Joust Between Friends (Season 2, Episode 9)
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Hi, Mother Cheesecake. Hi, Papa Cheesecake. Oh, I miss you. I don't like that I only get to see you once a week. This isn't working out okay for me. You know, earlier in the week, I was thinking, I wish it was today. I know. We record on Fridays, Cheesecakes, and I woke up this morning, and I was so excited to get to work on this. See, my

friend. Existible friend. I'm going to see my friend for a little while. Hey, guess what? You know you? You're my friend. You're my friend too. Cheesecakes, be our friends. Join the Facebook group, please. It is the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast discussion group. I'm going to take all the time in the world that I need to say that.

Please do. It's awfully fun and it's awfully safe. Yeah. Also, follow us on the socials. We do, Erin, our social media guy, puts together these incredible funny moments from our episodes. Anything that you think is really funny is going to pop up on TikTok and Instagram. It's at Golden Girls Deep Dive on Instagram and on the T-Talk. Ha ha.

That's all we have for the announces today. Do you have anything else? The only thing I want to say is this is season two, episode nine, and we were just saying Cheesecakes, this title, Joust Between Friends. Joust Between Friends. Do you get it? I didn't even look at the title before I got there, but I got to tell you, we are right back to backstabbing Jezebel like we never left. That made me so happy when it came up. I know. In reverse, no less. I know. Blanche gets real mad. She gets real mad in this one. Her voice goes sky high. I know. Well, look, this was written by Scott Spencer Gordon. Have we had anything?

written by this? No. No. I love a good three names. Scott Spencer Gordon. Sarah Jessica Parker. Mary Louise Parker. Scott Spencer Gordon. Mary Elizabeth Master Antonio. It sounds like five names. I remember auditioning years ago. I think it was for MADtv. And then I remember getting mad because I saw it later. Uh-huh. You know, you always wonder, did they steal my audition? You know, but I remember I did a whole riff on that in the 90s. I was like, hi. I still remember. Hi, I'm Jennifer Jessica Jason Sarah Lee. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I thought it was a great character. It's really funny. You know, I have my moments. I think you're pretty funny. But guess who didn't book it? Who? Me. Jennifer Smart. Even with your actress severity plate? No, even with my actress 1S license plate. Ha ha ha.

Well, they don't know what they're missing. They don't. Original air date, December 6th, 1986. I got a little ditty from the time girl. Tell me. So this week, Next Time I Fall by Peter Cetera and Amy Grant is number one on the Billboard charts. Now, I grew up obsessed with this song. So I did a little mini ditty on it. So the backstory is pretty cool. Peter Cetera...

had forever been the lead singer of the band Chicago. You know the band Chicago. Yeah, I love them. Chicago was the best, but when he left the band in 1985, he immediately had a huge hit with the song Glory of Love. Can you name the movie? I am the man who will fight for you.

Karate Kid Part 2. Oh, I can see it. I can see it. Live or die, man. Live or die. Oh, my God. So this song was his follow up and he wanted it to be a duet, but he wanted to shake things up in the industry by not doing it with like a known person. His initial thought was to go with a complete unknown, but somebody at his label suggested this well-known Christian artist that nobody outside of that world really knew. Gotcha, gotcha. Her name was Amy Grant. He listened to her stuff. He loved it. And he thought she was huge. Well, she was big in the

Christian circuit, but back then... She became the crossover. Yeah, but the crossover was so renowned. And that's what this did for her. So he wanted her because he liked her voice and he liked what she, quote, stood for. She had great hair, too. She had great hair, but Amy Grant wasn't necessarily sold on Peter Cetera. She wanted to vet him thoroughly to make sure that he had good Christian morals. I'm out. I'm out. It's okay. We know, I know, I have it on good authority. Amy Grant is like a super fan of the gays now. She goes to

pride marches wonderful her niece is a lesbian she married she like married her lesbian niece whatever she is awesome but back then you know not that christians can't be great but she just wanted to make sure that he was like a good christian man yeah i think i jumped to a conclusion i oughtn't because you know i made the note to say tell them that she loves the gays because like you know we gotta look it's a perilous world that we're living in that's right that's right anyway this song is a

huge hit. It was the number one song in America two weeks in a row. It remained on the Billboard Top 100 for 22 weeks. Wowee. And I love that song. I do too. I've got two current event things. Please. On this week in history, the Musée d'Orsay opens in Paris. Wow. And it may not mean a lot to you, but it means a lot to me because my parents, my dad is a French teacher, planned trips to Europe for 30 years. Yeah. This was their first trip in 1972, Paris, and they stayed at this location because the Musée d'Orsay was a hotel. Oh my God. And at the time, it was

in not such great condition. Yeah. Maybe there were some cockroaches. So that's number one. This I love. This is our friend Jim Colucci's book. Oh, yes. Golden Girls Forever. But according to Golden Girls Forever and Jim, this episode that aired on December 6th was taped August 29th, 1986. And Lucille Ball was a member of the live studio audience. No way! Yes, she bestowed the girls... I think Jim said the sitcom equivalent of a papal visit. Oh, my God.

Yeah, she sat in the audience, laughed her head off. She knew Bea Arthur, of course, from Mame and Betty did a sitcom. Her and Betty become like best friends. Yeah, that's right. And then Betty's mom and Lucy's mom become best friends. Isn't that incredible? I can't imagine. And like, can you imagine if they had invited Lucille Ball to be on The Golden Girls? Oh, I know. I mean, I'm shocked if they didn't. I mean, but

Think about that. I know. That would have been crazy. You know what? And yeah, it's like, you know, everyone was where they were supposed to be. But I just thought that was too good to not talk about. It must be like when Beyonce came to see your show. Just like that. Yeah. Hey, should we get to the episode proper? Let's do it, girl. Let's do it.

So once again, we open with the car coming flying into the driveway at 900 miles an hour. This is that same blue sedan shot. And so I guess now we know that the sedan was for the tree petition. Remember, we were like, which one of them was driving it? I guess we now know it was Rose. It was Rose. This is my favorite iconic thing that happens where the driver's side door opens and nobody gets out. No one. We will eventually have this kind of shot where the trunk pops and nobody gets out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. And, you know, back in the 80s, like, there was, I don't know, were there many automatic trunk pops from the inside door? Oh, probably not. You know what I mean? I love the idea, too, that they shot this at the actual house. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that is so amazing. And if you had one of those cars, I mean, that was state-of-the-art. Was it? Oh, yeah. You know, remember all the manual locks and the power locks? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Everyone, you know, in case you don't know, I'm old, everyone, so...

You are not old. I remember when horse and buggies were around. What was the Pony Express really like? Exactly. Rose is carrying groceries and she's talking to an invisible, we think, person. Oh, God.

I'll just set these down, then I'll show you through the house. Oh, you didn't have to wait outside. Come on in. It's okay, fella. Well, I don't mind if I do. Nice place you got here. Well, thank you. Can I offer you something? Coffee, tea, scraps from last night's dinner? Oh, you're pulling my tail. Oh!

All right, listen, this might be the episode that I break up with Rose for good. I wrote here, a big hunk of hunk of burning love enters. It's a dog, right? And Rose speaks in a dog voice. This is what I've written down. She's good. Rose speaks in a dog voice that makes Patrick want to murder her. Is that correct? I cannot handle it. I hate it so much. For the rest of the episode, I ended up calling it murder, death, kill. And then I was shortening it to MDK.

Just for you. I'm telling you, Rose and these dumb voices. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. But you know what I don't hate, Patrick? What? I like that the first thing the dog does immediately goes to sniff Coco's ashes in that vase. Justice for Coco. The dog can smell the gay. The dog knows the gay death of it all.

Those bitches. He is in there. He's in there. I know it. What if he's alive and in there? Like they just stuffed him into the main thing. Right? He's just carrying bacon. Coco's just eating bacon in the vase.

We don't know the dog's name, do we? We don't get the dog's name. Sophia comes in, doesn't see the dog, thinks that Rose is talking to an imaginary friend, which I said, honestly, is not a bad guess. Not a bad guess. Listen, since we're at Sophia, you know, she's coming in. She's carrying, I think, a cup of tea, some graham crackers. But she's also wearing Paisley. Yes. And I just was like, that's new. Oh, yeah. I got a little tiny thing on Paisley. Oh, tell me everything. Because I was like, now might be a good time. Yeah. A little ditty. So the distinctive shape of Paisley is often likened to that of a kidney, a comma, a

A mango or a teardrop. It also bears an intriguing resemblance to the famous yin-yang symbol. All right. It dates back to India in the 11th century, still hugely popular. When it got to Europe, apparently Napoleon's wife, Josephine, she began stockpiling paisleys. And by the early 1800s, European desire for paisley was in a frenzy. Oh, my God.

It was considered in the 19th century progressive and rebellious. And in the 1960s, it saw a surge in popularity thanks to the Beatles. John Lennon even painted his Rolls Royce with the pattern. All right. And I'm going to say, you're going to love this. Subsequent decades saw increasing diverse adoption of paisley bandanas. I'm going to finish the ditty with this. Great. Cruising gay men in the 1970s era of San Francisco recalled their 19th century brethren using paisley as a

a signal. They invented handkerchief code. Yes. Communicating their sexual proclivities by stuffing color-coded paisley bandanas into their back pockets. Wait, listen to how slutty the gays were in like the 60s and the 70s. They would put bandanas in their pockets to indicate that they were a top or a bottom. But like that was like the basics of it. Like it got real deep and they were like different. Sometimes you see people with like multiple colors. The gays know how to signal. Can this be a bonus episode? Yes.

Because actually, I want to know. You know what? Like, deep throats flagging the plant. Like, what...

What is the signal for I'm a top? What's the signal for I'm a bottom? I'm going to look it up. I'm going to find out. What's the signal for maybe I like a salad? And frankly, why did we stop doing that? People need to know. That's a great idea. You know what I mean? People need to know. I'm sad you didn't give my salad more attention, but that's all right. No, I'm still upset about that. You didn't like my, I sort of know who that is. Not since. Why don't you, what is it? Be a friend by telling a friend. Thank you for being a friend by telling a friend.

My nerdy friend, Patrick. I am working with a comic genius and here I am. Here I am just trying to keep up. We're just going to move on. Move on. Let's move on. We learn that Rose is planning to keep this dog until she can find its owner, to which I said, if my roommate did that to me, I would kill them. This is so not okay. We learn quickly because Sophia tells us Dorothy hates dogs. So number one, the last thing this house needs is more conflict between Rose and Dorothy. But here we go. And you know, Blanche has entered already. You bring a

bright yellow blazer. That yellow blazer is bright. Floral jumpsuit. And she seems quite loving towards dogs. And as Stan would say, at least we have an emotional reversal where you think, she's so great. She's like, Oh, well, look at the cute little puppy dog. Oh, he likes me. He must be a male. Then you don't mind if he stays here till I find his owner? Of course I mind. You can't keep that filthy beast in my house.

Well, I thought you said he was cute. Well, he is cute, but a dog belongs outdoors in his natural habitat where he's free to roam and lick himself in the privacy of his own dog house. Mine, mine? Oh, it's not mine. You can't give that filthy beast to my house.

The thing that makes me laugh here most of all is I have here, really? Now? I know. When Blanche says, but we're not the only ones who live here. Dorothy has to say it's okay too. I'm like, uh-huh. I literally said, and then for the very first time in any episode ever, Blanche actually considers the other people who live in her house.

She says, thanks, Blanche. But if he lifts his leg, I'm rubbing your nose in it. Rose says, that seems fair. And she says in that voice, and this is the first time I have parenthetically murdered death kill. I'm telling you, I cannot take it. I'm going to do it for you right now. Bye, Annie Blanche. Bye, Annie Sophia. No! I hate it! I'm going to do that the rest of the show.

You're such a grump, grump, Papa Cheesecake. Why do you hate me, Papa? Wait, do the guy from the last episode, the guy they got stranded on the desert island with? We're not going to take your guff much longer. Sorry, ladies, but there's only one John. I love him. I love him so much.

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Hey, it's me, Jeff Probst. I'm excited to share that Survivor's back with our 48th season. And alongside it, we're bringing you a brand new season of On Fire, the only official Survivor podcast. If you are a Survivor superfan, you will not want to miss the deep dive into every episode. And we do it from three different points of view. First, you have me, the showrunner Survivor, answering how and why we made the sometimes controversial choices we did.

Then you have Jay Wolf, my co-host, who represents the super fan, asking the burning questions that you are shouting at your TVs. And finally, you get the point of view of an all-time great Survivor player. And their job is to give us the insight into exactly what is happening on the beach.

This season, we are joined by somebody I can't wait to hear from, the winner of Survivor 47, Rachel Lamont. I'm so excited to join the On Fire squad to help break down Survivor 48. Join us every Wednesday immediately following the show. Listen to On Fire, the official Survivor podcast with me, Jeff Probst, every Wednesday after the show, wherever you get your podcasts. So Dorothy enters. She's been out looking for a part-time job. I just had it.

In the past few days, I have been turned down for every available part-time job in Dade County that didn't involve selling cocaine. Oh, Dorothy, it's just so unfair. They shouldn't be allowed to do this to a fine teacher like you. Well, it's part of the experimental year-round school system. Every teacher is required to take a ten-week leave, and my ten weeks are now. This wouldn't have happened if you'd taken the job I wanted you to take. Ma, you wanted me to be a nun.

Too much I said, I actually think Dorothy would make a great drug dealer. I do too. You know what I mean? You'd trust her? She'd kill somebody without even thinking about it. But she's intimidating. Yeah, totally. She's all business. She'd be like one of those, did you see the show Ozark? Oh yeah, we watched the first season. Do you remember that ice blonde attorney? Fabulous, Janet McTeer. Yeah. That's how I see Dorothy. Like this

lawyer for some cocaine drug kingpin. No question. You know what I mean? And even the kingpin is afraid of her. Like, Dorothy, you're applying for the wrong jobs, girl. Absolutely. But she entered, by the way, I have to say, looking like a coral reef. I liked it. Coral and cream. Yeah. I took another picture of a later outfit that I will be showing to you later that we will be discussing. It's probably the one I texted you a couple weeks ago. Oh, it's hidden?

I don't remember. Here's a hint. Stripes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Dorothy says every teacher is required to take a 10 week leave and her 10 weeks are now. And I was like, what is this experimental? Yeah. I looked it up. Do you know about this? Yeah. My dad was the teacher. And so they did. Yeah. Do they still do this? I mean, I won't I don't want to say a blanket. No. Yeah. But in layman's terms, right, it would be.

Basically, I have the definite—it's a school district that is trying out a new schedule where students attend classes for a more evenly distributed period throughout the year, with shorter breaks in between instead of the traditional long summer break to assess its potential impact on student learning and overall school operations. Right. So it's not—in layman's terms, it's not just a summer vacation anymore. Right.

their school in the summer, their summer school. Yeah. So they're just rotating the teachers. So she's basically doing what a lot of teachers would do on their summer break. Yes. Get a gig, right? It was always so weird when you'd like be on summer break and you'd go to the mall. Like I remember my chorus teacher worked at like the frozen yogurt place in the mall. Yeah. And like seeing her in like a service position was very strange. It's so uncomfortable for everybody. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. But Sophia's like, look, this wouldn't have happened if you'd taken the job I wanted you to take. And Dorothy's like, oh, Ma, you wanted me to be a nun. Yeah. I have something about this because Sophia says, right, it's steady work. They supply the uniform and you're married to God. At least he's home every night, which is a cheating on you joke. And I thought to myself, Patrick, can you imagine God cheating on you? Right. Right.

Like, God, let me see your phone. Who are you texting? It is 2 a.m. Give it to me. I said give it to me. Still? It's still going on. You promised me, God. Oh, my Lord. God, you promised me. Well, because in heaven, God, I don't know if you know this or not. This might have been after you were out of CCD. I was in it later than you were. But we do know it's been proven to be true that God looks just like Ryan Phillippe.

I don't know if you knew that, if it trickled down to you. Of course I knew that. You did know that. Everybody knows that, Patrick. So you can understand why the temptation would be there. God is on all the apps, and it's a problem. Especially Grindr. No, I—listen, these are supposed to be anonymous, but I have heard rumors that God attends SCA, Sexual Compulsives Anonymous.

And made a lot of progress. Yeah. Good for you, God. Good for you, God. But my note here is Dorothy would have been a way better drug dealer than a nun. No question about that. No question. Can you imagine Dorothy in the nunnery? Like, imagine how loud she would be. Although I guess the choir would have its baritone, which would be helpful. But they would do that. Absolutely. They'd make her sing the low part. Just.

What is that thing you said where you're learning that instrument in school and what's the instrument you play? The trombone. And that it's not fun? Would you like to hear the trombone me play when the saints go marching in on the trombone? Yes, I would. That's the trombone equivalent of Dorothy in the choir.

In the nun choir. I can see her getting into being a nun. Oh, holy night. The star. Shine.

Oh, God. It is a bum, bum, bum, bum. Well, Blanche says to Dorothy, who's bummed that she can't find a job, that she should reconsider coming to work at the museum with her. So this is clearly a conversation that they've already had. So right. And we're setting the ball rolling on this plot point that dominates the episode. I just can't stop thinking about Dorothy being the baritone in the nunnery choir.

I can't stop thinking about God. Time for choir practice, girls. I can't stop thinking about the sketch. Oh, you know what, Stan? Please write me a sitcom where I'm like the wife of God and he's cheating on me. Like that's what I'm obsessed with.

Oh, my God. But Dorothy's saying she doesn't know anything about museums and, you know, she wouldn't be a good fit. And then Blanche says it would be fun for them to work together. Now, I don't know why anybody thinks that. I don't know why anybody thinks like working like a shift job with your friend would be fun. I also think at their ages,

They've been through this lesson before. We all have gone through this lesson. I got to tell you, like as a person who, and I know there are people out there scratching their heads, like, what do you mean it wouldn't be fun to work with your best friend? I was a hotel concierge, a job that I desperately wanted. And I got the gig and got there and realized that like, I really wanted to work hard and nobody else wanted to. Right. And it was very hard and frustrating because I'm the low person on the total pole. I have no polar power or whatever. All right. Trigger warning, everyone. Jen's going to swear. Mama is going to swear.

That is exactly what I hated about all those fucking group projects in school. Oh, same. Fifth grade. Okay, kids, pick a state. I know. And you're going to put it up on the board and make it decorative and do your research. And you know one asshole? Me. I'm cutting out all the letters. Yeah, yeah. You know, who's researching Charleston, South Carolina? Yeah.

At 11 at night. It's you. Jen. It's Jen. Who's not? Yeah, right. The other four in my five group fuckery. This is what I'm saying. Like, this is a recipe for disaster. Right. You know what I mean? Exactly. So Blanche agrees to set up an interview with her boss, Mr. Allen, tomorrow. I'm going to call him Mr. A from now on. Well, let me just talk about this for a quick second. Please. So Mr. Allen is a major character in the episode. Yeah. And it occurred to me, Mr. Allen is what they call the man that most people believe to be the Zodiac Killer, Arthur Lee Allen. Right.

And they call him Mr. Allen. Isn't that wild? It is wild. I know. And then when we get to the Mr. Allen scene, there's an Arthur. And I'm like, was this done on purpose? Oh, my God. I know. And do you have a ditty on him today? I do. Oh, good. I can't wait because he, this actor is funny. Do you know what his, like, bona fides are? We'll get there. No, I knew you were going to do it, so I didn't want to, I wanted to be surprised. Yeah, it's good. But at this moment, getting back to the proper, the dog barks twice. What?

What was that? Rose brought a dog home from the supermarket. What, couldn't she just get stew meat like she usually does? Dorothy, now don't be upset. The poor little thing was lost. He followed me home. Oh, come on, Rose, you drive to the market. How did he follow you home, in a taxi? Rose enters from Sophia's bedroom, where Blanche will eventually exit to in just a minute. Like, I know I have to let it go. No, I have the answer. They brought the minks in there for a bath. Ha ha ha ha!

That's what it is. They like her. You know, she's tiny. Her bathtub's tiny. Yeah, no, no, that works. They feel safe and clean. So Rose is trying to reason with Dorothy about the dog. And then murder, death, kill. Please, only Dorothy.

I won't be any trouble. Please. Well, the other thing that happens is that Rose says nobody hates dogs. Yeah. I would like to introduce the world to one Mr. Steve Tipton. Hates dogs. Hates them. How's it going with Golden? Well, I got to tell you. So we've got a little Cavapoo that we got for Daisy during the pandemic because she absolutely

Absolutely loves dogs. It's going okay. Here's where I'm at. I love the dog. I hate having a dog. Having a dog in New York is a real challenge. Yep. Because you can't just open the back door and let the dog run out. Steve takes very good care of the dog. And even as moments where I'm like, you think he's cute. But Steve, I'm just saying, Rose, Steve Tipton hates dogs.

Now, I have a friend who got a dog, and when she was in the market to buy an apartment, she was fortunate enough to do that. She was like, I got to get a yard. I got to get ground floor with a backyard. Yes. So that I can just, when I need to, just open the door. Oh, God, that is such a good... Tell Katie Thinner I'm taking her house. Dorothy agrees to let the dog stay for one night. All right, but just for the night. Oh, thank you, Annie Dorothy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, do you believe this? Nah, I saw her lips move. I want to go on record as saying, Dorothy is being so fair and accommodating in this moment. And she gets taken advantage of dearly in this episode. Yeah, but I love it. And what do we have? Oh, thank you, honey Dorothy. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm just...

I'm just gonna do it to annoy you. You know what? I love it when you do it because I love you. I can't stand Rose. It makes me crazy. So next scene, we're in Mr. Allen's office for the job interview. Dot is sitting next to Blanche like they're applying for a bank loan. She's looking lovely in seafoam green and peach, Blanche is in teal. Yeah.

It's like a thing that would never happen where Blanche is sitting in on the interview with Mr. Allen. Yeah. But Mr. Allen is very distracted and we learn he's got this great line. He said, it's not every day a man comes home at lunch to find his best friend in bed with his wife. Oh, I'm so sorry. That must have been quite a shock. It was. Arthur's never come home at lunch before. He caught me red handed.

That's a mention of the Arthur and the Mr. Allen. Do we have a Zodiac killer person amongst us? Well, and maybe that's a good segue into I have a tiny ditty on the phrase caught red-handed. Oh, tell me everything. The etymology is the expression caught red-handed has its origins in Scotland around the 15th century. Yeah. Given how it was used in the earliest references, the phrase red-hand probably referred to people caught with

blood on their hands from murder or poaching. Today, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, being caught red-handed means to discover someone while they're doing something bad or illegal, which is the usage here. Yeah. Doing something bad. Literally caught with blood on their hands. Yes. Wow. All right.

So we're back to Mr. Allen in the interview. And I made this note mostly for my friend Mike Jensen. Blanche says something, taken almost word for word from Alice Ripley's Tony Award acceptance speech. What is it? She says, Now where were we? Mr. Allen, we were talking about art. You know, the thing we hang on the wall here. We were talking about art. Yes.

If you remember, Alice Ripley is totally a word. She was talking about being at the Kennedy Center. There's a quote from John F. Kennedy on the wall. And Alice Ripley famously says, he was talking about art. And it feels like it was ripped from the headlines. Well, I'm glad you did that line because the next thing I have huge caps, three question marks, parenthetically. Blanche says. Yes.

I have the talking stick right now. Cheesecakes? You know. Let mama have it. Blanche says, Well, Dorothy knows a great deal about it. She studied in Rome and she lectured in Paris and... I have... What? And I had to...

of playback to look at Dorothy to see if it was Blanche putting it on. And no, Dorothy's listening like, yep, that's true. And I'm like, does this explain the mink? What sort of, her mink stole? Her mink stole, I know, I know. Did she have a mink business in the past in Paris? Is this why we have minks? And that is actually a gift, quote unquote gift. Like, what is this fucking gift?

She is the Dos Equis woman. She is the most interesting woman in the world. I wrote here, I feel like what actually happened was she lectured a cab driver or a barista. Yeah. You know what I mean? She lectured meanly somebody who did not serve her the way that she wanted to be served. Did I say this on the podcast before? What? When I sang it

a restaurant called La Vie et Q in Paris. My mother. You put it on your resume. My mother put it on my resume to doctor because I had no credits when I was 16. She was like, let's, we were giggling our asses off. Oh, it's so good. This is my, this is her lectured in Paris moment. But the idea that Dorothy lectured in Paris, it's like when we found out that she, all her life wanted to open an antique store. You know what I mean? Yeah. How's that going? I know. Blanche asks Mr. Allen if Dorothy can have the job and he just says, yeah, I don't care. Which I think is,

It's so funny. Savage I have. I know. And of course, Dorothy's come back to end the scene. Oh, thank you, Mr. Allen. I hope I live up to your expectations. I can't even say it without laughing. It's so good. Should I do my mini-ditty on Mr. Allen now? Let's do it. He's so talented. Do it now.

He's so good. So Mr. Allen was played by an actor named Reed Shelton. He was born in Salem, Oregon on October 7th, 1924. He studied music at Willamette University and University of Michigan. He served in the Pacific during World War II. Thank you for your service. He got his New York start as a singer at Radio City Music Hall. Oh, that is cool. I know. And quickly moved on to Broadway where he did eight Broadway shows both...

Are you ready for this? I'm ready. Originating the role of Daddy Warbucks in Annie on Broadway. Oh, that's...

I can see his face because I used to have, you know, pictures from the original vocal selections. That blew my mind. He did the role for six years on Broadway, eight years total. Do you want to know why he did the job for six years on Broadway? Why? The money. Yeah. He said, and he said, like, I know people talk about that more now than they used to, but he was saying, I know nobody wants to hear that, but like the money was so good. He made so much money playing Daddy Warbucks at the

the end of his run, he bought not only his four-room Hell's Kitchen apartment, he bought the entire five-floor building. Good for him. That's how much money he made playing Daddy Warbucks. Yeah. He worked steadily throughout his life on stage and TV and film. A little piece of trivia, he spent eight years in the Broadway and touring companies of My Fair Lady for much of the time in the role of Freddie Hill singing On the Street Where You Live.

Oh, my God. That was my college audition song that got me into exactly zero colleges. Oh, you told me that. You told me that. Oh, my gosh. On the street where you live. It's so funny. I can't picture him as Freddie because all I see him as is this older character actor. Yeah. Yeah. How wonderful. Shelton died of a stroke in Portland, Oregon on June 8th, 1996. Well, what a talented actor. I'm a fan. I know. He's so good. And he's so good in this. Yeah.

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Cheesecakes, before we get back to the episode, as I think you all probably know, I'm on tour right now and we've just released tickets today for a whole bunch of new cities. So here they are. I'm coming to Milwaukee on May 8th, Chicago on May 9th, Minneapolis on May 10th, Boston on June 6th, Louisville on June 20th, St. Louis on June 23rd, and New York City for Pride weekend on June 26th.

Tickets are available for those shows and all of the other shows we've already announced at PatrickTours.com. Cheesecakes, if you don't know about the tour, for the first part of the evening, I'm telling you a hilarious story about a disastrous night I spent with Bea Arthur, which gird your loins for that story. And then for the second half of the night, we all go to the bar for drinks and hanging out and making new friends. I am seeing so many new friendships being made at these shows, and it is warming my little gay heart.

Also, please do not be afraid to come by yourself. You will be scooped up by a group of new best friends the second you walk in the door. And for those of you in the Kansas City and Texas area, I'm coming to you next. So Kansas City, Houston, Austin, and Dallas. I'm going to be in all four of those cities at the end of March. Once again, get all the info and tickets at PatrickTours.com and I will see you on the road.

So we're back in the house, in the kitchen. It's orange juice hour. We're also loving Dot's complimentary orange juice sweater. I said Dorothy is wearing this horrid orange sweater slash brown pants combo. What are they doing to her? Oh, see, I love the, I love orange though. So I love it. I do too. But with brown, I don't know. Well,

What do I know? Rose enters wearing pink with the dog on the leash. And we learn they've had the dog at this point over a week, folks. Yes. And she's instantly terrified of seeing Dorothy because Dorothy doesn't want the dog. And Dorothy was being a good roommate and was like, okay, the dog can stay for one night. It's now been here for over a week. I have an issue with one word.

in this scene. Rose says, I know I promised to take him back, the word back, back to the pound. I'm like, you mean to the pound because you got him at the grocery store, right? So were you a liar? Oh, we just found the crack in Rose's story. That's what I'm saying. Oh, oh, she like went to the pound and got a dog. Hoping that the roommates would fall in love with it. I think so. Oh my God.

Doesn't track, you liar. Yes. Rose doesn't want to take the dog quote back today because the dog isn't feeling well because he spent the entire day drinking with Sophia. Frankly, Dorothy, I'm a little worried. Don't worry. It was a hangover.

A hangover from the sherry. Ma, you gave the dog sherry? That's terrible. I was having a few sips while I was rinsing out my underwear. It's a little thing I do Mondays and Thursdays only. Anyway, the dog walks in, looks up at me, and I swear it's your Uncle Aldo's face begging me for a drink.

So I give the mutt a swallow, but he doesn't know where to stop. Also like your Uncle Al. She gives the dog booze? I know. And then the dog has so much booze that he passes out with her on the couch. Yeah. Like she gets the dog hammered. She gets hammered. Passes out on the couch. Nobody sees them. No, but you missed the worst part of this story. I forgot. She was rinsing out her underwear. I know. I have no...

I'll tell you, my mom used to hand wash her underwear. And she does it on Mondays and Thursdays only. I know. I'm like, does that mean you're wearing the same pair just for a few days? What does that mean? Oh, no. I don't understand. And I don't want to understand, honestly. I would hope that she got more than two pairs. I know. Oh, God damn it. I know.

It's funny because we're talking about Sophia, but if we were talking about Ryan Phillippe's underpants, I'd be here all day long. What was that movie with like... I know you did last summer. No, Donald Sutherland and Clint Eastwood about the astronauts. Al Gore's roommate in college. He's an Oscar winner. Tommy Lee Jones? Yeah, Tommy Lee Jones. That's the one. They did this four-person astronaut movie. I can't think of the name. But every time Donald Sutherland would do something gross, he'd be like, damn, Jerry. Like takes out his dentures. Clint Eastwood, damn, Jerry.

So that's the thing I say now. And this is a damn Jerry moment to Sophia. Damn, Jerry. You like that? Julian does something similar every time she does the deep deep.

full body disgusted sigh it kills me every time oh god well now the dog is drooling on Dorothy's foot and Rose says like you're saying it like it's a bad thing like that is disgusting it is it's really really gross yeah Dorothy goes full Cruella DeVille her line here is one more day or I'm gonna get rid of that dog myself can't you see her in the full in the fur coat and like the pipe like just like throwing the dog into a meat grinder snorting cocaine laughing

You know? Totally. Writing her law briefs. Absolutely. And putting the dog through a meat grinder. Putting that without a care in the world. This is why she'd be a great drug dealer. Ice. Totally. One more day or I am going to get rid of the dog myself. I'll take him out to the lanai. Come on, sweetheart. Come on. Annie Dorothy, lighten up. Annie Dorothy, lighten up.

Murder, death, kill. I love that you're just trolling me. My thing about Rose's line there too is like, that's not, what do you mean lighten up? She's had that dog in the house for 10 days at this point. You know what I mean? No. Blanche enters. Signature floral robe. She looks great. She gets a morning Auntie Blanche on the way out. So like everyone's noting that Dorothy is a

so early at 8 a.m. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? She's up and dressed for work at 8 a.m. Everyone's like, Dorothy, what are you doing up so early, girl? That's right. She's like, well, Mr. Allen told me to come in early to get the press list information ready before lunch. Yes. And Blanche is like, well, you know, you're such a treasure. I hope that man appreciates you.

While you've only been there a week and you know almost about running that museum as I do. Now, I think this is great. We're in a good place where Blanche is not at all threatened by Dorothy that she's doing a good job. Blanche found Dorothy is probably making Blanche look pretty good. Sophia has absolutely no love for museums. No. It's a museum. What's to know? You're banging a nail, you hang up a picture. Any idiot could do that. Yeah.

Stop bragging, Ma. You're only saying that because I'm your daughter. It's so funny. It's so funny. And I love it, too, because the way that she's positioned in the scene, she's kind of in the background. Yeah. It's the positioning that we get whenever she says something akin to, oh, what fun. But you know that that's one reason why I was trying to dissect why it didn't get a bigger laugh. And it's because I think they're too spread out and it's too busy. Yes. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't a focus joke. Yeah. And Lucille Ball didn't laugh, so nobody laughed. So no one was like, if mother's not laughing, don't laugh. Right.

When mother laughs, laugh. I can only imagine her like sitting in the studio audience. What would it be like to sit with... Listen, if I were the camera operators, I would have been freaking out. Like she invented the three camera sitcom. Oh my God, you're right. Yeah. Are we doing a good job? Like, you know what I mean? I mean, seriously. Oh man. Talk about pressure. So Blanche is just going on and on about what... She's so proud of the job that Dorothy's doing. The phone rings. Sophia answers it. Hello. Just a minute. Mr. Allen on the phone. Oh.

Well, I wonder what he wants. He's never called me at home before. And he's not calling you now either. It's for Dorothy. For the first time, he calls that number.

That's a thinker. Yes. That's a puzzler. He also calls at eight in the morning. Right. It's the first twinge of trouble in paradise. And you can see it on Blanche's face when she sort of slinks back into her chair as Dorothy goes to answer the phone. And we don't know what Mr. Allen is saying, but Dorothy is like, oh, like very flattered. Yeah. He's saying something very good about what the work that she's doing. And so, Patrick, why don't you tell everyone what that was? He wants to thank her for the work she's doing on the Hotchkiss project. And then Blanche, you can just.

She's dripping with envy as she touches her hair. What did he want? He wanted to thank me for the work that I've been doing on the Hotchkiss project. That's lovely. Just lovely. Especially since there wasn't all that much work involved. Oh, that's lovely. Just lovely. Touch, touch her hair. She's

Especially since there wasn't all that much work involved. You know, she has to take away from it. Exactly. She's just dripping with jealousy. Exactly. And then they catch Sophia with the bottle of sherry at 8 a.m. Everyone thinks that Sophia's got a big day of drinking ahead of her. And she says she was just going to hide it from the dog. But, you know, Dorothy's like, come on, am I expecting you to believe that? And that damn dog, what does he do? Jumps up on the kitchen chair. I hate that shot. I think it's such a dumb way to end the scene. I know. I hate it. I don't think it's funny. Dorothy pauses and then looks straight at the dog. Promise me you won't draw.

Five.

It's so dumb. Yeah. Lucille Ball did not laugh at that either. Come on. No. So we cut to the museum offices. Patrick's boyfriend is delivering mail to Dot's desk. He's very cute. I was very proud of him that day. He did a good job. Now, Dot has thrown a tan blazer, you know, and a white shirt underneath and over that orange sweater. Yes. I have BS, meaning Blanche and Soph enter from, meaning bullshit, and Blanche and Sophia enter from the elevator bank. Dorothy forgot her lunch. And I was like, that's a big paper bag.

The f-

What do you think is in there? I'm going to say four sloppy joes. Oh, no. I just think that I thought about it. If I'm being nice, that Tupperware container is huge for those baby carrots that she's no doubt nibbling on throughout the day. That's a big paper bag. That's a big paper bag. You know, I was making note of the fact that it's so funny that nobody has computers on their desks. Right. But they do have old-fashioned green lights. What do you call them? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're like library lamps. Right. But they're just like, you know, to do the book.

Right? Sophia does not want a tour. Sophia has absolutely no time for the museums. And kind of, like, I'm kind of on her side. Unless it's like the Musee d'Orsay. I don't know. I get in trouble with Steve all the time. We go to museums and I think I want to be there and I'm instantly bored. I hear you. I'm like, I don't want to go to the Egyptian wing. Like, what are we doing? Oh, we are not the same. Oh, really? Oh, the Temple of Dendur. At the Met? At the Met is my favorite section. It is?

Is that the sigh Jillian makes? What is it? Is it just seething with disdain and disappointment? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's disappointment, isn't it? Jillian and my mother, yes.

Temple of Dundur. I highly recommend it. It's cool, but I'm like, I want to go. To each his own. Show me the Basquiat's. I want to see the, I want to see the modern art. I want to see the. That's fair. You know what I mean? That is fair. I don't want to see the jewelry. I don't want to see like, or I'll look at the artifacts. Like show me the pots you pulled out of the ground or whatever. Okay. Fair enough. To each his own is what I say. Thank you so much. I take my size back.

But Dorothy says, you know, you didn't have to. Sophia brought the lunch down. Sophia says, you didn't have to come all this way. And Sophia says, it gave me an excuse to put my teeth in. To which I say, why is Sophia so disgusting in this episode, Scott Spencer Gordon?

Scott Spencer Gordon. I never talk about my piece of shit dad, who I didn't see for 30 years before he died. And then when somebody sent me the obituary, I chuckled. One of my few memories of the man is that he used to, like, do that with his dentures. He'd, like, move them around in his mouth with his tongue. He'd take them out. Like, can you imagine? Damn, Jerry. Donald Sutherland. The teeth. Patrick, you know what I just pulled up? What? The fascinating history of the original banker's lamps. Lay it on us, mother. The green banker's lamp is arguably the most famous desk lamp of all time.

Oh, my God. It's an editorial. The person says,

It was originally called, I'm skipping ahead, the Emeral Light, a combination of emerald and light. It goes back as far as 1909 when American engineer Harrison D. McFadden filed a patent application for a new original and ornamental design for lampshades. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, my God. Wait. God, there was a peak.

peak of success and then they had different colors and oh my god, why the banker's lab? Moving to the late 1950s, Emerald Light Inc. started to become unprofitable. The

The legacy still lives on. For me, the lamp is this person writing. The lamp is arguably one of the most recognizable desk lamps in the world, largely due to its frequent appearance in movies and TV shows. All right. Such as this. I think that's a good way to end. Oh, God, that was so good. So Mr. Allen comes out of his office just to like sort of say hello to the room. Yeah. We see Sophia and he immediately does that over the top thing with the elderly where you kind of have here where he gets like that. We know that Sophia can't stand that. Right, right, right.

Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Petrillo. What brings you to our humble home? Is he gay? Come on, honey, I'll walk you to the car. Goodbye, Mrs. Petrillo. Sorry you didn't have an opportunity to experience our museum. I'd love for you to see my most prized acquisition, a magnificent pair of Gauguin's. What are you, a perv? I was married for 45 years and I never even saw my husband's Gauguin's.

I'm obsessed. I'm glad you're obsessed because I didn't like this next section. Oh, no. Yeah, well, she's got to put her hand up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just was like, these seem like far leaps to me to try to make jokes happen. And I don't think they're smoothly achieved. I just liked any sort of nod to the gaze at this point. You know what I mean? I'm glad you took it that way because in my head, I'm like, well, that's kind of offensive. I don't like this section, as I said. It's just, I don't know. Well, can I do my mini Diddy on Gauguin's? Please. Because he actually had like a pretty interesting life, this guy.

So Gauguin, I guess that's how you say it. It's Eugene Henri Paul Gauguin, was a French painter, sculptor, printmaker, ceramicist, and writer. Now, unlike other painters of his time, he was able to sell some of his work during his lifetime, but not for a lot of money. He was neither rich nor famous in his lifetime. And it wasn't until right after his death in 1903 that his work became popular with collectors. Isn't that

bullshit. Yeah. Like, can't they just go ahead and like it while he's alive? I know. So many of those stories. You know? So sad. And now his works are some of the most valuable in the world. In 2014, one of his paintings sold for $210 million. Jesus Christ. Making it the most expensive painting in the world ever.

Wow. He had a really interesting life. In 1887, he left France with a fellow painter to go traveling. By the time they reached Central America, they were out of money, so they got jobs helping to build the Panama Canal. Wow. How great is that? That is. He was also good friends with Vincent van Gogh. Some scholars speculate that it was actually Gauguin who cut off van Gogh's ear. You know how he famously cut off his own ear? Yeah, yeah. Gauguin apparently went to spend nine weeks painting at van Gogh's house. And when Gauguin decided to leave, van Gogh pulled a knife on him.

I know. And apparently people know that Gauguin was, I know I'm saying that, Gauguin. Yeah, Gauguin. Gauguin was known to be a talented swordsman. So many scholars have speculated that they actually got into some kind of fight and Gauguin cut his ear off with his sword. You sound like the dog. Gauguin. Hey, Gauguin. Hey, Gauguin. No. Hey, then go. I'm going to chop your ear off now.

How dare you pull a knife on me? Oh, my God. Well, Gon-Gon spent the last two decades of his life living primarily in Tahiti, where he died of a morphine overdose in 1903. And get this. When Gon-Gon died in 1903, most of his paintings, letters, and collection were auctioned in Atuna, which is where he lived. And many of these objects were burned because of their pornographic nature. Is that interesting? You know what else is interesting? What? After this joke, Sophia storms off to the elevators, Dot races after her inexplicably,

Right. But we'll let it go. We'll let it go. Mr. Allen remembers that he's come out to talk to Blanche about the banquet. Oh, and I have here. Oh, boy. Here we go. I almost forgot the reason I came out to talk to you.

Oh, it's about the banquet. Oh, now, don't you worry about a thing, Mr. Allen. I love to throw a party. You just leave everything to me. Well, actually, Blanche, I've decided to leave everything to Dorothy. Excuse me? I want to put Dorothy in charge of all the arrangements for the banquet. That way you have all your time free to devote to the exhibition. But, Mr. Allen, the banquet, I'd always assumed that I was going to handle it. Well, you were, Blanche, but that was before we found Dorothy. Tell her I want to see her when she gets back.

We have a banquet and we have an exhibition. To me, it's six of one, half a dozen of the other. Divide and conquer. But she wants all the cookies. She wants all the cookies. He's adamant. I'm giving it to Dorothy. You're not going to have anything to do but just worry about the exhibit. Everything else will fall to Dorothy. Right. Blanche has been watering plants up until this point. The phone rings and she goes to answer it. It's Dorothy's phone. So she goes to the desk and she says, hello? Hello. Dorothy isn't here.

She was arrested on a morals charge this morning. I know you just never know, do you? Have a nice day. I laughed. A morals charge. Which is a real thing. I looked that up. Oh, yeah. That sounds like the Stonewall people. That's what I mean. It's just so horrible. It's horrible. I love whenever Blanche is mad at Dorothy. It becomes Dothy. Dothy. Dothy. Just all vowels. I know. Assonance.

No alliteration. Yes. Okay. So next thing we're in Dorothy's bedroom, the fucking dog comes in and gets in bed with Dorothy. I said I would murder Rose. I'm going to divorce Rose in this episode. I cannot stand it. Dorothy thinks it's her mother coming to snuggle that also made me uncomfortable. Well, yeah, right. We're creeping into Big Daddy Blanche territory with all of that. Well, she's half asleep, to be fair, wearing the navel collection, the white satin with the blue piping. And

And what follows is like her classic mouse speech, right? I mean, we get a Dorothy monologue to the dog. The monologues. I love, Patrick, as I'm sure the Cheesecakes do, how they have found the voices of our heroines. Yes. They're giving Rose the same kind of speech over and over again. They're giving Dorothy the same kind of speech. And this is an example, right? And basically, we just learned that Dorothy doesn't actually hate dogs. She just hates dogs.

had a dog named Wawa who eventually died and she cried for a week and she's not going to put herself through that again. And you know, we talk about this, Jillian talks about it all the time that like, you know when you get a dog that you're going to outlive it unless you're like a very old person and like, you know, like you're kind of doing a sad thing for yourself, but you have to sort of celebrate and enjoy the time you have together.

That's right. But this is the backstory on why Dorothy hates dogs anyway. That's right. But now she's just decided, like, she's just like, doesn't want the dog. She goes and finds Rose and says, I've tolerated this dog as long as I can. The dog has to go. And Dorothy has been very patient. Yes, I agree. So this is the end of the line. Rose says she needs a few more days. And I was like, a few more days? Rose, you are being a bad rule.

roommate. I know, I know. I have had it with that disgusting dog. I have tolerated him as long as I can. He's got to go. But Dorothy... No buts, Rose. Well, okay, but I'll need a few more days. All right. A few more days and that is it. Get me a doggy bone. I don't know, Dorothy. I don't think you deserve one. Rose, not for me. It's to lure that mud out of my room. That's okay. I'll get him. Boy, Aunt Dorothy's certainly a grouch.

Dorothy's certainly a grouch. Which is just so mean. Like, if I'm Dorothy, I'm chasing Rose into the living room being like, you? I've put up with this dog for a year at this point. What do you mean I'm a grouch? I know, I know. So Blanche enters. Now it's just Blanche and Dorothy in the kitchen. And Dorothy says, you couldn't sleep either, huh? And Blanche says, No, it must be the knife in my back. I mean,

I love that Dorothy doesn't know what she's talking about, but also doesn't care to ask. Right. You know what I mean? She's just kind of like, I'm still a little too late for this. And the beginning of the speech is fine. I love people with self-awareness. And Blanche starts to explain that. I wasn't going to say anything about this, Dorothy, but I won't be able to sleep until I do. I feel that you have backed me into a corner. And when I am backed into a corner, I come out fighting like a wildcat. Unless I've had too much to drink, in which case I slide down the wall and make mad passionate love on the carpet. Yeah.

after the ha-has, you know, Dorothy's like, what's going on? Blanche is like, listen, you stole the banquet from me and that's the only art show she's ever put together in her life. Dorothy's like, but I didn't steal it. It was a sign to her. That's right. That's right. By the way, I kept having the thought, like, Dorothy, this seems like a good gig for you. Like, you should quit this substitute teaching job. Seriously. And just, like, do this full time. Maybe that's what Blanche is afraid of.

Maybe. Dorothy's so good at it now, she's going to, like, replace Blanche. We get this later in the Rusty Anchor, right? It's jealousy. It's being threatened. I'm not as smart. I'm not as talented. This is why, you know, I think I said this to you in another episode. Like, Oprah, I saw this Oprah thing recently where she was like, you cannot be friends with anybody who's jealous of you in any way at all.

And Blanche, like we were thinking about it in the Big Daddy episode that we just did, where like any younger woman is a threat to her. Now, like in her workplace, now Mr. Allen likes Dorothy better, she thinks. And now that's like Blanche lives with these kinds of insecurities. And Dorothy kind of says as much. Yeah. When it comes to art, you cannot hold a candle to me. So why don't you give me back my clothes and banquet before you go and mess everything up? Listen to me. Mr. Allen gave me that banquet and I intend to take charge of it regardless of your childish insecurities.

Childish? Who are you calling childish? Who are you calling a backstabber? Girls, I think this little fella better stick around a while. Get rid of him. I think he's coming down with the flu. Who cares? Don't explain, Rose. I used to live with a couple of bitches myself.

Rose enters. These two women are at each other. They are in each other's faces. And I'm like, shit's going to go down. These women have been to prison. Right, right, right. It's going to get mean in there in a second. She's carrying the dog. And she says that she thinks the dog has the flu and needs to stick around a little while longer. Oh, my God. And Dorothy and Blanche just storm out. Like, they just don't care. Right. And MDK, don't explain, Rose. I used to live with a couple of bitches myself. Once again, I think it's kind of a dumb joke. Yeah.

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Stop by a Warby Parker store near you. So next scene, we're back at the museum. Gird your loins, my fellow cheesecakes. That's right. We learn here why all the subterfuge. Yes, because Blanche isn't in yet. Dorothy's at her desk and Mr. Allen comes out to talk to her. Dorothy, is Blanche around? No, she hasn't come in yet.

Good. Then we can talk about the banquet. How's everything going? Just fine. She doesn't suspect a thing. I can't wait to see her face when she finds out the banquet is to honor her for all the good work she's done around here. I can't either. Well, I'm going to finish the speech I'm writing for Blanche's party. When it's done, I'd like you to take a look at it. I'd be happy to, Mr. Allen.

Dorothy has been sworn to secrecy, and this is a promise she intends to keep. Yeah, for obvious reasons. Yes. But we all see the conflict, right? Right. This is why she's getting all this extra, quote, attention. It's just that they're working together on this thing for Blanche that Blanche can't know. It's a good setup. That's right. Right. And Mr. Allen says, I'm going to go work on my speech. When I'm done, I want you to take a look at it. So Blanche enters. She enters right as Dorothy has said, I'd be happy to, Mr. Allen. Yes. Blanche says, yes.

Be happy to, Mr. Allen. My, my, aren't you? Aren't we licking boots a little early? And then Dorothy, taking a strike, she said, I had a light breakfast. Like, I love that Dorothy is just not giving. That's right. You know. Just letting it roll off her back. Yes, yes. And then, you know, Blanche is like accusing Dorothy of opening her mouth. Blanche does this. She did this with her big mommy. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Where like, she kind of gets really childish. Her jokes aren't that funny. It's all sort of just like mock.

and mimicking. And it's a through line of her character that like something is amiss and she's just sort of losing control. Well, she's just launching passive aggressive lob after another. And finally, Dorothy's had enough. She has a great speech here. Blanche, that does it. That does it. I have had it. Now, listen, up until the time we started working together, you were my best friend. The reason we were such good friends was because you trusted me. Now, all of a sudden, I don't know. You think I'm some other person, someone who'd stab you in the back.

She's hurt. Like, you can hear in the delivery of this speech... Yeah, I have later, this is Bea Arthur. This is what we were told by Jim, like, the vulnerability that she actually possesses, right? Yes, yes, yes. And because she wasn't fighting back, and she knows what's going on here, she's doing this thing for Blanche, like...

And she can't tell her that that's what she's doing. Yeah. And she's like, why doesn't my best friend trust me? Like, I was your best friend. I would never stab you in the back. You begged me to do this job. Right. If this is all going on, there must be a reason for it. And Blanche, because she was so direct and honest, I have to say it cuts through. And Blanche gets it immediately. And boy, she feels like she feels terrible. Yeah. And she's begging for forgiveness in her. Please.

But I love that Dorothy is just like, you know, and the vulnerability is still there. Yeah. You really hurt my feelings. You know, Blanche continues to beg for forgiveness and Dorothy acquiesces. She's like, OK, Blanche, I forgive you. And they blow each other kisses across the room. Yeah. Mr. A comes in and ruins everything with the.

Yes. Because he's now finished his speech and wants Dorothy to take a look at it. Hands it to Dorothy, sees Blanche, and is sort of like, they're instantly being secretive about it. Yeah. He says, Dorothy, I've got the thing I want you to look over. Yeah, and like, this is badly done on Mr. Allen's part. Of course, the woman who's worked for you for five years, who is your right-hand person, is going to be curious about what that is and say,

He's handed to her quietly. And this is why we need computers, because he would have emailed it to her. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's handled very casually, you know, and Dorothy puts it away. And of course, Blanche clocks it. They've agreed to go have lunch, and Blanche just can't help herself. Darth Vader. Yes, Blanche. What was that thing Mr. Allen just gave you?

What thing? That thing you just put in your drawer. Oh, oh, that thing. It's nothing. Believe me. If it's nothing, let me see it. You know something? I am really very hungry. What do you say we go out and get that pizza now? It's 9.15. I don't want a pizza. I want to see that thing.

I'm sorry, Blanche, you can't. Why? Because. Why? Because. Why? Why? Oh, yeah. Why? Why? Why? And she's doing it with Smize eyes, too. Yes. Why? Why? Like, just suspicious. The eyes of suspicion. I don't know how you all do the acting. I wouldn't be able to do it. Here's a really great Blanche moment because Dorothy directly says, because it's none of your business. And I go, and my butt is clenching again. Blanche drops her pen. And here comes the volcano. Here.

We have some honeys in here and the venom that comes out. I mean, the weapons being hurled across the room. Little grenades. Just little grenade one after the other. None of my business. I will have you know that before you came to work here, honey, everything was my business. Now show me that paper. I'm sorry, Blanche, I can't. I knew you'd been hiding something. You no good backstabbing Jezebel. I demand you show me that paper. I'm sorry. Flattery won't work.

Jezebel. Backstabbing Jezebel is back. It's back, baby. I made the note that these women have that backstabbing Jezebel jab locked and loaded. It's like their go-to when they really want to cross the line. Not since Dr. Elliot Clayton. I know. But Dorothy flips it on its back and says, I'm sorry, flattery won't work. Right. Blanche Cronin.

quits her job, storms out, bursts through those doors, hits the elevator button, decides she's not going to wait. Blanche is taking the stairs. This is how serious it is. We got two honeys. I'll tell you what won't work, honey. I want to imagine that the office...

Offices of the museum are on the 19th floor. And Blanche is going to walk down 19 flights of stairs just so she doesn't have to stand there and look at Dorothy while she's waiting for the elevator. I know. So next scene, we're back at the house. Dorothy and Sophia are playing rummy because Dorothy never learns. I say here, who can tell that they are playing cards, though? Because all you can see is Dot's nightgown. Okay, so that's my question is, is that a nightgown? Is that a dress? I don't know what the... What on earth is that? I will say...

I'm going to go with, like, you would find it in the pajama department in my memory. Okay. Because I remember my...

Can I tell you this story? I think I did. I think this is a twofer. Oh, my God. My mom and I bought loungewear nightgowns once on a hockey trip for my brother. And remember, my mom's was like a deep burgundy and mine was aqua. Okay. And it was striped like this. And thick like that? And thick like that. And it had horizontal gray and like maroon stripes or horizontal gray and aqua stripes with a cowl neck turtleneck. Oh, my God. So it was like a lounging nightgown. That was in the mid-80s. Yeah. So that's what I'm going with. But the best part of the story is we came back to the hotel room and we said, oh, my God.

Dad, Roland, look what we got. I mean, these were such a bargain. How much do you think these cost? And he went, oh, 15 bucks. How much were they? 15 bucks. We were so mad. No, no, we didn't. That wasn't it. I said, we all said, nope, 99. Like we were so mad. We thought they were so expensive looking. It's so funny because I was like, what is she wearing? So that was like a thing people in the time would wear. So people would recognize that. Yeah. Because it looks like it takes up, I don't know. I mean, like, where does she store that thing? Yep.

You know, Sophia wins Jen. Dorothy's not mad. And Sophia's like, it's not even worth playing if you're not going to get mad. But obviously, Dorothy is still distracted about her fight with Blanche. Yeah. And, you know, Sophia, you know, she's like, just tell her about the cockamamie banquet in her words. You know, get it over with. I want Sophia's side. I would have told her right after backstabbing Jezebel. I would have grabbed her by the arm, brought her over to the coffee machine. We are team Sophia here all day, every day. She is savage. She's so...

like the mom of your dreams here, just protecting her cub. Because what's happening is, and this happens with them a lot, is that they start saying things they can't take back. Right. So Dorothy, let's preempt that by just telling her what's going on. Like, I think that she would rather know at this point. Of course, of course. But before that, we have, ugh. Blanche enters laying on us yet just another iconic line. Hi, Blanche. Eat dirt and die trash. Oh!

Just hold it right there, Blanche. Look, you stay out of this, Ma. That banquet you're so mad about, they're throwing it in your honor. What? Ma, I told you it was a secret. Your secret, not mine. It's true. Yes, it is. And now that you feel like the dirt you wanted my daughter to eat, I think I'll go into the kitchen and have a nice hard candy.

Eat dirt and die, Trish. I mean. Eat dirt and die, Trish. Eat dirt and die, Trish. Sophia jumps right up. And she rightly so says, listen, it's your secret. It's not mine. Yes. And Blanche is shocked. Now, this whole reversal happens too fast. For me, like if I'm Dorothy, I would be so mad at Blanche. Dorothy is not mad.

Oh, no. When she says, I understand, I'm like, what? Yes. Yeah. Well, we kind of have a repeat here of the earlier joke. Yeah. Like, you know, she's like, you know, I thought that I only I was a miracle worker. I thought that nobody could do what I did at the museum. Then you came along and learned my job in less than a week. And I realized any idiot can do what I do. Right.

You know? Right, right. Dorothy says, and you were afraid you couldn't find the right words to apologize. And again, the audience, it takes them forever to get it. I know, I know. They finally get it. But are they nervous that Lucille Ball is there? Now that I think of it, that...

probably had something to do with it. You know what I mean? His mother laughing. Totally. Yeah. No, totally. Now, Blanche, I don't think we've heard her say I'm sorry yet, decides she wants to give Dorothy something expensive as a gift. Yes. Like anything other than her emerald earrings. And I'm like, this is,

to me, this is going in the wrong direction. Oh, yeah. Grab that woman by the hands and apologize. Like, that's the appropriate thing to do here. I know. When she doesn't want the earrings, she's going to write her a check for $75? This is the weirdest episode. I just love it, though, that it's not $100. Where did the $25 deduction come from is what I want to know. It's so... That part is funny to me. That's really funny. It's the actual number.

the three quarters of a million. Can you imagine getting into a fight, doing something like what Blanche has done with one of your best friends? Yeah. And then in lieu of apologizing, you write them a check? That doesn't make any sense. No, but it's narcissistic Blanche, so...

That means a lot to her, probably. Oh, God. She's desperate to find a way. And Dorothy, again, this is what I mean when we talk about you have those people in your life, Patrick, too, where you're friends, but truly not because of them, but more so because of you. Oh, I mean, we all have those friends. And Dorothy, of course, she has to be the grown up. She's like, Blanche, I don't want your check. Dorothy, please. I am trying desperately to find some way to tell you I'm sorry. All right. OK, I will take the check, but I'm not going to cash it.

I'm going to keep it as a reminder for the next time you behave like a big fat jerk. I mean, giving Blanche here more than she deserves and being what, Grace? Graceful. I also love that now Dorothy's worried that Blanche won't be able to act surprised enough at the banquet. And Blanche is like, oh, come on. I pretended to be a virgin half a dozen times. Right.

Rose enters. She says she found the dog's owner. Yeah. And like everyone's happy. And then Dorothy's in tears. That's right. It's like, that's wonderful. I'm so glad he found his owner. And she finally lets the cat out of the bag because Dorothy's like, I just have something in my eye. And Rose is like, that's dog love in your eyes. You hate her so much. I hate her.

Oh, my God. So Rose says, I know. I felt the same when I dropped him off. That's why I stopped at the animal shelter. She has adopted 15 new dogs for them all to raise with the minks. You know what I mean? And, like, the episode freeze frames on the end with all the dogs just running in. I'm like, what is going on here? Four pups. There we go. One for each of the ladies. Oh, my God. Presumably.

We did it, mother. We did it, papa. That was so wonderful. Such a fun, fun episode. Cheesecakes, we love you so much. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for tuning in. Join the Facebook group. It's the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast discussion group. Oh, here's what I want. I was going to ask this week. I want pictures of your animals in the Facebook group. Since this was a dog-centric episode,

episode. If you got a furry friend in your life, I want to see the pictures in the group. And the name, please. Yeah, and the name, please. Because we don't know the name here. No, I'll put a picture of Golden. Follow us on the socials at Golden Girls Deep Dive on TikTok and Instagram. That's where you will see all of our fun videos from the episode. And you know what, Cheesecakes? What? You can do it. You can do it. Thank you for being a friend. By being a friend. By. By telling them about our pot. You almost got it, mother. Put your thumb in your mouth. Okay. Oh, no.

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