108: Hot Problems, Cold Solutions..
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We're starting this episode out with a shot. All right. Whee! I'm so scared. I don't want it anymore. Cheers, everyone. Cheers to what? Cheers to having Uncle Jimmy on his first official Two Hot Takes episode. Yes, cheers. Excellent. Here, let me, all cheers for you here. Thank you. Oh my God, that's so nice of you. Okay, drink up. I didn't cheers you though. Mm-hmm.

It wasn't good. It wasn't bad. So for those that aren't on our Patreon, you probably have no idea who Uncle Jimmy is. But if you do watch Father Knows Something, he was on an episode with my dad. So head...

Head over there if you want to get more Uncle Jimmy after this. But Uncle Jimmy is one of my dad's best friends. They've been friends for 43 years now, I think is what we did the math. That's about right. Yeah. It seems like 70 or 80 years. Oh, my God. And the way you guys have been bickering today, it seems like you're married. Yeah.

No. That's the sign of a good relationship, though. It is. You have to bicker and fight with your friends. Otherwise, you're not growing, right? Right. But if it's all the time, then red flag. Well, yes, of course. Red flag. In moderation. Yes, absolutely. So welcome back to another episode to How It Takes You Guys. I'm your host, Morgan. I'm Justin. I'm Uncle Jimmy. There we go. So today's episode, it's something I've wanted to do for a while. Yeah.

And I feel like the Two Hot Takes subreddit is finally like really popping off lately. And so today's episode is all technically listener write-ins from the Two Hot Takes subreddit. Nice. I know.

Let me hear the people. Yeah. This subreddit has really, really grown lately and it's got 71,000 members now. 1,000 million billion. Which is pretty crazy for Reddit. Like, I mean, it just seems crazy. We're in the top 5% of subreddits. Yeah.

Isn't that cool? That's amazing. I mean, the podcast is so outstanding. It doesn't surprise me, but it still seems like it's hard to achieve. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I had it for a while and it didn't really, I mean, there was a couple thousand, but like lately, I think it's really kind of popped off. And even right now, like as I'm sitting here on the sub, there's 1.2K people on with us right now. Let's go, friends. On the sub.

Let's go Saturday night. Yeah, Saturday night at 9.30 p.m. Well, no, but that's justified because like St. Patrick's Day, everyone was out all day. So of course they're at home just chilling, doing some two hot takes, redditing. Yeah, just relaxing tonight. So today's theme is hot problems, cold solutions, because I don't think the people involved are going to get much love from us. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Let's hear it. Let's dive in. Okay. So up first, we have one that was posted only five hours ago. Fresh. Fresh. St. Paddy's Day drama. Yeah, kind of. Kind of. You'll see. So this one is titled, My Husband Won't Stop Peeing in Our Backyard.

Casual. Exactly as the title says. My husband and I just got a house in Arizona. We don't really have a yard. It's just a gravel with a cute little circle of grass in our backyard and a fountain.

In our old house, we had a grass slash a garden area that I didn't care he peed in. It regularly rained there, so the pee got washed away, I guess. But down here in the desert, the sun just bakes it all day, and now our backyard smells so strongly of pee.

He does it to, quote, save water, but I can't even take guests into our backyard when they come over because of how bad it smells. I've blamed it on cat pee before, but now I can't even enjoy sitting in my backyard because it smells so bad. He still refuses to quit pissing in the yard. Does anyone know how I can get him to stop peeing in our backyard?

Well, I'm not sure if I have a solution of how to get them to stop, but it's ridiculous. I mean, it's something that we did in the fraternity and did in summer camp when I was 10 years old, but this situation is crazy. And not only is it really awful to do that, but

If a man is doing that and if it really bothers his wife, just from the fact that he loves his wife so much and he respects her, he should stop doing it. Added to the, then when you add the fact of how it smells and with the heat, there's really no excuse. No. This is crazy because we were at a session this week and we,

you know, my writing production partner, Austin was like, yo, uh, do I just go to the bathroom? Like the one in the house? Is that like the bathroom that you use for the studio? And they're like, Oh no, you just go out back like right around the side there. And you know, we tend to just go towards this one part. Cause if you don't, then you're direct shot of the neighbors and you know, well, if you want to be seen, you want me or whatever. I'm sorry, what? Yeah. So they were just like, yeah, we just go back there. And, um,

I, it brought me back because there was a time where that was happening at our house behind the studio because there's, it's like a no man's land. It's like this dead space in between like the back of the garage slash studio and like the neighbor's fence. Yeah. And it did get to a point where it was like, okay, gotta stop doing this. I really didn't do it much.

Just other people did. And like, well, and there's this element to, you know, if you're staying out in the studio overnight, like you have a parent in town, it's a pain in the ass to walk all the way inside, go to the bathroom, come all the way back out. And like, you don't want to wake people. So maybe the one-off every once in a while, that's different. But if you do it consistently, it does start to literally stink. So my, I know the problem in this whole situation is their communication and his lack of respect for her.

But back to actually just the pee thing, it does start to stink. It's the same as like if you have a dog in too small of a yard and over time it just gets really bad. Yeah. The thing I'm trying to wonder is why doesn't this bother him? Maybe he doesn't spend time outside, but wouldn't that bother you? Or are you weirdly just like into having this pee smell and you're like, yeah, this is my territory, like some weird animalistic shit. Yeah.

Honestly? It just... I have a very personal experience with this. Yeah. And as soon as it started to stink, I was like, yo, this has to stop. And it stopped, which is very different. But if it didn't, I would be... It would... I don't know. Yeah. It's really interesting. I...

I would not put up with this at all. Every time he goes outside, I don't know if you have to start peeing outside too to send a message. Maybe that would turn him off so much that he's like, fine, I get it. I get it. I don't want you to pee out there. I'll stop peeing. But I can't imagine you're in your house doing your work, watching a movie versus just walking down the hall or up a step to your bathroom and

You walk outside like you're see that's different in that much more effort is does it say that detail or not? Really? I I based on this post i'm pretty sure every time he needs to pee he goes outside just walks out Okay, that doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I don't think it's like I think this is genuinely his bathroom is outside And i'm sorry saying it's cat piss

There is a difference between human pee scent and cat pee scent. Cat is bad. Cat's worse. Honestly. Honestly, no. Yeah. Oh my God. Come on, people. Cat pee is worse. Here you go with the cat slander again.

They're going to come for you. If we want to reopen that, I, for the record, I love cats. You just don't want to. I'm just not going to live with one. Yeah. I have nothing against cats. I respect cats. I think about like we went and we took the subway the other day here in LA and we were down in the subway waiting for the train to come and it very clearly smelled like human piss down there. Right. I'm not saying it's not bad. It's bad. I'm just saying it's.

less bad. It's bad. I don't know what, like, I don't know if this is the hill you die on, but it just isn't working. This is not working. You know, like when I first started commenting on this and thinking about the lack of respect, that might be the angle to go with. This is something that

you know, this is one of those things that probably men have a little bit different idea and feeling and about than women do. Something that many, if not most guys have done this during, you know, certain parts of their life. And, but usually you grow out of it. Yeah. Well, and for, you know, people with like women, people with vaginas, it's,

It's not as easy to just, you know, you can't whip it out and pee wherever and you need toilet paper or you're drip drying or you're uncomfortable if you don't have toilet paper. So yeah, like the functionality of it, it's a little harder, but you know, we've all been in a pinch where we're not going to make it and it's either pull down your pants or pee them. And like, I've peed outside my fair share, but like, I wouldn't choose like, Oh my God, we were, what were we doing? Painting? I had to pee in the barn. Yeah.

I was about to pee my pants. It just like came out of nowhere. And I was like, I gotta pee. There's been a few times traveling and things. Oh my God. Yeah. I'll just, I'll squat. I, I have, oh yeah. Especially after. By the parked car. Oh my God. Best trick. Best trick if you do have to pee. You park your edge of your ass on the, like the edge of the car.

And then you just, it's like basically a toilet. Just pee. You don't get any on your legs, none on your pants. You pull down. It's perfect. By the way, check out the Seinfeld episode. I think it might be called Parking Garage. Yeah. They both get tickets for peeing in the parking garage. It was pretty good. Yeah, it was a good one. I did watch that actually. See, there are times though, like obviously if you go camping,

It's very different. The problem here is like, yeah, it's on home turf, which is kind of strange if you're going outside in the first place, but it's the repeated, you know, this is building up. It doesn't go anywhere. Yeah.

Yeah. And it just gets really bad. And then it's just kind of gross. It's like, what kind of person are you? Yeah. So we do have some comments from our writer here. Y'all need to have a serious adult conversation about it. He shouldn't continue to engage in an unnecessary behavior that negatively impacts his partner. Full stop. I can't help but ask, is it to save water or is there a level of exhibitionism happening here? Hmm.

And Opie goes, literally no one sees him. Our backyard is completely fenced in. We live in a literal desert, so I believe him when he says it's to save water. He's a penny pincher. There's no exhibitionism going on here. Gross. Another comment.

Someone goes, spray him with water every time he goes. It doesn't work on dogs, but he'll sure find it annoying. Or put some pee on his pillow. If you can't enjoy your backyard without pee smell, he sure can enjoy pee smell while trying to sleep. And Opie goes, I actually love my husband and want to see our relationship continue. Also, I sleep in his bed near his pillow. I'm not going to piss on it. Plus, that just means when I do the laundry, I'll have to touch the pee pillow. Yeah.

Yeah. I really don't know the strategy. I mean, if someone's adamant that they're not going to change, it turns from like this minor, oh, everything's perfect except this to like, you know, this is bigger than a 2% of a relationship problem. This is like it speaks volumes more than just, oh, he does this one thing. Yeah. That's pretty brutal. Would you put up with this? No way. No way.

It would be a deal breaker for you? Absolutely. There are some people who, if it's really true about the water, and that's probably not, he just, for some reason, wants to go in the backyard. We're not really sure the real reason why, but some people do.

piss and then you don't necessarily have to flush every time you piss, especially if you're going to be doing that 10 or 12 times a day. Now that could be gross also. Yeah. So- I've actually heard that that can almost be worse because of the pneumonia. Yeah.

And it can like, literally after so many times of not flushing, it can like create fumes, I'm pretty sure. I'm not suggesting that. But I have heard of people doing that. I've actually seen a post on Reddit about that where someone only flushed when they pooped and they just let the pee build up. That was like a common, that was like a thing for cabins and things. Remember? I don't know if it's TV shows or movies or growing up in the Midwest, but I remember it's like, there was some saying about it.

Oh my gosh. I don't know what it was. I'm going to find it. I'm going to find the saying. This is a pretty wild, pretty wild, but, uh. Also for an extreme case. And this is something that, that people, people have done this because this is something that regular homeowners can buy. You can buy, you actually can buy urinals for your bathroom and you, it uses just a

tiny bit of water maybe that's something they invest in honestly if he's concerned that much about water but then if he's a penny pincher spending money to get the urinal you know it's just oh you find it yes oh god what is it if it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down yep that sounds familiar now classic okay we're moving along we're moving in our house

Hard pass. You gotta save water. No, no, no, no. I'm flushing. Sorry. I have rain barrel collection barrels in the backyard. I'm playing my part. Barrels. Barrels. Rain water collection barrels. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So this one is posted 16 days ago. Our writer originally posted it on Bridezilla's, but then shared it on the Too Hot Takes sub. So it counts. It absolutely counts.

It is titled, My best friend from childhood invited me to her wedding, but forgot to assign me a seat. I spent the night alone in a separate room.

My childhood best friend, 23 female, got married this weekend, and I was so excited to be there to support her on her big day. I'm a chocolatier, so the bride asked me if I could create the wedding favors and a dessert table. I was ecstatic to help with the wedding and went above and beyond to create a gorgeous table that was a huge hit on the day. I was told early on that the

My boyfriend was not invited. I was extremely understanding and even reduced my rates for the sweet table as a present to the couple. A couple of weeks later, after reviewing the guest list, the bride informed me that my boyfriend could come as my plus one, but if he did, I would be moved from the head table.

My boyfriend is a wedding photographer and is looking to build his videography portfolio. Knowing that the couple didn't have a videographer, he offered to film a professional wedding video free of charge. The bride was ecstatic and offered to move us to the vendor table so that we could network with the other vendors. We loved the idea and it was confirmed that we would be sitting with the vendors.

The day of the wedding, we arrived four hours early to help with the event. My boyfriend spent time filming while I set up the dessert table and helped the event coordinator set the dinner tables. After the ceremony, guests were moved to the cocktail room while the original room was converted into the room for the reception. While helping convert the room, I noticed that our names were not on the seating chart.

I asked the event coordinator where we would be sitting, and she said, quote, good question, and left to find out. She came back to say that there was no vendor table and that if we were staying for dinner, my boyfriend and I would have to sit in a separate room as we were not on the list. The room was closed off from the reception, so we couldn't hear or see anything, let alone talk to anyone.

I told the event coordinator that we were in fact guests and that we should be moved into the reception room. The event coordinator herself was seated at one of the tables in the room. I told her I was a longtime friend of the bride and even originally meant to be seated at the head table. However, the event coordinator said she couldn't do anything about it. I approached the bride to explain the situation. She mentioned that it was definitely a mix-up and that we should be in the room.

The bride mentioned that she didn't want to undermine me as a businesswoman, so she never told the event coordinator that we were friends or that I was a guest. She left the coordination of the vendor table to the event coordinator and left it off of the seating chart. The event coordinator was not made aware that any of the vendors, besides herself and the emcee, were staying for the reception and therefore didn't think to add us in.

Although I understand the mix-up, the bride did nothing to get us moved to the main room. My boyfriend and I were cut off from the reception with no one to speak to, no way to see or hear, and even had to ask to be fed. As a result, I missed the entire wedding and spent the majority of the evening crying in the bathroom, waiting to move the dessert table into the main room after dinner so that we could leave.

My boyfriend continued to film everything as he was committed to getting a beautiful video for his portfolio. The next morning, I emailed the bride about the experience. She apologized profusely and said she was scatterbrained on the day and didn't think to do anything about it. She feels extremely guilty and would still like to be friends. I would like to forgive her, but I am still extremely hurt.

I'm not an expert on weddings by any means, but it's hard to believe this bride. Normally, from what I have read, the bride certainly is going to know who sits where, usually going to be not only have a say in it, but is going to make that decision. And even if the bride turned that responsibility over to the planner,

you would think that she would review what the planner said and did. It doesn't make any sense that the bride would not have known about this before. And when it was brought to the bride's attention hours before the wedding, any little thing going wrong could easily make the bride think, oh, we've got to get this taken care of. And so the fact that it wasn't taken care of is puzzling.

I think this is a classic case of the bride wanted a nice dessert table and completely used this person and lied and said, oh, you're going to be at the head table.

Bitch, what? No. Usually the head table is bridesmaids and groomsmen. It's the bridal party. You don't put a friend that's not a part of the wedding party at a head table. Unless it's like you're, like some brides will have like a...

a care attendant or like a personal attendant on the day. Sometimes they will be seated at the head table, but like, that doesn't seem like that was the case here. Like, I think she was just spewing so much bullshit to get exactly what she wanted from our writer here. I did not have that inkling. I didn't even know that was a thing. Really? What did you think? I should have let you go first. I just had a huge, like, why? I just, I'm just like, this is so easy. Yeah.

to not have happen. Yeah. But even still, even if you wanted to use somebody, it's just easier to use them and put them in the room at a table, some random table. Why does it matter? Why does it matter if they're in the room or not? Who cares? I don't. There's a shit ton of people in the room. But honestly, maybe the bride thought that at the point that she realized that there wasn't a name card for her, maybe the bride assumed, oh, she'll just leave. It's fine.

You, but as just a normal human, I would think, no, that's going to cause some kind of issue. I would rather not deal with any issue on my wedding day, no matter what kind of person I am, if I am using this person or not, that's a whole different situation.

But if you are not still put them in the room make your day go smooth. They won't know any better You got you you wanted, you know, it's two extra plates and they're in the room What are they like? It's not like you're worried about these people causing a huge disruption during your wedding They're not like gonna pop off and do some crazy shit So why not just have them in the room instead of creating this whole problem for yourself? So i'll ask you both some questions. Okay, do you think?

you know, our knowledge of weddings. If the bride went up to the event staff and said, oh my God, I need a place for two more people. Guaranteed. Easy. Why didn't the bride do that then? Right. Question number two. Why do you think the bride lied completely about having a vendor table? There was no vendor table.

Why do you think she made up this elaborate story like, hey, yeah, your boyfriend can come, but you can't be at the head table, but I'll put you at a vendor table. That doesn't exist. Okay, there's number two. Number three, why did the bride not even tell the event coordinator that

that they were friends. It's almost more effort to do all that than to not. I don't know why if you're, if you're friends with someone, wouldn't you like be like, Oh my God. And our chocolate, our dessert table is getting designed by one of my childhood friends. Like she's incredible. She's doing this. It's going to be great. And the bride's excuse for not doing that was ridiculous. It's not against professionalism or,

gone amok. Yeah. This is a professional that's doing something great for us and she's a very good friend. Yeah. So there's just like these things in this story where I'm like, our writer is totally assuming the absolute best in her friend. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here on the outside and I'm like, fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, or wait, other way around. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice,

shame on me. Like there's one too many things that point to this just being a mistake. And also, I mean, when you were reading it, what the OP had written and that the, the husband of the, of the, uh, the chocolate girl, the chocolate woman. Yeah. The videographer, she's getting a

Doing that free, now that's hundreds and hundreds of dollars, maybe even thousands of dollars. And just with that, maybe the bride is trying to take advantage of her friend, but when that happened, it's like, hey, I better do the right thing by these people.

It still doesn't make sense. If you're going to take advantage, then that's like you're shitty in general. But if you're going to do it, at least make it easier on yourself and on the day to not go through all this hassle to do this. I also want to talk to the husband and be like, yo, you know who you're marrying right now? Something's a little off here. I do have a suggestion. I don't know how possible this is. Okay. Because table size, the...

the room size guests, this all comes into play. But if it's possible with the size of the room, the size of the tables, the number of guests that you should have less people at each table. Like if a table is really can maybe be for 10 people, put eight people at every table. And then if something happens, somebody doesn't, has had an argument with somebody, they need to move more.

There can be people moving around or you can put people in that you did not think were going to be there and they did show up. Oh my God, that happened at my brother's wedding. We were actually just talking about that, how he had a bunch of people that RSVP'd no and still showed up.

And it's like, ah, when it's like a seated, plated dinner, you can't really do that. Luckily, they had a buffet and a little wiggle room, like you're kind of mentioning. Like, always maybe have a backup plan for the unexpected. But I will just say, like, if this were me in this situation, and I don't want this to come off like I'm

not blaming our writer here at all. But if anyone ever encounters something like this and they tell you, you have to go eat in another room, you know what I'd say? I'm going to go grab a chair. Let me grab a chair. I'll sit here and I'll hold my plate. Don't let someone kick you out of a room you belong in. Absolutely not. Do not let them embarrass you and strip you of your dignity like that. Sit on a chair. And then if anyone asks, sweetie, why are you sitting on a chair? I'm

Seating chart got messed up and I don't have a place to sit. Make them look dumb. They're the dumb asses that didn't give you a seat. Yeah, 100%. Don't fucking leave that room. No, I think that's great. Any room. But I think the question also is she wants to know how should she continue this friendship? This girl is not your friend. We have an update.

We don't usually get a lot of updates, but we got an update. Gosh, unfortunately, I think in these days, I don't see any distinction between hosting a party at your house and having your wedding. Like you're still hosting no matter what you do. It's not the whole day kind of is for you, but really it's you making sure like all of this works out for everyone else. You're really just...

hosting. Well, and that's like kind of the hard part about weddings is a lot of people will say your wedding is for you. Do everything you want in the day to make it your day. But at the same time, your wedding is supposed to be fun and good for your guests that you're inviting to celebrate you. Because otherwise, what's the point? If your wedding's for you, everyone would elope. So I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

Should I read the top? We don't have any on the Too Hot Takes subreddit. No one commented. But on the Bridezilla subreddit that our writer here originally posted on,

The top comment is, why didn't the event coordinator fix it? It's her job. She could have crammed you in or waited to see who didn't show up and sit you there. I'm not saying it's not the bride's fault. I'm sure if she had told the wedding coordinator that she had to find you a seat, she would have. There's a reason she didn't. There is a reason. It's almost like the wedding coordinator knew some shit too. So someone comments after and goes, or she should have sat down herself. The coordinator is an employee, not a guest.

OP responds and goes, the coordinator was also a friend of the bride that I never met. Right. Cool. Ah, so this is a pattern then. Was there anyone working at the wedding who wasn't doing it as a favor? OP responds, the photographer worked for the groom's mom, so I don't think so. Seems like, uh...

The bride here likes to use people. But they all had seats. Apparently. So for the update, after reading everyone's responses and doing some reflecting, I've come to the conclusion that she's not my friend.

Our relationship in the past few months has mostly consisted of her blowing me off and me interpreting it as though she was busy. She moved across the country two years ago, but flies here often. Most of the couple's friends and family still live here, which is why they decided to have their wedding here.

Every time she's come to visit, we've tried to make plans, which would end up with me being blown off. The excuse was always that some last minute thing came up, which is why she didn't have time to see me. She called me months before her engagement party to let me know that I would be invited to it. But I was never actually invited.

I responded to pictures of it online, just saying gorgeous. And she explained that I wasn't invited because her mother-in-law planned it and didn't know her friends. Moral of the story, the only time I've seen her within the past year was to do a free tasting for her wedding after she mentioned that she would not finalize her order without a tasting. We had plans to meet up the same week of the tasting, which she blew off.

I reread her apologetic email and interpreted it differently the second time. The email mainly followed the structure of excuse, but that's not an excuse. In one section, she wrote that although she would still like to be friends, she understands that I may not want to be, and that's fine.

To me, it seemed as though she was saying she wouldn't care if we were to no longer be friends. At the end of the email, she added a, P.S. We would still like the video, despite making it a, all caps, point prior to the wedding to let my boyfriend and I know that she couldn't care less about the wedding video.

Although she mentioned in her email that she would make it up to me, I haven't heard a word from her since I responded back to her email, naively accepting the apology the day after the wedding. I watched my boyfriend's rough edit of the wedding video this week and listened to her speech. She added a section where she thanked her friends for transcending the lines of friends and family. She called out a long list of names from the friend group. Mine wasn't included.

Which sealed the deal for me, especially since I was so involved in the preparation of the wedding that she wouldn't have just forgotten my name. Moving forward, I will be a lot more cautious with my circle, and I'll definitely be more strict with doing business with friends. No more paying out of pocket.

My boyfriend has agreed to not go out of his way to send her the video. If she asks for it, he will send a link to a shortened version on his website. I couldn't convince him to add a watermark, although that was my favorite solution. Thank you everyone for your recommendations. So we'll see if she comes around in a month or so. I will definitely not be reaching out. It almost makes it clear that your analysis was spot on because it's

after the fact, after the wedding, after the bride had time to think about it, if she would have reached out and said, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I shouldn't have let this happen. I should have stepped in and I wanna make it up to you.

But whether it's through a certain type of friendship, take you out for dinner, do something special with you, see you certainly when I come into town, but none of that happens. Mm-hmm.

No. And it's, it's interesting because she, I'm thinking back on the wedding day too. And she did so much extra than probably even she needed to. Like she set up the dessert table and helped the coordinator set up the dinner settings and then was waiting to move the dessert table again and like all this stuff. And like, as a vendor, like,

I don't know really what, you know, your baker or, you know, someone that makes your treats does. But usually I think that's like a wedding coordinator or like the wedding venues responsibility is like you pick up your wedding cake and then the venue handles moving it and doing all this stuff. Like she literally sat there and worked all day at this wedding. And I'm sorry, your boyfriend needs to add a watermark on the video.

If she wants a video without a watermark, guess what? She can fucking pay for it. Yeah. You're not getting free shit after treating people like they're pond scum. Yeah. 100%. I'm sorry. I wouldn't even send the damn thing. And I get it's for his portfolio. So yeah, like he wants to get more business doing videography. So I get it. But you realized how poorly this woman treated you.

And water market. Yes. Water market. For sure. If you want promo and you want to build your portfolio, water market. Then people know it's actually your work. True. And she can't lie about it. And she can't, you know. She would too. Oh, a photographer did this too. Just, she is cuckoo. I'm really mad about this one, honestly, because I know how bad it feels to get treated like this from a friend or someone you think is a friend. Yeah.

It just hurts.

Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, moving along. So this one is posted a day ago and it's titled, I need your POV on my relationship. My female 27, fiance, male 27 is having an online situationship with a friend he met online gaming. And I don't know how to feel about this.

For context, my boyfriend, let's call him Nate, and I dated for seven years before getting engaged and moving in together. We've known each other since we're like 12 or 13 and started dating after high school. So we kind of never had the quote, single boy trying to court a lady experience with me as we were already friends and the transition was really smooth.

When we moved in together, we talked about the dualship between him wanting to spend the rest of his life with me, but also the unfulfilled desire of going out with the boys and flirting with random girls, dot, dot, dot, and whatever happens next, dot, dot, dot.

I analyzed the situation and we agreed that he could once or twice dot dot dot as long as it did not involve feelings or if it was someone we both knew to avoid awkward moments or other people finding out about quote what happened amongst the sheets.

Long story short, in two years, nothing happened. Not that he tried. But recently, he started playing an online Conquer game and got along really well with this particular woman, Rachel. And they started talking outside of the game and became friends, who sometimes involved some innuendos into their chat.

He talked with me at every step to make sure it was okay. And last week, he told me he had some kind of crush on her, that he felt great talking with her, and that it was fulfilling a little bit of our agreement. He wanted to know how I felt if they continued talking and having something else. I forgot to mention this is purely online only. Rachel lives in another country, and there's a 0.0% chance of them meeting in person.

I don't know if I did the right thing in accepting this.

I've been having a really difficult slash stressful week at work, and all I could think about was Nate sexting with Rachel while I was asleep, them talking about their game, and him smiling on his phone all day because of her when I don't get as much attention. On one hand, it's like he is cheating, and I gave him permission to do so. And on the other hand, I am happy to see him happier, as he had struggled with sort of depression since COVID."

I don't know what to do or how to feel about this. It's only been a week and I don't know how to talk to him because the moment I mentioned this, he loves me so much that he will cut all communication with Rachel just to avoid me feeling sad or lonely. And I don't want him to be miserable again to protect my feelings. Nowadays, there are so many ways that people have entered into relationships. It's not like it used to be. And

when there is a situation like this, if it works for both people and you're sad, both people are get some type of satisfaction from it. Um, I could see where it could be helpful in a relationship, but where it's one sided as this seems to be, it's obviously affecting the wife. I just think that it's going to be, uh, it's going to end in disaster. I realized that

the wife might feel that if she steps in and says, don't see Rachel or don't see any of these women, then, uh,

she might think she might be destroying the relationship that way or making the husband feel trapped. And so how you navigate through this is gonna be probably tricky. And of course, if it's really true that there's no way they could hook up, you can make an argument that it's fine, but what happens

six months from now when there's another woman involved. So I think that, you know, this could end in disaster if it's not handled right, which, you know, this could be a problem. Absolutely. What's currently happening is not what they agreed on. They agreed on like going out, meeting someone and just doing that, like hook up. You don't really get to know them, but it's purely physical. This is definitely...

emotional this is definitely more getting to know than any of that would ever be right but for our writer i'm sorry to say you walked yourself right into this one too so it's it's a weird balance between you didn't keep the boundary that you originally set and he's also not following the boundary that was originally set you're both kind of at fault in this one

Um, I do respect the fact that he's like asking and checking in every step of the way. He literally gave you the perfect opportunity to say, you know, when we first talked, it was more about this like random one night fling thing. And now this is you on your phone all the time. I'm like, I'm finding myself at work thinking about you texting this person and it's way more emotional. It's way more complicated despite the fact that they could ever meet up.

It's almost irrelevant because he could emotionally fall for this person and fall out of love with you. And there doesn't even need to be this connection in person. It happens. It definitely happens. So it's time to reestablish what the original agreement is and shut this shit down. Yeah. Because this is going to end very bad for you.

Yeah, well, and it's like, oh, well, Rachel lives in another country. There's a 0.1% chance of them meeting. Hey, we got planes, trains, and automobiles. But you don't even need to. Like, a trip is way harder. Like, he's not going to cover up a trip.

You know what I'm saying? No, but like it keeps escalating and it could get to that point. Like it easily could get to the point where Rachel's flying over to surprise him. Yes, but that's what I'm saying. Like right now is the time to establish the boundary because it will get there. And she might just move on from you, which is like...

But honestly, this relationship isn't healthy. No. And even though like, you know, I do see where you're coming from when you say she kind of walked herself into this.

And I would, you know, agree with that. Like, she didn't really set boundaries. She's continued to give him permission to move forward. Right. But that also doesn't mean that you can't change your mind or now, like, walk things back. No, but you got to do it now. Yeah. Because this is going to slip away from you. Absolutely. You're not... It's not too far gone. I'm sorry. Jimmy's down there smiling. I'm sorry. He's got some ideas or something. No, I just agree that this is going to be this...

It's almost cannot end well. Yeah. It's there's, they're looking at it. Like Justin said, it's, it's not what the initial agreement was and it could totally get out of hand so easily. Well, I guess like, what do you guys think too about the fact like they were together from a young age, they've been dating since after high school and,

Do you find that, you know, him even saying things like, I feel like I missed out or I want this experience. In my head, I hear that and I'm like, you guys should have broken up then and there. But like, do you, what do you think about that whole conversation initially? Well, certainly I understand what he's saying.

feeling that he doesn't want to miss out. He's been, maybe this is the only woman that he's ever been with. And he wanted to have experience with several others, but you, you make choices in life and you could choose one or the other. He's trying to have it both ways. And he must've felt that being with the woman that he loves and,

and having that woman be his wife and him being a husband was what he wanted for his life. And that's what he should devote himself to. Yeah. It isn't shocking though, and it isn't a crazy idea. I know that there's gotta be a million and a half people that have done this and the relationship's just fine and maybe better because of it.

I also can see the side where it's like, yeah, that's a sign to break up. But I also don't necessarily see the harm in, you know, if that's where you're at as a couple and you both agree like, hey, like kind of where it started, like, you know, a couple of times if it happens, you know, we'll see where it takes us. And then you can see like, obviously, if it leads him to a pattern where maybe he finds, yes, I need to go do this for a while. Cool.

Maybe go do it for a while. Maybe we can come back to this at some point once we've gone through this. You just never know in today, like these days. It's like,

You could do that literally successfully, get that out of your system or realize like, yeah, I'm glad I killed that. What if, and now let's just go in head first. That's all fine and dandy, but then, you know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. She should be out there having the same experiences. I'm not saying she should. No, I'm just saying in general, but I also think again, it's kind of like the boundary was defined as long as there's no feelings. He has now come to the point of, Hey,

hey, I have a crush on Rachel. Guaranteed. That's the problem. Those are feelings. 100%. And then I'm at the point too where it's like she's very concerned. Like on one hand, it's like he's cheating. But at the same time, like he struggled with depression. I don't want to have him go back to that just because I'm hurting. And it's like, why are your feelings not as important as his? Like if he loves you and you love him, don't you think you can then find a happy middle ground where...

He's not emotionally cheating on you because he is. This is an emotional affair at this point. Of course, one of the problems is the fact that, I mean, people do have open relationships, open marriage, and that is something that can work. But the fact that this is so one-sided, it's certainly going to, I would imagine, make the wife feel that

he just really doesn't love me or respect me the way I really need him to. Yeah, I agree with that.

So we do have a couple comments from our two hot takes listeners. The top one right now is, nope, I get you gave in, but you can change your mind and I would. Break up with him. It's only going to get worse. You accept this one and then it'll be another one. And maybe next time it'll be someone local that he can actually meet. You don't have to put up with this.

And I would probably agree with that. I don't, you know, people take breaks and people separate and come back to each other. And I think until you two do that...

This is going to be the rest of your relationship. He's always going to think the grass is greener. He's always going to wonder, what did I miss out on? And I think it's better to break up now than get divorced when you're 40 and have kids with this person because they have a midlife crisis that they didn't fuck enough people when they were young and had the chance. That's where, you know, I would say more likely than not, like...

What's the more extreme version of saying that? Like 99% chance it's going to lead to really bad things. Yeah. So yeah, I would agree. It's probably in your best interest to do break, break up, whatever it takes. Because when you have that, those what ifs and those feelings, the couple, you know, one, two night stand, whatever of doing that is not going to

you don't think that gets it out of your system per se. Yeah. I think you will still have that. It might even fuel it to be even stronger where you're like, oh yeah, then yeah, I don't know. It's just, it's tough. I mean, peeing outside consistently was a deal breaker for you down there. So what do you, where are you at with this one? What do you think bottom line she should do going forward? Well, I don't know if, I mean, she might,

The end result might be that she breaks up with him. But I really just think that she needs to have a conversation that, you know, this is something that we discussed, something that I agreed on. This is not what we agreed to.

I think maybe you ought to consider the fact that, you know, maybe you are older now, you're more mature now. Maybe you're over it. Do you really need this? Is this going to be helpful? I understand you might.

It feels good to have another person desire you, but is this really good for our relationship? Is this good for your life? Do you really want this? Do you want to take the chance of losing what you have? Yeah. And maybe he just needs a break to show him what he will be missing. I, you know, there's a lot of people that they fell in love with their high school sweetheart. They got married and they didn't yearn for anything else because they're

They loved that person and they had the world with them. And so, you know, that's maybe not the case for all high school sweethearts. I know obviously it's not. But if he loves you and wants to marry you, then, you know, you should be enough unless you're then defining your relationship as not monogamous. Right. But that doesn't sound... It doesn't sound like that's what our writer here wants. So...

Keep us posted. Moving along. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now, through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes, Gillette Razors,

Metamucil, Crest Toothpaste, Secret Body Spray, and a Swiffer Power Mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, this one is very interesting. It was posted 11 days ago and it is titled, My Dad Might Not Be My Bio Dad and He's Known for 23 Years.

I, 29 female, found out that my dad, 54 male, might not be my bio dad, and he's known for 23 years. I'm the oldest daughter of my mom, 50 female, who has now been married five times. Two of my sisters and I are the product of her first marriage, and she had custody of us growing up. My mom and I have an extremely strained relationship. It goes without saying, my childhood was difficult.

I have learned through many years of therapy that she is not someone who is good for my mental health, so I've had to keep our contact very limited.

This past weekend, my husband, 36 male, and I went on a quick kid-free vacation to meet my dad and his wife, 45 female, at their vacation home. The trip was wonderful and much needed. One night, we decided to hang out at the bar and have some drinks. We started talking about life and growth and all of the things we've overcome in our life. And naturally, the discussion of my mom came up.

My dad's marriage to my mom was anything but wonderful. They fought often, and my mother, who is now diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, was mentally, financially, and emotionally abusive. Their inevitable divorce was difficult on my dad, but eventually he pulled through, remarried, and is very successful, something he could have never done while married to my mom.

My sisters and I have always known that my mom was not faithful in her marriage to my dad. On one occasion, she was sleeping with the Schwan's delivery driver. Frozen food delivery service, super popular in the 90s, had the best caramel apple popsicles. Not the Schwan's driver. And it was the running joke in my family that my youngest sister was the Schwan's man's baby.

Later, mom would say, out of all of you, I know me is for sure your dad's daughter. But I didn't look anything like my dad or my other sisters. I know genetics are a weird thing, so I never gave in for a second thought.

But I have dark hair, eyes, medium skin tone, and I'm very tall and lanky, whereas my sisters are very blonde, blue eyes, fair, average height, and broad, and resemble my dad and his side of the family. While reminiscing and having one of our very adult conversations at the bar, my dad dropped a bombshell on me. Quote, "'I'm not sure that you are my biological child.'"

It was told to me that I was conceived shortly after their honeymoon. My dad believes it to be true, but with another man. It was while they were in the middle of their divorce proceedings when my cousin, mom's niece, now 42 female, called my dad to tell him everything. She and my mom were very close, but she could not take the lies and the secrets that my mom had been keeping for so many years.

She and everyone on my mom's side of the family adored my dad and was disgusted by the way she treated him. She told dad the names of men my mom had had affairs with over the years, with receipts, as much as you can in the early 2000s. She too was very concerned that I was not his child biologically.

My dad has had this in the back of his mind now for 23 years. I am now married with three children and have a beautiful life and an absolutely wonderful dad. I wouldn't be who I was today without him. But after this, I'm having a complete identity crisis.

He already told me that he will not get a paternity test because he doesn't want to know. So I don't know what to do next. My sisters have agreed to get genetic testing, but what if we find out we all have different fathers? I could contact my cousin and ask her for the mystery man's name and reach out to him, but then I risk my mom getting wind of the situation and that would make everything so much worse.

I feel so guilty of my reaction of the news, and I feel so bad for my dad that I want answers. The answers change nothing with the relationship with dad, but will destroy any last bit of relationship with my mom. So here I am, spilling my heart out to strangers on Reddit because I don't know who to talk to or what to do. Certainly, we all know that Morgan is going to have a lot to say. Yes.

About this subject. Not so much. I mean...

Imagine that when a person finds out that maybe the person that I thought was my father might not be. Now, it's pretty clear that even though the father was told, you probably aren't the father, the father doesn't necessarily believe it, and the father doesn't want to know. So it's not like he was keeping...

He did keep a secret from you, but he didn't keep a secret that he knew that he definitely was not the father. There's many reasons that he might've done this. He might not have wanted to ruin the relationship that you had with your mom. Not just, he wasn't, he was looking, maybe he was hurt, but he didn't want to hurt you more or hurt your mother more.

by coming forth and telling you this. And it probably wasn't important. When you hear this now, you think, I wish I would have known, but you're probably better off that you didn't know. There's a lot of facts. There's a lot more that goes into this that we're not aware of, but people just, when they find out that they were adopted or they had a different father,

They have all kinds of reasons of wanting to know who is their bio dad. And so you might want to try to find that out, but I wouldn't blame the father. I think he was trying to do the right thing by you. I completely, yeah, I completely agree. Yeah, I can't imagine being in his position, let alone your position. I just, I don't even know how I'd react. Just like put yourself in that seat, but-

I think you... Sounds like you need to find out. Yeah. I'm, you know, I'm the worst person when it comes to, like,

I need the answers. I mean, I Google the ends of movies as I'm watching them because I just need to know how it plays out. It's the worst. That's just so bad. I skip to the end of books. I mean, if I can spoil something for myself, I will because I don't really like surprises. And I just want to know. It doesn't make me enjoy it less as I watch the rest of the movie. Yeah.

I might enjoy them more, honestly. So for me... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So for me, if, you know, I... I mean, I have a very similar situation for my real life. I have my biological father and then I have my dad, Jerry, who basically all of you know. And I don't remember really how it came up in my life, having that conversation and like,

What age I was, where it was explained, like, oh, you have two dads. Like, I don't really know. But I know if today I were to find out, like, being raised with just Jerry and I were to find out, like, oh, he's not your biological dad. Curiosity would just eat at me. 100%. That I would just want to know. It 1000% doesn't change anything.

Jerry still would be my dad, which is the same case for our writer here. Yeah. But you just might, you know, I don't know, have an inkling. And who knows? You could even be reassured where he is your dad and you don't have to wonder anymore. You don't have to sit with this, I don't know, big cloud of doom over your head or whatever you're feeling. Yeah. That's why I say I think you... It sounds like you need to find out because I think it just...

moving forward, again, bringing up the what ifs or just any big questions in life, it'll take more out of you and away from you having that constant thought in your mind. It's always going to occupy a certain amount of your head and your thinking and just your overall ability to just be happy and live

I think any big question like that or wonder, you have to explore. That's why in every write-in we get where it's like, I want to know if I should move and take this chance because I really think it's right for me. I think you always should just because, you know, if you're not afraid of what you're going to find out and it doesn't change anything for you, then just clear the questions and then move forward with a clear mind. Mm-hmm.

Certainly. And it's pretty easy nowadays with the DNA tests. You are curious. You want to know. So I don't see anything wrong with getting the test, but I really don't think it's going to change anything for you. No. And the dad even said, I mean, he said he doesn't want to do any paternity testing because...

It won't change anything for him is kind of how I'm taking it. Or maybe he doesn't want to know and then be let down in his head. He's kind of like, well, I kind of, you know, someone said you might not be mine, but ignorance is bliss. But I don't know. You almost wonder if it still eats at him a little bit because otherwise, why bring it up? 100%. And that's why in his position, it's so delicate because...

As a dad, you could probably worry, oh, if they find out that I'm not their bio dad, it might change things between us. They might see me in a different light. You know, it sounds like it won't and it wouldn't, but I can see how from a dad's perspective like that, you might have that tendency to have that worry. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah, we do have some comments from our OP here. Oh, and the one thing it does change is their...

whatever's left of their relationship with their mom, which wouldn't she kind of want to know if it does have that impact on your relationship with somebody? Like you find that out, you're like, nope, I'm done. I don't want them to have any more of my time. I would kind of want to know because anytime you see your mom going forward, which I know it's limited, this is what you're going to be thinking about.

You're never going to have a positive relationship with her anyway if this is a worry of yours. So might as well figure it out. And then that, you know, you can actually be decisive on that. Yeah. Well, and I will say like I it's hard because in my head I'm like, just have him have your dad swab his cheek and you don't tell him like whatever the results are.

I mean, if he's your dad, then you tell him because he'll be happy. But if he's not, if he's not, don't tell him if you don't want to. But I look at it and it's like,

The other options here were like, do I ask my cousin for the adult, the, my God, the person my mom cheated on me with? But it's like, that guy's not going to know shit. And you'd have to do a DNA test compared to that guy. And it's like, maybe you might not need that anyway with, with the different services that are out there. Once you do the test, um,

If you have a different bio dad than your dad, they might already have the DNA. That's true. Oh, a different bio dad than the siblings? Right, just in general. Or I guess, yeah, if her bio dad is different than her dad in this case, the bio dad would have to have done a DNA swab and then it would ping. Right. Yeah, I see. Yeah. So I don't know. I just think the easiest is like...

You're questioning if your dad is your dad. Have him do a cheek swab. Call it a day. Because even if you do it with your siblings and it says, oh, you and your siblings have different dads. You still don't know. Yeah, you still don't know. It's like, well, wait, is my dad my dad and they have different dads or...

Is my dad their dad? And then I have a different dad. It leaves you with more questions. I'm like, skip all the unnecessary steps you can. Cut to the chase. Yeah. What's the easiest? And then you just know. Yeah, exactly. So for comment-wise, someone is like, no matter how you feel, you might want to get a genetic test to see if your bio dad, if not your dad, has any medical issues that can be passed on or at risk.

And OP goes, I think this is my biggest concern. I could care less who my bio dad could be. Dad is my dad no matter what. But what if I'm predisposed to something? I have kids and I feel like I should know. True. Good point. Good point. Yeah.

I completely agree. I think that's something to really consider. Someone else goes, they were asking another question, OP clarified. It's pointless to read, but someone's just basically being like, I just want to know if you really even want to find him. And OP goes, I could really care less if I find them or not. Dad is my dad no matter what. I'm just worried about health concerns, essentially. Fair enough. Which you can...

do your own personal DNA health test. And I know like 23andMe has a health component where they analyze your full DNA, your genetic genome, and they give you that information. So if you truly don't care about knowing who your dad is, you can 100% do that, but you do run the risk of matching with people if other family has submitted their DNA. So you could find out

accidentally that way, but you could also pursue the genetic components through a regular doctor and not an online service like that. Right. People years ago would say they wanted to know their bio dad for the health reasons and that's important, but you don't really need that anymore with the way the DNA is done now. Yeah. Would you want to find out? Um,

What if like, well, your dad, like you had an amazing relationship with your dad and he has now passed, unfortunately. So if someone came to you tomorrow and said, Jimmy, I got to break it to you. Your dad isn't actually your dad. I couldn't care. I mean, I wouldn't.

I don't think I would pursue it because my dad was my dad. Yeah. That's, I mean, even if he wasn't, he was, he was just a, you know, amazing individual. And he, he was just the greatest thing that I had him in my life. Yeah. I feel that way too. Like, you know, it wouldn't necessarily make a difference in my life and going forward. And in the past, it just would be like, oh,

Okay, well, but I'd want to know. I'm a person that would want to know regardless if it had zero impact on my life for the rest of my life. I would just want to know. I'm a curious person. I would have to know.

But wish you luck. Our OP is in therapy, which is great. So I did see another comment basically being like, yeah, me and my therapist have a lot to unpack here now. So wish you the best. I love, you know, your perspective of like your dad is still your dad because it would be the same case for me. Yeah. And keep us posted. Moving along.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay. Yeah, we'll do this one. I'm like debating over here. I'm like, I don't know. But I am curious from, you know, two guys' perspectives on this issue. So here we go. This one is titled, My 24 female boyfriend, 27 male, doesn't want me to model for lingerie or swimwear.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years and met when I was a freshman in college. I applied to a modeling agency one year into our relationship, and he has been very supportive for the most part. I don't model often, to be fair, and I have another career that I love and model on the side whenever I can because I really enjoy it.

I mostly do some e-commerce slash commercial stuff, but I'm really interested in editorial and creative stuff, so I like to work with photographers when I can. When I do coordinate a shoot with a photographer, he usually asks questions about my intentions by questioning if they're male, followed by a grown, and never seems to fully trust me in scenarios or thinks that they're trying to hit on me.

It's not a safety issue, more of a jealousy slash insecurity thing.

On another note, I personally am very comfortable with my body, but was raised rather conservatively and would dress as such. Nowadays, I like to capitalize on not wearing a bra with tops that I can get away with it. But honestly, I don't really care if my nipples are visible. And I'm a pretty firm believer in women having a right to do whatever with their body and don't believe that all nudity is meant to be sexualized.

My boyfriend is okay with me not wearing a bra as long as my nipples aren't too visible. He has, though, expressed his discomfort with me doing the same with my friends without him. I've tried communicating to him that it's a creative outlet and more so artistic than sexual. I wish he didn't see my body so sexually, but he blames it on, quote, how men are and, quote, knowing what they're thinking."

Although it's problematic, I've always wanted to do runway for Victoria's Secret, but he shut it down, even though it's quite literally the pipe dream anyways, and became defensive afterwards. Now, just recently, he expressed his disapproval for me modeling for swimwear slash swimsuits as well, which I always assumed was on the table. I was a bit surprised and told him that I was comfortable in a swimsuit, but he remained upset.

I really love him and wish he could be more supportive and allow me to do what I wish with my body and want him to trust my own standards slash decisions. His insecurity has caused other rifts in our relationship, but I've always been loyal and very reassuring slash supportive. I wish he would trust my judgment when I model. Please give me advice on how to handle the situation.

I certainly don't see anything wrong with her modeling lingerie and absolutely not anything wrong with swimsuits or bikinis. But it's obviously a problem in their relationship. And she is going to have to figure out, you know, what is more important. I believe in woman empowerment and I...

would hope that she would do any of the things that she feels that she should do for herself.

If her husband doesn't feel that way, then this is going to be a discussion or maybe something to talk to a counselor about. Because if she goes ahead with it, it could be detrimental to the relationship. If she doesn't go ahead with it, it could be detrimental. Luckily, just a boyfriend right now. Not married. So not locked down quite yet. So

Luckily, she has even more options than she would if they were married because it's a little easier to break up than get divorced. But yeah, I agree. I think it's kind of weird, the swimsuit thing, because it's like, well, when you go to the beach, do you block her with a towel the whole time? Like what's going on? No, it's not about that. What do you think it's about here? If he's involved, there's no problem. It's when she's with her friends or with a random photographer.

I feel like I need to think through this in pieces. The photographer thing, these guys that are photographers that go do all these model shoots, see a different girl in lingerie and a swimsuit every single day. It's not like you can't put yourself in those shoes and be like, "Oh, I'm gonna go for the first time, shoot picture of this girl in these types of outfits."

These people see it every day. This is what they do. Models do this every day. It's not like it's the first time your girlfriend put lingerie on for you. And it like became this like thing. One thing I will say is sure, a lot of guys out there will sexualize anything to do with any woman, like anything revealing or anything like that. It's just an unfortunate, you know,

facet of this society. But the bigger issue here is, is it's the lack of trust. It's the not really emotionally mature. The relationship just hasn't gotten to this point where you have that trust where it's like, you know, you're taking away someone's some, something that makes someone happy, something that someone wants to do a passion of theirs. And as soon as someone starts to take that away from you and you kind of have to fight for your passion, you're

and shoots down kind of your dreams, even if they're unrealistic. It's like, you're going to pick a bone with someone that says, oh, I'd love to go to this runway show, even though it's more realistically than like, it won't happen. Let them have their dream. That's just when it starts to, you know, go downhill very fast because, you know, I love people that are passionate about things and I get passionate about things that

I would never even had a thought to consider anyway, ever. And so I get really into things when people are passionate about them. Yeah, they're passionate. Like I'm talking about buying a damn horse for myself. I would have never bought myself a horse my whole life if I hadn't met you who's so passionate about it. Yeah. So I just love people that are passionate about things and she's obviously passionate about this. Yeah. So don't take that away from her. She needs to be with someone who

supports that and embraces that because that's a battle she'll have to fight forever. You don't ever want to be in a relationship where like for me right now, if I was like, oh babe, I have a session on Monday or Tuesday. And you're like, who's it with? Is it with girls? Are you going to be like looking at them and talking to them all day and like maybe get interested in them? I'd be like,

okay, you're starting to have a problem with something that literally is like what I do in my passion. Yeah. But that is a great comparison because that easily is kind of the situation here where it's like, I could say with you and music, it could be like, you can't have any other sessions with females. Yeah. And obviously it's like, you know, it doesn't matter what they're wearing or not. It's just the fact of like,

that interaction and that time with other people that are male in this case. Or just not him. I mean, it is interesting. Yes, I think the male photographer is another component, but it's more so like anyone, like wearing what she wears and she goes out with her friends. It's not just the photographers, it's bleeding into all areas of her life. And I think you make a great point where it's like, okay, this is how it is now.

But how does this get worse? Because it's going to keep evolving with him. I don't think it's going to stay like this. And I also think like this sense of control he has on her. This is about control. This is making sure that you're not stepping out of line. You're bending to his will. Like for me, I hear this and I feel suffocated for you. Like this is like,

This is suffocating. This is just not healthy. And if it's lingerie yesterday and bikinis today, what's it going to be tomorrow? That's, yeah, exactly. And it's interesting the way, I don't know if it like, for me, I'm like, does he feel entitled to your body almost? And it's just, it's interesting. I'm just speculating how this evolves, you know,

If they were to have kids and if, you know, if they did get married, would he even feel more entitled to her and her body and his say over her body and how he controls her and her body? Like, it's interesting to imagine the evolvement of this. The thing that he needs to realize is if she is going to go to one of these shoots or go out with her friends and cheat on you,

She's going to do it. Then it's just not the right relationship to control someone to the point where you're going to make sure that they don't do that. Like if it's going to happen when you're together and you don't have this weird controlling aspect, then it's obviously not meant to be, but like, it's going to be equally as bad if you're even worse, if you're doing this whole controlling thing, like that's going to drive her away anyway. It's just like, you need to come to this realization as a person that,

your insecurity is going to be worse than anything else that could happen. Do you guys feel that he might be projecting at all? That the reason he's being so controlling and like this, it's like... Because that's the way he would feel if a woman, another woman... Or like even maybe he's guilty. Like I'm, I, for some reason, like my screen was hovered over this part and it's like...

He says here, I wish she didn't see my body so sexually, but he blames it on quote, how men are and just knowing what they're thinking. And I'm like, that's not how all men are. So that might be how he is. I would say that's how a majority of men are. Do you, you're like this? No, I'm just saying like, okay, so not a majority. Maybe I'm just saying like the classic generalized male perspective is

is a very attractive person female walks by they're gonna turn and look it's like yeah but i also think that's how our media has almost trained us to think that's how men should be like there's a lot to unpack with how we raise boys and how men act in society and i went down this rabbit hole recently about what men view as masculinity and what it is to be a man

And a lot of these guys' concepts of what it is to be a man is that way because of media and what they see. Of course. And a lot of them are even unhappy with what they think it takes to be a man. They don't even like the steps or the role they have to fill. So it is interesting where I hear that and I'm like, yes, I think you can look at someone and like, oh, they're attractive. But it's not like...

I don't know. I just, I get a weird vibe from his comments saying that. I think it's classic insecure boy. That's like jealous, insecure. Yeah. What do you think down there? I totally agree. It's, I could see where he is reacting the way he is, but he needs to realize that that's

not what a relationship is based on. You have to be able, it's just too much control. It's the, it's the control. Yeah. Well, she's, if she's going to do anything, she's going to do it. So it's like, so someone in the comments does make that point. And they're like, um, my husband and I were raised very conservatively. We grew up with a lot of rules for how a relationship should work. As we've grown older, we decided those rules are absolute crap. Um,

I cannot tell my husband that he can't have sex with someone else. I don't own him and I cannot make rules for him. I can and would have the ability to decide my own boundaries with his actions. If he slept with someone, I would leave him. At the same time, he loves and respects me and our relationship. And that means he won't have sex with anyone else.

We are our own people who love and respect each other, and we've decided to spend our lives that way. Your boyfriend, not even husband, is attempting to control you. He wants to decide who can see your body as if he owns it. Damn, we are thinking so alike here.

He doesn't get a say unless you give him that power. You're coming up on a decision on whether you want to live your life by your own standards or let someone else make those choices for you. Best of luck. And someone else does ask, is he uncomfortable when you go to the beach? You discussed this a lot already, and it's clear his insecurities are here to stay. I don't know what more you can and should do.

They go on to say in this comment, maybe bring your boyfriend to a shoot like another Redditor suggested. Your dream is valid and I understand his point of view a bit more if it was full on nudity, but that's not the case. And even though everyone has different boundaries, his come across a bit more controlling, especially on the nipples thing. The way I see it, resentment is bound to happen if nothing changes.

Opie responds, no, he's okay at the beach with me. I feel like most of his fears are for what's happening when he's not around. But I don't know how to really reassure him, I guess. Maybe I just can't.

One, you shouldn't have to bring him to a shoot for him to trust you. Guaranteed. Two, I think if he goes to a shoot, he would either involve himself or potentially sabotage it in some way. And to be honest, I think it looks extremely unprofessional to bring your boyfriend to a shoot. He'd expect to be at the rest of them forever. Yeah. And it's like, you need someone to babysit you? You need what? Yeah.

You need to hover over me like a helicopter parent to make sure I'm not doing something. Right. Your relationship isn't going to work if someone can't trust you. Like, it's just not going to work. And I also think, like, you can only do so much to reassure someone. And if he's not willing to grow and work on himself and maybe pursue therapy for his insecurities...

You are going to live the rest of your life being questioned for every single action. Yeah. Oh, you said you were just running a target. You were gone an hour and a half. Where were you? Where did you go on the way home? Can you imagine? That's this future. Yeah, it definitely is. This is not going to get better unless he starts putting in the work to address his insecurities and his issues going on in his head.

I'm trying to read other comments. There is someone who has basically said, like, I worked in the industry. A lot of times you're not even left alone with the photographer, things like that. And OP essentially goes like, I do think inviting him to shoots that allow it might be a way to make him feel more comfortable. Mm-mm.

No. Uh-uh. I would never allow that to happen. It's extremely unprofessional. And if this is something, yes, it's a hobby for you, but your dream is to walk in a runway, which, hey, very could likely happen. Don't set yourself short. Well, I have no clue what it's like to be in this industry. I have no experience at all. But I got to imagine it's kind of like when you get naked at the doctor.

You know, it's like you strip down and whatever you're wearing, it's not like you're feeling like, ooh, I'm getting aroused because I have my clothes off and I'm getting these photos. I'm sure it feels very much like, all right, I'm going to knock this out. I'm going to like make it look really good. But I'm not like, it's not like the porn videos. You're not like showing up to a shoot and being like, oh, I'm horny. And then it just, I'm horny.

I'm assuming it feels more like a job. As much as you're passionate about it and love it, you're showing up to do a job and you're going to get these pictures done. But it doesn't necessarily mean you're like, you know, yes, you're removing clothing and putting on other things, but you're not like in any sort of sexual situation. It's a transaction between her and the photographer. It's no different than me being an OT and I would walk in and see people naked and wipe their ass. Exactly.

I mean, you don't look at it in a sexual way because it's not a sexual context. Yeah. It just is work. Yeah. Yeah. Any final thoughts on this one? No, I think we've nailed it. Okay. Moving along.

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Visit Safeway.com for more details. This next one is titled, I, 24 female, need advice on dating someone, 32 male, with kids. Are there red flags I'm not seeing? I, 24 female, have been dating this guy, 32 male, for a little over a month now. He's absolutely great. He's very sweet, kind, and romantic, and I can really see myself having a future with him. However, he has to cancel our plans a lot for his kids.

This doesn't upset me. I understand, and I also believe his kids come first. However, he doesn't always tell me when something's come up until the next day, so I'm left to be disappointed and constantly messaging him and having to assume what's going on. I wanted to talk about this with him in person, but I haven't seen him to be able to do so. Also, how can I fault him if something came up with one of his kids or he lost his phone?"

So I guess ultimately my question is how do I manage my expectations? How do I bring this up with him in a way that doesn't make it sound like I'm mad or upset? Because really, I'm not. I'm just disappointed. Or even, is this a sign that I shouldn't continue this relationship? It's early on, but I want it to work. But maybe there are things I'm not seeing. I don't know. I've never dated anyone with kids before and I just feel bummed all the time. Well, this is something that

comes up in any relationship where one party has kids and the other does not. Even if both had kids, it might come up. And you just have to, you really have to have discussions about it. Not to saying this is a problem, but the problem is that I'm trying to figure out the best ways to navigate this, to understand your needs and your child's needs and how you

how we can navigate and try to have a meaningful relationship knowing that it's not going to be the normal young person relationship. Do you see it kind of being a red flag that they're only a month in and his communication is this poor? Right. That part is certainly a problem.

I don't know what the problem with the phone was, but even if you misplaced your phone or lose your phone or whatever, you can easily get another phone and make a, and, and contact the person. Yeah. I mean, how many times do you lose your phone within a one month time span?

Or if something with your kids do come up, you don't have 30 seconds to send someone who is planning on seeing you a quick text saying, hey, sorry, problem with the kids. I got to pick them up. Or little Johnny broke his finger. I got to go to the emergency room. Won't be able to make our date. Like it takes 30 seconds to give someone...

a text versus leaving them hanging and in the dark. It's a decision that you need to make probably early on. Do you want to pursue a relationship with somebody with a child? And the same thing for the other person. If you're the one that has a child, do you want to date somebody that does not? And it's something that you have to... This is, I guess, maybe the first time this has happened with OP. So...

You have to figure that out. Yeah. Thoughts, Justin? I just think, I mean, with kids, things can change the minute before you have to go do something. But it sounds like here there's always a little heads up that things are changing. And I think bottom line, just in life, if you want to be a good friend, partner, family member, whatever your relationship is with any other human, I think bottom line, if you know plans are changing...

communicate it right when you know and no matter how like upset you're going to make someone or whatever impact it has communicate it the second you know when you know plans are for sure changing like we have people that you know Austin and I will have sessions and people are supposed to show up at noon and you know we're hanging gets to 12 10 we're like oh they're probably late

Gets to 1230 and we're just kind of, you know, we've stopped kind of working on everything else and we're just waiting, kind of set up the studio, cleaned up, made it sure everything's good to go. And then find out that's just like a no show. Oh, I experienced that with a podcast episode. And it's like...

It just is so dumb. I don't know what the tendency to hold the information back like, oh, I'm not going to make it. So maybe it's going to make it better just by telling them super last minute. I can't. It's like, no, that fucks everything up. If you give people more of a heads up, they can adapt. They can invite someone else. They can go change their day and they don't waste all their time. They don't lose a day. No. And people, people are flexible. I think we all realize life happens, but yeah,

Don't notify people last minute. And like if it is last minute, at least notify people. Well, I think it's beautiful that these things are showing now a month in.

You're seeing the true colors a month in. Yeah. Don't even take it with a grain of salt. No. Take it as it is. This is how, like, this is a great little snapshot of a little piece of what, you know, however long is going to look like. I think if someone is acting this poor and lacks communication skills,

a month in like a month and you're supposed to be on your best behavior. You're dating. You're courting. It's fun. It's easy at a month in. And if it's this hard and this brutal, take it as you dodged a bullet and just move on. And you're 32. Like learn to learn to communicate. Yeah. At 32. Maybe it's why you're single.

That could be true. But I'm starting to wonder if he is single because he likes to disappear, not respond. I'm wondering if there's a little more going on here. And there's a lot of comments that OP responds to. I don't know how you always pick those up. You're so good at that. I just don't even think about it. My mind always goes to the worst case scenario, though. Cheating. There's a wife at home.

Doesn't even have kids. Sounds like that. Doesn't even have kids. And now explain the super last minute shit with no communication. Because that's the only way it works. He has to go dark. Things came up at home with his wife. He can't text her. Wife is right there. Heavens no. The wife is right there.

Y'all, there are so many comments. Let's get to reading them. I know. I just don't even know where to start because I can't get to the very bottom. So first one on our post that OP responds to, girl, you are still so young. Break this off because this guy has no respect for you or your time. Find someone who will respect and care for you because this walking red flag ain't it. Nope. And OP goes, all good points. Thank you. Time to go cry.

communicate your expectations going forward. I like you and I know you have kids and things come up unexpectedly, but when something happens that affects our plans, you need to tell me before the plan is supposed to happen. Ghosting until the next day is unacceptable for me. OP, thank you.

Someone goes, am I the only one getting the vibe that he's still with the mother of his kids and just having OP as his side piece? It truly takes like 30 seconds tops. I did not read the comments. I swear to God. Do you even need us here? Like you always find that.

It's gal. It's gal radar. It's gal radar. It truly takes like 30 seconds tops to send a, hey, sorry, something came up with the kids. So can we reschedule text? OP goes, new fear unlocked. And someone responds after and goes, you should search his name on social media. See that maybe and you will get some answers there. I did before we started dating and there's nothing I could find.

Nothing you could find. Zero. Did he give you his real name? Because I feel like it's pretty hard to find nothing these days. Some people definitely is. I mean, some people don't have social media, but like. Yeah, but no presence I'd find kind of strange. Someone goes, you're 24. Do you really want to be a stepmother this young?

And I was thinking about their age gap. Not crazy about it, honestly, at this age. Like eight years isn't bad if you're 30 and he's 38, but 24, 32. It's also not even like the gap per se. It is just the different stages of life. This guy has gone through his 20s. That's almost 10 years ago.

Me from me 10 years ago, I am totally in a different place mentally, emotionally, everything. And just even maturity wise, like the things you're into, your ability to want to go out and like stay out all night and not feel like shit the next day. I mean, things hurt more. Like when you fall down, you feel more sore. It just like...

You're just at such opposite ends of the spectrum, especially considering the fact that he has two kids. Two kids, right? I believe multiple. Okay, yeah. I'm unsure of the number. Kids. So someone else responded to the comment about like, am I the only one getting the vibe he's still with the mother of his kids and just having OP as a side piece?

OP goes, new fear unlocked. Someone else goes, 100%. If it's not his wife, it's someone else, but you're the side chick. Have you met the kids? Is he affectionate with you when they're around? OP goes, I have not met the kids. Someone else goes, you've only been dating a month, so you shouldn't have met the kids yet. OP goes, that's what he and I agreed on way too soon to meet them.

And I also agree. And the person comments back, I miss the one month part. You definitely shouldn't meet the kids that fast. However, him not making the time to send a quick text or make a quick call to let you know he can't make it doesn't bode well for the future. If he's that inconsiderate now, it will likely get worse. Have you been to his home? I have not. Ooh.

After a one-month relationship when you're supposed to be in love and constantly thinking about each other, this behavior is suspicious at the very least. Jimmy, have you ever been the side piece? No. Did I have to think about that? No, never. And I just find it very unusual, this story, because the female...

certainly was, it was not going to, it seemed like it's not going to be a problem with her that there were children involved. And I think this is fantastic. She was, went to it with a, with an open mind, but obviously there is something wrong with the male. There is something going on that we're not sure what it is. If he's married, if he, uh,

If he has something else going on, maybe multiple something else is going on. Or is just completely inconsiderate. I don't know if there's an answer that could be good in this case. Either way, it's not positive. No, so we do have a little bit of an update after I've really creeped through the comments here. It seems OP is responding to someone. I don't see the comment, but people...

People must have been asking questions about like the dynamics with the kids and the mom, moms, plural, maybe things like that. I think someone was asking how old they are, maybe? Because Opie goes four and two, two different moms. He's never been married, but he was with the first one for 15 years and had frequent problems with her and their custody agreement. As far as I know, he ended it because he just didn't see them as compatible anymore. He's canceled on me the last four times we were supposed to see each other.

Someone goes, definitely look him up on your local court system. This gives off strong domestic violence vibes. OP responds, well, caught him in a lie. He said he had to get a restraining order against his youngest mom, but she filed for one against him. Major red flag there. I won't be continuing with the relationship. Wow. There you have it. I didn't hear anything about

who has custody, but there was a custody battle. So we don't know if the kids live with the father or not. But certainly if they don't live with the father, there's no reason that

She would not have been at his home. I think that I think is a big red flag early on. Yes. But like, cause I wouldn't want to go to the dude's house until I really know him and like feel comfortable. Um, but yeah, after a month and like you have these strong feelings and he always wants to meet you at your house, you don't go to his at all.

Why aren't you going to his? Right. Because he's got his girlfriend or wife or baby mama there and you can't go to his. So, yeah, this gives off bad vibes. But I see another comment that OP responds to. And basically she does say, I'm ending the relationship. Happy ending. I love it. Cries are good. Cried out. But yeah, it's this one's this one's worth the.

Worth the tears and moving on. Well, and this is only a month in, you guys. That's easy. Very new. Oh my God, she's getting off scot-free basically, especially now knowing his history and what he lied about. Do you think it's acceptable to like search court records for someone after dating? Totally. What about a background check? I don't see anything wrong with it. I've never done it and I'm not aware that anybody has done it on me, but I don't see anything wrong. It's just too dangerous. Yeah.

There's too many things that could go wrong in a relationship. Well, it's interesting because we did have a story where someone did run a background check on their partner and it came out down the road. And he actually, I guess, ran a background check on not only his partner, but the whole family. And that might have been a little aggressive. And people, I think, were really split. I thought it was fine, especially the background check on the person. But from what I remember...

I don't think people in the comments were very happy with our take on it. And they were like, that's super weird to do. I'm getting ideas. Are you? Yeah. Well, the only thing you're going to find on a background check of me is I got caught shoplifting at Fleet Farm when I was 16. But I don't think you can find that. I think that got expunged. I got an underage consumption when I was 20. Also off my record because I didn't get caught again. Expunged. Yeah. One speeding ticket.

One, driving without my license. Your ticket wouldn't still be on there. Come on. No, because my insurance rate is good. That was also expunged. Such a weird word. Try saying it. It's kind of fun. Expunged. Yeah, it's a good one. I don't think you'd find much. I don't think that's expunged, but it's just kind of disappeared. Yeah. Oh, you'd see a lot of debt. A lot of debt.

Yeah. Big red flag there. $200K in student loans still. Haven't started paying them. But they're frozen still, right? Like, why would you pay if they're frozen? Are they not frozen anymore? You know what happens when you get married? My debts are yours. He didn't high five you on that. That's what prenups are for. That's not a high five worthy matter. You can easily separate debt with a prenup and we're getting one. So you're fine. Yeah.

Okay, well, I was going to say another story, but we've been recording for an hour and 50 minutes and we have to wake up and go to Disneyland in the morning. So we're actually going to be done. But I have a lot more stories from the Too Hot Takes subreddit. So we're going to keep doing like listener write-in only episodes. Yeah. Because I love this. I think that sounds great. It was an awesome episode. I love it. Well, yeah, because you were here.

Well, it was so much fun. It was great being here. I'm so glad that you included me in this and it's just a great experience. I absolutely loved it. If you want more of Uncle Jimmy, he is March's Patreon bonus episode. So I'm not sure when this one will come out. This episode might come out in April.

But head over to Patreon. It'll be there. It'll be ready for you. And it's really, really good. You have great responses. And you're just like so sane and calm and full of wisdom, but not condescending. You're just... You've been amazing to have on the podcast. And I really appreciate you flying all the way from Florida to be here for it. Wouldn't miss it for the world. It's been amazing. But...

Yeah, we all got to get ready. You're going to a Lakers game tomorrow. We got Disneyland in the morning. So on that note, until next time, guys. Until next time. Until next time. Bye. Bye.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now, through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes, Gillette Razors, Metamucil, Crest Toothpaste, Secret Body Spray, and a Swiffer Power Mop.

The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details.