126: Petty or Perfect Response? Ft. Talia Lichtstein
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Visit Safeway.com for more details. First and foremost, thank you Spotify for hosting me this week. I really appreciate it. And now let's get into it. Okay, here we go. I told Talia as she was coming in, I was like, I'm going to try not to poop my pants today because my stomach is killing me. All of my IBS girlies out there know. And traveling just makes it 10 times worse. And I'm not sleeping. And I went out last night and it's just...

It's just like a great recipe for my stomach to kill me. And I wore a white shirt and I took the train and the train like stopped. I'm like, please get there. Please get there. It's about a morning. You are having a New York minute. I am. I've never pooped my pants though. Really? Yeah.

I don't think I have either. I'll knock to that too. Have you sharted? I've definitely sharted, but it was barely noticeable. Like the type of shart where I probably could have walked around for another hour with maybe a stain in my underwear. This is a great start for our moment. But yeah, I can't recall an actual shart. I had this thing in high school. We told moth stories. Have you heard of these? Moth? It's called the moth. Like the things that fly? Yeah.

It's, yes, it's like named, that's what it's spelled like. It's just a storytelling session where you like, it was a unit in our creative writing class and moth is a style of storytelling where you get up and it's sort of like stand up, but it's not jokes. You just tell a story and you make it engaging and something. It's like a performance of a story. And the theme for our moth was like, tell about a time you shot your pants. Stop. I don't know why it was a full- In high school? Yeah. A grown teacher and a bunch of kids and the teacher was like the-

theme of our moth this week is they're going to get up and tell a story about a time that you shot your pants. Is he trying to get up

In high school? I think it was the opposite. Like, he wanted people to like him. He wanted people to think he was really cool. The cool guy? His name was Alan. The cool teacher. He was always, like, really trying to be the cool teacher. Oh, that's such an Alan thing. He wasn't an uncool teacher, but he was just like, Alan, you're trying and we can tell. You know what I mean? I get that. Yeah, I totally get that. What a goofball, though. Like, that's such a... He's the definition of a goofball. Such a weirdo. Yeah, he was funny. Okay, okay. Okay.

I like where this is going. The theme I have for you today, it's going to be like petty or is it the perfect solution? Oh, that's so me. So it is. And like after watching all of your content on TikTok, like I think my favorite stuff is like

You're very outspoken. You just tell it how it is. So for those of you who aren't familiar, Talia's big on TikTok. You moved from LA to New York and it's just kind of been this whole journey with everyone following you. You went like first really viral though with like a hookup story.

Yeah, it was a series of them. I went viral in New York with, oh, you went far back. And I love that. I found you when you were in LA still and just moving. And I was like, I want to get her on my podcast. And then you literally moved to New York the next week. And I go, fuck me. So you're in LA right now. You're based in LA. Okay. So I wish I had known that. So I would have told you when I was in LA. But okay, now we know each other. Next time. But yeah, I followed you for a long time too. I got started in

In LA, and I never meet people who like everyone knows me as, oh, you're from New York, which is a compliment in itself to me. But I'm sort of like, oh, you must not have been stuck around that long. You assimilated so quickly. But like, I don't know. I take it as a huge compliment. But I got started making this content in LA. I did this Things I Hate series. And that was kind of what started it. Okay. And I think it like, people get mad that I don't do those anymore. I try to. I just like...

I've moved on. You have to like evolve and grow. Yeah. But I think that the through line of my content is very much that essence of like, we're going to just say what we feel. We're going to stop with this game of like, I have to make everyone relate to me. We're just going to say it. And I think that people like that and it works. So I brought that sort of spirit into telling my stories about hooking up with boys and walking home after the hookups and getting ready for the hookups.

And, you know, it's just... But I think that the through line of, like, honesty and pride in who I am is there. Yeah. And it's translated into a little social justice-y thing now. It's because there was such a misogynistic backlash to the hookup stories. Oh, my God. So much. So it's given me a whole new sort of second wind, third, fourth wind. Yeah. I absolutely love that. I love your comments when, like, someone will just be a dick, like, for no reason, just so unprovoked. And you'll...

like reply to the comment with a video and the sass. And I just love, and I'm like, it kind of fits in that box of like, is it petty or is it the perfect solution? Right. So you're so familiar with it that I'm like, you're going to crush these stories. This is my specialty is like, often I'll sit before I post those videos and decide like one day.

First of all, one day it's going to be, my mom always says, you're going to call the wrong guy ugly and he's going to show up at your door with a fucking knife. Like these people are really scary. But also I fear, I don't want to put this into the world, but sometimes my fear is like, I'm going to call the wrong guy. I'm going to be a little too mean to one of these younger idiot guys who says something misogynistic to get a rise out of me. Yeah. And I'll hit the wrong chord and I,

don't want to hurt somebody so badly that nobody can come back from that. So I often sit and I'm like, is this just me wanting to yell at someone or am I really doing this for the greater good of like stomping out misogyny? And I hope that it is all for the greater good. So I like the idea that we are discerning between just petty and just meaningful. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's get into these ones. All right. Great. Let's dive in.

Okay, so up first, I'm just not even going to preface this. It's a good one. I'm so starstruck watching you do this in person. Look at you. Oh my God. No. You're going to be like, I'm 24. I can't wait to see you do it in real life.

Oh, my God. I feel like I'm in the car listening to you. Okay, let's get into this first one. So this is 19 days old. It's coming from Psychological Mind 407. It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Returning a Birthday Gift I Got from My Boyfriend After He Insulted Me About My Colorful Past? Colorful past. Colorful.

This happened last night, but my phone is still blowing up. I, female 26, dipped into my savings and got Mike, my boyfriend, 27, a PS5 for his birthday yesterday. He knew he was getting the PS5 because he told me that the PS5 is the only thing he wants. We've been together for four years, so the cost didn't matter. That is until I found out what he thinks of me.

Some background. When I was 18, I was involved with Jake, a guy who I met online. We ended things after three months, and I moved on shortly after with Adam, a guy from work.

I found out a couple of months later that Jake and Adam were actually really close friends, but I didn't know Jake long enough to meet his friend group, so I had no idea. After finding out, I took some time off dating, and two years later, I met my current boyfriend, Mike. I was upfront and honest with Mike about my past and the fact that I was unintentionally involved with friends.

He said he understood and my past didn't bother him. Last night at his party, I showed up with the PS5 and him and his friends were screaming with joy. His best female friend, Jessica, laughed and said, quote, I wish I was a thought so I could afford a PS5 too. I looked at her with a excuse me look on my face and she just said never mind and walked away.

Jessica, what's the beef? I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said, and I quote, she's just messing with you. You can't take a joke. So I pushed further as to why this girl is even calling me names to begin with. And he said, quote, well, everyone knows you were a thot before you met me. Yeah.

I asked him to explain how I was a thought before him, and he said, quote, you know, messing with best friends. He then patted me on the shoulder and said, it's okay, because I'm not who I was back then, and if he could get over my, quote, colorful past and thought mentalities to give me a chance, then I could get over Jessica's comments and give her another chance. I didn't say anything. I just got up, took the PS5 from the gift table, and left.

He was pissed. He literally called me 20 times, but I didn't care. I was so hurt that I took the bow off and took it straight back to the store I got it from. They happily refunded it.

I thought that was done, but Mike and all of his friends, including Jessica, are berating me for being petty, and they're all saying I brought this on myself by making poor choices. I responded to Mike and told him that he deserves better than me, so find someone who wasn't a thought and get the PS5 from them because I returned it. He started screaming how I'm the biggest asshole for returning it and how I should be happy he ignored my colorful past.

I'm thinking maybe taking it back was too far. Am I the asshole? I'm going to vomit. I can't. You hooked up with two people who knew each other and you're a thot.

If that makes you a thought, if this group of friends and Miss Jessica knew me in college, they'd be putting me on a cross somewhere. I'm going to hell. Honestly, they'd be burning me on a cross or something. Burned at the stake. I don't understand. Okay. So just know that, I think, if we're able to get in touch with this person, she's listening somewhere, somehow.

First of all, I wouldn't care if you fucked 80 people. It doesn't matter. But also know that the two people is ridiculous. And anyone colorful, really? Colorful? I just, what? What does that mean? What is he trying to imply? Like you were a fucking hoe? The idea, any guy who ever even suggests that there's a problem with people you've slept with in the past, I don't care what the number is, if it's one, if it's 70, if they give a single shit and they're dating you now and you're committed to them now,

They want someone who will never know what bad sex is, is what they're looking for. They want someone who doesn't have enough experience to know what's a big dick versus what's a small one and what is good versus what's bad. They want someone with...

an air of virginity and who they can take advantage of and manipulate easier because she has never had any experience. It's disgusting. It really is disgusting to even care. I would go so far as to say if a guy asked me in like, you know, a guy that I wasn't dating for a really long time, we were just laying in bed joking about it. If a guy seriously wanted to know what is your body count, I'd be like, ew, like, why do you give a fuck? It's just such a turnoff to me. So that, so there's that. The entire rest of it. I'm the same.

The whining about the PS5 like a fucking child. I just can't even imagine. Ew. Where did you find him? There's so much going on here. And what's so interesting is like these two guys were friends. How was she supposed to know when the first guy that she was dating, Jake, she met online, never met his friends, then was working with this guy named Adam, met him at work, and then he was like,

How was she supposed to know that they were involved? Even if she didn't know. Honestly, fuck it. She slept with two people once when she was 18. A child. Not a child, but a teenager. Who cares? We all do shitty things. And she didn't even date for two years. She took two years off after that experience and didn't date and then met her boyfriend. So she's dated now, including this guy who's being weird like this, three people. What she did is she was dating. She was hooking up and experimenting and dating. That's what she was doing. She didn't do anything wrong. She's 26.

She's 26 and has dated three people. And he's calling her a thot. Also, I haven't heard thot in so long. I literally had to just Google what it stands for. The guys who say thot are the guys who can't buy their own PS5 is who says thot. I just, I don't. The audacity to come after your girlfriend and criticize her for anything at all when she just had to buy you the thing that you wanted so badly because you could not provide it for yourself. And then when she takes it back to the store, you can't even fathom that, oh, maybe we've broken up and I should just go buy myself a new one. No, no,

No, no, no, no. You need her to go back and get it for you. Like mommy took away your Christmas morning gift. Like it's actually...

I'm dumbfounded. Like, I can't believe it. I can't. Also, like the guys jumping up and down, like as they open it, him and his friends were screaming with joy. It's like they're all going to share this one little PS5. I would have dumped him right there. None of them can get it. Oh, and Jessica coming out of the woodwork. Jessica wants to fuck him. Like Jessica loves your boyfriend. If you see Jessica and him together next month, I'd say congratulations, baby. If she can take him, she should have him.

Ew. Absolutely. Let them be happy together forever. Absolutely. This is breakup. This is weird. It's one thing, like, if... This is so, like, as you said, this is unfounded. Like, his justification for calling her this and saying it, weird. And it's one thing to, like, have these thoughts about someone, but, like, you're dating me. So, like, okay. Yeah.

Why are you then going to all your friends and talking about my colorful past to all your friends? Why are you sullying my reputation and their perception of me if you want to be with me? You're okay with trashing me to your friends? It's resentment and what it feels like if I'm being super analytical and maybe a little too deep.

It feels like a guy who's jealous of his girlfriend. It feels like a guy who could never, you know, get with many people, who doesn't have the sexual freedom or just even to call this two people sexually free. Like she's some kind of crazy person who's like experimenting all over the place. Like I was in college, like being a fucking borderline sex addict. Like she didn't do any,

This wasn't a 10 person gangbang. It wasn't. And you know what? As a person who's done the gangbang thing, I should tell this girl she should try it. I really like you deserve you deserve to go and have fun and have sex, whatever you want. So do whatever the fuck you want. But you shouldn't be shamed for it. No, you should do whatever you want. But it feels like a person who is so who is the resentment bubbles inside of him so much that he has to go and tell his friends something.

It's one thing to say, wow, my girlfriend was like so unafraid and she experimented in the past. And I'm like, I think it's cool that I'm dating somebody who like does whatever she wants. It's a whole, you know how he was talking about you. And it wasn't fucking like that. Jessica did not make up that. He put that in her head. He is talking shit about you. And if your boyfriend's talking shit about you because you used to fuck somebody else, to me, it screams...

insecure, jealous, wishes he could do that but can't. It's just bizarre. And why are you dating somebody who secretly kind of hates you? Ah, get out. Get out. For those that are unfamiliar with the term thought definition, it's derogatory, very informal, according to the Oxford languages. A woman who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. What is the full form of thought acronym for that hoe over there?

Please note that hoe is a short form for whore. I didn't know it stood for that hoe over there. That's why I'm like, I haven't heard it in so long. I needed to like refresh my memory what the fuck it stood for. I love to get reminded of weird little like things that we would have like Urban Dictionary. Oh my God. I looked up the other day. Somebody made a comment about me wearing white shorts. I was wearing white denim shorts and I was like, I can't understand what that would be. I looked it up. Apparently,

apparently according to the middle school bible white jean shorts on a girl means she loves anal it's like so i mean i was like why why he said it as like a joke he's like where did that come from he was like you didn't go to middle school like this was a thing i love remembering these little things apparently white toenails you're a hoe i didn't know about that my

Minor white. What the fuck? Minor white too. White's like the only color I ever get. Me too. Apparently we're hoes. I love learning about those little things.

Yeah, me, you, and this girl. That's so funny. Let's all go out. We should. If you guys have any other weird slangs, I'll be posting a question on Spotify where you can respond to. I want to hear the weirdest little slang terms like thought or just the weirdest ones. I don't remember a lot of these. I've kind of blocked them out, I guess. So post away...

Overall vote on this one, not the asshole. People were like, good for you, as you should have taken that. Good. The top comment, which is like very awarded, big red box on Reddit, 64,000 upvotes. Wow.

Yeah, very, very well received. It goes, I'm so confused, but maybe that's because I'm an old lady who got married around the time you were in kindergarten. If anyone was wrong in the Jake slash Adam incident, it was Adam. You might have dated friends, but he dated his best friend's ex.

That's on them to figure out and Adam's mistake only. Where I come from dating three dudes in seven years does not a colorful past make. Did Ho get a new definition since the early 2000s? Not the asshole. And I hope you do something special for yourself with a little of that money you got back from returning that gift you got your ex-boyfriend. Yeah, I hope she treated herself. We have an update. Really?

Yeah. Can we hear it? We will get into it. Firstly, thank you all for the support. I really appreciate it, and I'm trying my best to respond to each of you. Turns out you guys were right, but we'll get into that. Firstly, I unblocked Mike this morning and called him to talk. After a few hours of arguing, I finally got the truth out of him. He said, after I told him about my past, he was fine with it because it happened before him. Then he got curious about who Jake and Adam were.

So he went digging on my Facebook friends list and didn't find Jake, but he found Adam. He then condemned me for having an ex on my social media page. I said I don't speak to the majority of people on my Facebook, but I wouldn't delete them. I just won't engage. He said that in his eyes, that was a red flag. So he went digging and he found what he was looking for.

He saw that Adam was well-known and well-liked by a lot of women because of all the women liking and commenting on his posts. And by the cars and trips he posted prior, he knew that Adam had to be well-off. He also admitted to knowing some of the women who were in Adam's comments. He then tried digging into Adam's friend list, but it was hidden. So he asked Jessica to stock his likes, comments, and posts for a Jake post.

Sure enough, they found Jake, saw that Jake drove an expensive car and came to the conclusion that I only date men with money. Note, Mike doesn't have money. So his entire analysis was dumb. Anyways, I asked him why he just didn't come to me. And he confessed that for a while he thought I was interested in Jake and Adam for money because that's what, quote, women do.

He then said that him and Jessica brought this situation up to his guy friends, and they all agreed that this is how the situation went. I was dating Jake. He introduced me to Adam. I found out Adam had more money than Jake. I left Jake to sleep with Adam, then started dating him. I questioned why would I leave Adam if I was with him for money, and he said he thought that was a lie, and Adam had to be the one to leave me. Ouch. He then said that he contemplated breaking up with me

for this for months. But as he got to know me, he slowly realized I am not that kind of person. I told him that he's basically full of shit for dirtying my name with his friends. Then I asked him why he didn't clear up my name. He said that whenever he brought me up, they all dismissed me as a gold digger, thought, a woman who slept with men for money, and here's the kicker, probably still have some of that money saved.

They came to the conclusion that I must be with Mike for some ulterior motive, but he was too embarrassed to defend me. He also said that he was embarrassed every time I mentioned a male friend or tagged a guy on social media because they all teased him afterwards. I remember him asking me to not like any other man's photos on social media and to not tag any guys, but I just thought it's because it made him uncomfortable, not because his friends were silently stalking me.

After hearing all of this, I decided to end things with Mike. I told him that he's not a nice person and I can't trust him anymore, especially because he knew I was saving for months to afford the PS5, and he allowed his friends to think that I got my money somewhere else. After ending it, I said, quote, oh, by the way, have you ever slept with Jessica? I fucking knew it.

He said no, but after she found Jake, she suggested they hook up if he ever needs to, quote, get back at me in the future. I asked what she meant by getting back at me, and he said she was certain I would cheat on him with a wealthier man if I found one. He then said that he gave me the truth after all these years, so I should forgive him and give him another chance. But... This man is comical. But I didn't.

I just thanked him for the good times, the memories, and for dirtying my name. Then I hung up and blocked him again. Now I think I'll take another long break from the dating world. Thanks again, everyone.

I need to do like yoga breaths after that. Fuck you, Jessica. Jessica. Fuck you, Mike. Fuck every single last person. Fuck the people who raised Mike. Fuck the people who raised Jessica. Who are these people? And where did you find them? The gutter. The gutter? The gutter. Like, oh, shit. Was that, oh, Chuck E. Cheese? What's the place with children? I don't know. Chuck E. Cheese.

I was thinking like Johnny Rockets, Chuck E. Cheese. What is it? Where did you find these people? Don't soil Dave and Buster's, baby. Don't bring them into this. Leave them at wherever you found them. Dave and Buster's. It's just...

Sometimes it's really hard to say, and this is like the hardest part of being a girl because sometimes you encounter a person so stupid whose misogyny has not only poisoned them, but the girls around them too who just want their validation. Like they've collected Jessica's that make them feel better. And Jessica feels better in turn for like having somebody to impress and like agree with all the time. So these, when you accidentally attract these people into your life, you're not going to

And eventually this shit happens and you get into these illogical arguments where you get so frustrated and you don't feel like there's ever going to be a way that you can prove yourself. And every single day I have these arguments with men online where they say things just to talk and I can't ever make a point. They just love to hear themselves talk and they forget to have a point. There's no way that I could ever –

I can't bother, but I get caught up in the anger and I do want to say something. And all I have to say to that is I wish I could take my own advice and I'm projecting it onto you. But we as women have to be better about leaving things alone. Like, seriously, there's a point where you have to defend yourself and there's also a point where you have to know bitches are

crazy and misogynistic and won't change and unblocking them to call and have this call I'm sure was so much more exhausting than it needed to be to get nowhere and only for her to be frustrated forever that he said these things about her she didn't need to know like just leave it well that's like I think it's so interesting that like a lot of times people always feel they're like I just you know I I wanted to call him to get closure

Why? Why? I am not one of those people. Like, I don't need closure. Like, closure for me is saying goodbye. And like, I know that that person doesn't deserve me. And like, I think a lot of people would be happier if you could get, like, if they could also get to that level because it feels so good. You don't need closure from them. You don't want to interact with them anymore. They don't deserve any more of your energy. Don't waste your breath on them. And...

It's just so crazy to me. Like, Jessica is clearly waiting in the wings for this guy. And let her. And let her. Let her have him. And I think you make a good point, too, where it's like, it is so easy to get angry with people. Like, in my own YouTube comments or, you know, things that I see. But it's really interesting. Like, and this saying popped into my head. And I will butcher it. You guys know this is what I do. But it's like, what's won in a battle of wits with a fool? Right. You win nothing. Right.

You win absolutely nothing. Nothing. And maybe one out of ten times you get a little satisfaction of like ratioing them on TikTok in the comments or something. But that's kind of it. And it's not worth it. And that's short-lived. And it will eat you. I walked in here having – I made the mistake of watching my tagged-in videos on TikTok. It will eat you. I'm so glad I can't find them. Oh, my God. Don't. Don't. Because I don't want to know. And like it's not like anyone's ever –

Plenty of people do at me and have really insightful, cool things to say. And it makes me... It inspires me. I love to start a discussion. I love people to agree with me. But one out of every 20 is a guy who just wants to talk and talk and talk. And he takes up the whole three minutes. And I'm like...

It gets me to a point of frustration and to not be heard and to be talked over by a person who just wants to hear themselves talk. I say it on your podcast as I'm talking. But like, do you know what I mean? Like a person who just, whatever. I listen to my friends and your point about closure is so, so relevant. Every time I listen to my friends say after a breakup, like, okay, but I just want to call him and get some closure. I'm like, stop.

Stop lying to yourself. Stop. I used to do that too. And what you have of this ability to say, I don't need closure. The closure is saying goodbye. It's a part of life that everyone does get to. It just depends on how many heartbreaks it takes. Oh, yeah. But you get there. Absolutely. But if you're still thinking, oh, I need to call him after the breakup and just talk it through. Yeah.

No, you don't. No, you're bored and you really want to hear his voice. And that's what is going to happen. You are not going to win anything. You're not going to get anything helpful out of this. Stop lying to yourself. It doesn't exist. I know. It doesn't. I have a friend that is going through a really bad breakup right now and ended up going out to lunch with their ex to be like, hey, why did we break up? And I'm like,

I'm like, no, sweetie. Like, this is what therapy is for. Like, you talk to your therapist and you analyze this. Like, that other person isn't going to give you the answers that you're looking for. And like, you're just rehashing these wounds and like,

It just doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good. You just want to go back and poke a dead thing with a stick is what you want to do. You're beating the dead horse. You need to grow up. Beating a dead horse sounds fun. I'm thinking like you're poking a little dead pigeon on the side of the road because it's like, ew, gross. What is it? Is it going to move? You are not a horse girl. Move. Let's go. I'm such a horse girl that I can't imagine hurting a horse. So I always like to think like beating a dead horse. No, poking a dead pigeon. That's my favorite. I like that. Didn't you kill a rat by running?

Unfortunately, and I really think the rats are so cute now. I really, they are my friends. I like looking at them when I'm waiting on the subway platform. They're so fucking cute. Just watching them scurry around. Wait until you accidentally step on one. You watch the life leave its eyes and it'll change you forever. But... I would vomit. But it does desensitize you and you start to see them as like, well, we just share the city. Her and I, me and her, we just kind of walk around together and I have to live in peace with them. That squish under your foot...

The crunch? There was a spinal crunch. There was. And you know what? Everyone at home is puking. I said the mourner's cottage and I moved on with my day. There you go. I felt a little Jew. Oh my god. We're chosen. I love it.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. So this one is 18 days old from Strong Emu 7954. Okay. It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Banning My Sister-in-Law From My House Over Tomato Sauce?

I, 28 female, have an older brother, 32 male. He is married to sister-in-law, 33 female. I get along with her well, except for this one point. If you don't keep an eye on her, she will get into the kitchen and add seasonings to whatever is cooking. She thinks she is fixing stuff, but not all foods need turmeric in it. This Saturday... It's good for inflammation, but I don't know. I don't know.

This Saturday, I received 40 pounds of tomatoes. It took me the whole weekend to turn it into a sauce that I was planning to can. I can it plain, then add whatever seasonings and herbs in it, depending on the recipe.

They came to take a bag of spare clothes for one of their kids, and in the five minutes it took me to get it, she managed to get into the kitchen, add salt, pepper, turmeric, olive oil, garlic powder, and Italian herbs to all five of the pots that were simmering on the stove.

I can't get over this person's hobby just being like sitting and making these little pots of sauce. Good for you. Good for you. I was so angry that I knew I couldn't be calm talking with her. So I simply walked to my brother, told him to take the clothes and his wife and that she is no longer welcome in my house.

She had followed me, was shocked, started apologizing, but I just ignored her. I added that he should come by tomorrow to take the sauce his wife ruined because otherwise it would be thrown away and that I expected 40 pounds of replacement tomatoes. They left. He came back with the tomatoes, an apology letter from her, and an apology carrot cake, my favorite. But I told him that I stand by my decision.

Now my parents got involved. Since I'm the one that usually hosts, and since she is not allowed in my house, I told them to make alternative plans for Memorial Day. My husband says that I am in the right, but my parents say that my reaction is way overblown. Am I the asshole?

I think the initial reaction was not overblown. I think to say, you know, I'm pissed at you. I'm sick of having this discussion. Get out of here. Fine. But then they apologized and they brought you a little carrot cake. And did she say they brought the tomatoes? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, 40 pounds. I think at a certain point, it's like, look, yeah, your sister-in-law is fucking weird. You're

You're also a little weird. Come on. Can we say that? You're a little weird, but it's so cute that you make your little sauces. But I get that you feel passionately. You feel passionately about your sauce. She feels passionately that your sauce needs seasoning. She doesn't have the right to do it, and I get it. You're both eccentric in different ways, and I definitely like you better. I will tell you that. But I think they did try to apologize, and she's going to try to do better. And at this point, it's like, okay, how long are you going to ice her out for? Yeah. I mean—

I mean, I wonder what the other confrontations have gone like. Has it been like, hey, you silly goose, don't put any more turmeric in my sauce. Like, I wonder if it's been very lighthearted or if it's truly been a, hey, this is a solid boundary for me. If you step into my kitchen one more time and add sauce, we're going to have issues. You're not going to be allowed to come over. Boundary, here's the consequence. Next time it happens, you enforce the consequence.

Like, this is very much so like she dropped the hammer this time. Right. As she should. 40 pounds of tomatoes.

I mean, that's like a bag of dog food worth of tomatoes. Like, that's a bunch of food. And to be so wasteful and destroy it, like, I'd be pissed too. I get it. I'm a jam girl. I love making jam with my grandma. I'm going to get in the kitchen. I'm going to boil that strawberry rhubarb jam. I'm going to town. If someone came in there and added some shit to it, I'd be pissed. I'd be pissed.

I get it. That's good to know that you feel that way because I'm having a hard time empathizing. I can definitely empathize and I can understand why she's frustrated. It's a lot of work to make this shit. But I see why it would be such an issue that somebody would add something. To me, I'm sort of like, well, did it taste better when she added it? Like, I don't. It doesn't even like, I get it. It's her creation. Salt, pepper, maybe, but like the turmeric, the garlic powder, the olive oil, Italian herbs.

That's a lot. I get it. At the end of the day, you're right though. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's her shit. It's your creation. Yeah. But you're right about wondering why, what did she say first? I want to know. Did she tease it first? Yeah, the pre-conversations. But if like this is the first time that it's really been like,

addressed like that this is a problem and she doesn't like it then I would say hey she wrote you a letter she baked you a carrot cake and I would embrace the okay fool me once shame on you if it happens again then like truly like you have

no more chances to give. Right. I'm curious if this was the happens twice, but can I please ask what is the army that you're cooking for? I really just want to know. You have a passion for this sauce. Why do you need six cans of the sauce? This is no judgment. I love that you're doing it, but I'm genuinely curious why. Who is it for? Well, so she's canning it. So if you can something like

Depending on, like, if you use the right pressurized sealing device, it can last for, like, years. So she doesn't have to make pasta sauce again for, like, maybe a year, depending on how much she's eating sauce. Okay, okay. I understand. It's a little doomsday preppy to some people, but, you know. Hey, it wouldn't matter to me what she was making. Nobody's allowed to tamper with it, but I am a little curious about it.

What was the reason? Honestly, I like it. I would love to start cooking more of my own stuff. I fully believe the food in this country is like killing us. I see. I believe that too, but I don't care. Give me the colon cancer. I ate a Slim Jim on the way here. I had my diet cooked. A Slim Jim? It's my favorite food. A Slim Jim. I love a Slim Jim, yeah. You should make your own.

See, that's something I don't know if I want to do. Or like go to a deli in New York that like doesn't add so much processed stuff to it. No, have you ever squeezed a Slim Jim and watched the oil like come out of it? It is. That's the best part is that it's processed. That's the thing. See, here's my thing. I thought I was nauseous before, but...

Exponentially increased. A Slim Jim will make you feel better. I'm telling you, it'll sell your stomach. I really don't care about processed foods. And people, no matter how hard anybody tries, there are certain things that people can't seem to get me to care about. I don't care if somebody's watching me through my computer for the FBI. I don't care.

I don't care. I don't care. You can only control so much. I don't care about vaping or the effects of smoking. I know it's killing me. I don't care. I'll die early. It's fun. I enjoy it. It brings me joy. I love walking at night. It's very dangerous. I walk with, you know, a pepper spray and that's what I can do. I like, I love. I wonder if you're one of those people that there's a part of your brain that isn't as active. It's like you're, oh God, what is it? Is it your amygdala? It's like your fear center. Yeah, I get neurotic regretfully.

regarding my, you know, what I do. I get self-conscious about my future and my career, whatever. And I fear I getting anxious about things I don't need to be anxious about. But when it comes to my health, no, I've never cared. Yeah. Many of studies point to the amygdala, an almond-shaped structure that is considered the hub for fear processing in the brain. I wonder if yours just isn't as active. I really, I think that sounds right because I don't find myself to be, but I am fearful of certain things to a degree that is ridiculous.

I have terrible stage fright. I have terrible anxiety when a podcast that I'm on comes out. I have a really hard time listening to my own voice. Oh, that's brutal. You don't ever get used to it. It's really tough. It's brutal. It's really tough. But when it comes to like, you know, I don't know. Oh, I'm terrified of psychedelics, acid, shrooms. But when it comes to like, I don't know, walking at night, potential dangers of being kidnapped or I just like I don't have the time to worry about it. Like if I have to live my life, I'm not afraid of death. I don't.

I'd prefer to not die. Everyone is like, I would love to embrace some of that. I cannot. I constantly, even walking outside during the day, someone gives me a funny look. I'm like, are they going to kidnap me? Yeah. I just like, on my way here today...

a woman held a cross in front of me like a giant cross oh god and started shouting at me I was like fuck I can't believe I didn't turn my camera on for this she goes she starts coming really up in my face she was really scaring a lot of people and she's like cover your legs and

Cover your arms in the name of Jesus Christ. I was wearing a tank top and sweatpants. But you're wearing full sweatpants. She goes, long skirts, long shirts, and cover your hair in the name of Jesus Christ. And she's screaming at me like I'm going to go to hell. Oh my God. And all I'm thinking is she's really up in my face. She could have a knife. I don't know. Yeah. A lot of people were walking far away from her. I kept purposely walking by her to get her in a TikTok at the perfect moment and get her saying the perfect shit. I'm like, this girl is so funny. I just,

Don't care. Like, what? Oh, she'll stab me? Great. What a story that would be. Oh, my God. It would be a good story, except if you got hepatitis from the knife. You're absolutely right. And those are things I consider I need to be worried about, but I just don't care. I love to eat shitty food. To me, like, life, I never like to say life is so short. Life is very long, in my opinion. But I just don't, like, life is too short to care. Have you had anyone close in your family die? Many.

Many. Yes. And I really, I think that I have more close experience with death and really sudden tragedy of close family members and friends than most people do. So maybe that's where it comes from. It's like I'm acquainted with death. Let's go. And there's nothing about death that to me is like not serious. And I'm like, oh, it doesn't look, it's not because I'm thinking like, oh, it doesn't look so bad. So whatever. I'm not afraid of it. No, it's terrible. I would do anything for those things to not have happened to my friends and to me. But

I think I've always just, I don't know. My mom is kind of the same way. She's like, life is too short. Just eat your fucking McDonald's and live your life and, you know, try to walk every day. I'm definitely getting McDonald's fries after this. Yeah, do it. And then just like walk later. I don't know. It's not a big deal. Everyone thinks it's going to kill you. This smoke the other day in New York. Of course, it's bad for you. Of course, we all got a little sick from that probably a little bit down the line. It's going to be an issue. I felt like going for a walk. So I did. Yeah.

I don't care. Meanwhile, you see people on TikTok making masks for their dogs. I'm like, there's not enough time in the day. I just don't care. Did you wear a mask? No. I think I wore a mask. Like, I came out of my house and I happened to have one in my purse. I was like, I'll throw this on. Okay. Then later I forgot it and was like, I'm not going back in. Whatever. It's too far. Have a...

For those of you that have traveled to Los Angeles listening, you might have seen this guy. And living there, you might have seen this guy. But there's this one guy, he's got a minivan, and he's got this ginormous cross. Like, truly the Jesus-size cross. And he opens the hatch of his minivan and, like, drives around with this cross in the back of his car. And then sometimes you'll catch him at an intersection of, like, Highland and Hollywood Boulevard by, like, the big tourist area, by Ripley's, or, like, Highland and Melrose by, like, Moza. And...

As the walk sign goes every direction, he'll carry his big cross and thrust it up and down. And it's like, Jesus saves, Jesus saves. And it's like, the cross lady, it just popped into my head.

So overall vote is not the asshole. Okay. The top comment, they kind of quote what OP says, like, if you can't keep an eye on her, she will get in the kitchen and add seasonings. She managed to get in the kitchen, add blah, blah, blah to all five pots. And they go like, what the fuck? This is so boundary disrespecting, disrespectful, and all caps, insulting to what you're cooking. And it wasn't even for her. Not

not the asshole for being furious. I do think she's learned her lesson though. Right. So I think that would kind of like be along the lines of what we're thinking. And OP responds back to that comment and goes, she thinks we don't season enough, but here's the thing. If I'm making Indian or Chinese, I toast the spices and grind them with a mortar and pestle. My Ethiopian friend says that I make spicier food than her mom. But

But if I'm making mac and cheese, a burger or mashed potatoes, of course, I'm only using salt and pepper because usually the flavors are in the sauce or gravy. So this person sounds like a really good cook. Yeah. Like her cooking and seasoning abilities are not in question. Right. I'm curious, is there an ethnic difference between the sister-in-law and her?

Maybe that's because I know that it's a big thing of like white people don't season and they're right. We often don't do food well. So maybe I don't know. But clearly she's proven herself to be a seasoned using cook. Yeah. A seasoned cook, if you will. So it's like me. I don't know. I'm curious. Maybe it's like there are cultural differences. This person was raised in a family where they use even more and she wants it to taste like that. I don't know. But maybe it's like a.

ethnic food thing where like they come from different different ethnicities yeah i don't know um um there are a couple other comments from op someone goes i would agree with you op it's never okay to commander someone else's cooking like she has how had you previously addressed the situation when she did this there you go as it's obviously not the first time and op goes i would ask her not to tell her that i'm following a recipe refuse her help in the kitchen etc

to someone, you know, aware of themselves, it seems kind of common sense, like, okay, help is not needed. Right. But I would also say, like, it's not necessarily the clearest boundary being set. That's why I bring up the issue of maybe it's different cultural backgrounds, because in a lot of cultures, I feel, from what I've observed, it's a family thing to cook

together and it's a team effort and people just throw things in. And there's, you know, I've watched enough like Italian cooking videos on TikTok, for example, to know that these Italian grandmas are not looking at the ingredients and the recipes. They just throw shit in. They're throwing shit in these giant pots and pans. That's how I cook. Maybe this person, sure, I don't cook, but I'm sure the people who make my takeout do. I'm sure maybe this person comes from a household where it's not weird to walk by the pot and go, hmm.

maybe this could use a pinch and just go up to the room after. I can see that. Maybe. I'm not saying it's right. But like maybe it really is like she's a creature of habit and she comes from a cultural background where it is more normal to contribute to other people's food and see it as communal food. So as long as you are setting those boundaries, though, it's still wrong. She needs to know this isn't her house. It's yours.

For sure. There's one other comment, basically just like, not the asshole. Don't forgive her for the leaf herbs. That was 40 pounds of tomatoes. What if some of it was intended for making chili? OP surely wouldn't use Italian seasoning in her chili. Not the asshole. But I'd relent after Memorial Day.

And Opie goes, some of it was intended for Italian cuisine, some for Mexican, some for Indian, and some for Middle Eastern. Three of those four do not use Italian herb mix.

And someone goes after, I'm so curious. Did your brother take the sauce she ruined? I can't blame you for being furious, especially since this is not the first or third time this has happened. And OP goes, he did. I put it in gallon Ziploc bags after it cooled and told him he either takes it or it's going to be thrown out since it was pretty much unusable. We both hate waste.

But no mention of culture, no mention how it ended up tasting, not really a lot of other things. There is like a small edit at the bottom of the post. Since there seems to be some confusion, I'm not planning to host for Memorial Day and not invite her. I said I am not hosting. My parents or my brother should host, and I will attend as a guest. I might be angry, but I don't want her excluded. Okay.

So I don't know. I think you have the right intentions. I don't think this is petty anymore. Yeah. I think your heart's in the right place. You're not doing it out of spite. No. You're actually just like trying to teach her a lesson. Yeah. That is more than I can usually say. Perfect solution. I usually do it out of pettiness. So good for you. Perfect solution. But I still, is this an appropriate time for boom, throwing tomatoes, tomato, tomato, tomato, boom, boom, boom. Yeah. I think so. I think you could. Tomato girl. Could have chucked a little sauce on her.

America. We are endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable rights: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. At Grand Canyon University, we believe in equal opportunity, and the American Dream starts with purpose.

By honoring your career calling, you impact your family, your friends, and your community. The pursuit to serve others is yours. Find your purpose at Grand Canyon University. Private. Christian. Affordable. Visit gcu.edu. Okay, speaking of food, this next one's...

really interesting. It is vintage. I'm surprised it is still up, to be honest. Really? It's three years old. It is from the user Fit and Intuit. Yum. Do they often delete after a couple days? Usually, it's more often the moderators will remove them just from like feeling that the post violates some of the subreddit rules. They don't believe it to be authentic, even though like

I believe a lot of the crazy ones they delete. Like people are insane. Insane. Like we have seen it. Especially family, inter-family issues. Yeah. Like, oh, speaking of inter-family. Oh, is this one? Here we go. Great. This one is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Sister The Only Reason Her Boyfriend Is With Her Is Because of His Fetish.

My sister, 25 female, and I, 22 male, grew up in the deep south. My dad is almost 400 pounds and my mom is close. I grew up as a fat kid. However, when I started college and moved to a very fitness-friendly state, Colorado, I lost a lot of weight. I started to care more about my looks. I became a personal trainer last year and got a rhinoplasty recently to fix my crooked humped nose.

My sister decided to move up with me. My sister was not very approving of my weight loss, nor was she happy I did a lot to change my appearance. While we get along wonderfully most of the time, we still have fights about her thinking I'm vain. My sister weighs around 300 pounds. I have offered her help. However, she just tells me life isn't about looks.

Frankly, I don't care what she looks like. I just want her to be healthy and confident. My sister sometimes acts out a lot at me, especially when it comes to guys. When we have gone to bars, people can be cruel, saying, quote,

or outwardly paying more attention to me. I defend her when I see it, but it still hurts her confidence. She has cried to me multiple times about dating, asking why she can't find anyone to accept her for who she is.

In January, my boyfriend of two years cheated on me. My sister told me that maybe he left me because I was too vain and high maintenance. I ignored her. Around the time of the breakup, she started dating a guy, and I was happy for her. However, the guy gave off some weird vibes. The way he looked at my sister when she ate and making plans when my sister and I were supposed to do healthy activities were some of them.

Since then, my sister has gained a massive amount of weight and has become more hostile towards me. Her boyfriend buys her large quantities of unhealthy food and insists that she needs to eat more. He is weirdly touchy with her and often dismisses the things she says. They don't talk and just watch TV. She hasn't met his friends or family yet also.

She complains how he never posts about her on social media. About a month ago, I had a friend over. His friend is interested in fetishes, and they recognized my sister's boyfriend from a feeder site. I didn't want to bring it up with my sister because that didn't seem like it was my place, but it worried me greatly. I recently downloaded multiple dating apps, and my sister, like any sister, wants to see who I matched with.

I showed her and she immediately said the only reason I got these matches is because I'm shallow. She then told me I might be more successful if I stop worrying so much about my looks and said that her boyfriend loves her for her personality, not her looks. And girls who look really good get men who want them just for their looks.

This angered me to the point where I told my sister that her boyfriend is a feeder and he doesn't love her. If he did, he would put her health over his fetish and actually want to introduce her to the people in his life. My sister has refused to talk to me for a week so far and calls me a horrible person along with my parents joining in. Am I the asshole? I think it's so sad to grow up in a family where

where you're kind of the odd one out and choose a different lifestyle in any context, but particularly in one where this is such a normal thing and so common.

People will watch you take a different path with your lifestyle, with your looks, trying to, I don't know. I won't say it's bettering yourself because that can go either way. Maybe this isn't really what's bettering her and maybe she would be happier with some other lifestyle. So I don't like the idea of calling anything a glow up or bettering yourself because whatever you're doing, I don't know, but you took a different path and you feel good now. It's so hard to be around people

who kind of deeply resent you for that. Yeah. And there's nothing that you can do. I've had friends in my life at times, I've felt that when I've lost weight, I was always the bigger front. And there have been times when my weight has gone up and down. And the times I've lost weight, there are friends in my life who I felt kind of made me feel like,

Oh, my God. But it's a very normal thing, especially with bigger bodied women. And I'm, you know, 300 pounds is a different type of like, this is a family of people who have like, you know, and clearly I think that the fact that this

girl became a personal trainer is very telling. Like she took such, it's such a rebellion in a way. Yeah. Just like in so many families, there is a kid who rebels by, I don't know, they wind up, they're gay or they do a different job path or they move to a different country. Like they took up

path that was totally different. Yeah. Gay isn't a choice, but you know what I'm saying. Like, it's just you did something that your parents just can't really relate to and didn't choose or don't have that community or lifestyle around them. Yeah. And they kind of put you down because they either don't understand or maybe they're deeply jealous or whatever. Yeah.

And you have to love them anyway. And it's so shitty. So I totally empathize with like the idea of it's just really sad all around and it just sucks. Yeah. But that being said, I have more empathy for your sister kind of expressing with meanness and like things coming out in a mean way, her anger at you. I think it does probably come from a place of resentment, jealousy, whatever.

And it's coming out in this like biting mean way. Yeah. It's not right, but I get it more for her. And something that I personally am working on, so I can't even tell you that what you've done is wrong because it's something I need to work on too. You cannot tell people, regardless of how worried you are about their damaging relationship, telling them your relationship is bad and I know it and you don't.

It will never end in a positive. I'm sure she'll talk to you again. It wasn't necessarily wrong that you told her. You lashed out. You told her. I don't know if you did it the right way or not. She was going to find out either way. You care about your sister. What are you supposed to do? Keep this to yourself? Fine. But there was never going to be a good reaction. She was never going to say, oh, he's an eater. Oh, or what is it? A feeder? He's a feeder. He has this weird fetish and he's going to treat me like shit.

okay, I believe you. I'll take your advice. She was never going to do that. So I don't know. I think it's fucked all around. But you're not the asshole, but also there is no way to not be an asshole in this situation. Yeah. I think it's definitely something that needed to be said to her. But I don't think as a response to her bringing you down was probably the best time to get this across because then it just looks defensive. It looks like you're pulling this out of your ass. Oh, I hurt you. You're hurting me. Which

whatever her reasons are for hurting her sister and continuously dragging her down, insecurity, jealousy, whatever that is, like, it's not right. She's clearly dealing with something and, like, feels that she did find this person that loves her for her and doesn't even care if she gets bigger and, like, whatever. Like, it's a really interesting dynamic here. There's a lot, I'm sure, psychologically behind this. And I think, like...

I think it's just kind of this like black sheep mentality, which you do see a lot. I mean, I think about even people who choose sobriety and then are ridiculed by their friends and family. Sobriety is a better example than being gay. Like you can't choose being gay, but you know what I mean? With like a person who takes a totally different lifestyle choice. And I will

never get that like my little brother doesn't drink like maybe every once in a while right we'll go to like a brewery when i'm home and he'll have like a baby like you know you get the cider flight right i'll get like one flight like a like a not even the whole flight like one little thing right just to like sit there and sip on something but oftentimes he won't even do that he'll get a pop but like my older brother is like taylor why don't you just have a drink and he has even said to us why

Why is it that like alcohol is the only like acceptable addiction and drug? Right. And it's like, I'm just choosing differently. Like, why am I, why do I get ridiculed for it? Right. And we all, I think after that, like we're like, he's right. He's making a healthier choice. Alcohol is a known carcinogen. Taylor's the smart one here. Yay, Taylor. But like-

But whatever, you're not doing anything wrong. No, but it just like, it happens in so many families. And I think like that is one of the more common ones where I hate now, like since this conversation with him, I'm like, I see people like, oh, I'll get a mocktail and instantly from everyone, get a shot. It's like, just don't ask questions. Let them do what they want to do.

And I think this person, like both of these people, what's said has been said. Now, both of you, butt out of each other's lives. Right. Like, don't talk about each other's weight. You're happy doing what you're doing. She's happy. You've told her she's with a boyfriend that's a feeder.

Now it's up to her. Like, she's going to come to this conclusion on her own by realizing he's not going to introduce her to family and friends. He's not going to post her on social media because this is a fetish and one he's probably not, like, proud of. He's probably embarrassed by this and this woman he's dating. Right. Dating. I wouldn't even be surprised if, like,

This is very casual for him, and he's not actually dating her. Right. This is like a weird separate thing that he's compartmentalized. Yeah. I would not be surprised if that was the case for this guy. But family is so difficult, and you're absolutely right. And that's what I mean when I say there is no way to not be an asshole here. As long as you guys are talking about this stuff with each other, you will both sound like an asshole to each other. She will never, ever accept—and this goes for any friendship. When you tell them that their relationship, you're seeing them—

In a way that is, I'm worried about you in this relationship. I don't like your boyfriend. For whatever reason, your friend will never take that in a way that is not clouded with anger and insecurity and judgment. And that's human nature and you have to be okay with that. For sure. So long as you're going to talk about it, one of you is always going to be an asshole, if not both. But it's also so hard to say that because it's family and what's she going to do? Except that her sister...

one of the closest people in her world is making this choice that is going to damage her. She's already gained all this weight because of this guy, allegedly. Like, she's watching her sister's health change. It's physically, like, she can see the differences that it's making in her sister's life. Yeah, that's concerning. It must be really hard to watch. So I don't know. Especially in that quick of a time frame, too. Like, and you never know. Like, health is not determined by outward appearance and BMI and all those things. Certainly. But at the same time, like...

Like, you do get to a certain point where, like, I'm watching what you're eating and your physical activity. And, like, yeah, like, it is concerning. It's the same goes for watching your friends rapidly lose an amount of weight. And you're like, are you okay? Like, you feel that as a friend you have to be like, is she eating? Like, I'm just watching. Like, you know, but it's you have to check yourself and make sure, like, does this come from my own insecurity? Am I okay?

with my friend making decisions as a full adult. Like, I don't want to police my friends. Yeah. I don't want my, you know, judgment of them to ever be disguised as just a friend being a friend and not judgment. Like, I need to check myself. And I think the same goes. Whoa, can you repeat that?

that well I feel that so good your judgment you yourself will disguise it as oh I'm just being a friend I'm just trying I'm looking out for her but really it's your very human urge to assert your judgment onto your friend meaning like I have a friend say okay yeah I love that that's like a really good reminder right hypothetically your friend is dating a guy who you just think is like a fucking loser I know I literally was gonna give this example like I had a friend who just like

very just like loved him love her together water and oil like just very toxic together and I made a comment and it just caused her to withdraw from me and not share as much and confide in me and that didn't feel good either because while I thought I was coming from like a good place it probably was more so judgment and like not

a healthy comment to make. So I'm sitting here like a little epiphany. You have to ask yourself, what good do I think it's going to do? It's very different. There's a line and it's clear of when you are helping versus when you're being judgmental. And you have to not lie to yourself. And there are times when your friend could be dating someone who sucks. But

is she going to hurt her? Is she going to hurt herself? No? Okay, then butt the fuck out. There is nothing you can do. If my friend were being, I don't know, God forbid, beaten up by her boyfriend, that is a very different thing. Yeah, that is true. But I had, my best, best friend in this entire universe was dating a guy who I just didn't fucking like. I just, I thought he was corny. I didn't like him. I just like, I didn't like his style.

I thought she could do so much better. Like, I didn't like his style of dating her, and I thought that he could have treated her better. Okay. But at the end of the day, she's a grown adult, and she wasn't damaging herself. She was, you know, putting a lot of time into this guy, deprioritizing her friend. She was very excited about him, and I felt like, damn, why aren't you answering my calls? I'm your best friend of 10 years. Why are you talking to this guy who happens to be on top of all things? Kind of a loser, in my opinion. Like, why are you doing that? Yeah.

It turns out she's in love and she's a grown adult. And just because I don't love the boyfriend, it does not give me the right to say, I don't like him for you. Yeah. The for you was just something I added on to sound like a better friend when really all I wanted to say was, I don't like him. I think you could do better. And girl,

and I know you so well and you don't listen to me and it's making me insecure that you don't listen to me but you'll listen to whatever he says but she's an adult and she wound up fine she's just fine and it's just like you have to kind of look in the mirror and be like am I doing this for me to get it off my chest or am I protecting my friend I wasn't doing shit to protect my friend you know that's so good are they still together

No, they're not. But I think, you know... I'm just so curious. I'm like, I'm so curious. I gotta know. Hey, and I... But then I also have to check myself on the I told you so. Oh, you cannot. Because that's not helpful either. You can't. You cannot say that. And I wouldn't. But there are times when I'll be like, oh, yeah, he like looks like your ex. He was so ugly. And my friend's like...

you still can't say that. I'm like, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'll stop being a bitch. Okay. I can't stop being a bitch. I don't even know why I didn't like this guy, but I really didn't. Some people just rub you the wrong way. He really gave me a bad vibe. Yeah. And I think at the end, it turned out to not be great, but I still didn't have the right point. No, that is such a good reminder. What do you think the overall vote on this one is? I think that people are saying she's not the asshole, but I don't know who they're saying the asshole is.

Yeah. Overall vote on the thread is not the asshole. However, there are a lot of comments saying you're the asshole. So like, I don't, you know, I don't know how close that algorithm was in deciding. But like one comment is you're the asshole for saving it to throw it in her face instead of telling her as soon as you found out. And that is stupid.

so true. Like, you found this out. You found out that her boyfriend's on a breeder. Preeder. That is a fetish too. That's a problem too. That's a problem too, especially with

resources. But feeder, like you have proof he's on a feeder site, screenshot it and sit her down and say, hey, I'd love to talk to you. And you lay it out. So when would there have been a good time to say that? Is this feeder thing damaging her in a way that she needs to be like pulled out of it? Is it an abusive thing? Is it conducive to that? I don't know. I'm asking. Well, I mean, there is a comment here that I think OP responds to

It needs to be kink-shamed because there is a conversation like, oh, don't kink-shame. Like, don't kink-shame people. But this person believes this is one that should be kink-shamed. You're watching someone eat themselves to death. That's it.

That's not normal. And OP responds, he goes, I don't want to become one of the caretakers on my 600 pound life for my sister because she and another guy wanted to get their jiggles off. I have a friend who is a feeder and he never indulges it because he feels terrible about it.

First of all, I am the proudest of kink shamers. I put kink shamer on my grave, okay? I am the ultimate kink shamer. Really? What's the one you have the most passion to shame? Having been previously, I won't call myself a victim. I won't go as far as to say that. But a person who was convinced that she was into BDSM for the sake of the guy. Mm-hmm.

And then learning later on that actually like that was in many ways, I don't know, a trauma response seeking validation and a guy who wants to hit you in any context, in my opinion, is not a person who harbors good thoughts about women. I don't think that you should want to. It's one thing to have like, you know, rougher sex and say dirty things in bed. Spank with a paddle. Spank with a little. I would say spank with a passion.

I would say that if you're just hitting someone to hit them and cause pain and you get off on the pain of a woman with

Without sort of a if there's a dynamic going on where it's like it's very hard to explain but I It would only be you could only really demonstrate it with like porn or something But yeah, there is a way to be rough with a person where it's thoughtful where it's intentional where it's passionate where it comes from love and there's a way to be Hurtful in the sense of like I like to kick this shit out of you And I don't care if you orgasm from it or not. I don't care if i'm turning you on I get aroused by thinking about how i'm going to for example

rape someone, quote unquote. Yeah. I don't believe that that's healthy. I don't think that you should ever want to rape someone, fake or not. So I don't think, I think that kink by definition is something that like you kind of save for the bedroom because it's not necessarily a thing that you can express comfortably in real life. Yeah. And I think that if it's something that you could get arrested for in real life, it's not a kink in the bedroom. It's just a place where you do it so that you can't get arrested.

Does that make sense? That makes total sense. And it's like, I mean, you could excuse anything. Like, oh, don't kink shame. It's like, well, he's in the young looking girls. It's like, okay, he sounds like a fucking pedophile. Where do we draw the line? Where do you draw the line? So that is like a good distinction. And I think Fifty Shades of Grey probably did a number on a lot of us. Right. There you go. So yeah, when I was younger and really sought validation from boys, I used to convince myself like, oh, yeah, I don't mind getting slapped around. A cool girl likes to get hit in bed. And it's like...

I just think that a lot of girls get duped into thinking that that's okay and they get hurt as a result. So I would say when it comes to that, like...

I guess I need to do more research on this feeder thing. But if somebody's putting it in that category and saying some things deserve to be kink-shamed, I'm always leaning towards that person. Yeah. I do believe a lot of things deserve kink-shaming. So I think I'll be on that side. However, though, and as much as I do agree that to save something and throw it in somebody's face as defense, not right. It should have been saved for a different conversation. It should have been saved for a different conversation. I don't think that she should have told her as soon as she found out. I might be more so like...

Yeah, not the asshole, but kind of like an everyone sucks here. It's just one of those stories where the sister sucks for her treatment. You suck for not telling her right away. Right. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah. Everyone just kind of sucks here. And I will say there's probably going to be people questioning this story. So there is one more comment I want to read before we move on. But it's essentially like,

I'm real curious how this friend recognized a guy from a feeder site. I'm not sure I 100% buy that story. And so OP goes, I definitely agree. It's really strange. As is my friend. They do art commissions for fetish art and feederism is one of them. Also, one of my friends is a feeder themselves. He never mentioned the site, but I think it was FetLife. But my sister met her boyfriend on Tinder.

So I, there's a lot of details here and you get to a point where it's like, okay, yeah, too many details. Maybe it's lying, but like these all seem like details that just like, I'm getting credible from this story. I think it's so plausible. I think it would just be really fucking hard to make up. Like, why would you make it up? I don't know. I think it sounds true just because it's so bizarre. Yeah. But I also, on the one hand, I don't think it's that bizarre because I think that the

theme of a family that is deeply resentful of the person going a different direction and expressing it in ways that are like negging and kind of mean, but you can't really say anything because it's like, oh, it's family. That is a very common theme when it comes to drinking, when it comes to any sort of lifestyle choice. In my family, my parents are really, really into not necessarily fitness, but like they care more about their bodies than I do. I've always been a person who's like, I really couldn't care less.

too much about being skinny. I'm like happy. I'll eat what I want. And it has been a main concern for me. And my parents are both like they really try their best to stay fit, particularly my dad lately. So he will let things slip that I'm like, you're just resentful. I don't know what it is, but you're resentful that I didn't choose what you chose and that I don't have the outlook that you have. And I get and you're disguising it as like, I care about you. So he'll make comments like, oh, Tal, like kitchen's closed. I want you to care about your body. And I'm like, no, you just want to shame me because I just close.

Kitchen's closed. Kitchen's closed. Screw you, dad. I'm 24 years old. Let me have my little nipple in the fridge. Like, fuck off. I'm a snacker. I'm a snacker. I'll come in there. It drives me nuts. My mom's gotten a lot better about it, but my dad is working on it. But that's just an example, not to go off on a tangent, but to say when you have a different outlook and lifestyle and somebody else in your family feels so differently and their lifestyle is so dependent on that.

It can kind of feel like you're rejecting them when all you've done is reject their choices. You don't want their lifestyle, but you love them. But they feel rejected. Even my dad, I've chosen the less healthy thing. He's chosen the more healthy thing. Just because I don't want to like take a hike with him and take vitamins with him all day. He feels like rejected. And I'm like, you don't get to feel that way. We just like to live life differently. So he's just...

I think that I kind of really, that's all to say, this does seem plausible because it is such a common thing. Yeah, absolutely. To have the one person in the family getting all this heat for taking things down a different path, you know? For sure. Okay, up next. Are you ready? This one's newer, not as vintage. Seven days ago, titled, Am I the Asshole for Kidnapping My Baby, Causing My Husband to Have a Panic Attack.

I, 29 female, recently started working again after having my daughter, four months old. Daycare is too expensive, so my husband, 35 male, reluctantly agreed to stay home. It's important to know that he's been unemployed since 2021. He receives benefits. It's also important to know that he's extremely lazy. He doesn't cook, clean, or help out in any way. I'm

I was nervous about leaving her home with her father, but I had no choice. When I came back from work, she was clean and sleeping. The next few times I came home, he was either playing with her, feeding her, or out for a walk with her. I was happy. A few days ago, my neighbor told me that as soon as I leave, the baby cries, and she cries for hours. My neighbor said that she knocked on our door, and he finally answered it. He was sleeping. I concluded that he sleeps

all day and night. Before I come home, he pretends to care for her. I decided to take the day off of work. I left home at my regular time, waited 30 minutes, and then went home.

Sure enough, he was knocked out sleeping with his stupid noise-canceling headphones on. I went to my daughter's room, scooped her up, and took her to my friend's house. I waited about two hours, and I finally called him to tell him that I was coming home early. He called me back saying that he can't find the baby. He told me that he was going to call the police, but before he did, I told him what I did.

He called me an asshole and a lot of other words too. When I got home, his mother was there calming his nerves because he had a panic attack. She also called me an asshole. My husband decided to sleep at her house. Family members are telling me that I'm a terrible person. I know that it was extreme, but I don't know if I would consider myself an asshole. My jaw's been on the floor since noise-canceling headphones. I like the nerve to...

A, he knows what he's doing to the extent that he's planning when you're going to come home so that he can act it out and act responsible. That's psychotic. Why did he want, did he want a kid? Like, what is the deal?

It's this is we see this all the time. Dads who I don't know why the fuck sign up for fatherhood want to spread their seed and and build a family and have a lasting legacy on this earth through their children and breeder fetish. Thank you. And have no desire, no motivation to raise those children and will do things that put them in danger. This is a four month old baby. Four months old.

Screaming, crying in a crib all day. Divorce. I don't even care. Divorce. I seriously... First of all, you could sue for child endangerment or whatever the fuck. You could actually press charges. It is...

You're ignoring an infant with noise-canceling headphones and an infant. It is prosecutable. Like, you actually can't do that. Yeah. She's lucky the neighbor called her and not CPS. Thank you. That baby could have been taken away. Taken away. Like that. Well, she should be CPS. Protect the kid. Like, your kid is staying with a neglectful parent. Yeah. This person should not be taking care of a child. This person clearly didn't want a child. Let him go.

Let him go. Like, I really, really, I can't. It's such a serious problem when women don't. First of all, the first clue was he doesn't do any sort of domestic housework, right? And people don't take this seriously. That would not fly.

People don't take this seriously. If the man in your life, especially considering you go and you have a full-time job, it's not like you're a stay-at-home mother. But if the man in your life, regardless of what he contributes to the household, if he can't recognize your contributions, whatever they may be, your domestic contributions, the way that you upkeep the house and raise those children, it is a sign of a dangerous man.

And I'm not exaggerating. Like, people don't take that seriously enough. A person who can't appreciate you as a mother of his children and what you do is someone who will not protect you, someone who won't care when you are in danger or when you are in pain, you need to leave. Like, I think it's the earliest signs of abuse and he's starting with your kid.

That is a really good point. Really good point. Yeah, there's a lot to unpack with this one. And I know listeners are going to be like screaming in their cars, at their TVs, whatever it is, because I have had a similar story with Teffy, actually. And it was a story with this mom who would go to like gas stations and subway. And when she was running into the store, she would leave her baby in the car unlocked.

The dad discovered this, told her to stop. She didn't stop. And so he pulled up to Subway after seeing her car there again, took the baby out of the car and pretended to kidnap the baby. And during this story, I had a take of like,

I think I went more passive because like I do recognize that sometimes when I have guests, like I give the guests the floor because like I'm on every episode. Like it's more so let's highlight your opinion. It's a one-off. Usually I don't torture people multiple times, but I didn't speak up as much on that story because I also don't like embarrassing my guests. I don't, it's a problem. I'm working on it.

It's your podcast, girl. I know, but like... Say what you want. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. Like, I'm a little timid girl sometimes. Okay. So I didn't... I still, like, didn't like the way he handled it. I thought it would have been better, like, to take the baby into the store and embarrass her in front of people and be like, Hi, honey. Like, look how easy it was for me to kidnap my kid out of the car. Right. I've asked you multiple times.

hey, did you know my wife left a baby in the car? Isn't that terrible? I think sometimes public shame goes a lot further than private embarrassment. And I think in that case, it would have been better than having her freak out and call the cops and then he drives up with the baby like he did. In this case, I fully think she's justified. I would 100% kidnap my baby. Like,

He's falling asleep with noise-canceling headphones on. Do you know how easy it is for a baby to die from SIDS in a crib? Like, I would have kidnapped the baby and ran and never came back.

back. I don't care if he's wondering for the rest of his life. No. And his mom came over to comfort him and he had to go sleep at his mom's house because he's so distraught. Oh, look at yourself. Look at yourself. And I recognize he might be dealing with depression. It really sounds like he's got some mental health struggles, sleeping all day and night, can't find job after two years of unemployment. Maybe there's a lack of motivation. Maybe there's some mental health stuff going on.

But at the end of the day, you have a four-month-old baby that you are responsible for. And if you are not capable of doing that, then you need to speak up and say that, hey, I'm unable to even take care of my fucking self right now. I am not safe to leave a four-month-old baby home with. Right. That's all you got to do. What if the kid had died?

Like, I don't understand. It's not worth even talking about. No. And I don't understand how his mother doesn't understand that either. It's not. I'm big when it comes to what if sex.

So like you need to consider the what if. What if this situation had not gone? This kidnapping thing would not feel like such a big deal whatsoever. Like you need to, big measures are needed when it comes to if the what if were the death of an infant. Yeah. I don't give a fuck what you did to make a point. Like he could have killed the kid. I don't care that you kidnapped him for a couple of hours. Get over it. Yeah. She is so, or he is so lucky that she didn't take that kid and go to a different state that day. Like,

Like, I honestly, I think that's how mad I would be. Yeah. And just this is why, like, having a community around you and, like, I think, like, the saying, like, it takes a village is still so true because looking at her and…

Like, what options she has going forward. Like, how does she continue working if she does leave him? Because where's the help with the child support? Like, where's... But where is it now? It's not... And that's, like, she's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. Like, it's this very, like, catch-22 situation. And I just hate seeing her in it. And this is why, like...

I'm so passionate about so many things, but universal daycare, other countries do it. And it's the bare minimum we should be providing for mothers, especially lower income mothers that can't afford it. Quality childcare should be basic. So I'm really sad. I'm really sad with this one. Overall vote, not the asshole. Are you kidding? People are pissed and rightfully so.

The top comment is, sleeping with noise-canceling headphones as the only adult in the home caring for a four-month-old? Absolutely not the asshole. And OP actually responds and goes, yeah, I hate those things. He wears them all the time. Spent money we don't even have on them.

It's no, you need to start listening to little signs. Red flags are real. And it's not just like little red flags like, oh, he leaves his stuff on the floor. It's like he's buying noise canceling headphones because he can't stand to listen to you or your baby. He's checked out. He's checked out. He's checked out. He doesn't have the capacity to care for you. And one day that will amount to violence in the form of neglect or whatever.

Someone could die. Someone could get very hurt. You can't. You just can't stay with this guy. No. Which one of the comments does pick up on the CPS thing. Like, you're lucky your neighbor told you and didn't call CPS because this is neglect and dangerous. I'd divorce my husband over this, period. Yeah.

Lots of awards on this one. And the next one down goes, I'm not a fan of Reddit's frequent suggestions to divorce the dude. But in this case, I totally agree with it. He put your child in incredible danger. I don't think people realize like babies learn to usually roll themselves over

I believe child peds class OT was a long time ago for me. But I believe it's like around six-ish months. And like if this four-month-old has the strength to roll themselves over but not roll themselves back and suffocate themselves on the bed,

Like, it's so easy for a baby to die. They're these fragile little blobs. Like, they're helpless. What is he doing? It's cruelty. It's—there's not—I honestly— Did you see this thing about—this is a whole different thing. The girl who, like, dumped her baby in the— Yes!

And the mom, like, I didn't know she was pregnant, really, because she's in a cheerleader uniform with a nine-month bump, bitch. Yeah, clearly there's a lot going on there that we don't know about, but just the sheer thought of, like, taking this helpless little child and doing something to a baby, neglecting a baby, ignoring a baby crying, putting on headphones, it's like,

Something about hurting children. I really – it's not something like, oh, that's such an insane thing to be so turned off by, but it's like such a disgusting, disgusting type of cruelty to not consider a child. And it's so telling about who a person is if they can put on noise-canceling headphones and not care if their child is crying and screaming for them.

It says everything about the person. Yeah. It's truly – it's a different level of evil. And if it's not evil, I will call it really, really mentally disturbed, deeply in need of help. Yeah. Devoid of empathy. Like if you don't have empathy for a baby, you don't have empathy for anything. No. To have – my mom always said you can tell what a child is going to be like by the way that they treat animals when they're a baby. Yeah.

And it's a huge like childhood development thing. You should be watching how a baby treats animals. And she said once like in a petting zoo, I was really little and she saw this kid like kick Bonnie. She was like, oh my God, that child.

To hurt a living thing when you're small shows that you have deep-seated desires that might be irreversible. It's a sociopathic warning. That's crazy. Another kid once, like I was an infant and like a toddler, like kicked sand into my eye.

And she was like, that is an evil child and need there. I don't know what you can do to turn that around, but needs to be in therapy right now. Like it's, it is indicative. If you don't have empathy for the smallest, most helpless things in life, you don't have empathy. It's crazy. So it's really, really dangerous.

This one I'm blown away by. I literally, I just had a thought pop into my head and it's like, I would have bought an electric cattle prod. And when I walked into the house to take the baby, I would have woken his ass up by electrocuting him with the cattle poker. Oh, I don't know how she hasn't like dumped water on him, ruined the headphones. Just leave. Just leave at this point. So we do have a couple comments from Opie.

A lot of people offering support and just being like, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Like, this is terrible. You have two children, not one, blah, blah, blah, blah. And someone just goes like, no, this is child abuse. And how would you know it was really happening if you hadn't done this? He was deliberately hiding it from you, which that acting is, that's psychotic. But OP does comment back to this person and goes, I'm getting a divorce. I wanted to make it work for the baby.

I think the best thing you could do for your baby. Don't feel shame about that. No. You're doing the most important thing you could ever do. Yeah. It reminds me of like – and it's so sad too because the way that he like hid, covered his tracks and knew to get up before you were coming home. He knew. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew what he was doing. But it reminds me of like, you know, have you ever seen these videos of –

former alcoholics talking about the ways that they would hide their alcohol like the really strategic clever little ways they like stick it in like old little things like cut out things in books and whatever oh my gosh wow it's people go to such lengths yeah and the first instinct of their family is like you did all this to lie to me like to deceive me but it comes from like this deep-seated problem and shame yeah

He has shame. He recognizes that what he's doing is wrong. And he has the fucking nerve to tell your mom. The first thing, if he wanted you in his life badly enough for you to consider helping him and making this better, the first thing he would do is break down and cry and beg forgiveness. He would not be defending himself whatsoever. He wouldn't be calling you an asshole. Calling you an asshole. And then the mom. Oh, the mom. He knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. Yeah.

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The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, that was a tough one. We are moving along. Our last one I have for you is a bit more lighthearted. Okay. We're not going to end on such a heavy note. Yeah.

So this is coming from Petty Revenge. So it's the ultimate place of like, was it truly petty or is it, you know, is it a good solution? Posted two years ago, vintage. Some username 47 is the poster. It's titled, you don't like your boyfriend seeing me braless in the dorm? Then he won't.

I live in a college dorm on an all-female floor. I usually wear a bra if leaving the dorm building, but I'm not going to put a bra on under my shirt just to walk down the hall to the bathroom. A few days ago, I left my room and walked 10 yards down the hall to the water fountain, refilled my water bottle, and went back to my room. I was wearing a white tank top and no bra. The tank top was fitted but not see-through, so you could see only the outline of my nips.

There was a small group of people hanging out in the hall outside of a few of the rooms, but I didn't think much of it until around half an hour later when I got a knock on the door from one of the girls I'd seen in the hall. She said something to the effect of, quote, Hey, so sorry to ask you this, but if you go out into the hall again, could you put a bra on? My boyfriend's out there, and he was staring a little. So... dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

I'm super non-confrontational. So I was like, yeah, sure. Sorry about that. And for the rest of that night, anytime I left my room, I put a bra or sweater on. And that was the end of it. Or so I thought.

The next day, my roommate told me she'd overheard the girl telling a few of her friends about the incident while in the bathroom. She said the girl was making it sound like I'd been purposefully trying to seduce her boyfriend, wearing basically nothing, taking my time at the water fountain, posing to push out my tits, the whole works. When she left the bathroom, my roommate said the girl was actually acting it out at the water fountain, pretending to be me.

That night, I passed the girl and some of her friends on my way to go brush my teeth. I wasn't wearing a bra. I was already in my pajamas. The girl looked pointedly down at my chest, and all of them started giggling. But the last straw was when the entire dorm got an email from the RA yesterday, saying she'd gotten some anonymous complaints about people dressing inappropriately in the hallways and asking that we all just make sure we're keeping things covered up.

So here's where I got my petty little revenge. I knew that the girl's boyfriend doesn't go to college here. The girl and I were in the same orientation group and chatted a bit back then. I also knew that due to the pandemic, we aren't allowed to have non-student slash family guests in the dorms this year. So I used the same anonymous complaint form to issue a complaint about people bringing their off-campus boyfriends into our dorm and them not wearing a mask.

Masks are mandatory in the hallways, although not frequently enforced. This morning, the RA emailed again, saying that due to an anonymous complaint, they'd be enforcing the no off-campus guest rule by checking IDs of unfamiliar guests to make sure they were students from then on. Really, this girl should be thanking me. If she was concerned about her boyfriend seeing the vague outline of my tits in the dorm hallways, she no longer needs to worry.

Cool. I think she handled it perfectly. That's exactly what you do. I love this. I wish that there were... I'm trying to think of like a way that you could do it. I was scared for a second that she was going to say, oh, I found the boyfriend and I sent him a picture of my tits. Like that was my... That's where my mind went. And I was like, too petty, too petty. Don't do it. I...

Damn, I wish, oh my God, what if they broke up and she like fucked him? But then they'd have a reason. You don't want to give them a reason. You don't ever want to give them a reason. First of all, there's nothing sadder to me than a girl who is forced to turn to hating, bullying other women for the sake of shielding her sensitive, horny boyfriend's eyes lest he get a boner. Like it's

So what a fool's game to play for the rest of your life. If you are going to protect your boyfriend from seeing girls that might turn him on for the rest of his life, I honestly, I frankly, I feel bad for you. I wish you luck. I don't care what your issue are. It's a very sad existence that you're living. How do you watch anything?

I just, I cannot believe. And the only thing that I think you did wrong was just cave and say, yeah, no problem. When she like reached out to you, I get that you're non-confrontational. I don't know what you would have said, but damn, like I just, I cannot imagine a person going through life shielding their boyfriend's eyes. But frankly, let's not pretend that this was about the boyfriend, regardless of whether he's an animal with no self-control or not. Nope.

You're insecure. This is about a girl who's insecure, who clearly take it as a compliment. I hate to say girls will be girls, but I don't know. Like she's bullying you because damn, you've got something that she doesn't have and she wants it. I don't know what it is, but you. Nice tits. Yeah, nice tits, girl. You must be glowing. Those beautiful vaguer as you would say fog nipples.

What is it? How do you say it? You said vag or vag. And I was like, it must have been, she must have misspelled vague or something. No, I just don't know how to say it. I do this all the time. Because I say, oh my God, is this the word I always get mixed up? I think it is because in Minnesota we say bag instead of bag. So I always get confused with vague and vag.

Is it vague? It's vague. Okay. But I don't know. Maybe in Minnesota, you're able to get away with that. No, no, no. I literally have to practice in my head. And people think it's a bit at this point for me because I say rune wrong. I heard you say rune, but I think it's cute. I like the way you say rune. So I fuck up a lot of words. I fuck up sayings all the time. And like, yeah, it's not a bit. I'm just that dumb. And I butcher celebrities' names. I still, I know it's Margot Robbie.

Robbie. Right? But sometimes I'll say Robie and people, I just forget. It just like, it just slips your mind a little bit. If it makes you feel better, only a couple, maybe a year ago, did I find out that Cajun chicken was not Cajun chicken. Okay. I feel better. I do feel better. Here's the thing. I feel better. I had never gone to a restaurant and straight up ordered, I've had Cajun chicken at times.

at times where it's been ordered for me or served to me or it's been included in a dish that wasn't called Cajun chicken, but it includes Cajun chicken. So I didn't have to say the word. So I'd never read it off of a paper. And in my sorority house one day, I'm sitting with my friends and they're all like, Otali, we look up the menu for the chef. Like we had a guy cooking in our house three times a week. And I read the menu and I said, you know, chickpeas, salad bar, cajun chicken. And I was like,

They did not let me hear the end of it. It was a whole thing. And by the way, we would walk downstairs. They were all male chefs those times of the week.

We were in bras, sports bras. We'd come down in bikinis. Who gives a shit? So it's honestly, if a guy can't avert his eyes for a second or if you're too insecure that you can't. Well, this, okay. But this does lead into a different argument that I was having just on my way here now. That boobs aren't inherently sexual? That, well, that's another one. There you go. But it was the argument of, you know, guys will like fight with their whole chest. I should be able to like girls' photos on Instagram.

Which to me, just the entire argument is moot because why are you like arguing to tell the world that you're horny? I don't know why you have to like it. Like just go look at it. I don't care. But yeah, I think it's so weird to like I have to throw her a like. What do you think she's going to do? Like DM you and say thank you. So it's always weirded me out this whole argument. That's what they want. It's like, why are you like begging to like the girl's photo? But I understand where girls are coming from when they say I don't want you to do that because it to me it feels a little disrespectful. It's like asserting that you want to fuck at every girl.

but then they can make the argument of what? It's just boobs. It's just nipples. It's just out. But I really do think that there are people are being purposefully dense when it comes to that. Sorry, I just had my own argument. No, I think that is an interesting thing too because there's like a study that came out like with liking things and like,

the dopamine response in your brain and blah, blah, blah, blah. And so essentially like it is this thing when they like that hot girl's photo, like it, it actually there's, I'm going to have to find the video and maybe try to post it or link it or something. But there's a lot more behind that, that I haven't really considered. I'm like, I don't, I don't care, but like,

Obviously, if it's like my boyfriend's girlfriend he writes music with and whatever and it's just like a picture. But it's like it's a little different if it's like a girl posting her thirst trap, bikini pic, bent over. Like then I'm like, well, Justin, like that's not... We all know what the picture is for and what it's doing. And it's very different from just a normal photo. Yeah. But like overall, like if your guy's liking all these girls' pictures, if he can't keep his eyes off girls walking around, like...

don't be with this dude. Right. Like you don't you shouldn't have to like monitor your guy and keep him under tabs like everyone objectively is going to look at people. Yeah. We recognize they're attractive. Right. But like if

If you feel the need to go knock on someone's door and tell them, hey, can you cover up? My boyfriend was staring at you. Aren't you embarrassed? It's so embarrassing. Aren't you? I would never. I would never. That's humiliating for you, sweetie. Like, that's embarrassing. Just as humiliating. And I think that's where this argument comes full circle. It's embarrassing to me to have a boyfriend who is liking these photos so blatantly and whatever. Like, just like asserting.

wanting everyone to know I'm thirsty. I like this photo. I'm horny. To me, it's just like you look like corny. You're desperate. It's just you're embarrassing. So I don't know why they argue to be able to do it. It just looks stupid. But in turn, it's also embarrassing for the girl. It's humiliating her. And why is the girl who's defending the boy not embarrassed? The whole thing is just a cycle of like you should

Do better for yourself. Yeah. And all parties involved. Absolutely. To assert and announce to the world your own insecurity by what? Making fun of this girl by the water fountains. Such a pick me. What a fucking loser. And I do think pick me. It's like, oh, it's getting to that point where it's like overused like Karen now. But like this is if there's any type of pick me. It's her and Jessica. Yeah. The two of them. I mean. Yeah.

Good luck, like, living off of male validation like it's air. You shouldn't have to put other people down to bring yourself up. Like, that's so internal because no matter how many people you put down, you're never going to truly feel better about yourself. Right. Ever. And also, living to impress men and living to gain approval from men by being their protector and by being a man's guardian and a man's teacher is—

will never ever give you any benefit. You will never reap the rewards of that. There will never be a silver lining to that. Or just anyone. I mean, like we have the saying, like don't shoot the messenger for a reason. Guess what? I tried to do a good thing the other day and tell someone that like through the grapevine, hey, your fiance is probably cheating on you. And I got shot. It doesn't...

It doesn't work. It doesn't pay. It doesn't pay. It doesn't pay to be nice sometimes. It certainly doesn't. And that's another whole different discussion that next time we'll have. But like, oh my God, the telling the girl whether he's cheating is always an issue. I know. But it's just at the end of the day, like living for men to protect men, to make men feel good with their presence, it doesn't ever pay off because of the way that our society works, the way that they are programmed, the dynamics between men and women. Yeah.

the misogyny runs so deep in a relationship of that nature that you will never ever see the rewards of that. So the best thing you can do is just like be for the girls and don't like I see on Twitter all the time girls

girls, women will post photos of different women's bodies and be like, see, a bunch of boys voted that this on the left was actually the hotter body than this one on the right. So actually, ladies, like, go for this one. And then I saw this tweet the other day that was, like, so spot on. It was like, men fuck—they have to keep men out of morgues because they fuck dead bodies so much. I saw that. And we had— Yeah, I've talked about that. And people were like—I had people in the comments being like, that's not true, that's not true. But, like,

There is, like, a lot of stuff out there on it as well. So, like, maybe not your funeral home that you worked at, but, like, it has happened. Regardless, men fuck holes in walls. Men fuck dead animal carcasses. Men fuck pieces of pie. If you live your life...

According to what men find to be trendy and attractive at this time, you will never be happy. No. Like, who gives a fuck? They'll fuck anything. And that's like the whole thing where it's like everyone keeps adjusting their bodies. Like, first we're getting Brazilian butt lifts, and now we're getting them taken out, and we're doing, you know, it was all thick and juicy lower bottoms, and now it's ozempic. It's just like, you can't keep up. Be happy with yourself. Be happy with your partner. Right. Yeah.

If your partner's looking at other people's boobs and it makes you uncomfortable, good luck because I'm watching Survivor right now with my boyfriend. That's our show right now. And it's fucking cold on those islands at night. All you see is tits out, nipples, and people, tops coming off during the challenges like

Come on. Come on. You see boobs walking down the street. Right. You go to a music festival, you got the little star pasties tits out. It's disgusting that they just can't like to claim that your boyfriend doesn't have enough self-control. It's like, why are you telling me like you're proud of it? Oh, my boyfriend's like a little dog.

Do you actually mind just like covering up for my boyfriend who's like a little dog and who has everything in sight? If he doesn't have that self-control, that's a problem he should work on. Don't be so ready to admit that. I don't know how you had the maturity to say, okay, no problem and just let it go. I would have said, why are you telling me that? That is so fucking embarrassing that your boyfriend can't keep his eyes off some nipples. I just don't.

Why do you care? It's just insane. It's weird. Top comment on this one. I'm also pretty petty. I have to tell you that before I got to the end, I was thinking if it were me, I would walk down the hall in my bra, but with no shirt. I mean, hey, it's wearing a bra, which is technically what she asked for. That's great. Yeah. Okay. If I had the confidence, I totally would. I like it. I like it.

Amazing episode. Thank you for coming on. Thanks for having me. Where can everyone find you? My name is Talia Lickstein. There's a new podcast out with my friend, Jake Cornell. He's a fabulous comedian. It's called Basic Training and it just came out on Monday. So it'll be out every Monday.

Speaking of basic training from guys, look at you. I love that. I think that if you like this podcast, honestly, and this is a brand new podcast, so feel free to just— Finding its footing. It's finding its footing. But he's a very much funnier guy than I am. I've looked at his TikToks. He's hilarious. He's fantastic. And I have so much fun working with him. But—

The point is, if you like this idea of deciding, you know, what is justified, what is not between two people, social dynamics of families and workplaces, who's right, who's wrong, it's very much this is in that realm. I love that. I think you'll like it. Okay. I can't wait to see how it grows. Thank you. But thank you so much for coming on. And thank you so much to Spotify for hosting me during my New York weekend.

week. It's been amazing, especially Millie. Your help has been incredible. And Amber and John for setting it all up. But other than that, head over to Patreon because there's going to be amazing bonus content this month. And other than that, until next time, guys, bye.