191: Complicated Challenges.. Ft. Michelle Khare
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Okay, are you ready? I'm so excited. I am too. I've been waiting for this one since I met you at the YouTube Summit. Oh my gosh, I loved meeting you there. We had so much fun and I feel like

I wasn't coming from a creator background when I got into all this. I'm just like a little normal person. And so going to events like that, it can be hard sometimes to like make friends or connect with people. And you are just one of the nicest, most genuine people I've come across on this journey. So thank you so much for being here.

Oh my gosh. I'm really excited. I had so much fun in New York. I know. We were out until like 4 a.m. We closed the bar. We closed the bar down. That was crazy. I literally, I was so tired the next day and I had like engagement shoot photos and I was like,

What did I do? I forgot. You went into an engagement photo shoot. And then me, Shane, and Ian, we just got like all three of us like schlepped our way to JFK and flew off. I'm so jealous. The photos are no good, though. You look so good. I still have to pick them, but they're coming along. But yeah, it was a really fun weekend. And I met you, got exposed to your content, which...

If you're not familiar with our guest today, I am so happy to be introducing you to her. This is Michelle Carre.

Hi. Michelle has an amazing channel. You do a lot of challenges and your channel's challenge accepted, really. And the first video I watched of Michelle's was her submerging herself into a tank like Harry Houdini, locked up, trying to pick locks and get herself out from underwater while hanging upside down. And I was like having secondhand anxiety. It was so intense. Yeah.

And so watch Michelle's content. You've done a little bit of everything, which we'll kind of get into today. But okay, I've got quite the assortment for you. I don't know what I'm calling this theme yet. It's kind of like

challenge denied because these people are just not doing their challenges very well. But we'll see what I end up calling it. And I'm so excited to be here because I have loved your podcast for a long time and you have such an amazing voice. I was like,

I was driving on the way here. I was like, I need to like have a cough drop or something because Morgan has such a smooth voice. You need to like be a voice actor and also read somebody's audiobook for like a romantic novel. I would love to. Perfect voice. I'm working on it. I've tried to get my Calm sponsorship. But you know, Calm's not calling me back.

This is the perfect advertising place for calm. I just want to do like a little voice thing. Breathe in. Breathe out. Close your eyes. But we have people listen to this as they fall asleep. So that's kind of the same. I'm already in a meditative state just hearing that. Calm. Get it together. Calm Morgan. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. Let's dive in.

Okay, up first. You recently did a 90-day challenge to get your black belt. I did. I got to attend the premiere in person. I was blown away. So this one, you'll see why I picked it for you. Okay, here we go. It's coming from Am I the Asshole? Oh no.

Jump it in. Yeah. From the start. It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Friend to Find Her Own Hobbies and Interests Instead of Just Copying Whatever Her Current Boyfriend is Into. Oh my goodness. Okay, let's hear it. Title says it all. My friend is one of those girls who always has a boyfriend, and that boyfriend becomes a central part of her identity.

Last night, we were having a dinner, and she said she needed a new hobby because she didn't realize gaming could be so expensive. She dropped $2,500 on a gaming rig because the guy she is dating now is into gaming. When before this, she didn't even have Candy Crush on her phone.

So I told her that she should find her own hobbies and interests instead of getting into whatever her current boyfriend is into. I reminded her that she enrolled in BJJ class when she dated a BJJ black belt, but she never stepped into a gym again after they broke up. She bought tons of baking tools and supplies when she dated a pastry chef, all banned to some faraway corner of her kitchen cabinets as I write this.

She even wanted to buy a cobra when she was seeing a guy who collected them. A cobra. We're talking like a reptile snake thing. I would assume snake. Thank God the guy told her that she absolutely shouldn't do it.

After dinner, one of our other friends told me I shouldn't have said that to her, and she clearly looked hurt. But I think there was nothing wrong with what I said, because I just pointed out facts, and I think she needed to hear that to realize how dependent her personality is on her boyfriends, and how ridiculous she's acting by copying their interests. Am I the asshole? Wow.

Well, we have a lot of layers to unpack here. So many. Because the first question is, what's going on with this friend? Is their personality too dependent on their partner?

Based on this skewed perspective, one might say yes. There is a saying that I think, you know, it's not technically factually correct, but you are the amalgamation of the five people that you spend the most time with. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know how scientific that is, but that's something I actually believe in. You know, if you're hanging out with people that are negative or suck out your energy, then...

That passes on to you too versus when you're surrounded by people who are inspiring, driven, and excited about life. I noticed that in my own life. However, I think for this person, there needs to be some deep introspection on who am I without anyone else. Like finding that individuality. And I think that the OP was...

looking to reflect that back to their friend. Yeah. Maybe not using the best words. And at the end of the day, that is really hard to swallow. Yeah. That's some really big, tough love. It really is. And I think that this really depends on how close they are to his friends. I know if this was my best friend, Lauren, I could say something similar and be like, hey, like,

You know, I think what you're on to is a great idea. You want to show your partner that you care about their passions. That's really nice. That's accepting their bid. That's, you know, being a part of their life and loving them. But you don't have to go so hard. Like,

The $2,500 on a gaming rig without even really discovering if you like it. Yeah. That's a huge commitment. Right. And we don't hear about these guys doing that for her. No. What are they putting in? I want to know how much they're spending to have interest in her hobbies. But maybe she doesn't have any interest.

besides the ones that she finds with these guys. It almost feels like she's using the hobby. Okay, I'm like really like, I'm mislabeling a person I don't know right now. We speculate a little. I mean, we speculate. We only go off what we have. It almost feels like she is seeking a partnership so deeply

so deeply that she may feel that the more she invests in the hobby, the faster the relationship will progress. I could see that. I mean, I think about myself and what I did when I was younger dating. Like, I was not interested in a lot of things, but I got into it to like, you know, have an excuse to hang out with them more or be involved in their plans. Like, I think we all do that sometimes in relationships, but it's like, okay, but

when it comes to spending $2,500 or enrolling yourself in classes and then like what are you doing with those hobbies and then to just drop them because it didn't work out with the guy. So therefore you really were just keeping up with it for that other person and not really you and your intrinsic motivation or passions. So I think there's a point to what the friend is saying like

Find your own hobbies and, you know, maybe don't get so enveloped in them. But maybe it was the way it came across. Right. I'm really torn. But I mean, that's such a hard piece of, again, tough love to deliver to somebody. I know. I feel like that's best heard from a therapist than a friend. That's hard. That's really true, too. That's really true. Because it's like,

What does it hurt you if it's not affecting your friendship? So it's like, why even bother coming across and like hurting her feelings and giving this big tough love message if it's, you know. But I think it's important to be honest with people around you.

Where do you fall on this one? Where do I fall? Asshole, not the asshole. Everybody sucks here. No assholes here. Here's where I fall. I think the friend of the OP needs to do some introspection heavily on their independence and what they want in life. That's number one. Number two, OP, you know what? I respect...

going going to a difficult place to be honest with somebody and we always can always learn about communication styles and how to be uh kind but firm we don't know how how this was communicated i and it's a hard thing to assess because anyone on the receiving end of that is going to

I think in most cases lock up and be a bit defensive because it's a really intense thing to hear. Big pill to swallow. I'd be like, well, damn, like you think I'm a shell of a person? Like there's so much you could infer from a comment like that, even if it's not how the person meant it. Yeah. I don't think they're an asshole. I think they were well-intentioned. I'm really torn. I almost want to be just like, everyone sucks here. But I'm like, did the friend do anything wrong? Yeah.

No, she's just trying to talk about like she needs to find a new hobby because gaming is expensive. But you already dropped $2,500 on a rig, girl. Keep with it. So I don't know. I'm really torn. But when I initially read it, I think I did lean towards not the asshole. And, you know, if you can't get over it, then maybe you're just not meant to be friends. I think being an asshole means you have negative intentions and harmful intentions. I don't think...

this person, the person who wrote this has harmful intentions. Okay. I like to think they actually just want to say, hey, I'm worried about you. That's what I would like to think. So, top comment on this one. Okay. You're the asshole. Yes!

She's exploring hobbies when she's around someone who has them. It's normal. Example, I'm into running. At one point, my now husband gave it a go and for a time we ran together. It didn't last for him, but he had showed interest in what I'm into. You're the asshole for calling her out rudely.

Wow. 17,000 upvotes. Oh, gosh. But next comment. The problem is that it doesn't sound like she has any interest outside of those and she only continues because of who she's dating. It would be different if she actually stuck with one of the many. Also, who starts gaming and drops that much on a desktop? So there's kind of some mixed responses here.

That's the kicker there. I'm going to say not the household because this seems unhealthy to be that committed to a new hobby so soon just because her latest love interest is into that. This doesn't sound as simple as exploring new hobbies if she's spending thousands of dollars on high-end gaming rigs, martial arts classes, pastry utensils, and a goddamn cobra just to make a connection. I don't know about that, Snake. That's a bit much, I think.

But I think she's using it as a way to find like she's seeking love. She's seeking affirmation. She's seeking bonding. And that, in my opinion, you know, is not that's not jail for somebody. Like there's something else going on there. I know. Maybe unpack a little more self-love therapy. Therapy. Yeah, for sure. Therapy.

But also maybe like stop seeing these guys. These guys, it's just like a series of guys enabling this weird stuff, specifically the Cobra. Thank God that guy did not let her get a Cobra. He was like, no, no, no, that's actually a bad idea. That's a bad idea. Yeah. Yeah. She would have got the Cobra. Yeah.

There's a lot of people out there that adopt dogs like the minute they get a partner. Like they're three months into dating and they adopt a dog together. And it's like, what happens if you guys break up? Yeah. You got to be prepared. Like this is a at least a 10 year, sometimes 20 year commitment. Come on, people. Pets are not.

Mm-hmm. So, I don't know. See, now I'm back to not the asshole. She needed a dose of tough love. Yeah. Overall vote after all the... I'm going to say not the asshole. Overall vote was asshole. I know.

Oh my gosh, we're off to a really bad start. You know? But hearing it today, like what I love about the live shows, and this would have been a really fun one to read at one, we'll read the story in the room and everyone will immediately vote. Like they scream what they want. And a lot of times like in the room, I think this would have gotten a not the asshole. Really? I think in the room with everyone, all of us, like I do think...

There could be some people that now would be like, no, not the asshole. This post is vintage. It's five years old. Oh, so, you know, times have changed. Times have changed in five years. So it's like, OK, I mean, let's bring ourselves back to five years ago. That was right before the pandemic. Pre-COVID, which was a different lifetime. I don't even know. Fantasyland. Don't even know what that was. What was that? Oh, my gosh. OK, moving along.

This next one, not vintage. It's two days old. Oh, gosh. Coming from relationship advice. So luckily we don't have to vote on this one.

It is titled, I, 28 female, made a joke with my husband, 29 male, and it's costing me my marriage with a man I truly love. Oh my gosh. The titles of these things are so dramatic. They're intense. Wow. It goes on to say, I need help fixing it. Okay. We're here to help.

I'm so confident in my ability to save a stranger's marriage. You've been a hostage negotiator. Yes. You have negotiated hostage releases. Okay, let's hear it. I think you can handle it. What is this joke that is costing a marriage? My husband and I have been married for four years now. I truly do love him with everything I have. I can't see a life without him.

I took some stupid advice from some of my girlfriends regarding a joke that they have done with their husbands or boyfriend. The joke is basically telling your partner that you want to break up or that you want a divorce. Okay. Whoa. Okay. First of all, these friends are terrible.

I feel like that's like the thing you don't ever say. Like you don't ever, you never joke about it. You never threaten it. That's like completely off the table. Never threaten the big D. Oh my God. Ah, I don't like the friends. That's my first feeling. Well, I never wanted to do it and thought it was cruel to do, especially to someone you love. But I was convinced after they kept pestering me about it

As I was the only one that hasn't done it yet out of the five of us, they further convinced me about it when they told me the reactions their partner had afterwards. Stupidly, I did it last week, and my husband's reaction wasn't what I thought it would be. I honestly thought that he would try and talk to me or beg or make suggestions like my friend's partners had done, but he didn't.

We had dinner and we were watching a movie when I told him, I'm not happy anymore and I think we should get a divorce. He looked at me for a couple of seconds and I swear, it looked like something broke in his eyes. He got up, walked to our bedroom and within 10 minutes came out with a bag and walked out of the house without saying a word to me.

I tried to stop him, especially after seeing him with his bag packed, and I told him it was just a joke and I didn't mean it, but he basically just brushed me off and walked out. I've tried to get a hold of him, messages, calls, emails, video chats, but he isn't answering me at all. I talked to his friends, but none of them want to tell me where he is, when, and if they even answer me. I went to his work, but they refused me entry into the building.

I've tried his parents, but they don't want to get involved as well as with his siblings. The only messages I got back were from his sister, telling me joke or not, I fucked up. I've sent so many messages about it being a joke and even sent screenshots of my conversations with my girlfriends about the joke as a proof that it was a joke and that I'm not backtracking all of a sudden, but nothing. My friends didn't have any real advice and told me to just give him time and that he will get over it.

Everything came down on me yesterday when I was served with actual divorce papers. Oh my God. It felt like someone slapped me in the face and hit me and continued to hit me. I was and still am in so much pain. I frantically tried to get a hold of him, but all I got back was he has nothing to say and that I should talk to his lawyer.

How can I get the man I love back? I don't want to lose him. I made a stupid joke. I know that now. And it's breaking my world apart. Oh, gosh.

That just like kicked me in the gut. Holy cow. This is why you don't joke about breaking up or divorce. I hate when also like a big prank trend I've been seeing is people saying they've cheated. Oh, that's so fucked up. You lose all trust that that person had with you. It's gone. What? And tell me how this is funny.

What about this makes a great TikTok? Because there are two options. The person either breaks down. That's awful. You just made your partner feel awful. Or they affirm. They say, you know what? Actually, sounds like a good idea. Both of those suck. What the heck? And why would you like want to make that a moment or like make it a TikTok or something like that? To me, it's so gross. And it's hurtful. It's not funny at all. No. So...

You know what? I feel like we're in like many of these stories. We're missing the full picture. Some clues I got. These friends are very bad, but she spends a lot of time with him. This I'm going to guess is not the first weird thing that has come about as a suggestion of these friends.

Who knows how these friends implicated their wedding planning, the first year of their marriage, their dating, even the proposal, all of that. These people have been around and like a toxic orbit around this woman.

And perhaps this guy was like, this is the last straw. I didn't even think of that. I've been messed with so much, potentially, you know? Well, and the way he reacted where... I mean, one, he was totally blindsided. But the way he reacted...

is kind of like this was my last straw yeah like maybe there's some missing info that like things weren't as perfect I didn't consider that that also the friends could have been continuously being bad influences because otherwise this feels like zero to 100 how do you go from like not having any issues not playing jokes on your partner not having that relationship to oh I'm gonna prank him and say I want a divorce that's unhinged so hurtful so hurtful

And I also think not to remove love from the situation and make this so practical. But if we are speaking practically, once a partner says that they want a divorce, it does become a legal situation. Everything you say, everything you text, everything you say on the phone, like that becomes a part of the build of going to court.

So perhaps this guy was like, you know what? This is my last straw and anything else that comes out of my mouth can and will be used against me in a court of law. That is a potential mindset that he could have been in. Yeah. Again, who knows what has happened in this relationship up until this point if we're making jokes and pranking about divorce is crazy.

I would never. I would never. I've been with Justin, it'll be six years in December. And I just know like that would crush him. Like one of his biggest fears is like,

me waking up one day and just like not being in love with him. Oh my God. Yeah. Like he's talked about it. But you so are. I know. And he's talked about it on the podcast quite a bit. And so it's like, that is like one of the deepest like pain points for him. And so like a prank like this is literally going against that like core fear of his. And it's like, I would never do that to him like ever. So I'm just stoking that fear of abandonment. Yeah. For no reason. Yeah. Yeah.

insane. So top comment, they quote OP, the joke is basically telling your partner you want to break up or you want a divorce. What the actual fuck? That is not a joke. You did something spectacularly stupid and are facing the consequences for it. It honestly looks like your female friends know how ridiculously gullible you are and knew exactly how this would blow up in your face. It just seems like the friends are really bad friends.

I wonder if they actually did it, though. I am curious. Like, if they, like, no, oh, if we convince her to do this, he'll divorce her. That's so evil. I mean, what if they didn't like him and this was their way of, like, separating them? Okay.

First things first, these friends gotta go. They gotta go. Trash, recycling, compost, put it on the curb. But all the friends and all these things, like what the heck? Well, I can't. That makes me so mad. It makes me even more mad when you hear their response too. Because OP did like go to them and typed, my friends didn't have any real advice and told me to just give him time. He'll get over it. You guys helped create this mess. Like,

I feel like if they were your friends... They bullied her into it. They really did. They kept pestering and pestering and pestering. And if you have someone that, you know, really relies on their friends and is gullible or is more, you know, codependent, I could see how she was convinced. And again, it's not necessarily their fault because she still did it. But you know what I mean? It's like, it's just, it feels so manipulative. Yeah.

And if they were her friends, why aren't they like trying to go to bat and be like, hey, hubby, like so sorry. Like I would at least hope that they would also like speak for me in a way that it's like, hey, no, this was a prank. Really sorry. We fucked up. We did this with our partners, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. But it might be last straw too little too late anyways. Everyone involved, I'm praying for them.

That's fucking glue shit. Crazy. OP does have an edit. Oh? I've already had questions in my DMs about this. We have had no issues that I know of. We were laughing the whole time throughout the day, had fun and everything. No fight or distance really between us. Nothing like that at all. Everything was basically perfect.

I think that can't be true, though. Again, you like you can't go from zero to 100. And even if you're on, even if you're unaware, this guy, this isn't the first crack for him. No, because I mean, to go from I want a divorce to he is like on it with the papers. It sounds like it's only it was only a span of a couple of days and he already contacted a divorce lawyer and had papers served.

So, wow. Like to go through those steps, there was no mediation. There was no couples counseling. There was there was none of that. So that does make me think there's something deeper here. Right. And at the same time, you would hope that the person that you marry, you know, through the good times and the bad is willing to talk it out, to think about counseling, something, you know. Yeah.

It does. That's why I feel like we're missing information here. I know. Because, like, a partner you've been married to for four years, also, like, no further conversation, and you're not going to try counseling or anything? Like, then I need more info. Mm-hmm. Which I'm looking at OP's comments. They have been pretty responsive in the comments to people. Ugh.

People are like, well, why would you even try this? And what reactions did your friends get? Because they're curious, like, what even convinced you to try this? They did it with their partners and nothing like this happened to any of them. According to them, it actually made their partners more attentive and affectionate towards them. That seems super manipulative, though, to threaten leaving for someone to be like, oh, I got to get it together and become a better partner. Yeah.

What? No, you shouldn't have to make threats to get someone to pay attention to you. And those women, your friends, that speaks to huge problems in their relationships. They had to threaten divorce to get attention and affection. Yep. Seems like all of the men. All the women. Everybody. No. Everybody.

This is crazy. I know. Oh, if he does comment, I did tell him it was a joke. I even sent screenshots. He's not responding. That part sucks. That really sucks too. You know, again, we've talked so much about how you never joke about this. This is like major lines were crossed. And at the same time, the lack of opening up for dialogue.

is where I begin asking questions. Yeah, the stonewalling is concerning. Right. Which I understand being hurt, needing a second to like go leave, sleep somewhere else for the night, cool off. But to just completely go dark, again, it feels like there's something big missing. Right.

Last comment I'll read from OP. Someone was asking, like, why didn't you go in and talk to him after he left the room? And OP was just like, I didn't know he was packing. I didn't know what I thought it was, but it wasn't that he was packing his things. Maybe she thought he was just going to another room to cool off. But also at the same time, like, why don't you immediately, like, he stormed out of the room, you know he's upset. Babe, babe, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. You waited till his bag was packed and he was leaving the house? Don't love it.

Oh, God. We will see if we get an update on this one. Well, I would love to recommend therapy. Oh, there we go. But it seems like there's no other option. I don't think there's any way to salvage this. He's not giving her... If he served papers. Yeah. And he's saying, only contact me through legal.

I guess at that point, you need to respect his wishes. The only thing you can do going forward that might help you and be constructive is to follow his wishes, get your own lawyer, have your lawyers communicate and say like, hey, I'd love to try mediation. I'd love to try couples counseling. Is there any way you can give it a shot? But at least you're not pestering him. You're not showing up at his work. You're not respecting the boundary he's set. That might be your only shot going forward. Right.

Yeah, because clearly the trust for him has been completely broken to the point where he's like, you're like, I don't trust you so much to the point where I feel like legally I'm not safe in this relationship. That's why he feels like he needs protection. Yeah, I know. I mean, he's really gone to extreme lengths, it seems. So I'm going to keep my eyes out for an update on this one. Fingers crossed, y'all, because I'm very curious. I just want everyone to be happy.

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You did Butler Academy. I did, yes. Okay, I just watched one of your social clips from it where you were carrying the glasses and like whipping around in a circle. And then it was like, our city names turn to the right. And I was just like, this is so intense. And every time you broke a glass, I was like.

I know. I dropped so many glasses. It looked really hard. It was really intense. Really hard. They don't mess around there. And I guess that's why the people who graduate from the International Butler Academy go on to serve billionaires, presidents, royal families. Did you graduate? Or did you like... I was just there for a few days. For a few days? Yeah. Okay. Did they talk about...

potential like treatment as being a butler? Like, did they talk about how you might have some clients that are just more aggressive or rude than others? Yes, they did. They did. And that was very, I don't know if we like put any of that in the video, but obviously,

There are people who get into positions of power who have never had to be an assistant to someone else, who have never worked a service job, who've never been a waiter. And I feel like you can tell when someone has or has not served someone else as a part of their job in the way that they treat others.

service workers. It's very telling for me. It's one of the biggest icks ever when you see someone rude to an assistant, a server, anyone. I'm just like, I cannot handle it.

I think your experience is going to be really good on this one. Oh, God. Okay, here we go. Is this a butler story? You will see. So this is coming from Am I the Asshole? Seven months old. Titled, Am I the Asshole for telling my girlfriend I'm bothered by the way she and her family treat their house staff? Yeah. Yeah, I'm already on the side of the person who...

I'm 25 male, dating this girl, 24 female, for about five months. I knew her family was well off based on the stories she told about her upbringing, but I didn't get a chance to meet her parents until this week when we all went to their beach house to spend a few days and celebrate her father's 60th birthday. Wow. This house wasn't just huge, but it was employed by a staff of about eight people. Eight people?!

I was never used to being served like that, and I witnessed some behaviors from my girlfriend and some of her family towards the workers that made me feel uncomfortable. Some examples.

One, after our first night, I heard her mother tell one of the housekeepers to clean the bedroom my girlfriend and I were staying in. I told her mother everything was in order and that I already made our bed before leaving. Her mother then told me, in the presence of the housekeeper, that I shouldn't bother because that's her, the housekeeper's job.

Two. The other morning, my girlfriend and I woke up after everyone else has had their breakfast. I went into the kitchen to grab some coffee and saw the cooks were already starting to prep for lunch. So I told them I didn't want to bother them and made the coffee myself. My girlfriend came into the kitchen moments later and saw me making coffee. Later that day, she complained to her mother, without even asking me how things came about, that the cooks let me make my own coffee.

I then had to explain everything. Three, on her father's birthday, they had a fancy dinner with some other guests that came just that day. And some of the staff was made to stand in the room with their backs to the wall as we sat at the table and ate. It was like some Downton Abbey shit.

I kept my mouth shut for the entire trip. But as soon as we came back, I couldn't hold it any longer and told my girlfriend that it made me really uncomfortable to see how she behaved towards the staff and also gave some examples of instances when I felt her parents were rude to them. My girlfriend didn't take it well. She said that I'm the asshole here for judging their lifestyle. Oh, no.

Oh, in her mind, we had a perfect week together and I was withholding my judgment until I could unleash it all on her. I didn't think I'm an asshole for speaking my mind, but am I the asshole? OK, so again, lots to unpack here. So much. Mistreated service worker. Dead to me. Period. So that's that.

And I will also acknowledge that when we were at the International Butler Academy, our whole crew definitely felt like a fish out of water in a way. Like, oh gosh, what you're describing here about the staff standing backs to the wall, like, you know, hands in front of them waiting to pick something up or serve. That's the way they're trained to serve. And we're like,

hey, we're fine just like going down to the diner and getting food. We don't have to do like a seven course meal, but they, you know, they insisted on that. Wow. And, and,

We felt like we didn't belong there for sure. Because I mean, a lot of us grew up in a castle. I would have this same experience. I would just be like, this is a lot. Yeah. But I do think that part of etiquette is making people feel comfortable. And if it is so far out of reach that everyone feels uncomfortable, then it's actually not succeeding in service. Right.

in a way. And I think that comes from the tone of that the family is setting, not the service workers at all. But yeah, not a fan of how people are talking about each other in front of each other. I also like have empathy for this guy in the sense of

You know, when you have friends or are in a relationship with someone in a totally different socioeconomic socioeconomic status than you, it can be very tense and stressful for both parties going either direction. So I have empathy for that.

But I'm on his side. So my personal vote, I don't think, not the asshole. Not the asshole. Not the asshole at all. I would have a really, really hard time with this. I've been in situations where like, it's been like not like someone I'm close with, but even like an extended group, we've been out at a table and like they're just not, there's not like an overt rudeness, but there's also not kindness either. Like anytime I get something dropped off at my table when I'm out to eat or like if I ask for something, I'm always like,

I try to be really like, thank you. Thank you so much. Like, I really appreciate it. Like, whatever fits what I'm doing. But like, if I'm with people that aren't like that and they just act entitled and they're snappy, like, I can't, I can't, I just like get...

stressed even being in the situation with them. And then I try to be overly nice and appreciative to like make up for it. So I can understand why this would be a really tough situation to be in, especially like not having experience having a butler, let alone eight staff who all stand around in the room like,

oh, I dropped my napkin and then they rush in to pick it up for you. You can't even bend down and pick up your own napkin. That would blow my mind. But I also, you know, I'm grounded in a more realistic reality. Like, I feel like a lot of the listeners out there are going to hear this one and be like, this is crazy. Like, no, it's not right to treat people like that. But then you also hear stories from people

people who work for wealthy families where the family is wonderful and like they are very respectful of the staff and they make it a great work environment. And so I think really it reminds, you know, I think often about just leadership in general and the best leaders are people oftentimes who started from the bottom and know every position from the

personal assistant all the way up to CEO because they can actually empathize and have understanding of, I know what it's like to sit at a desk and roll 20 calls a day and rearrange someone's calendar 30 times and get them coffee and do it wrong and get reprimanded for it. Like knowing those feelings is,

Makes you a better leader because you can set a better tone moving forward. And what I'm hearing from this this family is it's that they've lost touch with that. Either, you know, their experience in a different socioeconomic status was so long ago they've forgotten or it's potentially a generational wealth situation where they've never been attached to any form of service for others. Yeah.

Here's where things get really interesting for us. Oh? There's more information? So, top comment on this one. Obviously, people, regardless of their job, should be treated with respect. But I just want you to consider a different perspective for a second. The staff might be 100% okay with the behavior you saw. If they're paid enough,

and feel confident that it's better than other job options. An outsider seeing my job would probably think some parts of it are ridiculous, but those parts are worth it for me as the person actually doing the job. For example, when your girlfriend's mother said, don't make the bed, that's the staff's job, a staff member hearing that might think, she's right, please don't do my job for me, because then she has no reason to pay me for that job.

I'm not saying you're in the wrong feeling uncomfortable with that behavior you saw. I'm just cautioning that you might be white knighting for people who are actually okay with the work environment you saw. That's an interesting perspective because when we were at the International Butler Academy, I interviewed a lot of the students. The work was very intense and I remember asking a lot of them, why do you want to do this?

And every single student who was there expressed that they had this innate desire to serve others. They love making other people comfortable. They love giving to others. And the thought of organizing someone's life and relieving stress was like their calling in a way. And I looked them dead in the eyes. I was like, y'all sure about this one? Yeah.

And they were like, yeah. Like one of the students was a former software engineer. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And he decided to become a butler. And he said that he just wants to know how to serve his parents, like how to make a beautiful breakfast for them and take care of their home in addition to like babysitting.

bottling for other people. But each person there had a story and felt called to serve other people in true hospitality. That is amazing. Yeah. Now, at the same time, my response to that top comment is, sure, when you're well-paid, you put up with stuff, right? I mean, we've all in this room had jobs where we're like, you know what? The paycheck is good enough. I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Yeah. However...

who's to say why does that stress have to exist money should not offset the way you treat somebody no effort in my opinion and there's always space for kindness there's always space to treat people correctly and paying somebody more does not negate your treatment of them no

No, I've seen some stuff. I mean, in LA, like I've interacted with like a lot of people and then like their assistants and there's been a few people I've worked with that talk to their assistants and it's like the way it flips, like if you're in a conversation with people and it's like they'll talk to you really sweet and then it's like, and it's like we're in this.

We're in the same conversation and the treatment is so vastly different. I don't get it. It would never be me. But again, it's like, okay, if they're making, you know, great money and they're taking it as a challenge to put up with that behavior and they love their job or like their job enough to stay for the money, like whatever, teach their own. So it is interesting. It's like, I don't know. I don't know if it's our context. I'm going to be very curious to see what you guys think.

Think of this one, especially when I tell you the overall vote on this one is asshole. Overall vote is asshole. Okay. Okay. Well, okay. We haven't even gotten to our own vote again. I said not the ass. I don't agree with the top vote. With these stories, if... Okay. I'm just putting myself in the shoes. If you are coming to Reddit...

To type this stuff out and get answers, we're missing context. What I need is the security camera footage of what happened because we're always getting an incomplete story here. Show me the receipts. Show me the receipts. I feel like he's being pretty... It feels like he's being pretty neutral. And I will say, he didn't tell the parents off. He just told his girlfriend. Right.

Right.

I've, you know, maybe she paid for the flights and she put on, you know, made this whole thing and she's probably really excited to share her family. And nobody like, you know, you've had the experience of bringing your partner home for the first time. That is like, oh my God, I really hope everybody likes each other. And then for the first piece of feedback to be like, that kind of made me uncomfortable. That's scary. Well, and it is like in her shoes.

what a crazy privilege to have. You've got a big, huge beach house. You have staff. Like my dream in life, I would love to never have to cook ever again. Like getting the meal kit sent to me, it is the best thing ever. I hate cooking. So then to have someone just come in and be like, well, that was weird. I couldn't make my own coffee. That was uncomfortable. That was... So I could see how he said it being an issue, but...

I feel like overall not the asshole or just like no assholes here and you're just not communicating very well. My vote is better communication needed by both parties. That's my vote. My vote is I think the girlfriend needs a bit more self-awareness about the stresses of dating someone in a different socioeconomic status than you, which can be very stressful for the boyfriend in this case. Yeah.

And I also think the guy could have had better timing on when to give that feedback or how to give the feedback. I love that you're mentioning feedback. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's crucial. And also really takes us into our next story. Oh! It keeps going. There's so many people with problems.

Oh my God. Michelle and I are sitting here today recording this on election day. And we literally did this as a way to like hide from the stress of like watching election stuff. And now you might be regretting this. You might be like, this is more stressful. What did I sign up for? No, this is so much less stressful than the state of American politics. Let me tell you. And only you in the future watching this right now know the state of things. I know. United States of America. Which is terrifying. I don't. Sitting here right now.

I voted, voted early. Thank you to everyone who's watching who did vote. Yeah. Anyways, fingers crossed. Next story. Another one of this week's partners is ZocDoc. It's already flu and cold season, and we're about to be spending a lot of time with families, strangers, traveling, you name it. Which means it is not the time.

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I got in the next day. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash THT to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash THT. ZocDoc.com slash THT. So this is coming from AITAH, which is just another like am I the asshole version.

Okay. No, you're not the asshole. I already hate this guy.

judgmental of just the title. Oh my God. These titles are so clickbait and I fall for all of them. Why? I literally have a career because I got sucked into the titles and read it in these stories. This is my life. Okay. So this happened a few days ago and I'm still trying to process it. For context, I, 28 female, have been with my boyfriend, 30 male, for about two years.

We live together and have always done most of the cooking because I genuinely enjoy it. And he claims he can't even boil water without setting off the smoke alarm. The other night, I made one of our favorite meals. He can't boil water without setting off the smoke alarm. Wait, hold on. Boiling water produces steam. That's not smoke. Am I crazy? I don't think boiling water sets off a fire alarm. I'm envisioning he forgets about it and then the pan starts burning. Okay, well, the pan...

I've made my conclusion. Divorce!

The other night, I made one of our favorite meals, and while we were eating, he got a weird smirk on his face. Ugh. He then says, quote, you know, I've been taking notes. I laughed, thinking he was joking. And then he said, quote, no, really, I made a presentation. I still thought it was a joke until he got up, connected his laptop to the TV, and opened a PowerPoint titled, quote, improving our home dining experience. Excuse me?

I'm going to tell you a few ways we can improve your home dining experience. Number one, let's break up. Number two, good luck. That's what I'm saying. I hate this guy. I was in disbelief as he went slide by slide critiquing my dishes. Slide one, too much garlic. Slide two, pasta consistency. Slide three, more salt, less sass.

The kicker was slide eight, which was just a photo of Gordon Ramsay face palming with the caption, what he'd think. I was stunned. I told him if he had such detailed opinions, he should cook himself. Yeah. Well, he tried to backtrack, saying it was all in good fun and that he was just trying to help. But I wasn't laughing. I haven't cooked since, and now he's been living off cereal and takeout.

Good. He's sulking, saying I'm overreacting and ruining his joke. So Reddit, am I the asshole for refusing to cook after my boyfriend presented me with a PowerPoint critiquing of my cooking? No, not the asshole. No. Divorce. He should pay for your therapy. And I hope he's got a Postmates account. He's going to need it starting next week.

I don't... How do you come back from this? Like, what if you were, like, engaged to this person and all of a sudden they pulled this on you? Like, is there any saving this relationship genuinely? Or, like, how do you come back from something, like...

Is there a golden, like a lighter side where this could be funny? Like my sense of humor is not this. So my opinion is no. I don't think, I don't think asshole. I think this is a very like, I wouldn't cook again either. You start cooking. You can't even boil water. And you're going to make a PowerPoint about me. I think this is deep rooted misogyny that we're playing off as a joke. And none of the women in the room are laughing.

So, yeah, I think, again, why doesn't he cook? I just it just feels so ridiculous to me. And I feel like he's been walking all over her for some time. If we're already at the point where she is the main culinary provider of the relationship and there's no context we have here about them agreeing to that or like.

She she does the cooking. He does this or like a better division of, you know, domestic labor or something like that. It just feels like misogyny all over the place. Yeah, I completely agree. It's also giving the same energy of and I know this is like a hot take that comes up at some of our live shows, but people that don't have any kids are

seeing their family member their sibling their aunt whoever and trying to be like your kids are crazy you're a bad parent or you should try this or you should do that and it's kind of giving that same energy it's like you don't have kids you don't comment on it or you don't even cook why are you commenting on my cooking what the hell like it's

It's really unprovoked, and I would boycott. I would not cook for this person. No. I would say, take your own PowerPoint tips. Less garlic, more salt. Have at it. Mm-hmm. And let's see. But really rude. And he's giving, like, the prank boyfriend that thinks he's overly funny, and he's actually not funny at all. This guy sucks. Bad energy. Very bad. Top comment. Not the asshole.

He claims he can't even boil water without setting off the smoke alarm. If he had the time to make a PowerPoint, he has the time to learn to cook. Hard agree. Love it. This, I had a boyfriend in college who was a really nice guy, but his mom did his laundry. Not let him use her machines, but actually did his laundry for him while she cooked him dinner. One time he said to me, quote, if we get married, you'll have to do all the ironing because I don't know how.

I replied in a deadpan voice, I'll teach you. Needless to say, he didn't like that. I was thinking, dude, I don't iron my own clothes. What makes you think I'm going to iron yours? If you're bright enough to make it into college, you can figure out how to iron something. It's not rocket science.

The psychology of boy moms needs to be studied. Dude, it's insane. Did you see... Do you ever come across Madison Humphrey on TikTok? No. So it's this creator that makes...

like ironic videos to people's real videos that are just so outlandish. So one that really went viral is like boy moms taking very intimate pictures with their sons for their like high school football photos. Oh my God. I need to pull up a picture because it is unhinged behavior. So this is a video that went viral. That's a mom?

Yes. So this video of this mom went viral and people were like so confused. Like that's his girlfriend. She looks a little old for him because she jumps up in his arms and wraps her leg around him. And it's like, no, no, no, that's that's his mom. And there's more. Apparently it's like a big trend in like Southern places. But like this is another like clip from that same video. Like

Very like intimate. It's not behavior I've seen with my mom and my brothers. My high school didn't have football, but I'm from the South. That's crazy. You didn't have football. We didn't have football. We didn't have basketball, but we had like weird sports like fencing and archery, math club. Oh my gosh. Here it's so bad. Yeah.

There's, like, another one of, like, this mom on her son's shoulders. I'm just like... That's more okay than the leg wrap, I guess, but...

There's some goofy ones. I got to find the video. So Madison does stuff like that. And there was another video she just created where a mom posted a video from her son's wedding and said, me going to cut my son's food while people were dancing and giving speeches. And she went up and cut his food for him at his wedding. How? A grown man. How, like, is this... I just...

I have so many. I'm honestly speechless. I'm speechless. I got nothing to say. I have nothing to say. Oh, except I think male feigned incompetence is just a disease that needs to be eradicated. And unfortunately, the only people who can eradicate it are women withholding relationships from men. I know. With weaponized incompetence...

It is one of those that like it sends me spiraling. Can't. Spiraling. Can't work with it. No. I think the best way to handle it is petty revenge. Petty revenge? Such as? Man claims he can't do laundry.

messes up your favorite black dress, and instead of throwing the little black dress away, you put it on to one of his important work events, and you wear that little black dress, and when people comment, you say, oh, blah, blah, blah, washed it. He tried so hard. Oh, my God. That's a true story we've read. Oh, wow. Yeah. Good grief. I need more water. Well...

I've got some news. Okay. We have an update on this one. Oh? We have an update. Did they break up? Posted a day ago. Okay. Hey, Reddit. So it's been a wild ride since I posted my original story about my now ex-boyfriend's infamous PowerPoint presentation critiquing my cooking.

I can't thank you all enough for the support, laughs, and even the outrage on my behalf. Buckle up, because here's the follow-up you didn't know you needed. I just got full body chills. Put this blanket further on me. Okay, I'm so ready for this. After reading your comments and taking some time to process what happened, I decided that our relationship needed a serious talk.

I sat him down to discuss how his presentation came across as not just unfunny, but pretty disrespectful. You know, typical mature relationship stuff. Well, what does he do? He smirks and goes, quote, Oh, I prepared for this. He actually grabs his laptop, connects it to the TV again.

and presents me with another PowerPoint titled, quote, How to Take a Joke, a Comprehensive Guide. Oh, my God. If I saw him touch that laptop and pull out a cord, I would have been out that door. Yes, folks. How to take a joke? Mm-hmm. I literally can't. I can't. Jail, burn the house down, all of the above. Yeah.

I'm so mad. Okay, then what happened? Yes, folks, he made a whole slideshow explaining why I needed to learn how to chill out and appreciate humor. Slide one featured a meme of a clown putting on makeup with my name plastered over it. Slide two, a bullet point list titled, quote, why your overreaction is hilarious.

Slide three titled, How I'm Clearly the Comedian in This Relationship. At this point, I was too stunned to speak. But then he pulled out slide number six, quote, things you can do while not cooking because you're mad. The audacity, right?

It was as if he really thought he'd win me over with this next level presentation. Spoiler alert, he did not. So I did what any rational PowerPoint loving person would do. I made my own. I stayed up all night crafting a presentation called, quote, why it's time to move on. This is your petty revenge. A farewell guide.

It had everything. Flow charts mapping his incompetence in the kitchen, pie charts illustrating my happiness before and after the great presentation debacle, and my personal favorite, slide number nine, a GIF of Gordon Ramsay yelling, get out. This morning, I sat him down and went through my PowerPoint presentation with the same energy he had given me. His reaction was priceless.

He started with that same smirk, but lost it somewhere around slide four. Top 10 reasons why you're moving out today. By the time I got to the resources for finding your own apartment slide, he was packing a bag. Now, before anyone worries, yes, he did actually leave. And no, I didn't have to threaten him with slide 12, which was just a photo of me blocking the Wi-Fi router.

So yeah, we broke up and I'm happy, single, and cooking meals for myself without any critique except my cat's judgmental stare.

And to those who said I should make a breakup PowerPoint, just know your wish has been fulfilled. Whoa. I still can't believe how all of this went down over the course of one single weekend. But now I feel pretty good about myself thanks to all the comments and support. P.S. Oh, and fun fact. Some of you were right. He actually is a business consultant. So making PowerPoint presentations is quite literally his day job.

I guess he took bringing work home to a whole new unwelcome level. He's a consultant. See, listen, I participated in corporate recruiting in college. Still can't tell you what consulting people do. No clue. Don't know. Doesn't make sense to me.

What's happening at McKinsey? Nobody knows. Nobody knows. I am like so far out of the business world. I don't know much about it. I just know like a lot of jobs involve cold calling. And that sounds like my personal form of hell. I hate making phone calls. I'm scared of it. So consulting business, if there's phone calls involved, nope, I'm out.

I'm out. I'm so happy to hear the conclusion of this saga. So deserved. So great. Ugh. Top comment on the update. This might be a, quote, how much can I get away with before they break up with me scenario. For sure. Yeah, for sure. Like he just didn't want to do it? Like he was too scared to break up with her? Apparently. And wanted to push her that far? Apparently.

Hmm. I don't know. I've never encountered that type of person. I don't know. I feel like a couple of my past boyfriends could have been that person. Like just bothering you, hoping you'll, you know, wear the pants effectively and end it? Just finally end it. Like the amount of, there's certain people, like I had an ex that like just continuously would cheat and it's like,

Are you trying to get me to dump you? And so that's kind of giving the same energy. But I don't know with this guy. I genuinely think he thinks he's funny. I think he thought he was being funny with that presentation. And he's just that clueless. Yeah. And has been catered to. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not vibing with it. Me neither. I'm not vibing with it. Some like...

like frat bro mentality type of thing. Especially like the just the absolutely not cooking. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone that long and cooking every meal for us. That would set me off. That would make me so mad. You just heard how I hate cooking. Like, yeah, I literally I can't. And I also have a weird thing with meat. Like I can't if I touch the meat before it starts cooking, I can't eat it. Do you like wear gloves? No. No.

I could try that. Wait, how do you cook meat then? I make Justin do it. I can do, so I can do ground chicken or ground turkey because that doesn't look as like meat. But if I have to cook chicken breasts and I have to like see the fascia and the white and the little bits of fat, I'm out. I can cook it, but I can't eat it then. Interesting. It's a really weird thing. But also it makes sense. Some people have sensory things. It's a sensory thing probably.

I don't know. Raw meat is not attractive. No. No, it's not. Do you have any cooking ones up on your channel right now as I scroll? Oh, my gosh. Everything you have? I did an episode years ago where I went to a cooking school for a week and learned how to make a fancy meal. I can't do any of that anymore. That was definitely like, I can follow a recipe. Yeah.

Even if it's a little complicated, yeah, I can follow the instructions. But I would not call myself a chef at all. It's hard. It is so hard. I met a chef this weekend at one of the live shows. I'm just so impressed. Like pastry chefs, chef chefs, any chef. I'm like, blows my mind. It just, it's so impressive. There's an episode we haven't released yet, and it's about...

For part of the episode, I worked at a Michelin star restaurant. Oh, my God. And it was crazy. That the behind the scenes of like Gordon in his kitchens is so intense. Like, oh, I I'm really excited for when that one drops. Real excited. But OK, moving along.

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It is coming from Am I the Asshole? Titled, Am I the Asshole for laughing at my sister after she got lost at sea while being a total dumbass on a jet ski? Oh my God.

Well, I'm laughing. Hopefully this helps us all. After being a total dumbass, this is crazy. Okay. I'm trying to type this up in a way that is neutral. And I don't sound like the meanest younger sister ever. I do think it's more nuanced than that. We were on the beach this morning and my cousin and his wife brought their jet skis. My sister rode one for a few minutes and then declared herself an expert.

My cousin said that we could have fun, but his cardinal rule was don't go past about 200 yards from the beach unless you were with a person on the other jet ski. On my sister's next turn, she basically set a path perpendicular to the beach and went as fast as she could straight out into the ocean. Okay. My cousin had the other one on the beach, filling it with gas. He screamed after my sister, but she just kept racing out into the ocean.

By the time my cousin got in the water, he had trouble starting the second jet ski. And my sister was just a tiny speck way, way out in the water. He never did get the second jet ski started.

We could still see her, but it looked like she was stranded. My mom freaked out and called 911, and after an hour or so, we saw a Coast Guard boat heading towards her. Maybe 20 minutes later, they pulled up to the beach with my sister in a blanket, sobbing that she was the most afraid she's ever been because she was, quote, lost at sea.

My mom took her into our VRBO and I guess made her soup and tea and listened to her blubber all afternoon. When she finally came out of her room, she wanted to hold court about her traumatic experience. And when she said the words, quote, a navigation error caused me to lose sight of land, I literally laughed as hard as I ever have in my life. It wasn't a navigation error. It was being a dumbass. Yeah.

She basically screamed, fuck you, Lindsay. I almost died. And I laughed even harder. She slammed her pumpkin spice latte on the table and slammed the door to her room. My mom says I owe her an apology and I wasn't taking her trauma seriously. Am I the asshole?

I think that this pumpkin spice sister has, like, again, so many clues. Instantly ignores the rules. Yeah. Strands herself at sea. Slams down a pumpkin spice latte. Slams the door. Like, this is a person who is so afraid to admit they're wrong that they are delusional. Yeah. Just admit you messed up. Yeah. I think it's totally fine to say,

I like I am so sorry I didn't listen to the rules. Y'all had to call 911. The Coast Guard came out and I was terrified for my life. Both of those things can be true that but to deny responsibility and to just make it entirely about yourself. I think that's crazy. It's so wild. And

I mean, you just never know when you're operating stuff like that. And so to go that far out when you're not an expert, like you just got a tutorial on it. You have no idea really how they operate or like what if it stalls out there on you? How do you get back? Like the 200 yards rule was so fair and that's still really far. And you can go back and forth up along the beach. Like

200 yards out and have just as much fun. Like, the ocean's so scary. Like, there's that one fear where it's like people are really scared of the ocean and what's beneath them. Mm-hmm. Is it like Thassilophobia? Ooh. Ooh, look at you with that big Thassilophobia. Or is that the fear of big things? Yeah, the persistent and intense fear of deep bodies of water, such as oceans, seas, or lakes. Yes, that fear.

When I'm out there, I'm not even far from the shore. I'm like maybe 20, 30 feet. And just picturing a little shark underneath me, I can't. I can't do it. I almost had a panic attack out there one time. Just can't do it. Yeah. So for her to be this reckless, and like you said, it could have been so easy. I was like, I fucked up. I shouldn't have gone as far.

But holy cow, was that so scary. So, so, so scary. And I want to unpack it and I want to talk about it and I'm in shock. Like, that's okay. Yeah. But to package it with I'm in shock and I'm scared because you guys did this to me is sort of the essence, I feel, of what's being said, which is so unfair. It was a navigation error. Navigation error? Sounds like a human error by you, the human operating the jet ski. Oh, my God.

You did a sailing challenge. Yes. Did you have like anything where you were like, what if we got lost at sea? Because like, I mean, it was a 17th century sailing challenge. So like no technology. Like, yeah, I mean, it's pretty freaky when you realize that, you know, our ancestors who

crossed the Atlantic Ocean to come to America did this without Google Maps. Dude. Now that, what I just said is the most like ridiculous thing. I know like everyone's going to comment like, well, of course they did. But like really think about that. No. You're using the stars to navigate. You're relying on wind to push you across the ocean. What if there's no wind? You just sit there and bob? Right. Exactly.

Exactly. You're just waiting. Where does all your stuff go? It's crazy. And you get seasick and physically moving the sails to change directions. You're physically pulling ropes to swing the sails in different directions to open them, to close them. I get hit by one for sure. Yeah, which is common. So it was really intense. So I empathize with the fear of the ocean and being alone out there. Lots of empathy. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I don't think the asshole with this one. No. I myself had a jet ski experience and it just like goes to show like never trust a machine no matter how like good of condition you think it is. So Justin and I were jet skiing during like a family reunion and we had two jet skis and we were, you know, we thought this was going to be great. And we're out in this lake in the middle of like Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. Yeah.

And all of a sudden, like we stopped to talk to each other. And as we stopped to talk, Justin's jet ski starts sinking. So it turns out jet skis have plugs in them. Like a bathtub? Yeah. What? So there was a plug at the back of this jet ski. Maybe newer ones don't, but this was an older jet ski. And apparently when we were going, the plug had fallen out.

And so essentially the hollow hull that like keeps it afloat was filling with water. And so I'm on one jet ski that like, and trying to like keep him and his jet ski floating above water. Because if we let this thing go down, it's, it's at the bottom of the lake. Yeah. I don't know how deep this lake is and we're, we're probably not getting it back.

And all of a sudden we're like trying to wave down pontoons and anyone that'll help. And like we had to get towed back like this girl. So if people are trying to implement rules for a reason or safety measures like 200 yards, follow the rules. Follow the rules. Follow the rules. Just be safe out there.

But not the asshole. No. Top comment. Not the asshole. That shit is funny. And now that she is safe, we can say it's funny how dumb she was. Not the asshole. Your sister should feel lucky to be alive. Yeah. Because that's also true. It took an hour for the Coast Guard to get to her. Like, I couldn't tread water that long. There's no way. Gosh, no.

No way. Someone goes, she dodged a Darwin award. Truly lucky. You, not the asshole. Sister, asshole, lacking sense and safety awareness. Hope she is thankful for the Coast Guard. Yeah. So crazy. I just, water. Water really freaks me out. Even though I'm a Pisces, I love the water, but maybe I respect it so much as a Pisces, it freaks me out.

You know what it's capable of. Exactly. Exactly. Okay, moving along. Another one of this week's partners is HelloFresh. I'm hosting my first Thanksgiving. Family's flying out from Minnesota, and I don't even know where to begin. That is where HelloFresh comes in, guys. With HelloFresh, you get farm-fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep, so you can skip those trips to the grocery store.

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Picked it because I know you've run a marathon. Oh my, this is a marathon story? It's a marathon story. Let's hear it. I've already got opinions. Am I the asshole for signing up for a marathon last minute when my friend wants running to be her thing? Okay. No. And I already don't like the marathon. Immediately no. I, 38, signed up for a marathon a week before the race. Wow. That's crazy. Insane.

After finding out I would need rotator cuff surgery, I haven't been able to climb, which is my first love, but I've always enjoyed running casually. I've done a few races before, one marathon without training, so I felt like I could probably do it again. And it's something that keeps me motivated and gives me a sense of accomplishment, especially as I'm prepping for an upcoming surgery. Oh, man. My friend was planning to run the marathon, but hadn't trained until the week of.

I figured we could both. Both of these people are crazy. I'm sorry. I'm stopping you right there. For a marathon without training. This is not a YouTube video. This is just life. Normal life. People are out here doing this. First of all, I just need to say medically, do not recommend. Do not run a marathon without training. Start with a 5K, 10K, y'all, half marathon.

But y'all leap. This is like I got Thassilophobia thinking about running a marathon without training and there's no oceans involved in a marathon. Oh, OK. And we have two people who have not trained for a marathon that are about to run it. Two. Two. And one is like, let me just let me just get in a quick marathon before I have surgery. Insane. Insane.

I figured we could both run really slowly together. The whole week, I was trying to find a bib. I told her I was planning to sign up too. She was fine with that until I told her I finally found a bib. And then she got really upset. I had posted on Facebook saying I was going to run it last minute, and she freaked out. She told me that running this marathon was her thing, and it feels like I'm trying to take over something that's special to her.

She said that me posting about it on Facebook would overshadow her post. I never saw it that way. I just thought we could even support each other during the run. She accused me of being a shitty friend and just said some really terrible things to me. At the run itself, I lost her at the first mile. I texted her like five times, called her three times. She ignored all of them.

She called me two hours later and she's three miles behind me and tells me to stop and wait for her. At this point, I had decided to run the marathon for myself and I'd see her at the end. So I said no, which she insists is a sign that I'm selfish and an unsupportive friend. She was so mad that I was ahead of her that she quit at mile 16 and cut the course to finish with a better time than me.

Which, I mean, is fine. This is great. I finished in 6.15 and was proud of myself in the end. She is insistent that running is her thing and says I'm not allowed to engage in it, which feels literally insane to me. She was originally going to help me with post-surgery stuff, but now she's decided not to, saying she feels betrayed by me doing the marathon.

I don't feel like running a race should be something that belongs to one person, especially since it's something I love too. But maybe I missed something in how I approached it. Am I the asshole? This is so wild to me. Like, again, just all the like little pieces of tidbits of scenes that we got from this essay was so revealing. Like, who's picking up the phone and calling someone else during a marathon?

That's nuts. And then for that person to be like, hey, can you wait a quick three miles for me to catch up? Like if you're running 615 mile, like if you're running a marathon in 615, I don't know the math, but you're probably doing like 10 to 15 minute miles maybe.

So that means she's basically asking her friend to wait like 30 to 45 minutes. At least 30 minutes. That's not cool because then you're cooling down. You're cramping like that. Asset build up in your legs. I mean, everything. Like, I don't even know if you'd be able to continue after pausing for that long. Like people after they get done running marathons are like, I mean, you've done it. I haven't. So like, I feel like you just are like,

you kind of get numb. Completely depleted. You shut down. Totally depleted. And there's also a lot of physiology that comes with timing liquid and food intake when you're doing a long cardiovascular activity. So for example, if this person at mile 16 or whatever stops, your metabolism will get kind of crazy because your body will think, okay, now we're recovering.

And then to suddenly be like, JK, 30 minutes from now, we're going from a dead stop to suddenly running another 10 miles. Yeah. That's so bad for you. It's so much better to keep going because then what happens is when you pause and maybe you notice this, like even if you just go to the gym and you work out, the second you finish working out, you might notice you're hungry pretty immediately. Yeah.

And that's because your body is like, all right, now that heart rates come down and everything, we're noticing sugar and protein stores are low and we need to refuel. So it's that signal to the body of like, we're in recovery mode. And I'm not a scientist. I'm saying all this wrong, probably. I think that would have been very bad for the OPs race. Absolutely. What I think is actually going on here is a case of when you have like an all-star friend

And that's, I have so much empathy for that. I have so much empathy for the other person in this situation of when you are friends with somebody who is just naturally really good at everything and they come in and they're, you know, they don't study for the test, but they get an A or, you know, they post a picture and it gets way more likes than you on Facebook or whatever. I forgot Facebook existed, honestly. And

we've all experienced jealousy of someone for whom we think life is easier for them than for us. So I get that. But I think that that's what this is. It's really interesting. It seems like, I don't know, it seems like they really wanted this for themselves, but it's also like,

What about the other 8,000 people that are running that marathon? That's not just your thing. Realistically, you can't gatekeep running. It is one of the most accessible hobbies people can have, passions. People are going to run. Your friend who you're mad at for signing up last minute has already run a marathon in the past. It's already not just your thing.

So I'm not sure, like, this is just so unrealistic. And then you're so threatened by your friend being ahead of you. You almost want to sabotage them by having them wait. And then you don't care that they're not waiting for you. You just want a better time, so you cut the course. You didn't even finish the marathon. You cheated. So what is this really about? I think it is jealousy. I can't imagine. And I...

I get being jealous. Like I've been in that position. Like I've been jealous of friends in the past. But then you have to kind of ask yourself, like, is this person like am I being a good friend of this person? Or like, is it good for my mental health to be friends with this person? Like, I feel like there's so many people out there that have friends that are secretly like their biggest hater.

Yeah. And that is just so toxic. And if you are the hater friend, like you need to buck up and stop being friends with that person for both of your own sake, your own good and move on. Find friends that you don't have that toxic competition drive with. I've had that. It does not work, though. It's

It's crazy. And it's harder as the person not even realizing there's a competition, but yet you have a friend that's constantly competing with you. And it's like, I'm not competing with you. Like, I thought we were friends. And that's this weird energy here. This is just not healthy. Yeah. I don't, I can't imagine someone telling me I can't do something. It's my thing. You can't ride horses. Michelle, you cannot ride horses. It's my thing. Yeah.

Everyone knows riding horses is your thing. That would be crazy, though. Yeah. And it's my goal to get you on a horse. Oh, I can't wait. It's going to be good. I'm excited. It's just it's weird. But yeah, she wants to claim running as like her corner where she's good at something better than other people at it. I don't get it.

Top comment, not the asshole. This is absolutely bizarre. A true enthusiast of any sport wants everyone to join in. She's an insecure asshole. Agree. OP does respond and goes, exactly. She's like, I can't even do that to you with climbing because I don't have health insurance. I'm like, I would love for you to get into climbing. Her worldview seems warped.

You've also done climbing, too. Yeah, it seems like that's an excuse. If you're saying, I can't do climbing because I don't have health insurance, why are you running? Why are you doing other things? You know, all of those things are injury-prone activities. You can't live in a bubble. She doesn't have health insurance but is running a marathon without training. That's correct and crazy. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. To me, that seems like a conveniently bizarre excuse because I don't want to go rock climbing with you because you're better at it than me and I'll feel bad because I won't be the best. Oh my gosh. So crazy. I think my little editor over there ran a half marathon without training. Yeah. That's amazing. She goes, I did do that. I heard you got real bad shin splints. She couldn't walk for two weeks. You wore really old shoes. Oh my

And this is why we train properly, have good footwear, you prepare. Just don't be like... That's so impressive, though. Jenna's over here. She's like, why do you rope me into this, Morgan? Don't worry, guys. You'll see Jenna on an episode very soon. Yay! It's happening. Okay, moving along. I think I'm going to give you a choice on this one. Choice. Yeah.

Option number one, today I fucked up and accidentally ruined something my boyfriend really cares about. Or two, am I the asshole for telling my boyfriend he crossed a line with my work-life balance? Two. Two? Okay. It's five hours old. Again, titled, am I the asshole for telling my boyfriend he crossed a line with my work-life balance?

I, 28 female, work long, intense hours at a high-pressure job, and my boyfriend, 30 male, knows this. Recently, I finally set boundaries to stop taking work calls after 7 p.m. This has helped me unwind and prioritize our time together, which he initially seemed to support. Last night, my boss called around 8.30 p.m., but I ignored it. My boyfriend asked why I didn't pick up,

And I explained I didn't want work intruding on my evening. To my shock, he picked up my phone and answered the call himself. Nope, I'm out. Saying I was, quote, too busy relaxing to talk. What? So not only did he pick up the phone, but tattled on her. I was mortified. My boss sounded annoyed, and I had to spend 30 minutes on the call only because he made it sound like I was slacking off.

Afterwards, I was furious and told him it wasn't his place to interfere with my work like that. He thinks I'm overreacting and shouldn't be ashamed of setting boundaries. Am I the asshole? Okay, I need more information. What does he do? Why does he feel entitled to mess with her work? Sounds like he doesn't have a job.

I would never answer the phone with someone else's boss. I would never answer someone else's phone unless they're like, hey, can you get that for me? So weird. To interact with someone's phone without permission is very strange. Super inappropriate. Well, and to just be like...

hey, she's unavailable. Can I take a message? Like, it wasn't him doing that. It was him being like, hey, she's too busy relaxing. Why does he want her to fail? See, this is why I feel like, is he jobless in trying to make her, like, work more or something? I don't know. I'm looking at OP's comments. I don't see anything about him and his work. OP is just like,

I do need to set firmer boundaries with both my boss and him. Why are they like in cahoots? It feels like the boss like threw the boyfriend a hundred bucks and said like, if she doesn't answer, answer and pressure her to work. People are kind of like, it sounds like he's trying to sabotage you. Yes. And Opie goes, I really hope he wasn't trying to sabotage me. Definitely going to have a serious talk with him. It almost felt like he didn't care about the consequences at all.

What? How do you not like potentially think if I answer this call and make her look bad by saying this, she could get fired? Yeah. And then what does that mean for both of us? It's crazy. I just feel like having a partner who is a cheerleader for you is such an important part of personal confidence within a relationship. And

He's the opposite. He's like bullying and undermining her work. Yeah. It's also like she's trying to not only have more time to relax, but I assume also for the relationship. Why does he want her to work during their hangout relationship time after work? And it's just a complete lack of respect. Lack of respect for the boundaries. And I don't know how you can be firmer. Like you already set the boundary, right?

And now you're going further. Like, how do you even go further? Don't touch my phone ever. Like, that's where you're at now after this. And then if he really doesn't respect you, like, you don't have a partner. You don't have someone who's going to be your cheerleader. Like, you have someone who's at that point being willfully incompetent and stupid. And I would have to assume is trying to sabotage you. Yeah. There's no other. There's no other explanation. Mm hmm.

Top comment. Wow, this is really inappropriate. He just undermined you and damaged your relationship with your boss. To me, it's creepy that he even answers your phone at all unless there was emergency, much less when he knows it's your boss calling, not the asshole.

And it is super odd that he still chose to answer after he got a direct explanation of like, oh, I'm setting boundaries. I'm not answering my phone. That's why I'm not picking up. And then he like grabs it still after that and goes, hey, she's too busy relaxing to come to the phone. It seems really toxic. I think so. That is not a partner. That is an enemy. Yeah.

I wouldn't be able to stay with someone. I know it seems really small. I don't think it's small. He could have gotten her fired. And I'm curious what else is going on, like you said, like what else is going on here? There were no comments from Opie about his job, him having a job or any other context surrounding that. And I'm giving it's giving kind of like he's a sugar baby.

He doesn't work. Like nobody with a job behaves like that. No, unless he just doesn't understand like social expectations. But even then she literally just said, I'm not answering for a reason. So like to take it upon yourself, you're crazy. You're being goofy. I don't know. I don't like it. I don't either. I don't like it. I'm out. I'm out. Okay.

I have one last one for you today. Okay. It is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. Yay! It is titled, Sometimes I Hate My Son. Oh my God. Okay, here we go. I am not a mother, so probably don't take my advice. That's how I need to start prefacing every mom parenting take I have. I haven't had a kid. Don't believe anything I say.

Oh.

Because of that, he can be an absolute terror, hitting and even biting his older sister, starting fights at dinner for no reason, throwing tantrums if he can't have his favorite snacks, etc. So far, he's broken a TV, peed on my favorite reading chair, trashed the bathroom on multiple occasions, continuously bullies his sister to the point that she now needs to sleep in my arms like when she was little so that she can even feel safe.

He's keeping me up at nights, refusing to sleep, and running all around the apartment after repeated attempts to put him to bed. It's costing me sleep, and sometimes I just hate him for being so annoying. I know he's young and can't help it, but God. He will be four at the end of October, and my oldest daughter is currently dealing with some health issues, and his bullying doesn't help.

I do leave my oldest in charge while I work as I can't afford a sitter, so my son's bullying can't really be addressed properly in the moment when I'm not at home. I'm at a loss. Morgan and fam, what do I do? Also, they're both cats. Mud! The sigh of relief. I'm sitting here rolodexing through like, wow, this is crazy. We're talking like...

Kid getting dropped at the firehouse type of, oh my God. I need a moment. I just need a moment. Also, they're both cats. Last line in there. When I first read this, I was fuming. I was so mad. I was literally in the comments typing on my own sub, like about to be like, what is happening here? You hate your kid. Get help. Like we need therapy, family therapy. They're both cats.

Oh, I feel dumb now. Seems like... I don't know. I know there are dog trainers. Are there cat trainers? Maybe this is like a behavioral thing to be addressed, but probably what's going on is... So is it they broke up? The mom left...

Is the mom a human or a cat in this metaphor? I think the mom was a cat. Oh, he just found a baby cat. Okay. Apparently there are cat trainers. Hiring a cat trainer can be a great way to help your cat adjust to their new home, learn good behaviors and manners, and even enjoy themselves in the process. Yeah. Maybe spend like...

Well, it's probably expensive, too. But there's YouTube videos. YouTube videos. Here you go. Next challenge. Challenge accepted. I trained as a cat trainer. Absolutely not. You're on your own. You're on your own, Opie. Oh, my God. I can't do it. Yeah, I think you got to fire up YouTube. You got to look inward because at the end of the day, you did accept the responsibility of being a parent, right?

And therefore, you've got to follow through. Yeah. And the one cat, 17, I mean, she's a senior. Senior gal. Can't let this three-year-old little boy bully him, bully her. Like, you might have to separate them in different rooms while you're, you know, at work during the day. But top comment, you totally had me the entire time. I was so outraged until the very end. Right? Like, how much of a terror can this kid be that his 17-year-old sister had to sleep with dad?

In his arms, no less. I love this. This was a lighthearted way to end us after all the crazy today. I have messaged OP asking for a cat tax. So hopefully by the time this episode comes out, there will be a picture of the cat inserted here. But other than that, Michelle, thank you so, so much for being here.

Where can everyone find you, your content, all of your amazing videos? I mean, the black belt one that I just got the pleasure of coming to the premiere was amazing. Thank you. You have so many amazing videos and all of your challenges. I mean, from you treasure hunted the Houdini deadliest trick by far blew me out of the water. You've done FBI hostage negotiation, air traffic control, which that would send me spiraling.

I mean, you've done so many. So where can people find you? You can find me on YouTube at Michelle Carre. And thank you so much for having me, Morgan and THT family. You did so good. Oh my God. I'm excited to see what people think about these ones. I feel like this is one of the episodes...

where my take has really disagreed from the Reddit vote. Yeah. So I'm excited to see where people align on all of these. We look forward to your comments and thoughts, agreeing or disagreeing. I'm excited.

All of Michelle's links will be in the description. Be sure to go watch some of the videos on her channel. Subscribe, check it out, but you will not regret it. Again, like I've been blown away and I'm so happy you came on. So thank you again. Thanks for having me. Other than that, fam, head over to Patreon for some more fun stuff. But until next time, bye.

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