123: Outstandingly Bad.. Ft. Joe Santagato
01:44:26 Share

Thank you, Spotify, for letting me record in your New York studio. And be sure to follow and subscribe wherever you're listening and head over to Patreon because there's already been some free content posted for July. I'm a little nervous. Why? I think I'm going to traumatize you with these stories. Oh, good luck. I'm just like really scared that you're going to come after me for damages. I should have had you sign a waiver. Yeah, that's what you should have done, honestly. Oh my God, what an oversight.

No, you're fine. Oh, okay. Well, thank you for coming on. I'm so excited to have you. Thanks for inviting me. Welcome back, guys, to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. Today in the studio, I have Joe Santagato. That's how I say it. Yes, you nailed it. Yes. Honestly, if you did know and you got it, that's amazing, because a lot of people just go Santiago. Oh. Yeah. I did.

I did ask Grayson and Chelsea last night. That works, too. So I was like, how do I say it? It was like, have you seen— That's the French version, it sounds like. Yeah. Oh, my God. What show is that, though? It's like Joey on Friends. And he's like, it's like, je m'appelle Joey. Like, he just can't say it. And that's what I felt like trying to pronounce your name.

I always forget if it's like Margot Robbie or Robbie. Yeah. Seafred, Syfret. I wreck everything. Wow. Well, you nailed it, so. Okay, cool. You're off to a good start here. Yes. For those of you that don't know, Joe has his own podcast, huge on TikTok, comes from a humble YouTube background. He does. Yes, I do. Anything else we should know? That's pretty much it, I guess. What's your favorite color? S.

These days, I think it's green. Okay. It's kind of changed over the years, I would say. Are you an only child? No. I have three older siblings. Do you have any pets? I have a dog. Cool. Yeah. He's a golden doodle. So I'm just a white dude in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with a golden doodle. So, you know. Kind of stereotypical. Yeah. Not kind of. I am the stereotype. You're the stereotype. Some would argue red flag. I don't know. But I had the dog before it was cool. He's seven years old. Oh, you were ahead of the doodle trend. A lot of people talk shit about doodles. I'm going to be honest.

Of course they do. I might be one of them. Because? I just think because of the trend getting so crazy, yours probably isn't as badly bred. But some of them are like very rowdy. Like very rowdy. Oh, no. My dog is like super chill. Yeah, you have a good one. He'll just like lay around like all day. Yeah. It's actually really nice. He wasn't like that when he was a fucking puppy.

Crazy as a puppy. Literally the first two weeks, I was like, I'm going to have to give this dog away. Like, I can't do this. He was that neurotic? It wasn't about that. I was just also like a psycho because I'd be laying in bed and he'd be in the crate. And if he was doing the right thing and sleeping, I'd be like, he's dying. Like, he's choking and dying. So I would have to like get up and be like,

I'd like wake him up. Like, you're good? You're breathing? Okay, good. And I'd go back to sleep. I couldn't sleep. It was horrible. It was horrible. Wow. My boyfriend had a doodle as well and they got theirs from like this crazy backyard breeder that would like

drown the puppies that didn't sell and she ended up like being on the news and they found out like after that they got their dog from like a crazy person but why drown them i don't know she just didn't have anything to do with them like didn't have places for them didn't want to feed them so it was like they didn't sell and they're old no one you know wants an old dog they want puppies jesus so she would drown them that's so fucked there are terrible people in this world

And we're going to read about some of them today. Oh, I'm pretty excited for this. Yeah. The theme that I have for you is a word that I asked how to pronounce before. I'm going to be honest. It's a big word for me. It's egregious. Nailed it again. Egregious takes. Egregious stories. It's just outstandingly bad and shocking. I love this. Okay. It's going to be really good. I'm really excited for this, to be honest. Okay. Let's dive in. Yeah. Let's dive in.

How bad do you want to start? Do you want to get the worst up front or at the end? I think a nice mix. Let's get second place first. Okay. And then we'll work up to first place. Okay, cool. Nice. Okay. So this one is 22 hours old.

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling a Vegan that Cheese and Mayo Contain Animal Products? This is a weird one. At least, I think so. I was spending a few days on a trip in a cabin with a couple of friends. One of them I am acquainted with, but don't know too well. I just know that he doesn't eat meat and claims to be vegan.

I don't care if he's vegan. People can eat how they want. I think his veganism comes from him never trying foods. He eats nothing but junk food and doesn't like meat or eggs or drinking milk because it comes from an animal and the texture is gross to him. Again, not my problem, his life.

He eats Doritos and chips constantly. Lots of ramen noodles and mac and cheese. I don't think I've seen him eat a vegetable ever. I've never really seen his eating habits before this trip. First night, we were deciding what to eat. A friend suggested pizza, and he agreed. I said, keeping him in mind, I said we should make sure they have options with vegan cheese and meatless sauce. He was like, what? Cheese is okay to eat. It's not meat.

I told him cheese is made from milk, and he looked sick. He went on his phone and searched it up and was very upset. I thought this was common knowledge. He said that he loves pizza and pretty much lives off pizza and that he eats tons of mac and cheese. I guess we were just assuming he had the vegan thing handled and ate vegan mac or that cheap Kraft's cheese that isn't even real cheese, so it didn't matter.

Yeah, what the fuck?

I said to make sure they have vegan mayo there. Big mistake. He was upset and asked why can't he eat mayo. I said mayo is made with eggs and he got really pissed at me and said I am ruining all the good foods for him. At this point, I just stopped keeping him in mind. He made some other questionable orders of things with animal products and I just didn't bring it up. He says I ruined food for him because he puts cheese and mayo on most things he eats. He calls

He called me an asshole. Am I the asshole? Okay, if you put mayo on most things you eat, you're already off to a hot start being a fucking asshole. That's a little insane. I thought mayo was milk. I didn't know it was eggs. I mean, when you were saying the thing about mayo, I was like, I don't even know what the fuck mayo is, to be honest with you. I don't either, really. But I would assume that it's like... It's creamy. Some sort of... White looking. Yeah, exactly. The cheese thing is insane to me. What did you think it was? Come on.

What did you think it was? I want to know. I really want to know. Like, dude, what do you think? I'd be like, how do you not? This is also that's like vegan one on one. I feel like like that's one of the easy ones. Jeez. Yeah. Also, why isn't like personally, I get people that are vegan for like health reasons. But if it's an animal product that doesn't cause the animal pain, like eggs, like just taking a chicken's egg. Yeah. Why? Why not eat those? I don't know. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense. And.

Not to mention the diet that was described. It's pizza and mac and cheese. Dude, you should have diarrhea all year round. Constantly. What are you saying? That's so much fucking dairy. Constantly. And the sandwich? The sandwich is insane. Can you read the sandwich again? A sandwich with just vegan cheese, onions, and mayo. What even fucking... That's not a sandwich. Let's get that out of the way. Not a sandwich. That's literally just bread and like... Onions. Yeah. Are they cooked at least?

Like sauteed onions? Caramelized onions? Raw onions? It wouldn't fucking matter if any of those things were the case, but it's absolutely disgusting. Not a sandwich. Yeah. This person clearly has some issues. If these are the things that you're...

indulging in. I would completely agree. What do you think the overall vote on this one is? You think they went asshole or not the asshole? Definitely not the asshole. I think the other person is the asshole for their diet, their choice of condiments. And not knowing that there's dairy and cheese is psychotic. Yeah. And that's what the top comment picks up on too with 16,000 upvotes.

OP kind of said in his original post, I thought this was common knowledge. And the person goes, it absolutely is common knowledge. That this person doesn't know this is a little sad, honestly. He's misdirected his anger at you because he's realized he's just kind of dumb. That's not your fault, though. You know the old saying, no good deed goes unpunished. He should have thanked you and actually researched his chosen diet. Oh,

Oh, well, live and learn, right? Not the asshole. Not at all. Also, I don't even think it requires research to know that there's Darian.

Cheese. Yeah. But there is a comment down after this that goes, my friend turned veggie and was pissed at me when I told them some cheeses aren't veggie because they didn't really like vegetables or legumes, beans, pulses. So basically just ate what they used to eat using fake meat. They found out because I specifically didn't use Parmesan and had made a separate lasagna using just cheddar. It wasn't as nice as I normally make it. And they asked why it became a whole thing.

Cheddar lasagna. That's gross. I thought it was like a fancier cheese than that. Yeah, ricotta cheese? Ricotta! God, you're smart. I'm just Italian. My mom makes lasagna all the time, so. I bet my grandmas would knock it out of the park, though. Bet it wouldn't, though. It's pretty...

That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Cheddar cheese lasagna sounds disgusting. No. Does anyone eat normally? What the fuck is going on in this thread? I don't know. Now I just like want to keep reading the comments because they're so bad. What are people fucking eating out there? I don't even know. Cheddar cheese lasagna. You would not be able to pay me to eat that. I wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to. It's too much cheddar cheese. No, even if it was on like an episode of Survivor as one of the rewards, no chance. I would not touch it. I don't know about how I might do it then. They

They eat some nasty... You should just eat rice the whole time, don't you? Like, they get a ration of rice, but I saw this one challenge and it was like...

I forget what the title of it was, but it was like this wheel of fortune and they would have to spin the wheel and get two items. And then Jeff would like blend them together and they would drink it. And I mean, these things were crazy. It was like red sea urchin plus like raw squid plus anchovies and raw fish and sea bass. Like, and he would blend it all up and they just sit there and slam it. And I'm like,

Is this a reward or was it a challenge? This was a challenge. Oh, okay. I was going to say, this is not a reward. But a lot of them acted like it was. They literally just slammed it like it didn't faze them at all. And they actually, like some of them were like, that tasted pretty good. Oh, I mean, if you're on a fucking desert island and all you're eating is rice. Do you think you'd be able to do Survivor? Fuck no. I'm a pussy. There's no way.

Really? I like to think that, oh, I would do good in the challenges and stuff. But also, just living on a fucking island...

Yeah. And then like people are strategizing and like. I'd go so paranoid. I'd be like, bro, everyone hates me. I would. I would definitely think that. I'm a very sensitive person. Yeah, me too. Like I'd be like, yo, why are you guys walking away from me? And you're having a little powwow without me. Oh, yeah. Is everyone conspiring against me? I feel like you'd be voted off really quickly as a threat. No, I don't think so. Yeah. I think that I'm a very, I make a lot of friends, but I think ultimately I'd be betrayed.

Someone would... You'd be blindsided for sure. I'd be blindsided, yeah. Like, I'd be showing up being like, oh, we're all voting for Chelsea. And then all of a sudden it would be me. I'd be like, yo, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. And then I would wait for that reunion show and just lay into everybody. Just hopefully you'd be on the jury so that you can really, like, not let the person that messed you over win. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I get to show up all showered and shaved. Yeah. And everyone looks like shit. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Remember when you guys did me dirty? Yeah. I'm on this season right now and I haven't found out who won yet. So if you know, don't tell me. But it's this old lady like Scout and Twyla and this guy named Chris. And it was the season where it started as men versus women.

the whole season. Greatest premise ever. The girls kicked their ass right away. Really? So good. But this old lady scout has made it till the end and she has like a knee replacement so I feel kind of bad talking so much shit. But she is like, she would sit down and like quit on the challenges. Like she could not compete physically at all. And the fact she's in the final three, I'm like,

I've wanted Scout out since before the merge. That's honestly a pretty good strategy in that game because everyone's going to be like, we don't have to vote her out right now because she's not going to be a threat at all. No. And then she should pop up and be like, I'm just kidding. I don't have a bum knee. And she's just like really athletic. She crushes it the last few shows. Yeah, maybe that would be my strategy. There you go. I want to go on The Amazing Race. Jesse Tannenbaum, if you're listening. Amazing Race. I haven't watched that show in probably...

a decade. You just travel around and like make friends and do challenges with limited amounts of money. People are always driving in cars and they're like going the wrong way. Yeah. It's like, yeah, we're supposed to go 10 miles that way. And it's like, you're driving the wrong fucking way. Real bad. I don't,

really remember the premise too much. I also haven't watched a full season of Survivor. One of my friends is obsessed with it. Oh my gosh. Like watches it like rewatches it. Yeah. Like it's like The Office or Friends or something. Oh they're big. Yeah like huge into fucking Survivor. Okay. But I don't remember I remember like the first few seasons like when it was like super popular when it first came out. And I remember like every night we would sit around the TV and like watch that. But I don't I haven't watched any of the

recent seasons but not really a show that I think I would sign up for okay what's your go-to show my go-to show like what are you what are you into Game of Thrones type stuff yeah I mean pretty much anything HBO I watch Succession yeah HBO is the best I think all the shows they put out are incredible unreal I'm so mad they changed their name to just Max

What the fuck? And it was HBO. Then it was HBO Max. Now it's Max. Yeah. What's it going to be next year? Well, they had another one. It was like HBO Go in there too. Yes. HBO Go. Yeah. They have the most iconic brand recognition and the...

entry thing. Yeah. And it's like, then you just go to Max? Who is Max? TJ Maxx? That's a dog's name. Yeah. Maxx. Golden Retriever. Yeah. Yeah. Or it's just like a little white kid in the 90s name. Maxx. Maxx. I do know a very white, blonde-haired Maxx. I know a white, brown-haired, black-haired Maxx. Yeah, that's the one. I know a Maxx, though. Is he white? Yeah, no. No. Technically, he's from Argentina, but he's also half Jew, so I'm counting that as white.

Well, I was white anyway. Yeah. There was a big thing because I'm Jewish and there was a big thing where like Jews were not considered white for a long time. Yeah. I don't know the rules to, you know, the whiteness. I just, you know, this is probably not right, but I think like the eye test also is just kind of like. What's that? Just looking at skin tone? Yeah, you might be white. I don't know. Yeah. It's hard to assume. Until you're not. And then you go, oh, okay, you're not. Yeah. Ethnicity is this crazy thing. You really can't tell with people. Punnett squares, they get wild. Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. Haven't you seen those genetic things? Like, I saw this one family and it was like a black mom and a white dad. And then they had like a bunch of kids and they were lined up and it was like an ombre. Like they took their family picture. It was crazy. I'm like, this is genetics. This is why it's so wild. Same combo, different variations. And isn't it like now, I may be making this completely up, but I'm pretty sure there is something where it's like,

Sort of like artificial insemination, but like something where you can try and get a child that is like... You can build a child. Yeah. If that doesn't exist now, it definitely will exist. And that, to me, is crazy. It's like almost eugenics. There's a lot of controversy behind that because people are already picking the sex of their babies with... Yeah. Like, I always get it mixed up. But the one where you'd make the egg...

sperm in the petri dish and then implant IVF in vitro for like yeah yeah because then there's artificial insemination where you just shoot it up there and right yeah so it's that one and like people are pissed they're like you shouldn't choose especially in countries that like they only want boys and like they don't want any girls and so there's a lot of controversy with that because you can technically create the little fertilized egg the zygote in the dish and then run the genetic panel on them and like

It's like now. Yeah. It's like blue eyes, blonde hair, like blah, blah, blah. You get like their their genome. And then it's like there's one couple that literally picked their kid that they implanted based on the genes in the code for intelligence. And they named the kid like like aviator or something weird. White people. Yeah, they were white. Yeah. You know, I think the next story, the people might be white.

You let me know what you think. Okay? Well, this mayo fucking person is definitely white. I know that. 100%. Yeah. 100%. Do you like mayo? I always go to, like, Jersey Mike's and I'll say light mayo. Light mayo. I don't go heavy. Does that mean, like, low-fat mayo or is it, like, not a lot of mayo? Both.

Low fat. Oh, it's both. Yeah, low fat version and not a lot of it. Got it. I just like a little moisture on the sandwich. I don't want dry bread. I only like... Yeah, exactly. I don't like anything dry. Yeah, no. Like people who just eat like fries, just like raw dog fries. I'm like, dude, you're not going to like dip this into something? I'm a dipper. I'm a dipper too. I'm a big dipper. I'll dip a whole fucking sandwich in something. What's the weirdest thing you dip? So...

All right. I'm scared. No, so back in the day, I used to just, I haven't done this in a really long time, but this is probably the weirdest thing I've ever dipped, is, you know, like pizza bagels? Yeah. Small ones? Yeah. I would dip those in like duck sauce. Dark sauce? Duck. Duck? Like almost-

You don't know what duck sauce is? No. Is it like hoisin? Hoisin? You ever had Chinese food? Yeah. And you know like the orange packets? Yeah. That's duck sauce. Oh, I don't think I've ever tasted it. Yeah. I used to get a giant bottle of it when we were younger. I don't know how this ended up in my house. What's the flavor? Like orangey zest? It's like sweet and sour kind of flavor.

It's similar to like if you go to McDonald's and get like sweet and sour. It's like that kind of. Yeah. But I would put pizza. That's a good combo, honestly. Yeah, it's not bad, but I would get ridiculed. Oh, don't even get me started. I used to dip my Wendy's chicken nuggets in my Frosty.

What's wrong with that? I would dip anything into a Frosty. I know, it's so good. Fries into a Frosty. Fries is a little less weird, but the nuggets, people would really get scared of. What's wrong with people? I don't know. It's ice cream. It's just this powerful flavor. Savory, salt, and sweet all at once. It's everything. I also would get ridiculed. One of my friends, this is the craziest thing in the world. If I'm eating something that has pita bread,

and I've eaten it and there's extra pita bread and there's like some ketchup on the fucking plate I'll just be like eh and you might have lost me there why is that crazy you might have lost me there but if you eat a hot dog okay it's just bread hot dog and then if you put ketchup on it right so you would take an empty bun and dip it in the ketchup and eat it too no that's

insane. I'm eating a whole... That's the same thing with the pita bread. No, but if there was residual bun left, I would dip that in the ketchup. How big is the ketchup dip? Is it a sweep of ketchup or is it like a little... You know when people fake dip the chips in the salsa because they don't want the stuff, they just get the sauce, the salsa sauce?

First of all, fuck those people. Is it one of those? You're afraid of the chunks? Like, give me a break. Yeah, they are. No, yeah. It's not like soak it in ketchup and eat a piece of bread. It's just like, you know, I don't want to eat just a dry piece of bread. So I'd be like, bing. You know? Okay. That's crazy? Eh, it doesn't sound flavorful to me. It's more flavorful. I'm adding flavor to a thing. Get some hummus. I don't have hummus. Ugh.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, this next one. Sorry in advance, everyone. I did read this story during a live show once and I asked, I said, did I read this on an episode? Everyone said no. So if you feel like you're getting Mandela effect, I love you.

So this one is titled, My 23 Female Boyfriend, 24 Male, Wants Us to Start Using a Human Litter Box for Our Bathroom Needs so that We Can Save Water.

Me and my boyfriend have been living together for seven months, and we have a cat, who of course uses a litter box. My boyfriend has been oddly fascinated with the litter box the entire time we've had the cat. He was always researching kitty litter and kept extolling the virtues of how efficient the litter box is. At first, he brought it up as a joke, the idea of using a litter box instead of a toilet. I laughed at first, but he kept making the joke for like a week. Then he started after the joke being like,

Quote, but seriously, how would that work? A human litter box. And then started theorizing. Can I interject for a second? There is no possible way. Like, how is that more efficient than like plumbing in a city? I don't know. A button that you just flush. This you have to like dig out. Sorry. Yeah.

A few days later, he presented his idea to me as to how a human litter box would go. He wanted to buy a mini inflatable kid's pool and fill it with sand. This would be in our bedroom. You would squat in it and do your business. Next to it, he would put a basket with toilet paper and a scooper, and there'd be a small garbage bag next to it to scoop material into after.

There would be hand sanitizer, too. He was completely serious. We had an argument, and I put my foot down and said, under no circumstance are we doing this. He was pretty mad, but stopped bringing it up. Yesterday, I came home after a few hours of being out, and I heard grunting coming from our bedroom. No!

I peered in and was horrified at what I saw. He had done it. He had put it all together. In my bedroom was an inflatable kiddie pool filled with sand, and squatting in the sand pool was my boyfriend, naked, taking a dump into the sand. I was so astounded I couldn't speak.

He saw me and shrieked in surprise, shouting, close the door. I slammed it in horror. I couldn't believe it. He really did it. A few minutes later, my boyfriend came out with a small closed garbage bag in his hand and said sheepishly, well, it works.

Like it was no big deal. I lost my temper and basically was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? He said it was a worthy experiment. And we kept going back and forth with me saying how disgusting it was and him saying I didn't even try it yet. So I couldn't judge.

By the way, the whole time he still has a bag of shit in his hands. I left to go stay with my parents and we have been texting. I don't know what to do. Aside from this, our relationship is good. Should I demand he remove the litter box? Should I let him use it but I still use the toilet? Should I try the litter box to humor him? It is just so weird. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else had a boyfriend insist on using a human litter box? If so, how did you handle it?

I do not think this is a shared experience. No chance. No chance. Anyone else out there on the boyfriend who wants to shit in a pool in your bedroom? No chance. Also, I'm just going to say this. Before that fucking, before he put that human litter box in their bedroom, just did shit in that cat's litter box. Of course he's shitting. No. Why wouldn't he? He's going to try it out. You know, before you buy all the material, you have to go to like Home Depot. You got to get the sand. It's a whole lot of shit.

It's a whole thing. Why doesn't he just share the litter box with the cat? Small box. Maybe he takes big shits. Cat boxes are pretty big nowadays, aren't they?

Like mine was when we had a cat, it was pretty big. It was like at least like a carable laundry basket, one of those carryable laundry baskets. You could definitely shit in it. Yeah, you could hover for sure. For sure. There's toilets in Thailand where it's just a hole in the floor and you hover and poop. I've done that in like national parks. It's like you're just shitting into like a hole. Yeah. And it's like just dirt. Yeah. And it's like, but it's not in my bedroom. It's in a fucking national park. That is also a very strange place. What?

That would be the last place I'd put it. I think if I had a garage. How do you explain that also? Like when people come over and they go, what the fuck is that whole thing with sand? You're like, oh yeah, we shit in it and we pick it up and we throw it out. Where do you put your bag of shit, by the way? In the garbage? Yeah. Which is so disgusting. I have a big pet peeve with us as like people putting dog shit into plastic bags that like take so long to break down. What should we be? I don't know.

I don't know, like biodegradable paper bags. I think maybe I... I have a wax lining so you don't feel the moisture. That would be nice. Yeah, I can't... You know, one time I went to go pick up my dog's shit. Oh, no. Yeah, you already know what's going down. No. There was a hole in the back I didn't know about.

I just picked up dog shit. I think that experience, some poop flipped over the top of the bag as I was flipping it. And I got it on my hand. And I think that's the experience that scarred me. And now I can't pick up dog poop. No? I need the pooper scooper where you can like claw game it. I used to have that. But it's like if you're dog shitting on grass. It's hard. Then it like breaks it up and I'm going to throw up. If I see like. The chunk. Yeah.

It's not good. But this dude shitting in your fucking bedroom is insane. Also, sand is expensive. Is it expensive? Yeah, it's really expensive. I feel like the litter would be better because then it doesn't get all stuck to it. If you poop in sand, you take up so much sand with the poop. You do, but also the litter has like...

odor blocking technology or whatever the fuck. It's crazy. Sand is just sand. Yeah. Like it's just going to smell like shit in your room. There's even a litter now that can tell if your cat is sick based on the color it changes. Pretty litter. Pretty litter. Yep. Do you have them for a sponsor? I used to. Pretty litter. You haven't worked with me yet. Listen guys, that is a lovely technology. Yeah.

That's so crazy. I'd like that. What about us? What about us? I'd like to pee and be like, do I have a UTI or something? What's going on? Why is it red? Not that I've ever pissed red. Have you? No, I'm such a hypochondriac. I did once. You peed red. Yeah. What happened? You had a bad UTI. No, I...

God, I was like 12, 9, 8. I don't know. I was really young. And I was riding this bike around and it was one of those bikes that had like the little metal bars on the back. So I was trying to be cool. Okay. Like, you know, the little pegs that you stand on. Yeah, yeah. And I accidentally hit the front brake instead of the back brake and flew up into the handlebars. Oh. And I went to a movie later that night and I like peed and it

The water was red. It looked like a shark attack. It was so bad. And I was like, oh my God, did I just get my period? I was so scared. And it was not my period. I had actually hit my kidneys, bruised my kidneys so bad from the butt candles. I was pissing blood. And you went to the doctor and you're like, I... What is this? Yeah, I was like, what's wrong with me? I like... I was so scared. I can't. I was really young. I think I was like too young to get a period to the point where I was like, okay, something's up here. If I pissed blood, my...

Blood pressure would be insane and my heart rate would be even worse. Have you ever had a kidney stone? Don't even put that out in the universe. How old are you? I'm 31. We're getting to that age. Don't. Don't. I know a girl. Do you know Brianna Chicken Fry? Yeah. She's got four kidney stones right now.

Like right now? Right now. Why'd you say right now? Like she's had them? Yeah. So she's had them for like- She's got to get them like pulverized or whatever. So her doctor didn't offer her that. I asked her- She's got four. She's got four. They want to do surgery. Okay. But she's going on vacation, so she doesn't want to do surgery yet. How could- Hold on. Yeah. This girl's got four kidney stones. She's going to go on vacation? Yeah. Just like drink a bunch and like- Yeah. I think just take some shrooms and forget about it. That's fair. Yeah. She said you can get shrooms from the bodega here.

I don't fucking know. It's just... New York is wild. It's the Wild West. Yeah. But yeah... You probably can't buy them at the register, but definitely you could get them at a bodega. Someone will have them. Yeah. No, I think they... Her and Grace, they said they just roll up to their bodega and say shrooms and it's in a little chocolate bar. I mean, I was just in Colorado. You could do that. Yeah. But also, it's like a whole thing. But...

That's insane. If I had four kidney stones that I knew about, I'd be like, listen, I'm not going to move. They're so painful. And I'm not going to piss. Yeah. I'm not going to drink water anymore. No, the more water you drink, the less likely you are to get kidney stones. No, I'm saying like if I knew I had kidney stones, I don't want to pass this. Yeah. Like I don't want that. But it probably hurts too. I used to see a lot of kidney stone people come into the emergency room I worked at and they would describe it as worse than childbirth.

I'm not strong. I'm not strong. Well, and as a guy and gal too, you have to like, if you pass it yourself, it comes out your urethra. Yeah. A friend of mine passed a kidney stone. He said it was fucking horrible. How many millimeters was it? Did he measure? I don't know. We're not that close. No. We're talking about the size of his kidney stones. I'm just so curious. I want to know every detail. My ex used to get kidney stones a lot too. Yeah, I felt horrible. Apparently,

it's something to do with diet too and you can be genetically more it is genetically yeah because her mother and father I think had passed a bunch of kidney stones as well no I didn't even know that was a thing for a long time like no one in my family I think has ever passed a kidney stone that I know of

but my immediate family I know that no one has but like no one even my extended family I don't know of anyone doing that but that is fucking terrifying I would also just assume that I'm dying like that's the type of person I am oh I 100% would yeah anything that goes slightly wrong I'm like well this is it are you hypochondriac too big time not that I'm a hypochondriac but like

Once I start actually having symptoms, because knock on wood, but I don't really get sick often. It doesn't really happen. You got a good immune system. Yeah. So when something is going wrong, I'm like, this is the big one. Yeah. You know? I just like, I have to stay off Google. I can't. Like still to this day, I don't take my blood pressure anymore. Really? Was it that high? It was stressing you out? I had a sinus infection and like-

It was like killing me and it hurt so bad. And this had happened once before in my life where I had a bad ear infection and then I went to the doctor. It was like the worst pain I've ever been in my entire life. I had six in one year. What the fuck is going on with your ears? My eustachian tubes aren't slanted enough. I know what that is, but that's crazy. Yeah. I can't. It's bad. Six in one year. It's just pure torture. What happened to yours? What year was it?

2017 and into 2018 but a year time span good lord yeah no I think I just got like shitty water in it or something I don't know but I it was like hard but like it felt like someone had their finger in my ear for like a week so I couldn't hear at all

And then it opened up and then it like, it was so much pain. And I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was a little high. And they were like, well, you're like in distress. I was like, this is the worst pain I've ever been in my life. Oh my God. So then the next time, anytime I go to the doctor, it's usually because I think I have something insane. So I'm just worrying about it. Do you have white coat syndrome too? Where just going to the doctor stresses you out? Well, I didn't, but now I do, especially when it comes to blood pressure. So I bought a blood pressure machine.

Because I was like, yeah, I'm crazy. Yeah. And I went because I had the sinus infection. My blood pressure was a little high and I was like, oh my God, I have high blood pressure. And they're like, you're fine. Like just you're nervous or whatever the fuck. Yeah. And then so I was taking it like every single day. And then as soon as I got like to a normal reading again, I was like, I'm not taking this anymore. No, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah, that's smart. Now I just don't take it because I'm like, I'm going to freak myself out. That's smart. And I'm going to give myself high blood pressure. Yeah. So.

That's that. So maybe I am a hypochondriac. After all that, it sounds pretty crazy. Like, no, I'm not. But this is what I've done. You talk yourself into it. Yeah, I think the shoe fits. Actually, I am. Yeah. Definitely fits. Hey,

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now, through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes, Gillette Razors, Metamucil, Crest Toothpaste, Secret Body Spray, and a Swiffer Power Mop.

The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Well, speaking of medical conditions, this next story we're about to read is very, very bad. And it all started because this man, who was a child at the time, broke both arms.

There definitely needs to be a trigger warning on this next one, and I don't even know where to begin to describe it. It does contain talks of sexual assault, and it involves the victim not really realizing how grave of a situation it is. But feel free to skip if it's not for you.

So this is coming from r slash I am a. And it's the subreddit for where mundane becomes fascinating and the outrageous suddenly seems normal. And so it's the subreddit where like you post what you are. I am a blank. And then everyone can ask you questions to kind of learn more about it. Interesting. And...

fall down this rabbit hole of like what the fuck okay we've talked it out so much like is it normal is this okay and it's very very old it's 11 years old like oh wow I'm gonna be honest I didn't know reddit existed back then yeah so it's pretty cool but it is titled I am a man who had a sexual relationship with his mother

Going back to what you said before, two broken arms and then fucking your mom. I don't know how those things are related, but I'm excited to learn about the bridge. Yeah, it's pretty bad. And before anyone wants to talk about this being a troll post or being fake, this post was actually verified by the moderators of this subreddit. The man's doctor reached out and corroborated the story. So this is a 100% real and verified story. Oh my God, dude.

When I was in my teens, I had a sexual relationship with my mother. I think that we would both characterize the experience as positive. Pfft.

Please feel free to ask anything, but I will not discuss anything that would reveal my identity. Recently, my mom and I spoke with a researcher that is studying examples of incest that were not traumatic. He is preparing a paper on the subject. I am not an advocate for incest. For whatever reason, it worked for us. Don't use my experience as a template. I am here to relate my experience, not debate incest as a subject.

Here are a few facts that people will probably ask. It started when I was 14. Bro. My mom was 37. Bro! Hot start. Already illegal. Done. You're wrong. This is horrible. I have an older sister that was unaware and not involved. My dad knew about it from the beginning and supported my mom's decision. Bro!

This is disgusting. Who is this family? Where are they from? Do we know where they're from? Maybe we'll get there. Alabama. Okay, good. It ended around college. How sad. The end of the romance. Yeah. He went through college fucking his mom. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And like in this post, it doesn't really mention like why this even started. But throughout the post, there's like so many comments and just people saying,

Like being like what happened? How old like was your dad? Did your dad fuck your sister too? Like people really got into this one. Were they like a nudist family or something? I don't know.

There is a comment and the comment that OP responded to, but it goes well without giving away too much info. I was injured in an accident at 14 and incapacitated. I went from masturbating two times a day to zero. After two weeks, I was frustrated and took it out on my parents. My mom and dad knew what was up and talked about my mom helping me masturbate.

Ew, it was their idea? No. These people are in jail now. They must. Okay.

Oh my god, this is so disgusting. This is like a porn. This is like a stepmother porn. But it's his actual mom. I know. Like she created him. Ew, these people belong in jail. Yeah. These are sick criminals. Really bad. Ew. Yeah.

Also, how do you break both of your arms, dude? What the fuck happened? A foosh. What? A foosh. It's a falling on outstretched hands. It's the most common way to break your wrists and your lower arms. Foosh. Damn. Now I feel weird that I didn't know that you have an acronym and everything. I didn't know any of that. I have a little bit of a medical background, so it's okay. Yeah, you worked in an emergency room? Yeah, I was a medical scribe for a while.

And then I went to grad school for a doctorate in occupational therapy. Interesting. My sister-in-law does that. Really? Yeah. It's such a weird little niche. You don't meet a lot of OTs. Yeah. My sister's like a speech pathologist also. My cousin works in an emergency room in Jersey too. Okay. You got a lot of big brains in your family. Yeah. There's some smart people in there. Yeah. That's great. I love that. Yeah. There's a lot of comments on this.

There are some edits from OP. Oh, my God. Basically, edit one. I'm probably missing questions, but I will go back and answer anything that I missed. And so he goes through the comments, all the comments, so many comments. Edit two. Verification took about a month of going back and forth with a researcher that verified both my mom and my identity for his research.

He reached out to the mods and verified with them. It was also verified that he is who he says he is and that his field of practice is child psychology and sexual research. He works? No, the researcher that's putting all this together. Oh my God, dude, I was going to say, what? That would be terrible. Yeah. Because he still kind of looks at this as normal. Yeah, also, why would you go out of your way to verify who you are and that this is real? Why would you even give this up? Why would you participate? Yeah, like, why would you give this up?

I wonder if they like the attention. If it's like some sick gratification. We know that they're sick. Like, we know that. Yeah. But like, dude, have the wherewithal to know that like this is not cool. Yeah.

It's really weird. There's just a lot of other edits that are like, I'll be back later to answer questions. Edit four, I'll continue to answer questions in the AMA, but you can private message me as well. December 28, I'm happy to continue answering questions if they are posted. I'm going through all the questions now. To clear up one thing that people have been commenting about, my father and sister did not have a sexual relationship. Like I said, my sister was not...

Thank God. They're like bragging, like, let's just be clear. They didn't. It's like, all right, yeah, you're not supposed to. Thank God.

Oh, my God. People, people. Like I said, my sister was not wired that way. Plus, I did bring this up to my mom as our sexual relationship progressed. Oh, no. She said that my dad wasn't mistreated and that my sister certainly wouldn't want to be involved. She said that my dad was jealous of the relationship that my mom and I had, but that he harbored no lustful thoughts towards my sister.

Oh my god, that is disgusting. It's bad. Oh my god, what does this sister fucking think? She probably doesn't even know. Oh my god. I also am like, this started at 14 and ended around college. So, I don't know if that's freshman year, sophomore year, whatever, but that's like at least four years. Like, what?

What was the reason to stop because he moved out to go to college? Why did this even continue after his wrists were healed? Like it only takes six to eight weeks for a bone to heal. So what was the excuse to continue this relationship and pleasuring him after his wrist was healed? Well, clearly this had nothing to do with the wrists. I mean, this is not a fucking normal thing that you suggest to people. So I did a little research, though.

And I went on Google as I was trying to find this story. Don't tell me this is a thing. Don't tell me that. There was another post from a mom who was trying to figure out how to tell her husband that she's been helping her paralyzed son masturbate. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that a thing? I think. Why don't you hire somebody if you really care about that? Someone comments that. Someone actually comments that. Like, why didn't your parents hire you like an escort? Just literally. Like, just what? You know what I mean? Like, you're going to go jerk off your son? Yeah. People are insane. It's terrifying, isn't it? How do you jump to, I'll just do it. Did you? A hundred bucks. Not even. It's a hand job.

I don't really know the market. I imagine it's less than 50 bucks. 100 bucks for a handjob seems about right. Really? Yeah. I don't know. I would imagine that like you could find, you know, a back alley handjob for less than that. Are you Googling how much is a handjob on the street? Yeah. How much is a handjob in your neighborhood? There's an actual article on it. If you're in the Bronx, it's just 75 bucks.

In Manhattan, it's $125. Well, that makes sense. How much money is a handjob? $10 for a one-hour oil massage plus $15 for a happy ending handjob or $30 for a happy ending blowjob. That must be in a foreign country. $30 to get sucked. I know someone that did it in Taiwan. And? He said it was great. How much was it? I don't remember the price. Damn. It's been a while. It was an ex-boyfriend of mine. Hold on.

Your ex-boyfriend said he went to Taiwan and got sucked. Yeah. Well, we had broken up like years before that, but like we remained friends after. And yeah, he lived in Taiwan teaching English to young school children. And he's off there getting sucked in between classes, isn't he? Yeah. I pick winners. Yeah. Not the first time he's done that. I don't know if he went back, but I also know a guy. I think you can safely assume that he went back. You think so?

He seemed like it was a one and done. But the guy I was going to say, he played hockey abroad in Germany and his girlfriend was in the States. And he couldn't wait. Like he couldn't go such long periods without having sex or getting off by another person. And so he would actually go to a massage place in Germany and get happy endings. Mm hmm.

And his girlfriend knew. Never found out. They're married now. Wait, how do you know? I'm best friends with his best friend. How do you feel about that? You think that that's like... It would be done. Yeah. Like if you found out your girlfriend or partner was like giving head to people at her job, what would you do? That would be tough. That'd be a toughie for sure. I'd be like, well, this is over with.

That's a tough one. I heard a really disgusting thing the other day, to be honest. So. Would love to hear this. There's another podcast I work with called Straight Candid. And they take like a lot of listener write-ins from their listeners and they call it like candid moments. Okay. And this nurse fucked one of her dying patients. Whoa. Okay. It seemed like kind of violating though. It didn't seem like the guy was like kind of with it.

Ew. I don't know. I didn't listen to the full story. I got too grossed out. I thought this was like the dude had a dying wish to fuck the nurse. I did read a story like that where a woman was dying from cancer, never had sex, and she paid a prostitute. That makes sense. That felt wholesome at the end. Yeah, that's a nice... You should make movies about that. Pretty women, basically. Well, that was a hooker. Well, Richard Gere didn't die. Yeah, he was just a rich dude. What's the difference between a hooker and a prostitute? Well, nothing, I guess. But I'm saying like...

he was a no one was dying true yeah that was my point not yet at least yeah we all die yeah scary thought technically we all die so yeah it's like that's that's your excuse when you get caught it was like well i was dying that's why i did this have a dying wish it's like you're perfectly healthy but i am on my way to dying so that's why i'm doing this oh my god i think about it a lot

You think about what? Dying a lot. Jesus Christ. I literally, last night, I was having a panic attack and I was like laying in bed. I literally looked at my boyfriend and I go, if I don't wake up till morning, just know I love you. And he's like, what the fuck?

He's like, what's wrong with you? And I go, I don't know. Then you roll over and go, would you shut up? Just shut the fuck up with this shit. I think I scared him a little. That's a crazy one. That's a crazy one. If I don't wake up tomorrow, I'd be like, what's wrong? Nothing. I'm just thinking about it. I'd be like. I think about it a lot. I don't know what's wrong with me. You're crying right now. I know. I'm kind of a laugh crier. Oh, man. That's a heavy. Kind of a tissue. Yeah, yeah. Go crazy.

Oh my God. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know how to get past that. It's just like, even when I'm in the car driving, I have really bad car anxiety. And I'm like, what if someone hit me?

Drive safe. I don't know. Drive slow. What the fuck? It's hard to drive slow in LA. People go so fast there. Really? Oh my God. The speed limit is 55 and these bitches are going like 90 to 110. Damn. It's a dangerous place on those highways. I haven't been to LA in a very long time. Oh my God. Come visit. It's so fun. Drive your car fast. Drive your car fast. I don't enjoy it. Really? Not really. What's your least favorite thing about it?

um i just had bad experiences there with the people i mean i'm sure there's like great people out there but the people that yeah and you're great yeah i just cry a lot exactly i have panic attacks my friend actually texted me yesterday he's like i was in the sauna and gave myself a panic attack because i started to think about being locked in here as a form of torture and dying you absolutely would die i was yeah but like why the fuck are you thinking that

Out of nowhere. Being like, oh shit. And you give yourself a panic attack. What's wrong with you? Well, it's just kind of one of those intrusive thoughts. It's like, I have a friend that every time she drives over a bridge in a car, she always imagines hitting another car off the bridge. Okay. Like some people just have these intrusive thoughts. But I have that too. Like when I'm at a high point, like if I'm,

you know, on someone's roof or something. And I can like look over. I always just have this thing in my head like, what if my body just takes over and I jump off this thing? Okay, I thought about that the other day. I was at the Empire State Building recording with Chris. And the window actually opened. It fully opened. What? The window opened. The whole window. And there was no bars, no screen. Wait. You could slip out the window. No. Yes. Swear to God on my life. Like the observation deck or like... The...

Empire State Building. It was like at one of the offices there. The fucking window opened? It opens. How big was it open? I could fit through it easily. How big? What are we talking? It opened like that? Yeah. And there's no screen, no bars or anything. You could just fly out. What floor? 38th floor. Get the fuck out of here. It was high. I'll show you the view. I'll show you the view. I took a pic. Of the window? Not the window. I took a pic before. I didn't want to embarrass myself by like taking a picture and, you know, being a tourist. Yeah.

I just thought that would be a little far. That's fucking terrifying. In my building right now, the door- That's how high it was. Like, it's high. Yeah, that's high. You'd splat for sure. Oh, yeah, you're dead. But I literally thought about that. Like, I was like, I could climb through this window right now easily. Ew, I don't like that. What's your most intrusive thought you have? Like, do you have a regular one? Or are you just normal? A regular intrusive thought? Like, a regular occurring one. Like, it's happened at least more than twice. Like I said, anytime I'm at, like, a high point, I always think about, like-

For some reason, I'm going to jump over this thing. Like, I, like, don't trust myself for some reason. Like, I'm going to jump. Yeah. For some reason. I don't know why I have that. I could so see that, though. But I also... Also, what if you tripped? Yeah, I mean, tripping and falling over a whole railing. When would that happen, you know? Like, it's, like, okay to think that, but, like, it's not really realistic. But I could...

get over this thing and jump. Yeah. And that's insane. You definitely shouldn't record with Chris ever. Why? Because you might fall out the window. Yeah, I'm not fucking going there. No. But I also have this thing. I don't know what, I think it's like an actual thing, but when I'm driving on the highway sometimes, I get like hypnotized by like the lines. And then I like have to snap myself out because I feel like I'm like,

falling into some weird hypnosis. Oh my God. And it's very scary. And I remember one time I was driving to my friend's house in Connecticut at night and I just like

You know when you are sleeping and then you wake up and you're like, you like jolt? Oh, I hate that feeling. But I did that while driving. And like, then I couldn't, I was like, was I just sleeping? But I was with someone. So I just pulled over. I was like, I can't drive. And I made them drive because I was like, I can't, like, that was so scary. And I don't think I was sleeping. I wonder if you had a little seizure.

I don't think it was a seizure. It was just like, I like... But this happens regularly that I'll be driving. And it's not like long distances or... And it doesn't happen on side streets. It's just the highway. That's the lines. And it's not every time. But sometimes I'll be like, I'll just like give myself a weird panic attack. I'll like, oh, I have to focus right now. Or like, am I like...

gonna faint or like but I'm fine that's kind of a bad one yeah it's weird yeah well where do you look when you drive the car because I get I do get stuck looking at the line sometimes but apparently you're not like you're not supposed to watch the lines you're supposed to look up on the horizon like way far out which I do I think I think I I look everywhere so I try to be

very conscious about cars behind me also because if there's a car in front of me I'm stopping I have to slam on my brakes but I also look immediately behind me because if someone's coming then I have to get out of the way which actually happened

I was driving to my friend's, his parents have like a summer house in Pennsylvania and we were driving up there and I was in the left lane and it came to like a screeching halt. Oh God. So, and I saw it happen because I usually look like ahead to see what's going on and I saw that happening. So I started slamming on my brakes and I saw the car behind me.

Was still driving fast. So I swerved onto the shoulder, just missed the car in front of me. And the other car went into the other lane, like the middle lane. And he was braking. And he like...

ended up breaking and passing like two cars. So I'm like, I would have been just smashed like in the back of my car if I didn't get out of the way. Like it was terrifying. Oh my God. Cars are like honestly really scary. It's terrifying. I don't like them very much to be honest. And like people who speed and shit, like I hate it. Have you ever been in like an Uber or something? You're like, dude, you're really scaring me. I was in Chicago. It's so bad. And they don't care. They literally like laugh at you. I like flipped out.

on a dude, a cab driver in Chicago because it was snowing. Oh, come on. The morning I was supposed to leave, it was like a blizzard. So we went to the airport and there was a time, this was two years ago maybe? Yeah. Or no, this was 2019. I don't even know what the fuck it was to be honest with you. But anyway, I went to Chicago and that morning a plane slid off of the fucking runway because it was snowing so much.

And that's the day I'm fucking flying out of O'Hare. The worst place ever. Of course. And the worst airport in the entire world. The worst. So I was like, okay, like I'm already like freaking out about it, but like I had a horrible time on the trip. So I was ready to fucking get home anyway. I was like, whatever. Yeah. Nosedive the thing. I could give a fuck.

So I get there and then the plane starts getting delayed and delayed and delayed. And then they cancel it at the last second. So it's like, we have to stay at a hotel. The cab on the way to the hotel, this dude was driving like literally like 90 to 100 miles an hour on the highway. And I was like flipping out because it was like snowing earlier too. Like the roads are icy, like we're fucking dead. So I start being like, bro, slow down.

Like you're driving fast. Like, oh, sorry, sorry. And then he would slow down and then he would start going fast again. And then I started, I was like yelling at this dude. I'm like, fuck it. I was like, dude, I'm not going to say it again. Like slow the fuck down. And I'm sitting in the passenger seat because we had a bunch of people with us.

And I'm like, dude. I was like, my wife's back there. She's pregnant. I was making shit up. Like, I was just like, slow the fuck down. We get to the hotel. Dude ran to the bathroom. He had to shit so bad. I don't care. Poop your pants. Shit your pants, dude. Poop your pants. Shit in my hands. I just want to be alive. Like, don't do this. Yeah. Like, I hate that. Okay. So I have like a similar story. I was in Dallas and I was like visiting this friend, ex-friend. We're not friends anymore.

And we took Molly and I was like having a really bad Molly trip that night. Like the first night I took it, it was great. Second time I took it, worst trip of my life. It feels like you're having the flu and then you get the cold sweats and then you get the hot sweats and then you're sweating and then you're nauseous and it just like, it didn't go away. Sometimes it goes away and then it's fine.

don't do drugs kids and so I was like a whole night having a bad trip I sat outside the club for like three hours by myself just trying to like cool down get not sick and then we went to like this hockey player in Dallas like his house party after and it was six girls and one of the guys that was at the table was like oh do you guys want to ride there and we're like yeah sure like it'd be great not to have to pay for a cab or an uber or whatever it was at the time

And so we get in the car and we're in this like big Ford pickup truck. All six of us in the backseat. None of us have seatbelts on. How do you wear seatbelts? How do you share seatbelts with six girls in the back? And all of a sudden, this guy starts driving like 60 miles per hour down the sidewalk in between trees and a metal fence. And then there's like, you see, you know, those big power boxes that sit on like the corner sometimes. Like big, big power box. He like fakes out like he's going to drive straight into it.

And then he gets on the highway after all that. 120 down the freeway. We're all screaming, crying in the backseat. We're like, please stop. Let us out. Let us out. He's like, we're on the highway. We're fine. Like just floors it. And all of us are freaked out crying. And he gets there and he goes, why were you guys so scared? Didn't you know I'm a NASCAR driver?

He was a professional race car driver. What the fuck? I don't give a fuck. And that's, he thought it would be fun to do that to six screaming, crying girls. What a piece of shit. In his backseat and almost kill us. That, I mean, I honestly would not

Like if someone's going to do that to me, we're fighting. As soon as I get out of this car, we're going to fist fight. I literally like ended up leaving and going back to her house because I was just like after having a bad trip all night and then having that car ride, I don't want to be around any of you people. Yeah, no. Oh my God. I didn't even think about that. You're having a bad trip and then that. Yeah, and then that happened. I'm like I'm never doing drugs again. I haven't done Molly. I did it one time since, but that was it. Yeah.

Just to redeem it. And then I don't do drugs like that anymore. You shelved it. Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, the next day after doing Molly, your brain feels melted and it's not worth it. It causes brain damage. It's just bad. Yeah. It doesn't put like holes in your brain or something. It's not good. Rot. Just rot. Drug service is so bad. I imagine. So bad. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah, I don't really like cars. They're not fun. I'm glad we're both here to tell our tales and we didn't die in a fiery blazing car crash. It would be nice to not do that. Yeah. I've only been in like

Two car accidents. Oh, I've been in three. Yeah. Well, one, like when I was in high school, my friend was driving me to school and then like we had a slam on the brakes and someone hit us. And I was sitting in the back seat and like my reaction was to laugh and I don't know why. But I was just like laughing. I was like, that was fucking crazy. Like we just got into a car accident. Definitely milked that for a couple of days in high school. Definitely milked it. I have to go to the nurse. My back hurts. I was in a car accident. I actually, I went to school right after mine too. I was picking glass out of my hair in class.

Good Lord. Yeah, my science teacher gave me extra credit for coming to school. The windows shattered? I went up into the windshield. I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. You went into the windshield? Yeah, my head. It was bad.

But I don't know. Did you get a concussion? I don't think so. Because I honestly, I think I hit the airbag and the airbag hit the windshield and then I went up into it. So it was kind of already broken. Holy shit, dude. So, but I had a lot of glass in my hair. Wait, you were in the passenger seat? Up front, yeah. Okay. And I like just turned around to grab an iPod and then turned back and he rear-ended someone. Yeah. Yeah.

That is scary. I hit a guy. Not me, but like I used to work. I used to work at a as a pizza delivery boy. Yeah. And I was using my dad's van and I was parking it in the back of the pizzeria. OK. And the back of my car was like already in the spot. So I just had to turn the front in. OK. And this guy on a motorcycle went around a car and hit the back of my car, which was lined up with the rest of whatever. But he was like drunk. Oh, yeah. Hit the back of my car.

It sounded like fucking lightning hit the truck. And I looked to my right and I just see a body flying in the air.

Like through the passenger window and he did like a front flip landed on his back and like skid And then I was so I was literally shaking and I threw the car into park got out and this couple Runs out and they see me they go. Don't worry, dude. We saw everything like you're good Yeah, I was just like freaking out. I was like I just killed a guy Yeah, I was like I was like 19 years old or something. Oh my god, and I Was and the guy was like sitting on the ground and he had a cigarette in his hand

And I swear to God, he's laying on his back after doing a front flip, hitting a fucking... The back of a van and skidding probably with a broken spine. And he's just...

smoking this cigarette. I'm like, this guy's insane. Like, he's crazy. Then he's asking me to help him up. I'm like, bro, you're back as fuck, dude. I'm gonna pick you up and you're gonna collapse into a puddle. Like, I'm not picking you up. No, that's more liability. And he goes, oh, you don't want to pick me up because you know you did something wrong. And I was like, you hit me. I was like, the fuck? I was parked. Oh my god. I wasn't even moving. That's insane. Yeah, then I got fired. What?

The pizzeria was like, we don't want to deal with this. So they just like fired me. That's like the most Italian thing I've ever heard though. Like I was a young kid working at a pizzeria. I'm Italian. Yeah. Ricotta cheese. Exactly.

And then, you know what I did after that? I worked at a different pizza, right? I wanted to go work at a different pizza, right? Of course you did. Yeah, that's what I was doing. I have a lot of funny stories from being at pizza, like a delivery. Like there was this one guy I used to deliver to. I would show up at his house without fail every single time. He would answer the door in tighty-whities, sweating.

Sweating. What? Whole body sweating. What was he doing? I don't even know what kind of activity would warrant that type of sweat. It was that much? Yeah. Did he look like he was just freshly showered and didn't dry off with the towel sweating? Absolutely not. Like it was obvious. Like he was out of breath huffing and puffing and he would answer the door and it's like, why are you ordering pizza? He timed it so perfectly too. Yeah, nailed it. Absolutely nailed it. And there was another guy that I delivered to one time and he had a shirt

That said he was like a fat dude. And it like kind of came up a little bit. Okay. And it was like, it said, I heart. And then in bedazzled script writing, it said Guidos.

And at the time, I had like a buzz cut. Oh, were you a gym tan laundry bro? No, I wasn't. But I had a buzz cut like that. So I was delivering the pizza and he went to go hand me the money. He dropped it. And I was like... This is not a bar of soap, babe. Yeah, but I picked it up. Because I'm like, whatever, I'll give the guy a show. He is paying you. I was like, here you go. Thank you for the tip. And that was it. It kind of went on my way. But I've also dropped pies and like...

Like in the snow. Oh shit. And I drop it. I'm like fuck. And I literally go here here. And I fucking run out of there. Yeah I would have done that too. If someone complains I deliver that. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. God. Do you have any more questions about the guy that

was hooking up with his mom i know we got a little off topic there i mean the guy hooking up with his mom uh i think the biggest thing is like what's your relationship like now you know like i really want to know i know also i do a podcast where we interview people about these types of things you should message him i would i want to reach out and be like listen we're going to interview you and we definitely want to you know find out more about your relationship with your mom yeah and what that's like and is she heartbroken because you will not let her jerk you off anymore

Like, is that a thing? I wonder. Has the dad killed himself yet is what I want to know too. That's really, that's bad. Yeah. That's bad. The dad got jealous. My wife's fucking my son and not me. Or fucking me and my son. That's insane. What does that do to a person's mental health?

I don't know, but I just... What is Christmas like? Awkward. Yeah. Also considering he had a girlfriend when he was also doing his mom. Sorry, I know we had a big tangent there in the middle, but someone commented and goes, were you in a sexual relationship with your girlfriend while you were doing your mom? And OP goes, yes, I wore a condom with the girlfriend. Oh, you bastard. He didn't wear one with his mom? What if your mom... What if you got your mom pregnant?

What if he got his mom pregnant? He didn't wear a condom with his mom. He wore one with the girlfriend. What if he would have got his mom pregnant? I don't know what that baby is going to look like, to be honest with you. I heard it's not good. There's a girl that did this in real life. Have you seen the TikTok? Not what? Oh my God. There's a TikTok of this girl that was adopted and ended up going and finding her birth father. And they got married and had kids. And I think he killed her. I think at the end he killed her.

It's so bad. It's so bad. But like, it's the most crazy fucking story. Like, all you can do is like, just like, it's really bad. You seek out your biological father so you could marry him? What is happening out there? Woman who married her birth father is laid to rest along with their baby after shocking murders. This is the guy. Well, yeah. And that's the, I think that's the daughter. Oh, and he got himself too. Yeah. It was one of those triples, wasn't it? Yeah. Well,

It's just another romantic love story, you know? It's bad. It's how they all go. So it also makes me believe this Reddit story even more knowing that real shit like this happens. Yeah. I mean, there's like crazy shit that happens out there. And like, I mean, from the, like I said, the show that I do is called Other People's Lives. Okay. And we have like, we just like field a bunch of emails and we kind of like look for these things. And I've been doing that show for a couple of years. And I

From that show, it's very easy to like know. And I know I'm sure for you, like reading all these red threads, it's like there is something about

Out there for everybody. 100%. And people are into legit everything. And it's completely normal. And there's communities based around these things. That's literally right. And there's like forums and there's, it's like, it's wild. It's crazy. It's like everything you could possibly think of has been done before. Yeah. Even the most wild intrusive thought, like people are out there indulging in it. Clearly. And it's just, yeah, people are, I mean, people are fucking their moms for God's sakes. I know. And then condoming their girlfriends.

Where is the priorities here? That is wild. You think it would have been the other way around? Yeah. I mean, yeah. You would hope. Did you ever hear the story about the guy? I don't know if this is real because I've read it so many times. Okay. So I start to think that it's like this story that was made up. But it was a guy who was getting married and his wife...

walked into one of the rooms, like before they were getting married, I don't know, separate rooms or whatever, walked into the room and he was sucking his mom's tit and the dad was there. And she was like, what the fuck is going on? And then apparently the story is that he would like get nervous and like that would calm him down. And he's been doing it like his whole life, sucking his mom's tits. And then she called off the wedding.

Because he was like, I'm not marrying this dude sucking his mom's tits. Are you kidding me? And the dad's standing right there. Your son's sucking your daughter's, your fucking wife's tits on his wedding day. What's that big word? It's like cuckold. He liked to be cuckolded. By his son? Cuckolded. Yeah, cuckold. Yeah, but that's like, I mean, there's more adjectives there. There's like an incest word.

Cuckold fucking something disgusting. There's a Reddit story I read a little bit ago. I think it was on our Patreon. So if you're like, this doesn't sound familiar with the updates, I think it is Patreon. And it was this lady who was married to her husband for over 10 years. They had a bunch of kids together. They'd started dating when she was 15 and he was 14 or she was 16 and he was 15, whatever it is.

She comes home early from a girl's trip, walks in, and her mom is fucking her husband. It had been going on. They'd been intimate since he was young, just made out before 18. But then after 18, they started having sex. So her mom had kids continuously, like, as this was going on. It turns out a bunch of her brothers were actually her husband's kids.

Yeah. That's so fucked up. Yeah. People just, the incest. I don't know what it is with incest. Yeah. Also, we interviewed a guy one time. His wife had sex with his father and had a kid with his father and he forgave her and now they're still together. No. Yeah. No, but your dad, parent, your ex-wife's kid. Your kid is your- Brother. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, no. Done. Done. Are you kidding me? There was another incest story I was going to read for you, actually. Okay. It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Shoot Nude for My Brother Anymore?

I think it's strange that you have to ask. Yeah. She goes on to tell this story that he's like a cinematography kid. And he asked her, like, I have this scene I really want to shoot. It's in the early morning. I wake up, make coffee, sit on my balcony and smoke. The weather was beautiful. And I understood the ambience he was trying to create. But he wanted me to do it naked. And so she let her brother film her completely naked. And then asked him after to delete it. And he wouldn't delete it. Yeah, weird. Weird.

He wanted to jerk off to it. 100%. Yo, dude. 100%. I think we gotta move away from the incest. Yeah, it's getting like... It's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot. Like 40 minutes of incest. I'm hanging out with my sister on Saturday. We're going to the zoo. Also, like,

I don't know. I get it. Not that all photographers, but there are the ones that are like, oh, we should shoot. I've heard so many weird photographer stories. Really? From girls. Yeah. Of like dudes just being like, oh, we should work together. And it's like, cool. That's like, yeah, we should shoot nude. And it's like, wait, what? Like why? Or lingerie and like. Yeah. It's like, okay, this feels like an ulterior motive. Yeah. What are we doing? I would only be able to do one of those boudoir shoots with like another gal.

Yeah. And I'm sure there's good guy photographers out there, but like... But it's like... When it's like, push your tits up and it's like, I'm not doing that for you. Like, it feels like it's one of those jobs that is interesting. Like, can you truly separate it or like, are you getting hard right now? I think for the people that are in it for the right reasons, yeah. They can separate it? But like, how can you separate...

Who's good and who's bad here? Like, that's impossible. It's a lot of trust. Yeah.

Gillette razors, Metamucil, Crest toothpaste, secret body spray, and a Swiffer power mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, moving along. This one is coming from r slash confessions. It's about a month old. I, 36 female, have a super uncommon kink that even my husband is unaware of.

This is not safe for work. Stop reading if you're too sensitive for this kind of thing. I am too shy to tell my husband. I'm anonymous here and sitting behind a screen, and I still struggle saying this. I enjoy sniffing cocks.

I love a man's strong natural scent. It drives me wild instantly. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I want men with poor hygiene going unwashed for two to three days. That's not it. It just lets the natural scent come out if they're a little unkept. I don't want to smell the soap. When my husband is not there and I need to keep myself happy, I use his boxers. He's totally unaware of it.

I hide my kinkiness very well in real life. Some time ago, some guy said, quote, you're very beautiful, but you look like the kind of woman who'd make me wait six months. Way too poised and standoffish. I was thinking me making a man wait for six months, six minutes, maybe throw away account. I mean, when you say this after someone's fucking their mom, it's like, yeah, whatever. Sniff the boxers. Who gives a shit?

What is it with underwear sniffing? Some people really like it. I don't know. Like in movies when dudes are like, oh, this is her underwear. I'm like, what are you looking for? Like we're not foxes. You know what I mean? And I get that like pheromones are probably a real thing. But like I've never been like, oh, this smells like pussy. Like what the fuck? That is interesting. But they do say if you like the smell of your like significant other's body odor, like their armpits, like if you sniff their armpit and you're like, that smells good, you know you've got a good match.

Sure. I do it. Yeah, I think that everyone does that. I mean, there is something like...

I definitely get that where it's like, oh, this is a little nasty. Yeah. And that's cool. That's fine. I love the sniffing cocks though. That's just like a funny way to word it. Didn't I see a clip and it might be on one of your other podcasts with your friend, but didn't he say he like smells his balls and it smelled like his dad? Yeah, he did say that. He said that he, he said that he checks his balls sometimes and be like, oh my God, do I smell like shit? And then he smelled it and he's like, and it reminded me of my dad. And I was like, wow, your balls smell like your father. What is that?

What does that mean? Like, did he smell his dad's balls? I think that it just brought him back to the time. Overall, dad's musk. Yeah, maybe his dad smelled like balls growing up. And when he smelled his own balls, he was like, Papa, you know? Maybe that's it. It could be it. I don't know. I was afraid to dive too deep into that.

You should have evaluated that more. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure I had some questions. I don't really remember. He could be one of the stories on your other podcast. Probably, yeah. Like, call in anonymously and we'll just have a conversation. We'll alter your voice. Yeah. But, yeah, he smelled his dad when he sniffed his balls. You know what happens sometimes? Like, when I smell sawdust, I think of, like, when my dad used to do these little construction things in the backyard. I'm like, oh, it reminds me of fucking...

2002 or something. It makes sense though because the smell is like smelling is tied to the longest memories. Like that's the one sense that like remembers the longest or something. That makes sense. It makes sense. Yeah. For sure. Sense. Sense. It makes sense. Yeah. You're good. You're cheeky. There you go. Are you like what's the weirdest kink you've come across? Because this one doesn't even seem that weird in comparison. Um.

There's a lot. I mean, I don't know what the weirdest is. I mean, off the top of my head, we've talked to someone that had a very big interest in being like Swaldhol. Oh my God. Yeah. So like when they see pictures or videos of

I don't know. You ever see like a cartoon where they're like chewing something and you're inside the mouth looking out? Oh my God. It's like Magic School Bus vibes. Exactly. That's actually the example I was going to bring up. But like it's like you can see the inside. Like they enjoy being inside the mouth or like fucking Pinocchio when he gets swallowed by a whale. Oh my God. So they have like a sexual attraction to being swallowed whole.

And there's other people. There was a woman who we talked to who did scat porn. Poop porn? Yep. Trigger warning. This conversation does lead into talks of poop. So she would... And this was a wild conversation, honestly. And we're blessed with the guests that we talked to. They're not shy. I love that. So they will just like... I love that. Go in for it. Scat. Yeah. So she... And she was married and her husband had no idea. But she would like...

go and like essentially cheat on her husband and like be at a hotel room with some dude and they'd be like shitting all over each other and like she'd be eating it and like yeah she would eat it and she would eat it and then she what she said was this right because she was like my co-host was asking her if she made like any sort of like specific foods and not just like eating shit which I'm sure she has but then she like she's like yeah we made like shit sushi one time and I was like yeah and you wash it down with a glass of piss and she was like yeah

So she had a glass of piss and shit sushi, and her husband has no idea. Can you imagine finding out that your wife's cheating on you? Distraught. Would ruin my life. And then you find out she's eating shit, too. No. She's eating shit. No. It's crazy. It's wild. We're done. We're done. That's heavy. We're packing it up. That's too much, right? That's worse. That might be... Well...

Is it worse than the mom and son? She also said at the end of the conversation, she's like, I have shit in my freezer and I'm going to use it to like dildo myself later. I said, cool. In an ice cube tray? What'd she put it in? In like a plastic bag and just like has it. A banana peel to give it the proper shape? Probably. I don't know. Maybe she had like a perfect log and she's like, you know, I'm going to freeze this one and then I'm going to dildo myself with it later. But she put it in her freezer. Did she poop on the ground and then put it in the freezer? Did she scoop it out of the toilet? I have so many more questions. Valid questions, honestly. I'm so distraught over this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she told us that like right before we were hanging up like, all right, have a good one. She's like, by the way, I got a shit. And I was like, all right, have a good day. Bang. And like that was good. Oh, I would have kept that girl on the phone as long. There was a lot. Sushi shit. Sushi. Yeah. Not good. It's one thing if you mixed it into like chili where you couldn't really tell if you're eating shit. It's almost like the movie The Help where the woman bakes it into the pie and it's a shit pie. Right. But like,

Sushi. It's right there in front of you, eating shit. And she's recording it. Your show might be better than mine. I'm pretty sure it's like OnlyFans 2 that she was posting on or something. How has the husband not found out? How has no one found her and then sent him an anonymous email or something? I don't know. A lot of people have very interesting...

Second lives. I knew like the poop on the chest was a thing that people liked. In Dubai. That's what I've heard. Is that what it is? In the cold and showers? Yeah, getting pissed on. But like that is a whole nother level.

level getting pissed on is one thing getting shit on a whole other thing have you been peed on no i've never been pissed on but i'm saying like in general like i'll it's just like watery yeah it's like okay if you're into the whole degrading thing i get it it's piss and we're we're not in the on the bed for god's sakes yeah mattress yeah but like fine but like dude shitting come on shitting

Or like throwing up on someone. Well, and you know they eat certain foods to make that more intense too. Like they probably like stack up on corn before those days that they're meeting up. Like there's probably certain things that they also do because you get to a certain point where like just pooping isn't enough. I know. Like it has to be taken to that next level to get off. I know. And that's what I'm saying. Like I think this is why I think in Dubai –

This happens. This is what I've read. Yeah. Is that they would fly out these like Instagram models to do like. I saw her, that video that she did. She, the one girl was like, yeah, you paid me six figures or something crazy. To shit on them? Yeah. There used to be a website. I forgot what it was called. It used to be a website of like screenshots of stuff like this. Yeah. And a woman was talking to a guy and he wanted her to like jerk off his camel too. I was like, what is happening out there? So it's like, yeah, a camel.

It's an animal with a humpback And they got dicks apparently And they wanted this woman to jerk it off But that's like people fucking horses Yeah well someone died like that you know

This is a wild conversation. What? It's completely off the rails now. She got shish kebab? Yeah. Like a horse. Yeah. I mean, have you seen a horse fully erect? I have horses. You have horses? Yeah. Well, then you're familiar with their- People would bully me in high school and be like, go home and fuck your horse. And I'm like, you're a disgusting pervert. Yeah. No, you'll die. We got to move along. I think so. I think so.

I had a couple more poop stories, but I think people will kill me. I mean, this one's just crazy. It's so short, too. I think this will be the last of the poop. And then, like, we're done with the poop. I'm going to have to find, like, some lighthearted ones to, like, palate cleanse us a little bit. Yeah.

Jesus Christ, literally palate cleanse after poop sushi. Oh my God. Lord. So this one is 10 months old from Off My Chest. It's titled, Fire.

I've never felt such cold, raw fear push through my veins like I had a couple of hours ago. I wasn't even able to get to my door and unlock it before he attacked me, and I shit myself on purpose as he tried to unlock my door with my keys while they were still in my hand. I shit myself with the force of a thousand pistons and let it run down my legs. A thousand pistons?

No sane man would attack another person, but I think it takes an even crazier man to rape someone covered in shit. Lucky for me, he wasn't that sort of crazy. I never thought it'd be so rewarding to shit myself as an adult, but here I am four hours later, showered and safe.

Honestly, it's good that you're using your platform in this way. This is a legitimate defense technique. Shitting your pants. I never thought about it until now, but I will for sure try to push if I'm ever in a situation like this. Ever. Yeah. I will do it.

I'm picturing you like if you're a paranoid person like it's just like a food delivery guy that you forgot delivered food you're like oh my god you're shitting your pants and they're like no you just have chick-fil-a and you're like oh okay never mind back it back it up it's all right never mind it's just being safe rather be safe than sorry oh god yeah that would be bad I do have an irrational fear of getting kidnapped too do you I think about it all the time

like even walking outside in the day with a bunch of people around i get that for women yeah because it's like thank you no a lot of guys can't they like can't even conceptualize how you can't concept like for me it like makes a lot of sense like why that would be the case because you could just walk around especially in the city and you you could see it yeah if you walk back like i've walked through construction sites where the dudes are like sitting on the poles or sitting in the wall it's like i'm walking through as just a dude i know they're not looking at me but i still feel like

What is going on? Like, why is everyone looking at me? Okay, thank you. That's weird. I...

I have never been catcalled so much in my life than New York City. Of course. I don't know what is wrong with people here. Yeah, no. It's crazy. And I get people who are like, oh, Morgan, like, okay, pretty privileged, whatever, shut up. Like, no. I swear to God, if you put any dude in a wig, they would get harassed. Yeah. I don't know what it is. It's weird. I had this one guy yell and, like, follow me down the street a little bit. And he's like, I'll be your sugar daddy. I'd love for you to be my sugar mama. And he kept following me. I'm like, bitch, I'm just trying to go. Leave me alone.

Yeah, no. Like, what the hell? That's terrifying, you know? And that's just why I think I'm going to get kidnapped. Yeah, and also, like, I mean, I never really think about that. Like, I fall asleep in Ubers all the time. What? Yeah, because if I'm, like, drunk or something, I just, like, fall asleep in the Uber. Oh, my God. Yeah, I do that constantly. Not constantly, but, like, there's been times where the Uber driver's like, bro. I'm like, all right. Wow. I'm out. Like, I got to get out of here. At least he tells you. Yeah. But for, like—

a pretty girl who's like five three five four and like you know like easy to take down you know like that's terrifying like you have to have your guard up even when you're in a car you're you can't really feel fully safe because this is a stranger at the end of the day

It's so bad. Even I feel like I'm in a car, I'm in an Uber, and it's like, I don't really fucking know this person. If they're having a bad day or they're a psychopath, I'm fucking in their car. What am I going to do? You're so vulnerable. Exactly. There's actually a class action lawsuit of people getting attacked in Ubers. Yeah. I imagine that's terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I always think about that. It must suck being...

also another one of my i like to do this sometimes in like either clubs or bars or something is you know you can walk into a club or a bar and you see a very pretty girl okay and you go okay this is like an objectively attractive person attractive person and then i just like to watch what they do not them but like the dudes around them and just kind of see what's going on and just like

How annoying that must be. Dudes are so weird with that. Because it's almost better to like walk up and like shoot your shot. It's like no. And then it's like you're just you're done. Yeah. But like dudes who just like make their way over and like their back is to them. And they're just like being weird. And like yeah like you know like that's just like strange to do. And I'm just like like.

But it is funny because it's like, I can see what this guy is doing. It's clear. I mean, it's unfortunate because this girl is probably like, dude, this fucking sucks. But like, it is, it's not good. It's not good. And like, I don't know. I find a lot of dudes to be strange when approaching women. It's very awkward. I love people watching though and watching like girls at bars like,

reject people. Yeah, no, it's great. There should be a channel on it. There is kind of this thing I just discovered like YouTubers recently. This sounds really weird, but like I didn't watch YouTube a lot. I feel like that's kind of I don't indulge in anything that I do. Like I don't listen to podcasts. I don't listen to other podcasts either. It's kind of weird. But there's this one channel and it's like

His name's Juan. He's a YouTuber, Juan. And he does like this like bit where he's like, can I get your number? And all the girls being like, oh, I have a boyfriend. Oh, that's how he starts it. He goes, I bet you have a boyfriend. And then like, we'll just approach all these random girls and be like, I bet you have a boyfriend. And watching people like this one girl literally said she was married, but then still entertained talking to him. And at the end, she was like, yeah, here's my number. We should hang out sometime. And he was like, but aren't you married?

I was like, what? It's just like, it's a really interesting concept of like watching people get hit on and how they react to certain advances. Yeah. I also have a hard time believing anything I see on YouTube, to be honest. Yeah. Because it's like, this is, it's all a game here. Did you do that prank style stuff? No. What did you start with? I just talking, just everything. It was always just like doing the same thing. But like the whole thing.

pranks and this and that like social experiments I'm like this is obviously bullshit and it like drove me crazy that people would be fooled by it and be like oh like every single you know what drives me insane is

Couples. Like couples on YouTube. I hate the couple pranks. Who like prank each other in the house. And it's like, dude, this is obviously made up. There's a fucking camera in the corner. I know. With a ring light on it. Mine died again. It did. We're just going to leave it. I hate it. But it's like there's a ring light in the corner. It's like...

Who is believing this? And the comments are like, oh my God, this is so silly. It's like, guys, are we watching the same thing? No. I also would not be able to be in that relationship because how on edge are you all the time if it is real? You know what I mean? Always like every corner. Every corner. I find that to be a very strange dynamic too. I imagine that's very damaging to the actual relationship to have the pressure of...

looking like a perfect couple all the time too. Like once you start one of those couple channels, it's like people are expecting you and they love your relationship for what they know it to be. And it's like, you're just projecting a thing. Like you guys are acting. Your real life is not like that, but you have to snap back into this thing. That's so tough to do for an extended period of time. It's like, I think that's like a recipe for disaster. And then you got to fucking make the video where you're sitting next to each other and you're both crying and we broke up video. Oh,

That's crazy to me. I can't watch those. They're so cringy. I can't. I mean, I legit... Cringing for me is not the word that it's become now. Really? I legitimately physically cannot watch things. Like, if I...

if it's cringy or whatever yeah i can't i like have to leave the room i gotta like walk around like i can't watch people sitting next to each other being like you know we thought we owed it to you guys to say this thing and it's like you guys are people like yeah are you crazy like why would you owe that it's the parasocial stuff where yeah it's just so everyone feels so connected to everyone yeah and that's just not something i'm ever interested in yeah doing like that i would i

Like, I love people who support me and whatever, but like, I'm doing a thing and you're ingesting the thing and that's how we know each other. But you don't, I don't owe you a part of my life. What are you, crazy? You don't owe you a part of my life. I know. That's a very healthy boundary. That took forever to get to, obviously. I don't think I'm there yet. I'm going to be honest. Every week, I'm like, my episode that I posted today at like 3 a.m., I stayed up. I went out to dinner with Grayson and Chelsea, our

agent. And I literally got back and like stayed up until the re-editing this. And then like, I'm just like, I, I, that's what also part of my panic attack. And then I was like, if I don't wake up, but I was just like, I don't ever want to disappoint people. And I'm like, it's just, I got to get to that healthy mindset where you're doing it for you and you put it out and then it's like, whatever happens happens. Yeah. I mean, I've had the, I've been doing this since 2011.

So I was making YouTube video or 2012. I was making YouTube videos since then. Yeah. So that's when I first started making videos and then I was podcasting in like 2016. So I've been doing this for a while and I got to a point where I found success and I was living in a nice apartment and I'm sitting on my couch and I'm like, it's like my back is against my couch and I'm looking at my whole apartment and I'm just like,

This does nothing for me. Like I feel nothing. Like I, why, like, why do I feel this way? And I was making videos on YouTube. And at that time the videos were doing extremely well. Like in a week, did we get like a million views? And it was like, and I, but I, then I just stopped. I was like, I can't do it anymore. And I just didn't say anything really. I just stopped making them because it felt like,

I was not like I wasn't in control like I was doing it for other people or something Okay, and I was like, I don't feel like a fucking person like this isn't so I just stopped doing it You're like more of like a dance monkey dance Exactly and also just didn't find it funny anymore Like there was there was content that I was making that people really enjoyed and they just wanted that over and over again And if you go and look on the channel, there's like videos like called idiots of the internet or people of walmart that people loved and

And I would just do that video multiple times. There's like part 12 of some series. And I was like, this is just a lazy way to kind of go about this. Like I know that it works and it spits out money, but it makes me feel nothing. So I can't do it anymore. So I just walked away from it completely. And I enjoyed podcasting because it was like more longer form and I could just kind of be myself and have more in-depth conversations with people. So I was like, I enjoy this more. So I'm just going to do that. So I did that for a number of years.

And it wasn't until the pandemic I started making YouTube videos again, but I made like five of them and then I stopped doing it again. Okay. And then it wasn't until recently, maybe like four months ago that I started posting again. But I didn't, I like walked away from like the peak of like my YouTube, YouTuber career and didn't post for like four years or something like that. And people are like, what the fuck? Yeah. Well, I think everyone looks at it and it's like,

I mean, you ask some kids what they want to do when they grow up nowadays. And it's like, I want to be a YouTuber. Yeah. And so for people hearing that, they're probably like, what the hell, dude? Like, what? I actually made a whole video on that. That's crazy. I made a whole video on like the part that people don't talk about. Like people want to be YouTubers, especially kids. But it is, you know, it's kind of like the parasocial thing is very like damaging, especially if you're young. Like these kids who are finding fame and like all this money when they're 18 years old. Like, you know, when you're 28 years old, like 10 years from now,

you're going to realize that you have no idea who you are because you've been trying to cater to an audience for 10 years of these very like important years of your life. And if you're constantly like

putting on a show because you even you yeah like because i have to be this person that people think i am but it's not actually me no one is actually who they are on social media it's all a little bit exaggerated we're all like performing a little bit even now having a conversation like this there is a tiny bit of like yeah exactly you're on yeah but it's not who you are all the time and if you feel like you have to do that for 10 years you're gonna get to the end of that and be like

oh, like, what do I, you know, like, what am I getting out of this? It's almost an identity crisis. Yeah, definitely. You know, it's scary for younger kids too, especially now, like, bro, people are 14 doing this. I didn't have a fucking phone at 14, really. Oh my God. It's crazy to think about. Yeah, it could be like, I am pretty confident that one day there will be some sort of

either a very strict warning or some sort of restrictive access with social media because I do think that it's very bad. And in that video that I'm talking about, there is this thing that I found, this research where the...

the suicide rate in teenagers like doubled or tripled or something. With social media. With the release of the iPhone. The iPhone came out in 2006 and then social media was like pretty popular a couple years after that. And that's when it just started going insane. And it's like, maybe it wasn't this, but these are the things that are kind of lining up. Like it could be that. Yeah. And it makes sense. Like why wouldn't it be? It's like,

Yeah, I know. It's like all those things like correlation doesn't necessarily mean causation. But like that's some pretty damning statistics. And like there has been a huge increase in teenagers getting anxiety orders and depression with social media. And it's like the younger you're on social media, the more likely you are. It's like it's not healthy. It's not healthy. And why wouldn't you have that? Like you're only important if –

Your page reflects that. And also you're fucking 11 years old and you're thinking about how you're presenting yourself. You're 11. What are you talking about? And you're not all entertainers. You're not all performers. But if you have a social media account, you're thinking about it as like, I'm making a brand right now. It's like, you don't have to do that. You're not a brand. Not everyone's a brand. Not everyone has to be an entertainer. But you feel the pressure because...

These are the people that are popular. These are the people that are getting attention. And you don't want to feel left out or left behind. No, you want the attention. Like, we all want attention. We all want to feel like we're someone. And it's like social media has literally changed our brains. Yeah. Like, the dopamine pathway and, like, how much dopamine you get from getting social likes. It's like...

this is craziness. You have to create healthy boundaries, I think. And that's, that's something that like took me a while, but I was able to do where I don't, especially now, I don't really share, you know, a lot of parts of my life. It's like, this is just the, like, I'm just this dude, like entertaining. Like, you don't really know much about me if you stare at my social media for the last like year or two. It's just like,

the podcast and stuff and you it's very obvious that we're trying to entertain people there but you don't know me as a person like there was in the past you're more private yeah I have a vlog channel I would tweet all the time I would post everything on my fucking story it's like I can't do that anymore because it makes me feel strange when people feel like they know who I am that makes total sense or they're in on the jokes or something it's like it makes total sense yeah so just creating those healthy boundaries I think is the most important part of like this is and those healthy boundaries

may result in less success, but you can still be successful. But you just have to like,

be willing to not trade more success with like you know I think that anyone who's like a Logan Paul sized person has to be a little insane because you're giving up so much of your life for more success I'm not interested in that like I'm not interested in that I'm so happy where I'm at I like don't want to be famous not at all people asked me that the other day and like do you want to be famous I'm like no because I look at my friends that are way bigger than me and like

Like, she gets assaulted. It's brutal. It's like... It's... I'm so chill. I'm so chill. I love it. Yeah, I feel like I'm in a really good spot where, like, if I go out, people recognize me and they're usually just like, it's super cool. And it's like, whatever. But it's never like, what the... You know? And that would make me feel very strange. I know. Because that happened at first.

because back then no like no one really did this shit so when people would recognize I was like what the fuck why do I know you oh my god like and I wouldn't go out because it would make me feel strange like I had wild social anxiety which I'm like the most outgoing person and I like get drunk and I'm chatting up random people at bars all the time that's me oh my god but back then I was like I don't want to go out because it makes me feel weird well and you don't know I think the hardest part is like I always tell people I'm like say hi like

I've gotten a couple messages and they're like, I saw you walking down Park Ave, but like, I didn't want to say that. I'm like, no, no, no. Like, say hi. Like, I love when people are like, I love the podcast. Hi. But I think it like, it makes you feel almost on edge when you're like,

they're kind of looking at me like they know me and then you're like do they know me okay i should maybe act a little more presentable now not my usual unhinged self right but they're not saying anything and it does make you feel on edge to the and that's why i'm like just always say hi like i it's fine say hi like yeah like i think there's certain times where it's like yeah i'm sitting at a table with my family out at a restaurant in the mid-bite maybe now is not the time but like

You know, it's like, it's just better than the way I've described it to people is like when you're playing hide and seek and you're hiding in a spot and someone looks at you, but you're like, can they see me? Like, are they looking at me? I don't know if they see me or not. And it's like, oh, now I, now I'm like so aware of that. Yes. Or whatever. Awareness. And also if I walk into a place,

And someone recognizes me, I know. Like, I know everyone. Yeah, like, no, but I know for sure. Oh, my God. And that's what I try to tell my family and friends, too. When they see people, like, actually famous people, I'm like, if you walk in and you have even the slightest reaction or you do a double take, they know. Yeah. Like, they're not, like, they can tell. It's so wild. It's just, you're just aware. You're just so aware of that. It's crazy. I'm just like a normal person. I was just a little OT.

Just a little OT. Just a little OT. Just a little occupational therapist. That's it. Then, you know, podcast went boom and here we are. How long have you been doing this podcast? February of 2021, I started it. Wow. Very soon. It's very fresh. Yeah. Very fresh. And you're crushing it. Congratulations. I don't have good boundaries though. It takes time to get there. Okay. One last one for you. Let's do it. I'm giving you a choice. Okay? Okay. We have a story that talks about boundaries.

It is titled, Today I Fucked Up by Telling My Dad I, 20 male, Have Never Had Sex. So that's more about boundaries, healthy boundaries. Okay. Then the other option is just a casual, awkward situation that could lighten the mood. It is Today I Fucked Up by Buying Condoms at Walmart, which you sound very familiar with Walmart. A little bit. Yeah, so your choice. How do you fuck up by buying condoms at Walmart? That is just like...

You're curious, huh? I am very curious about that. Here we go. Matched with a woman on a dating app and we hit it off. So I wanted to grab some protection before I went over there. She lived by Walmart, so I decided to go there. Took a while to find, but I eventually find the condoms in an aisle behind lock and key. No big deal. I walked to the pharmacy and asked for some help in health. She discreetly radios for someone to go to family planning and tells me to head over there. I

I get there and who walks up but this 400-year-old man named Bernard who asks which one I need. I point, he nods in approval, unlocks the case and gets it out. I go to grab it and he nopes me and says, quote, sorry, but I have to walk it to the front. Do you have anything else today? I say nope and we go to the self-checkout counter.

Bernard fails to mention that it has to get employee approval after being scanned as well, something he doesn't have because he's not on self-checkout. So he hands it to this teenage girl who turns bright red and says it's her first day on the job and she doesn't have access. She then PAs over the whole store, asking for help, ringing up condoms in self-checkout.

I had to wait about three minutes while people stared at me and this poor teenage girl that is forced to hold onto these condoms so I don't steal them. Moral of the story, go get your condoms in a gross truck stop bathroom like the old days. Much less embarrassing. Yeah, that's a tough one. I used to always feel very embarrassed buying condoms too. You know what's worse? What? Buying a pregnancy test. That's pretty bad too. Especially when you're in high school.

Or just younger looking. Are you making this up or is it something that happened to you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A couple times. A couple times recently too. God. But it does feel better at 29 versus 19 or 16 or whatever.

15. Yeah. Did you like, was it just a pregnancy test or you're like, oh, I'll get like Twix and a bunch of other stuff too? You try to hide it. Yeah, right? You do buy a bunch of shit. It's like, just one of the things. Like, oh, beep, beep, beep. Yep. And self-checkout, like back when I was in high school, we didn't have self-checkout. Not at all. That didn't exist. Yeah. So it was very awkward when you have like a middle-aged woman at Walmart or Target and you get judged so hard. Like the town I grew up in had 5,800 people.

It's small. It's so small. And so like this lady is just like, who is this dirty whore? Who are you? You tramp. You're making mistakes. You tramp. It was so bad. I remember buying condoms in like a Walgreens and I grew up in Queens and it's like the line is just so long. And I'm like, now I'm up here and I'm like, I remember I was like 16 years old trying to buy condoms.

And I remember there just being like old women behind me. And I'm just like, oh, God, what is this? And I should be like, oh, yeah, this, this and that and that this too. Like just trying to hide it. Yeah. It's like I'm buying like fucking a baby bottle pop. You were that age. Yeah, probably. 16, baby bottle pops. That would have been around the time. Yeah. I miss push pops.

You'd push them up from the bottom. The one with the finger? Oh, that was a ring pop. No, no, no. Yeah. Push pops. You put them on your finger, no? Are you talking about the ice cream thing? Also, if you're watching, you push it.

buying condoms and push pops is like what are you doing you're gonna fucking fuck yourself with this push pop okay there is a website though where people sell dum dum pussy pops what? dum dum pussy pops yeah yeah and so it's like pantydeals.com you can sell your underwear and if you want to make a little extra money you can sell dum dum suckers that get shoved up your vagina don't do it it probably causes like BV and PH imbalance but people do it

So they just take a lollipop and they shove it in their pussy and they wrap it back up and they mail it out. Yeah. It's like an add-on on pantydeals.com. I had a bunch of girls in my grad school program that sold underwear to make extra money. Really? Apparently that's a popular thing that it's like people selling panties. My mom considered it. I told her about it. My mom was- Your mom?

Yeah, she was like, damn, because my little brother had a girlfriend that did it and she made like... What the fuck? She told you guys that? Yeah. Wow. We're a very open family. I mean, it fucking sounds like it. I mean, my mom has like literally...

She considered selling her pants. Yeah, no, she was so down. And like, it's really fun with my brothers around because me and my mom, we just want to make them uncomfortable. How old are they? 38 and 26. Okay. So old. And my mom was talking. She's like, yeah, the best position. And she like got on the ottoman and like spread her legs. And she's like, this is the best. And then you scissor and thrust. She goes, Matt. Scissor? Scissor? Scissor. Okay. Like you scissor and thrust. I don't know. I don't know.

And she's like, Matt, you should try this with Amy, my brother and his wife. And then like, she's like, Matt, do you and Amy use a vibrator? Like, we just love making them uncomfortable. We have the worst conversations. Really? Yeah. But she considered selling underwear. She thought it would be a fun hobby. We also, you know, that's, but that's a slippery slope because I've heard that eventually guys start asking for crazy shit. It's like, yo, get a yeast infection. Like, yeah. And then have a yeast infection and wear those panties for like four days. Yeah. I have seen one. And work out in them.

That that's a thing. There's this one person. I don't know where I saw it. Maybe it was Reddit or maybe it was just like browsing panty deals or like hearing stories about it on like Teen Vogue or whatever. The website did an article and it was a guy who was like this girl wrote in and she was like, yeah, this guy asked me to do like Pilates in the same underwear for a week in a row. And then at the end, he wanted me to piss on him.

Shit, dude. That sounds like you're begging for a UTI here. Sweaty panties for a week in a row. Come on now. That's no, that's so bad. But honestly, it sounds better than poop sushi. Yeah. 10 times better. Like I'll wear the same underwear for like a month before I eat a piece of shit sushi.

Not doing that. No. Where can people find you where you want to be found and listen to your like poop sushi and all this crazy stuff you guys talk about? My podcast that you can listen to is called The Basement Yard. It's the handle is The Basement Yard on all social media. And my name is Joe Santagato. Good luck spelling that. But yeah, you can use those two to find everything. Your name isn't that hard to spell. It's Santa like claws plus gato, Spanish cat.

There you go. Yeah. And people say that all the time to me. And then they send me memes of cats and Santa Claus hats. And I'm like, this is you. And I'm like, you're the first person to ever say that. I'm so unoriginal. It was funny. Recently, I was in Colorado and some, I don't even know where we were, but the dude was like,

You Joe Santiago? I was like, yep. My friends laugh every time. Because I'm not going to sit here and correct you. You know what I mean? It's like, you're close enough. Close enough. You know who I am. Santiago? I'm like, yep, that's me. No, you're not. I'm like, okay. Bye. Have a good one. Cool. Okay, I'm not. Yeah, exactly. All right, bro. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. I had a lot of fun. I'm sorry if I'm going to give you nightmares or...

No, I think that... Make you question death. I mean, maybe you're going to have some nightmares about like, you know... Poop sushi? I'm going to tell... Or waking up tomorrow even is just like a pretty daunting... Questionable. Yeah. But this is amazing. Be sure to go follow Joe and listen to his podcast.

It's hilarious. I mean, the one I was just, I was TikTok binging today and I've been cry laughing all day. Like I don't have makeup on under my eyes anymore from all the tears I've shed. Like it has been an egregious day. Wow. New word. Throwing it back and throwing it back full circle. I got to a point halfway through this episode and I'm like, I don't know if we can call this egregious or if we need to change it to like incestuous stories. Incest poop sushi.

New title, guys. Bang, bang. Right there. Okay. Thank you again. Until next time, guys. Bye.