Death Row Last Meals | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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100% Well, Persians aren't Arabs. Wait. Yeah, that's different. Persians are... Hold on. I know this is a bit you're doing right now. I'm not doing a bit. You were just saying... I did not... You were lumping them together. Let me put on my cool guy glasses to have this conversation. Well, now you do look Persian. Do I?

Kind of. Does it look like I have glasses on? Because it doesn't feel like I have glasses on. What does it feel like you have on? Because here, try them out. They're really cool. Okay. Where'd you get these? In Austin. At a cool store? At a cool store. Not like a regular? No, it was a family run eyeglass company over on Congress. Family run. You look real cool. Yeah.

This feels cool. This feels right. Yeah. Isn't it crazy that all our fashion senses were developed by guys making, like, so that we didn't look gay? Like, when I was a kid, if you put, tried a shirt on and took a chance, they'd be like, oh, what club are you going to? And you'd be like, okay, so you only dress to look straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when you take a chance, everyone's like, oh, yeah, I know what club you'll wear those to. But do you feel like these are gay or just foreign? No, they look...

they look foreign yeah this is foreign guys sometimes in different parts of the country that foreign look is gay that's true that's true foreign can be gay like german shoes are gay yeah a lot of european pants are gay yeah oh all european pants are gay and also you know what european well i guess i don't know if that's gay i mean europeans love like tight uh loafers you know like no sock loafers yeah you really only see that in like

beach towns you don't see that really anywhere else in the states i'm saying i can't do this i don't know why i wore sunglasses on podcasts i can't do it i can't i feel like disconnected yeah you know there was a big rule on travel channel we weren't allowed to wear sunglasses on travel channel oh really yeah so number one rule when don't wear number one number one because you you can't see into the person's eyes so you can't trust them yeah that makes sense so you're interviewing someone you have sunglasses on you look like a fucking it does reek of like

let's get this over with. Yeah. I've got a fucking, yeah, yeah. Um, the, uh, no, I, if you could pick one European style and you had to live in that European style. Okay. So you got like, uh, you got like the, uh, the, the top shelf boy from London, you know, with the, the fucking trench coat and the tight tie and the skinny pants and the,

shoes and he's got the like the cap and he's like all right yeah let's say one of these i'm governor tonight right you get that guy or you get like italian but you get like cheesy italian like cheesy open shirt like hey mama mia give me a little pussy huh yeah you know you get that or you get like german where they're oh you get german where they're wearing like the the uh fucking adidas tight shirts and they're how about the track suits track

That's very Euro. Do you know I started buying Sergio Taccini? No. They're the best tracksuits in the fucking world. Are they better material? It's velour, and they're fucking awesome. And I made a mistake, because on the Sergio Taccini, I think I'm saying it right. I don't think you are. When you click it, it automatically suggests to buy smalls. So I bought a bunch of tracksuits, and I got two that were smalls. They're fucking, I have all of them. I don't have the third one over. That would be Sergio Taccini.

Tatchini. Not Tatchini. The H is silent? It's Tatchini. Sergio Tatchini. I think so. I have almost all of these. Is it not? Google how you pronounce it. I'm guessing, yeah, I'm guessing Tatchini. Unless it's Tatchini. Oh, Tatchini. Okay. Tatchini. Tatchini. Sergio Tatchini. Say it. I want to hear her say it. Sergio Tatchini. Sergio Tatchini. I was saying it right. So...

I got two that were small because they just automatically suggest getting small. And fucking Leanne and Isla took them. They're like, don't send them back. We want these. Oh, really? They're that fucking comfortable. So what kind of European would you be? You could be Portuguese where you got like the linen shirt with the linen pants. Oh, there. With the meat print. Yeah. And the fucking sandals. And you're like, hey, there was an earthquake in 1853. That's not that accent. But I feel like that Mediterranean...

Beach side, linen shirt. Yeah. That's the one you go for. I'd go coastal France. Yeah. Nice. Nice. Like that fucking. Yeah, I think I would do southwestern Italy. You know, like that whole region on the water. What are we doing with our fucking lives? Like, what are we doing with our fucking lives? Like, why don't you just live your dream? Why don't you just wrap it up? Be done.

You don't have to do that much more touring and you can go move to Nice. I would love to. Why don't you? I would love to. Why don't I? Your kids are in college. Yeah. Why don't I? Why don't I just go fucking move to a foreign country for a month?

I live in a foreign country for a month. - You have nine months coming up. - I have nine months. I could do three months in a foreign country and just disappear. - But you realize you can-- - Get a job. - Totally, really do that. - Start doing, it's so funny, I automatically start, how do I make money over there? Like I go, what are you gonna do? I would like to be in France, south of France, in a vineyard. - Yeah, but you could start like growing vegetables, you know? - You can't grow them in three fucking months. - Well, whatever, you could start-- - I could have the guy plant them now for me. - Yeah, here you go.

I'll send Peter over to Europe and start planting my vegetables. You could learn a craft. You could learn a trade. Like a cobbler? Sure. Or like a... A language too. If you're in a village somewhere, they're not going to speak English well. What's the easiest European language to learn? I would love to be able to speak French. Well, then why even... Italian's badass. Yeah. Italian's badass. I already know Spanish pretty good.

Dutch the language is learn most Germanic languages I'd love to try what if I just disappear and I don't tell anyone where I went not even Leanna my girls I just start a new family I

That's another thing you could do in a few months. What are the strip clubs like in Europe, do you think? I don't know. I mean, there's certain countries that are notorious, right? Oh, what am I talking about? I've seen live sex shows in fucking Amsterdam. Those are fucking crazy. They don't have that here. No. They have fucking, you know, we almost did Flying Dildos again. I told you that story. On the sex shows, do the guys finish? Because I figure they can't do it that way. I finish so fast I leave. Really? Yeah.

Are you allowed to J or D there? No. Oh. It's a weird thing. You sit in a theater. It's like a theater, like a small, it's like, do you remember the alt rooms over by Franklin? Yeah. It's like that. Like you sit and you just watch two people come out and fuck. Does the guy come out hard? Yeah. One time he didn't come out hard and he was working it up and we started making fun of his dick.

We were like, eh, I told it in the story. But I've seen live sex shows. I've never been with a prostitute. And I would, and I regret not doing it now. Right. Like as a younger man, I should have tried it. Yeah. I should have tried it. Yeah. Like I would never recommend that to a young guy. But I look back and I go, out of someone who likes to live life and have life experiences, when I was single, I should have done it. I definitely should have done it.

Well, you got three months in Europe. I mean, that's, yeah. Will you really, why don't you really commit to that? I'm serious. It's not that crazy. Why don't you just move to the South of France for three months? It's not that crazy. I could do that. And then I can, I can just zoom in for like segments on two bears or I'll just send, we'll get an Italian comic to move over here. An Italian comic. Yeah. Why you're going to France. I'll go to France, a French comic. We had a French comic. Yeah. French comic to move over here and I'll do his podcast. He could do mine. Hey Tommy. Yeah.

Is that not French? Mm-mm. That's a good French accent. It's getting there. It's getting there. I go back to Italian every time. Yeah, that was Italian. Do you think they make fun of each other's accents the way we make fun of rednecks? No, they make fun of ours. No. For sure. Why? Ours is accent-less. Well, not to them. No. Not to their ears. No, no.

We have zero accent. No, no. What?

When we speak their language, they go, he has an American accent. Yeah. They say he sounds plain. We're like plain yogurt. No. And they have affectations on theirs. I don't think that's how it works. I think that if you spoke Italian, they would go, he's an American. He speaks with an American accent. What if I moved to France and I fall in love with France? Yeah. And I become like the mayor of their city. And I'm like, cause that's my energy. A mayor. Yeah.

Yeah. I should have gotten into politics. I think you actually would do well in politics. I think I would have been done with dirty politics when you could like slap chicks on the ass and stuff. Because I would have been woke to those guys. Yeah. Like I would have been like a good politician then. Now I think I'd be a bad politician because I can't really follow the rules that they follow. What do you think they would ask you to be? Mayor? Maybe like a mayor of a city? Mayor.

uh probably like their chancellor that's pretty high up is it yeah uh their prime minister that's really high up um i'd be definitely part of their parliamentary system i would pick out when carnival would be i would start maybe more local i'd be their social chair yeah that that i could see what if i move over to france south of france pull up the city pull up some cities that i could take over like give me like a book i want like a like leanne like

Like what's a city you could take over in America where if you move there, you could be like, Joe kind of took over Austin. Okay. This is as much as you want to say, this was McConaughey's town. When people think Austin, they think Joe Rogan. They really do. You think so? A hundred percent. Uh, can I tell you, I was at, uh,

I was at an event with Father's House. Okay, so like if you move to Sedona, or like Doug Stanhope moved to Bisbee and he kind of took over Bisbee. So if I can find a Bisbee in the south of France and then just take over the city and they're like, "Hey, this American comedian came to our city "and we're so lucky to have him. "We should bring him a bicycle "to make him comfortable in our city."

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Okay. I don't think you'll have to search it like that. Get really specific. Most beautiful cities in the south of France. Oh, fuck me. Oh, Saint-Germain-Pierre-des-Ports. Saint-Germain-Pierre-des-Ports. Can you say it? Saint-Germain-Pierre-des-Ports. Oh, fuck yeah. How great would it be to wake up every morning in that city, go get a little cup of coffee, a little baguette, a little croissant.

And then you see the, like, there's the one lady that runs a flower shop and she's like 53 and she's still really hot though. And she doesn't wear a bra. And she's like, uh, she's like, Hey, how you doing today? I go pretty good. Maria.

That's a great way to start your day. Yeah. And then she goes, hey, around that 2.30, we're going to do a little vino. My mom, I'm going to take the gas before us. You know you're totally back in Italy, right? Am I in Italy? Yeah, yeah. Can you give me a French accent that I can copy real quick? Give me, what's my guy? The guy with the nose and the dick. Gerard Depardieu. Gerard Depardieu.

I want to see what I'd sound like. I wear Speedos everywhere. Yeah. Fucking get sunburned. I want to hear him talk. Yeah. Speaking English. You got to find him speaking English. And then if I can get my French, I'll just talk with a French accent. Yeah, you could do that. The chef is not on the book. On the book.

But he did a very good adaptation. He put that chef who represents, I think, all the... Because at the end of the book, the young guy will be alone. No, I'm doing it. It's at the end of the book. You just got to speak a little broken like this. This is a French accent. Hey, Maria, what time are we going to do the... Do a little vino, huh? Hey, buddy!

boy we're gonna do dinner at 2.30 my mama made a little batch and it's really good more Italian oh yeah play it again I'm doing the same thing he's doing on the sea on the sea on the lifeboat the lifeboat the lifeboat that's okay unusual situation and uh

Wonderful situation. Wonderful situation. Look at him. I'll grow a mustache. I'm going to shave my head, shave my beard, grow a mustache. Move to the south of France. Only ride bicycles everywhere. Yes, I did. You steal, of course. You have to do it. Do you enjoy your trips to the United States? Yes, absolutely. Have you traveled? I was lucky because my father was...

Yes. Dead drunk all the day. He was... Oh, he drank. He said drunk. He's drunk. Gerard, Gerard. Gerard de Bordeaux. He said drunk. You know, this is the accent. This is it. You are going back to Italy every time. You do Italian. Maybe you should pick a different city.

I'm going to France and I talk like this. Hey, Maria. Okay, okay. Hey, did you see a Papa John? I go, no, the pizza? She goes, no, the Papa John. The priest, Papa John. Oh, Padre John. Oh, I know Padre John. He had a heart attack. He had a heart attack. He did? What happened? What happened? What happened? Now he's Puerto Rican. What happened? What happened?

Hey, we're playing soccer at a sunset. You want to play with us? Sure thing, Maria. You know I like a soccer. I really do think you should do a foreign trip for an extended period of time in your time off. There's nothing stopping you from doing that. You're right. And I think you're going to float it till the end. She's going to be like, oh, I don't know about that. You should be like, no, we should just do it. Just fucking beautiful house. Yeah. I love it.

But all these, I don't know what I'd do when I wasn't drinking. Go back to the list of the towns. Wasn't there a list there? Yeah. That's a beautiful city. It's a beautiful place. Oh, shut the fuck up with the French flag and everything and cacti. And that's your view? And that's my view every morning. I can just look out. Closest city is Nice. Hey, Leon, wake up. Sailboats? I could sail every morning. Hey, Leon, you want to take the sailboat out?

Oh, sure thing, Bert. I'd love to take the sailboat out. How would she do with French? Not good. No? No. She'd sound like Forrest Gump. How about that? That looks fucking beautiful. Oh, how about that fucking city? Does she know any French? No. Any other language? Not even menage a trois. Donne mortet. You know what that means? Give me head. Oh. That's what I'd say to her. Hey, Maria. Donne mortet. Oh, baby boy, you're so funny. No, seriously, Maria. Suck my dick. How'd you learn that?

No, seriously, Maria, I'm not joking. I want to get to the back of the flower shop. This is what my brain does when I go to sleep. These are all beautiful towns. These are beautiful fucking cities. I could go in, open a comedy club. What if I did, what if I did, could we do virtual podcasts? I'll do it. We'll just do it high tech. Yeah. And I'll just podcast from France. Yes. Tan, feeling beautiful. Yeah.

It'd be easy. All right. We can definitely do that. Done. Should I call Leanna and tell her we're moving to the south of France? Should I move? Okay, here's my theory. So I haven't announced it yet, but I'm doing the European tour in March. Okay. Right? So what if I move? Well, you just announced it. Okay. Okay.

These sunglasses would be great in the south of France. Those are perfect. Hey, Maria. And you look local. Yeah, I do look local. Say something to me and I'll just respond real quick. Like I'm walking down the street like I'm a local, okay? Okay. Hey, how you doing? Good. Want to get some vino?

I just think about drinking there. Yeah. That's what my whole thing. I'll start smoking cigarettes. I mean, they grow it there. Yeah. So I'll move. What if I move January 1st, January, February, March. I move for the first three months and then I start my European tour and I'll live in France for the first three months. Why don't you do that? I'm done. For real. Done.

I'm not even fucking around. When you're talking about what you need, I think that's what you need. I'm serious. I really do. I think that would be fun. I think I would disconnect. I'm right behind you. I've already talked about doing this. For real? Yeah. Where would you move? Italy. Italy? Yeah. I think France would be my place. I think they're softer there. I'll be your neighbor. You think they're softer? Yeah. What do you mean? They're like a little more gentle. The French? Really? Yeah. Yeah.

No, there's they're very soft people. They're very loving soft people Italian It's like hey, I want to pick up your pocket, you know, no, do you think definitely not? I

It would be cool to die in France. I was just there. In France? I was just in Italy last week. No, you weren't. Yeah. No, you weren't. I was. Bullshit. I swear. Doing what? Just chilling. For real? Yeah, just a few days. How come I didn't know about this? I don't know. Why do you keep secrets from me? It's not a secret. Do you know if I was in Italy, you'd know I was in Italy? I don't think I would.

If I was there for like three days. What were you doing for three days? Just hanging out. Bullshit. I swear. What did you do? Who did you go with? Did you bring the boys? No. You just went by yourself? No, I took Christina. Wait, you and Christina went to Italy and did what? Tell me about this trip that I don't believe happened. We just went and ate. And landed in? Rome. Oh, okay.

You land in Rome. Where would I land? Milan. Keep going. We didn't fly to Milan. I know, but that's where everyone lands. Keep going. This is why I'm poking holes in this story. There's no holes. What did you have? What did you have? Italian food? Okay. Did you drink wine? No, I had a glass. You know, Push put some fucking bottles back. She put down some bottles. She did. No, I had a... We married the wrong people. You should have married Leanne. I should have married Push. Really? Oh, Push and I would be...

If we should do a wife swap. Okay. Like a legit wife swap and shoot it and then just see whose house falls apart first. Oh, my God. How annoyed would Liam be by me? Not at all. Really? Yeah.

Are you serious? I don't know. She would wake up and she would, oh, you made your side of the bed? Thank you, Tommy. No. Oh, really? No. She'd be like, oh, can we drive that Porsche around? Well, yeah, that part's fun. I'm going to get my pussy wet. Oh, Jesus Christ. She fucking loves fast cars. Yeah. She loves fast cars. How many hours do you think before push snapped at me? Not that many. Okay.

I would like to die in a foreign country. Really? American comedian found dead in a chateau in the south of France. It's a good story. It's a great story. That's what you're all about. Yeah, great story. And I know, like, how would I die? I would want to die. Oh, I'd want to be murdered.

Speaking of. Yes. It's a great... You know I'm a big fan... Of murdering people. Well, true crime stories. Yes, yes. And also, you know, not true ones. Just any... I like crime stories. But I do like the true crime stuff. I try to follow a lot of it. What is... You have come prepared? I came prepared. Hang on. You'd already prepared that we would be talking about true crime? More than that. What are we talking about? Well, I have...

Some people I want to show you. Okay. And these are all murderers. Yeah. And then there's also, you like food, right? I love food. I like food too. Yeah. So, Oh, I know where this is going right now. This summer during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage. You can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, um,

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We got death row last meal. Hold on. We have famous death row last meals. Yeah. So you can sample them. Do you know I did the podcast last meals with mythic kitchen? No, it's such a great podcast. You have to do it. And they cook it all there. They asked me what my last meals would be. And I picked them all pub sub fucking picadillo. You know, I'm going to see Shaquille. Are you really? Yeah. Fuck. Yes. Yeah.

He's the best to get texts from. I'm sure. He is the best to get texts from. Yeah. He is like my favorite human being alive. Yeah, he's awesome. You're going to fucking love him so much. I wish I was there. Hey, by the way, I'm coming to your Florida State show. You are? Yes, I'm coming to your Florida State show. I'm going to open for you at Florida State. Seriously? Yeah, because I'm off the road. I won't have any material. I can only do 15. I'll open for you. You're in the Civic Center, correct? And then we'll go to the Florida State game Saturday. Yeah. Done. Okay. I'm done. I'll take my tour bus down. Um...

Maybe I'll just have you fly me down like your opener and I'll stay on your tour bus and we'll buddy it up. Ricky Ray Rector. Who's Ricky Ray Rector? Check him out. Convicted murderer who was executed for the 1981 murder of a police officer in Conway, Arkansas. After killing a man in a restaurant and fleeing, Rector spent three days on the run before he agreed to turn himself in. However, instead of giving himself up, he shot the police officer who had negotiated his surrender in the back.

He then tried to kill himself and he ended up having a lobotomy because he failed his suicide attempt. So part of his brain is missing. Anyway, over the course of days, he shot five people with a 38 caliber pistol. And this is his death row meal. Steak, fried chicken, cherry Kool-Aid and pecan pie. I am hardcore green lighting this. This is a fucking last meal. I'll try the cherry Kool-Aid. Okay, try the cherry Kool-Aid.

And I'll tell you what I've been jonesing for. Pecan pie? No, well, I love pecan pie. I know you do. But I haven't had a piece of fried chicken in forever. Oh. What fried chicken do you go for? Do you go for the thigh or the breast? Thigh. If they can pre-manufacture chickens, why don't they just make chickens with four thighs? Get rid of their breasts. It's almost unfair that they give a last meal to a guy who murdered a cop. I know. It's just like the last...

like dose of humanity that you get, you know? They're like, we're going to kill you. So this is like the last thing that we're going to do to treat you. How come you can't get alcohol for your last meal? I don't think you can. Let's see. Cherry Kool-Aid. And by the way, I would just say, if you asked a white supremacist what they'd give him for his last meal, they go, whoa, fucking cherry Kool-Aid, pecan pie, fried chicken. Yeah. This guy, this guy.

You'd think he'd break the stereotype. Try something he never had. As a last meal? You don't want to roll the dice. Turns out I don't like foie gras. You know there's a couple guys who have had their last meals and then had their execution held and then they get a second last meal? They're like, you're not going to be put to death tonight. And they're like, oh, cool. I would eat so much that I, first of all,

Can't believe you ate fried chicken with a fork. Well, I I don't want it. I didn't want to get my hands dirty Okay, okay Good fuck. Here you go. That is so goddamn good Chicken delivers every fucking time is it it is it's a great and anyway pussy anyway pussy and you're like god damn it It's still good. It's so good. You remember first time you got unprotected wet pussy. I

Yeah. It was so good. I was like, I'm never wearing a condom again. God damn it. I remember going like, oh, this is fucking... She used a sponge. Uh-huh. I think about that wet pussy. That's what fried chicken does to you? Fried chicken's like wet pussy. Pecan pie. You know how I feel about pecan pie. I'm shaking. I lost my fork. Here. Pecan pie. It's really good, man. I would say this. Oh.

Ricky Ray Rector didn't do a lot of good things, but he did know how to pick a last meal. That is fantastic. You know, pecan pie creeps up on you. It does. Because you don't think you're going to like it because of the pecans. They look overwhelming. But then you realize they've candied themselves. It's decadent. I remember the first time trying candied pecans and just thinking that I discovered like a new world.

It's so rich, but it's the texture combined with the sweetness. Yeah, eat that fried chicken. Just like, oh, he didn't eat the pie. What? He told the guards he was saving it for later.

That's a fucking... That's a move. That is a cool killer move. That is a fucking slick thing to say on your way to being executed. Unless you do survive your execution and you're like this and then the one guard goes, hey, you still got that pie left. And you're like... Let me get it. It's a good fucking last meal. I'm going to eat the skin off this one. Okay. Just the skin. Nice. John Spanklink. He... Fuck yeah, Johnny!

You can get alcohol. Murdered a traveling companion. Spanklink alleged had offered him homosexual relations and forced him to play Russian roulette in a Tallahassee motel. First person executed in Florida after it was reinstated. And he just got a flask of Jack Daniel's whiskey, dude. So wait, deep dive this guy's murder.

So he takes a guy into a hotel room in Tallahassee. Find out what hotel room. I want to know if I've been to this hotel. He escaped from a California prison in 1972 where he was serving a five years to life sentence. Never heard of that fucking thing before. Sentence for armed robbery. Five years to life? Five to life for armed robbery of a fast food restaurant, five gas stations,

And two people. And then on February 4th, 1973, Spanklink picked up hitchhiker John Simankiewicz and checked into a motel in Tallahassee, Florida. The two had been on an apparent robbery spree. And when he had an argument, Spanklink returned to the hotel room where he shot Simankiewicz and beat him with a hatchet. Fuck. Fuck.

He later claimed it was self-defense, of course. How do you self-defend yourself and then fuck his dead body? Did it say he fucks his dead body? Sexually assaulted him after forced him to play Russian, sexually assaulted him. Yeah. I mean, I don't think he's a good guy. Yeah.

But this was a surprise. How come we don't have more serial killers these days? Because it's so hard to get away with it. Do you think it's because of TikTok and Instagram? It's just there's digital footprints everywhere. It's just you can't be under the radar. Yeah. There's cameras everywhere. It's just such a bummer. Why would he put it in a flask, though? And by the way, I kind of have a problem with flasks. What's that? They're not feasible.

You know try is it in the flask already? I think so Really and this is a clean flask Brand-new here's my problem with flasks. Okay, and we're gonna find out all right, so I always go Yeah, flask would be nice, but then and then everyone always goes. Oh, let me get a pull of that You know it's barely enough to get me drunk. Yeah Yeah, like it's not enough to get me drunk like I want to get drunk I need flask to be like the size of the bottle. Yeah, that's yeah, it's just supposed to be a little little taste and

Little flash shot. I'll do one too. You should do it first. I have fried chicken all over my mouth. Okay. Very thoughtful. Say something you'd say. Do a flash shot and say something you'd say after you do a flask shot. Like there's flask lines. Are there flask lines? 100%. 100%. 100%. I know I'm turning into old Bert right now. I can feel it. And I'm so sorry, guys. But I'm having fun. No, I mean, I just feel like the kind of thing you do is like you kind of just go, fuck them.

You know, like that's kind of the... Yeah, okay. You ready? Yeah. This is a good flask line, all right? We'll do a flask partnership, okay? All right, boys. Oh. We're going to cross over that hump, and we're going to take them down. Every fucking last one of these Germans. Fuck these kraut-eating motherfuckers. We do this for the queen. Pass it around, boys. You need a little courage. It doesn't deliver. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

It's all over my lips. It's like if you suck a dude's dick and then he just keeps taking it out and you're like, just leave it in my fucking mouth, dude. Huh? I don't want dick all over my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on to this flask. We'll keep this around. All right, I'll keep it around. We'll keep the... Sure. Woo! All right. Oba Chandler. You want to hear about this? Oba Chandler. Oh, please be what I think it is. Oh, if this is a fucking bologna sandwich. Isn't this awesome?

He was convicted and executed for the June 1989 murders of Joan Rogers and her two daughters, whose bodies were found floating in Tampa Bay, Florida, with their hands and feet bound. He asked for two salami sandwiches on white bread with mustard and peanut butter, grape jelly on white iced tea and coffee. That's a serial killer for you.

That is a serial killer. When they're making it, they're like, I've never made this sandwich. By the way, how many... I mean, you met this guy, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. You've seen this guy in Tampa 50 times. He looks like every guy you walk past at a gas station. Yeah. He's like, hey, sorry. Yeah. You hold the door for him. He's like, thank you very much. Yeah. I was going to murder you, but now I'm not. Now I'm not. Yeah. Are those the only murders he was convicted of? Or are there more? What? I mean...

Honestly, no one's killing anyone anymore. No one's killing anyone anymore. Well, no one's putting up numbers anymore. There's murders all the time, but no one really... Do you think it's school shootings kind of weeded out our serial killers? They would have been serial killers, but they got frustrated at a young age? No, the only place you can really get away with doing this kind of work now is rural areas. Because in a city, you're just going to be... You're going to be just...

they get you. They get you on camera. Transactionally, it's like you can't use credit cards. You can't use cell phones. You can't use a computer. You can't scan a card to get into something. You got to live like off the grid in today's world. What do you think was the, what year was the franchise player for serial killers? Oh, it's definitely the 70s. It's got to be like 76. Yeah. 76, they were like running amok. Oh, yeah. And it was like they get notoriety. Serial killing is so fun that they would...

So this has to be someone's bit. I don't, I have to have heard this. All right, hold on. We got to try this fucking lunatic sandwich. Is that, is that the, that's peanut butter and jelly. Oh, that's peanut butter and jelly. Okay. Oh, so he got separate sandwiches. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And so they found out after he was executed, they tied his DNA to another unsolved murder. Oh, nice. Really? In Florida. Yeah. Well, I kind of want to get into the middle of the sandwich. Yeah. Let me see that knife when you're done.

Okay, so this is a salami sandwich with peanut butter and mustard no no no this is Lamy sandwich of mustard Yeah, what if we eat this and we start turning into zero? We're just like this is the best fucking sandwich in the world Okay, I mean you deal with it. No, it's not like my last meal No, not my last meal where I go whoo life was good. So hold on Wait, what was all I said in 2014?

investigators revealed the dna evidence identified this guy chandler as the murderer of a 20 year old ibalice barrios i can't say her name who was strangled 1990. you like it so hold on i would have had a crush cross oh man he didn't he did something crazy

This is a good fucking sandwich. You like it? You want to try the PB&J too? Uh-uh. I don't want to change taste. If I was him, I would have been like, I'm good. Keep your coffee. You want to try the iced tea? Iced tea is a bet. It's fucking awesome. Sweet tea. That's a good fucking sandwich. This PB&J I like. Yeah? Mm-hmm. I haven't had peanut butter and jelly in a while. Yeah, it's good. Let me try it. There's one right there. You know, I haven't had white bread in a really long time. Oh, you're having it now. Oh, man. Fucking A.

Remember Eileen Wuornos, Monster? What did she get to eat? You ready? I'm so fucking excited. You're excited? My uncle defended her. So to get everybody prepared, if you saw the movie Monster, Charlie's Tehran, Eileen Wuornos got a cup of black coffee. What a fucking psycho. Yeah. That's it. She was convicted of murdering six men. Your uncle defended her? I think so. Yeah. He was a public defender. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, type in Joe Hobson, Eileen Warner. Warnos. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. See if there's a picture of them. See if there's a picture of my uncle with Eileen Warnos. No shit. Yeah, my uncle defended her. Type in images. See if you can see a picture of my uncle and Eileen Warnos. How is he related to you? He's my mom's brother. No shit. Yeah, try his. No. Is that him? No, that's not him. Scroll down.

No, he's not on there. Yeah. He did it when I don't think the movie was out yet. No, no, no. I don't think so either. What a fucking psycho she was. Heavily damaged. Shout out to Charlize for fucking getting ugly for that movie. Yeah. She really had to work too. She had to fight. She is so fucking hot. She's gorgeous. She is so fucking hot. Yeah.

Okay. One of your all-time faves here. Ted Bundy? No. This guy murdered at least 33 teenage boys. Oh, I know who it is. I know who it is. John Wayne Gacy. Exactly. John Wayne Gacy. Dude, he's the reason I don't like clowns. Cook County, Illinois. He buried most of them under his house. He got a bucket of KFC and a pound of strawberries, fried shrimp, and fries. It's pretty fucking awesome.

Should we try it? I mean... Fried shrimp? Shout out for the strawberries. I think that really helps cleanse the palate. No ketchup or anything, huh? Fucking good. Yeah, she's so fucking good. Nobody ever talks about that he was actually a great neighbor, you know? Oh, my God. Can we have a fried chicken moment? When you get...

the corner and it's just overly breaded skin. - Yeah. - And it's just skin and bread, that's the best fucking bite of fried chicken. - Some people take the skin off and don't eat it, you know that? Isn't that crazy? - I'd flag those people. Be like, "Don't trust this guy. "I was hungry as fuck when I came in here." - Yeah, I can tell. - I love fried chicken. - It's good, it's good. - God damn it. - Fucking good stuff, man. - It's so fucking good. It's the best way to present chicken.

Fried? Yeah. You make fried chicken at home? I've never made it. I'm afraid to because I'm afraid I'd undercook it. Undercook it? Yeah. Look at your boy. He was a fucking psycho. That guy, you know how he killed dudes? Yeah, the rope. No, he had another one. He had fake handcuffs. Well, that's how he would actually just make them incapable of fighting it.

So he'd put cuffs on them. He'd show them the ones that he had that he could get out of. And then he'd put real cuffs on them. So he would use play ones on himself. On himself. And then swap them. And then when they were cuffed, he would put a rope with the like...

You know like I forget what it's called like a like a stick where you could wind it and then it would just be like a Tighten it kill them like that. Yeah, okay So what something had to change culturally in society for there not to be serial killers And when you see so many of these guys were closeted gay men. Yeah, he was yeah, and they and go was that how bad homophobia was I think it plays I think it plays a part not that it was bad. It was that their

fear of being outed was so intense. I mean, you have to combine that with deep trauma and neglect and everything to get somebody like this. He was abused. He was? By his dad, yeah. Yeah, and I think dads played a big part. Like, dads all started showing up and being good dads. And, like, dads back in the day would be like, you're not going to tell this fat fuck to get off the couch? Yeah. Oh, those who watch the Blues or the Clown. This fucking gay guy. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it gets planted in your head.

You're like, you know what? My dad will never find out. Yeah. He was a big time goofball, this guy. He was a real spaz. Yeah. He was a good neighbor, though. He really was. He actually threw barbecues all the time. He was like you. Social. Had people come over. They were like, John's a great guy. Yeah. John. Like you would be the...

The really... I could. The non-suspicious one. No one would ever think if I started murdering people. No, they'd be like, he's jovial. He's fun. He always has people around. They think the serial killer is the loner. Right? So it's like a good cover because he's like, come over. He's having people over at the house where there's bodies under the fucking house. If you're a serial killer, why don't you just kill bad people? Well, because they don't really have like a moral guide to the killing. They're just... It's just...

I wonder what it feels like. Self-satisfying. I mean, for real, like to deep dive at what it feels like. I would love to hear the thought process of like when you find your victim, like when they're like in the grocery store and then they see them and they're like, oh God, I've got to murder that person. Well, a lot of them get, they get really addicted to the feeling of control, being the person in control who decides to end someone's life. Did you see the one, what's the documentary on Netflix about the...

Does anyone see the one where the couple got kidnapped by the guys in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did we talk about this? Yeah, American Nightmare. American Nightmare. Yeah. And then he was like, he let the one girl go. Yeah. And then people just didn't believe her because they're like, they don't ever let you go. Yeah. Isn't that fucking wild? That thing was great. I would be that serial killer who got you tied up in your bed, duct taped, clothes still on. And then I go, you know what? I don't think I want to do this.

that'd be you yeah i'd want to see the look it's almost like uh casting couch when you see the look on their face he's like i'm gonna need you to suck my dick and they're like that's my favorite part of casting couch what do you think of gacy's meal basic it's kind of basic like it's like i mean fries no i mean really spice it up it really shows you what lowbrow mouth breathers these guys were it's like no one's got something wildly fun let me tell you a fun one yeah christopher brooks

convicted of the 1992 rape, murder, and robbery of Joe D. Ann Campbell, sentenced to death, last meal,

You ready? Yeah. Let me see him. There he is. Oh, what a fucking sociopath looker. Reese's peanut butter cup and a Dr. Pepper. Fucking like the guy. That's really, it's simple. Fuck. It's simple. And it delivers. I would have had more than two Reese's peanut butter cups and I haven't had a Reese's peanut butter cup forever. And I'm, they're my favorite thing in the world. Really? I love them so much. It is the perfect combination of sweet. My opinion is it's a nice, the bite, right? The contrast, the balance, the,

Of the, like the saltiness of peanut butter and then the sugary. Yeah. I liked that it's a Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Where did he grow up? He had to grow up in Alabama or something. It says Alabama. For real? Yeah. That's an Alabama thing is a Dr. Pepper. Really? I'm only basing this off of one interaction I've had with a guy in Alabama. Leanne's grandfather, when I first met him, one of our grandfathers lived in Alabama, and

and i walked in the house and he real quick grabbed me and he said hey you want to take a ride i said yeah he was at your car it was a rental and i was like yeah he's like come on let's go for a ride and we drove for 25 minutes looking for uh the dr pepper he wanted oh a specific one he wanted a specific dr pepper he's like no no no this is in the right place you see uh the hint of a smirk still yeah you see how he's not like a lot of these guys are like stone faced he's got like a little it's like the mona lisa

There's just a little bit of a creep up on the corner of his mouth. He's like... Yeah. Yeah. And how about the darkness of his eyes? You can't see anything in there. What's crazy that women are obsessed with true crime podcasts because they're usually the victims. I think that's why they're obsessed. For real? Yeah, because they know it can happen to them. So there's something titillating about it. They're the ones that are going to be the victim in 99% of these cases. We dodged that bullet. Yeah. I mean...

It can still happen to you, but we're usually not the victims of these guys. Oh, shit. Fucking whiskey. It's all right. There's paper towel right there. Right in front of you. Oh, it's getting on the electronics. Yeah, I like his choice of candy. This is a good one. I think we're good. It's good. It's good. Sure? Yeah, it's good. I didn't get it.

I like his choice of candy. Not enough people are having candy, you know? Yeah. Like I'd go fucking clean out the whole 7-Eleven. Give me a Mounds bar, Almond Joy. How long would your list be for your final meal? It would be long. I didn't know we could pick candy. But if they could be like, you can have whatever you want, would you eat like an absolute pig? Yeah, me too. I bet I get, oh, this is good. The bottom didn't come off at all. Mm-hmm.

You do know your Reese's. I love Reese's peanut butter cups. By the way, I've been doing so good on my diet. Oh, man. I am going to shit like a wolf tonight. I haven't had this kind of food in so long. It's so fucking good. You do a lot of night shits? No. I'm going to straight shit in the morning, and I push. You push hard? Yeah. I get like this. I get like... I shit like a... Like...

They're cleaning out bars on Congress Street at 2 in the morning. Where they're like, alright, alright, everybody out, everybody out, fucking let's go! And then I wait for it, and as I feel it hit my body, I go, and... And we all shit it all out together. That's how you shit? Yeah. I let it sit, I let it sit, I get on Wordle, and I sit around, and then when I feel it, where it's going like this, and shit's going like...

I could go. As soon as he says that to me, I go, and you're out. And I just push it all out like I'm giving birth. Does it splatter out? Oh, yeah. Oh, it splashes up and sticks. I push so hard, it's always caked onto the back. I always have shit caked on the back of the toilet seat or the back of the toilet, like a fucking landslide. So what's the texture of most of yours? I would say medium soft. Okay. I don't have a lot of logs.

I don't have an A log. Do you remember the last time you had a log? No. No. A lot of snakes. Okay. Like a lot of the thin ones that are like curly and then a lot of ones that look like if you took like manure and then dunked it into a bowl of water in your hand and then threw it in the toilet, that's what it would look like. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

I got my kolonoski. I'm good. That's great. Yeah, I'm good. Oh, man. Are we having more meals? I can't really eat that much more. What the fuck? I should have known that we were going to eat 100 goddamn meals. I would have slowed down. Oh, someone got pizza?

Who is he? Bring him up. William Gary Saley. In a violent rampage against his ex-wife and her family, he shot to death John Lee Moore, wounded Mr. Moore's wife, kidnapped his ex-wife and her sister, took them to Liberty County, where he repeatedly assaulted both, and then he got a medium pizza with pepperoni sausage, chicken wings, buffalo sauce, and a large Sprite. That is a very large Sprite. Did he watch a movie with it? Yeah. Yeah.

I know you're a big pizza guy. I'm a huge pizza guy. I would love if it was a little warmer, but I guess. I have the appetite of a serial killer. Yeah. Your house and food. Do you run this morning? Uh-oh. I ran this morning. Fucking hated it. I took the day off. Oh, there he is. He looks like a fucking serial killer. Yeah, he's... We should do a game, serial killer or teacher.

just pull up a picture of a serial killer and pull up of a teacher who just got an award because they all look like you can tell that this dude is going through right like if you just saw this image you'd be like stay away from this guy my seat is covered in food that's okay we'll clean it up like you would know if you're a woman and you're on a dating app you would know which way to swipe right if you yeah i don't know how this guy would anyone would swipe right on this guy at all

So menacing. What it is, he kidnapped his wife? Yeah, it was his, I guess it was his ex? Has to be an ex. Yeah, he was going through a divorce with his ex-wife. He killed her dad and then kidnapped her and her mom, I believe. He kidnapped his ex-wife and her sister. Or his sister, yeah. Yeah. I guess he didn't kill them, though? No, it was pretty nice of him. Yeah, that is nice. He just kidnapped them? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean. After he killed somebody else, you know, he still killed somebody, just not them. I guess, I don't know. Once you're in it, might as well kill him. No, I agree. Yeah. You know. You already killed somebody. Yeah, once you've killed someone, kill everyone. There's no reason to kill one person. You already got blood on your hands. That's the whole point of that blood on your hands. Yeah, now you're really actually thinking clearly. If I accidentally kill one person, I'm going on a fucking rampage. Thank you. I'm like, I'm already in trouble.

yeah it's like when when my parents when I was a kid they were like you're grounded and you need to come home right after school on Friday and then I'd be like I'm not gonna yeah and they're like no you need to I was like I have a car I'm gonna just stay out and they're like well then you need to come home first thing Saturday morning I was like I think I'm seeing I'm gonna I know I'm already in trouble so I'm just gonna stay out until Sunday I'll see you Sunday yeah and I'll deal with this Sunday sure and they would be a shit show you get yelled at yeah I punched a wall you did yeah how much trouble did you get in a lot

What did they, what was like a punishment like? It was, I don't know. Right now my dad's going, let's not talk about that goddamn story. Oh, okay. I fucking, I have a flair for the dramatics. Yeah, yeah. And so, I don't know, whatever. I punched a wall. You remember Timothy McVeigh? Of course I do. Remind people what he did. Timothy McVeigh.

Timothy McVeigh was Oklahoma bombing. Yeah, Oklahoma City bombing. Oklahoma City bombing. I've been to that place. And you see with the damage that one truck full of manure did, it's overwhelming. And what's so crazy to this day, you can't really joke much about that in Oklahoma City because so many families were affected by that. Yeah. So many families were affected by it. Well, you're trying to talk about blood on your hands. I mean, he killed so many people. He did that because of...

Like Waco and Ruby Ridge. His final meal, two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream. What the fuck? Yeah. Why would he get mint chocolate chip? I don't know. That's the dumbest thing. He's only fucking four years older than me? Not anymore. How old was he when he did the bombing? It was 95, so he would have been, what is that, 27 or so? Yep. God, man.

Pretty young guy to have his path clear, you know? And he went out like a gangster, right? Like he just was like, yeah, I'm not sorry, right? Yeah, he wasn't. He was like, it's just... I did this, my job as an American. Yeah, he just had to do what I had to do, yeah. Post-military life.

Yeah, he was the Waco thing bothered him for Ruby Ridge. And by the way, I got to be honest with you. I kind of, you know, when you watch those things like the Ruby Ridge thing was a shit show. They shot that kid, that guy's child. They killed his child. Yeah. And him and his child were just hunting. Didn't know that they were coming in. They shot his child, then shot his fucking wife, blew her head off. And by the way, if I'm not mistaken, the guy from Ruby Ridge, all he was guilty of was sawing off a shotgun for someone.

Jesus. Yeah, it was really, they really kind of, there was a white supremacist group, and this guy was just trying to make friends. Here, the day before his execution, he said in a letter to the Buffalo News, I'm sorry these people had to lose their lives, but that's the nature of the beast. It's understood going in what the human toll will be. He said, if there turned out to be an afterlife, he would improvise, adapt, and overcome. If there is a hell, then I'll be in good company with a lot of fighter pilots on

who also had to bomb innocents to win the war. I knew I wanted this before it happened. I knew my objective was state-assisted suicide. And when it happens, it's in your face. You just did something you're trying to say. It should be illegal for medical personnel. Okay? I don't understand the last part. I don't know what he's talking about either. Yeah. Anyway, ice cream.

Ice cream. I like regular chocolate chip more than mint chocolate chip. Oh, I fucking, who gets mint chocolate chip other than eight-year-old girls? Like, do you like regular mint or regular vanilla chocolate chip? Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, me too. Mint chocolate chip, I'm like, no, it tastes like- Medicine. You're brushing your teeth. Yeah. I don't understand that vibe. Why don't they make mint chocolate chip toothpaste? They might for kids. I bet they do. They're flavored. I see them in the house all the time. Really? Yeah, the kids all have flavored stuff. Do your kids brush their teeth on their own? Yeah.

for fucking 2.3 seconds. Yeah. No, I had to go back and I'd be like, come on, it doesn't count, bro. It doesn't count? I'm like, you didn't clean anything. They're like, I did. I'm like, that's two seconds. You got to do it a little bit longer. The idea of two minutes is like absolute fantasy. I don't know who came up with that. I don't know. That's never happening with a little kid. But like, I try to get us to like at least, you know, 25 seconds, something that's like, hey, let's get in there.

Oh, it's been a little melty. Ooh. It's going to be good, but I just think... Oh, wow. That's a good bite. Pretty good? I haven't had mint chocolate chip in a while. You've been saying that about everything. Good? That's really good. That's really good. So was McVeigh on to something? Guy had a lot of good ideas. Guy knew who he was. You know how to celebrate on the way out? Let's see. I mean, you know what? It feels almost...

Without the chocolate, it would be a palate cleanser. The mint would just kind of, but I don't want to have a bunch of it. He had two fucking pints, you lunatic. What, are you going to blow up a building? Crazy person. It's wild that like, I wonder how many of these serial killers, what would have happened with their legacy and their public interest if we had had the internet back then?

And I wonder how many serial killers you would have picked off first because of their postings. You know, because of what they posted. Oh, right. This guy is filled with hate. Well, it'd just be... You couldn't... You could just track people so much easier. You know what I mean? Like, DNA is obviously a huge one because that... They find one crime scene, take DNA, and it's like, if they match it somewhere else, they're like, you know, we have the same person. But, like, you know, a car...

Driving from point A to point B now is captured by tolls and cameras and they can put this stuff together when they're looking for somebody. You see images of people walking around. You don't realize how much your digital footprint is everywhere. That makes it

Almost impossible. It's like when you watch documentaries now about Timothy McVeigh, about Ruby Ridge, about Waco, David Koresh. When you watch these documentaries, they almost justify these guys' actions. Like when you watch the one about the Unabomber. Yeah. You go like...

I didn't like his way of vocalizing his thoughts, but his manifesto kind of sounds spot on. Oh, whatever. One of the lead investigators from the FBI in that case goes, he goes, when you read it, he goes, I basically agree with him. He just doesn't agree with fucking mailing bombs to people. Yeah. And he did. Do you know why he was called the Unabomber?

I forget. I think, I mean, it's in one of the things I watched. Yeah, because he did universities and airlines. Oh, that's right. I thought it was Yuna because he was by himself. No, yeah. He was the only bomber. Yeah. You know, he quit for like 10 years and they thought he was dead. And then he bombed again. And they were like, this motherfucker. Yeah. God damn it. But he's, like every time I go to a fucking red light and there's no one around, I think of fucking Yuna.

What's his name? John Krasinski? Ted Krasinski. Ted Krasinski. John Krasinski is the actor. The actor, yeah. Do you think they're related? I mean, yeah, they're both bad guys. See if John Krasinski is related to Ted Krasinski. I don't think that has anything to do with it. Oh, how fucking crazy would it be if we unearthed the fact that it was his uncle? They're different names. John Krasinski? And Ted Krasinski? Oh, they're not the same name? No, they're the same name. What if he changed his name? To Krasinski? It'd be...

Do you think you'd do good if you changed your name to Tom Wayne Gacy? I don't think so. There you go. Oh, my God. People are doing it. Oh, wait. Was Ted Kaczynski in? Wait, hold on. What's that say? Kaczynski on Kaczynski. Or what's wrong with Quiet Place? What is that? Are they fucking related? No. No, they're not related. What is it? I don't know. Hold on. So, Zombie Lake and, I don't know, perhaps one place. I don't know.

It's an essay on the film A Quiet Place. By the way, did I tell you when I saw A Quiet Place 2 in Serbia? It was with Cale and Andrew. And they were like, we should go see a movie today. And all the movies we watched, they were like, it'll be good because there's no talking in it. So we don't, you just watch the movie. So we don't have to worry about the translation. Because they translated to Serbian. So we're like, okay, cool.

So the movie starts and John Krasinski comes down, sits at the thing and signs to someone. And then the subtitles show up in Serbian. Yeah. And we're like, motherfucker. We couldn't tell anything what happened to the whole movie. And there's sign language the whole time? Sign language the whole time.

And we were like, we couldn't understand anything that happened. What is this? Well, James Edward Smith fatally shot insurance executive Larry Rojas during a robbery inside a second floor cashier's office. He looks like OJ Simpson. Near the Astrodome. And he wanted a lump of soil associated with voodoo rituals. He explained it would be used to mark his body so the spirit would move on and not become a ghost. Where was he? He was born in Kentucky? Yeah.

Did he eat it? His last meal was a lump of dirt. I think he just wanted to, let's see. They didn't actually give it to him. They didn't give it to him? No, they wouldn't allow it. They had to give him something off the actual menu. They present you a menu? But we gave it to you. Yes, thank you guys. No problem. Where did you get the soil from? Home Depot, I think. It feels nice.

Like real soil. This is what my shit looks like. Just like that? Like if you grabbed a handful of this and then dunked it into coffee and threw it in a toilet, that's what it looks like. I'm not even fucking around. Like I probably shit that much. No, more than that. I shit like two handfuls of shit. But it's like soil. Jesus Christ, man. It's good. I think that means you have a healthy fiber intake. Really? I think so. You don't want logs of shit coming out your ass. I don't know.

Well, I mean, okay. Agreed. What the fuck? Okay, bring it in. Just drop it. Just drop it. What is it? This is from Stephen Wayne Anderson. What a fucking lunatic already. He shot an 81-year-old. Look at his fucking picture. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. He was having fun. He had a burglary. He shot a woman, and then he fixed himself some noodles in her kitchen.

And he asked for a grilled cheese, pint of cottage cheese, how many corn mixture, peach pie, chocolate chip ice cream, and side of radishes. Is that regular chocolate chip? Yes. Yeah, see. So wait, is that a grilled cheese? Yeah. Is it warm? Probably not too warm. Probably not too warm. Thank you, Kermit. It's a room temperature. Yeah.

are you from france room temperature room temperature grilled cheese oh thank you so much this is really room temperature yeah i don't even think you did you guys put mayonnaise on this jesus it would be better warm yeah of course what's the what's the pie what kind of pie is that peach pie pass regular chocolate chip ice cream though

How much? Oh, Jesus. I thought you were going to have the cottage cheese. I'm going to throw up. I love cottage cheese. You don't like cottage cheese? I hate cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is the fucking best. I love this, though. This is my favorite ice cream, actually. Ah, shit. I fucking love cottage cheese. I literally can't look over at you. I bet if you put some peach in the cottage cheese. You really don't like cottage cheese? I really don't. How much cottage cheese can I put in my mouth to make you throw up? I mean, I'm almost there.

I love cottage cheese. Really? I love cottage cheese. There's food everywhere. I love cottage cheese. I think I got an old woman's palate sometimes. I like cottage cheese. Are we done eating? Because I want to put another fucking Lucy in. What's one more? What's one more? By the way, the peach pie is pretty fucking legit. We have one single olive with a pit. Oh, yeah. That's definitely for Bert. That is from Victor Harry...

He kidnapped and murdered a doctor across state lines. He asked for a single olive with a pit, and he wanted it to be buried with him so a tree could grow. Oh, that's badass. Oh, look at this fucking teacher. Mm-hmm. He was a drifter. We don't have drifters anymore. Now we have guys on Instagram who live in vans. Yeah, that's a big van living. Yeah, it's a way to be poor but still not look like you're poor. It goes into my thing. It goes into my fucking thing about like,

You don't want to show the real thing. Yeah. So you create a thing to be. Would you like that olive? No. Okay. Or the pit? I mean, you just ate so much cottage cheese, I'm going to fucking puke. You're finding food in my lap. I love cottage cheese. So who do you give the star to? Who do you think did the best job? I'm going to start with the first guy, the black guy with the Kool-Aid. Yeah? Yeah. The fucking fried chicken's a move. I like that he got a steak. Fried chicken's a shit.

And pecan pie? I mean, I would do his meal. And a pecan pie, I gotta be honest with you, I would have added ice cream to the pecan pie. I would have brought in candy bars. I would have gotten all the candy bars. I'd just take a bite of them and just throw them out. They're not gonna waste them. Yeah. Um...

I would overeat so that when you electrocute me, it's coming back up. Yeah. Like, I would fill my mouth with cottage cheese. I'm just going like this. And then it just goes fucking... Yeah. And no one's going to forget my death. Yeah, because...

With all of these, this was like electric chair stuff. It was all electric chair. How would you rather go out, electric chair or lethal injection? Well, lethal injection is fucking boring. I mean, if you want to go, like if you live this life where you're like, I'm fucking chopping bodies up and shit, then you ask for the sizzle. What about guillotine? Pull up all the forms of execution. They still have hanging in a couple states, right?

I don't know if they do anymore. There are five methods, lethal injection, electrocution, lethal gas, hanging, and a firing squad. But they don't, do they use any? Hold on, they do a firing squad in the United States? I don't think they do that anymore. It says there's five executions in the United States. I know, but no, there's no. I'd ask for a fucking firing squad.

So that I sat on those guys' minds for the rest of their fucking life. In 2024, Idaho, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Carolina, and Utah. By the way, the same places you can't get Pornhub on at. You can't upload Pornhub to. I know. Other than the exact same fucking places. I have Firing Squad as a death penalty. I mean, when was that last used? You never hear about Firing Squad. I would go Firing Squad. Yeah, no, I get it.

Hands behind my back. They're all gonna shoot you in the heart. You're not gonna feel it You'll be dead in a second say wild shit at the end of your execution. Yeah, like just say like that does it 2010

Whoa, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Can you read this out loud? Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed at Utah State Prison on June 18th, 2010 for killing an attorney during a courthouse escape attempt. Gardner sat in a chair, sandbags around him, and a target pinned over his heart. Oh, can you pull up images? I bet someone had to take a picture of this, right? I mean, I would think so. Whoa. Whoa.

And they did it in a room? Looks like it. That's the actual fucking thing. Go to the actual fucking chair. Yeah. Yeah, that's it, bro. How many people shot? How many people shot at him? Just one? Oh, wouldn't it be cool if you could be a part of the family that shot him? Like, if he killed your family, you could then kill him? I mean, that'd be cool. I think we should get rid of the death penalty and allow you to just have them as, like, keepsakes.

Like you keep them in a cage in your house. Yeah, that'd be cool. Like someone kills my family. Then they go, Bert, would you like him to be executed? Check out his last meal. Steak, lobster tail, apple pie, vanilla ice cream. And seven up before beginning a 48 hour fast. Oh, they made them fast. Why? I think so that they didn't puke all over the fucking place. He also watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

by firing squad. He was placed in restraints on a black metal chair with a hood covering his head. Sandbags were arranged around him to absorb ricochets. The firing squad was made up of five anonymous volunteers who were certified police officers. The officers stood at about 25 feet. One of them has a blank so that they don't know if they're the one that killed him. Is that true? Yeah.

The firing squad's .30 caliber Winchester rifles were loaded with live ammunition except for one that contained a non-lethal wax bullet. The squad used a countdown cadence beginning with five and simultaneously firing right before two. Right before two? Five, four, three, two. Oh. Do you think they were like, don't go on one? And they're like, for real? He's like, yeah, let's give them one more little fucking treat. Yeah.

He was the first person to be executed by a firing squad in the United States since the execution of John Albert Taylor 14 years earlier. A commemorative coin was commissioned for prison staff who participated in the execution. That's cool. Just giving you a heads up. If you come to one of my shows, I would love one of those coins. Yeah. I would love one of those coins. I bet you can find one of those coins. I bet those police officers are dead now. Not all of them. They're probably still alive.

But how okay it is a weird pitch, but if someone murdered your family, right? Yeah, and they're like Tom would you like me to go to? Execute it or would you like in prison or we can give them to you? We're gonna build a cage at the bottom of your house where he'll be yours for the rest of your life You can do whatever you want to this guy really let him know how you feel I take that one for the rest of my life. I get this kind of cage. Don't forget about him Yeah, I'm gonna die, but he'll die when I've gotten over it. Yeah, cuz I'll be like oh shit I have that guy on the bottom of my basement. Oh

I have not fed him in a while. And then I go down and I'm like, Hey buddy. Yeah. How you doing? And he's like, Oh please. I'm so sorry. I go, Oh, I got a jalapenos for you. You want to eat those? I fucking torture that man. Yeah. I've had, I've had fantasies about like people breaking into my house and me, uh,

And me stopping them, thwarting them. And then going, now we're going to have some fucking fun. And I pull out a chest, like a steamer trunk. And I put them in it and I lock it. And I talk to them. And I go, that does it. You made big mistakes tonight. I had another fantasy that these guys... I had this fantasy yesterday morning. Yesterday morning that these guys broke into my house and...

and they wanted to steal all my money, and I said, hang on, let me change your life. Let me get you on the right path and get you working, and let me change your life for the better, and they all accepted it. Really? Yeah, and they were like, it always starts as a dream, and then I wake up, and then I lay in my bed, and I fantasize and finish that dream. I think the thing if you had somebody like that captive in your home is

or like in a dungeon is, you know, you make them suffer an almost inconceivable amount. Yeah. Oh yeah. And then you get them to a point where you tell them the suffering is over and then you build them back up and you do it slowly and

And you do it methodically. So they're like, I survived the worst experience ever. And now I'm on the other side of it. And you're like, yeah, you did. And then you make them suffer all over again with all the same tactics. So the trauma that they experienced is reignited.

by the starvation and the lack of air. Whatever you did, keep them in a dark room, no stimulation. And you do that again, and it's so much more traumatic because they remember how terrible it was. And you can do cycles of that to really break them down. I'd even go this far.

if someone was to hurt someone in my family, I would take all the money I have to get them out of it. And then I want to capture them with my team. And then I want to bring them to a place that it'll be, it'll be like a vacation spot for me where I have this cage and this big house that I've built in a concrete bunker. And, and then I'll just torture them for the rest of their lives. Yeah. That'd be fun. That would be fucking so how much fun do you think you'd have

loving to torture someone. Oh, I think there would be, I mean, especially because I'm sure it was fun to torture anyone, but to justify a torture, like that's gotta be the biggest thrill of all. Yeah. Somebody that. What was the movie? There's two movies that are kind of like this. One was old boy. That's the greatest fucking movie ever. That's the fucking, cause then he chooses to go back. Shout out to Korea. Yeah. And then what was the other one? Fantastic. Hugh Jackman was a Hugh Jackman.

Where he gets caught and goes to prison? Prisoners. Is that what it is? Can you pull up the cover? Yeah. Did you ever see that movie, Tom? No. It's he goes to someone kills his wife and daughters. And then he, yeah. No, no, no, that's not it. No, that's not it. I know this movie. That's not it. It's maybe it's not Hugh Jackman. What's the guy that looks just like Hugh Jackman?

Gerard Depardieu? No, not Gerard Depardieu. What's the other guy? Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler. Law-abiding citizen. Law-abiding citizen. That's the fucking movie. Law-abiding citizen.

Yeah, and he gets put into jail so that he can start killing people. And then he takes the guy, takes him to his workshop, and cuts his eyelids off. And he puts a mirror in front of him and he goes, you're going to watch all of this. Oh, fuck. That's cool. Okay, so I like those movies more. Like revenge movies, I like movies more. Revenge is the best theme. It's the best theme that exists. Have you guys ever seen, what is it?

I saw the devil. Yeah. Well, no, what is it? No, what is it? Oh my God. I like it. If you like this, I don't want to tell you. No, you got to just see it. What is it on? It's a, you can see it. Uh, it's, it's Korean. Yeah. Also, if not, you can just get it on iTunes. Do you think that's fun being a prisoner in jail where you get to exact revenge on people who have done horrible things? Like when it comes in, of course, do you think they're like, dude,

This feels fucking awesome. Yeah, they're stoked for it. Let's terrorize this guy for the rest of his fucking life. Well, they end his life usually. Yeah. Yeah, because it's justified. Have you seen Revenge? Like the actual movie Revenge? No, what is it? Just pull up the cover so I can see it. Maybe I've seen it.

I would like to, if I could open a mom and pop shop, it would be based on Revenge. This is really good. What's this? It's a movie that the title tells you all you need to know. You don't need to see it. I would just watch the movie. I want to watch it on Netflix. I don't remember if it's on Netflix or if it's on another platform, but it looks like it says maybe Prime.

I bet it is prime. My phone's fucked. I got a new phone. And then I saw The Devil. Will you pull up that cover for him? I saw The Devil and Revenge. Pete, will you write these down? So good. Oh, is this a Korean movie? Yes. Do I have to read it? Yeah. I mean, you could do dub if you want. Dub is terrible. I did dub. What's the movie? What's the movie? 1899? 1899. The series on Netflix? I haven't seen it. So the series on Netflix. Type in 1899 Netflix. Okay.

Okay, so this is... Yeah. This movie... This movie is a Dutch movie, right? Yeah. So, like, I didn't know that. And so I have the setting on Netflix where it just has them speak English. Yeah. Everyone sounds like they're a little hard of hearing. Yeah. You know, everyone's like, oh, so it's good to meet you. Yeah. Oh, I guess we'll go to the other boat. Do you want to jump off? And I was like, that's crazy. One of the characters...

doesn't speak English. And that's a whole plot twist in this thing is that she's Korean or she's Chinese. Her and her mother don't speak English. So they don't really know what's going on, but they're talking about other people to other people. And they're speaking in Chinese people who don't know what to respond. But in my movie, she's talking English to everybody. Everybody. So the whole fucking plot line is lost to me because this girl talks English throughout the entire fucking movie. You got to do subtitles. I got to do subtitles. They did. They did. They did. Did you see the one they did finding the movie they did? We got wrapped. I know. I know. I know. I know.

And then go, what's the movie they also did? The 1899 movie. It's so fucking good. It's called Dark. Is it called Dark? Dark. Is it Dark? Dark. Type in Dark. Dark. Dude, this fucking movie fucked me up. That series fucked me up. That's a German series. Time travel, fucking children are involved. So like my heart is like, because I was a dad, you go fuck, fuck, fuck.

Highly recommend. And I'll say it again. If you haven't watched Ripley yet, go watch the series. It's so fucking good. And I'm saying to everyone over at Mythical Kitchen, Josh, you got to get Tom on. I'd love to see you do your last meal. Okay. It's so fucking good. It's such a fun show. That'd be fun. And you eat like a fucking lunatic. Okay, cool.

I got to shit so bad. Okay. All right. Go shit. I love you. I love you. Bye. Bye. Bye.