#476 - Booking Our First Acting Gig
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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? In Brown again. Why- see, why do you- why- why must you- No, I'm saying- that was an observation.

Just an observation. You look great in brown. Thank you. I feel good in my earth tones. Greens, browns, beiges. It feels like it just works with me. Beiges. Beiges. What a stupid way to spell a word. Beige. It's French. They're so stupid out there. Is it French? Look at how it's spelled. An E's and I's and G's and E's. What happened to tan?

Tan. Tan is beige. But see, the thing with tan, though, is that tan is subjective. When you drew white people when you were a kid, what color crayon did you use? Did you use peach? Were you one of those guys? Yeah, I did peach. You peached? I peached it up, honestly. I never used white. Yes, you did. No idea. You would X out the black. I remember. I remember Joey would X out any people of color, and then he would color in everyone white. I remember that. That is not what happened. I wouldn't use peach. Sometimes, you know what I would do? I would take the orange one, but then I would go very lightly.

Because it was like, I'm giving the white people a tan. Well, that's why a peach would make more sense. Or like a brown. You know what's crazy? Sorry to cut you off again. No, you're not. You're not sorry. That's the third time I think so far. Two minutes in, by the way. I don't know that I've ever tried to draw a person of color when I was younger because I was afraid. Of them? Yeah, I know. No.

I was afraid of being like, oh, I can't. I don't know how to do this. Yeah, no, no, no. I remember in, it must have been like seventh or eighth grade. We had to do like, you remember, I was a baccalaureate and they were all like, you have like a big project for every class at the end of the year. Okay. And you like worked toward it. And in our art class, we had to do self-portraits and I never finished mine because I just couldn't get,

Your skin tone? My skin tone right. And by the time I would mix and get it right, class would be over. Paint or what? Paint, baby. Paint. You had to paint yourself, Porch? Yeah, yeah. It was tough, man. So you started with brown? I started with... Well, what I would do is I would start... I would literally go white and then I would little drops of brown. And where I would get it to, I would feel so good. And then I would just stop. How would you describe your skin tone? Like, compare it to an item. Um...

Like, are we getting like a light potato, something like that? Don't call my skin potato. I'm not saying. Don't do that. I'm thinking colors. If we're going colors, I'm going like a, ooh, like a whipped. Here we go. Whipped. Here we go.

Like, you ever see people that were, like, making that, like, whipped coffee drink during quarantine? And it was, like, such a light brown. Okay. You pick it. You're like a latte. You know what I'm like?

You remember Dolgana? What Pokemon is that? No, no, no. Remember Squid Game? The game that he'd lick it? Yeah. That color, but a little... Frank, that color was like you'd have jaundice if you were that color. No, it was kind of brown. It wasn't yellow. It was like closer to yellow than brown. It might have been. It might have been, honestly. No, not might. I've seen the show. I mean, I'd put you in the hospital if you'd like that. Let's see. It might have been gold, to be honest with you. I would...

Frank, you're not gold-colored. Oh, look, a Dalgona coffee. That, but a little lighter. Right? That looks like a glass of milk. You don't see the coffee, the whipped coffee on top, baby? Okay, I do see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see that? Oh, that's true. It's a little dark. It's a little dark. But that's why I said lighten it up a little bit. Yeah. Dalgona, though. You're definitely like a latte. I could see this. Give me that, bitch. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me that, bitch. Oh, that's fine. That's fine. I'll take that.

You're not taking anything. It's my skin. I'll give that. You can't have my skin. What about me? What am I? Don't and be nice. Oh. Because I'm not being mean. Oh, okay. See, the only way to describe it is just white hands. Like, don't look at my hands. Okay, just like... Look at my face. What do I look like? Like, what thing do I look like? Skip over the first two. Yeah, okay. You look like a coconut...

Like a coconut custard pie. Like, not as golden, but just whiten it up a little bit. Okay. My legs...

We're getting into it. Now we're getting translucent. Your legs look like a spring roll. We're getting into it like a key lime pie territory. Like a spring roll. Yeah, like one of those. Look at my leg. That's bad. That's white as hell. I would show you. I'm wearing jeans right now. I'm not pulling my pants down. Yeah, that's crazy. This is like my skin tone for most of the year, I would say. Even probably a little darker right now because it's still a little sunny out.

See, I kind of look like a pig sometimes. You do. I've often said that. You know what I mean? Like, my under my arm looks like a pig's...

Body kind of like I get like if you were to roll over a pig and roll you onto like your side I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I mean you'd be able to tell the difference. I don't know I ever feel a pig I felt a pig race a lot of pigs. I don't like the way they feel though I think they just feel like big old fat pigs. No, they they feel like like a scab. Oh

No, I don't know what you were petting. That might have been a diseased pig. It was no it was a big fat pig and I pet multiple and their hair is too like hairy to me You know what I'm saying? Like it's like barely hair, but I don't know it's pretty hair like it's very much So hey very hair. I don't like it have like more like fur. Oh

I don't fuck with hair. I like fur. Hair on animals fucks me up. You're right. Fur for animals. Fur, cool. If animals have hair, that's disgusting. If they have fur, I love that. I love that because that's what it's supposed to be. I'm like, this should just be a human. Unless you're a horse. That's amazing. Yeah, but no one calls horses hair. They call it horse hair.

It has its own type of hair. It's fair. You know, like no one calls it like, oh, this is like pig hair. They just call it regular hair. Fuck the pigs. Yeah. Well, don't fuck the pigs. Well, not like have sex with them. Not the action. Black mirror. I'm talking about like their hair. Right.

How? How did we get here? How in God's name? How did we get here? How in God's name have we gotten here? So what was the thing, your Dolatrix, what was it called? Dolgana? Dolgana. I haven't had one of those. I ate one. I remember you did a video. It's just sugar. Well, it's honey and baking soda. Yeah, yeah. And they cook it. I like it.

Do you? It tastes like, I mean, of course it tastes like, but like, like a, without the cream, like a creme brulee, like the top of the creme brulee. It tastes like that. So sugar. Yeah. That's why I said sugar. That's it. Yeah. Was it you who made the edible glass for like a science fair in like fifth grade? No, I wish. No, I think it was my sister then. How would you mix us up? Because I remember being in that school. Just someone that you loved dearly? Yeah. Yeah.

Just making edible glass. And it kind of tasted like that also. I mean, just sugar. It was more brown. Just sugar. Yeah. I'm not looking for the ingredients list. I know what it is. When I did Fiddler on the Roof in high school, we had one of the breakable glass bottles. Nice. And it was sugar.

I wanna get a couple. Can we just buy those? How fun would it be on this show if you just pissed me off if I just threw a glass bottle at you? You know what I'm saying? I wonder if they still hurt a little bit. I mean, they're still sharp, right? Like in... What movie am I thinking about right now? Glass. Are you just saying the word glass? Yeah. When the Grinch eats the glass. Oh. And he's like...

I can't be that chubber if he's eating it like that. I mean, it's Jim Carrey. This guy's got teeth on him. He does have chompers on him. This guy's got some fucking biters. Let's get props that would make our show better. Glass bottles. You haven't thought this far. A gasoline can, but with water in it. What's that going to do? How funny would it be if you just pissed me off and I just doused myself in gasoline? You're giving it away. One day you should do that. You'd be like...

Just pick up the thing and dump it on your head. How funny would that be? It'd be so funny. I guess what? YouTube wouldn't find it funny. De-monetized. YouTube is pissed right now. De-platformed. It's like, we can't be fucking committing the Susan on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a gas can, glass bottles, one of those fake gag knives that they...

Oh. They go into, you know what I'm talking about? They retract into the handle. Yeah. How sick would it be? To fake stab each other? Fake stab each other. So far, we've only picked violent things. And the first thing that popped into my head when you brought that up was chain mail, which is sick. I would... Why haven't we done an episode on chain mail? I don't know.

Didn't Danny do an episode in Chainmail? No, he like... There was a birthday party where he was like... He was dressed up as like a knight and he had Chainmail. He had full Chainmail. I would love some Chainmail. Yeah, I would too. But if we have Chainmail, we got to test it. We have to stab each other. We have to stab each other. I would literally... We would have to stab each other. Not like as hard as we can. Not puncture stab. I'm good to take a hack at you. You're good to take a hack at me? Yeah, with like a sword. Don't hack at me. I want to see if it goes through. I would like to be stabbed like...

Yeah, like that. Give me your best stab right now. But it's someone. No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop. Okay. All right. Let's set the scene here. I didn't tell you to close your eyes. I didn't close my eyes. Oh, they were just looking down. I was looking down. Gotcha. All right. Now close your eyes. Go. So they're open again. It's the love of your life. Who stabs me? Who stabs you? But you understand why they had to do it. It's for the greater good. Okay. And action. Wait, you got to stab me. Oh. You get it.

Look at me, look at me. I have tears. I have tears in my eyes. That's good. Academy motherfucking award. Leonardo da craps. Who is Leonardo da craps? Who is the craps? Joey Santa gots. Listen, Scorsese, put us in. Let me get stabbed in a movie. Watch this. You ready? Actors and directors, you're watching? Producers. All of them are watching now. Yeah. Tom Holland, you guys are boys now. I wish. He might. Watch this. You ready? All right, Joe. Yep.

You've just been betrayed by the love of your life. We're gonna stay it might have I've been stabbed you've been but no like you've been like Figuratively stabbed in the back. Oh in the back. All right. Yeah, I'm the love of your life in just this scenario Okay, right. Yes Okay, wait, that's it. All right, so His emotions will tell the story

I'm trying to hype you up here, baby. No, no, no, no. I'm in character. Oh, sorry. My bad. All right. You say action. That's right. Oh, I'm fucked up. Sorry. You betrayed me. Normally I'm in front of the camera. All right. Action. God, that actually hurt pretty bad. Shut up. Shut up. Bitch. And action. Yeah. I just want to know why. You already know. I don't know. Maybe it's because you farted on my tits. That's why? Maybe it's because I asked for non-farts.

You knew what you were getting when you got into this relationship. Look, did you see that? Did you see the composure that he had there, Marty Scorce? That was really good. Come on. Honestly, we had stuff to talk about. I kind of want to just do these acting scenarios now. For the rest of time. Honestly. Okay. This is the last one we're going to do until the next one. You're with the love of your life. Frank, give me a different scene. I don't want you typecasting. You're right. Okay. Yeah. You don't want to pigeonhole me. You just found out that you got the best news of your life, but it means that you need to kill your whole family.

What the hell? Yeah. And I'm gonna do it? Well, that's... Express it. Give me something here. Okay. Give me something. All right? And... The best news of your life, but I have to kill... But my whole family's gonna die. Well, no, you have to kill them. I have to do it. You have to do it. You have to do the delivering for the final blow. Okay. All right? And... Action! Wow. Unbelievable.

I mean look at how he is exploring the space around him. Exploring the space. You see what he did there, folks? You see what I did? If you're not, by the way, if you're not watching this on video, all of this is gone. Yeah. Guys, what you're missing is an Academy Award winning performance. A tour de force, baby. Yeah, exactly. A tour de force. My face is like a book.

That you can read. Yeah. And enjoy. And every single atom around his body right there, he explored that whole space. Exactly. He used it all up. Right. I felt the pain. There's no more room in this room. There's no... Because I've used it all. Babe, call your carbon dioxide. You took the air out of the room. Oh, God. You're so good. Guy has a way with words, too. You're good. You're like a savant. I don't know if...

Like a word survivor? I don't know. Can you... You want one? Give me something. Okay. Give me a little. Let me show it off. You never know who's watching here, baby. This is weekly. We're live. We're not live. We're not live. Okay. So you're married to the love of your life. Yeah. It's always the love of your life, so it's high stakes. So it's the love of your life. You come home. You're slightly drunk. Not hammered. You're slightly drunk. Okay. Okay.

And you looked through the window and you see like one of your, like the neighbor is in there and you don't know why. No, what are they doing there? Well, what are they doing there? So you're a little confused and you're a little scared. Yeah, this is tough. All right. Wait, wait, wait. Give me a second to get in fucking character. All right, get in character. Here we go. You know, first thing you're going to do is open the door. All right. Do you want me to pantomime the door? Yeah, yeah. Explore my space, right? I'll be the love of your life. Yes. Okay, ready? Action. What's up?

Hi. What's up? What's going on? Nothing. We're just talking. Well, what's up, dude? I didn't know you were here. Am I him too? No, no, no. Do you want to be? No, I don't. Nothing. How was work? All right. You know, I didn't... Are you drunk? What? Are you drunk? No, I had like three beers. Okay. You just sound like a little drunk. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm good. What are you guys talking about?

Uh, nothing. Uh, Jake was, he just came through the next door. He was like walking by. Jakey. What's up? Kids good? Yeah. What were you guys talking about? Uh, no, Jake was just talking about the kids and whatever. I invited him in just for some coffee or whatever. You okay? I told you what would happen. I told you what would happen. Please. What are you doing? What needs to be done. You see that? You see the rollercoaster of emotions? Goodness gracious. What needs to be done?

You made me do this. No, but see this. I didn't have a steady hand. I did have a steady hand. No shake. That means. Because I knew internally. You already knew the answer. This is where, if I had had the shaky hand. This is the tipping point. There was no doubt in my mind that Jake was dying. Yeah. You weren't dying. Oh, but you pointed at me. I know, but Jake, like it's the old double, the do-si-do, you know? Yeah. Do-si-do. Do-si-do is where you. That's what I'm trying to say. That's where I'm trying. I'm a little drunk. Right. See, I had to get in it right there. Right.

And that's acting, folks. Acting 101 with Joe and Frank. If you guys are wondering, that's showbiz right there. I know what you're thinking. Do these guys have no formal training?

Correct. Yes, we don't. Did they figure that all out on their own? Yeah. So? Put us in a fucking movie. That's what we're trying to say. Listen, God. Why, you know, not God. Oh, I thought you were speaking to God via pod. I mean, you never know. They might be. God's always watching. And Santa Claus. Weird how those are the two. The only two that are always watching. God and Santa Claus. And Big Brother. And Big Brother. They're always, they're always actually. I love how they're always, they're always traditionally, you know, like. Also, your dead relatives, are they always watching? Yeah.

Hope not. Me too. Hope not. Yeah. Because Yaya has seen some stuff. Yeah, my grandma has seen wild things. You know? I don't know why I'm saying that. I hope they watch without the confines of like me and Becca's bedroom. You know what I'm saying? I hope it's blurred. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, like it's like a special casted spell where like their eyes, they're like, what's going on in there? Yeah. Or it's like Asian porn where it's like all blurred and stuff. What's that? What? Asian porn. Asian porn? They like blur dicks.

So then why is it called porn? Oh, I mean, I don't know. That's how it is. They blur. Asians are just blurring dicks. You didn't know that? How would I know? Being a purse. I know, but I'm sorry. I never looked up Asian porn in my youth. I mean, well, that's, I mean, no, I've gone through an Asian phase, but I...

No, I mean, you see Asian porn, but it's like they blur it. I don't know why. I don't know the rules. They blur it? Yeah, I don't know if it's like a law or something. Is it like those, like, you know how, like, they have those bathrooms in the middle of their city and you lock the door and then it just becomes like an opaque room? You know what I'm talking about? I think that's cool. I think it's so cool, dude. We need more cool bathrooms in this country. I need...

You're more cool bastards in this country. I mean, I don't think it's cool to take a shit and it looks like everyone can see you. That's weird. Terrifying, yeah. But I do think the technology of getting into a room, flipping a switch, and then people can't see in is fire. I agree. Two-way mirrors? Yeah.

Super creepy if you have one, but they're a cool technology. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't tell you how many TikToks I've seen of the person. I'm just like, put your finger up to it. Yeah. All that shit. It's like, go up to... If you're an Airbnb, fucking go up to the window and then mark it. And I'm like, what the fuck are they doing? I mean, they have to do that, unfortunately, because there are fucking weirdos and creeps out there. But the Asians are innovating with bathrooms and...

Vending machines. Vending machines? Vending machines, brother. Whatever they vended. The Japanese love vending machines. They got them all over the place. Everywhere, dude. Yeah? Yeah, man. I like vending machines, too. It's a fun game.

It's not a game. You're just picking what you want. Yeah. Well, you're just talking about a casino. You like to gamble. I'm not talking about a casino. Yeah, you are. I'm talking about even if I want to buy... You know what I don't like? When it's just like I can't see the drink. And it just looks like a big like peppy thing. Oh, yeah. Let me see what I'm getting. And then it just kicks it out the bottom. Let me see what I'm getting. Bro, let me see the machine go get it. Yeah, I want to see it. I do miss the good old days of like the vending machine. Like you would just...

You'd get a soda from a vending machine and you would hear it just bouncing around in there. And then it comes to you and you can't open it for five minutes. And it would come out at 500 miles an hour. Bang, bang, bang, boom. Did your school have like a Fruitopia vending machine or something like that? In middle school. We had that at Baccalaureate. Fruitopia, man. You know what? Vending machines I love were the ones that have like the little thing like this. And it's like, shoo, shoo, shoo.

And then it goes in and then it like carries it over And it like slides out Yeah it like kicks it out of it's house Because like it like showed up drunk one day And then it was just like I told you to be home at 9 And you showed up like 3 hours late

Yeah, it's exactly like that. I love those vending machines. I do too. They're pretty cool. Or like vending machines that have like food. I'm like, this is interesting. I got to be honest. They're like vending machines. I don't care what's on the top row. I just want to get it because it's up there. I want to see it travel all the way down. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'd like to let this thing curse splat against the bottle. And normally, all the vending machines I've seen, they put the stuff at the top that shouldn't be up there. Pretzels. Pretzels. Things that they will fall and become- Crush. Why do that? Stupid. You can't put a Coca-Cola all the way up there.

To fall down. I love hospital vending machines. They got good hospitals. You don't want to be there, but if you're going to be there, hit the vending machines. They make up for all the other stuff that happens there with some pretty sick vending machines. Yeah. Let me tell you. Listen, if grandma's going down, you head on down to the cafeteria, hit the vending machines, all right? Because they got good stuff there. That's what I'm talking about. A good old vending machine just makes it fun. I've always wanted to scam one, though. Dude. Dude.

Like drill a hole in a quarter and like put it in and pop it out, you know, with a string. I feel like not that I've tried to do that, but that sounds like something that we would do, but it would just, you would have to like, how would you get a hole into a quarter? Drill it. I just said it. Correct. Do you remember the, you can't just get a, like a Phillips head drill and drill it. Why not?

Guess I don't know exactly bitch. You're stupid Do you remember the vending machine at ICYP if you would press the brisk and any other soda at the same time? You'd get both what the fuck I didn't know that yeah, baby. I would get powerades from that thing Oh my god brisk iced teas to the day I died you know what you know what I will say the one redeeming thing about them at vending machines that you can't see anything is they had those big fat buttons and

Oh, the white buttons? But the rectangles where you're like, talk, talk, talk. I did like those. You know? You know what? Vending machines are underrated. Have you ever seen like the Dippin' Dots ones where it's just a fucking big old like elephant nose and it just like goes down and it vacuums up? Yep. Oh, dude. Yo, not to get too off topic. Go ahead. I know where you're going with this. It is on my bucket list to get sniffed by an elephant. Oh, okay. Have an elephant be like...

Sniffed, yeah. That would be so cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw a video of someone. They were just like sitting in like a fucking Humvee or whatever the fuck and an elephant cane. And it's nose looks not human. It isn't. It is. But like it looks like not like from Earth. It looks otherworldly. And it just like comes in and it's like sniffing her lap and shit. I love how much water they can hold in that thing where they can just like suck up like four gallons of water and just spray it. Oh, man.

Elephants are fucking crazy. Pretty sick animals. I want an elephant to smell me so bad, dude. Yeah. Just like... I'll be honest. I didn't know if you were going with smell. What did you think? I was going to go sexual? I thought you were going sexual because you're a freak. You thought it was on my bucket list to get sniff sucked by a fucking elephant? What do you think of me? Demonetized. We do have some sponsors for today.

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Baby, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Also, we should talk about, you know, there was something in the news. Frank said this before. He was like, Olivia Rodrigo. She's in a little trouble. She got... Nah, in like, trubs? Couple. Couple? A couple of trubs. A couple of trubs? A couple of trubs. Apparently, there was like a kiss cam at her concert. Yeah, why? That's the first thing. Why are we... It's like a pop concert. But like, why do we do kiss cams at places? I mean, I would like... Don't force me to kiss. I would...

I love kissing, but don't force me to kiss. Have you ever showed up on a Jumbotron? Yes, once at a Yankee game.

What'd you do? Air guitar. Frankie. Yeah. Becca has a video of it. You did air guitar? Oh yeah. Was it, was it, were they like prompting people to do air guitar? It was like the air guitar cam. Oh, okay. And I fucking shredded. Let me tell you. I don't remember what song it was. It could have been crazy train. Yeah. It could have been paradise city. It could have been, you know, naming songs. Oh, are you sure? You just went like, Oh yeah. You know how I get with air guitar. You stood up.

Did I? Yeah. Yes, I did. But the reason why we even brought that up, Olivia Rodrigo, she had a kiss cam. These two people showed up on it, and she was like, kiss, kiss right now, kiss. They ended up being bro and sis. Now, you're a big anxiety guy.

Yeah. If someone puts you in that position, does your anxiety tell you, like, I have to kiss my brother or sister? Or are you just like, no way, dude. Hey, man, what the fuck kind of question is that? Well, because the anxiety of you're on screen and Olivia Rodrigo is screaming at you. Frank, easiest decision I ever made. Yeah? Yeah, to not kiss my fucking brother or sister. I'm with you. I'm not kissing any of my siblings. Right. But, like, all right. I know you and I have had talks behind the scenes. What about if it was one of your cousins?

What does that mean? I thought you were gonna ask like if me and you showed up on a kiss cam. No, no, no, no. I mean, it is a funny accident though. What? Telling a brother and a sister to kiss. I've learned at my age to never assume people are couples.

Yeah. You know, because then if they are brothers, there's like, ew, what? Or you ever see two people that look alike and they're like dating? Yeah. And you're like, huh, what is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of that weird shit where people are like, oh, you date someone that reminds you of your mom. I was like, what? Well, yeah, they always say that women end up with someone that's like their father. Oh, okay. So are we all just like doing that?

I mean, I don't know. I don't think I'm, I think in ways, in good ways, I'm like Becca Zed, you know? But that's weird.

You know? I think like in terms of like you want like the sentiment is like if you're treated well by your father, you're going to end up with someone that also treats you well. That's pretty vague though. Like I wouldn't say that means like, oh, it's my dad because they're both nice. Like, come on. I know. But you know, these horoscope people will make anything fit. They love it. They'll read a message in a newspaper that'll be like, tomorrow the stars will be for you. And it's just like, oh my God. I do feel better tomorrow. I do feel that, honestly. Yeah.

Oh my God, tomorrow feels so different. But yeah, that's kind of crazy. I don't know that she got in trouble, but... I mean, also, just say, oh, my bad. Oh, your brother and sister? That's a funny accident. Sorry. Why do we need to issue apologies for stuff like that? Did she issue an apology? I think she had to say, my bad. Sorry, guys. That was a mistake.

It's not like she took their heads and was like "Do it!" Yeah, she like tied them together and just like, you know. We're not continuing. We're not going anywhere until you guys make out. Yeah, brother said "I don't care. Fuck your sister." Like chill, bro. There it is. That's, that's, like that was the next logical step. I was taking it to an extreme level for comedy. Also, like, you know, actually- What the hell are you about to say? I know what we're talking about. What are you thinking about? I was gonna say like,

Has this ever, do you think this has happened and people have kissed? Like they're- The brother or sister or someone like that? I would hope not. Or like they put it on like, you ever see the one where it's like they put it on like the wrong, it's just two random people sitting next to each other and they kiss? I'm sure that's happened. Where they're just like, all right, I guessed. Yeah, I think that's happened. I don't want to be on a kiss cam.

Me neither. I don't want to be on the camera when there's anything else going on. I do want to be at like a Knicks game and they show like a clip of us and then we're there and like, you know, people were just like, oh my God. Yeah. It's like, yeah, that's that one. Yeah. That one is my favorite one where there's like, you know, and they just pointed their hat and screamed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But I mean, if they put us on the Jumbotron at MSG, I don't think there's going to be an insane roar. I would hope. Give me a couple chips. Yeah, I would like two people in my section to be like, oh my God. Holy shit. I think there'd be more like, why do I, for some reason. Oh my God. Yo, did you see the Costco guys went on Fallon? I did see that. Did you see? He was not having it, brother. Yeah, they're like...

He's like yeah boom boom boom They're like saying that he's like the boom meter is like and he's just like what yeah, he's he's just he wasn't into it He was not into it to his defense. I will say the Rizzler looked like a Lego. Oh

You ever see a Lego sit in a chair? Yeah. It looked exactly like that. He did. He did. Where did that... Just because he's a small boy is what it means. Short is what you're referencing. Yeah. His legs are like straight and he's sitting straight up. Yeah. And he's just like... Yeah, what is that? Like, is he giving a sign to bunt? Like, what is he doing? He's like...

Like, what are we doing? It's gotta be. Swing away? Yeah, there's gotta be some, like, coaching aspect to it or something like that. Yeah, I'm just very confused. I gotta say, we could make up our own, like, face thing. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean. What did I do? Like, the Rizzler has the... Do you know what it is, actually? Do you know the motions? He said it on the show, and I don't know. Oh, he does it all the time. I think it's just like... Like, shush, here's my chin, shut up. Shush, chin, shush, chin.

But like can we have our own like face thing? Go ahead make one. The basement yard where we're just like like Okay, I take back everything I said. Rizzler face. Oh here we go. Riz face. It's the it's the the shush shush. Let me show you my jawline. Oh and this and this like this look. Yeah, what is- He's just like he's telling he's like I'm thinking about shutting you up and looking at my jawline.

You're giving them fucking free promo now? These kids are fucking getting songs on our show? Relax. I don't even know what that was. It was like two fucking 13-year-olds dancing with Lunchly in their hand. They've made rap songs, dude. Who? The Costco guys. Oh, I heard the original one, Here Comes the Boom thing. Yeah, and now they have the new one still bringing it.

Oh, the sequel. Yeah. Still going on. It's still going on. And then they had a remix with the Rizzler on it, dude. Oh! The Rizzler dropped a quick 16 and he was- A wild feature! He was out, dude. Rizzler came in, dropped 16, upped and fucking left. That's kind of wild. We can have our own, like, our own face where it could be like- You suck at it, dude. Just let him do it. Why? Why? Why do I suck? Give me a face. Very good. I don't have a- There's only one Rizz face. You know what- It's the boy. You know what fucking drove me nuts?

Do you remember around like 2010, 2011, people did like the whole like, I don't know how to smile, like awkward, like... What are you talking about? You don't remember that shit? Bro, it was like those same group of people that refer to food as nom noms. You know what I'm talking about? And they, like their, their fucking Facebook picture was them and their name was just like Melissa Rar XD. You know, or like, you know, like, like Stephanie Panic at the Disco. Yeah.

Or Stephanie at the disco, you know, and then they got to a point where like they wouldn't they would pretend they didn't know how to smile So they'd be like, okay. Oh my god. I do remember that and I remember there was a girl in my high school who she was like Is seen the right word? What is that? I don't know with the black hair that would just like come across emo emo. Yeah Yeah, and she had a picture on her myspace that scared the fuck out of me She had a picture. She was just going like this

Oh shit. With her hand. And her hand was so bony. What was in her hand? Nothing? Nothing. A skull? Nothing? An apple? I think the caption was something about- A fucking, something, some form of fruit. I think it was, like, the caption was something about the world. It was like, the earth crumbles beneath my posterity. And she was just going like this, and I was like, that's gonna fuck out of me. It was like the people that took the picture up here, and it was like them and their feet were like, like Greg, you know? And then-

And they had the black and white checkered socks. Yes. And the black and white checkered. And they'd be like, you know. Yeah, yeah. God, I hated those people. Yeah. They hated us too. Let's be honest about it. Props. Well, I mean, we were all, I mean, we were much better at what we were doing. Yeah. The fucking digital camera flash. Can't see shit. Man. But it was the style. It was the style. It was. And we were, we were, we were cool.

That's what I tell myself. It was awesome. It was very cool. Yeah. But I feel like it's looping it back up.

20 years ago, that would have been Olivia Rodrigo. She would have been one of those Avril Lavigne... You remember it was the skull and crossbones that had a pink ribbon on its head? And it was... Oh my God. That was their AIM profile picture and stuff like that. Yeah, because I love Olivia Rodrigo. I think she has great music. Everything I've heard from her, very talented. All of her music... Not all of her music, but a good deal of her music is like...

Fuck this dude Who I used to date Or something Yeah You know what I'm saying Yeah yeah yeah What's that song Good for you Bro the song Good for you Is so fucking good I don't care how they call me How am I How am I

You were off and then you got on help me here. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean you got oh yeah, yeah It just took you a second. Take me a second. Okay, yeah, what's wrong with that bitch? Nothing is wrong with that. Yeah But yeah, I've seen you but she was definitely one of those like, you know fucking there's but you are like the male version of that because get the fart out of here dude every the READ

A way message or title or anything was a subtweet towards the girl that you liked. Joey, do me a favor. Say no! Do me a favor. Say that's not true! Do me a favor. What's the HVAC like in that fucking glass house of yours, bitch? Alright? Don't you fucking dare try to... Because Joey...

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, okay, hold on. This is what he was doing. He was like, your away messages were targeted at girls that you liked. And it was like, so were yours. Sorry, you also included a line, like a fucking motivational line from fucking like, you know, Trent Lott or someone, like an obscure fucking athlete that no one remembers. You know who that is? Yes, you do, bitch. But what you would do, Frankie would update his in real time. That's the difference, all right? I will admit I did that as well. But you in like real time. One day you're-

We're both black! Don't take that out of context!

No, but Frankie, like one day you'd get home and his MySpace name would be changed to, I guess I'll just walk home. Something like that. Yes. Yes. Fair, fair, fair, fair bitch. It'll be like, I asked the girl if I could walk her home and she said no. And my, my then away message that night would just be like, I don't like walking people home or like walking home alone is actually very dangerous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Some shit like that where it would be, but you did.

I almost got killed tonight. No, I don't know. Probably. It would be something like chased by three raccoons. Guess that's what happens when you walk home alone. You know? That's what it would be. But Joe, you would do the same shit. But I would do it. It would be more general. Like I would just put in a way message. This is for no reason, by the way. Not pointing at anyone. Just point it at everyone. And it would be just a broken heart.

Yeah, that's what it would be! And then I- mine- you- this is what- this is- I didn't understand subtext. You did!

context. Yeah. Joey would fucking post a broken heart and 30 people would hit him up saying what's wrong. I would post like, damn, I guess you want to cast a white net. You're a fucking fisherman out there. I would post like, damn, all right, I guess breaking hearts is just part of the routine now. And people would just be like, this is fucking stupid. This is dumb. Leave this kid alone. Oh my God. Like,

Like, I remember one time, I think I've said this before on the show, but in my bio on the Instamessager, whatever, I remember I just put, you gonna miss me when I'm gone.

Bro, I was in seventh grade. I do that now, if I'm being honest. Every now and then, just to get a rise out of Becca, I'll just be like, you know, one day I'll be gone. And she's like, you have to stop. Yeah, I mean, that's stupid. Well, it's, you know, a testament to why sometimes certain things never change. Consistency. And that's what we want. If I'm nothing else, I am the same person I've always been. Yikes. Wait.

No, but yes, Olivia Rodrigo would have been one of those people where it would have been like, you know, her away message would have been like, you know, at PacSun because I'm heartbroken. Yeah. You know, some shit like that. Maybe food will make me feel better. Yeah. Ooh, nice pizza. Rawr.

Pizza has my heart. You know what's funny about this? The other day I posted on my story, everything is bothering me today. Yeah, and I never do that anymore. It's funny. Who? Who? Who does this? You do does this. First of all, I could do it a hundred times and the score wouldn't even be fucking close. That is fair. We do have, hold on, we have to get a sponsors. We do have some more sponsors here, okay? Come on! All right.

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Like, simply safe. Okay? Keep yourselves safe. I'm having so much fun today. It's so fun. I'm having a great time. It's been a really good week. I wouldn't say it's been a good week. I mean... Yesterday was horrible. Yesterday... Well, my entire day was great. We did trick-or-treating with the kids. Nice. That's good. But, you know, at night watching the Yankees lose was not fun. Not fun. But we did go to one of the games. The one game that they did win, we were there. I'm not... Listen...

The superstitious person in me has to acknowledge that the only game they won was the one we went to, and it was because our friends at SeatGeek sent us there. That was fucking unbelievable. World Series tickets. I don't know if you guys took a peek at how much those were going for, but whoa. A lot of muns. Yeah. Got a big... Thank you, guys. Thank you, SeatGeek, for sending us to the game. That was really an insane opportunity that we got to do, and we got to see the Yankees win, and...

Anthony Volpe Grand Slam. Let me tell you something real quick. If you guys have never lost your voice, go to a sports game and watch something happen. That's it. That's great advice. I thought I was going to pass out when I screamed when he hit that. Yo, legitimately, I had to grab onto Greg. I was seeing stars. And then I turned around to the guy next to me. No clue who he was. I grabbed him by his collar and I shook him as hard as I could. And I...

And I had to, I apologized to him after. I was like, I'm sorry, buddy. He was like, oh, it's good, man. Go Yankees. Let's go Yankees. Yeah, exactly. But it was a really like a fucking outstanding opportunity to get to go to a World Series game. Yeah. 15 years since the Yankees went there.

Who knows how long it'll take them to get back. Didn't think we would be able to go. Tickets are really expensive. We also sat in great seats, so thank you to SeatGeek. I always talk about SeatGeek. You guys, go download the SeatGeek app. If you use the code JOE15, you'll get 50% off.

15% off any tickets. So whether you bought tickets before or whatever the case is, use the code Joe15. You will get 15% off of any tickets you buy on SeatGeek. And again, thank you so much for sending us. Bucket list thing to see the Yankees win a World Series game. Unfortunately, didn't come away with the series.

But we were there and it was awesome. Yeah. So thank you SeatGeek and we really appreciate it. Before the game though, getting in was a funny one. First of all, 90% sure my car was not going to be where I left it. Why? Well, I parked it in a garage and I drive it and it was like normal parking for the garage. And then like a girl comes up to my window, knocks on the window and she goes, for a tip, I'll give you this parking spot. It's right near the exit.

And I was like, okay. I checked my wallet. I only had like 15 bucks on me. So I gave it to her. She's like, that's more than enough. I walked out of there. I was like, this car is going to be on blocks when I get back. This may be a stupid question. Did she work there? Why did you think that she did? Because she had the confidence, Joey. Conviction. You know what I'm talking about? She had the, she came up, she was like, excuse me. She's an entrepreneur. Honestly, if the worst thing I did that day was I supported a small business woman. A scammer.

Potentially. In your eyes. Did she wear a jacket? She had a hoodie on. It was an all black hoodie. It might have had the logo of the parking garage on it, but I don't remember. I don't remember. I was so excited to get in. It's a good scam though. Kind of smart if you ask me. Hell yeah. One year at the lake house I did that. I charged people to pay, like during like 4th of July, I charged people 20 bucks to park at the lake house. Like in our like parking area. I mean, that's not like scamming.

It's your property. Yeah. Yeah. That's not the same. I don't know. I made like 400 bucks that day, baby. Whoa. Yeah, I would crush that shit. That's a lot of cars. So, but I was, I don't know if I told you this. I was getting, I was online to get in and there were two, you guessed it,

drunk white guys that were trying to like hop the barricades and people kept yelling at them because the way that like my gate was set up was like it was just barricades like just snaking around I was in the barricades for mad long ours went super I didn't stop I just kept walking but it was just like a half mile long and they kept trying to hop and people were like yelling at them so then I lost track of them and then they're as I get to like the gate where like the fucking metal detector is the guys are in there I see them yelling and the cops have them

Oh, good. And one of the, like, there's a woman yelling at them and I hear, and she goes, they kept, she was Hispanic and I could do it. Good. She goes, they kept, all right, I'm not going to do it. She was yelling at them and she was telling the cops, like, they kept trying to jump the barricade. And the guy's like, what? No way, dude. Absolutely not. And she's like, and she points to one of the guys, she goes, he was pissing behind this car right here. And he goes, what?

And the other guy goes, he didn't mean to do that. He didn't mean to? He didn't.

He didn't mean it. That's one of my favorite responses. You're taking the piss out of context. Oh, my God. He didn't mean to pull his dick out and pee. He just accidentally did that. Bro, I also... I don't know if I told you this, but we... Me and Greg were online, right? And it's snaking back and forth like crazy. Snakes are out. There's a guy in front of us. It's like this big white guy. And he's wearing an Otani jersey, right? Right.

And the guys... You know how you have to walk past pretty much the same people every time you're sneaking back and forth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the guy who was walking past... There was a guy in a Yankee uniform being like, I should gut you! I should gut you! Jesus, gutting. Saying that to the guy wearing the Otani jersey, right? But they're joking back and forth, and they just kept laughing.

First of all, the snake, maybe six times. He did the joke every time. Yeah. And I was like, I was like, I feel bad for this guy. He's just like, you know, whatever. Oh, did you give him a little sign of like reassurance? Like a pat on the back, buddy? Didn't do that. I was having a panic attack. Uh, were you really, I don't know why I was just having a panic attack. No. Are you okay? Yeah. I was totally. Yeah.

Yeah, that was two days ago. I mean... No, yeah, it was all right. It was all right. This is the first time we hear that. I literally was just like, oh, God, fuck. But I was fine. No, so then we're walking. I was like, oh, I feel bad for this guy. Like, whatever. Because the guy... Like, literally every single time. And I turned to Greg. I'm like, he's going to do that joke every time. Yeah. He kept being like, I should. I should got you. And I was like, fucking relax. We also... How did we not... Oh, no. Keep going. Sorry. So, listen. Then we're walking. And there's a, like...

I'm assuming Japanese woman and a Japanese cameraman with the light and a microphone. So they're like, oh, come talk to us, right? To the white guy. To the white guy they said this? Because he's wearing an Otani jersey. Who's... Oh, I thought you meant the guy that was offering to gut him. No, they're talking to the guy who's wearing the Otani jersey. Gotcha, okay. I'm assuming they're Japanese because of Otani, you know? Duh. So...

He, and this is the guy that I'm like, oh, I feel bad for this guy. So he walks over and he just goes, Otani! And then runs away. And then I look at Greg and I'm like, that was right. Like, what is happening here? How is that? Why would he do that? I don't know. Did you ask him? Ask him. I didn't want to get near the fucking guy after they lose Canada. He was massive.

But he ran over to this moment, and she was so excited to be like, because, you know, there's a bunch of Yankee fans. Yeah, of course, of course, yeah. She didn't want to talk to a Dodgers fan wearing an Otani jersey. And he went over and did that, and I was like, dude, I was like, was that bad? That was insane. Like, what the fuck? That's mad weird. We didn't talk about this, but the first play of the bottom of the first, when the guys grabbed Mookie Betts,

Glove? In the stands. Listen, let's say this. Yeah. That was dumb. Dumb. Don't do that. Also hysterical. Hysterical. Absolutely the funniest thing I've ever heard. And like, first of all, his name was just like, Bukkadebepo Gopichigoli or something like that. And the guy's like, they interviewed him. He's like, listen, for the Yankees, I got to D up a little bit.

He said that? Yeah! Yo. Did you hear, by the way, Gronk was like, I went to college with him. That was one of my friends. Really? Swear to God. On brand. He was like, he was on the hockey team. He always talked about how he loved the Yankees. I gotta say, because I also saw at the game, the game that we went to, that Siki sent us to. Thank you, Siki. They, like, first of all, be rational as a fan, whether your team is winning or losing. Don't be one of those pieces of shit that's just like, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna scream at this little kid. But...

Don't goad Yankee fans Yankee fans are one of the yeah few fandoms that I would say like don't poke the bear Because you're going even if your team wins you're gonna lose the battle. Yeah, you know you'll win the battle You'll lose the war with you like you can like they're like Yankee fans Specifically are up there with some of the worst fans the worst

worst. And that's a lifelong diehard Yankee fan. Yeah. Phillies up there. Eagle fans. Eagles fans is really the ones. They're known. They're worse than the Phillies, I would say. I mean, you would know because you're a bigger Giant fan than I think Yankee fan, but like

I can't like don't. But Yankee fans are pretty bad. Like if you, there was a guy that was sitting next to our section that was in full Dodgers gear, whatever, okay, but he brought a broom. That was a bad idea. For those of you guys that don't understand the context, I'm going to mansplain it to you. Do you understand life? No. So the Yankees were down 3-0 and it's the first team to win four. So he brought the broom as like, you know, it's going to be a sweep.

He kept turning around and holding it up and like pointing at Yankee fans with it. Not good. Regardless of what you're doing, like just don't. Most of these guys are drunk Italians from the Bronx that will fuck you up. Call me. They're not all lovable, kind, handsome, smart. Too many. They're going to kill you if you give them the chance. Yeah.

It was a good time though. I had a great time. It was a really good time. I was very excited. How many hot dogs did you eat? Only two. Only two? Only two. I went into the Pepsi lounge and they were just like, they didn't have it because Joey wanted it. Joey goes, oh, he looked at the menu. He goes, I'll take a pretzel. As we walked away from the seat, I said to Greg, I was like, he's getting a hot dog. Oh, I know. You were not getting a pretzel. Well, the thing, I had just ate before I got there. So I was like, I don't need to eat a hot dog. Did you eat a hot dog last night, by the way?

Did I eat a hot dog last night? Yeah. No. Just want to throw this out there. Go to a game, eat a hot dog, they win. Don't go to the game. Don't go to the game and don't eat a hot dog, they lose. I ate two hot dogs. I committed to the bit. I did see that. I said, Joey, one picture was me drinking wine, a really nice bottle of wine. And then the second one was me just dogging two hot dogs at 930 at night. Yeah. Hey, man, you commit to the bit. I only know one speed. I had a grilled cheese and vegetable soup.

What kind of cheese? Cheddar and provolone. What kind of bread? Sour. I have a trick for grilled cheeses. Frank, it's just cheese and bread. No, baby. There is no tricks. No, baby. The outside of the bread? Mayo. I've done that. Oh, okay. Not on grilled cheese, but like on sandwiches. No, no, no. I know, but you toast it. Yeah, in a pan. Fuck, dude.

Yeah. I want a grilled cheese now. I'm trying to do no bread, no pasta right now, so. Yeah, I have to eat an insane amount of bread in the next four days. That's right. You got the marathon coming up. How you feeling? I'm ready. I went for a run last night. Super easy. Feel good. Yeah? Half? No, I ran like four miles. And you're feeling good, man. Yeah. You're not supposed to run long now. Jokes aside. Yep. I want to say this. Don't be proud of me yet. Didn't do it. Okay, never mind.

Don't do it! I'm not going to say anything until after. By the way, solid chance we don't record when we normally do next week, right? Why? Because you're going to be shot, brother. Oh, no, I'll be fine. All right, cool. Anyway, I guess we can end that podcast there. Yeah. Did you slam the last of your tea? A little bit, baby. Don't spit. You love spitting. Yeah, you do. I'm surprised we didn't get peanuts at the game. That's the one thing that we fucked up.

You know, they had them for free in that lounge, but I didn't get them. I'm sorry. I got hot dogs and sweet Italian sausage. You know? All the way. Also, got all that for pennies because the person that was there gave us a discount because she was a fan. Thank you. Don't remember her name? Carla. Nice. She worked in the thing? Yeah. She did the classic like, oh my God, my friends love you. All right. Okay.

That's fun, dude. Yeah. So, but no, seriously, best of luck next time that they, the people will see you. Well, actually that's not true. They'll see you. I should have a medal. You get a medal?

That's the whole reason why I'm doing this. Oh, I thought it was just for like internal fortitude. I wouldn't do it for that. You would do it. You need the physical. Frank, I need the swag. You know what I mean? I'm buying a hat. I'm buying a jacket. Oh yeah. But then you get a free medal. Once you cross the finish line, they give it to you immediately. That's so cool. It looks like a fucking Olympic medal. Oh, is it bronze? I,

Is it gold? I don't know what it is. They can't give thousands of people gold medals. That'd be a little much. Not a chance. It's probably made out of just like recycled manhole covers. Probably. If it was gold, I'd be punching people and taking medals. Yeah, you'd be... Other people would probably be doing that too. Yeah. That's going to be sick. Well, listen guys, make sure you check us out.

Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You could find me at FAlvarez8085 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media. Check out The Basement Yard on all forms of social media. Thank you for all the love that we're getting across. TikTok, Instagram, all over the place. We appreciate it. We love you. We see you. Go check out Joe.

Yeah, you guys can check me out at Joe Santagato on TikTok, Instagram, whatever else. And yeah, go check out the Patreon and everything. We appreciate you guys so much. Thank you again to SeatGeek for sending us to the World Series bucket list thing. So we appreciate that. And...

TBYtourmarch.com, I guess. Oh, yeah. We forgot that. I don't know if it's still up. I don't know if it's still up. Uh-oh. Greg might be mad at us. TBYtourmarch. He's all right. Greg's on vacation, so he doesn't give a fuck. It's true. He doesn't give a shart. He's on vacation. He's fine. He doesn't give a shart. He didn't give a shart. He doesn't give any sharts. None. That is all for this week's episode. Do you remember on tour when Greg crapped his pants? Every show. You remember that, right? Yeah, all the time. All right. Well, now it's true. See you guys next time. Bye.