Bob Dylan Sucks | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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100% Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave. I'm here with my buddy Bertrand. The strongest comedian living. The strongest living comedian. Am I the strongest comedian? Am I the strongest comedian? I don't know. That's a good question. Top five? Top ten?

Think you probably top ten well here's that easy no wait you mean like known comedian oh yeah, yeah I'm sure there's dudes that are yeah unknown that are power lifters that are just getting into it juice heads and fucking yeah Oh carrot top carrot top. He's up there. I don't know I don't know I bet free Godfrey's price oh Godfrey's price wrong. I don't know what 325 I mean let's talk about it. Okay, but you brought it up um

Yeah, yeah. Google how many people in the world can bench 325 pounds. Let's see. How many centimeters in an inch? Wow, less than 10%. Less than 10%. Only a small percentage. Less than 10% can bench 310 pounds. Yeah.

That's so funny. That's not what I got when I Googled it. It was like 0.01% of the world. I think that's fine. 10% of the world can bench 325 pounds. That's a lot of strong motherfuckers. Well, it is saying less than 10, which is pretty broad. Less than 10%. I think it's 0.01. I know that if you do 400 pounds bench, you're in a very small. So I got one readout that said. There you go.

Of dedicated weightlifters. That's not of the population. Of dedicated weightlifters can do 400. Do you think there's people in the population that can bench 400 pounds that don't lift weights?

There's a couple freak shows for sure, like Genetic Anomalies, you know, like Farmers Sons who are just out there hauling hay every day that are like freak shows. Yeah, but most of the time, this is like somebody really dedicated to doing that. So walk me through how you felt when you saw the video of me benching 325 pounds. Well, I was proud of you. I didn't – it went through a phase where like at first –

You know, you were like, I don't know if I can. I'm doing, this is when you had the first date, which was like, I think New Year's Day. Yeah. And you were like, I've gotten, I forget, 290 or something. And you were going to do 305 or 315? Yeah. I did three. I did, right before New Year's, I did 305 twice.

And then I did 315, but it was like touch and go. Well, I thought before that, when you were like, I've gotten 290 or something, I was like, yeah, you might, you might not. It was like kind of up in the air. Once you told me you were moving it but upping the weight, I actually thought you were crazy for a second because –

You're like, I got this, but now I'm moving the day and I'm raising the weight. I was like, that's pretty crazy because if you're not there, you're making it much harder. Then when you told me you had done a couple reps of 305, I was pretty certain you were going to get it. It's interesting how you can do the math about that, but even still, Arnold kind of fucked me up and he was like,

He's like, it's crazy. Sometimes you get 350 pounds and then they put on two and a half and you can't get it off your chest. It's mental. It's fucking mental. I do think that's true. I also think there's days, like I tell you, my dad used to track all his lifts in a journal, right? And he was doing Olympic lifting, but he said he also would write down

like how he was going into that day. So like I was super tired or energized. Thinking there'd be a correlation between like I feel like shit and bad lifts or I feel great and good lifts. He was like, they never lined up. Really? I could go in there, feel like I didn't sleep well, whatever, and have a great lift. And then I would have great feeling days and have bad lifts. Do you feel like that was stand-up sometimes?

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, kind of. I know, especially, you know, the first time you tour on a big scale, like for me, that would have been, I don't know, probably like 2016 or 17. So I'm like going into theaters and you would clock like, oh, I'm in, I'm just making it up, but like, I'm in Madison. The show was great.

And then you go, so Madison only has great shows. Like that's the, your brain registers it. And you go to Indy, the show sucked. You're like, so Indy sucks.

And you come through the next time and you're like, so Madison will be great. And it's not great. You're like, what the fuck? And then Indy is great. And you're like, oh, this is totally an inverse of what I thought. And then the more you tour, you realize that every night it can go any which way. There are certain indicators. I feel like small indicators. They're not 100%.

But for me, I always check out before the, like when the show's about to begin, I get on the VOG for the Voice of God mic for the comic that's gonna go on stage for it. And when that thing goes on, like the lights have been turned off. If the lights turn off and they're just like,

silence you're like what the fuck and then you go it's just good quiet like they're about to see a play yeah and you're and then you go like hey you know fucking memphis how you guys feeling tonight and it's just like a smattering of applause you're like are there people out there yeah and and it's just like it's one of those things where you go oh that feels like that might inform what this next hour and a half is going to be like

You know, conversely, like when you hear lights go off and they go, and you're like, how are you guys doing? And they go, you're like, oh shit, we got a live one here. I would say it's pretty like, it pretty much informs how that night's going to go to a degree, but it's just not a hundred percent. You can sometimes still have it go. Oh, I thought it was going to be shitty because of that. And it was good. Or I thought they were going to be,

great and it was kind of you know flatter but i do feel like paying attention to how they react to like the first time they're hearing you know oh the show is starting it's a big indicator i mean i don't know if you had it on your last i also had i was thinking about this week shows that i was like man i don't understand how that was such a bad show like

I guess you don't go, I don't understand how it's so good on other, because sometimes it's so good and you go, well, that's the best. Yeah. It's so good that you go, that was the best. But it's also just the roll of the dice. It's better if I don't care about the show. Yeah. You have to care, but you can't be like high pressure on it, right? Well, I get nervous. I get nervous at Red Rocks. I get nervous at the Greek, anything big, LA. No, no, no, not like the Gorge, I wasn't nervous.

But like Red Rocks is a big one for me. Like I'm really, I'm doing, I'm doing, I don't, we haven't announced it, but I'm doing Red Rocks again this year. I get nervous at the Greek. Why? I don't know. I think because I invest, I put a lot into it. Like the Greek really made me nervous. Red Rocks always, always made me nervous. But that's why I like doing Red Rocks. Because it makes you nervous. Because I don't, I don't always get nervous like that. Like are you going to get nervous doing Madison Square Garden? Maybe a little bit. It's like a tent pole. Huh? It's like a tent pole.

I think only because it's not that it's MSG for me. It's that in New York, I never feel like the... New York and LA crowds to me are a little more kind of judgy and a little like I'm not impressed, just so you know, is how they kind of feel. And so that's the part that kind of makes me like, oh, are they going to be...

it's not that like, oh, I'm in this space, even though I have great admiration for MSG. It's just that like, I go, what kind of, like what kind of crowds showing up, you know? Cause I've had New York shows where you're like, what the fuck was that? And then Chris, Chris DeStefano is doing Madison square garden on nine 11.

Yeah. He came with me last weekend. He came with me. I just saw that. That's what made me think about this. I just saw him with you in Chicago. He got such a pop when he went up there. Really? I told him, I was like, Hey, you might have to calm yourself down. He was like, really? I go, well, yeah, because you're a surprise guest and he's, this audience knows you.

So when they hear you get announced and you pop up, I go, they're going to go crazy. And they did. They went nuts. Yeah. It was awesome to watch. He had a great set. It was so fun. But it was fucking lit there, dude. It was like we're about just a hair under 17,000 people. And they were like, I mean, it's Chicago. They were energetic. And he was.

Yeah, he had a great set. I had the most fun doing that show. And he had a seizure in that show. Someone had a seizure? Yeah. Someone had a seizure at my Lucky taping. Oh, really? During the taping, someone had a fucking seizure. And I was like, great, we won't use this fucking... I'm like working the round, so I'm like working it, you know? You don't just stay planted, which is like the different thing. You're here, and then you walk over here, and then you walk... So at first, I just see...

Some people standing in this area. But you also see people trying to get to their seats. And you can't acknowledge everything, right? Yeah. So I make another loop on my second loop around. I go, what's going on? And they're like, she's having a seizure. And I go, oh, Jesus. I go, hey, do you want the lights on? Because that's more important. Turn the lights on and off real quick. Just everyone click, click, click, click, click, click. I go, you want to light her up? Because that's more important than what I'm doing.

And then the guy goes, no, we're good. And I go, okay. And then I just see like medical personnel. I'm like, I think I should just hold a beat while you guys do this. It's kind of weird to keep going. And then they put her in a stretcher and they wheeled her out. And then I saw the people around her sit down. And I go, hey, do you want to leave with her? Because that's kind of... And they're like, oh, we're not with her. I was like, oh, okay, well...

I hope she lives. And then everyone was like, oh. I'm like, well, I mean, what do you mean to say? Like, I don't... We did a Hail Mary as an arena for her. And then I realized... Oh, the prayer. The prayer, yeah. Yeah, I didn't throw a ball to her. I just... I was like... We just prayed. I was like, well, you did a whole Mary. You did a Hail Mary. And then I was like, I think I fucked up because I thought... I think she may have had a hijab on. So then I just prayed to Allah also. But... Fuck yeah. Yeah. But I mean, yeah, I think...

I think she's okay. I don't know. She could not be okay. I didn't understand what happened after. I had an interesting moment when I saw that picture that we have up right now. It's you in Chicago. And I haven't been really on social media a ton. I've been trying to stay off it just for mental health because sometimes I'm being very candid and honest. Sometimes I will see a picture like this and I'm not touring and it will bum me out.

I'll go, what am I doing with my life? I wish I could do something like this. And I was with Leanne in bed. And I saw the list of pictures. And it looked so fun. It was fun. You got the jerseys. Yeah. You got the fucking. Yeah. You're with DeStefano. And it's just so cool. Jeff Tate was there. Yeah, Jeff Tate. And I was in bed with Leanne. And I was like, I'm not doing shit with my fucking career. Oh, my god. You're crazy, dude. And I was like, I got to get on the road. I got to get back on tour. And I was like.

I got to do Chicago. I want to do the United Center. And she was like, wait, didn't you do it last time you were in Chicago? I was like, did I? She goes, yeah. And then I look and I have the exact same fucking picture of me in United Center. And I'm like, God damn it. How can you get, how is it that you can get sad and

When you see someone doing something, but then you've also done the same thing and then you, but you, but it reflects on you internally. Like, you know what I mean? It's like such a weird thing to like see someone on vacation and it bums you out and you're like, wait, I've been to that exact resort. Yeah. Like I see people on vacation and I go, oh man, I wish I could do that. I was in Spain. I was in Spain looking at people on vacation going, I want to go on vacation. You're like, I'm on vacation. Yeah. What the fuck? Wait, how was Spain? Oh, amazing. Yeah.

Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. I'll tell you what, we need to incorporate siestas. Siestas are great. And by the way, I think my Spanish is really good. Yeah. And Georgia speaks Spanish. Yeah. And Georgia was doing an impression of me speaking Spanish. And it was like, me like Campari.

Me want, me want ice. Me want ice, ice, ice. More ice, more ice. Is she loving it there? She loves it. Yeah. She loves it. She is, she's speaking Spanish and I'm having the time of her life and we went and visited Isla at college. Isla's fucking happier than ever. Just Leanne and I sat as fuck alone in a house.

Just me and her every fucking day, Tom. Every fucking day. Well, now I see why you want to go on the road. Don't you feel like you had a much needed break. Don't you think this has been good for you, though, too? It's been really good for me. It's been really good for me to slow down. I think, can I tell you the biggest thing? And this is maybe a little inside baseball, but like,

I think when you're that busy, sometimes people ask you to do creative stuff and you don't have the bandwidth for it. And so it comes out mediocre. And so like, like I'll give you a perfect example is like promo videos, right?

They would tell me, like, we need an on-sale video for dot, dot, dot. And I'd just be like, I got so many of those. Because, you know, you have an on-sale video for a show. I need a promo video for Poroso. I need a promo video for our 5K. I need a promo video for your special. You have a movie coming out. We need to do a promo for that. And you have all this stuff that you just...

All of a sudden, I feel like the fun gets pulled out of the job. When the job was never intended to be work, it was meant to be fun. It is work, but it should be fun work. And that's when it's at its best. And that's why I think when you see, I'll use Shane as an example, but when you see Shane make tires or Gillian Keeves,

That was all just fun. It wasn't work yet. His calendar wasn't loaded. All he had to do was sit in an apartment with his boys and try to make each other laugh. And that's the beauty of the playfulness of stand-up, you know? And I think I had subtracted that out of it and gotten so many plates spinning that I couldn't have fun with anything. I just was like, I looked at everything as another job. And I think I'm glad I'm glad now.

That I got the opportunity to kind of slow down because now I'm having fun and trying to like writing jokes and shooting content that's fun. And I'm enjoying doing podcasts that I'm not promoting anything. I'm just going on to do a podcast. Well, then also maybe try not to get yourself –

in that same place again, right? That's my goal. My goal is to downsize a little bit and bring it backwards so that I don't have as much shit coming at me and just have fun with stuff. Like, you know what I said? I was like, I miss when you first moved to Austin. I said this to Leanne. I said, I miss when you first moved to Austin because I missed...

That was literally just a day of nothing. I love when you come here. I love when you come here. But when you come here, you get to have the fun of, I'm going to stay at a hotel. I'm going to go work out in the morning. I'm going to take a meeting. I'm going to come to a podcast. But when I went to Austin, I had to get to have that fun. It was like, yo, I'm coming in. I'm going to work out. We're going to go out to dinner that night. We're going to go party. We're going to do a couple podcasts. And I told Leanne, I was like, I got to start coming out to Austin more. Yeah, come out more. In June, I want to spend like two weeks out there.

And just because it's like, because you know, the other thing it's like with stand up. I mean, I know you feel this, but like when you're in Austin and you're doing stand up and you go to the club that night, you've had a full day of the boys, Christine podcasts, work meetings, script meetings, super. And then all of a sudden you go to the club and you're like, I haven't thought about stand up all day and I was supposed to do it. Yeah. When you're on the road, you're like.

Yo, I'm gonna I'm gonna just do stand-up tonight. That's all I'm thinking about a stand-up That's true, and I kind of want to get back to that Yeah, especially with just stand-up is like I suppose like I mean I totally and I was like I think I'm gonna go to Austin for like two weeks just do the mothership Literally just do podcasts with Tom do the mothership when he's not there. I'll be fine I'll do I want really wanted to do Lauren Compton's podcast. I do Danny Brown's again. I think his podcast is awesome so fun, you know but like

I think that's what I'm trying to do is downsize a little bit and just get it a little back to what it was. I like it, man. That's a good plan. Yeah. I think this time off has been good for me. Taking on too much is not good for anyone, man. I know. It's not good for anyone. So how long will she stay in Spain though? Georgia? She's coming home in like a week. Oh, Bobby. Yeah. She was there 90 days. Oh, okay. The longest you can have a visa. All right. It's like 90 days.

FaceTime me when she's back and we'll just talk in Spanish in front of you It was weird when the waitress came up for the very first time we saw her We haven't seen her and we haven't seen her work her Spanish and the waitress comes up and she ordered for us and I was like wow she's like dad my Spanish sucks and I was like it's better than mine and I tell everyone I can speak Spanish That sounds very you Oh God

Yeah, it was cool. Both the girls wanted to just kind of chill out with Leigh-Anne, like just hang out with her. Just even look at Instagram videos because Leigh-Anne's thread is innocuous. It's so weird, right? It's the dumbest. It's like cat videos, people scaring people at work, like boo, and then there's some fat lady going, and Leigh-Anne's crying laughing. Mine's definitely not like that.

Dude, have your boys gotten a hold of your phone and seen your algorithm? No. And I refuse. By the way, one of their favorite things to do is to take my phone and they go, hey, I'm Tom. They go, I'm Tom. And then they're like, I have your phone. And I always grab it. I'm like, don't. If that shit's unlocked, I'm like, fuck no. Do not look at that. Yeah, just kidding. I learned the hard way with the girls that...

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And then I gave my niece Lola my phone, and she went on Instagram. And she was like, Uncle Bert, what is this? And it's a video. The first thing she saw was Fat N-Word Summer. Have you seen Fat N-Word Summer? Have you seen Fat N-Word Summer? Pull up Fat N-Word Summer. That was the first thing she saw. Hold for that. That is...

Don't put fat Bert. God damn it. Fuck off. This is why I can't be online. This is why I can't be on fucking line. Wait, does that, does that really auto correct? Um, stop. It does. I didn't see it says your name. Instagram, Instagram, Instagram, fat N word summer. Oh, I saw it. Okay. So this is it? No, hang on. Okay. Go to the fat N word summer.

Wait, do you have to write N-word or the actual word? No, I can't say the word. That's what I'm asking. No, you got to say any. You got to say any. You say it. Not any. Any. Fat, any, summer. Fat, any. I got it. That's the first thing she sees. No, what are you doing? Go to the Google search. Go to the search. Go to the Google search. Okay. That one, right? I'm not seeing. I see Rogan talking to fucking Dr. Phil. I'm looking at the search bar. Hold on, bro. Okay. Fat. Fat.

There you go. It's right there. The other word? Okay. Summer. With an A. With an A. Yeah. Okay. Okay. With an A. The fun way to say it. And now go to the Instagram. Go to the Instagram. I'm sure it's the one that says... Loading? That one? I don't know. I mean, that's what we went to. Oh, it's probably... Can someone over here find it? Let me see. Is it a... Is it a song? No, it's just a white girl saying...

Oh, it's a white girl saying it. But with a black guy, and I think it's an AI because they're scuba diving together. Okay. And they're in private jets. Are you hearing that? So white girl. Yeah. Let's just see if that pulls up. How about the one that said fat N-words need love too. I don't know if that's it. Okay. Let me see if I can find it on my phone. Yeah. This is so, yeah. How do you? Well, I just typed the N-word into my phone. All right.

Well, that's the first thing she sees. I can't believe I can't find this. How old is this niece of yours? Like four. Oh, four. Okay. I thought we were talking about like a teen. Four. That's the first thing she sees. And I hear her. I hear her like, yeah, it's a fat N-word summer. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's a white girl going, it is a fat N-word summer. Is it not fat N-words with fat pockets? No. Fat N-word summer.

I can't believe it's like a song. It's like a music video, but I think it's an AI. It feels like it may have been a dream that you had. You know, I almost sent it to you, but I had to get out of my phone so quick. So did you snag that phone? No, that's not the one. I heard it, and I looked at it. I was like, what are you watching? And then she went to the next video, and it was a woman pissing on a knocked out man's head. Oh.

She was like uncle Burt. What are you watching? And I was like, oh, whoa, you can't look at my algorithm Yeah, that's that's in my algo - yeah, and so I got my algorithms fucked. Oh, yeah It's real bad. I'm getting a lot of war videos a lot of really war Yeah, a lot of war videos. I think from Ukraine. They're pretty rough man Yeah, people falling on their heads and then I get and then like I get some car stuff and then I

I saw a dude on an electric bike yesterday get hit by a car and wrap his leg around a stop sign and it broke his leg in a circle and he realized his leg was probably coming off his body for the rest of his life. There was no fixing that leg. And his panic he had in that, I saw it on Instagram. Oh, jeez. I thought you witnessed it in person. No. No. Having said that, I'm getting a motorcycle. Oh, that's cool. Shout out to Harley Davidson.

You already got it? Ordered it? No, I'm going to go out and pick it out. They're going to take me through the whole shop, show me all the different bikes, and I get to pick one out. Dude, that's fucking cool. I'm really excited. I'm so fucking excited. I've never been more excited in my life. And I'll probably drive it four or five times in my entire life. Well, it's fun to know how your friend's going to die. So that's exciting. You know, I think that about you sometimes. I go, it's going to be in the car. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. Hang on, hang on. Can I ask you something? Yeah.

When you, when, did you know they had video of you talking to that lady or did that video show up and you found it? The lady that hit your car. I knew it. I knew it. Yeah. You knew they had video. Yeah. Did you know you were being recorded? Not at that moment. Okay. And she also, the moment the video cuts off is the moment the video cuts off. Like it was, I didn't edit because people were like, Oh, it sounds like you were about to get really aggressive with her. I was like, yeah, I did. But they just stopped recording. Yeah.

That's the crazy part is I was wondering if you were nervous that you might have said something that you didn't want out there. No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't. I mean, it was an insane series of events to watch somebody hit your car, walk up to them and go, hey, you just backed up into my car and have that person look at you in your face and go, I don't think I did.

And I'm like, I watched you. And then she goes, I don't think I did. I go, I don't, not like, do you think you did? You did. Yeah. I don't think I did. And then you're like, yeah, your trailer hitch has the paint from my hood on it. You know? Yeah. I saw that video of you. Yeah. And then the next day I saw on like joke world or something. Yeah. Yeah. This on Instagram. Yeah.

Yeah, this was, I didn't know I was being recorded, but yeah. And then. That's a terrifying feeling when you find out in a heated moment you're being recorded. Yeah, yeah, well. But the trailer thing, I was like, lady, not only did I watch it, like there's the trailer hitch and there's the hood of my car. It's like a perfect match. There's the paint on the corner. Yeah, there's the paint. Yeah, it was just nonsense. Now I'm curious, was there, I want to know what idiot on the internet

Blamed you or took her side for it. Oh a bunch a whole bunch. That's crazy. That's crazy Yeah, so people on the internet was like like uh Pro you're rich. Oh, yeah, you just fix it if you could afford this car you can afford to fix it So no culpability on her hitting the car. Why would you make this person person accountable? And then yeah, just like hey, man Why are you putting this out there? You're trying to get her in trouble. Yeah, what?

Yeah, good thing you can afford it. You know, if you're going to drive that car, then just, yeah, just pay for that. I'm like, wait, what? Like, I watched somebody hit the car. Why wouldn't it be their responsibility? They should flag those accounts. By the way, I'd interview Putin in a heartbeat. Interview? 100%. Maybe a fun interview, for sure. Are you fucking kidding me? I'll brush up on my Russian. Oh, my God. I think if your Russian's anything like your Spanish, we should just have a translator there. But I'll tell you this. I'll be good. You like bear? You like bear? Yeah.

If I could take it vodka take it in mouth he'd be I think he'd be a fun interview I know I wonder if the Kremlin will take us up on this offer. Hey, by the way, I soft pitch Russia You've got a bad rap with the media. I think give a few jailed journalists time to turn that around Bring us out to Moscow. We interview Putin. We have a good time. We show a good face and

Do some fun stuff with him, some archery and shit he probably likes. Right? Sure. Paint it good. We'll give him a softball interview. Okay. That's cool. Yeah, let's see what they say. I'm sure we'll heal back. Can you guys follow up on that? I told you I've been doing a dive on Mussolini lately. No, you didn't, because do you know what I've been doing a dive on? Yeah. Mussolini. Oh, really? Let's go. First of all.

You just sent that in a text, and I replied back to you, we just were texting about this. Yeah, man. This guy was a piece of work, dude. First of all, he stabbed a classmate when he was a teen, right? And he got kicked out of boarding school. Are you talking about the memoir he wrote? Dude, his memoir, when he...

forced himself onto a teen. This is when he's in his 20s. He forced himself onto a teen girl. He was a 26, 27-year-old man. This girl's 16 years old. He does the unthinkable. He says that when they're done, she's crying and says, you violated my honor. And his words in his journal were, what honor?

You're like, what the fuck, man? He ends up getting... He marries a woman, leaves her, finds another woman that he really likes, but guess what he likes more than that woman? Her 16-year-old daughter. So then he marries that girl, and then he is... They assume... I mean, there's a lot of stuff. There's so much to talk about with him, but they assume that he had... Presume that he had at least...

a hundred kids with uh out of wedlock with other women during his reign of power so they would bring women into the into the compound and he couldn't be bothered to take his pants or shoes off he was just like get over here then get rid of them and then he would have the secret police follow them be like just make sure they don't fucking do anything stupid i mean he was

Wild dude. He was a real rascal, that guy. He was a big-time goofball, yeah. He was a goofball. He really was. This is, of course, I'm leaving out the tens of thousands of murders, but he really, yeah, I mean, he put on the, he's the blueprint.

for fascist dictator. He's the guy. - He created fascism. - Yeah, he's the grandfather of it. - He's the grandfather of fascism. They were called the Black Shirts were his people. And they all wore black shirts. But can I tell you what the most fascinating thing about Mussolini in my opinion is?

the defamation of character that happens after he's killed. So like after, so like they loved him in Italy when they didn't even know all the stuff he was doing, but they loved him in Italy, loved him, loved him. - Il Duce, yeah. - Il Duce, Il Duce. And then they, and then what a fucking, but that same pose, right? That same pose you just did? - Yeah.

When they saw that the first time, they're like, fuck, yeah! And they went crazy. And then they turned that after he died to turn him into a fool. And then they show that pose a little sped up. And he looks like a fucking idiot. He's like... And so they did the same thing with Nero in Greece is...

Nero is not about Emperor but like four emperors after him before Caesar's after him or whatever They kept fucking up and they were like like boom Couldn't last a year couldn't last a year couldn't last year and so the fifth one shows up He's like an order for me to succeed. I got to make Nero look like an asshole hmm, so he created the phrase when Rome burned Nero played the fiddle and they did the same thing with with with il Duce

That when he died, they just defamed his character so much. They shared all this stuff so that there was never going to be a recollection of him being the guy that they thought he was when he was the leader. Because he ran the country and they loved him. For a long time, they did. You know what I'm wondering, though? What? How come we don't have an awesome modern day Mussolini movie? Shouldn't there be a fucking Oscar level movie about him? There should be. Right? Yeah, but no one's ever done one about Hitler. Right.

That's the other thing is everyone, the big, can I tell you, Hitler was like the mean girl of these guys. Yeah. Yeah. Like he was the mean girl. So like everyone, Mussolini, Stalin, they all wanted to be boys. Even Churchill. Yeah.

Like Churchill flew to London or flew to Berlin to meet Hitler and like sit and talk to him. And Hitler just shined him. Was like, yeah, I'm not coming. I'm not coming to that. Everyone, everyone wanted to be Hitler's friend. Right. And he just was a mean girl. Yeah. I wonder, I wonder if he was just paranoid about meeting people like once he knew, you know, because there was, so here's some, by the way, some movies, movies,

Last Days of Mussolini is a 74 film about his final days when he tried to flee Milan. Robbing Mussolini is a 2022 Italian action film about plans to steal his treasure. And Tea with Mussolini is a period film that depicts the end of the English expat community in Florence. Yeah, but I'm talking about, you know what I mean? Like a Schindler's List level movie about this guy. It feels like there's definitely...

that story there. It's just a matter of who wants to tell it. Yeah. Wait, can I, can I ask you, I've, I've gotten to a big argument today about refrigeratable foods. Yes. This is a great transition. Okay. So I'm going to, I'm going to tell you a food and you tell me if it's definitely refrigeratable. Okay. Refrigeratable. Like, is this, does it require refrigeration? Meaning in your house, do you put it in the refrigerator? Oh, okay. Yeah.

Okay? Yes. I'm going to start with the one that started the fight. Okay. Ketchup. I knew that was number one. So I prefer it refrigerated. I like to refrigerate it. It doesn't have to be, but I prefer it. If you go to someone's house and you're like, do you have any ketchup? And they go into their pantry and pull out an old bottle of ketchup from their pantry. I don't want it either. Yeah. The thing about that condiment is like, even the...

It's not technically required. Most experts recommend keeping it after opening. I prefer it from the fridge, dude. Yeah. The acidity from the vinegar acts as a natural preservative, but storing it in the fridge will help maintain its flavor and texture. Okay. The things we liked the most for longer. Who disagreed with you? Come on. Yeah. The old lady. Yeah. The fucking mountain woman I live with. She was like, I like it on the table. Okay. Yeah.

butter okay it's another texture one here's the thing how long are we leaving it out because butter is supposed like it's going to last longer obviously in the refrigerator but i like soft butter if i'm going to use it you know as a condiment butter bread or whatever it's nicer that it's been out i don't like it like hey this has been out for fucking three weeks but i do like it out and not like frozen like a block yeah

Leanne will...

Put it in the refrigerator to hold onto it. But the second she decides to use that butter, it goes out. And it just stays out. And it stays out in a butter tray with a top on it. And then in like a week, it looks like the butter's just fucking put its dick everywhere. It's all over the top. It's all over the sides. Squirting out the side. It's dark because you used a pudding toast knife to cut more butter off with. Yeah, yeah. Just, ugh. Okay. So far, I'm on your side.

I agree. All right. Cheese. Cheese? Soft cheese. In the fridge, bro. What are you talking about? People say you don't need to put soft cheeses in the fridge. You leave them out. I think it. Well, here's the thing. If you're like, we're going to consume this. No, no, no, no, no. Leave them out. Leave it out. Leave it out. Just leave it out? Leave it out? Leave it out. How about eggs? Fridge.

You leave those out too? Leanne, when we had chickens, she never put them in the fridge. The eggs were always just out on the counter. Why? What's the thinking behind it? Because she was like, once you put them in the refrigerator, they got to be in the refrigerator. I'm going to leave them out. Leave them out the whole time. Store-bought eggs should always be kept in the refrigerator. They say milk you don't need to leave in the refrigerator. Georgia said that to me this week.

Look at this one. Yeah. It says, yes, fresh eggs should be kept in the refrigerator, especially if they are washed as refrigeration helps slow down bacterial growth and keeps them fresh for longer. Did you just say milk? Milk. Out? Now, think about it, right? You go to Starbucks. Yeah. They leave the milk out all day. No, but they're always reaching into the fridge. Type of milk should be refrigerated. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

So wait, the girls keep it out? They like it out? They were like, milk can be out. You can leave milk out for a long time. How long? I don't know. And I was like, I don't think that's a real thing. And they're like, no, it is. It is. It's just America is so crazy. And I was like, no, that's not real. Well, you know, this reminds me of when I lived in Spain. I lived with an old lady in Madrid. And when this is what she would do. And I was like, oh, my God. So she would make coffee.

in the morning, old traditional style, like the filter, you pour the grinds in, and you press start, and it fills up the pot. So you have your cup of coffee, and she has a cup of coffee, and there's another exchange student. You're like, okay. And then at the end of the day, I'm going back to my room, and I walk by, and she would leave the coffee from that day in the coffee pot, and then the next day brew coffee

fresh coffee on the old coffee right you're like this is bitter as shit so i bring it up one time but like i have to do it in a polite way i'm like oh this is the she's like yeah you know it's fine you don't need to like pour that out so i used to pour it out in the sink when it was late so that it would it would be completely empty and i was like oh i guess we finished it yesterday because i thought it was so bitter because it's old coffee you know does old coffee get bitter

To me, it tasted sour because it was sitting the rest of that day into the next day. It's sitting out for over 24 hours. It's like, why don't we just... You're brewing coffee anyway. Why are you mixing? She didn't want to waste this much coffee that's in the...

So then let me ask you, so if you get a nitro cold brew, say you get two nitro cold brews and you bring them home and you have one and you put the other one in the refrigerator, would you drink that the next day? You can, but I do think it doesn't taste as fresh. Really? I think you can know. Like if you're like, I'd have to have, you'd have it. You'd be fine. But the preference is always for a fresh one. You wouldn't want a fresh one? I mean, I would just... I'd drink it. I don't know. I'm just saying. If I also go like...

Part of me would say, part of me would be like, I don't know. I'm so obsessed with my coffee maker right now. I haven't been to Starbucks in probably a year and a half. Jesus, are you doing espressos or like what kind of? Espressos. Duplios. Two duplios. Duplios. Espressos. Duplios? Duplios. Maybe. It's a deuce. Doppio? Doppio. Doppio. That's what it is. Yeah.

I look at Word. There's a guy that just passed away. His name was Dingo in the Snow. Do you know who that was? No. He was a very sweet guy. Friends with all the skateboarder community. Dingo in the Snow. He just passed away recently. Is this a guy that was friends with? Ellis and Jason and Tony Hawk. I did see this. How did he pass away? I don't know. I don't think they had the cause of death yet. Oh, yeah. But he was a very sweet guy. I met him a few times, and we followed each other on Instagram.

And he's only 38, which is heartbreaking. God. Yeah. But what's so funny is he's such a nice guy. I am dyslexic and I read things fast. And I didn't read it said dingo in the snow. I thought it said dingo show. So I kept calling him dingo show every time I saw him. And he never corrected me. And then when he passed, I read it. I slowed down and read it and I went the dingo show.

in the snow not the dingo show ah yeah so I was like oh dingo show and he'd be like ah he just rolled with it rolled with it and I was like and then I read that I was like every time I fucking called him by the wrong goddamn name and he never fucking called me on it that's that's super sad 38 man he there was a lot of people that love that guy yeah I could tell

Wait, so tell me, are you getting fresh beans for your coffee? Is that why it's so interesting? Yeah, fresh beans. And I go through beans pretty quick in that whatever we pour in there, I don't know what kind of coffee maker we have, but it's my favorite one I've ever owned in my life. You don't know what it is? I mean, I just, I'm...

It's too expensive to... No, no, no. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it's called. I have one in my tour bus and I have one at home. I liked one in my tour bus so much that I bought one for home. Okay. And so I do two Dopios. Dopios. Whatever. And I'm telling you, man, I love it. And I do them over ice. Yeah. Oh, it's Dopio. Yeah, I read things too fast. That's why I stopped reading comments because I would read comments that were even positive about me. Mm-hmm.

and I would misread them and I'd feel bad about myself and then I'd reread them and go, oh, that guy isn't attacking me. Oh, right, right, yeah. He's saying something nice and I just misread it. Yeah, well, this is also another language that you're reading it in. Wait, what was I going to say to you? I don't know, but I'm happy that you're never going out for coffee anymore.

No, I haven't gone out for coffee in forever. The last time I probably went out for coffee was when both the girls were in town. You know, the nice thing is you're saving money. It's nice. You don't have to waste money getting coffee every day. Is that your dad? Yeah. Yeah, that was his financial advice every time I saw him for like 15 years. Really? Yeah. Stop going to buy coffee. Which, I mean, it wasn't like bad. It was just like, he was like, do the math. You know, you spend...

five bucks whatever six days a week multiply i'm like just fuck i'm just getting a coffee man he's like oh you know thirty dollars a week and times four hundred twenty dollars a month that's a thousand i'm like what the fuck man and then you're like okay i'll stop buying coffee i'm not i'm not gonna stop but i would just be like no i didn't buy one today so do you make a coffee before you go and get coffee sometimes i have an espresso at the house before i leave and i buy the nitro yeah

that was my favorite thing about going to your house and seeing that push has her own little coffee station in her bedroom she you know what you know why that happened why this was like 10 years ago we were looking for a house and on a house tour like this them the Realtor showing us the house they were like oh and then there's this here in the in the master it was a house we didn't end up getting but they had a coffee station

in the bedroom and she was like what the am i doing i was like what she was like yeah why go to the kitchen like she's like it should be right here in the bed and ever since that tour that day every place we've ever lived there's a coffee station in the bedroom so in the mornings she wakes up makes two coffees puts one on my nightstand sits in bed drinks coffee like and doesn't leave doesn't have to like leave to get it she loves that it's right there makes her happy

When we were looking at houses, we were looking at a house in, you know, where did Bob Hope live? Not Burbank. Burbank? No. Right in front of Burbank. Anyway, it was a nice old house, like really like pine inside, like dark wood hints all over the inside. Toluca Lake. Toluca Lake. Toluca Lake.

It was a great old house. It looked like it had been built in like 1982, right? Those kind of like a banister and like stairs with carpet on them. And in the same way, Push saw a coffee thing and was like, God, I need one of those. In the guy's office, he had what I could only consider –

Like he had his walk-in closet, and right when he walked in, it was a pull-out drawer, and it had little baby bottles. But the way the drawer was set, it was tilted up a little bit, so they were displayed, and there was a rack here, a rack here, and a rack here. And it was little baby bottles of Jack Daniels all the way across. And he pulled them out, and I saw that, and I fucking was turned on immediately. Yeah. And I said to the lady, what's this? She goes, oh.

He's a dentist, and every morning when he wakes up, he takes a shot of Jack Daniels before he starts his day. No. And I was like, shut the fuck up. That's pretty nice. I could do that. I wouldn't stop at one, but he just took one shot and started his day. You know, was it FDR that did that? FDR would have a shot of whiskey every morning. Maybe Truman or FDR. The old lady in Spain. The old lady I lived with in Spain.

Every time I don't feel well today, same thing was said. Yeah, there's Truman. Harry Truman would start his day with a shot of bourbon in the morning, essentially a breakfast shot of whiskey. Can I tell you, I've done that before, but not like I do it on Winston Churchill's day. I do it one drink in the morning. I keep drinking, but I do that one drink in the morning. And it's kind of wild what mood it puts you in for the day.

it's a good one it's like yeah and it goes you don't feel it really but it loosens you up and then kind of just starts your day yeah that was um this was the Spaniards like recommendation for if I was like I'm not feeling well she would always say whiskey like have a have a glass of whiskey I'm like I'm I don't feel good she was like have whiskey and then go take a siesta I was like okay

So that was like always, yeah. Wait, when you went there, did you speak full Spanish like you do now? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it got so dialed in when I was there. I mean, I was, what I would say is like probably,

you know, pretty proficient, like fluent by a lot of people's scale. Yeah. But I did, I did six months there and I went to the university of Madrid and I, and I took like comparative economics six months at university of Madrid. And I'm not in a class for Americans, like Spanish classes. So I had to do term papers, you know, uh, art history, uh, like I said, comparative economics, you know, all, all these like college level courses, uh,

When I got back from there, that was the highest level of fluency that I've ever had. I mean, like, cause you realize with things that like, you know, like anything, like if you're playing guitars, like, you know, if I was like, Oh, we're playing three hours a day for six months. You're like, yeah. When, when that was done, that was the best I was ever. It was like that. Like I've,

I'm still fairly proficient in Spanish, but I remember getting back and correcting. I'd speak to my mom, and I'm like, you just misspoke. And I would tell her what she said wrong. Really? Yeah, because by month three, I started to dream in Spanish. And I would no longer answer the phone, hello. Everything just became, you're just so immersed.

And the truth is, like, you know, Spain's a very modern place. But, I mean, a lot of people, a lot of people that I met spoke little to no English. So it just forces you. And that's the best way to get proficient in a language is to be immersed with people who can't even speak.

you know accommodate you if you need it they were just like yeah i don't speak english so like that when you came back from spain did you because your mom's peruvian and peruvian sounds different i'm sure than spanish spanish yeah yeah definitely could you can you hear your mom's accent yeah for sure i mean and i have a weird accent because what happened was that like i was raved by raised by a peruvian i spent the most time in peru as a kid then i

Then I spend six months of my life still kind of developed. I mean, I'm like 20 years old in Spain. Then I get back and I'm with mostly like South American people. But then I moved to L.A. for 20 years. And most of the Spanish that I hear is Mexican. So I have words from all three. Like I have slang from all three cultures. Sweet. Give me an impression. Okay. Do impressions of...

of these different countries in English, okay? So if English, like I would assume Spanish in Spain sounds like this. It is. It's the English of the Spanish countries. And so when they're talking, they're like, oh, would you like to go to a bullfight? It's brilliant. It's the official way of speaking the language. And then even when they say this,

Can they say Barcelona? Yes, they do. They have a very particular... And that's like... So that's like a real fancy pants way of talking is... If... Yeah. Okay, interesting. Okay. So that's the standard. So then what does Mexican sound like? Hey, man. So... No. So...

That sounds like black people. No, that's the Caribbean. So like, I think amongst Spanish speakers, they like a lot of Spanish speakers. The way that it works is like Spain is England.

Mexico is actually this region's kind of head of state. The Spanish that is spoken in Mexico, they have the Spanish laws of the way you speak, even though every country will end up doing what they want to do, have their own slang and everything. There's an official way of speaking that also comes from Mexico. They're also like the...

They're the cultural guide for this part of the world. Like it's the biggest, most influential economy. Mexico is. Mexico is kind of like, you know how here people go, I'm going to go to New York to make it.

If you're in Latin America, you can go to Mexico to make it. Really? Yeah, because they have the most influence on this part of the world. Okay, so then what is like Bogota? Is that like red? Where am I getting? I always think Argentina would be like really high-end Spanish. They'd have like a... It's just like really...

specifically their own thing so they have but is there any relation to white I'm trying to think so here's the the details of it like Argentina has a huge huge Italian and Spanish population they they have a much smaller indigenous population than other South American countries and they have their own like way of speaking their accent is so distinct

that like when they speak, it's like when you go, oh, you're from Boston. Like when they speak, you don't go like, uh, I wonder if you're, you know that they're Argentine. Like it's very strong. Yeah, yeah. The whole way of like, I mean, they pronounce, everybody in Spanish says, you know, E-L-L-O-S is ellos, right? And then they say ellos.

so they have a completely you're like what it's not water you know it's water so it's like their it's their whole distinct way of speaking and um and that so it just really stands out right i think if you're looking for like rednecks the rednecks of spanish-speaking world are caribbean countries for sure

Really? Yeah, yeah. What Caribbean countries speak Spanish? Like Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Cuba. Oh, Puerto Ricans are like... Well, Tony Hinchcliffe had some jokes about that. They eat their... Yeah. Tony had that, yeah. They say in Spanish, they say it translates to they eat their S's, right? Uh-huh. So like what's an example? Like instead of ellos, they would be like ello. But like they're saying...

the s but the it's like not pronounced they eat their s's they eat their s's yeah is are all are all spanish laughs the same like okay so like we all speak english okay but like uh but like i was gonna upset i just realized how much this is gonna upset

so many people that have Caribbean descent who are like, we're not rednecks. I just want to say, yes, you fucking are. You are the rednecks of the Spanish speaking world. A hundred percent. You guys are the shit kicking fucking country bum fucks of the Spanish speaking world. And you fucking know it. Cut the bullshit. All right, keep going. So, so, um, like,

Do you think you could tell? That sounds very Dominican. Oh, yeah? Go ahead. Keep going. You saw that lady, Zoe Saldana? Who? Zoe Saldana. Is that a person? Yeah, she won an Oscar recently. Okay. Zoe Saldana. Some reporter, I guess she did a movie that was like about Mexico or something, and Mexicans felt offended by Amelia Perez. I don't know why, really.

I didn't see it. She won the Oscar for this? She won the Oscar for it. By the way, I didn't see any of the movies that won any of the Oscars. Wait, was Zoe Saldana, was she a Bond girl at once? I don't know. She was in Guardians of the Galaxy, I think. Was she a Bond girl, though? I don't know. I know Anna Damaris was, but I'm talking specifically, was Zoe Saldana in a Bond movie? She wasn't in a Bond movie? Why just type in Zoe Saldana Bond? Just to see if she comes up for, hold on, I'm just curious. Okay. Okay.

It must have been another attractive woman. Go ahead. She got, a lot of Mexicans were upset. I don't know why. I didn't see Amelia Perez. Okay. But they like bum-rushed her on the stage, but they kind of like, they like, you know, challenged her when she was like doing her press after she got an Oscar. And they said, he's like, it's a great movie, but what do you say to all the Mexicans that you offended? Zoe Saldana's like, bitch.

she didn't say that but she was like she basically was like i have a different opinion of you than you do wait what but what's the scandal i don't understand uh what does that news article say like that you had up first said that um apologize okay so what is the thing here after taking home the oscars for uh for for best supporting actress uh media press star zoe saldaniak responded to criticism of the film's portrayal of mexico

after a journalist shared that it had been really hurtful for Mexicans. First of all, I'm very, very sorry that Mexicans felt offended. That was never our intention. We spoke from a place of love. I don't share your opinion. For me, the heart of this movie was not Mexico. We're making a film about friendship. We're making a film about four women. She continued, these women could have been Russian, could have been Dominican, could have been black from Detroit, could have been from Israel, could have been from Gaza, but they were not Mexican.

And these women are still very universal women that are struggling every day with trying to survive systemic oppression and trying to find the most authentic voices. So I will stand by that, but I'm also always open to sit down with all my Mexican brothers and sisters and

with love and respect to have a conversation about how Amelia Perez could have been done better. I welcome it. I mean, that seems like a pretty diplomatic answer. I thought she said, bitch. And you, you said there, she was like, bitch, I don't give a fuck what you think. Okay. Um, so, um, I, I'm just like, I'm wondering, like just looking at all this stuff that if is, is it just me or,

and like my own interests and age changing or do people care less about oscars now like doesn't it feel like it's not as you live in la so it's different but i just feel like nobody really registers them that much anymore is that my own am i wrong no i think that i think that uh the movie experience has changed entirely deal

used to be a huge deal, but the Oscars were for these blockbuster, crazy, Avatar, Jaws, Star Wars. Those were like the Oscar greatest picture. Now it's the greatest picture. I had not seen any of those greatest pictures. And I think they're because they're all done. I mean, I think one of them was done for like $2 million. Really? I mean, I think they're just not making. I mean, it's cool that they can get.

an oscar nomination even but i just feel like the whole thing like happens now and i'm like oh like i feel like maybe maybe that's like my own interest shifting but i feel like it used to be like such a big like in my mind it was a bigger cultural event well i never really cared about the oscars ever in my life until i moved to la and people like hey we're gonna watch the oscars and i was like why are we gonna watch the tonys next who gives a about these things

And then when I moved to LA, people were like, yo, it's Sunday. And that was a reason to drink. I was like, oh, I'll go to an Oscar party. Yeah. And then now I find myself going, well, we should watch the Oscars. And I watched the Oscars. I think Conan did a great job. I think Kieran Culkin's speech was fucking hysterical. He was great. I don't think Adrian Brody was an asshole. They're all saying he was despicable for saying, hey, I've been here before. Cut the music. I'm going to talk. Yeah.

I think Zoe Saldana, I think, I mean, I think it was a bigger deal. It was like they cared what people wore. I think that's so, I think the world has gotten to a place where there's such a disconnect between Hollywood and the rest of our country. I mean, Hollywood is really- Yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe the gap is so much bigger now. Dude, and you know what? It's like people have an opinion and you can hear their opinions. Yeah. And I'm telling you, the canary in the mine was the pandemic. Yeah.

And everyone got to assess what their house looked like versus celebrity houses. And when that fucking, that lady that played Wonder Woman did that video, or when any celebrity did a video trying to relate to America and they showed their garden behind them. Yeah, yeah. It really just pulled Hollywood further and further apart. And I got to tell you, I think the producers that are wanting to make movies are wanting to make movies about Hollywood.

stories that I don't, I'm not certain that all of America cares about. Well, clearly not a lot of them. I mean, none of the, I don't think any of those, well, how much did the, the top who won one movie of the year? I would, I'm curious how much, how much money did a Nora box office bring in? Let's see. It grows 38 million worldwide.

38 million is six million our budget but for 38 million is not no it's not like holy shit no for sure it's not crazy numbers what were the what were the all the oscar-nominated best picture what were the best picture nominations okay so anora wins amelia perez was one a complete unknown conclave nickel boys i'm still here the substance dune part two wicked the brood list

- "Dune Part II" is a badass movie. - Right, well that's a big blockbuster type of movie. - And so is "Wicked." - 300 million dollar movie. Yeah, yeah, that's a big, big, big movie too. The other ones, they're not like huge, huge films, but yeah. - I thought "The Brutalist" was out of "Boxer." - Look at these fuckin', seven of the 10 best picture nominees grossed less than 100 million. The only exceptions being "Wicked," which you mentioned, "Dune Part II," and "A Complete Unknown." Which one is "A Complete Unknown" again?

Oh, the Bob Dylan one. Right, right, right. Oh, that's Bob Dylan. Oh, yeah. My kids went and saw that.

I heard he's amazing in it, but... Yeah. Tillman T. Chalamet is just... I think he's a fucking... I like that kid a lot. Yeah, I like him too. I don't give a shit. I couldn't give two shits less about anybody than Bob Dylan, so I just have zero interest in seeing this. I don't give a fuck what he does in this thing. I don't care. I have no interest in Bob Dylan. Who do you care less about, Bob Dylan or Amelia Perez? Bob Dylan.

because i don't know who amelia perez is yet so yeah bob dylan is is the absolute fucking least important human being to me on earth bob dylan i don't i i know too much about bob dylan to start saying stuff because i i was i was a huge fan for a long time yeah but uh yeah i didn't see the movie i'll tell you that much mussolini take a shit then watch bob dylan sing a song i don't care

They should do a remake of Complete Unknown called A Somewhat Known Person and make it about Mussolini. Dude, let's fucking pitch this. This is our next pitch. I'm in. Somewhat Known. Somewhat Known. Yeah. He deserves a higher ranking. When we come back next week, the number one thing we have to talk about is fucking Deuce Cruden.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Goddamn Gruden. John's son. Let's do it. That guy fires me the fuck up. I like it, dude. I like it. Thank you guys for watching and listening, and we'll see you next time. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top of the swath, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.