The Crazy World of Steve-O | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 211
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i can do that easy hey man let me show you what you're doing wrong hang tight i'm gonna come get that board okay hand it over pops really yeah you want this no i'll be fine without it oh okay hey hawk welcome to the eagle's nest wait why'd you let me do it man i'm not even wearing a helmet

Hey guys, my new tour, Come Together, starts December 30th in Honolulu, Hawaii. This is the first leg of tour dates. So many more to come. You can get tickets at tomseguro.com slash tour. I can't believe I did it. Oh man, I'm going to need another nerve transfer. What's your blood type, Tony? Not yours. I can see my dad. This week on Two Bears, One Cave. He says I'm an alcoholic. Edit this out. Yeah, Drew. Look.

I haven't seen porn that has more intensity than that. As long as it breaks, you're cool. If it doesn't break, you get knocked unconscious. Huberman's got to be disgusted with you. Huberman doesn't know what to do with me. 100%

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on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Hey, guys. Brand new episode of Two Birds, One Cave. Fan favorite Steve-O's with us today. Fucking... And he's got a new special. What is it? What's the name of the special? I didn't even... Steve-O's Bucket List. Oh, that's right. Holy shit. It is insane.

It is insane. You know, a long time ago we talked about... A long time ago we talked about... Was it this special? No, it was my one before. That was my gnarly special. The one that you came over to the house to watch? Yes. And you consistently are changing the genre of stand-up. You're doing it your own way. Which I think is so cool because you got to stand-up late in life and you were making it your own. Which is so impressive. So many of us... And I say, oh, it's just comics. Like...

So many people, and I just had a long conversation about this the other night, see the path in the forest and they walk down that path thinking, well, that's why you get to the water, realizing if everyone's going to the same lake, the water's going to be low. If everyone's walking down that exact same path, you get to the water, everyone's drinking out of the same fucking water. Sometimes people are pissing in it. You have taken a new path in the forest every time, and I think that's so fucking impressive, dude. Thanks, man. Yeah, dude, we had fun.

like it's, it's multimedia the way that I do my comedy. Yeah. Um,

And that was a gradual thing. My first special, I did some fucked up shit on the stage, but it was just me and a microphone and what happened on the stage. Let's talk about the origins of you as a live entertainer, because I think this is interesting. You had, during Jackass, when you were partying, you would go to bars and light yourself on fire. Way before Jackass. Oh, before Jackass. Yeah, I mean, my...

My entertainment career in a professional sense started when I went to Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Clown College in 1997, which was in Sarasota, Florida. That is... P.T. Barnum is a game changer. Oh, yeah. He's a... That man...

You know, I heard a story about him. There was a giant, someone to disprove religion, buried a huge stone giant in their backyard and then had people dig it up. This is like in the turn of the century. P.T. Barnum was big.

and it was called the Breitling Giant or something. And they dug it up, and then everyone thought it was real. They thought that the Bible was real, that there were giants that walked the earth before, and he put it on display. P.T. Barnum offered him $50,000 to buy that giant so he could put him in his museum in New York City. And the guy said no. And P.T. Barnum simply built a replica and then said...

I've got the original one. That one's a fake. And people just bit. And then because of P.T. Barnum, they found out his was fake. That guy's a fucking... When you go to clown college, do you take classes in promotion? Is there like a history class? I mean, it was considerably more akin to boot camp than college. It was like eight weeks. It was a big tax write-off for the circus. Yeah.

For the course of those eight weeks, with the exception of Sundays, six days a week, we trained 14 hours a day. Like unicycles and stuff? They would break up the day. It would be in the, like, whatever, you know, it was being in a big theater, the Sarasota Opera House. We'd be in there at 8 a.m., we'd do like a morning workout, like stretching, whatever. We would have...

like hours broken down for like acrobatics, dance, improv, skills, circus history, you know, and makeup. They didn't teach us any makeup. On the very first day of clown college, they gave us all makeup kits. And they said, you will receive no instruction

Just like, uh, you know, that would be against the, how it works. You know, you just got to figure it out. No instruction. You figure it out today and then you do it again tomorrow and you do it again. Then by the time you're done, you will have arrived at what your makeup is, what the way that you do it. Oh, wow. And, um, picture of you with your makeup. Oh, oh yeah. There's a million of them. And, um,

The thing is the grease paint, it like a little goes a long way and nobody's going to respect like how... So like it's almost a ritual. It's like anal sex. It was like an absolute ritual where when everybody gets done with their first try, they're waiting with cameras at the room. So you walk out of there and they take your picture and everyone's just a goddamn mess. Really? But after the eight weeks, everybody's top notch. And so I think people forget...

There's a clown, if I'm not mistaken, I think his name is Mr. Noodle. He was on, can you please Google Mr. Noodle? He was on, he's like, he's got a scholarship. He's got a MacArthur grant. Mr. Noodle, he's like the world's greatest clown.

Oh, is that Bill Irwin? Yeah, Bill Irwin. Yeah, Bill Irwin. He went to clown college. My daughter made me laugh. He was a graduate of clown college. He's one of like, I want to say, four people who became, there's Bill Irwin, Penn Jillette is a clown from clown college. Yeah. And me. Yeah.

I'm not sure that there's anybody else that has like, you know, people really know them. But yeah, Bill Irwin's the most talented fucking dude ever. My daughter made me laugh so hard when she was like three years old, maybe just old enough to barely talk.

She said, do you know Mr. Noodle? And I said, yeah. She goes, do you know what his brother's name is? I said, no. Do you know what his brother's name is? Mr. Noodle. It made me giggle. So every time I think of Mr. Noodle, his brother's name is Mr. Noodle.

So wait, so you're in clown college, and I just find this interesting. There's so much I want to talk to you. I want to talk about your animal sanctuary. I want to talk about sex sobriety and food sobriety and all the different sobrieties you have. Sure. That's the one where me on the right is my first...

Ever attempt, you know, apologies for alienating people who are only listening on audio and don't have the visual component. It looks like a chick who got a train run on her by the Wu-Tang Clan. No, it looks like a guy who just went down on a woman at the worst part of the month and like.

Like with a world record flow. Yeah, yeah. Is that you too? Yeah, that's my graduation photo from Clown College there. They designed my deal as kind of a punk rock clown. That's not bad. It's pretty cool. And so I have a fear of clowns, but that doesn't bother me.

What do you think of Insane Clown Posse? I met one of the guys. Scary J? Violent J. Violent J? Violent J is in town right now to shoot a music video with me tomorrow for the song that we recorded because I'm resurrecting my rap career. Not resurrecting it. I'm redeeming it.

When I first decided I'm going to be a rapper, like, uh, I'm just going to be like comedy gangster rapper. Like there was a good idea. I remember that phase. Yeah. I remember you, you took a, I remember, is that the same time when you, which I have a visual of all the time when you wrapped your dick in duct tape for Howard Stern. Ah, that was one of a million things I did for Howard Stern. But, um,

The idea was a good idea. The problem was at the time I was just so deep in the grips of drugs and alcohol that all the quality of the funny just was lost. When you got sober, was there a part of you that...

like looked back and goes, man, do you look back and go, I wasted a lot of years? Or do you have to look at some of it and go, it's crazy that all that got me to here and I'm really happy today. Well, yeah, it's just back to the future, bro. You don't want to mess with the space-time continuum and fuck up what you got going right now. Yeah, because...

I texted you the other day. You posted a picture about aging, and I was like, dude, you are not supposed to be here. Yeah, I get it. And that meant a lot to me too, bro. It really did. Well, you're a special dude. You really are. First of all, I've been a fan for a very long time, for a very, very, very long time. To have you as a friend is insane to me because it speaks...

Just never thought that would happen but more importantly to see you deal with some issues I'm dealing with in life like aging is a motherfucker and getting older is a Motherfucker yeah And the fact that you even said that you had like we were talking about food earlier and the fact that you even because you're in great Shape you've always been in great shape. Oh, I I fluctuate I'm like see fluctuation

Yeah. So anyway, now I'm doing the rap thing properly. Like writing like, you know, like funny songs. I've got one that I did with Violent J. It's, you tell me what I should make the title. It was going to be called I Love My Girl, but it's a song about how wonderful she is except for that one week a month. Yeah. You know, when the demon. I would just title it ****.

no, well, maybe, maybe when that's the hook. And then, and then that's the, that's the, the play on words is you're really talking about the blood coming out of the, but I mean, I wonder if I have to bleep this. It sounds pretty aggressive. Yeah. That's an aggressive word for it. You'll get maybe demonetized. You want to definitely bleep that one word. And everyone will think it's the N word. Um,

But yeah, it's just fun and funny, you know? And yeah, I mean, I'm just excited. But Violent J, man. He's great. I met him in Detroit. He came to a show. Very sweet dude. No makeup. Ooh. Yeah. I've still never laid eyes on him without makeup, but I'm imagining that this week I will.

He's got a clerk's vibe to him. He's the best, dude. You should get him on here. I would love to. He was just at Skanks Fest. Yeah. He did an episode of Skanks Fest, and I watched clips, and he's fucking hilarious. Dude, that's epic, man. Like, I can link you guys up? Yeah, please, please. I find guys like that. I find Insane Clown Posse hilarious.

legit insane. They have a hardcore fan base. You look at Insane Clown Posse, I don't want to... I'm simply correlating them to other groups that I find that have diehard fans. You want to talk about marketing and the genius of marketing. These guys revolutionized the music industry. Because if you whittle everything down, you look at the way...

Tom's always done thing on a very things on a very big level, you know, like he always does things He wants it to feel professional look professional You were someone that always I always felt like did it yourself you wanted to you were you wanted control of it? I feel I'm a little bit that way and I feel insane clown palsy's got that like they've got this like dude, we know how to talk to our fans and

And that's what we do and don't tell us we're drinking Faygo I understand that it's hard to get both where we it's what we like. I love Faygo by the way I love Faygo Faygo and Shasta are my two favorite sodas without a doubt I've been drinking a lot of diet Shasta. Do you drink diet drinks? No, not at all. So does just a no-fly zone man. It's just stupid. I

It's so good. Yes. I mean, I drink liquid death. Liquid death is fucking. I mean, a wise man once said that water is the only beverage. Water is the only beverage of the wise man, period. Who's that? Who's that? I don't know. Somebody's smart. Like, there's literally no reason to drink a fucking drink other than water.

What about coffee? Yeah. I mean, okay. What about, so let's talk about treats when you have, so I'm certain you have my brain and I know like, what are your treats? Like, what do you, I mean, this depends. You asked me before we started recording, um, what's my diet like? And, and it's,

Like, basically polar extremes. You know, there's me, like, when I'm in a good place and me when I'm in a bad place. You always seem like you're in a good place to me. I mean... Mom, Dad, you should shop Amazon for back to school and save some money. See, I'm currently obsessed with superheroes and need all the superhero stuff. Superhero lunchbox, superhero bathhouse.

But next year, it'll be something else. Maybe dinosaurs? I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. But I can tell you not to spend a fortune and shop low prices for school on Amazon. Okay, good chat. Amazon, spend less, smile more. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

I think they mean us. Oh, um. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. With my diet, like, you know, dude. Give me a meal that you're proud of and a meal you're not proud of. Okay. And I'll go a dead. Okay. Yeah.

I'm pretty proud of Taco Bell. I think that's the, um, that's like the best. That's one of my unproud meals. I think, well, I think the Taco Bell is actually like when it comes to fast food, like the, the healthiest because like what I'm ordering there, um,

Doesn't have like the, you know, the meat. I don't know. I'm not going to eat the meat. So I'll get like a vegan. Are you vegan? I eat seafood. Okay. So what do you eat at Taco Bell? Their bean burrito is pretty fucking legit. Veggie Power Bowl, you know, right there. It's like, I mean, or bean burrito, fiesta, veggie burrito. Flour is like not something I'm super proud of, but it's not like deep fried vegetables.

you know, like... Okay, mine's four Mexican pizzas. I fuck up Mexican pizzas. I fuck up Mexican pizzas. And then my favorite thing they have is...

They stopped making it, but you can get it. It's a beef Mexi-melt. It's basically a beef soft taco with just cheese. Beef Mexi-melt was like the fucking shit when they had it. The day they discontinued... It's funny. I remember the day Tupac died and the day they discontinued Mexican pizzas at Taco Bell. Was it the same day? No. He would have seen me in a fucking hate spiral. I would have been fucking hurting that day. I went out and I bought a ton of Mexican pizzas. The...

Snack food, like fast food for me is always bad. I can't find any good fast food. Oh, dude, you're not going to the right part of the convenience store, dude. There are these kind of healthy protein bars kind of thing. I don't know.

I think they're all bullshit. When I'm in a good place, like that, like what are they called? Like one, oh, Quest. Quest bars. Oh, Quest is a fucking legit. Quest, dude, I don't know how it's so good and there's like no sugar in it. That blueberry cobbler one is insane. Quest bars. Dude, Quest has a maple sugar one.

Then there's this Barbell brand that has like cashews. It's like kind of healthy candy bars. Yeah. And I'm down with that. When I'm in a bad spot, I'm just wiping out the Reese's peanut butter cups. It's the best feeling in the world. I've never been on like a full, full drug bender. But dude, when I wake up from a nap and I'm in a bad spot, I will suck down whatever candy bars are around until I'm physically ill. Right. I mean, I've never even...

come close, I couldn't even imagine like a number of Reese's peanut butter cups where I would like tap out and be like, oh, I can't eat it. I will eat them until they're gone. Can I tell you the lowest my daughters have ever seen me like the lowest and I'm talking drugs, alcohol, fucking any addiction.

Leanne one time we were in Alabama and Leanne made two plates of cookies it's cow head isn't that crazy cow tub yeah fuck yeah dude answer him man I fucking love that motherfucker yeah my two buddies together dude he came to my show and I sent pictures of us together on stage he's got the same tattoo as you do yeah we matched them because we're really good friends alright I'll call you later alright later buddy I love you

- Yeah, dude. - So Leanne made, my mouth's watering telling you the story. But Leanne made two plates of cookies. One to take out the next day and then one for everyone to share.

I ate roughly 24 cookies I ate the whole plate and I was physically ill and Isla walked in and said where did the second plate of cookies go? I'd woken up from a nap. I'd been drinking during the day I woke up from a nap and I said I ate them and she looked at me and she went Oh, buddy, you don't look good. Like I was my face was fucking me. She took a picture of it She goes this is the lowest ever and then she went out and told everyone daddy to play two cookies and Leanne came in She's like, are you okay? And I was like, I couldn't help myself

chocolate chip cookies. I couldn't, I couldn't, it's, I've cheated on women. I've never cheated on Leanne, but I've cheated on women. You know that feeling when you're like, oh, this is fucking happening. That was, that was the only feeling. It's like being out of control, completely out of control. Yeah, that's right. I remember, I grew up mostly in London, England. That's right.

That's crazy. You mentioned that in the new special. I was born there, left when I was six months old. Everyone can get Steve-O's special at steve-o.com. Get Steve-O's special at steve-o.com. How much is it? Do you know how much it is yet? It's behind a paywall. It's worth it. It's fucking worth it. This is, I want to say this is a stuff, imagine if Jackass made Jackass, but Paramount wasn't included.

It's stuff that would not be allowed to happen for Jackass. No. It is every...

There's surgery. You didn't even see the part yet where I get the general anesthesia in my vein while I'm riding a bicycle. And then if that's not fucked up enough, you know what an epidural is? Yes, I do. Yeah, a four-inch needle into your spinal cavity and they inject a drug to paralyze you from the waist down. I found a motherfucker willing to give me that four-inch needle in my spine and paralyze my ass while I was in a full sprint.

It's an epidural foot race. My asshole's tingling. I have a visual that I can't unsee, and that is you refusing to go under in Mexico. And I think of that every time I go to the... I had a colonoscopy recently, and I just thought of you going... You have the most insane digital footprint ever.

But wait, I'm skipping all over the place. So I'm a little kid in England. And in England, they didn't have Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. They just didn't have them. So like my friend whose father worked at the U.S. Embassy, there was this U.S. Embassy canteen or whatever. And I'd go in there and he would get me –

Like, that was where I would get my hands on them, you know? And I would have, like, an absurd number of packs of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. And this is how I would do it. Like, I wouldn't, like, open up the pack. I was like, I'm gonna... I opened up every pack so that, like, I wouldn't have the annoying, like, ripping open the wrappers to interfere. I just got all the opening wrappers out of the way and then just stacked them, like, fucking...

like towers of- and then just fuckin' *grrrr*

Oh, my God. And then there's no limit. Oh, I would have these fits with Girl Scout cookies. Let me tell you about what was my- Oh, my God. I think I'm going to relapse on sugar. I've had sugar in 74 days. Oh, damn. I've had sugar in 74 days. I'll tell you my rock bottom, what got me into the food program for the first time. My mouth's actually fucking watering. Yeah. Oh, man. This is why you're not allowed to talk about partying stories in AA, huh?

I mean, you're not allowed to. I'm never into AA. I'm just talking about bird. Keep going. Keep going. My rock bottom, at one point, one of my bottoms. I went to go see that Joker movie, the Joaquin Phoenix one. By the way, sidebar, that's a great name for a special. Steve-O's Rock Bottoms. And you just tell all your rock bottoms. That's fucking fascinating. I dig it. Now, at the concession stand going into the Joker movie, I...

I just, I knew I wanted a caramel popcorn and they have like the plastic tub, like the full fucking, a little mini bucket of caramel popcorn. But I also wanted the red vines and they only had the fucking jumbo pack, like a

jumbo pack of red vines and a bucket of caramel popcorn and I just sat there and I would take a handful of the caramel popcorn fill my mouth and then take a fistful of the red vines and chew it all together in concert you know like

And this combination of caramel popcorn and red vines as I chewed it all together in my mouth was just so fucking delicious. I love when people introduce you to shit like that. You know, someone introduced me to fucking to hot popcorn with M and M peanut M and M's inside it. And then all the peanut M and M's get soft. And by the way,

Carmel popcorn Carmel popcorn sneaks up on you You forget how fucking good it is Yeah You forget Carmel popcorn is like a handshake from a dude You're like oh wow this is better than I thought it was going to be You're like fuck Every time we would have people deliver us We have popcorn We have caramel popcorn

downstairs right now that I've been looking at, that I've been looking at. I haven't had sugar in 74 fucking days. I haven't had sugar in 70. I'm proud of you, man. Remember I did an alcohol filled with sugar? I haven't had alcohol in 74 days. Oh, what? Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you're just white knuckling it? No, no. I'm not sober. Oh, so you're smoking weed? I'll smoke weed if I want to. I've always said I wish Xanax worked for me on a flight. It only works for me at home, and I don't find a usefulness for it at home. Dude, it's so funny, man. I remember when I was in rehab. By the way, so far I've interrupted you twice. I'm really trying to be a lot better about that. By the way, don't worry. I'm interrupting you nonstop. This is what we do. Keep going. If you don't like it.

I'm so sorry. I I care about improving my I do too, but I can't help it. Yeah, keep going. Okay When I was in rehab, right like I'm always interrupt me if you're gonna tell a story about rehab. Okay? In rehab for drugs like this is right right around the time when it's so crazy that I was in the psychiatric ward like like the day or two after my intervention and

And I was like, man, it's like blowing snot. I mean, it felt like it was weird. And I was trying to figure it out. That was when I discovered that I have the huge hole in the wall in between your nose. In the center. Yeah, I don't even know if it's not a... Is it a septum? It's a septum. Yeah, a perforated septum. Not a deviated septum, perforated, meaning there's a fucking hole going through my septum, the wall in my nose. And Knoxville...

Knoxville came and visited me in rehab with Bam. That's ironic. Yeah. And I was like, dude, I got this fucking hole in my nose. I'm pretty sure. Let me see if I can fucking stick something through it. And we're like, what are we going to do? So Knoxville took the shoelace out of his Converse Chuck Taylor. Chuck Taylor?

And I literally just stuck the little plastic fucking nub at the end up one nostril through the fucking hole and threaded my nose with a shoelace. You still have the perforated septum? Oh, yeah. It doesn't go away. Oh, for real? Yeah. It doesn't grow back like your liver? It does not grow back, no. Why did rehab work for you?

I was just ready, man. You were ready? I was ready. Okay, here's the thing, because I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing. I mean, I'm going to drink again one day. I don't know when. I think I'm going to do it on my cruise. But I would have already drank if you're watching this, probably. I'm guessing. Considering it's my birthday, I'm going to be in the Cayman Islands. If you're watching this, I probably already drank.

And by the way, I have no attachment to sobriety because I am smoking pot if I want to. So it's not sobriety for me. California sober, dog. California sober, yeah. Is that a real thing? I mean, I don't think... Not in your programs. It's not something that has a particularly good track record that I'm aware of. Yeah. Well, because in...

The thing I think with sobriety is it's nice to be clean and be like, yo, I got something I'm holding up. It's kind of nice to have like a – it's like a record. It's the same thing with a diet. Yeah, that's true. I find dieting similar. I've been eating pretty much caveman since for 74 days. And so with a diet and not drinking, it's just really staying away from sugar. But I don't know –

I don't know, like, the treat thing is the thing, like, do you, was alcohol ever your thing? I mean, I could never even fathom going a single day without it. Really? Yeah. And then all of a sudden you went cold, not cold jerky, you just, were you really just going, I'm done with it? Well, it was. Or were there times where you were like.

Who is Devo? Like, what am I without alcohol? It was gnarly. And I think the difference is...

I just was effectively humiliated into willingness. I could not control my behavior. I couldn't get through any given day without perpetrating some bullshit that would make me feel so ashamed of myself that I wished that I could conjure up the courage to commit suicide.

For real. And I couldn't. Yeah. So I was just like loser at life, loser at death, just trapped in misery. That's insane. Yeah. And I didn't even know it. Like I didn't even know it until I'd been like kind of sober for a little bit. How many days did you do in rehab? Well, it started in...

The psychiatric ward. I was on California's 5150 law, which means Baker Act. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. 5150 law and Baker Act or Marchman Act, I think in Pennsylvania. It means that they can hold you locked up in a psychiatric ward against your will for 72 hours, which is three days.

But when they got me, and Knoxville was the one who brought me in, you know? When they got me to the hospital, this guy was like waiting for me at the cars that pulled up with like a wheelchair to wheel me in. I was like, I don't need a wheelchair. And I spit on the guy, you know? Like that was just normal for me at that time. Dude, that should be, by the way, I would love to see

I've had a lot of friends go to rehab. That's kind of the deal when you party. You have a lot of people go through the 12 steps. I've had a lot of apologies. I've had a lot of those things. Not apologies, amends. Amends, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, my bad. Or my amends. And so... So...

And so, but one of the things that I find the most fascinating is even the people with willingness going to rehab, there is a moment of panic where they decide to fucking burn it to the ground. I would love to find that Instagram feed of just one orderly who just doesn't look like he deserves respect, who gets destroyed every time people check into rehab.

Well, I'll tell you. I spit on the first guy. And then I was pretty convinced that I was going to calmly talk my way out of it, but they had me dead to rights. There was no talking. And when I kind of got the fact that I wasn't going to talk my way out of it and just be let go, I started to get grumpy. And I was like, oh, you know what? Now I want to smoke a cigarette. We're going to do this thing. I'm going to smoke a cigarette. And they were like, no, you're not going to. And I was like, no, I'm going to smoke a cigarette.

now and that's when I like I go to grab like a chair and I just pick up the chair and just throw it right but like I don't even get that chair like into the air like orderly as it just come out of nowhere and just grab me really yeah like once you're gonna go and throw furniture in there like that's where they draw the line so I just get like I just get

Neutralized by orderlies and they'd pick me up and carry me over and put me on a stretcher Who's with you is Knoxville there right now? No, no now I'm on my own in the guts of the Cedars-Sinai That would give me I will tell you I've joked about going to rehab a lot and I often fantasize about how nice would be to tap out for a month Yeah, and just no phone just really focus on myself work on myself. I

Uh, that, uh, the, the thing that pulls me back is the panic moment where I realized I can't leave. Well, here's the thing. When they slam me down on this stretcher and I realized now that they're gonna strap me to it and I'm like, I'm, uh,

I'm like kind of claustrophobic. And I don't, I don't want to be like strapped down to a stretcher. And I'm kind of like, Oh, I'll be good. And they're like, it doesn't even matter because then they put a needle in my butt cheek. There we go. It's called booty juice. And I just like the needle just knocks you out. Like I take this in the next thing I know I'm waking up from a nap and now I'm in the part of the hospital where the doors don't,

They don't have to be just locked in, straight up locked in. And because of my behavior, they've now changed my status from 5150, which is 72 hours to 5250, which means they've got me for two weeks. And thank God, because had it been...

just 72 hours, that wouldn't have done it. I would, I would have, if they let me out at 72 hours, I was straight back to the dealer's house. How many days until you, until, how many days until you broke? About seven days. Seven days, you're like. And, and the first, like, the first five days were like, me negotiating with myself in my head, like, ooh, you know, like I,

I know what they want to hear. I know what they want to hear. And I got to tell them what they want to hear to get out of here. And if I'm honest, I probably should knock it off with the ketamine and the cocaine and then, you know, the nitrous and the PCP and, you know, the aluminum head cleaner. Like, just like, but like, I'm not going to,

like ever stop drinking and for the love of God I'm not going to give up weed you know so I'm like negotiating this patchwork of what I'm going to consider my sobriety but like I knew even then that my weed bones connected to my booze bone and my booze bones connected to my coke bone and my coke bones you just can't

I thought my weed bone was connected to my booze bone. I really did. And that's why I was like, when I stopped partying, I went. I mean, you get cotton mouth, you're thirsty, you need a drink. Oh, no, no, no. As soon as you have a drink, then you need to snort cocaine. And as soon as you snort cocaine, then you need to take pills. I did a podcast with Dan, Dan Soder. Okay. And I thought, and I didn't quit drinking. I didn't quit drinking for any other reason other than I wanted to lose weight.

Dropped like 15 pounds and for me my old Bert was like we're good 15 pounds is good let's go back and let's get back on the horse and and I'd be I'd be lying if I didn't say at certain times. I Feel like alcohol has helped define my personality I'd be out of my mind if I didn't acknowledge that so I would always lose some weight and get healthy get back on the horse and

And I thought I was going to with Dan. We did a podcast here. If anyone goes back, you can see the broadcast of me and Dan. And I wanted to party with him because I wanted to be fun. I wanted to be fun and loose. And I said, I'm going to drink. I said to myself, I'm going to drink today. Today's the day I have to go back to drinking. It's very easy to start drinking again when you don't have a ton of not drinking under your belt.

And then he said, well, why don't you just smoke pot? And I said, if I smoke pot, I'm going to drink. And he goes, just don't. And he goes, better yet. And by the way, Dan is no therapist. I love him to death. But he goes, you've already said you're going to drink. So if you have to drink, you can drink. But try not to. Just see if you can smoke weed. Because he goes, weed can be fun. Because Dan's sober, but he's California sober. He's got a big drinking problem.

So I smoked weed with Dan and I I had a really good time and I and then I got tired and I went to bed and I slept and Then the next day I tried it again. And so I've done that throughout however, I can understand the very very slippery slope that everything is connected like even with sugar because the second I have a cupcake and

You and I are not good at moderation. I'm not a moderate guy. I like having rules. I love having rules. I do, and I love living inside the rules, and I like breaking the rules. Like I was talking to someone the other day.

Forget I'm sure it was on a podcast. I don't feel like I talked to anyone if it's on my podcast. Why would you? I'm horrible. Yeah, like yeah, how many people like it really butthurt over that Tom's growing I had a fucking secret time Tom Seger is like very thoughtful and a lot better of a texture than you are we we had a I wouldn't say blow up but a huge

meeting a big fucking thing about me not replying to people because I don't reply to anyone because what happens to me is like I did just answer two phone calls which is crazy but normally I don't normally I don't but like look here's I mean these are just well that's you you're just texting me laughing

This woman has mushrooms in Seattle. I don't really fuck with mushrooms. I'd like to microdose, but that for me is like... Did I get too introspective on mushrooms, man? Would you ever do ayahuasca? Maybe I would back in the day, but I'm good being sober. Are you happy? You know, I put out my second book.

And the final chapter, I think you're going to really relate to this. The final chapter starts with that question in quotes, are you happy? And then I say that question has always fucked me up, man. It's offended me. You know, like it feels very like invasive. It feels very like personal, like, you know, because it upsets me so much because my gut instinct, like, am I happy? Like the first question,

initial reaction when I contemplate the question is fuck no I'm not happy I'm gripped by anxiety and stress like I'm I I I'm into this I have this default setting that just like

if everything's okay right now which probably not it's definitely not going to be okay if you're like i'm screwed like i'm going to lose everything like i don't know why it's just in my courts is what i believe and i've got to like do something like i got to frantically hurry up and hustle to try to set myself up so that maybe i'll be okay but i know that i'm not but i got you know it's just something about like like i'm defective i'm not going to be okay like and uh and then

And that's like kind of the fire under my ass. Yeah. And the more I chewed on it, I thought about it, like really where I wind up at it, you know, where I wind up in that chapter is that, you know...

What is happy? What does it mean? You know, are you happy? That sounds to me like kind of synonymous with content. Yeah. And content sounds dangerously similar to fucking lazy. Yeah.

You know, like what's being happy going to get me? What the fuck is it? Like, like what's the benefit of that? Like, well, no, no. I'm like, and I arrived at my conclusion, which is if I had the choice of being happy or being just this gripped by anxiety and stress, just fearful person,

I choose the hustle, bro. I don't have fucking time to be happy, man. I want to fucking hustle. I want to accomplish. I want to strive. I want to fucking kill it. I had a really hard time when I started not booze. When I wasn't boozing, I had a really hard time finding motivation to work out. My motivation always has been you owe this to yourself. You fucked up last night. Let's get in there and let's punish ourselves.

And so I had a hard time finding the motivation. I think I've always had a, I feel like, I know I edit his name out or don't, but like has this, just edit his name out so he doesn't have to deal with the comments. But like has this, he's always feels like the shoe's going to drop. Like the fucking, everything's going to fucking fall apart. When's comedy going to stop?

Even more than that dude every edit both their names off so that everyone doesn't get into their comments and be like Because I know that but but it's like crazy because I have a thing where I go I'm a I'm sometimes afraid that if I'm too happy that means bad things are right around the corner

If I celebrate too much or if I don't pay the air flight, the anxiety, if I don't pay the tax of anxiety, then that's the day I die. Like it's a weird, I understand what you're saying. And I will say this, keep the name in. I'm not Mulaney or Ali Wong.

who they are just so undeniably talented in everything they do, everything they touch, everything they grace us with, Chappelle or fucking Chris Rock. I'm Burt. I got to fucking hustle. I got to work hard. I got to fucking spend time working on my act. Not that they don't work on their act, but God damn it, I could watch Ali Wong eat crackers and I'd be like fucking entertained. Tell you this. Shoot. Netflix...

said that my bucket list special is too much dicks. Yeah. Oh, Steve-O, I can totally agree with him. I've never seen more eye to eye with Robbie Prawn in my entire fucking life. By the way, I'm shocked you're releasing it online. I'm shocked that it's allowed to go online. I haven't seen porn that has more intensity than that. I mean, that would get flagged on Pornhub. By the way, great promos. I would put all these on Pornhub. I

I would put all your fucking stunts on Pornhub. I mean, it's aggressive. Yeah, it's fucking impressive, dude. I love that you're multimedia. I love that you see things differently. I love that it's... I love the way you're doing your business. And to go back to your... You're not... There was a point in your career where things were gifted to you. And then I would argue that you...

Messed enough of those up where you had to start earning them like like dr. Steve-o right was that that was like you probably didn't even know you know I bet you would be I would be shocked if you knew what you made per episode on that I

I think I made 30. Yeah. And, but like, and you 30,000 bucks, but you probably didn't do much pre-production. You probably weren't sitting through post. You were just showing up, getting hammered. I was, well, I actually kept it together while we were filming, but on any day that we weren't filming, I was unreachable off the grid. Yeah.

And so like, but so those, that moment of call Steve-O, give him 30 grand an episode, that went away. You go to rehab and then you had to earn it back. And that's what I think, that's why I'm so impressed by where you are and what you're doing. And that's why I think this special is so, in fact, a special. So many people are doing specials these days. That is a special. But you didn't, it wasn't gifted to you. Does that make sense? Yeah, it, uh...

I'm really proud of it too, man. My first special, like, man, it did more harm than good. I wasn't ready for it. You don't think? Yeah, I wasn't. But here's the deal. None of us are ready for it. There's a lot of people making them that still aren't ready for it. And I wasn't ready for mine. I did mine on Comedy Central, Comfortably Dumb. Comfortably Dumb, yeah. And to this day, I've had people ask to buy it because they look at the catalog and they're like, I want that one. I won't sell it.

I won't let people see it. Oh, I want people to see my first one so that they can see how far I've come since then. Yeah. Sometimes it's like,

It's like watching a chef who goes, I love basil. And then you're like, and then you see his, and then you watch him cook with basil a ton, or garlic. Garlic's a good example. And then you're like, wow. And then when you try his later recipes, you're like, it's just garlic. And you're like, yeah, but if you didn't see the first thing of me telling you how much I love garlic, you'd never know how much I love garlic now. Like, if you watch my early specials, I think you, I think it, I don't know. I'm not, like, if you listen to my album,

My album? Albums used to be what specials are today. Once we all figured out how to make an album, everyone released albums. We all sold them online. And now that's kind of the same thing. Now you realize for fucking 30 grand you can shoot a special, put it up on YouTube. A lot of people are doing it. That was what albums were. You listen to my fucking album. I spent so much more than that. Well, there's a dude in Chicago that's making them for 30 grand. He's really fucking good.

I mean, I paid that just to the one guy that we know. Yeah. Just the one guy. Oh, I paid it to him too. Yeah. He's worth it. Yeah, he's worth it. Your special's beautiful, man. Where did you shoot that in England? At the Hackney Empire. Really? Check it out. That wall of TV sets. Yeah.

Seven feet tall, 24 feet wide, not even including the wings, which were more mountains of television sets. Your backdrop is impressive. Yeah, that was my girl's idea. She was the production designer. Really? Yeah, it was like well over 100 old school TV sets, all like built together in a wall. So I went back to my college recently.

And I ran into a lot of people who were... FSU. FSU, yeah. A lot of people were like, I can't believe you've become who you are. I told you the FSU joke? No. What's the difference between the Atlanta Braves tomahawk chop and the Florida State tomahawk chop? What? At Florida State, you get three credits for doing it. What?

That's pretty good. That's a good joke. We have a good clown college at Florida State. I've heard about it. Circus. Yeah, yeah. I've heard about it. Good circus. But there was a couple people, when they said it, it meant a lot. I was like, yeah, you actually mean that. You didn't see me doing anything after college. I'm there with you. But who are those people in your life that are like,

Like when they go like, I'm really like, is your dad still alive? Yeah. And when your dad says, I'm proud of you, that must be a new. Oh my God. And I, my dad came out of retirement. He's my business manager now. For real? Yeah. That's why you're so smart. You did, you've done things that business wise that I've watched from the outside that Tom and I have texted about privately. Oh wow. That were like, well, fucking. I mean, you beat me to liquid death. Mm-mm.

You, uh, no, but you're, but you're, you're, it's one of the things that no one knows about you is you're a pretty slick businessman. I mean, I, I certainly try. My, my dad, I made this, um,

documentary and I put it came out in 2004 20 years ago it was called steve-o the early years it was like my way of finding a home for like like low level video footage that I started out with it just wasn't that badass on its own so I was like let me tell the story of how I got to where I was and um my dad was interviewed for that documentary dad said

The world is full of stupid people who try to look smart and they fall on their ass doing it. But Steve, I think, actually is smart and he does a great job of looking stupid. I'd rather under-promise and over-perform. Oh my God, that's the mantra that my dad gives. If I have a motto outside of, if a little's good, a lot's better.

that my dad instilled in me. It's never over-promise and to under-deliver. Have you ever talked to, it's a weird question, but like talk about under-promising but just delivering the exact promise. Is Chris Pontius...

Like he's, he really seems ever since you saw first saw his cribs, he seemed like a guy who didn't need much and was really happy and content. And, but I always wondered if there's something like, I've always wondered a bunch of things. It does have a good sense of humor. Like, does he watch like the same comedy you watch and get it? Does he, why haven't you guys ever started a podcast? I mean, I like the fact that he's not on your podcast. He's great on your podcast, but like,

But like I've always wondered like if you ever talked to him as a friend and be like hey man You should you know what you should do because he just seems like the quintessential California fucking Beach fucking smile dude first off he Just did start a podcast. No way. It's called the Pontius show. He does it with with his wife me and my episode

By this time, I'm sure we'll be up. Really? Yeah. And the answer to that question, what's Pontius like? I think he's so just naturally funny. Like when Jackass started, there was a guy –

Named Brandon D Camillo. I remember that guy. I met that guy. Yeah. He was, uh, you know, it came from like Bam's circle of friends. He was, he was a part of Jackass in the very beginning, but he just kind of like, he didn't, didn't want to be a part of it. And, and Brandon D Camillo plus Chris Pontius, I thought were the two most naturally talented guys. I was so jealous of them because they could, they could just, uh,

spin gold they could make the most funny like entertaining picture of brandon camillo i remember that guy yeah i remember them and then there was they didn't have they didn't have to get hurt they didn't have to take risks they didn't have to be in horrible pain but do you feel like do you feel like do you feel like that because i i probably understand like i i good luck spelling brandon d camilla it's not there's no apostrophe it's just d-i-c-d-e-c-o

D-I-C-A. There you go. His freestyle rapping. Oh, my God. Like, he's just like... I was just like, man, these guys just naturally have it. Like, for me to make entertaining footage, like, I had to break myself. I had to, like, you know, like... I was just jealous of those guys. Him and Pontius. But, like, they're naturally funny. And...

What's he doing now? What's Brandon DiCamillo? Type in what happened. Go to the question. People ask. I think that Brandon DiCamillo is bartending now. And he... Oh. I had somebody reach out saying, hey, Brandon's thinking about maybe getting back in the spotlight. And I was like, wait, what? Wow. Well, hey, Brandon, open invite to come do my podcast. Dude, Brandon DiCamillo, like...

He's singularly the most talented person that ever had anything to do with Jackass. Really? I would submit that he's more talented than all of us put together. Really? He's so talented. Dude. That guy is the most genius...

But you know that movie Road Trip, Tom Green's character, how he's just never left the town. Like he's, you know, Brandon's kind of a little bit like that. That was kind of the beauty of all of Bam's crew was that, I mean, I could really get in the weeds about Jackass. Like I had emotional attachment to all you guys. But the beauty was, the beauty of Ryan Dunn was that he, same beauty that Chris Pontius had, is that he was like, I'm cool here. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll go out to LA. I'll do a minute to win it with Steve-O and Guy Fieri. I'll do it. But like, I'm also really cool just going to the bar here and having dinner and hanging out with my friends. Like there's, there's a real nobleness to someone who, and if we're going back in the weeds, I'm,

It is what's sexy about Tom and Rogan is that they don't give a fuck about fame at all. They really don't. Like Tom genuinely does not want to be famous. He has no interest in

In fame he wants to be an actor he wants to do creative projects he loves podcasting he wants to build an empire he wants to make a lot of money but he does not care about fame whereas I don't mind it and I kind of enjoy it and it makes me feel nice like if a guy's like dude I love your movie I go fucking thank you that means a lot to me like it means to me if you tell someone if you are looking for

I dare you. This is a new challenge. The two bears challenge. Go up to Tom and tell him that he is the funniest part of two bears and watch his face not move at all. He'll go, oh, and just walk away. Do it to me. Do it to me. Watch my look. I go for real. You really think so? It's the difference of us, but those guys, that's what they had. Ryan Dunn didn't feel like he ever needed to leave Pennsylvania. You know? Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. So Pontius, he's like that. I mean, he just... He's so talented, man. He's so naturally funny. And back before Jackass, when they were doing the Big Brother thing, they couldn't get him to go on a trip or they wanted him to wrestle an alligator, but he just didn't... He's just like...

There's like a motivation factor, like a hustle muscle. I think Pontius would love to be like, I was telling Pontius for the longest time, dude, you got to get in, start creating content, man. You can actually build your own audience and you don't have to get green lit or approved budget, like whatever. You don't need permission from anybody to work. You can just work.

And I launched my YouTube channel in 2013. First video I made, I uploaded two videos together. One was the condom prank where I took this dishwashing detergent that looked exactly like semen and I squirted that into a,

Into a rubber. So it's like dishwashing detergent in a rubber. It's so funny you say rubber. I've never said that word. Like I've never used that term for that thing. Okay. And I've just said it. But like today I heard Jay-Z say it in a song with Meek Mill or with Memphis Bleak. And I went, that's crazy that he said rubber.

I had that. So, and it's just like, and I put a bunch there. So it was just looked like the most massive load, tied it and not put it in my, uh, my, my front pocket, you know, and then I just go waltzing out on Hollywood Boulevard. So people come up to me and they're like, Oh dude, can I get a photo? I'm like,

hell yeah, you can. And dude, check this out. Pull it out of my, pull it out of my pocket and like swing it. Like people are like their reaction to it, you know, it's just like, it was always, they don't even care. They want to get a picture with you so bad. You know, by the end of the, by the end of the prank, like I'm like laying it on people's heads. Like I'm, you know, swinging it into their faces. Like,

it is incredible and the other video i made was um like a ponies breaking a beer bottle over my head like a real one yeah a real one that's crazy empty no full no no i am empty i can't break it it's hard to break an empty beer as long as you follow it through enough it's only like it as long as it breaks you're cool if it doesn't break you get knocked unconscious not unconscious but um but and i

And I put them up together. So you got to go hard enough. Yeah. And Pontius is the only person I trust to do that. Really? Stern, but fair. He's got, you know. I bet Bam, from what the videos I've seen, I bet he'd take a swing at you right now. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. By the way, sidebar, he does look good today. Like today, he looked good. I saw him. He's doing a big Comic-Con thing. And I follow him. I follow him. When you talk about.

I'm careful with my words because I'm a fan. Sure. But when you talk about, like, someone said to me... Blowing it? When you talk about blowing it. He has... Like someone said to me the other day, it's a shitty thing, but people go, if you quit drinking, you'll lose all your fans.

- No, that's not true. - And then I go, no, I definitely won't. - Absolutely freaking not true. - Yeah, I definitely, I think that, they don't even see me drunk. - I mean, there were people, I don't know how many of them there still are, but like I would see people say, oh man, Steve-O, you were funnier on drugs, man. You were way funnier. - That person's a fucked up person. - That person is just plain wrong. - Yeah, and you wouldn't be here. It's like saying Chris Farley was funnier on drugs, no. I would still love him here. - Yeah. - Yeah, and so,

And I say that to Bam is like, I, it is a weird thing is I don't, you know, it's all been the same thing, man. Dude, like you create content, man. Like Bam, just like D Camillo and Pawnee. It's like Bam couldn't, Bam did it all.

Like, you want to talk about... Who's making $300,000 an episode on fucking Viva La Bam? I mean, that was the budget. That's a pretty standard budget. But that's a lot, budget-wise, to piss away. I mean, when it's the total budget for, you know, a basic cable show, I mean, I don't know. I would guess that we had a $300,000 budget for Wild Boys. No, but not per episode? I would guess. I imagine it is. Yeah, I'm sure it is. I think it was $150,000 for...

Fucking trip flip like and like we didn't have to do anything So I'm sure you I bet your budget was 150. Do you guys my first class on wild boys? Sometimes really who we started out with the sponsorship for the show with virgin error Did you lose that like after the first trip I think we were What was it we were trying to like?

See, we're going on some trip and we went and bought like as much tanning lotions. We tried to put like the most tanning lotion.

on ourselves to just try to get the craziest tan that tanning lotion could possibly get us. Maui Babe is what we used. And we were just naked and covered in tanning lotion and just frolicking in the first class lounge. And that was it. I think it was one trip. Does Pontius party?

Um, I think that, like, he tells me that he hasn't had a drink in a long time. Um, I have no reason not to believe him. Did he used to party a lot when you did Wild Boys? He, uh, oh, yeah. We drank a lot. Really? Oh, yeah. We drank a lot, and there was, you know, a lot of, um...

Try goods like not not like powdered goods, but like just pills and stuff really yeah I talked to Tom about it the other day about drinking and he's sick I was just we were just casually taught. I think it was even longer I said do you think you could we were talking about Huberman we had Huberman on to do? He's a great guy. He's a great guy. I want to get him on my thing. Yeah, he's fucking awesome he's awesome, but he

He was saying having one drink a week is like normal. And I was like, it doesn't compute to me. It's like, well, why even have one? Just don't save the calories. It means one doesn't do anything to anyone. Are you doing it to shit? Is it like a formal thing you're doing? Like, I just, you know, everyone, I don't have a problem. Like, I don't know why you're doing it. Right. And then Tom, I said to Tom casually, we're talking, and I was like,

I was like, can you imagine, like, what's the longest you could go without a drink? And he was like, I don't know when the last time I had a drink was. I was like, wait, what do you mean? I was like, when was the last time you smoked weed? And he was like, I don't know, like a couple months ago? And I was like, that for me was like, I go, really? And that's right, like, I think I don't, I wasn't drinking at the time. And I was like a game changer. I was like, sweet, you don't, like, have a drink at the end of every day? And he was like, no.

I was like, how do you like dial down? And he goes like, just sit on the couch. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. Because I think the majority of people listening right now, I would argue, I put it on my social media, the majority of people probably have more than one drink a week, I would think. Or they don't drink at all, you know? I mean, yeah.

I think that the difference is like a normal person doesn't think about how many drinks they have. A normal person doesn't think at all about it? Yeah, it never even enters their mind. Someone told me they went to... Like only an alcoholic will ever even wonder or think about if they're an alcoholic because that question would never even come up. Then I'm not an alcoholic. Ha ha ha!

People have asked me that so often and I go no and they're like really you've told me Directly that you think you have a problem. No, I have a problem with everything with food with sex like I Everything I have a problem with everything. That's just my personality beyond I've been I think Dr. Drew kind of an analyzed me and he was like you don't you're not an alcoholic, but you definitely drink too much Dr. Drew tried to tell you that you're not an alcoholic. Dr. Drew would call him right now. Give it a shot. Oh

Huberman's got to be disgusted with you. Huberman doesn't know what to do with me. But Huberman lives like... He's a scientist. He lives in Malibu? He's a scientist. What do you expect? It's not... He's...

Don't think he's the guy that you introduced to someone and don't give like a little Andrew. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you're giving He's a scientist and you're a science experiment. Yeah Huberman's like he's an anomaly. He's an anomaly there. How many human means do exist in the world? He's in the 1% of that brain, right? He's a tenured professor at one of the biggest universities in the country and

And he's, all he talks about is longevity. And so like, yeah, he's, if he looks at any of us, he's going to see problems in all of us. Dr. Drew. You know, Dr. Drew is... Should I FaceTime him? Yeah, please. He's, um...

Whenever I go to a doctor visit, they're like... By the way, if he says I'm an alcoholic, edit this out. Can you go on? Whenever... I want to tell him this if he picks up. Okay. Whenever I go into a doctor appointment, they ask, who's your primary care physician? And I say, Dr. Drew Pinsky. Yeah, I do. Really? Yeah, because at one point...

At one point, I tattooed a fan and I wasn't wearing gloves. Didn't even occur to me. I was just like, you know, I was kind of choked up on the tattoo machine. Like, I was just like, I tattooed yo mama's name on a guy's butt cheek.

And so you could say, I got your mama's names tattooed on my butt. And that's what it says. And I showed my girl the video of that. And she's like, you tattooed somebody without wearing gloves? And I'm like, she goes, we're not having sex without a condom for the next six months until you clear the window for like HIV risk. What? And I'm like, what? So she made me wear rubber.

And I went running to Dr. Drew to go get an AIDS test. He has those on him? Yeah.

I mean, he's practicing. No, no. I meant like in his pocket. He's like, yeah, come here. No, I went to his office. He's like a physician. He has an office? He's a doctor with a... I thought he was one of those like Dr. Cosby doctors. He's a real doctor? He literally has a medical practice. Patients. I think you're confusing him with like Dr. J. No. Dr. J and it's the same doctor as Dr. Drew. Dude, like...

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I know he's a real doctor. Right, so he gets my blood test. I didn't have AIDS. And I was like, can I get a couple extra tubes in my blood to fuck around with? And he's like, yeah, you bet. No, wait, what were we just talking about right before then? Huberman? Yeah, like, see, there he is in his, you know, he's a legit doctor. He's not wearing gloves.

Well, yeah, I don't know. But yeah, so. Yeah, no, Dr. Drew. If you don't think I've talked to Dr. Drew about my drinking before, you're out of your fucking mind. I also have a theory. I also have a theory. You're not going to like this theory. I believe everyone who is an admitted alcoholic sees everyone's drinking problem. I think it's like they're hyper aware of everyone's drinking problem and see everything as a problem.

Like, cause you, it's really hard talking to anyone that's in recovery and not them, not convincing you, you have a problem the same way that like when COVID was going around and everyone was like, like, is that a cough? You got COVID. And like, it was like, it was like contagious. I think recovery is contagious. Okay. Um, I mean, I don't know. And whatever my view on it.

Is that it's like people who have diabetes, they're not mad at sugar and they don't like. I think they are.

You don't think people with diabetes want to eat sugar? Well, sugar's not a bad thing. It's just that they can't have it. Yeah, but I think they live a life where they go, I would love to be able to eat cake at a birthday party. Like talk to a child who's got diabetes. They would love to have cake like everyone else. Do you think they want to sit off the side and have an orange? Probably not. Yeah, but they know they can't have it. Yeah. So it's not that sugar's bad. It's just that they can't have it.

Yeah. Like, I just can't have it. Yeah, no, I agree with that. Alcohol's not bad. And if you're getting away with it, I love it, you know? Like, I'm not even saying it's a bad thing. Yeah. And maybe you're not an alcoholic. I don't care. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to figure it out on Two Bears, One Cave. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't want you to think that, like, I'm, you know. No, I don't think. I don't have a judgment around it.

I don't think I don't think I don't think you ever have I don't think I've been able to party in front of you And you've never said anything I've I also I think the one of the cool things is like I

I like talking to people that have been through recovery because I like to hear everything. I like hearing opposing opinions, even of my own. Because I talked to Tom about it today. We were talking and he was like, are you drinking for your cruise? I was like, I don't know. I was like, I have no fucking idea. I don't really want to. The only drink I can really have on this diet is tequila and I haven't wanted a tequila. That's the one thing that will keep you in ketosis. The last time that we had you on my podcast...

You had just discovered that tequila is good for you, or what was it? My recovery was through the fucking roof. Oh, yeah. You're like, now that I've switched to just tequila, my whoop band is telling me. My sleep was like 97% every fucking night. It's the sugars are lower in that than like beer and everything else, and especially like a mixed drink. How great is whoop, dude? I fucking love my whoop. I love it. What was your sleep recovery last night?

I'm like through the roof sober. I'm yellow today. I was just, I couldn't fall asleep. How do you sleep? Do you sleep well? I get sleep apnea. Okay, don't get me started. I think sleep apnea is a fucking, I think that's big pharma. I really do. I think they tell everyone they have sleep apnea because the machines cost money.

I'm telling you. Okay. Because you know they do that with everything, with all the pills, with all the pills. I'm not backing Big Pharma. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm going to tell you how it came up. They were like, twice I've been diagnosed with it, but it's just my girl. I sleep with my girl in bed every night. Yeah. And she's like, yo, you...

she's it freaks me out it freaks me out she says i don't like it you're sitting there like you don't breathe for and then also and then all of a sudden yeah yeah like you don't breathe then and and uh and so she fucking made me yeah you know but where was sleep apnea did like i'm just curious like so like where was sleep apnea uh

Did we just lose people? Because I heard diabetes. I heard before diabetes got discovered, people just died. Right. Like they just died. I think that sleep apnea, if I'm not mistaken, like there's your heart attacks. For real? I think so, yeah. I think that...

Think that it like over the long run it weakens your heart speaking of Huberman losing his mind He's listening to us talk about all this going like I need to get on Steve's podcast and correct these like dad I I went to one of those doctors where you get ready for a TV show who are we gonna call next? It's gonna not give a fucking blow Drew must be with a patient

We could call... Remember how funny it was when you showed me your dick? That really was a hit of an episode, man. It was. It was back when we cared. I mean, like...

I don't know that this was a bad one. I mean, we were a little bit all over the place. Not a bad one. I mean, yeah, I was telling great stories and you fucked it all up. I don't like fucking up. Well, because I got there. I remember I was talking about it a bit in the psych ward. That was the juiciest shit ever. And then you derailed it. Don't you...

I just fuck with you, dude. But dude, when I was in the, when it said, so I'm in the psych ward, right? And then like a weekend, a weekend do it. And I'm like, okay, I gotta, I gotta go get, I'll say something fucked up that when, when I finally was like, okay, I'll go to rehab. I went to the rehab where the director of the chemical dependency unit was Dr. Drew Pinsky.

I showed up there and I was like, dude. And I don't even know that I've ever even said that at a public level. He doesn't work there anymore, but he was the director of the company. He ran the rehab. And I got there and I was like, Drew,

I know that most alcoholics don't get it. The statistics are very bad. And I was like, I want to give myself every advantage I can. However long you recommend I be here in this rehab, I want to stay significantly longer to give myself a better chance.

Which is like, here's a blank check for this expensive rehab. You know, it's a crazy move. And he said, wow, I like to hear that you're so committed, but I don't recommend you stay here more than 30 days. What I do recommend, if you're serious, is go into a sober living, you know, like a halfway house. And so I did, man. I stayed in a sober living, like a halfway house, until I had been sober for an entire two years. Yeah. I didn't know that. Two years? Yep. Yep.

I was shooting Jackass 3D. I had to get like, hey, I'm going to miss curfew tonight because I'm getting catapulted into the sky in a port-a-potty full of shit. Like, all right, okay, we'll give you permission, but make sure you get back and scrub the toilet in here. Are you serious? Yeah, I had a roommate. Dr. Drew. Yeah, there he is.

Hey, Drew, you're saving my life here. Okay. Yeah, Drew. Hello, Steve-O. What's happening, buddy? Hey, do they need to edit out that I said that you were the director of the chemical dependency unit at the rehab that I went to straight from the psych ward?

Do you need to edit that out? Yeah, I'm asking you. It's up to you. You're the patient. All right. Next question. When I go to doctor visits, they always ask me, who's my primary care physician? And I say, it's Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Yes, I've been receiving some of the stuff from the GI doctors. I've been reading it carefully, and so I am happy to take that role for you. Did you get one from the breast augmentation surgery consultation that I went to? I did, but I look forward to reading about it. Do you know what? That one's actually in jeopardy. My girl might be getting through to me that getting double D tits is –

disrespectful and unfair to her. I see. You make her feel diminished by having your big tits. I understand. You guys have always had an interesting dynamic. It might add a layer to things. I know. I'm not calling it off. I'm just not getting my boob job on December 1st now.

I'm kicking it down the road. I'm doing it one step at a time. I'm going to get the big dick tattooed on my forehead and keep that for a few months, see what comes out of it. You're doing a big dick tattooed on your forehead? Yeah.

Yeah. My dad, Ted will love that. And, um, I've just got to find out how long do I last before I get it lasered off? And I'm like, I'm not going to keep it forever. I was like, I'm not going to keep it forever. I was like, man, you should love this entire plan. He's going to take it. Yeah. Oh dad. Yeah. Dad, dad's on retired. He's my business manager now. Which ones are you getting lasered off?

Are you getting any other ones lasered off? I got shit and fuck lasered off my knuckles. Hey, did we have another question for Drew? Oh, is Bert an alcoholic? Well, you know what we have a saying in the program, right? You spot it, you got it. So I'm curious what you think. Hold on. That's actually my argument. I think everyone in recovery only sees alcoholism.

Because they couldn't, yeah. What do you fucking know? I mean, the literature tells me that it's not my role to diagnose another alcoholic. Okay, fair enough. We just say, hey, if you find that once you start, you can't stop, we have a solution. I'm not pushing it on you, but we're here when you're ready. That's what I say, too.

Steve, that's what I say too, right? It's like, look, it's on you. And, you know, it's hard work. You used to tell me that for that matter. You always told me you would say, I'm not ready, but when I'm ready, I'll go all in. And you did. You were as good as your word. I remember.

I remember when you reached out to me for season one of Celebrity Rehab. I'll never forget my response. You said, hey, I've got this show, Celebrity Rehab. Maybe it could be helpful for you. And I said, Drew, I have far too much respect for the recovery process to make a mockery of it on television. Yeah.

That was my way of like, I remember that. But the one I was thinking of is when you'd smash that table. Oh yeah. And I was backstage with you saying, dude, we're going to have to do something. You're like, fuck you. I'll let you know. Yeah. I remember too. You had another show where it was about quitting smoking. And I said, Drew, I will smoke cigarettes through a fucking hole in my throat until I'm dead. There's no way I'm quitting.

And look at that. I quit more than 15 years ago. But back to Bert. Bert has a binge issue for sure. Whether that's real deal stuff, it's hard to tell. He gets it under control on his own, so it's hard to, you know what I mean? He actually does get it under control, right? So when people can do that, it's hard to say, well, you've got to follow me. We've got some ideas. We'll see. If he wants help, there's help available. There you go. I love it. I'm good.

Fucking, this is the weirdest episode of a podcast I've ever done. I'm holding a phone talking about my drinking with Steve-O and Dr. Drew. Yeah, well, I look forward to it. Oh, man, I reference you in my new comedy special. I'm dying to show it to you.

Okay, I can't wait. I talk about how I met this guy who said he could put a four-inch needle into my spine, inject a drug into my spinal cavity, which would render me paralyzed, and then rip out the needle so I could take off and see how far I could sprint before I collapsed paralyzed on the ground. And you said, wow, do I hate that idea. Yes, that fits. Yeah.

Burt, both you guys, you know, both you guys do this to me. Do what? You both scare me. You're my friends and you do, yeah. First of all, first of all, my blood sugar is at 82 today. My fucking blood pressure is better than it's ever been. I'm down almost 40 pounds. Like, I'm... I'm proud of you. Yeah, I know. And you look, and you guys, look, Steve-O's years into recovery, he's a, he's, I, I, his recovery is a, is a...

Inspiration very much. So I sent him a text of that I sent him a text to that and he's still staring talking about sticking needles in his spine and doing Anesthesia and riding a bike and scared the shit out of me all the time. So good times. I'll talk to you later drew I love you. Yeah, dude Yeah, who doesn't it's good to have him in your life. I've talked to drew a lot. Well, I'm allowed he's tell me that Because we were friends. He wouldn't be my doctor. I

But now he's violated his own rule. Do you wish you had done the episode with Tom? No. You sure? I mean, I would like to have that experience at some time. Do you know Tom? I know him not quite as well as you. You picked the right one. Trust me, our friendship, me and your friendship...

I'm interested to see you do Two Bears with Tom. I would love to. He's the best. And dude, check this out. The last time Tom was on my podcast, we started off with him saying, you know how much I love you?

He says, I'm here. I just canceled an MRI appointment for some MRI that he was like, there's like a very difficult to get that appointment. And he finally got it. And he said, I love you so much that I put you over that. Tom, I'll tell you, man, Tom doesn't fuck around.

He doesn't fuck around. He will not be your friend. He will not talk to you if he doesn't like you. He just won't. He's very, very, very different than me and you. He has boundaries. Yeah. I mean, and that meant so much to me. And, you know, on your mom's house, I've been on there a couple times. Always the best time. Yeah. Well, I love, I think your mom's house is such a great place.

fit for his brain because it really is the way what makes him giggle. What makes him giggle is that shit. That fucking, he loves, yeah, what makes him giggle and what makes me giggle are two different things, but what makes us giggle together is the same thing.

Okay, he likes really violent disturbing stuff. I did I do not he's gonna love my special he's going to Absolutely love your special you will buy it behind the paywall at steve-o calm He will watch it over and over again, and he will have you on and tell you his favorite parts. I

Your chick talking about shit will be one of his favorites. I mean, he's going to love it all. He's going to love when I'm actually simultaneously falling out of an airplane and ejaculating all over the place. By the way, that's the one part I wanted to see. I'll show it to you. I have a meeting that started two minutes ago.

The buddy, I love you to death. I'm so proud of you. And I say proud and I have no attachment to that pride, meaning I didn't do anything to watch you succeed. I just watched you succeed from afar as a fan that has known of you the entire time I've been in this business. And to see where you are today,

Is inspirational. And don't think I don't take anything lightly about any things you ever say to me life-wise and health-wise and direction-wise. I mean, dude, I'm kind of just like fucking with you. I know. I'm not like that. I know, but I want you to know you're an inspiration. There are a lot of people I draw inspiration from where the things you've done are, they're mountains that not everyone climbs.

I'm not going to even argue with that. I have no idea how I was bestowed with the willingness to become what I've become. It's impressive. And anyone who doesn't see all your accomplishments for what they are,

Lying to themselves and or ignorant so and I'm congratulations on the new special. It's really fucking good It's really fucking good, and I hope all our fans go out and support you number one But trust me. It's something you guys will fucking like and your mom's house fans This is up your alley if these aren't let me tell everybody this at there if I taped my special two shows in one night

The first show, five audience members passed out. One of them on their face. Dude, I think I saw that one. Yeah, you saw that one. That's fucking... That is the... That's just the promo. That promo right there of you, of that guy fucking taking a header. The late show, I think only three people passed out. But like...

I went around the world and made audience members just pass out. And the worst is when people like, they'd think, Oh, I don't feel right. You know, after I saw that video, I don't feel right. Like, and they get up and while they're walking, they fall down. So many people in ambulances with like broken noses and, and like all the, the rest of it. Like I've never heard of a jackass movie making people pass out in the audience and literally like,

This is bigger. I mean, this is more intense than Jackass ever has been, in my opinion. And I've watched every Jackass there is. Like, it's better when it comes to comedy and stuff. It's very subjective. But it is objective, black and white. Like, you can't do on Jackass what I did for this. Not at all.

Not at all. Because you can't break the law. You can't... Will it ever go to YouTube? No, it won't go. It can't go to YouTube. It can't go. Pornhub's the best bet. It's going to either Pornhub or go to steveo.com. Yeah. I'm really proud of...

I did 11 years in comedy clubs before I graduated to theaters. Now I'm 13 years into comedy. And finally I kind of got that craft to a place where I'm comfortable doing it. And my world's converged. So it's jackass meets stand-up. And at a level that is... Literally the bar has been raised. It's a natural progression for you. It really is. And I think...

Like I said, I saw the one before this and I fucking love what you're doing. But you're a multimedia dude. This is the natural progression. It's like if Mike Tyson did a one-man show but then showed you all the shit he's talking about. But you, for lack of better words, for two dudes who've done it their entire life, you under-promise and over-deliver.

And it's a fucking great special, dude. Thank you, man. I appreciate it, brother. I love you. I love you, too. Yeah, dude, you're not an alcoholic, dude. Who cares? Hey, listen, we all die one day. Yeah. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.