Tom Hanks For President | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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I got to tell you, there's this thing that happened over the last few months, which is that everybody has discovered the wonder of just nicotine straight to the system. Let me tell you, I didn't know where you're going with this. If I could invest in anything, and we just know we launched vodka. Yeah. I wish we had put it in big tobacco. 100%.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim. Eh.

a few shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um...

Well, no, nicotine. Is it not the same? No, because there's no tobacco. Nicotine is the chemical that you traditionally had when you smoked or...

or did tobacco in any way. What window liquors do these guys look like now? Yeah. That they were selling cancer when you could just get it clean. I fucking love it. Here's the thing. It's everywhere you- This is not an ad. This is not an ad. No, no, no. By the way, this is organic. You know we love nicotine. I've been living with just shots of nic- Here's the thing. Somebody told me, they're like, oh yeah, but you know, if you have these like-

What are you? Nicotine pouches. There's still some side effects. And I'm like, my side effects are that life is great. I take big shits. That's awesome. I take big shits. I love being on Instagram. You focus? I've been focusing more. I love doing it with the podcast. I haven't even started mine. I'm about to take one. I know. All these different flavors. Hang on. Can I tell you what's crazy? What? Is like, there are dudes I follow. I wish I could name all of them, but that are big Zen guys. Yeah. And here's the thing with Zen. And I mean this...

would love yeah zin's the fucking homecoming queen that doesn't let you finger her right which is she's kind i mean the truth is like she's pretty but like if you don't pretty she's beautiful everyone looks at her everyone knows her but if you don't get to like get a whiff even if you date her you can't finger her because she's like yeah i'm zen yeah can i tell you what i love about lucy is there's two fingers in her like she's lucy lucy's like more more

- And by the way, this might be a sponsor, 'cause they sent us this fucking box. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And this box made my dick harder than anything in the world. - I know, because there's so many flavors, and these geniuses came up with the like-- - The breakers! - The break, yeah. - I was fucking Leanne the other night, and I said, and I was like, and I fucking threw a breaker in.

in the middle i call them breakers i just call them breakers well it says breakers on it yeah and i know but i don't even call them lucy's i call them breakers yeah and she goes uh what do you what did you just do and i said i put a breaker in yeah way to come oh jesus dude sex with a fucking lucy in is so fucking let's see can i tell you what i also love about lucy once again not a sponsor kind of a sponsor i'm sure i'm maybe i'm sure after they hear this they're gonna be a sponsor

That's the best feeling. I break it in my back teeth. You do? I broke it in my front teeth. Oh, the front teeth is such the move. All right. Kind of reminds me of nail biting, which is such a thrill. They have a spinal tap thing about them where they're like, we go to 11. The other thing that these motherfuckers do is they give you a fucking like trash bin. Yeah. None of the other guys do that. Can I tell you what I miss about Zins? What? Is all the secret places I put them when I'm done.

What do you mean? Oh, underneath this table. Oh God. You just trash them. My favorite thing to do is you make note of that, please. One of my favorite things to do is, um, I put them in the, in the, in the side of a couch. I put them anywhere. It's like when I'm done, I just want to hide them. Yeah. My favorite one I've ever done is, uh,

Do not disturb sign. Yeah. If you open the door quick, it falls off the handle. Well, I put a fucking Zen on the handle and stick it to the handle so that it's stuck there and it doesn't go anywhere. Why are you like this? Oh, my front teeth don't touch. Try. They don't touch. Go. You can. No, my front teeth don't touch. Feels so good.

I love that in the instructions of how to do it. You feel it hit your bloodstream, and then you're like, okay, yeah, no, I'm ready. I love having an addiction. Yeah. I love addictions. They're so cool. Until they get too bad, if you can shake it, you can't get it. I got to be honest with you, man. I'm on a bender right now. I haven't done a bender in a while. How does it feel? Awesome. Yeah.

It feels so good. It feels so good to be out of control. Really? But in control. Like you go, I'm going to be able to... Controlled chaos. I love it. I love it. We were drinking earlier today, doing a podcast. Drank last night. And I feel amazing. Like I feel amazing like...

Can I tell you what it is? Yeah. Is I don't hate myself. When you're... When I'm on a bender, I don't hate myself. I hate myself the next morning. And that's the thing I don't like. But like, I love... I feel like there's something deeper if you explore what you just said. Okay. You know what I mean? Dig into it. Dig into it with your eyebrows. Because let me...

You just did it. You just fucking did it. What? I said to Leanne last night or just then, I said, my favorite thing about Tommy is when his eyebrows go up, it means he's interested. And you just fucking did it. Well, yeah, but you said. You're doing it. You're doing it. Your eyebrows. But you realize what you said was pretty profound, right? No. You didn't realize that? No. What did I say? You said, when I'm on a bender.

I don't hate myself, but I hate myself the next day. Yeah. You don't think that's a revealing statement? No. Really? It's nice to disappear and to go like, hey, man. It's like, especially like, I don't know if everyone has. Do you think everyone wakes up and goes like, no one likes me? No, I don't think everyone feels that way. I wake up sometimes and go, no one likes me. No one has a reason to like me. I don't like me. Like, I wake up in my head sometimes. I don't think it's abnormal. I think...

That is a common thing. I'm not going to ask you. You're dead inside. The booth. Everyone in the booth. Do you wake up and go, no one likes me. I don't have a reason to like me. I don't wake up like that. No. Sometimes. Sometimes? Because you're an artist. Zola's dead inside. I don't even hear any speak. Copy that. Any please chime in.

I mean, I was just going to say, yeah, I mean, I do, but it's not any different than like when I go to bed or any other time. Yeah, I just feel like that. But that's not like a bad thing to me. Do you feel like do you feel like do you ever feel any do you ever feel like you're wasting your life? Do I feel like I'm wasting my life? Do you ever wake up and go, what am I fucking doing anyway? Like, what am I doing?

Because I feel like that sometimes. And that's one of the reasons, one of the things that alcohol cures is you go, hey, man, it's all good. It really takes the fucking hum out of the fucking speakers. But wait a minute. Don't you feel like...

That that is just a fleeting thing that alcohol is providing in that moment? Yeah. Because it doesn't actually cure. No, it doesn't cure it, but it feels so good. Oh, okay. It feels so good. The Band-Aid feels good. Listen, Andy, I didn't hear your answer. I'm so sorry. I don't like interrupting people. Go ahead. No, that's good, man. I was going to say I only know what I'm doing because I'm trying to buy my mom a house at some point. So that's really my goal in my life. So the closer I get to that, then, you know.

that's where I'm at but if as soon as I do that yeah I mean what the am I doing after that how much money do you need to start a co-fund me for your mom's house no we will not do that I'm gonna end up having to pay for it and how charities work but that's an awesome goal to have that's an awesome goal any and that's good to have purpose and that and I think sometimes if you have purpose you can find the thing in your life I think I have purpose but I just know that like

I know that this is the fucked up thing, and I hope this lands with everyone. But the joy of sobriety takes a minute. It's not immediate. If you quit drinking, if I quit drinking tonight, I have to quit drinking. Tonight will be my last drink when we get on the bus for the week, probably for two weeks. I won't drink for two weeks. I know for a fact the joy doesn't show up tomorrow. I got to wait for it.

The joy? Yeah. When, how long does it take to show up? Two days. Oh. Two days. I need a second day and I will be smoking weed. Okay. But does. But it's not sober. Like I'm not fucking stupid. Right. But don't you ever feel like, like the way you say things, it's like, doesn't any of this register in your brain what you're saying? Like, doesn't it? I think that's what's beautiful about me.

Cause I don't think before I speak. No, I don't mean to think before you speak. I just mean, listen to what you're saying. Four milligrams. Yeah, do it. I love, but don't you feel like going, why don't I extend this joy? No, I have, I have. Yeah. But I like the, I like the spark. Yeah. The spark. Let me see some of those hot sauces. Yeah. Let's, let's, let's doctor up a cocktail with some. Let me see what you have here though. I want to see these. I'm going Dustin Poirier. What's the other ones? Dustin, not a sponsor. Uh,

I don't know. Elijah's habanero. Not going to do that. I'll be shitting on the plane. What's that one? Crazy Yeti sauce. Dustin Poirier's sauces are really flavorful. And by the way, I have to say this is not a sponsor. Dustin Poirier is not. He just sends them to his cool dude. But these are great fucking hot sauce. Can I see? Here, go this one. This one? I'm going to do a bone broth vodka cocktail.

what do you think about that i'm just doing hot sauce can i tell you it's called a skinny margarita skinny skinny bloody mary you know what i meant yeah piping hot it's like a hot toddy with a little bit of dustin poirier i'm gonna go with this one wow it's all over my hands i feel like i just jerked off a wow dude here do you have anything i need something i listen to a podcast where uh it's called shit face sober right have you ever heard it

Shit face sober. It's pretty good. But it starts off with, hey, why are you staying sober today? Is it like it's sober guys? It's ones. I think they must both be sober. Yeah. But it's a good podcast. I listen to it. I just listened to the beginning, their intro of why that guy's staying sober. That guy's life was out of fucking control. Well, yeah, that's a good reason to get sober. But it's like, I told you this the other night, James Corden, Corbin. Yeah. Corbin. Yeah, the late night guy. The late night guy.

He was like, why don't you drink? And he was like, well, I just, I'm going to do his accent. So it sounds as silly as I heard it. Well, I just realized one day that how much am I borrowing from tomorrow?

And I don't want to borrow from tomorrow. And I thought, bitch, how fucked up are you getting? You can't just get up and get your shit done. What the fuck's wrong with you? He's an addict. That's what he's trying to say. Then don't be that guy. Well, that's what he's saying, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to hear it, though. Keep it to yourself. Okay. Keep it to yourself. You're fucking up my jam.

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and put their shit in, have a cup of coffee, throw in a fucking Lucy, get in their truck, and they fucking load bricks. Yeah. Fuck you. I don't want to hear your shit. You don't want to hear it? I don't want to hear it, man. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear soft sobriety. I like hard sobriety. Like, when you hear dudes that are like, oh, man, I'm sounding like a fucking lunatic again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, I don't want to hear, like, I like, like, when you think about Robert Downey Jr.'s sobriety. This is so good. I'm trying it with vodka.

I bet it's going to be so good. I wish Dustin Poirier's number. Fucking A, that's good. That is, I got to say. Mother fucker. Bone broth and vodka with a little Dustin Poirier in it? Yeah. No, you got me. I was drinking bone broth, but you got me into spicing it up. I'm obsessed with it. I'm obsessed with it. I think that's my thing, Tommy. I love getting obsessed with things. Yeah. Like the French Revolution. I get obsessed with it.

- You use that word very loosely though. - Obsessed? - Yeah. - Or French Revolution. - Obsessed, you say obsessed a lot. - I love getting obsessed with something. I love having a thing. If you don't have a thing, what the fuck are you living your life for? If you're sitting there, and that's what I say about Eni, like what's your thing? 'Cause Eni looks like a guy that just eats pizza and plays pool, right?

But then to know that his thing is, I want to buy my mom a house. That's your thing. If you don't have a fucking thing, what the fuck is this world about? If you're just living life, just scrolling Instagram. Now that is a waste of life. It's a waste of fucking life, man. Like find a thing. Like, you know, I'm taking nine months off after I shoot my special. I'm taking nine months off, but I can't just take nine months off and just sit in my backyard. Well, no, I won't. And Leanne has a problem with it because she's like,

What are we going to do? And I go, well, what am I going to do? And I mean this with love to her. It's like, what's your thing? What's my thing? Like, I kind of want to take a fucking boat from L.A. to Hawaii.

That's awesome. I want to feel the fear of the open ocean. That's awesome. I want to feel the fear of a storm coming in and knowing I'm not in control. Yeah, that's fucking amazing. You should do that. I want to do it so fucking bad. What size boat would you do it on? Shout out to, I only know this because Nathan Florence, his brother, John Florence, John John Florence has a gunboat, 66 foot gunboat. I'd like to do it in gunboat. I'd like to be a little comfortable in that. I don't want to do it in like a wreck.

I would love to do it in a gunboat. I'd love to make time and get there. And then I'd like to live in Hawaii for a fucking month and hike and disappear. Dude, this is all possible. When you look up, how long does it take to get from Los Angeles to Hawaii by boat? It's like 14 days, I think. I'm just curious. I don't know. It's got to be 14 days. Yeah. But I can't live life without a thing. I know this is going to sound promotional, right? Two to three weeks to sail.

High-performance boats are able to reach it within a week. They're likely to sail a different, more challenging route at an average sailing speed of four knots, which usually will take 14 days. Wow. I look at, you know. It's fucking awesome. I mean this in all sincerity. Yeah.

Sometimes I look at, like, when if I'm, I take a jog before my show outdoors. Yeah. And I see guys getting ready for my show and they'll be at like a bar and they'll have pre-cocktails. I get jealous of them that they have a thing, that they have a thing that they get to go to. So I have things, but I don't get to go to them because I'm working. Yeah. And I love...

The idea of having a thing. Well, you can go to a lot of things and you're nine months off. You could be the person going to things. I've already planned it. I want to see widespread panic in St. Augustine in March. I want to see widespread. I think you're in St. Augustine in March. Yes. In March 23rd? No, I'm in St. Augustine. It's already happened. Yeah, it's already happened. But like, I like having a thing.

I think that's what life's about is finding your thing. Yeah. It's about finding community and finding something that gives you fulfillment, passion, excitement. I mean, it can be anything. It can be, you know, people, people have discovered that their thing is pickleball. Right. And like so many lives. So many people have died from pickleball. Really? For real. Matthew Perry. He died from pickleball. Do you think so? I think so.

But I know, all I know is a lot of, yeah, I talked to a dude on a fucking call the other day.

By the way, I'm being serious, and I am being serious. Yeah. I've talked to so many people that are out of shape that play pickleball that find out they're having heart attacks. Yeah. So many people. Because it's dialed down tennis. Yeah, yeah. It's exertion. You don't realize it's exertion. Somebody who's like, I can't play tennis. And they're like, well, you can play pickleball. And you don't realize you're fucking getting your heart rate up. Yo, see a doctor before you play pickleball. It's fucking dangerous. Yeah, I mean...

This cocktail. That's good, huh? Fucking piping hot. I'm wearing the same outfit on the plane. I don't care. I don't need it. No? Okay. I'll just say it's cum. Ugh. Or ugh. Ugh.

I love you so much, man. I love you too, man. It's crazy. Like, you're one of my things. I'm one of your things? Yeah. That's cool. You are. It's fun having, like, say, okay. Friends are things? Friends are definitely things. Yeah. Right? I don't know. I never thought of it that way, but I guess you could be like, one of my things is to hang out with this friend. Or even to see them succeed. Yeah. Like, Rogan's one of my things. Yeah. Because I was a fan of his before it started. Yes, yes.

You know what it is? It comes back to us growing up in Florida and not having civic pride. Like we didn't have civic pride. We were not kids from Boston or New York. So we weren't Yankees fans. Our dad wasn't Yankees fans. Our grandfathers weren't Yankees fans. And every time I would tell somebody my places of origin, they'd always be like, oh. Yeah. I remember you claiming like Cincinnati a couple times. I was like, stop it. Well, I mean, it's like people, sometimes you don't want to give somebody the full story. And sometimes they're like, what's the story?

Right. So like I would always claim Florida because that's where I lived last. Yeah. And that's where my family stayed. But if they were like, where were you born? I go Cincinnati. They're like, so you're from there. I'm like, well, I left when I was a kid. And then they go and you moved to Florida. I moved to Minneapolis. And they're like, oh, so you're from Minneapolis. Well, then we moved to Milwaukee. And they're like, wait, where do you live? Where did your dad grow up? Louisville.

For real? Yeah. Do you feel a stake in Louisville? No, I mean, I used to go because Cincinnati is very close. So we would go to visit his parents, my grandparents. When I was a kid, we would go. Oh, yeah, yeah. They are close. Yeah. My parent, my dad's from Levittown. I'm going to tell you my favorite. One of my favorite dad stories. It was the it was the first stop.

I may have told you this already. Oh, no. Tell me again. It was the first stop on the last tour. So the last tour, I'm coming everywhere. There's a city. It's across the border. So there's Louisville, Kentucky. And I think it's either Elizabeth, Indiana or Evansville, Indiana. It's like close to Louisville. So it's the first stop. And my parents meet me there because it's a casino. And my mom loves the casinos. And my dad's there. My uncle and aunt who live in Cincinnati come together.

And my whole tour crew, like my whole, all the whole crew is there and the comedians. So it's like first night and we get, they give us a, this long table at the restaurant. My dad's sitting across from me here and he, he looks down a few times at the end of the table is Marcus who works security. Who's a black guy. And Marcus is, is great. And, and did the whole tour with me. And so like at one point,

He's like, my dad's like, you guys flew into Louisville today? And I go, yeah. He's like, yeah. I go, yeah. And he's like, hold on a second. And I see him stand up and I go, where are you going? He's like, just one second. And I watch him walk down the table and he like leans on the table and he looks at Marcus and he's like, you landed in Louisville today? And Marcus is like, yes, I did. He's like, did you notice? Yeah.

When you were approaching the airport, that little red building on the left, and everyone's like, the fuck? No. I'm like, what? And Marcus is like, I think I missed that. And he's like, in 1962, I saw a gentleman named Cassius Clay fight there. You may know him by his name, Muhammad Ali. And Marcus is like, oh, yeah. And my dad's like, just thought you'd like to know that.

And then he came back and sat down. I was like, what the did you tell him that for? He definitely never told me that. And I turned to look at Marcus and Marcus was like, he's like, basically like, you're black. You want to hear about another black guy? My dad also did it to every Asian we ever interacted with. Ever. Every Asian ever.

Somebody would be like, where's your family from? And they'd be like, China. He's like, Mao was something else. And he would just tell them some fucking history about Mao or the Koreans. And if you told me he was Vietnamese, they would fucking shut the shit down. How close to your accent of your dad is your accent of your dad? When I do him, I do him perfectly. Really? Yeah, that's exact. Like, you cannot distinguish the two.

I don't know if I do my dad right. That's a great. My dad and your mother and I are excited about this chapter. I was like, okay, I'm retirement. We're going to see the country. I'm like, this sounds fucking terrible. And then my mom was like, what are we doing? He didn't run it by her. He's like, we'll get in an RV and drive. She's like, I hate this idea. I know this is probably not great podcast material, but how did your parents meet? Oh,

It's fucking crazy. He actually, when he met her at, he met her officially at his best friend's wedding. His best friend married my mom's sister. And when he was at the wedding and he met her at the, like the pre-wedding dinner, he remembered that he hit on her at a bar the year before. For real? She was visiting her sister.

I would love to see a picture of Charo Young. I bet she was a fucking smoke show. She was very pretty. I bet she was a fucking smoke show. Yeah, yeah. A fucking. Charo was very pretty. Do we have any pictures of her, Young? I don't know if we have them here. I'll start sending you pictures of my mom. I bet she was a fucking wild cat. You know what he said? She told me that, she goes, I'm at the wedding.

And I'm using the bathroom. Yeah. And I walk out and she goes, and your father's there. And he like smiles and says something, but she didn't speak like any English. So she's like, what did he say to her friend in Spanish? And the friend translates. And then my mom was like, ah, thanks. And I'm like, well, what did he say? He goes, I guess you're like the queen of the toilet or something like that.

Like, how's the queen of the bathroom doing? Like, that was his pickup line, and she was like, ugh. And so she completely dismissed him. But he just, like, kept pursuing her. Text your mom. I want to see pictures of your mom young. I'm dying to see. I have pictures of my mom young. It looks totally different than her today. All right. I bet your mom was fucking bikini ready. Let's see.

It's crazy. Your mom's life experience has got to be insane. Come from Peru and then go to Cincinnati. That's wild. That's like being married to an NFL star and going, we're going to wherever the fuck the winds take us, you know? Yeah, yeah. God, this fucking cocktail is pretty good. Oh, you're Korean? Kim Jong-il is a bad guy. Wait, where was your dad's accent? It was like a... It was very like Midwestern kind of neutral. And then he had hints of Southern stuff.

Because, like, Louisville is... It's Kentucky, but it's on the Midwest kind of border. And he had weird pronunciations of things. Did you think about your dad dying a lot? Did I think about him dying a lot? Did you think about the day he passed? Did you think about, like, I'm going to lose my dad one day? I think about it all the time. I mean, I thought...

Way more the time before when he was at the Mayo Clinic and he coded and they were like, he's going to die. That's when I actually feel like that hit me like, oh, he's dead. And then we got two years after that. That's cool. That was cool. I knew he was going to die. That's the thing about life, Tommy, is that like, is that...

You're not promised tomorrow. No. And I think there's this fucking arrogance of immortality where people believe they'll just live forever, and you don't. There's so many people that we've known that have died. I'm not talking about comics. I'm talking about dudes I grew up with that have died. There was a kid in our first grade yearbook, Adam Newman, who died. He was in like third grade, and they dedicated the yearbook to him. And I keep thinking about this one fucking kid because I go –

He would be 53. He would have lived a full life and he never got to do that. It's crazy. It's this arrogance of immortality that I think everyone has. And it's crazy. You don't appreciate it until you're a little older. Like Richard Lewis passed away. I know this is very late to say this, but Richard Lewis passed away. Yeah. And... Also cancer, right? Was it cancer? No, heart attack, I think, in the middle of the night. He didn't have cancer? I think it was...

You have Parkinson's. I think that's the problem with Coke. I'm not, this is me speaking out of my ass right now, everyone. But like, don't do Coke. Don't do Coke. You're right. Coke fucks you up. Don't do Coke. There's no good to it. Adderall, all the shit you're thinking that'll keep you awake and have make you pay the tax later in life. Yeah. Richard Lewis, everyone that does Coke gets Parkinson's. It seems like. Really? That's sort of what it seems like to me.

I'm sure that they're going to be like, you know, Lucy's aren't the best thing for you. We'll find out. We'll find out. I'm cool with that tax. But, like, I'm cool with, you know, I had to deal with the Wendy Williams tax. What do you mean? Wendy Williams has got aphasia. What's that again? Bruce Willis' disease. Oh, that's like early onset dementia. And it's from alcoholism is what they're saying. Shit. I really think it's coke. I know... I don't know...

Allegedly, I believe... Why can't I say I believe? But like, Wendy Williams, I think, partied pretty fucking hard. I don't know. I think it's Xanax. All the stuff that doctors prescribe you to do, they fuck your head up. So like, I don't know. I started like... I'm horrible at names and sometimes I say sentences that don't make sense. And I go...

I wonder if that's aphasia kicking in. I hope not. I hope not either. Do you know that like my best friend from high school, Steve, did you ever meet Steve? Big head Steve? Watermelon head? Cancer dude? Yeah. Did you meet him? No, I never met him. Dude, that was like, I'm trying to remember the exact year. It was probably like 20, maybe like 18 around there where he came to see me at the Palm Beach Improv. Yeah. Yeah.

And I remember he was waiting outside. He was a big dude. You know, he's like 6'2", maybe 6'3". He was big, like 275. But he came in, he was like sweating so much. I was like, is it that hot? I mean, it could be. It's Florida. I'm like, goddamn. He was like, yeah, just uncomfortable. And then we hung out. We went to this bar after the show. And then we walked back to the hotel, which was like a 15-minute walk. Yeah.

He was fucking winded. I was like, bro, you got to like, yeah, but you're that guy. Yeah. But I mean, I'm saying it's a 15 minute walk. I'm like, you're fucking winded from a 15 minute walk. Like not uphill. Yeah. It's just a walk. You're winded and you're sweating. Like, let's go. Right. Like this is a little much. And then he's like, yeah. So say, say goodbye. And then the next morning, my friend, another friend from high school was like, did you hear about Steve? Like, I'm so sorry. I'm like, what?

She's like, you don't know? I'm like, no, no, no what? I thought she was going to be like there was a car accident or something. She's like, he was, they were going home because him and his wife were together. They came to the show and hung out. She was like, I don't like how you're breathing. I don't like that you look like this. We're stopping at the emergency room. Jesus. And he didn't want to. I mean, you never want to. Dude, they do just like a quick x-ray scan.

they keep them they're like you have tumors all over your your lung and you have stage four like advanced cancer and then when i went to visit them they were like uh you know you know you can see it in people's eyes right the doctors are like yeah this is not good and he was like oh i'm gonna beat this i'm gonna beat this thing i was like okay oh

And he did. It's fucking crazy. I love hearing those stories. Thank God that story ended this way. Yeah, it's crazy. He's been in remission for years now. Rosario Dawson's dad beat pancreatic cancer. Really? Yeah. I'm sorry, Rosario, if I'm sharing your story inside of school, but like, I think it's cool. I think you want to give hope, but like the...

The thing about those stories is you want to share those stories and you want to hear the victory. You know, the other crazy thing is like, is like I was watching, uh, this is like the reason you don't talk shit about people online. Right? Yeah. So I was watching, I'm going to fuck this up. I'm so sorry. I know that I should know your name, but, uh, Jess, who's on the breakfast club, she does a, she does a breakfast club. She's one of the, one of the co-hosts. Can you pull up Jess?

Just hilarious. Yeah, okay, she shit on Chadwick Boseman

She shit on him? When he was skinny and he was dying of cancer. Not knowing. Not knowing. Yeah, yeah. And then she did this like mea culpa of like, I didn't, like I was just trying to be funny. Yeah. I really regret this. And you're like, yeah, that is the weird thing. It's like you see something quick, like Amy Schumer pops up and they're like, her face is bloated and everyone starts trashing her. Yeah. And then she's like, yo, I have a disease. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's such an interesting thing of like, it's the arrogance of mortality, immortality of like people going. Norm too, by the way, Norm. Norm got real bloated. And you're like, God, he's just gaining weight. And it was the steroids that he was taking. And you think of all the people that just shit on him and just try to cancel him. Yeah. And then they're like. No, but like the appearance thing is a real one where like.

You go, look how skinny or look how big this person's gotten. Yeah. And then you learn like, oh, they're battling a disease. But like we all make, I'm not immune. I wouldn't know. I've done it. I'm certain I have. I don't know that I have. I can't tell you a pinpoint, but I'm certain I have, but it's crazy. Like that's what social media has become. It brings me back to the French revolution. Yeah. Tell me about it. Oh, they have a photo of young Charo. Oh, bring it up immediately. What do you have? Is it a good one? All right. How young?

Smash or pass. Here we go. Go ahead. Pull it up. Pull it up. Oh, yeah. Pull it up. That's an old photo. Ready? Yeah. Where is she? She's the one leaning forward on the couch. It's tough to see. With the long hair?

Which one? They're all leaning forward. By the way, they're all smashes. That's fair. Wait, that's your mom? That's my mom. Do you want to know something interesting? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's break this apart. Can I tell you why I love this photo? Hold on. Yeah. Well, let me tell you. You tell me what you love about the photo, and I'll tell you what I love about the photo. Okay, so that's- God damn it. My mom is smiling at her sister who's on the ground, Blanca, my Aunt Blanca right there. She's beautiful. What?

She's fucking beautiful. Yeah, they're beautiful. But my mom's best friend who like was part of my childhood a lot and like her best, best friend is also named Charo. Her name is Charo Figari. And Charo Figari like loved my mom. Like, you know, just like they're just such good friends. And look at the way Charo Figari is like admiring my mom. She's like, it looks like she's just like, you know what I mean? It's like such a, it's a moment where you can tell like, oh yeah, that's her best friend.

Okay. Just watching her talk. Great legs on your mom. Thanks. Great arms on your mom. A nice rack. And it's natural, I'm guessing. Because she's from a third world country. Yes. Yeah. Wow. And she spoke Spanish. They're really tucked away. I'll send you some pictures of her tits later. Look at your mom's friend group. Your dad must have been like, hey guys, they don't speak English. Yeah.

God damn it. That's a hot group of bitches. As you can tell, they embraced the sun back then. They definitely did. My mom's complexion naturally would be like her sister on the ground, but my mom just lived at the beach. And they would just put oil on their bodies, just lay in the sun for 10 hours. Does your mom have three legs? Yeah. You didn't know that? Wait. There's somebody that she's blocking. I was like, wait, does your mom have three legs? Yeah. God damn it.

And they're all smoking, which is awesome too. Yeah, I love it. That's fucking so hot. Third world women in America in the 70s and 80s that were like, this is brand new to us. Imagine the freedoms we have. By the way, your mom's sister is gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. Blanca's very beautiful too. Your mom's beautiful. Her best friend is so fucking hot.

So fucking hot. I saw her tits once. For real? Yeah. It was fucking terrifying though. Good? No, it was just like, I was like 13 and she was staying at our house visiting and I just rounded the corner and she walked out naked and I was like, ah! She screamed and I screamed, yeah. It was fucking terrifying. Like how did they, what did they look like? Big, big tits. Really? Yeah. You can't tell from the photo, but they're big. Yeah.

And also, I saw her as like an older woman. How old though? What, 40? No, older than that. Wait, how old is she in that picture? This picture I'm imagining is from the... With black and white. I know, but I think it's probably in the 70s, like probably the early to mid 70s. Everyone's beautiful when they're young. Yeah, that's when you're... You know, it's something I've been saying. I don't want to get too into the weeds on this, but like...

There's an arrogance with youth also that they think they created it. Like you look at like these chicks on Instagram and you think they think they're the first hot chick to show up or the first hot chick. You know, I'll put it this way. So like when Travis, Jason Kelsey took his shirt off, everyone was like,

Are you bothered that he took his shirt off? I was like, I'm not the first guy that took his shirt off. Like, that's not my fucking thing. Yeah. Like, it is my thing a little bit, but it's not, I'm not the first guy that created it. Right. But there is this arrogance that comes along with, we were talking about it earlier, of like thinking you're the guy that is the thing. You're the, these hot chicks on Instagram think they're the thing that is the thing. Yeah. I redefine the internet. Yeah. You forget Cindy Margolis.

Do you know who Cindy Margolis is? Yeah, why is that? Cindy Margolis, type it in. The most downloaded woman on the internet. She probably looks like a fucking shoe today. But she was the most. Go to her today. By the way, is that what she looks like today? Yeah, I think. Cindy Margolis looks fucking awesome. Yeah, she looks like a shoe. Yeah, she looks fucking awesome. She looks great. She looks fucking awesome. Yeah. Holy shit, she lives at a mansion? Okay.

I mean, but like you forget that there's the chicks before you, you know, yeah, Carmen Electra Jenna Jameson Yeah, all these hot chicks think they're the one she did. No. No shit a fucking really bad health scare She didn't die. She couldn't walk. Jenna Jameson didn't die. No, she's alive Okay type in is Jenna Jameson alive married lives in Hawaii. I think two kids can't walk covered in tattoos

Man, when I remember the first time I saw her fuck, it just changed the game. I remember. She fucked like she wanted to fuck. I think she really enjoyed it. She enjoyed it. She liked being on camera. Dude, I can tell you distinctly the moment I was like, that's different than everyone else. There's a lot of porn stars that they're into it. Some of them are just paying the bills, and you can tell those ones. Do you think that happens with comics?

Yeah. Where people go, yes, they're just earning up. You definitely can. Yes. A hundred percent. They're just getting a paycheck. A hundred percent. And usually you can tell that like, it's the person who kind of just, I need to go, I need to switch over to a vodka soda. Okay. Poroso soda. Do we have soda in here? Yes, we do. Yeah, you do. Can I get some ice? I'll take it. I'll take it.

Do you think your mom would have made a good porn star? No. Your mom was fucking hot, bro. I don't think she would have been good at porn. Your mom was fucking hot. Thanks, man. Do you think you got... Like, your sisters are attractive, right? Sure. With the comedians, I'm switching the topic, that collect a paycheck, you can tell because they put together an act and then they never change their act. Oh, that's not the thing I was thinking. I was thinking of the ones that you see...

do a special, but they haven't really prepared for it. Oh, you see that too. That's my hour. I just wrote an hour. There's different versions of what we're talking about. But one of them is I just do this. That's who I am. And they just never evolve, which I think sucks because it's like the whole thing is keep growing, keep trying things, keep doing different things. What you're talking about is kind of a laziness, a laziness of like,

look i put this together i did a few shows i'm just gonna shoot it and there's definitely those people yeah i have a new bit i'm working on that i can't i haven't figured out i think you saw it uh and it's like if you're not challenging yourself to do something different yeah what are you doing in life i think this goes back to fucking anybody in the house for his mom okay if you're not if you don't have a thing you're going for this is like not a self-help podcast but like

Find your thing you're going for. Yeah, you have to have goals. Challenges. You know my buddy Tom Hayslip? Do I know him? Yeah, Asian dude. Yeah. Makes all the movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep his name in because it's important for this story because I think he deserves a credit.

We were sitting in Clearwater Beach, but brought our families down to Clearwater and we were hanging out, just me and him having cocktails in the water. And he was talking about his life and, and, and he was succeeding so big. Now he is one of the biggest movie producers in the world, but at the same time, we're at the same level, like making money. And I was like, I was like, I wish I could be more like you. And he really quickly assessed me. And he said, your problem is you're spending too many plates. You don't have any goals. You just use this. Like, I want this. I want all of it.

He goes, find your goals. He goes like, very quickly, he goes, I wanted a house in Atlanta because I was making a movie there. So I just thought, how do I get that house in Atlanta? I know I got to make this much money. I know how I make this much money. He goes, my goals are very simple. It's a beautiful thing in life is that if your life's a little more simple, like Tom, you can find your goals and achieve them and go, like Annie said, I want to buy a house for my mom. That's so beautiful. As opposed to someone like

I'm trying to think of a name like Joe Liss, Mark Norman, who, or Sam Morrell, who want to be like movie stars, or I don't know what they want. You know what I mean? But like their goals sometimes can be way too big. Yeah. And then you can't focus on that goal because it's out of your reach. You can't like attain it. If you're a regular person and you can find small goals, they're attainable. And then your life gets so much happier.

Well, yeah. I mean, what you're talking about is just having. What did I say? What did I say? Did I fuck up? I heard them laugh. Go ahead. It's funny you're saying buying a house is a small goal. That's kind of huge to me, man. No, it's a big goal. It's a big goal, but it's not for everyone, right? Yeah, sure. No. But no, buying a house for your mom is a big goal. That's a second goal.

Like that's like buying a house is a big goal. I remember how hard it was to buy a house. I remember thinking, how do people have houses? I remember going to people's houses and going, how did you get a house? Yeah. This is crazy for us. It happens different. You have to realize we're talking in a, in a, in a rarefied air of like, all of a sudden, one day we make money. We, we, you don't make no money. And then one day you make money. And then all of a sudden you're like, Oh, I can buy a house now. Yeah. So like, we don't have, we, it's hard for us to relate to like,

the everyday earning a paycheck because we don't have that. We make $500 as a host for a weekend, $700 as a feature, $1,500 as a headliner, and then one day you pop and you make a million dollars. And you're like, fuck, I guess I can buy a house. I never understood how anyone bought a house. That blew me away. Yeah, but I think the good point you make is that...

like this is why people do like vision boards and all this stuff. Yeah. It's that you have to like, for some people, it's really important to visualize and don't forget to stay focused on the goal. That's why it's great to have an identified goal. Like if him, like any saying, saying it,

My goal is to buy a house for my mom is great to articulate because it's like, it, it makes it, it reiterates it to him, but also to his world. And then, you know, this is the, the objective is to get to this. Cause then you can also get like, you can get distracted, right? Like you get distracted. Like, Hey, what about like, you want to go to Fiji on this thing? And you're like, well, yeah, but Oh, wait a minute. My goal is this. So it keeps you on your path towards your goal.

Yeah. And staying on the path is a really hard thing for people. What are your goals? I mean, I have different ones, you know, like...

Um, some of them are coming together right now. Um, I had, I really wanted to do this show that like, remember I, I, and then they ordered it. So I get to do that. And that's like a, that was a big goal of mine. It's a really great goal. Yeah. Um, there's a couple of things I really wanted to do in the, uh, producing space that are coming together right now. Yeah. And those are like things that I've been, I mean, to be honest,

Totally honest with you, those are like 20-year goals. Really? Yeah, I always wanted to do those things. And so those are career goals. I think I have family goals, things that I really want to have happen. What are some goals you have with your boys? For me, it's just spending quality time with them. No, but quantify it. I had a buddy, Hutch, who I lived with in college. I love this guy to death.

I mean this with love, one of the most simplest dudes I've ever known in my life. Like very simple and like, "Yo, he introduced me to Kool-Aid." He did, he was like, "Dude, best thing in the world, "a gallon of Kool-Aid before you go to bed." I was like, "Done, done." - Before bed?

Dude, Hutch is the most, and I mean this, he's a very wealthy dude in life. Like, great family. Everything about him is fucking amazing. Could sell a ketchup popsicle to an Eskimo. Like, fucking solid dude across the board, but very simple in, like, what he wants out of life. He's like, fucking hang out with my wife, Ange?

Fucking party with my boys. I want to go surfing with my boys. Have a cold beer with my boys. Right? Like these are like, that's Hutch. And it's so simple to put that out every year. I don't know if Hutch did this and I took it from him, but I, every year I would do goals on my birthday. I have dinner by myself. I have do goals of however many years I am old.

I write those goals out. And I think of Hutch every time I do that because one of his goals was surfing with his sons in Costa Rica. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, that would be bad fucking ass, but it's not something you don't, like you said, you don't put it in your vision board. Sometimes if you don't think about it, you're not doing it. Like, and he said, buy a house for his mom. If you drive to her, then you do it. And then when you do it, you have that memory forever. Yeah.

And it's such a cool fucking thing. So I put this on you. What are like goals you want to do with your boys? Like, do you want to kill an animal with them?

- No, I don't really have that in mind. I mean, I say, like, you know, they're young, but like they have, like, there's passions that you already see evolving with them. So like my youngest is obsessed with cars. And so that's a fun thing because I'm into it too. And so like, we're gonna go to a car factory together. You know, like that's a fun thing that I'm excited about. I try to take my kids, expose my kids to like all these different things, right? Like with sports.

Man, I was so excited because I just thought they would be like me and love football like I did with my dad. And they're like, football is the worst thing ever. For real? They say it. They go, can we do a thing where we never watch football again? No. They hate football, right? And I'm like, this is crazy. I'm wearing a Buffalo Bills hat. Dude, I'm like, I have two gay sons. This is crazy. But-

But, you know, I tried to fucking expose them. What the fuck? We've done tennis lessons. They played soccer. They played flag football. All these things. And they're like, all right. And then one day we go to jujitsu and they're like, this is the fucking greatest thing ever. They love it. So you just go like, all right, embrace that. Celebrate. You know, so we're going to jujitsu a fucking few times a week. And they love it. I was a bad dad. I was a bad dad. You were a bad dad? Yeah. What do you mean? I was a bad dad. I was obsessed with baseball.

And softball. And my daughters had beautiful swings. Beautiful swings. Beautiful swings. They had beautiful swings. And Georgia quit softball. And it fucked me up. It was the beginning of the end of our first, like, of the daddy-daughter fun times. That was the very beginning of the end of it. We rebuilt it, but...

That was, I can tell you where I was on the street. I can tell you what street I was on when it started. I can tell you when that fight started and that was the beginning of the end. Leanne can tell you what street it was too. It was in front of a 7-Eleven and I fucking melted down because they wanted to give up softball and it fucked me up because I was like, yo, this is what you do. This is what we do. I couldn't be that guy that I just couldn't, I fucked it up. I fucked it up.

It's fun to see that you know that your kids didn't like football. I would push back. I'd be like, no. Like, I still push back with my daughters. They just, they're like, because I still watch it. Yeah, because you're not gay. Right. So I go, they're like, they'll walk in and they'll be like, oh, God, football? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, come on. They sound like my fucking daughters. And then all of a sudden the game will get good at the end. Yeah. And I'll go, this is why we watched the whole fucking game.

This is why we watched the whole fucking game. Look at Baker Mayfield. Your dad knows that guy. Fuck. Yeah, they're not into it. It's crazy. I wonder what my dad would say. I wonder where he thinks he failed. Can you tell that I'm drunk? I mean. In my emotion. You're in your emotion a little bit. Yeah. But you're not like a mess. No, not at all. I'm never a mess. Okay. I'm never a mess.

I always have it together. Okay. I do. I'm different than everyone else. It's part of the program. Yeah. Can I tell you the best thing about starting a vodka? Yes. No one will ever tell me to quit drinking. That's. Nope. Nope. There you go. The best part of last night is everyone was like, another drink? I was like, sure. Yeah, I have to. It's my job. Leanne, half of our money is in this company. Yeah.

Let's go positive to end this show. Okay. How do we go positive? I think this is... Look, here's the thing about this podcast is that I think we're breaking new boundaries in podcasting. I honestly believe this. I think that...

When you see your favorite buddy podcast, and there's some great ones. There are. McCusker, Gillis. Santino and Lee. Santino and Lee. Sam Rell. And Mark. Mark Norman. Mark and List. Mark and List. I mean, there's so many great buddy podcasts. I think we are breaking new ground because we're older than them. Yeah. And we're at a different place in our lives.

And I think that's what's cool about this podcast is that we go, we can talk about deep shit. Yeah. And it, and just, it resonates with the people listening or it doesn't, or it doesn't, but it's like,

We've had things happen in our lives that they haven't had happen yet. It's like every dude that has a kid writes a joke about birth and then you're like, yeah, we all did that, bitch. Like we were all there. We all did that. Yeah, yeah, of course. These are universal things. Universal things. And I think we're at the forefront because we're older. You're much older than I am. But here's the deal. How do we end on an old school comedy positive note so that our listeners go, that's why I love this fucking cast? Well, I'll tell you something.

I'm thrilled that later this year there will be a Christian back in the White House. I think we're going to take this country back. Dude, okay. With the policies that the forefathers intended. Should we plan a Two Bears Live restorming the Capitol when he wins?

That would be awesome. That would go viral. That would go viral. Yeah. And by the way, if he wins, you don't get in trouble for storming the Capitol. Do you want to do a live podcast on election day in DC? More than anything in the world. We should see if that's possible. Let's do a live podcast in DC on election day. Yeah. It'll be right around my birthday. We'll throw a party the next day. We'll do a fucking theater together. Sure. That would be fucking awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

Who are you voting for? Is it going to be Biden and Trump? Well, here's the thing. This is a really fascinating election cycle where it feels like the Dems have to have a backup plan for the convention this summer where they're going to be like, look, it's official. He's going into this home. So here's our backup candidate. It feels like they've got to have that ready to go. And then Trump...

Well, I think he's extremely popular and just like objectively you don't see him losing an election. You do see every possible effort made to keep him, including like states being like, we're not having his name on the ballot. And then the Supreme Court's weighing in on whether this is even kind of like that whole thing.

So I think if he's on a ballot, I think he wins. I think they're literally trying as hard as they can to keep him off a ballot. So literally, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's supposed to be the two of them. I just feel like it's more likely going to be, I think they're going to prop somebody else up for the Dems. I mean this. I hope they do. It's like he just is out of it. It's embarrassing. Yeah.

It's embarrassing. Not even, I don't mean like my guy is my guy. I mean, it's embarrassing. It's like, I look, I voted Democrat my entire life. I'll say that out loud. You see the thing about him saying, thank you, secretary booty juice.

I've seen a lot of clips. He's really out of it. It's like you can't have a guy running the company. And by the way, you look at Oakland, what's going on with Oakland. The A's? No, no. They're stomping on cars and lighting them on fire and running other cars into them. And you look at all the shit going on in San Francisco, just crime. It's like it's turning into a fucking one of those, our country is turning into one of those worlds that you thought you only read about in books when we were in high school. It's crazy. And there's no respect, no fucking love.

It's like we need someone to bring everyone together, and it's definitely not Joe Biden. Of course it's not. I mean, I wish I could say that it was. I wish I could. You can't even pretend. Nobody can. No one can. You can't pretend. Even, like, people in his cabinet are like, yeah, yeah.

I think he's... I mean, Jimmy Carter would have a better run. Right now. Yeah. Right now. Right now. Yeah. Right now, Jimmy, you go, he's more together. Yeah. It's crazy. Reagan's more together. Nancy. Yeah, no, it's... We need someone. We need someone. We're supposed to end this on a positive note. No, let's end on a positive note. Yeah. Who we vote for president right now. Oh, Jesus. That's not a positive. You'd vote for Joe Rogan. The Rock.

Oprah? No. Let's go celebrity. It's got to be celebrity. Yeah, celebrities could win. They could win. It's got to be celebrity. Politics are over, everyone. It's over. Yeah. The idea of being Napoleon and being a great general and that everyone believes in you, that's what we need to go back to. Yeah. Of being a general, polarizing the people, bringing your guy. You're the guy that does the thing.

We have no MacArthur's anymore. We have no fucking FDRs. We need a fucking great leader. So here's, here's, it's gotta be a man. Sorry. It's gotta be a man. It's gotta be a man. Um, I think it's gotta be who, like who are the movie stars of today? And that's who you got to pick from. You got to pick from like, what are, who are the top 10? You know what? Harrison Ford would be awesome. He'd be awesome. Harrison Ford would be great. Can we get him to run? 57, 57. He's like, he's, he's,

Well, let's get top five movie stars. He's in his 70s, but that's okay. I take Harrison Ford any day. How old is he? 71. We're going to take back this country. Oh, he's 81. See, that's too old, man. It's too old. He's 81? Yeah, it's too old. Tom Selleck? How old's Tom Selleck? He's definitely hardcore. Yeah. He might be the wrong guy. No, he's not. He looks good. He's 79. Too old. God damn it. He's 79? Yeah.

Who are the top 10 grossing actors? Tom Cruise's. Oh, you know who it should be? Who? How great would it be to have President Denzel Washington? That would be amazing. Ladies and gentlemen, we've announced it here on Two Bears, One Cave. Scarlett Johansson? Jesus Christ. Oh, she did all the- They're all Endgame? They're all Avengers actors, though. Oh, okay. You need to do it like Sans Avengers movies. You know what I mean?

That's Tom Cruise. Maverick. Yeah. Yeah, I know, but he's Scientologist. Tom fucked himself. Yeah, no. Who is it without the Avengers? I mean, I wonder if that list... Yeah, they're all going to be Avengers. They're all Avengers. That's so stupid. I know. It doesn't count. It doesn't count, actually. It really doesn't. I hate to say this, and I mean this all respect. You're not a real movie star. No, no, no.

You're not. I mean, you're not. No, you're not. I understand that you think you are, but you're not. No, because they're not the star. The franchise is the star. The franchise is the star. I understand that. The list, if you go to the list without...

Avengers being a factor, then you see who's a real draw. Like people are going to see this actor in the project. It's different than saying I was in this. It's like if I say I'm one of the top five comedians in the world and you go, yeah, but you only got there because of Tom and Rogan. It's not me. Yeah, like Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks would be a great fucking president. He could probably...

Get elected. We could get in a hold of Chet, make it happen. Samuel L. Jackson's already been a movie as president. Chris Pratt can't be president. I actually think Tom Hanks could run for president if he wanted to. Bradley Cooper could not. You don't think so? No, I don't think so. I think Ford could have if he was 10 years younger. Harrison Ford. Tom Hanks is our only hope. He's polarizing now. It's really weird, though. Why? What did he do? People have crazy shit. It's crazy that people are polarized off of people we like. Yeah. Samuel L. Jackson is the largest...

Then, oh, once again, it's fucking... They're all Avengers stuff. Yeah, I know. That's such a fucked up thing. I wonder if you can find a list without that, you know? You got to get rid of the fucking Avengers thing. That's stupid. It's like, they're great movies. We love you guys in them, but don't think that you're better than Meryl Streep. Okay, okay.

Bradley Cooper is... Hang on. Bradley Cooper has to be it because he's the only one that's never been in an Avengers movie and he is one of the top grossing movie stars ever. Okay, here we go. This is the list. All right. Robin Williams. He's dead. He's not available. Johnny Depp would be a completely insane president. No, keep going, Tom Cruise. No, Eddie Murphy, hard pass.

Tom Hanks. Fucking A. Tom Hanks. Let's start this. Back up again. Back up to the search engine, like the backup one, and go to the top. Scroll up. See if that list is... I guess there's more people here. Yeah, there's The Rock. He's been approached to run. Yeah. He'd be great. Our health would be perfect.

Chris Pratt, if he pivoted right now, because he's married to Arnold Schwarzenegger's daughter. He's pretty openly conservative. Yeah, he's Christian. He's Christian. Believes in God. Really does. Which gets you a lot of votes in this country. Anthony Davis with my... Anthony Daniels, my bad. Who? Anthony Daniels. Who the fuck is Anthony Daniels? He's the guy with the wings. I think that's C-3PO from Star Wars. I don't know why he's on this list. It's insane. Oh, because it's Star Wars.

Okay. Well, I don't feel. Guys, we like to support Vin Diesel as the next president. Of the United States. Of the United States. You're getting our full endorsement, Mark Sinclair. That's his real name. His name's Mark Sinclair? Yeah. President Sinclair. We hope you. Vin Diesel's name is Mark Sinclair. Yeah. You thought it was Vin Diesel? Vin Diesel. Wait, where is he from? Is he black? If he's not black, I'm going to lose my shit.

Born in New York? Let's see. He's got to be black. He's got to be black. Yeah, he's half and half. Thank God. Oh, thank you, Vin Diesel, for not being a total phony. Wait a minute. Raised by his white mother and an adoptive African-American father. Wait. He is of ambiguous ethnicity. Oh, we'll take him. He has never met his biological father. He believes he's whatever, connected to many different cultures. We can do 23andMe. Yeah, he's mixed. I'll take Vin Diesel as her president.

I'll take Tom Hanks, Vin Diesel, Chris Pratt, and I'll tell you what. Yeah. I think Tom Cruise would make a great president. I think he would. I think that Scientology is going to be a real big hurdle in this country. Nope. You just got to accept the Lord as a spaceship driver. Oh, you mean the people have to? We just all have to just suck. Yeah, people aren't going to do that here. Really? No. This country's not ready for that.

This country's not ready for a lot of things. That's right. Hey, God bless America. I love you guys with all our heart. I hope you had a good podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope that this was a growing podcast. They can't all be bangers, everybody. Sometimes one guy gets fucked up and gets in his emotions. It was fun. I actually really enjoyed today. I enjoyed it. This was a lot of fun. I love you to death, buddy. I love you too, man. I love you too. I hope you find someone to love as much as I love Tommy.

That's the goal of life. Hey, porosos. Porosos. Make friends. Make friends. And drink some bone broth while you're at it. Mix them together. Shout out Kettle Fire. All right. Love you guys. Love you, man. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.