Drug Lord Hall of Famers | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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100%. Hey guys, brand new episode of Two Bears, One Cave, and I'm so glad you moved back to Los Angeles. It is so nice to have you here. It's wild that your hearing is back. That's incredible. How did that, what was the treatment? Oh my God, that's what that is. What happened? You told that to... Nick Swartzen.

I told him. Do you know that I'm, I am better used on this show when I don't do the show? Well. And people just Google. I cannot believe, and I'm so mad at our guys. I'm having them get on it. Have not done a montage of all your ailments. But over, because it's.

It's really like a medical marvel because it is gastrointestinal stuff, neurological stuff. I love the guys like Spade and Nick Swartzen who just believe it. Oh, yeah. And then they see me out and they're like, hey, you're up and about. And I'm like, yeah. Stuart was really affected by it. He was like, okay.

- Who's Stewart? - Jon Stewart. - Oh yeah, Jon Stewart saw me at the Netflix party. He goes, "How you feeling?" - He was so empathetic. He was like, "Oh my God, is he okay?" I was like, "I don't know." And then I saw Dice and I told him about your autoimmune stuff and he was like, "Feel better, Bert." He was like, "He's a good guy. "I hope he feels better."

This is great. Yeah. You look healthy. It's good. I feel good. I feel better. I actually feel like shit today. From what? I was in Vegas. Oh, yeah. You went to the Sphere. To the Sphere. I've heard. I've heard. You haven't gone to the Sphere yet? I haven't gone. I wanted to check out... Who would you want to see at the Sphere? Well, I wanted to check out the Dead Show because I had heard so much and...

Brian, who I work with in Austin, has seen it, I think, twice. And he was like, it is un... He's seen a thousand dead shows, and he was like, it's the best thing I've ever seen. Now, I'm curious. I'm curious. Would you Google this and find out if the set list...

that they perform that night is the same as every night because I know the dead is like really notorious for every show's different but I will tell you the show I saw was the actual best set list you could ever get from the dead really it was so it was all deep cuts and then they played this one song for Jerry Garcia because it was his birthday yeah and that was his song how's he doing he's not doing good oh

By the way, the funniest thing that ever happened was Jelly Roll. And this is where I told you this. Jelly Roll finding out within an hour's time who Mitch Hedberg was and that he had also died. Oh, really? He's like, this guy's hilarious. This guy's fucking amazing. And David Tell's like, I got bad news for you, buddy. But it was fucking...

Oh, this is... It's the set list. This is the set list they played. This is man smart, women smarter. Mississippi half-steppin'. That was fucking insane. But the visuals are... That's what's... Lose your mind, right? Did you know about... I don't know if you sat... Do you know the section that actually moves? Do you know about this? That you can sit in a certain section that vibrates? Yeah, we sat there. It's fucking... It was fucking...

The UFC's going there. I wonder what that's going to be like. Is that Michael Chandler's fight? I don't remember. I know that it's an upcoming fight. Whose fight is it?

That'll be a good one. Yeah. I was just talking with a boxer about how good Sean O'Malley is. He's fucking awesome. How do you think they're going to do UFC there? Because here's the thing that they do. In certain parts, they just put the band up on the screen, which is awesome. And it's really cool to watch John Mayer just kind of fucking go off. Let's call him. Let's see if he appreciates it. You got his number? Yeah. We'll see. I know you love this, so I'll do this for you. Yeah, FaceTime him. Let's see.

You can tell him. I'll see if he answers. The Althea, Ramblin' Rose. I mean, they played. It was such a fucking crazy set list. They opened with Franklin's Tower. And these are all the songs I'd want to hear. Yeah. These are all my favorite fucking songs. This was yesterday? This was two days ago. Two days ago. Thursday night. And then we flew in yesterday. I had two beers on the plane, and they fucked me up. No.

That's crazy. Not answering. He brought you up backstage. Really? Yeah. He mentioned you. Good? Yeah. What? Some things you just keep between friends. What? Say it. We were talking about watches. Oh, yeah. We went back there in the second...

I walked in, I saw his watch, and it's his watch. It's his major AP. I was like, dude, I got to see that in person. And then my daughters just stood there, didn't say a word. Leanne didn't say a word. Me and him talked for like 20 minutes about watches and about just bullshitting. Talked a little bit about Chappelle. It was awesome. He's the fucking greatest. And he had broken his finger. And he played all the music. He played the guitar with these three fingers. He just kept his...

Yeah. He's fucking legit. I mean, that's, it's so great. I remember, I still remember doing an episode with you years ago where you're like, I would never let my wife meet John Mayer. Do you remember that? Yes, I do. He's beautiful. He's a handsome guy. He's got such a great head of hair. And he's like 6'4".

He's a big fucking guy and he dresses cool and he's got cool vibe and he's sober. Like all the things, all the things that my wife would love out of me. Just, he's got it all. So wait, why'd you get wrecked off of two beers? Cause you haven't been drinking a lot? Well, no, I haven't been drinking a lot. This, this launching our own vodka thing was a fucking misstep, I think in my health.

No one ever says no when you own the vodka. Everyone's like, yeah, please drink it. Put it online. We're going to be drinking today. We're going to Costco today. And then we're going to... Are we doing little sample shots for people? I don't think so. But I think there's an event later that we're pouring vodka for people. So you probably can have a few that find their way into your mouth.

Are you drinking tonight? I have a few. Yeah. Okay. Can you show me how to do that? Sure. Cause I, I try to do that. The first time I did what we're doing tonight, it went sideways for me though. So I had to like, this is a, you know, I had a rehearsal. Yeah. Um, there's this thing called water and you gotta like kind of, Oh, I'm getting my V's every other day. Every other day. Every other day. I'm getting my V's. I got one last night. I got two bags in me and my fucking head got clogged. And I was like,

Did your daughters enjoy the show?

They loved it. No, they loved it because they just made fun of me the whole time. I saw a clip. I saw a clip of them laughing. They just laughed at me crying. And they saw you with your hands clasped and they were mocking you. Oh, I get like this. I can't even. I was sitting next to an investment banker. I mean, I guess that's what he does. I don't know. Yeah. But like, I went over to the lady who was running the box. I go, who are these people? Are they promoters? Do I need to say hi to anyone? And she was like, that's very cool of you to ask. She's like, nope.

She's like, they're all venture capitalists. And I was like, cool. So I just sat down and this kid was a guy my age, cool shoes, nice watch. I said, I was like, he's talking to me. And I said, and then he knew who I was. And I was like, what do you do? And he started to tell me. And I was like, I'm actually not listening. I'm sorry. And he went, really? And I was like, I...

I don't know what that is. Yeah, so... And so I don't even really know what a venture capitalist is. Really? I really don't. I mean... I don't know. I want to go through my life not knowing it. Oh, okay. Cool, cool, cool. I don't think I've ever met one. I met one... Well, you have met one now, I think. I met one, yeah. Maybe a few. I think I have met a few. I imagine they're just dudes who call dudes with money, like Saudis, and be like, yo, can you invest in this? I mean, some of them have the money. For real? That's the venture capitalist, yeah. Oh, it's their money? It's their money. Sometimes. Sometimes it's a pool of money. Sometimes it's...

reaching out to somebody else for money, but they are financiers. All right, let's get out of this boring conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's talk about something I really want to talk to you about. Okay. I've been saving this. I've been saving this. Yeah. You grew up in Cincinnati. Nine years. How do you feel about Pete Rose? I love Pete Rose. Do you think Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame? Of course. Absolutely. I think it's nice. And so should Barry Bonds. Okay. This is my hill to die on. Okay. I think we need, because when you think about it, the Hall of Fame,

It's a fucking museum. It's a truck stop museum. It is. It's the biggest ball of yarn for baseball. Yeah. There's nothing real. That is where we celebrate the people that made the game fun. Yeah. There is no competitiveness. There's nothing that can happen inside. Once you've been inducted into the Hall of Fame, it has absolutely zero effect on actual baseball. Now, there's this weird thing that everybody...

Everybody who knows anything about the game knows that these two are Hall of Famers. Barry Bonds and Pete Rose. And Mark McGuire and Roger Duklan. Everybody knows this. Name the list of people that aren't going to be allowed into the... Give me a list of the people that aren't going to be allowed in. Do you want to know that there's a really crazy thing you can do? Which is... I switched to Barry because we were talking about... But there's this crazy thing about Barry Bonds where his stats... If you take away... I think he had...

let's say five or six or something like that, MVP seasons. If you take away his stats from all those seasons, he still has like 450 home runs and 350 stolen bases and nobody else has that. So that's if you deduct seasons. Wow. Yeah. It's, it's very, it's, it's totally insane. Dude. Pete Rose is the all time hit King. No one's ever, no one's ever going to beat him. Yeah. You, I watched, there's a documentary Joe list, uh,

texted it to me, I think, about Pete Rose. I'm really into baseball lately. Really? Yeah. And that's, here's the thing. Those fuckers in MLB, that is a sport that has declined in popularity an incredible amount. When you see a black guy playing baseball professionally, you're like, how did that happen?

American? Yeah, American. When you find that our kids aren't playing our sport, our national pastime, that is on the shoulders of Major League Baseball to get it fucking fun again. I'll tell you right now, the Dodgers are making it fun as shit. Otani is one of the most fascinating people to watch play baseball, and the fact that he can't speak any English, I just think is so cool. I love when there's a star that doesn't speak it and is kind of like, yeah, I'm not really interested either. Like,

You know, like Manny Ramirez. He was like, Manny Ramirez was the absolute great. The funny thing about him is that I believe he was born in the United States. But he just grew up in Washington Heights in New York in a Dominican neighborhood.

And he was just like, yeah, the boat needs to stay. And they were like, when did you get here? He's like, all my life. He went to PS 135 and still can't speak English. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Okay, so they should have taken him. I love the story that he grew up in Spanish Harlem. Dude, he grew up in... When did he get to the United States? This motherfucker... Wait, he's not listening to this. No, he's definitely not doing that. When...

In 85 for New York City. He was born in 72. All right, so he came in 85. So he was pretty, I mean, how old was he? He was 13. Motherfucker speaks English.

fucking third grade English. Like, he spent the rest of his life here and he just was like, fuck it. This documentary on Pete Rose, it's on Max and it's like a four part series. You watch the first one and your dick's hard. You're like, fucking, he needs to get into the Hall of Fame. Yeah. Then you watch the second one, you're like, okay, he's got some flaws. Yeah. And then you watch the third one, you're like, goddammit, Pete Rose, stop speaking. Yeah. And by the fourth one, you're like, just...

Who greenlit this documentary? He fucked a 15-year-old? What the fuck? What? Oh, dude. Allegedly. Yeah. Allegedly. He's like... And then someone... So it's really good, this doc? It's so good. I'll watch it. But you know, what he's got... What's fascinating to me is...

He was playing the Yankees and Mickey Mantle, my hero, Mickey Mantle, was making fun of him because he was sprinting to home base on like a walk or whatever. And he goes, look at fucking Charlie Hustle over there. And Pete Rose took it as a compliment. He was like, it's a badass name. And they're like, sure thing, Charlie Hustle. And then it stuck. It stuck as a cool name. And it's a cool fucking name. He defined his dad. This is the one thing I would like.

It connected with me because I know both me and you are like dudes who worship our dads. Yeah. And his dad one time said to him, he was like fucking all-star MVP. And his dad said to him, never stayed after his game so he had to get up and go to work. His dad was sitting by the car after his game. He's a professional baseball player. And his dad goes, hey, on that third at bat, you didn't sprint down to first base. And Pete Rose is like, I didn't. I missed it the ball down to second and I was pissed.

And he goes, yeah. And his dad goes, don't you ever embarrass me in this city like that again. And just left. And I was like, they don't make men like that anymore. No, that's not a thing anymore. Go watch Saving Private Ryan. They don't make men like that anymore. Or at least they do, but they fucking, I don't know where they are. I watched another Pablo Escobar documentary. They don't make men like that anymore. They really don't. We haven't had...

Really? Cartel kingpin? Topo. No, but I'm saying, but not like Escobar. No. Because Escobar owned the country. Yeah. And terrorized the country. And he doesn't get enough... Did he terrorize the country? 100%. He doesn't get enough credit as a terrorist because he's really not a...

Like, just like a drug lord? Yeah. He's a terrorist. He's a narco-terrorist. Narco-trafficante. But that's a trafficker, right? Yeah. He's a narco-terrorista. He's a terrorist. Shut up. He fucking, I mean, because you forget sometimes. You're just like, yeah, drug cartel guy. And you see that, you know, when he tied up the waiter and made him drown in the pool for stealing the spoons and shit. Yeah.

You're like, oh yeah, he's a fucking evil drug lord and planes and tigers and shit. But then you forget that like he killed 500 cops one year, right? He killed, he sent bombs into buildings that would just blow up. He blew up a plane. He blew up entire city blocks in different cities in Columbus and like caused hysteria. Like,

You know, like 9-11 causes like hysteria and they're like, you don't know what's happening. That's what terrorism is, is making people like not know what's left and right and having to... And he was just like, I will fucking destroy this whole country. What do you think happened to him as a kid that made him that person? I don't know what makes you... I mean, it's not one thing, right? Because like...

It's not just one thing. I mean, poverty is always what gets these guys into the drug trafficking because they're from super, super poor backgrounds. And then they see this way out of just... But like...

But that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, I mean. He has a messiah complex. He's a total psychopath. But it's a real fucking brain to be able to take over an entire drug trade and run a country. But the interesting thing is that he had an army of men that were like, you are God. They weren't like, you're my boss. They're like, you're God. You hear that downstairs? I want to change things around here. You are God. Yeah. I love that.

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at manscaped.com that's 20% off plus free shipping with the code bears that's B-E-A-R-S only at manscaped.com and you know like he made his top hitman just kill his girlfriend like he was he called him one morning he's the guy's in bed with his girlfriend and he was like killer and the guy was like fuck I really like her but okay

like didn't even, do you think we'll ever get a trafficker? Like, will you think we'll ever get someone like Escobar again? I don't think so. If you had to put, if we had a, like a drug traffickers hall of fame. So you got the Ochoa brothers. Yeah. You've got El Chapo. You've got Pablo Escobar's first round ballot. Yeah. He's the top dog. I don't think there's ever been anyone like him. You have, what about, what about Manuel? Uh, Rayano Felix. You have, um, El Mayo. They just got him. Um,

I always feel like I'd get along with those guys. I think they'd be, they're fucking charming. I think they'd love me. Yeah. I think they'd fucking love me. They're a good time. Yeah. Until... Well, just, yeah, just until they have a dog eat your nuts in front of you. But like, yeah, the, yeah, I think they're fun. They're fun guys. Do you think he'd, do you think Pablo Escobar would wake up with like anxiety? I think once...

Once it was clear, once it was like 92, and it was like, all right, we're done with this. Because he used to like, he had so much control. And once the whole government was like, there's only one way this is going to end. We have to kill this guy. And he knew that he has to be on the run and in hiding all the time. Yeah, I think he was a paranoid guy, for sure. There should be a Hall of Fame of just... Oh, wow.

El Chapo and the 12 richest drug lords of all time. Okay. And is the drug we're talking about is just cocaine? No, because he was, El Chapo was a huge marijuana guy too. Okay.

I could smoke, I might smoke weed before we go to... Al Capone, Griselda Blanco. Griselda Blanco. God damn, $2.26 million. Billion. Billion, billion. Yeah. Carlos Lader. Yeah. He's the guy who founded that island in the Bahamas, right? Yeah.

It's funny, he's a sidebar story in Johnny Depp's movie. Yeah. He's like a sidebar story. Yeah, and he has this. But then you realize, oh, he's a main character in a different story. Oh, for sure. The Orejuela Bros from Cali. How do you say that? Oh, I ran into a bunch of your Mexican dudes. Where? That you toured with in South America. Really? Yeah. Fuck, I'm sorry, guys. I can't remember names. Where? Where?

at the store that we were just sitting there and and One dudes from Mexico City I think mm-hmm and and or maybe from Chihuahua, but they were breaking down. They were breaking down How oh no one guys? I'm sorry one guys from South America from Venezuela, okay? I think you know that guy Yeah, yeah, yeah

They were like, yeah, it's crazy because our Spanish is so different than when I go to Mexico and do it. Like we speak faster or something. Way faster in their accents. That's, um, is that the Escuela de Nada guys? That podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you pull that up? Escuela de Nada? That's a good name for a podcast. I think that's what it's called. Pull it up. C-U-E-L-A and then space D-E-L-A.

and then n-a-d-a n-a-d-a podcast i think that's what it's called look at by the way look at kunsa yeah this is them yeah yeah i think so yeah yeah yeah yeah and they do that all in spanish yeah yeah it's it's a they're look they have 600 000 subscribers they live in uh uh hit that more button there right uh scroll up to the right there where it lists the names there yeah

Yeah, yeah, so you probably met Nacho Redondo. Yeah, I think so. He's a really good comic. Yeah, he's from Venezuela, but he lives in Mexico. He told me the first time that he did stand-up in Mexico that everyone was like, what? Like, no one knows what you're saying. He was like, no one knows what I'm saying. And they're like, your accent is so crazy. And you're speaking way, way, way too fast. So, yeah, you have to learn. It's like when a Scottish guy comes here. I was just about to say. And you're like, huh?

Like, it was like that for him. Wow. Yeah, I think that's... So, Leo Rojas. No, it's okay. Leo Rojas, Chris Andrade, yeah, and Nacho Redondo. Yeah. But I think Nacho's the one who does the most stand-up. God. The, uh, go back a page. There's a, there's the first Asian on that list of drug dealers. Oh, oh, right, right, right. Kun Sa. Nope, nope, sorry.

Cool. The opium king is the most successful drug lord as he retired. And he enjoyed his wealth for a good 11 years. That's the dream. Yeah. That's the actual dream. His children, they all live in Miramar. His children are wealthy business people in Miramar. You set them up. You set them up. You take the hit and you go. I told you. Hold on. Scroll. Let's revisit this guy in a minute. Let's see the rest of the list.

The Ochoa Brothers. Yeah, they're gangsters. Daiwood Ibrahim Kaskar. Who's that? Oh, that's a fucking guy. Indian guy, 7.57 billion. He's been number three on the FBI's most wanted list, so he's probably not a nice guy. Simon Mogilevich. Oh. Very elusive. Yeah, he says, Colombian drug lords are probably very envious of Asian gangsters and drug lords because this guy lives freely in Moscow.

Just hanging out. He's got $10 billion. And then Amado Carrillo Fuentes, $28 billion. So that's the key, to be the guy that you don't know his name, but he's got $28 billion. That guy did the drug game right. And I remember this story because this is the guy who died after plastic surgery in 97. He was trying to change his appearance. And he died because he probably got shit. I went to somebody.

Not good. And he died. And then what is the number one? It's got to be Pablo, right? It's got to be. It's like it's going to be a morti, whatever, amori. What's the word I'm thinking of? Yeah, I know. Yeah. Where they tell you what money was back then. Yeah, yeah. 33. 33 billion. 33 billion.

Okay, let's go back to that guy because we got to look this guy up. I had a guy tell me he was going to change my appearance one time. I remember there was a, wait, was this for your teeth? My teeth. Yeah. And he was going to break my jaw. Oh, yeah. Look up Kun Sa. Let's look him up. And he was like, I remember saying, is it going to change what I look like? And he goes, absolutely. Yeah. And I was like, well, I kind of make a living off looking like this guy. And he's like, you want to look like that?

And I was like, what? And he was like, you got a jawline? Like, don't you want to? And I was like, no. I was like, I have to look up. Oh. I would, I'd never. No, you'd walk past that guy every time. I'd walk past him every fucking time I'm in Burma. And look, it's just like the Colombian and Mexican stories. Born in a village. He received military equipment and training from both the Kuomintang and Burmese army. Okay. And he's, yeah, early life. Let's see. Born to Chinese father, Shan mother.

Then let's see. So he's part of a military like a militia leader Yeah, so and then he just kind of learns that this opium thing is pretty In 1983 starts as he basically starts a gang his called the Home Guard and he took control of the entire Northeast Burma Army

And then basically at that point, you're like, there's no rules. People start going, hey man, this is what we're going to need you to do over there. And he's like, I think I'm good. And the other thing is that because of the Central and South Americans' proximity to us, they're always like, oh fuck, the Americans are right here. But when you're in Asia, they're like, it's not a fucking issue over here. That's where you want to do it. If you're going to do drugs, definitely Thailand first.

I mean, here's the deal. So, but every story you hear about anyone getting caught with drugs in Thailand, it's a nightmare. But then this guy's worth $23 billion. Fucking insane. And no one's fucking with him. And the fact that he got to just retire like a regular guy and just be like, well, it was a good run. Hey, kids, I set you up for life. Yeah. And his money's clean now. I also set up your great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren's for life.

If people ask why I work so hard, it's because I want to be like this guy, but for comedy for my daughters. Yeah. They're not going to make any money. They're women. Surrendered and retirement. Yeah. I'm taking it easy. So he exported his heroin through a network of underworld contacts and brokers based in Thailand, Yunnan, Macau, Hong Kong, and Singapore. Once he sold these products to these dealers, he had no control where they were transported. What do you want me to do? I'm not fucking charged. Um,

Hey, it's not in my hands. I'm not a bad guy. I'm just selling stuff. In public, the Burmese military claimed they wanted to hang him. Hey, I was up here trying to make you laugh. What are you doing? Come on. I'm just goofing around. Why are you breaking my balls? So...

Okay, he surrendered in 1996. He gave up control of his army, moved to Rangoon with a large fortune and four young Shan mistresses. Four. Following his surrender, opium production in the Golden Triangle declined. So, see, he was like, I was an effective leader. During his retirement, he became a prominent local businessman with investments in Yangon, Mandalay, and...

after his retirement, he described himself as a commercial real estate agent with a foot in the construction industry. He ran a large ruby mine. He invested in a new highway system. I mean, this is literally, like I met a guy one time on a flight and he was like, what do you do?

And this was, I was like 21 and I was like, I work in production because I was doing like production stuff. And I was like, what do you do? And he was like, I own an electrical company. Like we do, like I'm an electrician, but I own my own company. I was like, oh, how'd you do that? And he was like,

I sold drugs for like two years and I took that money. So there's always that thing for people, they go like the stripper who's like, I'm just paying my way through college. And then there's the one who just goes, and then I just never left. And there's the one who's actually like, no, I actually used that money to go to college. And that guy that I sat next to was like, I sold Coke, made a bunch of money, started this business. And this guy did it, but with billions of dollars. He was like, now I buy highways.

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That's what they said Pete Rose did. Yeah? Pete Rose, they're like, one of the accusations in the documentary was they're like, he was like, I guess he was down on gambling debts and he was like, "Hey, what's a quick way to make like 100 grand?" And they're like, "If you give us 100 grand,

We'll give you another hundred grand. We'll just invest in Coke and we'll bring it up here. And he was like, sounds like easy money. Fine. And then Pete Rose was like, that never happened. And like nine dudes were like, it totally happened. Every story Pete Rose has is like, I mean, it's so fucking great because they're like, you met those guys at Gold's Gym. He goes, I've never been to Gold's Gym. And it cuts to a picture of Pete Rose at Gold's Gym. And then they're like...

Like, you never worked out at Gold's Gym? And he's like, no. And then it cuts to an interview. I've been working out at Gold's Gym. And then it goes, so you never worked to try to get yourself healthier? And he's like, no. And then it cuts to another clip of him. So I'm getting healthier. I'm getting stronger. I've been working out with these guys. And it's all the dudes that are saying they fucking... But I think you start to, like, I think now what that is, is that he's...

You need a mission in life. You need a goal. I think his goal is just to get in the Hall of Fame. It's his goal. And I think he should have that goal. And I think it's a fine goal. I haven't told you the worst parts about B-Rose yet. Well, no, but what I'm saying is you start to do...

Like, I think the lot like him lying about that stuff in his mind. I don't think he's even lying. I don't think he's I don't think he's lying at all because he's dissociated with so many things that he's probably done. Yeah. That he just goes like all that is made up. I really think I like I this is going to sound crazy, but I identified with a lot a lot of parts of the way his brain remembers history because like I was talking to someone the other day and they're like they're like they were talking about meeting like Arnold Schwarzenegger or something. And I was like, that would be so fucking cool.

And then someone's like, you met him. And I was like, I did? Yeah. And like, you worked out with him. I was like, oh, I fucking did meet him. Oh, I forgot about that. Like, I really can't remember. Yeah. Like, if you said, like, I've been working out straight now. Straight. Straight. Not gay. Not gay. I've been working out legit for like two, maybe three years, working out every day. And I just started losing weight, you know, a year ago. Someone asked me the other day how long, that trainer that I met, how long have you been working out? I said about a year.

And someone was in there and they're like, that's not accurate at all. I was like, no, I was pretty fat. And they were like, weren't you working out when you were fat? And I was like, oh, I was. What do you weigh now? 230. That's good. I don't know. Someone said, what's your goal? And I was like, I don't have any fucking goals. I think actually...

That would be a good thing to have. A goal? I think so. For working out? I think so. I don't know. I don't really. You'll chase the goal. My goal was, you see that Feidelberg got into the 1,000 pound club? I did not. Oh. What was that with his bench squat deadlift? Bench squat deadlift. Just pull up. He thought he could bench 300, which I think I might be able to bench 300. Yeah, I think you can. And that's the, once you can bench 300, squat would be tough, but I think I would make it up on deadlift. Well,

what do you what do you think you can do i definitely can deadlift 300 so but i think i can maybe deadlift 350 i don't know what's like a heavy deadlift what would you deadlift um i really don't deadlift see even when i say this i do deadlift i don't buy but when i'm telling you the thing i don't really deadlift and pay attention to the weights because they're not the weights i have they're all they all look like 45 but it's a different way of training though what you're talking about is different way of training if you're trying to hit

Like, it would be impressive if you can just pull four. If you're not there, to pull five would take training, but it's training towards pulling five. You know what I mean? It's not going to be like, go in there, put 225 and do, like, sets of 10. So it's how you approach. That's why I'm saying a goal is good. If your goal is to do that. So what's your goal with working out? My goal is just to be healthy. Even saying that.

I only work out to offset my bad behaviors. I'm actually... My goal right now is body fat percentage. Really? Yeah. So I'm trying... What is your goal? I like that because it's a thing that's very tangible. There's no lies in it. It's not like... I don't have a desire to... I can't even do certain things because of my nerve stuff in my arm. So it's like...

I just, I'm like super disciplined with my eating and my training. You're right. Having a goal is fun. When you were saying I want to break three, 30 minutes on the 5K, that's a good goal. It's a goal. You just set goals. My goal really honestly was just to bench a lot. I love bench. I think it's the funnest fucking thing. Yeah. And especially when- Have you used a Kabuki bar?

Those are fucking right because the regular barbell is not good for my shoulder. What's a kabuki bar pull up a kabuki bench bar I'll tell you what I got coming to me is a catalyst vest. Yeah. Have you seen these? I don't think so I also got what's the fucking mirror Tom? There's a fucking mirror that you can work out with a mirror. Yeah, it's a fucking badass I just got one of those what tonal a tonal this yeah. Yeah hit that first one. That's a that's a kabuki bar. Oh

Whoa. So you don't grip like this. You grip like this. And it's much better on your shoulders. Really? My shoulders are fucking awesome. There you go. Like that. All right. I'm getting a Kabuki bar. I love, I, I, I, I do not like stretching, getting into the gym and stretching. I fucking hate it. You hate stretching? I fucking hate it. You do warm up, right? I warm up, but I hate it. Uh, I enjoy the, I enjoy, uh, like the AMRAPs, like, uh,

Enjoy am raps and e moms. I love every minute on the minute seems to me like very I can wrap my head around it Yeah, that's good. And so and I like that. I like I love fucking around kettlebells wait So hold on you said we got off track with his thousand pound club Okay, so you said you can probably bench 300 and you think you could definitely pull 300 on a deadlift So that is okay that leaves 400 pounds. Oh

So what did he do? He didn't... He squatted more than he thought and he deadlift more than he thought. But he benched, I think, 285. So what did he get on the other ones? I don't know. Let's fucking just call him and tell him to get his real numbers. Okay. God damn it. I'll tell you one of my goals is to get my vision back. Your hearing's back. What? Your hearing's back. That's great. You're almost there. Fucking I hate people that have names like Feidelberg and you have to figure out if it's I-E or E-I. The fucking evil laugh.

Did you see, I'm following everyone over at Barstool these days. Like, their stories are so fascinating. Kevin just bought a new house, and he did a tour of his house. Yeah. It's really fucking fun. And then the next day, the very next day, Dave Portnoy does a tour of his house. Yeah. And I'm just like, these are the fucking coolest houses I've ever fucking seen. Fucking Feidelberg. He owes you. He'll call you back. On Two Bears talking about the Thousand Pound Club FaceTiming.

So aggressive. Someone just FaceTimed me the other day, and I was like, nice. Yeah. I forget who it was. Gabby messaged me. Oh, we ended up live streaming that volleyball match. Did you? Yeah, but Gabby couldn't make it. She had a prior commitment with her family, and I had two. I had like the most. One guy that was in the Olympics in 2020, Tri is his name, and then another dude, Travis, who is the number one commentator for beach volleyball. And we had them on. We did it live streamed and out back. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think we put it up on YouTube. Were you really into the Olympics? I'm so into the Olympics. I'm fucking, like, I got invested in, we did that podcast and I was like, the sports I don't know anything about, I'm going to get into those. Dude, fencing is so fucking cool. You like it? I watched that girl win the fence, just smoke bitches. And then I was heavily invested in,

Japan versus Korea in archery really women's it was so Fucking cool. Did you get a whim of that guy the Turkish shooter the guy who wears no glasses or anything? No, what was his I saw the picture? Yeah, so the funny thing is everybody has these crazy modifications to do the shooting like that's like pistol and and then he has he just had earplugs and his regular like these glasses and

He's Turkish. Shooting, like pistol shooting. It's everyone, it's the Olympic shooter there. And yeah, that's him, Yusuf Dikec, I don't know how to say his name. But he has hands in his pocket. If you back out of that and you just hit like images,

Yeah, so, like, everybody else has these crazy contraptions on to, like, block this eye. He's like, I don't need it. And then they found, I guess in 2011 at Worlds, he won gold, and he didn't even wear earplugs. He was just like, boom. Boom.

It's fucking, so everybody has just like, now he's doing like fun stuff because everybody is, you know, he became like a meme. I love the issue they're having with the quote unquote, I guess, trans boxer. I don't know. I don't know. I feel so bad for this woman. For that, yes. So, so.

This is how, but this is why misinformation is such a crazy fucking thing, right? Everyone's like- This is what's wrong with everyone having a goddamn fucking agenda. Everyone's like, oh, this Italian girl got beat up by a fucking guy. And then she's like, I've never felt punches like that. And so everyone's like, that's because it's a guy. And then you find out- Immediately it fits into someone's narrative. Yeah, they're like, there you go. There's a problem with trans athletes. This fucking poor, she's Algerian.

She's a, she's now, she's born a woman, raised a woman, been a woman, identifies as a woman, has a female passport. And, and she just has like a kind of masculine features. She has a lot of testosterone apparently. Well, so that might be a thing where you go, okay, is she doping? I don't know. I'm not going to accuse her of doping, but,

she's just a fucking woman, dude. And everyone's like, fucking trans. And this poor lady is like, I'm not trans. I was fucking, I just, I'm not hot. And you know, she's like, just fucking, is that my crime? That I'm not a hot woman? Are you trans? She's like, no, I'm a four. Yeah, just,

But, I mean, here's the... Okay, I don't know if this is... I don't know what side of the argument this lands on, but, like, aren't you always going to have fucking superior... Like, Shaq is... A man. Is a man. But he has to have more testosterone than me. Fucking hope so. I mean, right? Like, fucking...

Like, you look at all those high-level athletes, and then that's the thing, is, like, you're going to get some bad bitches who are next level. Yeah. Also, you just do have certain... If you're taking the pool of people in the world, there's 8 billion people in the world, there's guys that just have very feminine features. They look feminine. There's chicks with big... And there are chicks like that, and there's chicks who have, like, strong jawlines. There's just some out there that you're, like... I have a friend who fucked a...

I don't want to say her name because I'll say it but just edit it out I have a friend who fucks and they said going down there was like sucking a dick it was a big that's fucking awesome and so you have to know there has to be some stuff I was just in the airport and I see this beautiful woman carrying a guitar like long brown hair and I was like she's gorgeous and I just get close and I'm like oh that's a guy laughing

Like, I was just like, wow, you're beautiful in my head. And I was like, that's a guy. That used to happen to me a lot. Used to? Yeah. Used to happen to me a lot. When your vision was better? No, when I was into, like, younger chicks. Uh-huh. I'd be like, ooh, who the fuck is that? And I'm like, that's a 13-year-old boy. That's good. Yeah. I feel bad for this Al Julian box. I do. Especially at the thing you train your whole life for and you achieve it. And by the way, her...

Not socially accepted in her own hometown. Because she wanted her to play soccer. Yeah. And she was like, no, I want to fuck people up. Her dad didn't let her box as a youth because he was like, girls don't box. She's like, come on, dad. Yeah. She's like, do you see my dad? It's huge. Watch me fuck this bitch up. Let's go back to this thousand pound thing. So if you think you can do a 300 pound bench, hold on. And pull, you said you can pull 300 pounds, which I definitely think you can. Well, that's...

That's 600 pounds. So can you do a 400 pound squat? Oh, wait. Why was I thinking it's all 300 pounds? No, I cannot do a 400 pound squat. See, I think it's more likely to get a 400 pound pull so that you're at seven, but then you still need a 300 pound squat. I don't know if I can squat 300 pounds. I don't think you should just see if you can. I think you should work your way up. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I thought a thousand pound club would be really tough. Feidelberg did it. He fucking did it. I know. Feidelberg's a sneaky athlete. Hit that thing again. That one in the middle. Yeah. Let's see this. It doesn't have, they don't say what it is. They just kind of meant like, I can't, I don't know what we're doing. I went full meathead and try. It says tried to join, but did he join? I think he did. Okay. He went back. He went back. He was like, I know I can bench 300.

And he went back a couple times trying to bench 300. I think he got like to 290 membership status achieved by having a combined one rep of 1,000 pounds in squat, bench, and deadlift. But doesn't mention, it's so annoying that it's not individually listed. Of course the comments are like, that squat doesn't count. Oh, yeah. I can't make out what it is. I don't know what it is.

I do love when you see something like this and you know you're not going to be involved in these comments so you can get into the comments. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. And you're like, nice. It's amazing how fucking funny a shitty comment is when it isn't you. Oh, yeah. I know.

It really is fucking, it really is telling of my personality that I have to, that I do enjoy. Like when you go to the things and like when you see the dude, you know, the dude with no neck and it's all chin. He's in his car like this. Yeah, this motherfucker's like melted ice cream. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Comments are the funniest fucking thing in the world. They really are. I got to be honest with you. They really genuinely are like funnier than me. Like where I read them and then you see there's like anything with the neck of that guy, that guy with the neck is the neck. Everything's like has a neck pun to it. It's very, it's very good. It's very good.

I know, I lose myself in comments all the time. Can I tell you who I was obsessed with? The guy I did a deep dive on last night laying in bed? Who? Harry Houdini. Harry Houdini? Yeah. I did a deep dive. I was like having, oh, look at that. Oh, yeah. These are all of them. But no, none of them are the one I'm thinking of, though. There's a different...

He's like a TikTok guy, right? He's kind of like reddish hair. It's got to be crazy to be a TikTok guy. TikTok fat neck. TikTok fat neck. That's got to come up. There he is. Fat neck guy. His name's Fat Neck Guy? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, go to his comments. Seen my ups. Y'all seen my downs. Y'all seen my happiness. Y'all seen my sads. We are on the way to pick the truck up.

Yeah. You're my favorite Star Wars character. What do you eat to maintain that level of fitness? World's strongest car. Yeah. I do love the people that jump in and they go, why does everyone need to be so mean? Yeah, always. I love those people. There's some nice people really out there. There are nice people. They try to balance it out. What percentage of the people you think are nice? Do you think you're nice? I think most people are nice. Do you think you're nice? I think I'm pretty nice, yeah. Yeah? I think people don't know how nice I am. Really? I'm genuinely very nice to people.

On a day-to-day basis, I'm nice to everybody that I run into. Okay, let's do this. I would like you to order a coffee and I'll be a Starbucks employee. Oh, I'm super polite, man. I'm always like... Not polite, I'm different. I believe in being polite, though. No, I'm polite, but I try to change their energy and I want them to laugh and smile. Oh, I see what you're saying. So if I'm ordering a coffee... Yeah, but I always say I love you when I order a coffee.

So that's very nice. It's pretty nice. Yeah. And you get a lot of different reactions. I'll tell you where I don't get nice. In Vegas sometimes. In Vegas, because Vegas is so polarizing. You go to a place and there's someone waiting. Especially, you know, because we perform in Vegas. Yeah. Someone's waiting and they're like...

I'm going to fight over just said to call him. Vegas is polarizing. She go and pull up to the hotel and there's a representative meeting. Mr. Chrysler, the guys who open the door. Mr. Chrysler, how you doing? So nice to see you. Oh, thank you so much. And then where do you stay for the for the show? Park MGM, I think. OK, it's one. It's the one that's attached to the golf course.

Okay. I'm sorry. I should know. I think they comped the room. They're very sweet. Oh. And so I should know. I'm so sorry. I don't know. But they greet me at the thing, and I'm like, thank you. And they say hi to my... They go, Leanne, it's good to see you. It's like, that's the cool thing about Vegas. What's your tipping like? Oh, through the roof. Your aggressive tipper? 20s to everyone. Yeah, that's good. And so I don't want to...

I just think if you start doing hundreds, then all of a sudden it gets out of control. Hundreds is insane. And so 20s to everyone. And then... And then...

The second we go in, we don't even check in. They take us there. They got our keys, take us right to our room. I'm like, cool. I was like, girls, let's go get lunch. And they're like, awesome. So we go to this restaurant and the thing. And then all of a sudden, they say, the table's going to be a 30-minute wait. And I was like, okay. I was like, I don't want to fucking... If I hit my guy up, I get in here. Because I see tables wide open. It's just like a little power thing. And I was like, all right. Okay. Maybe they have low staff. Not a problem. So I go to the bar. And...

It is, there's a bar. I got my daughters with me. They're not 21, so we don't sit at the bar. We sit in the lobby. And the waitress comes over and she says, I need you, can I see their IDs? I said, they're not 21. That's why we're not at the bar. We're in here. She goes, you can't sit here. I said, okay. I said, where can we sit? And Tom, literally, if this was the table, she goes, you can sit on that couch. And so I move five feet. And I go, is this better? She's like, yeah. I was like, okay.

And that's when I, that's when I, that's when you lose me. When I start thinking that the rules don't make sense to me at all. Sure. And I go, now, what are we doing? What games are we playing? It's kind of a thing. Yeah. And so, and then she goes, why don't you guys go over there and I'll come get you guys, get your drink order in a second. I said, or you can take it exactly right now. And then I'll meet you over there. She goes, well, I guess I could do that. And I was like, no, you absolutely can.

I said, and so I got me and Leanna a drink. I like this. And then I just, and then I made eye contact with her as I side shuffled and sat down. Like, what the fuck are we doing here? And then that is where I, and I don't even know. I mean, like, that's the gross part of me that I don't like is. I like when you turn like this though. It happens. I know it has. I've been there for before. I've seen it.

As a matter of fact, Leanne went through and highlighted all the times it's happened. Oh, I bet she has a longer list than I do. Tell Leanne to come up here. Tell Leanne to come up here. Wait, call Feiderberg. Oh, yeah. I got to trim my beard. Is it my beard that makes my face look fat or is it my face that makes my face look fat? I think it's beard. Yeah, thanks. What the fuck are you doing? I'm going to put my glasses on if I'm going to talk to him. Still not answering? No. He's like, I'm here. Call me. Just text him. Text him what I just called you.

Oh, he's calling right now. Whoa. Whoa. I didn't know we were going to get this. Look at this. Jesus. So, buddy. What's going on? We're just talking about you. We're super impressed. We wanted the breakdown of your 1,000-pound club. Okay. The breakdown? Like what the what? Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, yeah. What was what? No, what we weren't. All right. I think, I don't remember exactly.

Bench was 285. I remember that because I was pissed that I didn't get 300. Okay, so 285, so you still got 715 to go. Yeah, and then squat was 375. Wow. Which I'm going to come clean on. I have a torn leg of my hip, so I did not squat.

Like, well, I think like if someone's going to be a stickler about bodybuilding, I don't think I did like as low as I'm exactly supposed to go. Okay. That's interesting. That's exactly what the comments say. Yeah, that's what we were saying. And then deadlift, which again, I'm not good at. All of this was like basically luck. I'm not good at any of these, but deadlift, it was like maybe 385, which I think really sucks.

That's not, I mean, that doesn't really suck. Do you do deadlifts a lot? Literally never. Yeah, I mean, that's... In the video, I have to get taught the form. Yeah, that's pretty good for not ever doing it. You know, that's not what, like, somebody who does it all the time and trains for it would do, but that's not bad, man. So those three... It was Corey G., who's the trainer who helped me out, he had one of his guys there, too, and this dude was, he was just a tiny little guy. I unfortunately forget his name.

And they were like, what do you think he deadlifts? And I didn't have a guess. It was like 700 and something pounds. Yeah, there's some real fucking, 700 is very. What muscles are the deadlift? Is it your hamstrings? It's your posterior chain. Yeah. So that's just all your hams and your glutes and everything. I got a soft posterior. But like there's people that pull crazy weight in that. It is fucking nuts. It's.

It's very humbling to be around him. They say it's like all technique, which clearly I have none of it, but it was, uh, it was, I didn't, I knew I like probably had a chance. Well, here's my question. Are you now, are you like, are you like, you know, triggered by this where you go like, I want all these to go up or you're just like, cool, whatever. No. In fact, kind of the opposite, I guess. Like I've stopped lifting as heavy weights.

That's awesome. I just wanted to see if I could do it. I just get bored when I work out, too. So I started doing more like fucking cardio shit. Okay. I just didn't know if you were like, I'm going to become a power lifter now. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I'm trying to get like you, dude. I'm trying to get fucking skinny. I'm too fat. Or both of us. I think you said both. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You scared me also, by the way. I didn't know you guys would be recording on a Saturday. When I saw you recording Two Bears, I was like, fuck, what day is it? Yeah. Are you watching Joe's special tonight? Oh, is that tonight? Yes, I'm live. That's live, right? Yeah. Live. We're going to Costco and then it's on Netflix. We're going to Costco to do a bottle signing and then we're going to a bar. I'm trying to change my life. Okay.

You're trying to change your life and you just said you're spending the Saturday going to Costco and a bar? That seems like a burnt Saturday. It's fully burnt. I want to be at your pool right now. This looks fucking awesome. Dude, it's not my pool. It's my parents' pool, but it's fucking... That's yours. That's yours, bro. That's great. If they pass away, you get it. Show me your mom. Yeah, I'm slowly putting arsenic in their soup, so we'll get there soon. Fuck yeah, dude. Well, thanks, man. We're proud of you, okay? Thank you, buddy.

I appreciate you, boys. Thank you so much. Yes. Get on that treadmill. We'll see you later. Yeah. Leanne was pointing out times where I've lost, where I think the rules don't work the way I want them to work. And I will, I will. Yeah. Just tell her to get up here. And she was, she was, cause I'm, I'm, I switch over. I go to Karen. I go full Karen. Yeah. But it's, it's my Karen. I know. Like we were at the girls, uh,

Fashion show for the school and we were at the dad's and fucking having a good time We're having some beers and one of the ladies in charge of the fashion show came in and was like she takes it very serious She's like doesn't not one of the moms She's one of the people that produces it and she comes in and she looks at me and goes. Yeah, you got you're done drinking I don't want absolutely fucking not I said you are not my flight attendant so you can leave now or go get me another beer And then that woman got fired

You're talking about the fashion show. Yeah, yeah, fashion show. What we're talking about, he was saying the times, he was like, he was like, you know, when I, when he goes, when he switches. I was talking about when we were in Vegas and the lady was like, yeah, you can't sit here, you gotta sit there. Oh, it's not very pretty. Well, he, he,

He was saying when he goes from fun jovial guy to like... Go fuck yourself guy? Yeah, yeah. And I said, oh, I've seen it. I've been there for it. And he goes, Leanne has a list. And I go, I'm sure it's longer than mine. So he wanted to bring you up. For my list? Just give me a good one and I'll tell Tom. I'll defend myself. Anytime you're told no for access to an area...

Oh yeah, that's right. That's a big, hey, that's called big time in people. Oh, hold on. Stop it. Stop it. Hang on. Hang on. No, no. That's not fair.

That is fair. You can say, hey, this is my show without being like, go fuck yourself. I don't say go fuck yourself. You come pretty close. I don't say go fuck yourself. No. No, hold on. Hold on. Hang on. It's an embarrassing attitude. It's not. Hold on. Tom, this is a big mistake. I should have never brought her up here. This is why we should have never let women vote. We should have never fucking. I wish she was a voiceless. It feels borderline diva-ish. Okay. Okay.

I think Mariah Carey has similar stories. I understand. Okay, listen. I understand everyone right now is hearing this and they're ready for me to spin out and I am not the hero in this story. I need you to stop and pause and I need you to remember that you liked me originally. So let me be my hero for a second. Okay? Are you going to give us a humility? It's not a humility. She knows you so well. It's really... It's fucking exhausting. It's exhausting.

Okay, I'll tell you the very last show we did. So I did a two year arena run. Now there are, there are, there's every morning. I don't need to tell this to you, but I'm telling this to anyone listening.

Every morning you pull into the arena, your team goes in and they have a meeting with the staff, with the security, with everyone that runs the venue. Here's how today is going to work. Everyone will have passes except for one guy. He will probably be shirtless in shorts and barefoot walking around. He is burnt. This is what he looks like. There's a picture of him everywhere. So when he goes to walk, he will not have a lanyard on. He will not be wearing a lanyard. So just giving you a heads up, when you see that guy, it is the artist. Now, let's just be fair.

If you are working in an arena, you maybe want to know who the artist is that's performing in that arena that evening. So the very last show I did, I go walking in to go to the gym. I just had my workout clothes on and no shirt. And white dude, maybe didn't get accepted into the police academy, lights me up. Hey, whoa, whoa, I need to see your pass. And I went, I'm actually good. I'm the artist. No, no, no, no, no, no. Everyone needs a pass. I go...

That's when I switch that was a quick switch. That was a quick switch though Shut up You switch quick though on this guy yeah, it didn't really get there and I wasn't done no When we did well this something's burning in Vegas I

The sound guy? What sound guy? Yes. The sound guy? Yes. When we shot in, what's his name's restaurant? Roy Choi Best Friends. Okay. My God. I had to turn around. I was like. Yeah. Fun thing is that happens when you are in the show. Hold on. Hang on. Hang on. No, hold on. That guy. Hang on. That guy. That guy did not know who I was. By the way, I'm paying him.

If I'm paying you, treat me with a little bit of respect. That's all I ask. A little bit of respect. Or give me the same respect. And this is what I said. And maybe this is a wild statement. Give me the same amount of respect that you would expect every artist to get. If Whitney Houston walked in, no, that's a bad example. If J-Lo walked in, you would know it's J-Lo. You'd be like, oh, hey, how you doing? I don't need to see your lanyard. Have a great show. And by the way, 98% of the time I walk into a venue, that is how I am dealt with. And I will say this.

I will say this and I will make this racial. It has never been a black dude or a black woman that gives me shit. They always go, "What's up? How you doing?" As a matter of fact,

And I was cognizant of it when I was shooting my special. I had the same old black dude. Every time I walked in, he got briefed for how it was going to run. I was the only one without a lanyard, but he knew it. And every time we busted balls about how hot Florida was, where he grew up, we talked every time. Every time I've had an issue, it's been a fucking white dude. An overweight, balding white dude who's lit me up. And I go...

And I said this one time. I said, if that's how you treat me, imagine if Lil Baby comes in and what do you do to him and his guys? Because I already know how you fucking feel. You got a power complex. I just, I fight power with power for the powerless. I do it for the powerless. You're so humble. Stop it.

Now she's gaslighting me. And she gaslights me, Tom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She gaslights me all the fucking time. I see it. I see it. Yeah. It's fucking... And now I'm getting... I can't wait to fucking light someone up at Costco. And I will. Hold on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. This is called priming someone. I think this is actually... You're going to go in there. Yeah. I can't... I walked up... We got close to it the other day. I walked up and the manager at Costco is out there. And to the Costco we're going to. And I was like...

I was like, "What's selling well?" And he goes, "Vodkas." He goes, "You know what's crazy? "The Kirkland vodka sells really well."

I said, really? He goes, yeah, the higher end ones don't. We got a new one. And I said, it's mine. And he went, yeah, huh? And I went, no, that's my vodka. And he goes, sure it is. And I go, no, I'll be here August 3rd for a bottle signing. And he went, huh? And it's moments like that where if I feel like he's going to tell me to go fuck myself, that's when I, my skin. I think you're looking for it at that point, right? No, no, no. What I'm trying to do was, because I know you got in trouble for just starting to film in there. And I was looking for access to film at that moment. Mm.

and I knew I had to slow roll it. I wasn't gonna go and hard sell him, so I was like, kind of massage him. And then he was really fucking cool. We'll see him today. - Oh, okay. - He was really cool, and he was like-- - I thought you were about to tell me I fucking ripped his-- - He was really cool, he was like, "Oh wait, for real?" I was like, "Yeah." I said, "My name's Bert, I'm a comedian." I said, "Me and my best friend, "disabled comedian, we launched this vodka,

And he was like, wow. And he said, is it like a white label thing? And I went, no. It was really cool. And I said, man, this is the only place you can get handles. And I showed him the bottle and he was like, you designed all that? And I was like, yeah, it was a team. We worked. It was a really great conversation. That's all I want out of everyone. So when I say that when you order Starbucks, are you nice? I always try to treat people to make them laugh and giggle. But sometimes you get

in life. And when I feel like you're a I feel like it's my job as a human being, as a white male to light you the fuck up. To out you and show you what looks like. And it does not come pretty. No, it's not pretty.

Well, it's fair to say, though, in your defense, that we all have this side. That's the thing. When Karen's, the whole Karen thing showed up, I've watched people, Karen people that I know and love that are not Karens. I've watched them do it. And one time was at Red Rocks. I was going to just get to our car, and I was like, I went up to the lady, and I was like, hey, we need to get backstage because our car's there. And she was like...

Uh, no accesses that way. So actually I performed here last night and she goes, honey, you did not. And I went, no, I actually was here last night and I, I was just backstage. That's our car right there. And she goes, you, Mr. Will never perform at red rocks. Keep walking. And I watched a lot of women in my life, Karen, this bitch up just fucking. And then all of a sudden one of the head people came, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Mr. Chrysler, Mr. Chrysler. And then the woman see now here's where I'm great. This is where I'm, I excel.

is I went over to her and I understood she was just doing her job. And I said, listen, do not worry. I completely understand if I was performing here and someone was trying to get backstage on me, I appreciate you doing your job. I've always said that, even when I light dudes up, except the dude that got fired. And by the way, can I just tell you a good story of when I was a great guy? Because I feel like I'm doing all these bad things. I almost killed a guy in a restaurant one time, and I followed him into a hallway, and I told him I was going to fucking hurt him.

And I checked out of that hotel so that I wouldn't have to see him again. For real? Yeah. What year was this? He fucking took, he was really like, and he dropped the plate and then walked away. And I was like, so I followed him into the back hall and I was like, I'll fucking knock your head off. He was, you know, and then I just went to the front desk. I was like, check me out of this hotel. Yeah. I followed a dude to the bathroom one time. He's famous. I followed a dude to the bathroom when I was 26. Have I told you this story?

You jerked off a guy in the bathroom? No, no, no. Devin Sowa. Do you know who that is? Pull up Devin Sowa. I've talked to Devin Sowa about this. Devin Sowa is a very talented actor. He was the kid in, I mean, he's been in a lot of things. Gorgeous. He was in Final Destination.

He was the lead in Final Destination 1, 2, and 3, I think. But he's been in a lot of stuff. But he's a Hollywood actor. He's roughly my age, maybe a little younger. And we're in New York. We're in L.A. It's my first night out. We're at a bar called Guy's, I think it is. And my buddies, I don't know my buddies are fucking with him. They know who he is. I don't know who he is at the time. He's with Topanga from Boy Meets World.

that actress. They're dating. And they've got friends at their table or the table next to them. And my friends are fucking with him. I don't know that they're fucking with him. I go to the bathroom. And as I come out, all my friends are gone. And the bouncers are manhandling the rest of my friends out of the door. And I said, what the fuck? And they were like, the fuck?

someone's like fuck Devin Soa and then I was like and I was still a little bit of college dude and so I was and so Devin Soa starts walking to the bathroom and I go I'm gonna go fucking find out what happened and you start walking and you start getting your fucking energy up it's that thing it's addictive when that rage kicks you you're like here we go all right I'm I'm same size but I grew up in fucking Tampa I'm from Florida I've been in fights so I get to the bathroom it's a very long hallway to the bathroom I get to the bathroom and

Devin Soa stops at the door and he senses my energy and he turns around and as he turns around I realize Devin Soa is not afraid of me at all and he turns around he's like what the fuck's up and I was like you tell me what's up he's like your boys are fucking assholes now he was accurate and

Oh, it was Eddie Fernandez. Yeah, of course it was Eddie fucking Fernandez. Yeah, it was Eddie fucking Fernandez. And I was like, at that moment I realized, okay, I think my buddies were bullying him. I think they were doing something weird. And then I hear footsteps up and four of Devin So's friends are walking up to, because

Because they saw me follow him to the bathroom. And then I go, that's what's up. And I realize I can't fight. I got to get the fuck out of here. And so I start walking away. And they're like, and they pass me. And they're like, what the fuck was that? And he's like, dude got my fucking face. And they're like, what the fuck's up? And there was like a 15-foot walk to a long hallway. And you had to turn the corner. And as I turned the corner, I sprinted out of that fucking hallway. And I was like, I just want to be outside with my friends. And then...

As I got outside, a bouncer threw Eddie a city block. He went like, and I watched Eddie go, and so cut to fucking 15 years later.

I'm doing a podcast with Stu Stone and he's like, yeah, I'm good friends with Devin Soa. And I was like, I know Devin Soa. And he's like, let's call him. I was like, uh-oh. And so I told Devin Soa the story and he goes, fuck yeah, I remember that night. Those guys were fucking assholes. I was like, I was the one that followed you to the bathroom. He was like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, Devin Soa. Well, this is important because like audience is going to react to this in one or two. I think the important thing to say here is

is that like you can hear these stories and just go you guys are fucking entitled yeah but the other thing is I think that like I'm not proud of those things I don't think you're proud of that I'm not proud of them I wish I didn't do it at all no so it's like exactly but that's the thing to point out is that like

Think about times where you've not been proud of how you reacted to something. Because it's very human. Like, to act like nobody does this stuff is what's nonsense. People just...

go like oh you're the fucking one guy that like you've never had an interaction where you're like oh I'm embarrassed that I did this you want to hear the most embarrassed I've ever been about my behavior ever and it's so bad that when I say it out loud you will hear Leanne and Christine both laugh out loud is it straight to DVD God that's it straight to DVD what's that I knew it what's that

Go ahead. No. This is the most fun I've had on a podcast in a while. So it wasn't that big of a problem. Oh, it was bad. How long ago? It was... Before Ilo was born. Oh, that's a long time ago. Ilo was born. Ilo was born. We were in the upstairs apartment. I was drunk. Let's start with I was drunk. So this is back when you were drinking. Yeah, this is back when I was drinking. And we were talking about...

They were saying, oh yeah, that movie is straight to DVD. And I was like, no one makes a movie hoping it goes straight to DVD. Like every movie. And they're like, no, it's like a whole business model. And I went, absolutely not. And I will not, I'm not going to let you say what I said, okay? Because I was fucking wildly out of control. But it got to a place where I got so heated that Leigh-Anne. You got cornered. I got, and that's also a real thing. I get fucking cornered. No, it's not. You get cornered. You're pretty.

It's your perception of the order. Sometimes people do this. And by the way, if you're a big drinker like me, sometimes people team up on you. They gang up on you. No, they don't. And they know you cannot say anything because your only defense was, I'm fucking drunk. Or I'm fucking wrong. Or I'm fucking wrong. It got so bad. I will simply tell you the worst part of the whole thing. He wouldn't let any... Shut up! Trevor were there and he wouldn't let them leave. I wouldn't let them leave. About the DVD business? Yeah. This is what you were fired up about?

- It went on for like how long, Christine? - Lianne went to bed, Lianne went to bed, and then in the middle of the fight, realized she needed to get me fucking out of, she needed it to end. And she woke up and started walking down the stairs, and I was like, "Lianne, go back to bed! "Go back to bed, Lianne, I am not done with this!" - The DVD business does not exist on its own! - I am dying on this hill!

No matter what. And that's why Pete Rose is lucky to have me in his corner. Yeah. Because. You'd fight for him. I'd fight for Pete Rose. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Do we still bring up straight to DVD behind your back? Do you remember like three years after I said it as a wheel of fortune? Like it was a football straight to DVD. Oh, they all still bring it up. They all still bring it up.

You know, they made t-shirts, 'cause I had a saying where I go, they would say something, and I go, "That's not a real thing." - No, you would say, "That's not real." - That's not real. - I saw this. - It is real. - I saw this. - It is actually real. And you go, "Nope, that's not real." So how someone's feeling.

That's not real. It's not real. It's all about gaslighting. And so I made the whole... He did it to me, and then he did it to someone else in front of me in our office. Then he did it to a third person, and I made everybody a sweatshirt and said, that's not real. I hope people enjoy the comment section. It's going to be a good one. Yeah, I bet. I bet. I can't wait. Listen, listen. Can anyone... Can we just celebrate the fact that I'm open to share my flaws? I think... No, I think it's the fucking actual... The whole...

root of this right here is saying we're sharing embarrassing behaviors. - Embarrassing. - And you should share yours. That would be a much more interesting comment section. - I would love to see, please, please share in the comments

Times that you have behaved irrationally and was willing to die on that hill. You know what? I just remember another one. You gave us. Me? Again? No, no, no. Oh. You gave me a jet ski. Yeah. Right? And like, I don't know, six months later, nine months later, I got a second one. A little different style or whatever. A brand or something.

And then, shortly after that, I go out one morning with Christina, we're gonna go on jet skis. And so, I go, "Get on the one that Bert gave us." And she's like, "Well, I learned on the other one." And I go, "No, that's the one that we just got a few months ago. You rode on that one." She goes, "No, I never rid on that one." Dude, we're leaving the canal and I'm like, "You've never been on this one!"

And she's like, that's the one I was on before. And I go, you fucking have never been on this. And I was so heated that we were supposed to, like, tandem ride. And I just left her. And then my jet ski started to sink. It had a hole in it and it sunk. And I had to wave her over. I was like, it just sunk. It sunk in the lake. And I was just like, I'm sorry about the jet ski thing. I need you to save me. I'm dying. I lost my mind.

Sounds like there's one teed up in her mind. There is. Which one? The one where we went camping with a group of families and I was at the lake. Hold on. Stop. Leanne, stop. Hold on. Hold on, Tom. Hold on. Hang on. Hang on. Stop. No, no, no. This is my podcast. So hold on.

Oh, no, I need backstory. I need backstory on this. Okay. Okay, two things. Number one, up at the time, addicted to Oxycontin, correct? Excuse, excuse, excuse. Okay, all right. Who's addicted? Me. He wasn't addicted. He'd been on it for like 12 days because he fell off a waterfall. I hate the way she does this. It was not 12 days. It was more, it was like three months. No. Whatever. Go ahead. Okay. Okay. Split the difference. 14 days. Okay. Thank you, John.

So Leanne has a very alpha energy. She can change a tire, she can fucking change a spark plug, she can change oil, she knows all the shit about fucking man stuff, 'cause she grew up with a dad who basically was like, "I'm gonna teach you how to get through this world." I did not, I do not. However, however, I did grow up on a lake, I did grow up fishing.

This is completely inconsequential to this. Okay, you tell, you fucking. Okay. Well, you better come here. Well, I'm going to over here. Okay. Yeah. So we are with four families fishing and he's in the cabin. This is the worst. And I am down at the lake with the kids. He's napping. How old are the kids at this point? Like maybe second grade. Okay. So seven, something like that. And I'm baiting a hook.

Because the kids are fishing, and you know, they're seven, so I'm baiting all their hooks. And they're fishing, and Bert comes out on the balcony and he goes, Leanne! Come here, come here, come here, come here. So I go upstairs, he closes the door, and he goes, dare you bait that hook in front of me! How dare you emasculate me like that! And I was like, you were asleep, and you were in the cabin. He was like, I can't believe you do this to me all the time. All the time! And I was like, what's happening? What is happening? He goes, I think I've married the wrong person. Leanne! Leanne!

All right, that's it. This episode's over. This episode's over. That's all I want to thank our sponsors. BetterHelp. If you're dealing with anything in life and you think therapy is the answer for you, maybe you have someone who gaslights you, emasculates you, and one of your fucking kids. It was not the, No, I don't do that. You've never seen me do that. You've never seen me go like this. Did this lead to a big fight? Huge fight. So big. We stayed in the bedroom and just fought.

The other families fed our kids. The fight is that he should have been the one baiting the fish. All the other dads were teaching their kids to fish. But he slept. And so I was supposed to go like, oh, well, I'm a girl, so I can't make a hook. No, no, no. It's just, no. There's so much backstory to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, this isn't the first time you ever emasculated me. You were sleeping.

I'm asleep! It was like you were standing next to me and I was making a noise. Would you have preferred her to wake you up? Hey, what would have been cool is, hey, all the dads are fishing with their kids. Do you want to go down and fish with the dads and teach the kids how to fish? I would have been like, yeah, yeah. And then none of this would have happened. Everyone's down there. So it's my fault. No, it's not your fault. Okay, first of all, I behaved irrationally. And I own that I behaved irrationally. That's good. We're married for 22 years. We're married for 22 years. 20 years. 20 years. God damn it, I'm Pete Rosen the fuck out of this.

We're married 20 years. You're gonna have stuff like that. Tell some tell one when you're bad. Tell one where you're bad. That was that was 11 years ago. I remember. Okay, tell Leanne. Okay, I almost killed me on a jet ski. And look, I am who I am. I am flawed. I am sensitive. I get my hands pursed when I get excited. I cry a lot. And I sometimes I come out hot with emotion. Okay, so

That's it. That's it. I know my flaws and I'm willing to share my flaws so that I can be a better person and learn from those flaws. And that's all we're asking from our fans this episode is share times that you, I would love, I would, what I would really love is people to write in with their story where they can be like, you. I'm embarrassed of what I did. I'm embarrassed of what I did. I would love to read some of those. You know, someone's going to be like, and then I stabbed a guy. Yeah.

By the way, people get worse. Some guy go, hey, Lynn, and then beats his wife. I didn't do that. I just said you emasculated me. And I married the wrong person. Why would you ever share that? I fucked up and I should have never said that. People have said worse things. Well, when he said it, I was like, oh, we're not in reality. That's not real.

That really was a time when that was not real. That was like, he was trying to like mic drop this fight. I was just, I needed to get the fuck out of there. I called Christina the N-word. There's all kinds of things. There's all kinds of stuff you can say. Oh, man. I did not see this coming. It was fun. This was good. Yeah. Very productive. I like it. And by the way, the thing is,

Yeah. All right, let's go. Let's go sign some bottles. Let's go sign some bottles. Hey, guys, if you're dealing with any of this stuff, seriously, BetterHelp or Poroso's. I don't think they're a sponsor anymore. Poroso's? I don't think BetterHelp's a sponsor anymore. For real? Yeah, it's a different... Talk space. I don't know. I do all our therapy reads. Okay. Well, maybe. Whoever. You just got to plug. Yeah. Awesome. I love you, Tom. I love you, too. I love you, Leanne. I love you. I married the right person. I married the right person.

I love you. I love you too, Tom. I love you too.