195: Do You Hate Them?!
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Here we go. Welcome back to another episode of Too Hot Takes, my friends. I'm your host, Morgan. Hello. Who are you? I don't know. Oh, I think you know. Can you guess? Can the listeners guess? Probably. Is that a better question? Yeah, that wasn't that good. No? Who are you? Justin. Justin. Justin.

We have had such a crazy past couple of weeks. My family came out from Minnesota and we went to Disneyland. We also went on a family horseback ride. All nine of us out there on horses, even my little brother Taylor, which that was the biggest surprise of all. Yes, that's

That's like it's snowing in August or something. I know. It's been crazy. There's been like just kind of like one crazy thing after another. And it's been a very eventful past couple of weeks. But I'm very excited to be here. Yes. Recording.

back in the studio with our friends. And today's theme, I think, is going to be a really crazy one. I'm still a little undecided on the name, but it started out as a theme of you must hate them. Like, whoever is writing in must hate the person involved or

There's no love lost here, or there's definitely hate involved here. Like, you can feel there's some hatred. Wonderful. And there's just a goofy assortment, and I'm really excited to see what everyone's takes are. Yes. Okay, you ready to get into them? Yes. Okay, let's dive in. ♪

Okay, you ready to kick things off with a bang today? Yup, yup, yup. Okay, this first one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is 14 days old. Titled, Am I the Asshole for taking a little time to myself in the mornings? Mmm, spicy. Maybe. My wife, 30 female, Laura, and I, 35 male, have two children, ages two and three and a half, and we've been married for five years.

Laura is a stay-at-home mom to our boys and takes the boys three days a week to take care of her grandmother, who has dementia. The other four days, a nurse comes in. I work in retail management. My typical schedule is 1 p.m. to 10 p.m., with a one-hour lunch break if I choose to take it.

I live about 45 minutes from my job, and I like to head out a bit early, get a coffee and a quick bite, and send some emails from a cafe before walking into work. This means I typically leave the house between 8.30 and 9 a.m. in the morning. After work, I'm often frustrated, so I stop by the 24-hour gym I'm a member at and run on the treadmill or lift weights for a bit. This puts me getting home at 12 or just after.

On weekends, I often have things planned with family or friends that tend to use up a portion of my day. Laura is telling me I need to stick around to help her more in the mornings. She's insisting my routine isn't all that important, and I'm making her feel like a single mom. From my perspective, I enjoy my routine. I get some peace and quiet, and it's a nice way for me to prepare for me and end my day.

Laura wants me to be at home until she either leaves with the boys to her grandmother's or until it's closer to noon. If I did that, I'd completely miss being able to go to the cafe and deal with emails while I mentally prepare myself for the day. She doesn't mind me going to the gym so much as she's usually asleep by the time I get home. I've offered to ask my sister or mom to come over and help her in the mornings a day or two a week, but she rejected that idea.

I feel like I've offered a compromise of sorts, but Lara is telling me that I haven't. Am I the asshole? Yeah, very clearly. You should be single. Why do you have a wife and kids? Because this is single male energy. Me. This is... Me. I am going to go four hours early so I can have my cafe time and sit there for three and a half hours. I mean...

I would instantly, if you're leaving that early every day, you're doing something weird because nobody needs that much time. Who's the barista you got a crush on? Right. Because this don't make sense. And why do you have kids?

It's time to grow up. This is like college boy energy where, you know, I got nothing to worry about. I'm just doing me. I'm going to get home at midnight. I'm going to sleep and then wake up and get the fuck out of my house. And you know what? My wife's got it.

Do you never spend time with your kids? No. Do you never have one meal with your kids? Maybe a couple hours on a weekend. No, he's making plans with friends and family, who obviously seems to not be his wife and kids. It's his...

Family. What was that? I don't know. What was that? Well, I can't do the weekends because I'm busy and I have to go to the cafe because otherwise I won't be able to go do my job. Why are you doing so much work outside of work hours? How about a new job that doesn't make you need to go mentally prepared for three hours and then de-stress for a couple hours after?

Why don't we get a job that makes us more happy and feel more fulfilled to where we want to spend time with our wife and raising our kids? I want to go at the top of a really just like tall building right now and scream. Oh, I thought you were going to say like squirrel suit it. No, no, no. Like fly down through the squirrel suit, wings out. No, I just like, I'm so irrationally mad at this person that I don't even know.

I'm so confused because like... I've compromised. I've put out a compromise. What compromise? You've done nothing but talk about your own selfish needs. I need to mentally prepare. I need a break. I need to reset. I'm only concerned about me and my mornings. And this is going to negatively impact my quality of life. But my compromise is I'm going to send other people to go do my job in the morning. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No. I'm confused because...

This person is working nine hours, okay? Oh, I get a 45-minute break from work if I want it. Use that as some downtime in between the middle of your shift. And what about the 45-minute drive there and back? You're wasting an hour and a half in the car already. Listen to a podcast. Decompress. Put something on. Music, tunes, whatever brings you peace. I don't care if it's a meditation that you stare at the road and count. Look for deer.

Look at the trees. I don't know what it is, but you are essentially a deadbeat dad. The only thing you're providing is some financial support. And I'm going to tell you what, if Laura wanted to, Laura could go out there and get herself a job and probably have an easier time parenting than she is right now. Don't act, oh, this peeves me. When people act like them having a job and supporting the whole family is

is this huge thing and the world would crumble without them. The reality is your stay-at-home mom, your stay-at-home wife could go out there and grind and do it. Well, she's working harder regardless. You're not doing her a favor. I hate when people act like them being the breadwinner and allowing their partner to stay at home is some favor.

Is that a gift to be able to spend that time with your kids if you like them and you want to do that? Yes. But are you doing that stay-at-home parent a favor? No. Because when is her off time? You're basically gone from the time she gets up until she's already asleep. She's getting the kids up. She's getting the kids ready. She's taking care of them all day. She's taking care of a grandma with dementia. All she's doing is asking for a little help.

You're donating 9 a.m. to 10 p.m. to work, and then you're going to the gym for some me time. How do they even have a relationship? I'm surprised they have two kids, to be honest. When are they even spending time together except for just sleeping next to each other? Which when you get home and your partner's asleep, and then they wake up probably before you, and then I'm not imagining you get up

And don't just jet right off to your little cafe. So... There's no time. There's no time. People are nuts. Top comment on this? You're the asshole. You are leaving the house at 8am and then getting back at midnight? Do you even like your wife? Your kids? When do you see each other? How many times a week are you two having sex or spending quality time? Bingo, Justin. Bingo.

How many times a week are you sitting and asking your kids about their day? Not only are you abandoning your wife with a house full of children and elderly care, but you're being a terrible husband by failing to sit down with your wife and kids every day and being a part of their lives. I would leave, honestly, if my husband was just being this absent, boring, cats-in-the-cradle breadwinner whose only contribution to the family's daily life is a paycheck. She deserves a person who spends time with her.

Either be that or she'll find a man who can do both. Lots of them out there. Yeah, I mean, this is like the most undesirable guy ever. I mean, no, there's, sorry, there's definitely worse, but just thinking about being in a relationship with someone like this, there's no point. There's no relationship. I don't understand how he is even fulfilled. You chose to get married because you loved this person. You chose to have two children because you wanted to build a family together.

When you dream about having a family and, you know, having kids, don't you think about reading them bedtime stories and tucking them in and teaching them how to ride a bike? Like, what did you want this for? Yeah. You don't like them. Doesn't seem like you love them. Does everything you can to avoid them. You must hate them. You must have some resentment here because otherwise. No. I am baffled. Because it's possible. I mean, look at Matt and Amy.

They're able to both work, have two young kids that need a lot of attention. You know, it's that age. There's so much going on, building a house, doing all this stuff, and they always are still spending time. They always prioritize each other and their coupleness. Some days are busy, but they also spend so much time with their kids. They're doing it all. It is possible.

it's a choice to not, and it's a choice to do it. This is very deliberate. So it's, I know the way it's written. It's like, it, it's just not possible. I couldn't possibly go home after work. I have to go work out. Otherwise, otherwise I'm going to be a mess and it'll wreck my routine. That's like, how could I ever do that? And I love that his solution and his compromise is,

I asked her if she wanted me to talk to my mom and sister. So you're going to pass off your emotional presence, your physical labor of helping raise your children onto other women? You're going to just pass that off on other women? Yeah. Because you think that's a woman's job? Also to go sit at a cafe that long? What are you doing? And how many emails do you have?

Isn't that what you're supposed to do at work? That's what you get paid to do. Why are you doing free labor outside of work? Leave your work at work. Not everyone has that luxury of being able to do that. I don't have much free time. I would love some. Yeah, like, you know, maybe I should get up earlier, have 30 minutes in the morning to just do anything. But you know what? You'd rather cuddle.

Yeah. And I, listen, I, I'm so mad. It's, it's really what it boils down to is like single guy energy. Yeah. Just living their life. And that's it. I don't know how they've lasted this long. I really don't. I hope she leaves him.

Next comment down from the top one. My ex would do this too. Would leave for work at least four hours before his shift would start so he'd have time to chill out and have a coffee before he started. On average, he'd spend about 10 hours a week with the kids, with the most of those being the four hours he saw them on a Saturday morning before leaving for his 4 p.m. shift at 1230.

Edit to add, and he only left at 12.30 on Saturday because I physically removed myself from the house and didn't come home until 12.30. He'd literally be backpacked, ready to go, minutes after I got home. Days I stayed home, he would leave around 11.30 or 12. Insane. In-sane.

When I read the title, I thought you took 30 minutes to an hour, but you basically spend the entire day and week away from your family. Let your wife get a break since she has to take care of the house, the kids, and her grandma. Yeah. How many non-work-related emails does he have that he needs 12 to 16 hours a week to answer? Yes. This woman is a saint, and I am done with this man.

Moving on to number two. Oh, wait. No comments. No comments. No update. Accounts been suspended. Lara. Lara, are you out there? Divorce, Lara. Lara. It's spelled L-A-R-A. I used to say Lara versus Laura. You'll be so much happier. Get child support. Maybe alimony if you can. And leave this weirdo. Leave this nothing.

There's nothing there. I wonder, like, who does she talk to? Who does she confide in? I feel like she could get a robot that would be more involved. I would agree with that statement. Yeah. Even the little robot dog would be a better parent than this guy. I think she would have a more fulfilling relationship with chat GPT. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't fall in love with it because that's, that's happening with people. That's, that gets into a whole nother world.

Blending. I don't even know. Up next. This is coming from Am I the Asshole? It's two days old. Titled, Am I the Asshole for Excluding My Daughter-in-Law from Holidays? Last year, my daughter-in-law emailed me proof of my son being involved in an extramarital affair with a co-worker of his and tried to ask me for advice.

The messages were extremely graphic and not something I needed to see about my son. As far as anyone knows, the affair never went beyond graphic messages back and forth, but they were separated for a time. They got back together over the summer despite my disapproval of the situation as she could have ruined his career with those messages.

He has worked very hard to get to where he's at in the company, and that is something I take a lot of pride in. When I explained my disapproval of their reunification, he explained that there was nothing to blame his wife for and that he was in a bad spot and should have gotten help instead of speaking inappropriately to a coworker.

I told him she would no longer be allowed at any family gatherings as I cannot stand to be in the same room with her after what she sent me. She embarrassed us and she almost ruined my son. Now he's extremely upset I won't allow her around for the holidays and is considering refusing to come to dinner since he does not want her spending the holidays alone as she has no other family besides him.

Both of her parents are gone and she is an only child, which I can understand would make the holidays lonely, but I can't get over the embarrassment. Am I in the wrong for not wanting her around? Oh man, I just want to know more about this person. I want to know how you become so oblivious and just deranged. This is just stupid.

This is so annoyingly stupid. It just, it pains me to even talk about it because it's so dumb. This is so dumb. Very clearly the asshole here. Yes, very much so. I'm embarrassed for you.

Yeah. I don't know about the decision to go to your partner's mom about the affair. I don't know what the strategy was in doing so. I think she just looked at her like family. Yeah, but I mean...

I don't know. Like, would it be my first place? No, but I know there are so many people that are close with their mother-in-laws and do do this. And the family, the mother-in-law disowns the son and stands by the daughter-in-law. Yes. But it's like, do you send video evidence? I know that's not what happened here, but do you go as far as sending, hey, here's a video of your son cheating on me? I don't think there

I don't think there was that though. I think it was just messages. I get that. But I'm just saying that would instantly be like, oh yeah. Why would you ever send that? That's weird. No. And that would be, I know the mess where we're, we're getting close to that territory with sending the direct evidence. I want to know if there was a conversation like, Hey, just, you know, just looking for someone to talk to. I found these messages. Um,

I don't need to send you like their graphics. So I don't need to send you the detailed messages, but I'm just trying to get some perspective and have someone to talk to about this. That kind of approach, you know, whatever the, the problem is obviously he had this, whether just messaging or emotional or full on affair, I don't know. Right. And then that seems to have been cleared up between the two of you.

So I'm going to leave that on the side. Now we're dealing with his mom, who, whether or not it was right to approach her in the way she did, is now going crazy, thinking she's being the shining knight and defender for her son, when the son's even like, listen, if you're going to be this crazy about this, I'm not even going to, we're not coming to your...

your little shit event. Like we're going to go to our own thing because you're being a psycho. Yeah. I mean, this to me is like, I'm just every single thing she wrote, like she could have ruined his career. He could have done that by having an affair with a coworker. Why is every single thing that he did wrong flipped on the wife? She embarrassed me. He didn't embarrass himself and you for you because you raised him.

How did the daughter-in-law have anything to do with any of this? She could have ruined him. She embarrassed me. He did that all on his own good self. What? They can do no wrong. And no matter what. So this is, you know, this is the mom where the son goes out and murders somebody. Oh, God. She's showing up to help bury the body. You know what I'm saying? She, no matter what,

This is the, like, I'm going to protect and defend and they can do, like, to the death. And so I'm hoping that,

That with where we're at, with son understanding what he did, taking his wife's side. I think you got to cut mom off. Well, I think we're getting, it seems to be pointing in that direction. They need to keep working on themselves. And I hope that them taking a stand, not going, if mother-in-law, if she doesn't back down. No, don't go. And then I don't know if she'll ever be in a position to realize with how ignorant this whole post was written, but-

Hopefully that starts to put it in perspective. Like, listen, I don't think there's, you can defend me forever, but I'm, we're going to go to our own thing. Cause you're nuts. Top comment. You're the asshole. You're blaming your daughter-in-law for your son's infidelity. She offended your delicate sensibilities with the proof that he cheated on her, but the cheating's okay.

She didn't almost ruin your son. Your son almost ruined himself. If you need to be embarrassed, be embarrassed by his behavior, not hers. Sheesh. Next comment. Yeah, doesn't seem to have a problem with him exchanging the photos with a co-worker, which, by the way, would harm his career way more. Right.

You're the asshole, 100%. Your dusty ass son sent those messages. She was just the messenger. You are lucky she has forgiven him and not taken him to the cleaners with a divorce. The kind of mental gymnastics you are doing right now to somehow make her the bad guy in this situation is amazing. She reached out to you because you were a safe space for her and instead you blame her and punish her for the actions of your son?

I'm a mother. I get it. You always support your kids, but he screwed up, not her. Punishing her is ridiculous, and I hope your son has learned his lesson, and then he takes his wife's side with this whole thing. Stop shaming your daughter-in-law, who is obviously hurting because of the actions of your son. I'm so curious if there's any comments from this.

So first comment I see from OP, there were no photos. It was all text. And I'm not the only one in the family who has been embarrassed by her sending me those emails. But both of his siblings and my other daughter-in-laws feel the same as well. Feels a little gang mentality here.

I'm sure there were other women in her life she could have gone to without sending me such graphic screenshots. I did not need to see my son saying those things. I did not raise him to think that it's okay to cheat, but I did not need to see what he said to that other woman. No, I'm not okay with what he did, but I maintain that I did not see those messages. Their marital issues should have stayed between the two of them.

He knows I'm disappointed in his actions, but he's not the one who involved me in their problems. Oh my God. It just doesn't stop. I'm going to see if there's an update on the post. I'm scared to refresh. Okay. We do have an edit at the very top, which is surprising considering this is two days old. Overall vote. Top of the post. Banner. Asshole. Nice red box. Edit to add. Thank you everyone for the responses. I'm at...

We just got... Okay. If this... Okay. I'm actually said daughter-in-law who is unfortunately going through this very real situation. I will be printing screenshots from this to give to my mother-in-law as a Christmas present. I'll be sending them with my soon-to-be ex-husband and then promptly handing her son divorce papers when he gets home from their holiday meal.

This whole situation was the final nail in the coffin of our already pretty dead relationship. Every rationale I've given in the comments were things she said to me when I asked her why she was more mad at me for coming to her than she was at her son. Ooh, chills. So again, thank you all. So she found the post. She wrote the post. Oh. She wrote the post pretending to be mother-in-law.

For AMO to provide and say, hey, this is what you're doing. This is what the internet thinks of you, asshole. Also by her saying like, I'll be sending them with my soon to be ex-husband and then giving him papers when he gets home from their holiday meal. So he's still going. He's planning on leaving his wife at home and going to be with his mom. So he's okay with his wife being excluded.

feel bamboozled. I feel Is that a first? Blindsided. I mean, this is, it's two days old. Like I, I've No, I know. Is this a first for you? I think this is the first that someone has flipped the script like this. That's pretty good. I don't like it. I like it. Well, it's a happy ending. Ah,

This is good. Think about how much happier you'll be. I know, but my adrenaline is like coursing through me. I'm like, I almost, I'm just like, okay, I gotta, okay, okay. I'm almost happy that it wasn't the mom writing because it was just so angering. I know that in all reality, that's exactly how she probably would have written it. Yeah. But

Oh God. It's just when people are so ignorant and just so. Cruel, stupid, asshole-ish. I mean. Unhinged. Listen, getting out of this is a good thing. Yeah. This is going to be the weights fall off and you're just moving forward. Fresh, happy, light, inspired. I think it'll be very good for you. I know. And no ages were mentioned here.

I just noticed that. No ages were ever mentioned. And I'm so curious. And it doesn't matter. But the best time to get out of a bad relationship was yesterday. Second best time, today. So it doesn't matter how old you are. It's never too late to find love, your person, a happy family to join. Well, of course. And sometimes...

Being by yourself is better than being with some terrible person. Absolutely. Doesn't mean you'll be alone forever, but in the meantime, be real refreshing. Okay. On to number three. And you can always get a pony. You could get a puppy too. You know, a little German shepherd puppy. But you could get a pony. Under a Christmas tree with a bow on it. Yeah, you can't do that with a pony, but you could put them right outside. Moving on to number three. Okay. Okay.

Moving on to number three, this next one is coming from r slash relationship advice. It is 16 days old, titled, my boyfriend, 21 male, threw away a sentimental souvenir without asking. How can I, 20 female, move on?

Months ago, when my boyfriend and I had been together for about four months, he threw away something that meant a lot to me, and it's still bothering me. For context, I had a souvenir from a trip to Japan hanging on my wall, along with some other posters. It was a fortune slip I received during that trip, and it had a positive message that really meant a lot to me, especially at that time.

My boyfriend is religious and doesn't believe in things like fortunes or tarot readings, which I completely understand and respect. However, he never mentioned how he felt about it or asked me why I kept it. So I was shocked when he ripped it up and threw it away without talking to me first. I rarely let anyone into my room, but I trusted him enough to leave him alone in there.

When he told me what he did, he said that stuff like that is nonsense and bullshit. I tried to explain that it was a souvenir from a trip I took with my brother and that I kept it for the memories. He responded by saying that I'm always sentimental and wanting to hold on to things that he thinks are meaningless. I told him I was surprised that he would do something like that, and his response felt dismissive, like he was challenging me, almost as if he was asking me

What's the big deal? I don't want to make it into a bigger issue, so I just said whatever and moved on. But even now, I still feel hurt because I trusted him enough to have him in my room, and he didn't respect that. I understand his perspective, and I respect his beliefs, but I can't help feeling surprised and disappointed. I forgave him, but from time to time, I still think about it.

How can I address these lingering feelings? And what would be the best way to discuss it with him? Leave. Okay. Like this is way bigger. Come on now. Come on now. I mean. This is trust. This is just a total. Basic respect. Mismatch. It's not working. This doesn't work. It's just really hard because I'm a very sentimental person. You are. But I wouldn't want to be with someone that challenges that all the time.

You know, if you want to be with me, be with me for who I am, which includes possessions that I'm sentimental over or that mean a lot to me. And yeah, I mean, you can get over it. It sucks to lose something like that, but things could be worse. Things could be a lot worse. But to me, it's a trust issue when you can't leave your partner in your room and now you have to go forward thinking like,

oh, if anything means a lot to me, I should hide it. Because if he doesn't believe in it or if he doesn't agree with it, then he'll... Also, why was the ripping up necessary? Like it's very direct, targeted. There was motive. I know. And that's why moving forward, that's why my first statement was be done because you don't need that. No, this was all happening four months in.

They had been together for four months and he felt comfortable enough to go into her room, grab something that was meaningful. It's on a wall next to posters. Clearly displayed. And grab it and rip it up. And then when confronted about it says, oh, you're always sentimental. You always want to hold on to things. You always want to hold on to things that I think are meaningless.

Guess what? It doesn't matter what you think of them. The person you're with, the person you're supposed to at least like, if not grow to love eventually. I don't know, you could be in love after four months even. You are literally so disrespectful and you think your opinion matters more than what they want. So much so that you're going to rip up something that's sentimental from a trip to Japan.

Yeah. That's insane. That to me is one of the bigger red flags to get that in four months. It's a blessing to get that. That's a run. That's a run.

I don't think he likes her. I genuinely think this person, how can you like someone and do this to them? I wouldn't even do this to people I don't like. Yeah. Yeah. To hurt them in such a way. It's clearly on a wall next to posters they find precious and meaningful. And then to be hit with that slap in the face, eh, you're always holding onto things that are sentimental.

You've known me for four months, motherfucker. Yeah. Four months. I've had that fortune cookie longer than I've had you. So shut the fuck up and don't touch my stuff and get out of my life. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like he can do no wrong and he is the alpha and this is just the start of the control.

I'm going to control what you can have and can't have. It's, it's yes. I'm going to throw it away and rip up your shit and I'm not in trouble. It's because you shouldn't have had it in the first place because you're wrong. And what I believe is right. And I am, I will dominate this. I don't know. It's weird. It's extremely, extremely weird. And I do think it's about control. And I think this is one of those early moves that someone does in an abusive relationship to start pushing boundaries. Yeah.

I absolutely think that's the case. I hope the comments got there, please. Top comment. This isn't something you need to forgive. That's wild behavior. I'd say he is probing to see how much bullshit you're willing to take. Just to start. And that was my gut too. Like, I don't know what else this is. It's clearly not love. It's not respect. He must hate. He must hate her. He must hate her.

It's like a weird jealousy. It's just, I don't know. It's manifesting right now though. I know.

Where are we at today? Next comment. I'd break up with someone who told me my rock collection was weird. I have one from every single place I've stayed globally. Admit most of them are from camping in Australia, but still, they don't mean anything to anyone else. But to me, each one is special. OP, he doesn't like you. I'm like sweating. I'm mad. Does she respond? We have no comments from OP. No update.

This is, again, 16 days old at this point in time. Account is still there? Account is there. Very active account. Very active in USPS complaints, subreddit, Canada Post. Come on now. Looking for tickets to the Wallows in Toronto. So this is a Canadian. So also give that context. Canadian traveling to Japan.

That could have been a once in a lifetime, the only time they make it their trip. And he threw away, not even just threw away, because that was the other part of that, right? He didn't just throw it away. He ripped it up so it was unsalvageable. That, to me, some people are going to say I'm off my rocker. It's giving crazy behavior. It's giving screw loose. It's giving psychopath behavior.

Yeah. How is that off your rocker? I don't know. I think some people are going to be like, it's just a fortune cookie. But it's not. It's not to her. It's the principle too. Yes. It physically is just that. I get it. It's words printed on paper, but it's a token of that experience. And it was coupled with the saying on it meaning something. You know, look at all the people that will screenshot sayings and put them as their phone wallpaper because they're

They need that motivation when they wake up the next day or it makes them happy or whatever the case may be. This is just a different version of that. You don't need to hate on things that people... That lift them up. What effect is it having on you? It's just terrible. And how do you not believe in a fortune cookie? It's just a little saying. It doesn't mean it's the word of God. But it's just something that makes people happy. And in this case...

could really motivate someone. Who knows? It depends, you know. It could have been their whole mantra. But let's keep our eyes peeled for any update. Hopefully OP is out there. Maybe here's this. Here's their story being read and gives us something. This post right now only has 434 upvotes. So I think it's kind of flying under the radar of relationship advice. And I hope...

My fingers are tightly crossed that we get an update that she realized how bad this actually was and they broke up. You'd hope. Tightly crossed. But moving along, because this comment thread talks about another post and I haven't read it yet. Okay. It's been on the back of my mind. I've been waiting for an opportunity to do it. And because they mentioned it, it unlocked it for me.

So in this thread, someone goes, did you see that poor post of the poster's family who threw away their rock collection? I have very few moments where I have the urge for a physical violent reaction. That post made me hug my farting hippo to remove the anger. Next comment. Angry isn't even the word to describe how that post made me feel. Let people enjoy their shit, man. Yeah.

And farting hippo. Yeah. I would assume it's a little stuffy. I want one. I, I know like you hug it and it farts. Yes. It sounds really cute actually.

Checking my master spreadsheet. I have not read the rock one yet. So we're going spontaneous. We're mixing it up a little bit, deviating from my plan. We're going off the grid. So here we go. This is coming from r slash relationship advice again titled- R slash rock collection. Titled my 19 female family sold my rock collection when I went to college. What am I supposed to do?

I'm a college freshman, and I'm currently visiting my mom over break. When I got there, I saw a crystal that was in my old room on display, and I asked about it. My mom then told me that the rest was gone after the yard sale. For context, my parents were moving the same time I was getting ready for college, so the house was in chaos, basically. It had a rock collection that I'd been growing for around 10 years, and it cost me over $1,000.

Some were gifts from old friends and family, some I had found in special destinations of significance, and all of them were important to me. Since the collection took up two cabinets, I knew I couldn't take it to my dorm room and decided to pack them up. My brother also likes rocks, so I thought he would be a good fit to look after them while I couldn't, or at least until I decorated my room when my parents bought a house.

Apparently, my brother, 21 male, picked through the boxes and told my mother, 50 female, to sell everything he didn't keep. My aunt and mother took a few each that they liked, but hundreds of rocks were either donated or sold, with none of the profit going to me and without my knowledge.

When I learned this, I broke down into tears. I know they're just rocks, but they brought me a lot of happiness, and I can't believe they're just gone. Writing this out is making me cry again.

My mother feels really sorry, and I don't blame anyone for this, but I'm crushed. How do I deal with this loss and not take it out on my family? I'm not mad at anyone. I just wish I'd explained better or something, and I don't want my family to think I'm angry with them. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, you are angry with your family. You should be mad at them. What do you mean? No one's at fault. What are you talking about? Your brother, at least, is at fault. You packed it up.

Your brother is 100% at fault. Oh my God. What do you... You literally gave your brother the boxes for safekeeping. You said, hey, here's my rock collection in these boxes. Please look after them for me while I'm at college. And your brother decides once you're gone to take those rocks shortly after, mind you, because the yard sale happened shortly after the move.

So this was maybe, what, a couple weeks, if not days, time span. And the brother goes, I'm going to dig through here, take everything good. And then the rest, here you go, mom, sell this shit. How can you not be mad at the mom too? I would say the mom likely did not know the significance. Maybe the mom thought they were the brother's rock since the brother was the one passing off the box. No, you know, okay? If someone... If they're a good involved parent, I think they would know.

Like there's some parents that don't even know what their kids are doing. Like some kids run around lollygagging everywhere. I have the most random stuff that pops up back home. Totally meaningless, random stuff. And I will still get asked, hey, I made a little pile for you next time you're home to go through. It just, the packing them up,

I get not being able to bring him to school. Makes sense. Reasonable. Yeah. But all right, I'm going to pre-pack so that they're ready to go to the next place. And then the very targeted shot of the brother just saying, oh, here we go. It's so deliberate.

I guess maybe I'm letting the mom off the hook easy because Opie does say, like, friends gave me rocks as gifts. Family gave me rocks as gifts. That's what I'm saying. They all knew about the collection. So they all knew, right? I mean, these rocks were displayed in two cabinets in Opie's room. Like, I guess for the mom not to know would be very naive and almost, like, willfully unaware, willfully uninterested in your child's interests.

So to then, I guess, get two big boxes of rocks and crystals and whatever, and to not be like, oh, you know, I wonder if these are Darcy's rocks. Like, I know, you know, she just went off to college, but like, this is kind of, let me call, let me just see. Or I know Darcy likes rocks at least. Maybe I, maybe I ask before I put these in the garage sale.

It's so easy. But there's experience with this within your family and there's many stories about it. Dude. People lack that common sense and or decency to just simply ask. Yeah. It takes zero effort. You just reminded me of that experience and I totally forgot about it. Zero. I totally forgot about this. We let a family member stay at our condo

Um, and we used to have this like amazing Mickey mouse Disney collection. It was my grandma's and she willed it to someone, but it had been in our home still for like 10 years after she passed. And we loved it. I cherished it. Like I would pull like ears out of the collection and wear them to Disney and I would borrow pins and you know, like it, it became our collection. The family member was like, I don't even want it. Like it's yours. It's in your house. It's yours. Um,

And we let this family member come and stay with us. And they took it upon themselves to get rid of practically every single Mickey Mouse thing we had. Oh, I gave it to my cleaning lady. I figured you didn't want it. You were just holding on to it. One, you were...

politely invited into someone's home to stay there because you needed a place to stay. And we happened to be traveling. And so you took it upon yourself to get rid of everything and not just the Mickey collection. Pots of mine, plants of mine, clothes of mine, furniture of ours. It's like it was all in garbage bags. It was insane. And I don't get why people think it's okay to throw other people's stuff away. I mean, right.

It's not really different than this. What the flying? Top comment. Top comment on the post. They quote what OP said. Apparently, my brother picked through the boxes and told my mother to sell everything he didn't want to keep. My aunt and mother took a few that they liked, but hundreds of rocks were either donated or sold with none of the profit going to me and without my knowledge.

When I learned this, I broke down in tears. I don't blame anyone. My mother feels bad, blah, blah, blah, blah. They go, you don't blame anyone for this? I sure would. Your brother is telling your mother to sell them. Your mother for selling them without even discussing it with you first? Why aren't you angry with them? This is horrible, rude, awful behavior from them. Why do you think it is your fault that they acted like this?

I hope at least your mother-in-law and brother have given you back the parts of your collection that they decided to keep and given you some of the money they got for selling the rest. Unhinged behavior. All of the money. And it takes a lot of effort to go through and sell each one of those rocks. It takes no effort to check in.

I mean, it's stealing. It is stealing. It's literally stealing someone's shit and going to the pawn shop. When you put it that way... This is a crime. That's insane. It's just, oh, it's not because it's family and whatever. I want to kick the brother. I know when to blame. I want to kick her too. No, she's a victim. Brother's 21. This is an older brother. There are people to blame. What a little asshole. They have...

I don't know if she's either just the nicest person on the planet or if they have just belittled her to feeling like she has no ground to stand on. Probably also, yeah. But you have people to blame. This is fucked.

Next comment down. My grandparents and parents gave my massive Lego collection to my cousins when I went to college. Supposedly, they lost it all because of an airport issue. Still bitter about that, lol. When I went to grad school, I took pretty much everything of mine with me. I mean, honestly, it's kind of... The last two stories really bring up a little bit of a lesson in you really just got to

Keep track of your own stuff. And if it's special, if it's sent, except for the one in the room, that's obviously in your space hung up. Like you couldn't have done anything. The fortune cookie. Yeah. But keep track of your stuff and keep your stuff with you. The safest place for your stuff is either directly on you, like certain jewelry or...

In like a safe. I know. Because no one will ever respect your stuff like you do. But it's hard as a college kid. Even if it has value or not, it's the value to you that matters. And if something is way high up on that totem pole... Just bring it with, regardless. You got it. Something. I mean, because I'm looking at my life and like, there's a lot that I left at home when I went to college. Yeah. Because I...

I knew it would be safe. Right. And this person, I mean, it doesn't sound like they had any reason to assume it wouldn't be safe. So that's hard. But I'm imagining like, say even you do know when I went to freshman year college, like I would not have been able to afford a storage unit. Like that extra 60 to $300 a month for a storage unit, depending on where I got it. Like that wouldn't have been affordable for me. I would, it would have been impossible. Right.

So it's like, what do you do? I guess it's more if you have any inkling that someone is not trustworthy. Get it out. Just find somewhere. Yeah. A friend, grandma's house, or just somewhere you can just put it on a shelf and know that no matter what, when you come back, it's going to be on that shelf. You know what I mean? Just anyone that's listening, think about anything that you have out somewhere and

And just make sure you keep tabs because it's easy to forget. Yeah. It is. No matter how much it means something to you, it's easy to... I mean, we have a lot of stuff these days. I know. I'm so sad. So someone does comment, OP's reaction screams that they have been invalidated a lot in their family, so much so that they have normalized this. Yeah. Well...

We do have some comments from OP. Okay. OP does respond to that top comment. Why aren't you angry with them? This is unhinged behavior. Honestly, I do have some anger, but I don't want to direct it at them. They're not bad people at all, but so far my mom, the only one I've talked to, has been trying to act like everything is normal again, and it honestly makes me feel worse. They've never done anything like this before. I'm just angry at the whole situation.

Next comment. They stole from you and then sold the stolen goods. Have they given you the proceeds of the sale? I'd say your opinion of them as not bad people is wildly incorrect. Only bad people steal from their child.

OP responds, my parents thought I was giving them away, so they weren't trying to steal from me. It doesn't really change how hurt I am, but it makes me feel bad to have them for it. I'm starting to feel like I'm underreacting, but I'm really conflicted since they provide for me and everything, which I know doesn't justify anything, but still. No, I mean, you can never, never assume. Always just ask. It's so...

So easy. I know. A lot of comments. Like, a lot of comments. People are really just being like, you should blame them. Like, they're trying to get OP to kind of see, like, you are justified in your anger. Your feelings are valid. You should be more mad. And it is really, like, getting there. So someone goes, you should blame them. Don't they have phones and FaceTime? Nobody called you to ask anything about

Your family is incredibly inconsiderate and I'm sorry your collection was destroyed. And OP goes, this is honestly the part that hurts the most to me. It would have taken like two minutes to call me and my parents have taken me to go buy rocks countless times. So I don't understand why they didn't think to second check. Yeah. Yeah. I'm selling the brother shit. What's he got? Sports cards. What? I mean, what this, what does this guy sound like? He has.

A DVD collection. Yes. Video games. I'm selling all that shit. And I'm going on the console and deleting all his progress in any games. Whoops. Oh, you know what? I thought you were just getting rid of them. Ah, darn. Well, since I thought that, I wasn't stealing, so I'm good. And let's just pretend everything's fine now. Insane. We do have an edit.

Edit, my family didn't mean to steal. They just assumed I was giving them away. It wasn't necessarily malicious, but it was definitely wrong. And I think the reason I'm still struggling to be mad is because me and my mom have a really good relationship. She's the person I can always rely on. And I'm really hoping the situation is the misunderstanding I see it as. Thank you for your replies. I haven't had anyone to talk to about it all day since my friends are all busy and the only other people around are my family.

Edit two. My parents are well off, so I don't think they sold them for the money. Any money made was probably put into household funds, and I doubt they made $1,000 off the items. That's just how much I've estimated I've spent. I would also feel guilty to ask them for that much, especially since they are paying for my college. So I'm thinking about maybe asking them to buy something of equivalent value.

I've never had to bargain with my parents, so I'm not sure how this will go down. I'm going to talk to them tonight since my dad is here now. I'm going to take the advice of writing something out to read them. All the people saying I'm a pushover are 100% correct, lol.

But I'm going to try to not be when I talk to them. Listen, why is the brother not implicated? I don't get it. It was so deliberate on his end. He probably made some comments to say, oh, she left him. She doesn't want him anymore. She told me that I could choose whatever I wanted and then to sell the house. This is so malicious. Why is he not paying? Why is he not buying something of equivalent value? Mm-hmm.

He's just like, oh, who? And give me every single rock you plucked from my box. Where are they? Cough them up. Cough them up. And if you sold them, give me the money. I'm selling the shit. I'm telling you right now. Well, we have one last update. Okay. All right. Well. This is probably going to be my final edit.

I just talked with my parents and I used kind of a long speech that included some specific memories I'd connected to the rocks and asked to be compensated financially for the loss. I was crying the whole time, so I'm not sure how much of it they understood. Surprisingly, they're completely willing to pay me back for it and my parents were both completely sorry and admitted it was their fault.

They told me that they were surprised that I didn't want the rocks, but that at the same time, I was giving away other sentimental things like stuffed animals that they thought I would have kept. Because of this, they didn't think to call me to confirm since the times they had with other things, I had agreed. They said they're going to get everything back from my aunt and brother. My mom has already rounded up what she took, and they want to take me rock shopping the rest of the weekend that I have together with them.

This has been such a chaotic day for me, and I never expected so many people to reach out. For those suggesting it, I am looking into therapy. I think that my issues with confrontation and social pressure in general warrant some professional help. My dad actually notes that he was proud of me for bringing it up to them in the way I did. I'm going to be a combination of mad and sad for a while, but now it isn't all stuck inside of me.

Thank you to everyone for pushing me to talk to them up front. I probably wouldn't have done it without the help. Yeah, parents are redeemable, but I, you know what? I'm very unsettled. Very unsettled. I'm pissed. You know, you threw my very special memory connected rocks. And yeah, we're going to get some new ones and that's great. Thank you. But what about the goddamn brother? I don't get it.

Is he the golden child and just gets away with whatever he wants? Older. Because why is he not mentioned? Older brother, maybe firstborn boy, golden child.

But it's giving that OP still has a good relationship with a parent. I'm good with the parents now. I don't know. Parents, they're fine. Yeah, it is. Should have called, but now they're redeeming themselves. It is odd. There's no mention of the brother. I'm going to look at OP's account and see if anything else was posted on the account since this. Not seen any other mention of the brother.

Not in the comments. Not really in any of OP's comments is the brother addressed. So I'm not sure. I feel like I'm just like being gaslit. I feel like I'm totally misunderstanding. How do you think OP felt? I mean, I'm so thankful for Reddit, especially with this one, because...

Obviously, this person has a history of brushing off their feelings and not addressing things. Oh, no, it was big. Sweeping things under the rug. So for Reddit to come through and be outraged enough that this person is like, okay, wait. Oh, oh, oh. Okay, yeah, I am valid. I should be mad. Yeah. So much so they prepare a written speech. And how much courage did that take? And to then have the parents be like,

apologetic versus gaslighting. And saying proud, saying they're proud. Dad's proud. They still were a little maybe brush offy, like we thought you wouldn't care because you're getting rid of stuffed animals. Yeah, stop justifying. Still trying to justify, but stop. Just apologize. But they are kind of on their redemption arc of going rock shopping and getting everything they can back. It's very...

wild to me though that they're like we're gonna get everything back from your aunt and your brother like we'll do that versus like the brother being like damn i'm sorry like here is everything like the brother is on my shit list definitely getting coal definitely getting coal this year we'll buy you five thousand dollars of rogues they better they better plan a nice vacation take her gold mining

That, see, that would be cool. I want to go gold mining. I would love to do that. Not like gold panning. I want to go gold mining. I want to be hitting the wall of that cave or of the mine. Someone told me some crazy stat the other day and I didn't look it up, but someone was like, there's still like, I don't remember how much they said and I'm just not even going to put myself in that.

I mean, there's trillions and trillions and trillions of dollars worth of gold in the oceans. It's just too expensive to, you know, get out because it's so spread out and so small. Yeah. You need like a gold hoard. You need like a big deposit. Well, and so like someone was the other day talking about like gold mines in California and how there's an abundance of money left in the mines. And so I'm trying to Google like to find how much gold is left in California. Yeah.

There are approximately 47,000 mine sites. I mean, honestly, think how many more places there could be. There could be right under this building. Nevada has the most open pit mines left in the U.S. You can go pan for gold in parks. Hands and pans only. Yeah, you pay a little fee and go. I don't even think you have to pay a fee. It looks like you just go. Only hands and pans, though. No dynamite. Well, I don't want dynamite. I want that, you know, the...

Yeah. That's crazy. As of 2021, the World Gold Council's data suggests approximately 50,000 metric tons of gold are in known reserves. They just found one of the largest gold deposits in like modern times. Gold is so cool. I think it's worth up to like...

78, 82 billion or something. They just found a whole big, yeah. Damn. That's the largest ever found. Yeah. That is quite wild. Yeah. Okay. I know we're probably feeling a little unsettled out there, but moving along. Okay. So this next one is coming from r slash relationships. It is titled my 28 female boyfriend, 30 male erased the whiteboard. I had my novel timeline on.

Three years. I've been working on my novel for about a year. I write every day, even just a sentence. Six months ago, my college switched to smart boards and put all of their whiteboards in the garbage. I grabbed two because I have a huge wall space open in my living room. Most of my writing is done on my Google Drive, but I have things like character personalities, names, places, a general timeline, etc. You know, stuff I want to remember. I've been writing for a long time,

I used to take photos of it so I had my ideas with me. I used to write on my lunch break. I stopped doing that because I burned myself out and my writing quality takes a huge dive. Plus, my boyfriend helps me write and it helps us connect in such a deep way. So I haven't taken a photo in about three months. The whiteboards are nice because I can read my notes across the room while I'm sitting in my favorite chair.

I got home last night and all of my stuff was erased. It was all train of thought, like I'd come home and jot something down. Handwriting is way more cathartic for me. I had sketches of things in the novel. I'd basically have to go through and remember every single thing on it. I have a lot of it stored in my head or on my Google Drive, but there are some things I'll never get back. But it's the fact he erased it.

We don't live together. He told me I've been focusing too much on it and I have no time for him. We hang out at my house five, six nights a week. I write while he plays video games. It's a good dynamic and I thought we enjoyed it. We are always laughing and he helps me with my wording and I Google stuff to help him in his game. This is the first time he's mentioned it bothering him. If

If he had brought it up, we could have just talked about it. But he went nuclear, and I have no idea why. I don't know what to do. I'm so frustrated. We have had one serious argument over his driving. He got better. My family took him on vacation a few weeks ago. We watch his nephew all the time. His family paid for my entire spring semester. We are so much a part of each other's lives, and I feel so hurt and heartbroken."

He's my muse. And just the other day, we went to the jewelry store to look at rings. My feelings rotate between rage, sadness, confusion, sorrow, anger, everything. How do I even approach this? Last night, I was so upset, I asked him to leave. He hasn't texted. He hasn't called. He hasn't stopped by. I keep typing in questions to ask, but I keep erasing them. Quote, why did you do it?

Quote, are you unhappy with our relationship? Quote, what did I do? I'm even more heartbroken due to the fact he hasn't called or texted all day. I'm afraid to call him. I don't want to hear him say he thinks we should break up or he doesn't want to be with me when I'm writing or just ignore my call. No rings. No rings. Not right now. Nope.

Doesn't matter what you've done together. It doesn't matter how long you've been together. It doesn't matter if you just went on vacation with the family. None of that matters. A lot of people use that to justify actions of their partner or to keep staying together even though things are falling apart and there are all the signs that they shouldn't. But listen, look at what just happened.

I don't understand why people deliberately attack their partner. Why are you trying to tear the person down? Because you hate them. You should be the one literally physically under them, pushing them up, lifting them up as high as you can. Why are we attacking them? I understand sometimes you need to have conversations and say, hey,

I think we could work on this. I think it would be better if you could help out more with this. That's not attacking. That's trying to come together and work together as a team to get better. And you're all waiting for it. Communicate. This is terrible communication. You're with a very, very immature boy who can't express their feelings to you,

without a deliberate attack on you by, oh, I'm going to go nuclear and I'm going to erase all your shit knowing you're not going to remember it. And I'm going to try and like mess you up versus, hey, do you think we could sit down and talk about something? I've just, I've been feeling like you, you know, your focus is so dedicated to this and I would just appreciate if maybe, you know, we could take a little more time for us. Do you think we could work that in?

No, because you're with some immature boy who thinks, oh, well, I'm kind of sick of my video games. He's 30. Let's get that. Like, he is 30. A 30-year-old immature boy. I think, like, I don't even want to give him that credit, that cop-out of calling this 30-year-old man a boy. He is an insecure person.

Oh, God, what other negative words can I use? My brain is exploding with rage. All I see is like that little inside out character, the little red guy running around my control room hitting buttons right now. And then there's anxiety in the corner of like, say something really good, Morgan. But I'm just like, I don't want to give him that cop out because he is 30. He should be able to communicate on a basic human level by the age of 30.

Would you treat a friend like this? No? Then why are you treating the partner that you love like this? What? What is going on in his head? And I agree. If this bothered him, he should have been able to communicate it.

But it would be so different if this person was writing and every single time he came over, you know, the five to six nights a week as they're writing, he's sitting there twiddling his thumbs. But he's not. He's playing video games. Why didn't he say anything? Did he not want to play the video games? Or why all of a sudden this came out of nowhere? It's the fact that this has never bothered him before. They even write together sometimes.

And he went from zero to 100 versus communicating. Yeah, it's a trust issue. It's the same as ripping up the fortune. It's trust. Let's get into the comments. My little red man is just button, button, button, button. Also, can we talk about how good Inside Out 2 was? It was so good. Top comment. Holy crap.

As a fellow writer, I'd be livid if I were you. Quote, this is the first time he's mentioned it bothering him, which is what OP said. If this is true and he jumped straight to sabotage, this is fucked up. It's messed up regardless because I'm sure your boyfriend knows how important this work is to you. Like for him to not try to talk to you about this after three years is mind boggling. Who does that?

Text him the dreaded, we need to talk message. Ask him when he's available and have him come over to use his words like a goddamn adult. Also, take his key away or change your locks if you don't want that to be upfront about it. He lost his privileges.

To be honest though, in all sincerity, I don't know if this is something I can move past. It comes off as so cruel. He knew exactly what he was doing and he chose to go into your home when you weren't there because he knew he was doing something wrong. He either knows he fucked up or he feels as though he's in the right. And that's why he hasn't reached out to you. I'm shocked and appalled on your behalf, OP. And that's the other side of this. No call, no text, nothing.

I don't know what reaction he was expecting to get, but it's pretty safe to say that when someone kicks you out of their house and asks you to leave, they're upset. Yeah, he's pouting. He's pouting over the fact she's upset. He's not sitting there realizing, oh, shit, I better fix this. I better make amends. I better blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that to me, I'm not sure what's worse.

And a lot of people are going to be like, erasing the whiteboard. Duh. But is erasing the whiteboard worse? Or is now that you know this person is upset and hurt, you're stonewalling them. You're not reaching back out, trying to apologize and make it right. You're not coming over with flowers saying, hey, I am deeply sorry. How about the combination? And her biggest fear is getting the we should break up text. I know. I mean...

This is a pretty, pretty real, like, reveal of character. Huge. I mean, this is, I'd be done. Three years, I don't care, I'd be done. This is like, I think by the time we were three years in, I was just starting the podcast because we met 2018.

And I was basically, you know, three years in, I'd be into the podcast, spending basically all my time trying to get it off the ground and make it, you know, what it was going to be. And that would be you who had access to my YouTube channel because you helped me build it. You helped me time and, you know, again, here and there and whatever, like the podcast would not exist without you.

But that would be like you logging onto the YouTube and deleting it, deleting the TikTok because you felt I was putting too much time into it and not enough time into us. I was doing the opposite. That's insane behavior. Late-ass nights in the studio. This could be the next, I don't know, the next Hunger Games. This could be the next huge book. This could be ACOTAR in the making. And you just erased the whiteboard that had irreplaceable

unimaginable again details because you felt a little neglected. Yeah. No. I mean, I can speak to that side of it a little bit as a creative where I have had fully finished songs or scores, you know, whatever it is.

And through something with hard drives or just files, just something stupid. It is gone. Fully gone. And you spent hours crafting every single sound. And it's not like you can just recreate it. No. Because the process and the creativity to get to what it was. Juices don't flow all day. But what I will say, for her sake, yeah, some of those ideas may be gone forever. Yeah.

But when you go in and you do it again, there's a reason you're at where you're at. And there's a reason that you're even on this journey in the first place. You are going to get there again. Whatever you lost, you'll get there again. And it's not necessarily going to be better. It could be, but it's not going to be worse. You're not going to come up with worse things. So

Yeah, it really sucks. And I've been there many times. I know what it feels like. But just if you hear this, I think you'll come up with the same good or even better ideas. And it's just going to be part of the story. But don't let this guy near this shit ever again. Come on now. No. It's once someone shows you that.

Not again. No. Too risky. No, absolutely not. And all the comments, you know, they really, they say that. This is unbelievably fucked up. I hate your boyfriend right now.

Remember in Little Women when Amy burned Joe's book because Joe wouldn't let her come to the theater with her? That was pretty messed up. But ultimately, Amy was a child and she would grow up to be better. Your boyfriend can't do better than the most hated March sister. He's showing you that when he doesn't get his way, he will punish you and destroy the things you care about. Anyone that will punish you and destroy things you care about does not love you.

That is not someone you want to be with. Because even if that is their twisted thought that that's love, punishment is love. That's wild. That's unsafe, unhealthy, and you don't deserve that. It's completely unjustified. That's not love. It's not love. That is a cry for that person needing help. And to go bye-bye. OP responds to that.

I actually haven't read Little Women, but I ordered it for my Kindle. It's just so out of the blue. Part of me wonders if there's something going on with him beyond what he said. I don't know. Another person responds, this is really fucked up. As a fellow writer, I honestly would have broken down. That's so much work just down the drain because you wanted to get your work completed. It's ridiculous. Honestly, if it were me, I'd have a fist fight with the guy after I've stopped crying over the destroyed work.

It goes on. It's really long. Like definitely take the key away. There's no doghouse or you can get this back when you earn it about it. I've personally been in a situation where I've had my old novella notebooks used in a grill fire. And with truth, I've never accepted the apologies. The person isn't even a friend to me anymore.

Not saying you should dump him or break ties with him in general. Oh, not at all. However, I do say there should be a conversation about the relationship in here somewhere. If he can't handle you being immersed in something you've put years into, something you love, he's not ready to date any type of creator. And to be honest, it's scary that he honestly thought that destroying anything that looked remotely important was the best thing to do in this situation. Absolutely insane. I just could never trust again.

And I cannot imagine being with someone I couldn't trust. And what's scarier is OP's response. OP goes to say, back to that comment, he stood there and he seemed so, I don't know, proud, happy, vindicated. I've had my jaw drop once before in my entire life to the ventriloquist girl who was on America's Got Talent, LOL.

I didn't know it was an actual feeling of shock slash awe. It did last night, right before I blanked out and woke up face down in my bed asking him to leave. Yeah, I had no more words. Well, we have an update that was posted three months later. Justin's holding up his divorce sign. Yeah.

It's been about three months since I made my post. This somehow seems like it got really long. The night I made my post, I went to a friend's house and she ordered a pizza. We got ice cream and a bottle of wine. She's a straight shooter, takes a neutral approach, and gives solid relationship advice, so I felt comfortable talking to her about everything. She couldn't figure out why he'd done it. We went over how he and I hung out, how much he seemed to care about me, how we looked into each other's eyes—

But it also revealed a lot of hesitation on my part. I'm a positive person and I tend to forgive faults or overlook them. I suspect it's some sort of coping method from my childhood. We had some unresolved issues I think he was holding in. But when I would bring them up, he'd just kind of get salty and go, it's fine, I don't care anymore. But then he would bring them up in arguments. I didn't realize how toxic it was.

That same night, I told him I was coming over the next day to talk about things. I told him I'd be over around 11, and the only thing he texted me was, okay, which I didn't respond to. I went over to his house at 11, and he was still asleep. He got upset when I woke him up. I took the wind out of my sails. On a good day, I cry if something upsets me, but I was so angry and heartbroken, I couldn't even think.

I left without saying a word to him. He didn't follow me. On my way out, I went to the kitchen and took my house key from his key ring. I drove home in a daze, collected all of his things, put them in a box on my porch, and texted him to come get them. He said, quote, what the hell? That's fine. I'll come by later and pick them up. I went out with a few girlfriends. We got day drunk and had some amazing food. It made me feel better when I got home and as things were gone, I was heartbroken.

I never texted him. He never texted me. I got absolutely no closure. And even though people say closure is bullshit, I've had the hardest time moving on. It's been three months and I still cry in the shower sometimes. Even though I broke up with him, I still feel so confused and heartbroken. I never figured out why he did what he did. I likely never will. And I miss his help and companionship.

I'd love to come here and say I finished my book, but I haven't written much since. I can't get into my characters' heads anymore. There's a feeling of loneliness and grief that's sort of helped me create a better outline, but I can't write about my characters.

The other day, I went to the bookstore to study. I ended up looking at books related to time travel and found one that has thousands of positive reviews. My novel is science fiction, and I've been trying to think of how to incorporate time travel, so it kind of lined up perfectly. It turns out a lot of my ideas mirror theoretical physics. It's eerie.

I've never taken physics or read about it. Suddenly, string theory makes sense. Cosmology makes sense. I'm blown away, and it makes me feel so weird that so much of my plot has been studied so in-depth. The book has lit a fire under me.

Reading more about everything makes me so excited and it helped me really flesh out my plot. I can't put it down and I've read 20 or so pages a night. I haven't actually made time to sit and read a book for years. I always have a notebook with me, so now I write my ideas down. I haven't written about my characters yet, but my passion is coming back. My plot is making more sense.

Now, I don't care much about how we broke up. I'm not confused. I sometimes get sad at night or during the day if I go out and make prolonged eye contact with a guy. I haven't thought about dating, and I'm still too hurt to pursue it. But every day, I move on a little bit more. I wanted to thank everyone who gave me advice. I forgot about my post until now, and when I went back through and read it, it made me realize how seriously messed up it was, and it gave me closure. Thank you.

Perfect. For those that are listening on audio, Justin has been frantically waving the therapy or divorce sign around and it was a sight to behold. So maybe pop over to YouTube just to see that if you want. Gotta love a happy ending. Yeah. Because listen, you know, us creatives, we're fragile. We're fragile. And sometimes it...

If big things happen in your life, big changes, it does really affect, you know, whatever you're working on. Yeah. And what, it's amazing how one little, even little things can just throw you off in the whole day. But there's so much about this that I love. All the theoretical physics, amazing.

Maybe we add some time dilation. I mean, as someone who just went and saw Interstellar again in theaters for their 10-year anniversary, 70 millimeter IMAX. It was insane. Listen, I could talk about that for an hour. We won't go down that road. If you guys want to experience a good movie again and you haven't seen it in a while, go watch Interstellar. But string theory, I mean, I want to read this book.

Please finish it. I love that your inspiration is coming back. Yeah. And you know, if you want to talk about any theoretical physics and how string theory can implement, you know, Justin's over here. I'm here. I'm here. Okay. No pressure. Well, the thing is about this post, this post is seven years old. So OP, if you're out there, if your book has since been published, please let us know.

Well, goddamn. I know. I'm looking at the account. And last post on the account was from seven years ago. Listen, how many upvotes and whatever did this post get? Looking at the initial post on r slash relationships, 788. Okay, listen. You got 788 people that are invested in your story.

Come back and give an update if the book came out. Give an update. You got 700, I mean, hopefully 788 readers. You definitely got one right here. I know. Let the people know.

I just want to give a little shout out to direct caterpillar 77. Um, this is coming from best of Redditor updates. This person is the top 1% poster, a huge Boru contributor, um, DMS and PMs are open for Boru suggestions. So our two hot takians out there, please, you know, send direct caterpillar, any good posts and updates you see, but, um,

This is definitely one from the archives that they dug out. Oh, wow. Yeah, this is coming from 24 days ago on Boru. But this post, again, seven years old. So thank you, DirectCaterpillar77. It's like a internet password. I know, it really is. It really is. But OP, again, if you're out there, let us know about your book, okay? Hit us with the book. Hit us with the book. Give us the deets. We love a good book.

I'll read another. I haven't, I don't know. I don't think I've read a book since college. We love a good book, but okay. Moving along. I think I'm going to give you a choice on this last one. No, no. I think so. They're both two very good stories. I'm just torn over which to choose. Okay. Option number one. Am I the asshole for agreeing to wear my mother-in-law's wedding dress for my wedding?

Or option number two, my best friend, 29 female, tried to sabotage my marriage and I don't know why. I'm going to time travel and listen to the people. Okay. People have spoken. What do the people say? The first one? Yep. If you're yelling at me right now, it's okay. All right. You know. Okay. All you have number one. Number two, we'll be headed over to Patreon. Are you, what? I'm just. You're torn.

Since you put it on me, can I put it on a coin? Sure. Okay. You can put it on a coin. I'm always down for a coin flip. No one can be mad or blame me. Okay. What are you assigning to heads? Number one. The wedding dress. Okay. We put a lot of big life decisions to coin flips. It's somewhat concerning. That's okay. That's why Justin has literally a coin app on his phone. Tails. Tails.

Tales it is, my best friend, 29, female, tried to sabotage my marriage, and I don't know why. The coin is spoken. Okay. So coming from r slash relationship advice, 22 days old, my female, 29, best friend, female, 29, tried to sabotage my marriage, and I don't know why.

So I met my best friend Sarah and husband, 31, when I was 11. I just moved to a new country with my family, and my now sister-in-law introduced me to Sarah, 29. Now that we're adults, we share some friends, but we each have different groups to do different things.

So I'm usually working in the office from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m., and I have a 30-minute break that I usually take to have my second breakfast, and sometimes I go to my husband's office. It's a five-minute walk or a cafe near my job. Sometimes I have to work out of my office or go to another city. Every now and then, I mention to Sarah if I have to travel for work during the week in casual conversations.

Last week, I had to travel for work on Wednesday, but Tuesday night, there was a red alert about the weather the next day, so my work thing was canceled and I stayed home with my two-year-old. My husband went out at 6 a.m. to make sure his business was closed and put up some flood protection, and by 7.30 a.m., he was back at home making breakfast.

It didn't start raining until 1 p.m. At 3 p.m., Sarah sent a message asking if I was at home already because it was flooding where I was traveling, and I just texted back, home safe. We literally didn't go out until Friday. Saturday, Sarah and I go to the same gym class. She told me we needed to talk in private, so we went to my car, and she told me, basically,

Quote, on Wednesday, I saw your husband with a woman and they were making out and your kid was in the car. I was frozen a bit, but then I remembered that I was working from home with my husband and my baby for two days. I realized she was lying, but I didn't understand anything. I asked three times if she was sure it was this week's Wednesday and she confirmed it three times.

I asked her about the time and she said about 11 a.m. I asked if it was during the red alert and she said yes. I asked her if she was 100% sure and she launched into a whole description of my husband making out with a gorgeous blonde Barbie lookalike blonde girl in his car in front of our kid near his office during the red alert. So he was putting my son at risk and cheating in front of him.

I told her my work thing was suspended because of the red alert, and we were both home the whole time it was activated. She tried to say she got confused with the days, but she confirmed it three times. I told her to leave, and she left running. I went home and did the whole betrayed spouse house search thing.

There was no hidden phone. I have all the passwords to every device in this house. Not lack of trust. It's because I manage a part of his business and he's bad with passwords. Even looked after hidden emails. And the only thing he was hiding was his paranormal podcast he listens to sometimes. That night, I told my husband what was going on. And he denied ever cheating and even worse, disrespecting his own son in that way. I believe him 100%.

There wasn't a change in his behavior or routine. He gave up his phone right away, and I told him I already checked everything in our house, and he told me to check his car then. We decided to call Sarah together. She picked up on the third call, and she was crying. I told her to just tell me why she lied. She swore she wasn't lying, but she told me she got confused with Monday.

I told her Monday our son was in daycare and we had breakfast during my break. So at what time did my husband go to take our son out of daycare, go pick up this girl to make out in front of her, in front of our baby, and then back to daycare for me to pick him up and then also have breakfast with me? She cried more and told me she didn't know. So my husband told her to cut the shit and just tell us why she was lying. She said she was sorry and hung up and then had the audacity to block us.

I told the friends we had in common with her, and everyone is mad and can't explain what happened to her. She's not picking up the phone, but sent a message back saying she was sick. Some of them asked her why she was lying, and she blocked them too. Someone even called her mom, and she is just as shocked. Nobody understands what's going on. I thought maybe it was a crush, but my husband never liked her that much, so he didn't pay attention to her.

She isn't even added to his socials because she never liked her when Sarah was his sister's friend or when she then became my friend too. They don't interact unless it is necessary. So to say she got a crush so big she thought it was worth it to try to break up a family?

I do know she sometimes gossips a little too much, or sometimes she talks about things that she shouldn't, but I never thought it would develop into something this big. I had this girl at my side for really hard moments. I had her back when she needed me. She was one of the first people I told about my wedding and pregnancy. I loved this girl since we were little. I just don't understand, and she is not talking to anyone."

Uh, yeah, this is absolutely crazy. She's got a hater. This is like a huge fear of mine. I mean, this one, fortunately, it happened when she knows and she knew right away that she was lying. If it happens at a time where maybe, yeah, it made sense that you're, that he had the son and made sense that he wasn't home, then it's,

Her crazy ass versus my word or his word. And what do you do? All of a sudden, you have this huge issue with your partner. You've done nothing wrong. And they're a very close friend that would never lie to them. They've been friends since they were 11. And I'm so fearful of this because...

How do you then, if you don't, like what physical proof would you actually have if he hadn't been home in this red alert? What actual physical proof? What if you didn't have anything? I mean, we've had a story like this. A couple was married. One of her friends was a psychic. Her friend told her her husband was cheating on her. She believed him. The family even believed that he was cheating. They hired a P.I.,

PI found no proof of cheating and he had begged her. He had begged her, please, I'm not cheating. Believe me, believe me. He tried for months. She didn't believe him. So family hired a PI. PI proved he wasn't cheating. Her parents offered to buy them a house if he stayed with her and he still couldn't. I mean, weird shit like this happens. So it is very, very

Like she could have ruined their lives with this lie. And for what? That's, I mean, that's the question. For what? What's the motive? Are you just bored? Are you just the unemployed friend on a Tuesday that is wanting to, I mean, maybe? Jealous? You want the husband? It's gotta be something. Oh my God. Do you remember that one story we read at a live show?

And it was like, I'm in love with my best friend's husband. Yeah. And I want to do something about it. Yeah. It's giving the flip side of that. That, God, oh, that story was so crazy. It is, but it's also not shocking, right? It's not shocking that that happens, but this one with no clear reasoning and then also just kind of destroying your own life.

Right? You're now losing this friend you've had forever that- And other friends too. And she, you know, you were the first one that got told when all these major life events, like you're throwing that away for what? And now anyone else, like, yeah, they have the right to tell everybody. I would be telling everybody. And now all those people, when they don't agree with your super very weird action, now you're blocking all of them too.

You're self-destructing. I mean, my mind goes to... The blocking everyone is aggressive. At this point, I would be very concerned. I would be like, what is happening with you? Mental health crisis. Do you need help? Yeah. I start to get really concerned because it's so out there. And it could be that. It could be she's going through something really intense and... That's what I mean. And so I'm just like... Wants her friend back. Yeah. And it's just...

You know, the one that's more makes more sense is the friend that is obsessed and in love with her friend's husband. Yeah. That makes more sense of like, okay, her being so in love to do something like this, like that computes. Yeah, it's crazy, but it computes. This for me, all of a sudden, I'm just like, I'm concerned. Yeah. Yeah.

Top comment on this one. One, she wants you to be single so you're free to hang out with her. Two, she wants your husband to be free. Why though?

Three, she wanted to stir up drama. Right. Four, she was mistaken regardless of her reason. She's not a good friend and you're right to distance yourself from her. For sure. Next comment down. Misery loves company? Jealousy seems to be the most logical explanation here. This is the kind of shit I see my mom doing. Just making up shit about other people in order to stir up shit because she's so miserable in her own life. Yeah.

I mean, that's very true. There's people that love drama and then there's a whole nother level of people that love to just create drama out of thin air just to mix it up. Well, we have an update. Okay. So I got the truth finally and it was far more stupid than I thought.

So Sarah's mom told me to come to her house for a conversation with Sarah and to bring a friend as a buffer. I went for closure. She apologized a lot, but I literally had to interrogate her to give me reasons, and I finally got them. She lied because she was mad that I missed our girls' trip.

a five girls group for the second time. Once because I had a two month old baby and this year because I had to work during August and it was the only month everyone else was free. Okay. So both reasons had nothing to do with your husband.

What? Here, I need to pause you because what logically makes you think that attacking her relationship with her husband is going to free her up? She's still got a baby. One obligation was for the kid and the other was for work, neither of which had anything to do with her husband. If anything, the husband would help her make girls trips. Sorry, I just feel like we're two brains. No, no, no. I mean, we're one brain. No, I'm not upset. I'm saying yes, like...

That helps your cause because he could watch the kid while you're on the trip. Yeah, you're smart. He could help. I don't know how you can help in the work situation, but you're smart. None of it relates to the husband. So you're dumb. I traded my vacations for December slash extra days they owed me. So I will be out of the country from December to January 10th and miss her birthday in December and other winter activities in January.

Her reasoning was that if I thought my husband cheated, she was sure I would leave, but he wouldn't let me take my son abroad for too long without him, so I would be forced to stay, but would be able to travel during my husband's custody time. This is psychotic. She was just being mean and selfish because of a trip that I missed and a birthday. She thought it would be okay to break my son's family so she can have all of her friends for attention.

I told her to never contact me again and to avoid me everywhere. Yep. My friends are aware to not invite me to things if she is going to be there, but everyone is mad at her, so she is the one not being invited. Good. This is painful as hell.

I would have been able to forgive and work on things if she was having a mental health issue or drug problems. I actually sent her mother recommendations for mental health professionals during the week. Almost 20 years of friendship down the drain. I treat my closest friends like family because, apart from my husband's family, I only have my sister in this country. I make time for them, pay attention, and help them when I can.

I thought she wanted the best for me as much as I wanted the best for her. Yeah. But lesson learned, I guess. Yeah. It really sucks to lose longtime friends. But when you do, generally, there's a reason. And again, it goes back to what I said earlier, whether it's a relationship, friendship, whatever dynamic of relationship it is.

Sometimes, yeah, you outgrow it, but sometimes there's a reason they end. Yeah. And it's for the better. It doesn't take away from the 20 years of amazing friendship, or at least it shouldn't. No. Yeah, it colors it, but really this is a one-off. I know we're not being friends in the future, which I think is the right move after something like this, but it doesn't take away from what you guys did have, right? You had amazing times through high school, college, all of this stuff.

And that's great. But now it just doesn't make sense. And because you had all that does not make it, you shouldn't make an excuse for this because of the history. Yeah. And a lot of people would, right? A lot of people would be like, I don't want to throw 20 years of friendship down the drain, but, you know, chalk those great years up for what they were great. But now you guys have just outgrown each other. She is someone who has not grown mentally enough.

Clearly, she thinks it's okay to ruin a family for her own selfish reasons, a girl's trip and her birthday. You're going to have many more birthdays, girl. And guess what? Your birthday is going to be real lonely now. Real lonely now. Great job. Did you think your friend was just going to take you at your word and not investigate her husband? Like, did you think she was going to be like, oh my God, thank you for telling me. Here's divorce papers, babe.

No, no one would do that. She met her husband the same time she met you, 11 years old. This is someone she's probably been friends with or deeply connected to, same amount of time, and she's married to him with a kid. Who do you think it's going to be at the end of the day? Where was the rationale in this? And for what? We said, for what? For a girl's trip and a birthday party, she needs to have a hobby.

A few hobbies. Yeah. Therapy. Therapy as well. Yeah. Justin's holding his therapy sign again that he threw on the ground after one of the last stories. I mean, for her own sake. Yeah. In her own life, let's not make moves like this and cherish friendships for what they are because it sounds like you just threw away a friend that would have done anything for you. Yeah. So. One of our friends made that. It's not hurt.

And I think our friend that made it would appreciate my use of it. That's true. Well, I think this episode is a great learning lesson for all of us. Do not be friends. Do not date. Do not have family in your life that hate you. Like, bottom line.

Life is real short and it is too short to have anyone in your life who is secretly one of your biggest haters. And when people show you who they are, believe them, believe them. Which, speaking of friends, I will give you a reason why you also should never date someone that hates you. Because let me tell you, real love is out there. I dated a lot of haters.

a lot of my biggest haters I dated. Justin had already been planning this, but I then read that crochet advent calendar, or maybe it spurred the idea even more. I don't know the exact timeline of that for you. Well, I'll just say it, it...

gave me the final push to really commit to really do it yeah so Justin has put together an advent calendar for me this December we started on December 1st and we go until December 25th an extra day an extra day I

I've been posting what they are on Instagram. I got to update the people. But each day has been something like really cute and really special and just like showing how much he like listens and appreciates and loves me. And day 10 was a custom collage shirt. Kind of like this one even. Kind of like his Cooper one from Interstellar.

But you know those like band shirts where they have like the collage of all like the people, whether it's Taylor Swift, Mudang, whatever. He did one of My Pony and it is the cutest thing in the world. It turned out so good. But the best part or like maybe, I don't know, maybe it's tied. He wrote a card from

from the pony to me. And I was bawling. It was the cutest thing I think I've gotten in years. And so to be seen is to be loved and you should settle for nothing less but to be seen. So love is out there and do not settle. Do not waste your time settling at all. Okay.

That is all I have, friends. I have a couple more stories from this. You must hate them or there's hate involved here. Again, I don't know what I'm calling it yet, but I have a couple more stories from this theme. One, you read the title. What? One, you already read the title to. What is it? And the one, the options, the option one.

What was option one? The wedding dress. The dress. Oh, yes. Wedding dress will make it there. There's another one that just makes me want to rage about a dad making his son cry. And I will be introducing you, if you join, if you're on Patreon this month for December, I'll be introducing you to my editor, Jenna. Jenna and I recorded some Patreon stories earlier, so she got a few from that theme earlier.

And she had some pretty good takes. The free story for December also includes Jenna. So come on over, even if, you know, things are tight and you don't want to spend any extra money. Totally fine.

Come on over. Free stories. There's a lot of really good ones, actually. And two for December, I believe. So come on over and join us. But thank you guys so much for being here. I'm working on a holiday theme, Naughty or Nice or something along those lines. I might have a very special guest for it, but it's going to be really, really good. So stay tuned. And other than that,

Thanks again. Love you all. Until next time. Until next time. Bye. Bye.