have to deal with their emotions. Like you have time to only focus on you. And even then you might still be, you don't have a job. You don't have responsibilities. Like my God,

is asking for a dream, a fantasy. And you can be his fantasy, but it may just be, you know, on vacation, temporary moments. Tell him, take me on vacation. You really want to see me get sexy. Take these kids and give them a bath, put some lotion on them, make some dinner, do some laundry, fold some clothes. I get real sexy if that happens. But you know what? Who am I? Nobody. Talk to a professional because I can't do it. I'm not the one. I've been done. Had you down the road. Listen to Courtney. Just erase everything I said.

This was great, Cora. I love you so much. I'm so proud of the woman you are and the work that you're doing. Is there anything that you want to say, like as we close up for women who strongly relate to, I think especially what you said about feeling like your life is intentional, that it wasn't a mistake.

And I just I don't want to graze over that because there felt like there was such weight connected to that. And the only person who can deliver another person from that is someone who has experienced that deliverance. So I guess before we close out, can you help me restore the value of another woman's life by sharing whatever words of encouragement God gives you?

Yes. So the biggest words of encouragement for anyone that's going through what I've gone through is it's never too late. As cliche as that may sound, whether you decide in this exact moment to do the work or if you decide today that you want to forgive yourself and be a better version of yourself and prioritize yourself, it's never too late.

And to me, that was just so rewarding to finally understand that, that it's not too late, that it's daily deposits. You're not going to get to the finish line tomorrow, but it's all about those intentional daily deposits, the way you affirm yourself, what is on your heart and your mind when you wake up? What do you say when yourself, when you look in the mirror, what do you say to yourself when someone crosses a boundary? How do you respond? You have to teach people how to love you.

But you have to first love and value yourself. And that starts in your home. That starts in your mind. It starts with your tongue. It starts with what patterns you have. But it's never too late. And that was very promising for me. Don't think about long term. Tomorrow's not promised. We're all in this life. We all have a life that's predestined for us. And only God knows that. So it's starting with intention.

And it's not procrastinating. It's starting now, whether it's journaling, whether it's doing the work with therapy, whether it's making sure you really connecting with God. But to me, I feel like I cannot show up in this world in any other role that God has called me to do if I don't start with myself. That's so good. Okay. I love you so much. Thank you for sharing your heart and your story.

I love you too. Thank you. I tried to told you, am I the only one who had to like really suppress their emotions and not get into the feelings wheel when she started talking about her life having value? I didn't want to go all the way because I know that I'd probably still be snotting it up. But I hope that you heard that. I hope that you receive that testimony for your own life.

If this episode blessed you, let us know on the socials. Okay. If it makes you feel led to be my next co-host, well, go on. Let the Lord use you. Or maybe there's an advice question you want us to answer. Hit my inbox podcast at woman evolved.com with a one to two minute video about being my next co-host or your advice question. Best of luck and much love and grace to those of you on the journey of resetting your values. You're not alone.

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