Let Faith Be Your Lifeline w/ Dr. Amira Ogunleye
01:02:58 Share

Hey y'all, Dr. Joy here. I invite you to join me every Wednesday on the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly chat about mental health and personal development, where my expert guests and I discuss the unique challenges and triumphs faced by Black women through the lens of self-care, pop culture, and building the best version of you. So if you're looking for more ways to incorporate wellness into your life, listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello. From Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten. Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights.

Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When you make a habit of pretending so that other people can find you digestible, eventually you choke on yourself. You can't stomach it. You can't swallow it because you don't even know who you really are. All that I know is who I am to other people.

Many Vov make some noise.

I'm getting ready. I'm getting my voice ready. Because September 26th through the 28th, that is going to be the first thing that comes out of my mouth. Like, woman evolve. We back at what? I cannot wait. How are you? Woman Evolve Podcast. We back. I am your girl, SJR. How are you doing? And

I'm doing okay. I don't believe that I have recorded since before I went to South Africa. And so I just want you all to know that if you are praying for me, thinking about me, send some love my way. I definitely felt it. We had an incredible time there. We went to Cape Town and Johannesburg.

I did a whole video blog about our travel. So we went from Dallas to Doha, Doha to Cape Town, and we flew an airline called Qatar Airlines and things to know about me. So I enjoy very long flights.

eight, nine hours is simply not long enough for me. Six hours, not long enough. I get antsy, I'm ready to get off the plane. You give me an old nasty 16 hour flight, an old raggedy 17, and I am literally on vacation. And so this was our first time flying this airline and it was quite the experience. And let me tell you,

Beverly Hillbillies, acting like you've never been anywhere was me. I pressed all of the buttons. I did all of the things. I know them flight attendants. I had my camera out the entire time. I literally know that those flight attendants were so sick of me, but they didn't act like it because the customer service was absolutely exceptional. Anything they offered me, I took it. Yes, please. Oh, yeah, sure. And if PT turned it down, I was like, I'll take his because I want the full experience. So

Everything from the travel to the actual encounters was amazing.

Some of you may not be speakers, so I'm just going to say that no matter what you do on purpose, when you are moving in purpose in a new capacity or a new territory, it can be intimidating. And I definitely felt intimidation going into South Africa. I have so much honor and respect anytime I go anywhere because you just don't know what people are up against. As an American, I have somewhat of a pulse of

of what the day-to-day life can look like for different types of people and different backgrounds. But I didn't know what to expect in South Africa from a culture standpoint, from an experience standpoint. And so being able to serve them was something I was excited but intimidated about. And so I just asked God, give me wisdom, give me direction, make me sensitive to what you wanna see happen in this room.

And it was, my heart literally gets so full. Oh, let me turn my phone. Oh, that's PT. Anyways, we're actually going to be airing one of the encounters on, I think it's going to be on One Online's YouTube. Just follow me. I'll give you all the details. Or don't follow me. Just stalk my page and you'll get the details. But we're going to air it on YouTube. And man, it was blessed. So that was...

I came home last week on like Tuesday and then I dove right back into work. WomnEvolve is right around the corner. There are so many just decisions we need to make about production, staging, the flow, scheduling, travel, just things that you can't even imagine, registration process and hours and everything.

I was overwhelmed. I'll be honest. My husband and I have assumed the assistant senior pastor role in Dallas and are beginning to get just even more integrated, not just into the Dallas community, but also asking God, what role are we supposed to play here and becoming more of a staple part of the leadership. And so there's more responsibility there. I'm going somewhere, I promise you.

And so while I'm involved, church, my kids start school this week and sell school supplies, back to school shopping. Also trying to make the best of the last little parts of summer. Mackenzie's birthday is this week. She turns 15. Would somebody call the nurse? Someone please call 911. Do you remember? Of course you do. Anyways, so I was overwhelmed. So I spent Tuesday through Friday being, oh, and I was preaching in Dallas yesterday. Okay.

So I spent most of the week kind of being jet lag, but still like taking meetings, doing all of the things. By the time Friday came, I had crashed. I was, and what's funny is I did a live on Instagram on Friday, Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook. And I felt like so strong, so energetic, so

Um, just like so in the flow of what God wanted to say and do on Friday. And I think that was around two o'clock and then probably around four, completely different person, overwhelmed, um, stressed, inadequate, um,

I will say in between the time that I ended the live and the time that I started having these feelings and I was on my laptop really turning my face towards Sunday and thinking, okay, like I've done all of these things. Now, God, what do you want me to say on Sunday? So I'm like, my heart is postured to like seek the Lord about my word for Sunday.

And I did see a video and I went down a rabbit trail. And usually I don't see negative conversations about me, but I went down this rabbit trail and I saw some things. And I know that I was stressed and overwhelmed. I'm just being honest with you guys in human, like, you know, your girl's not a superhero. And I began to question literally everything. Like,

You know, if you if you would if you had what it took to do X, Y and Z, then you wouldn't be stressed. You wouldn't be overwhelmed. This is a sign that you don't have what it takes. And then I saw these videos and, you know, I'm like, see, and you're doing things wrong. You're disappointing God like a spiral, right?

And mind you, I'm trying to figure out what I'm preaching on Sunday and nothing, nothing. And then so I put my laptop down, I go sit on my bed. And first I'm like doing my deep breathing. I'm like doing my somatic, tapping my body. I'm doing all these things. And then I just started praying. And initially, like my first prayer was like, God, if you're trying to tell me that this isn't

what I'm supposed to do or in some way this is you trying to get my attention like I surrender like if that means I need to I don't need to have a conference like maybe I'm not the person that you want at the helm of this like I surrender like I want nothing more than to be in your will God I will lay it all down I don't want to lead people astray like I want people to know Jesus and to understand the power of being in relationship with him and if I'm not the one to do that like I will

like I literally was like, I can lay it. Like, I don't want it. I don't want it if it's not you. And I still felt this heaviness. And I was just like, maybe God's trying to get my attention. Cause I never just want to just shrug off what could be conviction. It didn't feel like conviction at all.

But I just didn't want to be so prideful in my idea of my life, my world, my purpose that I shrugged off something God was trying to tell me. So I really tried to start in like a posture of listening and humility. And then I started praying, you know, like all of those things are true. But then I was like,

But if this is the enemy, like Satan, I rebuke you. I bind you in the name of Jesus. Like I was just speaking in tongues. I was just like laying in my bed. Literally my eyes were closed. I had my headphones on and I was just like going in. It's giving prayer and praying grandmother. And when I tell you, like immediately I felt, I felt it lift off of me. I felt, um,

oppression, depression, frustration, tired, weariness, I felt it lift off of me. And it's just a necessary reminder for me that you don't get to do the will of God without the will of God being contested. Let me say that better. You don't get to do the will of God without your role in the will being contested.

I feel like we need to let that simmer. Like you don't get to say, yes, I am going to change the direction. I try to, you guys probably noticed this about me when I'm preaching, but I try to not just limit people to like my perspective. And I try to imagine what does this look like for other people? But like whatever it is God's called you to do when changing an industry or changing your family, changing your community, whatever.

that is going to go directly up against what has caused trauma, pain, darkness, mental health issues, health issues. Whenever God has given you the power, the insight, the wisdom, the vision to inject his will in an area where there has been depression and destruction, you just have to know that that will not be contested.

and there's a fine line between wanting to be sensitive to how the Lord may be ordering your steps and also recognizing that sometimes you have to fight for the right to take them. And so I prayed. I preached on Sunday. I was... I prayed. I got that thing off of me. God gave me a message. I felt good about the message. Sunday, I...

was the only senior leadership person there in Dallas. So imagine being, feeling inadequate when I'm already like nerves, like I'm just human, just human nerves. Right. But also like having to navigate that warfare would have been crazy. So I've got nerves, but so Sunday, um, there's my, you know, I'm manning the service. I'm the senior leadership person there. And, um, I say I'm a lot. I need to stop that. Oh, um, well,

Why does that even matter? Because so, oh, this is my first time I did the back to school prayer. I, um, oh, the lights flickered before service even started when I was in the building, the power cut completely off and came back on. So I'm on the phone with security. Like if this happens while I'm there, what are the evacuation protocols? Do we evacuate? You know, do we have sound? And so like, I'm receiving this rundown cause I'm, you know, if it go down, I'm,

I'm going up. You know what I mean? And it's so funny because I had this whole conversation. Like, you know, first of all, if it go out, it's going to be about 10 churchy people like the devil trying to stop my praise. And we're going to have at least 30 minutes of a glow in the dark praise. But it's hot in Texas. If it go out and stay out, we're going to need to evacuate. The praise is going to at least need to be outside where we got some ventilation. So,

I had that stress running in the back of my mind, back to school prayer. I'm going back to school myself. I know the nerves and insecurity connected with that. And someone say, that makes you the perfect person to pray. Someone else would be like, sis, we need to pray for you. And so doing the offering, which offering is so interesting to me because

I know my personal convictions on giving. Like I believe in what God is doing in the earth through the church. I know that God is the sole provider for so many of the things that I've been able to do in my life. Like maybe the opportunity came from Target or the opportunity came from speaking or writing. But at the end of the day, God gave me the gift. God put me on the minds of those people. And so baby, I don't want nothing in my bank account that doesn't sow back into what God's doing in the earth. But like,

unpacking that to someone is like, let me tell you the hardest part about being me and then I'm going to mind your business. The hardest part about being me is that like, though God has given me this anointing and this gift that helps people to feel loved, seen, and valued by Him and to ultimately draw closer to Him, my own relationship with the Lord is something that I cherish and it's very intimate and sacred to me. And

And part of what I think makes me feel shy and nervous and triggered is that I'm taking my personal relationship with the Lord and putting it on display. Mind you, growing up, my relationship, it wasn't good. You don't speak in tongues. You don't clap on beat. You're going to hell. You're not this baby. And so it feels very vulnerable for me to say like, hey, God,

This is what the Lord is showing me, teaching me. These are the principles that have been important in my relationship with the Lord. But I do it anyway, because if God says I can do it, I can do it. So anyways, wow. Thank you for the therapy session. I'm not going to pay you. If you're still listening, I just thank God for you. I say all of that to say Sunday when I got finished between the warfare, the jet lag, the mood. Sunday when I got finished, I literally said I quit. Okay.

Like not quit like the way the devil had me trying to quit on Friday, but I am done. They sent me clips to review. I was like, I could, I will never listen to these clips. I felt like the mess. I said what God told me to say. I did what God told me to do. I believe it was effective for those who need it. I got some amazing testimonies. I don't want to see the clips. If I post these clips, it's because I got a good night's rest, but-

Anyways, I was finished on Sunday. So today is Monday. I'm recording this. It's late. The team, God bless me. I'm going to do better, feel better. But it's Monday. I'm recording this podcast. Thank you for listening to my heart and minding my business. I got some rest. I got up. I boxed this morning. I felt good just getting some nerves and anxiety out of my body. I took the girls to a jump house. We getting hair done. We got back to school night. It's a lot going on. But

I feel better and safer in my body and my spirit and my relationship with God than I did on Friday and less exposed than I felt on Sunday. No pressure. And so I'm breathing. I'm going on vacation next week. So be praised, Holy Ghost. Okay. So, wow. Now that I have minded your... No, now that you have minded my business, what are the chances that you would like me to mind yours? Are they slim to none because she doesn't have her life together or...

Or who better to tell me about my raggedy than someone who knows raggedy themselves? I'm glad you said the latter part because here we go. Are you ready? We mindin' business. This week's question says, "I recently turned 25 this year in May and I've discovered I have no idea who I am. For context, I was adopted from birth, lived with my adoptive parents until their passing when I was 14 and 15. 15 my father, 16 my mother.

At the time, I'm 2016. At the time, I wasn't looking to figure out who I was. I knew what I liked and what I used to like when I was younger. But then I went to college and by the time I was done, I was almost 23 and had nothing figured out. Those years between then and now became a blur. I had failed friendships and relationships with family. I never took the time to figure myself out. And now at 25, I wish I had the guidance of my parents.

My mother was a minister and my father was dedicated to gospel music. I knew I wanted to make them proud, but losing them so young really affected my life. So sometimes I fell short and I felt like I had fallen and I can't get back to where I'm supposed to be. But where even is that? LOL.

I know God has created a path for me, but sometimes I feel so disconnected from God and from everyone. How can I get closer to God? How do I get closer to me? At this age, is it too late to figure myself out? The person that I've portrayed to other people is not me. I know that. I'm just not sure who I really am, but I know God knows me and I want to know him not as a little girl who didn't understand what the pastor was saying or who

didn't understand why I had to live with no parents, but as this 25-year-old woman who wants God by her side, I hope my email reaches Sarah and I can get a few tips from her. What up, girly? Your email reached me, and I am really grateful that you would allow yourself to be open and transparent with me about where you are in your relationship with God. I am 36 years old, and I have to tell you that for you to be asking, is it too late for you to get your life together at 25? No.

No, ma'am. Sounds like, first of all, you checked a lot of boxes at 25 that many of us have not had an opportunity to check. I want you to know that it is so difficult to figure out who you are unknowingly.

Even when you have a family system and structure that is supportive, it can be difficult to figure out who you are outside of your family and their expectations. And then I can imagine, though I don't know personally, that when you don't have

those foundational pillars in your life that it's more difficult because you don't even have someone who you can lean on. And so I count it as an honor that God would use me to be a part of the village that is going to speak into your life and cover you.

I believe right now that there are so many other people who are going to come alongside friends, teachers, employers, mentors who are going to be a part of God just covering you in the midst of what feels like exposure. I also want to say that you being sensitive enough to know that who you present yourself as is not who you really are is the beginning of finding out who you are.

I believe that you have an opportunity to ask yourself, what is it about who I present myself as that doesn't align with who I am authentically and why not? If you allow people to believe that you're so strong or you allow people to feel like

maybe you have a need that you don't have, like, why do I allow that? What do I receive from that? Is it connection? Is it a sense of belonging? What do I keep from them? Do I have to minimize my voice? Do I have to pretend that I like going out when I really don't? I want you to begin to understand what is it that you receive from them? And also, what are you diminishing within yourself in order to be in connection with them?

Whenever we begin to have these types of conversations, people don't really do this work because at the end of the day, they don't want to lose those connections. I want you to know that doing this work doesn't mean that you immediately make a decision. Best case scenario, you marinate and activate immediately.

Marinate and activate is a term that I use in my book, Power Moves, where we marinate on an idea and then we activate it. Most people don't marinate and activate immediately, but I want you to begin marinating on the ways that you are pretending to be someone else, why you pretend to be someone else and who you would be instead. That is the beginning of you understanding your truth.

It is important for you to understand what authenticity is for you and what your truth is because we want God to meet you there. When you make a habit of pretending so that other people can find you digestible, eventually you choke on yourself.

When you make a habit of diminishing who you are so that you can be digestible to other people, you end up choking on who you really are. You can't stomach it. You can't swallow it because you don't even know who you really are. All that I know is who I am to other people. And so I want to encourage you to figure out who you are for yourself by getting down to your truth. And then that is the truth we take to God. God, I am.

am lonely. God, I do things that I don't want to do because I have this ache in my heart. And I would like your presence to meet me here, to meet me in my vulnerability. One of the things that I have found really instrumental is whenever I'm feeling a way, I go to the Bible and I'm like, has Jesus ever felt this way? And then I find moments where Jesus felt something similar. We do not have a high priest

who cannot empathize with our suffering. And so I want you to understand that if there's anyone in... What I love about the Bible is there's not a scenario in the Bible that does not cover something that we have gone through and how God responds to those things that are happening within our life. And so I just want you to know that the presence of God wants to meet you. It's not too late for you to figure out who you are. As a matter of fact...

Anytime is the perfect time. You can be 25, you can be 40, you can be 60, you can be 12 years old. Anytime is the right time for you to take this hunger, what I believe is ultimately the Holy Spirit drawing you into perfect truth and into authenticity and into obedience and love and

taking that and allowing your life to be defined by that. I want you to be rooted in a consciousness of love, a consciousness of belonging that gives your soul rest and allows you to feel free to show up in this world as all of who you are. There's so much that I can say about this, but I really hope that this is just the beginning. And I want you to know that at the end of the day, that

You may find yourself in this situation again. You may be 30. Your life could be radically different. You could have it all. You could have nothing at all. And you may be asking yourself, who am I? Getting to learn who you are is a lifelong journey. So get comfortable as a student.

As you get comfortable as a student, you become sensitive to the lessons that God's trying to teach you. I love you. I'm grateful. Please send me an email and an update and let me know how this resonated with you because you deserve to have people who pour into you. You are worthy of it. And I'm grateful to be one of the people that God's using. Evolve.

Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals. Those are quite exciting. They're the kind of deals that are worth talking about, like their deal on the Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6.

With this amazing deal, you can trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition for a new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. It's so good, in fact, it'll have you shouting from the rooftops. So get yourself down to street level and learn how to snag the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 on AT&T and maybe grab a ladder on the way home.

Between work, the gym, family, I am overwhelmed. Sis, are you feeling overwhelmed? You're not alone.

I'm Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, licensed psychologist and host of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. And I'm bringing candid mental health conversations straight to your podcast feed. We'll unpack everything from conquering imposter syndrome to nurturing your friendships. Join me and my expert guests as we explore mental health and personal development,

Whether you're just starting your mental health journey, entering motherhood, thinking about becoming a therapist, or just trying to show up as the best possible version of yourself. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, from Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten. This month, we're bringing you the stories of athletes,

There's the Italian race car driver who courted danger and became the first woman to compete in Formula One. The sprinter who set a world record and protested racism and discrimination in the U.S. and around the world in the 1960s. The diver who was barred from swimming clubs due to her race and went on to become the first Asian American woman to win an Olympic medal. She won gold twice. The mountaineer known in the Chinese press as the tallest woman in the world.

Really looking forward to sharing with you the conversation that I had with Dr. Amira. God has made it clear to me that part of woman evolves from

on the earth is to prime, like, I want to say this right. Our primary existence centers around the,

Allowing the love of God to meet you, change you, transform you, convict you wherever you are to make you feel safe enough to have those encounters. Also to make sure that we can accompany you on every part of your journey of womanhood. And so that's why we like to have fun. We like to have conversations about sisterhood.

And we also try to make sure that we're thinking about what all is connected with you and your world. How can we give back to those who are going back to school? How can we help during the holidays? We like to think about not just your spiritual, emotional, mental, but also your practical and professional needs.

When planning for Woman Evolve, I've always tried to make it a point to make sure that we have full encompassing conversations, that we're not just focusing exclusively

on your spiritual walk and development, though, like I said, that is our primary function, but also how do we take care of the temples, the bodies, the minds that God has given us? Part of what you're going to experience at Woman Evolved 24 is we have a body panel. The body panel exists to...

Help you understand what surrender looks like in the context of wellness for our bodies. What are some changes we need to make? What are some conversations that we need to be having with our daughters as we're aging and our hormones are fluctuating? Because those all play a role in how we facilitate the spirit that God has given us. My conversation today is with one of the guests who will be joining us at Woman Evolve.

Her name is Dr. Amir. She is an award-winning cosmetic dentist, mentor, and women's empowerment advocate. She leverages her influence to make impact. She was born in Egypt, immigrated to the United States with her father. She was a single parent.

He was a single parent traveling with his three young children. Her first years in America were spent in poverty. She watched her father work many jobs as he tried to create a life for her and her siblings. And this is not an unfamiliar thread for those of you who have experienced the stories of immigrants into America, but she attributes a lot of her experience

her mentality, her upbringing to those early exposures. But what I found most interesting in our conversation is how her...

relationship with who is now her husband. But at the time, I believe they were just dating, really shaped her spiritual walk and journey. And so I can't wait for you guys to meet her. She is the youngest graduate of Howard University's College of Dentistry. She graduated at the age of 23 years old, and she is an incredibly brilliant, beautiful,

phenomenal woman who unpacks with us the journey of her success. And our conversation actually stumbled into us wanting to do some giveaways for a smile makeover for those of you all who are coming to WomanyBop24. So I look forward to you giving me your feedback on this conversation. I really enjoyed it and I believe you will too.

Okay. Dr. Amir, I have to ask you. So you're beautiful, you're talented, you are inspirational in your content, you're authentic. It's funny. There are so many attributes that we get to experience of you online, but I wanted to spend some time understanding just the backdrop behind your story. And so I think I want to start this interview by asking you like,

What is the most surprising thing that you have had to surrender in order to become who you are? That's a good one. Well, first, thank you for all those wonderful words. I need you like in my ear every morning before I wake up. I got you. Honestly, I think that growing up,

Our family, you know, came to this country. We came from Egypt, you know, straight from Africa. And I think that in my early years, we lived a really, a life like of poverty. And there were times I say that like we went school shopping at Goodwill. And I have fond memories of that.

making sure we chose like the right, you know, the best jeans that didn't look worn and, you know, just watching my father struggle to like really build this up. And I'll never forget, I think I was probably, you know, maybe 10 years old. And it's such a young age to like understand the power of God in when we talk about surrender. But I just remember feeling like,

I trust God. Like there's a bigger purpose here and this can't really be what life is about. Like there's so much more and there's so much more that God is going to give us. And, you know, my, my older sister who raised me used to always say like, things are going to get better. Things are going to get better. And I really feel like that was, was God, you know, like even like speaking through her. So it was at a really young age that I think I realized like,

This is not of me. This is of God. That's so good. We've been talking this month just about the power of belief.

And I feel like having a belief that contradicts your reality can kind of be, yeah, it can be difficult because oftentimes the evidence of the reality tries to change your belief. But protecting your belief in the midst of that, I believe helps you to keep your eyes open for what in your reality connects to that belief, if that makes sense. So I feel like that's just an incredible thing.

nugget for people who are listening that if you have a belief that you're able to protect regardless of what your reality may speak, then you also have an opportunity to keep your eyes open for what's happening in your world that could lead to that belief. Do you remember the moment where things began to shift in your life and you're like, this is the better that I already believed in. Now it's actually within reach.

Yeah, yeah, actually, I do. I actually remember the exact day because there were so many of us living in this two-bedroom apartment and my dad on the side had been saving and working and we pulled up to this home and it was two stories. I pulled up, it had a whole driveway and I'm like, oh, my dad's working on a job or something and he's like, this is our home. And I just remember feeling like,

I knew it. Like I knew it. And based on what you just said, it's like faith, believing in things unseen. You know, it's so hard sometimes because you're like, God, you know, I'm praying, I'm hoping, I'm believing. But like you said, your reality is like, eh, this is not exactly, you know, but that is faith. And that's just what it's been. And honestly, since that moment,

moment and I'm so happy that it was at such a young age. I really took that and allowed it to really be a part of my life with everything, you know, career relationships, children, marriage. Um, so yeah,

That was big. Okay. So what do you feel like came first? Like, were you more career focused and minded and then found yourself balancing a family or was family always something that you wanted and then the career popped off or did you always know you wanted to basically have it all? I mean, I knew I wanted both, but I always say the same thing. And I always say, you can have it all, just not all at the same time. And what I mean by that is that in the

early stages of my career, it was like career, career, career. You know, I was really job focused. I was really driven. I was trying to reach the top of my, you know, industry and, you know, relationships, like the idea of marriage kind of like took, you know, a back seat. And then I did get married and I had children. And there were times when, you know, I couldn't be present as much with my career, you know, and people always use the word balance. And I'm always like,

There is no such thing because you can never give 100% of yourself

to all those areas because that's not balanced. And there's times that your family and your children are going to get poured into more. And then there's some times that, you know, your job and your career is going to get poured into more. But what I tell people, especially career women and career mothers is that, you know, when you, that mom guilt starts to kind of try to sink in and makes you feel like, Oh my gosh, you're focused on this. I think about the representation I'm giving my, my children, my daughter, seeing a woman with,

with her skin color and her background, you know, achieving these things like, you know, walking into my office and, and feeling like this is my mother's, like, this is something that she's built, you know, having my son see, you know, what a woman who, you know, could potentially be his wife one day would, would be like, you know, and be able to build. And so, um, so yeah, you know, people always like say, Oh my God, you have it all. And I'm like, you know, I, I haven't always, you know, and it doesn't always feel like that.

But we give ourselves grace. Okay. So I love that you mentioned that you can have it all, just maybe not all at the same time, because I speak to a lot of professional women who feel like I have thrown a lot of myself into my career so much so that I am not even sure if I...

have capacity for a relationship, if I want to have to go through some of the sacrifices of time and energy that goes into having children and raising a family, which I don't push my agenda on anyone. It's just a conversation that I often hear women exploring. And then women who have maybe decided to have children who feel like they are left behind from what they thought their career path would be. Can we talk a little bit about

how taking time away from one thing can make you feel like you're also losing in that area or you're going to get behind. Did you find that to be true that you like got behind in your career because you stopped to have children and to focus on your family? So I wouldn't say that I felt like I got left behind, but I definitely, it was hard on both ends. You know, there were, I remember there was a time when I had like a really,

I got a call and it was like a huge name and they were like, they want to fly in. They have this case and we're going to do it. And I was like, sure. And I was so focused on this is so big for my career, for my brand. And I needed and I wanted, it was like, I've been praying for this. I've been working so hard for this moment.

And when they asked for a date, I said yes to the date. So happy. I'm doing the case. Everything's going great. And I'm finally like leaving my office and my husband's like, are you close? And I'm like, am I close to what? You know? And he's like,

You know, our daughter's, it was like a Christmas singing event. And I'm like, oh my God, you know, and I remember crying in the car. Like, I'm such a horrible mom. Like, how did I, you know, and there's going to be moments like that. And that in that moment, I was like, how this was so important to her.

And we talked about it and we practiced and it's like, I felt like a failure in that moment as a mother that I was so clouded with, you know, career. And I think that it's, it's so needed for,

mothers and career women have these conversations because we feel seen because was I a horrible mother? No, but in the moment I felt it and I made, you know, a mistake and I think that that happens. And so I definitely felt like, man, you know, you should have done, done better. And like you said, vice versa on the other end, you know, when I had my children, I really wanted to breastfeed. That was something that was important to me. So I stayed home, I breastfed, I pumped, I did like the whole makeup.

make my own children's baby food. Like I was like, really like, you know, one of those people at that, that moment. And I was like, this is my time for my kids. And,

I had to turn down cases and I couldn't be as present in my office. But I just think that it's really part of like the life journey. And I think God has a way of building our character through these experiences. You know, he also teaches us in that moment, like forgiving ourselves. Like I had to, that was not something I was used to doing because I,

I held myself to the standard of like, you have to get everything right. And God was teaching me in that time with my daughter, like self-forgiveness, like forgive yourself. Like you forgive so many people around you, like forgive yourself. And that's like growth. And we talk about surrender. It's like really being like, okay,

I don't have it all. I don't have it figured out and I'm not perfect. Only God is. And so let that go, you know, let that idea go and give your, give yourself grace. So yeah, I think that, that it's, it's hard. It's so hard, you know, and, and, and people will tell you when they're

really be honest. Like it's so hard to try and, and be the best at everything at one time. We just, we just can't. And that's why I love the word grace. Like you have to give yourself grace. We're doing the best that we can. And we learn, you know, we, we, we, we have a hiccup and we learn from it and say, you know, how can I, how can I be better? Like, how can I, you know, be more present and, and,

And then that's just the life journey. Oh, man, that story about motherhood really resonated with me. I have we are a blended family. We have six children. Four of them are older, like in their 20s. But the two younger ones are 14 and eight. And I'm at this interesting stage of like when I'm home, I'm like fully present. I'm picking them up. I'm taking them to school, doing all of the things.

In my mind, I'm like, because I know I'm going to be gone. And when I'm gone, I want you to at least know when I was present, I was present. But still trying to balance this idea of like, did I fail? You know what I mean? This trip was planned over a year ago, which means I can't go to the thing. And I've tried to remind myself in those moments, like it's not my life. They need to know that my life is.

does not necessarily center around them fully, though it is a large part of my life because I want them to hold that truth for themselves as they become women and have their own families too. Like it's okay for me to still have a dream and you know, mommy loves what she does and mommy gets to do something. You know how you love play practice? Well, mommy loves this. And so I try to break it down in their language.

I feel like I check off the boxes most of the time, but in the moments where I'm not checking their box, I want them to know that I am checking a box that is important to me too, but it is so hard. It's so funny what you just said about hopefully you're teaching them also when they have their children and their families and stuff, because I'm so used to telling my daughter, she

She's like, oh my gosh, you're going on another trip or you're doing this. And I'm like, and I have these conversations with her and I sit her down and I'm like, you know, mommy also needs to be filled up, you know, from having a girl's trip, you know, because I need to, I pour out so much. And so like the other day she was like watching her, her show and I come in and I'm like talking to her and stuff. And she's like, I'm so sorry, mommy. But remember when you were talking about your girl's trips and like, and I'm like,

And then she's like, I was like, so you just kind of like want your time, your moment. She's like, yeah, I don't want to hurt your feelings. She's eight. She's like, but yeah, I was like, oh, I was like, okay, like no problem. So, you know, it's, it's funny cause they're learning and I think it's, it's good. It's, it's a good thing. I want your eight year old to meet my eight year old because it sounds like they will be having meditation and girl time and stuff like that.

Doing all of the things together. Probably so. She told me the other day, she's a really bright girl. And she told me she was talking about her little brother and our new puppy. And she was saying that he was telling the dog to like stop. And she goes, I'm just so proud of him because he's advocating for himself. And I'm like, excuse me, right? Talk about how gentle parenting is turning on us because...

I teach my mom, you have to advocate for yourself. Those are literally words that I tell you. Make sure you're advocating for yourself. It's beautiful though. It's beautiful to see like we're pouring in her work and I'm like, oh my God, like you're, yeah. So it's great. Are you raising your children in the way that you were raised? Is it a little different, a lot different? You know, actually, yeah.

And in a lot of ways, a lot of the things that I got on my father, my father was like who raised us. He's a single parent and he was really strict. And so I'm realizing that as much as I was like, ah, it was too much. And he was too on top of us. I'm realizing that I'm,

I'm like so similar, like certain things she's not allowed to do and where can she go? And so I'm really strict with her kind of like my father was. And I get that from him or like education. My dad was like super big on like straight A's and you have to be top of your class. And so we're like that. But one thing I do that's very different is that I show her like a lot of love and affection. And I think because I was raised by a

father, you know, men show their love differently or a lot of times I shouldn't say all men, but a lot of times like my father's way of love was like providing for us, like working two, three jobs, like protecting us, you know, it, it wasn't often that I was like embraced or kissed. So I'm always like hugging and kissing and, you know, trying to show them like that affection type of love, which was different than what I had growing up. And then obviously, you know, we have a struggle that, you

Growing up, I can really appreciate everything I have because we grow up with so little. But you work so hard and you achieve all this because you want to give your kids the best life. But then you struggle with, I want you to still...

appreciate what you have. I want you to like understand. And so that can be tricky at times because, you know, she, she goes to a private school and, you know, we, we don't live in a two bedroom house with seven people like I did, you know, and she doesn't have to go to, to, to Goodwill. So we try our best to teach them about, you know, um, giving back and like, you know, um,

when there is like hurricane efforts and other countries, there are cities that we, you know, go together with the kids to like pack up stuff so they can understand like, you know, and just, just trying to teach them best we can about like underserved communities and things like that. Cause they're growing up so different than I did. You know, no one had to take me to see that cause it was what I experienced and what I lived. So that part, you know, can be, can be different and a little challenging. Yeah. We're always talking to our kids. Like you have to know that,

Much of what you're experiencing was birthed from a work ethic that we were forced into because we needed to survive, you know? And there's someone right now who's getting that work ethic that you don't possess. And like, as much as you think you may have a little bit of a headstart with the work ethic, they can surpass you easily. And so trying to constantly deposit that in them is like an interesting journey, but it's

I always tell people, like, I haven't gotten my parenting report card yet. I think we still got to wait a few years to see who they become. But I really am trying to make every effort to, you know, make sure that we're exposing them to the world. I think part of what I really value in especially raising my daughters is getting to allow them to experience my womanhood and not just them experiencing my motherhood. And...

Yeah, that's like, you know, I'm tired. That's a word. And that's something because I felt like I knew my mom as a mother, but it wasn't until I was an adult that I had to kind of say, I'm like, oh, she's a woman too. But I'm trying to get them to see that early on. Yeah, that's good. I've never really looked at it like that. But I think it's important because these are who...

they're going to be, you know, they say it's not what you're just telling and teaching them, but it's what they're seeing, you know, we're like their first, first role models when it comes to being a woman. So, you know, I think that, I think that's big. And I think that, um,

Our kids also, what's different is, you know, we're, my husband actually, you know, really started this, like, even when I was pregnant, we would pray every single morning, every morning together. It didn't matter what we prayed. It started not even when we got married. We didn't start it until I was pregnant and then we continued it on. And so now with my kids, that's something that also is different is like,

Every night we're sitting there and we have a moment where we're praying about everything that happened in that day and for night and for the next morning. And I think that also kids that are brought up in the Word of God, it's just different. It's really, really different. And I see even in her a difference. My daughter, it just...

My son isn't as much as she is. She's like really into it. Like the other day, she was stressed about something. And she's like, you know, I was going to go get a book. And this is like the happiest thing you can hear. She's like, I was about to go get a book because I just need to take my mind off it. And I decided to get the Bible. And I'm like, really? She's like, yeah. And I think it's just like, that's something that I was missing growing up is like really being able to just lean on God. I just had to like...

because I wasn't raised like that. And them having that now is one of the best gifts that I feel like we've given them.

because it's like certain things, I think she just feels more comfortable, you know, which we want you to be able to come to God. But for her to like find peace and saying, I wanted to go get the Bible and read it. She's eight. I was just like, wow, you know? Yeah. Okay. So you have to tell me a little bit about your faith journey. Like how did you get to a space where you weren't necessarily raised around it, but ended up with your own relationship? Yeah. So it's actually a really interesting story. My father was,

You know, he was Muslim by birth, but he didn't practice Islam at all. And so my stepmother was like, well, if you're not going to teach her Islam,

you know, I want to like teach her, uh, Christianity. So she like brought me to the church and, um, I started to learn probably, I was probably like 12, 13 at the time. So I started like learn all about the church and I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. Like I'm feeling this. And then my mother who's, who's Muslim came over from Egypt and she was like, oh my gosh, like you're, you're a Christian. She's like, I'm sorry, teaching you about Islam. So I was like, oh, okay. You know? And, and then, um,

I was like, there was a time where I was like in this intermediary where I'd be like, I would go to church on Sunday, but I was like fasting during Ramadan with my mom. And I met my husband and he knew, and he was like, he was a devout Christian, but he never, ever pushed it on me. I will give him that. He just said, listen, Amira, I know you seem like a great person with a good heart. He's like, but on judgment day,

You really have to know like where you stand, whether that's like Islam, whether that's Christianity. And he's like, I think you should. And I was like, oh, well, I believe this in Christianity. I believe this in Islam. He's like me. You should really like deep dive. So I went down this rabbit hole of like research and I was like in my early twenties at the time. And I just started like,

researching everything about Islam, researching everything about Christianity. And the more I like started to dive, I just felt this like tugging on my heart all the time when it was like anything with the Bible. And I was in church and I was actually with my husband. And at the time it was causing a little bit of riffraff with my mother, you know, because she really wanted me to be Muslim.

And we were at this church and it was the smallest like startup church, I think maybe like 50 members. And we were standing there and it was a pastor and his wife and his wife just comes up almost like to interrupt. It felt like, and she's like, I am so sorry. She's like, God will not let me sit down. Like, she's like, I have to stand up here right now. And I'm like, oh my God, what is she about to say? And she's like, somebody standing in this room, I know you feel the tug on your heart.

Everyone is upset with you. People close to you are upset with you for some decisions you're making. And the more she talked, like my eyes started to water and I just started crying like uncontrollably in this small church. And it was like, God wants you to know like you're doing right and you're protected and you're all these things and you're loved. And it just was...

In that moment, I'm like, this is it. You know, this is what it is. And ever since then, I've just had such a strong relationship with God. My husband taught me actually how to pray, which is crazy to like when you say it, because everyone's like, oh, I know how to pray. But I mean, even just like praying out loud or praying for people or, you know, I would hear him and we would pray together. And it was like, it's amazing how comforting that is.

something that seems so simple some people are brought up like that but when you're not it's like wow this is like an extra tool that you you have in your back pocket and it's just amazing I've been in situations where I've been like okay let me just take a moment by myself and like prayed and I'm like I feel so much better now so that that was my my journey and that's why I'm so um

so big on it now with my, with my kids is like, I, you know, my son, I take every night. Like we, we are just so it's, it's very important in our family and in our life because I know how it changed my life and took too long probably to get there. I feel, um, no, you know, they say God's timing, but for them to get it, to get it now at a young age is just, um, it's just like a gift to me for them to have that something. I did it.

Between work, the gym, family, I am overwhelmed. Sis, are you feeling overwhelmed? You're not alone. I'm Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, licensed psychologist and host of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. And I'm bringing candid mental health conversations straight to your podcast feed.

We'll unpack everything from conquering imposter syndrome to nurturing your friendships. Join me and my expert guests as we explore mental health and personal development. Whether you're just starting your mental health journey, entering motherhood, thinking about becoming a therapist, or just trying to show up as the best possible version of yourself. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello, from Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten. This month, we're bringing you the stories of athletes.

There's the Italian race car driver who courted danger and became the first woman to compete in Formula One. The sprinter who set a world record and protested racism and discrimination in the U.S. and around the world in the 1960s. The diver who was barred from swimming clubs due to her race and went on to become the first Asian American woman to win an Olympic medal. She won gold twice. The mountaineer known in the Chinese press as the tallest woman in the world.

and the ancient Greek charioteer who exploited a loophole to become the first ever woman to compete at the Olympic Games. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I feel like, you know, I grew up in church, around church, around faith. But it wasn't until I was in my 20s that I began cultivating my own relationship with the Lord. But even just having like proximity to faith, I feel like it's something I took for granted even hearing your story because I think I just—

It was just around us so much that I didn't realize until I had my own relationship how necessary it is. But I can't imagine your journey. That's like so interesting. Yeah.

Yeah. And I mean, listen, you, you, I mean, I already know, you already know what you're doing is just so impactful. And I think that like people like you, you didn't really choose it. Like you're one of the chosen ones and your voice and your impact and what you pour into women that is coming from God, what you pour into children, what you pour into families. I think that, um,

it's so much bigger than you can probably ever understand because you're my people's lifeline all the time. And you, and I don't know how much you probably know it. I'm sure you hear it and you feel it a lot, but there's been moments in my own life that I've come across a video clip that you might've said a little prayer from God. And it's like, sometimes that's just like, I needed that. That was, I was right here on the edge. And so, yeah,

I thank God for people like you who have been in it since they were young and who this is like a calling on their life because you're changing people's lives every single day. Wow.

Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much. I wanted you to come to Women Evolve because I feel part of my responsibility is serving women, you know, the lessons that God is teaching me and the things that I know are going to add value to their faith walk and journey, but also just who they are holistically as well. And I feel like oftentimes we talk about women and we maybe talk about some of the more dominant health aspects, but I wanted to

create a body panel where we could talk about all of the things. And so I'm just wondering, I know we're still like, like formulating and getting things together, but like, what are some of the things that you are hoping that we cover as a part of you being at Woman Evolve? Yeah. I think like you said that as, as, as women too, we often like

you know, our focus can, can tend to be on like everybody else in our family. We want to take care of our kids, our husband, our, you know, and we leave ourselves last oftentimes, even when it comes to like medically sound. And,

And I think that when it comes to dentistry specifically, the number of women I have met over the years who we've done, we do a lot of pro bono cases. And when we do these small makeover cases for women, it's usually women who are mothers or who, like I said, poured in. And I think that...

we underestimate the power of having a healthy and beautiful smile because it's so much deeper than the teeth, right? It's deeper than the smile because it's about confidence, self-esteem. It's about being able to comfortably talk to people, being able to comfortably raise your children and support your family. And so I think that I really want women to understand that, you know,

They say studies show that 50% of people when asked, what is the first physical attribute you notice on a person? 50% said their smile. So we spend all this money on, you know, our hair or makeup or this and 50% is on the smile. So I think that that's big. And I think there's also a huge, huge correlation that people don't know between medical and

health and dental health. So there's infections of the mouth that can spread to the brain and actually kill you, which is crazy. People don't know, you know, spread to the heart, um, diabetes, hypertension, you know, the list goes on. So I think that, um, that is, is, is an easier concept for people to understand like, okay, it's connected. Great. But I think I really want women, especially at woman evolving in this era of really like, um,

When we say that we're going to surrender, right? We're surrendering to God. We're surrendering to these expectations of ourselves. We're also surrendering to, I need to take care of me. And taking care of me means getting myself healthy, getting my smile beautiful to where I feel confident, right? It's not about what anyone else is. I need to feel that confidence. I need to be able to...

Feel myself a lot of people over the years. They're not themselves because something happened to their smile And they're like I haven't felt myself in 20 years. And so I want to tell women like it's not too late like Get in there. Like let's get it taken care of. Let's do it so, um

So, yeah, I mean, I didn't know when it's funny because when you when I got the call, I was like, because I get asked to speak on so many things. It could be like motivation. And I was like, I wonder what they want me to speak on. But I'm so excited. No, that's definitely we're going to have a body panel. And like, as you were talking, I was like, man, we should see if we can partner and do some smile makeovers like we could. Yeah, I was actually going to tell you we were talking about it. So what I used to do, what I did over the years is I would have a client.

just different clients. And it would, it was, it would be like either like one year was Toya Johnson. And then another year was it,

Did we do one? What do you wait? Just different people. And what would happen is they would say they wanted to fly someone out to my office, take care of their flight, take care of the hotel. And then my part was to take care of their smile. And we were going to just do like a brand new smile for them. And this was something that we consistently did for people. And it was just so great. I mean, even though I was part of it, when you watch the videos, I'm like just crying uncontrollably because the way it changes people's lives, it's just, it's, it's, it

It is so beautiful. And I always say, God, thank you for even making me able. But that would be really awesome if we were able to do that, something like that, even maybe a woman that's there. I would be elated to do so. That'd be amazing. We had I know China's jotting down notes. So that's definitely something that we have to make happen. I am. Yeah.

I think that it's one thing to see a woman's success and where she has maybe landed as her destination, but I think there's something else to being able to understand just her backstory, understand her faith as her lifeline, and how she's continuing to grow and develop sometimes from not the easiest circumstances and

I have been so blessed by hearing your story today. I know that so many other people have as well. And so I'm just wondering before we hop off, if there was someone who's listening today and they are at the budding stages of career and family and

I'm sure that you can remember some of those moments where it feels a little anxious, like, am I really going to be able to turn this corner and be established in my field without sacrificing my family and my children? What are some words of encouragement that you would give that woman? I would say everything is going to work out. Everything is going to work out as it should. Trust God. God has you for sure. And just know that everything

Times you fall short in your career and you want to

look at yourself and say, I shoulda, coulda, woulda. Just remember the amazing mother and wife you are and the impact you're making on your children's life, on your husband's life, on your family's life. And on those other days where you feel like you are falling short at home because you're not there as much or you're too focused on career, I want you to be reminded of the impact that

that you're making on people's lives and your career, how you're changing their lives. And I want you to remember that God has placed in us a purpose. And when God does, we have to pursue it relentlessly. And that doesn't always mean we're going to be able to be there 100% for everybody, but just know in the end, so many people are blessed just by your existence. Hmm.

That's so good. I'm receiving that for myself. Thank you, Dr. Neera. Thank you for your time today. We love a woman who's rooted in her relationship with Jesus.

expanding her dreams, her purpose, making an impact on the world and also allowing us into her vulnerability and transparency. I was really moved by this conversation. I believe that you were as well. I want to talk for a moment before we go about something very petty. If you're mature, it's time for you to log off. No more need for you here. Y'all know, maybe you haven't know if you're listening for the first time,

I really have been trying to make a thing that was once a thing, a thing. And every now and then I see stories and I'm like, this could bring back the thing that was once a thing that is not a thing. Did you all hear about the story of the couple that charged their guests $333 in order to come to the wedding?

You know, a lot of people were suggesting that math wasn't mathing, but in a way, the math was mathing. You know, as a friend, you be seeing people going out and maybe you think to yourself, if they'll go there, maybe they'll pay to come here. You know, nuance is that like, this is a celebration of your love, you know?

not mine. And so I may not necessarily, I don't know. I don't know. I want to throw this out to delegation. Can we rescue them? You guys send me your notes, send me your emails and feedback, and I will see whether or not we're throwing out floaties. I think, I think, I think,

I think that we can save them. We don't even have to bother Jesus on this one. I think we'd be like, you know what? We as the delegation have decided that we can rescue them. So you all put on your Jesus hats. Think the way Jesus would think and let me know whether or not we can rescue them. I hope you have an amazing week. Thank you so much for hearing my heart, for learning with me, for growing with me, for being a part of this incredible thing that I call life. It is my honor to

to show up in the tension with you, to share what I'm learning and for us to evolve together. I hope that you'll say a prayer for me. I know I usually say a prayer for you all, but I hope that you guys will say a prayer for me when you hear this, when you think about me. Keep me covered. The attacks are real, but God is greater. And that much I know to be true. God, I am asking that you would

Allow your presence to allow your love, your wisdom, your righteousness, your correction to meet my listeners right now.

that they would experience your comfort, that where there is an area of pain or brokenness, that they would feel your love sitting with compassion with them and whatever it is they're facing. Where they need encouragement or motivation, may they feel the wind of the Holy Spirit moving them from a place where they have been stuck and into the direction of what will allow them to

be free and liberated. God, I thank you for this time together. Thank you for just constantly showing up, for always, always showing up and being consistent and loving in all that you allow us to experience of you. God, I pray that those who are connected have a great week.

that this podcast has brought them some light, some love, some joy. And that when we get together next week, if you say the same, if you don't come back before then, and if we're still here together, that we'll get to do it again over and over again. In Jesus name I pray. Amen. Evolve. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.

Hey, y'all.

Dr. Joy here. I invite you to join me every Wednesday on the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly chat about mental health and personal development, where my expert guests and I discuss the unique challenges and triumphs faced by Black women through the lens of self-care, pop culture, and building the best version of you. So if you're looking for more ways to incorporate wellness into your life, listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello. From Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten.

Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.