198: New Beginnings..
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How do you make an Airbnb a Vrbo? Picture a vacation rental with a host who's showing you every room like you've never seen a house before. Now get rid of them. There you go. No host ever. Now it's a Vrbo. Make it a Vrbo.

Hi friends. Sending so much love to everyone here in Los Angeles affected by these fires. We are okay right now keeping an eye on things and have the horse van ready to take the ponies and evacuate if we need it. But really thinking of everyone affected, you know, there's so many people losing their homes and everything they have. I talk about it at the end of the episode, but we really wanted to kick off this new year by doing kind of like an angel tree, but in January. So I'm

Please, if you or someone you love has been affected by these fires in LA, please go to the link in our description and fill that out. We're really trying to put together a list where people can go and support and buy things off your Amazon wishlist and things like that. So please fill that out. But hoping everyone stays as safe as they can. Enjoy the episode, guys. Are we ready, kids?

Are you ready? I don't think so. I'm not ready. Yeah. I have been super, super sick. I'm holding it together. But it's the new year and we got to come on strong. Show must go on. Is this the first episode of 2025? First episode of 2025. Scary. That's too much pressure. Well, and it's like I'm sick.

Might be the last. You never know. Oh, God. It could be if I died. I don't know what would happen. Well, maybe I'd will it to you guys. We'll see. But I'm like, okay, got to hit this year right from the jump. And I'm really excited about this episode. I've been working on it for a little bit.

But because I am so sick, I had to call in the troops today. And so first episode of 2025 is going to be a little different than usual. I'm going to read the first story and then the rest of them today are going to be bounced between Lauren and Justin, my amazing co-host over here. Yes.

I didn't know that was my cue. Mostly Justin because he has a very nice storytelling voice. Don't sell yourself short, Lauren. I will give it my best. It's going to be really, really good. And, you know, new year, a lot of big changes for us and our lives. We are officially getting into wedding planning mode. Lauren's got some exciting new stuff happening in her life.

People are going to be like, is she engaged? Is she pregnant? No, I'm just wearing my ACOTAR ring that I ordered online so I could feel like I'm a part of the night court. That's where we're at right now. I love that for you. Is it a boy or a girl? You don't know yet. You're going to have people thinking she's actually pregnant. No. But so, so much good, exciting things in life.

And so this episode is all about new beginnings. It can be really easy, I think, to stay in situations in life that are comfortable or, you know, you're just not able to leave or insert reason X, Y, Z. And I think a lot of these stories today show like,

how amazing it can be with being a little uncomfortable and putting yourself out there or moving past things that are just not meant for you. So I'm really excited about today's episode. So without further ado, let's dive in. Let's do it.

Okay, up first. This is titled, I need someone to please convince me, 23 female, to leave my boyfriend, 25 male, of seven years. We're good at that. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years this December, and I'm just starting to realize how bad our relationship really is.

Throughout our whole relationship, I've known that it isn't the best, but I was just glad to have someone I could turn to when I needed it. And we really have a lot of great times. Recently, after starting a new position where I'm surrounded primarily by men my entire day, I realized how different my boyfriend is compared to the other guys.

The other guys I see are so goal-oriented, similar to me. They take on responsibility, aim to be the best at what they do, constantly want to improve themselves, and are just really well-mannered.

My boyfriend can be very blunt, quick to get defensive, downright rude, and honestly, just not very fun to be around sometimes. In the seven years we've been together, he has never once taken me out on a date. Oh, wow. I am always the one who plans our dinners, which he doesn't like to go out anyways and complains the whole time. Our vacations, our fun little outings, mostly are ruined by his bad attitude.

I find myself emotionally and mentally drained after going out to places like that with him because he can just so easily turn things into such a sour evening over something so small.

Examples? Not getting a good score in bowling, getting pickles on his burger, heavy traffic, etc. Heavy traffic, though. I feel you, dude. And usually he either wants to just go home or complains the rest of the night or pouts. He doesn't have any goals. And anytime I ask him of his plans, he gets super defensive and shuts me down immediately.

When we get into arguments, he can sometimes escalate to name-calling on some rare occasions. Examples? Bitch. Asshole. Nasty pig. Dick. Arsler. Idiot. And will tell me to shut the fuck up and even call me psychotic.

He also has made many comments before about my weight, what I eat, suggesting I work out or try a diet. I'm 5'2 and 140 pounds. And then he gets mad at me for being insecure about my body, which I explained to him is because of his comments. I'm well aware these are all signs of manipulation, gaslighting, and verbal abuse. On the flip side, I know I sound like an idiot, he really can be sweet.

And I am definitely no joy to put up with either and can be super annoying and also snap at him too. But I do refrain from yelling or name calling and try to keep it respectful. Lately, he has noticed me being a lot more distant and he has amped up his affection and really trying to be nice to me. He cuddles me on the couch, in the bedroom, offers to rub my head, which he never does unless I beg him.

I feel really terrible for wanting to end this seven-year relationship based on a recent revelation just over the last week or so. It's just like I woke up one day and felt like this is going nowhere and I need to leave now. A part of me feels like maybe I'm just going to snap out of it and be fine again in a week or so, but the other part of me doesn't want to just snap out of it.

I feel all of this rage inside of me just stewing, and it has been built up for years. Every day on my drive home, I just think of all the mean things he has done to me over the years, and it really just makes me so incredibly furious that I've put up with it.

I don't know how I should do this since we both share an apartment together, just renewed the lease for another year, and have an animal together that we're both deeply attached to. Although in past discussions, we agreed if anything ever happened, I would take him. I feel horrible for leaving him in such a vulnerable spot. Neither of us really have any friends in the area either. You need convincing to leave? I think that... Just read that again. Like...

especially the name-calling part, being called a nasty pig would send me into a rage like no other. I mean, everyone has arguments, disagreements, fights, but I mean, there are the couples that yell at each other and then they're like, have the best makeup sex and that's what they just... That's what fuels them, but... Is that what you guys do? No. We don't really yell. I don't think we've ever...

Really yelled at each other. There's just too much. I get we did the pros cons thing. There's too much in the cons. And honestly, there's certain things in the cons that no pros ever going to outweigh. No. And it's not going to change. It's very convenient that he's getting all lovey dovey perfect boyfriend right when he's

Oh, I'm being distant. Yeah. I don't really care if it does change. Even if it flips and he's fantastic. Bye. They were children, specifically her. I mean, what? They've been together for seven years and she's now 23. So she was what, like a freshman or sophomore in high school? She was a baby. Yeah, 17-ish. So to only experience a romantic relationship that is...

Only average at best is what it sounds like you need to leave Like even if it does get better like leave anyway, and don't feel bad I mean, I don't know what that's what's confusing is like where why does she feel bad? I don't if you don't want to be with someone if you're not happy you shouldn't feel bad It's better for everyone if you leave. Yeah, I Love what you just said even if it's average at best

Life shouldn't be average. Life can be so colorful. It can be so magical. It can be beautiful. It shouldn't be average. Are you going to have moments that are average? For sure. Are you going to have times where financially you might not be in the best spot or romantically or whatever, health-wise? Life is life. We're all going to go through shit, but it shouldn't be average at its best. And if you're with someone who you've been with for seven years and isn't motivated and then...

on top of not willing to work on themselves, is terrible to you.

What are you staying for? And I don't think obligation or any of things like that is a reason to stay. You can break up and you can figure out your housing situation. The world keeps spinning. Life will move on. You've already talked about you take the cat or the pet or whatever it was like you're going to be good. Yeah. Pull the ripcord and jump, baby. Yeah. And it sounds like she already knows and she's just she just wants other people to convince her into it because it is scary. Kind of like what you said.

Yeah.

Top comment on this, I'm having a really hard time seeing what you're getting out of this relationship other than comfort from the familiar, being together so long, not knowing many people in your area. Is that accurate or am I missing something? And OP replies, I think that is pretty much spot on. When you put it like that, I'm really not getting much out of the relationship. Also, I became pretty close with a lot of people at my company. So I think having that sort of support system is

even though they have no idea what's happening, at least at work, is also kind of pushing me to get out, if that makes sense. I feel like that's why she says she feels bad too. But...

That's you shouldn't feel bad. That's like the awakening, the realization. I mean, there's this girl that I know who actually kind of similar, but she was dating this guy at 14 years old. He was actually a senior in high school. So he was like 18 and they ended up staying together up until this point. And they.

Well, I mean, they got divorced now, but she was saying that when her friends would give her advice from high school that she thought, you know, they just think he's annoying. They just, you know, whatever. But she moved away with him to another state, made new friends, and the new friends pulled her aside and said, this is abusive and it's not OK. And that's when she was like,

Wow. Okay. Like that was her like realization. Her wake up call. Yeah. That her friends weren't just being like he's annoying you deserve more. Yeah. It was like an objective point of view. And so she finally left him and some of the stories she told too it's like it's definitely an emotional abusive relationship. Good for her. Yeah. But

I mean, it sounds like that's what it reminds me of with this situation. And so, OP, do not feel bad just because you're around other people that are making you see the light and see objectively what your relationship is for what it is. Absolutely. Well...

We have an update. Oh, I didn't know if you were going to give us an update on this one. Okay, let's do it. I just want to say I'm so blown away by the support from everyone. I started reading these comments at work and I had to stop because I was crying. I'm going to take a few days to figure out what I need, get things sorted, and then break the news to him. My job pays pretty well, so I'd be able to afford the apartment on my own. We have a spare bedroom he can stay in while he's figuring out where he's going to live.

Everyone is so right that I need to learn how to live and do things on my own. I feel like I have a new boost of confidence now and I know exactly what I need to do. I've been feeling this way for a very long time and I've just been repressing it. It's only now that my brain is putting its foot down and saying, okay, enough is enough. You got to go.

I wish I had the chance to respond to everyone. A few of the comments literally left me speechless because I just can't even form the words to show how accurate they are and how much they meant to me. I sincerely appreciate everyone.

Update two. I did it. The whole time, it was a lot of deflecting, blaming, accusing, and defending. Not once did he seem genuinely sorry for pushing me to this point or any of the things he has done before. He'd rather accuse me of cheating on him than be in the wrong for this. Sounds like it matches the rest of him. True fits. Update three. Three days after the initial post.

Hi, everyone. I'm so grateful for the advice given to me. I read every comment and cried at most of them. I gave myself a big long pep talk about how I have no obligation to him. I don't owe him anything. There's nothing I get from him that I can't get from someone else. I was planning on any things this weekend, but we had another little argument while I was at work.

It was basically about me being so distant. I told him that it's been weighing on me lately, all the names he's called me in the past and all of the mean stuff he's done to me. He literally said, quote, if you can't get over it, then leave me. Okay. So I said, quote, okay. Okay. And then I guess he didn't realize the okay meant like, yeah, we should break up. So he was like, quote, so what do you want?

And I said, quote, we should break up. I've never threatened to break up with him, but he's always threatened to break up with me over small stuff. So I don't think he really took me seriously. I left work early and continued to talk to him about it and said he could stay here until he found a place and that obviously I'm keeping our pet because I'm the one who had him and kept him before we even moved in together.

He kept blaming and deflecting the whole time, and it all kind of confirmed to me exactly why I'm breaking up with him. He even accused me of cheating. He ended up leaving to go to his mom's house and then came back an hour later and then actually apologized and broke down. The whole time, even while apologizing, he's still shifting blame. He said, quote, you want someone perfect, but nobody is perfect. Oh, God. If I wanted perfect, I would have left you a long time ago. Yeah.

Take the power back. Which, ouch, laughing my ass off. But he saw that as some type of compliment, apparently. He offered couples counseling. He begged for another chance. He said he had no idea how hurt I was. He didn't think I was serious before. He said if he would have known I was going to break up with him over it, he would have done it to begin with. Done what to begin with?

Break up with her? Oh, okay. He wants to be in control. Yeah. I said that I offered couples counseling many times throughout our relationship when I felt at my lowest and broken down. And he would always tell me that couples counseling is a waste of time and he'd rather just break up. Oh my gosh, he sucks. I said that I've always accused him of not taking me seriously throughout the relationship. And this whole breakup just confirms that for me. I said it shouldn't take a breakup for him to want to do these things. He should have just done it to make me happy.

I know it sounds kind of mean to say, but I honestly really felt some sort of inner peace knowing that our whole relationship, every time I've accused him of not taking me seriously, disrespecting me, making me sad, saying mean things to me, I was finally getting justice for all of these things now and sticking up for myself when I should have years ago.

Ugh, ugh.

Oh, he's awful. He's so awful. Then here he is crying and begging for me to stay with him and suddenly regretting the lack of affection and niceness throughout the years. Good. Good, good, good, good, good. This is so satisfying. He begged me to consider this breakup to just be a break so that we could get back together after. I said no. And lastly, I reminded him that anytime I've ever asked him about a break, he says he'd rather just break up with me.

All of these manipulated tactics, the gaslighting, the personal attacks, they all came back to bite him in the ass last night. And I honestly loved all of it. I love knowing that I was truly sticking up for myself and removing myself from such a horribly toxic and unhealthy situation.

I told him he should get personal counseling and work on himself. Yeah. He's still staying here for the meantime. I didn't want to add insult to injury and kick him out with nowhere to go. His mom. We have two bedrooms. His mom. He ran to his mom the last time. Like, stay there. We have two bedrooms. So we're both just kind of going to have to hang out in our own spaces until we can figure something out. I said that while he's staying here, things are going to completely different for us. We're essentially roommates. Yeah.

We're not going to talk unless it's necessary. No hanging out, no anything. I'm going to look at apartments and probably just move out on my own in the next couple of weeks. He is still basically in a mix of shock and denial and keeps telling me he'll prove it to me, but I'm standing firm. Good. He had the audacity to ask if we can still have sex. Of course he did. Oh my God. Are we surprised? Yeah.

Raised you. LOL. No. Oh my gosh. Well, guys, there are a few updates in between, but I want to get to the very last update, which came 299 days after the original post. If you want to read the others- He finally moved out. The link will be in the description. Yeah.

I owe a huge thank you to this entire sub. I was in such a dark place a year ago and my life has entirely changed because of the advice on here.

Last year, I was in such a bad place and I didn't even realize it. I'd been in a toxic and abusive relationship for seven years and I was only in my early 20s. I had no idea that the guy I was with since I was 16 was holding me back far more than I ever could imagine. The small little comments, the name calling, not letting me have boundaries, not respecting me. I built up an immunity to all of it and assumed it was normal.

This is what I want to say to every single person who is staying with their significant other because it's what they've always known. It is not worth it. Don't do it. You deserve so much better. Your future self deserves so much better. You get one single life to live and you want to live it like this?

For my entire relationship, I convinced myself that it isn't that bad and it could be worse. And he's a great guy, but he just has his moments as if I deserve that. I thought because he wasn't physically abusive, just mentally, that it was somewhat okay.

I kept looking back at how we argued and thought, you know, I probably provoked him or I'm just difficult to deal with. As if that would even be a reason for him to act that way. I posted my first post on a whim, not even expecting to get much feedback. I read every single comment. I cried so hard because everything just related to me and made so much sense. I felt like an idiot for staying as long as I had.

I finally stopped hiding all of the things he would do or say and told my friends and family. I actually was keeping a note in my phone of all of the incidents and just sent it directly to my two best friends. They cried because they had no idea the things he would do slash say.

After breaking up with him, I felt instant relief. It has truly been the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I had to eventually block him once I moved out because he wouldn't stop contacting me. But it has been pure bliss. Some things I've done since ending the relationship.

met an amazing guy who treats me beyond perfect, got a promotion, started exercising regularly, started going to therapy regularly, learned how to cook, started conquering my biggest fears one by one, got over my fear of planes by learning to fly one, decided to move out of state next year, I'm about to graduate, I'm looking for a bigger and better job,

My new relationship is so beyond healthy. I've never had such healthy communication in my life.

I feel so respected, so listened to, so appreciated, so loved. We are on the same page in every single instance. This is the exact type of relationship I've been needing for the last seven years. I, for some reason, just never thought I'd be capable of finding someone else to put up with me. And now I have someone who makes an effort to let me know how effortless it actually is to love me.

If I would have stayed in my last relationship, I would have destined myself to stay in this rundown city with a person who doesn't give a shit about me and my mental health would be on a steady decline.

I'm so happy for her. There is a little TLDR here. Don't settle. Seriously, do not settle. I'm so serious. Please listen to me. Do not settle. This is your sign. I'm speaking directly to you. Stop what you're doing and ask yourself if you deserve this. Which is important because I think, you know, we preach that a lot.

on all of the different shows. And it's very much easier said than done, especially when you're the person on the inside, when you're going through it, when you're in the bad relationship, it can be nearly impossible to even have a thought of, oh, you know, maybe there's something else out there for me, whether it's the sunken cost fallacy or whatever.

Whatever it is. In this case, I'm sure that was their first relationship and it's all they'd ever known. But maybe it's worth just trying to ask that question in your head. Pose that question every once in a while. Set a reminder. Am I happy? Is this relationship fulfilling me? Does my partner support me? And just ask the small things instead of asking yourself, should I leave?

Start with the small because like what I like that she did is she had the small thought and then it started to build and then she started noticing more things and it wasn't convincing herself that she's the problem anymore. It was starting to tilt the scale towards him. So I think you have to start small.

And then get to the point where you can eventually convince yourself like this, that, yeah, this is really fucked up. And I could be so much happier out there. So I think that's the hardest step is even asking the small questions, let alone trying to, you know, because so many of the stories we read, it's like divorce. And it's like, well, okay, if you're actually in that relationship,

It'll never work. If people came in and just said, break up with him, break up with her, divorce, you're instantly going to get defensive and be like, no, they don't know my situation. So it's like,

It has to come from within, which that's the only reason she got here is because she got to the point where she wrote the post. It has to be from within. And like you said, her realization, she's like, oh, there's people around me that are really driven and goal oriented, just like me. That's really cool. And I don't think that it even has to be. I mean, I know it doesn't have to be that.

an abusive relationship for you to do what you just did, Justin, like you can write it down. Like, am I happy? Do, do we see things similarly? Like, do we build off each other? Do we have the same communication style? Do we have this, like, do our defense mechanisms like clash too much? Like what? I don't, I think that's actually a really good point because it's like,

Yeah, no one's perfect. And then you're getting these narratives online back and forth where it's just like, you're not going to love every part of someone. And then it's also like, you know, don't settle. And so it's confusing. And I think that it's a really good place to start to just be like, am I happy? What matters to me? And are we aligned? Because there's so many people in this world and there's so many different ways of viewing things and so many different truths like

that people hold. And so it's like, if you're not matching with somebody, it doesn't have to be an abusive relationship for you to just be like, I'm not happy. Yeah, I completely agree. And relationships can change. You should check in over time just because it's really good right now or when you first meet, because it's always really good right at the start. Check in every once in a while and ask yourself those questions again, because

I mean, it can go downhill fast sometimes. It can. And it can sneak up on you sometimes too without even realizing it. It's like they've been together seven years and she's grown and he hasn't. And I think there's so many little things that kind of like you said, Lauren, like you can ask yourself, like, are we matching up? Are our styles and this, this the same? Are we driven and, you know, working towards the same goals? And you saw it in little things too, like a vacation or even dates, right?

together seven years and he didn't plan one date and she was putting in all of this effort for dates or vacations or whatever and he would complain or find a reason to get upset. One of the reasons being there's pickles on my burger. Either pick them off or if you're that averse to them, send it back to the kitchen and ask, hey, I said no pickles. Can you please redo it? I have a phobia, whatever it is. Like,

You're an adult. Grow the fuck up. Like, you have to take control of your life. And I'm so glad that the little holes were poked and she saw the light because look at what she did. In that amount of time. In that amount of time. 299 days. That's not even a year. Met an amazing guy, promotion, learned how to fly a fucking plane. In less than a year, her life did a complete 360. 180.

360 would be like she's back at the same place. Bad at math. Bad at... What the... I went like this too, didn't I? I'm like, that's only 180. My hand signal here. I look like I'm directing air traffic. But I'm just like, I'm so happy and excited for her. And I think this is what life should be. It should be full. It should be exciting. It should be this. And I love the message. Beautiful. I do just want to say, as a cautionary tale,

If you are considering leaving a relationship that is unhealthy, unhealthy,

I do think there are some instances where you just need to prepare in secret and go. I don't think every relationship ends like this where you can confront the person. So I do just want to point that out to people out there. If you have someone who you feel is unsafe to confront face-to-face and break up, please just leave. I saw a horrendous story today

about a woman who was posting on TikTok about, you know, leaving her ex and he was so terrible to her. And she's shocked at how amicable. He's being so nice. He's giving me everything I asked for. Like, this was never him when we were together. He was terrible. And he ended up killing her. So I just think life is too short to risk it.

You don't need the closure. Like just move forward and be happy. So evaluate your situation, whatever it may be. But no, I was thinking about that when, when she said that they're still living together and in separate rooms, like that always makes me uncomfortable. Like, yeah, I think, yeah, specifically the fact that there was some abuse within the relationship. Like it felt like that could have escalated. Yeah. It easily, that easily could have escalated. We don't know.

I'm really glad that it worked out well because that is scary. I think that I know it's really difficult, but...

if you can get out of living with the same place as your ex, really try to make that a priority. Absolutely. Because it's just a different version of a person that you don't know yet. You don't know people are different when they're in a relationship, when they're out of a relationship. Like it's a different person that you're living with now. And I would just always be cautious of that. Absolutely. Absolutely. So

Please, please be safe out there. Be happy and make sure you are in the best relationship for yourself in this new exciting year we're heading into. But okay, moving along. Are we ready to? Yeah. Okay. How are you doing? Are you still passing? Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm passing.

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That's the best offer you'll find, but you have to use our code THT for 50% off your first order. One last time. That's promo code THT for 50% off your first order. Plus free shipping. Thanks, Smalls. Okay, Justin. This next one is you. Oh. Don't read my screen, Lauren. I see you. Lauren is pretty bad at that. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. Not on purpose. It's tempting to look. I do it on planes too, which I love reading people's stuff on planes. You're the reason I have the privacy screen, okay? Well, okay, I don't read their texts because I feel like that's too... That's invasive. Yeah, but like if they're reading a book, I'm like... What if it's really juicy though? Like what if it's like, you did what? I'm going to like...

I love when people are working at a lawyer next to me reviewing contracts and stuff. And I was like, this is so fun. This is what I like to be a lawyer. Sometimes you'll be with Morgan somewhere, restaurants or yeah, restaurant. Let's use that example. You're sitting, you're having a romantic dinner, just having conversation. All of a sudden Morgan's eyes will kind of like glaze over and she'll just start

looking at you kind of like she's listening and you ask a question and she's still kind of just nodding. Oh my gosh. And then you, if you get quiet, you can realize she's eavesdropping on someone's conversation. That's what being in a relationship is though. Oh my gosh. Getting to the part where you're comfortable enough to go to eat and sit there and enjoy a nice meal and people watch. Yeah. Because there is nothing better than...

Getting some juicy tea from strangers. That doesn't affect you. Me and Brian, we sat down to dinner and it was one of those tables where you like share a booth, you know? Yeah. And we're sitting right next to this couple or business work friends or, oh, yeah.

It's a sugar daddy. Ah, yes. It was so fun. This is what I live for. Me and Brian did literally not talk the entire dinner. And we were just like eating and listening to their conversation. This is my thing. Yes. Well, see, it's good to tune in, you know, once I realize she's tuned into something. But before, it just feels like, what's happening here? What are we doing?

All right, here we go. Okay. Gotta keep the show moving. Yeah, where's this next one coming from? Our very own subreddit. Our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. Okay. Title. Should I tell my friend we have a kid together? I slept with my best friend while we were in school. We always joked about how we were friends with benefits and it was strictly just friends having fun. He didn't know at the time that I was desperately and madly in love with him.

The last time we had sex, I did end up getting pregnant. I had our baby and put him up for adoption as we were both young and I didn't want to obligate him to me or make him take a different path in life. There are things that he had freaked out about previously when his girlfriend had a scare. Many years later, about six, he confessed to me that he had always loved me and that he thought he had no chance because I always said we were just friends with benefits."

Anyway, I've been in contact with our son, and he wants to know more of his dad. Our son knows that his dad doesn't know about him. I guess my question is, should I tell my best friend after all these years? I'm afraid to tell him since he has a wife and two kids now. Oh, okay. Plot twist. There was just so many jumps. Wow. Okay.

Oh, that's the end? That's the end? Oh, okay. I'm like, now I'm like buckling up. I'm locking in. I'm like, let's go. And you're like, no, that's, it's the end. I feel like you gotta tell him. Oh, a hundred percent. Like, you gotta tell him. You can't not. I mean, you can, but you shouldn't. You should definitely tell him. Yeah. The story is also so crazy to me too, because it feels like

like two ships passing in the night. Like they're always just missing each other. And I know like he is now married. He has kids. Their lives are two different paths, both probably very happy. But I think that like,

At the root of this, it feels like if you are ever in a situation where you can tell someone you love them, just tell them, especially before it's like messy. Did anyone else ever see that movie with Lily Reinhart?

Yes. Look both ways. Look both ways. Yeah. That movie was like mental gymnastics for me. Oh my God. It was so good though. It was really good. And it kind of feels like that where it's like you get a glimpse at like this path. What could have been? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that was... Oh, actually, I'm not going to give the movie away. Never mind. But yeah, that's... It is so interesting to think about that perspective, how life can look so different and how their life would have looked different and what it would have looked like. It's so fascinating, the idea of it. And that's why I like this last story where if that girl just stayed with him right now, she'd be looking back and be like, oh my God, like...

I wouldn't have experienced all these things that I've just experienced, all this happiness that I'm experiencing. It's just, it's so wild. These like little decisions that we are constantly making and how they

create these different worlds for us. Completely. It's insane to me. Like a totally different timeline. Just, you know, you don't think about little decisions making your life that different, but it literally leads to a completely different life experience overall. Yeah. I know. Weird to think about. Like one swipe on an app is what I always use as my example. Just, I mean, it's

It's kind of why we're all sitting here. I know, it really is. It's so fucking crazy. It's just crazy to think about the little things. Wow. But not in a way where it makes the little, where you're scared to make any little decision. Because then that's not, I mean, you got to live life. Yeah. I think it's fun that it's like, I could do this. And then all of a sudden, all these doors open. I know. But I do. Oh, you go ahead. Because I was just going to say, I think she does need to tell him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%.

Could have confessed love at one point in time. Too late for that. But now we're kind of like the movie Elf. And Buddy wants to know his dad. Yeah. So let's... Bye.

I mean, if that tears apart a family, then that family isn't very secure to begin with. I was going to say, like, anyone that would be threatened by a kid he had accidentally way before you and didn't know about, you would be absolutely goofy for being upset about that. Yes. I think you can be upset, but... But, like, not...

Can you be surprised? Yeah. Yeah. But upset in a way where it's like, fuck you. I'm mad at you. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Right. He had no idea. He had no idea. It was way before he knew you. It wasn't like an affair. Right. Out of wedlock, baby, bad situation. Like shocked, surprised. Yes, feelings are valid, but it would be very weird and goofy. To take it out on him? Yes. But my question is, is that didn't,

Didn't he come to her saying that he's in love with her? Or am I... Yeah. Okay, so then... Later, down the road. Right. So then wife should have a reason to be mad he's in love with her. Yeah. And I don't think there's still any feelings. It seems like they're both very happy and moved on. Okay. Now this is just kind of coming up because of what sounds like an open adoption and her having a relationship with, you know, her son. Okay. But...

Yeah, yeah. We have an update. We have an update. Multiple updates, actually. Multiverse, multi-updates. Okay. I'm sorry. I've gotten into Marvel lately, so. Oh, I love that for you. Thanks. Update number one. I just got off the phone with my friend. I told him everything. Apparently, he knew that I was pregnant. What? My friend had let it slip one time. He thought it was his since he knew that I was only sleeping with him.

He didn't know that I had the baby, but said he was happy that there's a part of us together out in the world. He said he'd love to have a relationship with his son and wants to make arrangements for all of us to meet. Thank you for all of your perspective and advice. This went way better than I was expecting. How would you... I don't want to hide that comment. We both looked at each other and were like... How would you feel if Justin said that to his ex or his high school friends with benefits?

Do you think it was meant innocently? Yeah. Just like a part of our friendship exists. I mean, there's... I don't know. That comment does give... A little still in love with you. A little unresolved feelings. Or like he's probably happy, but deep down is like, I wonder what if? Yeah. What if? What if?

And so to have that door so shut, but then like, oh, well, there's a piece of us out there. I don't know. It's cute. I'm sure he meant it in just such a nice, happy, loving, positive way. But it is kind of a hold up. Like there's a token of our love out there to commemorate what we had, which we were friends with benefits. It's interesting. Update number two.

And they're hopping on a flight? Hopping on a flight. What happened to FaceTime?

No, this is big time. This is big time. Damn. I do like it though because this is like such a life-changing big discovery and their family could feel like it's getting blown up. And so I do appreciate that effort to like, I'm hopping on a flight. Yeah. I'm going to just kind of talk this all out in person, show pictures because texting doesn't work. Stuff gets misconstrued. FaceTime's hard. There's always, you know, that delay. So,

I do appreciate that effort. That's really nice. Do we know how old the son is, by the way? Out of curiosity? I don't think there's been a mention, but any ages mentioned? No. Yeah. I was just wondering if this was like a, you know, over 18 kind of just like get to know each other.

as we're all adults now, or if it's more of like, we want to help be a part of your raising process. I'm saying this really weird, sorry. Well, backtracking just ever so slightly, the top comment probably before the update

was, yes, you should tell him. Since he's already been adopted, I doubt the father has any right to get his son, but he should at least know he has one out there. Don't force it either. Tell him the situation and give him the option of reaching out to his son. He deserves the right to decide for himself. I think so. Which goes along with what we were saying. Yeah, and it's so much better with all the DNA tests out there nowadays. I think it's so much better to find out

from actual firsthand knowledge and people coming to you and telling you versus, oh, I did a DNA test and turns out I have five siblings. Yeah. Like that's a shock. I think if I was adopted, I would be so curious. Like I would definitely. Oh my God, I'd want to know everything. Yeah. I know some people are like, they don't want to know. I think I would be like. I would want to know. Yeah. Well, and there's very, you know, important reasons to know. Yeah.

Health-wise, with all the stuff you can find out these days, might as well. Unless it's a super terrible emotional situation or something. But if it's not going to cause you severe mental distress, then I think it's better to know. I agree. I do understand, though, how it would be really painful, like,

Particularly if you had a hard time growing up and then you peek into this other life of your dad or mom raising a family all happy, holding hands, singing Christmas carols. You know what I mean? I could see that being like really triggering. Oh, it got me for sure. Yeah, for sure. Update number three. I met with both of them and posted update in a separate post with same title. Oh, so this is a long one.

Okay, y'all, here's the update. Let's go. My talk with my best friend's wife, W, was very enlightening. I did not know so much had been shared with W from my best friend, B. W and I talked for hours, both about mine and B's past as well as the current situation. Things W was unaware of. Number one, I've been married for five years.

Number two, I've known B and his mom since I was eight. Number three, that I practically had lived with B and his mom for eight years. Oh, wow. Number four, my parents are not in the picture and his mom is the closest thing that I have to a mom. Wow. And number five, that I'm not his other son's biological mom like she had been led to believe. What? What?

So he has another kid with someone else?

After our private talk, our husbands joined us and I shared all of the whys and reasoning behind the decision that was made. Wait, I'm sorry, but I'm like laughing. We need to back this the fuck up. I'm like laughing inside because I'm like, she's over here being like, should I tell him that...

He has a kid with me. And then meanwhile, the rest of the family is like, oh yeah, he has a whole family with this other girl. He has multiple kids with her. Well, how is this happening? I know. Well, I'm also finding this crazy because like, this is the closest thing she has to a mom and you haven't met the wife. Like you're true. I'm like, this is crazy. But yeah. Why is the other family being like that kid that you've been raising is, is this lady's

Where's this other lady? I need, like, to start mapping this out. I need a family tree right now. Hey, they're off to a real fresh beginning. Your Vicks thing smells so good. This is magical. How did... Did you just get that? I've never heard of that. I just got it. Because I've been using the Vicks shower tablets. Yeah. Trying to steam up my whole shower. You can put a little Vicks vapor tab in the back. That is so cool. And then you just literally...

Oh my God. It's incredible. It's the only thing that provides me relief right now. All the vocalists use those. I've seen those forever. I love it so much. I've never heard of that. That's incredible. Wait, I want one just like out of like, even when I'm not feeling sick, it seems so satisfying. It opens you up. Yeah. It's incredible. It's...

It's like, you know, the old fashioned boil water and then put your head over the pan with the towel. Yeah. It's like that, but much more efficient. That's awesome. Wow. You should have them sponsor you. Is that how you say it? Vicks. Sponsor me. I love you.

Continuing.

we were not in a place where we could have raised a child and that it wasn't an environment to be in for both a child or myself. Again, I'm just so thankful that despite all the years and things we have been through, that he is able to understand the choice that was made. And I'm so thankful that now he is sober and in a healthy mindset.

We all set some boundaries and have discussed keeping communication via text so we can all see what is being said. W and I both felt that it was not necessary for B and I to meet together with our son unless he is asked for that specifically, like if he has questions for the both of us. In my opinion, W is very understanding, especially after everything she learned from our conversation prior to this.

W and I exchange numbers and will remain in contact. Sounds like an interesting new beginning to me. I don't know.

I, overall, I'm so happy that our writer, our listener out there came clean and told him. I think it's interesting W's like, no, you guys don't need to meet your son together. Because I do think, like, if he already has a relationship with her... It would make sense. It would be more comfortable. Yeah. So I...

There might be a little insecurity from W there, but overall, it sounds like a great new beginning. And I'm so happy to hear like everyone is in such a good place in their life. Their family, husband, partner, everything. So moving forward, it's all good. I'm reading a little bit of this clarification paragraph that's in the comments. And I think what's relevant here, I think that this is from Opie.

I knew that no matter what, I needed to get away from the environment to make a sound choice, and I did leave as soon as I was able to. He had heard from my friend at the time talking to someone else something along the lines of, quote, "'Did you hear she was pregnant?'

He had assumed it was his and that I terminated the pregnancy, which is why he never talked to me about it. He confessed six years ago while he was single and I was in a relationship that he always loved me. I took it as he was in love with me back then when we were teenagers.

We are both married to other people and are both happy in our own marriages and lives that we have built separately. He has one child from before his marriage and one child with his wife. He has been married for one year and I've been married for five years. He's been sober for three years now.

So that's where the children were, right? Yeah, the timeline. One prior, one with. But like, again, why hasn't he even clarified like, oh, little kid's mom is... That is strange. But if it's, you know, because of his history with maybe addiction and mental health, maybe...

Maybe that situation is not good and he'd rather let people assume than talk about what actually happened. So... It's addressed in the comments here. So one of the comments says, they quote...

Number five, that I'm not his other son's biological mom like she had been led to believe. And did you not ask B why? If other people in the family tell W that, then that's probably because B told them that you are the mother. Because I do not see why friends and family all would come up with the same lie. Definitely very strange and I would 100% talk about that.

OP responds, I will definitely be getting to the bottom of it. I just felt like this wasn't the right time, especially before giving W the chance to speak to B about it first. True. Fair. Next comment. Please update when you get to the bottom of it. I'm invested. Yeah, what the heck? Rooting for the smoothest transition to your child's new life.

And we don't have an update yet. But look out for it. Yeah, I think, you know, I think open adoption is something that's really important.

really a cool thing. I think closed adoptions. I've never heard that term before, actually. Yeah. So there's closed adoptions or open adoptions. So closed adoptions are like you literally pass the baby off at the hospital and then there's no contact past that. Open adoption varies family by family and what everyone, you know, what they want and what they do.

But a lot of the stories I've seen lately on open adoptions are so cool where the birth parent will remain in contact with the family very close, so close that they'll even celebrate holidays together or do family trips once a year together. And I just think it's a beautiful way to like

really instill like a sense of identity in this kid because like from my friend that you know we've talked about on this show before that was such a struggle for her and her adoption and never really getting to know her birth mom so I just think it's really cool that

this story is played out in the way it has. And yeah, it's really just such an exciting new beginning. I mean, if that works like that is absolutely a beautiful concept. I think the reason people don't do it as often is because they're probably like our moments where it's hard. There's a battle of like who gets say or maybe the biological mom now has it together and wants the baby back completely. And so I think that's why it's hard to make happen. But like when it can happen and it happens so smoothly and like

And that's that's incredible. Yeah, it's definitely not easy. Not easy. But the stories I've seen, it makes it like really just more meaningful and more like more child centered, I would say. So it's really cool. But again, it's not for everyone and everyone does what what they got to do. Yeah. But OK, moving along.

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D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T dot com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lume. This next one is coming from r slash dadit, and it's titled, I've been asked to foster my son's best friend. I don't know how to react. I have one son, Henry, age 12. Henry is best friends with a boy named Archie, age 14. It has always been clear that Archie comes from a troubled home.

From what I can gather, and I do not have the full information, Archie's mom is a drug addict, and Archie has been on the at-risk register for a long time. Honestly, I don't know why it has taken them this long to decide he is being moved into foster care.

Last Friday, I received a call from my son's school saying that they couldn't discuss it with me but asked if I would give them consent for my information to be passed on to Archie's social worker. I agreed. And not long after, I had a call from his social worker explaining that a section something or other was being put into place, which meant that Archie was going to be removed from his home and placed into foster care. I was told that the school had recommended me and asked to see if I could take him in.

They said it would likely be long-term until he turns 18. I honestly didn't know what to say. I was in shock. I've been unofficially supporting Archie for a while now. I pick him up from his house and drop him off at school with my son. He spends a lot of weekends at my place. On days where he doesn't come to my place, I make sure to pack him something to eat when I pick him up because he told me that his school lunch is his only meal most days.

I buy him soap and deodorant, and I even wash his clothes for him. By supporting however I can and taking him on fully is a big jump. I'm a single dad. I have a decent job, but I'm far from well off. I live in a small two-bedroom house, meaning Henry and Archie would have to share a room, which they do now when Archie stays, but it's only for short bursts. Plus, there's the responsibility of taking on another human.

I was told that they had a lack of foster cares in the local area. So if I didn't agree to take him, it is likely he would have to move counties and schools. I don't want that.

I was already having Archie stay with me for the two-week Christmas holiday, so I asked if I could think about it and give them a firm answer in the new year. They agreed. Archie has not yet been informed of any of this. I've tried to make this a normal Christmas for him as much as possible. My heart is telling me, of course you're going to take that little boy in, but my brain is worried about the responsibility and cost of taking another mouth to feed, another boy to clothe.

At the same time, I keep thinking about Archie's situation. He has already had such a rough start in life, and I know he needs stability and care more than anything else. I can't bear the thought of him being uprooted again, losing his school, his friends, and the small semblance of normality that he has here. I keep asking myself if I can really give him what he needs, and I don't know if I have all the answers right now.

I've always taught Henry the importance of kindness, and I see how much he cares about Archie too. Part of me feels that this might not just be me taking on more responsibility. It's also about giving him the chance to grow up with a sense of love and belonging. So I suppose I'm left balancing what's practical with what feels right in my heart, and I'm leaning towards saying yes.

I spoke to my own mom about it, and she thinks it's an awful idea. She's worried I'm biting off more than I can chew, especially as a single dad. She reminded me that I already have a lot on my own plate with work, the house, and raising Henry on my own. She said that taking in another child, especially one with a difficult background, would add stress and might affect my ability to provide for Henry properly. She didn't say it outright, but I could tell she's afraid that this might make life harder for all of us, including Archie."

I understand her concerns. Honestly, I do. But I can't imagine just turning him away when he needs help the most. I'm going to cry. Okay. I told her that I haven't made a final decision yet, but that I need to think about what's best for everyone involved, not just what's easiest. And I haven't even discussed any of this with Henry yet, which will be a huge factor in my final decision. This has been a huge rant, and if you've read it, thank you. I just need to get it out somehow. What a really...

Good dad. Yeah. I mean, just looking at this from every angle he possibly can. So much empathy, so much love, so much consideration and just the biggest heart. I mean, like...

I know with a lot of places and it sounds like they're in the UK, but like if you're a foster parent, you get a stipend. And so maybe that would help cover things. Maybe he doesn't even know about that. Maybe he thinks like, oh, I just have to take, you know, Archie in and that's it. Like, you know, but...

It sounds like he's going to do it and he has the ability to really help this kid and set him up for success in life going forward because he's been dealt tough hands. He doesn't eat most days unless it's school lunch. That's why this is such a fucking tangent. But when people are up in arms about giving kids breakfast at school and free lunch, they're

If you have a problem with that, go fuck yourself. Literally go fuck yourself. We pay so much in taxes and our money should go to bettering the youth and the kids and making their lives easy so that they grow up and can have success. Like, yeah, you're going to be pissed that kids are getting food. Fuck you. Oh, God, I know. I always think about like

My taxes just going straight to just like one presidential lunch of them talking about golf or something stupid. It pisses me off. Keep my money here. Yeah. I'm like, I wish we could pick where our money goes. I know. That would be so nice. I'll pay for school lunches. I'll pay for people's health care. Like keep...

Our money where we actually fucking want it. Yeah. It's just crazy. But this guy, like doing Archie's laundry, giving him food, taking him over the holidays. Like what an amazing person. And I really think this kid's life is going to be changed for the better. Yeah. I mean, the reality is you can't not do it because you're

The mental toll not doing it is going to take on you. I know. It's going to be a lot greater than whatever it is to take him in. You're already doing a good percentage of it, but imagine going the rest of your life. You are so right. Thinking that, well, I didn't do it.

And you would hate yourself, especially if you found out something bad happened to him. Even if you didn't, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I think the hardest part would be not knowing. Yeah. Because you had an opportunity, you know, yes, it's not, it's not convenient. It's not like it's going to make your life a lot easier, but it's going to make it. I think you'll feel better as a person, uh,

I think that outweighs everything else. Yeah. As hard as it's going to be. I mean, if we want to get very logistical about it, you could do the stipend thing, if that's a thing. But this person doesn't even sound like they care. I know, but I'm just saying... They're just trying to make sure it's attainable. But the other concerns, like I'm already taking on this and that. I mean, there's ways to then have both these boys start really picking up around the house and they...

have certain jobs and things that they need to do to help. I mean, we're going to be one big happy, well, one little small happy family. So let's all do it to make it great for all of us. And there's nothing wrong with that. Kids will learn valuable things. And that's why I can do so much around the house and stuff is because that's what I did when I was young is I jumped in and helped my parents. But

There's only good. I only see good coming from this. And if you don't have a room for him, you can just put him under the staircase and he'll become a wizard.

And then you'll have a wizard in your family. Oh, you're a wizard, Harry. No, but I mean, I think a lot of kids actually share rooms up until they're 18. And if, I mean, it's definitely doable. I don't think that's the end of the world. Yeah, it's definitely doable. My brother's kids, like their house, they're bursting at the seams, like 825 square feet. And one's in kindergarten, one's in second grade, and they're still sharing a room. Yeah.

It's doable. It's what families have to do sometimes. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But what you said, though, is like such a it's just funny that you're saying this today because I was texting Brian and I'm like,

I'm like, people talk about foster fails, but they don't talk about the regret of not having a foster fail because there is this one cat that I fostered that I literally still think about. And I'm like, Simba. Yes. And I just wish that I kept him like and it like it's it's.

that I'm still thinking about a cat that I fostered. Like a year ago? Yeah. Yeah. But like he was so cool. He was just the... And I also fostered him for like three months. Like it was actually a really, really long time for fostering. And I just... You're right. Like that's a cat that I fostered for three months. It's like this is a boy who he's already been like caring for. He's family already. He's family already. So not knowing what happens to him, that actually...

would be that would haunt him almost i feel yeah so how old is Archie he's 14 16 they're 12. both both boys are 12. Arch oh sorry Archie is 14 Henry's 12. okay so in all reality we're talking about full really supporting for four years yeah yes you be a parent thereafter but

Who knows what's in the future there? Yeah. College, whatever, whatever we're looking at, it's really locking in an intense, like they're in your house. It's you really are responsible, responsible for four years. Yeah. Four years is such a small commitment compared to what you'll be giving to him.

Like you're literally giving Archie the rest of his life. You're building such a strong foundation saying, you go get them and then you lift them and then they fly out of the nest. Like you're, it's, you gotta do it. There's no, there's no other option. And it's,

And I would like just outside of this situation, though, I would say I don't know how many other people listening to this are in this situation. But if it doesn't feel right for you, then obviously don't feel like you have to do it because you were asked to do it. Like you got to do what's like what's best for you, because if you're miserable, then the kid's going to be miserable, too. So.

obviously with that in mind but this situation it sounds it's destiny it's doable yeah it sounds like destiny yeah yeah I think it'll be good top comment

Couple of thoughts. One, it's four years. Like, obviously kids need support well beyond 18 if you can provide it, but if you can get that kid to graduate high school, you would already be a saint, and nothing more could be expected of you. So it's not forever. Also, once that kid is 16, he can start working and helping around the house more legitimately. Both things are not just for your benefit, but also great things for him to learn.

Two, ask social services what additional resources that you'd have access to if you were to foster. For example, here where I live, foster kids qualify for free school lunches, so that's a cost you don't have to incur. I would also find a local foster parent group, as I'm sure there are other resources available that may not be even ran by the state.

Real talk, if it was me, I would do it as long as I didn't think that Archie would be a danger to Henry. Like, unless you think Archie could be violent or a sexual predator kind of kid.

Damn. But that's reality. Yeah. I mean, things you have to consider. And at the end of the day, too, like his son is his biggest priority. Of course. And so making sure he is on board, like first and foremost. Yeah. Yeah. Solid points. If he's a good kid, I would do everything in my power to make that happen. I would set up a GoFundMe if necessary. I would try to lean on my friends and family to help. Also, depending on what your job is, I would ask if they can help in any way.

I say this as someone who works for a giant company. Yes, I would worry, but a 14-year-old kid in foster care is not something I'd be able to let happen to a kid I care about. Yeah. Top comment for a reason. Yeah. Anything else over there? I think they're all pretty much saying the same thing. Okay, cool.

Your eyes. I'm like, I see your little eyes moving over there. Yeah. It feels, I'm just over here. I'm like, what is there? Yeah. Well, because there's a lot of really long comments because obviously this is a very, this is a big post. Yeah. It's serious. It's a big life decision. So I love that everyone involved. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that people are coming out and being so supportive. Yeah, absolutely. Do we have an update? I wonder. Yeah.

Gee. Aren't we supposed to ask you, Warren? Oh my gosh. There's an update. What was that? I said there's an update. Oh my gosh. It was on December 30th of 2024. Like a couple days ago. Yeah.

Wow. Okay. I just wanted to come on and give an update. I want to say a huge thank you for all the responses. I genuinely did not expect to receive so many replies, especially to something that was just meant to be a rant to get my emotions out. When I was asked to take in Archie, at first I felt honored. Then I felt worried about everything. I'm quite an anxious person in general, and my thoughts were flooded with concerns about whether I'd be good enough to support Archie in the way he needs. I love my mom, but she didn't help.

I think I get my anxiety from her, although she has it on a much higher scale than I do. Every possible thing that could go wrong, she was texting me about all week. In quotes, you're already stretched thin with work and Henry. You won't get one-on-one time with Henry anymore. How will you afford everything? These are real concerns, and I'm glad she brought them up because they gave me the opportunity to think about how I could mitigate them.

A few of you mentioned the fostering allowance, which I knew about, but I couldn't find any concrete information on how much it would actually be. Every source online seemed to give a different answer, but none suggested it was very much. However, as some of you advised, I called the social worker's office and said I was seriously considering taking an Archie, which they were thrilled about, but I needed to understand the finances first to see if it was even feasible.

They said they couldn't provide exact numbers as every case is different and it isn't decided until a placement is found. However, they told me the minimum would be around £190, which is about $240 per week, and that it would be likely completely tax-free. Additionally, I'd receive a significant discount on things like council tax.

That was honestly a lot more than I expected and much higher than most of the figures I'd seen online. They also put me in touch with some other foster carers who answered my questions, which was incredibly helpful. This week has been very busy. I worked out my finances, added the estimated fostering allowance, and calculated how much Archie would likely increase my expenses.

It worked out that I'd actually have a surplus compared to my current situation. Many of the foster carers I spoke to don't work full-time, using the allowance to supplement their income. I'm not sure if I want to do that, but they mention it helps to work part-time since fostering involves a lot of work, meetings, reports, and other responsibilities. On top of that, I'd need to complete training during the first year to become fully qualified.

I considered it, and with the additional allowance, I could move to a 0.6 contract, working three days per week, while still covering the cost of moving to a three-bedroom house. While that would leave me with slightly less disposable income, it wouldn't be a significant reduction. I've spoken with my work, and they said that they'd support me if I decided to do this.

but I haven't made a final decision. I don't want it to seem like I'm taking advantage of Archie's allowance. After sorting out the finances, I needed to talk to Henry. This was honestly the most important part of my decision. If Henry said no, I'd struggle to go ahead with it. I took him out and explained the situation. I didn't go into details of why Archie is going into care, as it's not my story to tell, even though Archie himself has been open about his rough home life.

I discussed the potential challenges, less one-on-one time, less privacy, at least in the short term while we find a bigger house, and so on. Henry was incredibly supportive. He said that he and Archie had talked about how they both wished Archie could come and live with us. I'm going to cry again. I told him not to mention anything to Archie yet until I had the chance to speak with him, and he agreed.

Yesterday, I arranged for social services to come over. Archie, his social worker, and I sat down to talk. They told Archie he was going to be placed into foster care. Archie cried a lot. I cried a lot. And he asked to see his mom, which the social worker said they'd arrange as soon as possible. In that moment, Archie didn't seem like a teenager. He seemed like a small child whose world was crumbling.

Then they asked Archie if he'd want to stay with me. Although he was still distraught about being in care, he said he'd love to stay with me. We discussed what it would mean and how it would affect us. Afterward, Archie and his social worker spoke... You crying is making me cry more. Okay.

Afterward, Archie and his social worker spoke privately, and then the social worker and I talked. They expressed how thrilled they were about my decision, and said that they were pleased I planned to move to a bigger house soon, as Archie would need his own space, which I fully agreed with. Normally, the boys spend most of their time upstairs playing Xbox, but later that day, Archie came down and asked if we could watch a movie together. He sat next to me, rested his head on my shoulder, and said, Thank you for letting me stay with you.

Writing this, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes again. I put my arm around him and said I'd always be there for him. Today, Archie seems a little down, which is entirely understandable. I honestly expected him to take it harder than he has. To cheer him up, we're going to see the new Lion King movie. I saw that. Even though I hate those live action films, but this is for Archie. And then going out to eat, letting the boys choose where.

I might return in a few months to give an update on how things are going. For now, I'm just hoping everything will be okay. I know the first few months will be the hardest. Thank you, everyone. Oh my god. Wow. I didn't expect for how intense that part gets, though. Where you sit down and the person's there and then...

Well, he doesn't know where he's going to go. So in his mind, it's like I'm getting taken away from my mom. Oh my God. You almost want to preface and be like, okay, here's the situation. I know. I wish they would. Oh my God. It's just like. It's traumatic. Yeah. Like, no matter how, like, maybe this, I'm coming from my head space and how I, like what I went through as a kid, like even when things were so, so bad, like,

You never want to like leave your home even if it's bad. Right. And so I can't imagine his fear and his feelings and... It's terrifying. Just... And his first thought is like, when can I see my mom? Like that fucking crushed me. So to then be like...

comforted with like, you can stay here. Like this is your home. We got you. You're already here so much. Like a place that he feels safe and comfortable and knows there's a reliable, communicative, safe human looking out for him. Like I'm just, I'm so happy that it worked out like this. Those years, like 14 to 18 to you are huge. That's everything. That shaped who I became. It's like if he were to even be staying with

His mom, his biological mom at the time, like he kind of like what we were talking about earlier, like these two different versions of life or multiple different versions of life that just little decisions change things. It's just like it's so impactful that he now has this father figure who seems like such a loving person. And I just know he's going to make a beautiful family like out of the three of them. See, imagine.

I mean, I bet right when that situation happened at that table, I bet OP here was like, holy shit, how could I have even considered not? Yeah. After being there and then over the next 24 hours, how he's like comes and sits and puts his head on your shoulder.

In that moment, wouldn't you just be like, why did I even... I get it. I get being logical and not burning yourself to try and help out. And his mom too, texting him. That really frustrated me. Imagine not having done it. No, it worked out for the right reasons. And I think this person just seems...

And the mom, like, I understand, you know, she's worried about her son and she's being a mom. Yeah. Especially if she has really high anxiety, like he mentioned. Like he says, yeah. But I'm just like, a person with like a weaker constitution wouldn't have been able to take that berating from their mom and still make this choice. Yeah.

I'm very, very happy for OP and Archie and Henry. And I'm excited to get an update a couple of months down the line. Do you want to hear these two comments that are cute on the phone? So one comment says, you absolute hero. You've changed that child's life for the better forever. Yeah. And OP responded and said, I hope I do. If I get anything out of this at all, I just hope I can make a difference.

Another commenter said, thanks for the update. You sound like an incredible parent and you're doing something amazing. You are really an inspiration as a father and a man. It feels like I could learn a lot from you. Please do another update. Wishing you and your family all the best. Happy New Year and have a wonderful 2025. Happy New Year. It's just like when they're so fresh like that, it just...

Even more so. It's like we're in it with them right now. Like, I want to leave and end the podcast, make it short, so I can go and cry for 20 minutes. Well, like, I just have a lot of feeling right now. We can't do that because we still have some stories to get through. I am going to message OP and just see if there's anything that they need immediately that would make their lives easier that I can send them or buy on Amazon. Please stay until the end of this episode. There is...

something I want to get into but I'm not going to do it now but it is going to be kind of something similar about like giving back and it you want to stick around to the very end to find out what it is so oh I have no idea that being said Justin no really Justin doesn't know either no wow so let's get through these next uh next couple stories you just had to throw in but there's something special at the end so they don't leave after I was like I'm gonna go cry I'm

Gotta make sure they stick around. Can't miss the message. How many more do you want to do? Moving on to the next one. Another one of this week's partners is Vaya. Kicking off 2025. And the year is full of so many possibilities and really you can make it whatever you want to make it. And Vaya could make it even better. Vaya is the Swiss army knife of wellness, dedicated to harnessing the natural benefits of hemp to create high quality wellness products. So whether you want to improve your sleep, focus, your recovery, or just get a little

it a little high. Vaya has something for you. What I've loved about Vaya is they actually have products that have zero milligrams of THC, so you can really choose what you want to get out of it. The THC gummies have been my favorite. I just want to wind down after a stressful day, and those really help.

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And if you're new to Viya, get a free gift of your choice. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. This year, enhance your every day with Viya. We're regrouping over here because I have so many tabs. And this is going to be one that we let the coin decide. Ooh. Uh-oh. The coin. We need like a sound effect. Yeah. Dun, dun, dun.

You know what sound effect I pictured in my head? Did you guys ever watch the show with Regis Philman, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? And when it would get down to a really big question, that sound. That's one of the best sounds that's ever been. It's probably copyright protected, so we won't be using it. I would not win. I would not win that show. We'll come up with a sound for the coin. Justin's going to get on that.

Okay, so option number one. Whoa, buddy, I ain't ready yet. That's sick. That's a cool sound effect. So option number one, which will be heads. Boyfriend woke me up at 2 a.m. to make him dinner. I made him leave instead. That's nuts. Or overheard boyfriend telling his friend he could never picture himself getting married. Where do I go from here?

Do you have feelings? It's awesome not having to choose. I love it. Give it to the coin. Wait, you have to sign one. Is it heads? It's the first one. However, if you do both agree, you can veto the coin and pick the other. I don't dare. I don't dare defy the coin. I was leaning towards two.

But if you guys don't want to veto... It's not on us. I don't know. The coin? The coin? Yeah. Okay, well, the other one will be on Patreon. Who's it going to? It's going to Miss Loewen. Do you want to... If you want to read, that would be... Justin will get the last one to cap us off. Okay. This one is coming from...

I am seriously never dating again. No advice needed, just want to vent. Throw away for the usual reasons.

So I became official with this guy a couple months ago. He was sweet, kind, funny, gorgeous, the usual stuff. Everything was fine. We'd stay at each other's places, have date nights, general relationship stuff. In short, no red flags. A couple beige ones here and there, but everyone has those. Then came the other night.

He's currently having to pick up the slack at his job due to multiple people quitting. We decided to spend the weekend at my place as his roommates can be quite loud and he needed to concentrate on fixing a system at his job so he can remotely work. Friday is fine. We stay in and in between his working, we do the usual couple stuff. I love how she writes this.

Saturday comes and something has gone wrong and the stress is doubled, so he isn't eating anything I make, which is fine. I simply remind him there are leftovers in the fridge. By 11 p.m., he's still working, so I head to bed.

I am then startled awake by him at 2 a.m. shaking me, telling me he's hungry now. Confused, I remind him about the leftovers and turn over to go back to sleep. But he gets grumpy and tells me I need to make him something fresh now. Shaking me awake? No. Like a child.

I'm honestly completely confused and so sleepy while he rattles on about coconut shrimp or something. Still half asleep, I just stare at him as I try to work out what the fuck is happening. I'm guessing my silence pissed him off as he started having a go at me for not doing my duty as his girlfriend. That woke me up fully and I told him to get out of my house.

His attitude changed then, and he was apologizing, but I just repeated myself, and eventually he left the room. I followed him, picking up his stuff, putting it into a bag, and once again told him to get out. He looked like a deer in headlights. He kept trying to say sorry and hug me, and it was only when I threw his car keys into his arms that he realized I was serious and left.

What a badass. Yeah.

Well, I mean, holy shit. This is a great thing that happened. I mean... This is like, it couldn't have been better. Someone shows all of their cards and their true colors this early on. It's crazy. Thank God. This is crazy. What the fuck? I need food now. Shaking me awake. Coconut shrimp. Fresh food. No. No. Do your duties. I would...

I would be enraged. I'm surprised she kept it as cool and collected as she did because I would be losing my mind at that. The disrespect. I'm sleeping. No, I know. Dodged a huge bullet. I don't know where he gets off thinking this is acceptable, funny, whatever he's trying to do here. No, I'm glad. Yeah. Off to a fresh relationship.

Or sounds like none for a while. Yeah. Never dating again. Just be happy on your own for a bit. I know. Never dating again. I love that. I like how she wrote it. We do have an update. Do we want that? Or should we just skip it? Nah, it's just going to be fun. Next one.

All right. Update. Holy sweet jebus. Hmm. That's a new word for me. I don't like it. That's a lot of notifications. Thank you for your overwhelming support. Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks this is stupid. Also, to the ones who said I should have just done it or agreed with the man child. Thank you. I needed a laugh today. What? Yeah.

Weirdos. I know. On to the update. He came into my job to talk and explained that his friends saw a video of a woman being woken up to cook for her man, and they decided to test it out on their partners as a loyalty test. Oh, those idiots. What? Yeah.

So my initial judgment of him being an idiot was correct. He was surprised when I broke up with him, but he was calm and accepting, albeit sad. Either way, that's over with. To answer a few concerns.

No. No drugs. Just bad judgment. No mental health concerns. Yes, he's stressed, but it's surface stress. That'll be fine once his work hires some new people, I'm sure. Honestly, not my concern anymore.

And third, someone mentioned unconditional love? The relationship was less than three months. Chill out. Seriously, though, thank you for even taking the time to read my sleepy ramblings. I'm going to buy myself a nice bottle of wine once I've finished work as a thank you to myself for not settling. Until next time. Ta-ta. She didn't say ta-ta. But it felt like it. Oh, I love that. What?

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. This is why you don't play pranks on people. But my favorite part is the fact that he like knew. Like he's just like, yeah, no, that makes sense. I understand. Yeah. I mean, come on. After being ignored for two days, he had to go to her work to get her to even acknowledge and talk to him and explain himself. Like, you know, it's over at that point. Yeah. But God, I mean, it's not.

I don't believe the prank thing. I feel like that was a last ditch effort to try and save it. Honestly, it's so dumb. I believe it. I believe it. TikTok is crazy. It's just, I don't know.

It's pathetic. It's not even worth me talking and thinking about it anymore, honestly. But actually, this is something that I've been thinking about coming into January and New Year. You know, everyone's kind of like reflecting and what do they want to do moving forward. And one of the things that I really realized is that, you know, we're on our phones and we're on social media so much as a culture, all of us, all of us humans. And

I had such a dark period of time when I had my For You page on TikTok, all really negative stuff. And it like I can't even tell. I felt like I was drowning in darkness. And then and then there's like videos that I would come across where people say it with such confidence that I'm like, oh, that makes sense. Like they're like, if you don't do this, you're a bad person.

Or like, they're only a good friend if they call you when they're busy, not just call you when they have time. And like stuff like this that people will constantly be filling your head with when you're on social media, that people do make these decisions. You know, they do decide to wake up their girlfriend like, oh yeah, that's a great loyalty test. And I think it's just a good reminder, like if you're in a bad headspace, like

Take a second and like think about what you're consuming online. It's maybe seems innocent. You're just swiping a few different little videos, but like it can like eat at you. It can make you believe things that aren't even your truth. It may be somebody else's truth, but it's not yours. And you've just convinced yourself because they said it so confidently. So I just feel like it's a good time to like remember.

remind people that like even things that we say on this podcast like this is an opinion podcast like if I say something that pisses you off or you don't agree with like don't let it ruin your day like my opinion is not like the universal truth I'm irrelevant to you in your life truly like I enjoy spending time with you in the car at the gym cleaning your house making carrot cake or whatever you're doing but

But in the grand scheme of things, our opinion, irrelevant. Yeah. Irrelevant. Like form your own life and your own opinions. And like, it's so easy to like. Chat it out with us. Yeah. Chat it out with us. Tell us what you really think, you know, but yeah, like build upon what we're saying. I really like when people do that. They're like,

It feels like more of a constructive back and forth combo. I mean, but I completely agree with what you're saying. Like, I think our brains are so powerful. The more you engage with something, the more you believe it. I know it's not a muscle, but your brain is like a muscle in the sense where it has neuroplasticity. And the more you do something, the more it like compounds in your brain. And we're constantly doing it from the time we're little, but it's like,

it's called pruning. It's like, if you don't use it, you lose it. And the pathways that you do use become stronger. And so it's like, if you're engaging with negative social media again and again, day in, day out, all the time. And it's addicting too. Like I was addicted to it, which is the crazy part. Like it like scratched something from me, but then I- It's a dopamine hit. Yeah. It literally is. That's why our attention spans are getting shorter because it's like,

New video, new video, new video. And that's something I'm going to be really conscious of this year. It's like I really want to limit my screen time on apps and start picking up more books or listening to audiobooks and engaging with stuff that's bettering me and is not just doom scrolling. Yeah, absolutely. No, and I mean, the internet, I mean, we all know this. It can be really...

It can be really dark. And actually, obviously, like, we've sometimes comments, people say not nice things. But, like, for the most part, I actually think we have, like, an insanely positive community compared to some of the stuff that I see people write. I completely agree. Like, I really appreciate that, like, it feels even when people maybe don't agree with something I said, it feels like they are responding to me as if we're in the room together. Yeah. Like, actually, I disagree because this is my point of view. Yeah. And I really, I love that positivity. And I would, I just...

I would encourage everyone to do that anywhere you're commenting on the internet because it can get really dark in there. And you want like life, as we said from the beginning, like life shouldn't be just average. Life should be amazing and fun and magical. And we should have these communities we love and engage with. So we just got to keep...

being conscious of where we're spending our time what we're doing who we're with even like look at the story about the girl with the the boyfriend she was like hey convince me to leave him but everything she was saying about him was like he brings down our vacations he bitches about getting burgers with pickles on it like

look at who you surround yourself with and like do you feel good yeah and people are gonna have seasons you know you can't expect your friend to be happy and rainbow and sunshine all the time yeah like that's not life either that's not friendship but you know overall do you feel good like are you happy that's what you really gotta look for and consider but okay we have one last one

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Titled, I, male 35, am very unattractive and have made peace with being alone. My friends, 30s, won't give up on trying to set me up with someone. What do I do? Hey everybody, I'm hoping to get some advice on my current predicament between myself and my friends, Sam and Sarah. You see, I am very unattractive. I don't mean that as a put down on myself, but an objective fact about my appearance.

I have a very naturally unappealing face with several body scars that make me difficult to look at for some people. I've had most of these scars most of my life, and of course, I was born with my face, so I've never been much to look at. I've tried to compensate in other aspects of life. I have a decent job, I'm tall, and I'm in very good shape. I go to the gym and eat well. Sadly, this is far from enough to make up for how I look.

I've had very few relationships and only one sexual partner, though I'd prefer it had never happened after the fact, though I certainly tried. Put myself out there for years and was rejected by dozens of women before meeting one that I thought would be able to look past my appearance.

I lost my virginity to her and everything. But after a month, she came to my place crying and saying, though she had found me attractive as a person, she couldn't get over my appearance and had felt terrible. She confessed sex with me was extremely difficult the two times we did it due to how I looked. I told her I understood and we went our separate ways.

I'd have been happier if we'd been friends and never dated, if I'm being honest. Well, yeah, if someone tells you that. What's the point in her saying that? Like, just break up with him. Yeah. What the fuck? People are so cruel. That was several years ago, and I swore off romantic love and sex since it was just hurting me. Life has been pretty good since I gave up. Wish I wasn't what I am so I could find love, but I get it.

I made some great friends, Sam and Sarah. I've been friends with them for a few years now and we get along great. The only issue is that they are in relationships and have this fantasy about going on triple dates with me included. Problem is, of course, I don't date and so they've been trying to play matchmaker. There have been probably seven or eight attempts now to get me with some friend or acquaintance of theirs ranging from being blindsided with a date to

when I thought I'd just be there with them, or inviting girls to parties and trying to get us together all night. I hate it. I feel bad for these girls because obviously they weren't told about this either and now they have to play nice with the weird ugly guy their friends dumped them on. Not only that, but there is this look in their eyes that I'm sadly used to now. It's a combination of sadness and fear that overcomes them when we make eye contact.

I can feel them looking at every mark on my face, getting more and more grossed out and uncomfortable. Of course they're scared. This six foot six man who looks like Frankenstein's monster has become your date for the night. I'd be scared too. I tell them every time not to set me up as I don't want to date, but they get so excited to finally find the one for me that they do it anyway.

So backstory aside, I keep telling Sam and Sarah to stop setting me up. And last week, they came over to hang out, and Sarah kept mentioning this friend of hers from work and starts showing me pictures. I see where this is all going, and I find out they invited her to Sam's party in a few weeks.

I say, cool, I look forward to meeting her, but this isn't a date and I won't be letting them push me onto the poor girl. She's cute and from what they tell me, I'm sure we'd get along great if I were normal, but that just isn't the case. Sarah begins to get upset at me and asked me why I won't just give her a shot. So I asked if this girl had even seen a picture of me or heard about me.

She admitted that she had not and hadn't planned on showing her any pic or even telling her about me until the night of the party. I'll admit, I snapped and told both of them to stop playing matchmaker. I was sick of it and showed them texts from two girls they victimized. They were kind enough to tell me they liked me but weren't physically attracted to me. Showed the texts and Sarah and Sam made an excuse and left. Haven't heard from them in a week. How can I fix this? Ah!

I don't know why this is just not computing to me. Like, a lot of girls these days just ghost people, but yet he's having these girls say, like, your personality, but I'm not attracted to your appearance. Like, it's quite strange to me. It's very strange to me. And it just doesn't feel—it feels like it's such a—

Like he's projecting this. Like it feels like he thinks this about he's like telling this narrative in his head. And so when somebody is looking at him, he's just like they're looking at how creepy I look. I don't know. It's just it's like really this is like really sad, honestly, to hear this. It's very sad. I think the way he's degrading himself is heartbreaking. I mean, I really do believe like everyone is beautiful in their own way.

I just think like... Yeah, no, attraction is also different for everyone too. Oh, it's so subjective. Exactly. And so it's like there are so many girls that would literally just want him because he's 6'6". Like there are people who like literally are attracted to people for like a simple reason like that. Looking for a man in finance. Yeah. Blue eyes. Trust funds. 6'5". Yeah. Like...

He could very easily find his person. There's definitely people out there. Like, I don't... And it's sad that... And he's trying to act like, you know, I'm not... I'm not hurt by it. I'm not hurt by it. I'm not saying something negative about myself. Like, yes, you are. You don't think you deserve love? Of course you do. And that's the problem I have. Like, he is so degrading towards himself. And I truly do think, like I said, like, everyone's beautiful in their own way. Yeah. And a lot of...

dating is confidence yeah like I just saw absolutely oh my god what was it that we we had like a story for patreon or something that happened to us recently and there's something called blebbing blebbing do you remember that and we googled what it was and it's essentially putting like your I'm so sorry I'm having this conversation with you guys

You essentially rub your pussy juice on your wrist before going out to the bar. I remember that now. And your scent, your pheromones, attract a partner. A girl tried it. She blebbed. I don't remember what it's actually called. I thought it was blebbing. And she goes, hey, it might be a placebo because the blebbing... Oh, the confidence? It's the confidence. She's like, it's...

The confidence. If you go out, if you're confident and you do this and blah, blah, blah, like people are going to find you attractive because confidence is attractive. You're inserting yourself more. You might be more willing to talk to someone and outgoing. Like that's attractive. Yeah.

And even like firsthand, like I think about when I used to go out, like if I didn't feel good in my outfit that night, I did kind of hang back in the group of girls and I didn't really talk. But other nights when I felt good about myself and I'd be chatty and confident, like the night did go better. Yeah. And so to hear him be just so, I'm ugly, I'm terrible. I look like that guy from the Goonies. Like, stop. I don't think he said that.

You know, aren't you envisioning the guy from the Goonies? No. Have you seen the Goonies? Yeah, yeah. I mean, basically he's implying like he is implying he is just and I'm like, stop, like literally stop. You're fine. You're making it so much worse. Yeah. And I it's also just like he's like, I got turned down by so many girls in the past. It's like

Yeah. That happens all the time to a lot of people. I've been turned down by a lot of dudes. It's okay. Like that happens. So I don't know. It just seems like he continues to feed this narrative and then he continues to act on that. Like lose the confidence, like just act like- It's a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point. Yeah. Yeah. If he walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, like

If you see no value in yourself, like looks are not everything. Some people are not even attracted to looks. It's personality for them. A hundred percent. So if you're just like, I'm not worthy of love. I'm not worthy of anyone. I'm so terrible. Then how are you going to find someone? Exactly. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Believe in yourself. Quit degrading yourself. Quit selling yourself short. Yeah.

Does he have updates? I want this to be like, I realize I'm beautiful and now I'm in love. There's a few comments here highlighted. Of course, the first one is show us a pic of yourself. Up here responds, the last person I trusted to show my pic sent it to her group chat to laugh at me. What? I don't like putting it out there anymore. Sorry.

People are so weird. If your friends did show your pics, would you agree to the matchmaking then? OP responds, part of me wants to say I would, but after having the last relationship and the way it did, I'd rather not risk it.

No, come on. One more to highlight here. If you don't want to date, that's fine. But it's no more your place to decide for that potential woman what she has to deal with than it is your friend's place to decide that you'd be happier in a relationship. Mm-hmm.

You don't need to justify your decision to stay single. So it makes it sound like you're trying to be some sort of hero saving someone from what? Loving you and being happy with you. You should be single because that's what you want, not because that's what you think others want. Yeah. That is such a good point. And at the end of the day, like,

If his friends aren't going to respect his boundary of like, hey, please don't set me up anymore. The reality is then those aren't your friends, even as well-intentioned as they might be, like they're not respecting your boundary. And you might have to take a step back from engaging with those people for a while.

I mean, and continuing from that, a commenter points out all these statements. If I were normal, a combination of sadness and fear that overcomes them, poor unsuspecting women, Frankenstein's monster, two of the girls they victimized. Please, dude, get some help. These comments about yourself are very unkind and very unnecessary and very extreme. This isn't the writing of someone whose life has been pretty good.

OP responds, I'm not exaggerating. My appearance frightens people. I'm not normal. What? I mean, it's just a brick wall. Yeah, exactly. I'm just like, again, I'm like, even if like he looks identical to the guy from the Goonies, like there are absolutely a hundred million percent people out there that would still love you. Yeah. So it's just like, stop. Yeah. Stop being so degrading to yourself. Well,

We have an update. Hey, everyone. I figured since posting here the other day ended up being an overall cathartic experience. And since I have a very happy update, I'm back to share. After spending hours reading and responding to users both in thread and in DMs, I decided to reach out to Sam and Sarah and try to set things right.

We met up to talk and to keep it short, Sam and Sarah hadn't reached out because they felt terrible after realizing their mistakes. They were very apologetic and I promised that as long as they stopped trying to set me up and forgave me for snapping at them, then we were cool with each other. Looks like communication saves the day again. Win-win. So after our talk, they asked if I wanted to come over and play some games and have a few drinks with them and some of their work friends.

Sarah admitted the girl, Laura, that they wanted to set me up with would be there, but that they hadn't said anything to her about me and there'd be no pressure or matchmaking going on. So I agreed to go. There we go. So last night I came over for drinks and games. I met Laura without some stupid blind date pretext and she's a lovely person.

We had several interests in common, and she and I have very similar jobs within different companies. So we have a lot to talk about. It's great. They didn't meddle, and I got a new friend. Easy peasy. Heck, we get along so great, she's invited me over to her place tonight to watch some movies. We both learned we're some of our favorites. Then some pizza and complaining about working in IT. So my social life is alive and well, it seems.

That's about it as far as my update is concerned. Sam, Sarah, and I are cool. I made a new friend and I got to talk to so many wonderful people on Reddit. I want to thank all of you for taking the time to read my post and give me your opinions and advice. There are some really great folks in this community. Heck, I'm still receiving a few messages a day of kindness from you awesome people.

So sweet. See, don't sell yourself short in anything in life. Like, ah. Top comment. She invited you over for pizza and a movie at her place. I think you have more of a shot than you realize. Oh, yeah. Sounds a little like a date, but I won't put that out there. We have another update. Two and a half years later. Oh, wait. When was the original post? Original post.

Well, it says two years ago on the little thing. Shit. Yeah. So this is saying two and a half. So somewhere in there. Okay. Last updates coming when? December 9th, 2024. Like three weeks ago. Yeah. Yes. Oh my God. Okay. It starts. It appears all of my posts are being removed. I'm so sorry. I don't know how to fix this. A few years ago, I came to Reddit to ask about an issue I was having with my friends trying to set me up on blind dates.

And then he kind of summarizes that. So I'm going to jump down. Yeah. The woman they were going to try and set me up with before our argument, Laura, ended up being really cool. And without the pressure of it being a blind date and just us hanging out with a larger group, we clicked and we're fast friends. We hung out the night after at her place to watch movies and eat pizza. It was great. We started hanging out more and more. And as time went on, eventually she asks me out.

I was terrified initially, but decided to go for it. She's not bothered by my scars. She looks at me with kindness and warmth that is indescribably wonderful to me. Laura and I are still together. We got a place together not too long ago, and I intend to propose to her early next year.

Oh my gosh. Sam, Sarah, and I are all still great friends. We now go on these triple dates they always wanted. We even did our first Friendsgiving with them, their significant others, and the kids. Laura loves getting to cook for a house full of guests, and we intend to try and host more group meals now that we have a place with space for it.

It wasn't easy, but with a growing support network in Laura and my friends, I was able to finally get some more help for my mental health to work on my insecurities and trauma. Been going for over a year now and progress is slow, but steady. Laura has been my rock. I love her more than I ever hated myself. So it's been easier than I expected to keep going to therapy appointments.

So that's about it. I was in a very dark place and some kindness from internet strangers helped me through a rough patch. So I wanted to repay them by at least posting an update, even if most of those people have since moved on. Oh my God. We have not moved on. We're here. That's so wonderful. Oh my gosh. I like, I didn't know. I thought it would end after like he had a nice time talking to a new girl, like not.

Oh, not like a complete transformation. This is so wonderful. This was such a good heartwarming episode. Like it was just wonderful. Top comment. I love her more than I ever hated myself. That dude, that crushed me. Both broke my heart and healed it. Damn. I just like, I, I love that. Like I, I, I think sometimes in life, like it fully takes someone, uh,

to lift you out of the darkness or it takes loving someone new to heal a broken heart. I do think that's the case, but I think a lot of us out there

also can be our own like biggest heroes and like you are enough. You do deserve the world. You can give yourself enough to live for because you're so beautiful and deserve everything good. But... And also like... Oh, this was great. Like lean on your friends sometimes. Like his friends, again, they were misguided about it and they need to have a conversation. But like they wanted to support him. They wanted to help him. Like...

like, they saw how amazing he was and how great he is and how like he's, they probably see him as beautiful. Like, you know what I mean? Where it's like, you don't see yourself the way I see you. Like if, if you could only see yourself through my eyes, you would realize how amazing and beautiful you are. And it's like,

stop, like just get out of your own way. Yeah. And so that's tough. I'm so fucking happy. Yeah. And also just stop giving a shit what other people think. Oh, we all. I think that is one of life's biggest lessons because clearly you learn at some point because I'm, you know, I want to get there earlier, but you see elderly people

They don't dress and do all this stuff to try and look good for everyone. They dress for comfort and quality and what makes them feel good. Oh my gosh. I just saw the cutest old man dressing video. But there's the whole thing where it's like pain is beauty or whatever that is, where it's like you have to...

You know, do what makes you feel good, of course, right? Like if you want to leave the house every day looking like you're on the runway and that's just your vibe. Go for it, baby. 100%. But don't do it because you're afraid about what everyone else is going to think. Yeah, absolutely. And it's so easy to say all this. I get it. But that's, I think, something that is so key to learn in life is just...

live life. And most of the time, other people don't even care. They're not even thinking about you. They're not even looking at you. So just like stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Yeah. No, it's that's so well said. I think it's

what you said too, I mean, we all are kind of ingrained to care about what other people think and parts of it are good to care what other people think. But at the same time, like if it's running your life, like it is really important to stop yourself and think like, what am I doing and what am I doing it for? And, and kind of, kind of like what we've said this whole episode, like go back to your center, like write down what makes you happy in your heart and

and start operating and building a life around you that consists of those things. And then you'll attract the right people and you'll attract the right things and you'll find your place. You'll build your own worlds. And this episode is just so cool. Like Morgan, you found such awesome stories and I'm...

I'm really like blown away by this one. It's so much beauty, like so many tears, good tears. It's just awesome. I know. And like I was on Boru all day today. So a lot of these, like I would read the initial post, make sure it was good. And then like that last one, did not read any of the updates because like I'm like, I want to be in this too and on this journey with you all. But I really want us all to like take something from this journey

And if you have something to share, I'd love to see it in the comments too. And this just came to me, but like...

I think you make a great point where you're like, there's so many things in life that you wish you could learn sooner. This is what's coming to mind based on that, like looking at seniors and they don't really give a shit what people think about them and they just are living life happily, whatever. If there is a life lesson that you wish you could go back and tell your younger self to save some heartache or time or whatever, then

Put it in the comments. Like if, if there is a life lesson that you've learned that you can share with us, let us know what it is, because I think that would be really amazing to have a community come together and like we compile it all. And it's like, if I was 18 listening to this podcast and saw like, damn, this 30 year old person did this and oh, I'm going to save myself the time. And

Obviously, there's a lot of lessons most of us have to learn the hard way. But I just think it would be really great to see. But that being said, the fun part of the episode. Oh, yeah. I already forgot. Yeah. So back in December, I talked about wanting to do like an angel tree type situation. And I had a lot of people reach out and recommended...

And it came from multiple people and different people. So I was like, okay, they're probably on to something. But a lot of people recommended not doing it in December.

Because there are so many organizations out there and community initiatives that are about, you know, crushing people's Christmas lists and, you know, making sure everyone has holiday meals and this and that. And so the start of the year is actually a lot harder for people because the holidays have happened and those resources are no longer there. Or maybe a resource they thought they were going to have like an angel tree didn't get completed or it did, but they realized they need this now.

So based on talking to some of you in the community, we are going to do it this January and February. So in the description for this episode, you will find a link to a Google form and it is for you to go and submit a link for your Amazon wishlist and

and write a little blurb about yourself, your family, or someone you're kind of nominating that might need a little extra help at the start of the year.

But it's just meant to be like, hey, this is a good year. I want to set you guys up on a good path. And there's so many of us out there that might have an abundance right now. And so I think it would just be a great way to bring the community together and highlight maybe some that need a little more. So go to the link in the description of this show and fill that out.

Too Hot Takes is going to be knocking out quite a few of those lists. I also want to let you guys know that last year we donated over $6,000 to Hurricane Relief in Florida. And that was all from you guys and you buying merch at our Florida shows.

So, you know, we're out here doing things and there's a lot behind the scenes that you don't see with, you know, GoFundMes and things like that that we support people on. But we just want to make sure our community is being uplifted and really taken care of because it's the start of the new year and life is hard and...

What is life for if it's not for a sense of community and surrounding yourself with good people and raising up people that might need it? I think a lot of our stories today were that too. So yeah, I'm very excited for this year and all that's to come. And yeah, any other thoughts, like any intention for the year you want to set now, you guys? I don't know. I'm like, let me stop talking. Please help me.

Well, I don't do New Year's resolutions. I do resolutions as they come up, as there's a need for them. I don't, you know, like if there's some change you're trying to make, do it now. Don't wait until next January. Like that's way too long. Come on, let's do it right now. Well, and also I think a good point too is like, if you start a resolution, like,

It doesn't mean you have to really stick to it all year. Like, try for a couple months. Like, if you accomplish anything for more than two weeks, I'm impressed. Like, just try something new this year, a new hobby, new something, a new habit that's good for you. Like, it doesn't have to be this big, crazy thing. I thought it was really cool. I saw something online once where this guy said that he wanted to lose weight, but he just...

hated going to the gym and he didn't really like he didn't really want to do it but he knew that it would be good for him so he started going to the gym every day that was his new year's or like his goal where he would just go inside the gym and then leave

He wouldn't work out. And so he started doing that every day. And then he'd be like, okay, I'll just go on the treadmill and then I'll go for like two minutes. And then he'd go home. And then he's like, well, I'm already here. Five minutes. And then he just built on that. And then he ended up losing like 200 pounds or something crazy. Holy shit. Like over the course of, you know, a year or two years or something like that. But that's how it starts. But that's how it starts. And that's what I think. Just get your little feet wet. I would say like for people making New Year's resolutions, like,

Think about it that way. Things that you want, like just kind of make these little goals that will just keep you consistent and have a routine because that's really important. But if you're like, oh, I want to lose 50 pounds by March, like you're going to burn out and you're going to be like, this is stupid.

I mean, not everyone, but some people have that mental stamina and physical stamina to be able to do that. I don't even know if that's healthy to lose that much in that amount of time, though. But yeah, I'm not a dietitian. Besides the point, but you get it. I think that when you guys are... Make it attainable. Yeah. Like do what you can to make your life better and what you want to see for yourself. I think like bite-sized attainable. Yeah. I saw so many people, they're like, I'm doing 75 hard. And I'm like, that's...

Yeah, I mean, if that works for you, that's great. But don't be discouraged if it doesn't. Exactly. I think a lot of people get really discouraged and then they're like all or nothing. And I just think that it's, to me personally, I felt that that was really cool, that post that I saw. I love that. Yeah, so. I wanted to share. I love that. Yeah, I love you. I love you. Well, our main camera has died. So everyone needs to look at their own. Okay. Hi. Hi.

But thank you guys so much for being here and kicking off another year of Two Hot Takes with us. We love you all. And until next time. Until next time. Until next time. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye.