Vacation (Season 2, Episode 8)
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Cheesecakes, Patrick here. Hey, I am just back from the first leg of my tour where I got to meet so many of you in person. And I got to tell you, it has been my greatest joy. So if you don't know about the tour, it's one part show and one part hang out with me at the bar for the rest of the night.

The story part is super funny. It's about an hour long and it's all about a hilariously disastrous evening I spent with Golden Girls icon Bea Arthur. And then we literally all hang out at the bar for the rest of the night. Please do not be afraid to come alone. I've already seen so many new friendships blossom at these things. There's a ton of solo travelers at these events.

It's designed for you to make new friends. We've got stickers for you to wear if you want to meet new people, and everybody is wearing them. It is so much fun, so do not be afraid to come alone. Cheesecakes, we still have some tickets available in New Orleans, Kansas City, Dallas, Austin, Houston, Portland, San Francisco, Phoenix,

Detroit, Cleveland, Cincinnati, and Columbus. And I'm thrilled to announce the next cities which will be going on sale on Tuesday, March 11th. They are Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Boston, New York City, my hometown, Louisville, and St. Louis. Once again, those tickets go on sale on Tuesday, March 11th.

you can get all of the information and tickets at PatrickTours.com. You can also click the link in the show notes. It'll take you right there. And I hope I get to see you all on the road. Okay, now to the show. Hi, Mother Cheesecake. Hi, Papa Cheesecake. I gotta tell you something. Yeah? Yeah, I've been going back and forth. I took my headphones off. I had to take the ones I'm wearing now from Steve Tipton's desk. Oh, out of Dako. Well, they're not gonna be returned in exactly the way that he left them, so I'm sure he's gonna notice and he's not gonna be happy. Are they covered in spoiled milk? I know.

I'm going to take them off. They don't sound good. Oh, Steve, I hate your headphones. Anyway, hi, girl. Hi. How you doing? I'm great. I'm coming at you with rug burns on my elbows. Is it an age-appropriate story that you could share with us? You know, I love to exercise. Okay.

I hear you can exercise for three hours at a clip. You know. As long as you take breaks. When you're good at exercising, you're good at exercising. Are those exercise burns? They're exercise burns. Okay, great. We'll go with that. It's cold in New York. It said it was 37 degrees today on the day we're recording this. However, it's a little bit raining outside, so it's a balmy 37. It is a balmy 37 degrees. In fact, I switched coats. I went from a winter plaka to a raincoat. Oh!

Right then. Yeah. Well, what are we talking about today? We are talking about season two, episode eight, Vacation. I love this episode. This is one of the faves. It's one of the faves. There's a very cute boy in it that I'm kind of obsessed with. And I just, I love it. I love getting them out of the house. I love getting them washed ashore on a desert island. Oh my gosh. This is one of those quotable episodes.

It contains something that I quote in everyday life. Is that right? And for the last, you know, 30 years. So it's just a pleasure and a joy. I'm sure the cheesecakes agree with us. This is one of the best ones. Oh, it's so good. So this is season two, episode eight, like you said, written by Winifred Hervey, directed by Terry Hughes. Original air date, November 29th, 1986.

I got an interesting tidbit here for you. Talk to me, mother. So the hotel lobby, you know, the blue and white checkered floor that they enjoy drinks in, it is a recycled set from the Whit Thomas Harris sitcom, It's a Living. I even remember part of that jingle. It's a

Oh, wow. And in this episode, it's painted and decorated in a tropical theme. And this is the most fun fact. The set would later be recycled as Sophia and Dorothy's apartment in Brooklyn. No way. Of course, though, it was redressed in that 40s, 50s motif. It was in neutral colors. But I don't know.

I just love that. Do you know sometimes I'll walk through Times Square? I live, like, not that far from Times Square. And I'll walk through. I'll be like, I wonder if, like, young Dorothy ever walked. Like, am I walking the same streets as young Dorothy? Like, was she there at the time of the Times Square killer? Right. You know? I don't mean that to be as flip as that sounded. But I am fascinated.

fascinated by New York in the 70s and 80s. Oh, me too. And that motherfucker, the killer, I'm not going to say his name. Don't worry. You know, but like that time in New York, times where it was dangerous. That hotel where he murdered that woman is still. The travel inn. It's right there. You can book a room in it today. Oh God. I know. It's wild. 417. I know. No, thank you. Oh God. Oh God.

Well, we open with Dorothy and Sophia positively jogging into the living room. I have trotting. Totally. They're moving fast, those girls. Yeah, they are. I'm like, we're late. I guess we're late. Now, Ma, you sure you'll be all right while we're away? Dorothy, I'll be fine. Okay, now listen, you behave yourself. Don't use the car, no parties, and I want you to stay out of the liquor cabinet while we're gone. Hey, who am I? Get your kid out of here. Get out of here.

We're going to learn that Dorothy, Rose, and Blanchard, they're all leaving on a trip. And for the first time, Sophia is invited but doesn't want to go. I know. And we'll soon learn why. Well, she's horny. Yeah, exactly. Remember, in the last couple of episodes, she's been watching porn on the house television. That's right. How long has it been since Sal died?

Was it 15? No, it wasn't 15 years. I don't know. I can't do that math. I don't remember. Oh, cheesecake's right. Let us know. She's very horny. Yeah, it's very horny. But they're both looking real cute. Yes. Soph is looking lovely in pink. Dot is wearing pastel. She's looking nice. Light blue, green, white. We're going to see Rose and Blanche in a minute. They're traveling to go on vacation, and they're dressed up. I also want to talk about their suitcases, right? Yeah. They love their suitcases and bags. Rose enters with her suitcase and bag, wearing cream and a light pale striped top. And they're all in a panic.

Like, they're just so late. Dorothy, do you have the airline tickets? Yes, Rose. And the passports? Yes, Rose. Did you remember to bring Pepto-Bismol? Yes, Rose. Dramamine? Yes, Rose. And chewing gum in case we have to pop our ears. Yes, Rose. And did you call a cab to take us to the airport? No, Rose. I called two cabs. One for Blanche and me and one for you because you're making me crazy with all your questions.

Listen, I am that person. I am the person who, like, when we're going to the airport, I always... I know you're supposed to be there 90 minutes early for a domestic flight. I have to be there two hours early for my flight. Well, you're supposed to be there two hours early. But I'm usually there, like, three hours early. Me too! I will give myself that whole extra hour. Patrick, we're going to travel...

great together. These mofos who like to show up at the last minute and are late, I find it disrespectful to other people's time. Can I tell you a story that Steve's going to hate that I'm telling you? Tell me. So because of our business, we got one of those Amex travel credit cards. That's what we book everything on that. So we get points and stuff.

Yes. But it also means you can go to the Amex Lounge if you're traveling on Delta, right? Right. The lounge life is very new to me. I was not a fancy girl growing up. I never went to... I basically traveled by bus. That was the only way I got in. The Greyhound Delta Lounge isn't as nice as you would think. Anyway...

The point is, we sometimes do get to go to the lounge because we have that business card. And the last time we were traveling, Steve was like, no, we're flying. We're at the airport. Steve goes, we're flying United. I just want you to know we don't have access to the lounge. He's saying it to me. I'm like, okay, our daughter, our 10-year-old daughter looks up at her father and goes, we don't have access to the lounge. And it ruined her morning. Listen. I know. I...

What is her name? Daisy. It's Daisy. No, this beautiful redheaded actress from Knott's Landing who was married to William Devane's character towards the end. I forgot her character name and I forgot the actress's name. But I do recall this story. She was flying with her children, allegedly. In real life. In real life. And...

They were used to flying first class. You know, she has this nice gig, right? Yeah. And her husband was doing well, whatever. Yeah. And one time, the kids and the family had to fly coach. And the kids had the reaction that Daisy did. And this wonderful mother of a human being said, okay.

And, like, very soon thereafter, had them all volunteer at a soup kitchen. Yes! Are you saying that I should sign Daisy up for a volunteer shift at a soup kitchen? That's probably not a bad idea. Actually, I mean, all right, I kept this private until this moment. But, like, when I got cast in Mean Girls, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. Oh, wow. Like, right after I found out. Because I'm like, if I have this incredible, huge blessing in my life, I have to give it back. Aw.

Oh, mother cheesecake. Well, I just think it's very important to keep perspective and realize how fortunate you are. Yeah. Can you have a talk with Daisy next time? Great. You know what? Why don't Daisy and I volunteer to sit in the kitchen together? Aunt Jen's got plans for you guys for the weekend. Oh my God. You're going to love it.

Wait till you see the hairnet. She is very helpful. I think she would like it. But I wanted to point out here, I really am the Rose in this situation. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Because I'm the one who doesn't pack until five minutes before we have to leave. And then I'm running around asking Stevie if he has all the chargers, if he has all the whatever. Right.

that he packed two days ago. But the thing about this joke about the cabs, Rose thinks it's real. Like, Rose, I think, understands in this moment what a nightmare she's being, and she thinks that this, like, Dorothy calling the cab for her separately is real. Yes, and Blanche has entered at this point. She's entered backwards, wearing a purple floral caftan. Ass first, as it was. And she's hauling four suitcases on a dolly like she's boarding the Titanic. Right? Come on now, Blanche. You can't take all that luggage.

I may run into a celebrity while I'm sunbathing on the beach. I only packed what I need to make me look my most devastating. Then I hope you packed a tight buck.

My note here is like, girl, do you know how much money it costs to travel with that much extra baggage? When I was on tour and we would take our merch suitcases to check a suitcase that was over, I think the baggage allowance is like 50 pounds. If it's like 20 pounds over that, it's like $200. Correct. Per bag. Per bag. And I think it's an experienced traveler who learns the meaning of traveling light. Because what you do discover-

is that you end up wearing the same things over and over again. No question. And that thing that you think you need for that one special occasion, you don't. It's not going to happen. Yeah, you don't. I know, because it's also just like, there's not going to be enough room in the cab, right? They are going to need two cabs at this point. They are. And it's also just like, can't you just go on a vacation with your friends and spend time with your friends? She's all about meeting celebrities on the beach for Blanche. I mean, absolutely true. And I have to say, yet again, this happened in last week's episode, Michael and Bridget. Oh, yeah. The cab driver...

Cab drivers here in Miami are full service cab drivers. They come and collect the luggage. Have you ever? Never in my life. Never in the history of cabs. Even when you get the fancy Ubers, they don't even like open the doors for you. Right, they're like, get down here in five minutes or I'm leaving. But honestly, I was thinking,

too that it's unlike I love the Blanche that's going away with the girls but it feels like there should be like quote a man like loading all the luggage for her like it feels like she should have a person following her around like carrying all of her shit yeah or Mrs. Claxton but she's dead but as Patrick told you Rose thinks the cab thing was true oh yes now whose cab is this is this yours or mine Rose there's only one cab

going to get to the airport? Run behind it. Run behind it.

I just wanted to point out after the like Dorothy screams run behind it, I made the note that I'm really beginning to see Dorothy as two people. Like the Dorothy that we know and love and angry dot. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's Dorothy that we know and love, but then you get angry dot sometimes. Maybe she either needs, as we've said, anger management class or she just might need some medication. No question. I also do think the more we watch it with this kind of like critical eye, the more you can see that

Bea Arthur and Betty White don't like each other. You know what I mean? And there really is not warmth between those two characters, you know? Yeah. And we'll see more of that in this episode. Oh, we sure will. Yeah. So at this point, the girls try to convince Sophia to come along on the trip. Ma, I hate leaving you like this. I really do. Why don't you come with us? Yeah, come on, Sophia. It'll be fun. Oh, and the resort is absolutely gorgeous. Look here. Here's our room. Isn't that beautiful? You can have the king-size bed. There's already two people in it.

Ma, please. If not, I'm going to spend my entire vacation worrying about you. Dorothy, I'll be fine. Besides, it'll be nice to have the house to myself. I can vacuum in the nude. Now, get out of here.

Which is just so funny. Like, she always wants to be included, but she doesn't want to come this time. And I'm kind of like, we know why, because there's a man in the house that you all haven't met yet, and Sophie is super horny. But, like, I guess I could see if you're 80, like, the idea of, like, going to a beach for five days, and, like, I guess maybe that wouldn't be appealing. Listen, I do think that it's about...

being invited. Yeah. That's the part that matters. Having the agency to choose. Uh-huh. It would hurt to not be invited. Yeah. Right? As we had that one episode. Yeah. But Dorothy's saying, like, if you don't come, I'm going to worry about you the whole time. Can y'all just be a little less codependent?

You know what I mean? Live your own goddamn life, Dot. That's right. That's right. So they all leave. And now we learn two things. The ladies have a gardener and Sophia has the hots for him. That's right. We've never met this guy before, but apparently he tends to the lanai. Yes. The as yet unseen landscaper. Yes. Mr. Mitsumo. Yes. She has a crush despite the language barrier. Yeah. And like she calls him inside. The poor guy just wants to get through his workday. Probably get home to his wife, if we're being honest. Oh.

Maybe he's single, right? Maybe. Let's hope. Maybe he's probably a widower, too. Sofia wouldn't know because they can't speak because they don't speak the same language. What if Mr. Mitsumo is just a player? He's fucking all his clients. Look at him. Look at him. What really would have been funny is if he actually speaks perfect English. But he just does not want to talk to Sofia. He doesn't. He's like, I'm just here for the pussy.

Do you know that Steve Tipton is trying to tell me that we're getting too dirty? What do you think, Cheesecakes? Get in the group and tell us if you think we're getting too dirty. We are getting too dirty. He wanted us to cut the tight cow vagina joke. Did we? No! Oh, okay. I fought for that. Listen, I'm sure some people... I've been thinking that. I was on a swearing tear for a while. Yes, you were.

I'm going to tone it down. But that's on my own toning it down. The Golden Girls were dirty. It was a dirty show. I think so. So I'm sure some people would be like, we love it. And some people would be like, conservative rose. They would prefer less. Which I can respect, but I got to be me. We want your opinions. She said, get in the group. Your opinions, but at the end of the day, your grace. Exactly. Because this is just off the cuff a lot of the time. The idea that the 80-year-old Gardner is just there for the p***y.

is so good. That is great. I mean, you know. Well, I love, this is such an 80s reference, that Sophia is saying they should, you know, smile and talk over a glass of Tang.

notice we're always smiling at each other. So I was thinking now that we have a little privacy, maybe sometime we could smile and talk, you know, over a glass of Tang or something. Oh, Tang. Tang is not the catch word here. What I mean is I think you're very nice and I thought we kind of liked each other, you and me.

This is very embarrassing. You don't understand a word I'm saying. You know, she thinks, you know, this is embarrassing. You don't understand a word I'm saying. And she walks away, but he follows her, taps her on the shoulder and tells her that he understands a little. You got the house to yourself. You can bang right there on the couch. Listen, we talked about it. People in their 80s can have a great sex life. 100%. Is that allowed, Steve? Okay. Okay.

Did you say sex? I said sex. On our podcast? Sex life. You said, hang on a second. You said sex on our podcast about the Golden Girls. I did. I'm trolling Steve. Sorry, Steve. Listen, someone's got to be the graham cracker for us. Someone has to be responsible and someone has to keep it classy. You know what? He's not even listening. And it's not the two of us. He's at home packing our passports, making sure we got all of our luggage. For that trip seven months from now. Exactly.

Oh, listen, someone's got to be the responsible nice person. And it ain't us kittens. It's not us. I can say to my new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto-friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth and Steve. And it does without me lifting a finger. So I can get in more squats anywhere I can. One, two, three. Will that be cash or credit? Credit.

Galaxy S25 Ultra, the AI companion that does the heavy lifting so you can do you. Get yours at Samsung.com. Compatible with select apps requires Google Gemini account results may vary based on input check responses for accuracy. It's the next scene. We're in the hotel room and it is not what they expected. No, you can just smell that bedspread. Yeah. It's the smell of damp. You can put the luggage right there.

There would be fine, too. Girls, this room looks nothing like the pictures in the brochure. Oh, this room isn't good enough for you? Well, not for $100 a night. Americans, you measure everything by the almighty dollar. Well, we're trying to learn the metric system. It's not that easy.

It looks like a college dorm. It's like three beds where basically the foot of the bed are all touching. It's dang. Three beds? I thought two beds. It's one bed. That's not a king. Is it just one? It's one bed and then like this rattan love seat. Oh, God. Like a day bed. Bamboo, whatever. None of them have any problems sleeping in the same bed with each other. There's company all the time. They're all quite used to sharing a bed. Correct, but like. Don't even let lesbians get into bed with them.

them. They don't care about anything. Dentures. What's going to happen with that luggage, right? I will say this. I kind of didn't like this because we see the bellman who's bringing the luggage up, right? He comes in behind them. He throws the luggage on the daybed in a menacing way, in a way that was too aggressive for me. Oh, yeah. But I'm sure that was

on purpose though, to highlight just how awful this place is down to the surface. Yeah. Right. And he's sort of coming and going. The women are just immediately like alarmed by the whole thing. And the bellman is offended, basically saying like, my home isn't good enough for you. And when we,

cut to it. The outside is of a tropical vista, but so the outside looks nice, but yeah, you go into that room and it is a horror. We'll get into all of the things that are wrong with it, but Dorothy says for $100 a night, we expected something much nicer. Now I did the calculation math. $100 in 1986 is the equivalent to $289 per night today. That is not enough money for

for a room for three people at a nice place in the Caribbean. I don't know what they thought they were going to get, but I think they about got what they paid for. I'm kind of on this guy's side. And honestly, with the jewelry and the fake furs, you think they might have enough money. And the splitting of the rent...

They could have afforded a little bit more, maybe. You would think. And we're going to learn in a second that they left the details to Rose, which is not a good idea. But like $289 a night in the Caribbean during vacation season. I don't know if you can get anything for that.

Correct. You know? So Dorothy's like, the place is like a sweat box. Everything's broken in this place. So this is where, as soon as I saw that the air conditioning was broken, I was like, I'd be out. What are your must haves for like a vacation room? Okay. If it's any place that has any sort of warmth, there has to be air conditioning. I am an air conditioning bitch. I, I,

But also, like at my age and the perimenopause, like I really need it cool when I sleep. I can't sleep otherwise. So that alone would be enough for me to get out of there. When she said the air conditioning was out, I was like, and so is Patrick. And they are...

They are all handling this so well. And I know I'm not the easiest, but I'm like, I don't care how much we paid that full hundred dollars a night or whatever. I would be like, keep the money. I'm going somewhere else. I would love a breathtaking view, but I would take air conditioning over a breathtaking view. No question. You know, we like whenever we're going on vacation, I'm always like, as long as you can walk to the beach, I don't need to necessarily see them. Would it be nice to see the beach? Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. And, you know, and Rose is saying this place is like a sweat box.

Oh, great. The air conditioner's not working. Well, who needs air conditioning? We have a fresh ocean breeze and a breathtaking view. We have no view.

you know, for the sake of the show, you can kind of see like this is going to be a delicious setup. Yeah. You know, like the three of them in this tiny cramped room. I just love Rose being like, who needs air conditioning? Like, come on, Rose. You know what I mean? You live in Miami and you all walk around in sweaters all day long. We know you all don't need air conditioning, I guess. Well, and Blanche says, you know, we have no view, to which I thought, this is a deep cut, but for those of you who were Laverne and Shirley fans, as I was, also one of my favorite episodes is when they go on vacation, you can hear Laverne DeFazio saying, we got no water!

They don't have a wall. The room didn't have a wall. And so rain, wind, goats all enter the room. It's truly one of the best episodes of that show. Her name was Laverne DeFazio? Yeah. Oh, my God. Laverne DeFazio. Is that where the Faz comes from? The Fonz? Oh, that's the Fonz. You're right. Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney. Laverne DeFazio. That is a name. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That is amazing. Yes.

But the hotel employee, Bellman Porter, whatever you want to call him, he says... When the revolution comes and the heads of the imperialist swine are impaled on sticks stuck in the sand for the peoples to spit on, you'll be glad you don't got a view.

Now, here's my thing about this guy. He's coming in a little hot. He's being a little rough. But I like that he's politically engaged. You know what I mean? I like that he's engaged in the politics of his town. He seems like he wants a better circumstance for him and all of the people who live. I can understand being a person who lives in a place. Like, you are a native to this island. And people come here for vacation. And they don't treat you well. And they probably don't treat the land as well as you'd like them to. Absolutely. I can understand that. But there also is something to be said for hospitality.

Like, I worked in hospitality for like 15 years before doing this. And I was a hotel concierge. And people are awful. You know, the worst person I ever met was? Who? Cloris Leachman. Oh.

The absolute nastiest person I ever interacted with. Oh, I'm so sad to hear that. Oh, Luca. I know. She's amazing. She's an icon. And like, I loved her and she was, she made me cry. She's the only person in all of my years working in hospitality. I had a friend who worked with her, who was working with her at the time. It was like, yeah, she's awful. Well, all right. So Dorothy says, well, this isn't solving anything. I'm going to call the manager. Hello? Hello?

Great. The phone's dead. It makes no difference. You'd only get lies from that scum-sucking pig. Look, would you mind going downstairs and telling the scum-sucker we want to see him? Okay. But his days are numbered. When the revolution comes, he's the second to be shot. Who's the first? Morales, my next-door neighbor who knocked on my sister.

My whole thing about this, it feels like the revolution is coming tomorrow and it feels like he knows it. You know what I mean? My note here is like everything about this seems unsafe. Have your revolution. That's fine. But like, I don't want to be in the middle of it. He puts his hand out for a tip. It doesn't come. And he doesn't like that one bit. My note here is, of course, Blanchard can only think for herself. She immediately wants to shift the blame to Rose and Dorothy. But what I love here, Patrick, I'm sure you did too. It's something about this season. They just give Rose brilliant speeches. And here's another one.

Right? Remember, like, it's the same thing as, again, we've referenced the sex worker hotel, but it's the same thing about when she ends up in prison. And this is the same thing. Because we all think of Rose as an optimist, but like all she can ever think about is things ending totally in disaster. So she says, I want it was a tan on my thighs. Now I'll probably end up a prisoner of the revolution.

They'll rip my blouse and make me cook for the officers, spit food in my face and take fun of my recipes. And eventually I'll catch the eye of some fat general with big sweat stains under his arms. And he'll force me to let out his uniforms and satisfy his ugly needs.

It's very Rose to me that she puts them making fun of her recipes and then her being forced into being the general sex slave on the same level of awful. Listen, I wish... I'm going to turn this around so you can see it. Look at what's in red on my computer screen. Make fun of my recipes and to let out his uniforms and satisfy his ugly needs. To me...

Those are the two funniest parts of that paragraph. No question. And clearly they were to you as well. The other thing is like, what are the recipes, girl? And what does them making fun of her sound like? Do we know what that would sound like? Are they making a baby voice? Like, what are they doing?

You know what I mean? Oh, God. Somebody made her kerfufflefuggen again. Ew. The hermakanuka isn't as good today as it was the herring shermekanaka. It's not very good today, bros. But it's also, but there's just, it's so hot and everyone's sweating. I know. She's like getting by the pot boiling thing. Doing her best to make it taste like pickled herring.

Make fun of my recipes. That is so funny. But Dorothy says, you know, two roses stories. She says, it sounds like Christmas with my ex-husband. Yeah. Blanche is like, I don't know what you two are complaining about. I'm the one who'll suffer most from this with no air conditioning. I'll get a wilted and sweaty. I wrote same girl, same. I know because this is the thing. She's not there for a girl's trip. She's there to meet men. Yeah. You know what I mean? I want to get a date. How am I going to do that without a working telephone? Right. Exactly. Exactly.

And Dorothy says you do it the way you always do it. You go sit in a bar with no underwear. Exactly. Which is a thing I'm going to try next weekend. Love that. Where are you going next weekend? We'll see. It doesn't matter. Oh, okay. Somewhere in Hell's Kitchen. I'm going to hit the bar with no underpants. See what happens. We hear a knock, but the person doesn't wait for an answer, which is a huge pet peeve of mine. Well, in the hotel biz, you're supposed to knock three times before entering. Otherwise, if you don't, Cloris Leachman is going to have your head.

You do not fuck with Chorus Leachman. She made me cry because I couldn't get her a table at the Waverly Inn. The late, great. Do you know who I am is what she said. And I was like, I do, but I don't think they will. Oh, seriously. Yeah, one of my favorite jokes is, do you know who I think I am? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. This person at the door, it's the scum sucking manager.

Good evening. How are you? I'm Jacques de Corville, manager at a wrestling palms and a reigning island in Boking. Oh, please, please, come in. All right, I'm in. So talk to me, ladies. What's the problem here? Well, to begin with, Mr. de Corville, in here it says that every room in the hotel has an ocean view. Now, where is ours? Come here, get up. Here, over here. Stick your head out the window.

and you look to the extreme left and what do you see? He's awful and dismissive and I feel like he wasn't any fun to work with. You know what I mean? Well, clearly, because even the porter doesn't like him. But I mean on the show. Like, I feel like... Oh! I know, oh, oh no. No, he's, well, he's a great actor who's kind of known for... For these kinds of roles. He's played these characters before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think, because he reminds me

me of Newman on Seinfeld. He's that kind of oeuvre. And I have a little ditty on him. Oh, good. Lay it on us. Stuart Pankin is the actor's name. He was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on April 8th, 1946. That's the same year my boyfriend Sylvester Stallone was born. Sly. His early performance dreams were set back, Patrick, because his high school auditorium collapsed. So there was no theater. Was anybody in there?

I don't think so. Oh, my God. I didn't hear of any dips. The great high school auditorium collapse of 1947? Well, let's see. 46. See, it would have been around 1960 or so. Oh, my God. Anyway, he was able to study acting in college. And like me, he wanted a psychology degree. You landed on your feet smart. I did. He loved performing, and he went on to get his MFA from Columbia. Wow. Smarty pants.

After graduating in 68, he made his New York stage acting debut, also like me, off-Broadway. I'm the off-Broadway girl. Yeah. In a production of The War of the Roses. No way! He subsequently appeared in productions at the New York Shakespeare Festival and was a company member at the Vivian Beaumont in 1972. They used to be a company? I know! That's when I learned it.

too. Wow. That's the Lincoln Center Theater for anybody who doesn't know. Exactly. Wow. So after relocating to the West Coast, Stewart began a career in TV as a supporting player on a number of short-lived series before landing a starring role on the HBO satirical comedy Not Necessarily the News, which ran from 83 to 88, which is where I first remember seeing him. Wow. Very funny, very funny show. He also had an enormous film career. Among his many film roles was a great role that

of one of my favorite films that he had in Fatal Attraction. Oh. Yeah, he played Michael Douglas' best friend. Oh, my God. Really? Yeah, he was an attorney. Anyway, his life these days. He says, he's quoted as saying, I used to play golf, but that hasn't happened in a while. And I used to just sort of like memorize Shakespeare stuff just for fun, just to keep my mind going. Yeah. I haven't done that in a while. And line dance. I do that all the time. And he says...

That's my life. To which I say, get it, Stuart. And thank you. Thank you for your service. Thank you for being a friend. He's still with us? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuart. And, you know, I'm sorry that Patrick didn't appreciate you. I didn't like you. You seem, I don't know. Whenever there's like a male that brings in weird male energy to this show, I'm always like, eh. You know what? But it just goes to show you what a great actor he is. Truly. Because you didn't like him. It's why I like Miles. And Dorothy said Michael. These are very mild male energy.

That's fair. That's fair. Remember when Michael brought the saxophone out to do the sexing with Rose's daughter? Let me really win her over with my saxophone playing. Remember the time you used an aspirated H on your W? Whiff. Did you say aspirated H? Yeah, you did. Whiff. Just now. Jennifer, can you play that whiff back for us? Whiff.

Remember when Michael brought the saxophone out to do the sexing with Rose's daughter? Okay. All right. Look at me. He's here to kind of just be an asshole. You know, they're complaining about how the room doesn't have an ocean view like it claims in the brochure. Blah, blah, blah. Gaslight, gaslight, gaslight. Well, this is funny because he says, like, stick it out the window and turn left. What do you see? And Rose is like, two guys beating up an old lady. I don't know why that joke is. I mean, it is just funny. It's just funny. I'm not laughing.

I'm laughing at them beating up an old lady. It's Winifred. Exactly. Nobody does it better. Exactly. Except Stan. Except Stan.

We love you, Stan. We love you, Stan. So Dorothy insists that they get the room that they were advertised or they're leaving. And the guy is not bothered. Nope. Have it your way. But don't expect a refund. We just checked in. We haven't paid for this room. Yes, we have. I'm sorry, but my travel agent said it would be easier if we prepaid everything. Believe me, it is. What do we do now? Oh.

We have no choice. We have to stay. Oh, goody! Now, look, ladies, you'll need anything, anytime, day or night. You call me. Well, we can't. The phone is dead. Well, there's plenty of stationery in the bureau drawer. Write me.

What one of you dummies left Rose in charge of picking and paying for the place? I know. None of them wanted to do it. They're like, they just thought they were smart enough to pawn the actual work off to her. Dorothy's like, I got a hundred bucks a night burning a hole in my pocket. And also, does anyone really think Dorothy would ever have let that happen? You know, she is...

She's Steve. She's the Steve of the group. 100%. She is the graham cracker crust of that address. 100%. She would have gotten breakfast included. She wouldn't have too much sex on her podcast. No.

No siree. Blanche is like, let's make the most of it. Look at this. It's a vibrating bed. They hit the button. Guess what? It's not working. Nothing happens. Oh, my God. And at that moment, the porter barges in, puts his leg up on the end of the bed and starts making it rock while singing. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

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So we cut back to the house. It's evening. We're in the living room and Mr. M and Soph are sitting on the floor behind the coffee table. They've been eating sushi. They're having a sushi date. And Sophia does not know what this is. She says it's been a great day and driving around on your lawn boy was so exciting. And I was like, wait a minute. Did they spend the day having a date or did she just follow him around from job to job all this time?

poor man is just trying to work. I think it's sweet if he brought her along, right? Because you know the lawn... I mean, I don't know if the lawn boy is on... It must be on their front lawn now that I think about it. I would hope. Yeah, yeah. He can't let her know about his other girlfriends. And his wife. He's screwing everybody at all these houses. There's no way she's going to let her find out. Women, men, you know. Yeah. His boyfriends. He's a full sex addict. He is. This is a full service person. Don't.

Mr. M. Mr. M. But, you know, they're eating and she's trying to eat with the chopsticks and she says, That's amazing. You people eat with two little sticks, you never miss a bite. My people drop half their meal while using a fork, a spoon, and a loaf of bread. Does Estelle Getty know how to use chopsticks?

unclear. Estelle, either as Estelle or as Sophia, puts the chopsticks in her hands but like doesn't do it right. Yeah. And I'm like, I bet she's never had sushi in her life. Well, that is absolutely inferred. She doesn't know. Yeah. Because he tells her it's raw fish and she is shocked by that. Yes. And of course, she purposefully tosses a

piece away in order to make him retrieve it, thereby giving her time to shovel the raw fish into her purse. Stuffs it in her purse. Right. And anyone who, I don't care when you have it for the first time, I don't care when you start using chopsticks, it is an acquired skill. Oh, for sure. Whatever. I'm using my fingers. Is that horrible? I use chopsticks. I think I hold them in a different way than you're supposed to, but it works for me. You do? Outside the box, Samar. That's what we've always called you. That's what we've always called you. That's right.

Nobody liked me. And so they're sitting on the couch and she says, I find you awfully cute. And he says, Sophia, cuter. And my note here is you have the house to yourself. Go bone. Exactly. I got a little mini ditty on sushi. Oh, man. Would you like to hear? I would love to because I love sushi. So sushi, generally people think that sushi is a Japanese concept. That's not true. Sushi is said to have originated in China between the 5th and 3rd centuries B.C. as a means of preserving fish and salt. Hmm.

So another misconception is that sushi means raw fish when actually sushi refers to a dish of vinegared rice served with various fillings and toppings, which may include raw fish. Sushi was originally invented as a means of preservation. This was when fermented rice was used to store fish or anything else up to a year. This was known as nara sushi is the Japanese word for it. And in fact, the rice was thrown away afterwards. So they would store the fish in the rice for up to a year. Yeah.

And then they were ready to eat the fish. They would throw the rice away. That's where the concept comes from. Okay. So sushi was trendy in the U.S. by the early 1900s. Okay, I had to include this because I thought this was wild. Right. According to author Megan Howard in a sushi cookbook, one of the earliest mentions of sushi in America appeared in a 1904 Los Angeles Herald article regarding a luncheon thrown by socialite Fern Del Higgins.

Oh. Whatever that is. Uh-huh. Oh. This sounds like a dream. I know.

I would love this. You get a musical program followed by a game of pit followed by searching for hidden gifts, then a Japanese lunch. A new dish, Japanese sushi, was the principal feature of the meal. Flavors were of yucca palms. The club will meet next Tuesday at the home of Miss Edith Wilson. Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, my God. Join this club. Honestly, this sounds like a dream. It sounds like a dream. Yeah. They say sushi made its way into popular culture in the mid-60s with the creation of two popular sushi restaurants, both in Los Angeles. The first restaurant was called Kawafuku, which was a more traditional spot. Around the same time, Tokyo Kaikan opened, which was a larger restaurant with a disco on the second floor called Tokyo Agogo. I mean, it just keeps getting better and better. I know.

Who knew that when you said you had a mini diddy on sushi, we'd get... This is one of my favorite diddies ever. I'm not even done. This restaurant, Tokyo Kaikan, with the second floor disco called Tokyo A Go Go, guess who the regulars were there? Who? Audrey Hepburn and that Queen Rock Hudson.

Good for them. Rock Hudson. Rock Hudson and Audrey Hepburn. The earliest known gay bar in Los Angeles, Tokyo A Go Go. What a great name, Tokyo A Go Go. That's my mini Diddy on sushi. So this next scene, we're going to cut to the bathroom of the room in the resort. And it is very nice. Yes. Blanche is wearing her classic pants.

peach peignoir. Yes. Peignoir. And Dot in a nightgown from her 1920s baseball collection. Yes, exactly. And Dot objects to Blanche essentially taking over the medicine cabinet with her shit. Blanche, what is all that stuff? Just my natural beauty supplements. This is my apricot facial scrub and my honey skin toner and my coconut moisturizer. If I put cracked ice and an umbrella on your head, you'd be a Mai Tai. Ha ha ha.

Dorothy cannot understand why Blanche has so many like potions. Yeah. For her like skin care. Yeah. You know, and Blanche is explaining like, girl, this is how I stay looking good. Dot and I are the same, by the way. So they reenter their bedroom and Blanche says, oh, I wish we had packed a bug spray because they're swatting flying bugs through all of this to, of course, set up one of our favorite parts of the episode. But for me, it's like, OK, there's no air conditioning and now there's bugs all over the place. Like I would be terrified.

out of there. Be very patient. If I couldn't get another room or afford another room, whatever, I would be flying home. No, there's just no vacation. I'd be sleeping at the airport. I'd do a staycation as fast as you could say. Have we gotten spoiled by the 2020s? Like in the 1980s, would we all have just dealt with it? Well, in the 1980s, I would have been a child. So whatever my parents wanted to do, I would have dealt with it. But Rose is telling them that she's got the entire day planned for them the next day.

Okay.

All right, forget the volcano. Just then, Dot slaps Rose's downstage teak. And Rose says, all right, forget the volcano. Now, listen, my note here is be Arthur dash not Dorothy. Slaps Betty White dash not Rose so fucking hard. Rose almost tumbles off the bed. And I'm like, this was...

Yes. It was, I feel like B.E. went to the writers and was like, can we write in a, let's do a mosquito moment. If we're in a tropical island, maybe we could do a thing with mosquitoes. Maybe one of the blanched, I don't know. Right. It's like, maybe you could slap blanched. That's an idea. Or, or Rose. You know what? Rose will, why don't we do it? My character would actually sit next to Rose on the bed. Yeah. And I think Rose is, I just think Betty is such a great actress. She'll really sell it. Yeah.

I feel like there's a second where Betty White considers decking this bitch right back. Oh, yeah. Like, there's a look in her eye of like, that was too hard. You know? Like, it was, and she just sits there and takes it. Right. But she says, funny joke. Thanks, Winnie. No, Rose. I just killed a mosquito on your cheek. Thank you very much, Dorothy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go wash the squashed bug off my face. Ha ha!

But I feel like Betty White gets up in a daze. She gets up like this. Yes. She's seeing stars, you know? And in that moment, she's like, am I going to make a thing? She's like, I got at least five more seasons of this thing. Am I going to do this or not? Oh, my gosh. Listen, I got a little mini ditty on Santa Juanita. Okay. So it's referenced in the show, right? It does not exist. Yeah. Like the island that the girls vacation on, the Santa Juanita does not exist in real life. This was done most likely, I've read, to avoid offending real life Caribbean people.

governments at the time. Oh, yeah. Or Caribbean governments at the time. However, you know, you got to take a side. Is it Caribbean? You got to pick one. OK, you got to take us right here right now. Smart. Is there too much sex on the Golden Girls Deep Dive podcast? Yes or no. Pick a side. All right. All right.

All right. So a Spanish cargo ship called the Juanita did wreck in 1910 in Portugal. On November 8th, 1910, the Spanish iron cargo ship Juanita, built in 1879, wrecked off of the coast. It is possible the Santa Juanita was a stand-in for the real-life Santa Margarita, a 17th century Spanish ship loaded with treasure. But we'll never know. These are just theories. This podcast is loaded with treasure, and that treasure is called Jennifer Samara. Oh, my God.

Thank you. Merci. But we don't even know where this island is. We don't even know. They don't say they're in the Bahamas. We know it's a Caribbean, Caribbean island. Yeah, you got to pick. You got to pick. And it's got to be Caribbean, right? We're not doing Caribbean, are we? We'll do Caribbean. So Rose knocks on the bathroom door and a man responds. Now, this is really funny because the man on the other side of the door says, Yeah, just a minute. Won't be very long.

Okie dokie, take your time. There's somebody in the bathroom. Well, he said he wouldn't be long. Hey, come on, don't rush me. It's going to take as long as it's going to take. Now, that implies that he's in there pooping. Am I wrong? No, it implies that it's a dump. He's really just shaving. It implies that it's a what? A dump.

No. He's taking a dump. Yeah. Dorothy says, you know, I don't believe this. There's a man in our bathroom. Oh, this line is so good because Blanche is like, let me handle it, Dorothy. Yeah, exactly. And she bangs the door. Excuse me, sir. Are you married? That did it.

That is so perfect. It's so her. And he, gosh darn it, he opens that door immediately. He's wearing a blue towel around his waist. Yes. As said, he has shaving cream on his face. Now, this man is the exact, I'm just going to talk about his body for a minute because he looks like me. Me and him have the same body and I can't stand it. That's all. That's all I want to say. Well, let's not talk about your self-hatred. Ha ha ha.

Because you're wonderful. You're wonderful. And so is Dwayne. Dwayne's wonderful too. My husband Steve would find this man so, would smash is what my husband would say. He would be so into Dwayne. If he saw Dwayne, would smash. I mean, smash. Hulk smash.

Steve Smash. All right. But we go into the bathroom and there's another man in there. So my note here is like whatever he was doing in there that wasn't going to take as long as it's going to take. This other guy was in there for that. Flossing his teeth while sitting on the edge of the tub. No, that's my little cutie. I think this guy is so...

so cute. He's cute. His character name is Rick. Yes, and he speaks with like this kind of doofy, goofy, like, I gotta deep dive on all three of these guys. I'm gonna do it at the end. Well, he was like raised in Hawaii, so he's got that kind of like beach bum. He has used this character voice in other things. This was kind of his signature in a way. And I have to say this. Now, the most annoying man enters. I think I hate him as much as you hate Rose, Patrick. Not the actor, but the character. I'm Dwayne, and that's Rick. Hi. Hi.

And I'm Winston Hardwick III. Well, we're very glad to meet you, but what are you doing in our bathroom? This is our room. I'm afraid these six of us are going to have to share this bathroom. I am not sharing a bathroom with three strange men. I don't care if it is my vacation.

You got no choice, lady. There just aren't enough Johns. Oh, this is ridiculous. Yeah? You think we're happy having to gargle next to Grandma Moses and the Mozettes? Winston Hardwick III. I said this queen sweeps in wearing one of Blanche's nightgowns. Like, he's like... Right. I have to say, you said queen. Yeah. I also did some research. He's straight, married to a woman. Oh, listen, that story is bananas. I know. I cannot wait to share the story of his marriage. Because it's the only thing on the internet about this guy. It's the only thing on the internet.

It's wild. It's a wild story. And we'll get more into it later, but he was a soap opera actor, this guy. Yes, he was. But he comes in and he's got this fake... He's so insufferable. So annoying. And I'm like, what is the relationship? Are they just on a guy's trip? Well, I have a theory about this too, but in a way, it's one of those so the show can happen. Or maybe they're both secretly banging Rick. You know what I mean? Their wives think they're on a guy's trip. Yeah.

I'll say it in just a second. Okay. All right. Just a second. Now the six of them are all standing in the bathroom. And we learned the conceit here is that this hotel is so shitty that they have to share the bathroom. Now, I love that, like, the women have been in this room for a full day, didn't notice the other door. Yeah. Right, right, right. Right, right, right. You know, and your favorite, Rick, is like, you've got no choice, lady. There just aren't enough Johns. You know? That's such a good Rick.

Thank you. He's like Grandma Moses and the Mosettes. Now, this I did not like. I did not like him coming in so hard against our girls. And I love that Blanche says, this is another great Blanche line. I am not sharing a bathroom with three strange men. I don't care if it is my vacation. That is such a good line. My vacation. Yes. I have to say here, Blanche, you know, she throws Winston's cigar cigarette into the tub. Good. That is disgusting. It is. But to my theory of two seconds ago, I have matched them though. Okay. All right. And it,

pays off later when we're on the beach. Yeah. But I have Winston with Blanche. Oh. I have Rose with Rick. Okay, great. And I have Dot with Dwayne. Yeah, totally. All right? And just the three of them through, like, angry teeth sex, right? Just like, get over here. Let me try to...

Me too and the six of us in the bathroom. Like the six of them going at it in the shared bathroom. So post-commercial, we open on the exterior of the resort again. But when we go inside, the girls are sitting in their lobby bar. It's this blue and white checkered floor I mentioned before. Pink walls, wicker furniture, bamboo curtains. Also, Rose looks fantastic in that cream silk. She does. Doesn't she? Yeah, she looks great. This is the thing. They're having dinner in the restaurant at the hotel. And I'm like, what is this?

island where there's not a single other restaurant. Just where I want to walk down that beach and been like, God damn it. I am out of here. No, listen, I love an all inclusive where you don't have to open your wallet. Right. But I love the place to have several restaurant choices. 100%. You know, and they're like, they're sitting in like, can you, I can only imagine what the food is serving at a place that would have a room like the room that they're staying in. I know. Oh gosh. So much so that Dorothy's like, let's draw cards for the rest of the Pepto Bismol. Which is also like,

One bathroom to be shared by three people in a situation like that is bad enough. But now you got to share it with six people, three of them being boys. Like, get thee to the airport. Get out of there. Exactly. Ruin Sophia's love life. Exactly. Do not pass go. The three guys trot downstairs. And they're here to apologize, which I like. Ladies, I...

I hate to disturb you, but my friends and I would like to buy you a drink. Why, thank you. Blanche! Oh, I'm sorry. It was a reflex reaction. No, thank you, and goodbye! Look, uh, we had a chance to think about what we said last night, and we're real sorry. Must have been quite a shock finding us in your bathroom, huh? Won't you please accept our apologies?

All right. Apology accepted. Great. Now you can buy us that drink. Waitress, a magnum of your best champagne. If you'll notice, the guys are seated next to their respective girlfriends. Oh, interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. On my note, Rick is so goofy and adorable and I just love him. And his little outfit is so cute. He's wearing these clothes that are like too big for him. Yeah, he's very handsome. He's a big, goofy guy. He's so cute.

Finally, Dorothy agrees to accept their apology. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So, like, things are okay between them. A magnum of champagne. A magnum of champagne. By the most annoying character. I kind of like Winston. I know. Now I love him. Because it's fun to hate him. Not the actor, but the... Yes. But he has access to a sailboat and he invites them on an evening cruise and...

And they all say, you know, yes, sounds like fun. Why not? And I'm like, Patrick, why? I've watched Dateline. Absolutely not, stranger. What in the Dateline is going on here? Because all of them right away, that sounds amazing. Oh, my God. They are luring these old ladies out to sea. Do you remember that horrible story of that guy who wrote directions on that woman's map and he takes them out on a sail and he murders this mother and her daughters on the ship? No. Throws them overboard with, like,

anchors like oh yeah yeah no this is what the dateline absolutely not public service announcement cheesecakes if three weird dudes one of them is probably gay ask you out two of them are probably two of them are probably gay ask you out on a yacht in the middle of the night in the middle of a country that is not your home don't go just don't go just say no thank you very much no

And I'm like, was it really that much more of a naive of a time in the 80s? Yes. You think? Yeah, because when I think of the things that I was allowed to do in the 70s and 80s from, you know, riding my bike to the store by myself. Yeah. You know, staying at home sometimes alone, even at like 12. Like, I was allowed to babysit other children. I mean, I know. At 12 years old. Are you fucking kidding me? I know. And it just was the time, right? And, you know, it was sort of the opposite of helicopter parenting. Uh-huh. But...

Let's give helicopter parenting a break, too, when there's something that a

that was so accepted back then, there is going to be an overcorrection. Yes. Right? Yes. Yeah. And yes, in my opinion, it was a much more naive time. And we didn't know through many things, through DNA technology, we didn't know about the rampant number of crimes and serial killers that we do now know. And I don't consider them to be salacious in some regard in the fact that it is helpful to see these stories so that people can learn everything

at least something. And that's... Because you're never going to victim blame. It's not... Right. Never a victim's fault. No, yeah. However, if you can learn, oh my gosh, that could happen, that could happen, then you might not... Right, yeah. Hi, go out on a sailboat with three strangers, you know? And the fact that these men don't murder them, I'm like... They wanted that bathroom. I know.

And you know what? And they wanted the other connecting room so the two gay guys could fuck and put, and Dwayne, Dwayne would, they'd make Dwayne go off and, you know, shave all night. You're right. It's Winston and Rick. That's right. Winston and Rick are absolutely in love. I can totally see it now. They are having an affair. Why do they even bring the other one? As the cover. Totally. That's right.

You figured it out smart. You nailed it. I did. So they agreed to meet back here in 45 minutes. Dorothy says, great, that'll give me enough time to call my mother. Dwayne says, your mother's still living and he laughs. Which I said it would have been funnier if he hadn't laughed. Yes. And I bet he laughed at the audition and everyone thought that was funny. Yeah. But it would have been so much better if it was your mother's still living. Sees her reaction. I'm sorry. To me, the laugh ruined it. 100%. But it is cute.

curious you know what I mean that like Dorothy's mother is still living like it is you know what I mean okay I think like it's a fair question because of B. Arthur's gray hair yes I think that's probably why you know probably why yeah maybe she she does read maybe a little older because of that but like she's like 60 I'm just saying I agree with you you don't wake up dreaming of McDonald's fries

You wake up dreaming of McDonald's hash browns. McDonald's breakfast comes first. Save on Cox Internet when you add Cox Mobile and get fiber-powered internet at home and unbeatable 5G reliability on the go. So whether you're playing a game at home or attending one live,

You can do more without spending more. Learn how to save at Cox.com slash internet. Cox internet is connected to the premises via coaxial cable. Cox mobile runs on the network with unbeatable 5g reliability as measured by UCLA LLC in the U S two H 2023 results may vary, not an endorsement of the restrictions apply. Here we are. We're back at the house and it's Sophia's turn to introduce Mr. M to her cuisine. Yeah. All dressed up, which I thought was so cute. To Shiro. Can I make a confession?

You bring out the beast in me. I know, I know, you look at me, you think, there's a chick who gets around. But that's not true. Until I met you, I didn't even know I still had those feelings. You made me realize there's a lot of wisdom in what the Sicilians say about the old olive tree. Although it's ancient and all, and not much to look at, it still has the tastiest, plumpest olives. Tashira, how about an olive?

No one's ever said anything even remotely close to me like that. Maybe it's because I can't do it for three hours. You know what I mean? Listen, some of us are good at the sexing. Some of us aren't. I'm good at the sexing. No, I know. You've told us Papa Cheesecake knows his way around a bed. I know my way around a bed. I just can't do it for three hours. Okay. Understood. John Tartaglia agrees with me. Well, listen, what I love is, you know, she's saying, listen,

She thinks there's a lot of wisdom at what Sicilians say about an old olive tree. Yes. Even though it's ancient and gnarled. She propositions him. She's throwing herself at him. To your point, she is offering the sex thing. She's offering the sex. They could do it right there on the couch. For three hours. For three hours at least. Yeah.

They could go in every bedroom. She's literally begging him for sex. Right. And he says, Olive, question mark. And then she decides she's going to teach him some English. She's like, let's start with kiss. That's right. And, you know, whatever. There's a long speech about her husband and how he didn't understand her either. And they spoke the same language. And there's coral napkins. And there's coral napkins. And then this is the best part. Like, right as they're about to kiss, the phone rings. And Sophia answers it. Kiss. Kiss.

Oh, Dorothy, nice to hear from you. How's the vacation? Good. Well, nothing's happening here. Take care.

And I'm thinking of, I'm Dorothy. I've now decided my mother is tied to a chair. She's being tortured within an inch of her life. Ma's tied to a chair. We gotta go. But Mr. M, he has understood. He says, lesson number one, kiss. And they do. And they kiss. And what I love is that we don't see the rest. I know. I think they had some olives. You think so? Yeah. Good for Sophia. Good for Mr. M. Absolutely. Good for married player Mr. M. Married player.

Bisexual player, Mr. M, the gardener. And like, you know, Sophia planned this. Like she decided to stay home because she was going to make her move on her man and she did it. And you know what I love about this? I bet the girls will never know. Totally. That's how this at least is playing in my head. Uh-huh. Because they're all in their bathroom. Although they probably, like, I guess because we never hear from it again too and I know it's so the TV show can happen.

It makes you wonder, is Mr. M going to be fired? Like, we never see... She got what she wanted and now she gets rid of him? We're in a relationship now, so we can't work together. You know? Totally. And you know, like, Blanche is going to be upset, but not that upset because Rose and Dorothy are paying for him. Right. She's not. Right.

Absolutely. Next scene, and this is it. This is the best part of the whole episode. They are positively shipwrecked. Yep. We cut to the beach. The set dressing this week, Patrick. I know. This is beautiful. Well, I was thinking, like, whatever lot they shot this in, like, they fill it with sand. I mean, yeah. It looks like an actual beach. That's right. And everyone has their pant legs rolled up. Yes. They're wearing life jackets. And Blanche is just so beside herself. Oh, beautiful mother earth. La, la, la.

How long were we out there? At least two rosaries. We're lucky to be alive. And you, you miserable low-down piece of Yankee slime. Blanche, I sense some hostility towards me.

How'd you like to sense a coconut upside your head? She is just, her voice is just shrieking in this. Can't you see her on the boat in this? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. And rocking with her bosoms. Or no, Rose's bosoms.

She's got her hands on Rose's bosom. I was imagining like the dramatic version of this with like Dorothy like hanging over the ship and they're trying to pull her back in. Well, the whole thing is we're going to learn these guys don't know anything about sailing. They take them on a boat and they sail them into the middle of a storm and Blanche is pissed. Livid and, you know, gives him the worst insult possible. She's like, you low down piece of yanked slime. Right. Violence.

Threatens violence. A coconut? She's not afraid to get, to put her hands on people. Oh, yeah. When she's in prison with Blanche. Except children. I know. Which I'm like, you're right. She does draw the line at the kid. I mean. So, Dorothy, now Blanche, get a hold of yourself. And she continues. We end up shipwrecked on this godforsaken island. Hey, so we made a few mistakes, huh? Nobody's perfect. Yeah, what's the big deal? What's the big deal? You almost killed us, you nitwits. I hate you.

I curse the day I ever laid eyes on you. I curse the day your mama ever laid eyes on your daddy. I curse the day your daddy ever laid down with your mama. Hey, so we made a few mistakes, huh? Nobody's perfect. That's your boyfriend, Rick. Hey, so we made a few mistakes, huh? Nobody's perfect.

Oh my God. I love him. Is he not so cute in this? He's so cute. He's so cute. So cute. Blanche is really going for it. I curse the day your daddy ever laid eyes on your mama. Not laid eyes. Laid down with your mama. Had the sex thing. The three hour sex thing with your mama. That created you. That's right. I have a little nitwit attempt.

etymology for you. All right. So there are some theories on this. One is that this Americanism was first recorded in 1926, that it may be a combination of the German nicht, which means not, and the English wit. So nichtwit, not with wits, without wits. This is incredible. Corrupted in speech to nitwit. Okay. Another theory has nitwit deriving from a scornful English

imitation of Dutchmen who answered questions asked in English with the Dutch expression "Ik niet wist" which I don't know if I said that right but it means "I don't know"

All right. This, however, would... And so they turned that into the nitwit over there? I guess so. Because, wait, say it again. Ich nichtwit. So they turned it into nitwit. It's like the poor mean general that was making fun of Rosa's cooking. Well, but this is just a theory. Yeah. But this, however, would date nitwit to Dutch days in New York. And there are thus far no examples of the words used that far back.

Okay. All right. Now, another source dismisses the Dutchman theory and says it probably came from the German nit. But it also says, alternatively, the nit might also refer to the egg of a louse or other insect. So depending on which choice is made, the literal meaning is that the nitwit either has no brain at all or just an exceedingly tiny one. And that's my jitty on nitwit.

Or if he does, it's very small. It's very small. I love that. Winston says that they should be grateful. You ladies should be grateful. It was our superior sailing skill that saved your lives. Hanging on to the mast and screaming, please God, take the old ladies, but don't hurt us.

That does not qualify as skill. Can't you just see that queen holding onto the map for dear life? Take the old ladies. What would it have sounded like if Rick had said it? Take the old ladies. Don't hurt us. Man. Yeah, you know, just take the old ladies.

I love him. But also, this goes to our point that they were going to murder them. No question. Their plans got foiled. I want to hear Rick's wedding vows to me. If he's looking deep in my eyes, what would he say? Patrick, I vow to love and cherish you in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live.

Oh, I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. And because he says here, look, ladies, we've taken all the guff we're going to take off of you.

Oh, God. You know, he comes back. He's in the last season. He's like one of Dorothy's former students. One of her former students. Yeah. Oh, God. So now, after my boyfriend says that, we get mean, Rose. She jumps up and takes charge like a fucking boss. Well, I have here, this next section is iconic. Iconic. All right, everybody. Now shut the hell up.

I'm in charge here. From now on, everyone listens to me. Why should we listen to you? Because I happen to be the most decorated pioneer scout in the history of northern Minnesota. I can build a hundred-foot rope bridge, start a fire with rocks to still sea water into drinking water. Now, if you want to get out of this alive, I suggest you listen to me. Do I hear any objections?

I didn't think so. Do I hear any objections? I didn't think so. Now, what does she tell Blanche and Dorothy to go do? She tells Dorothy and Blanche to start breaking up the boat. We need wood for a fire. We're going to take a pause here. Okay. Is it the smartest idea to literally destroy the one thing that's going to get you off this island when the sun comes out tomorrow? No, that's a good question.

question. However, obviously the boat in order to have been sinking is broken up beyond repair. Because I was thinking like, did they just sail out of the storm onto this island? Yeah. Because I'm like, if so, could we keep the boat intact for at least one more day? Well, if you want to go a tad further in the 80s, I'm surprised this wouldn't have been a fiberglass boat. It would. I mean, I'm Rosen jacking this shit and getting on a door and sailing to wherever the hell I need to go.

Get me out of here. Well, she also continues with the instructions. She tells the guys, look, you three, you two queens on the straight one, you three head up north, up that ridge.

Based on those rock formations, there's a good chance of finding a waterfall. If you don't find anything in an hour, head back for the coastline, follow it around and look for our fire. Now move. I said move. This is what I say to everyone. I've been using this line ever since its inception. When Blanche says, Dorothy, should we be listening to Rose? When Dorothy says, quiet, I don't think we're allowed to talk while we work.

I can't tell you in how many Broadway shows I use that when one of the creative team might be in a mood. And you're just like, I don't think we're allowed to talk while we work. That is so good. That is so funny. I also love that she sends these goons up the ridge. They have no shoes on. Did you see they all walk off shoeless? Yes. They're hiking into the mountains without shoes. Listen, it's that or death. I know.

I'm telling you, I'm getting out the door. I'm sailing away. Bye. I love that if it were the two of us, you would sail on the door. Like, I'm Jack. You would just wave to me as I sink to the bottom. I would be at a door the size of this room and be like, there's just no room. Sorry, Jen. Oh, I love you, though. I love you. Bye. Bye.

I wave like this down into the water. I love you. I love you so much. And I'm trying to hang on and just, you know, the temperature just gets to me. We're in the Caribbean. That 77 degree water just eats you. That and the sharks definitely get me. I can't share. I need the whole door. I'm sorry. You know, you and Dwayne. I know. You're built a certain way. Listen. You need the door. You need the whole door. I know. I know.

I hate it. Four hours later. Yes. The three girls are sitting by a fire that Rose has presumably made. I was like, they somehow started a fire. Now, I know she can start a fire with rocks. Fine. But anybody who's watched Survivor knows it's not that easy. It's not that easy. It really is. Like, although there are some of those bitches on Survivor that can take the glasses and start a fire in five seconds. Right. But it's nighttime. So they're not doing that. Right. So she is doing the friction. How does the sun work? Because the sun through the lens can make a point. But the sun's only out during the day. Okay. I'm following. I got it. I'm with you.

All right. So Blanche is asking, how long have those jokers been gone? Dorothy's over four hours. Blanche is like, you don't think anything's happened to them? And here's my jokes come in threes. Here we go. Dorothy says, oh, no. One.

I think they probably just stopped to rest. Blanche says, yeah, or two. Maybe they're looking for something to carry the water back in. Rose with three. Maybe they were clawed to death by bloodthirsty animals. Unfortunately, water isn't all that can be around that rock formation. My note is Rose can go dark. I know we think of her as like the sunny optimist, but Rose can definitely go dark. Which is so funny when they give her that contrast. Totally. And this is where Rose breaks it to them that they're all probably about to die. Yeah.

They're all probably about to die. The odds. Because she's like, listen. A pioneer scout always tells the truth. So I'm going to be even more honest. Our big worry is nobody knows we're missing. So nobody's out looking for us. The odds are pretty decent that we're all going to die. Oh. You know what, though? That is kind of true. It is. Like, no one knows they're missing. That was the loudest. I'm so quiet. It is. It is.

Sorry for your headphones, everyone. But, you know, Blanche is like, no, they're just tired and thirsty. Everyone's tired and thirsty. And this is where Blanche is like, girl, I know we promised to wait till the boys came back, but can you just do that thing where you turn the seawater into regular drinking water? Right. And this is where we learn that Rose does know how to do that, but she's going to need equipment. Yeah. She's like, there's one problem. I need a 10 gallon copper pot, seven feet of aluminum tubing and a big roll of cheesecloth. Yeah.

I've always thought about this. Like if you get stranded on a desert island or like you're in the middle of the ocean and like on a lifeboat, you're surrounded by water that you can't drink. That is fucked, God. That is God. That is fucked. That is not a nice thing to do to people. That is pretty mean. You know what I mean? Can you imagine like you're starving and you're surrounded by pizza that's laced with arsenic or something? You know what I mean? Wow. That's creative.

On a desert island. It's a pizza. They call it Pizza Island. It's exactly. And it's pizza laced with arsenic. You're surrounded by water you can't drink. That's so cruel. So cruel. I'd probably drink it anyway and just die. You probably would. You know what I mean? You know.

You died falling off that door for nothing. I wasn't going to make it more than a couple of hours out there anyway. I remember I used to love all of those survival shows, like with Les Stroud. I used to try to memorize when watching his shows, like, okay, which plants can I eat? Because you know I'm just going to go for the poison berries. I know. Or like, I'm just wondering, is she making one of those traps that's like with a rock and a stick that's going to fall on a squirrel in the middle of the night, you know?

I know. You know what my big fear is? What? The way I'm convinced I'm going to die. I'm going to be the person on the car with the seatbelt that goes over the bridge, survives, but into the water, and I can't get out of this. The seatbelt's jammed. Right, because it has power locks, not like the old-fashioned ones. And you can literally buy a thing to have in your car to rip the seatbelt, but I've never bought one. I keep thinking about buying one, but I never— Or to break the glass, because with the pressure, you can't open the door. You've got to break the— Well, you know they say this. This is a pro tip. If you're in a car that sinks—

They say, and you can't get out of it. You let it fill with water. And then there's like a quarter of an inch of air at the very top where you can breathe. And then at that point, the pressure should have equalized and you can maybe open the door. Now, for me, by now you're at the bottom of the ocean. So how much does this really help you? Right, because you're going to bend. You get the bends coming up. You're like, I lived. Oh, no. Oh, no. Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Like, that's what happens as your brain slowly explodes. Oh, my gosh. I know. Anyway. I think you would panic and you would be like, I got to get up there as fast as I can. I totally would. You know? I totally would. Oh, my God. And Steve is just like the abyssing that shit. He's like, I'm just going to go slowly and if...

He's like, if I drown, someone will get me back to life on the surface. No, not me. No. I'm swimming with all my force. And you get the bends. So they're very upset with this new information. Yeah. And Rose is like, listen, I don't want to be a leader anymore. And she nominates Dorothy. And she asks Dorothy, what are you going to do? And Dorothy says, my first official act is to banish you from my kingdom. But they're sitting around the fire. And they just decide this is a really good time to share secrets. They don't want to go to their graves with secrets, right? Here starts the Truth Hurts Brigade. I know.

Oh boy.

And the look on Blanche's face. Number one, I would think that Blanche wants everyone to read her diary. I know. This is so just cranky pants disingenuous, right? Except for the fact that she's probably talking about what huge c**ts her roommates are all throughout her diary. Oh, yeah, probably. Like, we're thinking it's all sex stuff, but it's probably just bitching about her roommates. You know, but honestly, you know, Blanche, disproportionate response. She's like, I want you out of my house this instant. And she's like, I'm never gonna

speak to you again as long as I live. And so she's like, well, as long as, you know, we're being honest. She's like, I might as well be honest too, Rose. I slept with your cross-eyed cousin, Nolan, when he visited us from Ohio. And he was lousy in bed. I knew about that a long time ago. Nolan told me. And he said you were the one that was lousy.

You were the lousy one. And they have a fight back and forth and Dorothy breaks it up and says, Girls, girls, now let's examine our priorities. We have no food, water, or shelter. Besides, I also slept with Nolan on that fateful trip. And as your leader, I must decree that the fault indeed lies with Nolan.

But the way that Dorothy says that line, she's so proud to have a sex story. Like, she does that thing where she moves her head. She's like, Dorothy got laid. Like, that's her whole vibe. Right. You know? Right. To your point that she's doing just fine. She's doing great. And I love that both, I mean, it's gross, though, too. Like, the idea that they both slept with the same guy. I love that the cousin, much like the gardener, is just there to get p***y. You know? Beep.

Sorry, Steve. I am really just doing it to troll Steve at this point. I really am. I'm sorry, Cheesecakes. You're in it now. You're in it now, Cheesecakes. You're in a marital spat. Here we go. So Blanche is saying, since we're being honest, Dot, why did you tell Anita Brubaker I had my tubes tied? And Dorothy says, you misheard me. I said tube top. Which I was like, they needed to fill 30 seconds a time. That joke landed like a cow hooked up to a milker.

That was going to end up being the most popular cow on the farm. Anyway, she mentions, you know, about Dot having her nose done. Yeah. And Dot says she didn't. Rose is the one who had her nose done. And then Rose flips around. And that's a funny moment. Right. Because she wasn't supposed to say anything. Whoops. Sorry, Rose. So Blanche didn't know. And Blanche is so offended that the two of them kept that secret from her. Why didn't you tell me?

But then the whole thing is like Dorothy's like, 'cause you're so critical about these things. And she's like, "No, I'm not. How much did you pay for it? $700?" Well, you got ripped off. This is a moment of Dorothy turning into Dot because she screams at Blanche. - You see? You see? That's exactly why Rose didn't want to tell you. You are overly critical. You know, I think that's the thing I like least about you. - Oh, you know the thing I like least about you? You are loud and overbearing. - Well, you know what I like least about both of you? You're always telling me what to do. - Oh, shut up, Rose.

Shut up, Rose. Silence. And then they have to apologize to make it up. They're really just sad because they're all about to die. You know what I mean? It's been the worst vacation. They're stressed out. They're hungry. They're scared. But they do say, I love you. I love you. I love you. And then Rose is so full of love that she now has to sing I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing completely out of tune. Off key. Because she's got to sing it fast.

right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. And she's screaming it like that and I hate it so much. Me as well, like such as. But then all of a sudden the men are back and they're with cocktails and they are singing the song as well. They pick up where she left off and your boyfriend, hi ladies, how about a Mai Tai? Ha, ha, ha.

It's so good. And it's like, it turns out that Rose was right. There was a waterfall up in that ridge, but it emptied into the pool at the fancy Hyatt. That's right. The Hyatt Regency. But like, they've been gone for four hours. These guys have been drinking at the bar. Like, they've definitely been drinking at the bar. I'm going to say maybe those bitches deserved a little scare, right? After the way Blanche talked to them, you know. It's true. Winston. Yeah. He says, our new hotel is half a mile in this direction. Come

Come on. We reserved you a room. And I'm thinking, are they paying for the room? Well, right. Because we know these ladies aren't paying for it. No. And they've reserved them a room at the hotel. It's very nice. They all kind of walk off together. How much? Come on. It's true. And my thinking is like, because it turns out they're on the same island. They just got shipwrecked on the fancy side of the island that they were on before. But now they got to go back to the hotel and get all their shit. Is someone going to tell the owner of the boat that the boat is ruined? I know. There's a lot of logistics involved.

consider here. I'm very not nervous about any of it. No. And in the end, you know, as they're walking away, the ladies decide they want to keep everything that they've learned about each other to themselves. Oh, ladies, listen, as long as we're not going to die after all, I suggest everything we said tonight won't go any further than the three of us. Well, back in the Scouts, we used to make it official by pricking our fingers with a pen knife and taking a blood oath. What do you say, girls? Shut up, Rose. Shut up.

Shut up, Rose. That's right. The two of them in unison. And Rose is like, gee, I'm glad everything's back to normal. I know. I'd like to teach the world to sing. Oh, I hate it. I love this episode. I hate the singing of Perfect Harmony or whatever the hell that song is called. You know what I wouldn't hate? A little deep dive on our gentleman callers. So I did a little ditty on each of these three guys.

So Brett Porter is the one who played Winston. He's the one like with the funny accent. There is not a lot of information on the internet about this guy. He was apparently a soap opera actor on One Life to Live in the 80s. Or Guiding Light and his wife was on One Life to Live. All we know, this is like the one article about these two. Right. It's from the Niagara Falls Review is the outlet that...

This is the story about how he met his wife, right? It was a fairytale romance. They describe it. They met on the set of the soap opera that they were both on. They both thought the other one was too perfect and that the other one wouldn't like them because they were both so attractive. But then they get engaged within a couple of months and they go on and on and on.

on in this article about how everyone needs to get married and the myth of that being single is awesome. I mean, within a couple of months? Within a couple of months they're married and all they can talk about is how everyone has to get married, everyone has to find their partner, this is so much better. They divorced 18 months later. I'm not surprised because it's a crush at that point. It's infatuation. You don't know the other person.

No, this actor appears to still be alive. So good for him. There's no death notice for this guy. How is his husband? Well, exactly. That's my question. The guy who plays Dwayne, his name is Stephen Lee. There's not much about him. Lee grew up with a dad who made and sold slot machines. That's cool. Love that. Sister Mary Downey would love Dwayne. I was just going to say.

I mean, her dream man. Exactly. Oh, my God. That's why I wrote it down. He got started in the biz in 1970. He appeared in over 200 TV shows and 39 movies. This guy spoke English, German, French, and Spanish. So he knows where nitwit came from. No question. Yes. This is my favorite part. His interests include golf, tennis, horseback riding when time permits, and biking around his Sherman Oaks, California neighborhood. Honestly, that sounds great. Yeah. Well, he's dead. He died...

He died. I mean, sorry. I know. This is going to happen. These people, this was a long time ago. He died August 14th, 2014 in his Los Angeles home from an apparent heart attack. Now, my boyfriend, it's a really sad story. There is some good here. This guy's name is Tom Villard, V-I-L-L-A-R-D. And he was like relatively well known in the 80s and the 90s. He is that actor. You're like, I've seen that face.

I've heard that voice. You know, he was definitely a recognizable face on network TV in that time. He's done roles in 12 feature films. He was the co-lead of an NBC sitcom called We Got It Made from 1983 to 1988. That's a long time. Yeah, I remember him on that. You do. I don't know that show at all. He does two episodes of The Golden Girls. This was the first one. He comes back in the last

season as Randy Becker. He's one of Dorothy's former students who like went on and made it big and tries to give her a job and she takes it. But then she realizes it's just like not a real job. He's just trying to like do a thing to pay her a lot of money and dot decide she doesn't want that for whatever reason. In 1992, the year that he made his return to the Golden Girls, he was diagnosed with AIDS. He was gay.

And he had carposis sarcoma. So carposis sarcoma was a symptom of AIDS and it made your skin, you would get these lesions. And he had them. And he was a working actor. And so he knew he couldn't hide from it. So he made the decision to come out as gay publicly, but also to be public about being a person living with AIDS, which there were very, very, very few actors who did that back then. He was so brave. And in an interview with Entertainment Tonight that year, he said,

Quote, in terms of how people with AIDS are perceived in this country right now, they're treated as lepers. It was really important for me to get out there. I've been in your living room for 15 years. This is something that can happen to everybody. So be careful and have a little compassion. And he said at first he lost a lot of opportunities. Like he was a real working actor. He said suddenly an awful lot of people wouldn't let me in the door for auditions. But then there were a handful of shows that gave him opportunities to

without auditioning simply because of who he was in the business and his bravery of being out they wanted to help him they wanted to work with him and these shows included sisters one of my favorite favorite shows yeah star trek deep space nine and frazier all gave him jobs no audition necessary love that so much it's so amazing and then he died on november 14th 1994 of complications from aids wasn't living with hiv was living with aids there's a difference and um you know

God bless him and God bless these people. I know. This doesn't always happen, but I love it when doing the right thing is rewarded. Yes. You know what I mean? And for him to come out, for him to be like, well, I've got lesions and I can't get them all removed. Yeah. And I'm going to have to just be who I am. And I mean, especially at the time it takes such bravery. Yeah. For him saying people didn't want me in the door for auditions. What he's saying is they were afraid of me because I had AIDS. Yeah.

What's really sad is that he died in 94, November of 94, like close to 95. And 96 is when the cocktail happened. I know. And people, you know, there's an amazing documentary called How to Survive a Plague that follows so many men who were, you know, like having living fully like thriving lives in the 80s. And all of a sudden they were all dying of AIDS.

And some of them make it to the, but you don't know who. Some of them make it to the cocktail and then all of a sudden you see it and you're like, oh my God, it cuts from them in like 1995 to like 2017. And you're like, oh my God, like they're still alive. And it's, it's very, but then others don't. And it's, you know, I mean, to get that close, he was a year away, a year away. But,

I often think about the fact that I came of age during this time. So we first heard about AIDS in 1981. And I remember being in high school starting in the fall of 84 and graduating in the spring of 88. And I remember the number of school assemblies I had about this disease and about the importance of science.

safe sex and condoms. And I remember the controversies about having those very meetings, you know, and people were like, well, you should just be abstinent. Why are they having sex and all of that nonsense? To this day, it informs how I proceed with sexuality and new partners and how I will insist on...

STI testing. Yes. You know, and I think that's such a healthy clinical way for people to do it because there's other things around. There's, you know, now there's like an outbreak of syphilis and gonorrhea, chlamydia. And so it's so important for your sexual health and to treat that with respect for not only yourself, but for the other person, with one another. And so this horrible, horrible thing is something I've never not

sort of lived with as far as my own sexual awakening. Yeah, I wasn't a grown-up or sexually active during that time, but like many friends who are older than me who were gay men, who completely, they are, you know, not sex-phobic, but very...

very much like, um, they, they proceed in a way that is, that is a direct result of their living through that time. I have a, I have a good friend who says, you know, like, show me your, my chart. Yeah. Show me your, my chart. Like, and that's, uh, he said that's very common in, uh, the community. Yeah. And, um, I have to say, I have a great deal of respect for that. Yeah. You know, I just would urge everyone to, um,

Take care of yourself. And don't be embarrassed. Yes. And don't be embarrassed of those boundaries because what it shows is that you care about the other person as well as yourself. Yeah.

Oh, Cheesecakes, we love you so much. Thank you for being with us on this journey. I love you more than Patrick. No! Well, we love you the same. We are your parents and we love you the same. We love you the same. Join the Facebook group. Please. It's the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast discussion group. We're up to almost 5,000 members. People are making friends there. It's

Such a fun, fun, fun place. It is. And it's a safe place. I was going to say, come see me on tour. If you also want to make friends, my whole show is about I make you laugh for an hour telling a funny story about my one night with Bea Arthur and she hated me, but it was funny. And then we all go to the bar. It's a cash bar. And we meet and we hang out. We've got stickers for solo travelers saying they're looking to make new friends. We just want to grow the community. We want to give an opportunity for people to meet each other and hang out. So PatrickTours.com is where you can get all the information. And while we're at it, thanks to all the cheesecakes who have come to see Death Be

comes here. I think there was a couple that came and unfortunately I was out of the show that night. So that does happen occasionally and to those of you who might miss, I'm terribly sorry but I know you still see a great show with our fabulous understudies. But I hope you see me. So if you're in New York City and you want to see a great Broadway show, come see Death Becomes Her. It's the best thing on Broadway right now. It's really, really great. We love you Cheesecakes! Love you so much. Bye-bye. Bye.