Ladies of the Evening (Season 2, Episode 2)
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Hey, Cheesecakes. It's Patrick. Before we get to the show, I am absolutely thrilled to announce the next 10 cities I'm coming to on my storytelling party tour. So in addition to the seven cities you already know about, in March and April, I'll be coming to Dallas, Austin, Houston, Portland, San Francisco, Phoenix, Detroit,

Detroit, Cleveland, Columbus, and Cincinnati. Tickets for these new cities go on sale next Monday, January 20th at PatrickTours.com.

Now, for anyone who doesn't know about the tour, here's the deets. For the first part of the evening, I'm telling you a hilarious story about a disastrous night I spent with Golden Girls icon Bea Arthur. I loved her. She hated me. But she needed me. And hilarity ensued. I have a wonderful and hilarious drag performer playing Bea Arthur from Beyond the Grave via video to tell Bea's side of this ridiculous story. It is hilarious. It is about 50%.

We'll be right back.

It's going to be an amazing night. These are small venues on purpose because I want to meet every single one of you. So the shows are going to sell out fast. So once again, tickets for these 10 new cities go on sale next Monday at Patrick tours.com and stay tuned for even more cities, which will be announcing soon. All right, cheesecakes. I cannot wait to meet you. And now to the show.

Hi, Jennifer Simard. Hello, Patrick. How is everything at Death Becomes Her? Everything's going great. I just noticed here on our camera, though, that my left eyebrow pencil was a little bit more successful than the right. Like, look how deeply filled in this is. And then this one's like... Listen, sometimes I do the beard dye situation and sometimes it's a little lopsided on my face as well. Like, what are you going to do? You know what I mean? What are you going to do? You bring the best you can into the booth. That's all you can do. The show's doing well. Yeah.

In real life, maybe me, not so much. You're doing great. Okay. Cheesecakes, we're all doing great. Listen, we got to remind you what we do here. We are the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast, right? So we do hilarious, fun, very thin research. By the way, the way you said that sounds like we're an old vaudeville couple. I know. We are the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast. We are the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast. No.

Listen, every week we do hilarious, funny recaps of a Golden Girls episode going in order. And then at the end, we do a full deep dive on something from the Golden Girls universe. So I'm really excited for today's deep dive. Tell me. So Burt Reynolds is like a major part of this episode. And when we're sort of prepping for it, I was like, we should do a full deep dive on Burt Reynolds. Because like, who knows that much about Burt Reynolds? He was such a big star 40 years ago. Listen, 1978 to 82, there was no bigger star. He was the biggest star. The biggest star, but like that didn't last.

And there's a lot of reasons for it. And he was like, he's so famous and he's such a part of the lexicon, especially in the Golden Girls, because the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater was a real thing. So it's all part of the deep dive. I learned so much. When I tell you the roles he turned down over the course of his career, that would have been like even more career making for him. Yeah. Like these are roles, Cheesecakes, when we get there, you are going to be astonished to hear that they were offered to him. And he said no. It's one of them.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. Beep that though so that the cheesecakes don't know. Isn't that shocking? I knew that though. Yeah. Because I'm old. Another one is...

It's just wild. It's wild. So, like, as we always say, we will get there when we get there. Shall we get into it? Let's do it. So, this is season two, episode two, Ladies of the Evening. It's one of my favorite episodes. One of my favorites, too. We were texting back and forth. And I'm sure many of the Cheesecakes favorite, too. Like, there are just a few that you're like, I know. Pull out the golden wreath.

Golden Girls episodes. It's true. I was watching ahead a little bit in season two. Season two is so funny. Yeah. Like, they've really found their stride. It's so good. This was written by Barry Fennaro and Morton Nathan, directed by Terry Hughes. Original air date, October 4th, 1986. So here are some things going on at that time. Yeah. So we got your billboard chart that you know I love, right? Uh-huh. And third that week was this little song from Janet Jackson. When I think of you, when I think of you. Ha ha ha.

Remember that? Of course. Yeah. And also, this is huge. As far as a major cultural event. Yeah. On September 29th, Designing Women debuted on CBS. No way. And you know we love that show. That's like a sister show to this. Yeah. A lot of the cheesecakes have chimed in wanting us to maybe explore that universe a little bit. Well, listen, last week's Deep Dive About Mannequin, I talked about Meshack Taylor and his whole journey with Designing Women.

So we will find a way to get a little bit more into that. I've got a little thing that happened in this week that kind of stuck out to me. So this week, the movie version of the play, Children of a Lesser God, opened in theaters. Now, it did really well critically. It didn't make a ton of money, but this movie was like mannequin. It was one of those that was always on HBO. So it's kind of like a major part of my childhood. So I did a little deep dive on

So the movie is based on the play by the same name about a deaf woman and a hearing husband and their kind of tumultuous marriage. It's a true story based on the life of the actress Phyllis French. And the play was written for her to star in, which she did on Broadway and in the West End. And she won the Tony for it.

And when they made the movie that came out this week, they cast a completely unknown Marlee Matlin. And she got the job, like she had done a production of it in Chicago playing a very small minor character. But the producers saw that and they were like blown away by her. And they brought her in for an audition. I think she did one audition and she nailed it and got the lead role. She would go on to win the Academy Award for Best Actress.

I remember. She was 21 years old and making her the youngest woman ever to win the Academy Award for Best Actress and she was the first deaf person to win an Academy Award ever. I don't know how far you went on this deep dive, Patrick, but did you know that in real life William Hurt and Marlee Matlin had a thing? No, and he was the male star of the movie? He was the male star of the movie. Oh, wow. Yeah, and I want to

They also had a bit of a tumultuous relationship. She's amazing. I remember her from so many things. She was on the West Wing for a while. She's incredible. And I swear to God, I saw this movie 40 times. Yep. All right. Shall we get into the episode? Let's do it. Hey, folks. Jennifer swears so much in this episode. So this episode is not safe for work. It's not safe for... Put on your headphones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put on your headphones. All right.

So we open with Dot Rose and an exterminator in the kitchen. Dot is wearing a signature purple Star Trek sweater. Plus, I have to say, the exterminator is in her domain. Under the sink. That's her favorite place. I know. So my anxiety was through the roof immediately. I was like, did Dorothy get the week off? Because at first I thought it was a plumber. And I was like, oh God, there's a plumber under the sink. Like, what's going on? Did she throw out her back? Can she not get under there? And then I was

Also reminded, remember in that same episode where Rose invented a thing that was going to revolutionize plumbing, but then she got interrupted by Blanche before we found out what it was? Yeah, right. I'm with you. I've said exterminator because I know what's coming. But like you, I absolutely thought it was a plumber. We both know that these women have dabbled in that department, so it must be serious, right? Right.

Your infestation profile is threefold. You have silverfish and water bugs in the drainage areas, and under the baseboard structure, you have Blateria andropoulos. Did you hear that, Rose? The president of Greece lives under our baseboard. What do you have to do to get rid of him? The next step is to ascertain the condition of your exterior. For this, I need to perform a cursory inspection of your subterranean substructure. You mean crawl under the house? Anybody can make it sound stupid.

He's trying to use these like big, fancy, highfalutin words to make himself sound smart. And I'm like, girl, that's a tough job. Like, you can just be proud of having that job. Like, that's a very good job. I love his language. I love that the writers wrote it this way. But I love, he's like, listen, your infestation profile is threefold. I mean, not since, so I'll say it thrice. Right. You know? Totally. But that's,

The thing is, we are learning that the pipes are clogged with cockroaches and water bugs. That's right. Silver fish, if you will. I mean, I have a little deep dive on silver fish. OK, but can I just explain how horrified I am to know that, like, if you were to put your hand into the drain, you're going to be covered in cockroaches. No, I can't. I would be running out of that house so fucking fast. I know, I know, I know. I've never heard of pipes being clogged with cockroaches before. I mean, they do live in the pipes and water for sure. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So silverfish is one of the things he lists, right? And if you live in New York City, cheesecake... Is that a bug? You've seen a silverfish. I guarantee you. Oh, God. Yes. Yes. Those are those silvery, slippery, light gray in color. He is shaking. I hate bugs so much. Well, silverfish...

You've had to have seen one in your tub. Why do they call them fish? Well, because it moves like a fish. No! Oh, I have goosebumps thinking about it. I hate them so much. But they look like cockroaches? Not as much as, what else does he say? He says water bugs. Water bugs look like cockroaches. They're the ones that fly? I don't know. Now you've given me a nightmare. How far are we going on this deep dive? It's so gross. But the silverfish almost has like a centipede-ish. No! Yes. No! Have you not seen one ever?

I don't know. This is New York, baby. Can I tell you a story? One night when I was working at Capitol Grill as a bartender and Steve and I were very new and I used to come home and drink a bottle of wine and watch Alias on the Netflix DVDs that they would send you. And Steve had gone to bed. I was up. We were together maybe a month and he's in the bedroom and I'm in the living room and out of the corner of my eye, I see something moving and I look over and it is a water bug the size of a rat. Yeah. I ran into my kitchen to grab the raid. The thing flew.

flew up into the air and came after me. When I tell you that I fucking matrix to that thing. Yeah. And it was like, it was like flying into the stream of them. It was like trying to attack me. They finally died just before it got to my face. And then another one came out of nowhere. The revenge. I mean, flew up. It's in the air. I'm spraying the thing in the air.

- It's in the air, it's me or him. One of us is not gonna survive this. - This is Jaws 4. This is the mother, you killed her baby. - And then I'm screaming from the kitchen, Steve has to come out, he's gotta collect these, I'm not gonna step over the carcasses 'cause it's gonna be like one of the fuckin' horror movies, he's gonna reach up and grab me. - Right, but I have to ask you, why didn't you, like Dorothy, just talk to it?

Oh, good boy. No, you're right. Right? You're right. So let me finish my mini DD. Yeah, sorry. That's quite all right. I just, I feel like, do we need to go to a therapist over there? I mean, it haunts me. All right. But just real, real quick. The silverfish's diet. Yes. Okay. Because you're wondering, how do they live? Listen to this. They consist of carbohydrates, such as sugar or starches. Same. They love a potato just like me. We have so much in common. I know.

All carbs all day long. 100%. And you know what? This makes me like them more. Totally. I used to hate silverfishes. And then I'm like, you like... You have to stop saying it. Wait a minute. You like a ring ding? All right. Let's go, SF.

Oh, my God. And Dorothy says, as much as I love Barry and Mort, I do not like this joke. Poor man. How does he face himself every day knowing his life is devoted to killing other living things? Oh, Rose, I don't think a guy who drives around with a fiberglass termite on the roof of his van ponders many deep questions. I'm like, let's just say

not make fun of blue collar work and the nobility of that. Remember the pandemic essential workers? Of course. Yeah. So my dad's whole side of his family, they're all like electricians and plumbers. Do you know how much money those people make? They make so much money. And the thing is, it's just a terrible stereotype, a presumption that these aren't intelligent people who like literature as much as the next person. Yeah. Well, listen, quick fun fact about the exterminator, Phil Rubenstein, he would play the role of the mannequin factory boss at

the beginning of the film Mannequin, which was last week's Deep Dive. Well, wonderful. And he's a wonderful actor. He's good. Isn't he great in this? He comes back in a minute and I've got more to say about it. Wonderful. So I wrote, Blanche enters through the front door in full sexual narcissism. I have breathless in blue. Ha ha ha ha ha.

She is swooning. Her face is all red. And the girls think something is wrong. Like, they think that she's been attacked. It's only been one season. They don't know her that well yet. That's right. This is her sex face. That's right. But we find out what, in fact, happened is she's won a raffle at the local movie theater to see the premiere of Burt Reynolds' new film, No Big Deal, except here is the big deal. She's also won a meet-and-greet right afterwards. Or a party. It's not even a meet-and-greet. It's like he's hosting a party and they are invited. They're invited. She's got three tickets for her and her two best friends. Yes.

And this I have to say to you, Patrick, and to all of you cheesecakes, the way the Arthur screams and jumps, her choices in this entire next session are burned into my long memory. If these choices were a Halloween costume, I'd wear it. I just won the raffle over at the movie theater. Tickets to the world premiere of Mr. Burt Reynolds' new movie tomorrow night.

That's nice. And passes for me and my two best friends to the private party afterwards to be hosted by none other than Mr. Burt Riddles himself.

Right? 100%. Because it's the way that, like, they go from being not excited at all because they're like, oh, she won, like, tickets to a movie. Great. To them, it's Rose and Blanche and Dorothy jumping up and down like school. And, like, the way they commit to it is because you've got no other choice. It's written in. They're jumping up and down. They're screaming. You've got to go whole hog. In classic true comedy form, well-directed, everyone is jumping. And Sophia is sort of doing a low-impact jump, right, with her watering can. The way I would be doing it. Yes, yes. You know,

what? If you want a great workout, you still get a great one. Just do what Patrick's doing in the back. Very low impact. Nice low impact. Patrick, why are you always in the back row of the exercise class? No reason. Right. Have you seen the Estelle Getty workout tapes? There's an Estelle. We've got to do a whole deep dive on the Estelle Getty workout. Okay, this has got to be like a viewing party with the cheesecakes at some point, right? Like we've got to...

I don't know. We got to make this happen. We got to make it happen. The brilliant part about this comedy is they're all jumping. The three gals stop and Sophia's still going. Yes, yes. Sophia, by the way, is still in her nightgown. And this is my favorite thing. Like all the rest of the ladies are dressed for the day. Sophia's still in her nightgown. My note is, I don't know what age you get to do that at, but I cannot wait to get to be that age. Got to be about 14. Yeah, totally.

I would like to be in my nightgown from all day. I would like to never not be in my nightgown. How about from birth? I changed my mind. Why are we in clothes right now? Who knows? It's Eve's fault. We should all be naked right now. Let's play more shit on Eve. You know what I mean? My God. Remember that? Totally. That story. They break it to Sophia that she is not going to come. And Sophia can see it right away. She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not this time. She knows. And she makes reference of being the tanto of the group.

That's a Lone Ranger reference. She says she missed out on Evita. And I was like, I would really like the backstory to that because, you know, Evita came out, I think, in like 1978 or whatever. It's 1986. And Sophia is still mad that she didn't get to go see Evita. I guess it was tour. It's a big tour town. It's got to be. But I'm like, what's the back? Like, you guys couldn't get four seats to Evita? Exactly. You know what I mean? And she does say it to Blanche, which is a Julius Caesar reference, the betrayal of it all.

And Blanche's credit, you know, she did try. She tried to get another ticket, right? But it's funny that, like, when she wasn't able to get another ticket, it was a no-brainer that Sophia wasn't invited. It wasn't like, all right, ladies, let's, like, obviously Blanche wins the ticket, so she gets one. What are we going to do with these other two tickets? Listen, this is probably contentious. Okay. And I...

Forgive me. Okay. And I had this later on, but it seems appropriate now. Yeah. This is just so the show can happen because there has to be a conflict. Yeah. But in no world would my own late mother, Yvette, in no world would she have

ever thrown this big a fit. She would have sort of understood that there is a 20-year age gap at least. You know what I mean? My mother, Pam Parker, wouldn't even know who Burt Reynolds was. Okay. Because he's not a lesbian and frankly, that's all she's interested in. Right. If it's not Katie Lang, she doesn't care. Right. But at a certain point, you'd be like, hey kids, have a great time. Right.

Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Because if this were high school, you'd be like, oh, the kids are going to the rock concert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, totally. What is there? A 25-year age difference, at least. Totally. Remember when she went to the Madonna concert with them? Yeah. You know what I mean? She's a partier, Sophia. Yeah. I wanted to point out, because it's germane to my deep dialogue with Burt Reynolds at the end, Blanche says, Sophia, Mr. Burt Reynolds is one of our finest living actors. Why, he should have won the Oscar for Deliverance, not to mention starting over. That Academy's just jealous.

I mean, you put Mr. Sir Lawrence Olivier in Cannonball Run, see what he can do. There is a reason why he did not win the Oscar for Deliverance, and I will get to it in the deep dive. Because he should have won the Oscar for Deliverance, but he made a very interesting choice in his life that led to him not winning that Oscar. Mm-hmm.

That lives on to this day. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. I love that Sophia, who never likes to be in the room longer than two minutes, says on her way out, fine, break an old lady's heart. I'll be out back with the rest of the garbage. And it made me think of our lovey Matt Doyle and his song, I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage. Exactly. When I think of Matt Doyle, I think of garbage. Exactly.

Oh, no, that's a joke that he'll laugh at because he knows I don't. I'm kidding. Yes, of course. This is great. Dorothy says, don't worry, she'll get over it. Rose, so Rose, because she's so competitive, right? And even if she doesn't, who cares? We're going to meet. Oh!

I always get this reaction when I wear the tight jumpsuit. Tell me, what'd you find under the house? Bad news. You got termites. Termites? Oh, no. Can you get rid of them? Sure. Haven't you heard our company motto? No. What is it? We get rid of termites.

We'll have to tent the house right away. You have to move out for two days. He says, I always get this reaction when I wear the tight jumpsuit. I got to tell you, this exterminator, not my type. He looks kind of cute in the jumpsuit. You know who would rock a jumpsuit? Matt Doyle. Like, men look great in these kind of jumpsuits. In a working man's onesie.

You like that? We need merch. We need onesies. A working man's onesie. That's what it will be called henceforth. Wait, working man's onesie, but W-O-N-S-I-E. Oh, that's good. Oh, I like it. But I got it like the jumpsuit, a.k.a. the working man's onesie. Like, it's a cute look. It is a cute look. That's all I'm saying. So we find out that there are termites and they're all going to have to move out of the house for two days. I got to tell you, like at this point, there's cockroaches in the sink, silverbacks or whatever they're called in the drain. Silverbacks.

Those are gorillas. There are gorillas in the sink. There's gorillas in the sink, snakes in the bathroom. Like Blanche, can you take better care of your house? Remember when we learned that Blanche is charging all these people, all the women extra money? Right. So they're talking about what to do. Right. Well, let's move out for two days and we'll go to a hotel. And Rose says, we can't afford a hotel over on the beach. And I wrote, what's this we shit? This is Blanche's expense.

She's the only one getting a tax break. Last time I checked. Oh my God. Totally. Blanche says, I'll find one. We, and I'm like, I, I can afford it.

That's what I have written here. Uh-huh. Okay, let me ask you this. Could you be friends with Blanche, knowing everything we know about her now? If you lived in that house and Blanche was like charging you essentially a maintenance fee in addition to your rent, pulling this shit, we're like, we're going in like even leave for the hotel room. Well, now we don't know all the details, right? Because we don't know, like maybe in Dorothy's case, she has a break and doesn't have to pay as much for Sophia. Uh-huh. And we all know that Rose got the better bedroom. Right. Yeah.

You know, I don't know how this all evens out. Sitting on the couch as she's saying, I'll find one we can't afford. Would you look at her and be like, you mean to say I? The first thing you asked me was, could I be friends with her? And let me just say, yes, but I think the cheesecakes are going to know this. Depending on what group of friends you're with, the golden girl you become changes. Totally. So while we've been joking that I'm in my Blanche phase, the truth is my inner Dorothy would come out. And I wouldn't be like, you bitch.

backstabbing slut, you Jezebel. You know, like that. There's a reason you could never be really good friends with a woman. I wouldn't be that Dorothy, but I would be the, hold on. Can we just, hey, I love you, but let's have a difficult conversation. Remember two weeks ago when that tree fell into our lanai and I had to go down to the city hall to get the plans of the property line? Oh, God.

Jesus. So, but yeah, this is the whole idea is that they've got the Burt Reynolds party. They're going to go away to a hotel on the beach for the weekend. Right. And I love it because it means we're going to get out of the house for a little while. We're going to see them in a new location. I love it when we do that. Not since the garage. Not since the garage. And the floppy hat. But so Sophia has come in and Dorothy says, oh, ma, ma, a hotel on the beach. Doesn't that sound like fun? And Sophia says, well.

Well, I'm off to Miami Beach to find us the perfect hotel for our perfect weekend. Oh, Ma, Ma, a hotel on the beach. Doesn't that sound like fun? I get to go with you? I don't have to stay here and get gassed with the termites?

Oh, Dorothy is such a good daughter. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, who cares? We're going to meet first! Has Sophia been listening at the kitchen door with a glass held up to it? How does she learn this information? And were her lines written on that slice of pizza? Well, my note is that she comes out of the kitchen with an enormous slice of pizza. A slice of pizza that even I couldn't finish. No, it's the size of her head. And like, Sophia is all...

always hungry. Remember when she was looking for that stick of pepperoni? Yeah. She's always hungry. She's eating raisins or pizza. I totally, I had the same thought. Like, did she hear, or did Sophia just know that, of course, they're going to have to gas the termites? I don't know. But I love the pre-internet days. So, like, they're going to find a hotel. Blanche has got to go down to the beach to go to every hotel to find one to stay at. A hotel stakeout. I know.

But to transition into that, Dorothy says that her mother will get over it. And if this joke that is now a through line in the show. And if she doesn't, who cares? We're going to meet Burt Reynolds. More owing and jumping. Yes.

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So the next scene, we're at the hotel and now we're in the rooms. And at first I was confused. There's an open door. And I thought that went into the bathroom, but we're going to learn they're like adjoining. Yeah. Connecting rooms. Clearly Dotton Sof. You love that. I'm doing the Patrick. I'm cutting off names. I love it. Dotton Sof. Not since Joshie Manx. Not since Joshie Manx. Dotton Sof.

so far sharing a room and presumably Blanche and Rose are in this other connecting room. Yes. And I just said like we're in new outfits. Dot is wearing her signature blood purple and diarrhea brown. So Sophia is trying to guilt trip Dorothy. Sophia's coughing and then remember that she's like, oh, it's just it's a relapse of the pneumonia I got running chasing after the school bus when you were a little girl to give you that cannoli and forgot. It's always six miles. No matter what.

Whether it's rain or snow, this legend lives on. Blanche comes in from the other room. She's got this blue sequined gown and she's like, she's holding it up and asking them if they think that Burt Reynolds is going to like it. I was swooning. Like this dress is gorgeous. And it's so funny. I didn't like it because it wouldn't look good on me. No, those, I don't. I think it would. No, no. The plunge is not deep enough. Uh-huh. And then the sleeves, that sleeve line is not great on me.

Yeah. I mean, for Blanche, I think it would look really good on her. My note here is like she's definitely getting into Burt Reynolds' pants with that dress. But she definitely wears this beautiful thing over it. And that I could get around. But that, where that sleeve cuts you off on the shoulder. Yeah. No. Give me a cap sleeve or a three-quarter length sleeve. Give me a spaghetti strap. Give me a halter. Give me a strapless. But that I don't like. Ladies have so many options. We got long-sleeve and short-sleeve and sleeveless. That's all we got. Well, you hate the dress. Good to know. Yeah.

I liked the color. The color's great. You described it as blue. I described it as turquoise. And I love a sequin. I love that, like, we never see sequins anymore. I like a sequins. I like a sequins. I wore sequins to Death Becomes Her opening. Yeah. My shirt was purple with purple sequins. There is so much sequins in my show. That was kind of why. Yeah, yeah. That was smart. Yeah. I think this next section is just, I have it here. It's filler so they can reach 21 minutes. Yeah.

I thought it was very boring. I agree with you because the rest of the episode is so funny. So we'll go through it quickly. But Blanche is just saying the last time she wore this dress was at the 1972 presidential inauguration. And Dorothy thinks she's talking about Nixon because she says she danced the night away with him and then ends up in his arms up until the next morning. And Dorothy thinks Blanche is saying she slept with Nixon. And Blanche is, as I was, like understandably appalled at the notion. Nixon? No. No.

I can't even picture Nixon naked. I think he must look like one of those little dress-up dolls. Just little mounds of plastic to indicate where everything ought to be. No, I was talking about Mr. William Buster Collier, the president of the Chamber of Commerce. Oh, that presidential inauguration. But of course, she's talking about someone else. Yeah. Mr. William Buster Collier. The president of the Chamber of Commerce, like Blanche. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

But he suffered a very tragic death. Yeah, you're right. This part is really weird. He was performing his first official act as the president of the Chamber of Commerce, breaking a bottle of champagne over a toll booth as he gets clobbered by like 10 Shriners on minibikes who just happen to have exact change. Not the strongest joke in this series. No, and for those of you who don't know, Shriners International is a fraternity based on fun fun.

and the Masonic principles of brotherly love, relief, and truth. I mean, that does sound a little bit Da Vinci Cody when you put it like that. Right? Maybe like a nice red hat with a fez. They're all having sex with their grandmothers with those masks on or whatever. Yeah, I'm glad you took most of that. I really hated that section. I was like, can we not? I'm sorry.

I know. It's so like, why? It's just like, why? I know. Because you're right, it's like the rest of it's so good. I mean, minus some inappropriate jokes as usual. Yeah, it's a funny episode. And then this little clunker. Also, Rose has so many monologues in this episode. They're like, we can't give her another one. So anyway, speaking of, Rose enters. She's got the newspaper. And there's a whole story about who's going to be at the party tonight. And it's a funny what? Threes joke. Yeah. There's a story in the paper about the party.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow.

So here's the thing. Like, Charles Nelson Reilly, I had to do a mini-ditty on him because I was like, who is this guy? I don't understand this joke. Oh, I love Charles Nelson Reilly. So funny. So you know who this is. Okay, well, let me tell you. I knew nothing about him. And I was like, I got to find out about this guy. So after all the research I did, he seems like a hoot. Like, he seems like the kind of guy you definitely would want to have at a fun after party with Burt Reynolds. So I was like, what's the deal with this guy?

So before we get into his career, just randomly, one of the things I found out about him, at age 13, he survived the 1944 Hartford Circus Fire. Where the Golden Girls Deep Dive podcasters were performing. Where the Golden Girls Deep Dive.

podcast. 167 people died. Oh, I take it all back. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Jennifer. No, keep it in. Oh, I'm the worst. All right. Well, the fire occurred during an afternoon performance of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus that was attended by six to eight thousand people. And though he did perform a ton of theater in his life after that, he was afraid to sit in the audience ever again. Of anything. Yeah. Of anything. I read up on this fire today. It was

I got to read up on it. You know, I hate the circus. Do you? I do. You do? From the time I was a little girl, I just, I hated all the people, the crowds. I felt that kids pushing up against you. You know, like the whole like trampling nightmare of that. I felt like that. And also, even at a young age, I knew there was something inherently wrong with these animals in captivity. I just was like, but.

like, but why? I know. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. I don't like it. Well, all right. We'll get back to that later. Charles Nelson Reilly started out as a serious actor. He studied acting under the legendary Uta Hagen at the famed HB Studios in Greenwich Village. His classmates included Hal Holbrook, Geraldine Page, and Steve McQueen. Wow. So far, so good, right? He did a bunch of shows at Broadway. Get this. Do you know his Broadway resume? No. It's wild. Tell me. He was Dick Van Dyke's standby in the original cast of Bye Bye Birdie. Oh, yeah.

He was the original Bud Frump in How to Succeed at Business Without Really Trying. Wow. Get this. You're going to like this. He was nominated for a Tony Award for originating the role of Cornelius Hack in the original Broadway production of Hello, Dolly! Oh, I did know some of these. It's just been years. So then he directed The Bell of Amherst on Broadway, which is the one-woman play about the life of Emily Dickinson starring Julie Harris, who won the Tony that year. She's won so many Tonys. Why do we not like this guy? So I said...

It must be the fact that he's best known for his frequent appearances on talk shows and game shows. He was always appearing on game shows like What's My Line, Password, Match Game. And he had over 100 appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, which I guess made him lowbrow at the time compared to like Lonnie Anderson and Dom DeLuise who were like movie stars or whatever. Also, Bea Arthur apparently especially looked down on those who were frequent game show panelists. Yeah.

Well, that explains a lot. I mean, honestly, her son, Matthew Sachs, once said in an interview that this was one of the reasons that she sort of looked down at Betty White. Because Betty White was always doing these things. And according to her son, Bea felt like she was more of an actress because she came from Broadway. I know, like, Bea, can you let...

up a little bit, girl. Anyway, in the year 2000, Charles Nelson Reilly and his one-man show Save It for the Stage came out as gay. Yeah. And he said he'd been happily living as a gay man since the 70s. He'd had a longtime domestic partner, said he never tried to hide his sexuality, like it was hiding in plain sight, just like Paul Lind. Yeah. And he died from complications from pneumonia on May 25th, 2007. So maybe we could go easy on him, girls. Well,

Here's what I think. He was on one of these game shows with Betty White. Yes, he was on the match game with Betty White, like famously. So I actually took it that it was one of those inside jokes that she actually did like him very much and he'd find it funny. But it's just so funny, like learning the levels of like why Bea Arthur didn't like Betty White. Yeah, and I went, ugh, because...

There are many roads. Yes. You know, some people go to college. Some people don't. I just live and let live. It's trying to be so judgy. And I also think that like it depends on the kind of celebrity that you are. If I was like an actual famous person and I got invited to go on game shows, I would go on every single one. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I would love to be the color commentary, like always guest on The Tonight Show just because I'm fun and flamboyant and I make Johnny Carson laugh. Well, this is a bit me on my soapbox. Yeah. And

I do take those kind of things, I think, more personally because I'm known for being cast in comedic roles. Yeah. But children, I've done so many dramas. I've done, like, I have a long... Famously the witch in Hamlet or whatever it's called. Witch number three was reinvented because of my performance. Totally.

In Manchester, New Hampshire. I'm telling you. Look it up. What I'm saying is comedy always gets the Thanksgiving kiddie table treatment. Yeah. As though it's not as highbrow as drama. It is more difficult. Much more difficult. I do take the whole judging of different genres kind of personally. Yeah. So, all right, we're back to the episode. Everyone, Blanche included, is very excited that Mr. John Forsythe is going to be there. And we get a delicious Blanche monologue.

Blanche, Blanche, Blanche, Blanche.

Relax, you're about to set off the smoke detector. I have an all cap so fucking funny in her delivery because we really see her plight. And by the time she gets to all that manliness in one crowded room, one hot crowded room, everybody's steam bodies all pressed up against each other. Like what she's doing with the newspaper. It is genius. She's genius. This has become a signature Blanche thing, right? And it's like she gets herself to the point of like it constantly.

cuts to Dorothy and Rose on the bed, and they look concerned like she might actually pass out. Yeah. And, like, it's almost like the direction is, Rue, you can't take it far enough. Like, it's so good. Yeah, but it's so good because it could be so boring. Yes. The endless lustfulness jokes. Yeah. But in less expert hands, it might be. But she's so goddamn good. And it's just, it's so believable. Like, they all just commit 100%. Exactly. So the phone rings and...

And Rose answers it to find out she's won Publishers Clearinghouse and she needs to go collect her prize money from Ed McMahon right now. Right. Just one thing. On the way out, don't forget to leave your Burt Reynolds ticket on the dresser. The penny drops.

And look, it's obviously Sophia calling from the other room. This made me a little bit sad because my mother, we were so poor and my mother used to fall for this all that we would get. For anybody who doesn't know what that is, it was like, you're one magazine subscription away from like, we're going to enter your name into a drawing and you're going to win a million dollars a year for life or whatever. My mom believed it every single time. And then like the phone

wouldn't ring and my mom would get crushed. In high school, I have to say, like, I wanted some of those magazines anyway. Like, Glamour was one of my favorites. It's like People Magazine. It was like back in the magazine subscription days. So, like, if I wanted them anyway, I would get them. I'm like, well, I'll just take a chance, you know, with my allowance, whatever. My mom fully believed it. Like, she was always like, because he would say, like, I mean, the envelopes were such, like, a million dollar ticket inside or whatever. Like, it was so mean. People actually did win, just not my mom. I'm sorry to hear that. Not Pam Parker. Well,

Dorothy knows immediately that it's Sophia. And little Rose, of course, isn't so quick on the draw, right? Right.

And she says, guess what? I think this is Sophia. Oh, God.

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Next scene, we're in the lobby. What is about to happen is just such iconic Golden Girls. I know. Legend. We've segued into the lobby of this affordable hotel. Yes. Where we see women dressed kind of like we all dressed in the 80s, actually. Totally.

Yeah. Yeah. All the women do look like they're about to go to their like fancy exercise class. Exactly. And we immediately learned that this is actually a hotel by the hour situation. Yes. But like a sex worker comes in with a man and like the hotel clerk is in on it. 506. The room is 50 and the young lady's 100. And make it quick. I'm not running a hotel here. Okay.

And what's so funny is as those two actors walk, Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy are walking past them. And Dorothy, just to like make, just to really drive it home that she doesn't see them. Yeah. She starts fiddling with like one of the props. She starts like fiddling with like the gold chandelier or whatever, just to really make it clear that she does not see them. Listen, she's a Broadway actress. I know. She's been a game show contestant. Totally. She never would have done that. Never met a piece of scenery she couldn't chew. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So they walk out and like, you know, everyone is really impressed by the hotel. Girls, don't you just love our hotel? Oh, it's so much nicer than those big chains. How did you find it, Blanche? Well, it was in our price range and it was near the beach and it had the most men hanging out in the lobby. I think we better go. We don't want to keep Bert waiting. Wait a minute. Wait a minute now. We have a few minutes. Let's just have a quick drink in the bar. Oh, Blanche. Come on. Come on. Blanche. Come on. It'll be fun.

I love this because you can just see Blanche in high school and college. This is so Blanche and Dorothy. Blanche wants to get a drink. And the thing is, since we know it's bad and we know what's coming, they almost got out of the catastrophe to come had Dorothy won this argument, right? I wanted to point out, too, what they're wearing. Dorothy, like, they all look great. Rose is wearing this, like, purple bejeweled thing. Blanche is wearing that, like, sequined dress with that shoulder number we were talking about. Dorothy is wearing what I describe as...

as like a sweat dress. It looks like a sweatshirt. It's a two piece. It looks like a loose sweatshirt on top. Yeah. And like sweat pant bottoms that she's cut open to form a skirt. Listen, if there's one thing she's going to be, it's comfy. Totally. We know this.

And I respect that. Oh, my God. That's on my list. I know. Of must-haves these days. Comfortable. The top part of the outfit goes down to like her mid hips, which just accentuate her hips. It's just horrible. What was that episode? Blah, blah, blah. Her non-existent. Exactly. Manly, squarish hips. The spare tire. Oh, God damn it. But red flag this, though. Yeah. Is this for football? The sports, Patrick. This is a yellow flag on the field. Dorothy says, all right, but let's make it quick.

miss and Dorothy snaps to get the waitress's attention. And I'm like, you know what? I know. You should go to jail just for that. I literally said, then Dorothy snaps her fingers at the cocktail waitress. And I have to ask, do I hate Dorothy now? I mean, if I were on a date with Mr. Ryan Phillippe himself and he snapped at the waitress, I would get up and leave. Oh, yeah. I would take him with me, but we would leave.

We would leave. I would still have sex with him in this hotel. I mean, I would even have better sex with him. And it would be great because it would be angry sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. How did you know how I make love? Everyone knows how you make love, Patrick. How did you know?

I have to say, I don't think it's Dorothy so much as probably that's what Bea Arthur would do. Oh, oh, oh, a million percent. I mean, allegedly. I'm not saying that's a fact. Don't come for me. Cheesecakes, I have the evidence to tell you how she behaves in this situation because I was in.

in it with her twice. Did she snap at you? I'm not going to tell you. You got to come see me on tour to find out. It's all part of it. I swear to God, this was not part of the setup, but I'm going on tour. I'm telling the story of my night with Bea Arthur and I will tell you exactly how she behaved to the waitstaff. What I wanted to say to you earlier was years ago, remember when Match.com was the dating app? That's how I met my husband. Okay, well, so this was maybe in the year 2000.

2007, I'm going to say. All right. Well, this was in the year 2000. That's an old Conan O'Brien bit. In the year 2000. Anyway, I loved it very much, that bit. But I went on a date with this fella and I called him Angry Man because we were, you know, we were...

having a bite to eat somewhere. And he made the, for me, deal breaker mistake of being, you know, trying to be mannish and I'll take care of this little lady and just being rude to the wait person. No. And I mean to say, if you are not nice to service workers, I have no business with you. No. From your dry cleaner to your wait person. Of course. Essential workers. I think that's why I had such an issue with putting down the exterminator's use of

language and what he may or may not be interested in you know I mean I did jobs like that for 25 years yeah you know like please I watched this episode three times in preparation for this recording and every time it shocks me that she does that anyway they sit at a table Blanche immediately sees a man eyeing her girls you see that man over there staring at me he's undressing me with his eyes do you want to move to another table not yet he's only half done

Not yet. He's only half done. But this is why she wanted to have a drink. She doesn't care about having a drink. She wants the attention. So this fella comes over and he brings his friends over. And Patrick, now beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? Okay, where are we going, girl? Listen.

So in my beauty in the eye of me, Leslie Nielsen, season seven. Lucas. Lucas, I'd fuck him. Oh, yeah. Glenn, a.k.a. Bobo. Yeah. From season one. I'd fuck him. These three guys, hard pass. Hard pass. Hard pass. And sorry, if you're still living and your family and relatives listen to this show. Totally, yeah.

Please. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My thing about that, though, I thought you were going to go the other way because I love that these men, they're in a bar full of sex workers, right? So they're paying for sex. They can have whoever they want and they want these women. I love that these men are the most attracted to these ladies. I don't think the sex workers would turn them down. Yeah. Like these three sex workers are Golden Girls. But

Now they're from Kenosha. Yeah. Wisconsin, right? I guess. And yeah, they're looking to get a little action here. It's just so funny. Like this is one of those great scenes where there's two different conversations happening where like the women think that they're tolerating these men that are hitting on them. And these men think that they're propositioning these sex workers. And so it is kind of funny. Like it's a wonderful double entendre. Right. We're all here for the big clothing convention.

So, that's hilarious.

That's hilarious because he's asking how long have you been a sex worker and she's answering how long she's been a substitute teacher. That's right. And it sets up Blanche for an even more hilarious line. So Dorothy's a very experienced teacher. Everybody who's had her says she's great. I mean, and like the men are basically salivating at this point. And just in their eyes too, the idea that Dorothy's the teacher. Right. Well, it's

funny because my note here is like these men are clearly looking for experienced sex workers like they probably had sex two times in their lives and they're looking for I think that's generous I know and they are drooling over these older women who've been around the block who know what they're doing who are going to teach them a thing or two about a thing or two that's right and of course they have no fucking game because Carl is ready to go right and he's like he wants to take the girls upstairs to be taught some lessons he says

Waitresses!

And Dorothy says, no, Rose, hookers. And I'm going to say this, folks. We all know this. They use the word hooker in this episode like condoms, condoms, condoms. Like every time you hear it.

He makes your skin crawl because as Patrick has rightly said, we use the term sex workers. Yes. Yes. Sex work is real work. And so just as they're about to leave, an officer like pops into the lobby and tells everybody they're under arrest. This is a raid. And I got to tell you, this feels very real. Have you ever had the nightmare where like you have to like get your friend on the phone or the world is going to.

and then your phone just like won't work or you keep mistyping the number. Like I was having that kind of anxiety knowing they're about to miss their party with Burt Reynolds. I know, exactly. You know? But I calmed down though when I thought this police officer that Dorothy goes to talk to, that guy, I'd fuck him. 100%. That police officer is so hot. He could get it. He could absolutely get it for free and then some. But this next part, folks, you have to know that Patrick and I texted each other over this part. Yeah.

as arguably the funniest line in the episode that is just driven by, I was thinking about this, Patrick. Part of the reason why I think it reads almost better than it played is because she's sitting at a table. Yeah. I feel like this is worthy of a monologue alone on stage with a spotlight. I know. We're talking about the upcoming Rose monologue about how she can't go to jail. We texted one another. I'm like, I don't know if this is just because she won the Emmy, but these writers have given her a gift between this,

this monologue and then the Butter Queen monologue. I mean, whole

Holy fucking S-H-I-T. I've said fuck one million times in this episode. Can we go through this monologue line by line? We have to. And hopefully they'll know our favorite line. Yeah. So Rose says, because they're learning that they are going to jail. And Rose says, I've never been to jail. I won't make it. They always prey on the weak and innocent. This is my favorite line in the whole monologue. Mine too. The others will taunt me for trying to excel at my work in the laundry. Yeah.

I was thinking about it, Patrick, too. And one of the reasons it works so well is because of the previous setup line. Totally. They always prey on the weak and innocent. The others will taunt me for trying to excel at my work in the laundry. Because, like, also, Rose just wants to please. Like, she just wants to do a good job. Then she says, I'll fall in with a bad crowd whose leaders look like Ethel Merman. Yeah.

just unfair and cruel to Ethel Merman. And I feel like they wanted to say Bea Arthur, but it doesn't work because she's sitting at the table. I don't think it's unfair to Ethel Merman. I don't. You think it's pretty accurate? I think it's pretty accurate. But then she says, I'll be forced to engineer a prison break using my laundry cart. From that time on, I won't know a moment's peace.

And then this is my other favorite part. I'll scar my fingerprints with battery acid and I'll run from town to town taking jobs that people have who got bad grades in school. That is so specific. I know. Because

Do you want to know what I have to say to all of this? Yes. Hope is not a plan. Thank you very much. My friend Jennifer Samard says hope is not a plan. Hope is not a plan. She knows what she's got to do. If she's got to get out of this somehow, she's got to scar her fingerprints with battery acid and then keep on the move. She can't stay still. Taking jobs that people have who...

Not bad grades in school. And then one day they'll find me holed up in a little shack in the Louisiana bayou. And a sheriff named Bull will call my name out over a megaphone. And when I make a run for it, he'll riddle my body with bullets. And when I make a run for it, he'll riddle my body with bullets. Oh, please don't let them take me downtown.

I want to live. That fucking monologue is so good. It's so good. We should do a fuck tally. How many fucks? I know, I know, I know, I know. It is so good. And it's

And you know, it's true. It reads better than it plays. Yeah. You know, Rose is my least favorite of all of them. And like, this is such good material. It is so, so good. So Blanche and Dorothy are trying to figure out what to do. Dorothy decides she's going to get them out of this by going to talk to the hot cop. Yeah. My note here is she goes over to him and woof, does he come in hot? What can I do for the senior statesman of the group?

What can I do for the senior statesman of the group? Oh, my God. That's so cold. And you know what? Just like you and Ryan Phillippe, I'm like, let's go upstairs and I'll show you. I'll be the senior.

the senior statesman. Totally. Give me your gun. Totally. Totally. Because the other thing too is that Dorothy laughs in his face and then turns and laughs to the room. Yeah. Like her reaction to that is so funny. I'll let that pass because you have the upper hand. But she tells them that she's innocent and then all the other sex workers are screaming that they are also innocent and then Blanche has the most iconic, maybe the most iconic line of the entire series. I'm innocent too. Me too. We're all innocent. Quiet you trash.

Go on, Dorothy. Quiet, you trash. Go on, Dorothy. It's the go on, Dorothy. Go on, Dorothy. Oh, God. But, of course, I know it's iconic, but we also hate it. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Sorry, I just, I hate it. I don't hate it. I love it so much. All right. Because it tells us more about who Blanche is. I mean, that's true. I gotta come to, I mean, it's funny. Oh, God.

It's a caveat funny. Yeah. Yeah. Caveat funny. Totally. Now, Dorothy's choice of words here is not good. No. Because she says, if I could see you for just a moment, I'm sure we could settle this matter to your satisfaction. Of course, that sounds like you're propositioning him for sex, girl. Correct. Correct. And he tells her he's happily married. Well, he doesn't say happily. I think there's room there. He says, forget it. I happen to be a married man. Oh, you're right. All right. His husband does not appreciate the way she's talking to him. There you go. There you go.

So, all right, all of you downtown, let's go. We're moving now to which Blanche says, Officer, you don't understand. We were on our way to see Mr. Burt Reynolds. And he thinks that they're saying they're sex workers on their way to be paid for sex by Burt Reynolds. That's right. And he happens to love Mr. Burt Reynolds. Don't drag his good name into this, you whore.

And off they go. Off they go. So we're in the big house. Oh, totally. And I just wrote my note here is like at this point, I'm like, how did they come up with the idea for this episode? It's such a good idea for an episode. I was thinking that earlier with the monologues and then got the butter queen coming up. Like what?

Whatever they were having, I want some. I know. What a trip. Let's get them arrested for being sex workers. Throw them in prison with said sex workers. And so they're in the cell. And you know, Blanche cannot believe that she's been arrested. And I love that like the sex workers are basically saying like, you're not better than us. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. Arrested? I've never been in jail in my entire life. Relax, honey. With as many notches you must have on your garter belts, it was bound to happen. What?

So now Rose is being dragged down the hallway by a cop to be put in the cell, having just like fingerprinted her and taken her mugshot, which is just a funny and hilarious and ridiculous image. Like Rose Nyland being manhandled by a police officer and thrown into a jail cell. But yeah, she's so afraid. She's like, I'll never be able to go back to my hometown again.

Yeah. Blanche is like, no one's ever going to find out. Rose says, yes, they will. The St. Olaf Courier Dispatch is known for its investigative reporting. And Dorothy has a great line. She says, you're right. That series they did on oat fungus was an uncompromising piece of journalism.

That uncompromising piece of journalism is brilliant. The word uncompromising is just so good. That's the winner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the word. Blanche refuses to accept this. Like, they are all despondent over the idea that they are not going to get to go see Mr. Burt Reynolds. And so Blanche decides that she's going to use her feminine wiles. I have feminine wiles written down. Thank you. Five...

High five. Ten points for Gryffindor. To get them out of this. The person she's been flirting with and using her wiles is actually a woman. Yes. You know, Blanche, you know, did you really think you could get us out by flirting with that guard? And Blanche is like, yes, if he'd have been a man. And Rose is just so upset about that. Oh, sure. Sure. It's always a man with you, isn't it, Blanche? Man and sex. Sex and man. Hey, there's nothing wrong with being career oriented.

And you know what I thought of? What? I thought the competition for that role. Yes. That's all of these women. Do you know how that woman won that role? Tell me. By being Rue McClanahan's niece.

No, not that one. That's her. I thought it was the blonde one. No, I thought so too. Oh. I thought so too, but it's not. It's her. Well, I'm not going to do it yet. I've got a deep dive on this actress. She was Ruba Clanahan's niece, and she's got a story that I take issue with. Okay. So we'll get to it when we get to the deep dive. Oh, all right. There's another actress who has a bigger role later on. That's who I thought the niece was. So did I, but that's not her. It's her. All right. Yeah. Well, I stand corrected. She didn't have to do fuck all to get that role. There's one more fuck.

Do you think she had to audition or do you think Rue was like, throw her a bone? I think she had to audition. You do, yeah. I do. So Rose continues that Blanche's obsession with sex that got them into this mess. And she asked the question. It's your overactive sex drive that got us into this mess. Who picks a hotel because of all the men in the lobby? Will you just get off my back, Nyland?

Do you think I'm happy about being arrested? Do you think I'm happy about missing Mr. Burt Reynolds? Do you think I'm happy about being locked up here with all this common gutter trash?

One of the sex workers takes umbrage with that. And all of a sudden, this woman is in her face. And this woman is like, nobody calls me names. Come on, let's go. I'll give you the first punch. And all of a sudden, we have to imagine the image of Blanche Devereaux in a fist fight in a jail with a sex worker. With a sex worker who is several years younger than her. And fitter and would definitely like. She would win this fight. No question. And I said, I wrote, this is how people die in prison.

And suddenly all the other sex workers are chanting, fight, fight, fight, fight. And God damn it, Dorothy in for the rescue. You see the look on Dorothy. I was watching her face the second time. She's deciding whether or not to step in. And she finally does. She goes right for her Dirty Harry playbook. Correct. Correct. I have that too. She steps up. Listen, you punk. You want to fight with someone, you're going to have to fight with me. But I warn you, I did time in Attica.

Attica's a men's prison. I know. I was there a year before they found out. Sorry, Chief. I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers.

I don't know if we're still allowed to laugh at a joke like that. Exactly. I know. I was just thinking, like, how uncomfortable was that table read with Bea Arthur where they were like, the writers write that joke. Bea's got to read it for the first time. And then she's like, does it at the table read. I'm like, oh, did she just put her head in her hands every time? Or does she laugh like she's in on the joke? At the time? Yeah. I think she probably laughed. Yeah. And now it would be

a very full conversation and would probably be axed. Oh, 100%. Yeah, it would not be used now. I also love that in response, the sex worker calls her chief. But no doubt, Dorothy would do just fine in prison. I will say a joke that I liked because my father was a public school teacher. Oh, yes. Blanche is giving her so much admiration, telling her how magnificent it was. How did you ever pull that off? Dorothy says, I work in the public school system. It's not that different from this. Totally.

She seems right at home. Right at home. Perfectly at ease in a jail cell. Oh, yeah. But now they're all commiserating over how this has to be, like, one of their biggest disappointments in their lives. Mm-hmm. And, like, and Rose in particular is saying, like, she knows from life disappointments. Mm-hmm. And so they ask her, like, tell us, Rose, what was this big disappointment you experienced? It was butter, Patrick. She wanted to be butter queen. Mm-hmm.

Oh, at one point, like Dorothy asked Blanche, she's like, are you listening to this? Blanche says bits and pieces. And I fell out of my chair. It's funny because it's true. It's so honest. Rose doesn't even hear her say that. Right. Blanche is just tuning out for the nonsense. But Rose continues. And these writers, you know what? Here's another F-bomb. Fuck you. This is so funny. Ha ha ha ha.

Take us through it, girl. She's so... Rose is like Butter Queen was her town's highest honor. From the time I was born, my folks groomed me for it. Singing lessons, dancing lessons, junior butter pageants. For 16 years, my entire life revolved around butter. You were very fortunate. So many of us wasted our youth. When the time came for the pageant, I was incredible.

I showed poise in the evening gone competition. I was brilliant in the oral butter quiz. They couldn't even trip me up with a trick margarine question. That evening, butter was spelled R-O-S-E. And like, Rose is being so heartfelt. She's literally working through childhood drama. And Dorothy tells her she's embarrassing herself and she shouldn't go on. No, Patrick, I have to. I've kept these bitter butter memories too long.

As the pageant drew to its frenzied finale, there I was alongside the other two finalists churning my guts out. But all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, my churn jammed. Yes. And then all the sex workers are around her. They are as wrapped as we are. Jinx, you owe me a Coke. Wrapped. She says yes, and just like that, it was over. I'd lost. It was the biggest disappointment in my life.

It was small consolation to find out years later there had been churn tampering involved. Churn tampering involved. Dorothy, who has absolutely had it, draws a line in the cell with her foot and tells Rose not to cross it. Imagine they get convicted of this and they have to spend months and months and months in prison together. Oh, I'm imagining it. But you know what, Patrick? Before we move on, guess what? What? I found a real butter queen pageant. Oh, you did? It's of

Of a kind. It's called the Miss Salem Apple Butter Queen Pageant. Oh, my. It takes place in West Virginia. So here are the rules. I want you to know this, right? Yeah. So categories of the competition include a personal interview, festival promotion, evening gown, and an onstage fishbowl question.

So, so the queen pageant contestant must be a single woman, 16 years of age by October 3rd, 2024. Uh-huh. Not have turned 22 on or before January 1st of 2025. Uh-huh. Coming up. Yeah. The contestant, these are, oh no. The contestant must have never been married. Oh. Not currently be pregnant. Oh.

Well, I guess I'm out. Never bore a child. Oh, no. And been born a female. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. The Queens competition is open statewide to include residents from anywhere within the state of West Virginia. Whoa. So those are some dog whistles for you. We transition to one of the sex workers who approaches Rose. Right. And asks her, did I hear you say that you were from St. Olaf? Yes. Yes.

I'm from St. Gustav. We're neighbors. My name's Meg. I'm Rose. What are you doing here, Meg? I was arrested for being a hooker, just like you. How did you get mixed up in this sort of thing? I don't know. Things were bad at home. I ended up in Miami. It just happened. Nothing could be bad enough at home for you to end up doing this.

what you're doing. I don't need a lecture. Judgy maternal Rose who's like, why are you doing this with your life? You can't be happy. And Meg turns from like sweet Meg to angry Meg. Yeah. Where she's just like, don't lecture me, you old bat. What's with that cotton candy hair? Let me pull up a mirror to you, Judgy. No wonder you were never Miss Butter Queen.

you don't deserve to be Miss Butter Queen. You don't deserve it. And like, they have this sweet thing where Rose is like, you know, essentially Rose's attitude is like, think about your choices and if you ever want to like, talk neighbor to neighbor, I'm available. And Meg sort of like, you know, looks at her and like, wanders off. Correct. This is not the last we'll see of Meg. Correct. Now, Sophia enters. Yes. Oh, Ma, thank God you're here. Sophia's here to save the day. And like, I just know that Dorothy lets out a wail. Like, she's just like, Ma! Oh,

Ma, thank God you're here. Arrested for prostitution. I can't believe it. Oh, Sophia. Sophia, we're innocent. I know that. I can't believe these dumb cops would think anyone would pay money to sleep with you.

Blanche looks like legitimately hurt. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? But here we go. We have another setup for another great line. Yes. Rose says, Sophia, did you come to bail us out? To which Dorothy says... No, she's dropping off a manicotti with a file in it. It's so good. And Blanche is so excited because it's like the night isn't spoiled. They're still going to get to see Burt Reynolds. And Sophia asks a person...

perfectly reasonable question. Which one of you is not going to go? And Blanche says, well, I'm the one who won the tickets. And I say to myself, and also the one who booked the by the hour of the hotel, though. Totally. Which is why you're there in the first place. Well, that, but I'm also like, everyone is shocked that Sophia thinks that like she should be allowed to go having come to save the day. You know what I mean? They take Sophia for granted.

is all I'm saying. Yeah. And so they're all going down the line as to why they deserve to get to go. And like, at the end of the day, they're all kind of like, Sophia, like, you're not going to go. Like, bail us out and like, just deal with the fact that you're not going to go. And Sophia, how do you not see this coming, is going to take matters into her own hands. Right. She lies about knowing them when asked by the policeman. Where are your roommates, Mrs. Petrillo? They're not here. Ma! Don't ma me, you cheap floozy. Ma!

Ma, ma, you would do this to your own flesh and blood. You get over it, Dorothy. And if you don't, who cares? I'm on my way to see Bright Red. And like, Sophia gives no fucks. She does not. And it's like, y'all are so selfish. Two of you could have gone to this thing with Sophia. Now none of you are going to get to go. You're right where you should be. You know what? Sleep it off in the cell, you three.

Oh, I love it. We have that joke that we've had through the whole episode when Dorothy says, Ma, you would do this to your own flesh and blood. Sophia says, you'll get over it, Dorothy. And if you don't, who cares?

Who cares? I'm off to see Burt Reynolds. Anyway. Well, look, this is a good opportunity because we're about to leave the jail cell. Okay. For me to give my deep dive on the actress who said the line, it's good to be career oriented. Yeah. That we now know is Rue McClanahan's niece. Her name is Amelia Kincaid. She was born in 1963. She went to the Interlochen Performing Arts High School where she majored in modern dance. After graduating, she moved to Los Angeles where she moved in with her Aunt Rue. Aw.

As a dancer, she did pretty well for herself. She danced with Smokey Robinson, Ray Charles, and the Four Tops. On TV and film, she was a featured dancer in Breakin' 2, Electric Boogaloo, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, maybe my favorite 80s movie of all time, and a handful of others, and she toured with Donna Summer. Now, as an actress, her most prominent role was as the villainess Angela Franklin in the horror series Night of the Demons.

Low budget, like comedy horror movie franchise with four films. And hers is the only character to be in all four of them. Good for her, right? Yeah. Now, apparently, are you ready for this to take a left turn? Yeah. She takes credit for helping to create the character of Blanche Devereaux as we know her. Now, I'm just going to read a portion of what she said in an interview for Cryptalk.com in 2018. And you tell me if this sounds like a bit of revisionist history.

She says, one night early in the filming of The Golden Girls, her Aunt Rue came home in tears. Now remember, they were roommates at the time. She says, the directors and producers wanted both her and Betty White to play dumb blondes. Betty's blonde was tried and true. And even though Rue had won critical acclaim on the show Mod as the dingbat sexy blonde next door neighbor, she felt lost playing yet another dumb blonde alongside Betty White, who was simply too well skilled at it.

We were long into the night and well into a bottle of champagne when Rue was lamenting the trauma on the new set when I rolled my eyes and yelled, Rue, give me the damn script. I read it and said, I want you to read these lines like your panties are on fire. Suddenly, everything that wasn't funny became funny and she came home the next day to tell me proudly that the director was doubled over clutching his stomach because he was laughing so hard.

Then she went on to win an Emmy. Conveniently, she forgot to thank her 19-year-old niece who created the character of Blanche on The Golden Girls. Who wrote that last sentence? She did. That was her quote from the article, from the interview. The conveniently part? Yes. Ew. I know. Now, we know that according to Rue and Betty, they just swapped parts. That originally Betty was going to be Blanche and Rue was going to be Rose. And it wasn't working for either of them. They thought it would be more interesting to each flip-flop. Yeah. Well, that's...

Well, the first part of the article didn't bother me because that is so common. I'm speaking as from my own experience where you go in and something's not working and, you know, you can't have two Marys or two Rhodas. You know, you need that opposite energy. Now, we have done episodes where

Rue was quoted as saying, you know, make my characters more deep. Challenge them. That's why I think there's something to this. Like, it's very painful creating, you know, the number of times I've come home crying or frustrated because I have a vision and maybe who I'm working with, it's not matching or whatever. Or you don't know the vision yet. So the beginning part I don't have an issue with. And I bet the niece did.

brainstorm with her. Yeah. But that last part of the quote, if that is accurate, that's kind of effed up. I totally agree. Excuse me, fucked up. I just thought like they weren't asking them both to play dumb blondes unless they wanted Blanche to be a sexy dumb blonde and Rose would be like a simple dumb blonde. I can see.

see that. I can totally see that and why it wasn't working. Right, right. Because Blanche is smart. Well, anyway, in addition to all of this, this woman says she can talk to animals. She's written several books about being able to commune with animals. So she's responsible for Rose's character, too. Exactly. But guess what?

at this. She was once called to Buckingham Palace because one of the queen's horses was sad. She said she communed with the horse and found out that he was sad because he missed his stablemate Bernard, who had been moved to pastures owned by Prince Charles. Speaking of the horse, she says, we spoke for a while, and I hear he's doing much better since he got that off his chest. I mean...

Okay. She was summoned? She was summoned. She became so well known as an animal communicator. The queen saw her on TV in England and was like, get this bitch over here. I need to figure out why my gay horse is sad. And that's exact, get that fucking bitch over here is actually what she said. Okay.

My gay horse is sad. We need Bernard back. Good for her. Yeah. I hope she was misquoted for that last part. I know. Because, you know. Yeah. Because I think there was nothing wrong with the stuff leading up to it. Yeah. All right. Great. So we're in the living room. The three little pigs are on the couch, pissed. They are so mad. They're so mad. Sophia is in the chair regaling them with stories to which they don't want to be regaled. And then you're going to love this.

Dom DeLuise takes me by the arm and insists I tell Bert the story. Sophia, I don't want to hear any more about it. Not even the part when Bert and Dom insisted I repeat the story to Lonnie Anderson? That's it? I don't want to hear another word. Oh, Cinderella's back from the ball and her three wicked roommates are jealous.

And Dorothy is saying, Mom, we're not jealous. You left us in jail. And Sophia's like, fuck that. I sent the money. You got out an hour later. And to which I say, I'm 100% on Sophia's side. She came down, bailed you all out. You guys got too selfish and none of you got to go to the party. Sorry.

You see, they're going back and forth about the stories she's telling, whether or not they're true or not. And Sophia's like, listen, jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you in anything backless. Savage. Positively savage. It's so... Goddamn. It's so mean. So mean. Let's just do that again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Okay. Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you in anything backless. Yeah.

This is her mother. This person brought the backlist hunchback of Miami into the world.

It's also, I mean, it's so mean. It's so mean. But also somebody wrote that joke. You know what I mean? I'm right back there at the table read. Now imagine this table read. It's full of like the regulars, but it's also full of these 14 women. One of them is Ruma Clannan's niece. They've never been on set before. They are hearing all of these mean jokes about B or third. She just has to sit there and take it. Oh.

I'm laughing because she was mean to you. I know. She was so mean to me, Cheesecake. I'm going to tell the whole story on tour. It comes to me. She was so mean to me. So the idea that she has to sit there. Oh, God. Can I just say one more thing? I don't mean to keep plugging the tour, but we got this Bea Arthur impersonator, Jason B. Schmidt, who is playing Bea. I'm going to be communicating with Bea Arthur via video. Like reliving these moments. Are you getting a Ouija board to communicate? It's like,

From beyond the grave is how we're saying it. And like, it is, it is so, she was so mean to me. Well, on that note, the doorbell rings. Patrick, you're saved by the bell. Yeah. Rose gets up to go see who it is. After they all look at her like, why aren't you answering the door, servant? You know what I mean? Like, like,

And I think it's Rue and Bea are just sitting there like, we're not getting that. That's right. She walks over to the door and it's Meg. It's Meg, the sex worker from the jail who was from St. Gustav. Before we know how savage this is in a funny way, even I was like on a very special Golden Girls. Like literally you talked for 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, we didn't even talk about the Meg backstory. Meg says, like, things were really bad at home. And we don't elaborate on that. But, like, I can't imagine. Like, it sounds like there was abuse happening to Meg. She had to run away. But then, you know, conservative Rose, nothing is that bad for you to make these choices or whatever the fuck she says. Fuck number 75. Totally. So anyway.

She invites Meg in and she's like, I can't. My taxi's waiting. I just wanted to stop by and say thank you. For what? For convincing me to go back home. I figured I'd give it another try. Oh, that's great. What was it I said? Nothing. I just decided I didn't want to be as old as you are and still be in the business. Well, good luck.

Patrick is, that noise you're hearing is Patrick bouncing up and down on his office chair. It's so mean. No, but the thing is, this episode is just chock full of great jokes. I know, I know. God damn. I know. I know.

And Rose, Rose, like in a daze from the fucking gut punch, she walks in a daze back to the couch. And she's like, I've never felt so good or so cheap in my whole life. Oh, oh, God. Very, very funny. So the doorbell rings again. And it's like this time Dorothy gets up to get it and she opens the door and it is fucking burnt.

I watched this live at the time. I know. And I just, like, jaw on the floor. I know. I know. And he's so casual, like, in that way of, like, the audience takes a beat to really recognize who they're seeing to clock that it's actually him. Right. And it's like, you'll hear this all in my deep dive. This is just outside the window of him having been the biggest movie star in the world. And the first thing he says, hello. Sophia, right? Hi, Greg. Hi.

How about a little lunch? Listen, if you're buying, how about a big lunch? My God, you're Mr. Burt Reynolds. I hope so, otherwise I got the wrong underwear on. He's the roommate you told me about? Yeah. Which one's a slut?

And just, again, why her Q score is so high. Yes. You know, it's that Wilford Brimley thing. It's like you reach this age where just everyone loves you. And Sophia comes out. Hi, Bert! Blanche is melting off the couch. But in shock. She can't believe, like, this is the kind of thing that would reset her circuit board. Oh, yeah, but she's just staring wide-eyed. She's like, my God, you're Mr. Bert Reynolds. By the way, Robbie Roselle does our transcripts, and I love him so much. In the actual transcript I'm reading, the character Bert Reynolds is Mr. Bert Reynolds. Yeah. Yeah.

His Lord and Highness. His Lord, Mr. Burt Reynolds. And they're all gathered around him. Like they're trying to breathe his air. And I know earlier you said the trash line was iconic. Yeah. To me, this is the line that I would never forget. Totally. Burt Reynolds says, which one's the slut?

And they all raised their hands. I am at the same time. Yes. And that's how the episode ends. So good. Well, look, that's a good transition cheesecake. Don't go away because when we come back after the break, I'm going to give you my full deep dive on Mr. Burt Reynolds. And it is a good one. You don't want to miss this one. Woohoo!

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Or come listen to my thoughts on the latest show to grace Broadway this season and see if it's up your alley. Or check out our frequent discussions on the Tony Awards and learn how to win your next prediction pool. Listening to an episode of Broadway Breakdown is like grabbing a drink with your bestie and gabbing about theater. Fun, foul-mouthed, and surprisingly informative.

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All right, girl. All right, cheesecake. I'm doing my Burt Reynolds deep dive. So exciting. I gotta tell you, like, Burt Reynolds is one of those people who, like, is an icon of my, like, growing up, but I didn't know anything about him. Yeah. Like, you think of Burt Reynolds as, like, a major star for his whole life. Not the case. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? I do. I agree with you. He was just this mustachioed other. Yeah, and he was just always a

But I was interested to learn about his career. All right. So Burton Leon Reynolds Jr. was born on February 11th, 1936 in Lansing, Michigan. In 1946, when he was 10, the family relocated to Riviera Beach, Florida. And the Reynolds's, the Reynolds's, the Reynolds's, the Reynolds's?

I don't know. The Reynolds. We'll say the Reynolds. Okay. The Reynolds family had a comfortable life in Florida. Bert had an older sister and a brother who was adopted the same year Bert was born. Bert's dad, Bert Sr., eventually became chief of police of Riviera Beach, and his mother, Harriet, was a homemaker. I love that name, Harriet. You know, I do too. You know, we don't see that enough anymore. No, I think when I was younger, I would have thought, oh, that's an old...

That's an old lady name. But now, you know how old is back and old fashioned is back. Yeah. I love it. Harriet, I love that name. Bird was apparently really, really good at the football in high school. Now, there was a lot more words to this part of the research packet, but as a homosexual, I did not understand any of them. Gotcha. So I'm going to just tell you, he was really, really good at the football. Okay, great. There was downs and there was ups and there was ends and there was tights and there was...

There was a lot of words. And Jeff, our poor researcher, does the best he can when it comes to sports stuff. But I can never make it make sense. Should I have done this deep dive? Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. If we ever do someone who plays hockey, I'll explain icing to all of you cheesecakes. Yeah. You're going to explain icing to the cheesecakes. So Bird was apparently so good at the football that he earned a football scholarship to Florida State. But in all seriousness, he really, really was a great football player. And he was a true standout in his freshman year. But get this. He was in a horrific car accident.

in the middle of his sophomore year of college, he had to have a bunch of really invasive knee surgeries. In the article that I read, these surgeries have since progressed. If it happened now, he would only need one, but he needed multiple back in the day and it cost him two full seasons. And he says that by the time he was back on the football field, he says he basically just felt like an old man running around on two left legs. This was in high school or college? This was college. And interestingly, he wasn't just off the football field for those two years. He actually didn't return to Florida State at

all during that time. So to keep up with his studies, he enrolled at Palm Beach Junior College. And this is where he discovered acting. Because it was at the junior college that he took Professor Watson B. Duncan III's English course. That guy has to be gay, right? Uh, sure. It's...

It's sort of like in this episode. What was his name? Beauregard Jefferson or something? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotta be a homosexual. So Duncan, having seen Burt Reynolds read Shakespeare in class, cast him as the lead in a play he was directing called Outward Bound. And that performance earned Burt Reynolds the Florida State...

Straight. Or straight. Or straight. The Florida State Drama Award, which is apparently like a really big deal because it included a summer internship with the Hyde Park Playhouse in New York State. And Burt said that he only ended up taking that internship because it seemed a better way to spend the summer than doing like some sort of physical labor job. Like he wasn't particularly interested in the acting. Right. But those knees. Physical labor. I know. I know.

Those poor knees. He had so many surgeries, that guy. He said he still wasn't yet considering acting as an actual career path. But while he was doing the internship at the theater, he met Academy Award winning actress Joanne Woodward, who helped him find an agent. And she would later say she never even saw him act. She just thought he was cute. Well, she's not wrong. She's not wrong. And look, being cute really has its benefits. I mean, she was married to Paul Newman. Is that right? What? Am I an idiot? Yes, she was married to...

Okay. I don't know. I don't know what to say. I literally am speechless. It's so funny. Yes, the answer is yes. So for the next several years, Reynolds did a lot of theater in New York, both off and on Broadway. He did a national tour of a play in which he both drove the bus and appeared on stage. Have you ever had to do anything like that? Oh, God, yeah. Do you ever have to drive the bus on tour? I didn't drive the bus, but I mean, I've been on... Oh, God. I've been on summer stock productions where...

You know, you have to pee in a cup and throw it out the window. I mean, there's just the life of an actor. Look at you now, girl. Well, even at the tippity top, it's not as glamorous as people think. Yeah, I'm sure that's true. Yeah, so that's all I'll say. All right. And most importantly, he actually studied acting. He like took the acting training very seriously. Amazing. And all because of a car accident. All because of a car accident, which you would think probably at the time he thought it ruined his life. But like it totally, the left turn. I wonder, was he on a,

football scholarship for college. It didn't say, but also like, would he have? No, he had a full scholarship. He did? Okay, you said that? Yeah, he was on a full scholarship. Okay, and then I'm wondering, would he have been picked up for professional team? Right, right. You know, you never know. Yeah, and he seems like the type, right? I mean, like he's like that. Yeah, I don't know how big a guy he was, but you know, like, sure. So he eventually breaks into television, first taking on small recurring roles and then winning leading roles in shows like Gunsmoke and the title character in a show called Hawk.

He started breaking into film as well, but famously, they weren't like good or memorable films in the beginning of his career. He just kind of did whatever he could. Right. He says he was just kind of kicking around Hollywood, working, but not getting the kind of roles he wanted. People knew who he was, but they didn't know much about him. He was just sort of like that guy. Yeah. But then came the talk shows, which changed everything.

everything for him. So you look at this guy and he's sort of just like this generic handsome guy, sort of like a dime a dozen. He was sort of famous, but then he had his first appearance on the Merv Griffin show and he was like a ham, right? He's making jokes at his own expense. He calls himself America's most well-known artist.

unknown who only makes the kind of movies they show in airplanes or prisons or anywhere else you can't get out of. And so it was like he suddenly had a personality. He didn't take himself seriously. And he becomes like a beloved, frequent talk show guest on The Merv Griffin Show, The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Carson liked him so much that Reynolds would actually like sub in for him from time to time. He did the Dinah Shore show all the time. He ends up like developing this long running affair with her and a whole bunch of others. But this

This is where the world really starts to know Burt Reynolds. Like, he's always on TV, always being fun and funny on these talk shows, and people just sort of grew to love him. His big movie break came in 1972 with the movie Deliverance. So I never saw the movie, but IMDb tells me that it's about four Georgia businessmen who...

venture into the northern Georgia wilderness only to find themselves in danger from the area's inhabitants and nature. Yeah. Now, Reynolds said to the New York Times that year, quote, I've waited 15 years to do a really good movie. Most of my stuff, I don't say how good it is because mostly I don't think it's good. But this time is different. I made so many bad pictures. I was never able to turn anything down. The greatest curse in Hollywood is to be a well-known unknown. Critics loved him in Deliverance, and there was a lot of talk of an

Oscar nomination, but then he posed nude as the centerfold for Cosmopolitan magazine, which was published at almost exactly the same time as the movie Deliverance was released. So apparently this offer to do the centerfold was made to him by Cosmo editor-in-chief Helen Gurley on The Tonight Show, one of the times that he was guest hosting. Like she said it, he agreed to it, and he like followed up and did it. And now the centerfold, you've seen it. Yeah. It's

sexy as hell. Like, he's on a bearskin rug. Once again, not my thing. He's very hairy and, like, not my thing. But he's... The junk, you don't see the junk because the junk is, like, actually in the middle. Yeah, he's, like, lying sideways or something. Right, yeah. But, like, it is really sexy. And it was groundbreaking for Cosmo. He's the first male centerfold ever to...

And for Cosmo, it really did help propel the magazine into a new era of understanding women's sexuality and desire. That, like, women wanted this kind of thing. But by all accounts, the centerfold cost him the Oscar nomination because the photo was a sensation. It was everywhere. It's all anybody was talking about for months. And it made it impossible for the Hollywood elites to, like, take him seriously as an actor. You know? Yeah. So it would take Burt Reynolds a few years to sort of recover from this. But by 1977, he hit a stride. And from 1977 to 84, he was...

arguably the world's biggest movie star. Yeah. And he was considered to be the highest grossing and most bankable actor in Hollywood. Yeah. So his big films during this time included Smokey and the Bandit, Cannonball Run, and a bunch of other movies I'd never heard of, which made me feel very young. Ah!

One of these movies was The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. That's right. Like the musical, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the success didn't last. Like this is the thing. We think of Burt Reynolds as this like major movie star who was like in just every big movie of all time. But he had this like small window where he was like the bankable guy. And they say that this, that the success didn't last because he wasn't taking any chances with his roles. He was very flippant.

focused on playing variations on the same, like, good old boy. Right. And it's just, like, another reason why Hollywood couldn't really take him seriously as an actor. He also had a real image problem. The Cosmo thing never really left him. Right. And he was in a series of high-profile, short-lived relationships. So he was apparently...

had a very short-lived marriage to a woman named Judy Karn C-A-R-N-E she was best known as the Sock-Up-To-Me gal on Laugh-In but it was like people really loved her and like I think they think that he didn't treat her well it was a very short-lived marriage also like he had this a

series of breakups with America's sweethearts like Diana Shore, Chris Everett, and Sally Field. Yeah. The Chris Everett thing is a weird one to me. I cannot see him and Chris Everett together. Well, she's a very famous tennis player. And I don't know if you have this in your research, but later in life when asked, you know, who do you consider the love of your life? He said Sally. Sally Field. Yeah. And he said it like Sally. I watched that interview. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Years, years, years later. And this was after his divorce from Lonnie. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. So this led to a major career downturn from the mid 80s to the like well into the 90s. And from 1984 to 1997, he made only two successful films. 1987's Breaking In and 1996's Citizen Ruth. And he had over 30 flops in that span. Yeah. 30 flops. Yeah. But then and this is what I remember. In 1997, he has his first big

successful role in nearly 15 years. Do you know the movie? I'm going to know it when you say it. Boogie Nights. Oh, yeah. Remember him? Yeah. So Boogie Nights, I went to Emerson in the 90s. It was a film school. Boogie Nights was like such a revelation. It was Paul Thomas Anderson's first movie. Burt Reynolds played film director Jack Horner.

Audiences loved him. Critics loved him. And he scored his first and only Academy Award nomination in the category of Best Supporting Actor. You know, they love you when you get older, right? Right. Like, you make the splash and then you're like, yeah, get out. Yeah. And then you come back. Totally. Come back. Right. And that's what that was, you know? I know.

But after that, the magic... I wish it didn't have to be that way. I know. So silly. I know. But the magic doesn't last. Burt Reynolds reverts back to his old pattern of forgettable films. Because, like, can you think of a single Burt Reynolds movie after Boogie Nights? I can't. Like, I feel like he was always around, but I couldn't tell you what movie he was in. It's also such... I have to say it's a shame, too, because I think I read this somewhere, but certainly I'm of the agreement. He was...

very funny. Yes. Well, and that was the whole talk show thing. That's why they loved him on talk shows. But because he was a sex symbol in quotes, you know, people just, they pigeonholed him. Yes. Right? Yes. Yes. Yeah. And as the football thing too, like one of, again, I say this now and having not

seen it in forever, I'd probably cringe now because so many of these movies are so unwatchable now. Oh, totally. With all the things that are just like so politically incorrect. But I do remember speaking as a football star, The Longest Yard was a big, big deal. And then, of course, there was a remake starring Adam Sandler. Yes, and he had a cameo in that. Right, right, right. But I agree with all of that. It was also unbelievable

I think a lot of mismanagement and bad choices about movies that he didn't do. Okay. Would you like to hear? I know at least one. I mean, the litany of roles. Do you want me to name the one that I think I remember or no? Yeah. Didn't he turn down Han Solo in Star Wars? That's the first one I have here. Burt Reynolds turned down the role of Han Solo in Star Wars. The next one, Rocky. Back when Sylvester Stallone was shopping around the movie, the studios wanted the movie, but they didn't want Sylvester Stallone because he was an unknown. They went to Burt Reynolds.

He turned it down. Next, James Bond. He turned it down. So when Sean Connery retired from the franchise, it says there was no precedent and producer Cubby Briccoli was left scrambling for a new 007. They go to Burt Reynolds and he says he doesn't think audiences would believe in American Bond, so he doesn't do it. And the thing is, Roger Moore...

Love him or hate him. He was probably one of the funniest Bonds. Yeah. And like you can see how it can be done. Reynolds doing that. Yeah. The next one, pretty woman. Oh, he turned down the Richard Gere role. I know the next one. Taxi driver. Oh, Jesus. He turns down taxi driver. The next one. Die hard. Oh, oh, God. He turned down the Bruce Willis role. It's die hard. I am clenching my pussy so much right now. I'm in such pain.

I'm like gearing up for the shot. I know. Oh, God. The last one I have here, terms of endearment. He turned down the Jack Nicholson role in terms of endearment. I thought you were going to say the Deborah Winger role. Or the, wait, I thought you were going to say the Shirley MacLaine role. What were you thinking, Bert? What were you thinking? Now, in addition to all of this. Give my daughter the shot.

Can you imagine Burt Reynolds saying this? I was just watching that on TikTok the other day. So apparently Burt Reynolds had a decades-long feud with Marlon Brando. Did you know about this? I didn't know about this. Brando was notoriously an asshole and people hated working with him, but he was so good. But like the whole thing seems to stem from a 1963 episode of The Twilight Zone that Burt Reynolds was in called The Bard.

In the episode, Reynolds apparently openly mocked Brando's signature performance style, accent, and mannerisms as the character Rocky Rhodes. And Brando, who has no fucking, like, can't take a joke, never got over it. Then apparently, Burt Reynolds was up for the role of Michael Corleone in The Godfather. And Marlon Brando, like, said he would walk if they cast him. So he kept him from that job. Then two decades later, when Francis Ford Coppola was considering Reynolds for a role in Apocalypse Now, starring Marlon Brando, Brando hears about this on set.

He's already on set filming. He goes on a diatribe of all of the things he hates about Burt Reynolds. Somebody records it. I don't know why I hate him. So he is a nice guy. He can't be. He's the epitome of everything that's disgusting about the thespian. That's just holy. He worships at the temple of his own narcissism.

You want to try? I don't want to be them either.

He sees the person recording, doesn't care. He like wants it on the record how much he hates Burt Reynolds and why. It is insane. Okay. Then Reynolds responds by making fun of Brando on Saturday Night Live. So there was a sketch where Gilda Radner's television host character, Baba Wawa, like the Barbara Walters character, is interviewing Marlon Brando, who's being played by Burt Reynolds. And instead of doing the interview... That's the ultimate drag, right? The ultimate drag. Burt Reynolds just shoves his face with food and doesn't answer any of the questions.

I know. Oh, boy. So get this. In 2015, Reynolds finally spoke to a reporter about the feud. He, like, never talked about it. And he said to the reporter, he didn't like me at all. I mean, I thought he was the best actor in the world. He finally talked to me, which took forever. I'm introduced to him, and I said, I'm thrilled to meet you. I think you're the finest actor in the world. And he said, I wish I could say the same for you. Wow.

I mean... The savagery. I mean, also, like, talk about a one-sided feud. I know. I know. Oh, God. So I wanted to quickly touch on the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater because we talk about it in all of these episodes. The theater opened in January 1979, debuting with the play Vanity, starring then-girlfriend Sally Field and Tyne Daly of TV's Cagney and Lacey. And the

theater was just meant to he wanted to just give back to the area of Florida where he came from and you know he also wanted to be a place where his like famous friends could come and do plays and really experiment and try new things without like the watchful eye of like the New York theater critics he brought down like

really famous people. These are just some examples. Julie Harris and Vincent Gardenia in a highly praised production of Death of a Salesman. Charles Durning and Ned Beatty in On Golden Pond. Martin Sheen, soon after Apocalypse Now, played Mr. Roberts, directed by Broadway legend Joshua Logan.

and featuring Sheen's son, Emilio Estevez. Reynolds himself directed Martin Sheen in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with Adrienne Barbeau from Maud. They did Cannonball Run together. Oh, did they? Farrah Fawcett made her stage debut in Butterflies Are Free there. Alan Arkin and Marsha Mason got a chance to direct. So did Dom DeLuise, supervising Carol Burnett and Burt Reynolds in Same Time Next Year. Like, it just goes on and on and on. And he also, he worked with Dom DeLuise, I think in

same movie as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like amazing, like this little town in Florida that like didn't have this kind of culture. I'm sorry, it opened when, the theater? 79. Okay. It closed in 1989 and it went through like a sort of a tumultuous time. Yeah. Until the 90s when it was turned in, it was like the neighborhood commission sort of put a board together and turned it into the Maltz Jupiter Theater, which is still in service today. Like they are, yeah, they like do full

seasons every single year. And so, you know, as we know, Burt Reynolds was an icon right up until the end when he died unexpectedly of a heart attack on September 6th, 2018, just before filming his scenes for Quentin Tarantino's Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Yeah. You know, like that's my deep dive. He died of a heart attack and it was just like, I would have thought he was still alive. You know what I mean? Well, it's a couple of things I have to say going backwards is, you know, when this was all happening in the 80s in the time of the Golden Girls, there was no real access to the Internet like there is now. So I knew he opened this theater in Florida and

And I knew that his maybe movie career wasn't as, you know, active as it had been. So I remember being surprised that he opened. I didn't know why he was opening this theater in Florida because I didn't know he was from Florida. Now it's just a click away. Totally. Do you know what I mean? It made no sense.

to me at the time. Theater theater in Miami. Right. And I remember, too, auditioning for Summerstock and stuff in the late 80s. And this was a theater that I thought, oh, I wonder if I could ever work down there, you know? Oh, funny. But it closed right at the age where I would have been able to go down there as an adult. Oh, my God. That would have been so amazing if it was stories of having worked there. I know, I know. And it was sort of like, oh, that's out of reach, you know? Yeah.

It felt that way. Oh, my God. And then I know... Well, look, we shouldn't comment on people's appearance, and I don't mean any shade when I say this, but I have to say, much later in life, to your point, it was a surprise that he died. I remember thinking, oh, my gosh, he looks so sickly. I know. It's so shocking. It's true. So I, for one, was not surprised because I actually thought...

is he ill? Do you know what I mean? Please forgive me. I don't mean to be rude. You just remember him from his heartthrob days. Correct. So that's, I think, a problem with movies that live in perpetuity. We are surprised when we see human beings being human beings. If you see Shirley MacLaine now, she looks like your grandmother. You know what I mean? Sure. But she always wanted to age...

She never wanted to do anything. Like she's so happy and like, that's how I'm going to do it. You know? Great. I'm not, but congratulations to all of you.

Well, Cheesecakes, we love you. Thanks for checking us out. Hey, go join the Facebook group. It is the Golden Girls Deep Dive podcast discussion group. Follow us on all of the socials. We put out amazing TikToks and Instagram reels. It's at Golden Girls Deep Dive. There's an email address where they can send us questions, right? There is. It's info at goldengirlsdeepdive.com. Steve's in there every day looking at your questions, seeing what you want us to know. The graham cracker crust is there for you. Yes. He will look and read and let us know. Yeah. All right. We love you, Cheezies. Love you more. I love you more than Patrick loves you. No.

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