200: EPISODE 200! Your Time to Shine..
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Okay, this is really, really weird. This is the first time I've ever done an episode without someone sitting in a chair next to me. It feels a little goofy, but that is episode 200. I have no guests today. It is just me and you guys. If you're on our Patreon, you already know, but episode 200 is really about getting the takes from you guys.

The amount of people I meet at live shows that tell me they pause the story after I'm done reading and then give their takes or talk to their friend or their partner, it gave me the idea of starting to do fan cam reactions. You guys are really the whole reason this show exists, truly.

I am not going to cry off the jump, but I am just so grateful for each and every one of you listening and watching and sharing this show. And I really wanted to highlight your takes, really hear you guys this episode, because there wouldn't have been more than five, for sure, 10 episodes if you guys didn't start chiming in. This community has turned into something so, so special.

I cannot believe we're at episode 200. 200. It feels like episode 100 was yesterday, having Lauren, Alejandro, my dad, Justin, read to me. And I'm so grateful for all of my co-hosts who have helped along this journey. Wouldn't be here without them either. But it is now your time to shine. So let's dive in. Okay. Okay.

How crazy do we want to get off the jump? One to 10. We thinking a seven or a 10? Okay. Okay. I hear you. Let's get into this first one. So this one is coming from r slash am I overreacting? It is titled, am I overreacting after I found out my boyfriend's online friend group I became a part of two years ago has been just him the whole time?

I guess I should have been less obvious, but since a little before we started dating in 2022, I was added to my boyfriend's, just friend at the time, three-person Instagram group chat with what he explained were some of his closest online friends. The two other accounts seemed like real people because they had real followers and comments on their posts and drastically different aesthetics slash looks to them.

We eventually made a Discord server for us, and that alone was convincing enough, since multiple times we'd all be active at the same time. We never voice chatted, but I used to never voice chat either, so I didn't think twice. The group got closer, though, as more and more time passed since I was first added to their group chat. And last month, we got together and planned a research trip to Hawaii for August.

We live on the East Coast of the US. Like, we booked everything. So imagine my surprise when I'm over at his house tonight and his computer is open and I just want to log into my Google Docs when I accidentally stumble across, first of all, follower bot sites and also him logged in and chatting with me as one of the individuals I thought I'd become close with.

And I just got this sinking feeling. I didn't jump to the idea that they could be fake. I was like, maybe he just has their login since they're all so close and is way too interested in their messages.

But then I noticed their only chats were the group chats and the server. And the real kicker was the email address it was signed up under was his backup email with his full name. I quite literally snooped until he got out of the shower and caught me, which I'm not saying was right of me, but I couldn't help myself. During my snooping, I gradually became devastatingly confident that he was behind, but

Not just one, but both accounts. I've never seen his face so red, and he just absolutely panicked and started shouting at me to get out of his business. I couldn't even form the right words to say to him. In the end, I just walked out of his apartment sobbing. It's very early in the morning. I get that. But this screenshot is what he has to say, and I'm starting to feel crazy. Am I overreacting about my discovery?

Okay, are we ready for the screenshot or do we want to get into it first? Get in screenshot. Okay. Okay. Okay. I hear you. I hear you. Okay. So it's a screenshot. Blue text at the top is her. I just want to know why. When it finally came time for the Hawaii trip, how were you going to explain that? What were you thinking? He replies.

You know something I've noticed about you? You can never just be calm, and there always has to be an issue. I know you were raised in a volatile environment and still have to relearn a lot about healthy relationship dynamics, but it's like you thrive on chaos only. And we were going to see Wicked tonight. I guess there goes that.

Okay, so our writer responds back to his messages. You can't be serious. I deserve answers. I'm honestly so creeped out. Basically half of my life for the past two years has been a complete and total lie and you were behind all of it. He responds, okay, don't be dramatic. You know this isn't a big deal. You're just giddy to harp on this and make a bigger issue. I am so flabbergasted.

I can't believe he's actually trying to gaslight her this hard. But okay, let me hear your takes first. I have so much to say. First of all, volatile? Well, that's a big word for Emma. I don't get where he thought he was going with this. Obviously, if Hawaii was coming up, as you said...

How was he planning on just saying, oh, sorry, they couldn't make it. They don't exist. I don't get what his plan was. Here's my question. And just in general, I really hope we get an answer to this, but I doubt that we're going to find out. How did it even start? Because if he said, hey, let's join this group chat with my friends, that's one thing. But if he slowly became friends with her on all of these separate accounts,

and then just said that he knew each other each other and then they were like oh let's make a group chat that's even crazier because he went out of his way to plan this out it's so premeditated it's concerning it feels stalkerish it does not feel safe

It's very weird. Yeah, it just doesn't make any sense. Like, why do this for two whole years? There had to be an ulterior motive to do that. Like, is he trying to cut her off from everybody and, like, know everything that, like, all of her friends know because they're not even real? Like, what exactly is going on here? Because this red flag's all around. This feels really creepy and icky and...

I feel like it could point to some like isolating tendencies or him trying to isolate her, especially like playing the part of two different people and like portraying them as friends and like integrating her into the group.

it feels like a way to maybe take her away from her support system or yeah just try to isolate her it doesn't seem great and it could stem from an insecurity and like not being confident enough to be able to be with someone just by himself and feeling like he needs to have outside validation and support and maybe he's not getting it i think he would benefit from some therapy or counseling just to like

look at this behavior and maybe address this insecurity of feeling like he's not good enough, but not a cool thing to do. I think it is a good idea if he leaves this relationship, it doesn't feel like it's right for her or for him. And this is not a relationship I would want to save, especially because you could have told these friends things in confidence about your partner or your relationship and

And it just doesn't seem right or okay. And if she leaves him, we're all the better for it. This man either needs to be in jail or institutionalized because his reality is quite literally not on this planet. However, you know, it is impressive just how steadfast he is in his reality and belief in his reality that he can literally look back

this girl in the eyes and turn it on her. I just, I am trying to understand one, how does he have that much time? What does he do for work? Because I can barely respond to texts, let alone be able to maintain three different social medias and hide it from someone that I'm

Honestly, I think when it comes down to it, it's about control. Like one of the known signs of an abuser is that they isolate their partner from their friends. And I think this is just like an extreme version of that where he's like, well, if I'm all of her friends, then who's she going to go to but me? And, you know, it's a massive invasion of privacy.

if she's venting to them about him or if she's telling them things that he doesn't necessarily want him to know. So my conclusion is that this girl should run and leave this man because this is not normal behavior. I mean, what was he thinking when we got to get to Hawaii? I bet you that he was probably going to fake an emergency, like they can't come anymore because their family member died or something like that.

Or he was gonna try plan B, where he puts on different hats and pretends to be other friends. Try out his improv skills, maybe. Listening to this, I was like, could I have written this? Like, did I write this? Because he literally did this to me. Oh, I don't know. Oh, well. I gave my name. Blur that out. Except it was with an ex-girlfriend and she was like crazy or whatever and

crazy if they say crazy they're lying we started dating like right after they broke up and this ashley girl ex was you know still feeding for him or whatever she added me and she would like harass me on instagram it was the whole time it was him yes that's crazy okay so it's a text but then what if it's him it's her ex this story triggered me so much because i was

like, is this my ex? Because it's happened. It was genuinely insane. But it was like, he just wanted to test boundaries and see how far I would believe him and stuff. And so he just made up this entire girl's profile and then all of a sudden one day texts me back and on her profile it was like, haha, bitch, you

I think she needs to leave him because I think if he's lying about that, I think he's lying about a million other things in her life. Like, yeah, you can't trust him after that. And you never know. You never know what he's lying about. Like, oh, what's in this food or what my job is or like so many different things to create friends like that is like, this is like right going off. Insane. It is insane. That's insane behavior. Let's get into the top comments, shall we?

Top comment on this one? Yeah, this is dot dot dot. Not okay. I'm blown away that this is actually real because what? How could someone do that to you? Your partner of all people. And like, was he ever planning on telling you or just letting it ride out? What does he gain from this? So many things running through my mind, but the most disgusting factor is how he responded to it.

and honestly, sounds so manipulative and like he's deflecting instead of owning up to his actions. I'm sorry you're going through this. Next comment after that, letting it ride out. I mean, what was the end game here? I can't even begin to figure that out. Like night of the rehearsal dinner. Hey babe, about my groomsmen, they were driving here and all died in a freak accident involving a flock of geese. It's killing me. Oh well, show must go on. Which...

Good points. Good points. This next comment has a big yellow box. The why is my biggest question here. Pathological liars, though. There's typically no real slash logical reason. Next comment down. Also yellow box. 4K upvotes.

I just want to point out that this level of premeditated and targeted manipulation, complete with textbook example of gaslighting when discovered by the target, is an extremely concerning behavior. If this is indeed real, then OP should be very concerned for her own safety and put as much distance as possible between themselves and this individual. Yeah, very concerning. Comments really go on too.

Someone goes, it immediately made me wonder if it's a tactic to cut her off from everyone in her life while maintaining the illusion that she has her friends still. I'm baffled. Like, I'm honestly, it is so scary. Like, I cannot even imagine having two years of friends, people you've told things to, confided in, grown to love, are just fake and created by your partner.

Do you have any hunches on why he was actually doing this? Or do we just genuinely think he was ill? I definitely agree with the top comments. One, it's weird, but it definitely feels very controlling and manipulative in a way that is...

I feel like I didn't touch on the fact that he was trying to gaslight her. Yeah, no, that's... That is wild. He's extremely immature and sounds very manipulative. Girl, please run. Yeah, I didn't even think about the fact that he was manipulating even before they got together. Like, when they were still friends, how he would...

like, hype himself up on behalf of himself is really, really scary. I think there is something mentally wrong with him. Like, he just wanted control. I wouldn't say control. I would say more like he wanted to be her everything, maybe. Just like, I want to be all your friends. I want to be the one you confide to. I want to be the one you're telling all your secrets to. So, like, let me let you get close to this person who you think is your friend and see what you say. Like,

Are you saying things to them that you wouldn't say to me? And like be all knowing. And then just the gaslighting at the end of like just turning it around and making her seem like she's insane. Like that was crazy. We need to put like alerts out on guys like this because God forbid he ends up with someone else in the future and does the same thing and it gets worse. I have the same thought about the gaslighting.

He's getting defensive because she found out your secret and now you're gaslighting her into thinking it's

her fault and she's being dramatic, I would be just as mad as she is because you literally lied to me and catfished me for two and a half years about who your friends are. Makes me wonder, does he have any other friends? Are these the only people he introduced her to? And did she pay money for these people to go to Hawaii? Or was he paying for their tickets or whatever just so that she could see that there was tickets but then

Not going to have them show up or something. I know the whole thing's really fishy and huge red flags that he is turning it around on her and like she's being dramatic when it is a big deal. Well, we do have some comments from O.P. actually.

Someone is very concerned that OP is not safe and needs to leave, especially if they live together. OP responds, thankfully, we have never lived together, so it will be easy to discard him from my life ASAP. Someone else says, that is seriously so fucking creepy. He probably made those accounts to try to get with you back when you were just friends and then just continued with a little lie after he won his prize. This is gross and unsettling. I wouldn't even want to be anywhere near him after that.

OP responds, God, yeah, that tracks. Looking back, they did hype him up an awful lot. Bruh. Okay, well, we have an update. This is posted the same day as the original post, December 30th, 2024. So just a couple of weeks ago, it was an hour after.

I honestly have the biggest migraine of my life and I haven't slept at all. Nothing similar to this has ever happened to me before, but my life has been crazy enough to where I wasn't able to prepare for the huge reaction something like this gets. I knew it was bizarre, but I didn't know it would jump to the top of everything.

I assumed it would collect some advice or opinions I could read and then post would get lost into the void, like how it goes with the majority of my others, but I sincerely appreciate every bit of support.

Unfortunately, I'm also being bombarded with hate and nasty messages and my headache keeps getting worse. So I need to get off Reddit today, but I don't want to just ghost and make people think something horrible happened because I'm taking the steps to make sure nothing does. He does have my address, but I live with my family in an apartment building that needs a key fob to get in. So I have at least those two layers of safety for now. But for some reason, I doubt that

At least today, there will be any attempts at a personal confrontation. And even then, I am confident I will be able to remain safe as far away as possible in the case he does come around. I have alerted some of my real friends of the situation as well, and they will be close to me as much as they can. So please do not worry when I'm not active for the rest of today. I'm just getting nauseous from my headache, and I don't want to start the day feeling like this. This is another little update.

Same day, 11 hours later instead. I still see people concerned for my safety. So even though I'm taking a break for today, I just want to share that I have received no communication from him today and ended up going on a hike with a friend and then out to dinner and drinks and had a nice time. I'm home with my family now and hopefully the rest of the night is uneventful. So that is the last update we have on the best of Redditor updates. I'm going to go to the account, see if we can find anything else.

But that was it on Boru. And Boru is pretty good about maintaining. So we do have comments from 17 days ago. A lot of people were accusing OP of making this up or making it up for attention. OP responds, if I wanted to make up a story for attention, I would probably at least make it well-written. Please stop harassing me and making my day worse than it already is. You have been also harassing me in my messages. Why are you so obsessed with me? I'm sorry.

Like I said before, came from some boring mayonnaise life where nothing ever happens. But believe it or not, shit happens to people sometimes, even if you can't comprehend it. So OP has been posting on other subreddits, r slash anxiety, r slash college, but I'm not seeing any other comments yet.

about this issue. Most recent comment from OP was on r slash chat GPT, and it was 17 hours old. So, OP, I'm gonna need you to update. I'm a little concerned, but, uh...

What do you guys think of this and the fact there isn't another update? I'm glad that they don't live together. That makes things a lot easier. But I do also wish that she would update, especially since she's active on Reddit. Kind of wish we had some closure. It is what it is. Hopefully she's safe. Just overall, it's very scary and weird the way that he did all that. Very controlling, crazy, psycho.

Not well overall. I'm really glad she got out. I'm glad she's safe. I'm glad she's having fun. I do hope we get another update somewhere in the future. Just being like, hey, all good. No need to worry. But for now, it seems like we have a resolution or at least a decent one. So I'm really happy with this story ended up. Okay, on to the next one.

This one is coming from r slash aith 12 hours old titled am I the asshole for refusing to demote my dog after my sister gave her baby the same name? I 26 female have a dog named Charlie. Charlie is a golden retriever I adopted four years ago and he's my best buddy. My sister Emily 29 female recently had her first child a baby boy. She and her husband named him that that that Charlie and

At first, I thought it was funny and didn't really think much of it. But then Emily pulled me aside during a family gathering and said it was confusing and disrespectful for me to keep calling my dog Charlie now that her son has the same name. She asked me to rename my dog.

I told her no. Charlie has had his name for four years. He knows it, responds to it, and it's on all of his paperwork. Changing it would be weird for him and for me. She got really upset and said it's not fair for her son to share a name with a dog, especially in family settings. She thinks it'll lead to jokes and confusion as her son grows up.

My parents have weighed in, and while my dad says it's ridiculous to expect me to change my dog's name, my mom says I should just consider it to keep the peace. Now Emily is barely speaking to me, and a few family members think I'm being stubborn. I have no idea how I'm in the wrong here. The world's gone crazy. I love my dog, and I didn't name him to spite anyone. I also think it's not my fault they chose a name already in use in the family. So, am I the asshole?

Come on. Come on. Charlie already had his name. Technically, she named that baby after a dog, right?

That's weird. But let's hear your takes. This is an easy one. These dumb motherfuckers. These dumb motherfuckers. You can't say that. These dumb motherfuckers. I think the weirdest thing... And the mom keeps saying, yeah, consider to keep the peace. No, you fight. Opie, you fight. Yeah. And your dad, he's on your side. You fight. Yeah, I mean, it's always weird with these parents...

taking the side of the person creating the problem. Just to keep the peace. Yeah, just to keep the peace. It gets me so frustrated. I was literally going to say the same thing. She named her son after the dog. The dog was there first,

The dog had the name Charlie first and she went ahead and named her son after the dog. Like, come on. It is not that simple to change a dog's name. The dog has had that name for four years. It knows to respond to that name. How am I going to reprogram myself to call my dog a different name and hope that he's going to, you know...

respond to the new name like that's gonna be confusing for the poor dog like that's not nice and plus the baby is just a baby he doesn't know what's going on what family member is going to make fun of the baby and the dog having the same name like that's not a family i want to be a part of quite frankly because what jokes can be made

This is so odd. First of all, Charlie is such a common dog name. Like, I'm so sorry to break it to you, there are so many other dogs that have, I personally know like three Charlie dogs. And the way that the sister thought that the kid's going to get picked on growing up because it's going to have the same name as a dog, that doesn't happen.

Like that just doesn't happen. Two of my best friends growing up, one of them had a name and the other one had a dog with the same name. We didn't make fun of her for it. We just thought it was funny. I have a hilarious story that kind of relates to this. I have a very good friend from school. Growing up, she had a dog named Bob. One day we're in college and she calls me up, ring ring. And she's like, guess what? I've started seeing someone. And I'm like, oh my God, tell me everything about him. And she's like, his name is Bob. Hmm.

We proceed to burst out in laughter because that is hilarious. A couple of months later, I'm chatting with her again. I'm asking about her sister. How is your sister? She goes, guess what? I go, what? She said she's dating a guy. I'm like, oh my God, tell me about the guy. Can you guess what the guy's name was?

That's right, it was Bob. These are all fake names, by the way. So yeah, there was one point where there were three Bobs. One was a dog and two were boyfriends. It's very funny, we laugh about it to this day. She used to get a little bit annoyed about it, but then she got over it and...

She really just saw the humor in it and it was fine. No one got confused. At most we said when she started saying Bob's name, I'd be like, which one? It will be fine. Your sister will be fine. Trust me. I do think that the lady with the baby is a little bit cuckoo. I mean, when she was picking out the baby names that didn't cross her mind that, oh, Charlie, that's my sister's dog's name. If she really did overlook that, that's her fault.

If this name Charlie is special for any reason, she should have came to you before the baby was born and said, "Hey, you know, I don't know, grandpa's name is Charlie. It's really special to me and I really want to name my first son Charlie. Is there anything we can do with your dog's name?"

I think you just either need to let your sister get over it with some time, maybe distance yourself. Unfortunately, I think it's outrageous that she's asking you to change your dog's name. And I definitely would not do that. Um, I would not recommend it. I think this could be really cool and special. Like the kid and the dog could have a really cool bond, maybe do things together, dress up as Halloween, something to do with their names. But instead it's kind of turned into this negative thing where I think it could be really special. Um,

So I hope that it all works out and you guys can figure it out and Charlie 1 and Charlie 2 just become best friends. The dog was named Charlie first. If only one gets a name, it's a dog. Now, more than one can have the name. It's totally fine. More than one kid has the same name, especially when you go to preschool, especially with more common names. You'll have multiple Charlies and usually they don't, you know, nickname one. That kind of comes in like later years.

So they'll be okay. Kids' brains are forming very, very fast at this age. So he'll be able to tell that when you call Charlie and you're looking at him, you're not referring to the dog. Now the dog may be confused. If anything, this tells me that the family has been excessively babying the younger sister just because why else would this even be a suggestion? I don't understand how anyone...

unless the youngest sister is a lot to deal with why they would even consider telling the sister oh yeah you should rename your dog like that's odd behavior i mean this is just so stupid it's it's not even funny peace are you serious

If the only way to maintain a peace is by me changing my dog's name, then I want none of it. Let's bring war at this point. Like, what's the point of entertaining this idea whatsoever? What is it about it? I don't understand it. That would be my dying hill.

Quite frankly, it gives main girl energy. The sister it's giving. You don't know what hardship is. If you're that so fucking hell bent on, well, you need to change your dog's name. Why? What's the point?

If it's to keep peace in the family, then I don't want it. What's the point? What's the point of peace on a trivial thing? OK, so the top comment on this one. There was a post years ago about a guy who had a cat named Nigel and his sister or roommate started dating someone named Nigel. So they called the cat, cat Nigel, and the guy, human Nigel. Next comment down.

My husband's uncle has the same name as our cat. Cat came with the name. No one has been confused when I talk about either of them. Next comment down. God damn it. Uncle slash cat name shit on the floor. This next comment has a big gold box.

This actually happened to me when my dog, Jenny, who wasn't feeling well, crapped on the floor while my friend Jenny was over. Me yelling, Mom, Jenny just shit on the floor. Mom yelling back, why on earth would she do that? Hilarity ensued. I also think this is just like not something that's that serious.

I actually don't know how I didn't think of this sooner, but Justin's grandpa got a puppy a couple years ago and it came with the name Penny. Guess what his mom's name is? Penny. Yeah. She turns 100 this May, but it's like, if that's not a big deal for him having a dog that has the same name as his mom and this sister knowingly named the kid after her sister's dog,

I mean, come on. Before we move on, there is one comment that OP responds to.

Someone goes, suggest that she changes her son's name to Spot or Rover. Next comment, adopt a second dog. Name it Emily. Next comment down, complete the set. Get a guinea pig and name it after a brother-in-law for the plot. Then ask mom to change Emily's name to keep the peace. Or just call the dog Baby Charlie for extra fun and confusion. So OP responds to one of the comments somewhere in this thread and goes, buddy can also do.

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This is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. It is six days old and titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Let My Brother-in-Law Name His Baby After My Late Husband? I, 33 female, lost my husband, Mark, three years ago in a car accident. It was devastating. And while I've worked hard to rebuild my life, my grief is still there.

Mark and I didn't have kids, but he always wanted to be a father, and his name holds a lot of sentimental value for me.

My sister-in-law, 36 female, is married to Mark's brother, Ethan, 38 male. They're expecting their first child, and recently, they've told me they want to name their son Mark to honor him. While I understand the sentiment, I immediately felt uneasy. Mark's name is deeply personal to me, and the idea of someone else in the family using it feels...wrong. I gently told Ethan and my sister-in-law that I wasn't comfortable with the idea.

I suggested they use Mark's name as a middle name or consider something else entirely, but they were upset and said it wasn't fair for me to claim the name when it's a part of their family too. Ethan even said that this would help keep Mark's memory alive, especially since they were so close. The argument escalated when I pointed out that if I ever had a child, I might want to name them after Mark, and it would feel strange if there was already another Mark in the family.

Ethan said that's a hypothetical situation and accused me of being selfish for gatekeeping a name as if it were only mine to use. Now the family is divided. Some think I'm overreacting and should let them honor Mark however they want. Others say it's my right to set that boundary given how close I was to him. So am I the asshole for saying no to them naming their baby after my late husband? Yeah, girl.

I think you're being the asshole. I think grief is hard because everybody's grief comes out in different ways, but grief doesn't absolve you from being an asshole. It's kind of like whether you intend to hurt somebody or not. The intention doesn't really matter in the end because it's still doing harm of some sort. That is his family. And if there's two marks in the family, it's not a big deal. But that is his brother.

He does want to honor him in some way. I don't think it's fair to gatekeep that from them. It feels harsh. Initially, when I heard the title, I instantly thought, yeah, you're the asshole.

But knowing that Mark's brother wants to use the name is completely different. I was expecting it to be outside family members who aren't related to Mark in any way, but it's his brother. That's his family. Yes, it's important.

important to you. That's just important to them. That's their entire life. They've been brothers and he should be able to honor his brother in that way. I feel like it's more of just a courtesy that he told you. Now, if Mark and him weren't related, then the stride would be different, but they're brothers. That's his family too. And I don't think you should be able to tell them that they can't name their baby after their baby's late uncle. I think first and foremost, it was really respectful of the brother to

reach out to OP, the wife, and get her thoughts on naming his son Mark. I understand where the wife is coming from. It's difficult because this was your person that you were supposed to spend your whole life with, and it's difficult to have someone else in the family with that name. I can understand that. I can understand how that would weigh on you heavily, but

I find it interesting how she mentioned that she might want to reserve the name mark for a future child of hers. So you can't really have both. You can't say that it would make you emotional to have someone else in the family name mark, but then at the same time possibly want to reserve it for your own child. Hearing someone's name that you love that has passed away is so hard.

But then to associate that name with a baby that's not yours, I truthfully feel like that's harder. We played around with the idea of my dad's name for my sister's baby, and it just didn't seem right. And while we loved his name,

We just couldn't imagine us and my mom constantly calling this little baby my dad's name. Like, we wanted to honor him in some way, but that wasn't it. And I hate that they're using this to kind of hold over her. Oh, well, we're just doing it to honor him. Well, okay, there's so many other ways to honor him.

Like, let's find one together that makes me comfortable and you comfortable and is equal for everybody. But then the audacity to be like, oh, what if I want to honor that name? I feel comfortable enough to then give my child that name. Okay, well, that's her right and her comfortability. So absolutely, she should get to do that.

But no, that's a hypothetical situation. God forbid that you fall in love again or don't even need a man. In vitro adoption, something of that nature. You don't get that name. Not, not, nope. No name for you. That's not for you. It's all about us. We just wanted to...

use this name and try to look good in the eyes of other people. And now you're the bad guy. So no, they're assholes and they shouldn't be using your dead husband's name if it makes you feel uncomfortable and they claim to care about you. I think if it was any other situation in the way that these people were related to Mark,

I would think they were pushing boundaries. But this is his brother. Like, at least from my perspective, if one of my sisters were to die, like, I would definitely want to be able to name my future child after them. And if they're partners, because obviously we don't know, like, how close that they all were as a family. Like, maybe, like, OP wasn't close with her brother. Maybe they were. But I just think that, like...

If my sister's partners were like, "No, you can't name your child that," I'd be so mad and I would do it anyway. I get that it's very difficult for OP. I don't think they're being unreasonable because I understand where they're coming from. But I personally think they just need to back down. Nothing's stopping them from using the name Mark, but also nothing's guaranteeing that they will in the future have a son.

And it could potentially go the other way when no one ends up honouring him by using his name. I find it kind of hard to use the word asshole on someone grieving their dead husband and having feelings connected to his death. I wouldn't. I don't.

I think that they're in their rights to honor Mark in their way. They've grown up together and it's obviously a loss for Ethan as well, as well as OP. So no, I don't think she's the asshole for having conflicted feelings about that name being used and expressing those to Mark and his wife. I think they're also in their rights to ignore those wishes as

Top comment on this one. I am so sorry for your loss. Respectfully, you are overstepping here. Mark was not only your husband, he was a son, a brother, a friend, and likely so much more. He had a role in so many lives, and each of those lives has the right to grieve and remember him in their own way. If you do adopt, I hope you use whatever name you feel is right. Adoption is an indescribable blessing. I am an adoptive mom.

Let them live their lives how they see fit. Because you almost never see them, any choice they make will only be as big as you allow it to be in your own life. I mean, solid point. For me, hearing this, I feel very torn because I understand like where OP is coming from and I can't even imagine dealing with that loss.

But having like your partner's name kind of taken, that option taken from you, I would be really distraught. I do appreciate the fact that the brother-in-law and sister-in-law are coming to her first and like having this conversation. And at the end of the day, it kind of is their choice. Like that was his brother. But it's a tough one. And you want to be sensitive. But...

But we do have an edit and get a little bit more information. Edit. I'm adding an edit here, although it's only been a little bit since I posted, to add some info that could be important. Apologies, I didn't include it before. But thank you everyone for your insights. It's given me a lot to think about. First, Mark and Ethan have been almost zero contact since Mark turned 23 for a much longer reason.

They've only spoken a few times since then, at Ethan's wedding, our wedding, and most recently, about a year before his death, at a funeral. Ethan and his wife didn't attend Mark's funeral, giving no reason about why. But the rest of the family dismissed it, and I'm still not sure why. They didn't even send so much as a card.

I only found out that they were expecting and intending to use the name at a family holiday party that I go to every year, which they attended for the first time. Apparently, every single person at that party, and it wasn't a small one, had known about the pregnancy, but not their plans for the name. At the party, Ethan and his wife, never been very chummy with her, announced their intent for the baby's name. So I asked them about it later, and that is where the argument began.

The thing that set me off was that Ethan said he wanted to use Mark's name since they were so close in childhood, but hasn't spoken more than a few words in ages. So I mainly feel that he has no right to use the name because of his relationship with Mark before he passed and the apathy to me when he did die.

Secondly, adoption was always the plan for Mark and me, and we were in the process of figuring out the steps to adopt in our area around the time he passed. As an adopted child, I would have it no other way. And I'm also infertile, so this was pretty much the only route I've been able to take.

At this moment, since I've gotten back on my feet after the loss, I've been considering adopting as a single mom because fortunately, I do have the means and the support system, mainly my side of the family and some friends, to raise a child alone. As of right now, I'm not sure if I'll ever remarry, but chances are I will adopt before I do.

Adopting a child and naming him after the man I'd always planned to adopt with seems like the best way to honor him and keep his memory alive. Thank you everyone for your comments and so sorry if there's a long edit with quite a few spelling errors. You guys, why didn't OP include that context at the beginning? For me, totally changes things. Totally changes things.

But I want to hear from you first. That was a lot of information to leave out. I'm just going to say that. And even, you had us in the first half.

- Screw that brother. - No. He didn't even go to the funeral. - I hope OP adopts a baby and is able to name this baby Mark before her sister-in-law gives birth and then Mark is already used. And if they want to be the one using the name twice, then they can go ahead and be the one using the name twice. But I hope OP steals it right out from under their feet because this just makes me so mad. If he hasn't even had a relationship with Mark, screw that. - That all goes out the window. - Everything's out the window.

Bye.

I'm so flabbergasted at the second edit of that one. Hasn't spoken to him in years and now wants to use his name? That just seems like an attention-seeking kind of thing. Like, oh, it was needed for my deceased brother. Oh, it makes me so angry. They do not deserve to use the name of someone and act like they're honoring them if they literally have had no contact in years and didn't even come to the funeral.

You just want to say you're honoring him so that it looks like you care when it's very obvious they don't. I'm going to play devil's advocate here for Ethan. I can't remember if she mentioned how long it's been since her husband passed, but what if Ethan is feeling guilty and remorseful and is now reminiscing on their childhood and he feels that naming his son Mark is a way to almost like make up for

for lost time make up for the things he now feels guilty for? I mean, grief hits everyone different, man. I mean, yeah, maybe they weren't close, but maybe it is hitting him and he does really miss his brother. We don't know. It's hard to make a call. In the end, if you're not close to them and you're never going to see them really after this, let him name a mark. Name your baby Mark. There's so many Marks in the world. Maybe that's insensitive.

You're not an asshole. Maybe nobody's an asshole here. There's just not, I just feel like there's still kind of missing context of like why they were not close. She's not an asshole for feeling the way she does feel. Like I was going to say no assholes here. I was going to say she's still in the wrong, but because she's facing grief the way she's facing it and the brother would be facing the grief the way he's facing it.

However, it doesn't, with that edit, it doesn't even sound like this is a form of grieving for him. It sounds like it's a form of attention grabbing, which if I were her, I'm impressed because if I wrote that original post, I would have said they're doing it for attention and this makes me mad and I told them no because of that reason on top of the fact that she wants to adopt a kid and have that be the kid's name. Now for me, I feel like

This totally changes it. And Ethan naming his child after his brother that has passed feels so performative. He didn't go to his brother's funeral. He didn't go to his brother's funeral. Come on. Didn't send a card. I mean, if you didn't go to your brother's funeral, I don't think you should be naming your child after your brother.

Just me. Just me. Some of you might disagree. If you do, please tell me why. But this feels very performative and it doesn't feel genuine. I mean, granted, okay, they were close as kids and whatever reasons, they stopped being close. But you weren't close when he passed and you didn't go to his funeral. So no.

I think regardless, if OP adopts and has to pick a name, I think OP should still go with Mark. I think that even if there's two Marks in the family, whatever, you have the closer proximity to Mark, I think, at this point. So just go with it. Don't let someone else squash it for you. I think names are so deeply personal and...

It doesn't matter if Ethan and his wife decide to use it. Like, you're going to have more meaning. You're going to be able to tell this story to your adoptive child. But adoption can happen in so many other ways. Like, OP might not even get the opportunity to name a child. So I think it'll be interesting to see how this plays out. But I wouldn't let Ethan ruin this for me. Mm-mm.

Okay, I'm going to peek and see if there's any other comments from OP since this. None. No comments from OP after the edit. So, and before the edit. No comments from OP. Just so, just so you guys know. But I'm very curious how this one plays out. It's only six days old. So we might get another update on this one. Okay, on to the next one.

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This is coming from AITAH. It is a month old at this point.

titled, Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up with My Girlfriend Because of a Caught Cheating Prank. I, 26 male, broke up with my girlfriend, 25 female, of two years because of something that happened recently. And now my friends are saying I massively overreacted. So a few days ago, my girlfriend and a close mutual friend decided to play a prank on me. The prank was that they filmed a scenario where I caught them in bed together, pretending they were hooking up.

They set up a hidden camera in the bedroom, and when I walked in, I saw him in just boxers and my girlfriend in a bra and panties straddling him, acting like they were mid-hookup. To make it more realistic, they even made some noises and tried to act like it was happening for real. I was shocked, furious, and immediately confronted them as I thought it was real at first, like an actual betrayal. And then I walked out of the room and started leaving the house.

When they followed me screaming, it was just a prank and then showed me the video they had been recording. To be honest, I felt completely betrayed, not just by the idea of the prank, but also because of how they had gotten undressed to film it. I know it's meant to be funny to some people, but for me, it felt disrespectful and I was hurt. The whole thing felt like a violation of trust, even though I know they weren't actually cheating.

I told her I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who would do something like that, and I ended things right there. She's devastated, and our friends have been telling me I overreacted.

They think it was just a harmless prank and I should have taken it better. But I can't shake the feeling that it crossed a line for me, especially with how intimate and uncomfortable it felt to see them in that situation, even if it wasn't real. Now I'm left wondering if I made the right decision. I'm starting to doubt myself because everyone else seems to think I blew it up out of proportion. Thoughts? Concerns? What? What? I'm really trying not to have my inner New York, New York City side of me

pop out because that was just absolute disrespect and like a disrespect in the block would be would run very differently and so I just think that he just stood up for himself and his friends his so-called friends that are saying that he's overreacting if I was a friend and I heard that you that someone did that to my friend I would be like no you are so in your well in your right to to not

tolerate that to say, yo, I'm, this is done. I'm not, I'm not taking this as disrespect. This is absolutely wild. You have me all the way messed up. That is not happening. Well,

What the actual fuck was that? First of all, obviously OP is not the asshole. And I think 2025 should be the year where we stop doing these pranks that are just like emotional abuse disguised as a prank. I feel really similarly to pranks as you, Morgan. Like I think a lot of times they're just like hurtful and unnecessary and at the expense of somebody else.

And so, I don't know, I have a lot of thoughts on this. My biggest question with this story is, like, who is this mutual friend that pulled the prank with her? I wonder if her and him were friends first, or if the boyfriend and him were friends first, or, like, just what their general dynamic is as a friend group.

because I'm getting the vibe that the girlfriend and this mutual friend who she'd pulled the prank with are secretly in love with each other, and that this was, like, a desperate attempt to, like, have alone time together or, like, an excuse to get naked in front of each other and do all this slimy shit behind the scenes. I'm sorry, but you don't just, like, plan a prank faking to, like, have sex unless you've been, like, actively thinking about it.

prior. Like how did you pick the friend and essentially you're bumping and grinding on your mutual friend. After two and a half years it's just super disrespectful and you're also just dumb to think that that's like okay. How do you not know your partner's boundaries after two years? Personally I do not think that OP was overreacting in there. I would have reacted the same way. When a line is crossed that you cannot go back from it's

honestly just best for both parties if you cut it off and I feel like that is such a betrayal of trust even if it was a prank a prank is supposed to be funny and that's just not funny to me because even if after everything's said and done like oh we were just kidding that feeling is still there and the feeling is very real and the feeling is very valid and if you can't move on in your relationship with that feeling still there weighing on your chest then like it's better for both of you to end it

I just really am not buying that it was an innocent prank. Like, I think regardless, like, the girlfriend and this mutual friend guy have some sort of ulterior motive because I don't see how any part of...

Trying to see what your boyfriend's reaction would be to you cheating on him could result in a funny outcome. Like, he's either gonna scream, get angry, cry, be heartbroken and depressed, or have, like, a major anxiety panic attack. Like...

I don't know. Like, there's no path that that situation could have taken where any rational human being would be like, hee hee, so funny. Like, oh, and like, it's already crossing so many boundaries that like she was like in her bra and panties, like straddling the sky. Yeah.

Like that alone would be enough for me to like leave somebody. Okay. That doesn't feel like just a prank to anyone, right? Like it feels like they were setting it up so that if they did get caught down the line, they could be like, oh, it was just a prank. Who thinks of that?

Also, who wants to even be that close to their partner's friend? I can't even imagine ever, ever, ever, ever like getting undressed and straddling someone that's not Justin. Like the thought of that honestly repulses me. So to even set this up as a prank and record it and strip down into underwear, panties, bra, like I'm perplexed. Top comment on this one though.

Not the asshole. How does your girlfriend of two years not know you well enough to know what you'd find funny? Like, even if you prank all the time with each other, she should know you and what you would actually find funny. If you're not laughing, it's not actually a prank. It's just them hurting you and then blaming you for being hurt. OP responds to that one. Yep, I told her that. She says she wanted to try something new and unexpected and didn't think I would feel so strongly about it. Someone responds after that.

But she should be trying something new and unexpected with you and not the friend. Yep. The fact that she didn't know you'd feel so strongly about it means either she doesn't really know you or she doesn't care about your feelings. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how you would expect that to end well, to make it seem so real.

Also, like what happens if OP would have like forgotten something in the car and would have gone back outside or not walked into the room right away? Like would they have just kept going for the plot?

Well, guys, we do have an edit from OP. Edit. I did not expect this many responses. Thank you, guys. She posted here earlier and sent me a link to her post. I know she wants me to watch the video to prove it was all set up and planned, but I feel like she still doesn't get that I'm upset about her disregard and disregard for me and our relationship. Anyways, I'm going to sign off for the night. Well, I guess we got to go find that other post. Her version.

I didn't know it existed until just now. Let's see if we can find the other side. Okay, we got the girlfriend's post. Has been deleted. Coming from AITH, I think my boyfriend is overreacting for breaking up with me over my caught cheating prank. Am I the asshole? My boyfriend posted here a few hours ago and shared the link with me to show me what people thought about what I did and that he is not overreacting.

I thought I'd come on here and give my version of events for a more nuanced take. I play into the cheating prank with our close mutual friend several days ago. We were hanging out and scrolling through TikTok videos and came across prank shorts between couples. We went down the rabbit hole and ended up watching YouTube videos of cheating pranks

And I mentioned it would be funny to try a cheating prank on my boyfriend to find out what his reaction would be. He said he would do one with me, and I agreed because it was someone my boyfriend liked and trusted, so I thought it would be harmless.

It started out as a hypothetical plan, but over the course of the conversation, and while hash no details, it turned into a real plan, and we agreed to the day we would do it when my boyfriend would be out and come back home and find us together. We set up a camera and filmed ourselves talking about the prank and set it up on top of the dresser in the bedroom and got into position. We were laughing throughout, and it is all on video. To make it believable, I told him to take off his shirt,

He said I should probably do the same, so we did. Then he thought it would be even more believable and provide that shock factor if we also took off our pants. In hindsight, this was a terrible idea, but I agreed to it.

You know how the rest of the story went from his post. But what he didn't mention is that he refused to watch the video I recorded showing that it was a planned prank, that we only took off our clothes and got into sex position when we knew he was home.

I understand that this prank was extra and hurtful to him, and for that I am sorry, but I am not cheating on him, and I did not mean to disrespect our relationship. I thought him breaking up with me is a massive overreaction because other than this incident, which I now massively regret, our relationship was great. We shared two wonderful years together and moved in together over the summer.

I plan on deleting the video and won't be sharing it on social media, but I will share with him first for proof of my intentions. What would you do? What's to say they didn't record that video after he ran out? I don't know if you could ever get the trust back with this person and therefore the reason feels over, but...

I don't know. Like, would you guys forgive your partner? Would you watch the video and make sure it's legit and then forgive them? Would you be able to do that? I don't know. I need to hear what you guys would do. You're fucking weird. What type of response is that?

you're weird as fuck girl like why would you think that's funny one why are you sitting with his friend and watching tiktoks and youtube videos of cheating pranks together feels like a setup two yeah of course you'd be like oh yeah take off your pants now that would make it shock factor loser weird take off your shirts it seems like you guys were joking and then it was like

you got like hot and bothered about it and you're like actually yeah let's just like take off our clothes it'll be funny video doesn't matter intent doesn't matter you hurt the person take the L move on you up like don't care if it's a prank don't care if i know for a fact that you guys didn't sleep together you're gone you're we're done you're both out of here your prank

It literally sounds like the guy that said his girlfriend's sister tricked him into sleeping with her. For them to get to the point where it's like, let's make it more believable. You take your pants off. You take your pants off. I take my shirt off. You take your shirt off. No. No. I think she's missing the bigger picture here because she mentioned like,

How she thinks that he doesn't believe that this was set up. It was planned. It was a prank. She wasn't actually cheating on him. Yeah, we got that. Doesn't change the fact that it's still weird. Like, why did you do that? They still did that. They still got undressed and were all over each other. Whether it was real or not, that's a weird thing to do. And she still did it. I think she's missing the point of that he believes her.

But she wasn't really thinking at all when she did it or she wasn't thinking about him when she did it. I just, I don't know. I feel like these are probably like one of those things that is really, really needs to be talked about before you get into a relationship. Like, what do you consider as a prank or not? Or what do you consider cheating or whatnot? And all this kind of stuff, because this is those conversations where like you can have good intentions, but the impact is still there. You had good intent.

very questionable good intentions that it was just a prank, but the impact was still there. You still made the impact of making him feel what he felt. And so to him, the impact was that you did not care. If you cared, you would not have done that. And I think that's what a lot of times when people find a hard time forgiving. And so like, I would, if I was him, I would forgive, but I would not put myself in that boat because I,

I don't, there was just, it was, they were just way too comfortable. And I don't think I like that. It was, it was too comfortable for them to be in the bed together, take off 90% of their clothing, and then just really have a conversation like that or a prank like that. I can forgive, but I don't think I can go back to something like that. So going back on OP's post, a little bit of an update.

My ex-girlfriend was really upset with all the hate she received online and blamed me for painting her in a bad light. I told her I did no such thing. She just didn't like that she got called out on her behavior. The mutual friend who was a part of the prank is now also pissed off at me and saying I went way overboard. I told them both to fuck off and have blocked their numbers. Our friends have since started taking this more seriously after reading some of the comments on here, with a few taking my side and saying what my girlfriend and the friend did was horrible.

Others still think this was all unnecessary and I should have just laughed it off and moved on. And I don't agree with that. I think this is something that's very traumatic to walk in on. It would really damage me and how I saw those people I loved and trusted. So this doesn't feel like an overreaction. And he's entitled to his feelings.

If he can't trust her, if he is hurt, doesn't want to be with her anymore, that's fair. You can't force someone to be in a relationship with you. And I feel like these friends would be saying a different tune if this happened to them. Okay, moving along.

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My brother and his now wife got married three days ago, a very small destination ceremony, under 15 people total. My now fiance and I extended our trip after everyone went home and spent a couple of days exploring the Grand Canyon, a couple hours north of the wedding, where he proposed. When I shared the news with my brother and now sister-in-law, he responded with hostility, saying that it looked like we were competing.

I apologized, quickly realizing that he was advocating for my sister-in-law and that she felt hurt, although I'm truly failing to understand why. I also texted her a separate apology and explained that it was not our intention to encroach and just wanted to share the news with family and that it's my belief that there's room for happiness for everyone.

She did not respond. In response to my apology, my brother doubled down and said the timing and location were hurtful and that we shouldn't have planned around the wedding. Am I the asshole here? Okay, as someone who just got married this year, you get one day, all right? You get the big day. It's all about you. Spotlight's on you. Three days later,

Yeah, no. You're out of line. You don't get a location. You don't get a week or a year or a month. You get a day. Alright? You are not the asshole for getting engaged. Congratulations. This is a recent relation for us because we got engaged on the 21st of December. Ba-ba-ba-ba!

I'm excited. I've been insufferable since, but anyway, they did their best to separate as much as they could. They went a few hours away. They extended their trip. Everybody's gone. And he said, okay, we're doing this really special thing and we're on a really beautiful location. And I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'll do it here. Cool. That I feel like that's fine for me. I guess it kind of depends on how soon after. It was three days. Three days is.

kind of soon. I would have waited like a week and let them have that week of marriage, being a new married couple and then kind of started saying things. But I can understand the excitement.

You know? I do commend the brother for standing up for his now wife. Yeah. Yeah. There was effort there. Like, go to the source. She did go to the source. That wasn't the intent. Like, try to explain the situation to her directly. Like, avoid any possible, like, instrument. I can see both sides of this because from OP's perspective, the second half of the trip...

for the proposal was not at all related to the wedding that they were there for. I mean, they waited until everyone else went home and it was just the two of them. It was more of a private trip, which is why the proposal happened. From sister-in-law's perspective, I kind of get it. Like the only reason they were in Arizona was for the wedding. And then they just kind of piggybacked off that trip, which was...

not initially meant for them. I do feel like sister-in-law is kind of playing the card of like, oh, well, they got engaged at my wedding. Well, that's not true. That didn't actually happen. I understand why she's hurt, but I don't, I feel like that might just be something you keep to yourself and say, congratulations, like I'm happy for you.

Keep it to yourself. You can be annoyed. It's a fine line because this wasn't their wedding, but it was the wedding trip. Very weird. Kind of a weird situation. I'm a little bit more on the side of OP. I hope there's more details that show the relationship between OP and sister-in-law that is maybe hiding something. I feel like I need to know more about the relationship between OP, like the sister, and then the brother who just got married.

Has there always been this sibling rivalry? Has he always felt like she was trying to one-up him? Because that's what it's feeling like. It's feeling like he just got married. They're still in the bubble of, oh, this was three days ago. We're still celebrating this. It's still very exciting for the family. So I could see that if there was some sort of rivalry or whatever, to feel like you're

thunder was being taken by her getting engaged the fact it was on the same trip too is a little interesting um i can understand wanting to do it when you're abroad in a nice place of course um but it does feel a little bit weird to be getting engaged on this trip that was intended for a wedding

I don't know. I wouldn't go as far to say asshole because people are allowed to propose when and where they want and however they want to do that. Maybe they genuinely thought that it wouldn't be an issue at all. I don't really know, but I think there's some sort of sibling rivalry going on and that's why he's so upset. People who feel like they have a very secure relationship with their sibling and people who feel like they've gotten enough attention in their life

are totally fine. They're like, wow, I just had my wedding. We're about to have another one in the next year or so. I'm so excited. I'm so elated. I love that my love inspired them to take that next step. Of course, that's

The ideal perspective. And I think that's the healthy, the psychologically healthy perspective. But I do think realistically, people do have wounds that come from their family, that come from their childhood, where they don't necessarily feel like they got enough attention or enough focus.

focused, individualized attention. And I think our society makes weddings out to be this thing that you finally have this space to be just about you. And I think what it might be is the sister-in-law might have certain family dynamics where she's never felt like she got to be the center of attention. She never felt like she got to be the one people focus on or maybe even the brother potentially. Like it sounds like she...

he was defending the sister-in-law, but that's just an assumption that OP made. It's not coming from nowhere. Like these people aren't coming from a place of being irrational necessarily. I think it's just coming from a place of hurt and coming from a place where there is just like a hole that needs to be mended and wounded. So I, I, again, I don't think that OP needs to delay their life because of the brother's timeline of their wedding. Um,

But I also think it's worth letting that be a conversation for a bigger problem that they seem to have. And obviously, like, in an ideal world, everyone goes to therapy, everyone goes to family therapy, but...

Yeah, I think it just really stems down to wanting the space to celebrate. As long as you didn't propose during my wedding or like you were talking about it during my wedding to kind of take away from my special day. I don't really care because I had a great time. That's all that matters. I had a great time. The wedding went well. Nobody impeded on it. You know, I don't care if you want to do it the next day. Doesn't bother me. You know, it's very much so giving.

I wanted to be the child that had the most recognition on the Christmas card this year. You shouldn't have gotten engaged at all this year. You should have let this be my time to shine on our Christmas card. Like,

It's like, it's my birthday month. Right. Yeah. It's also, it's giving, why did you give birth on my birthday? Like that's the type of like, unhinged, like, I'm going to have to share the family celebration with this child. Yes. It was in the general series of events of the wedding, but it wasn't at the wedding.

And also, like, the proposal was a private thing done between them. Like, the chances are probably not every single person who went to the wedding will even know that this proposal then happened after on their own little holiday, which just happened to have begun with a wedding. And especially if they've had this idea, obviously, we don't know, if they've had this idea of, like, a destination proposal, like,

Like, they're already on holiday. Like, by the sounds of it, they're American. So I don't know how much holiday they'll even get in the year. So this may be their one chance to actually get a destination proposal without having to go on a separate holiday. I really think they're not on the wrong. And it was very nice of OP to apologise in the way that they did over message.

And I think that's all they owe them, to be honest. I would, however, be scared of if this couple does feel really wronged, if they're going to retaliate at Opie's wedding in any way. I don't see what the harm is. I mean, if anything, I'd be, I'd feel happy for them. I mean, I'm glad that my love and my new wife's love inspired you to also be

decide to settle down and get married. I think that's a beautiful thing. I truly do not understand why you would be so upset about that or feel like it's taken away from your moment. No, your moment was beautiful. And now we have another beautiful moment coming that was inspired by it. Okay. I'm imagining what you guys would say. This could go two ways.

You guys could say, hey, you know, it was only a day or two after their wedding. Similar location. Could have been a little more respectful. Or you're saying it was days after the wedding, hours north of where they had their ceremony. This is fine. I'm trying to guess what you guys are thinking. Me, I am in the boat of...

It was hours north of their wedding in the Grand Canyon where a lot of people get engaged all the time. It wasn't like they got engaged at their reception. Like we had those stories in the past, right? This feels so different. So I'm fine with this. I think the sister-in-law will get over it eventually. You know, maybe she's still kind of being that bridezilla in a sense, a little entitled to

But I think after your wedding is done, and as long as it's not at your wedding, I think it's fair game. I wouldn't be pissed if I had my wedding this September and someone got engaged up on the North Shore when they extended their trip after. That would not bother me at all. I would actually find that really, really cool. Like my love inspired you and your love? Okay, I dig that.

So, I don't know. This is giving weird possessive for no reason. But, okay, let's read the top comment and see what that says.

Top comment, not the asshole. And I can see you're trying valiantly to understand, but I'm not sure your brother or his wife will be able to give you a good reason for their reaction because their reaction is wild. Sure, it's rude to propose at someone else's wedding, but that's not what happened. The fact that you and your fiance got engaged a few days after their wedding before you flew home is a totally different thing.

Also, the level of hostility in that message from your brother is nasty and definitely not normal. I'm so sorry that he treats you like that. Next comment down, which has a big yellow box, but a lot of downvotes. Over 5,000 downvotes. So let's get into it.

It sounds like it was the day after, and I don't know. If I was on the first day of my honeymoon, and instead of fully enjoying my new newlywed bubble, my sibling texted me not to tell me they hope I'm enjoying my honeymoon or congratulations on my marriage, but that they're engaged, and instead of them congratulating me on my marriage, they're trying to get me to congratulate them on their engagement, I don't know that it'd be the most thrilled in the world. But also, I don't have a good relationship with my siblings, and that would inform how I felt about it.

I don't think reaching out to someone who is that freshly married to tell them your good news is the most tactful thing in the world. At least wait a few days so they can have their newlywed bubble for a bit. Hmm. That kind of goes back into option A, I said. And I'm curious. I'm curious if a lot of you agree. Even if this was downvoted so much. If you agree, please tell me now. Comment after it, though.

That was an unfortunate time for the sub to go down. You may have piped the record for most downvotes I've ever seen on this sub. You think people would have stopped around negative 100. Your comment wasn't even that controversial, even if people did disagree with it. Someone does quote what that comment said, though, about if I was on the first day of my honeymoon and instead of fully enjoying it, my sibling texted me, blah, blah, blah, blah. They go, I would be ecstatic for them. What the hell?

Last one I'll read with 13K upvotes. Not the asshole. Your brother needs to calm down. The bride gets a day, her one wedding day. She does not get a location, a week, or anything else. She gets her wedding. That is all. You did not encroach. Well, guys, we have no comments from OP.

But OP, this is a real account. I mean, this person has been active on Reddit for years. The first thing I see on this account, I'm scrolling. Hold on. Let me get there. I'm scrolling. First thing on this account is from over 13 years ago. It is a picture of a McDonald's order on the subreddit r slash what the fuck. My friend orders a plain double cheeseburger and gets this instead.

And it literally is the bun and a slice of cheese. I think they misunderstood the assignment, but hilarious. So this is a real account. I would not be surprised if OP gives an update eventually because of how active they have been on Reddit for over a decade. But as of right now, we got nothing. Nothing.

But on that note, congratulations, OP. Don't let this take the wind out of your sails, you know? Don't let it steal your thunder. This is really exciting. And your brother and sister-in-law will get over it eventually and hopefully will feel as silly as they should. But moving along.

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I think there are going to be a lot of you with hot takes on it. So this is coming from r slash true off my chest, 19 hours old, titled, My friend wants me to help him get a vasectomy against his wife's wishes. I understand this sounds bad, but please reserve judgment until you've read the post. My friend, let's call him Adam, 24 male, got his wife pregnant when they were on their second date.

They rushed to get married before the kid was born because their families are religious, deep south. And in under three years, she has had two more kids. The problem is serious birth control failures, so much so he doesn't trust her on the matter anymore. She was supposedly on the implant when kid one was conceived and on the pill with two and three.

She refuses any type of sterilization because she might want more, but he is struggling on all fronts and can't afford the kids he has now. He had to drop out of school and works a chemical factory job to keep the lights on. He has expressed his desire for this ever since the third kid, and she won't budge.

He even pushed the my body, my choice argument only for her to say men don't get that choice. And he's pretty upset about her always getting her way and making his life hell if she doesn't. His work would pay for it entirely free because they work with chemical and it increases the odds of birth defects thousands fold. So he doesn't have to worry about the money it'll cost. He's setting up the date and wants me to drive him there and back.

And he's going to tell her when it's already done. I'm hesitant to be involved in this, but I think it's the right thing to do.

He asked me to research into it to make sure he won't get in any trouble and he doesn't need her permission on any front in our state, just like she doesn't need his permission to stop birth control without telling him. I think he should just tell her he is doing it and she can deal with it, but he doesn't want to fight about it anymore. I've agreed to drive him and it's not for a few months anyways, but I'm already getting second thoughts. I can't really even tell mutual friends in case he gets back to his wife. Weird secret to keep.

That's it. That's how they end the post on us. Weird secret to keep. No, what do I do? Nothing. This man needs to run. And not literally run because he has three children run, but run as in, oh my gosh, this is terrible. And I think we live in a society where we're so used to

it being so glaringly obvious when it's a woman in the situation that we can say, you need to run. But like the fact that OP is even asking if it's okay, if they drive their friend to a medical procedure that they basically need for more than likely their own mental health, honestly, their own physical health and potentially like

the wives because if the company is willing to pay for a medical procedure because it increases birth defects and birth issues, oh my gosh, this is insane. The levels of insanity that this is is just...

Oh my gosh. Wow, this is a wild situation to be at. I don't know just because, and this can be very much because I'm a guy, I think this is an example of like being baby trapped. Morgan, this reminds me of the story of that one time that one person was, you know, poking holes in the condom. I don't know, I don't remember it was the guy or the girl that did that, but it gives me that vibe. It gives me, oh, I was taking this and I was taking that, but

Maybe they weren't doing it now. I'm not blaming it on her. I just know that there's been many cases where both sides have done it. And so this just kind of screams at one of those situations. I was kind of caught off guard when he was just kind of like, it's kind of like his body, his choice. And she was kind of like, men don't get that.

I don't know if that just comes from a place of, you know, because rightfully a lot of choices for women have been made by men. And so I don't know if that was a response in the frustration of that and the situation and everything. This whole thing just gives me the heebie-jeebies and I'm just like...

I kind of also with like a little bit with like OP, like I don't want to kind of be in this situation because this situation is kind of like, is that one situation where like you're over at your friend's house and your parents screams at your friend and you just look at the wall, you're like, that's a pretty wall. And you're like, can I go home? It's kind of, it gives me that kind of vibe. It gives me that like, this is kind of awkward. I don't want to be in the middle of this kind of situation.

Yeah, this one's a little trickier, I think. It sucks any time I think you have to sneak behind your partner's back, but also I fully understand where he's coming from. I'm a father myself, and I have two, and I couldn't imagine having a third. It'd be tough. I mean, I'd probably make do, but at a certain point, there's only so much you can do. But that being said, I do kind of have a question for him, which is...

are they using condoms because if the birth control keeps failing and he's aware that he can't have more, he can't support more children, then I would think that he would be doing that as a backup. But if not, I think a little of the blame is also on him, but I do not think that him or his friend would be in the wrong to go and get a vasectomy seeing as how his wife is against it. And also the whole,

Men can't pull the my body, my choice. I mean, I think any person can. We all have control over ourselves. I mean, absolutely. I mean, when you're in a partnership, of course, you have to work together with the other person. But if the birth control and other things aren't failing, you have to find something else. If she's not willing to go, you know...

get her tubes tied or something, then I think he has every right to go do that. They should have more better communication. And if they can't talk about it, then maybe they shouldn't be together in the first place. And then he, they always, the compromise is freeze the sperm, get it done now. So he doesn't have to worry about it. And then if they want to, they can continue. That's, that's the solution right there. I agree. But the entire time I was also thinking she baby dropped him.

100% she baby trapped him. She was supposedly on the implants the first time the baby was conceived. And then on multiple other types of birth control. I am not great at taking medication.

But not if you have an implant, you don't even have to remember. You just have to exist. And hopefully a baby does not happen. In her defense, apparently, I mean, they are obviously not 100%. They're not 100%. But, you know. No.

But it's pretty good. It's pretty high chances of not having a baby. It kind of sounds to me, I don't know about you, but it sounds to me like she baby trapped him. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Are you kidding me? I don't know about that. You're telling me that you're starting off with the implant and it failed you. Yeah. And then you did birth control, like the next two, like the pill twice. Yeah.

Like, yeah, no, something is definitely off. Like there. I can't. But also not to like shame him or anything, but also, dude, you could have been using condoms.

Yeah. So that's kind of on him, but whatever. Yeah. I don't like this argument that like men don't have a choice of my body. That's fucking stupid. Yeah. No, that is stupid. Are you kidding me? Everyone has a freaking right through their own. I really hope one of those kids, one of those three kids they had is not a boy because then she would be fucking telling her son that bullshit. Hell no. Yeah.

It just feels very selfish of the wife to be like, oh, I don't care what you think. Yeah. It's what I want. I might want another one. Why would you want another one? You've had three kids in how many years? Like only a few years? Yeah.

This girl, she sounds like she needs some help. Da Lulu. Da Lulu. She's Da Lulu. And I think also if the friend is feeling like, oh, I don't know, should I actually take him? You're not a good friend. You're not a good friend. You're not the wife's friend. You're this guy's friend. Be his friend. Like, come on. I think we can all recognize how bad this is, right? This is very deceptive.

coercive. You know, it's really hard when people, especially people you should be able to inherently trust, like your wife, tell you they're on birth control or have an implant and then it fails. Like on her end, if she is knowingly removing that birth control, that is sexual assault. On his end, I don't know what more he can do besides watch her take a pill every day.

But I mean, that's crazy. You shouldn't have to do that. And if he doesn't trust his partner at this point, he needs to leave her because this is feeling like abuse to me. This is intense, very intense. And I completely disagree with her saying men do not get to use the my body, my choice. He absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, has the right to get a vasectomy.

That is craziness if she feels that she can dictate what he does with his body. Vasectomies are also reversible.

reversible. And her body has proven that birth control doesn't work. You know, if she's truthful and has been on it, birth control and her just don't click. I don't know. It doesn't work. They've got three kids at 24 years old to prove it. So let him get the vasectomy. This might be the safest birth control method for you guys. And you have three kids and you definitely should not have any more if you cannot afford them. And that's a hot take.

Right there. But okay, you've had your initial reaction. Do we have any more thoughts on this one?

I understand the friend's issue here, though. It's like, do I do this? But is it seems like he's more the guy's friend than the girl's friend. And then honestly, it's like, just do it. You know, it's just a drive. Would you do that? Would Trevor? Yep. Or Aaron? Yep. Yeah. Not even a problem. Okay. You just no questions asked. Yeah, I just drive him. I don't care. They'd be like, oh, I need to drive somewhere. Cool. And they'd be like, oh, it's for surgery. Like, oh, it's crazy. I think tell your wife it's not an option. I'm like, I'm getting a bisectomy.

Point blank period. And have her drive you to the hospital. Like, don't keep secrets from your wife. But at the same time, like, it's not an option. I wouldn't be intimate with her for the entire month and a half in case she is not taking her birth control or lying about birth control methods. But...

That she's not a bad friend for helping him out. Like, he's undergone so much to keep these kids, like, eating and breathing and being alive. So he doesn't want any more kids. He doesn't want any more kids. And that's just, that's just the end of it. Like, I don't feel bad for her. In all honesty, the guy getting a vasectomy, the husband getting a vasectomy, could have just died.

approached the friend and said, "Hey, I have a favor to ask of you. I really need you to drive me to and from this appointment. I can't get into details. It's personal, but it would really mean a lot." I'm sure a good friend would be like, "Okay, great. No questions asked. I know you need help. I'm here for you." So I don't think that OP should be taking on the weight of, "Is this the right thing to do?" You're just driving him there and back.

It's his decision to be lying to his wife to go against her wishes. I mean, it is completely his decision to have pursued this and gone through with it. If OP had turned down...

that, you know, offering to help. If he said, no, you know what? I can't drive you. I'm sorry. I am sure OP would have found another friend to have driven him or maybe have gotten an Uber or something. I don't know, but I don't think that OP should be like having this way on him. Top comment I'll get into now. Okay. Your friend is in an abusive relationship.

Okay, so I wasn't far off saying that. And his partner is using reproductive coercion to have more kids. If he was my friend, I'd be encouraging him to leave her. But at the very least, someone should help him get that vasectomy. Yeah.

I know it can feel wrong to like lie and help someone lie to their partner. But I think in this case, the lie feels very necessary. And I do think he needs to get control over his autonomy again and his body. Bottom line with this story, these circumstances, he definitely needs to get the vasectomy. But other than that, moving on to our last story.

This one is coming from r slash relationship advice. It is seven days old, titled, My 29 male boyfriend wants me, 28 female, to do housewife duties when we both work full time. How do I explain why this isn't fair?

We are not engaged yet and no kids. He makes triple what I make in income, so he decided he would pay the total rent and I would cover utilities and groceries. We both work full-time and he sometimes works some overtime, but I still work 40 hours a week. He thinks because he pays all of the rent that I have to do all of the cleaning in the house, including picking up his messes because, quote, it's your job as a woman to be proud of a clean house.

So when I get home from work or have a big day off, he expects me to do all of the cleaning where when he comes home, he can sit and watch TV.

I can't afford to go 50-50 on the rent with my current income, and he doesn't want to do income-based bills. But I really don't think it's fair, even if he pays the rent, because I feel like we both deserve rest time and free time, and I'm not a maid. But when I try to bring it up, he says, then we can just go 50-50. I'd have to find a second job to afford that. What do I do? How many of you are screaming right now? Just pulling out hair?

What do we think on this one, guys? Is there a way to explain and articulate why it's not fair with someone like this? Or do you just cut your losses and run? Let me hear it. Morgan, I pulled out all my hair listening to that story. All of it? All of it. Every little bit? Every last one. Pull it out. This is wild. What the fuck? This is wild.

Oh, it's a woman's fucking dub. Bitch. That's crazy though. Like this is so expected. Hearing this kind of story is like, oh no, another one. Another one. Like Jesus. Dump them. Leave them. All I can really say is that. No, I wouldn't, I would not be with that kind of person. Time and experience are the two most valuable things you can ever have.

And if your time and your experience is being undermined by your partner, they should not be your partner. Also, like, disrespecting you. Telling you what your role is. What your role is? What you should do with your time? No. No. Absolutely not. Split the fucking chores 50-50. Like, it's already my way or the highway. Like, even before he mentions...

Yeah. I'm just going to say run. I'm just going to say run. Honestly, at this point.

OP's wife wants to be able to work. She wants to be able to do things that she's working. She wants to do all these different things. And so this whole thing just rots me the wrong way. Just saying that, oh, you should... And also the fact that you should have a house or you should be responsible for having a clean house or whatever that he said. That shit is absolutely wild. I'm confused. If he makes triple what she makes...

If he really wants her to do these things, can he just not be like, hey, you can be a stay-at-home whatever. I know they don't have kids, right? I would gladly stay at home and clean if you were going to pay all the bills. Exactly. With no kids. That's fair. I don't think it's the...

Asking of the wifey material thing because he is they are sharing space and he is doing more financially. It's not about that. It's kind of the disrespectful way he's asking it. And then if she and then kind of like allowing him to.

grow a mess. It's like, okay, does he leave his dishes? Does he not rinse his coffee cup out? And she keeps asking him to do it. It's a little thing. I feel like there's a lot of little things that I feel like we're missing, like hours that they're both doing, what types of jobs do they have, how much is the rent, how much of the mess is actually the mess? Is it constantly leaving

giant piles of clothes outside the hamper or is it like I have to pick up a pair of socks outside the hamper they are not ever going to be a team he's always going to think less than of her even if she made what he makes he would still find a way to manipulate her into believing that it's her job to

to wait on him hand and foot and take care of his every need while he gets to lay around. It's just, it's really sad to waste your time on someone who you find out that just isn't right for you. I know I wasted a lot of time on somebody who wasn't right for me. Like my nonna always said, many hands make light work. So all of my kids have always picked up after themselves and

Nobody has just one thing they need to be doing in my house. We all do the things and get all the things done. My husband never did. He never even pitched in. And it's really sad that there are still younger generations coming into adulthood thinking that a woman is made to be a maid, just not.

to pick up after you and to wait on you hand and foot. It's not fair. And when we meet people like this, we need to learn to just walk away. I hope that you haven't spent too much time on this man and things will never be fair. And I'm sure you're in a financial situation now.

that you feel like it's hard to get out, but do it before you get married or have kids because it's so much harder. So much harder once you're married, and it's even more hard when you add children to that whole mix, and the level of abuse will grow. Right now it's just him trying to manipulate you into staying home

in this little bubble with him and doing everything that he says and not saying, no, I need to rest too. Don't let this be the narrative for the rest of your life. Don't waste any more of your time on this. You can do better. Don't ever sell yourself short. Life is way too short to live like this. I hope that you find your way out and things get better. And I really feel like

You could be taking the right step if you just get out now. Run, run as fast as you can, just go. He doesn't respect her. I don't think he understands that both of them work the same amount. Yeah. I don't think he, I think he correlates the amount or the importance of his work more than hers because he makes more money. Yeah. It seems like it's important for him to have a clean home.

Then he should have the clean. He has the woman that does it for him. So he got that check. Yeah, I mean, this is not actually about dividing the cleaning between them. I mean, if it was that, I think there would be

so many solutions from hiring someone to do the cleaning to making a schedule to like whatever. There are so many solutions, but this isn't actually about it. It's like you're saying he doesn't respect her. Yeah.

And he also has a worldview that she obviously doesn't agree with. And that's really, in my opinion, so outdated. This last story made me so mad. It's unbelievable. Like, I can't grasp. You guys are partners. Like, I don't think the 50-50 thing, unless you literally both make 100,000, it's a lot of money, both make 100,000 a year and you both work 30-40 hours a week.

that's like a 50-50 draw. Like then you can do that. But until then, like that's not how that works. That's not how life works. If you bring in more money, that does not mean that you are not able to do chores. He sounds like a man child. All right. He sounds like he can't do anything for himself because that's unbelievable. That's just unacceptable behavior from anyone.

I don't care how much money you bring in. You are not excluded from doing housework at all, ever. Because how much vacuuming, cleaning, making dinner, doing all these things is so much work. It's a second job. That is her second job. So if she had to get another job to go 50-50 on rent, she'd be doing three jobs.

This is a man that if you ever have children with him will say, it's your duty to raise the children. You have to clean after them. You have to also work. You have to, there's no way you'll be able to juggle that. Children are your responsibility. Like I am the man of the household. I'm providing a roof over your heads. Which he's not even providing an actual full roof because he's not paying electricity. No, he's not probably paying internet. He's not providing food. You're not providing a home. Well, you're providing the shelter.

Yeah, that's it. She can't live off of just the shelter. She needs the water. She needs the food. She's providing that. I hate this for OP. I really do. I think she deserves better. What kind of control relationship does he want on her? They should be dividing the household chores 50-50. I mean, they both work 40 hours a week. And...

It doesn't seem fair that she has to also come home and do all the cleaning and cooking and everything because she doesn't pay some of the bills. Like she can pay the bills she can afford. And with whatever money they have left over, if he doesn't want to clean, hire a cleaner or something. Why doesn't he want to clean up after himself? Like what expectation does

Does he have in his head that he deserves to just come home and have everything set up nice and neat for him? Yeah, so this guy's a piece of work. He's clearly sexist. He's financially abusing her. I mean, could be just downright abuse as well. I'm not sure. Hopefully he's not cutting her off from family and friends and she has someone to turn to or go to to get out.

But it doesn't even sound like he's treating her like a partner or a girlfriend. It sounds more like, you know, a narcissistic roommate or parent or something. Like, they only care about what they're getting out of the relationship and not making sure that it's be cool or fair or that the other person's even happy. I feel bad for OP, and I hope she can get out. I hope that, you know, he's not going to make it tough or impossible. I'm not sure how...

how she stands with friends or anything. But no, I think Opie should get out. Definitely. This guy is not the right one. Definitely. I think she could definitely find a better guy. You got to run, right? Everyone said run, run, because this is crazy. He's making triple her income and he thinks this is fair. I mean, he clearly knows she can't afford 50-50. So it's a trap. It's a trick.

And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? I mean, the quote, it's your job as a woman to be proud of a clean house. So you're with someone who's sexist. He doesn't want to see you win as a team. He'd rather use this as manipulative or manipulation and a motive to get you to keep cleaning and being a maid versus having like an equitable, fair, healthy life. This is not your person. You need to break up.

Need to. But let's see what the top comment said. Top comment.

So it sucks to find out you're incompatible after moving in together, but at least you're not married with kids. You can move back out. You're right that it's not fair, but don't waste your time explaining the basics of fairness to a grown man. He's not a time traveler from the 19th century. He's aware of how modern relationships work. He just doesn't want one. You could tell him that if he wants a trad wife, you'll quit your job, but I don't think you'd be happy with that life either.

Yes, that, all of that.

Next comment down, this. It isn't going to get better. He's showing his true colors. This is a value difference, which cannot be changed. Don't have kids with someone who will expect you to either stay home and do all of the cleaning, household management, or work, childcare, and all of the cleaning and managing. Choosing a life partner, someone to literally choose to spend your life alongside and in tandem with is a big-ass deal. Having kids with them is an even bigger deal.

Don't fall into the sunken cost fallacy. A long relationship isn't necessarily a good one. You're young. You've got time. Do some soul searching and maybe therapy if that's a tool you can afford to figure out your own values so that going forward, you can more easily and quickly eliminate people whose values don't line up with yours.

Late 20s are a weird time. Give yourself some grace and really make sure you're doing what you want and not what you think is expected of you. You've only got one short life. Don't spend it in service of things that don't serve you. Love and hugs, friend. Holy shit was that comment amazing.

But I'm sure all of yours are going to be really good after hearing those. So come at me. Give me your final thoughts on this one, okay? Okay. That is all I have, my friends. I appreciate you guys so much. I really, I don't have the words to say thank you for what you guys have done for me and

My life, my family's life, you know, my co-host's life, everyone's life has changed. And I love this community so much. It has really become such a safe, fun, happy, crazy place. And I'm just, I'm blown away. So thank you for being here. And I'm really excited for this episode to come together and see what everyone else on the other side thinks of it and all of our takes.

Don't be scared. Put your thoughts out there. Okay, let's see how this one goes. Thanks, guys.