Faithfulness of Sisterhood w/ Brelyn Bowman and Brittney Borders
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can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you I feel that for somebody you don't need no edge entity you need boundaries what I don't need your likes I don't need your validation all I need is a God fighting for me that says all things all things all things Chad

It's the sisterhood for weed. Let me tell you, there is something. I just keep hearing the sister, sister song. The sister, sister theme song in my head. Sister, sister. You never know how much I miss you. Let me tell you, you don't even know how much you miss a sister you never even had until you find the sister you always wish you had. Or you begin to really embrace the sister that God has already put into your life. Sisterhood is great.

complicated and messy and beautiful and hilarious.

and delicate and all of these just incredible dynamics create a journey that women, every woman has an opportunity to take. Whether you have a biological sister or you're just a woman in the world, you have an opportunity to really create sisterhood because every woman needs another woman. I believe that from...

♪♪

Breland says she's conservative and Britney is a free spirit. So I have to investigate this because like, what does that even mean? And how has that shown up in their dynamic? One thing I know for sure is that this episode is really going to break your heart open in ways that you did not even know that you needed. And you're going to laugh like out loud. So be careful watching this at work.

I'm so interested in learning how they've navigated their differences and commonalities to strengthen their sister bond. Let's learn, girls. Bye. Bye. Bye.

I just want you both to know that I could hear Breeland calling you mother and it blessed my soul. It brought me. Sarah, when I tell you she treats me like I'm stupid. How long has this been happening? Let's talk about it. Okay, so honestly, she whooped me when I was graduating. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. What happened?

Yes. She had extension cords like that. She would keep her on the house to beat me. Brittany. I did that one time. Wait, is it not true? Or did it just happen one time? Thank you. Confusion. I didn't keep him around the house. You know what I would say? Stop. You're not, you're not my mother.

And she convinced me that I was adopted. Nice. And my parents adopted me, but she had me. She had me and my parents adopted me. So I had to listen to her. I'm her real mother. But I only beat her once. Well, that's great. That's great. That speaks to your love for her as a mother. What is wrong?

Thank you. What is wrong? Brittany, do you want to defend yourself or are we just going to let this slide? You know what? Honestly, I'm just going to let her tell her side of the story. I've wronged no man.

No, no, no, no. I only beat her one time. I was not keeping an extension cord to run out. Actually, I didn't even beat you. I just chased you. No, you don't remember? I chased you because you was on the steps and you said, stop. I want mommy. I said, I am your mommy. Okay. Clearly, I shouldn't have been in the house with her. Okay. Clearly, clearly. What is y'all's age difference?

Six years. Okay. So Brittany really did feel like she was in charge of you. Yes. Breeland, at what moment did you realize, like, have you ever had a moment where you really realized, like, you were not the boss of me? Like, honestly. I think about maybe last year. Okay. I cannot. Yeah, I'll probably say last year was the first year after I had, you know, my same friends. She got smart with me. I still...

Oh, I want the details. Can we have the details? When did she get grown? I've only been married for seven years. You know, got three kids under my belt. You know, just all these bills. Yeah, all the things. Yes, but it's okay. She still treats me like it's okay. I like it. You know, I'm like, okay, take care of me. You know, that's amazing.

My real baby. Brittany, what has it been like for you, though, to see her actually step into adulthood and womanhood? Was it hard for you to see her do that transition? It is.

You know, honestly, it wasn't hard. It was definitely interesting because I always felt like she was my baby. I think I, I don't know, I didn't have a really good time at your wedding. I don't think I had a really good time at her wedding. Okay, this is the first time I'm hearing this, so if you see some blowout happening, it's because I'm hearing things for the first time. Definitely.

I mean, because I love her husband. Don't get me wrong. He is like one of my greatest friends these days. But I just was devastated. I'm like, oh, my gosh, she was actually getting married. Like somebody else is going to be telling her what to do. But when I realized that he was good for her and, you know, they were good together, I was kind of like, OK, whatever.

I'm a chill, I'm a relax. And I saw her coming into her own. Like, oh, she's a girl like I've always seen her teach when she was a teenager teaching for me, like saying her teacher where wasn't like, oh, you are grown because she she did that when she was like seven. Oh, that wasn't really like her coming into.

I think when she had her baby, when she had Sophie, I was there with her. Her real mother. My real mother was not there. Her real mother was there. Stop.

saying that your real mother wasn't there she's like stop saying it no but when she the strength that she like endured bringing my niece into the world and just watching how graceful she was girl don't make me emotional stop we're not doing that on this here podcast but um

It was just watching her handle that. I'm like, oh, this baby is like married and about to be a mom. And she is grown. Like, she is grown, grown. You did that, huh? Yeah, I did. I did a good job.

I can't. She's so serious, too. That's for sure. She's so serious. No, but it wasn't hard. I think I was excited because I think that was the shift when we became friends. Because before, I didn't really see her like one of my friends. It was like, you know, that's my little sister.

Yeah, I would agree. I would agree. After I had Sophie, that's when our relationship really shifted. Really? She could be my friend. Yeah, because we're six years apart. So we went through life at different times. So we always had fun together, but being able to relate to certain things and communicate on the same level, we didn't always have that. But once I had Sophie, I probably would say, oh, that does make me a little emotional.

I don't think I've ever thought about it. But that was really the moment where we had a shift where I would call her. And I have a picture where she's holding me in the delivery room. And this is when my water first broke. And when I tell you, I was like, oh, I'm not going to have no epidural. What?

I am good. Gucci, baby. That first contraction after that water broke, I was like, I can't do this. And Brittany was like, yes, you can. Yes, you can. You can do this. And she's holding me. And she realized once we like connected, I started breathing her same pattern. So she was holding me and I started breathing the same way she breathed.

a woo to the woo woo woo but it took me out of a moment that I was in that I felt like I couldn't make it and she was I definitely can say our relationship got rocketed from there

So it's so interesting to hear that because I think a lot of sisters who have an age difference don't think that they can have like that best friend thing. But you guys just came into it into adulthood. What was it like before then? Were you just guys in the same house or was Brittany literally just kind of like your second mom? And I can relate to that because like I'm Dexter calls me to this day. That's he's my little brother who's like six.

but three's are not that little. But he calls me like I'm his stepmom. He calls me his godmom. So I understand that dynamic where it's like, child, I raised you. Like you are my baby. And I've had to like, I think I'm just now coming to a place where like, I guess you're grown. I introduced him to his wife, but I didn't mean for them to get married like when they got married. Like I need y'all to slow down. And now I'm like having to like let them be grown. Yeah.

Yeah, it's definitely something you have to figure out and navigate through. I think before it was like a mother-daughter kind of relationship because I was always inspired by Brittany, just her love for people. She has like one of the biggest hearts, like

huge hearts for people. So always inspired by those things. But, you know, she's your sister. So she would irritate me. And I remember one time I made her so mad. I can't even remember why, but I made her so mad. And she was like, I don't want to be your sister or something. So I wrote that. You don't remember. I wrote you a letter. Oh, now you don't remember. I wrote her a letter. OK, now I was being funny at first, but I really don't remember that. Remember when I wrote you a letter and slid it under your door?

Was that in this album? Yes. Oh. I wrote her a letter and I sent it to her door. And she said, she said, it's not that I don't want to be your sister, but sometimes you have to learn, you know, how to deal with me or something. I don't remember saying that. You did. I remember. It hurt my feelings really bad. I don't even write letters when I'm... It made you stronger. What?

Breeland. You know what? Breeland. This is starting to go real wrong. This was abuse. As I'm starting to sit here, this may have been like some abuse and like emotion. You're a survivor. You're a survivor, Breeland. I survived through this month. Shoot.

True, somebody, yes, I did that because I'm starting to sit here. But I wrote her a letter and from those moments you learn, you know, just have differences. We're sisters in the same house, but we were different. Brittany is more of a free spirit, very conservative, you know, laid back,

So we had different desires. Wait, what does it mean? What does it mean for Britney to be a free spirit and for you to be conservative? Yes, please do tell. I would say... Hold on, can I just say, because the first time I heard Breelyn speak, she walks into the room and she's like, if you're horny and you know it, clap your hands and starts clapping. So like, I don't know, say more about conservative because what are we talking about? Yes!

That part. That part. I think when I speak, I'm definitely a different person. That's the annoying thing I'll say. But normally on the day to day, I'm like very low key. But one story, she was in college and she went to a very well known Christian college and they sent a letter home because she got fined because she was dancing on the tables.

I was not dancing on the table on campus. Where were you dancing? I was dancing on campus. Oh, she was dancing on campus. You weren't supposed to dance on campus, apparently. Really? Some of my friends asked me to do the Sierra because I thought I was Sierra when I was in college.

So they asked me to do her dance and I would do the dances to her videos. And I did it one time for open house, did it in a parking lot. And it was fining me $50. Every time.

For dancing? But you was like legs spread. Like you really thought you was Sierra. Well, I really thought I was Sierra. But you know, Sierra was really like, she wasn't wild. Like when, you know, in the goodies and all of that stuff. It was real clean dancing. And so that's all I was doing. And they find me.

Free spirit. Free spirit. I like to dance. And Breedlin, you being conservative means that you would just, you just stay to yourself. Are you introverted and she's extroverted or is it really? No. Okay. It's the other way. Yeah. I'm an introverted extrovert. How did I say it? Ambivert. I'm an extroverted introvert.

One of those. I have those moments. By the end of the day, I'm depleted. She has those moments, but she likes being around people better than I do. Yeah. I would say. I'm nicer. Now, a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp.

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um is a ride or die for family like if you touch me or look at me the wrong way or think you about to say something no britney is right here like right here on your about to be on your neck so i think that really helped us bond because we stuck together like people weren't gonna break us they weren't gonna talk about us um or do anything to us so it built us to be gonna see me

Right. I don't know what that means. I haven't grown, though. But they was going to see me. They was going to catch these hands. They was going to catch these hands if they mess with us. But these days, you know, God has done a really mighty work in you. I know. I have patience. I don't respond to people on Instagram.

Yeah, she's definitely that one. Like if people troll my page, Brittany goes back and trolls them back. No, I don't troll them back. But you know, it's just kind of like because people don't realize it's almost like our life, their entertainment type deal.

And because a lot of things that I went through growing up with different people having so much to say, people lying about different things about me and then attacking me on so many different levels. By the time Breeland was like a teenager and all of that, I'm like, oh, no, you're not going to do this to my sister. Like she should have she should have the ability to grow, grow up like Breeland.

a person needs to grow up like she should be able to feel out certain things and to really learn how to love god and really just be able to flourish in a safe environment without all of these like people just coming at her saying all this kind of stuff and then what was on her life it was like oh no i gotta protect this baby like you know my brother he he's a little more like

He got us, you know, he can handle his own, but I just always thought she was just so precious. And I'm like, because people could just be so ruthless sometimes. And

Treat us like we should never have any faults or never make any mistakes. We should be perfect as PKs. And then we were the first ones to be used as an example, like, or to try to attack my dad. Like, then we were big on trying to protect. Well, I was big on trying to protect my dad. And when people would be like, oh, that's their pastor daughter, you know, this, that, and the third. So I just would protect all of us. Like, I'm like, mm-mm.

And we just kind of stuck together. She's the glue that keeps us together. Really? Sweet.

Do you ever feel the pressure of that? Because it's so funny. I'm, you know, I'm watching your life on Instagram too. And I can tell even within your family that you've created with your husband, how important family is to you. So I can imagine that's the same spirit that existed with your nuclear family. And I wonder like one, Brittany, do you ever feel pressure to be the glue or is it just kind of organic to who you are? And then Breeland, how do you think?

Brittany receives her own sense of protection and support from other people. This is about to be deep. You know, it is organic to who I am. But at one point, it was a lot of pressure. And like my aunt tried to say, you know, look at it like a privilege opposed to pressure. But then it became organic.

I couldn't show my own like insecurities and my own fears and my own shortcomings because I felt like, no, I have to keep everybody else together, everybody else in line. And it began to lay on me like physically. And I started to get really sick physically until I

Probably about 2019 was when I realized, okay, I got to make some changes. And I have to really just, I can still be strong while letting them into, you know, and letting them be the glue when I just need, you know, when I need a break. Yeah, I'll say just recently, you know,

you started to let other people be the group for you and come in and protect her, you know, especially of course our age gap. There were a lot of things that she didn't share just because it was like, maybe I ain't gonna understand or it's not even worth sharing. But now we talk so much more. I probably,

Call me what? So all the time. For a minute, it was like every day. But now it's like every other day. I just got to make sure she's still alive. Because, you know, she'll be like, all right.

You can tell when somebody think you call it too much. Um, so I give her her space. It's a little bit, but I noticed now, you know, strong people need people. Yeah. And you think, um, Oh, she's okay. She's fine. She can handle it. But little did we know she was sick going through so much stuff. And now, um,

You know, I wish I could have handled it better or saw it from a different perspective. But of course, being in a season that I'm in now, I can see a lot better just what I'm going through. So you have more compassion and grace for other people. So we talk so much now. I give her...

the best that I can give her and she responds very well surprisingly but she's so to herself and she keeps everything internally so you have to say like hey what's going on

I wonder, so really, how did seeing this more vulnerable version of Brittany, like, change the way that you define Brittany? Because as sisters, I feel like we lock into one version of who our sister is.

And that is the one version that we know and that we understand. And then when we're introduced to another version, whether it's her becoming a woman or her saying that I'm not as tough as everyone thinks that I am, sometimes we can kind of force them to be who we knew or we can make space for them to allow this reintroduction. And so I'm wondering, like, how did your definition of Britney change from maybe let's start with what it was and now

How do you see her? And then I would love if you did the same thing. Brittany answered that question.

Yeah, well, I'll say from the beginning, I always saw her strong, very strong in opinion and in ways and strong willed, I would say. She's very strong all around. That's to say that in the nicest way possible. But I never really thought she went through anything. And this is probably the first time I've ever said anything like,

about it because she was so like, oh, I got it. I can handle it. Or if you heard, you know, like they told her to abort her babies and it was like, oh, I just believe God. It was like,

So you didn't cry? So you didn't... Like, what does that mean? You know, like, you just... Oh, I just believe God. There's nothing wrong. My babies are here now. And whoop-de-doo. Here we go. So you never could really kind of tap into that vulnerable side of her to see, like, okay, did you struggle through that? Did it hurt? Did you want to cry? Did you, you know, any of those things. But now...

Since we talk so much, I'm seeing this whole other side of her. And I love it. I love it so much because...

Dang, Sarah, this is the first time we've ever really talked to you. Yeah, you should have. You should have. You jacked us up. This is maybe she'll share her debut. I don't know if you want to. She'll share something on the Woman Evolved podcast that she hasn't shared to the world yet. But, um,

In this season, she's just open. You know, you can tell she's open to a new life. She's open to what God has called her to be. Yeah. Yeah, this is going to be hard. But she's...

she's just really walking in who she's supposed to be and not allowing anything to stop her or what people may say, or even what I may think or what my family may think. She's really accepting, um, all that she's called to be and to see that it's just so beautiful. I can say I've never seen my sister more happy, um,

in the last, I mean, year or two, uh, that she's ever been in her life. Um, this is just her time and I'm excited to see this because she's so open to the possibilities of life and, um,

not just caring about everybody else, but caring about Brittany. She's taking care of her body. She dropped the kids off like, hey, I'm going out. You know, all those things. Nobody watch her kids. She won't ask you to watch her. You literally have to say, hey, let me have your kids for like a day. And she'd be like, okay, all right. I think about, but that's just who she is. But to see this new side of her, it's just, it's just, it's,

Okay. So I hate to interrupt all of this good conversation, but I wanted you to know that I want to talk to you too. I want to hear your story. I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. You can send me your application, your video to be a co-host to podcast.

at womanevolved.com. Let me know what it is you want to talk about, why it's important to you that you be on the podcast. Maybe you're like, girl, I am not going to be on anybody's podcast. I don't do talking to people. First of all, this is a sign. Overcome yourself. But if not, you can send me an advice question. Podcast at womanevolved.com. Okay, let's get back to the podcast. I can ask you a different question. I'd like to know what broke you open. Oh, Lord. Um,

It's so funny because I was talking to God this morning, praying about everything that we was going to talk about, we was going to share. And I was like, oh, well, I might as well. And then when you said just now, I said, OK, OK, I'll talk about it. But for a long time.

I, because I want to protect my parents, because I want to protect my family. I even got into the habit of trying to protect God because I felt like, and Christians as a whole, because I just felt like people...

People don't see like real Christians. And even if I like to have fun, I like to be a free spirit. Like I am serious about the way that I love God, like and how hard I go for him. And I wanted people to know, like, no, like they're actually real, like people who are living a certain lifestyle, you know, to please God. Like it's possible. But it got to the point where.

I don't know, I guess I tried to be God. It just wasn't even healthy and I wasn't allowing anybody to come in

And people didn't know that I had been going through a lot of my own personal things for a really long time because it wasn't that I was putting on or that I was faking or any of that. It was just I've always wanted to be happy within myself, you know, even in really bad situations. Like I have story after story after story as far as...

them telling me to abort my child as far as having miscarriages and late term miscarriages as far as being molested. And I have I have story after story after story. But people would never know because I decided when I was young that I would never be a victim. Like, regardless of what happened to me, I would always

I will always make the best of whatever I could so that I could just kind of stay lighthearted. But what I didn't realize is I was compartmentalizing all of those things instead of really allowing Jesus, God, you know, to really just heal me and allow people, you know, my connection and my relationships to help with that healing. Last year,

There was a shift, a big push into me having to be just open and real with myself.

My husband and I have actually been separated for the past year. And that was something that was like the scariest thing for me because I kind of knew... I knew what it was doing to me mentally and physically. I knew all of those things. He's not a bad guy, like, at all. But it just...

You know, it just is a lot going on. And but I didn't care. I was just going because I'm like, no, my parents and marriage made easy and I'm going to do everything I got to do. We will make this work. We're going to figure it out. We got these kids. If you think I'm about to be single with five kids, it's not happening like that.

And then I'm like, what would people think if, you know, they know, like, OK, I'm adopting or fostering kids and then I'm going to reintroduce them to trauma of divorce, you know, and all of those kind of things. And Breeland, I think, had called me on the phone. It was crazy because I kept talking.

all of everything in yeah i started to hear talks about things in the family you know how whispers started happening for sure wait a minute i have everything no no no but she called me like before anybody even knew she called me

And she said, because the only people I had told was my mom, my dad, and one of my aunts, and two of my aunts. And she was the first person who asked me how I was. She didn't go into fix-it mode.

And I was scared to tell her. I didn't even go, hold you. I was scared to tell her. I'm like, no way. She thinks the world, I don't need her to fire and brimstone me right now. Jesus, I can't. I'm really doing all that I have to be doing as a Christian woman. Please don't fire and brimstone me right now. But, hold me.

she called, she said, okay, stop. How are you? And nobody had asked me that. I just was like, and I bust out crying. And she was like, you the reason I've been feeling this way. She was like, I've been feeling so low. I've been feeling suicidal. I've been feeling, she just started, she started ripping off all of these different things that I had been feeling.

she was like, you're not a failure. You know, and she did all the stuff and at the end she was like, and you will never go another day feeling unprotected. And I just was like, oh my God. And I bust out crying. I just sit on the bed because I'm like,

Okay, God. And in that moment, I knew I was going to be okay, like regardless, because it was just kind of another reminder of God's faithfulness. Like, I got you. Like you worried about all of these different things because I'm thinking, okay,

I know how I hear from God, but the people closest to me, I'm going through this tough. I'm like, how are they not hearing? How are they not seeing? Like, I know I can put on a smile and really kind of like breeze through certain things, but it's like, how are they, you know, missing certain things? And then I had to remind myself, like, while my dad was like,

in the hospital and when he was pretty much getting ready, the doctors were like, he wasn't going to make it. They had sent me to church because it was like she, you know,

We have faith for this and she's going to be the only one who will be able to hold it together while they tell everybody. And what nobody knew is I was miscarrying that day. I actually flushed my baby down the toilet that night. And it's just been like situation after situation like that. And it's like, this is why they don't know, because you've gotten so good at

being okay. They even sometimes second guess God telling them, hey, she need some help because you don't learn how to do this so you don't got so good at being here and holding everything together. Because I really be feeling like, no, I'm trusting God. I'm going to be okay.

But I'm not using my sisters. I'm not using the people who God put in my life for me to lean on, too. And so in that moment last year was probably the closest that I would say.

I had ever been with her and I knew from then on it was it was gonna shift and she called me every day she was sending food to the house you know she's like how you doing wake up did you start your day today and I'm like start calling you again and I'm like girl get off my phone but

And she would pray and then she would, you know, not many people really want to keep my kids, a lot of them. And I get it. And the thing is, I enjoy them being with me. So it's rare that, you know, I have a babysitter, but they all just kind of band together. I will, you know, bring food, help, came, help clean the house, keep the kids, you know, clean.

have somebody help teach him with homeschool, you know, and all of that. So it, it really shifted for me with Breland when she was so sensitive to God to, you know, just be there for me like that in that moment. And then to actually stick through it. Cause you have some people who will call you, who will pray with you in that moment, you know, and will kind of,

kind of fizzle away eventually but she didn't like she stayed on it like she kept calling she kept praying and she kind of reminded me like uh-uh we got this god got this like regardless of what happens we're gonna you're gonna be okay the kid's gonna be okay she's like if all y'all gotta move in with me i said girl you do not want that like you do not want that you're just talking

talk out of emotion right now um but it really shifted for me because it was like i got to a point where i started to see her as untouchable because of how she was like um with her being conservative i wouldn't say like um

I don't really know. I'm trying to figure out the best way to put it. Because with her being conservative and me being like a free spirit, our family, they joke about that a lot. It'd be like, you know, Breeland really the save one. And I'm like, but I'm saved too. I really am. Like, I like tattoos and piercings and to dance out in public, you know, but I really love God with my whole heart. Like I'm trying to tell y'all it's real. Like,

But it kind of put us, it kind of almost pitted us against each other. Like, even people in the church would be like, your sister speaks, you know, teaches, and you don't. And I'm like, they actually teach all the time, but I don't want to. If I don't feel like... I say no. I'm like, if I don't feel like I should be talking about it, I'm not just going to be talking just to be talking. I'm not going to be, I'm not going to do that. Like, if I feel like God is like...

this is what you need to be talking about. This is what you need to be. There's a group of people who are going to be blessed from this, then I'm for it. But just to be getting up teaching all the time, I just wasn't interested. And she was, but people use that like, well, your sister do this and your sister do that and your sister all over the place. And I'm like, yeah, my sister's amazing. Like, go away.

But it put us in like this weird place where it was almost like people tried to have us competing. Then with her husband, you know, and he is over the top and amazing and everybody's like, her husband do all this? Her husband, he is here, he is there. And I'm like, and it's another level of this that they're doing to me. But, um,

And I'm just as proud as I could be, but it put me, I almost allowed it to put me in a position where I couldn't even get what I needed from out of our relationship because of what I felt she may feel with it all. And so in that moment when she talked to me, she just kind of said everything that she said and she actually showed up for me. It reminded me like,

sister, like, this is my friend, like, this is my prayer partner, you know, this is somebody who I don't have to pretend, you know, I don't have to, I don't have to put on, you know, for my sister, like, I can call her and tell her, like, I'm sad, like, today is a rough day, and she, like, girl, I was, that was me yesterday, let's pray about this, that, and the third, you know, it's, it's so,

it has it is now like iron sharp and iron for real because it's kind of like flaws and all just expose things this is what god is sharing with me this is what i'm not feeling today this is what i need you to pray for i need you to come get these kids oh let's go out like it is so balanced now and it really i would say in the past year it's just like

Oh, yes, my sister. We are sisters. I would agree. Yeah. It really sounds like vulnerability and empathy allowed you all to really create intimacy within your sisterhood. And I feel like it took both of you coming to a place where you

You didn't mind not playing a role or a character anymore, but just like really being authentic and daring to share that authenticity. And I wonder if that's what keeps sisters from experiencing the beauty of sisterhood, not the competition of it, not the failure of it or the disrespect of it.

But to really experience the beauty of sisterhood, it takes two people, right? It can't just be one sided, two people willing to be vulnerable, respectful, authentic and empathetic towards the other woman. And to let go of this expectation of like how the other person should be so that you can receive them for who they are. And it sounds like that's what you all have learned in your adulthood version of sisterhood. Is that true?

Absolutely. Perfectly said. Yeah. Perfectly said because I, it's something I always wanted, but didn't know how to attack it. You know, it's like, I've always wanted to be like, Oh, that's my best friend. That's my sister. And to see other relationships like that flourish. I just always say, Oh, well we're six years apart. You know, we'll probably never be that close. And now,

Because I felt like we both got to a place where we wanted something different and wanted to just like level up to be like, oh, no, we can actually show other people that we can be sisters because people will always say, oh, you guys are so close. And we would be like,

Yeah, sure. Yeah, we are. Sure, we are. Sure. As sisters, yeah, but taking it to that next level where we're actually friends, because you can be a sister, but when you're not a friend, it's totally different. And we were sisters. We loved each other. You weren't going to come on my turf and talk about her. Like, even though people try to put us together...

And even growing up, our parents would say stuff like, they always say, oh, Breeland can't dance, but Bre is a dancer. And one day I realized I love to dance. I can't dance a lick, but I love to dance. So I'm

I was like, can you teach me a TikTok dance? And she was screaming. But we're now learning different things about our relationship that we love to do. And communication is key. You know, if you want something, go after it. You know, I knew she wasn't going to reject me in a way of like, oh, girl, I knew she wasn't. So just knowing that we were connected and protected together, it's made our relationship so much more meaningful.

And even when we come around, it's like, hi, hi. And my parents are like, well, you don't do that for me because I don't like you. I don't like you like that. That's what my parents say. They said they don't see Cora until I come into town. They're like, I don't see her until you here. That's how it is.

is because you know we've grown up together we're gonna be together i mean ride or die or live or whatever it may be um but it it it took absolutely two people making a decision that we weren't going to care about what she thought you know in the end but to know you have somebody to cover you and to protect you and to go beyond this um

pretend person on his outlook. It's like, I go through things too. As great as Tim is, I need somebody to talk to about him. Like, girl, can you believe this boy? And who would still respect him and not talk about him after or be mad later because we were mad at each other. And I'm like, I'm over that. And she's still mad. Somebody that would really love him. Yeah, it's like, girl, get over it. That's my man. I was with you. And I was tripping and he was tripping, but that's fine.

Yeah, and that's my business, okay? So we're going to be together, okay? He goes, thank you.

or he's going to stick with me. But she'll tell me, you know, somebody will tell you that, hey, you're wrong. It's not him this time. It's you. And I'm not easily moved by people. Like, you're not going to just tell me what to do. I'm very hard-headed. But the Lord is working on me. So it takes a special individual to know how to navigate, to communicate to me, to tell me, you know, to help me. Shut up.

So I allowed her to be one of those people.

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Okay, we have to answer an advice question before we go. But Brittany, I want to thank you just for sharing your story and for sharing your truth with us. I know it's going to help a lot of people. I know what it costs to really share your soul like that. So I thank you. I feel like I relate to you because Cora was the saved one in our family and I was the one who was me. So... I was the one who was me. I was the one who was me.

Oh, that's good. Oh, my God. Okay.

Okay. So here's our question. It says, Hey, big sis, how are you? So this might be long. I don't know how, but I'll type it out and see how it goes. So I recently turned 20 and I was really excited about it. My relationship with God was doing all the right things. I felt like I had grown so much in that, but right now I'm scared to even say hi to him. So last year I got into a situation ship. It didn't last long though. He got back with his ex. What's fascinating.

funny is he didn't tell me he had gotten back with her and he kept talking to us both. When I found out, I kind of tapped out, but this guy has a hold on me. So anyway, long story short, I moved on and started working on my relationship with God and it was flourishing. In August, he texted me and told me he was attacked and that he really needed to talk to me and me like a fool went running to see what was going on. I ended up losing my virginity that day. We kept

And well, we had sex again.

I felt my relationship with God, everything I had worked to build up just slipped out of my hands. I recently moved to school and I have quick access to him. I'm so scared of losing God. I know the advice might be, sis, move on and all that. And I know that.

What I want to know is how I've tried to for so long and I keep finding myself back here. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but there you have it. I feel like there's more to this story because I didn't even go to talk about the childhood trauma. I would like to get their therapy, but this is Zambia. They don't do that here. LOL. Please help me. Big sis, auntie Sarah, please. I'm gonna let the sisters kick it off.

Yeah. The first thing is you can never be too far from God. God is going to always be there for you. The Bible says he's even married to the backslider, so he's there for you. He already knew that you were going to have all these back and forths and these one nights and hope they were good. What? I don't know if I can say that. I don't know if I can say that. What? Hold it. Hold it.

You know, because that could be... Okay, I'm going to go into that. No, it could. It could have a hold on you that it shouldn't. Right. Wait, is it? Wait, what? Sorry, that was one of our... That was like a sister thing, right? No, it is more... Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, she's my mother. She came back to my mother. There you go.

Anyway, I'll start from the beginning. I would say that, again, you're never too far from God and he's always there for you regardless of what you do, what decisions you make, what's going on in your life. But with this, it may be connected to some childhood trauma like she mentioned and what she finds in this particular guy. She's

getting something that she didn't get maybe when she was a child so she's looking for this connection you know as a child to get from him um so she's probably connecting those two together but it's really finding what that is so you can attack it because when you find out what you're looking or what you're getting and what how it makes you feel you can be able to say like okay this is how it makes me feel but this is where i want to go so it's being able to identify that

portion and being able to move forward but it is something that um you have to walk through it's not something like a genie where i could just tell you boom the soul tie is gone and we pray it's something that you're going to have to walk through day by day to say a daily decision like okay i'm not going to text him i'm not going to respond i'm not going to go to his house um but

where there's no vision and the people perish so if you don't have any vision for your life of not wanting to be with him you'll go back every single time but if that doesn't line up with your vision life you'll make decisions that ultimately glorify god and connect you to

yeah no that's really good and take it day by day like sometimes i realize when i feel like really really big goals on me like i'm not gonna do this ever again those are usually the ones that i'm right back in but when i say okay today i'm not gonna do that like and i just focus on today and i

And I wake up, I have my time with God, do my work with my kids, find something fun that I laugh, you know, something practical that I can do.

The next day, I'm not going to do it again. Oh, he texts me because what I realized the minute that I'm doing good, when they like that's that's what and maybe you really don't have to realize that it's going to have to be. Oh, I must be doing real good because he just hit me up.

Say no that time. You don't have to just just focus on no that time. Oh, no, I'm busy. The next time say no that time to get stronger and stronger and stronger. But you really don't have to kick the regret and you really don't have to know that is no condemnation.

And you take that conviction and you let it help you to grow and just take it day by day. Just every morning say, I'm going to do something that makes me smile and make God proud today. And if he texts you, say no, because he is going to text you. He's going to call you. He's going to find you. Just know that it's not even honestly him digging you. It's the devil coming after your peace of mind.

Your grace, you know, your strength, you know, your glory, where you're going, like where he knows he don't want to. He just doesn't. He don't want to see you get there. So if you see it like the guy is not even really into you, it's just the devil attacking where he know you trying to be. Preach. It'll help you.

I love that so much. I feel like that's something that we don't hear a lot when people are trying to move on from a relationship. It's like you can just take it day by day because we're trying to fit like a lifetime worth of I will never into something that we just had yesterday. So taking it day by day feels like such wisdom. I agree with everything you all said. I don't think I can add anything to it except for that.

You said that they don't do that therapy thing where you are from. And I feel like that's true in a lot of places, like in our culture, in our community, we don't do the therapy thing. And I just want you and anyone else listening to understand that just because you don't have therapists doesn't mean that you can't begin to unwind your childhood trauma.

There are so many books. I'm thinking about Homecoming by John Bradshaw about healing your inner child. So many different podcasts, so many different YouTube videos that you can avail yourself to. So don't let the fact that you don't have access to therapy make you feel like you have to stay wounded. There are so many things that we can do without the support of another person that God will bless so that we can continue to see ourselves evolve and grow into the best version of ourselves.

So that's my two cents. This was great. So good. How y'all feel about it? How y'all feel about it? Thank you for having us. This is awesome. I mean, if more was a therapy session for us, you know, I didn't know if we were going to share everything, but praise God, we made it through. I'm so proud of you. Get it, girl.

It was great. Thank you both. Thank you so much. No, thank you. Thank you. And you look beautiful too. Thank you, child. It's a struggle today, but we here. Okay. You here with your pink lips. Yes. Okay. I love y'all. See you on the Instagram. All right. Love you too. Bye. Bye.

Breeland and Brittany, yo, we want in. We want to come to the cookouts. We want to come to the family reunions. We want to braid hair together. We want to babysit the children. We want in. We want all of the things. Adopt us. Please adopt us as your sisters. If not, just know that we'll continue praying and loving on you from afar. It was honestly an absolute pleasure to kick back and hang with you both today.

Thanks for sharing your sisterly vibes over the delegation. All right. Now, listen, we are halfway through the year and you still haven't set time aside to co-host with me. It's given we're not besties and I don't like that. Okay. I'm kind of kidding, but I'm kind of not. I want your advice questions. I want you to host the podcast with me and you can do both of those things by emailing podcast at woman evolve.com. Create a fake email address. You don't want us in your business. That ain't no

No problem. Just find a fake account and send us your advice question or tell us you don't want us to name your name, change some of the details, but still put it in there. But get our advice on what's happening in your world because we want to know how we can serve you. And it usually helps someone else put words to their own questions. I'm waiting for you. Co-host advice question podcast at woman evolve dot com. Your week is going to be great. I love you. See you soon.

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Hello, from Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten.

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