#470 - Welcome To Hell's Kitchen
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Welcome back to the ba- Welcome back to the basement yard Twinsment- Twinsment- Damn it I was gonna- The Twinsment yard The Twinsment yard? Cause we're kinda twinsies right now a little bit Look at the shirt, I mean you're in kith because obviously you need to wear name brand stuff or else how are you gonna measure your own worth? But, we're kinda twinsie a little bit right now What shirt is that? What are you wearing? Just a shirt Words It's just a t-shirt Oh, I don't know It's just a t-shirt What socks are you wearing?

Do those have spooky skeletons on them? Spooky season. You're into it. Have you watched any of the... I'll tell you what I watched. I'll tell you what I watched. You watched Casper? Nope. Oh. We watched it. We watched it the other day. Did you? I should. I should. I will tell you right now, without hyperbole... Good experience. ...in my personal top 50...

Of movies Period Wow Personal Personal Yeah yeah yeah Because he's going around And he's You know It's so good dude It is good But I was gonna say I'll tell you what I did watch Becca posted something

I think it was close friends, but it was like, now I'm giving secrets away. Yeah, Jesus Christ. No, it was like the bed sheets and everything. Oh, when she made the little bed for them? Yeah. And they were watching spooky Halloween bed sheets. Bro, we're all spooky Halloween season out. We're ready. We put up some decorations last night. I saw the fucking thing that you talked about that you bought where it's like Mickey Mouse and he's got pumpkins. Isn't it so sweet, cute, fun? Fuck.

Isn't it? I'm so excited. I like it. I thought it was nice. It's so cute. Yeah. I saw it on Costco's website. Does it move? It does. Well, that one doesn't. We have another one that's a boat. It's a pirate ship and it rocks back and forth. I like that. I'm telling you right now, if I see something like Christmas themed at a Costco website or something, it's coming home with daddy. See, yeah. Because any... I wish I had a home. If I had a home, bro, I would be putting stupid shit on my front lawn. Hey, hey.

Home isn't a place. It's a feeling. Okay, yeah. You got home. Home could be people. Home could be... Home is where the heart is. Home is where the heart is, babe. Have you seen that movie?

What movie? Natalie Portman. Having a baby in a Walmart. Tornadoes. It's crazy. Don't care about any of that stuff. You know? Why do I want to watch that? I don't know. It's very... You think I want to... Walmart is a real place that bad things happen at. I don't want to watch movies where stuff happens. She had a baby in one. Okay. Just saying. I can guarantee that's not the first time or last time a baby has been birthed in Walmart. Guess what she named it? WALL-E. America. I'm going to murder whoever made that movie. Yeah. But...

Costco. We can agree, right? I haven't been inside of the premises in a while. In a while, but we... Does Costco do the samples? Or is that BJ's? Oh, yeah. You can get them at both, babe. Oh, BJ's does samples. Bro, we used to... Yeah, hell yeah. We used to go, when it was just Becca, Miles, and I, we used to go at Costco at like noon and...

That would be our lunch is we would go and just fucking sample from the 90 different things that they would have. Hey, man, you're not homeless. Okay, that is an insane...

Act To be doing as a family We would just go there And that's our No but Miles Miles Loved them Miles loved it He would walk around He'd get so excited And he'd say Oh can we go to Costco For the examples That's what he would call them The examples And he's right They are examples It honestly is like A shitty Epcot

You know, like you get a bunch of different foods. Yeah, dude, I'm going to go to the meat department and I'm going to try these fucking birria tacos that they're making. And then I'm going to go two aisles down and I'm going to try this fucking stinky cheese that they got. And then three aisles over, there's coconut water. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Yeah. It's the greatest place on earth. That's heavy. It's Disney, but in brick New Jersey. Right. You know? It's Disney. Yeah, no.

I'm going to tell you something right now. I haven't had a sample in so long. You're not in this stage of life yet. When you get into this stage of life of having children, you're going to lose your mind for Bluey. Bluey is the greatest kids piece of media that has come out possibly ever. The dog. The dog's up.

It was families of dogs. Okay. All right? It is the cutest, but greatest... Like, it's not like a kid's show where it's just like, all right, well, it's a kid's show. Bro, that thing will take your heart, rip it to shreds. I don't... Kid shows don't do that for some reason. Dude, rip it... There is an episode...

Where Bluey's mom talks about, like, the feeling of competition with other parents when Bluey started walking. Goddamn. Dude. Man, real. And it is so Australia. You finally did something right. It is this... What? Crazy thing to say? I mean, they've done other stuff. Like what? Fucking...

See? Shoeys. What the hell is that? That's when you drink a beer out of your shoe. Great, Joey. Great. Listen, if we ever do a show in Australia, they're not going to let us leave without doing it. So wear your favorite pair of shoes. Okay. My cleanest pair. I'll buy a new pair that day. But if Costco has like a bluey decoration Christmas theme, I'm going to buy everything and hoard it. Yeah. Like an old white man. Right.

With dead cats under newspapers. You know what I'm saying? Now I'm a little confused, but I do get the sentiment. You're going to get there. So just wait till you have a house because then you're going to grow and you're going to get into the situation I'm in right now where I want to buy everything. Everything. And my wife is like,

We don't have enough space to have all this stuff. I saw a TikTok the other day. It felt like it was 10 hours long, but I watched the entire thing. And it was this woman setting up Halloween decorations in her front yard. It looks like a giant skeleton is crawling out of the ground. I'm like, this is awesome. Yeah, those are cool. Those are cool. I saw one today that is a 30-foot tall Jack Skellington.

That's tall. Not blow up. That's bigger than your house. Bro. Yes, dude. It's huge. Jesus. I'm kind of about it though. You want a big jack. Crazy? Yeah, a little crazy. A little crazy. I don't know if I'm going to go that far, but I'm getting a lot. Once the kids are older and it's a little easier to set up and decorate and stuff like that,

I'm going all out, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care. Yeah. You're inside. You do a lot of inside stuff. I do a lot of insides. Well, the insides, that's where you're living most of the time. Are you a napkin family? Do the napkins change? We don't have napkins. We have them. My mom's a napkin woman. We had napkins, but we stopped using them because Maeve would throw them everywhere. Oh, that's annoying. And we had like the thing- Wait, you have no napkins in general? We have paper towels. We use paper towels. Oh, you have no napkins. We have them. We just don't use them.

There's literally bags of napkins in our back pantry. Really? Yeah, just don't get touched. Oh, she just rips them and throws them around. They go everywhere. There's no point. Maeve is the most goblin child that you could ever imagine. Yeah. So there's no point of having anything like that because it will be all over the place. I was asking more of like the...

Holidays like my mom always switches out the napkins. That'd be cute. We'll get there. We have like hand towels Hand towels, of course, we got we got Casper hand towels. We got Casper hand towels. What do they look like? It's Casper with like a little like trick-or-treat jack-o'-lantern Bucket are they white? No, they're black. Okay or gray not white though. Yeah, it can't be white Casper's chillin. He's hanging out. He's like

Do the kids like Halloween? Hell yeah. Nice. Candy, bro. Ruby's been asking for it. She calls it Happy Halloween. She's been asking for it for months. Do you have costumes planned out? I know you do. It's all done already. Do the kids get a say, or is it just one thing? Oh, no, not absolutely. Well, no, we have two costumes. So we're going to my nephew's birthday party, which I assume you'll be at, too. When is that?

The weekend after Radio City. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll be there. Is that a costume party? Yes, it is. Oh, I have one in my closet. I'm chill. Yeah, you're fine. We already figured it out. And I just want to throw this out there. Go. I won. You won? And I didn't even say I won. Becca and I won. Won what? When you have kids, Joey, you're going to find this. You're going to want to turn them into, in some ways, little versions of yourself. Your interests, your likes. For instance. You guys are a bunch of Pokemon. Well, no. No.

That'd be a good one, but no. For instance... Yeah. Tell me that Maeve is like the penguin or something. No. So, Ruby's Batman. Maeve... You're not Batman? Listen to me, baby. Wow, you gave it up. That's a good dad. That's... I relinquish... Wait, who... Batmanmanship. You're the fucking Riddler, aren't you? Yep. I am the Riddler. She's Poison Ivy. She's Catwoman. Okay. And then Ruby is Batman. Maeve is Robin. And then Miles is the Joker. I won, folks. I won.

And I didn't even say I won, because Becca is as big, if not bigger of a Batman fan than I am. Something shady you might not even know, we won. Wow. And we did it. One day, because, you know, the kids, like, they want to watch the same things they've been watching all the time. And one day I was like, I threw on the Batman show from when we were kids, the animated one from Fox 5. Yeah. Hook, line, sinker, baby. Hooked them, hooked them. Have you ever showed them something and they were like, sucks? Power Rangers. Damn. Yeah, they don't care for Power Rangers.

Pokemon, honestly, they're not, like, Ruby doesn't really, she knows Pokemon. Pikachu. I'll put it on. Get it. It's the fuck off my TV. Kind of racist against Japanese people when you think about it to hate Pokemon when you really think about it. If you sit with it for a little bit,

It feels like it could be racially charged. Okay. I'll lose this one. Okay. All right. But you'll see. You're going to make your kids want to be a little version to you. Like, they're going to like the same things you like. Like, they're going to come out and they're going to have, like, fucking, like, paddock pajamas and shit like that. I was just waiting for that. Yeah, you know. You know exactly. Your baby's pacifier is going to be fucking Rolex. Yeah. You know. The bottles are going to be all Kith. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know. 100%.

Yeah, I know. But that is exciting. That is nice. You guys usually do like a whole family thing every year, right? Yeah, I think this year though, Ruby out of nowhere said she wants to be a pumpkin, which is the cutest fucking thing in the world. So I think for like that, Miles wants to be Inspector Gadget. Ruby wants to be a pumpkin. Is that still a thing? He watches the show from when we were kids. Is there any modern TV that is on in your house besides Bluey? Everything you go in their house is Bluey.

Octonauts Who's that? The octonauts You don't know the octonauts? No I'm triggering Eight astronauts? There is a home of There's someone that is watching this right now That I said that And they're just like Oh fuck Because their kids are walking in like

Octonauts? What the hell is that? Octonauts, they're like little deep sea diver explorer characters. Fire. Yeah. My nephew's really into Paw Patrol. I don't care. Okay. Paw Patrol is in our house too. You know, Rebel Chase, Rocky, Zuma, Paw Patrol, we're on a roll. Here we go. A Paw Patrol. Oh, got it.

But yeah, it's a lot of stuff. What's wrong with that? And then Beetleborgs. Well, we tried putting on Beetleborgs, but it's not available anywhere to watch for free. And I'm not buying the whole season for $3.99 on Amazon Prime. $4? That's where you draw the line? Fuck. Yeah, no wonder. Bro, this kid's going and having lunch with his family at Costco and eating the samples. He's not paying $4 for something? Are you fucking kidding me? What, bitch?

BITCH! That shit was probably $50 that you're holding right now. This is a gift. From who? A Costco sample. No, my sister-in-law. Since we're on the topic, I keep winning, baby. I keep winning. I'm on a roll. I'm fucking unbeaten right now. Yeah. Ask. Go ahead. How are you be unbeaten? I did it. What'd you do? I saved Red Lobster. Folks...

And the crowd goes crazy. What happened? They have exited bankruptcy.

Oh, they're back? They're back. Their banks are erupting. Wait, how can they be that quick? Because they found someone to buy them. And they're operating like they closed a bunch of stores. They got saved. So they're getting lean now. Yeah, they basically went on the biggest loser. They're like, yo, maybe we can close some of these Red Lobsters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe every town doesn't need four. Yeah. Good thinking, Red Lobster. Every mall doesn't need three of these. Yeah, exactly. So let's stop.

I did it. You brought it back. I single-handedly, myself and Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav? He bought it? No, but have you seen? He's been going to a bunch of Red Lobsters and buying the whole menu. Nice. So Red Lobster, just throwing this out there, Red Lobster, you sent me a really nice package and I really appreciate it. Myself and Flavor Flav saved your company. Just want to put that out there. Where's the closest Red Lobster to you? Within a 10-minute drive. When was the last time you went?

Yeah, exactly. Well, hold on. You little whore. You haven't even been there. Well, I don't... You need to understand something, okay? You were doing it with energy? It was the vigor in which I was promoting Red Lobster. They got people out in droves to save an American staple of middle-income families, you know? Yeah. Oh, I did it. What have you saved, bitch? I don't know. What companies have you saved that have gone under?

That have gone under none. I don't really know that I have done that. Well, one, zero. God. Just want to throw that out there. Honestly, Red Lobster is an interesting name for that store when you think about it. I don't know. It's just lobster. Like you're naming your thing Red Lobster. Yeah. Like that's weird. Why? Like Outback Steakhouse is like, okay, it's a steakhouse in the Outback. And like Red Lobster is just a thing. Well, it's a thing that's cooked. Lobsters are not red until they're cooked and they become red.

Is that true? Yeah, they're like brownie and spotty and stuff like that. When you go into Red Lobster, is that the place where you're like, oh, I want that one? You can. They have like a tank? They have a tank, yeah. But you could do that at any like grocery store now. When's the last time you went to like- Grocery store? Yeah, they have one of those- Not the grocery store near me. Then fuck your grocery store. But like there's ShopRites and Stop and Chops by me that have lobster tanks. Tanks? Yeah.

And you go, anytime I went with the kids, they love to watch it because they see the, you know, enslaved lobsters that are in their fucking. How fun. A hospice, basically. It's like, where do you think these are going? Fucking hell in a little bit. Isn't there a thing that they can't feel pain or something? They have no pain receptors. Am I making that up? I don't know. I heard that there's like the like myth is that like you can hear them scream when you put them in the water.

I'll tell you this right now. I mean, lobster's, like, good, but, like, I'm cool. I'm not cool with, like, murdering it myself. Yeah, like, yeah, I don't want to hear a thing scream. Definitely not. Imagine the scream is like, yo! What the hell?

Like a louser just bugging out like that. Yeah. Have you ever cooked- A crab, though. I'll fucking cook it. I don't care what it's saying to me. Oh, yeah. Because it tastes so good. Like, you've cooked live crab? No, I've never cooked a crab. I've cooked live crab. You've cooked a- Where'd you get it? Where'd you get it? Miles caught them and brought them home. And you had it snappy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We put it in a bucket with ice. Damn, that's kind of gnarly, honestly. It is. They're pretty cool. They're blue crabs. Wait, wait, wait. You put them in a bucket with ice? Yeah. Does that, like, freeze them and neutralize them? No, they just, like, they hang out a little bit and then they chill until they're dead.

Oh, so it's alive and going and you just throw it into boiling hot water. Yeah, like I can look at it in the eyes. I always forget they have eyes. Yeah, of course they have eyes. I look at it just like that. Yeah, right. You know, and then it's gone. And just like that, it's over. Well, not before the suffering that occurs. Do they suffer though? Yes. Oh. You are boiling them alive.

That's sad. It is sad, but... Not king crabs, though. King crabs, they kill them with a knife before. I mean, you gotta kill that thing with a fucking silver spike. What were you just talking about recently? Like a giant king crab? Oh, Gordon Ramsay or something. Yeah, Gordon Ramsay. There's this guy on... I think he owns a restaurant or something on TikTok who does a really good Gordon Ramsay impression.

I think it's called like the, you know what? I'm not even going to say what his name might be, but something, Habibi's in there somewhere. So I don't want to offend anyone by saying something incorrect. There is a famous clip of Gordon Ramsay. If you guys haven't seen it, you should definitely look it up. But he goes to someone's restaurant and then he calls them a French pig. And it's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Because... You pig! You French pig! Yeah.

It's like the most intense thing. That show is so crazy. Gordon Ramsay just walking into a restaurant and be like, dickhead. Like to his main chef. You know what I mean? That and Bar Rescue, they have to be produced. That guy too. He bugs out. Bro, Jon Taffer will walk in and he'll be like two inches from people's faces too. He'll walk in and just go, asshole. You can't run a business. You are your fat wife. And you're like, yo, Jon.

Chill the fuck out. Okay. There's no way that they have to be like. They have to. Listen, the cameras are rolling. I'm going to ham it up for the cameras, but behind the scenes, I'll actually help you. Bro, crazy of him just being like, you take another drink while you're working, you scumbag. There's patrons around. Bro, insane. Like, Kitchen Nightmares is, I think, the show that you're referencing. I went down like a rabbit hole one day and watched just like

A ton of clips from that show and he goes in and he's just like all right he orders first He's like all right. I'm gonna take this and then it comes out. He's like oh Like he'd never been so like come on You know and he gets back there, and he's like let me see your fridge this guy's on he's gotta be on coke right yeah He's gotta be on something. He's

Oh! Good catch, good catch, good catch. He almost knocked over his tea. But he's all over the place. And then he sees it and he's just like, oh, this is what you're serving, people, you fucking piece of shit. Yeah, like he goes crazy. He loads up. Bro, one time I was watching that show. Is it Kitchen Nightmare where he has a bunch of people who are competing also? No, that's Hell's Kitchen. Yeah, Hell's Kitchen. So I was watching that. I saw a clip of it and he like...

Someone made some shit and he's just like, bring it over to the chef. And he's like, look at this dickhead and throws it out. Right. And like throws the plate out. And then a woman who's just going to the restaurant gets out of her chair and like comes up to the counter. And I don't know whether she was complaining about the way he was like yelling or her food or whatever. This dude starts on loading on the customer. You fuck yourself. Like,

You fuck yourself cunt get shot. Yeah, yeah, everyone can get it I've seen I've seen it where it's like there'll be like a woman who like sends it because I think the Hell's Kitchen It's a show but also a restaurant that like you can go and technically be a part of the show right yeah And like someone will send the food back and they'll be like oh, it's overcooked and he'll cut it open and be like let's see oh

It's not. It's perfect. And sends it back and he goes, send it back and you let them know that they're fucking useless. You know? And it's just like, holy shit. Dude, same with Jon Taffer. I want, I want, I really, really, really in college tried to get Jon Taffer to go to a bar in my college town.

Why? Because it would have been perfect. It was busted all the time for underage drinking. The people that were working there were drinking all the time. It was a shithole. It was like the ultimate dive bar. And just to see him walk in and just absolutely verbally eviscerate these people. It would have been so fun, dude. God, man. I love John Taffer, though. He gets in people's face. Like an inch from their face with his finger out. And he's got like a, and yo!

He has like a whiny, absolutely crazy. I remember watching an episode of that one time and it was like this. It was at like a divey bar and everyone who was going there was like older.

And it was like off a highway, but it was a tiki themed bar. And he hated that. Bro, old people love tiki stuff. Why do they love it? Because they think they're in Hawaii. And it's like, you're still in fucking Iowa. Yeah, you're still in fucking Middletown, New Jersey. Where do you think you're going? They think they're in Hawaii. Yeah. And like, he just hated it.

That it was Tiki themed He's like it makes no fucking sense You're fucking incompetent And I'm like yo this guy's crazy bro Yelling at people like this And he watches from the van He's like oh my god I love that they do a stakeout He does a stakeout Like hmm where could Jon Taffer be tonight The big white van outside Emitting thousands of fucking Sun rays basically from it And he's just like look at what they're doing here

He does. He loves doing that. And it's like, no, this can't, they can't have this. It's always like also the most, I legit saw an episode one time where they were making, they were making burgers on a panini maker thing that wasn't even in the bar. You had to walk outside in the back and then it was plugged in and like on a table and they would make it like that. I will say I saw one that like actually like,

Made me like look at bars a little differently and it was He went to a bar and it was like an irish pub theme or something like that And they had guinness on tap, but it was a bad tap So like the guy had a guinness and ended up getting sick because of it So since then i've been very apprehensive anytime I've been to a bar to like have guinness have a guinness from a tap if they have bottled different but like tap guinness i'm like

Because apparently it's like, if it's bad, it's like, it'll make you fucking sick. Well, they must have been great in Scotland because they had about a thousand. I really wish someone could pull up the old clips of you talking how much you hate Guinness and now just doing a complete 180. Well, I don't, I don't, I haven't had a Guinness...

In the United States, other than when we had one that one time. We've had them every St. Patrick's Day. No, we were young and you were like, we have to fit in. And I was like, okay. Yes, we were 18 or 19 going to St. Patrick's Day. But since then, we've had it several times and you've hated it then too. I don't know that I've had that. Oh, you made me do a fucking whatever that shit is called. Irish Car Bomb. We've on this episode for St. Patrick's Day have had Guinness. And you're like, really? Oh, we did a bomb.

Did we do a bomb? No. We just had Guinness, Joey. I'm confused. I'm confused. Anyway. Get to the ads, you fucking dweeb. We do have ads. Watch it. We do have ads. The first one being stamps.com. Stamps.com has all the amazing...

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Thank you. We love you. And yeah. So I don't know if you've been seeing this, Joe, but Taylor Swift has been in the news. Not because she is big time megastar. She was at the Chiefs games. She was at the Chiefs games? Was she at both of them? I believe so. I only saw her at the one. Was she at the one against Cincinnati? I don't know. I wasn't there. Yeah, well. She has been getting...

In the news for a lot of strange reasons, I guess. Well, one, she kind of laid claim to supporting Kamala Harris for her presidential bid. And then as a result... I think we can...

Call off the election then if she's going to do that. Oh, you think it's like it's done? I mean, she's like the most famous person in the room. She'd be like, here's what I'm doing. I have a feeling, though. To be fair, I don't think. Most of her fan base cannot vote. That is fair. You know, I don't think that they're currently of voting age. Right. But as a result, she like penned this letter, you know, showing support for Kamala Harris and VP, you know, nominee Tim Walz.

And she signed it like childless cat mom or something like that. Did you see what Elon Musk responded to that? Why did she sign it like that? I think just being like funny, like, Oh, like, just like, you know, me, no kids, but I'm a cat mom. Is she a cat mom?

Apparently her cats are as famous as she is, dude. Oh, that makes sense, but... She has, like, famous cats. She's got famous cats. Big ol' famous cats. Look up her cats. Does she have... Oh, she better not have famous cats. Be very careful with what you Google right now. Taylor Swift pussycat. Taylor Swift cats. But, like, I think in, like, Deadpool 2, Ryan Reynolds or Deadpool wore... What the hell?

who wore a t-shirt with her cats on it oh meredith olivia and benjamin cats yeah those are cats you know how i feel though about pets with real human names though yeah you don't like mine don't like them because meredith is a crazy name for a cat

Do something more fun like scratchy scratchy Bojangles. It's not 1998 whiskey Whiskey, that's actually not a bad name. Yeah, you know a brown cat. Yeah that has whiskers. This is little whiskey Yeah, I like that, you know Elon Musk responded to her. Did you see this? No, he quoted it and he goes, uh Fine Taylor, I'll give you a child What?

Elon Musk said that? Yeah, dude. That's a wild thing to say. What an insane thing to say to anyone that is just doing anything, but like... Yeah, dude. Also, can we just say this? And like, I'm not trying to, you know, whatever, but Elon Musk looks like he's been inside of water for like a year. You know what he looks like? Do you remember the first X-Men movie when they put...

This is going to take a while. The first X-Men movie where they put the... I think he's the governor or the mayor or the senator or whatever he is in the machine that turns him into a mutant. And then he turns into a jellyfish blob water guy. I do not know what that is, but... He reminds me of... No one's going to get that. Obviously not, Frank. Thanks a lot. No one's going to get that. You and I. I'll show you. No, but I think he...

When I see him sometimes... Remember when those photos came out of Elon Musk and he was on the back of a yacht or whatever? And I was like, that looks like my feet when I'm in water. Remember those toys that we got when we were kids and they came in little pills and you put them in water overnight and then you wake up the next morning and they turn into a big foam action figure? You're incapable of picking things.

That people will recognize. That's what he looks like. He looks like that. Like a chia pet? No, not a chia pet. He looks like if you were to watch a movie and you were to find a body floating in the water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're getting better now. He looks like a John Doe. He looks like... Stop now.

By the way, chia pets. Yes. Does it have anything to do with chia seeds? Yeah. That's what you put on it. Chia seeds. Really? Yeah. Wait. So the hair. Is chia sprouting. Really? Chia seeds sprouting. Yeah. We had one at our house. Who was it? I think it was Groot.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. And it's like a red clay face or head or bust or whatever. And then you mix chia seeds with water overnight. You know how it gelatinizes? Yeah, yeah. And then you just spread it, and then you spray it with water every day, and it becomes... Hair. Hair. I remember back in the day... Where'd you go? I was going to say, I remember the one on TV. I think it was Bill Cosby. Well...

And I was just going to say it. I wasn't realizing what I was saying. Yeah, you probably shouldn't. But I wonder what he's up to. I'll give you a couple guesses. It rhymes with schmrzen. Yeah. Well, no. Oh, he was let out? I think so. Oh, well. Didn't he like get out of prison and was like immediately like, I'm going on a comedy tour, but I think that was fake. I don't know. Honestly, I've kind of kept my nose out of anything to do with him. Yeah.

You know? Who, Bill? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. Yeah. But yes, chia seeds, chia pet. Remember those commercials when we were younger? Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chia. Yeah. Oh, shut up. I don't want a fucking chia pet of Bill Clinton. I've never had a chia pet. Yeah, we had that. But like, it was just like a new fad that people had and stuff like that.

But Elon Musk. Yeah. Honestly saying like, yo, Taylor Swift, I'll rail you, brah. That's kind of wild. What an insane thing to say to just be like, fine, I'll give you a kid. Like, any way you look at that. Yo, she has to clap back at that point. I mean, I would hope that her clap back is, you know, in a legal sense. You know, just being like. Or if I'm Travis Kelsey, bro. Ooh.

Bro, Travis Kelsey. I'm not going to. First of all, New Heights, good show. Congratulations on the big deal. You haven't had us on yet, so I'm a little pissed off about that. Same. You got to fight Elon Musk now, right? That'd be cool. He was going to fight Mark Zuckerberg. Who? Oh, yeah. Remember that? Mark Zuckerberg would beat the brakes off of Elon Musk. I don't know. I mean, he has taken like Krav Maga and like BJJ, you know? Yeah. BJJ. Is that what it's called?

Calls it that It's Jiu Jitsu Brazilian Jiu Jitsu though BJJ Is that You said it like it's a bank Okay well Uh You just gotta be like Yo

On some real shit. Like, Travis Kelsey, we're not going to tell you how to do things, but we certainly are going to tell you. I mean, he definitely got a call from someone being like, yo, because Taylor Swift's probably like, she got a whole fucking company that's like, yo, no one say anything to this guy. Okay. It'd be hard for me to not be like, bro, no one's fucking your ugly ass. Not even just that, but like, your fame and your notoriety is built off of your athletic prowess. Mm.

Travis Kelsey. Jason Kelsey, you get in there too. You know, the Kelseys versus Elon Musk. He could bring someone he wants. I don't know. And Mark Zuckerberg. I'll take that tag team match any day. Yeah, dude. But Travis Kelsey, just be like, yo, Elon Musk, I'm rich because I'm a good athlete. Fight me for talking about my lady that way. Right, yeah. Just fight him, dude. Yeah. What's going to happen? He wanted to fight Mark Zuckerberg in the Coliseum.

You can fight him? Dude, can you imagine if that happened? Elon Musk fought Mark Zuckerberg in the Coliseum.

That would be, like, the end of times. Like, as soon as the bell rang, the ground would open up and then fucking Satan will come back and be like, you guys did this. Yeah, yeah. Not me. That's when the aliens, like, intervene. They're like, all right, we were, like, joking. Like, you don't have to do all this. Yeah, the simulation will literally pause and whoever is running the simulation will be like, all right, relax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do this. It would be the lizard overlords would come out and be like, all right, we...

We're getting carried away here, folks. It would be cool if we did have lizard overlords, wouldn't it? Can you imagine walking around? It's like, imagine you become president, right? And then people just let their hair down in the White House because now you can know the secrets, and they transform into lizards. I'd be like, this is fire. Would it be? No. Put it like this, Joey. You and I have openly discussed how we have had minor...

like, minor existential crises and, like, bouts of, like, imposter syndrome because we're doing two shows at Radio City. Imagine becoming president of the United States and then finding out that the people around you are, in fact, lizard people. I'd be fired. What? Also, there's no way I could keep that secret, bro. I'm whistleblowing the shit out of that. I mean... On my deathbed. I'd be like, yo, they are lizards. Yeah, and then people would be like, oh, he was old and senile. You never win. No.

True. You never win, Joey. You wouldn't be able to get anything across. Nah, I'd put it in like a time capsule. Also not going to help, Joey. What do you mean? People dig those up? Yeah, and they'd just be like, oh, this is probably just nonsense. No, I'd be like, bro, on this date, I'm healthy and they're all nuts. I don't know. Yeah, people are really going to think that that's true. We saw the White House. It wasn't as big as I thought it was going to be, but there's probably a lot of underground tunnels. That would be cool.

I'll be honest. The streets we were walking on felt like they were on a stage. Does that make any sense to you? What does that mean? It felt like we weren't walking on the ground. It felt like we were walking on a stage when we were walking around the White House. I felt like we were walking on the street. No, I felt like I was on a stage or something. Why? It just felt that way. Physically? Physically, yeah. The floor felt like a stage. I cannot explain it other than how I'm explaining it.

It felt like I was walking on an elevated surface, not the ground. Weird. It was just straight. Oh, do you mean like, so it feels like it's hollow underneath? Yeah. Like there's stuff underneath it, which there definitely is. Yeah. There's gotta be like tunnels and like, uh, fucking what's it called? Tunnels. What's it called? Uh, bunkers. Bunkers. Bunkers. Bunkers. What makes a, what's the difference between a bunker and a tunnel?

A tunnel leads to a bunker. A bunker you can hang out in. A bunker's in the back of a tunnel. Do you ever hear about the Denver airport conspiracy? Yes, I've heard about this. That it's basically just like a weirdo. We were at the airport in Denver. Wait, did I ever tell you about the Philadelphia experiment? No, you're gonna freak me out with all this shit, Joey. I don't wanna fucking hear about this. My dad... Bro, my dad called me one day...

I don't even know how we got here. But he started talking about this, the Philadelphia experiment, which is an alleged incident that took place in 1943 at the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard. The story claims that the U.S. Navy made the USS Eldridge destroyer escort.

That's all one word. It's a ship. I was going to say, you're saying things that I don't understand. So the claim is that the U.S. Navy made this destroyer ship invisible and teleported it from Philadelphia to Virginia. Okay? The reason why people have this claim or whatever is apparently... This is my dad now talking. So it's completely baseless.

They made a movie out of it apparently, which doesn't help. But like my dad was showing me photos. They also made a movie out of Battleship, Joey, but you don't see any of that being fucking legitimate. That my dad thinks it was like this ray. You know, when people start talking about rays and shit. You're like, all right, I'm done, I'm done, yeah. So he thinks it's this like ray that like it, whatever. And the crew that was on board, he's like, when the ship came back, they were like stuck in the walls. And he showed me a picture of,

And it was of like people's heads in a wall or something. Joey, what picture did your dad show you? I don't know. He was sending me links and shit. It was like conspiracy websites. It was fire. Don't start going down conspiracy fucking website. No, I just, I think it's fun. Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't look at that stuff because I'll get too into it. I'll tell you the, honestly, the only time I've ever really been like looked into a conspiracy. See, this is what they're saying.

Invisible for a period of time, it was also reported that the ship was physically teleported to Virginia before it returned to Philadelphia. Many members of the crew became ill and died shortly after. The crew also reported strange happenings during the experiment itself. Some became embedded in the ship itself, and others were able to walk through walls. If the experiment had indeed happened as it claimed, then the U.S. military had access to teleportation technology as early as the 1940s.

Get the fuck out of here, dude. I'm sorry. I'm also get the fuck out of here. I can't, I can't, I can't give any belief to any of those conspiracies because then I'm fully in and I'll never see straight ever again. You've never like been like dive deep into a conspiracy and be like, yo, I'm nuts now. Bro, in like 2004, a kid in my class showed me loose change. About 9-11? Yeah. And I was like,

Wait a sec and then I had to fucking pull myself back out to reality because I couldn't I couldn't fucking do it That one I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm not touching that buildings. Don't fall like that I saw I forgot who it was how fuck there was a comedian that I follow and He put up a video and he had a t-shirt that just says buildings don't fall like that He was talking about the other building not that not the towers the other one Oh like tower seven or something like that, bro, not gonna go down a whole thing. Oh

There is no reason that thing went down though. Like there's literally no reason. How could it possibly? Joey, I'm not doing this. Come on, bro. Not doing it. I'm just saying, take a peek. I did. And that's why I had to pull myself fucking out of it.

Do you remember the whole thing about the clouds? It's like, yo, there's face shapes in the clouds. Yeah, and it was like, there's the devil. It was like, the devil's in the cloud. My dad was showing me those photos back in the day, too. He's like, oh, it looks like this. I was like, it's clouds, my guy. I've seen dragons in the sky. What does that mean? The only other time, and it's not even conspiracy, but like,

The first time I remember because like now you watch any of these Marvel movies It's like oh my god this hidden Easter egg behind you know and like people it's like a whole industry that people will stop movie trailers and like Be like look on that. There's a sign on the back That's a sign for fucking this this comic book and buh buh buh the first time I remember getting into that was for that movie Cloverfield and

I remember that. There was a lot of clues and that was your life. Dude, I was following blogs and websites and, you know, 11808.com and Cloverfield hype blog spot and shit like that where they did all that shit. And they were just like, look, in the dust, you could see the face of a devil. And then you could hear them saying like, it's a lion. It's huge. And so I had to because I was so fucking invested. I had to pull myself out. It's fun though. You never watched like a...

A crime show or whatever And you're like It might be fun being a detective Like figuring it out Piecing it together Oh well yeah Of course that is cool So sick I've stopped being able to watch true crime Like doing like interviews And just like whatever And then like getting the information And like piecing it together Like what's better than that I can name four things off the top of my head Right now that's better than that Name them Sausage pepper sandwich Definitely Holiday themed candy Certain ones Fruity pebbles Yeah Uh

Getting a giant fucking booger out of your nose and like being able to breathe again. Such a random one. Four things. What, did that like happen to you recently? Yes.

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Obviously, I think that we have to talk just very briefly about Shannon Sharp getting caught clapping shakes on Instagram Live. For those of you guys that have not seen, Shannon Sharp, NFL Hall of Famer, former tight end for the Denver Broncos and Minnesota Vikings. Baltimore Ravens? Yes. Yes. He was on the Vikings? I don't think so. But...

Everyone knows him as Unk. Yep. You know, has a podcast that does well. You know, guys all over the place having a great post-NFL career. Also hysterical. Yeah. Accidentally went live on Instagram the other day. While he was fucking. While he was just dogging something.

You know, someone, I should say. Yeah, someone named Michelle. Was that her name? Well, he did say, that's my Michelle. That's my Michelle? Yeah, he said that. Oh, like she's like... His Michelle. Oh, I didn't watch the full video. Did you? I didn't, but that part, like... That part, yeah. Because people were talking about it. Because I think Ocho Cinco was like, who's Michelle? Yeah. I saw, this is so random, but do you know the wrestler R-Truth?

Yeah. He was on there just going off during the whole live. Like, yo, what are you doing? Like, yo, this is PG, man. He also claims that he did it accidentally, bro. How do you accidentally go on Instagram live while you're fucking? Yeah. I mean, so the big thing that's come out of it is people are just like, was it accidental? Yeah, come on. Because apparently there was a lot of rumors that he was gay. Oh, so you think that he's like... I don't think this. Other people are saying that like...

It could have been done as like a publicity stunt to be like, see, I'm not. All I'm going to say is it sounded like they're having a good time, man. Yeah. I mean, he definitely was, you know. Ocho was like growling and shit. Yeah, Ocho Cinco was just like, you need to work on your cardio. You were huffing and puffing. Yeah, he said, that's my Michelle. It's kind of crazy. I...

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't like to think conspiracy-wise. I think it was probably a mistake. Because... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's a tough thing to do. You ever go live on Instagram? A couple times, but not enough to be able to confirm the process. Okay, but, like, you have to, like, press a couple buttons. Like, it's not one button. It's like a sequence of buttons. Bro, look. I'll do it right now. I'm not going to go live, but, like, if... First, you have to get to the Instagram app.

Then you have to scroll over here. Then you have to scroll over to live and then hit that button. And then it just starts or do you have to then confirm it? I don't know. Do it. No. Do it right now. I'm not going to go live right now. But yeah, so. I tend to give the benefit of the doubt. It's scary, bro. I mean, what are people going to hear if you're having sex? Like, oh my God. That's a joke about you crying. Yeah, I get it. I get it, Frank. I get it.

That would be... If you're having sex, they'd hear fucking... Little fucking swords and shit, probably. You would hear like a lightsaber. No, but I mean, I could see why that is like an intense invasion of privacy. Because, yo, during sex, I mean, you're saying crazy shit that you've never said. You're saying, you're growling. You're just like... You're saying like he was growling. You've growled. You've done a...

I've never done that. You've done a... I've never... I don't become a tiger. I don't know what you're doing there. But, like, the things you say, like, it's just, you know, it's not actually Earth. It's a very... It's not Earth. You're right. It's not Earth. It's a different land. Listen. I'm a different person. Everyone that has had sex could attest to this. You fucking virgins. Shut the fucking episode off. Hey, virgins, this ain't for you. Get out. Keep scrolling. Dweeb. But, like, there's, like...

Yeah. And then there's like wherever you go when you're in like sexual land. Yeah. And that's where like you growl. Yeah. You ask questions that you normally wouldn't ask. Yeah, like do you like Big Daddy's foot? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. You came up with that very quickly. I was trying to think of just like a strange thing. Be honest with me. I've never said, do you like Big Daddy's foot? Okay, second question. Okay, go. Have you ever referred to yourself as Big Daddy? I don't know. Moving forward. No, I don't think so. But...

Yeah, I mean, like, those types of things that happen there, like, bro, can you imagine the world, like, it's like... That's insane. It is... Now you've seen parts of me. I'll say this. He handled it very well. I do wonder what the... Because, like... Who the woman was. I imagine if it's his Michelle, you can narrow it down to figuring out a couple of... Michelle. Michelle's in his life. Only so many Michelle's. Only so many Michelle's. Yeah. So, like...

That's an invasion of privacy for her too, you know? So like, you got to feel bad for her. Dude, that reminds me of, I don't know if anyone's ever done this to you, but it was like a thing that went around. It was like, yo, send this to your friends. But it's a DM, right? I forgot who sent it to me. I think it was like Julian or something. And it was like, yo, bro, did you mean to post that on your story?

Or it'll say something like, did you just post, you posted your dick on your, or something like that. And then it's like one of those messages that are like long. And then you scroll down. It's like, haha, got you. Send this to five. And I was like, I don't like this. No, that never happened to me. I don't think anyone has done that to me. And now you're inviting it to be done to us. So yeah, you're fucking, your messages are just going to be inundated with people saying shit like that. I feel like that's a difficult thing to do anyway.

I mean, still terrifying. Yeah. Like, you know, that would be very scary. Not that I just have pictures of my wiener on my phone. I don't have any. Yeah. But that could be anxiety inducing. Yeah. Did you mean to post that? Or maybe it was a TikTok video where I saw like people on Facebook

There was this one girl who was like facetiming all of her friends and saying like, oh my God, did you mean to post that? And everyone's like, what? Oh shit, really? Really? Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, that's better than the DM. I always think it's funny when people will like call someone and just be like, yo, yo, yo, I'm going to call you right back. And they're like, what the fuck? I feel like my dad has done that to me like for real. I do that to Davino every time him and I talk. He'll call me and I'll pick up and I'll be like, what? Or like, I'll call him.

And he'll be like, what? And I'll be like, all right, I can't talk right now. And he's like, all right. And then we hang up and we don't speak for three weeks. Becca, any time, like Becca, whenever she'll know what I'm talking to Davino on the phone. Cause she's like, you guys don't without exaggeration. We will just stare at each other for five minutes and not say a word. And she's like, just hang up. What's the point of even talking to someone? Yeah. Davino does stuff like that with me too. Or he'll like, we both call each other Joe.

I think Like he calls me Joe And I call him Joe And then He said something to me recently I think he did exactly that Where he texted me Joe And I said Joe And then he's like I can't talk right now I'll text you back And then he didn't talk to me For like a month Like I didn't talk to him For like a month I think recently He called me

And I answered, I was like, yo, you just woke up the baby. And he's like, no, stop. And I'm like, yo, seriously, like she's crying. Like now I have to like, she was like, I couldn't get her down for a nap. And he feels so bad because the thing about Davino that you guys don't know is that like, it's so easy to fuck with him because you could just be like, yo, like if you do something like that, it'll bother him for a week and a half. Even if you tell him you're joking, he's just like, no, seriously though, did I actually wake up the baby? And it's like, no, you didn't. He's like,

You'd tell me if I woke up the baby, right? Yeah, he's like, all right, now I'm overthinking this. I don't want to talk anymore. I think maybe that's what he said to me. He texted me. He's like, forget it. I'm overthinking things. And I was like, what is going on? It's so easy to get under his skin. I've seen on Xbox. I've been on an Xbox. And Josh, who's editing this, will be in a group chat or a party talking. And he'll be like, yeah, me and Andrea are going out to dinner. And Josh will just go, you fucking deadbeat. Yeah.

You want to be everywhere except home. Yeah. With your baby. And Davido will just be like, God. It's a good time. It's a good time. Little jokes. And that's kind of like me and you. We had a thing where we would call each other on the phone and it would be like a pitch for like, you know, like. Something. Like flavored toilet paper or something. And it would go on for like eight minutes and then we'd hang up. Or like the last like 10 minutes would be like, all right, I'm going to be at the park in like 10 minutes. I'll see you there. All right. Bye.

I've done that a couple times where I know... I remember being at home when I lived at home and you called me one time. And my mom, my sister, and Keith were around. So I picked up the phone and immediately put it on speakerphone. And I was like, hello? And then you said...

No, I picked up and I said like Oh Johnny and Billy's auto shop and then you were out. Yeah, it's a snowball down a hill Like you can't stop Frank is in the market for a car Yeah, yeah fix with this car and then that goes on until someone laughs and it's not even like there's something funny about it It's just an actual such an actual mundane conversation that that's what makes it funny is like I'm actually like looking for like real advice on a car and

And you'll like have an answer. It's not like there's nothing funny or ha ha or witty. It's just like real. I remember one time I called you and I was like, you picked up, you're like, hello. I was like, hi, is this target? And you're like, yep. And I was like trying to buy a tent from you or something. Yeah. The one that I used to do a lot and you used to call me out for it is I would call you and I'd be like waiting for the train or waiting for the bus and like middle school and high school. And I'd be like, you'd be like talking to me. We'd be having a serious conversation. I'd be like,

Wait, you fucking had sex with him? And you'd be like, there's a bunch of people around you. I'd be like, yes. And he'd be like, how could you? And people would be looking at me like, what the fuck is going on? Frankie was the only person that would create... Would be surrounded by people on a busy street and then bring attention to themselves by screaming on the phone with me, not having an actual conversation. And he'd be like, dude, come on. I was like, Frank, stop. Yeah, please stop. He's like, no, you're fucking him, aren't you? You're fucking him. And I'm like, Frank...

Yeah, it's all fun. It's okay. We were pranksters before YouTube. And now after tube poop. Fucking poop. But yeah, I guess that's all for this week's episode. Frank, where can they find you? You can find me on Twitter. Falvra is 8085. What's going on over there? Just go find me.

Whenever I say that to you, I always think of the Akon. Every time. Every single time. You could find me on the block disobeying the law. Every single time I have to stop myself from saying that because I'm like, it's not that funny. We can't do it that many times. But yeah, FAlvarez885 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvarez on all the forums and social media. Go check out Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBaseBinYard. Sign up today. Do all that stuff. It's really cool. Thanks for helping us break records. We love you guys. You know, BaseBinYard everywhere.

You guys can follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. Thank you for your continued support on Patreon. We appreciate it. We do. We really do. We do. And yeah, we have our last couple of shows coming up here. And if you guys are coming out to those or if you have come out to the ones previously, thank you so much. It's already just been like a fucking crazy experience. But yeah, thank you. And we'll see you next time. It fell. There it goes. Damn it.