133: Stopped Us in Our Tracks..
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COVID-19 and flu viruses disguise themselves to fool your immune system. That's why COVID-19 and flu vaccines are updated to protect you. Stay up to date on COVID-19 and flu vaccinations. Sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education, Equity, and Progress. Just a reminder to subscribe and thank you. Hey guys, I'm Lauren and I'm back from the Philippines. And I just want to say that

All the Filipinos that I met were absolutely the most incredible people of all time. So jealous. Thank you guys who live in the Philippines for being so hospitable. It's an amazing country. And I'm your host, Morgan. Welcome back to another Too Hot Takes episode. Let's get into this. Let's do it. Here we go. It's 9.29 p.m. as we are starting this recording. I'm off to London next week.

What? Yeah. Since when? It's been a couple weeks in the works. Did I know this? I don't think so. I've just been so busy. I went from Minnesota back to LA for a week here. Then I'm off to London, Europe. I'm going to Paris for two weeks. Wait, when? Yeah. When? Yeah. Next week. Next week? Monday, September 11th is my flight there. Okay.

Yeah. And then I'm off to Minnesota for the live show. And then I'll be back. I think I'm going to be back in LA most of October, luckily. Are you going from London to Minnesota? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's going to be a lot for me. Are you bringing your equipment everywhere? Obviously. Yeah. It's going to be a lot for me. So I realized, I was like, I don't have any episodes. So

I recorded one earlier today with Alejandra. Lauren is here now. We're going to knock out the first half. The other half will come later this week. We are then recording a spooky episode. Like we are just, I'm jamming them in. I really said. Did you say jamming? Jam. Uncut jams. Like instead of jamming them in? Did I say jamming? I think so. I mean jamming. Yeah. Like jam them in.

Yeah, that's me right now. I'm losing marbles a little bit, but... I like gemming. I hope that's what you said. Gemming. I'm gemming them. Yeah. Yeah, we could make it a thing going forward. But today's little theme, this theme for this episode, is like, ooh, stopped us in our tracks. Okay. Like these stories, like you read them and you're like,

What? No, no, no, no. Are you going to add that one that you sent to me? Oh, yeah. The one that...

So Morgan never ever sends me the stories or examples, but we were going to do a trio episode and the timing didn't work out for me and Alejandra, so we split them up. But we are going to do a trio episode soon. It's common. For the people who want the trio ones. It's common. It's coming up. Spooky. Hopefully not too spooky. I might have read that one for Alejandra. Okay. TBD. We'll see what happens when we get into it. Okay, cool. Because that one, I...

I was, even though I read it myself and we don't ever do that, I was still excited to share my thoughts with you. Okay. Well, we're going to see if we get it. It'll be a surprise for all of us because I don't even know what one I sent now. Yeah. Do you want me to tell you? No. It was about names. Oh, no, we're not doing that one. Okay. No. Aww. Yeah.

No, that one didn't pop up on her episode. Okay. And it will not be on yours. Oh, where is it going to be? Maybe Patreon eventually. Really? I thought that was a good one. It is a good one. Everything good goes to Patreon. I still have our polycule story to edit for Patreon. Oh, to God. Okay, but are you ready? Okay, let's dive in. Let's do it. Let's do it.

Are you ready? Mm-hmm. Buckled up. Seatbelt on for safety. Let's see it. Yep. Shoulder harness too. There you go. Okay. So this one was posted on August 6, 2023. It is originally coming from Relationship Advice by Throwaway Broken Wife. It is titled, My 41 Female Husband, 52 Male, Has a Second Family on the Side. Mm-hmm.

I've been sitting with this information for almost two weeks now, and I still don't know how to proceed. My husband has been in what seems like a committed relationship with another woman, and he's playing happy families with her and her three sons. They're even planning on having a baby.

A week ago, I stumbled on a TikTok account of this lady sharing her recipes. And in the background, I recognized my husband's back. Oh, my God. I wasn't too sure at first. But after taking a real good look as his wife, I know that fool's neck, back, legs...

and the clothing he was wearing, so I went looking through her posted videos just to piece together a confirmation of it really being my husband, and I continued to keep an eye on him and his movements, but he seemed normal. It's clear to me now that he has his cheating down to a science. Every time he went on his work trips, she'd post these videos saying she's cooking a new recipe because her man is coming back from his work trip.

She'd plate the food up, and I'd recognize his grubby hands by the look and the way he'd hold the cutlery. He has a peculiar way of holding it. Kind of looks like a Neanderthal discovering forks and knives. I can't believe this bastard has been with her for three years. I don't know how he found the time to start an entire relationship on the side. I thought we were happy. This is why I won't date someone who's obsessed with golf.

He tells me he loves me all the time, always brings me a gift from his work trips. When he's home, we have a great sex life and pretty much have sex four to six times a week. We talk all the time. We've been married for 21 years and we have two daughters. We lost our eldest son 10 years ago, but we worked through it and got closer than ever before. We're even due to have our 22nd anniversary and it's his turn to plan it.

We alternate who plans the anniversary each year. I know he's been planning an elaborate party for us. So why is he cheating? I'm so angry and don't know what steps to take. I am utterly distraught. I thought we were happy. I thought he loved our little life.

I feel like I can't think and I barely know where to start. I can barely focus. What do I do and how do I do it? I love coming on here and reading things and giving advice, but now that it's me, I feel like I can't think. I nearly burned my kitchen down because I literally spaced out and forgot I was cooking. Is that the end of it? That is the original post. Wow. That really reminds me of the... I think it's called The Other Woman. The one with Cameron Diaz and...

Yes. Kate Upton and then I'm blanking on the redhead's name. Is it Leslie Mann? Oh, yeah. I think that's her. Okay, yeah. She's so cute. Amazing movie. The three of them had such good chemistry together. And we cannot forget about the queen herself.

Nicki Minaj was in it. Yeah, that's right. She was so good. Her and her hot little butt walking around the office. She was a good actress. She crushed that role. Yeah, she really did. Yeah. She crushed it. Crushed it. But yeah, it is hard. Like, I don't know what you would do in that moment. It's just so crazy. I wonder people like that, what type of...

Do they look at it as a competition? Like, is it just so is he is he I don't believe that he's unfulfilled. I believe that he's trying to see like what he can get away with. Do you know what I mean? I think some people make a game out of it. I don't know. It just seems so fucking crazy to want to live two different lives unless you looked at it as some type of defeat. Let's see what I can get away with. I don't know because I don't understand how could anyone want to do that?

I feel like there's a lot of times people cheat or do things like this because they can. I think it is like a challenge of like, how far can I get? Or like they're happy in this 20 year marriage, like at the time of him cheating, I guess they would have been married for 19 years, not 20. But he's had 19 years. It's been safe. It's been comfortable. He doesn't want to go through a divorce. He doesn't want to split his assets, but he's not completely happy.

He'd like a little more fun. He'd like a younger wife, maybe some younger kids to play dad to. But that's what's that's what really stops me, too, because I feel a lot of times you hear these stories and it's like because the fact that they have this like cute little baby.

you know, life with their children and their wife. And then all of a sudden they're going through a midlife crisis and they're like, I want to feel wanted again. And if, you know, a woman, a single woman shows them an ounce of interest. Yeah. Then they get excited. It makes them feel like,

youthful and then that's where that kind of happened. So that's what's strange to me that he's not only cheating, but he's living two different lives with two different, you know, like sets of kids, you know, that you don't hear about that. Not often, at least. No. And we did have a story where there was a husband who was having another another life and did actually have his own kids already with that woman. Wow. But I know someone in real life like

really rabbit hole connection, but like a friend has someone in their life that their dad was a pilot and had a whole nother family. And that other family like doesn't know about him at all. And he passed before it ever came out. So it's just like this shit happens. Like it, it's crazy. Like I saw a TikTok trend and it was like, it was kind of playing off the Barbie thing where it was like,

My Ken is in sales. All he does is sales. He travels all the time in sales. And I remember like seeing comments of people like, I could never date a Ken in sales. Like traveling too much. Like blah, blah, blah. Oh, that was a joke, by the way, to anyone who's a golfer. I don't actually mean that. Yeah, why was the golf thing? Well, because it's to me the reason that

I don't like the idea of dating someone who's obsessed with golf is because it's such a time consuming sport. And a lot of people do it on Saturdays and Sundays. And so it's like,

If my husband and I, I wanted to hang out with him on a Saturday and a Sunday. And then he's like, but it's my passion. You know, I want to go to golf. And then I play for he plays for like eight hours because sometimes they're just gone forever. 18 holes. And then like they're, you know, with their friends and they're drinking and then they get like food afterwards and all that stuff. So have you ever tried golfing?

Yeah, when I was young. I'm not knocking golfing. No, but like if that was his passion, maybe you could participate from time to time. Yeah, I mean, if I loved golf, that would be awesome. Like, I think it'd be so awesome to have a mutual love. Just go drive the cart and have a drink. Well, I don't need to because I'm not dating someone who's obsessed with golf. There you go. But anyway, I was just trying to make a joke because...

If somebody says that they're just golfing on a Sunday and they're gone for eight hours, it's not suspicious. That is quite the long round of golf.

telling you? I'm an amateur. I'm not even an amateur. I'm like a baby novice golfer and it didn't take me eight hours. Okay, but think about it. Let's say the golf course is an hour away. So an hour there and an hour back. Now you're adding valuable context. Yes, you get there a little bit early because you want to get breakfast with your guys and then you start off making a toast and you're drinking. You're buying those drinks and tipping that hot golf cart Bev girl. Oh, no. Haven't you seen the hot beverage cart girls? No.

They literally employ the hottest girls to work the beverage carts. Man. There's literally this TikTok creator. I'm forgetting her name. She's so cute. She decorates her little cart and has her cute outfits. And she's like, ooh, $100 tip. Oh, no. Every person out there with a partner that golfs is like, ha. Yeah. Like, they're going to show up, like, with binoculars the next time their person says, hey, I'm going golfing, sweetie. Yeah. Just out there. Yeah.

Oh, man. No, I mean, I'm kidding. I don't know golfers to be cheaters or anything like that. So that's not the reference. It's just it's just thinking about how in the world could somebody create a whole nother family? What could they make an excuse that they're doing for so long that they could go have another family? Because you think about it, it's like, well, if you're having an affair, then, you know, after work, you can say I'm working long hours, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But it's like to be have like

a whole nother family, you'd think that you'd have to have some Saturdays and Sundays in there. How are you going to pretend to be gone all day long, undisturbed, not on your phone for that amount of time? Golf. Anyway. Apparently. I was just spitballing, but I just. We're going to spit some stats at people.

Men who play these sports are more likely to cheat on their partners. This is coming from Australian Men's Health. I'm not sure where they're getting this data yet. Girls love guys who play sports and keep fit. But it turns out not all sports are as innocent as others, with a new survey revealing what sport you play could be an indicator as to how faithful you'll likely be. Okay.

rugby players admitted to being the most likely to cheat on their partners. The results found that those who play team sports are far more likely to cheat on their partners than those who play solo sports. The top three sports for cheaters were found to be rugby, number one. Number two, football. Take a guess what number three is. Is it golf? Yeah! Wow! Yeah!

I thought you said team sports, though, and I thought that golf was more of a solo sport. You would think so. The survey pointed the two sports where competitors are least likely to cheat are swimming and running. Going to the gym was also an excuse used by a small number of people to cover up an affair.

Well, and that's the other thing, too, if you think about it, because now I'm worried that we're worrying people's like golf people right now. And that's not what I want to do at all. But because if you think about it, if if you do have someone who's actually obsessed with playing golf, yeah, then they're going to play golf. They're not going to, you know.

Yeah. That excuse and not play golf and then go with another girl. Well, and this guy's whole prerogative was he was going to work. He was on work trips. Yeah. So it's not even the fun pastimes. Yeah. His job. Right. Which I'm very confused. Does she live in the city he's going to work in?

Like we need we need more. So are there updates? We got updates. Oh, why don't you tell me that from the start? Oh, we got receipts. We got updates. I would have skipped this golf thing. I thought we didn't have anything else we were working with because oh, no, we got we got stuff we're working with here. So the top comment on the original post, collect all the evidence, all of the videos and a timeline of all of his work trips, contact a divorce lawyer and hit him with divorce papers.

Yeah. Yeah.

I have also been collecting all of our bank statements, but I can't find anything incriminating. At this point, I'm thinking he has a secondary bank account I don't know of, and he's probably having the post delivered at his office or at his mistress's house. Yeah. Online banking. You get, like, rewards for it. Paperless statements. No, this is definitely a second bank account. No question. I'm actually considering hiring a private investigator to do a deep dive since I can't find any evidence of his cheating.

I think that's a good idea because, I mean, I guess I don't know what their... If they have a prenup or what their state laws are. Yeah. Or what their situation is financially, but...

I would just be worried about the fact that he is this conniving, that he is secretly funneling a ton of money in other avenues. Oh, yeah. In case he does get caught that way, he doesn't have to give her, you know, as much money. Let's say if he had to give her money. I know that's something that happens. So, well, is he also bankrolling this other woman's whole life?

Like, what is he paying for? Right. There's another comment here that says, do a credit check for free on him. You might find info on his other accounts or credit cards, which Credit Karma displays. It displays all your debts, all the different cards. Wow.

All you need is your social. Oh, because. Oh, because. Okay. Got it. Yeah. I mean, I knew that part. I just didn't know that. I thought you were saying it's public information. No. That's crazy. She would need like private information. A P.I. could be helpful, but you need to consult with a lawyer first and they might have a P.I.,

If you are spending on a PI, you need to do it because you'll get more money or something in the divorce. Don't waste a lot of money on a PI just because you want to know. And you'll need a PI with a license so the information can be used in a divorce proceeding. That's good info. Seems like great public knowledge. Yeah.

Someone goes, talk to a lawyer. Don't talk to him first. OP, I've been looking up law firms and will be reaching out for an appointment on Monday. I definitely won't tell him a thing until I've sorted myself out and all of our ducks are in a row. As far as the business goes, I am financially invested and own half of it. So I definitely need to get a lawyer and forensic accountant involved. I do work and can fully afford to support myself and my girls.

Do you have any copies of your tax returns? I'd find those. If you can't, you can request them from the IRS. If you can, I'd check his wallet sometime to see if there's any debit cards from a bank you don't know of. Definitely going to do this. Thank you.

This really is like the other woman, this whole situation. Everyone's asking, how is he funding her? My husband makes great money. We are financially well off. He owns his own business, of which I'm heavily invested in since its creation. In the past few years, he has been establishing a new office in a city not too far from where his mistress lives, I guess. That's how we met her. Woo-wee! Crazy.

Do you have real evidence or just pictures of a guy's back? So there are no pictures or videos of his full face slash front body. She always has him obscured or puts emojis where his face is. But looking through various pictures and videos posted, I have recognized his hands, hands, entire back, lips, haircut, scars, his clothes, his suitcases, his car's interior, his grandfather's watch, and his laptop. There's nothing special about it, but my daughters have put a ton of stickers on the bottom part.

So piecing all of that together, I am certain it's him. Yeah. Trust your gut. Yeah. People just know sometimes. I just loved how she just went in describing how she knew it was him. And she's like, yeah, I saw his grimy little hands that looked like a Neanderthal. It just felt so like casual, like as if it was factual information, but they were such funny burns. Oh, so good. Okay. Update. Update.

This was posted on August 28th, which would have been three weeks after the initial post. First, thank you all for your kindness and for all the great advice you've given me. I'm truly grateful. The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I've been able to engage the services of a great divorce lawyer, and I was advised to not let my husband know that I knew of his affair.

I was then finally given the go-ahead a few days ago, and, well, at first, he refused to admit anything. But I was prepared for that. I showed him all of the online posts his mistress made. I also showed him pictures taken by my investigator. He still denied it, then accused me of being insane. Then, after hours of me just throwing evidence after evidence after him, he finally admitted to the affair. Fucking freak.

He tried to twist things so that he could weasel and lie his way out of it, but I was relentless. I did not let him twist reality and make me doubt the plain truth. We argued all day and all night. It was exhausting.

The next morning, he tried to get on my good side because I woke up to him having made breakfast and he was begging me to not hate him and to find it in my heart to forgive. I told him I could not and that I wanted a divorce. That brought on the waterworks and he called me a heartless and an unforgiving bitch. Oh my God. He then left to take his things to his parents' house as I had asked him to leave.

While he was at his parents, I went to his mistress's home. My sister went with me. She waited in the car. And well, she let me in and we talked. She wasn't even surprised I was there. I had already suspected she was aware of him being a married man, but I still gave her the benefit of the doubt. That's what I was wondering. Because I was like, okay, she's covering him up with little stickers. Why would you do that? You only usually do that to kids. Yeah, well, especially if they've been together for...

How many years? Weren't they seeing each other for years? Or did I miss... I think over... I think around three years. Oh, three years. Yeah. That's just like... That is... That's a commitment. Wow. And at that point, you have to wonder like, he's not talking to me. Where is he? Why is he disappearing during these times? Doing God knows what. Like...

My ex would disappear during the weekends and like I got to the end and I'm like, yeah, this is a fishy fucker. He's got cell phone service. He's lying. Yeah. Like you start to pick up on things. Crazy. I'm just like spilling everywhere today. Spilled on my white rug. I just spilled all over my computer. Yeah.

I spilled on myself earlier. Dude, right when you said that I spilled on myself, like this second you said, I am just, I literally just spilled on myself. Like I want to see you zoom in on that. I will. I'll do a zoom for all the people watching on YouTube. My mouse pad is so sticky. I can't even scroll anymore.

Okay. Wow. Shut the fuck up. Wow.

Someone says that to my face after fucking my husband for many years. This woman, she has the self-control of a monk. I, to be honest, I'm just so proud of people when they find out stuff like that from the start and they don't instantly just go fucking crazy, like blowing them up. Like she was so smart about it, took her time, you know, did all the right things. And then it's like the fact that she's going to address this woman, like,

Probably thinking that she's helping this woman out too. And that woman, she is literally so many bad words that I just don't have the energy to say right now. And she just played herself. She just admitted that he spent all this money on her. Oh my God. Guess who owns half of all of her shit? Oh, wow. That wife. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Wow.

that she's ruining his chance at saving his marriage. I just thanked her for being forthcoming and continue to laugh my way out of the house because yes, my husband makes great money, but as his business partner, I own half of his business. And as his wife, I own half of all of his other assets.

So I am glad that she gloated and that she confirmed that he paid for most of what she has. That's insane. Now I know for certain that he nor she deserves an ounce of my sympathy and I will take back everything he ever gave her and much more. I love that. Oh, that's hilarious. Wow, that girl's a fucking... Oh my God. Sweetie.

That's amazing. There is one more comment that's from someone that just goes, hire a forensic accountant ASAP. And OP goes, oh, did that because I'm certain he used company finances to live extra lavishly. There you go. Wow. That's honestly hilarious and so iconic. I just love, love, love, love, love that the other woman just shot herself in the foot so badly. Yeah.

Insane. Insane. Who talks to somebody like that? Like, how deranged do you have to be to be sleeping with somebody else's husband for three years and then think that you won? He's not. He didn't leave her. They're married. Like, yeah. It wasn't he left her and chose you. Yeah. He never left her. No. You're a side person. Like,

Like stop. Full stop. Please stop. Please just stop. It's over. I think it is interesting. And we've kind of talked about this before, but people that are willing to be the other woman or the other guy, the other person, because I don't think that would leave me feeling fulfilled. Never. Not only would I feel guilty. I don't know if I would ever get a rush out of it. No. But it's also like that person...

isn't choosing to leave their unhappy relationship they don't want to address that at all they don't have the gull or the audacity to address it they're cowards they're seeking you out and you're willing to put up with that to like it just like it it boggles me and I get if you don't know up front

But like, it really is interesting. Yeah, I know. I, I know. I'm not friends with this person. I just like know her through the grapevine. But I know she was dating a much older man who is married.

and had kids and I apparently I didn't hear this from her but like apparently she um fell in love with him and she just like he would always say like you know I'm like I'm separated from my wife but like there's just so many like dynamics in play that like I can't like I just I can't get like an official divorce there's too many you know whatever but like I love you too cheating is so did he ever leave

I don't think so. I don't like I said, I don't know her. So I didn't really get like the end of the story. But um, but yeah, I don't think he ever did. And like, I don't know. It's just so difficult. I think that like, if I I just, I would have to, I think I would have to meet the wife. If I'd be like, if we're going to continue this, like, I need to know that you you're not lying to me. Yeah, I need to hear it from her. If you're actually separated. Yeah. Let's all grab lunch. Yeah. Let's chat. Yeah.

Cool. Right. If that's a no, then you're not actually separated. Yeah. Because like I feel like if people if you say we need a break, we are going to be separated during this time. We are allowed to see other people like that's usually I think.

Or at least that's how separations should go. Or, hey, we're separated. Let's focus on ourselves. We're not seeing other people. Like, usually people define those boundaries, I think. Right. I mean, there's a difference if it's like we're separated, but we're planning to get back together versus we are completely done, like done, done, done, done, done. But they just take some time for the divorce to come through. Yeah. So like and so obviously you don't want to see, you know, a girlfriend of someone.

you know, your ex. So that's why it's so easy to play that card. Yeah. But I just feel like I would need some more type of confirmation because people do these type of shitty things. They lie so easily. And it's like, and it's believable. But, um, that just also reminded me, I'm just such a, I always make references to other media, but, um, that just reminded me of just Taylor Swift song. No, no.

God, I wish that I could think of a Taylor Swift song to that, but I can't. But no, it reminded me of Just Go With It, the one with Adam Sandler. Yes. Because do you remember? That's exactly what happens. But except... Yeah.

I don't want to ruin the movie if anyone hasn't seen it. You better not. Yeah, you're right. It's a good one. It's on Netflix right now. Really? I'm going to watch it tomorrow. There is another comment on the update that OP kind of responds to a couple times. Someone goes, I hope that your divorce lawyer has a field day with him. The day his AP...

adulterous partner, I believe is what it stands for, gets booted out of the house he bought her will be a great day. Enjoy taking back what is rightfully yours. Update me. OP goes, oh, I certainly look forward to taking possession of the house and clawing back every penny spent on her. Someone else replies and goes, is he still trying to get you back or is he now with the mistress?

He was at the house earlier today and begging on his knees, then screaming, please, please don't do this, then flipping out. Probably because he knows he's fucked, like, in so many ways. He finally left after I had threatened to call the police. He's also constantly sending me crazy-ass texts saying we shouldn't let the devil get between us. He's also...

He's also sending me inspirational quotes and stories, links to marriage counselors, and begging me to go to it. Oh, my God. Don't let the devil get between us. If he's speaking... You stop your dick at her first. Yeah, I'm like, are you just... Are you super religious or are you referring to the mistress? Because, like, I don't know which, like, phrase would be worse to say, but, like, that is hilarious to, like, be the one who is in the committed relationship and be, you know...

the one who betrayed your entire family so deeply, and then to call that person the devil as if she brainwashed him. Bitch, fucking please. I cannot stand when men get in trouble and then they are the victim. No, you're not the victim, okay? You are in trouble. You're not turning this. Like, stop. I just feel like, ugh. You are a 52-year-old man who had full control of his life.

cognition his wits his dick yeah and you decided to forget your brain and followed where your dick went and you got vaginomatized yeah and and just the funniest part too for me is the fact that like she for like two days was showing him pictures of himself and this motherfucker and

continue to deny it. You know, it's... That's a level of crazy. Like, literally getting confronted with so much evidence and she did have an investigator that provided additional pictures. And to be like,

That's not me. Yeah. Caught me on the counter. Who wasn't me? Like, that is literally what it is. Like, it is very clearly you, sir, unless you have a twin brother you haven't told me about. Yeah. And that just makes me feel so sad for all the people out there who have been cheated on by their partner, confronted them. You know it for a fact, but yet you don't have that hard, cold evidence. Mm-hmm.

like this, like OP does. Yeah. It just, and then your partner's gaslighting you, calling you crazy and stuff like that. Like, it makes me so sad that there are probably people out there right now listening to this being like, yep, almost positive my ex cheated, but could never get that confirmation. Like, it's so nice that she has that cold, hard evidence. It's very satisfying for her. You ready for the next one? Music.

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Don't make it easy for these viruses. Stay up to date on your COVID-19 and flu vaccinations this fall. Sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education, Equity and Progress. CVEEP.org. Okay. It did go pretty viral. I had a lot of listeners send it to me.

It is titled, I am at a loss as to what to do with my 54 male wife, 51 females request. I think I know what this one is. My wife and I have been married since 2001 and together since 1999. She is the most intelligent, thoughtful, caring, loyal person I know. And I've always thought of myself as fortunate to have met and married her. She is, even today, aesthetically beautiful and men have told her this throughout our marriage. She is a woman of color.

She has always shot them down. Earlier this year, she was diagnosed with uterine cancer, stage one, and had a full hysterectomy. I was never concerned about the cancer. It was diagnosed early, dealt with quickly, and she made a full recovery. I took time off work to look after her after the surgery, and all seemed well. There were some, to be expected, emotional instances on her part, and although I am not an emotional person, we dealt with them together.

After her recovery, she was insistent that we start living life to the fullest and took a 10-day trip to Europe, followed by a trip to Belize.

We also have a trip to the UK and Spain slash Portugal later this year. I am fine with these things, building memories and crossing bucket list adventures off her slash our list. I also understand that these are a result of feeling fragile on her part. She also took up yoga, swimming, and healthy cooking classes. I was fully on board until last week. Last week, she came home from work and told me she wanted a hall pass.

A one-time opportunity for her to have sex with someone else besides me. She said that since her cancer diagnosis, her outlook on life has changed, and she doesn't want to be handcuffed from doing things she wants to do. She explained that there is this guy at her work, and she has always had some attraction to him. Kia is leaving the company, and she will never see him again. So this is the perfect opportunity to sleep with someone else.

She said that I could say no, of course, but that she would, quote, be mad slash disappointed at me for an undetermined amount of time and that it would be confirmation of my male toxicity and insecurity. Unhinged. Is she on, like, pain meds right now? I mean, what...

I don't consider myself to be toxic, and if not wanting your wife of 20 plus years to have sex with someone else is insecure, then I guess I'm insecure. I told her that I appreciated her talking to me about this, but approval via coercion is not approval. I also said that I do not appreciate her language in describing my, as of yet, unknown reaction to this very large issue that could affect the rest of our marriage slash life.

I got up in the morning. She basically said that she was sorry for putting such a large decision solely on my shoulders and that to help, she was taking the decision away from me. She booked a hotel near where her coworkers are having a party slash send off for this guy. And she would spend the night there with him and hoped that I would be here when she got back, that she would answer any questions I have about the night after it happened, but not before.

She will not tell me who he is or anything about him because she knows me too well and that I would dwell and obsess over him and that it would make it, quote, too real for me, which it is real. Pretty accurate. God.

Her POV is that the less I know, the better, which contradicts the offer to tell me anything I want to know after it happened. I think she knows I won't want to know slash ask anything or simply will not tell me.

Part of me thinks at least she has been honest with me and she has been through a lot since finding out she had cancer. So maybe I should just let it happen. I certainly have no concept of what she went through, so I cannot dismiss how this affected her mental state slash outlook on life. Part of me wants to put my foot down and say this is not going to happen and deal with those consequences when they happen.

Her best friend called me callous for even suggesting that I wouldn't let it happen because I have no idea what she went through. What? What? What? What is happening? I find it hard to believe that she is okay with the possibility of throwing away 20 plus years of marriage over some guy that she has had no relationship with outside of work and that I should just call her bluffs.

Maybe she thinks similarly that I won't throw away the marriage because of one encounter. I just don't know what to do. I empathize with her and then an instant later I am angry with her. You should be. Part of me wants to know who this guy is. What does he look like? What has he got that is so enthralling to her? Is he just a safe option? Is he married? Does his wife know? Would I be a callous asshole for saying no? What can I do besides walking away?

This is out of control. I totally thought you were going to tell a different story. I've not ever heard this one. Well, now I want to know what one you were thinking of. I'll tell you later. But I... Part two, you can come with it. Yeah. Perfect. No, I... This is... Crazy? Yeah. Stop us in our tracks? Wild? It's...

20 years? I also just want to point out the fact that, again, before he even responded, she said, if you... Here's your options. And if you say no, then you are a toxic man. You're insecure. Insecure. That is the most... That's the most toxic thing I've ever heard. You're a manipulative, crazy person. And then...

you know what? Thought about it. I'm just going to take the decision away from you. Hopefully you'll be here when I'm back. Like, do you even want to be with him? And then on top of it too, get divorced if you want to sleep with other people. If you know him so well that you know that he'll dwell and obsess over it, if he knows that it's real and so you're going to protect him by not giving him details, it's like, then who, what kind of partner do you think you are? If you know that your partner wants

Going into this question that you had would obsess over it, dwell over it, like be so sad about it. Like you're willing to break your partner's heart for a fucking orgasm. What's wrong with you? Orgasms aren't even guaranteed. True. Maybe some penetration, but. But I just I'm like, I don't know why they're bringing in the fact that she's gone through a hard time, that that makes it OK to completely shatter somebody else's heart.

How does that add up? The person who was there for you through your hard time, you're going to turn around and shatter that person's heart? It's like, yeah, if you don't want to be with them, then leave them. It's just like... Well, I'm also like, I know some people aren't as sexually free. So this kind of sounds silly even saying this, but...

I'm kind of curious as to why her first thought was, I want to cheat. I want to have sex with someone else versus, hey, honey, I want to adventure more sexually. Would you want to have a threesome? Yeah. Like, right. Then it would be like maybe a

better conversation. Clearly... Versus, hey, I'm gonna fuck this guy no matter what you say and I hope you're here when I get back. Do you know what I'm sure it was? I'm sure she fantasized about this guy at her work before she even had cancer. Like...

And this is her way of like, cancer didn't ruin me. I can get him after cancer. Like, or more just the not even that, but just more of the fact like, if she's having this realization, like, I don't want to miss out on anything I want to do. Then now that once she was better, she's like, what were all my fantasies that I didn't live out?

okay, I want to go travel and do all this stuff. She truly is hitting the bucket list. Yeah, I fantasize sleeping with this guy all the time and I thought it was innocent, just fan- you know what I mean? But like, I can't let this go. I need to live out my fantasies. You know, like, that's- I feel like that's where it's coming from. Oh, I could see that 100%. Um, I just- and I can't believe that she got her best friend to jump on board. Stay out of it! Stay out of it, you little witch! It's so wild. Like-

Can you imagine ever having the balls or any like to go to Justin and be like, hey, you're being so callous. No. You won't let Morgan sleep with someone else. No. That's crazy, dude. What? You'd have to pay me like a million dollars to do that. So the top comment on the original post.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah, honestly, I think I completely agree. She thinks she can just walk all over him and that he will be there. And so she doesn't give a shit. That's why she's like, I'm not going to give you the option. I'm just going to take that away from you because it's going to be too hard on you.

No, she's doing that because she knows that that's what she's going to do and that he's going to be there when she gets back because he loves her so deeply that even though he's in so much pain, it's worth it to be able to stay with her. And she's taking advantage of that. Yeah. I think if he did leave, I think it would be a very rude awakening. But who knows? I hope he does. Yeah. I have no idea what this update says. I just know there is one. Okay. Yeah.

But I hope he does. I think with someone willing to treat you like this after 20 years of marriage, she is a cold, calculating, manipulative, terrible person. Mean, mean, mean, mean. So the comment after the top one is, yeah, her attitude makes me think it's not a one-time hall pass. And next comment down goes, wouldn't surprise me if she has already cheated. Yeah.

Which, what do you think on that one? I don't know, because I think that, why would she say it the way that she's saying it? You know, if she's, sounds like she's pretty, has no remorse about it. I don't know, that doesn't sound like an already cheater thing to me, but maybe. There is one comment that got some downvotes that I find really interesting, which is,

It's from someone going,

That's what those feminine cancers do to you. Of course she now wants to celebrate her womanhood now with whatever life she has left. And the nice, caring husband capable of loving this woman only if she is his? Seriously? You can only love her if she belongs to you? Like a coffee cup that no one else can drink from? Newsflash, nobody belongs to anybody. What?

If you really love her for her, not for her being yours, you'd offer her the small act of freedom without getting selfishly hung up on how that other guy measures up to you. It's irrational and immensely narcissistic to presume one person can fulfill all the needs and wants of the other person. Grow up. The world may end tomorrow, you know. Is this her? This is her. This is her. Well, I mean, that's what I said. Like,

It's one thing if you want to have a threesome or you want to say, let's open our relationship. But like if your partner that you're married to says no, your option after that is you're cheating or like you need to end it. That's that is the wildest thing that I've ever heard because I'm

Whoever wrote that, if you want to be in a polyamorous relationship, that's great. That is amazing. The whole concept of relationships is having a

verbal agreements on what works for everybody. Whenever they committed their lives to each other, did they have that agreement? Okay, but in 20 years, I get to have a hall pass. Probably not. And so it's the most irrational thing to try to come at OP and say that he's selfish and he's trying to own this woman because what? It's just what?

Am I hearing that right? OP does respond. The type of lifestyle you're suggesting, contrary to Reddit promotions, are a minority. If she came to me and discussed this while knowing that it was a possibility that I would not agree to participate in and that would have been the end of the discussion, that would have been the proper route. She instead took the wholly forced proposition of removing my agreement. She also removed the option of me having the same opportunity.

what that's fucked up that's so fucked up that's fucked up what's good for the goose is good for the gander you get to go have sex with someone else he should too how what the double standard here that's wild ready for the update yeah

I was hoping that my opposition to her plans would give her pause, but unfortunately, that did not happen. I said I am a hard no and that I am not sure how I will feel about you if you go ahead with it. I was met once again with, quote, this is for me. It will be one time. What can I say to help you deal with it? You'll get over it. We were meant to be regardless of the situation. All of this, all of these remarks leading up to Saturday.

Wow. Good.

I went to the bar where the get-together was happening. Well, not the bar, but a transit bench across the street. I waited for a long time. It was running through my mind, the leading up to this event, that I need to know who this guy was, maybe to compare myself against him, to see what he had that I do not. It was driving me crazy not knowing who he was and what was so special about him that she would ruin our marriage for.

After what seemed like an eternity, a woman that I recognized from my wife's office left the bar and got in a cab. Soon, other people started filing out and a whole group came out and people were hugging a man and shaking his hand. I assumed that I had my guy. I didn't see my wife and had a brief thought that maybe she called it off. I unblocked her and there were no messages.

Everyone said their goodbyes and left. Dude was standing outside for a few minutes, and then my wife came out. She looked around, took his hand, and started walking away together.

Of all the emotions I went through, trepidation, sadness, anger, it was disgust that really encapsulated the event for me. This guy was short, fat, and bald. All the things I cannot compete with. Ultimately, I felt like a pervert for watching from a distance. I followed until they got to the hotel and then turned around and went home.

I woke up Sunday morning and put a lock on the master bedroom door. I moved her things to the spare room and left a note asking her to find other accommodations as quickly as possible. I visited another friend who is a lawyer, and he gave me some sage advice and a couple of recommendations for divorce attorneys and made the introductions.

My wife has been calling me numerous times since around 11 or so. Once blocked, the calls go to voicemail. I listened to the first couple, but felt nothing but some satisfaction when she couldn't get through to me and she was obviously becoming concerned.

So proud of him. I didn't want to go home, but I left in such a hurry that I didn't plan an overnight properly. I got home around nine, and as per my buddy's advice, I recorded the interaction. I was halfway up the stairs when she came up from the family room asking what was going on. Could we talk? I thought we talked about this. I just answered with, I'm not interested in discussing this tonight and went to bed.

After not getting a response from me through the door, she left me alone. I kind of feel like a child for not talking with her and shutting the door on her, but I just couldn't look at her. Monday, I got up and got ready for work. She was waiting for me and asked if we could discuss getting back to normal. I said, you have been doing all of the talking for the both of us for the last week. Why don't you continue? And left for work. I have an appointment with the attorneys my friend recommended for this week. I love this.

She fucked around and she's finding out. Yep. It's like, why do you... Why is that worth it? You're... That for one night. Why? It... Your whole life that you created with this person? 20 years? I mean, 20 years. It's... Yeah, it's just... You don't... I just... Did anyone else comment on that person saying you're treating your wife like an object? Because I don't understand how... Unless we're missing something...

I don't understand how anyone could hear the situation and take that from that. You know what I mean? There is a comment underneath, and it's someone going less than 4%, to be exact, with a 92% failure rate at five years. Great statistics. That must be for Polly. I'm not sure what stat that is for.

Someone else goes, from the data I've gotten from my fairly large extended social friend group over the decades, that sounds about right to me. Though maybe the 92% failure is a little low, maybe like 95%.

I mean, none of that stuff even matters, though. What matters is when people have an agreement, you don't get to just change the agreement and then expect the other person to just stay with you. Yeah. That's just not how it works. It is a mutually agreed upon decision. It takes two. It takes two to keep it together. It takes two to...

everything and so you can't make decisions for you your relationship just like in this sense just on your own no you committed to that person you got married took vows yeah and you're like that's that's what's funny is that like

She's more than welcome to go and do whatever she wants. He didn't control her No one can control her but he is more than welcome to do whatever he wants and he wants to be in a committed relationship That's closed and that's okay. You don't get to call him callous. You don't get to call him Looking at woman as object or like toxic masculinity just because he wants a closed relationship which is what he agreed on for the past 20 years and held up his end of the bargain and

to in the relationship so i just don't understand like i don't know if i'm missing something but i don't know how anyone could look at it that way do you is there anything you see that i'm missing like well i i just found another update okay just now yeah i you always do this to me like i didn't know i think it's gonna be the end and so then i ramble with i didn't know i didn't know i didn't know

Well, because he posted an update a month ago and it got removed. So the one I just read is coming from like another account that he must have made or something. I don't I don't know. No, it's from the same account. I'm not sure how I found this update, but there was another one that got removed. But fortunately, someone saved it and reposted it.

OP has also posted on other places on surviving infidelity, for example, like potential waywards and the best friend.

It looks like an open letter to his wife. Okay.

Just go for it. You deserve it. He doesn't appreciate you. He doesn't respect you. And in my case, you faced your own mortality and you shouldn't let anyone hold you back from doing the things that make you happy. Maybe realize that you should talk with your significant other and explain what you are feeling you owe to them to discuss the way you're feeling about yourself, your partner, and your marriage. So it is interesting, but there is a second update. So let's get to that.

My lawyer wasn't available for a few days, so I was faced with the reality of having to live with my wife in the interim. I really didn't want to go home and have any discussion, let alone a discussion about our relationship. When I did get home, I was basically ambushed by her friends and my mother-in-law. Instead of taking the remorseful approach, they decided that a full court press was what the situation warranted. And I was basically berated by them.

Wow. Oh, my God. Yeah.

She did go through something traumatic, cancer, having a total hysterectomy. That is a lot. That is could be interpreted as losing your womanhood. But that doesn't mean you cheat. Yeah. Which is what it is. That's the thing is like. It's cheating. Yeah. It's cheating. She cheated. Yeah. I listened with a dumbass smirk on my face. And when there was a lull in their fury, I asked if they were all done now.

Then I asked my wife if there was anyone in her circle of friends or anyone else that she forgot to tell about this. I quietly informed all of them that I was going to sit down with their husbands and tell them about how they verbally abused me, shamed me, and tried to coerce me into staying with a cheater. After I told them to leave, I said that I had no say in the entire event. And so they have no say in whether I stay or not. Exactly.

I just... Why are people so stupid? Think about it. Did they really think that this was going to go down and they're going to call him an asshole and all this stuff and he's going to look at all of them and go...

Girls, you know what? You're right. I am an asshole. I'm staying now. Don't worry. I'm calling it off. Divorce is done. Like what? Do people not think through the next step? Fall on your sword. Falling on your sword is always going to be better than trying to gaslight someone and convince them that they're in the wrong. My soon-to-be ex sort of apologized. She said that she regretted the entire thing. I said there's a difference between regret and repulsion.

Yep. Yep.

Not necessarily why this guy, why this low-end, unattractive, unfit guy, but why someone else in the first place. She said that the cancer scared her to her core. She felt like she was rushing towards mortality and stepping out of that tunnel was appealing. She said that after all this time of being a wife and mother and worrying about family, this was something just for her, an escape.

The guy was just someone who was interested in her for a long time. She knew he wouldn't say no and was completely opposite to me. I said if I was going to risk my marriage, the woman would have to be a serious upgrade from you. I told her that I saw you and him coming out of the bar that night. I watched you walk away from the bar hand in hand towards the hotel. I said that you looked too familiar with each other and asked if there was something going on before all of this. She said no, but who knows if that is the truth or not.

I said that after all of our years together, your lack of respect for me was astonishing. I finished by saying that I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I condoned that level of disrespect and stayed with you. Good for him. I also, I don't know how I missed that they had kids. It was not mentioned. Wow. It was not mentioned prior to any of this. That is just...

Wow. I said, I hope we can go our separate ways amicably and that I have an appointment with a lawyer later in the week. I again asked her to find some other accommodations and she simply said, I'm not going anywhere. We are not getting a divorce. I will give you all the time you need and do whatever you need to recover from this. We will get past this. She has asked me to go to marriage counseling, which I refused. Why would I go to counseling? I did nothing to warrant needing a therapist's advice.

Everyone could use therapy, even the healthiest of couples, I will say. I had her served and gave her a notice to vacate. The house is...

Oh, wow. Yeah.

She has said that she will drag the divorce out for as long as possible, but so far has been compliant. The worst part of all of this is telling my daughter that we are getting divorced and why, followed closely by her begging me to give her mom another chance. I am not sure I would have been afforded the same consideration if I was the one who was cheating. And I don't think so. No. I will say, with all of this and everything that happened,

I do understand the need to want to experience something else sexually with someone else. Like a hysterectomy and, you know, feeling like you lost your womanhood and your sexuality could be tied to that. There are a lot of things that go into that. She went about this the completely wrong way. Yeah. This could have been a conversation. I'm feeling uncomfortable with my body. I had major organs removed.

organs that made me a woman, organs that helped me birth a child, organs that made me who I am. I was faced with death. And yeah, it was stage one, but stage one turns to death for some people. It could have been me. It was scary. And I'm just not feeling confident in myself. I'm not feeling comfortable in my skin. I don't feel like the woman I was. Would you consider a threesome or opening the relationship?

What are your thoughts? Think about it. Take your time. We can come back to it. A couple weeks, maybe a month. We've been together 20 years. What's a couple weeks? Take your time. If it's a no, we move forward. I get therapy that I need. I can come to terms with that. But you don't take all the control, all the freedom, all the choice, all the decision away from your partner and just go forward with it. Yeah.

Like, there's just no consideration at all. No. Not in the slightest. And this could have been a happy ending. They could have had a fun experience that confirmed, I love my husband. Wow. I didn't need that. I do regret it. Woo. Yeah. But, like, she just...

really just stripped him from of everything. Yeah. And I mean, that's not none of our responses to this story are to take away her experience. That's not at all what we're ever doing. But she is a cheater. She cheated. Yeah. And that's just it's like shitty. Yeah. We're not like no one's saying that what she went through wasn't extremely difficult. Not for a second. It's

But like, why do you throw away the feelings of the person who loves you the most? You know, like it's it was just complete disregard. Truly. Well, how many times has this gone the other way where like.

Um, I believe there's one story we read. The guy who asked his wife for a threesome and she said yes and then did it and then divorced him the very next day. There's that. Yeah. There's also a story I believe we read about a woman who had breast cancer and her husband like divorced or cheated on her because of that. Oh, God. Like, there's so many shitty people and it's like...

Women are more likely to get left in terms of illness. Like if they become disabled or chronically ill, women are more likely to get left. So it's like you had this great partner, you had this great life together and you were willing to throw it away for just one casual encounter. That's unhinged.

Truly. That is like really like I wish she could have addressed her insecurities and her feelings through therapy or like a healthy coping mechanism. And he is right. If he would have been the one that cheated.

No one would be advocating on her doorstep for him. No. The daughter would not be begging, Mom, take him back. No. And I mean, some people are extremely sensitive to the idea of opening up their relationship. So even if my partner asked me in a really sweet way, I would have a hard time even moving forward in the relationship just by them asking. I think that's the case for a lot of people. Like I...

I, at this point in my life, I toil with the idea of a threesome, but I know I would never want an open relationship. Right. Yeah. Like that's not something I would want. And specifically, like if my partner were to come to me and be like, there's this girl at work and I want to have sex with her for one night and you don't get to have a say. Oh, just makes it gross. Yeah. It's like, I don't know how I would move forward even if I said no. And then my partner said, okay, that's fine.

You still know they have to work together every day? Or, I mean, they said that, like, he was leaving. Yeah, but, like, in this scenario. But even if they don't have to work together every day, I'd be like, who's going to be the next girl that you want to have sex with? Are you just looking at girls wanting to have sex with them? True. It just, it hurts. It hurts me, you know? Yeah. Like, some people are sensitive to it. Some people aren't. And that's fine. It's fine whatever anyone is. It's just important to have those conversations. Yeah.

with people up front when you get into a relationship. And if you change your mind later on, 20 years later in the relationship, on, like, the agreement that you guys made together moving forward, then, like, there's ways to go about it very delicately. Like, if she knew that she would never be able to, like, move forward, forgive...

him if he said no or like whatever and it's something she needed to do then it's something that she needed to really accept that like okay then I have to risk losing you because this is something that like my heart's telling me I need to do and then when he decides to divorce her she needs to let him go not say I'm gonna drag my feet you know like yeah

You just, you made the mistake. You got to live with it. I will say too, maybe this is like a personal preference, but I feel like, and like thinking about this work example, I do think it's strange. Like if you want to have a threesome with your partner,

I think it's strange when you come to them with someone in mind already. Exactly. I completely agree. I just like, I think it's different versus being like, I would like to have a threesome. That sounds fun. Yeah. Are you open to it? Right. Okay. Let's find that person together. I totally agree. Like, it feels like there's almost been some lead up and like, there has emotional affair. Like, I don't, it just feels weird. And I feel like if that's like,

kind of the case for you and you don't want a threesome and you're feeling pressured by like your partner bringing you another person, like that, that would almost be, that's kind of a red flag for me. Like that's, that's really...

I don't know. It feels weird. Unless you had been like, God, she's so cute. Wow. She's so hot. Blah, blah, blah. And then your partner goes, well, wait, I kind of have thought she's cute too. Like, what about a threesome with her? Like, but still, then it's more mutual. Yeah. But it feels weird if that person is already in mind. Like, hey, I have this coworker. What do you think about a threesome? Right. No. Yeah. That gives me the ick. Me too. Yeah.

Okay, well, that is the first half. There's a lot of updates for these stories. Really? Still? The ones we read. There's updates? No, no, no. Like, we had a lot of updates. Oh, pfft.

I was like, are we just going to close the book? No, no, no. But this is going to be a long first half of the episode, like without getting to many stories. But the updates were juicy. So I hope you guys enjoyed. We will be back. Well, you can crop some of our little. No, no, no. It added to the flavor of the episode. You said you wanted to not talk as much. So, you know, Lauren.

I've come to terms with this life. There's like, there's a few things that you could crop and just make it shorter. We'll see how it goes. Okay. We'll see how it goes. Cool. But when we pick back up, Lauren will be starting with a story and then you'll see the other, ooh, stopping your tracks ones I got. Well, I don't know. I need to ask you because there's a couple that... You come. You come with options. Okay.

You always reach out to the people for help. Yeah. They hook you up. They do well. Yeah. So I know you'll come prepared.

So next up, Lauren's story. Nice to meet you. Or maybe we've met before. I'm the COVID-19 virus. I use disguises to fool your immune system. My buddy, the flu virus, and I make thousands of people sick every year. But updated vaccines make it a lot harder.

Don't make it easy for these viruses. Stay up to date on your COVID-19 and flu vaccinations this fall. Sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education, Equity and Progress. CVEEP.org. At Leidos, a brilliant mind is smart, but a brilliant team is smarter.

A ship that finds enemy subs is smart, but an autonomous fleet, that's smarter. Defending against cyber attacks, smart. Stopping attacks before they start, smarter. And using AI tools is smart, but integrating trusted mission AI into your technology is smarter. We're not just making technology solutions and national security and health. We're making smart, smarter. Leidos. Okay, I think...

I didn't read this pregnancy one, but I got like the lowdown. Yeah. TLDR. So let me just open and see how long it is. Do you want me to open it on the computer so you can read big? Let's see if this works. If I start struggling, then we'll grab a computer. Now I can show off my Taylor Swift shirt. Yay. Hi. Okay, I'm ready. Okay. Am I the asshole for telling my roommate that her pregnancy is not my problem?

The girl that I live with, Kay, is pregnant and is due early next year. Of course, she seems excited to have a baby, but at the same time, she has been making her pregnancy my problem. I get that the pregnancy is going to affect her physically in many ways, but Kay has been a pain in the ass to deal with. I had to throw out all the bananas because she was complaining about how strong the smell was.

She isn't helping with cooking or cleaning as much as she used to. Kay cries about almost everything, and it's annoying as hell. Her pregnancy is making her vomit, which I expected. But sometimes the vomiting is pretty intense, and once she pretty much projectile vomited on the floor because she couldn't make it up to the bathroom, for which I had to clean her vomit up. No! No! No! No! Your roommate! You're not her baby daddy! No! No!

Oh, I'd throw up right then and there. I'd be puking with her. Something about projectile. Like I think like throw up makes me want to throw up. But something about projectile is so funny to me. Like I funny. Hilarious. Oh, God. OK. Like anytime I projectile vomited, I swear to God, I laugh afterwards. Like I'm just like, I can't believe that that happened. Yeah. I tried to I tried to pick up dog poop the other day and literally almost threw up.

Like, I can't. Well, no, I can't do puke, cat hairballs, dog shit. I should say, I can't smell it, though. So this is like if it's on the TV and they projectile. And so it's usually in a comedic way. I don't think I've actually laughed at myself projectile vomiting. But, you know, I do. I am like, what was that? Yeah.

This is such a weird thought, but I wonder what the furthest range someone has projectile vomited. You need to look that one up. Okay, let's get back to this. Okay, so over the past few months, she's been asking me to get things for her from the store, even on good days when she isn't feeling sick. When I asked her why she couldn't just get up and go to the store herself, she said that I'm not the one pregnant.

So, this is where I may be the asshole. Kay has been asking me to drive her to her appointments, which I did once, but then it became a constant thing of her asking me and I kept refusing. This is what happened the other day. She asked me to take her to the clinic. I said no. I was busy that day. She kept pleading with me and finally I had enough and kind of snapped. I told her that she is the only one responsible for her pregnancy and to not make it my problem.

No. The only thing there is she's responsible for her own pregnancy. You know, someone else did participate in that act, but...

But it seems like she's really trying to make her roommate, her friend, like her partner, like her surrogate partner. Do you want to see the top comment? Do you have anything to add before we jump to it? You seem very interested in it. I'm just excited to give you the top comment. I'm just really flustered by this. Like, I'm wondering where the dude is. I'm wondering...

Is this the dude? The top comment. Is this your child? OP responds, yes. You fucking bitch. You better go to the store then. I like...

Why do you call her roommate? I don't know. I feel like maybe. This is so deceiving. Yeah, I feel like. I feel like we got story fished. You think it's a fake one? No, we got like, he catfished us. Oh, catfished us. Like, well, oh, am I the asshole for not helping my roommate? No, I was envisioning like these were two girlfriends. 100%. Yeah.

I really think. What a freak. Yeah. I really think that he was probably trying to put it in a way of like, maybe they are not together. Maybe they're roommates and they just fucked. Honestly. Yeah. But at the same time, that is your kid. That is your problem. You should be driving your pregnant car.

whatever with your child to appointments if it helps. Like you should be at the appointments. It's your baby too. And if you didn't want a baby, you should have wrapped it up or you shouldn't have had sex. And I'm telling you too, that's something that if, if somebody, let's say she deceived him and was just like, I'm on birth control. Like you can come inside me, whatever. You know, let's say that she said something like that to him. And so that's why he's like, this is your problem. And that's why he tried to separate in the post. But,

I, it's not because I'm sorry, but like, you just should never do that. If you don't want to have a child, you are responsible. Like even if like she says she's on birth control, doesn't matter. Like, do not, do not. Yeah. Like,

No. Everyone needs to be responsible for their own reproductive health. That is truly you. I don't care if someone says they're on birth control. If you truly don't want a kid, try wearing a condom. Yes, 99% effective and shit slips through and maybe there's micro holes. And if you use coconut oil with latex, it breaks down.

I haven't had an issue. I don't use latex anyways because I'm like allergic to latex condoms. My vagina swells like a fucking balloon. It's weird, dude. It's so weird. So I don't use latex. But you have options, right?

You chose to maybe not use those options. Like, we don't know. Maybe he did. But then you have to deal with the consequences. That's the adult choice you made when you decided to have sex. Yeah, exactly. That's why it will never, I will never, ever, ever buy this excuse that the guy is like,

I didn't do it. I didn't ask for this because it's just like if you genuinely did not want to have a child, then you have to keep your side of the street clean and do your due diligence. And yeah, I'm so flabbergasted that he

I chose to tell the story this way. I know. It is so deceiving. And someone did. Someone wrote in to me. I forget what it was on, but they were like, you should do a theme that is literally deceiving titles or don't read the titles, just read the story. I'm working on it. It's going to be good. But that is actually crazy. One thing that really confuses me is how people...

Can just like give up their parental rights Like say he doesn't want to be involved It's so interesting to me that you can literally just be like i'm waiving my parental rights I want no involvement like i'm done like that is crazy and I know there's still certain things where like They might still be responsible for child support in certain cases. Like i'm not a lawyer I don't work in a family court, but I just think that's wild that you can like make this choice to like Help conceive a child and then completely walk away Mm-hmm

This is why I know this this right here and one of the stories I read with Justin where this like lady was concerned about like her husband not being able to take care of a kid. This is why I think you need to be so choosy who you are willing to have sex with but especially who you decide to have children with. Yeah. Like if you have a child with someone and they're not capable of taking care of it. What's the point?

You want to do it on your own? If you do, that's fine. Some people definitely do. Some people just do the sperm donor route and they're single parents and they're happy with that. But like, I can't imagine that life. Like that, when do you get a break? Like, when, like, how do you do it? How do you do it? How do you do it?

Yeah. Because I watched my mom be a single mom basically with three kids. Yeah. Jerry was in and out and, you know, he helped and was my dad. Part time like living in California. Yeah. He moved. He moved when I was in seventh grade. Like that is so at least it didn't hit your shirt. It did. It's just more see through. So we're good. But like that was so tough to watch my mom go through that. Yeah. And

She didn't really have help from my dad, my bio dad, or Taylor's bio dad. Matt's bio dad, no. Yeah, three is really tough too, wow. That's a lot of kids. Doctors apparently told her she was infertile. Wow. Yeah. Huh. Craziness. Well, doctors are not always right, clearly. This was also the 90s. Yeah. Early. Oh, that reminds me. Okay. Okay.

I get to tell you this now. Okay. Yes. Okay. You've been waiting for two days. Oh, my gosh. You guys. So I was listening to a podcast with Marc Andreessen and Andrew Huberman. Was this the nicotine episode that nicotine is actually good for you, but smoking is bad? No. It was on... I haven't heard that one, but it was on innovative people. Huberman's crazy. Like, so cool. Oh, my God. He's amazing. In my humble opinion. But I...

Anyway, so Mark Andreessen was... He's... I don't even know exactly what... He was like the creator of NetSuite or something. It was one of the first browsers. So he's a really brilliant business guy. Yeah, he's big time. Yeah, that's irrelevant to my story. So they were talking about innovation and why it's so hard to...

make changes, why there's always resistance and that there always has been in human history with any new technology that comes into the picture. And there always will be. And a big reason is because people that created these technologies, they don't want to lose out on all the money that they made and stop making that money. And so those people that are like the big, like, you know, have platforms and voices are trying to like

spread that the new technology is evil kind of thing and various other things that he mentioned. But when he was going through talking about the history of that, he mentioned a handful of things that have happened in the history that people have tried to prevent people from doing. And one of them I just can't even believe is true. It's called bike face.

Have you ever heard of that? No. So I can't remember exactly. I'd have to look at my phone. I don't remember what time period it was. But when bicycles became a thing, they were really worried that females...

were going to be able to be more free. They would be able to ride out of their neighborhood and they'd be able to hang out with other boys and just, you know, have more. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And there was a couple of things behind it too. They didn't, it challenged the like outfits that they already were wearing. They have to wear pants and they weren't okay with that at the time. So there was quite a lot of things. So it was,

which is where I got this from as we're talking about doctors are not always right. So doctors were actually going out and spreading this message to the public saying that if females, that like it could happen to anyone, but that's predominantly happening to females. If they ride bicycles that they will, because you have to focus so hard on the bicycle that you have to make this like jarring decision

face where your like teeth are clenched and whatever and that your face will get stuck like that and so the female will no longer be attractive um and this is insane it's real like it's insane I'm like there's no way I'm like this is I

I'm like, I felt like I was being messed with. Googled it completely real bike face. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. Back to this guy. What ends up happening with this? Is there an update? Are there more comments from OP? So this was actually a post from Twitter that was submitted onto the two hot takes Reddit. So the only response from the original one was just you're the asshole. Um,

And then OP responds, Wife?

Uh, yeah, I don't know if that's what, if that was just the assumption or something. I'm not quite sure. But, um, but OP responds and says, again, her pregnancy is her responsibility. I'm waiting for the baby to come so that we can be done with this. She is my roommate. I mean, that's what she's acting like instead of a wife. Yeah. So. Oh, wow.

My God. Yeah, I don't really like there's so much more to that story that is really confusing. But that's all that we have from OP because everything else are just comments from people on the two outtakes. Yeah. Okay. I found the post. It's eight days old. Yeah.

The top comment now at this point is, you're the asshole for leaving out key info. You are her husband. Are you also the father of her child? Edit to add, OP is husband and father of the child. What an asshole. Honestly, this is one of the more delusional ones. Truly. I've had in a while. Wow.

Why? So there's a comment here. Why then did you get her pregnant? You're the asshole. We planned on the pregnancy. What? But I didn't know that she would turn into a lazy, entitled, annoying, emotional child. Gosh, that is wild. Here we were thinking that he was being ridiculous because he didn't expect it to happen. But it's a planned pregnancy and you're acting like this.

Have you like have you ever been a do you even have you been living under a rock? Do you not understand that pregnancies are difficult and can be extremely difficult for specific people? Like it's not just one shoe fits all. And it's also like hard for everyone. Like what? There's so many things that can happen during pregnancy, like from hormone changes to your body changing. Like I saw a diagram the other day of a woman's organs like in her car.

in your cavity like normal, right? And then I saw it with a nine-month baby. Your organs get pushed all different ways. Yeah, wild. Oh my God, people lose their teeth. Bones get broken. Ribs get broken. Like pregnancy can be hard. Yeah. People die. People literally die in childbirth. Yeah. Like...

It's crazy. So to think like, oh, yeah, she's a little lazy. Yeah, she's growing up another human inside of her. Give her some grace. And if you if you took vows and you said for better, for worse or whatever your vows were.

this is what's gonna throw you off truly wild so someone responds to that and they go like they quote him and say she would turn into a lazy entitled annoying emotional child and they go so she turned into you and opie goes i'm not the one who is staying at home whining and not taking care of themselves whatever loser i've been working on my um my comments

the past few days because really well not not my comments I've been working on not swearing as much mm-hmm

I'm going to try that too. There is one person that goes, not the asshole. She's totally using you and acting very entitled about it. You keep setting clear boundaries and yet she continues to break them. Why doesn't she make the father of the baby take her to her appointments or ask other people? You should sit down with her when cooler heads prevail and have a serious talk about boundaries and her expectations.

OP hits the father though. So OP responds and goes, I agree. I've been setting boundaries from the start and she won't budge. I don't know why she doesn't ask other people or better yet, why she doesn't do it herself. I'm not her cook or her chauffeur or her nurse. Wild. See, this is why I actually ask questions like this maybe too early. But when I'm dating somebody...

I like to make that expectation clear. So with my boyfriend now, I have made comments like that. I'm like, when we have a baby, if we have a baby, I hope you know that I'm going to expect a lot from you. Like, I want to be pampered. Like, yeah, I struggle enough as it is with basic health right now. Like, I am a mess. Like me pregnant. It's

I don't know if I'll make it. I don't know. You will.

But, like, I'm going to need a lot of support. Yeah. I'm going to need a lot of support. I believe in you. You have a lot of stamina. But that's the thing with this. It's like, what did you... I'm very, very curious what he expected her to act like. That's what I'm saying. What a weirdo. Because it's like, don't you understand the world? Like, where have you been living? Have you not been... Did he grow up on a farm of, like, 30 guys and that was it? I just don't... I don't understand how you don't get it. This is why, like, I really do think, like...

Yeah, we all know when you make generalizations, like obviously it's not all men. But I really do think like a lot of guys out there do not like women. They like like they're attracted to women because like that's their sexuality. It's not really a choice. They're attracted to women. They want to sleep with women. But it's like, do you even like her? I just saw a post on that today, actually, on TikTok and

It was pretty good. She had a lot of good things to say. And I think it goes back to a lot of, I mean, going back to

Fucking bike face. It's like they also they did stuff to men too to suppress men as well It's like men were not allowed to show emotions. Otherwise, they would be looked at as a pussy or You know, they'd call them a girl and they didn't want to be a girl They weren't supposed to be the girl they were supposed to be a man and so like this girl was talking about how when they tell boys to be men and

They don't ever tell them what it means to be a man. They tell them what it means not to be a man. Don't be a girl. You're being a girl. Don't cry. Yeah. Don't share. Don't be so sensitive. Exactly. And so that is something that everybody, I think, is starting to realize. But not everybody is catching on. And it's a lot of work to unwork that. Oh, my God. It's hundreds and hundreds of years. Exactly. And so I think with people that don't respect women, that like women, they like, you know,

the sexual aspect of women. They do want to pair with a woman, but they don't actually respect women. I think those people are so deep rooted in this really negative. Exactly what I just said. Yeah. I. Yes. Enough said. Like, yeah, say less. Literally, I think that is very spot on. And something I've realized lately is like,

Men don't feel they can express their emotions. Men do suffer with their mental health. They don't feel like they have close relationships with other men. And that is incredibly sad because they deserve that. They absolutely 100% deserve that. But it's really sad because...

that men are like that and they don't have those things because men put themselves in that box because they're willing to engage in this patriarchy that does benefit them typically except in those regards like yeah right like

It's just sad. Like you don't have to be like that. Yeah. You can have close relationships and emotional support and intimacy and it's okay to cry. Yeah. And I think that we'll see a lot of that. There's going to be a lot of change. In the next generation. I think we'll see a lot of that because it is becoming really topic of conversation. Yeah. And now that information is so easily accessible. Yeah.

I think that it will start to slowly be broken down. But as of right now, we're still going to come across people that are so wrapped up in their own like self ego image, negative self-talk that they need to bring down the woman that they are supposed to love the most. You know, he's marrying this woman. Well, and like you said, change takes so much time. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Ready for our next one? Yeah.

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Employers are on the lookout for defined skills, and a University of Phoenix business degree is built on them, giving you the skills to stand out. Plus, eligible transfer credits could cover up to 75% of your bachelor's. Get started at phoenix.edu. Okay, so this one is two months old, coming from r slash amithex. It's a community to cross post when people don't realize or can't accept that they've been dumped by their romantic partner. Unsure if the story actually fits in the sub based on the title, though.

36 male, 33 female. He thinks he isn't obligated to tell me about his criminal record. Trigger warning, necrophilia. I recently found out that my husband was convicted before we met. Four of all the things in this world, necrophilia. Yes, really. I've been utterly disgusted and in shock. Wait, I'm sorry. Necrophilia. So for those that aren't familiar with the term necrophilia...

Sexual intercourse with or attraction towards corpses. Oh, what? No. I've heard of that before. I didn't know that was the word.

When I confronted him about it, plus also never bothering to say anything, all he would say was that was the past and it didn't matter to the present because he wouldn't do it again. I asked had he ever thought I might want to know something like that or that he'd want to know it about me or anyone else he was thinking of marrying. He said he wasn't obligated to share anything about his past, including this.

I didn't even know what to say to how insane that was. The whole time, he was nothing but defensive and angry at me for daring to have a problem with it. So, like, tell me, am I controlling and entitled and everything else he accused me of? Of course you have the right to know about any serious, perverted criminal history your partner has and owe your partner the same honesty.

That's common sense and basic trust, is it not? I can't believe this was even an argument I needed to have. Yeah. Well, it's obviously not. He doesn't. He's just defensive because what else? He's in. How could? Yeah. Yeah.

Basically, I almost feel like I was tricked into this relationship and marriage because I never got the chance to let it be the deal breaker it would have been. If that makes sense, and I'm certain he knew it would have been, and that's exactly why he hid it. So what the fuck now? I'm married and eight months pregnant.

I'm fucked. I either blow up my life with the man I fell in love with or I find a way to work through this somehow. What should I do? How do I get him to realize he should have been up front early on about something everyone knows would be a deal breaker for most people? He'll exactly. He's never going to admit that. Why would he ever tell anyone that because he knows that it is a deal breaker for

You know what I mean? Like, it's like she's like, how do I get him to realize that he's not going to because he knows that she'd be gone and then he wouldn't have this child on the way. So it's like the most I mean, honestly, for me, that's it's such it's not a nonstarter or like it's an immediate exit. He says it's the past, but that is something that is terrifying to me. I would leave immediately because that's something that sounds scary.

That's... That's what... What's the guy who was on Netflix that had a show about him? Was it Dahmer that you... Like, was... That would have sex with... I'm not sure. I couldn't get through Dahmer. Yeah, I didn't either. But I just know that there was, you know, one of those people that would literally, like, his victims, he would do that so that he could have sex with them afterwards. Yeah. So that, to me, I would be terrified. I'm, like, nauseous thinking about it. It wouldn't even just be, like...

that nauseous alone because that's the you know obviously a part of it but it would be that I'd be terrified so I would I would dip out I just wouldn't be able to do it like that's something I would be done is did he give any background into what happened like how do you even get into that situation how did so did he just like go into a I just don't I know like literally stop in your tracks do not proceed and

Yeah. Okay. So this was a cross post. It originally came from a relationship advice two months ago. The top comment is, I think there's plenty of offenses people can come back from or at least explain away, but necrophilia isn't one of them. Was it one time?

Is that what he's saying? Not like it matters, but I'm just out of curiosity. Yeah, let me see. So there are still comments from OP up on their account. I will just read this original comment on the repost that they really highlight.

There is an edit from OP July 29. I couldn't sleep in the same bed with him. I went to a hotel and still couldn't sleep. I just lay awake crying and thinking all night. I'm going to divorce him because I know I'll never forget this, nor should I. What the fuck is wrong with him? And who did I even marry today? I'm going to find a lawyer and find someone I can stay with.

I can't reply to so many comments, but will try to read at least responses to mine. Thank you more than I can say to everyone who took the time to try and help. I will do everything in my power to make sure my baby is safe from him.

So the repost highlights this one. In the comments, she mentions he worked at a hospital with access to a morgue. Got it. And it was done to a 60-year-old man. Commenters pointed out that for anything minor and maybe forgivable, the charge would have been abuse of a corpse, while necrophilia is specific pretty to sexual penetration. So he got caught because there was cameras or...

Not doesn't mention in this comment. It goes on to say it was a misdemeanor in his state. Apparently, that's common. What the fuck? The crime was found when her judges all my relationships. Mother did a background check. OP is sick to her stomach. Sorry. OP's mother did a background check. Yeah. What did she have a feeling? I don't know. So lots of lots of comments from OP.

Apparently, there's a lot of people just trying to dig into this. What about the experience made him not decide to do it again? They really wanted to know what was the thought process behind this. And that's where OP shares he used to work in a hospital with morgue access. He doesn't know why he did it except being young and stupid. He said it was a mistake. Was it

I don't know if this is a weird question to ask, but like, why did, if he's, is he straight? Because if he's straight, why did he pick a guy out of all, that also kind of is, not that it even, not even matters, but like, I'm just kind of trying to think of his thought process. It's just so, I feel, I feel really uncomfortable right now. Wow. Yeah.

So someone does share, I also discovered an extremely disturbing sex crime of my ex-husbands and learned all this through therapy. It will be okay. Once you leave him and have that step back, you will admit many other issues related to this directly or indirectly that are bothersome to you about this man. It will be okay for you and your child, but leave him. It's seriously deviant. And OP goes, what had your husband done and how did you find out? What are some examples of issues I might realize related to it?

There's no response from that commenter. Someone goes, not adding to your pain, but just something to think about. Was it a dead body of a child? See, we don't even know the disgusting details. I don't think you'd want to raise a child with this sociopath. Right. And OP goes, no, it was a man in his 60s. Both of those are also freaking me out, but obviously way less important compared to the obvious. Yeah, of course. But yeah, but it is an add-on because it's just like,

Unless he's bisexual, it is kind of like, okay, wait, why did you choose a man if you only like women? Why did the whole thing happen? It's just, it's all so... Young and dumb? No rational, healthy, sane person would ever choose to have sex and violate a corpse to rape a corpse. How young is he sane?

It doesn't mention from what I'm seeing, there is context that they've been married about a year and a half, were together for two years before. So three and a half years should be real easy to move on, especially given this info.

Sucks that you have a child with this person and I'm trying to I'm trying to picture if there's even an age That's young enough to it being like that. That's yeah, just being a dumb young idiot But like I really can't like there no matter what age you are. It's a red flag Yeah, well and someone goes did he legit have sex with a dead body? We need more details also has he given you an explanation as to why he fucked a corpse No, he

raped a dead person yeah wild and opie goes quote i was young and stupid i fucked up okay his words he literally would not explain more i'm not seeing a mention of an age i mean he's 36 now it just it definitely feels like sociopathic behavior and in all the details i don't even know like the true definition right now like my dsm-5 is escaping my brain but holy shit like

I would not be able to trust my child with this person. No. And it's like, to be that sick and twisted, I wonder, is she able to take full custody? I'm sure, given that criminal record. But because it was a misdemeanor in the state that he received it, it...

It's really interesting that it was... Yeah, that's messed up. It's also interesting that a crime like that doesn't put you on a sex offender registry. Yeah. To where she would have found out based on like, hey, you can't live in this neighborhood without notifying your neighbors. It's wild how certain things like this slip through the cracks. Yeah. Also like...

This is so random. I started going on this website called unclaimed property to try to find out if I have any money out there that's owed to me. And so I was like searching everyone's names and I'm like, Morgan, I'm sure. Okay. Nope. No money for me. My dad, my dad's got some stuff out there. And then I looked up Justin and there's like a hundred dollars or like a dollar. It has one in the number. I don't know. Um, oh, to Justin Thunstrom in Yucca, California. And I'm like,

Justin's never lived in Yucca. Weird. Who is this? Does he have a secret family? No. I think my brother did that before, too, in some of the link. And I think that he told me that I had like $100 somewhere, too. So I don't really understand how those works. And I don't have another family or a secret family. So yeah, you're good there. So I don't think you should worry. Thank God.

Okay, we cannot end on this story. Well, actually, I was going to give you a little bit of a buffer after that to kind of lighten it up. But I saw this post today and it was talking about, it was like, men, if you could choose a sound that your dick would make.

When you get hard, what would it be? Arug! Yeah, the post. I was going to ask you what you think would be funniest. And the first thing that came to my head is if it was like, beep. Oh, my God. But the post said something like... I love the goat noise. I use that sometimes for TikToks. Can you imagine if that actually was a thing, though? Like, if it made sounds...

Honestly, that would be hilarious because there's so many guys that get boners in public. Yeah, I know. I think that would be so funny. I've always had this really big fear that like someone around me is psychic and can read my thoughts. That is the weirdest fear I've ever heard. That is like I think about it constantly in public. Wow. It's like for what? That is something...

Sorry, I don't mean that's the weirdest fear ever. No, it's really weird. And not that my thoughts are like perverse like this last guy or super deviant, but it's like, I just like, I don't know. I would be so mortified if someone could hear my thoughts. Well, honestly, I think it's kind of a cool fear because it's you showing that you believe in like superheroes or like magic, you know? A hundred percent. And so that's kind of magical. I believe in everything. Everything and anything you can believe in, I pretty much believe in. I'm not like a hard believer in anything, you know,

You believe in ghosts, though, and stuff like that. Well, I don't even know what I believe. I'm not like a hard believer in these things that are unknown, but I'm not a...

not believer yeah that makes so much of a skeptic yeah i'm like very like not like justin aliens for example like i could believe that they exist and i believe that they don't exist like i'm i'm just very open to the idea that either could be true oh okay yeah so i feel that way with a lot of those type of our episode our spooky episode we're about to record after this is going to be great

No, nothing scary. We're doing spooky light mode. Spooky dark mode is coming later. Thank God I won't be there. Yeah, you're in for spooky light. It's more so like crazy, paranormally creepy, but nothing bad, bad. Okay. Okay. Let's get one last one in here before we end this because that was absolutely horrific. Wouldn't it be nice if we were always in control of the when and where in our lives?

Yes, I'll get you those figures today. Mom, check it out. I learned a new song. When and where you choose to do something can make all the difference. At University of Phoenix, we make it easy to balance work, family, and school. Plus, with online classes 24-7, you get the freedom to learn when and where you want. Start your degree in tech, healthcare, or business today at phoenix.edu. Wouldn't it be nice if we were always in control of the when and where in our lives?

Yes, I'll get you those figures today. Mom, check it out. I learned a new song. When and where you choose to do something can make all the difference. At University of Phoenix, we make it easy to balance work, family, and school. Plus, with online classes 24-7, you get the freedom to learn when and where you want. Start your degree in tech, healthcare, or business today at phoenix.edu. Okay, so this last one.

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Paying for My Friend's Eyelash Extensions for Her Wedding? My 26-female best friend, 25-female, I'll call her Callie, is getting married in a week, and I'm one of her bridesmaids, while our other best friend, 26-female, I'll call her Sam, is the maid of honor.

They are my best friends and have been through literally everything in my life with me. I can't say Callie has been a bridezilla by any means, but she does have a very specific look in mind for her special day. I was told I needed to strip all of the color out of my hair. It was blue and is now a chestnut brown. And had to get a new foundation to cover up my tattoos as well as shapewear. I did all of this because it's her day and it's not hard to re-dye my hair after this or put foundation on my tattoos. Okay.

Okay, the shapewear though? Like, had to put on shapewear? What the fuck? The actual problem happened yesterday. Callie made an appointment for her, Sam, and I to get eyelash extensions because it will make the day easier, less makeup to worry about, and we all suck at putting on falsies.

Callie had asked all of her bridal party if we wanted to go, and only Sam and I said yes. To put it frankly, all of Callie's savings and money is going towards the wedding, so she is currently low on funds to an extent. And Sam has never actually been good at saving money. Meanwhile, I'm decent enough that I have some savings set aside and a low budget specifically for this wedding. I figured Callie had put aside money for these extensions and didn't think about it past my money.

As we were checking out with our lash girl, I paid for mine and Sam paid for hers. But Callie just stood there looking at me. I asked her what was up and she just said, waiting for me. I asked what she meant and that we should hurry up because we had a lunch thing to get to. She said she couldn't pay for her lashes and that she thought I knew and would be paying for them.

I said that I was not aware and that I should have been told beforehand because I couldn't just pay for sets of $200 lashes. She said she assumed I would just know because of how much money had already gone into the wedding.

And Sam obviously couldn't pay for it. I said I would not be doing that because I simply could not afford it. If this had taken place before next week, it would have been more likely, but I can't now. She started raising her voice and dug out her wallet and paid with her credit card. Sam pulled me aside and said that it was shitty of me to not just pay for it and that I knew what this wedding meant to Callie. I said if it meant that much, why didn't Sam just pay for it then?

I was told by the both of them that maybe it was best if I didn't go to lunch and that they would talk to me in a couple of days. I know that this wedding means a lot to Callie. She has always wanted to be married, but I don't think it's fair of her to assume I would pay for the extensions just because she has stretched her budget thin. However, if I am in the wrong, I will find a way to make up for this, pay her back or something. So Reddit, am I the asshole? What do you think? No, this is not your friend.

Yeah. I mean, I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's just really hard for me to wrap my mind around the way that people get with weddings. I would never expect you to pay for anything for my wedding ever. Like even my bridesmaids dresses like I fully expect to pay for those.

Like, I think that's not the usual for a lot of people. I think usually you pay for your bridesmaid's dress. But if the bride wants your hair or makeup done a certain way...

They should pay for that. Yeah, I think like so one of my really good friends, her wedding, she had a makeup artist and a hairstylist there. And she said, if you guys want to get your hair and makeup done, you can and purchase it. And if you don't want to and you want to do your own hair and makeup, like that's great. So whatever you want to decide. And I think that that's awesome because I'm

I don't think she should have to pay for my hair and makeup. But if you know what I mean, but like also, I don't think I should have to either if I don't if I would rather do my own. Yeah. So I just think that's how it should be. It's like you should give people options to do what they feel most comfortable with. And then if you are not going to give them an option, then you should pay. Yeah. I think it's weird to like ask your friend.

Change your hair, cover your tattoos, shapewear. So you're calling me ugly, fat, and you don't want me in your wedding because I'm your friend. Why do you want me in your wedding? If you're asking me to change everything about myself, that makes me me. Yeah. Just the most like, I have never like, I really don't like that type of bridezilla behavior. Oh, and then her being like, well, she hasn't been that much of a bridezilla. No, this is probably one of the worse ones. Yeah.

we've had. There's been some really bad ones. There's been terrible ones, but this is bad. And I'm a shapewear girly. Like, I love my shapewear. You should never force someone to wear that's so wrong. No. Like, I would never inflict that on someone else. I love it. Holds me in. Makes me feel nice. I got this nice thong shapewear from Amazon. It was like

14, 20 bucks. I don't know, somewhere in there. Magical. Goes with everything. Makes you look good. I just got one. I wonder if I got the same one. I haven't tried it on yet, but. So good. My Skims shapewear. Fucking fire. Nice. Is this an ad? No. I truly do love it. And like, I wore it out in Duluth and my sister-in-law was like, oh my God, what is this? Skims, baby. Like. It would just be so funny if you just started going into an ad right now. Yeah.

There could be one before this story, but likely not. But maybe. I'm not sure. But I truly love it. I love shapewear. I wear like Spanx shorts under all dresses. I hate my legs chafing together. I live in shapewear. Shapewear should be my middle name. I want to start using it because I feel like

I like tight stuff on me. I love being compressed. Same. On my underlayer. I always get like this, like a size too small for me if it's like yoga pants or something because I just like to feel like I'm like getting like sucked in. Like a little sausage in a roll. Yeah, I don't know why. And my roommate does not like that. She wants it to be completely just like looser or like, you know, whatever. And for me, I just like to just

yeah it feels safe to me i really want like a a sleep sack an adult sleep sack i saw one at rei the other day but it's for outdoors what is that it like literally looks like you know those like uh snowsuits you used to put babies in that are like really puffy and like one pieces it looks like that but for an adult version okay and it just looks so nice but i know i'd get overheated in it so i have to find like a cool version okay

Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. No one informed you about this in advance. And even if they had, it's not on you to pay for the bride's hair slash makeup type things. Traditionally, the bride pays for that sort of thing for the bridesmaids. Not your fault she's spending more than she'd like. And OP goes, she for sure had not asked prior. She paid for my dress and shoes, but that's it.

Which is like maybe ask your bridesmaids to pay for their dresses and then you take care of all your shit. But maybe she just got to a point where she didn't realize how fast she was going through money and is now like scrambling. Yeah. But I think that that other friend pulling her aside and being like you should have paid for this. Yeah. Yeah.

why are you getting ganging up on me too if you're so if you think she should get it paid for you pay for it yeah or split it with me like hey want to split it right you know what i don't like is that she said don't come to lunch and we'll talk in a few days like that's really gross behavior don't walling her they're bullied that's bullying that's bullying that's bullying i agree we have an update okay

I took a couple of days after posting to think of how I wanted to proceed, and then I took a chance and texted Callie and Sam asking if we could meet up. They agreed, and we went to a coffee shop. As soon as I got there, they were both there and were whispering about something, and as soon as they saw me, they stopped. In that moment, I realized that's how it's always been, a

adjoined at the hip, whispering together and stopping when I walk in, never taking me seriously. And it was like a switch flipped in that moment. I stopped caring.

After getting my coffee, I sat down and we kind of just stared at each other before I finally asked if either of them felt bad about how they treated me. They both seemed surprised and asked how I got to that conclusion. Good. I love that. Stand up for yourself. I said that I had had time to think about it. And while I felt bad that Callie had been having to dip into her emergency fund, that was not my fault. No. Nor my problem. Nope. If anybody's, it was Sam's because she was the maid of honor.

I said I had been more than accommodating, changing my hair, getting a specific foundation to cover my tattoos, getting shapewear when it makes me uncomfortable. All

All of it to make her day amazing. They tried to interject, but I just shook my head. I told them that they had been my best friends for a very long time, but probably too long. I went on to list a bunch of times they made me feel like shit, which I won't bother you with here, but I ended up saying I wouldn't be attending the wedding in any capacity. And Callie could pick up the shoes, the dress, the shapewear, and the foundation from my mom's house because I was done.

They started panicking and tried apologizing, but I just got up and asked them to please not talk to me for the foreseeable future and left. Wow. Good for you. I love that.

They both tried to call and text me for days afterwards, but I ignored it. I got a bunch of texts from the other bridesmaids who clearly had not been told the full story and texted all four of the others with the full story. I didn't hear anything back, but got a bunch of calls and voicemails from Callie. And let's just say they were not nice. I finally texted her and told her her attitude towards all of this just proved my point and that I didn't think we could be friends anymore.

I guess the wedding went on as planned, which I guess I'm glad for. And to everyone who was upset about me changing my hair, I'm happy to inform you it is now neon pink. I think that's it. I'll be moving states with my boyfriend in about a month and I'll be cutting contact with Sam as well. So I don't expect anything else will come from any of this.

Thank you to every single one of you. And I hope the update is what most of you wanted. It's definitely not what I expected, but it is what I think needed to happen. Good for her. That's really, really hard to do. And actually what I was telling you about, we have a listener who wrote into me and was talking to me about her situation with her current roommate and

Do you want me to quickly tell you what it is? I think people would, it's kind of fits into our like Reddit type of stuff in my opinion.

She responded to one of my stories and said, I'm bawling right now. It was just a cute little inspirational post. She said, I'm bawling right now. Living with my roommate has been such a struggle. So much to the point where I get anxiety every day when she comes home because I don't know what mood she's going to be in or how she's going to treat me. Our lease is up in November and I can't wait to let go of this guarded person that I've become for the last three years. This video is so powerful and made me realize the war is almost over.

Truly, I don't know if I've ever had a person be so mean to me before her. On Mother's Day, she was extremely mean to me. And that day is so fucking hard for me because I don't have a mom. So when I called her out for it, she responded with, well, my mom's not dead. How am I supposed to understand? And fuck you. Yeah. To that girl. Yeah, I know. My mom's not dead. Do you have a soul? Literally. Does she have a soul? Literally. Literally.

I'll be your mom, me and Lauren. Yeah. Little mommies. I know. And that wasn't even the last thing. And then the roommate also said that she needs to, in quotes, cope with the death of my mother who died 18 years ago. Ever since then, I've been- You need to cope with my fucking fist in your face. Yeah.

Ever since then, I've been really protective of myself and my heart because fuck, can you even imagine saying that to someone? Oh, and she also compared my mother's death to her animal's death, which is truly the same. Yeah. She goes, which is truly sad, but no death is comparable to the other, to be honest. No. Yeah. No, not even close. And I think there's a difference between your mother versus your pet. I think everyone. Yeah. I think everyone besides this fucking crazy person can realize that.

Animals are family. But like your mom. Right. Right.

Right. And she was so nice about it, too. She goes, like, she goes, which is truly sad, you know. So just even... God, you have way more grace than I do. Right? Wow. So the plan is to get a place for just my boyfriend and I. Technically, all three of us live together now. But I know she's going to freak out when we say we're moving out, even though it's very obvious. The lease renewal has been sitting on the counter ever since I got back from my trip last week. My family thinks that she's just jealous of me, but it's like...

Homegirl. Everything I have, I had to work so hard for. Nothing was given to me like she thinks. I don't know why she thinks that, too, because she's known me for eight years. Oh, and on my boyfriend and my four-year anniversary in April, she got mad, like visibly angry that we went out to dinner and didn't invite her. On their four-year anniversary? Yeah, she's got some screws loose. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like the moral of the story with a lot of these, like, stop in your tracks today is, like, realize your worth. Like, you are worthy of a happy, healthy, loving relationship. Yeah. Whether that's your friends, your family, your roommates. Yeah. Like, I'm still baffled by that guy calling his pregnant wife his roommate. So insane. But just, like, life is so short and...

It's just not worth dealing with that toxicity. No, and it's, I'm just, that's why I was really proud to hear that girl standing up to her longtime friends because I think that it's, it is really, really hard for, you know, when somebody has somebody in their life for a very long time, whether it's a friend or a family member or, you know, whatever, it's really, really hard to cut ties. And so for her to do that takes a lot of courage and for her to realize that she,

She it's not it's a relationship that's not serving her anymore. Yeah, completely. Well, that is all we have for you guys. Thank you so much for joining us on another episode of Too Hot Takes. This episode is likely coming out around September 21st, which again, if you're in Minnesota, we have that live show at the University of Minnesota on the 26th.

It might show up on Patreon afterwards. I'm not too sure yet, but we might be taking the week off that week as well, just depending on my mental health. I need a little bit of a break. So we'll see. I might not let you down. I don't know, but that's all I got. Love y'all. Thank you for being here. Love you guys so much. Until next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.