Big Daddy's Little Lady (Season 2, Episode 6)
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Excludes restaurant orders. Service fees and terms apply. Cheesecakes! Patrick here. Just a reminder that my tour starts in less than two weeks. So

So I'm coming all over the country for an evening that is one part me telling you a story about a disastrous night I spent with Bea Arthur. It's hilarious. We have a Bea Arthur impersonator via video telling Bea's side of the story. It's a whole multimedia experience and it is hilarious. And then for the second half of the night, we all go to the venue bar. It's a cash bar and we just hang out.

The whole idea is to make new cheesecake friends in your area. And do not be afraid to come along. We have stickers for solo travelers that say solo and fabulous. And that just lets your fellow cheesecakes know that you're looking to make new friends. You don't have to wear the sticker, but if you want to, that's what it's for.

So far, we've announced 17 cities, which include Seattle, Los Angeles, Salt Lake City, Denver, Indianapolis, New Orleans, Kansas City, Dallas, Austin, Houston, Portland, San Francisco, Phoenix, Detroit, Cleveland, Columbus, and Cincinnati. Some of those shows are already sold out. Others have tickets that are running low, so grab your tickets if you're going to come. And we've got a bunch more cities to announce very, very soon.

We've got a link in the show notes here for tickets, or you can just go to PatrickTours.com for all the tickets and info. All right, my Cheezys, I will see you on the road. Hi, golden girl, Jennifer Simard. Did you just call me old? I said golden as in, like, golden as in valuable. Oh, there you go. Except I am the right age. That's the sad part. But you know what? I don't know.

I don't know what I want to say here, bro. No, I'll help you out. Everyone keeps sending me these memes where they AI the faces of our girls of what they would look like today. And where's the lie? I know. But it's the hairstyles. The hairstyles. Seeing Dorothy with the long feminine hair, it really doesn't work. It freaks me out. The hairstyles, but also the style.

filler, the Botox. It's just fabulous. I'm sorry. I love it. Welcome to the Golden Girls Deep Dive. I almost said the Golden Girls Cheesecake Podcast, which is what we should call it. I mean, you know. It's the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast, where every week we recap an episode of the Golden Girls and we give you these deep dives throughout. We're telling you about the universe of the Golden Girls. We're telling you like little trivia, things that they say that we don't know what it means. So we look it up and we bring it to you. And Cheesecakes, if you haven't already, join our Facebook group. It's the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast.

discussion group. Look, she's memorized an entire show. She cannot be responsible for remembering. The name of the Facebook group, it's ridiculous. You know what? What? I don't think I've said it right once, but I know where to find it. But you know where to find it. We are in there all the time. There's almost 5,000 people in there now making new friends. Yeah, I just posted a little something the other day. You're always posting fun stuff in there. People seem to have a good time in there. Yeah. Well, what are we talking about today, girl? Today we're talking about season two, episode six. This is entitled Big Daddy's Little Lady. Ha ha ha.

It was written by Russell Marcus, directed by David Steinberg, and its original air date was December 15th, 1986. Do you have anything that was going on in the world? I do. So that very week, Madonna's song, True Blue, hit number three on the Billboard Top 100. I love that song. Oh, great. So it got a little mini-ditty on it. So number three is as high as the song ever gets on the charts, but I love this song. I grew up on this song. It's from her third solo album of the same name. She co-wrote the song. I didn't know Madonna was writing her own music back

then. Oh, right. Yeah. And she co-wrote it about her then husband, Sean Penn, who apparently used the words true blue to describe their love for each other. Aw. It wasn't really a very happy time for her when the album came out. She was trying to be taken seriously as an actor. And the release of the album coincided with a release of a movie that she had just made with husband Sean Penn called Shanghai Surprise. Yeah. Which, have you seen it? No, but I do remember. I just know it was like a famous flop. Nobody saw it. Everybody hated it. And their marriage wasn't going well because she was too flippant.

famous. They got married on her 27th birthday. And she, like, the paparazzi just never left them alone. But when the album came out, it did really well. The critics loved it. It was an immediate global success, reaching number one in a record-breaking 28 countries. This is the album, not the song. And it sold over 25 million copies worldwide, making it the best-selling album of 1986. Well, should we go to the episode proper? Yeah, we're diving in. ♪

So if you don't mind, I will open us up. Open us up, bro. I've been waiting for open up to open us up. Here we go. Cheesecakes, spread your legs. Here we go. So we open on Sophia in a lovely lavender dress. I literally said Sophia's looking lovely in her lavender nightgown. That's right. And Dorothy enters wearing a map of Pangea on her body. This is before the continents split. Ew.

Totally. The way the continent split like all the cheesecake's legs at the top of this episode. That's right. I'm texting you this outfit so we can talk about it. It's in my brain, honey. You don't need to text. I'm not going to. All right. I won't. I'm just going to hold it up. What is she wearing? I told you it's the map of Pangea. Because the whole ensemble is like she's wearing like a man's dress shirt with it's like a striped shirt that's buttoned to her neck because she's wearing a tie.

high. Yeah. And then she's got this sweater vest with Pangea on it. Now, I will point this out later when she goes to sit at the table. These shoulder pads are so wide and I don't even mean this as a joke. I think if she had to go through a metal detector at TSA, I think she would have to turn sideways. Right. They'd say, ma'am,

Next time, get a shoulder reduction surgery. Look at how... Why did anybody want to look that big? I know. Well, in the 80s, the 40s were back, if I recall. And they wanted to look that big in the 40s? Well, they just wanted that broad shoulder. You know the dynasty? I guess. Like, tiny waist, broad shoulders, very...

Masculine. Sexy masculine. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I love a masculine woman. You know I was raised by the lesbians. Well, I just mean the style. I remember those shoulder pads. Oh, gosh. It's wild. But they can help a woman, like, make her waist look tinier.

Which, now I'm going to start wearing shoulder pads. If that's how we have to do it, girl, I'm going to go out and get those shoulder, I'm going to get those football shoulder pads. Oh my gosh. And the next time I walk in here, you're going to be like, Patrick, you are so petite. But like another thing, like Paul Tazewell in Death Becomes Her. The costume designer? Yes, he will give me shoulder pads sometimes because it just sort of, I'm a little slope-shouldered gal myself. And so like, you know, it kind of just, You know, slope-shouldered Samar. You know, tiny waist, but it balances out my hips, which are quite hourglassy. So it just gives you a little bit more,

I feel like they are doing anything they can to offset the bosoms. Do you know what I mean? Those bosoms are popping. Yeah. Those bosoms are popping, especially that cheesecake. And there's that. You listen.

Anyway, this outfit is absolutely ridiculous. In my opinion, it is very smart of Sofia to do what she's doing. Morning, Ma. Working on the crossword puzzle? Nope. Just lining up a few dates. Let's see. Maria Molinero, 85, died of natural causes, survived by her husband, Tony Molinero. Ma, you're getting dates out of the obituaries? That's sick.

It is not sick. It's practical. Life is for the living. Maria's loss is my date for the early bird special at the Howard Johnson's. I don't see the problem. I don't either. I think it's really genius. I agree with her. It's extremely practical. Dorothy thinks it's sick. I'm 100% on Sophia's side. I'm like, how many years does Sophia really have left? I agree with Sophie. You gotta grab life by the balls. Right. That's right. Before we move on, I've got a quick mini-ditty on obituaries. Do it. Because I'm kind of obsessed with obituaries, but

the reason I'm kind of obsessed with them is because of like the modern like vengeance obituaries. Are you aware of these vengeance obituaries? Girl, are you in for a treat in this mini-ditty. It's like Rue McClanahan's Emmy speech, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, listen, a quick background on obituaries. The first known obituaries were published around 59 BCE in ancient Rome. These obituaries were written in papyrus newspapers called acta durina, meaning daily events, pardon me.

me, Greeks, I'm sure your dogs are all barking. Editorial obituaries started in the United Kingdom in the 17th century as a way to memorialize members of the community. Are you ready? I'm ready. For the first instance in the United States, the first obituary to appear in the United States. Are you ready? I guess so. It was in 1704 in the Boston newsletter for a woman named Jane Treat, granddaughter of Connecticut's deputy governor, who was struck by lightning while reading her Bible. Oh.

But, like, was she under an oak tree? Like, I mean... This poor woman died being struck by lightning while reading the Bible. Reading her Bible. Oh, my God. I cannot get over that. Okay. So, as I was saying, my...

obsession are these vengeful obituaries, which are apparently unique to North America and are far more prevalent in the Bible Belt and the Midwest than elsewhere in the United States and Canada. All right. And this has apparently been driven by the advent of social media. Some recent examples of vengeful obituaries that have gone viral. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. In 2024, the daughter of a woman named Florence, last name redacted, because I'm not doing that. This is the obituary the daughter wrote.

Florence, 65, formerly of Chelsea, died on February 22nd, 2024, without family by her side due to burnt bridges and a wake of destruction left in her bath.

Florence did not want an obituary or anyone, including family, to know she died. That's because even in death, she wanted those she terrorized to still be living in fear, looking over their shoulders. Frida Claxton. Jesus. Frida Claxton. Oh, God. So this isn't so much an obituary, but more of a public service announcement.

Talk about getting the last word. I mean, we got one more. This one is maybe my favorite. It's for a man named Leslie, last name redacted. This is the obituary. Leslie was born in Galveston, Texas on November 20th, 1942 and passed away January 30th, 2017, which was 29 years longer than expected and much longer than deserved. Ha ha ha!

Leslie was surprisingly intelligent. However, he lacked ambition and motivation to do anything more than being reckless, wasteful, squandering the family's savings, and fantasizing about get-rich-quick schemes. Leslie's hobbies included being abusive to his family...

This one's not funny. Expediting trips to heaven for the beloved family pets and fishing, which he was less skilled with than the previously mentioned. Leslie's life served no other obvious purpose. He did not contribute to society or serve his community. And he possessed no redeeming qualities besides quick-witted sarcasm, which was amusing during his sober days. Oh, okay. This brings out the oddest in me. Because...

We have to do like a live performance of all of these. If we ever get to do a GTDD live show, we're doing that. Yeah. Oh my God. I want you to read me the filth right now. What would your mean obituary be for me? Off the top of my head? I mean, how mean are we going here? Go full tilt. If I'm not crying, you have failed. Okay. Oh no. Okay. Okay. Okay.

No, no. This can't be there. Don't even think about it. Just do it. See? No, we're not doing this. I'm not doing this. No, no, no. Do it, do it, do it. I'm dying to hear it. I'm dying to hear it. I'm not doing this because I don't mean anything that I'm going to say. That's why I'm not doing it. I'm not doing this. Oh. No. When you're dead, I'll do it.

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Rose enters wearing an Easter egg blue sweater and undershirt. I don't know, like... Yeah, I had lovely light blue. Ha ha ha!

I don't know why I felt the need to mention the undershirt. I guess you did. But she's all excited because she's read in the paper that the Miami realtors are awarding $10,000 to the person who comes up with the best new song about the city of Miami. Yeah, and that gets Dorothy's attention. Yeah, but you know what occurred to me for the first time? What? Like, watching this, I've seen this episode a zillion times. Yeah. Are they looking for a jingle? Because, like, that's kind of what they come up with. Or are they looking for, like, Aerosmith to write a song about Miami? No, I— You know what I mean? That's a good question. It was like a tourism commercial. Yes.

Okay, that makes sense. So like a jingle, yeah. But for $10,000 in 1986 money, get Linda Ronstadt on that. You know what I mean? God. Well, Rose tells Dorothy that she's written songs before. She wrote her fight song for their high school. Onward, St. Olaf. Onward we go. Onward and onward, St. Olaf's go. Go, go, go, go. Go, go. Rose, Rose, Rose. That's over.

Honey, it's a very catchy tune, but who wrote those lyrics? I did. And lyrics aren't even my strong point. I just got lucky that one time. Onward, St. Olaf. Onward we go. Onward and onward St. Olavs go. Go, go, go. Go, go, go. Go, go.

I love that you sang it perfectly on pitch, too. I didn't, though, but that's okay. My favorite part of that moment, too, is that that moment goes on longer than it would be funny, except for the fact that you can see Dorothy just having the headache listening to her sing. Oh, yeah, because it starts off fine. Totally. Right?

Yeah. They're not good lyrics. And Dot is here to say, like, she'd be a better lyricist because, no, this is one of my favorite things. Because she says, because she dabbled in poetry writing in high school. And I said, please tell me you took note of the hand acting. Oh, yeah. When she said that. She's like the proud smile. Just so you know. She's always trying to add something to the scene. That's right. The little hand acting. Right. And we have the first of a funny joke that is used as a callback later. So good. Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

A lot of tall girls who wouldn't get dates wrote poetry in high school.

I love it, and I love the callback in a second, but like the act of writing poetry, you know what I mean? Yeah. Were you a poetry writer? I was. Really? Short girl who couldn't get dates in high school. Like, what kind of poetry did you write? It was always dark. You remember it well, I'm sure you do, but in the season one serial podcast about Adnan's case, there's a British English teacher who talks about all these kids, these high school kids seem to have everything to live for, but all of them to a person, like...

Morose, dark, no one understands me. You know what I mean? Having jumped, having plummeted from Beetlejuice. Yes. I think I did something about a mask and how like, you know, like, you only see the part I choose to show.

You know, like something like so... Can I tell you... So stupid. I didn't write poetry, but I did keep a journal. And I was going through it recently. And I was so in love with this boy. Yeah. And I forgot that I used to do this. And at the end of, like, journal entries, I would, like, sign off using lyrics from, like, musical theater songs. And...

I used, I don't remember the lyrics, but in one entry about him, I used lyrics from Les Mis. Oh, I love him, but only on my own. Ha ha!

I wrote that in my journal. I wrote that in my journal. And you would think if I died now and you went and found that journal, you'd be like, oh, he was so funny and silly and sarcastic. No, I meant it. By the way, I think I remember my poem. So it was a poem that we had to write about an image. So I wrote, like, I made, like, thespian masks, right? And I said, it was something like this. I'm paraphrasing, but it was like, oh, God, it was so awful. But it was like,

It could only be like four lines or something, but I was like, who am I really? Oh, wouldn't you like to know? For you see only part of me.

The part I choose to show. That's actually a good poem. That's actually a good poem. Well, I missed my calling. Oh, God. Dorothy says, like, basically, no, dummy. I'm saying that, like, for $10,000, I'd be willing to try my hand at lyric writing. Let's be a musical duo. Music by Rose Nyland, lyrics by Dorothy's born head? Well, why not? I mean, we could be the next Rodgers and Hammerstein, the next Simon and Garfunkel, the next... Sherry Lewis and Lamb Chop. LAUGHTER

I don't know if I could get my hand that far up your dress. But I'll tell you, for $10,000, I'd be willing to give it a try.

Here's the thing. I don't understand why they're teaming up to work together again. We saw that it didn't go well. Number two, it's time to feed the minks. I hope somebody's out there feeding the minks that are alive and well in the garage. They couldn't make money that way, so this is another money-making scheme. But it's just like, we know that they hate each other. Like, in my world, Dorothy and Rose do not get along. Why are they going to, like, sit down to work on this?

Oh, they don't hate each other. No? No. I have a little Sherry Lewis and Lamb Chop Deep Dive. Ooh. Yeah, you want to hear it? Please. Okay, so Sherry Lewis. Really, it's about Sherry. Yeah. She was born January 17th, 1933 to a magician father. Wow. So that's where she got some of this talent. In discovering her talent, she said, I was walking by a closet and daddy heard my sister screaming to be let out. He opened the door. What?

She's bound to a chair. Well, Daddy opened the door and the sister was nowhere to be seen. Sherry had thrown her voice and Magician Dad, well, he thought that was just terrific. I thought you were going to say Sister Sherry threw her out the window. That's right. She's never been seen again.

That could have gone in so many ways. Things happen in Sherry's life. But her big break as a puppeteer ventriloquist was a 1952 win in a television scouting show. Ooh. And five years later, in 1957, the idea for the Lamb Chop puppet was born during an appearance on the Captain Kangaroo show. Oh, wow. I remember Captain Kangaroo was when I went in the early 70s. And that's where I remember first seeing her. Wow. Yeah. Was she the one that was like, I see Rachel and Jonathan? No, no. Who was that creep? No, that was...

No, that was Romper Room. Oh, really? Icy Brian? No, but the thing is, Jennifer was the most popular name at that time. Oh, yeah. So she would never say Jennifer. She was always like, Sebastian. Icy Ichabod. Fuck you, Ichabod. I know. Fuck you and your stupid unique name. You're standing in front of your TV. I'm right here. Jennifer. I'm right here. You bitch. Jennifer. Yeah. Yeah.

I actually wrote that in one of my cabaret shows. Oh, good. We all know she was amazing. But yeah, she was most famous for that. Her little sock puppet, Lamb Chop, was famous for the long eyelashes. Yes, yes, yes. But let's get back to the show. So Blanche enters looking lovely in a peach silk nightgown. Yes, really peach. Let me say this. This nightgown is sexy and it looks good on her. But more than anything, it looks way more comfortable than any of Dorothy's stable of nightgowns from Macy's Civil War collection. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know.

I couldn't sleep with something that high on my neck. Full wool up to your neck, like restricted. The Macy's Civil War collection is all I can think of. Oh my God, you're so funny. Rose informs Blanche that she and Dorothy have teamed up to do this songwriting contest. Yes. And this is where we have that callback where we like as Blanche says, Blanche, Dorothy and I have decided to enter a songwriting contest together.

That sounds like fun. You know, I always wanted to write a song, but it's kind of like writing poetry, which I was never any good at. Only the tall girls who couldn't get dates ever seemed to be good at poetry.

It's such a savage callback and the audience doesn't even let her finish. I know. It's so funny. And I'm like trying to break down the science of comedy because I'm learning so much from you. But I'm like, that joke is so funny because she doesn't obviously know that Rose just said that. So in this world, that is just a known thing. But also, they both clearly know that Dorothy is exactly the kind of girl that they would be talking about. They don't care. They just say it. But they're not directing it at her, which is, you know, and she's just like. No one's trying to be mean. It's so funny.

So funny. And to break this down further, it wouldn't have been funny if she just went right into the poetry. The fact that she starts with a song, it's like this, but it's kind of like. Totally. Yeah. And we're saved by the phone ringing. This is one of those moments in the Golden Girls I always think of. Ever since the first time I saw it, the first time I saw it, I was probably 12 and I scream laughed. Because, well, first of all, Dorothy answers the phone and she says, oh, hello, Big Daddy. And it cuts to Blanche who goes, oh, is that my father? No, Blanche, it's somebody else.

who lives here who calls their father Big Daddy. Oh, is that my father? Like, genuinely asking. Well, we're coming up to one of my favorite Bea Arthur moments. I think that we have the same thing. Where she's hanging up the phone. She's like, no, no, no, no, no. She's right here. Yeah, you take care too. Bye-bye, Big. Bye-bye, Big. It's so good. Bye-bye, Big. I think of the bye-bye, Big that lives rent-free in my brain. I love it so, it is so, bye-bye, Big. It's so good. It's so good.

Blanche is inexplicably screaming like he's on an oil rig in the middle of the Atlantic. Big Daddy, how in the world are you? I'm just fine. How can you say I look younger and more beautiful over the telephone? No, it's true. I just wondered how you knew over the telephone. Big Daddy? Big Daddy? What are you? What's a big daddy?

Am I wrong? No, you're absolutely right. Because I'm thinking he's backstage at one of the honky-tonks he's performing at. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because we know from season one he's sold the house and he's on the road with all of his life savings. Oh, that was tall Big Daddy. Short Big Daddy. Big Daddy! Oh, my God. Is it just me or are we right back to the inappropriate sexual dialogue between Blanche and Big Daddy? I mean, I...

You know what I mean? Yeah. But we learn that Big Daddy is coming to town. He's got a big surprise for his little girl. Can't wait to see what it is. I know. And what inappropriate comments might be used. I know. So, Sophia re-enters the kitchen. She's pissed. Yes. I don't believe it. Tony Malinara won't go out with me Friday night. Oh, Ma, I'm not surprised. His wife just died. The man is still in mourning. No, that's not the reason Mae Bloomfield beat me to him. Mae Bloomfield beat me to him, that bitch.

That bitch may Bloomfield. But I mean, honestly, like, it's a smart thing if you're in your 80s and you're looking for dates. You know what I mean? I think it's fucking...

It's fucking genius. It's absolutely genius. I don't want to say fuck one more time. I don't want to say it in this episode. I was so naughty. We should do a swear jar. Bring your singles next time. We're going to do a swear jar for you. Okay, I'm going to. I'm so nasty. All right. So next scene, we're in the living room. Rose is sitting at the piano. And I said, did we know they had a piano there? No, I have the as yet unseen piano is in our foreground. Just like, you know, where the bar cart was, all the VCR. There's also no TV. No TV. I think they sold the TV.

and the VCR and the bar cart to get the piano. There's many crumpled pages. The insinuation is that Rose has just been writing and discarding and writing and discarding. Yes, yes. Dot enters wearing a paper bag with tiger stripes. It doesn't, I literally said she looks like she just tried a murder case. Like not like she, you know what I mean? She looks like she tried a murder case. Not like she just like came from school, like substitute teaching a Spanish class. That's right. And Rose is in, well, Rose is in

She's in rose colored. Dorothy asked her, hey, Rose, tell me, did you get a chance to play around with those lyrics I gave you? And Rose says, yes, listen to this. And it's actually catchy. It is catchy. So Dorothy's like, great, let's take it from the top. Now we're going to get to hear Bea Arthur sing a little bit, which is lovely. Miami is nice. So I'll say it twice. Miami is nice. Miami is nice. Miami is... Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. You put in an extra Miami is nice. I had to. It hurts the music if you don't put it in. Yeah, but the lyrics don't make any sense. I mean, it goes, Miami is nice, so I'll say it twice. Oh, I see what you're doing. I can...

I can see both sides of this argument, right? Yeah. Because it's like Miami is nice, so I'll say it twice. But then you need that extra Miami. Like, I understand Rose's pitch. Yeah. That you need that extra Miami to make the song work. But I mean, they could tweak the melody so that it does scan. And this is why the collaborative process is just a nightmare. What are we all doing?

You know what I mean? And like, what are we all doing? What are we doing here then, Patrick? Oh, no. You and I are the perfect duo. So this is where Rose says we can change it to thrice. Miami is nice, so I'll say it thrice. Miami is nice, so I'll say it thrice. I do love Dorothy's retort because it's so quick and so funny. And hats off to the writers. Yes. Rose says, it's a word, Dorothy says. So is interuterine. Right.

But it does not. Where did they come up with that? But it does not belong in a song. In Rose's defense, she immediately makes a melody. Yeah. Miami, you're cuter than an interuterine. Yeah. It works. It's very Sondheim-y. Totally. So Blanche enters looking great in a turquoise dress and emerald jewelry. I have the note here. Time to feed the minks. Yeah.

And I have a note, too. Coco would have taken really good care of the minks. You know what I mean? Oh, you know what? Coco would have absolutely named them. He would have loved the gay ones. His BBs. Oh, he would have loved them. And then it would have been really sad for Coco when they all inevitably died. No, listen. No, because they're in that mink vase with him, baby. Totally. They're...

Their ashes. That's the thing you know they've done. Justice for Coco. So Blanche says, here, Rose, Dorothy, here, smell me. She looks great in this dress. She looks great. I love it. I was really looking closely at the jewelry. It's beautiful. My only thing about the dress is it has that belt that kind of goes down below her belly. Yeah, drop waist. Which I was a little bit like, I don't... I mean, good for you for having the confidence. Oh, yeah. I loved it. That was... I mean, I remember all these styles. Yeah. It's also...

a green dress. And remember how she, like, said that she hated her sister Charmaine because she made her wear green because she knows that green makes her look bad? I don't think it's true green. I think it's more of a turquoise. I was really looking at it. It's hard to tell. Like, these old episodes where it wasn't high-def TV and you can't, like, if you're really trying to get the color, it's hard to know. Right, right. But she looks good in all these exotic colors. She does. She does. Exotic. The exotic color of, you know, green, blue, peach. But we love this. It's so good.

But

But like, why lie? Savage joke. But the thing about it is that it's like in Rose's simple mind, she's taking Blanche at her word that she actually is 41 years old. But then I was also thinking, being a 46-year-old man, I love my elder statesmen, but I have no interest in living with like a 60-year-old man. You know what I mean? Blanche, if you're really 41, girl, and you have all of these like elderly roommates,

You know, that's a weird living situation. Yeah, no, look, I definitely have dated younger, older, but there is something to be said. Yeah. Please, if this is your situation, then great for you. Wonderful. But for me, I do think long term, if you're within the same, you know, three to seven year age, you know, difference up or...

you're going to have a lot of the same cultural references. And that's kind of nice, you know, as you get older, you're like, oh, hey, you remember, you know, remember Happy Days at 8 o'clock on Tuesday nights on ABC? You know, that kind of thing, you know? And the other thing that I think that we learn in this episode, too, is that Blanche really doesn't like younger women. Like, I think that's a thing that really comes out. And it makes sense then that, like, I know she isn't 41. I know she's like, you know, 50 or whatever. But like Dorothy, Rose, Sophia, they're all much older.

older than that. Yeah. And it makes sense to me that she would have like if she's looking for roommates, she's not looking for contemporaries. Oh, that's a very good point. She's looking for older women. But straight women because not lesbians that brush each other's dentures. Right. But not them. Not them. They shower together. And yes, and like cleaned each other's dentures. Don't we want that sitcom? Somebody give me the blanch with the lesbians. Am I right? Was it dentures or teeth? I don't know. Something like that. Something like that. But she kicked them out. She did. So horrible. I know.

And she's like, you know what? The next time around, I'm going to charge them not just rent, but maintenance fees. Right, right, right. I'm going to charge the maintenance fees. So the doorbell rings. Dorothy goes to answer it. It's Big Daddy. So Mr. Hollingsworth, come in. Big Daddy, Big Daddy, let me look at you, Blanche says. She struts across the room. She struts across it like it's a runway. Once again, beginning this, she's like slouching.

sexualizing her relationship with her father right from the first beat. We are not the same. I know I'm in my Blanche era, but this is where I draw the line. No, no. And he lays it on Thicke. Thicke daddy, Thicke daddy, let me look at you. No.

let me look at you. Oh, you're still as pretty as a ladybug sunning itself on a lily pad on a misty spring day south of Savannah. Could you be more specific, Big Daddy? Could you be more specific, Big Daddy?

It's so good. And I get it. Like, I understand if this is how, like, Southern men speak to their daughters. I mean, I tell my daughter that she's beautiful all the time. But, like, anytime I tell Daisy that she's pretty, I said to her the other night. And it just came out. I was brushing her. I was like, Daisy, you are so pretty.

instantly. But you know, that's not that important, right? Being pretty is fun. That's great. And she goes, I know, Daddy, I'm also kind and I'm also nice. And I also help around the house. Like she gave me a list of her other good qualities. And I was like, you know, we are just at a point now where we can't like we're not supposed to like just praise physical beauty, especially in our kids. And I support that.

I would not want Daisy thinking that whatever she looks like now is pretty. And if she ever doesn't look like that later, then now daddy thinks I'm not pretty. That's right. That's not where her value lies. No. That's right. But like as a parent, sometimes you just can't help yourself. Okay. All right.

Patrick, no one has ever looked more beautiful than Daisy and no one ever will. But the thing is, I totally don't even need that. I just like, like it wouldn't matter to me what she looked like. But you know what I was referring to, right? You remember that? I'll handle this, Rose. Blanche, I'm like, Blanche, no woman has ever looked better than you do right now. And no woman ever will. You see, honestly, Rose, it's like pulling teeth just to get a little bit of compliment out of you.

I've paraphrased, but that's the gist. Oh, yes. Sophia enters wearing plaid. And I love this. Big Daddy goes right in for the compliments, which we know Sophia can't stand. That's right. And she says, get out the boots. He's back. So Blanche brings... This is so good. You have to do it. Okay. Blanche says, come on, sit down here on the sofa between us. Why did I spit my coffee out? Like, it is so...

But this whole section is so funny. Come on, Big Daddy. Sit down here on the sofa betwixt us. Betwixt? See, that's another word you don't know. You probably don't even know the thrice of them are sitting on the couch together. It's really good. Really good callback. It's really good writing. So Blanche is like, Big Daddy, what's the surprise now? Tell me, tell me, tell me before I bust. What do you think Blanche thinks it is? God only knows. I mean... That he got the house back.

Probably something for her. That he like sold his guitars and got the family plantation probably back. God, no. I know. I know. So he says, you know, he's not sure how she's going to take it. But there's a lady friend that he's been spending a lot of time with recently.

And he doesn't think that Blanche knows her, but he was introduced to the widow Spencer at a wedding a few months ago. Yeah. And I have right there after we learned that it was a wedding a few months ago, I said, I guess it's safe to assume that Big Daddy's tour is over. I'm not letting you go. I'm not letting you go. Maybe he was playing at the wedding, Patrick. You don't know.

I wish I could remember his song. Can you imagine him playing it? It ain't gonna bother me for long. It ain't gonna bother me for long. I'll get up in the morning and I'll still be singing my song. Something like that? Totally, that's exactly right. And I remember being like, there is a world in which that's a banger. There is a world in which that is a total banger. I'm not gonna sleep with my husband for long. I'm not gonna sleep with him for long.

At the wedding. Yes. She's not going to sleep with you for long. Oh, my God. I ain't going to sleep with you for long. Look, we don't know what he was doing at the wedding. Maybe he was. We don't know. Maybe he was. He tells her that... Missy, she's going to be here tomorrow evening. Just exactly what is this surprise, Daddy? Well, now, I don't want you to get too excited, but Margaret and I are planning on walking down the aisle together. Oh! Is she happy or sad?

I'm not sure. I've never heard her make that sound before. No, I once heard her make that sound, and I assure you, she was happy.

She was happy. Which means Dorothy was walking down the hall during one of Blanche's sex things. Yeah. And had to listen to it. The sexcapades. She was like, like, like. Or honestly, through the wall. I mean, I'm trying to remember a time when I had roommates and I was having sex. You know what I mean? That I would have been conscious of the noises. Look, I don't know if this is off the record, but you and I were speaking earlier about how we're both a little on the noisy side. Right? Yeah.

Right? Yes. Both a little on the noisy side. We are. Well, we're both fire signs. We're both fire signs. Crackle, crackle, crackle. How are the neighbors going to know I'm having sex unless I let them know? You know what I mean? Big Daddy's thrilled because Blanche is very, very happy. Never happier in her entire life. And she says, Daddy, you know nobody can ever replace Mom in my heart, but the important thing is for you to be happy, Daddy. I

I need your Southern crime drama. I need your, like, Lifetime movie where you play, but it's got to be you now and you playing younger you in flashbacks. Oh, no. It's going to be me under a weeping willow reading my Bible and struck by lightning. That's what it's going to be. She died getting struck

Struck by letting her Bible. I mean, the fuckery of that. That is so wrong, Jesus. If anybody's got control over this, it's the big lady upstairs. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, maybe she, you know, this old line. She needed another angel. I love that goddess was in a bad mood that day. I was like, you know what? Get her. Get her. You know what? You see that one under the tree with the Bible? Get her. She moves her lips when she reads. I can't stand that. Yeah.

She moves her lips when she reads. Damn. There's been this TikTok trend about all these young kids in like movies that we love from the 90s, like Home Alone, where if you look closely enough, the kid actors are mouthing the lines of the other actors in the scene. Oh, yeah. Yep. That's struck by lightning. All of them. All of them. Just see like goddesses. She's like, you know what? I don't like myself very much today. That twit.

Reading, moving her lips. Kaboom. Reading my autobiography. And she's like, oh, I feel so much better. Totally.

So Big Daddy's saying they're going to get married in the Bahamas. Blanche has decided they're going to throw the wedding here at the house without asking her other roommates who live there if that's okay. That's right. Going to throw an entire wedding. I mean, they're going to foot the bill. I don't see what the problem is. We'll take it right out of their maintenance fee. But also, I love this. She's like, and let me just say this. No, I will not hear of it. A Hollingsworth has to get married in style. Like, at the house? As opposed to the Bahamas? On the lanai? That's okay. Okay. They don't even have a bar card anymore. You know what I mean?

And I know she... You had to sell the bar cart for the piano. What do you mean by bar cart? This is a gift of the magi. Anyway, I don't want to impose. Dorothy says, no, we'd love to have the wedding here. This is so good. And Rose says, oh, I don't want to impose. No, we'd love to have the wedding here. And Dorothy and I'll even write a song to commemorate the occasion. No, we won't, Rose.

My favorite is when they say the line in the same intonation that they said the previous line. You know what I mean? I know. It would be a pleasure. No, we won't, Rose. No, we won't, Rose. But he agrees. It's all right. I could never say no to you, Blanche. So the phone rings. Sophia answers the phone and she's receiving terrible news. It's a terrible tragedy. Hello? Oh, that's too bad. A tragedy. A terrible tragedy. May she rest in peace.

Great news, Teresa Lombardi passed away. Mom, what's so great about that? Her husband, Freddy, he has nothing to do. And neither one of us has seen Ruthless People.

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So next scene, Blanche is on the couch in some sort of gray pantsuit with a clipboard ostensibly wedding planning. Yes. Rose and Dorothy enter from the kitchen. Rose is in a pink sweater. Dorothy is in her Star Trek collection. Yeah. And the piano has been pushed now against the wall between the living room and the kitchen. My thing is that like they've been up all night working. Yeah. This isn't going great. No. Now, can I tell you when I say Rose starts to play and then Dorothy sings and she comes in like

eight octaves higher than we've ever heard her. I jumped. I jumped. No, this is Rusty Anchor. We only know her down here. And this, this one's up here. M-I-A, another M-I-M-I-A-M-I spells Miami Beach. Girl, it stirs emotion. Girl, it's by the ocean. Girl, so bring your suntan. Girl, what? What?

Miami Beach. It stirs emotion. Girls. It's the ocean. Girls. Don't bring. I don't know. Yeah. Something like that. I'll give you a thousand dollars cash if you make up one more verse.

So bring your suntan lotion. It's not the meat, it's the motion. $1,000, fine. I'm going to Venmo you right after this. Oh, God. It's not the meat, it's the motion. But you know what? Sometimes it's the meat and the motion. You know what I mean? Do I?

One day. No, not today. But not today. One day we'll tell you all sorts of stories. Oh, cheesies. You're in for a... You're in for a... When Jen's out of death becomes her in five years, you're in for quite a hot and heavy Zoom hang. Ha ha ha!

But Blanche is saying M-I-A-M-I doesn't spell Miami Beach. It spells Miami. And Blanche makes a good point. And our writing team is fighting. This is the creative process. It's difficult sometimes. Well, because, you know, Dorothy is saying, like, find something to rhyme with Miami. Hot shot. And Rose does. She says...

Mammy, whammy, flammy, alabammy, hootenanny, salammy. And Dorothy says, hootenanny is a martial and I refuse to accept salammy. Like, the writing is so good because you can see the daggers in Dorothy's eyes. She wants to punch Rose in the face. Oh, I know. Am I inventing

that Dorothy hates Rose. You know as well as I do that you can get very frustrated with family. Oh. With the people that you feel safest with, you argue like that. And somebody that you're working on a, like a creative project with, like, oh my God, I was watching ahead a couple episodes and there's a moment where Bea Arthur slaps Rose. Yeah. And it looks like Rose is about to go flying off the bed. Remember our first Zoom party where you couldn't get the Zoom to work? And you're like, it's happening! Ah! Ah! You were just like, just get me in the room! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah

Yeah. You like married people fighting. Oh, God. And that's how they're fighting. Yeah, that's a good call. So they're having creative differences, basically. That's the whole point. And, you know, Rose is saying, I never had this trouble when I worked alone. And Dorit says, oh, doorbell, when you worked alone, you could only rhyme go with go. So...

So the door opens, Dorothy opens the door, and a beautiful redhead in a royal blue suit is at the door. Yes. Now, to set this up, Blanche had been in the living room, and she's saying, I'm expecting a woman from the catering company, and I'm going to go put on some fresh coffee. Right. So she's not there. So Dorothy opens the door, and this young, beautiful woman, we all assume, is the woman from— In a suit. Yeah. We think it's the caterer. Exactly. Oh, hello. Please come in. You must be from the catering company. Actually, I'm from Atlanta. I'm Margaret Spencer. Oh.

Whoa. What a coincidence. Blanche's father is marrying a Margaret Spencer from Atlanta. Only she's much older, I think. What do you think, Dorothy? Whoa. Whoa. And I'm thinking, is this iconic or am I imagining it? It's not quite a hello, hello, hello. It's pretty iconic. Whoa. It's pretty iconic. Because we're watching Rose in real time understand what's happening, which is so funny that Rose is

always like 30 seconds behind everybody else. It's so good. So Blanche enters, she sees the woman and it's funny. She thinks this is the woman from the catering company, but even still, I just don't think Blanche likes younger, pretty women being in the house. I just don't think she likes it. And you can get that from the way she says hello to her. She's just like,

Hello there, I'm Blanche Devereaux. And Dorothy, this is iconic. This is absolutely iconic. Hello there, I'm Blanche Devereaux. Blanche, this is, I'd like you to meet, say hello to Big Mommy.

Say hello to Big Mommy. It's so good. In fact, we shouldn't be Papa and Mama. We should be Big Daddy and Big Mommy. Oh, we can't take Papa and Mother Cheese. Listen, you got to be Mother Cheesecake. All right. Well, we missed an opportunity, didn't we? We did, but Mother Cheesecake, it makes me laugh every time. Okay, good. Mother Cheesecake. All right, well, we're post-commercial break. Blanche is...

is mad. And she's just mad that this woman is Miss Margaret, the woman that her dad is going to marry. And Blanche thinks she's too young. I think Blanche's jokes here are stupid. I think the way Rue McClanahan makes these work is brilliant. Yes, yes. But they're just, it's the kind of thing where like... Are you talking about the infantilizing jokes? Yes. Oh, but before we get there.

get there. Oh, sorry, go ahead. I do want to say Margaret says she's sorry traffic wasn't what she expected and Rue McClanahan makes a non-joke funny. She says the important thing is you got here safely. Right. Safely. Safely.

It's funny because I'm not saying it's a bag of tricks, but like, Rue McClanahan has so many Blanche-isms up her sleeve that if she ever, if something isn't working, she can pull out a sift. Yeah, and this, or, oh, I wish I could say the thing with a little shimmy. Totally. You know? But then, to your point, yes, they give her a lot of infantilizing jokes, which, you know, we can summarize it. She makes a joke about a booster seat, about chocolate milk. Yes. The child over there trying to steal my daddy away. Right. And it's like,

the duality of what she's experiencing here. Right. She's like, her dad just got the house back. He's being hired out to sing at weddings. He's being hired to sing at weddings. But like the duality of the, of the idea that like this lady is like, she's a gold digger is, is what she's thinking. And also she's like younger and hotter than me. So it's like a double whammy. She says it's a gold digger, but I think it's younger and hotter. That's the real problem. And not being the apple of his eye. Yes.

Being like another younger woman who's, right, who's going to get his attention more than her. And look, we love Blanche, but she is a narcissist. Right. You know, she's just, this is like, she can't take this. You know how you can tell I grew up poor? Because whenever I see rich people, I'm like, what's their inheritance like? Whenever I see anybody whose parents made more than $50,000 a year, I'm like, they got a boatload coming to them, you know? And I'm like, so now that like, you know, in this new world, the big daddy never sold the house and never went on tour with his bad band or whatever. He's like a rich guy. And I'm wondering, is Blanche overreacting?

then now she's getting cut out of the inheritance or at least the inheritance is getting split in more ways. Look, if we don't bring our trauma to podcasting, why are we podcasting? You know what I mean? If we don't, I want a sweatshirt. If we don't bring our trauma to podcasting, why are we podcasting? Don't ask.

Oh, that is me in a nutshell. I'm telling you, it's the only reason it works. Bring your trauma. Oh, God. Bring it. Bring it. But I did want to say, there's like this great period of like moments between Margaret and Rose because Rose is just so flighty. And like the roommates can tell that Blanche is upset. And so they're in the background trying to defuse and trying to run around and do whatever. And, you know, Rose is talking to Margaret about being from Atlanta. And Rose says to her, I'll get it. Atlanta must be a lovely city. Have they rebuilt it, Margaret?

Why is that so funny? Well, because the childlike, it's something a child would think. Yes, yes. Like there are little people talking in the radio that live in the radio. Exactly. Or the person who lives in the refrigerator that turns the light on and off. That's right. Like Rose is such a polarizing character for me because I cannot stand her. But sometimes she has the absolute funniest lines. Well, I think, like I said, I loved her in the 80s. Yeah. So, so, so, so much. Yeah.

But I just think it got old because we see now that we know the jokes. Yes. Yeah. They're not as shocking or surprising. I guess that's true. The simple one is always going to be the least interesting except for maybe the first time. Right. Which is so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big Daddy arrives. Big Daddy hugs Big Mommy. Totally. Blanche is like, Big Daddy, we need to talk. This is a great way to get the ladies out to the lanai that Dorothy has. Rose, honey, let's show Margaret how you make the hose dance around when you turn it on full blast. You said I couldn't do that anymore. Today's a special day. Today's a special day. She makes it all twirl around. It goes all over. It's such fun.

Whenever Dot says it's such fun, because it's so sarcastic. Yeah. But she really is just trying to get them out of the room so Blanche and Big Daddy can have the blowout. And I'm thinking, Blanche, didn't we learn last time? He does not want your opinion, girl. He does not want it. He will throw you out of this family faster than you can say, where's my goddamn inheritance? Faster than you can say, gold digging hussy. Dot.

Which is what she tells him when he asks her, can she be frank? And she tells him. And he says, you watch your tongue, Missy. Big Daddy, don't ask a question you don't want the answer to. I know. I mean, you want to be yes or do you want my opinion? You raise this young, beautiful, narcissistic daughter. You're bringing this young, beautiful woman in. What do you think is going to happen? Exactly. I will say, when she calls Maggie a gold-digging hussy, I clutch my pearls. I was like, oh. Right. And like I said, he just tells her, watch your tongue. And, you know, he's not ashamed to be in love with a younger woman. Here's the thing about the gold-digging hussy. I was like...

Can we get a little backstory? I'm sorry. Huzzy. Huzzy. Can we get a little backstory on Maggie's first husband? How did he die? Now, we do eventually find out. I mean, you said that, like, you threw down. I'm like, well, Patrick, turns out it was a really painful, horrible death. But remember the guy that Blanche was going to marry, who, like, the rich guy with the airplane? Yes. That we're like, oh my God, he killed his first wife. Like, we solved it. Oh, yeah. We figured it out. Do you think Margaret killed her husband? Well,

we know eventually that she didn't. But in this moment, I was like, but is she just the black widow going around Mary? Like, do we know if the first husband was also in his 80s? You know what I mean? I was like, Blanche doesn't know. Like, that's a fair question, I think. Right, right, right. At this point. But he's just like, she's saying to him, I don't want you to make a fool of yourself, daddy. And he's like, don't you call me a fool. Yeah. Anyway, the ladies reenter. No one is wet. No one is wet. What?

We hear Rose again. I don't know why this is so funny because the line begins with and then once. So she's in the middle of a story that, you know, she has not stopped talking. She gets to play with the hose. She's got this new lady friend. Like she's so excited. And then once in grade school, I crossbred a rutabaga and a potato, but I couldn't decide whether to call it a rutatato or a potato bagel. Yeah, you'll have to excuse Rose. That hose dance brings up a lot of childhood memories.

No, and you know what? What? You know what I have in parentheses? What? I have merch where I want to wear the shirt that says Ruta Tato and you're a potato bag. Yep. Yep. 100%. You know I want Dan and Morothy merch. Oh, yeah. We need Dan and Morothy merch. But I'm not kidding about this. I know. Ruta Tato and potato bag. Totally. Or I also wanted slut and moron merch. That's the one. So I know. That's the one. I know.

I smell a photo shoot. I totally. All the different, all the different iterations of the duality. It's like Slut and Moran with like the Dan and Morothy mugs. Oh God, it's going to be so good. Big Daddy's had enough. He's like, Blanche, this conversation is over. Big Daddy's had enough. Big Daddy's had enough. Big has had enough. Big has had enough. So Blanche, this conversation is over. Margaret, we're leaving. And then, oh, she says, Daddy, this woman is not for you. You're just dragging our family name through the mud. Okay.

Blanche. He says that in front of her. He says it in front of her. She doesn't care. This is the man who sold your family home and went on tour to Hoot Nanny's and got his second show canceled, girl. Like, how much more can that name be dragged through the mud? How much more? I mean. Blanche, this conversation is over. Margaret, we're leaving. Daddy, this woman is not for you. You're just dragging our family name through the mud.

Blanche, I've always given you my love and respect. If you can't give a little of that back, you're no longer a part of our family. Well, that escalated. That's what I'm saying. This man will throw your ass out of the family. Give me your opinion, unless it's one that I don't like. And that's what I made the note. I'm honestly trying to imagine Big Daddy having a gay son. I'm trying to see it. Like the day that Clayton came out to this guy, how did that go? Didn't he have the affair on his wife for years with Blanche's nanny? Totally.

It's true. I mean. But I mean, it's like Clayton is very straight passing when we meet him. Yeah. But like, I was just like, this man threw Blanche out of the family. Not like disinvited her to Christmas. No. Threw her out of the family for not liking his new girlfriend that she just met. That's right. Your son and heir comes out as gay. Yes, but tell me how you really feel. I know. Oh.

Oh, man. So it's the same date. Dorothy and Rose are in the kitchen. They enter the kitchen. They're having creative pains. Yes. Dorothy, I'm telling you, we're doing great. The song will be fine. All we have to do is find a rhyme for orange. What rhymes with orange? Cheesecake? Orange cheesecake. Orange cheesecake. I suppose that could work.

I meant to eat Rose. Rose is trying to make cheesecake and orange rhyme. Like, why is that good? Why is that funny? It's so good. You know what else is good? I have a brief history of cheesecake. Shut up. I got a diddy. Shut your beautiful mouth. I got a diddy.

cheesecake, surprisingly, is over 4,000 years old. Oh, my God. They had Philadelphia cream cheese 4,000 years ago? Ancient Greek Olympians enjoyed it as a post-workout snack. Wow. Oh, yeah. Oh, how post-workout snacks are changed. The ancient Greeks on the island of Samos created the earliest known cheesecake. The rudimentary cheesecake was made with patties of fresh cheese that were then pounded smooth with flour and honey. Oh, my God.

The creation was then baked on an earthenware griddle before being enjoyed by the masses. Back then, cheesecake was considered a great source of energy, and there is evidence showing it was served to athletes, as I was saying, during the first Olympic Games in 776 B.

Wow. Cheesecake was also popular as a wedding dessert. Something's never changed. No, I had that at my wedding. Really? That didn't age well. Oh, no. There is a cheesecake recipe in the Roman cookbook, Di Agricultura. It's also known as On Farming or On Agriculture. It's a treatise on Roman agriculture by Cato the Elder. It is the oldest surviving work of Latin— Is that the guy that lived in OJ's garage or whatever? I mean, it's—

That's right. Cato Kaelin wrote this book in 160 BC. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Aged well. Medieval cheesecake. During the late medieval ages in Europe, cheesecake transformed to include a pastry base and a tart form. Hey, watch your mouth. Hey. Throw you right out of this family. The first English cookbook written in 1390 included multiple variations of the cheesecake recipe that included eggs and various flavor profiles. For the next...

This is the most boring thing, but your voices are incredible. All right. For the next five centuries. But it's cheesecake. We have to do it. We got to do it. Jennifer, don't cut a goddamn word. All right. For the next five centuries, almost every English cookbook included at least one cheesecake recipe signifying the love the English people had for the delicious dessert.

Oh, you're going to love this. So a cheesecake recipe from the medieval cookbook Registrum Coquin in 1430 states that- They put cocaine in cheesecake? Coquin, C-O-Q-U-I-N-E. Coquin, Coquin. Which states that cheesecake is a snack best fit for pimps and prostitutes.

All right. All right. Now we're all the way to America. History of the Cheesecake America. Since the English loved their cheesecake, it's not surprising that the delicacy made its way to the American colonies. In the 1730s, Philadelphia became home to the Cheesecake House Tavern. Martha Washington's prized and gifted cookbook features three different cheesecake recipes, one of which being a cheesecake without a crust.

Without Steve Tipton. These recipes were also flavored with rose water and other spices. In the 19th century, cheesecake recipes began to feature... So boring. Feature more subtle ingredients like lemon and vanilla. How many...

How many more paragraphs? Oh, we're almost there, kids. All right. In the 1930s, the basis of the Americanized cheesecake changed dramatically. Traditional curd cheese was phased out and replaced with cream cheese, creating a creamy... Traditional curd cheese was replaced by Patti LuPone last season. Not pork cheese. No. But the cream cheese created a creamier, richer, and tastier treat. Thus...

The cheesecake recipes were transformed and the New York cheesecake was born! Exclamation point. Oh my goodness. One of the most famous cheesecake options, the signature and smooth taste comes from the extra egg yolks in the creamy cheesecake mix. New Yorkers became obsessed with the dessert and virtually every establishment offered some variation of cheesecake on its menu. Today, restaurants and eateries are no different. Almost everyone offers some type of cheesecake on their menu.

And that is my cheesecake ditty. That might be the best ditty we've ever did. That was something else. Oh, are you still with us? Oh, God, that was so good. Wow. What's up? I just bought and financed a car through Carvana in minutes. You? The person who agonized four weeks over whether to paint your walls eggshell or off-white bought and financed a car in minutes. They made it easy. Transparent terms, customizable down and monthly. Didn't even have to do any paperwork. Wow. Mm-hmm.

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So, Sophia enters. We get another joke about Sophia's constipation. This is constant. I can't stand these constipation jokes. I know. It's just... I know. Because they're blocked. Dorothy and Rose, they can't come up with a song. Yeah. Then Blanche enters in full narcissism. This is the first time we've seen her enter in a couple of days in full narcissism. That's right. Blanche, how you doing, honey? I'm just feeling terrible. I'm just a wreck. All I can think about is Big Daddy and that woman. Rose, cut me a piece of that cheesecake. Bigger.

Honey, why are you getting so upset? Blanche, you see older men with younger women all the time. I mean, it's very common. Look at John Derrick and Ursula Andress. John Derrick and Linda Evans. John Derrick and Bo Derrick. You know, maybe it's not so common. Maybe it's just one guy who gets around a lot.

Blanche is so upset that her dad is marrying this younger woman. And she's saying, doesn't he understand how ridiculous he looks? And Dorothy's like, he might look ridiculous, but he doesn't think he looks ridiculous. And even if he does, he doesn't care. That's right. Because they're like sucking the youth and energy and beauty from these beautiful young women. And Dorothy's

Look, he's not embarrassed. He's proud. Exactly. You know, Rose is trying to be the voice of reason, being like, age doesn't matter. Like, they're saying different things. Like, Dorothy is saying they might be ridiculous, but they don't think they look ridiculous. And Rose is saying, but they're not ridiculous, like, if they're out with the women, the person that they love. What's the motivation behind it? And, like, with Big Daddy and Margaret, like, I believe he really does love her. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this I found strange, because we know Rose is the conservative one, and her views here are quite progressive. Yes. Which is, um...

not something we'd normally give to Rose. Yes. I would give this to Dorothy normally, right? Yeah. Because she's saying, she's like, listen, why shouldn't he? Maybe he was out with the woman he loves. She's like, girls, love has no definition. Age has nothing to do with it. Sometimes two people who seem to have the least in common turn out to be the most in love. Yeah. First, I wanted to point out Sophia's background acting in this scene is next to nothing. It is so stellar. She's been banished to the

island because we need the camera and the three women, but like Sophia's weirdly in this scene. Oh my God, Patrick. She's in the back just like trying to look. She's trying to look engaged. She's nodding. I was like, Sophia, Estelle Getty came to work that day. Oh, I love it. So we learn about Ollie and Molly Jane Doe. Well, what's Ollie's last name, Patrick? I couldn't pronounce it. Well, did you want to do this?

story, didn't you? Okay, okay. It's Knopf, Stestel, and Meyer. Can you do it? Knopf, Stettler, Meyer. Knopf, Stettler, Meyer and Molly Jane Doe. And, you know, Blanche usually tolerates these stories. But she's like, Ollie and Molly, must we take yet another trip to Petticoat Junction? Blanche is in no fucking mood. She's in no mood. And we learn that

Ollie was the mayor, but also the town's most respected citizen. He was the artistic director of the St. Olaf Community Playhouse, which, by the way, I Googled today, does not exist. Oh, no. I said, great joke from Dorothy incoming, because Rose says of the St. Olaf Community Playhouse, a lot of people don't know this, but the family drama, hey, that's my tractor, got its start right there. Wasn't the musical version called, hey, hey, that's my tractor?

Just to throw away. Because they're just trying to get through it, right? I know. So now we learn that Molly Jane Doe was not just the town manicurist. She was also a sex worker, to which I said, go off, Molly Jo, Jane, or whatever. Yeah, for five extra dollars, she'd buff more than your nails. I was like, hang on a second. In, like, the 1930s in St. Olaf, did we have a lot of men coming in to get their nails done? I mean, a full-release manicure. Ha ha ha!

It is full release. And then I said, oh, look, Sophia has lines in this section. She does. Hey, in Italy for $5, you got a woman, a manicure, a cappuccino, and a box of Milano cookies to take home to your wife. A fact. Use it as you wish.

Take home to your wife. Good for you, Sophia. I mean, think about that. From 300 miles away. Think about that part of it. And then this was my favorite part because Rose says, Anyway, it was love at first sight. And nobody in town could believe that this man, who had lived for 52 years with his mother, would fall head over heels in love with the town squeeze. I see.

fell out of my chair. The town squeeze. That they would call the sex worker the town squeeze. But he did. And the next day they were married and they went on to live happily ever after together for years. The whole reason I wanted to talk about this was her calling Molly Jane Doe the town squeeze. Wow. I laughed so hard. That was a long carriage ride to St. Olive.

Or the town squeeze. Blanche is still impatient. What the hell has any of this to do with my father? Yes. And Rose, very progressive, she says, well, the point is nobody knows why two people fall in love and it's really nobody's business. And so two people make two good points here. Blanche says, well, he's my father, so that makes it my business. I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind or whatever. And Dorothy says, this is a throwaway line, but this is a life lesson that I think people need to learn, right? Dorothy says, if you go down there mad, you're just going to make things worse. That's right. Like, just take a beat.

Yeah. Pull yourself together. And Blanche, I know this is asking maybe a little too much. Go sit in your room for a minute. Do a little bit of like introspection work and ask yourself what you're really mad about. Yeah. You know, if it's the inheritance, I'm with you. Storm in there. Well, and also like the Zoom party, whatever. I find the

toughest times to regulate my emotions when I'm angry is when I actually don't have the time to do it because there's this immediacy to the problem. And that is really hard because I think I have learned like you've got to cool off first before you enter conversations, if you can. And it feels like your body needs to like have the fight in the moment. And it's never the right thing. It's just never the right thing. Blanche says, well, I'm sorry, but I just have to say what I've

feel and she exits and then the writers are left behind and rose sings i have to say what i feel miami has so much appeal a great place to get a seafood meal miami simon garfunkel to the 88s and they run out inspiration so good so good i love it now good job patrick thank you so much i

It is an honor to get to sing with you. It's a pleasure and an honor. Pleasure's all mine. I have this note that this next scene is so sweet and so well acted. Yeah. This is really, really good. I agree. We're in a hotel room. Yeah. Big Daddy's on the phone. We hear a knock at the door. Now, Big Daddy assumes it's Margaret knocking to come into their apartment.

room that they share together. Yeah. Because he says, like, come on in, darling. The door is open. He thinks it's Margaret coming into the room. Right. But it's not. It's Blanche. And he gets off the phone. He's booking a room in the Bahamas, we assume. He's going to now go do the wedding in the Bahamas or whatever. And he gets off the phone when he sees it's Blanche. And he says to her, I don't know if I actually want to talk to you. I feel like you said everything you had to say already. Basically. And, you know, Blanche says that she's been thinking and she thinks she knows some of the reasons why he's doing what he's doing. And she politely asks to speak with him.

Daddy, when a man reaches your age, why, he might start wondering about who's going to be there to take care of him. Yes, he does. And he might even start looking for somebody to replace his first wife. Yes, he might. He might even be looking for ways to feel a little bit younger. Yes, he certainly might. But, Daddy, is that any reason to get married? Just because some pretty, sexy, bouncy, bubbly young thing takes an interest in you? Hell, yes.

Hell yes! Yeah, I agree. Why not? But there's another reason. Well, and now he gives this speech. But there's another reason. Blanche, when you spend six months watching the person you love more than anybody else in the world slowly die, you wonder if you'll ever love again. After that, believe me, if you can even think of marrying someone else, there's only one reason.

You're in love. I know mama's dying hurt you quite a bit. Yes, it did. But I'm talking about Margaret. Her husband died two years ago, shortly after your mama. I didn't know. She loves me and I love her and we want to get married. That is so amazing that like, we don't know how he died, but we know that they have like shared trauma, like around the same time. Right, right, right. And like,

I don't know. I still got my eyes on Margaret for that inheritance. Well, listen, six months, it could have been, you know, tiny doses of arsenic poisoning. True depth 100. See? We don't know. This is what I'm saying. You don't know. This is what I'm saying. But, like, it's just a beautiful moment that it's like, oh, Margaret is, like, a more fully formed character for us in this moment. Exactly. Because we're going to assume it was something horrific. All joking aside, something very natural, some terrible disease, you know. And this...

brings Blanche back to earth, you know? And she kind of says like, oh my God, I'm sorry. It just seems like every time I'm trying to help you, you just don't need me. And like that line could be so self-pitying. Like the way that Rue McClanahan plays that line, it's just beautiful. She's just such a good actress. She is. But also I think

I think it's a missed opportunity. It seems disingenuous in the writing because I do think there's no addressing of the vanity issue. Uh-huh. Do you know what I mean? You mean like we're letting Blanche off the hook a little bit? She's letting herself off the hook. She's like, it just seems like you don't need me anymore. That's why I'm really upset. Not because I'm threatened by how beautiful she is and younger. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do think even though Blanche doesn't like other pretty younger women, she still thinks she's more beautiful than all of them. Well, that's true. Yeah, that's true.

And Big Daddy says that's true. Now, that's not true. The reason Margaret and I came down here in the first place is because we do need you. We need your blessing on our marriage. And Margaret enters wearing pink. Margaret enters without knocking, which I find curious. Well, that's what you were saying before. It's like, shouldn't she? I'm making a joke. You know what I mean? Yes, I know.

Exactly. I was like, oh, Margaret, you're not going to knock, huh? In your own room. In your own room. Interesting. And she apologizes. Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. But Blanche says, like, there's something I want to say to you. And we're kind of like, uh-oh, Blanche, like, what's going to happen? We've already seen you have a prison fight once. Right. I agree. You know what I mean? Well, it looks like you and I have more in common than we thought. We both love Big Daddy. We want him to be happy. So welcome to the family.

They hug and I'm like, oh, and sorry about that whole mud thing. Right. No apology. No apology. No. Right. No apology for just calling you a useless slut to your face in front of all my friends. Basically calling you a gold digger who's dragging our family name through the mud. But give give your stepdaughter a hug. Come here, you.

Yeah. So it's the final scene. Sophia and Blanche are sitting on the couch. Blanche gets a postcard from Big Daddy and Margaret on their honeymoon in the Bahamas. And Sophia is just surprised that Big Daddy survived the sexing on the honeymoon. And Blanche explains to her, like, people in their 60s and 70s can have great sex. 70s and 80s. We went over this, actually. Yeah. And she says, please, but put me in a bedroom with Tom Cruise and you'd be peeling me off the ceiling. Yeah. Uh-huh.

But Blanche is taking it all well, you know, and she's saying she's not thrilled, but as long as she doesn't have to call her mommy, she can live with it. And Rose and Dorothy enter dejected. Yes. Blanche asks them, how did you do? They came in second. And they say they were treated badly. Now, gays, gird your loins. I'm going to get to this at the very end of this episode. We're going to get a whole Anita Bryant deep dive. Yes. And I want to go back to what they're wearing. Rose is in sky blue. Dorothy is wearing Roseanne's couch. Right? Yeah.

Totally. 100%. But Blanche is wondering, like, what did you get? And Dorothy tells her, treated badly. They told us to get out of the way when they took the winner's picture with, as Patrick says, Anita Bryant. Yeah. And Blanche wants to hear their song and they don't want to do it. And she's just going, please, please. Please.

Miami, Miami, you've got style. Blue sky, sunshine, white sand by the mile. When you live in this town, each day is sublime. The coldest of winters are warm and divine. Miami, Miami, you've got style.

And it's amazing. And it's really, really good. And they all get up and they, you know, Sophia and Blanche get up and they sing along and it's wonderful. We need to talk about this for a second because while Rose and Dorothy are singing the song at the piano and Blanche is standing there, Sophia's still sitting on the couch. She's doing that background acting again. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Where she's like shaking her shoulders and she starts like slapping her legs. I don't know.

I was like, Estelle, you're playing to the back row at La Mama. We know, girl. We got you. We know. But she's just like, Miami, Miami. And then she gets up and then Blanche is holding her hand as though she's literally trying to keep Estelle Getty standing. Probably. You know what I mean?

Oh, man. And then it ends. And it's so good. Listen, we have two little mini ditties left. I have to talk about the actor who played Big Daddy 2. Oh, yes. And then you want to finish with Anita? Sure. Okay, great. So David Wayne is the actor who plays, I'm going to call him Big Daddy 2. Yeah. Because we all know Big Daddy 1 was played by Murray Hamilton. Yes. We already talked about him. You remember him as the Mayor in Jaws, right? Oh, right. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So that was Big Daddy 1. This is Big Daddy 2. Okay.

His original name was Wayne McKeegan. He was born on January 30th, 1914 in Traverse City, Michigan. His father was an insurance executive. His mother died when he was only four years old and he was raised by close family friends. That's tough. Yeah. So after two years at Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, he moved to Cleveland taking work as a statistician. Isn't that fascinating? Interesting.

So he had a theater career pre-World War II. In 1936, he joined Shakespeare Repertory Company. And that also gave such actors as Arthur Kennedy and Sam Wanamaker their theatrical starts. Interesting. He teamed with a touring marionette company and then came to Broadway where he—I know. A touring marionette company? A marionette company. Okay. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go apply for that marionette job. Okay.

There's a marionette theater in Central Park. In the park. Yeah, we've taken Daisy. It's good. He came to Broadway where he labored through a long and largely fallow apprenticeship before World War II. When World War II began, he was rejected by the army but volunteered to serve as an ambulance driver in North Africa with the American Field Service. And I'm wondering... Did he work with bees? I'm wondering, did they drive trucks and ambulance, ambulance together? Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, hey, Bea. Good to see you again. I know. I'll see you in 50 years. Good driving that truck with you, big. So his theater career post-World War II. In 1947, two years after he was discharged, he landed a role that was very huge in his career. It was as the leprechaun in the Irish fantasy Finian's Rainbow. And its magical musical moments and satire brought him his first time.

Tony. Wow. Note, 1947 was the first year the Tony Awards were held. No way. I know. He also won another Tony Award in 1954. His heart always remained on Broadway, but eventually he did move to Los Angeles to pursue film and television. You know, he has tons of movie credits on television and film. And you might remember this cheesecake set

Big Daddy 1 died of lung cancer and I mentioned it at the time but David Wayne also died of lung cancer at the age of 81 on February 9th 1995 in Santa Monica California so it's just interesting that both Big Daddies died in the exact same way yeah wow you want to do Anita Bryant yeah so I wanted

Let's end this with a deep dive on Anita Bryant. So the first thing I wanted to say was that it's kind of distressing to hear her name on the Golden Girls, not as the butt of a joke. You know what I mean? Because especially since even in the early days of the show, we know that the show had a large gay following. And I imagine that that would have been hurtful, even though it's kind of a throwaway. Like if you think about like in the world of the episode, the prize is the money, but also to get your picture taken with Anita Bryant. And it seems...

for the Golden Girls to have, like, made that decision. Yeah. You know? So, if you don't know about Anita Bryant, she's one of the most famous and outspoken homophobes of all time.

all time. Quick backstory on who she is. Anita Bryant was born on March 25th, 1940. She became famous-ish in 1958 when she won the Miss Oklahoma Beauty pageant and then was second runner-up in the Miss America pageant one year later. After that, that was like a springboard into kind of a singing career for her. She did have three top 20 hits in the United States in the early 1960s.

But from there, she became a brand ambassador for the Florida Citrus Commission from 1969 to 1980. And she ultimately became the spokesperson for Florida Citrus, serving in that capacity for 12 years. That sounds weird and obscure, but weirdly, it gave her a really big platform.

She was everywhere. The way they used to advertise it, like she'd be in all the commercials, she'd be doing public address. Like the weird citrus thing gave Anita Bryant a really large platform. So throughout her career, throughout her life, she wrote a bunch of autobiographical books. In all of them, she would make particular note of her Christian faith and how it influenced her life and music. Now, Gertrude Weintz, are you ready for this? I'm ready. In the book called

The Anita Bryant story, The Survival of Our Nation's Families and the Threat of Militant Homosexuality, which she published in 1977, Bryant wrote that she believed God tapped her on the shoulder and gave her, quote, direct marching orders to stand up against gay rights. This woman.

So this came in the way of a Miami-Dade County ordinance that would have prohibited discrimination in housing and employment on the basis of sexual orientation. Basically saying, like at the time, you couldn't be out and be a teacher. You couldn't be out and be any sort of public servant. You could immediately be fired. And renters or people selling homes could deny you housing if they just guessed, if they even thought that you were gay. And this ordinance would have changed all of that.

And so she went on a crusade to make sure that that didn't happen. Her biggest fear was that this protection would mean that, like, gays could be out and be schoolteachers and that gays would then become role models for children. That was Anita Bryant's big fear. So between 1977 and 1980, Anita Bryant ran the Save Our Children Coalition. And the idea, her idea, was that since homosexuals couldn't reproduce themselves,

they must recruit. That's a quote. Since homosexuals can't reproduce, they must recruit. And if we let them teach in schools, they will recruit our children there. That was her whole thing. We can't let gays be school teachers because they will recruit our children in the classroom. And while the idea of vilifying gay people was not new, Anita Bryant really took national and made mainstream the idea that children needed to be protected from gay people. That was Anita Bryant's whole platform. They say in the short term, Anita Bryant won the

battle. That Miami-Dade ordinance that would have protected gays in housing and employment did not pass. The idea of protecting children from gay people became a talking point for political conservatives that is still used to this day. She didn't invent it, but she's the one that took it mainstream and national. But in the long term, they say, her anti-gay stance tanked her career. In retaliation to Anita Bryant's campaign, the gay community formed the Coalition for Human Rights and the Miami Victory Campaign.

which organized a massive boycott of orange juice due to Bryant's contract with the Florida Citrus Commission. This damage to the industry caused the commission to sever their ties with Anita Bryant. But this is how the gays did it. We took it to the bars, people. Gay bars across North America replaced screwdrivers, one of the most commonly ordered drinks, on their menus with what they called the Anita Bryant cocktail. This was

I think our next Zoom cocktail hour should be Anita Bryant's. Cocktails? It should be like apple juice and vodka. Oh my God, that's a great idea. But then there was the famous podcast.

pie in the face incident. Do you know this? You can watch this on YouTube. It is on YouTube. It's startling to watch. It was October 14th, 1977. Anita Bryant gave a speech during a televised appearance in Des Moines. During the speech, she claimed that she loved homosexuals but hated their sin. Nothing makes me crazier. In response, a gay man in the audience named Tom Higgins threw a banana cream pie in her face, which

which he called an act of pride. You can watch it happen. I mean, Anita Bryant gets pied in the face and she's literally wiping it like with windshield wipers. She then starts to pray for the gays. She's like, I'm not going to get mad. I'm just going to sit here and pray for the gays. And he said, this guy Tom said, there will not be a bigot left unpied in Minnesota. Yeah.

So the pie incident came to overshadow anything else Anita Bryant said or did. Carol Burnett started to parody her on her own show. Things just continued to get worse for Bryant from there. Celebrities like Jane Fonda, Paul Williams, Vincent Price, and Johnny Carson all came out in support of the boycott of the Florida Oranges while also just like making fun of Anita Bryant at any given opportunity.

It is said that while Bryant won that initial battle, she did not win the war. She made gay people, especially in Florida, come to see themselves as a voting bloc and to really understand their political power. She also united a community and gave them a common cause. Anita Bryant eventually faded from public life pretty quickly. Like by the mid 80s, she kind of wasn't like the big, you know, public figure she was anymore. But her views on homosexuality never changed.

In 2021, her granddaughter came out as bisexual and became engaged to a woman and Slate did a whole piece on this woman. She said that when she came out to her grandmother, Anita Bryant told her that homosexuality wasn't real and that it was invented by the devil. She didn't know if she'd invite her grandmother to the wedding and she didn't know if she would come. She said she was going back and forth whether or not to invite her. And she finally said, I'll probably just call her and be like, do you even want to come? And I could not find anywhere whether or not Anita Bryant actually went to the wedding. So...

Anita Bryant just died. Just like a month ago. I saw your post. Yeah. What did I say? Anita Bryant is dead. Thank God. Yeah, it was something like that. Yeah. Anita Bryant died on December 16th, 2024, which is weird because nobody knew about it until like the second week of January. So she died on December 16th. But the obituary in The New York Times ran on. That's because everyone closes their offices for

two weeks. I swear to God. That could totally be it. I said, it seems like the family didn't make any sort of public announcement. And all I know is that I would love a crack at her vengeful obituary. Oh, that's the callback for you. Anita, last name redacted. Last name redacted. Oh my God. Well, that's actually a funny way to end this because I thought, oh, we're going to end on this note. But you know, she's dead. So that's good. Okay. Yeah. Cheesecakes, join our Facebook group.

The Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast discussion group. Please come and see me on tour, Cheesecakes. A lot of the cities are selling out. It's going to be such a fun night. I've got a Bea Arthur impersonator coming to us via video to give Bea Arthur's version of the night that we spent together in which she was just mean to me and got drunk and yelled at me. Hilarious. Very funny. I guess that's it.

That's it. We love you, Cheesies. I guess that's it. We love you, Cheesecakeys. We did a whole thing on you cheesecakes today. We did. And you're not boring like cheesecake. You're the best. You're the best. We love you. I love you and I love them. Bye. Bye. Bye.