Tackling The Tom Brady Roast w/ Jimmy Carr | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
01:16:13 Share

100% Jimmy Carr will be here in 15. Let's start the episode. Let's start the episode. We saw Jimmy Carr. We saw Jimmy Carr last night. He scared the fuck out of me Saturday. Saturday? Saturday. I saw him at the big Netflix party. Yeah. This week is Netflix is a roast.

Netflix is a joke. Yeah, yeah. We did the roast, but it is Netflix is a joke. We're going to talk about the roast today. We'll talk about the roast because he's a roast master for sure. And he was there. Not in the roast, but he was in the audience. I was looking at him a lot. Always very well-dressed. I'm sure he's going to show up just sharp as can be. Before we get into the roast stuff, can we talk about Jimmy Carr? Sure. Do you know much about his story? I don't know if we're allowed to talk about this. I don't know, like...

I don't know. I don't know him very well. I remember. Do you remember when we met him? When we met him in Montreal. How do you say it? Montreal. You're saying it wrong. Well, that's how you say it for them. Yeah, we're Americans. I know, but we're saying it. And if they want us to not take it from them, then we'll say it our way. Montreal. Montreal. Well, we were in Montreal for the. Was it Melbourne? Melbourne. Melbourne. It's Melbourne. Is it Ibiza? No, it's Ibiza. Okay.

Crowd loved when I did Spanish, by the way. Yeah, they did. That was a surprise. I did not expect that. I think they thought it was like a fucking parlor trick. He's like a... We met him in Montreal. Yeah. And he walked into the room. Oh, I just realized. You could also do Montreal. Montreal. Montreal. Montreal.

I hate when they talk French. When they talk French? Yeah. It's their first language there. No, it's not. No, no, no, it's not. In Montreal, it is. They talk French the same way you talk Spanish. They can talk French. Some of them speak poor English. Bull. Yeah, because they're lazy.

That could be argued, but its first language is French. If your sister only spoke Spanish, you'd be like, you don't get out enough. You just hang out with mom. That's true. That's who they are. Well, they're not getting out of their city. Their city is French. I want to party with your sister so bad. Jane and Maria. With you. Both of them. With you. I just partied. Well, I just hung out with Jane and my mom. They came to the show in Canada. Do you know we were planning a surprise party for you? When? For your birthday. Okay.

for my birthday. Yeah, we were going to plan a surprise party for you. And I, and cause I think Maria was like, Oh, it'll drive him crazy. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, so how's that fun? If I show up, it'll make him out of his fucking mind. But how would that be a good thing? Cause it was for us. Yeah, exactly. Yes. We should go on a family trip. You with my family? Yeah. You know me. No, no, I was going to take my family too.

My family, let's do a cruise. My family and your family. I bring my sisters and you bring your sisters and you bring your mom and bring my dad and my mom. Oh, it'd be so much fun. For who? For me. I'd love it. I would fucking love it. Oh my God. All right, let's get back to Montreux. Well, I'll tell you this. Jane and my mom were like, and my mom was like,

trying to take blankets from the fucking hotel and shit like you know she's like I'm taking this like you can't take it but doesn't belong to you and she's like can I take this cup I'm like no and she goes can you buy it I go no it's not for sale it's a fucking cup it's like it's the coffee cup in the room

And she was like, why can't I take it? Because it's not yours. It belongs to this property. And she was like, they have other ones. That's not how this works. You sound like a fucking child. Like this is what a toddler would think. This is my impression of my mom hanging out with your mom. Okay. Yeah. You talk like your mom and I'll be my mom. It's so nice to meet you. It's so nice to meet you too. It's so nice to meet you too. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Oh, it's nice too. She's got a funny accent. That's what your mom would say? Yeah.

She's done that. She's done that before. Like we went to an Italian restaurant. The guy goes, hey, would you like a little vino? My mom goes, I'd like a little spaghetti. I go, mom, what the fuck are you doing? She goes, they like it. They like it. Sure. Makes them feel like we're comfortable. I told you this story about the Italian guy, right? At the restaurant. No. I didn't tell you this? No. A few months back, I never told you this. No. When I walked in to this Italian restaurant, the guy, it was in Jersey and he was tan and

black hair spiked with gel like up here. It looked like real Jersey Shore shit. Yeah. And he looked like a Southern Italian guy, right? And he was like, eh, buonasera, benvenuti, and I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. And he was super theatrical. And so we sit down and he cuts fresh pecorino and he puts it on the plate and he's like, pre,

I was like, this fucking guy is just off the boat, you know? And he's like, we have the most amazing bucatini alla marciana. Today we have spaghetti bolognese. It's going to make your fucking asshole shit. It's so good. And Branzino, it flies in from the Mediterranean. It's incredible. And so he walks away. You're in this character, by the way. I mean, it was so dramatic. He walks away. We're like, this fucking guy is amazing.

so I had been at the time doing Italian on multiple apps on my phone for like, uh, I don't know, probably nine months or a year. So, I mean, super elementary, but like, you know, I have basic things down. So I'm like, I mean, I'm nervous, but I'm like, I want to say, you know, the one thing you miss with apps is like conversation. Yeah. So like he walks up and I was like, he comes back and I was like, yeah, I'm going to get the Bucatini. And then I go, uh,

He goes, huh? And I go, and he goes, and I was like, I'm hungry. And he goes, bravo. And he like walks away and I was like, what the fuck? So then I look it up. I'm like, maybe I said it all wrong. Yeah. And I said it completely right. Yeah. So I was like, that's fucking weird. So he comes back and I was like, huh? I go, so,

where are you from? And he goes, Salvatore. I go, Salvatore. He goes, is that like a village? He's like, no. And I go, where is that? He's like, central. I go, central, like central of Italy. He's like, no, Central America. And I go, are you from El Salvador? And he goes, yeah. And I go, oh, so you're not Italian. And he goes, no, prego. And he just walks away.

I was like, it's a fucking full Italian act that he does. Can I tell you, we talked about this on a podcast before.

And it bothered me that it's something we talked about on a podcast that I can't figure out why I do it. What? Is I would have never tried to call him on it. I just would have let Santa Claus be real. Oh, yeah. I would like and there are certain people that go, hold on. What the fuck's happening? Well, I didn't I was I didn't humiliate him. Yeah. I just was like I was perplexed.

Why he didn't understand my simple Italian phrase. And I was like, this is, and I, and I wasn't guessing that he wasn't Italian at first. I was just like, Oh, I must be saying this like a fucking moron. Yeah. But, um, the best is that when he came back,

And after I had done that thing, he stayed 100%. He spoke English with an Italian person's inflection. You know, he didn't say it like a Spanish person. He kept saying, oh, yeah, you're going to be lovely. Oh, it's like the way Schultz starts saying that. Love you, Andrew. We're talking about the roast. We were there last night. We love Andrew. I love the best. I love that. I don't want to out the dude, but one of the guys we were with was like, who is that guy? I said, Andrew Schultz. He's like, oh, he's the white guy that all black guys love.

It's true. Yeah. It's true. He had fucking 50 Cent at his MSG show. Unbelievable. I mean, and you know he didn't pay for it. No. 50 Cent showed up out of love. 50 Cent loves him. That's fucking wild, man. He was fun to be fun with. He celebrates things. He was great. He was great. This is what I know about Jimmy Carr, okay? Yeah.

We meet him in Montreux. Yeah. And he's doing a guest set on one of the shows we're showcasing on. I remember me and Push were, you were doing other shows, me and Push were. You were backstage with Push. And Jimmy Cargo's guys just hop in and try some jokes. And they're like, yeah, of course.

And you said, Google his net worth. I did? Yup. And I Googled his net worth. And as it was on my phone, you leaned over and he goes, he's still hustling to do guest sets. He does not need to do any of this. He has a show, Six Out of Eight Cats. That's the name of the show? Call Jimmy Carr real quick. He's got a big show. He's got a big TV show.

He got in trouble for getting... He got canceled for a fucking joke. Did you see his response to the joke? To people getting canceled? He's... Listen, this guy always has the sharpest, wittiest, darkest jokes. He's the fucking smartest, funniest, darkest. He's a really, really funny guy, man. We had him on Your Mom's House. Oh, yeah.

Oh, for real? Yeah, he was fucking incredible. He was great. Jimmy's the guy that you can bring up any topic and he's going to know something about the history. Go to his Wikipedia. He's got a show. It's the most popular show in Britain. Right now? Yeah, it's been forever. It's called

eight or nine cats or something eight or nine cats we don't get it here so i don't watch it okay but it's like a very very popular show all right can you just find the name of the goddamn show it's right there eight of eight out of ten cats that was that since 2005. well yeah i think the pandemic probably shut down production okay but he is super the cool thing i don't know if he'll say this on the podcast but i'll say it and we can never bring it up i was at the party i was at the big

i was at a i don't know maybe i i mean i can't remember if my memories are real or not so like um but someone was getting ready to do the roast and they had their set list all their jokes and he said let me take a look at that and he grabbed their list

I don't even want to move this. And he took his pen and he changed their set. And he goes, there you go. And it's the set they delivered. And it fucking destroyed. Yeah. Because he just went through. He's a fucking tactician. He's a fucking smart guy. Very, very sharp, dude. Do you feel like he grew up wearing knee-high socks and like short maroon pants? It sure feels like he should have. Right? Yeah. Would you be shocked? He should be. He's the kid who I picture saying when he was a kid, he's like, mommy, if...

If I do it right, can I have some more porridge? And then she's like, you may. And then he does the thing and then she gives him like another bowl. And then he's like, Jimmy has another bowl of porridge for himself. Mommy, can I take my tea to the meadow? I'll have my tea in the meadow today. That's exactly what it feels like. He said he had a great joke. I want him to say what he did, but he had a great joke about

Oh, so you can understand that I didn't mean that. Have you seen his defense of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really brilliant of like, he's a real, he's a real like freedom of speech guy, which is crazy in their country. I don't think that's freedom of speech. I don't know the laws. We'll find out soon. Yeah. We should do all our interviews like this, where we do a pre-interview to me and you, and then they come down and people like, and we listen to all your assumptions about them. Yeah. And then we check if any of them are true. I, I felt like he grew, he, he,

When I think of Jimmy Carr, I think of oil rigs. I think of Saudi Arabia. I think of him talking to sheiks and brokering deals and then him going, this isn't for me no more. I think I want to stand up. Definitely. That is very good. He's got a posh accent. Yeah, that wasn't though. No, that's not? What you just did was not posh. All right. All right.

Yeah, that's kind of like the dock worker. I kept saying to him, I kept saying to him, this is the best. I hope we talk about this. He was with Leanne. Leanne was fucking wasted last night. Yeah. And I was trying to, he couldn't understand her totally because she was so drunk and redneck. And Shane Gillis kept going,

You do not do a bad accent on her on stage. You're doing a very accurate accent. I go, I fucking know. She's like, shut up, Shane. He's a bully. And then I go, Jimmy, do you sense a little bit of Scottish? And he goes, I sense uneducation.

Skies out, thighs out, summer is right around the corner and our friends at Chubbies are bringing the good thighbrations. Chubbies is a lifestyle apparel brand that makes every moment feel like a vacation. They say fashion is an expression of one's character, so why not let the world know you're down for a good time? Chubbies offers a variety of high-quality men's apparel, from super stretchy shorts and swim trunks in three short inseam lengths to pants, polos, and button-down shirts all

for when you need to hit up your fave weekend brunch spot. Embrace the spirit of endless summer with Chubby's, the ultimate destination for bold, vibrant, and outrageously comfortable clothing for a limited time. Chubby's is giving our listeners 20% off your order with our exclusive code, use code BEARS.

at chubbiesshorts.com. Listen, I love the fabric and I actually keep getting shorter inseams. Why? What is it? 1994? You don't need to have shorts down to your knees. Show off the quads, baby. I've been wearing these original stretch shorts and love the fabric, the waistband. I'm a big fan.

Whether you're getting dressed for your workday or workout or a weekend getaway, Chubbies has you covered for a limited time. Chubbies is giving our listeners 20% off your order with our code BEARS at chubbiesshorts.com. That's code BEARS at chubbiesshorts.com. Support our show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out.

with chubbies this episode is sponsored by draft kings the nba playoffs are heating up damn it they are and so is the action at draft king sportsbook an official sports betting partner of the nba teams are knocking on the door of the conference finals and draft king sportsbook has you covered with every step of the way with their same game parlays live betting odds boosts and so much more don't miss out as the nba postseason winds down it's super easy to get started with draft kings

If you're a first-timer, try betting on something like just a team to win. Go to DraftKings Sportsbook app, select your team, and place your first bet. It's that simple. And if you're new to DraftKings, you got to check this out. New customers bet $5 to get $150 in bonus bets instantly. Timberwolves Nuggets. Let me tell you something. It should have been Lakers, Timberwolves, in my opinion. I...

I'm not. Candidly, I've never been the biggest NBA fan. I was when I was a child, but I got into these playoffs because of damn DraftKings. Made that one buzzer beater game so damn interesting. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now and use code BEARS. That's code BEARS for new customers to get 150 in bonus bets when you bet just five bucks only on DraftKings. Great.

The crown is yours.

Age varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See DKNG.co slash bball for eligibility and deposit restrictions terms and responsible gaming resources.

You might have noticed a coworker cracking a tall boy in your 9 a.m. meeting, or maybe you caught your own designated driver downing one while driving. Well, it may look like a beer or some crazy energy drink, but it's not. Liquid Death is actually a healthy beverage that makes mountain spring water, low sugar sodas, and low sugar iced teas too. Why is it called Liquid Death? Because Liquid Death will brutally murder your thirsts

and their infinitely recyclable cans are helping to bring death to single use plastic bottles. Liquid Death also donates a portion of profits from every can sold to help kill plastic pollution. I actually had never experienced drinking water

from a can before. And once I got my hands on Liquid Death, it is my absolute favorite way to consume it. I promise you, you'll enjoy the water drinking experience more once you try it. You can get free shipping of Liquid Death's Mountain Water Flavored Sparkling and Iced Tea 8-Packs online

with Amazon Prime or grab a can or case at your local 7-Eleven, Target, Walmart, Whole Foods, or on Instacart. Go to liquiddeath.com slash bears to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. That's liquiddeath.com slash bears, liquiddeath.com slash bears. I feel like she hasn't had read books. Is that what you're looking at, pointing that?

She was fucking wild last night. Yeah, she was. Well, we should go to the beginning. So like we... Oh, let's talk about our experience with the roast. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we get a call. Good call, Burt.

We get a call like a month ago and they say, hey, we're doing this roast of Tom Brady. Would you be interested in doing it? And you go. I said, yes, we're both in. And I go, no. You said absolutely not. I go, no. You were like, there's nothing we can win out of this. Yeah, I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, we've never been on roast. We're not roasters or anything. But then they said, we're trying something different where we want you guys to do it together.

And even then I was like, you mean like just go to the podium together and roast together? And they were like, no, we want to do like, we're thinking of like trying something that we've never done before. I think they wanted a sports center thing first. Yeah, yeah. And we were like, no, I got to get flowers. I gave them to you last night. I'll give them to everyone. Yeah. You said no. And you said, you called me. You said, we're not saying yes yet. We're going to have a meeting with Netflix. We're going to talk through with the writers. Yeah. And with the producers. Yeah.

So we got on a thing and in a 30 minute zoom call, I spoke zero, which I think everyone will find shocking. Yeah, that's true. And you talked the whole time and you had a million questions of things, angles you liked, angles you wanted to do, things you were cool to do. You liked the multimedia presentation. You liked it being different than everyone else's. Yeah.

Because you're like in there, you can't really draw a comparison because it's apples and oranges. So we can succeed on our own or fail on our own. Yeah. And then at the end, you were like, Bert, do you have any, do you have anything to say? And I said, I said, yes, Thursday. Yeah, that's exactly what you said. I said, yes, before we had any idea what we were doing. Yeah.

Then you wrote a script. Yeah. You pitched your idea to me and Mike, I think. Yeah, that's true. And maybe I gave a couple ideas, but not a ton. And you came up with a script. You wrote a script, sent it over to Mike and me. I read it, loved it, talked to Mike, kind of punched it up, gave it to the writers. The writers punched it up a little bit. But writers punch it up a lot. I got to say, the writers on that...

And the writers, Ray, Pat, Sarah Tiana, Mike Lawrence, Mike Gibbons, Jeff Ross. Yeah, they're great. All the people that worked on that roast. And I'm sure I'm leaving people out.

were fucking phenomenal and with us every step of the way. And they were pivotal in some of our favorite moments in that roast. So the way we looked at it was like we were kind of doing almost like a weekend update thing where we comment and we have images, which was, I thought, a fun way to do it. And it turned out really fun. Let's talk about the drama going into it. Well, yeah. Well, let's talk about this. So then they were like, well, you have to be at the rehearsal.

And I was like, I have a Cincinnati show Saturday, like a big ass show. I can't move it. Well, when can you get here? I'm like fucking after the show. Then you'll miss rehearsal. And I'm like, I don't know what to tell you. So I zoomed in, I would watch the feed. And then I watched you with a stand in go through rehearsal. And we had changes in that changing images. It was, but it was, I gotta say it was very exciting.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jimmy Carr. Oh, what did I tell you? Jimmy Carr, my redneck wife. What did I tell you? What did I tell you? Yes. Here, sit down right here. Good, buddy. Thank you. Congratulations on that. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What was in my cup? He was, well, we were just getting to that. First of all, he just did an amazing impression of you. Oh, really? Yeah. Thank you very much. Yes, thank you.

Don't worry, Tom. Sorry, am I... You're not one of those cuck things. Is this going to happen? It feels like she's... You might be more comfortable. Is that better? Thank you. You know what else I enjoy. No.

These two last night drunk were fucking awesome. Yeah. With Zyngulus in the mix, it was the fucking craziest night. That was one of the kind of legendary comedy. That's one of the best nights I've ever had at the comedy store. And I've had some great nights there. Yeah. It was such a brilliant, like in the OR, John Mulaney went up and just killed. And then Mark Norman went up. Chappelle went up. It was then me.

Wow. Yeah. That's pretty great. Then this guy. Then you, yeah. We were just talking. We were giving you a lot of props. Ladies and gentlemen, let's calm ourselves down. Yes. With this guy. Yeah, no. Do you want to do your impression of Jimmy for him? Hello, mommy. I would like to take my spot of tea at the meadow today.

Right. So you've not watched a lot of Downton Abbey, but quite a lot of Guy Ritchie films. I have, I have. I've only watched Guy Ritchie. Yes. He's like, he goes, he said, he goes, Jimmy has a bit of a posh accent. I go, that wasn't posh, what you just did. No. I mean, who thought it was going to be? Yeah.

It's the craziness. Yeah. The craziness. So wait, let's talk about the roast for a little bit. Okay. I'm dying to deep dive you because like you are one of the most elusive, mysterious. We're getting more lube. Yeah. The mysterious and elusive. Yeah, because when we met you, how do you say the city that they do the festival in Canada? The comedy festival. Montreal? How do you say it? Montreal. Okay. Yeah. It's Montreal. Montreal.

Montreal. Well, I was, I will take it. It's Montreal. It's Montreal. I gave him the Canadian pronunciation, which is Montreal. And he got very upset. So, you know, okay. You'll both sound exactly the same to me, but in fact, Montreal. So we first met you probably seven years ago, eight years ago in Montreal. And, uh,

And we were fascinated that you were a person who had already accomplished things in life, but we're still hungry to get on mics. Like you are still showing up and going, can I get on the stage? And I remember both of us were like, like, he doesn't need to be here. Like you were elusive to us. We were all broke kids trying to get money.

And you were someone that was not looking for money. You were looking, you enjoyed standup, the art of standup. Yeah. It's the, it's the, I suppose it's that thing of like, there's no equivalent for the gym time, right? Right. You only learn on stage. You only, you know, you can sort of, you, you, um, God, Jerry Seinfeld did a thing the other day. It was like, uh, it did the blocks thing with, uh, Neil Brennan. Yeah. It's like a masterclass. Really? But, and he was kind of talking about the, the, the idea that you get paid, uh,

You work during the day and you collect the money at night. I think it might be Chris Rock's line originally. So you work on these things and then you have to try them in front of all these. You just don't know what's going to hit. And because your stuff is so methodical, calculated, it's all very crisp and pointed. The setup, it's very, very sharp. I imagine that you are a pen to paper person.

doing this, right? Like there's no way that it doesn't feel like loose when you do it. Yeah. But it's, it's weird when you start in comedy, like all the stuff that I loved was really loose storytelling. Yeah. And then I can't, I don't have that. I've got a fastball and then I'm trying to expand like the thing that I've been doing the last couple of years, the last special trying to expand that kind of slightly longer bits. Uh-huh.

because I love it when other people do it. Sure. Thank you. But I do. I mean, you know, I love that thing of like going, the idea of going out there with, you know, one story and doing an hour. That'll last me 20 seconds. I have one story and I've done 25 years. That was the best joke. I'll tell you what I loved. The improv, you know that history of the improv thing where you did the original set that you did when you got passed? Oh, yeah. That was fantastic. Oh, man.

I just loved it. Because you could sort of see the origins, kind of that thing of when you see someone. The great thing about our job is you kind of get better as you... No one that I love in comedy, everyone does their best work in their 50s. I've said this many times. Isn't that... And like some guys... That's inspiring too. I think so. Especially if you're looking at your 50s, you go like...

Oh, that's when everyone's at their best. Yeah. And it's that thing of like, you go, you kind of, you get better at the craftsmanship of it. Like being good at something and like working at it. And I don't know. It's like, it's really fun to get up. I mean, I found that the roast last night, I had such a brilliant time. Did you? Because for me, I was trying to reverse engineer, you know, anything about American football. Yeah. So I was going, Tom Brady's like, nothing to me. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, he's very handsome, but I'm not a gay guy, despite being European. But also, he's like, and he's a footballer, and he's one of the quarterbacks. Oh, fabulous. It doesn't mean anything to me. Sure. So I'm trying to reverse engineer the jokes in my head and going, oh, that must mean that guy was, okay. Right, right. I could do it. What was your favorite joke from the night last night? Nikki Glazer's. Nikki Glazer's, to you, I really, I'm a huge fan of your joke. Made me laugh for...

I would say I'm still laughing at it now. It's so good. Yeah. It was really good. But I mean, there was, there was a few incredibly good lines. There was so many good lines. Her set, I thought was just a, that was a masterclass set in, in roasting. Yeah. Like it was perfectly done. I wouldn't change the lines, the cadence, the pot, everything. It was just structurally. Everything was perfect about it. It was fantastic. Tony,

I had this thing where I was like, we've been around Tony for so long. Yeah. And Tony basically lives in roast mode. He's somebody who, a lot like you, where the jokes just keep... So you sit with Tony in the green room or you go to lunch with Tony and he is like, he's just always roasting people, right? When I was in Montreal, when I first met Tony, he was like, it was roast battle.

It was that year. Yeah, yeah, sure. And he was just like hanging out, like pitching ideas constantly, just being around. Like we've been around him so much. I think it's often that thing though with your friends. Yes. Where you're around them and you see them and then suddenly they do something like that and you go, well, I knew he was capable of that. Yeah. But I think America just found out. That's exactly right. Even the Kill Tony thing is like, I mean, it's selling out Madison Square Garden. It's doing great. It's amazing. But I think like the name recognition and the respect, I think it just happened last night. I think so too. I mean, I'm so happy for him. He sat down next to me. I was like,

this is so cool that we've watched you for years be great at this and then you just got you had an opportunity and you just knocked it out of the park like everybody saw the brass neck of him to make jokes about being short the brass neck what is he four foot two yeah he's not a big man his joke about me it looks like the liver king

the Burger King. Oh, yeah. And has the liver of Rodney King got beat up by Martin Luther, whatever the fuck. I can't even do his joke. I was like, God damn it. Yeah, that was amazing. My only thing, my only take back, and if you watch the special, it's super enjoyable, is

is I read everyone's jokes as they were doing them because I was reading the prompter. You're saying this because you think we don't know that? Oh. No, no. We saw it. Seriously? Yeah. Oh, no. I was going to inquire as to your reading age when I got here. I think you're really coming along. I just saw the clip of Tony doing it. Bert's going...

Yeah. He looks like he's praying. He looks like he's quietly praying. Hope it goes okay. Hope it goes okay. Because I would say like, I was watching and like, there's a bit of you that watches and, you know, from the audience as a comic going, that's good. That's good. That's a great line. Okay. You know, you're kind of, you're kind of analyzing. I think I wish it was up there. And I was thinking, oh my God, it must be so hard when you're sat there and someone's just eviscerated. Yeah. And,

And then you kind of, you go, we've got another half an hour to wait. We said that. Bro, so hard to wait. When Nikki was up, it goes, Kevin, Jeff, Drew Bledsoe, who fucking murdered, Nikki destroys, and Tom and I looked at each other, and Tom goes, we're going to bomb. And because our thing wasn't what everyone else was doing. And people don't know that. They didn't know that we were, we weren't asked to like,

traditionally, we're asked to do this different thing. And I was like, I don't know if this is going to be well received. Like the most,

the monitor. It was great because it's like, it's as you're watching it as a punter in the audience, you go, yeah, it's like a different speed and it's a very long show. So actually doing something that's a different, and you know, like, so you're watching the roasting for like, you know, an hour and you go, well, everything's been hit on. We understand his wife has gone and he lost some money in Bitcoin. And then you go, it's nice to have a little, okay, there's another thing. Like a little palette cleanse. A great line. It's really helped me understand my wife.

Oh, yeah. Psychopathic. I got a really big laugh. Not from your wife, I would imagine. I got a big fucking laugh. You know who got no... You probably didn't see it. You know who did the best job of the night? And no one knows? Alonzo Bowden. Really? Alonzo did the warm-up. I was sitting with...

Shane Gillis. And we both kind of went, this is an impossible gig. There's 20,000 people in the arena. Everyone's up and chatting and no one is, the room is so unfocused. And he came on and he did material. And he, I mean, he's such a pro. He just got them. He's a beast. And it's all new stuff. It's stuff I've never, I know him very well. But like that was before they even started doing the thing. But like the setup was so right. Yeah. And I got to say like,

You know, when you host the thing too, you can kind of be personality versus material. I thought Kevin fucking killed it.

You know what I mean? Like he had great material. He had great energy. He always kept it fun and funny. He would kind of just a very generous laugh for as well. He is infectious. He was great. Legit goddamn movie star. Yeah. Yeah. Like one machine movie. That didn't count like a proper. Yeah. No proper general release. Like people went to see, they bought tickets. Yes. Yes. It's like a real movie. Yeah. Not,

Real revenue. Yes. Not like, whatever, you made a thing for YouTube. Not that. Yes. A real one. Yes. It was a real deal. I was reading his prompter and he would go, yes, we know.

It was on television. I know. He would go off book, and I was getting nervous for the prompter guy because you'd see the prompter guy scroll and then scroll back and scroll back and back and back. Kevin would come back and hit the thing that was on the screen. He was Kevin murdered. He was great. He was really great. But when Nikki went up, we thought we were going to bomb, and then God bless Kim Kardashian.

Yeah. God, I didn't understand that for a second. I thought like, were they booing the concept of Hollywood? They kind of were. It's what they were booing. Cause this is one thing we figured out. I don't know if it registered to you that that audience, they were football fans. They were Tom Brady and professional football fans. When comedians walked out initially, you know, at most comedy events, people know the comedians.

Comedians got like nothing. Mostly when they do a roast. Yeah. It's in a hotel ballroom, not an arena. I know. Like on a Sunday afternoon. They were there. I mean, this Tom Brady guy is pretty famous. Yeah, he's pretty famous. They were there for Tom and for Patriots and for football players. And so that was like a thing that I picked up on. I was like, oh, they're... And also like the way they reacted to jokes. And I think she symbolized everything that...

fan base kind of hates. Right. And so I thought she did pretty well. I've got to say, here's like, here's why she's, she's good news. This is why, this is why this was something that I kept noticing too, because in seeing prompter and watching all the acts, one of the things that you pick up on was the people that didn't do well. And there were a few that like, it was, I'm saying like the regular roasting was, um,

was it wasn't because of them or the material. It's that they kept going off script. Yeah. Because we would read with them. Commit to the bit. They would read like the top line and you're like, okay. And then, and they don't realize, see, we know how important economy of words and like the, you got to say this before, this is the connective tissue to that. And they would go first line. And then I would watch them

like riff on that and then try to pick up and you're like, yeah, it doesn't work like that. You have to stick to the whole thing for the thing at the end to pay off. Yeah, I thought Kim Kardashian did a great job. I mean, that joke about the, I wouldn't have told anyone. But the reason I think she was able to, because she ended up getting a big,

couple big pops is because she stayed in the pocket. So to get booed like that and to just sit with it. Yes. Okay. Yeah. And then to do it, the confidence. Yeah. Yeah. Like to get booed by that many people. It's like most people would crumble. Of course. Most people would afflick.

Which is where, it's an industry term, it's where you get dry mouth and you can't, your veneers stick to your lips and you can't speak. Policy Genius is the country's leading online insurance marketplace. It saves you time and money so you can provide your family with a financial safety net starting today. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage.

Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. I mean, it's a no-brainer that if anybody relies on you, a spouse, significant other, children, you absolutely have to protect them by getting approved.

Life Insurance. Policy Genius helps you compare your options from top companies and their team of licensed experts is on hand to help talk you through it step by step. If you already have life insurance from your job, you might be thinking that you're totally covered, but that policy may not offer enough protection for your family's needs and even worse, it may not come with you

If you leave your job, check life insurance off your to-do list in no time with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com slash bears or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com slash bears. Think of some of comedy duos who got it done. Key and Peele, Sam Morrell, Mark Norman.

Shane Gillis, Matt McCuster, Bert Kreischer, and Tom Segura. What about the perfect duo when it comes to growing your business? That's you and Shopify. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business, from the launch your online shop stage to the first real-life store stage, all the way to the did-we-just-hit-a-million-dollar-in-order stage.

And I just saw a dude post that from Shopify, and I thought it was so cool. Shopify is there to help you grow. Whether you're selling teacups or running gear, Shopify helps you sell everywhere. From their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system, wherever and whatever you're selling, Shopify has got you covered. It has helped me grow my online business faster.

I would not be here without them. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S. and Shopify is the global force behind millions of entrepreneurs in every size across 175 countries. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash bearers, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash bearers now to grow your business. No matter what stage you're in, shopify.com slash bearers.

I thought his whole bit, by the way, I was convinced. I was ashamed going, I'll tell you what's going to happen.

He's going to do this bit about a guy talking shit online and the guy's going to be Matt Damon and he's going to be in the audience. And then they're going to do a bit together because otherwise this would be insane. And then he walked off and I went, well, I was wrong about that. But that's more to my point is that he was completely jumping off of that script, man. Like he would stay, he would get the gist of it and then jump.

just we were like reading it. We're like, why is he jumping off? And then it would go worse. And then he would just jump ahead to the next thing. So he I don't know if it was nerves or like or the fact like we're so used to do it. Maybe also he passed on rehearsal and didn't want to come to that or something. But that's why I think he probably didn't want to come to rehearsal because he didn't want to be roasted.

Maybe. So it's that thing. Did they tell you Kim Kardashian was going to be there? I knew it because I went to rehearsal and I saw her face on a picture. You rehearsed because watching it, you wouldn't think that doesn't come across. Can I tell you, I killed it in rehearsal. And then when we did our rehearsal that morning, I stumbled on a couple of lines and I was like, motherfucker, I've done this. I've hosted so many TV shows. I'm fine with prompter. But I was like, what the fuck? And I realized that.

when we started the bit that there were so many laughs in between that you didn't have to run through it. You could take your time and say the sentence. And I was like, oh, when we got our first laugh, I went, okay, I have to wait for the laughter to end to say my next line. And it's a long laugh in that room as well because it's a big room. I don't know if you're used to big rooms, but it's a big room. I did think as an event, it was such a great thing to be at.

yeah just kind of it was a fun thing it was long as shit jimmy like we weren't when we were like wait okay and then when i found out we were at least front load like we were in the first part of the show i was like great but then sitting there for another two fucking hours so you go ron burgundy's just been oh man what who's going on after that yeah that's bill belichick

Yeah. And he kind of did follow that. He murdered. He's not the only patriot that murdered. This is why. Again, I had to properly reverse engineer. Oh, yes, the man with the... Yes, he was a bit murdery. He was. Yeah, and that's frowned upon. Yes, it is. I was wondering if you... Because some people mug when they say jokes. Some people...

Some people are very dry. And Bill Belichick was so dry that I was like, that is a comedy style in and of itself. He was as dry as Mickey Glazer's vagina. He was like Bob Newhart style. Someone told me a thing about Bob Newhart recently that kind of blew my mind. The button-down comedy of Bob Newhart. He was working in an office. That was his second time. I think it was his first time doing comedy as the recording of the album. What?

Yeah. He'd never done comedy. He wrote this thing. He went to a place and performed it. They taped it and they put it out. It blew my mind. Is that not insane? Yeah. I mean, people probably don't. It's a weird thing. I always think that everything goes back into the pop with comedy. People don't particularly revere or remember people from a bygone age, but Bob Newhart was just fantastic. Fantastic. Really? Yeah.

But that first record apparently hadn't done it before. That's really amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. Well, I should post my first time doing stand-up. Maybe I'll...

Yeah. Man, it was so bad. No, that's... My first joke that worked was about jerking off in a cheeseburger. Into one? No, with one. I put it around my dick and jerked off with a cheeseburger around my dick. Okay. And that was like a big... That was my closer. That was your closer? I didn't know what stand-up was, so I just was telling the most revealing stories I could about myself. Yeah. Did they make you leave In-N-Out? No, but I took... They shouldn't have called it In-N-Out if they didn't want people to do that.

do you talk about animal style you're so good none of these are in my bit yeah i said no mayo i mean how much of a problem do you have with food before you before you fuck a burger i mean i'm not a psychiatrist but that feels like this is this is the conversation before the intervention

Right? Oh, I love food. No, no, you don't understand. Maybe I won't post it. Wait, what was your first set like? Uh,

It was all right. I mean, it was a weird thing where you go, I think before- Set the scene, set the scene. Because I know you were a corporate guy. Yeah, I was working kind of in an office. I kind of fell into this job in marketing for a big oil company. And just, I was kind of really depressed. Yeah, but you also, he was a runner of a company. No, no, no. When I think of Jimmy Carr, I think of big oil rigs and Saudi sheiks and like BP and like fucking handshakes and Ferraris and nice watches. And then, is that real? Yeah.

I mean, ish. I mean, it was like, I always think that thing in life, like the good is the enemy of the best. I had a good job and it was fine. And it was like, what you were supposed to do next. The good is the enemy of the best. The good is the enemy of the best. Yeah. But it's often that thing of like, if life is good enough, sometimes you don't take the risk.

Sometimes you can't, you know, it's when you've got nothing, that's kind of an advantage in life. If you're listening to this and you think, oh my God, I've just got, I got nothing. You've got nothing to lose. It's like you can, sometimes when things are kind of okay, you stay in the okay thing. And it was, it was certainly okay. It was an okay life, but it was that thing of, I was maybe mid twenties. So I'd kind of finished university and like got this corporate job and it was all going great. And you could see, I could see this, it's such a clear path.

And then I left to join the circus. It was like, you know, yo-ho-ho, a pirate's life for me. And this thing of like, I started going to comedy more and more because I was a bit, I wasn't depressed. I was like sad. You know, that thing of like depression is the serotonin imbalance in your brain. It's a very serious medical condition. Sad is when it's circumstance. And when it's just circumstantial, it's your fault and you can do something about it. It's good news to be sad. And then I just kind of started going to comedy, liked it. And then, you know, that like, almost like the reverse of your career.

You start seeing people in like really big venues doing two hours and they're great. And then you start going to clubs and they're doing 20 minutes and you go, oh my God, I could never do that. And then you go to tiny like little call-in places above a bar and you go, I'm not going to do that. Yeah. And then your career is finding your way back to the big venue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of great. So the first time I was one-liners, I just could write one-liners. I could think like that. So it's a version of who you are, right? Like the first time was still like reminiscent of what we know as you.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think it was like little wordplay things like...

Yeah, I was, lots of stuff about being kind of very middle class, lots of stuff about, you know. But you're middle class? I'm kind of, I'm perceived as being middle class. What's that? I'm confused now. In Britain, we have class like you have race. We have like a big kind of class system and it's slightly odd. I'm perceived as being quite posh. Yeah, that's right. Quite like upper class. Yes. But actually, my parents are Irish immigrants to Ireland, so we only came over in the early 70s.

So for work. So it's that thing of like, I know what I am, but I also know how I'm perceived. We think you kind of, and that's really helpful. Because Brits are so in tune with the class system there. Do most Brits perceive you as posh or know that you're middle class? No, they would perceive me as being posh. Posh, yeah. Okay. Because I'm overeducated or whatever. If you went to that university, if you got that thing. Because it used to be, I mean, it's not so much anymore because university has become like a luxury item.

Yes. It might as well be a Louis Vuitton handbag now. Yeah. Or a Porsche. But it used to be, it was kind of a meritocracy and there was social mobility in that. You could sort of change your class by going to a certain school. Right. And hope for a better job and yeah, it was good. Is there a part of you that still has a Irish immigrant mentality?

I think there's something about like the Irish, there's something about the, there's a Morrissey song, Irish blood, English heart. There's something about that where there's a lot of, there's a lot of us that have gone into the creative thing. And it's, I don't know if there's, there's something to being other.

Because you see things in a slightly different way. Yeah, I think that can be perceived. Like I always felt other, even though I probably fit in, I always felt other. I've always felt other. We went to that party the other day. I said to Ted, I go, I don't belong here. I felt that too, though. I fucking felt it. I asked security, should he be here?

But that fitting in thing is like, it's like Alan Havey gave me the best line. Do you know Alan? Yeah. Old school. He's an amazing comic. But, you know, comedy, we're out for ourselves, but in it together. That's good. So it's like the opposite of being an actor, right? If you're an actor and you're getting the part of James Bond, one guy can get that role. And what's our job? Well, we escape competition through authenticity, right?

that you absolutely, you are yourself. No one else could be you or would want to be. But you know what I mean? It's like you do your thing. And even though you guys are very different stylistically on stage. Yeah. And it's different styles. Yeah, there's a crossover of like fans, but actually very different styles of comedy. Like we were all doing our little thing. Who did I see last night? Mark Norman was at the store. And he's a one-liner guy. I'm a one-liner guy. And we can kind of...

but it's so different. It's like, it's whatever you bring to that. It's like your thing. It's yours. Yeah. It's kind of that thing of like, just being yourself. It seems like that thing of like the world that we live in now, like the podcasting thing is huge because people are just being authentic. And where else do you get that? You watch the news and people are speaking in this weird language that no one speaks like that. What are you talking about? Yeah. What can I ask you a weird side question? I'd be amazed if you didn't. How do you feel about Oliver Cromwell?

What in terms of... Like, I have someone with Irish parents who was horrific in Ireland, but yet they have a statue of him up in London. And he's all about this. Like, I'm curious...

I'm obsessed with Oliver Cromwell right now. Really? You know the phrase warts and all is for Oliver Cromwell. Yeah, he had them on his face. Yeah, but it's from the painting. Yeah. So when you used to get your portrait painted, if you were an important person, you'd have your portrait done and they would always make you look a little bit more beautiful than you were because you're painting them and whatever. So everyone was... And when he was painted, he famously said, warts and all. I want to look how I look. Oliver Cromwell is the guy who killed King Charles because he was...

He was, they were all about, he's actually considered a dictator because he had the military rise up against the King who King Charles, but, um, he was dodging him. And then Oliver Cromwell got him and beheaded him, got rid of the monarchy. And then, but it was horrible in Ireland and he was very pivotal. They put up a statue of him. And I think in like the seventies or maybe the eighties in London, everyone felt one of two ways, like fucking Winston Churchill, uh,

hated Oliver Cromwell, hated Oliver Cromwell. And it was an old prime minister that paid for the statue. He commissioned the statue because he loved Oliver Cromwell. But I was curious as an Irish person, person of Irish descent, how you felt about Oliver Cromwell? Because Oliver Cromwell is a curse word in Ireland, correct? Not really. I mean, I don't think, I think it's like most people are kind of through that now in terms of like,

you know, I mean, they call it the troubles, but there was a civil war. I mean, it was like, it was, it was awful and they managed to find a peace somehow. So it's kind of, it's, I think most people are, there's a generation now that are kind of having

I've never really seen that. Really? It used to be so, it was like, I mean, you know, things were blowing up in London when I was a kid. I remember my mother, my mother had a very strong Irish accent. And I remember, um, uh, like we went into a store at like the local store to buy newspapers and candy or whatever. And the guy behind the counter, uh, said, uh, these, these, these Irish, there'd been some bombing. And the guy said, oh, these Irish, uh,

They should be killed along with their children. And my mother, and I'd never seen it before, just fucking eviscerated the guy. Really? Just like in front of a bunch of people, just crazy at the guy. Wow. It's something that we don't really understand is that whole... I think if you ask most Americans what Great Britain is, they don't know what that is. I don't think they know what London is, the UK or England. Oh, Great Britain and the UK is different. Yeah, like all of that is so...

It's amazing that it's like the same way you feel about football. We feel about the rest of the world. Yeah, but I mean, America is so huge. You've got so much going on here. You know, people often do that thing of going, oh, Americans don't have passports. You go, yeah, but if you had Alaska and Texas and Florida and Hawaii, there's a lot of places to go before you need to leave. There's a lot of boxes to tick before you've got to get to Europe. It's a weird thing with the statues thing. I would feel fine about it. I think statues are good.

I think history is a good thing. I think if it reminds people, then great. And you just need to, you know, everything's in context. Yeah. When you started doing comedy clubs, because we both started in comedy clubs and you would, I was not good at recognizing morons. Like I would tether up to morons quick.

Tom is really good at picking out morons. Like, he's like, fuck that guy, he's an idiot. He knows he's saying this, yeah? Yeah. Why, what am I saying? But like, were you, because you were like, you came from a different world. I still don't think he knows he's saying it. Okay, okay. So, would you... So, you're saying Tom's good at picking out morons? He's really good at picking out morons. Oh, no, I'm not saying that. Okay.

And there you saw the penny drop in perhaps the slowest of all motions. I want to fart. Yeah, the fact that you didn't get a joke about being a moron. You have to make me another drink. So wait, did you suffer? Can we take two drinks away? What's the phrase? Suffer fools lightly? Suffer fools gladly.

Is that what it is? Yeah, but go on. What's the... How do you mean? Like other comics that were... Yeah, when you go back... I was convinced everyone was a genius. Really? Because you'd see guys that were doing 20 minutes that they'd... I didn't know they'd be doing the same 20 minutes for 10 years. Sure. And they were working on a sitcom or they were writing a movie and I was going, I need to work a bit harder. I need to do a bit more. These guys are...

on it and then you don't realize they weren't doing anything they were talking a good game there's a lot of people that talk a good game and then you go yeah but you don't kind of you're doing the same thing or guys that had one trick like they could write one type of joke but they couldn't write the other type of joke they could write a pullback reveal but they couldn't do anything else yeah I would think that you would walk into a green room very comfortably I walked into the comedy store in London I'd been doing stand-up for like probably 14 years 15 years

And those guys got in my head so hard about, like, because I guess the Comedy Store in London is like the place. Yeah, I mean, not to the same. I don't think it's not as good as, let's be honest, the Comedy Store in Los Angeles and the Comedy Cellar in New York. That's quite a unique thing of, like, people turn up to work on stuff that are huge comics. And it's everything.

every single night of the week. They're phenomenal places. And I guess Mothership is becoming that. Yeah. You've done a spot down there, haven't you? Yeah. Your podcast with Rogan was amazing, by the way. Oh, it was really good fun. I love that. I get stuck on things where like, and they get stuck in my head where I think about it a lot. And you know, you said something about that I can't stop thinking about. A lot of people play the guitar.

A lot of people love music and then they also play music for fun. They have fun. They really enjoy it. They're not going to be a musician. They're not going to be doing, but no one does that with comedy. And you were saying there should be an accessibility to comedy. People love comedy. They should do comedy. They should learn comedy the same way you would learn the guitar. Why wouldn't you want to learn comedy? I thought it was really a fucking profound statement. Well, I'm working on a thing at the moment with my friend, Amanda Baker and Abby Grant. We're working on a, like a book and maybe a course on,

about like teaching it. Because I do think it's like, there's a lot of mystery around comedy, like in green rooms and things. It's like, oh, that guy's just a genius. And you go, well, no, he's not a genius. He's doing something there. And if you break it down, and sometimes I think there's slightly the, there's an illusion that people go, well, it just comes to me on stage. You go, no, you're writing, but that's where you're writing. That's where you're writing. Yeah. I've always resented the, when people talk about

they're like, this guy's on another level. I'm like, no. There's a level of proficiency that you get to and then it's kind of like it becomes what...

your taste is when they start talking about, like, I just feel like after a certain amount of time, there's a number of people that get to a very proficient level. And to me, I see everybody at that level as essentially the same. I just, I kind of, you have your taste where, but it, it, I don't feel like that person is,

There's a genius at stand-up. I think the genius thing is a bit overused as well. It is. On like that thing of like you go, there's pure genius. There's, you know, I don't know, Bach or von Neumann or something. And then there's hyper-accelerated rationality.

which I think is what comics have a lot of the time when we're in stage on stage. I think the bit that works, sometimes you think of a joke, but then when you're on stage in front of people, your mind goes at a weird speed and your subconscious just throw something out that you're like the little tag on the end of it that you go, Oh, where did that come from? Yeah. Or you're chatting to an audience member. It's like it,

it comes that quick. But again, I think it's like being in that, in that state. I do think that thing of like teaching it because kids, what do you get from standup comedy? You get to speak in your own voice. The tragedy that so many people live and die without ever hearing their own authentic voice. The kids, this is really big in the United States. I don't know if you have, you must have a version of it, but like, uh, the kids that would do, um,

uh borat impressions and then that would become their personality yeah it was like it was like an ace ventura impression in high school and then that was their personality all righty then like that then and they never learned comedy they learned how to be funny by watching a movie and emulating that as opposed to finding your authentic voice is so fucking cool it's almost like a first step right i mean those kids that were doing that like when you look back you go oh they're kind of like toying

with how to do comedy. And they're drawn to the joy of it. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's the joy of comedy is like, I think the reason we all do it, it's kind of a people come and they need it. Yes. I think that's something that we don't really talk about much because we sound very, you know, up ourselves. But the idea of going, some people go to comedy and they've got a tough life.

and they got a tough job and a tough family situation. And then you come out and they need a couple of hours off from that to just laugh at this guy. And this guy is like the freedom to speak and to say what you want. Yes. On stage is kind of... Oh, I felt it with you. The first time I saw you do stand up, and I remember Tom had said, you got to see him. He's so fucking good. And it was at Montreal. And the joy of...

Seeing something you've never seen before, seeing someone do it proficiently and it being comedy and being really surprised. I love that so much when you're like, oh, shut. And even being a comic, you're like, this is fucking next level. I mean, you had your clipboard on stage in the roast battles. You were destroying people. And I was like, God, I know how the trick's done.

But I don't know how he's doing it. But isn't it a weird thing with the... There's a perfect mix of stand-up where you go, especially with storytelling, I think even more so than what I do. Like the dopamine hit of you don't quite know where the laugh is coming. I mean, you know there's going to be a laugh, but you don't quite know where it's coming. And that's what you live for. And then you get the serotonin. You know, the joy of the serotonin is great. So it's like that thing of it's real joy. Real joy. As opposed to, you know, there's so many things in our lives that are like...

you know, drinking drugs is kind of a proxy for joy. Yes. But you go, no, he said reaching. The thing that I live for in

in comedy, in a feature film, in any type of storytelling that I consume, I just want to be surprised. That's it. It sounds small. It's a big ask because your experiences, your mind, other things you've consumed fill your mind with expectations. So to get a surprise, whether it's in a joke or a twist. But isn't that, I mean, every joke, when you break it down. Yes, it is. Every joke is the...

The sudden revelation of a previously concealed fact. Yes. It's like you tell two stories and in the first story, it's going to go this way and it goes another way and the rug is pulled. And you know, the most simplistic, someone falls over. Yes. Or someone should be wearing a shirt and then not. Yes. By the way, this is how good Nikki Glaser did last night. Ready? Yeah. Georgia's been calling me all day. Georgia's friends watch the roast and all they said to Georgia, you know, Nikki Glaser,

Really? And they were like, that's how good... And Georgia called me this morning. I was picking up Isla from school.

She called in sick. Georgia goes, hey, I hadn't watched a roast. Nikki Glaser murdered, huh? And I was like, it's funny. My daughter speaks in comedy terms. That's how close she is to comedy. I said, she fucking destroyed. She goes, tell me some of her jokes. And so I was telling her and she was like, yeah, all my friends, all my friends were like, Nikki Glaser this, Nikki Glaser that. And then they saw a picture of me and Nikki Glaser and they're like, you know her? And I was, she was like, I had to keep on the DL dad. Like it's, but Georgia, all her girlfriends are

are obsessed with Nikki Glaser right now. She's fucking killed. Isn't that crazy? I love that thing though. Like when it pops for someone, like I always think that thing about, like you can tell when you've got like frenemies or real friends. Yeah. Like, cause there's some people in comedy that you're like, sometimes maybe a bit too close to, and there might be a bit of jealousy and that thing of like the, you know, comparison is the thief of joy. But when it happens for someone and you go, yes. Yeah. It's awesome. I mean, the last one probably before this, I mean, hopefully Tony and, and, uh,

and she get, Nikki get to that kind of next level because of this. But Shane Gillis was the last one where the whole industry went, yes. It's the weird thing, like the upside of the down, I was chatting to Neil Brennan about this, of going, when you get canceled or when you get dragged online, there's an upside. And the upside is the people that are your people

it's a chance to root for you. Yes. It's a chance to go, no, that's my guy. So when it happens for Shane, it's like, he's like, everyone's like, everyone's excited. Shane had a different, Shane had a different because he was no one's guy yet.

He was no one's guy. He was so young. He was no one's guy. And Shane had to get the people to like, like he got canceled before he had the people. Yeah. And so then he had to get the people. And as they got the people, then they started getting, I mean, it was a really crazy way to be canceled before you were even famous. Like you dealt with shit. He got out of the way early, didn't he? Yeah, he did. You dealt with shit, which I got to be honest with you.

It was like, it's like, you know when people say racial slurs from other countries and you're like, you edit it out. I know you can't say this word, but I don't get it. It doesn't bother me. Oh, I could say it. I don't care. Okay. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. But you know, I know you can't say it in like certain places, but

But that's the thing. When you got canceled, that was like hearing a racial story from a different country. I was like, it's a great fucking joke. And then people got upset. I was like, what the fuck? Wait, hold on. Then, you know, he's a comedian like that was the most bizarre one. I go, you people that are doing this are just about to make him a million times bigger because it's a great fucking joke. It did. It did. It did bump up the figures.

Fuck it. It was like the Netflix special had done well. And then there was a big controversy and it kind of went back into the top 10 again. It was that thing of like, you go, yeah, there's going to be, and you know, you get dragged for these things every now and then, but you have to, you only have to answer one question when you get canceled, which is who are you? You, you know, did you say an error? What you did you, were you drunk? Were you high? Did you make a mistake or did you? Yeah, no, no. I said that 400 times on the tour and I put it on the Netflix special. Yeah. I think it's a really good joke. Yeah. Yeah.

But the idea that a joke isn't a joke, it's a statement of fact is the trick that they, that's the switcheroo that the papers do or the people that are outraged. But you know, your response, I was trying to tell Tom and I didn't articulate it well, shockingly, but your response of, so you understand that I can say something that I didn't mean you, I it's, it's gone viral recently. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. The bit where, um, yeah, it's like the next time I get canceled, what I'm going to do.

I'm going to say, I'm going to make a public statement on the day I get cancelled. I'm going to say, I'm sorry.

And the people that are offended by the joke will say, you don't really mean that apology. And I'll say, so you're saying I could say something and not mean it. Now you're getting it. It's great. It kind of sums it up though, right? It's like that thing you go, you're pretending you don't know what a joke is, but you do. Gervais said it very nicely. Gervais said, I think it's on his last special. He said, you're laughing at the wrong thing because you know what the right thing is.

And a lot of what I do when it's like, you're talking about those issues that are really fun to talk about though, aren't they? And it's a release. That's what you go to the show for. It's the fun of finding a place where for this time in this space, you get to do that. You get to go say things that you can't say out on the street without somebody going like, why would you say that? Because you're...

You're not saying it on the street. You're saying it into a microphone. There's context to this whole thing. I don't think people... I think sometimes it only causes trouble when it escapes the lab. Yeah. I think the thing people don't consider is being in a comedy audience. Last night, I really felt it last night. It's a performance being in the audience. Yeah. The audience are performing as well. Yeah, you're together. If someone said to you... If you went to...

I don't know, ACDC live in concert, right? Yeah. And someone says, how are we doing in Los Angeles? Everyone goes, yeah. No one says that in Starbucks. Right. How are you doing? Ah, you're insane. Yeah. You're a lunatic. Yeah. There's a performance to it. There is. Yeah. I'm going to start doing that. How are you doing? Oh, God. Where are the black women at? Yeah.

In a Starbucks, that would be great. Keep it going for our fucking soldiers. But it's that thing of like the performance of like being there and laughing, you're signaling to other people that you get it. It's like, I think people desperately want to feel part of something. They do. And when you go, your sense of humor is so personal to you, right? It's like when you've got your guy and we've all got our guys that we just love. Yes. And it might not be our closest friends, but the idea of like guys that we go and see and

or we watch, and we just go, I'm just going to belly laugh my weird, weird laugh at this. I'm going to honk at it for an hour because I love everything about the cadence of this. I love it. And it's,

It's just fabulous. From where I was last night, sitting up there, I know you were very close, but did you feel like... Because to me, I was like, man, just being up here watching this, it felt like such a fun vibe for a roast. I thought with few exceptions, everything... Even the exceptions are important. Yeah. I think you have to have...

a little break for everyone kills what it was is one note all right so some of the footballers didn't do as well as the others i thought that julian guy i don't know who he is i thought he was fabulous he was great and it's the grunt the grunt thing it strikes me that there's a there's an opportunity for someone is having a discussion today i bet because it's the same thing remember snoop did a roast with martha stewart and then they went off and made tv shows together it strikes me that there's a grunt show where he go we take him

And we sent him to the Vatican to look at the art. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I want to see. I want him to go and, yeah, where are we sending him? Well, we're sending him to the Middle East. We're going to see if he can sort things out. It was... Gronk no like. It was great. Who was Gervais' buddy? Yeah. Yeah. Carl Pilgrimton. Yes. Carl used to be my producer on my radio show. He was? Yeah, he was the producer at XFM of

before we both have radio shows. There's like a feeling almost like put this guy in this situation, just watch him. Yeah, he should be... Yeah. Like one of these. Yeah. Gronk and I could be brothers. Yeah. Gronk and I get along. Well, he's famously good at spotting morons. So... Gronk and I have...

A lot of similar thoughts. Yeah. No, I was watching you guys. I got to, I got to, I got into a room and I got to sit in the middle and then I had Gronk here and Bert here. And I got to tell you, man, it was, uh, it was like watching. And they were both fucking burgers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I met Gronk at a dinner one night and, uh, we went to dinner together with a bunch of people.

Did the others get anything to eat? No. We fucked food up. We fucked booze up. And it was the fucking wildest night. And it ended with Gronk going, yo, Pauly Shore's upstairs. Can you introduce me? I was like, Gronk, you can introduce yourself. Everyone knows who you are. He is everything you...

this is a beautiful thing and i wonder what your thoughts are when you meet a celebrity you want them to be everything you think they're gonna be and gronk delivers 100% gronk across the board he is everything you want him to be sometimes you meet a celebrity and you're like ah fuck guy's kind of a dick or whatever but like he is rogan's that way when you meet rogan he's just as bizarre and curious as you think he's gonna be yeah i think it's probably with

maybe actors that you get that because you go wow he's so cool because he played a cool guy in a movie but he's not that guy but he said all those cool things yeah but he didn't write those cool things

He said the line. So it's often like that thing where you go, the musician who's a rock star and you think he's super rock and roll. Yeah, but he's an artist. He's sitting there writing the songs and getting the melody. And so it's a different thing. You're only seeing the performance, but you're not seeing the artistry bit. Who's your generation of comics? Like the guys you came up with, like we know our generation. I'm curious in the, in,

You're seeing who your generation of, who like your class is. Well, the guys I came up with, it depends where you draw it. Like there's people that would be known on, I did my first ever Edinburgh show with Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant. We all went up together and did 20 minutes each. What year? That would have been 2001, 2000, maybe 2000. When did you start? I started about 2000, maybe the year before.

I was in Edinburgh in 2000 with Patrice O'Neill and Rich Voss. I got, oh, well, I mean, that is a... We bombed. Huh? We bombed every night. Did you? Horrifically. So poorly. 29 nights in a row, 25 nights in a row. Wow. And it was silent. I remember Patrice threw a Czech chick's passport out of the room. He's like, get out of our fucking country.

It was so uncomfortable. And I remember Patrice getting into it with Eddie Izzard or whatever, you know, something else. Susie Izzard. But Eddie is still acceptable, yeah. Yeah, okay. I didn't mean that disrespectfully by any way, yeah. But just getting into them. I remember being with Patrice. I only met him a couple of times, but being in, I think it was like Toronto. We were doing some nasty show thing in Toronto and I'd never met him, didn't know anything of his reputation. He so delivered, was so rude to the people backstage.

And like, as funny as he was on stage, like he was absolutely like, not just roasting, but like mean roasting. Yeah. So good. Oh, he was. I mean, what a guy. Yeah. It's so lovely that we've got like that thing of like, if you love him, if you like that comedy and they've got the, it felt like he knew when he taped Elephant in the Room. Yeah. He even makes the joke about, I'm like,

I'm 70. Effectively. Look, I'm so great. It was great. He was amazing. He was, he was committed to spending a lot of time over in the UK when we did 2000. He was like, I might spend more time here. I,

I might keep doing this and Amsterdam and all those. There's like a circle. Amsterdam had a thing for a while. I did it a couple of times where they were really into, I think it was Deaf Comedy Jam. Yeah. It was their thing. So they would book mainly kind of black American acts to come over, but they would book a couple of British guys as well. So I'd kind of get booked on the show, but that was really their thing was they were into Deaf Comedy Jam. So it would have been, you know, I guess Rich Voss did that back in the day. Yeah. That was kind of, it was cool.

It's a cool thing. I mean, there's a big market over there. It's just difficult to know. You've only got a certain amount of time. And there's, I mean, I play everywhere around the world, but I think a lot of people just go, America's so huge. By the time you finish touring it, you've written a new show and you're ready to just do it again. That's kind of true. You have to make an effort to leave. And financially, like this is, I mean, you guys are playing stadiums. I just think that thing is...

it does make it feel new again. Yes. When you go and do the Tokyo Dome, it's like you go, well, this is, hang on, half the people are just local guys that found me on YouTube and are into this. And it's just, it's fun for you. Do you tour very internationally? Yes.

Yeah. I mean, I'm like 24 countries deep this year, I think. Really? Yeah. I did a lot of far east. Murder in South Africa. Uh, everyone murders in South Africa. They do. That's South Africa is like fucking wild. Yeah. It's pretty wild. Crazy shit on stage. And they're like, ah,

It's good fun. Yeah, I did Joe Berg and Cape Town this time. They were fantastic. How long are you touring the stage right now? Or are you just here for the... Just here for the festival at the moment. I'm going to do a show. But because the Netflix thing dropped like three weeks ago, it's the new show. It's a great special, by the way. Thank you very much. Great fucking special. But you've got to do new stuff immediately. So the next tour date, I went, okay, I'm doing the new stuff. How long are you sticking in the city for? I'm here till Wednesday. I've got a show Wednesday night in LA. And then I'm going to go and do the Tonight Show on Friday.

to new york yeah because i think it's the 90s and it might make a difference i think if i can do four and a half minutes of funny stuff clean yeah i think i might get a sitcom deal okay i'm pulling for you man i'm really hoping that works yeah we're gonna have to explain to some of the listeners what uh sitcoms are yes it's like a it's like a long tiktok i guess yeah it's a very long tiktok with some with some with some ad reads in the middle wait what is your white whale

Like what, like what, what, like I, cause I'm kind of lost in that right now. It was like, what are the, what do I want to do?

I think I've done everything I ever thought. I did way more than I ever thought I was going to do. Someone sits you in a room in Hollywood tomorrow and they go, Hey, Scott, Netflix. Ted says, I'm sure he's actually said this. Hey, anything you want to do, what do you want to do? Movies, sitcom, more specials, man on the street, 8 out of 10 cats. Are you in this now? Are you thinking about this? Because I'm quite stoic at the moment. I'm like, do less better. Ever.

Everyone. Just write jokes. My thing is do more mediocre. Yeah. How's that working out? I'm taking nine months off in July. It panned out. You're taking nine months off in July. It doesn't understand how calendars work. You can't do that. A month is the longest you can take off in July.

So what you're going to... I don't know what I want to do. Well, I suppose it's that thing of like you go, there's a fancy term for it is the hedonic treadmill. You get used to your life being amazing. But that thing of like nine months, go and have some adventures. Go and, I don't know, try some things. Yeah. Get on a train. Try and upset some mafia people. You know the drill. But that thing of like going and having adventures and going and living your life. And because I think it's a great that you're doing it because there's no there there.

You never arrive, right? And what's this about? Hopefully we'll get better. Hopefully in five years time, we look back at the specials we made this year and go, okay, well, it's good, but you know, I can see it, but this one's better. This one has got better jokes in it. There's better structure. That's all you're ever trying to do. Yeah. You're trying to get better at it. And it's always like, you're looking up to these masters. You know, I don't know who it is for you, but like you look up to some of these. You're one of them. You're one of them. I look at the way you, I think,

This is going to be the most fucked up thing I've ever said. Yeah. I watch your specials and I go, God damn it. If I had his brain, I'd be such a good comic. He's because you're like all my lazy parts are none of yours. Like all my lazy parts are the things you excel at.

And I go... But it's so sweet of you to say that. And I genuinely, it's hard to take a compliment, but that's so lovely of you. But again, escape competition through authenticity. No one can do what you can do. It's so the opposite of like, no one in Hollywood was going, ah, I tell you what we need.

An out of shape shirtless guy. But somehow the world wanted it. And the energy you have on stage, that the performance, like you fill a fucking room and you carry people along. That storyteller thing. The grass is always greener, right? You're always kind of looking over at what other people can do. And it's like, but you forget your gift. You've got the world ordered.

And they did. They opened the bag and they're like, this is in my order. The secret is you got to honor it. You got to honor that thing that you bring to the party. You know, it's great. But what's your white whale then? Well, what the thing you want to do? Like you, for you. Like, what's your thing? Like, is there anything you want? Host the Oscars or, you know what I mean? Like, is there anything that you ever go that I would love to do? Yeah, I think there's quite a lot of that stuff that you kind of, you could reel off. But actually, I think just doing another...

I think it's about special. I think it's about touring. Yes. It's doing good shows. Yes. Delivering. You know, I don't want to sound like a hippie, but it's an act of service, isn't it? It's that thing of like, well, I'd like to be good at this and I'd like to deliver on it and deliver on that potential. All the other stuff is like slightly, like hosting the Oscars. God, it'd be incredible. Oh, it'd be so good. A chance to get slapped in the face. Yeah, yeah. But you go, well, that's not really... Yeah. It's not about the host. That's about...

giving yeah that's true was there a part of you last night because I know my energy and I'm honest with my energy if I had been sitting in the audience I know Shane said he's like I should have fucking done it was there a part of you that was like God give me one fucking give me four minutes up there I'd fucking own this room was there a part of you that was like I would I really wanted to do it I really wanted to do it but it's that thing where you go you're in the audience I was saying afterwards like to a couple of people I went to the store afterwards and had to do a show

because there's a part of you that goes this is a fabulous show people are destroying a lot of my friends are killing up there why is this not more about me but there's a bit of you there's a bit of you that's a performer you know you have to be respectful of that okay well you know the ego kind of well I could do that but look man you are among the best of the whites that we know it's a fucking it is such an honor to sit with a fucking white

You are. Like, it's really cool. It's great to see you guys. As far as overseas whites, you're... And you're like a Confederate statue to us because you're an old school white. You're like the authentic first one. Yes. You know? We always buy her. Did someone push the cancel button on the... Quick. Quick.

We're going to need some clicks on this. Say terrible things. What's the name of the new special? Natural Born Killer. If Quentin Tarantino is watching, I don't know what you're talking about. Not killers. Yeah. Killer. You are, no, you're fucking absolutely an amazing comic to watch. So for anybody listening or watching, if you get a chance to see Jimmy live, that's where it's at. Are you touring the States at all? Uh,

I'll do it next year. I'll tell you what, has anyone listened to this in Canada? Yeah, of course. You know, I'm doing a thing with Jim Jeffries. No. Me and Jeff are doing an arena tour of Canada in September, October, and we're doing a double header. So it's me and Jim. So it's, if you like funny jokes, you're in luck. If you like funny stories, you're in luck.

That's everything. I think it's going to be fun. I love Jim. We've known him a million years. I think it'll be fun. He's a monster, man. He's a fucking monster. Get tickets. Go see Jimmy Carr, Jim Jeffries together and watch the new special. Dude, seriously, it's always fun to see you, bro. You are. I have to say this. We met you, Googled your net worth in Canada. Tom's like, Google his net worth. He's still doing stand-up.

And then I ran into you on the lot at, I think, somewhere in the Valley, Universal. Oh, yeah. And you were so kind. And you were like, Bert, Bert. And I was so impressed. I was going to a general meeting. And I was like, he's a fucking monster and he knows why. He was like, Bert, will you fill up my car with petrol? My keys. Make sure it's clean. Thank you. Yeah.

We're not all chimney sweeps. Not all of us. Can you do American accent? Yeah. No, I'm doing it right now. This is how it should have been. Things went badly in Boston. But we're coming back. This isn't even an accent. This is just how things sound when they're pronounced properly. Yeah.

Vitamin. How do you say vitamin? How do I say vitamin? Yeah. Vitamin. You don't say vitamin? Vitamins. Yeah, I would say vitamins. How do you say tattoo? It's... Tattoo. See, I told you I was saying it right. The tattoo. You do? Yeah, tattoo. Maybe I'll go tattoo. And then it's... What's the one? Aluminum. Aluminium. Aluminium, yeah. Are we saying that wrong? Well, the one that would be... I would say...

you would say pants. That's true. I would say pavement, you would say sidewalk. I would say, I'm an arm, don't shoot. You would say, oops. And then, if we were like, ah, it's a bit of a conundrum, you'd be like, it's a bit of a wiffle, isn't it? Something like that. A bit of a wiffle? Yes, if we've had a head injury, traumatic head injury, sure. Yeah. Yeah. He would say that. It's a bit of a wiffle. Yeah. Yeah.

You and Gronk. You and Gronk. Welcome to civilization. We can't send the two of you out, though. There's got to be somebody different.

There's got to be. If we just had you. Yeah. You're both wearing helmets. It's got to be like Jimmy and Gronk. What they should do is they should do a show called Jimmy hosts Gronk and Bert living together. And Jimmy's at a desk hosting. And just as we live. Oh, they've gone to the beer again. They're drinking again. Well, they're both in Speedos. You know what? You guys in a house. Cameras everywhere. Yeah. And David Attenborough.

The wildlife guy just comments on these guys. It's like we find the real Sasquatch. Yeah. I'm going to pitch out to Gronk. Two Neanderthals walking through the house. Yeah, that would be great. They're showering in the pool.

Do you shower in the pool? Shower in the pool? Get in the pool, shower in the pool? He showers in his... I shower in my pool. I mean, I know you're doing great in life, but I imagine you still have an above-ground pool. We had for a long time, we did. Everything about you says above-ground pool. Look behind you. Look at the poster behind you. Yeah, that's me in an above-ground pool. Yeah.

And that's celebrating. That's he made it. That's I just showered. Yeah. I was supposed to do that show with Jim Jefferies and he backed out because he was having a kid and I ended up doing Red Rocks by myself. Changed my career. I love Jim Jefferies. He's awesome.

You're the best, brother. Thank you, Jimmy. You're the best. Thank you. Great to see you. Thank you so much for having me on. No, of course. Thank you, brother. You're the fucking best. You're the best.