Our Big Announcement | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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Like Leanne's a top. She's a top? Yeah. How so? She gets on top of me. Okay. Is that what a top is? No. Top is the person penetrating. Yeah, no, I'm definitely the top. There you go. I top her every time. I top her off. Yeah. 100% Excuse me.

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if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, small more. And guess what? It's the two of us again. I know. What a treat. We're super excited because later this week...

Bertrand and I are going to be in Las Vegas for the big game at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. If you are planning on being in Las Vegas Saturday this week, you have a chance to come see us. We're super excited about these shows. But tell them the big news. The big news. The big news. This is the biggest news you'll ever hear on this podcast. This is the biggest thing I've ever done in my entire career. I am more excited for this than the birth of my second child. Sorry, Isla.

Bert and I have been working on something for a long time. When I say a long time, we're over a year and a half of the seas being kind of laid out of this thing. And we went through a really intensive, very involved process. Way more than I was comfortable with, to be quite honest with you. It's a lot. This has been going on for roughly probably four years where people were approaching us and approaching us and approaching us. And Tom being Tom said-

If people, if, if chicks want to fuck you, you should know that you can fuck. Let's take this dick out to market. That's exactly, that's a quote. And so,

We essentially were like, you know, you can sign up with people or you can do this yourself. You can do it on your own. And invest your money. Invest your money. Invest your time. Really commit. I mean, it becomes, it's your baby. You know, I liken it, honestly, it's like a version of saying like, do you want to ride it or do you want a ghost rider? And I've seen people have these types of babies before and have nannies take care of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we want to raise this baby. This is our baby.

This is our baby. If you're watching, this is your baby too. This is your baby. This is our baby. We named it for you. Yeah, this is like, you are the, you're the ones that got us here. And so Bertrand and I,

are launching our very own vodka. Yes. Poor Osos. Poor Osos it is. For bears. And what we have decided to do today is we're going to have a huge, huge, huge, huge,

what is it? Revelation, uh, invitation launch. Yeah. In Las Vegas, our soft launch. We are doing a huge launch and this for the fans. Yeah. Listen, we overshare, we tell you everything about our lives.

And we feel like this is a family. I know that you guys come up to us all the time and say, I feel like I know you because you listen to the show. Well, that's why we decided to do it at the big game because we're doing the show there. So we decided let's do a soft launch there just for the fans. We're going to have our vodka there for you to taste. We're going to have great fucking merch. I'm talking next level merch. Look over my left fucking shoulder. We're going to have great secret time. Tom wore our shirt when he did his half court shot. I did. I did. At the magic game. I saw it. I was like,

Oh, it's the dope shirt. It's great merch. It is great merch. It's an even, and I'm saying this, I know I should be, but I'm going to just tell you, it is an amazing product. Like we have, we have an incredible product. We got paired up with, when you do something like this, the goal is you go, who's the best, like who are the best people available to work with? So we did that. We sought out, we interviewed people.

We went with people that we felt like could help us develop the best product available, the best design. No slight to all the people that we talked to and we didn't choose to work with. Yeah, yeah. There were some great, great, great, great, great people. And to be honest, you just weren't good enough. So we got... Yeah, fuck those guys. We went with the A1 team. So we have... We're talking A1 on the next level. There's so much to get into on this. There is. I want to start... So what we're going to do now is do a taste test. We are because we have... So...

There's so much to cover. There's a lot to cover. And by the way, right now would be a great time to get yourself a drink. Get it, yeah. Get yourself a drink. Pour yourself a drink. This is the last drink of that old vodka you'll ever have because when ours comes out,

We're running trains on this shit. We are. We're running trains on this. I have to tell you, I actually really, I loved the process. Like you've seen, like everybody has seen products launch and to actually be involved in one was a real, like you actually begin with the design, like the, the actual label designs and the bottle designs. And that's a whole process. Like you are brought together.

dozens of like, this is the way a bottle can look. This is the way a label can look. Can we show them the bottle yet? I mean, we don't have to do it now. I think we'll wait for it. Because the bottle, I'm in love with this bottle. I'm in love with this bottle and there's little nuances that we, and we'll tell you what we wanted to do and what they wouldn't let us do, what the FDA would not allow. I was, I still think a butt plug cap. Okay. So, uh,

- It was really fun for that process, right? That's like the way it looks and like, but this is what the label will be like. This will be designed, the name, that was a whole process. Like what could the name be? - Well, we wanted to, because I was pretty adamant about vodka, but I love, for the longest time, I love that, I love the word osos and Tom's fluent in Spanish and when he said it, it just sounded like it wanted to be in my mouth. - Osos. - You know how like Latino guys just have their way with you?

Is that how you feel? We want our vodka to have its way with you. Yeah, and I think it's going to. We want you to wake up with our vodka next to you in bed and you go, whoa, what did you do to me last night, Osos? Here's the thing, man. The name can be great. The label can be great. The bottle design can be great. But at the end of the day, it's all about is this great vodka? And I think we have hit a fucking home run. Luckily, we have a guy that put in his 10,000 hours.

We did. This tongue does two things. Eat pussy and drink vodka. I still eat pussy. Persado is the name of the... Pussy I eat. The pussy you eat. It's also the name of the distiller that has one like...

R and D, uh, 100 award. Like this is like top tier, super prestigious tech award given out, but like the Boeing had one. Yeah. HP had one. And, and I, and I, and what I want to say is I had started this process in my life probably 10 years ago. I got approached by a bunch of vodkas, start a vodka, you know, the machine that made sense. And, and I'm a big vodka drinker and I opted out of it for two reasons. I opted out of it. Number one,

I could not... I did not like any of the vodkas better. And I just kept tasting them, wanting one to turn me and being like, oh, that's it. Like, vodka needs to be like a slick DM that you don't realize you have and then you catch it and you're like, oh, shit, Travis Kelsey DM'd me? Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, oh, fuck. Because you don't want it to be like the first DM you see. You're like, no. No, no, no. The taste needs to slide into you. And I...

And I'm super picky because here's the deal. There's a bunch of brands you're not going to get me to switch on. Yeah. Just very candidly, you're probably not going to convince me what kind of car I want to pick to drive or watch or sodas. Oddly enough, I'm pretty fluid on sodas. Are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can go back, yeah. Yeah, like I'm really into Shasta. Yeah. Shasta makes a great diet root beer, like better than any of the other ones. Sexual partners? Sexual partners. You can't switch me. Yeah. Yeah.

This is going to get a little cloudy and whatnot, but like, whiskeys. You're not going to convince me. It's hard to get me to...

There's a couple of legendary brands. Yeah, there's a couple of bourbons that you're just like, once you have them, you're like, this is it. It reminds you of talking to your dad and having a conversation. You're like, yo, I'm going to get... And then there's some that are just so hard to get. You're like, Pappy Van Winkle? I had that with Nori. By the way, we got to send Nori a bottle. We got to send him a case. But like those... So when we were talking about any of this...

I kind of knew vodka is where I wanted, where I wanted to land in my heart and out of all things. And we got approached by every type of alcohol you could ever imagine. And I kept saying vodka. And at first we said whiskeys, we both love whiskey. Yeah. We said, uh, we thought tequila, I got to tell you, I think the tequila market is saturated with such huge stars that it's hard to make a splash. And then, uh,

Gin I was like who the fuck drinks gin. Yeah, you do you and Ryan Reynolds sometimes I do sometimes I do but vodka has also been like it's always been there It's been consistent and I love having a vodka drink and if it's really good vodka I'll sip chilled vodka if it's really good. And by the way, Ryan Reynolds were coming after you. Yeah Oh, by the way, I just want to give a heads up Mark Wahlberg with a rock George Clooney George Clooney and his buddy Yeah, look like dumb and dumber on those motorcycles when we're done with that

them oh yeah we are coming out by the way we don't play by the rules you play by no more podcasters and comics we can't get fired we're gang we're coming after you motherfuckers all in good fun all in good fun the uh the fucking no no it's so the thing about it is they actually like you kind of because when we had this first conversation i was like yeah but are we just going like here's like

You guys made this vodka here, sip it. This is what every vodka distiller says. Yeah. You can't really tell the taste. And I said, I can, I drink vodka. You definitely can tell when you are going to a taste test and you start sampling. And here's the thing that'll blow your mind is going to a blind taste test. You think, cause branding is so effective.

you'll be blown away that you'll have a sip of one. You're like, what is this absolute dog shit? And then you learn it's one of the most famous brands. You just are conditioned to point at bottles and go like, yeah, I'll have that. Or you call out the name, you sip it, and then you're like, this is actually not good. These guys have developed this proprietary process for distilling vodka that is

will change the way you taste vodka. I'm not kidding. And it will change the way you live your life. And I say that as a guy whose brand is recovery. My brand is getting up and getting after it in the morning. I like to party, but I don't like to lose my next day. I want to fucking earn that day. And so, and so, uh,

When we were approached by them, I was hesitant at first. I told Tom, I was like, I've done vodka tastings. It's going to be a shit show. And then they told us about this. This is a... No, this is like premium stuff. This is like a non-GMO wheat. Okay? So those other brands, a lot of the most popular brand, they use corn. There's another guy named Bert that has a vodka, I think. I don't know his last name. Well, when you taste the corn vodka, you're like...

Because we had them in our samples. We had rows of corn and wheat. The one thing that stands out right away, wheat tastes better. And then you learn that wheat is more expensive. And wouldn't you know it, the more expensive one is the higher quality product. It does taste notably better. And the distilling process they go through, they blast it with nitrogen. They blast it with- It strips all the shit content out of there. And it leaves you with this unreal- Okay, so here's what I want to do.

I want to tell you that I've only taste tested this when I wasn't drinking. So what I did is I put it in my mouth, and I let it sit in my mouth, and then I spit it out because I wasn't drinking. So I got a real taste test. I got like the real taste test. You did. But I have not been able to guzzle the way we're about to. So what we're going to do here today, right here on the podcast...

First, I want you to try, now that you're actively drinking. Ooh. This is what, remember we had that party for people? Yeah. We had a, we had a Oso's party. It was just like, I don't know, 80 people or something like that. This is what was served there. You might not even remember. This is what was served there? This is what you have in your hand right now. Yeah, I remember that. I have notes, but I want to see if my notes are accurate for that. This is from that party. All right. This is wheat. All of this is wheat. Hmm. All right.

That's good. It's good. It's really good. Okay good. You would enjoy that vodka. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're not drinking the whole thing I'm just sampling. Oh fuck. Oh, okay. Okay. I'm getting drunk today. Go ahead get drunk. Hey, that's why that's right I've earned it. Yeah, I've earned my day. No, I'm fucking I'm fucking on it Tommy Okay, but here's the one I'll just tell you Zenon to fucking chase these we're just drinking vodka on our tongues. Yeah, do it this one is

I'll just tell you is sample B. Okay. Now you should be nice to be able to cleanse our palate. I need to cleanse my palate. Can you get me a diet Coke or something? Yeah. Yeah. Good call. Cheers. By the way, diet Coke's going down too. I'm just kidding. I'm going to, I'm going to have to, I just realized I got to break up with Tito. Yeah. I got to break up with Tito's. By the way, do it right now. You want to text her or call her?

I should reach out to them. I mean, I feel like it's going to be hard because they think that we're like, they think we're dating. And I've been, I've definitely been. You've been sleeping with her for a while. Sleeping with her for a very long time. And there was a period where I thought we were dating too. Yeah. But then I just started, I don't know. I started, my eyes started wandering. I started drinking tequila. Shout out to Casamigos. Can I swap with you? Thank you. I started drinking tequila and then I, and then I, and then every now and then I'd go back, but.

And it's like old pussy. You just go back and you're like, it's not bad. No, it's not bad. And then now, oh my God. What? Say it. I'm never going to say double Tito's and soda, big glass, no lime. Ever again for the rest of your life. Oh my God. That's like when you looked in your phone and you stole your dad's number and you're like, oh fuck. Yeah, can I call him? I'll never say double Tito's, big glass, no lime. Double Tito's and soda, big glass, no lime. I'll never say hi, dad.

I mean, I think yours is probably a little. - Little different. - But it's the same. Double T instead of soda. Porosus and soda, big glass. Oh, that ring, that rolls. Porosus and soda. - Double. - Oh fuck. - Double. - Well, they see me. - You know what you say? - Oh my God. - Now this is the sentence. - What? - It's double osos. - Double osos and soda, big glass, no lime.

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Double O's is a soda. Big glass, no lime. Double O's is a soda. Big glass, no lime. This? Yeah. True classic. You look jacked. Thank you. That's the way they cut them. Put your arms down. You look jacked right there. Fuck, you know why? Why? Because I'm healthy and I just drink vodka. Vodka's good for you. Vodka's really good for you. Look at fucking Vladimir Putin. Guy's killing it. He's doing a great job. Yeah. Guy's killing it. Who's saying no to him? You know, Winston Churchill. You think we can send him a case?

Do you think we can or do you think we will? Because I'll send it, but I mean, you think he'll get it? I'll deliver it. I'll hand deliver it. You'll fly over there? I'll fly to fucking Russia and I will, you know, they wouldn't let me do that for the movie because I said insurance purposes. We do not have insurance. We do not have to worry about that. We do have insurance. Oh, we do? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we definitely have insurance.

This is a real company, everybody. That Tom and I own. This is a real company. We have a lot of employees. This is like no joke. We had meetings every fucking week. But can I tell you something? What? Just the story, the video of you boarding a flight, checking a case of vodka and flying to Moscow.

And then they're like, what are you doing here? And you're like, I was dropping this off for Putin. And they're like, the fuck are you talking about? And watching you try to get it to him? I bet he knows. I bet. I bet. I mean, like... You have a strong Russian connection, dude. It's practically family. Do you think we could, like, maybe make some calls where they would arrange for... Without a fucking doubt, bro. I'm one of them. I half speak their language. As much as a dog does, I'll understand them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think... I think...

We should make a gift list of who gets these. Because Rock did that to me. The Rock's solid. The Rock sold Terra Mana so fucking well. I didn't even know there were other tequilas out, to be dead honest with you. When he would do a Terra Mana toast, and by the way, I did pretty good branding for Dwayne. No shit. Yeah, you did. Like when I was doing Terra Mana Tuesdays, and...

Because I would love drinking it after a workout, a glass of tequila. Here's the thing. We're going to make a list of who we're sending some to. But what's awesome is that there will be multiple opportunities for you if you want to try it. A, this week in Vegas. There's going to be Osos everywhere. If you're coming to the show, you're going to be...

presented with an opportunity for sure there. After this week, we're going to have multiple events in different cities. For sure, we're going to do one here in Austin. Yeah. I think we should do one in LA for sure. We should definitely do one in LA. We're going to do, can we announce the thing we're going to do? Oh, yeah. The live event.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing a live event, like a live podcast. Two Bears Live. The old school Two Bears Live. Yeah. The funnest, the time we saw Sweatpants Dick. Yeah. We should give him a bottle. Yeah. Owen Gray's getting a bottle. All the porn stars get bottles. Fucking bottles for porn stars. I feel like Mike Tyson with turkeys. If you do porn, prove it. Send me a video, and I will send you some porosos.

But it's going to be fucking black. And by the way, oh, we should have it at 5K. No brainer. May. May. 5K in May. Oh, and by the way, the follow-up phone call, you can say it now. Remember after we introduced that idea, the one thing was like, Louie was like, definitely not. I'm going to read it verbatim. I'm going to read it verbatim. So we get off the episode. This is a while back, but if you remember, we called all these comedians and we told them about this episode

we were going to do. And then we called Louie. And to just so you know, he was just like hard pass, soft commit, hard pass. The same thing. I'm definitely not doing that. We were like, all right, well, it was great to talk to you. And we hung up. And then he texted me. I wrote, you're the best. Thank you. And then he wrote, I will probably do that race. It would actually be a good thing for me to get ready for. So Louie CK's in. Louie CK's in, everybody. Okay. Radio silent from Kevin Hart. Is this the next one?

Hold on. Oh, you're a... Do we... We didn't hear from Kevin Hart, but... We should do a big drinking. We should... Kevin Hart did not reply, but my neighbor Neil just texted me. So... Oh, good. The restaurateur? Different guy. How many neighbors do you have? I mean, there's a few. It's a neighborhood. It's not one.

Yeah. So shout out also to Drip, our partners in this. Our partners at Drip are fucking absolutely awesome. Okay. This one, this sample is sample B, also wheat. Give it a shot. Give it a sip. Don't do it at the same time. I want them to see how smooth it is, that you don't gag. You can drink it on your tongue. And by the way, these are fucking, some vodkas taste like fucking sterilizing solution. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

I'm going to let it sit, too, for a little bit, okay? I'll go first. You're bubbling it. Dude. All right. Here we go. Come on. So that's the shit. That's the shit. That's the shit. B is the shit. That's the shit. The other one's good. It's a little spicy for me. This is a better. I feel a taste of pepper in the one we tried before, which I'm not in love with because sometimes I think that pepper, especially I'm a soda guy, I feel like it gets confused for contaminant.

Like when you, a vodka soda at its best is a morning drink, in my opinion, at an airport when you're just trying to get on the plane. That's when I have them the most. And that first sip, you don't want the vodka to yell at you. No, you don't want a punch in the throat. Right. You just want it to scratch the back of your arm and go like, hey, we're going in this room. You look cute today. You look really cute today. So my, my, my, my.

My neighbor who you referenced, because you do, you do look cute. I like the shirt. My neighbor who you referenced is a restaurant. Oh, shit. My stomach just cramped. I got a cramp in my stomach. Okay. All right. So I got to tell you this. This is true. Okay. So I'm going to, oh my God, I'm going to fucking. Oh,

abdominal cramps terrible okay so here's the thing all right all right but can i tell you this about this first i'm going eight milligrams new new lipper okay let me tell you let me tell you this you reference my neighbor the one that you know he's a restaurateur he owns a bunch of restaurants i sent him this he hits me up he goes i had my director of beverage come over

and did a blind test with five premium vodka brands. And he goes, this one, this was like his, for sure, his favorite. So it was the absolute best tasting one. It's that's well, so we did. So we go ahead. You finish. Well, this is the first time we're going to try a blend of these two. It's going to be hard to get. Not me, not loving that. Same. That's got hints of vanilla. It's got, uh,

It's got real warm vibes. You remember when you were a kid and your mom made you a milkshake and you were like, oh, it's good. And then your dad made you one and he put vanilla extract in it. And you're like, why is this one so much better? And he goes, I put vanilla extract in. And you're like, and your mom's like, it's just extract. It's just extract, but it's better. It's better. That's the...

That's the vodka that fucks with me. I love that. We did a blind taste test at Birdie Boy Productions where it's all women, 12 women. We all sat them at the table. We had all the vodkas out. I wasn't drinking it. I was just putting it in my mouth and spitting it out. They were all drinking it, and we put sheets, and everyone, we'd taste it, and everyone on a scale of 1 to 10 would vote for them. And...

Number two was the one we got, but unanimously was the first one. And I texted you, we got a winner, and you said, don't tell me. Don't tell me. I didn't want to know. And we didn't talk about it literally up until a couple minutes ago where he goes, well, I got A and B. And I went, well, which one did I like? He goes, you liked...

B or whatever. And I go, which one? Tom, like you, I like B too. We both loved fucking B. And I didn't talk to anybody about their preferences. I just did it. And to me also, by the way, for my taste, my palate, this was clearly the better one. Let's try the blend. Okay. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, shit.

With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. Let's see how it is. Let's give ourselves a second. We're going to get fucking wasted. Okay, okay, okay. I just put a lip in. Oh, is this? Mm-hmm. So this is a blend? This is a blend. I'm going to take this fucking thing out. I want to taste it for real.

All right. Oh, my God. I almost shit my pants. Oh, my God. We should have a Patreon where we explain some of our jokes. What's interesting about vodka is I haven't been partying a ton, but I've been allowing myself my nights. Yeah. We snuck a bottle of Poroso's to Philly. You did? Yeah.

I was like, I don't want to, I didn't want anything else. Like I gotta be dead. Honestly, I'm not slamming. I'm not gonna slam those big brands. Yeah. I'm only going to fuck with the people that we can reach to and talk to Mark Wahlberg, the rock, George Clooney. He's a good friend. Those aren't big brands. No, but those are, they're, they're fucking people. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm not gonna, I mean, I guess we should not go after the little guys and go after the big guys. Right. Yeah. Like fuck Grey Goose. Like I just don't, it is such an upsell in my opinion that like, and when I have it,

it, I don't, it does not knock my fucking socks off. No. It really doesn't. It's what I was talking about. It's what people go, oh, I know that brand. It's like, it's like the bartender or the, you know, server is like, well, which vodka do you get? You go, okay, I'll take that. We need to get fucking bartenders in our pocket. That's the key. That's the fucking key, Tom. You got to walk in there with it. It's just like, it's just like when they needed to move Coke from, from Venezuela to Miami. Yeah. It wasn't,

They didn't they they needed great pilots who are willing to take a fucking leap of faith and make a little extra cash kickbacks to bartenders Yeah, that's what we got to do start paying bartenders out of pocket. There you go cashola, baby. I'll do it Yeah, let's fucking get in bartenders get in free for all our shows. That's what we should do. Okay, great bartenders You gotta prove your bar. How do you prove that? I don't know. Hey, somebody just goes. I'm a bartender You're like here you go

Prove it. And the guy goes, hey. And you're like, all right, you're a VIP. What if he goes, next? You're like, oh, yeah, this guy's good. This guy's, yeah, I don't want to see you. We're going to get fucking wasted at the big game. Yeah. We're going to get fucking wasted. These are going to be all backstage. And let's talk about the celebrities we're going to get wasted, get them to say regrettable stuff and go viral. Oh, man. We need Pete Davidson there. He'll do that. He'll set it up. Pete Davidson goes viral anything he does. That's true. Yeah.

You know him good? I know him. I wouldn't say I know him real well, but I know him. I know him pretty good, but he's always got a new phone number. He does switch phone numbers. Like he's fucking. Like he doesn't care about anybody. I literally, at one point I had six numbers in my phone that were his. I've got two and I don't think he gave me the right one because I was standing next to someone that he didn't like. Really? Yeah. And I was edited out. Oh, the. Yeah. Yeah. And so he didn't give, I don't think he gave me the right one. I think it was like, oh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Because you're standing right next to him? But Pete Davidson, we got to hook him up. Yeah, sure. We just got to flood our buddies and our friends. Everyone that's running the 5K gets a bottle. Of course. Fucking Louie. No, the post-race party is going to be, we're just going to, you know what we should do? What? Fill a pool with vodka. That would be great. And wasteful. Yeah, let's do it. And then we'll get James Robert Champlain to drink it. Robert Paul Champagne? That guy. That guy. That guy.

He'd be into something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Robert there, and he's swimming. It's going to be fucking lights out, dude. By the way, we have big events planned, very big events planned to celebrate the vodka, which we don't want to announce now. By the way, the 5K was definitely not on that list, but it does fit the fucking- Oh, it's happening. It fits it. Because this is a vodka that you can-

And I'm being serious. The way they distill this, you can party your fucking dick off and get up the next morning for me to radio, work out, do two shows, get in the bus, have another sip, right back to sleep. We need to come out with marijuana next. Okay. We've got a company. Sure. We need to take over rap snacks. We need comic snacks. Comic snacks is a good idea. Yeah. But the weed, some edibles. Come on.

I'm all about those edibles, dude. Come oh so. Oh so. All right, let's try the next one. All right. This is. This is the blend. Clear your mind. Trying to clear my palate. I want to taste the blend. I want to appreciate the blend. I am pretty dead set on A. I don't know if I'm going to be able to fucking. You're not set on A. You're set on B. Well, you know, the one I like. This is the blend. You go first. Okay. I'm not going to tell you what I think. Don't tell me what you think. It's like we're sharing a girl like Mason Cameron. Go ahead. I have notes.

Number one, it's got a very subtle kick, very subtle spice to it. Not as much as the other one. The other one overwhelms me a tad bit. The A does, yeah. That kick, it kind of is like, it doesn't make a ton of sense, but it does like bacon on a Krispy Kreme donut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a...

What I love about the first one is the smoothness. The B. The B. The B is my favorite, the smoothness. B it is. Yeah. The blend, my ranking goes B, the blend, then A. Yeah. B first.

First place. Yeah. The blend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I go B, then blend, then A. Yeah. The B is just, and I'm being serious. This is something I can fucking stand by. I don't think there's anyone that's a vodka drinker that wouldn't love that vodka. It is so fucking smooth. And I'm telling you, the roundness of it.

It's silk, dude. It's silky smooth. And 100% got to give credit to these distillers for doing this. Because it is unlike anything else we've ever drank. I've never had anything like that. I've never had a vodka like that before. It's like, it feels like, it's like when you, you know, you have sushi.

Right. And you're, and you go, yeah, I like sushi. And then like for the first time, somebody takes you to a omakase experience at a, where the chef is Japanese and he actually goes to the fish market in the morning and

And you have that, you go, oh, I guess I haven't had sushi before. Yeah. This is a whole different thing. It's like public sushi versus, I'm from Florida, but public sushi versus the first time I was in New York and had sushi. And I was like, oh, this is like butter. Yeah, yeah. I see why. I remember I got so addicted to sushi, I would eat it non-fucking-stop. I bet you did. I would just stop. I bet anything that you do.

Like, take a liking to everyone's like, hey, man, you might want to chill on that. Is that 45 pieces of sushi? By the way, you know how much I love these these fucking nicotine pouches was this morning. I worked out and then on the way here, I couldn't find them in my car. And I texted somebody's got to go pick up nicotine pouches right now.

And then when I parked and they were on the floor, I was like, oh, it's all good. I'm fine. I'm fine. I wake up thinking about them. It's good for you. We should get in the big tobacco game. Nicotine, nicotine, nicotine. Can you imagine how much those fat cats must have been RJ Reynolds when he was like, hey, man.

I know the cigarettes taste good, but do you wake up thinking about them? Someone's like, yeah. It's like, what is that? It's like, I think they're addictive. And he's like, that could be good business. That could be cool. Yeah. That could be good for us. You know what we need to have? Brand ambassadors.

Absolutely. Without a doubt. Brand ambassadors. There's two dudes I follow. I follow a lot of, I told you about this the other day, I follow a lot of young dudes on Instagram that are like fun party guys, in shape, fun, get after it. They all love zens. Yeah. And they're going to love our vodka. Porosos. God damn. We need to come about this a different way. We need to go after the rock.

Go after him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like in a wrestling promo kind of way. Okay. Like really get him to appreciate us. Huh. Okay. Yeah. Oh, do you think we can get Brad Pitt to fall off the wagon? No. God damn it.

That would be great branding for us if we got Ben Affleck to fall off the wagon. I think we should probably leave the people who have chosen sobriety alone. It's so good. It's so good. Great story. Like David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger. Drunk, yeah. Oh, we need to recreate those commercials. That's funny. We should do that. You on the floor. Eating a cheeseburger. It's going to pay for your fucking college. Shut your fucking stupid mouth. You're like your mother. Yeah.

Yeah, I could do that. Yeah, we could really get into this. We could have my kids in the promos. That'd be the first. Oh. Yeah, we should really lean into underage drinking. So good a child could drink it. Go ahead. Go ahead. He's like. It's round. I like it. It's pretty smooth. I like it. Pretty good. Better than toilet water. Dad, it's better. It's smooth. I'm only going to sleep now, Dad. Fuck.

These guys are wild. Dude, the... They flooded our bathroom. Are you serious? Yeah. I haven't drank in over a week and it just kicked in. I got a buzz. It feels so good. It was leaking downstairs in my house. I love, I love alcohol. Two inches of water in our bathroom. I love alcohol. That was cool. Oh, it warms you. You know, weed is like a comfy blanket. I kind of want more B.

More B? I could do another B. I don't want to fuck up glasses. I wouldn't mind with a little ice. Ooh. Sip on it. I've actually never done that with this. Here, hook me up. I came upon this realization last night. Yeah? I got high. By the way, for all the bragging of sobriety I do, I have not been sober at all. I've been smoking weed almost every fucking day. Weed is awesome. Did you just pour it all in your glass? It's only a little bit in there. Give it a fucking blend. The, uh...

Fuck. I'll trade with you. Please. Jesus Christ. So, you're such a fucking dick. I didn't mean to, man. That's why I don't run trains on girls with you. Why? Because you're selfish. You're gonna be super selfish. Are you fucking her in the ass? I didn't know we could fuck you in the ass. And then you'd be like, hey, cream pie? I don't want to get in there. It's my turn? I'm like, can you do some jumping jacks? My bad, Bert.

If we were going to run a train on one of our wives, who would it be? What? If we were going to run a train on one of our wives, who would it be? If we were going to run a train on one of our wives, who would it be? Who do you think would be? Okay. First. Yeah. Let's like we taste tested. Okay. Who would be the funnest? Who? Okay. Who would probably allow it? Neither one, dude. Hold on.

Neither one. Who would shut it down harder? Probably Christina. For real? Yeah, dude. She would not be okay with that at all. Oh, she won't even give me your address at times. I don't think she would. I go, I'm coming over. What's your address? She goes, no. You're going to put it online.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because you do things like that. I don't put people's address online. You put yours. I did do that. Yeah. I did do that. That was a fucking big tactical error. Yeah. That was fucking... People showing up. How about your phone number? I gave out my... My phone number got leaked. But wasn't it just... Oh, you know what we should do? What?

We should activate the trolls, the people that hate us. Get them to like it. Oh, they're activated. What would you like them to do? We'll send them bottles of vodka. Oh, that's actually a good idea. We'll send them bottles of vodka and be like, just, you know, enjoy. Yeah. Enjoy with friends. Enjoy. Make friends. We need to get on Reddit. We need to get queuing on. We need to really lean into what we did with the Beehive and Swifties with our vodka.

We send it to everyone that's fucking active online. Do you think we can get Taylor to bottle? Fuck yes. She is 100% going to be at our show. 100%. Hell yeah. Dude, we're meeting Taylor Swift next week. This week? This week. This week. Yeah, this week. That's crazy. We're meeting Taylor Swift. Do you think she's going to make reference to that episode that you were like, hey, what if you're meeting backstage and she's like, who's that? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please edit that out.

Did I already said it, didn't I? Yeah. Oh, it's out there. Yeah. Ah, fuck. Ah, fuck. What if she does it? What if she's like, grab my hand, let's run. I was like, I can't outrun him. She's like, neither can I. He's going to catch us. It's going to be bad. He's going to bludgeon you to death. Yeah. He trains to hurt people like you. Yeah, yeah. We got to get Tay-Tay to have a little. Tay-Tay? We'll call her. I'm loose. I love alcohol so much.

It is so good for you. It is good for you. It's good for your brain. I think so. I can't imagine that any turn-of-the-century doctor would ever not prescribe this. Totally. And be like, no, I think you just need a shot. You know, that's what they used to give the guys that came in off-board. Just give them one shot and be like, you're going to be good. In 2001, it's what the old lady from Spain that I lived with during my semester abroad would tell me whenever I didn't feel well. Really? Don't like doing whiskey. And I was like, what?

She was just like, yeah, you don't feel well. Have some alcohol. This is what Leanne's dad's doctor told him about his AFib. Shot of white lightning and a peppermint stick, you're going to be fine. You're going to be fine, yeah. And he'll do it. Shot of white lightning and peppermint sticks. And by the way, you always do feel better. It's not necessarily healing you, but you do it and you're like, yeah, I am feeling a little better. You just did a shot. Yeah, you do. It does. It really rights your boat right away. Yeah, it does. It does. I was thinking last night, I got high before dinner.

And I thought weed is like a comfy, soft, like fur blanket. Like it feels good, but you're not really warm. Alcohol is like a heavy blanket that holds you down and goes, we're not going anywhere tonight. Don't worry about the thunder and lightning. It's going to be just fine. Yeah. I love getting loose on it too. Like right now is my favorite moment. This is a good moment. You know, I'm a big horse rider, right? So when you ride a horse. When did you first ride a horse? I don't know.

I trained horses. I trained with horses. You trained with horses. I trained. I ran Buffalo across Texas. That is the biggest bird statement you'll ever fucking hear. I ran them maybe a mile in Houston. Yeah.

But was this for a show? Yeah, for Travel Channel, Trip Flip. And you were good on horseback? Not originally. I got bucked off a horse in Costa Rica, and I had a real fucking freaked out thing around horses. Yeah. And then this guy, I forget his name, John something, lives in Texas. He has a ranch, and he'll let you go and train horses, like learn how to ride horses. And so he taught us, and he...

The main thing we had to learn at first was how you had to get your horse to trust you. So you had to go out in the pasture and catch it. Like you had to go out and catch a horse. It's very easy. You just put a rope over their neck. That's me riding a horse. That's my horse. Yeah. Look good. Yeah. I mean, you never feel more manly than when you're on top of a horse. But there's a thing about the horse, really,

Reads your energy so if you have fucked up energy and you take that to a horse the horse reads it and then he didn't Trust you the horse needs you to be confident much like alcohol if you go in to alcohol and up with fucked up energy Fucked up shit comes out. Yeah, but if you go in with alcohol It's just like a horse and it trusts you then good shit happens at night And so riding horse this is gonna turn into a brilliant fucking quote I bet this gets written in a fucking publication when I'm dead so

Now, there's three things on a horse you can do. Four, really. You can trot, you can gallop, and you can canter. Okay? They all kind of suck. But you got to learn how to do those before you can ever sprint with it. But sprinting with a horse is the most symbiotic,

perfect feeling you've ever had. It's better than great sex, I would argue. And I'll tell you why. The canter, a little bit of this. A gallop is uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. A trot is what you'd mostly do on a horse. But once you sprint with a horse, much like alcohol, when you decide to go fucking ham,

It takes control. The horse takes control. It says, don't feel the saddle. Don't feel the stirrups. Barely hold onto these reins. I got you. And you can see his neck moving as it sprints and your body gets into rhythm, just like great sex, just like great sex. Your body gets into rhythm with the horse. The winds at your face, smile, ear to ear, your hair is blowing. It's the greatest feeling you can ever have. Anyone that's ever ridden a horse at a sprint knows exactly what I'm talking about.

And that is why I'll never quit drinking. Because when you sprint with alcohol, when you really get after it and you have one of those nights, you don't wake up going, God, we cantered all night and just had a couple drinks and now I feel like shit. You go, we got after it. I want to sprint again. Cheers. This is the fucking blend. This is the fucking mix right here. Yeah. This is the fucking mix. This is nice just on ice. And I'm telling you as a fucking vodka guy, that's good on ice. It's good. You can have that in a paper cup with ice.

And you're not going to destroy the integrity of the paper cup. You're going to get to it way faster. That's so good. Oh, that's fucking nice. Let's talk about all our vodka. Oh, we need to make mixed drinks. Yeah, we do have to make mixed drinks. Oh, we got to make mixed drinks. Oh, we need a Kool-Aid and vodka. Kool-Aid and vodka. Screwdriver. Orange juice and vodka. Cape Cod. Soda water. Soda water is a go-to. Go-to. What about like...

What is that drink they make now? Isn't there like you pour some type of cider or you mix it with like a... Is it a soda water? No, it's not just soda water. There's something like flavored. Is it like a cranberry? That's Cape Cod. That's a Cape Cod? Cape Cod's... And you can do it with your real cranberries where you boil it on the cranberry and put down sugar and then put a little dash of lime on it. It's so fucking good. How about this now? What? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Whip it out.

Just pull it out and show everybody? Just pull it out. All right. There it is. That's our bottle. You're going to need to put something dark so people can really appreciate. There are the Osos. The two bears. The two bears. One's growling, one's smiling. Pick which one we are. Show them the top. I love the top. This is a cork is a honeycomb. Honeycomb top because bears love honey. They do. They do.

Should we walk them by we picked this bottle? Yeah, sure. So we looked at a bunch of different bottles. And in my opinion, this bottle is perfect. It doesn't ask too much of you when you grab it, but it lets you ensure you got a full night ahead of you. It does. It's just the perfect amount of heft.

The perfect design, hand grips it like comfortably. Yeah. It's not like, oh, how do I? And it keeps you honest. Yeah. See that neck. There's no vodka inside that neck. So you know what you're drinking. You know exactly. It's no misleading design. I've been there a lot. Yeah. We were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How buzzed are we? God damn. It's a fucking cool bottle. I'm so excited to be a vodka owner. Yeah. Yeah.

I love this. I love this logo. I love this logo. You have one bear with his tongue out, one bear growling. I love the... Everything about this, and by the way, painstakingly, we went through everything. This is not... This color right here with the two-headed bear right here, I don't know if you can see it, but you can see the two-headed bear standing. Everything about this. Bottle design, bottle choice design and label design alone...

was honestly like a multiple months process where you get, okay, how about this one? And then you give, it's like notes, right? You just go not to this, no to this, no to this. Yes, I like this. And then you get a new bottle. And all that is like a process to land on a bottle. And the same thing goes for the design, the way the glass, like the Osos name is in the glass. It's like it's etched into the glass.

Everything from the label. This whole thing is, like I said, a multiple months process just to land on a bottle, a label, the cork. Bert was insistent, actually. He really wanted this to be an actual butt plug, the cork. Because people collect the tops of Blanton's. Yeah. And I was like, dude, imagine all the promos we'll get of people shoving this in.

By the way, we came real close to having two bears butt fucking on the bottle. Here's the thing. This is why it's good to have me here. No, we didn't. We came so fucking close. The butt plug and the two bears fucking. It was so hard to turn away from the two bears butt fucking. Yeah, you were really pushing those. Special edition bottles. Yeah, yeah. And everybody in these design meetings was like, wait, is he serious? And Bert was like, no.

I'm 100% serious. Yeah, 100%. And all the marketing ideas, I've been 100% serious. Yeah. And they're like, Dad, we definitely absolutely can't do that. And I'm like, hold on. Because no idea is a bad idea. Right. We can definitely launch the Two Bears Buffucking over Gay Pride Month.

What is that, June? Did you know not all gay guys get fucked in the ass? I learned this at some point, yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, it is crazy. It's kind of selfish. It doesn't even make them gay, really. Some of them just fuck you in the ass. That's it. I could do that. Yeah. If I had known that was part of the equation, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm gay also. I get to fuck dudes in the ass? Sure. Sure. You're telling me I can go in and go, oh, I'd rather not be fucked in the ass. And there's one guy going, oh, I'll do it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you're a top. I did not know. I thought top and bottom meant just in the moment. Yeah. Like Leanne's a top, mostly. But I've been a top a couple times. She's a top? Yeah. How so? She gets on top of me. Okay. Is that what a top is? No. Top is the person penetrating. Oh, I'm just a top. Okay. Yeah. Clean up that verbiage. Sure. Yeah, no, I'm definitely the fucking top. There you go. I top her every time. I top her off. Yeah.

Sure, man. We get these to porn directors and just have them in the background. Just little Easter eggs. Yeah. Everybody in the adult industry is getting one of these. Everyone in the adult industry. Hit us up. Yeah. And that's the other thing. If you want to be an ambassador, if you would like to be a part of our ambassador program,

Just let us know. Yeah. DMs are open. You know how I've always operated. If I like a brand, I always mention the brand. Yeah. And that's how it works. If you like our brand, mention our brand. We'll see those. We'll hit you up and we'll be liberal with it. Like this is, this is a, obviously this is a financial venture. We both went into this with the promises of being billionaires. Yeah.

And we plan on that and wait until you see how reckless we are with money then. But more importantly, this is our money and we are going to be fun with it. And we are going to make sure that it gets into the right hands of the right people. And so if you're one of those right people, just post a bunch about us online and let us see that you're there. And don't say stuff like, hey, you fat fuck. I'm going to work out with you, you fat fucking piece of shit.

Day 279 of trying to get this fat fucking piece of shit racist motherfucker. To work out with me. No, no. It's not the right approach. We're going to Russia. We're going to Russia.

Find us, dude. I'm saying if you're in Vegas, come to the show. Come find us this week. Come hang out and look for the live events we're going to do. We're going to do them here in Austin. We're going to do them in L.A. Then we made the right choice. I know. It is B all the way. I'm being dead serious. And I would argue...

That when you have your first glass of this, you need to have it on the rocks. You need to have it just straight on the rocks. It's that enjoyable. It's as enjoyable. And I'm, and this is a big statement for vodkas. It's Chelsea Handler needs one. We should face. Oh yeah. Um, we, it's as enjoyable as like when you get an, an, a neat whiskey, it's that enjoyable, which is dude, when it comes to vodka, there's only two I can think of that I would ever, uh,

ever ask that of. It's just a tall order for vodka. You're not doing that with Absolut. What, neat? Yeah. You're definitely not doing that with that shit. I did that in Russia. There's like 24 traditional toasts that they do and you just drink vodka the whole time. I got fucking blackout drunk. We got to get some Ruskies involved here, stateside. We need the mafia. Okay, but we can also get just some notable...

Russian Americans. Alexander Ovechkin. There you go. Oh, let's, hey, type in famous Russians. How about famous Russians in America? How about famous Russian porn stars? All right. How about, let's see what famous Russians we got. No, no, no. Get off porn stars. They're all there. I have one that I just followed the other day.

Yeah. Pretty good. She was, I saw her Instagram and I was like, there's no way this chick doesn't fuck. Right. Yeah. So I go to her thing and it's like, she's got an only fans. I was like, pass. And so I went to Pornhub, typed her name in. Oh, first thing I see is her getting fisted in the asshole. Fisted? She goes hard. She's an ambassador. We're definitely getting her as an ambassador. I'm going to have to think about this branding a little bit, but. Donna Kelsey.

Would like to FaceTime Burt right now. Really? Oh, fuck. I better put my glasses on. She wants to talk because you said the moms go at it. I said the moms. Yeah. Our moms versus her mom. What if she sizes up? How tall is your mom? Yeah. By the way, she would wreck our moms. Yeah. You kidding me?

My mom drinks white wine until she passes out, and then you call her and she thinks she's in the middle of a dream, and you talk to her for 15 minutes. She wants to FaceTime? Yeah. Yeah, I think Peter's talking to her, and she should be calling any minute now. Why is Peter talking to her? I'm going to take my Zin out. I'll put one in. Oh, fuck. I'll put a new one in. No, I'm going to keep it out. It's 2.22. Good things happen at 2.22. Okay. I'm going to have a sip of vodka before this starts. Oh, we need to get the Kelsey mom wasted on vodka.

You think she's pissed? First question. Okay, real quick. Do a list of things I'm not supposed to say to Travis and Jason Kelsey's mom. Real quick? Yeah. Before she calls. I mean, just, you know how to talk to a fucking... She's a pro athlete, mom. Hi, Mrs. Kelsey. Hi, Mrs. Kelsey. Or Travis and Jason. What do you think Tom and I could beat them at?

Oh, good call. Yeah. Good call. Find out the weak spots. Oh, we're going to use this as intel. Yeah. To find out what we can destroy them in. Yeah. What can Tom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good call. Good call. Um, is Taylor as sweet as she seems? What's Taylor like? What's Taylor like? Did she sing to you? That's bad. That's not a good one. Tell us something. Oh, I know. I got a good one. Tell us something about Jason and Travis that nobody knows. And what were they like as kids? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What were they like as kids?

Did you know that Travis... I already know them. You're writing them down. I fucking know them. I'm talking to them. That's fine. Leave them up. Leave them up. Good call. I need another sip of vodka. Where's your phone? It's right here. I'm waiting for incoming. Where's the call? Should be any minute now.

I don't think I've been this nervous to talk to anyone, even FaceTiming Chappelle. That was so nerve-wracking. I'm fucking sweating right now. You want to go back to Famous Russians in the meantime? My heart's racing. Yeah, go back to Famous Russians. Okay. Ayn Rand? No. Ayn Rand? She's dead. Irving Berlin's dead. Hey, can you put in not dead Famous... David Copperfield's Russian? He's going to be in Vegas. David Copperfield's Russian? Okay, let's see. That guy's definitely dead.

Dead, dead, dead, dead. Edward Furlong? Here we go. He parties. Who's the guy without a tooth? We want him. Oh, your first call was good. Alexander Ovechkin. Yeah. His nickname's The Machine, I think. Okay, we can definitely make that happen. Yep. All right. Next. Next. Marisha Pova! Oh, Marisha Pova!

Fuck, no brainer. No fucking brainer. She was raised on vodka. Is she with someone famous? Is she married to someone famous? She's married to the guy that started the thing. She's like married to a billionaire. She is? Yeah. She's 6'2"? What the fuck? Fuck, really? She's only 36? Dude, you know how hot 36 is? Alexander Gilkes. He's like an oligarch. Really?

He's a handsome guy. He's really good looking. Oh, what's about, who's the one that's with Enrique Iglesias? The other tennis player. I don't know. You know what I'm talking about. What's his lady's name? Anna Kournikova. Anna Kournikova's Russian. Sounds Russian. She's Russian. Oh, she's married to Enrique Iglesias? Yeah. Dude, we need to have all these chicks. Okay. Hold on. Go back to the other list. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so she's in. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Irina, how do you say it? Scheink? Scheink? Yeah. Here in Bradley Cooper had a kid. Oh, her and Bradley Cooper. Oh, we got a dancing guy. We dance. We dance. All right. We got Baryshnikov. Dude, this is a no-brainer. This is a murderer's row of Russians. Okay, wait. Hold on. Pivot. So Mexican beer brands do not sponsor Mexican comics because they already drink that shit.

okay they only do white comics that's their internal branding secret time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wait wait i want to see the rest of this list though okay hold on yeah yeah done that guy's not he's done drinking go to the next one it looks like you want a hockey a bunch of the penguins for 15 years okay so he's a stud yeah we sent it to him for sure missing teeth that's who you want oh is he number one

Oh, okay. He's number seven. Oh, it was the other way. Alexander Ovechkin's our big white whale. Okay. All right. We just need one promo out with him going, hello. Hello. I'm Alexander Ovechkin. You might know me from such hockey games as when we played the Whalers. You know, you give me one million and I drink your vodka. You know what they did to him? You know what the mob did to him? What? They were like, hey man, congrats on getting into the NHL. It's going to be like $2 million to make sure your family's safe. Really? I think so.

And then Donna should have, whatever she says, you FaceTime her back right away. Kelsey, I'm ready to rumble at any time. Please contact my people. Just FaceTime her right away. This is the most aggressive FaceTime I've ever done. Yeah, but it's awesome. This is the most FaceTime I've ever done. You're going to be really disappointed. I am not Donna. I work with Jason. I DM'd you. Texting with Victoria.

Donna couldn't go on FaceTime because she is not, her face isn't on. So I said, let's text Bert, you dictate it, and I'll type it. Are you with her right now? I'm not, no. Tell her, tell her, tell her, tell her she is, my mom has not scared me as bad as she scared me. I am shaking right now and I'm drinking vodka.

I'm sorry to disappoint you that I'm not Donna, but I work with Donna and we were just trying to make it funny for the podcast. Oh, okay. It was awesome. It was awesome. It was awesome. Hey, tell her I got my mom an elliptical for 15 minutes a day. Okay, bring it. Awesome. Thank you. Sorry about that. That's okay. Bye. All right. Well, she's got a mediator. You almost had Mama Kelsey shit in your pants. I'm shitting my fucking pants. Yeah.

So what if we, what's a nationality that's underrepresented that if we give this vodka to, they will then bring it to their people? Like, so if we, say if we just start- What if we pivot from what you just said? What? What if we give it to the Mexicanos, man? I love it. They have a huge population here. They're fucking, they're like the greatest, hardworking, humble people. They love a good time. They love good food. They love celebrations. And they love saying things with an accent. And they fucking, porosos. Porosos.

Come on, what are we doing? Yeah, this is right in front of our face the whole time. What if they're like, I don't really fuck with vodka, but then they try this and they're like, oh shit, I guess I'm a vodka drinker. Porosos, para mi? Oh, we got to do a Spanish commercial.

Oh, definitely. Oh, definitely do a Spanish commercial. And then you just put up an impromptu and I'll just read it. I won't even know what it says. Yeah, we should do like a full production commercial though. Fuck yes. Yeah. And dude, we go into those little bodegas, those little like those good bars that are just a box in like East LA going with a bunch of, hey! Yeah, have some like MS-13 guys drink it. Like, it's just good. You can live. That's our ambassador program. 18th Street Gang. Sorry, that's more Mexican. Um...

So let's talk about when we sell this vodka and make billions. Okay. See how much you can sell a vodka company for. See how much like, see what Randy Gerber and George Clinton sold their tequila for. By the way, shout out, I can't really shit on that tequila. It's such a good tequila. One billion in 2017. That was like a hundred and, that was not a billion then. Wait, what would you do if you had a billion dollars?

Well, you got to pay tribute to the vodka. Okay. So I'd be spending a lot of my time with that. I would be drinking. I'd get it. I'm getting a yacht. I've already thought this through a little bit. Yeah. I'm getting a yacht. Uh, I'm going to probably spend the majority of my time in like the South of France. Oh, nice. And down through Italy, Italy, Italy. Uh, I'm going to be obnoxious. Really? Like really aggressive.

Like, if you think I'm bad now, where do you see me then? I'm going to be fat again. Very fat. Oh, very fat. Oh, yeah. You throw in the towel at that point. 100%. There's no way. There's no way you. Okay. What we should do. If we make, like, legit. If we make a billion dollars. How much is that? It's a lot. It's like, how many millions? It's one more than. It's a thousand millions. I thought it was a hundred millions. No, that would be a hundred million. Okay.

So a billion is thousands of billions? It's 1,000 of a million. It's 1,000 millions. Yeah. So we have 1,000 millions. Wow. Well, how much do you need? You only really need... You don't need that much. You need... Like, let's go... Okay. So how about this? We'll cap our take at, like, Rogan, like, 350. What does he have, like, $350 million? I have no idea what he has. Yeah, like, he probably has, like, $350 million. Okay. So we'll cap our take. One thing I'll say is, do not believe...

I know this firsthand from multiple people. Don't believe those celebrity net worth articles. They are never remote. Those are just guesses. Those people don't know what people have. Oh, I DM'd them. You DM'd them? He said, how much do you make? And I told him, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. So, but we got to give back. Yeah. We got to invest. I got to be honest with you. We got to invest in liver research.

Not only that, you could buy a whole bunch of houses for Habitat for Humanity. Oh, I'll buy South Tampa. There you go. With a billion dollars? Yeah.

I can buy theoretically, so it's 1,000 millions. Okay. I'll get $500 million. I'd probably get less than that, right? Yeah, probably. So let's say I get $300 million. Well, that's what I need to live on, so I can't really give anything to anyone. Yeah, that's true. Yachts aren't cheap. Google how much a yacht is. Well, there's a pretty wide range in prices. Really? Yeah. Yeah, you can... That's crazy that I already went through my billion. Yeah. This weekend in Las Vegas...

It's so fucking good. And I'm not, I swear to God, on my children, I would never steer you down the wrong path with alcohol. I'll lie to you a lot, but not about alcohol.

I'll call too about whether or not I drink it. The Poroso's is legit. And we will be Saturday, February 10th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas doing standup and launching Poroso's vodka. Please come out. Please find us. Please have a drink with us. Join the party. Join the excessive celebration. And then afterwards, I promise you we will have...

Events, you will see us pop up in multiple places, for sure in Austin, for sure in Los Angeles. Many more to come. That's it for today. I am plastered. I am buzzed. Let's wrap this up. Love you. Tom, I love you way more. Congrats. And thank you guys very much for all your support. You're the reason that this happens, so we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. Thanks so much. Thank you.

♪ Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert ♪ ♪ One goes topless while the other wears a shirt ♪ ♪ Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine ♪ ♪ There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean ♪ ♪ Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave ♪