Pace Your Emotions
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What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeart Radio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and many more.

They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special. So tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Yo, it's Big Bank. Check out my podcast, Prospective with Bank, on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Each and every Monday, Prospective with Bank podcasts will feature individuals, all walks of life, who come together to share their unique perspective and engage in enlightened conversation. This podcast will explore all types of conversations from everyday people, your favorite celebrities. Every Monday, listen to Prospective with Bank on Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple

God can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no edge entity. You need boundaries. What? I don't need your likes. I don't need your validation. All I need is a God fighting for me that says all things. All things.

Child.

I want to ask you a question as a part of the Lost and Found series for the Woman Evolved podcast. And during this podcast, we're just interviewing all types of women from different walks of life about their journey in evolving to where they are now and the different times when they found themselves lost and how they came out of those moments and what those moments taught them about themselves. And so I thought I would kick off this podcast

by asking you, when is the last time you truly felt lost? What was happening in your life? And did it come to you, I guess, by surprise? Most definitely. I think that being lost is always a surprise because you're so sure that you know where you're going. Mm-hmm.

And, um, especially if it's someplace that you've been before and you think it's going to be that you're going to get there the same way, back the same way. And when actuality, each time you're lost, it's a different experience. Um, I would say most recently was when I got so sick and had to have that emergency surgery. And I'd never been so afraid even in childbearing, um,

that afraid of what was really going on with my body. I was so, so afraid. I was so, so sick and didn't know if I was going to come out of it. And the last time I felt like that was giving birth to Dexter. And I looked at my mother who was holding my hand and I said, I don't think I'm going to make it.

Because the pain was so excruciating. But I think that that's what really underlines being lost is the amount of angst and fear and questions that nobody can really understand.

navigate that course for you but yourself and so what turned into um something that could have been very very very horrid for us as a family uh god kind of helped me find my way and the doctors find out what the problem was and it not be something that was um

Malignant or something that was going to change my life completely. Yeah. So, yeah, that that was lost because no one had answers for me. So when we were on tour, we did the Refuse to Lose tour. Right.

In February, and one of the ladies who we honored as a Hail Mary in Chicago actually had experienced a brain aneurysm and it came on unexpectedly. I think she said maybe she had had a couple of headaches before then, but really nothing that seemed unusual whatsoever.

And she had this brain aneurysm. And one of the things that she wanted Dr. Anita ultimately to kind of help her navigate was this idea of her body betrayed her. Right. And I think one of the things that even I think we as women kind of experience as our body changes and shifts and evolves with life is this idea of the body.

I once had has betrayed my confidence and self has betrayed my ability to show up in the world and believe that I can do so with confidence. And I'm just thinking about, you know, you having that surgery and, you know, this maybe idea that, you know, my body betrayed me once. Is it going to betray me again? How have you learned to really talk back to that storyteller if you have it at all?

but that narrative that can exist in someone's mind when they've had an unexpected trauma to their body. Well, believe it or not, my youngest daughter,

Sarah often tells me when I'm saying something derogatory about myself or about my situation or about my life, don't talk to my friend like that. And so I learned to stop speaking negative thoughts about my body is un-evolving. Okay.

It is un-evolving and the insecurities that I had as a younger person, I realized now was a real blessing. I thought it was a big ips or whatever. And then I started un-evolving. I'm

I'm like, gosh, I was really, I had it going on then. And so I've learned to, no matter what state I've been, I've had to learn how to be content, particularly with myself, which is my biggest critic and my biggest friend. Yeah. You said something that I kind of want to write down. So this podcast is,

We're going to put it on our YouTube. We're going to put it obviously on our podcast channel. But you said something that I think is really something people should take note of is this idea of don't talk to my friend like that. And that being the tool that you end up using when you have these negative self narratives or, you know, these.

Absolutely. Narrations that guide your mind. And so if you're listening on the podcast or you're watching this on YouTube, one of the things I want to challenge you to do is to make sure that you write down that narrative that you need to counter your insecurities. Because if we don't have a narrative to counter those insecurities, then they have the opportunity to have a solo. Okay. When they should at minimum have a duet. If we can't get rid of you, then you're at least going to have to share the stage with them.

what God says about me, what my confidence and the highest version of myself says about me. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's all what I say to myself, you know, as I think of myself, so am I. Yeah. And people, um,

It seems like there's always a hater brigade that'll come by and affirm, you're right. And so I had to even start blocking out the naysayers and stop even depending on people that really, really love me to affirm me. I had to do it for myself.

And, um, that, that's really, really helped me. It's what I say to myself, ultimately that matters. I can't rehearse it. A conversation that I'm going to have with somebody else. I can't rehearse it because I am basing my thoughts and theories on what I feel that they're going to respond or how they're going to approach me. And so I can't really, um,

have a dress rehearsal for an upcoming confrontation. I'm not a confrontational person. I hate it. It takes too much energy for me to get back to who I really am. My baseline is not confrontational, but I'm not a sucker. I'm telling you, it's awful.

Oh, uh, write that down. Yeah. Write it down. Yeah. That's true. You said something about your body dissolving, your body's un-evolving. So I guess the, um,

antonym to evolving is dissolving. But if you think about it, come on, I feel something on this. You can't evolve unless something in you dissolves, right? So if you're going to evolve into confidence, then your insecurities have to dissolve, right?

So I wonder if you can share with us the last time you really felt a certain way of thinking, a certain way of being or believing that had to dissolve in order for you to evolve. I can think of something, but I want to hear what you have to say. But I'm thinking even about your home collection and how you really had to come to a place where you took it by the horns and you said, no, I'm going to ride this thing all the way out. Right.

But that confidence had to come at something dissolving. What was that? Fear. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, fear. And I don't deal with rejection well. And so when my first launch didn't go as I had purposed it to go, I immediately started feeling rejected. I thought my product's not good or what is it? What is it? When actually it was the fact that I really hadn't put myself wholly into it.

that I had kind of hit it, patty-caked at it.

But if you're going to really ride a bull, you've got to grab it by the horns, you know, and like those mechanical bulls that I've never done that. But it seems like to me, the way that you don't get tossed off is that you, you anchor down and you hold on no matter how fast it goes or no matter how bucky it gets. You just make it up in your mind that you can get your rhythm right.

and you can really ride this thing out. Um, and then also hope defers makes the heart sick. And so I was, uh, low key trying to get a little depressed about it. Yeah. And because it was 60, I was 60 when I tried to launch it at one of the largest meetings we had and it like totally flopped and I couldn't understand at all. Um,

And so I thought, OK, well, it's still important to me, the significance of home, my message, my mission, my vision. None of that has changed, but my approach to it had to change. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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So I talked about on one of our activate messages, I talked about the one that was actually last week. I talked about in order to discover your purpose. You know, I think dad actually says that, you know, find your passion. If you find your passion, then you'll find your purpose. But I talked about how the root word of passion ultimately means suffering. And so if you find the thing you're willing to suffer for, then you'll find your purpose in that because most people will give up.

When the suffering comes, but if you're willing to suffer through it, then you discover purpose. And as you were saying that, I thought about how you were willing to suffer through rejection and suffer through fear so that you can ultimately really lay hold of your purpose. Can you just share with us how important it is that we don't give up in suffering?

And I think more specifically, when to know when it's worth suffering and when to know when it's not worth that suffering. Well, when you said that, I started thinking about there's suffering and then there's long suffering, you know, and so what we might attribute to being suffering is.

is something that we're being very, very selfish about or self-centered about. But long suffering usually involves your relationship with some other person. And so if I can suffer on my own, then I can assist someone else in their suffering. And everybody wants to be there for the party.

but nobody wants to be there to clean up. Right. Right. And that's fact. That's an actual, that ain't no analogy. That's an actual factual. So true. Yeah. And so I was always the person that didn't mind being the one to clean up. Yeah, for sure. You know, I, it doesn't matter to me and I could put it up and I could take it down. But when I, when,

want to involve everybody, then I have to look at it from their purview because maybe they weren't raised or they're not wired the way I am. I am low-key a party animal. I love parties.

parties and entertaining and and it doesn't have to be for me it could be for anybody I just I just really like people to be happy and have a good time and so um suffering teaches me to serve others it teaches me it has taught me to serve others because they don't know any better at what point do you say all right that's enough suffering

I think after I've stepped over the puddle so many times that they made, like they made the puddle and I've stepped over it. I've walked around it. I've suggested that you mop it up. I've refused to mop it up myself. Um,

And that's when I maxed out on suffering. In that message that I was telling you about, I said that you can qualify the suffering based on the salvation connected to it, right? And I just think about Jesus for the joy that was set before him. He endured the cross, but the salvation that was waiting on the side was worth the suffering. I think we are unwilling to suffer when we stop believing in the salvation that's on the other side.

So I think that if you're in relationship with someone and they're willing to suffer to be in a relationship with you, because listen, relationships are going to have some element of suffering in it, right? Like even God given parenting, marriage, friendships, there's going to be an element of suffering. You're going to get your feelings hurt. Things are going to not turn out the way that you want them to. But when the salvation, what you offer me is greater than the suffering you give me, then I can,

Take the balance of suffering. Now, when it ain't nothing but suffering. And I'm only like him. I am not him. And I don't know. I am Christ like majorly, majorly. When you were talking about your line, you mentioned something about like low key going through a depression because it didn't work out.

And I just thought how brave and courageous it is for you to say that you were low-key going through depression. I wonder if you're like me. So sometimes I don't realize I was going through a depression until I'm out of the season. Because in the season, I think I'm okay. But then when I look back on it, I'm like, man, I was depressed. Like even after my pregnancy, I was like,

pretty sure I was depressed but what let me know that is when I met Tere and you kept telling me that you hadn't seen me smile like that since before I was a little girl yeah oh my goodness I mean it was like when I light up my Christmas tree for the first time I saw you it was like look she's back and

She's back. She's back to being whole and allowing herself the permission to be happy. And it was just a beautiful, beautiful thing. It wasn't something that you had to paint on or think about it. It was just automatic. And I thought, if he makes her smile like this every single day,

That would be amazing. Or if he makes sure that she smiles more than she cries, I can work with that a little bit, but I don't want too many tears. Not all right. Yep. Yeah.

But I think when you said that, though, it made me realize that I must have been going through a depression for a few years. I mean, for a few years, a few years, even the way that you would.

would work out and started juicing and, and it was almost like you were self-flagellating yourself, you know, to me, it felt, it felt like you were just flogging yourself. Like, uh, I'm not this, I'm not that. And it, and it wasn't, uh, true.

It wasn't true. Everything that you are now was always inside of you. You just needed to have permission to come up out of that horrible pit physically and naturally. Yeah. Yeah.

And you talk about suffering as a parent, sitting there and watching that. I'm thinking, man, someone listening to this podcast right now is probably watching their child go through a tough season. I got a question from a lady in Denver.

And she was telling me that her daughter just doesn't listen to her no matter what. And she doesn't agree with the way that she lives, but her daughter doesn't listen to her. And I asked her how old her daughter was. She says 35. And I was like, well, you know, at a certain point, you just kind of have to let God take over and allow her to learn on her own. But how do you deal with watching a child go through a suffering season? Yeah.

Well, as a member, a certified card-toting member of Moms United...

I don't care how old you all get. I humbly submit my suggestions to you. Sometimes at the risk of being an interfering grandmother or an interfering mother-in-law or what have you, I always have an opinion.

Whether I voice it or not, I always have an opinion about the well-being of my children. But at a certain age, after you've wrestled with the same thing over and over and over with your child, there comes a time where it's not like, have it your way. It's that, okay, God.

I'm going to get out of your way. Yeah. And I always pray, let them come to themselves without grief. Because I don't want it to be with sorrow. Yeah.

Yeah, because the blessings of the Lord make you rich, and it's not just monetary wealth. It's rich in your soul and in your spirit and in your mind and in your heart. And it's not supposed to be with sorrow. It doesn't add sorrow with it. So if you're on a path right now,

Whoever this daughter is that may be a little bit rebellious right now, it's not supposed to be with sorrow. And I can't spank you anymore, but I'm telling you, the Holy Spirit has got a paddle. Oh, my gosh, that'll whip you right in line. So, no, but I think that idea of...

the woman being able to really sit back and let God get her together. Can you remember like maybe the first time or maybe even the most recent time where you just know for sure, like God checked me on that. I'm trying to, I have the tendency to elevate people in such a way that's borderline lowercase W worship. Hmm.

where I don't give them room for faults or failures or disappointments. And then when they do disappoint me, I immediately, immediately think, but I thought so much of you. I had you on this pedestal, and how could you disappoint me?

And then I thought that was your fault. Nobody told you to put them that high on the totem pole. And when I tell you that God checked me and it was a checkmate, it shut me all the way down. And I thought that's what you get. Yeah. Leave room for people to be human and for God to be God. Oh,

I cannot be little God. Yeah. I have to tell you, I think the last time I got super hard checked by God, I think God finds a way to check me like 24 seven throughout the day. But the last time I got super hard check, I was supposed to be speaking at an event in Virginia and,

And I had been going nonstop, just like drop a bag, turn around and move on to another city. Someone said the other day I was in my luggage closet. I saw my suitcase. I was like, wow, I haven't seen you in a long time. And you used to be the only thing I've seen.

But I was supposed to go and I just have never felt so close to like mentally having a breakdown. I just didn't have it. I couldn't become that person who gets up at three and catches the plane and sits in the airport and has the layover and gets in at midnight and gets up at seven and shows up at nine and preaches and gets on the plane and goes to. I just couldn't.

And I couldn't find that person. Like, you have to become somebody to do that. And I couldn't find her down on the inside of me. And I felt like if I go, I might literally break down. But so I called the host and I told the host I wasn't going to be able to make it. But if I'm honest, I felt a lot of guilt. Like, I felt like I let God down. Like, I let them down. People were tweeting me like, we're waiting on you. Where are you? We're looking for you. And I felt like I let God down.

And I was afraid to, not afraid, but like I made a conscious decision to like not worship and to like not pray because I just felt like I had let God down. And I think when we feel like we've let God down, we separate ourselves from God. So like, of course the Bible says nothing can separate us, but we can separate ourselves with our own thoughts and insecurities. And I just really like finally was just like, God, I'm sorry. And I'm just like apologizing. And I

felt like God told me in that moment, like you think I'm into you because of what you do. And that's always been your problem, whether it's good or bad, it doesn't change who I am in your life. And when you stop trying to perform for me, then you'll really get to know me. And I'm

I felt like checkmate. Checkmate. Yeah, total. Yeah, because like, man, I think if we aren't careful, especially when you start entering into this realm of like, okay, now I'm doing the right thing for God, is that we think that we're doing something for him. Like this is a favor for him. When in reality, it's like, I want to really dive into knowing who you are and

I don't know. I have to constantly remind myself to break out of this need to perform for people, to perform for God. I think that, you know, whatever our issue is, I feel like it shows up in every area of our life. And I feel like my issue is performance, wanting to perform for people to meet their expectation, to not let them down. And when I feel like I fail at that, I just remove myself from the equation altogether instead of having enough

vulnerability to really try and grow and confront my feelings and emotions and confront their expectations and move forward. I don't know. Does that make sense at all? Yes, it does. It does. Because, um, to me, when you have to do what you do from night to night to night, it could very easily turn into a routine and a performance, you know, and, um,

The fact that you can step back from it, you know, I mean, you just got to distance yourself from it because you'll come home and still be performing. Yeah. Mm hmm.

You know, and it's like I tell your father a lot of times, you just came from an auditorium full of thousands of people to an audience of one. And so the clapping may not be as loud, but it's as meaningful. Yeah.

Man, that idea of performance and really breaking out of that and being willing to step back, right? Because the thing that I felt like helped me find myself, I then got lost in. And I think to the point of this series of like life being this cycle of being lost and found.

It is possible to lose yourself in what works well. Just because something works well doesn't mean that you can't get lost in it. And it's a lot of courage to be able to say, I know that this looks good. I know that it's impactful. I know that it is effective, but it is no longer who I am. I feel like we only thrive when we live from our core. And now I'm doing it from this space of life.

what is expected of me instead of the place of overflow. And so coming back to your core, I feel like being found is really about coming back to your core in every season of life. In every way. And people can tell that you're not trying to figure it out.

That this I've chosen for myself and I'm going to work it because it works for me. Yeah. You know, I think it's very important that we're able to do that. I heard a person was laughing. They said that when his wife comes home, she takes off her Spanx. She takes off her brassiere. She takes off her wig.

And she takes off her lashes and she puts all that stuff in a drawer. And he's like, so do I get in the drawer? You know, or do I ask you, who are you anyway? Yeah. And you're the person that I love. You're the bare faced, bare butt person that I love, you know, and

And all of that other stuff we have to do when we go outside. But quarantine has brought on a new routine for a lot of people. They just want to look bad every day. Child. Just bad. How you feel? Bad. Look bad. Feel bad. Bad. That's like Ella and hers. Bad. Bad.

There's this clip. I want to see if we can pull the audio of Ella leaving her swim class and her nanny was with her and her nanny asked her how her swim class was. She said, bad.

Like, don't ask me else. Man, I was going to ask you. So that idea of core, who are you at your core? Like when you think about, you know, getting back to your core and seizes on your lost and found, because I really feel like that's the solution, right? When you feel lost is to get back to what matters the most to you. What does it matter? How do you get back to your core? And who are you at your core?

I have to get back to my core through isolation and I'm not talking social distancing or anything. I have to almost shut myself down with just me. Sometimes two days, sometimes I just have to do a hard shutdown and be able to get in my word and

get in my prayer face and just not be influenced by television, the news or any people. That's the only way I can find out who Sarita is because everything is built for extroverts and I'm an introvert. And so in order for me to reestablish my baseline, I have to get along.

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I can't for the life of me think about who it was, but my husband was talking about some Instagram live that he was watching. And during the Instagram live, they were talking about how important it is for couples to spend time alone during the, you know, self-isolation quarantine season. But also to make sure that they were being intentional about spending time by themselves, right?

And I think that's like one of the areas where I like it. He just told me about it this morning. And that was like when a light bulb went out for me because I'm either like working or cooking or mom or wife thing. You know what I mean? Sarah. And I think,

it kind of slipped away from me because in the littlest ways I get to have those moments when I'm in the car and I call you, I'm headed to the grocery store, I'm headed to the office or I'm in the office. Like I have these pockets of alone time. And I think if I'm not intentional about that,

then I am going to miss out on who I am and I'll look up and I'll be off-centered and off-balance. But I think in this season, particularly, it's going to require for us to be intentional about enlisting help from those around us. And I think sometimes for me as a wife, like I...

And I don't want to say like afraid to ask my husband, but I just like don't I feel like I need to let him know. It's like I have it under control. Like it doesn't even dawn on me to say like, hey, babe, I need you to take Ellison for her night routine tonight. I just need a minute to myself. I just feel like I have to do everything by myself. And I think that that train of thinking, especially in a marriage is flawed.

flawed because you end up resenting your partner for something that you didn't even ask them to help with. So good. That's so, so good. Yeah. I think even just taking a minute to take a bath and not feel guilty, you know, because the kitchen's not clean. Right. You

Yeah, this quarantine period has been very, very good for us in as much as you know, your daddy's a busybody and he's always got to have something going on and something to do. And he's had his fill of it with these interviews and international interviews and

Oh, yes, it's crisis mode. But when I tell you it's not bothering him, that he's not able to go to Papados. No, no. We got in the car the other day and we drove over to Cora's and just put supplies on the porch, you know, just and came back home, you know.

And then last night, he told me to try to find a movie that we could watch and eat dinner. And somehow my password wouldn't work. I didn't change your password, Mom.

This is not the time for us to argue about it. But I didn't change your password. Would you put it in so I could watch you? Yes, we will screen share and I will send it in to you. It's probably sending me a code to authorize whatever it is you're watching because I need

to be the boss of you even in California okay yeah it's going wrong what have you guys been watching like have you watched anything good and enjoyable lately oh gosh I like the Madam C.J. Walker movie I haven't seen it yet yet yeah it's pretty cool I think you'll like it um mom you should watch Tiger King

we watched a little bit of tmz's coverage of it but i can't with them you would hate it it's really something else you know what we watched that was good bombshell jamar said sister jakes i need a mask do you have masks are y'all walking around with masking gloves

When we go out. Yeah. Yeah. I just went to CVS the other day, but I don't, daddy went to tape, you know, services the other day and I made sure he had mask and gloves on.

Yeah, it's pretty sci-fi around these parts. It is. I remember going to the grocery store and feeling like, man, this is really something else. You know what I mean? Seeing everyone in their mask and with gloves on. And how quickly it all shifted and changed.

I think we always think about like, if the world changes, like we're going to get some type of warning or that we'll be prepared for it. But this is the world. It's not just the U S it's the world. And, um, they was saying, I don't know where we would go because every area, you know, he said maybe Wyoming or somewhere like that, you know, um, it's quite interesting, um,

And we've been trying to send messages to our debutantes and make sure that we've got children's ministry and youth ministry available. A lot of them are so sad because they're not going to have a prom. Yeah. They're not going to have a graduation. We had to cancel the cotillion. Yeah. I mean, I think, um,

ILS was canceled. They've got people in the dome in Atlanta. It's an overflow for hospitals. So I'm not really sure. What are you saying to yourself in this season? I know we're almost finished, but I just want to know, what are you saying to yourself during this time that's helping you to... Well, baby, I've got...

a low tolerance for immune systems. I don't have a very, very strong immune

immune system. So I have to really take this seriously, you know, because if there's anything, all of my doctors say with Murphy's law, if anything can go wrong, Sarita, your name is up under that list. All of my doctors have told me that. And so, um,

Yeah, well, they got to know him a little bit when I was there. I said what I said. They don't put you on no Murphy's Law. I said what I said. You can keep talking. You know what I'm saying about what I said? Yeah, don't say to my friend like that. Don't speak over my mama like that. Now go on with your story. Yeah, so I miss y'all. I miss you too. I miss y'all. I do. Yeah.

The people are still in the warehouse and I miss being involved in my business and people aren't going to have a lot of expendable income. So I'm trying to be very strategic and sensitive about making sure that home is home. Yeah. But I just did an article that home, not so sweet home. Hmm.

And what do you do when being home is not safe because your abuser is there? And so I did some fact finding up until about 1918, women were considered property of men. So there was no laws against domestic violence or domestic abuse.

And so if you got a pow pow from your husband, you deserved it. And so now men still have a lot of men still have that anger. They're losing their jobs. They're stuck in the house with screaming kids. And, you know, maybe they don't have like space to kind of have their own little corner and, you know,

It's just a lot going on in these homes that bothers me more than anything. What's going on behind closed doors. And I've been trying to address that. One lady told me that she couldn't afford to keep her daughter at home. So she sent her to her father. She did not know that her father had abused her.

Sexually abused her for years and years and years. So the little girl writes, she's sitting in the corner in her room. And every time she hears his footsteps, she thinks it's going to start again. So I've been very, very concerned about that. There's nowhere for us to send them. The shelters are overrun.

And we're in a pandemic, so it's not safe in the house. It's not safe outside the house. So I ordered something yesterday for Ellen McKenzie from Highlights. It's a little kit, like it's a little treasure hunt that they'll be able to work on to give the kids something, something to do. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that perspective on how this virus, this pandemic has affected so many people in ways that you wouldn't even think of, you know, of course, the economy is crazy with the restaurants being closed down.

and thinking about people who are essential workers and how they are exposing themselves but even like you said down to those who are struggling in domestic violence situations or literally don't know how they're going to keep a roof over their head I think that this virus has been so sobering I think it's like there's like

We're spending more time with our families. The earth is healing, but some people are being devastated at the same time. And all of these nuances are happening at the same time. We have a newsletter that we write for Woman Evolve.

And I just talked about how we shouldn't need a pandemic to know that people are just one exposure away from their life being radically changed. And then they're carrying issues that we may or may not know about, like a woman who's going through domestic violence or like a little girl who's going through sexual abuse. I wonder as we close out.

if you can offer us some hope some some kind of faith that we can hold on to I feel like for me my emotions come in waves sometimes I feel like this isn't so bad and I'm okay and then other times I'm like I'm stuck I'm trapped I've probably caught it I wake up hot in the middle of the night I'm like is that you girl is that you Rona have you

come from me? But living with that fear, literally, that at any moment we could have it and it could change our lives is scary. So I just want to know, will you speak over us as a mom and help to soothe our hearts? There's nothing like a mom, I feel like, you know, when you've been blessed to have a good one, because I know that that's not everyone's experiences, but that idea of what a mom should be

When you have that or when you long for it, what you want is really someone to comfort you. And so I wonder if you would be the surrogate mom of woman evolving comforted.

Oh, it's my delight to do so. I think that it will start within yourself because you can't give out what you don't possess. And so you have to nurture your own heart. Put the mask on yourself first before you try to put it on someone else and ask yourself the hard questions. Am I okay? What's really bothering me? Yeah.

this situation? Is it the money? Is it the kids and me not being able to help them with their lessons because they don't do that anymore? I haven't been in school in 111 years. So speaking to yourself, possibly

positive affirmations. If you got to tape them on the refrigerator, that refrigerator is a demon during this season. I want you to know. Be clear now. That refrigerator ain't nothing but a demon. Yeah, you can't eat your way out of it, but you can control the atmosphere of your home. It doesn't matter if the water's

outside the boat. It's when it gets inside the boat and whatever you have to do to flush that out of your mind and out of your heart, even if you're there by yourself.

You know, I think about the boys and how lonely they get. Marty's like, it's like, I can't go anywhere. I'm used to being at home, but don't tell me I can't go. So just calm. Ella used to say, calm down. It's okay. It's not okay today. It may not be okay tomorrow.

But you might as well pace your emotions and hold on to as much peace as you can. As much peace as you can because the enemy's after your peace. Hold on to as much peace as you can and just put it in an invisible jar and pinch off of it and put the lid back on it real, real quick and let your peace reflect in the people that you have to do.

I'm writing that pace your emotions. I love that because my emotions come in like a flood and sometimes they drown me. But remember, we have the control to pace our emotions is everything. Yeah, you just dole them out limitlessly and don't go to any unneeded, unnecessary battles. Yeah. You know, don't pick a fight and don't end a fight.

Just let it be. Yeah. Thanks, mom. Thank you. I love you. Thank you for being our first guest.

What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and many more.

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Hi, I'm Katie Lowes. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And we're the hosts of Unpacking the Toolbox, the Scandal Rewatch podcast where we're talking about all the best moments of the show. Mesmerizing. But also, we get to hang out with all of our old Scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for an even more behind-the-scenes Scandal.

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