#469 - The Great Debate!
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Welcome back to the ba- Welcome back to the basement yard! You have a big, uh, what's that called? A flapper? No. No? The thing that holds- Tongue tie? No. What is that called? The thing that's holding your tongue down. Stick your tongue out. Lift it. No, no, no. Open your mouth. Buh!

Oh, and that, yeah, see, your tongue's pussy, basically. No, don't. Don't do that. No, the clit of your tongue. First of all, put that finger away. I don't know what it is, but you pointing that finger at me is fucking triggering. You think it would feel good if I went like this to your tongue tie? Absolutely not. You want to try? No. Okay. I don't want those dirty fucking hands in my mouth. First of all, I wash my hands a lot. Have you washed it since you've been here? No. Well, there you go. I don't want your fucking dirty ass hands in my mouth. I don't like putting my own hands in my mouth.

I've seen you suck your fingers down to the bone. It's different when there's food on them.

Oh, so when you eat and it's just covered in barbecue sauce, you're like... First of all, if anyone has anything with barbecue sauce on it and they don't suck their fingers fucking to clean, they're stupid. You clean your hands, all that flavor that's being lost in that fucking napkin. I don't... I eat the shit that I'm eating. Yeah, and then you're covered and then you're just like, this is so good. It's finger-licking good. There's a whole saying about it. And then you... No. No, no, no. I just...

In that fucking household of yours, you never had anything that was delicious enough to lick those fucking little piggies you got there on the end of your wrist. Yeah, okay. Kidding, your mom is a very good cook. Yeah, give me a break. But, I will say, don't talk about my under tongue. Why not? It's just like it's a private thing. A little petticoat. It's private. Do I have a good one? No, yours does look like a pussy. That's kind of fire.

I want to see my pussy. The under your tongue looks like just a fucking... Mine's thick. Yeah, you got a... I got a thick tongue pussy. You have a thin tongue pussy. That's what it is. Well, you know. Mine would beat the fuck out of yours. Take it easy. My fucking... First of all, you know, pound... It's like by ratio, the tongue is the strongest muscle on your body. Mine's like blue. My tongue would fuck your tongue up. Bro. If our tongue's boxed,

Yeah. I have a strong tongue. I've tried this. Like, I've done stuff with it. How would you do? I've, like, had, like, paper in my mouth and, like, I'll hold it in my teeth. I'll punch through it with my fucking tongue. You've had paper in your... Frankie. You've had paper in your mouth and you've punched through it with your tongue. Yeah. So that means you think your tongue could beat the shit out of my tongue. You ain't doing anything cool with your tongue, dude. I eat so many sunflower seeds, dude. This thing is, like, fucking trained like Iron Mike.

You know how many times- Can you make your tongue stronger? It's a muscle, why can't you? Could do tongue-ups. I'm trying to know, I don't know. Get like- You ever look at your tongue, like really look at your tongue? Yeah, I'm a little upset by it. It's disgusting. Yeah, it is. And the under your tongue is kind of gross. Under my tongue is way cooler than the top of my tongue. The top of my tongue is gross. Can I see yours again? No. Let me see your little buzzy. I'm a little shy. Show me your buzzy. That's kind of crazy to say. You got some blue in there too. There is a little bit of blue. Yeah. But-

I like all the food and stuff that got on my tongue. I scraped that bad boy, and it's still like it's a little bad boy. I don't have a tongue scraper. I should get that. You probably should. Yeah. I mean, a lot of... I have one. Yeah. It looks like... It just looks like... I don't know how to explain what it looks like. It looks like a baseball diamond, and then you scrape it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a lot of toothbrushes now come with a part of the toothbrush so you can scrub your tongue. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to tell you this right now. Do it. I have a pathetic gag reflex. You do. We've tested this quite a bit. I've like brushed. I'll be honest with you. I don't brush my tongue every day. Oh, neither do I. It's okay. I know that you should. This is a safe spot. I'm not going to judge you for that. Thank you. I know that they're going crazy right now. Yeah. You know there's some bullshit. All of you out there are clinging to your tongue every day. Get the fuck out of here. All these fucking hero dental assistants and fucking people that dental hygienist. Fuck you.

I get it. I should be doing it, but I don't. But it's because I've almost thrown up in my sink mad times. And I thought I had the worst, but...

In scotland on espo's bachelor party. I don't know who it was to this day But I was texting the chat that we were all in I was like who's throwing up in the bathroom because my room was right next to the bathroom when I just hear someone like Throwing up. Yeah. Yeah, so we were on a bus to go to like a distillery and I was like, yo Who's throwing up in the bathroom this morning? No one took credit and then You know zach, right? I've been him a couple times. So zach was just like

He's like, I mean, I was brushing my teeth, but I wasn't throwing up. I was like, dude, it's sad. Like he has probably like he's brushing his teeth and almost vomiting.

Dude, people that fucking throat down a ton of pee-pees must have great dental hygiene, you know, because they don't got to worry about any of that stuff. I don't know if you're throwing a bunch of cocks in your face. I'm just saying, like, if there is a correlation between being able to... A gag reflex? A good gag reflex. Like, if I had a great gag reflex, mine is not bad. Wait, if you have no gag reflex, is that good or bad?

Probably medically bad because I think a gag reflex is meant to like protect you. Yeah. Like in case something like is going down your throat. Yeah. You shouldn't be able to just eat a whole banana in one shot.

Like that's dangerous. Yeah, that is a little crazy. Fire though. Also scary, dude. Bananas are fragile. You moved the wrong way. That thing ain't coming back up. Dude, when those horny Instagram girls make videos where they take a whole banana and they're like, all I'm thinking about is like, yo, that could break. And you're going to choke. Yeah, I'm terrified. And you're going to choke. You're going to choke. I have, why have we not figured out like if people are choking to just shove the, like something that will just shove the food all the way down.

That would be very, I mean, it's shorter to come this way now. Yes. But like if it's lodged this way and it's not coming up this way, he's like, all right, second plan is just throw it back. Yeah. Like a, like a pipe cleaner and just like a reverse plunger, like a snake.

A snake. A throat snake. Right. You know, it doesn't need to be that big one that's on like the fucking, that people put on the drills and shit like that. Yeah, yeah. But like a throat snake. So when someone's choking, you can just fucking get it in there and just, you know. But a snake. And you need those plumber gloves. You know which one I'm talking about. Yeah. Like cloth gloves that are like conductor's gloves. Yeah. And you're just like, shush. Oh, shush, shush. Yeah. But a snake snakes up. But a snake pushes through in order to pull out.

this whole conversation is crazy um yeah no that is terrifying they do make a plunger for uh like a baby's face i've seen that i we have one we have the life god forbid bro i've seen tick tocks god forbid went down a rabbit hole and i was like this thing is sick bro god forbid we have it in the house

May I never have to use that ever in my life, but I think... Vacuuming my child if they're choking. Well, I think... I think... What's his name? The Situation from Jersey Shore. I think he had to use it, and they used him as like a promo. Bro...

Let me tell you something. I went down a rabbit hole of parents having to use the life hack. It's so scary. Whatever. Listen, I value whatever. No, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. You're going to like it. I just want to say something really quick. I value you and whatever you say normally. As a parent, currently, I don't want to hear any of this. No, it's good. Okay.

What do you think I'm gonna say? There's dead babies I'm watching videos of? No, no, just, alright, go ahead. But like, even the idea of my kid like choking and me saving them, I don't want that to happen. I don't want that to ever happen. No one's wishing that upon you! I know you're not wishing, but I'm superstitious. Debeditious. There's a superstitious here. Okay, but I'm not like saying anything about that. I'm saying I've seen videos, and one thing I wanted to say is that obviously that's a very scary thing. To the point where this kid doesn't even want to talk about it because he thinks that like, I don't know, magic tricks. In the air.

Wait till you have fucking kids, Joey. So... No, but the thing that I wanted to say is that, like, some of these parents are so gangster. Like, clearly, like, something's going on that is, like, high stress, whatever. And, like, you just see, like, either the father or the mother, like, getting up, realizing one of the parents is usually, like, kind of frantic and the other one just...

Baby's good. It's like, whoa! A lot of... It's so cool. I can't say a lot. That's not cool. I'm saying it's cool that parents get to fucking get shit done. Yeah. Standing on business. You know what I'm saying? Don't ever, ever do that again. Okay? I can't speak for most households, but I can say in our household... Who's the panicker?

Most of the time, me. That's a lot of sense. Most of the time, I'm the panicker. But there's like a weird... If someone... If their immediate reaction is to panic between Becca and I, the other person's reaction is just to be like, I got this. Yeah. So there have been instances where something has happened and Becca panics and I'm like...

You have to. And vice versa. You know what I mean? So there's just a weird, like, it's just a feeling, and there's like a dynamic in the home that like, in that moment, you know your role, and shut your mouth! Dude.

I know, I know. The Rock. Yeah, I know. Dwayne The Rock Johnson. But there's just an unwritten dynamic when it happens. One person knows this is my time to panic. The other person's like, I fucking got this. Right. And most of the time, I'm the panicker. And also, I think if I'm alone...

I'd be way more prone to panicking for anything. Yeah, dude. But when there's... Yo, even... Do you remember when I almost blew up my apartment? Yes, I do remember that. Because I put the mug in it. Yeah, the mug, yeah. I put a mug that had a...

thing in it and it looked just like a mug that didn't have that. It was the ones that heat up on their own. On like a little hot plate. Yeah. But I put that in the microwave because I was going to make hot chocolate. Yeah. And it fucking went up in flames. And the whole and like I was watching TV and I don't even know why. I think I heard something and I look over at my microwave and there's just flames going. Jesus Christ. And I was like huh. And it

I got like scared and I think Charlie knew I was scared so he started panicking and all I needed was that to be like I must save this place because I think I would have just ran out of there. I am threw it into the balcony. Yeah. Off the balcony too while you're No I didn't. I threw it just on it.

I remember we recorded that day and I showed up and you were telling me because it smelled like fire. Probably. Also, that was the night before. It was the night before? Yeah. Okay, because I wasn't going to judge you for making hot chocolate at 10 a.m. in the morning. No, no, no. But I remember and you were like, yeah, look, it's right there. There was just a melted cup on your balcony. Yeah, because it was a fireball. I'm the type also where like something startling happens.

I can't just be like, all right, it's done. Let's immediately laugh and smile about it. I need to, like, I get to a level of, like, fight or flight that my brain is just, like, fucking firing on all cylinders. And then I need to, like, gradually come down. Like, I need to be left alone and, like, no one talk to me. Really? Yeah. When we had an incident last, I'm pretty sure it was last summer, where we were at Becca's parents' house and we couldn't find Ruby.

I remember this. We couldn't find her. Spoiler alert. We found her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you could tell. But she was hiding, like... And she'd probably fallen asleep in my in-law's bed. Behind the pillows. But... You know what that reminded me of? What? Remember when Keith ruined Manhunt because he fell asleep in a fucking bush and no one could find him? Like, you ruined the fucking game! And he's like, find me! Ruby's doing the same thing to you guys years later. But...

Like afterward I had to be left alone I needed to calm down and chill because I can't just be like alright It's done and I thought honestly it was just me but then I talked to Greg about this because there was an incident a couple months ago where Maeve in the house We had mopped the floors and she slipped and hit her head on the floor And I said to like I you know, we made sure Maeve was okay like, you know, nothing nothing lasting or bad and

And I said to Becca, I was like, I need to just like go in the other room for a little bit. And I told Greg about it and he's like, yo, like it's not just you. I'm like, really? He's like, yeah. He's like, there have been instances where like Iris has like, you know, tripped and scraped her knee or something and I start punching walls. I'm like, I don't do that, Greg. Yeah, right. I was like, I want to throw that out there. He's like, really? I was like, yeah, but the same general sentiment, like it's just like,

I get so like, here I go, you know, and then I need to just like fucking ease out of it. Like I need to be like ironed, like a nice, beautiful blanket. I don't think you iron blankets. You can... All right, maybe not a blanket. You know what I'm talking about, but like... Can I ask a question that's completely unrelated to the story you just told? I'm afraid to say yes, but I will. What's the difference between a blanket and a quilt? Quilts are old-timey and they suck. That's not...

The right answer. I mean, I know, but I'm telling you what my perceived answer is. Go ahead. I'd rather have a blanket a thousand times over than one fucking quilt. Because what do you think? I'm laying on some like ceremonial bed where there's like little pictures on my blanket? No. I want a nice comfy blanket that keeps me warm and maybe even a little cold.

You want a blanket that keeps you cold. But like it has like that material like almost like down material where it's like it's cold to the touch. But it keeps you warm. You know what I'm saying? Like a controlled cold. Got it. I understand what you're saying sort of. Fuck quilts though. Yeah. I mean. Close your eyes. I got a quilt for you.

You're not happy about that. I'm imagining a lot of patchwork and like frilled. Yeah, I don't want that shit. Yeah. I want like a very Betsy Ross something. Hell no. Hell no. Do you guys have, you probably have this, but like, do you have anything that's like, oh, this is my special blanket. Like when I was a baby, I had it, so I keep it still. No, I don't. No, I don't. Does Becca have? No. No.

I think Shannon has shit like that. I mean, you know, a lot of kids... Like, Ruby has... We call it her cozy. And it's, like, a little, like... It's not a blanket. It's, like, this big. And it came with, like, a stuffed animal on it. And the stuffed animal's gone. And it's just, like, a little flowery thing that she just holds. And it brings her comfort. But, like, I knew people like that. That, like, had their, like, childhood blanket and shit like that. Right, yeah. You know what I had as a kid? I was never a big blanky kid. And I never, like, you know, like, stuffed animals. But...

My like comfort thing was I had a mommy shirt and a daddy shirt. And my mom. What do you mean? It was my mom's shirt that I took and it was like my comfort thing. And same with my dad. You were wearing your mom's shirt? I wasn't wearing. I'm sure I did wear them. But like it was just like to carry around and have as a comfort thing. So it was mommy shirt and daddy shirt. Fucking guys cross-dressing as a kid? Fuck! What did you have, bitch? I don't know. Exactly. Nothing. You were in the fucking basement.

Not yet. I was still upstairs at that point. I was doing front flips off at the top bunk. Joey, I don't know if you saw, there was the first presidential debate for the anticipated election that we're having in November here in the United States. I forgot that the debate was on. And I...

It was like 9 o'clock or something, and I was getting ready to go walk Charlie. I usually take him out around 8, so it's like 9, so I'm like, oh, shit, so I better take him out. But then I realized the bait was on. Didn't end up walking this dog until like 10.30, because I was like, I have to watch this. I put it on. Dude, some unbelievable stuff coming out of it. Did you watch it? So I didn't watch it.

I didn't want to... Visually, let's agree on something. Okay. Donald Trump needs to stop with the face paint, dude. Yeah, it's a little tough. It's not even close anymore. It's not even like he has... There's no more plausible deniability. It's just like, obviously... And it's not... I mean, listen, everyone wears a little makeup and cover-up and stuff. They all do. He goes from white to Garfield. Bro, it starts here. Yeah.

It's like where his eye ends is one color and then it's just, come on, I can see you're old here. Yeah. Listen, we're not going to get into the politics of, you know, where we stand. There was no politics. I know, but I'm saying like, Trump used to be entertaining to watch because it was kind of funny. Like the way he'd poke the bear and shit like that and just like some of the shit he'd say, it has gotten to a point of just like full, like it sounds like a lot of it is just kind of delusion at this point. Well, yeah. I mean, the whole event...

Is just nuts. Bro, and Kamala was... She wanted to call him, like, a motherfucker so bad. Yeah. Like, there was one clip that I saw where she was just like, and this former... She was like, and this former president, you know, like, she wanted to... He's killing her. She wanted to, like, cock back and just fucking backhand this motherfucker. Bro, it's such a weird...

It's just a weird thing. Also, I want to read a quote here. My favorite quote from the night. Oh, you have some quotes. Well, it's just the one that like went super viral now on TikTok and you're seeing it all the time. But he said in Springfield, they're eating the dogs. The people that came in, they're eating the cats. They're eating the pets of the people. And this is what's happening in our country. And it's a shame. He's referring to Haitian migrants, by the way. They're coming in. They're eating the dogs. They're eating the pets.

they're eating the cats and dogs and at one point he was just like uh kamala said she wasn't black and now she's black there was another line that i remember who said it or well one obviously you could probably narrow down who said it but it or someone else might have said it around like the conversation of the debate but it was just like the tr they're getting tr the aliens in prison are getting trans oh my god yeah yeah yeah

There's been so many people like posting like pictures of like the xenomorph from Alien and E.T. in like, you know, cross-dress. Hold on. What he said. Where's the quote? Now she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens who are in prison. I don't. How is that even an actual sentence? The thing that's being said.

That's a wild sentence. I also can't figure out what it means. So the aliens, obviously they're referring to migrants. That's who they're referring to as aliens. Apparently the Dems, dirty Dems, are paying for them to get transitioning surgery in prison. Damn. Dude, if you're in prison, I feel like that's the last thing you need.

I have a question. Go ahead. If you're in prison... So you're an illegal alien here, okay? Okay. Yeah. You're in prison. I am. I pay for you to get, you know, top surgery, bottom surgery, whatever one you want. Why? Why am I getting it in the... Well, that's what they're saying is happening. Do you then get... Transferred. Transferred to be with your... Yeah, you can't be in a male prison. Identified? Yeah. Because... I don't know. That's a tough question, right? I don't know. Well, I do know...

If it was me, even if I wanted to transition to have top surgery, I'm not coming back to a male prison with tits now. That's not happening. Oh, those tits will get banged to hell. It's a wrap for my tits, dude. Your tits are getting throttled, dude. No, I'm not doing that. That would be, you know, I'm putting a target on my chest. For funds, would you get breast implants just to play with your own tits? Yes. Yes.

I've never been put under and I'm scared. Oh, that's why? Well, that's the starting part of it. A big part of it is I'm not putting tits on my body for no reason so that I could do this.

This is pretty cool. You look like you're having a blast. I am having a blast. Yeah, no, I mean, it's just entertaining. Like, what do other people from other countries look at us and think? You know what I mean? Like, at what point are they just like, is it just for entertainment purposes at this point? I think so. It's like a car crash. Because it used to be like a debate on policy, and now it's like, she's not even black. It's like, it's awesome. I don't know enough about Kamala Harris to make any sort of statement about that.

I think she's black and Indian. There was also something that was like, I have the concepts of a plan. That's another one that's going all over the place. Yeah, I forget what that was about, but I was watching that. The concepts of a plan is so incredibly like... Yeah. It's like, okay, that's a thing. And then a thing came out that was like Kamala Harris's earring.

So it was like her earring or whatever the fuck it looked like. It was like a pearl and a gold thing. And then right next to that, it was like someone posted this, right next to that was this advertisement for a microphone.

So people are like, yo, she's getting fucking answers in her ear. Oh, gotcha. They think she was cheating. Kamala's cheating on this thing like it's a fucking SAT test, which I did cheat on. I cheated on the SATs. Cheated on the SATs. Well, no, I mean, it's higher. Didn't get a good grade score, by the way. I was going to say, way to go, Joe. You cheated yourself into a fucking like 600.

No, back then it was out of like 21. I don't remember because I recently told someone my score and they were like, no way. And I was like, I guess I'm misremembering. Like, I don't remember what this score. Because then they were just like, we got to do away with standardized testing. Of course, after we took it. Of course, they got to do that after we took it. Right, yeah, of course. You know, and then it was like, oh, we're only counting two of the three or three of the four. And it's just like, I shouldn't need to do percentages in order to understand my score. I got a 1480, but it wasn't out of 1600.

Yeah, because I remember I told someone, I was like, I got a 1500. And they were like, holy shit. Yeah, but then I was, they were like, was that both parts or three parts? And I was like, I thought it was good. Like the way it was like, originally they were just like. I think it's like very, very okay. Like the score that we got. Possibly. If you get a 1500 and you go to UNH. What?

What does that mean, bitch? It's not like you could have gone to a better school. I chose the school I wanted to go to. The hell does that mean? You could have went to a better school if you got a 1500 out of 1600 on the SATs. I could have gone to any school I wanted. The fucking world was my oyster, okay? Don't you ever forget about it. Don't understand that expression, by the way. I don't either. I guess because you can hold an oyster in one hand. I can hold anything, like most things in my hand, right? Yes, why pick an oyster? Why an oyster? It's so disgusting. It's not. Also, I didn't know. Actually, I did know this, but I didn't realize how like...

Whatever. What's the thing that has pearls? Clams? Don't oysters. I don't know. I think oysters, maybe oysters, maybe they're clams too, but like they actually have pearls. Yeah. Where the fuck are you? I know stupid. No, I knew that they had that, but I like when I saw like a video of someone like opening it up and like, I'm like, wow, it's like, just looks like a pearl done. Like it. Like I thought they're like, they're like in their shit though. They're like, they got to like squeeze them out of their fucking butts or whatever they got in there.

You've never seen people they like do clams fuck each other dude I know that's a stupid question, but you don't think about that our claims fucking is reproduce. Let's see clam penis right now Yeah, go ahead. I think maybe they just release some shit in the water and then it's just like clams. How do clams? Reproduce there it is releasing eggs and sperm into the water god damn or a sexually thorough hermaphrodite ism Crazy these are the

You got the clowns in prison getting sex changes! They're a prison in their own shell, that's what it is. Damn, so they make their own... Wait, how though? They're just like, you know what? I'm gonna do my own kids now. But where does the shell come from? The shells, I think it forms around them? Or maybe they... Dude, this is so crazy. I don't fucking know, right? I don't know, is it like hermit crabs where they go and they find a sick pad and they're like, I'm gonna shack up here. Here we go.

Yeah, that's right. Like, yeah. Because those are given birth to like crabs and then crabs got to find their own little rocks. I think it's like their own thing. Like turtles are born with shells and they have to form. Yeah. So like, so, so, so, so, so pearl. So what do they call clams and scallops and oysters? They're like, you know what? I'm going to make this for myself. Bro, this is fucking crazy. So what happens is clams will spit jizz in the water, right? Yep.

External fertilization. Then there's some free swimming, the free swimming stage. Gotcha. For five to 16 weeks, right? Oh, so like there's just, so the ocean is basically mostly just clam cum. I don't know the... The percentage? Yeah. But then I think they just form into like, they eventually get this shell. They just happen? Just naturally. No, someone's got to accept it. There has to be a host.

They are the... So they're not shooting out... Oh, I guess they're shooting out sperm. Because sperm is alive, and then they bond to the water, and they're just like, you know what? I'll make a rock out of this. I'm going to be a clam right now. Yeah. That's kind of nuts. And then it ends up on my plate, and then I eat it in a nice white wine sauce. I was going to say, a seared scallop? Ugh. Fuck.

What's up? Nope. Have you ever had a scallop crudite or tartare or anything like that? Isn't crudite like...

I think, are you thinking, yeah. I might be, yeah. Yeah, I thought crudite was just like celery and... Probably. You know what I mean? You just like dip it. Scallop? I know this because I went to a restaurant and I ordered the crudite and it was just... Just vegetables. Like radish, like whatever, but no dip. I love radish. I'm like, why would I order this with no dips? Give me the dips. Yeah, you need a dip. Give me something to dip in this. I agree. There needs to be a little bit of dip. Yeah. Crazy. I never know. You ever open an oyster? You ever shucked your own oyster? No.

I think so. Some motherfuckers are in there, bro. They're in there, dude. Bro, and also, some oysters? Disgusting looking. Dude. Well, most of them are disgusting looking, but others are when you're like, okay, what happened to that one? Dude, years ago, I don't remember if it was Becca's birthday or what, but I went and I bought oysters.

And I got a shucker to shuck them at home so her and I can have oysters with our dinner or something like that. And the first one I opened up... Had poop in it? No. There was a live crab in it. That's kind of like... Sick, but also scary. And I just threw out the whole batch. I didn't throw them out. You're more like me than you think. I know. I know.

I find something alive in my fucking oysters. I'm going, this was a mistake. But I didn't throw it out in like the garbage. That's when we lived on the water. I went in the back and I just dumped them in the water. So they might have lived a very healthy life or they might have got gobbled up by somebody else. I mean, this crab was doing a number on one of them. How'd it get in there? I have no idea. But like, I think years later, or actually recently, I brought that up and they were just like, oh, that's like a delicacy. And I was like, it looked like a little spider.

Like, it looked like it was like a young spider. Just a baby boy spider. A baby boy spider. And I was just like, how is this thing just living in there? And they were like, sometimes that happens. The whole $70 down the drain. You know, I also couldn't, I didn't even think about this. Crabs, they can spend all of their time underwater? I think so. Crabs. But also land? Yeah, they're crabs.

They probably need to go back in and just check in. But are they a double breathing thing? They're a crustacean. I know that's not the right term. Well, you ever see them blow bubbles? Like Krabby and Kingler? They can blow bubbles. The Pokemon, yeah. Oh, I know the Pokemon. But I feel like, are you describing an attack? There's also Crabrawler. He's another Pokemon. Can Crab breathe on... They have gills. Yeah, I've seen their gills.

I've seen them. They're there. You've seen a gill? Yeah. We've gotten blue shell crabs and we have to cook them and open them and clean the gills out and shit. Bro, this is crazy. They can... Oh, it depends on the type, but I think they could just...

Spend the whole year. I guess that's not crazy, but I will say crabbing, kind of fun. I've never, Miles tells me all the time. I've crabbed. Yeah? I mean, you can't see. You pull them out and there's just a cage of crabs. And they're like, oh, how did I get in here? It's awesome, dude. Yeah. Because they're like eating like a little stupid fish. Did you ever see, fuck the fish. Did you ever see the video of Gordon Ramsay going crabbing for Colossal King Crab?

Those are big mothers. Dude, he goes into like, I don't remember where, if it was like freshwater or what, presumably saltwater because, you know, crab. And he digs down and he's like, yo, they're an infestation. You look around, millions of them. I can't do that. Million. And he picks one up and this thing is like this, dude. You got to look that shit up. My guy goes down there, takes a bunch and he fucking gets out of there.

Wait, he dove? He dove. Oh, I'm not diving. He dove and he was, the guy said, he's like, you got to be careful because like they'll grab you. They'll take off fingers. No way. Have you seen the size of these things, dude? I'd have to wear a chain mail. He's like, he's like, I have to wear, I have to wear, this is Mike Gordon Ramsay. He does repeat a lot. I have to wear, I have to wear, I have to wear, have to wear a wetsuit because if I don't, they're going to buy off my digit, you know?

My digits. That's his thing. I know. You know what I'm saying? What is he talking about? His cock, brother. Got it. We do have ads for today, by the way.

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For Radio City. Go check it out. TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Thank you to all you guys for consistently supporting us. It warms our heart and our barnacles. I'm not going to tell you where those are, but you can imagine. Back to you, Joe. What is a barnacle? It's like a living organism. It's like a wart on these fucking... On whales.

I don't know if it's on whales. It's on crustaceans. I've seen so many videos of people like, all right, I don't know why they're all British. That sounded Australian to me. Whatever they are. But they get a, what's it called? Like a lobster. They get a lobster, like a big motherfucker. And they're like, we're just going to clean these barnacles off because they're probably bothering. You ever see barnacles? They're like the little volcano thing. And in it, there's a little... It fucking freaks me out. I hate that. People eat them? You eat them? I hate that shit. You eat a barnacle?

I don't think you can eat a barnacle. I don't think they're very good if people have maybe. Bro, think about this. You know what I think about? My turn. There's a parasite that will go into a fish's mouth, cut off its tongue, and then be its tongue. And then anytime the fish eats, the fish doesn't eat, the tongue eats.

It's crazy. It's crazy. What the motherfucker you're talking about? How do I even look that up? Parasite that becomes a tongue? Parasite fish tongue? Parasite fish tongue. All right, hold on. We're going to get to the fucking bottom. Parasite fish tongue. Parasite becomes... Fish tongue. Told you. I told you. Simothoa exigua. Exigua.

That probably means something offensive in some language that I don't know. Yeah, no. We're going to get it. It cuts off the tongue and it becomes the tongue. And it's just like, yo. It enters a fish through the gills. The female attaches to the tongue while the male... This is a Bonnie and Clyde situation. Oh, shit. Really? Tandem. They're going in. They're robbing the bank together. Yeah. So the female goes...

Attaches herself to the tongue of course the woman. Typical female. Yeah, I'll distract him and make out with him. Yeah, exactly. Fucking little fish tongue. Make it a- I- or whatever. Didn't even- Female attaches to the tongue while the male attaches to the gill, arches beneath and behind the female. Oh shit. Damn, he's dogging her shit?

What's going on in the fish mouth? Damn, can these guys do this to me? They're fucking double humping your tongue, you little fucking fishy bastard. Arch it. Hold on. Let me go back. Show them how you arch your back. Wrong. Oh, my God. There's pictures. Bro, you're right. I told you. Listen, it's called simothoa exgua. That's not it. Okay, so the female attaches to the tongue.

While the male attaches to the gill, arches beneath and behind the female. He starts, gets in, gets in business position. The parasite severs the blood vessels in the fish's tongue.

the tongue to fall off. So that's kind of like in Ocean's Eleven when you like go into the sewer and you cut off the electricity and then the camera shut off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they do except the tongue falls out. The tongue falls out. It's like when they say like tie floss over like a fucking skin tag or something. Eventually it just dies and fall off. Exactly. Fucked up. This poor fucking fish. It then attaches itself to the remaining stub of the tongue and the parasite itself effectively serves as the fish's new tongue.

Crazy, dude. Fuck the ocean. Wait, where's the female? She's still there. Of course. What do you think? Oh, did they become one? I think that they're just like together. Many of the species have been identified the only simethoid isopods that are known to consume and replace the host's organs. Crazy, dude. Fuck you, ocean. Wow. I know you're listening. Pacific, Atlantic...

Bro. For obvious reasons, I'm not going to say fuck the Indian Ocean because that would be... Don't say that. Don't you say it. Arctic, fuck you double because you're cold. Very cold. I'll say the Atlantic's cold too. But fuck all you guys. They're all cold. And everything you got going on inside you. The Mediterranean Sea is nice. It's warm. I've heard. But it's a sea, not an ocean. It's fair. But all the oceans are probably like so cold. Frogs and toads. Because there's so much water, dude.

You ever see that TikTok? What are the oceans? Pacific? Pacific. Atlantic? Atlantic. I almost said ocean. Arctic. Arctic. Indian. Indian. Is that it? Four. I think there's six. I think there's four. Really? Look them up. How many oceans are there? That's a good question. I think there's four. Five. What is... Adriatic? No. I guess that's a stupid guess. Okay. Adriatic. What is it? No, there's... It says four, I guess.

Oh, there's a new one, the Southern Ocean. Fuck you! You just fucking decided you want to be a- you're taken from the rest of these hard-working oceans? You think you're just gonna come on our planet and take your own for these hard-working oceans and call it yours? The aliens are getting trans surgeries! Our neighbors have to be like, what the hell goes on here on a daily basis?

The Southern Ocean is the newest named ocean. But I don't even know where this bitch is. That sounds like a racist-ass- We had four. Sounds like a racist-ass ocean. Oh, it's down by- Down by the bay. Where the watermelons grow. Back to my home.

I dare not go. I dare not go. For if I do. Oh, it's off the coast of South America. My mother will say. I thought the Arctic was down there. That is the Arctic. You know what? No, the Arctic is now on top. It's not flat. You understand? No. Hot take? No. He's lost three viewers. What did he say? Yeah. They got him too. Simotho eggs. Can we? I'm going to type this in. See if we can get a pronunciation. How do you pronounce this?

Okay. Bro, I think I was right. Simithoa Exigua. Exigua. Exigua. Exoria. Simithoa Exigua. Exigua sounds pretty cool. Exigua. Damn, that's like a cool name. Yeah, that's pretty sick. This is my son, Exigua. Crazy. Cut your tongue out. Can you see? I don't know how this transitions or why it made me think of it. Nicocado Avocado. Why are you saying it like that? That's how you say it. Say it again. Nicocado Avocado.

Oh, yeah, I did. I did. For those of you guys that haven't seen, Niko Kado. Frankie, say it in your normal voice. How do I say it? How do I say it? I don't know. I'm not fucking, this isn't a bit. But you're putting on an accent. Niko Kado. No? But say avocado. Avocado. Yeah. Niko Kado. Yeah, but you say Niko Kado. You like do these like hard Ds. Niko Kado avocado. There you go. Okay. Did I even say it right? I think so. Okay. Okay.

For those of you guys who don't know who that is, they're like a mukbang influencer. Yeah. He- YouTuber. YouTuber. Did a lot of mukbangs. Lots of mukbangs. Just tons of bangs of mucks. Banging muck. Yeah, like definitely banging a lot of muck. And like crazy shit too. Yeah. And like as a result of all the mukbanging, gained like 300 pounds. Crazy.

He was banging the muck and then the muck banged him back. The muck banged him right back. The muck banged him right back. Yeah. And put out a new video like a week and a half ago of him as his very large self. And then the next week put out one that was just like, I'm two steps ahead or some shit. Yeah. He was wearing a panda head? Yeah. He was also, because he had lost 250 pounds, more than two steps, probably several hundred thousand steps. Yeah. I would say 10,000 steps a day at least. Yeah.

And like lost all this weight and apparently had filmed all the banging of mucks. Right. In like a month time. Previously filmed bangs. And then all those, he'd put the bangs out every day or every week. And now it's just like in incredible shape. Yeah. He like lost a bunch of weight now. Like 250 pounds. Yeah. It's kind of wild. Honestly, it's wild.

Thank God. Good for him. Yeah. I'll be honest with you. I think I've made this comment on this podcast before, but seeing his videos like genuinely upset me. But yeah. Cause I'm like, this is like, and it's like, you can tell that he's like doing a character when he's like doing it and making it more ridiculous than it is, but you're still eating all that. Here's the thing that gets me is I love food. You know me. I love food. I, anyone, no matter who they are or what they look like eating food to that degree is

It's disgusting to me. Like, Joey Chestnut. I love hot dogs. Disgusting. Absolutely gross human being. It depends on the food. Also, what the hell is with his jaw? This guy's got a jaw like fucking... He's got stuff. Something's going on. He might. There is something going on with Joey Chestnut. Careful, they'll come for you. Who? Joey Chestnut. What is he going to do? Eat your fingers. Pfft.

Yeah, no. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I'm not a big banger of muck, right? I'm not into that. But for whatever reason, and this is just, listen, this is the content that shows up sometimes in my TikTok, but this one I don't mind for some reason. It's... I need to hear this. I don't know what he's talking about, so I'm glad we're learning this today. I don't... Sometimes my... You know your algorithm goes in and out of things sometimes? Yes. But when I get to food...

It always kind of circles back to, to, uh,

Black women just eating the shit out of like crab legs and dipping it in a bowl That is the biggest bowl I've ever seen biggest bowl of net you've ever seen and also the most butter that has ever been in a bowl Dude, I will say this I'll give black women have that fucking market corner in a in a scared little Absolutely, please before as I was saying, I can't see people eating that food. It's disgusting. I

That's the exception to the rule. Asians have the noodles. They crush noodles. Dude.

What I'm saying. The mukbang. The mukbang. Tiptoe. I'm not tiptoeing. Tiptoe ever so lightly here. Bro, every single time. If I see a black woman dogging crab, I'm pumped. I know. I'm so pumped. But then, so there's these, so I don't understand what's going on in the video because I can't read any of the language or whatever, but it's usually these tiny Asian women and they eat the most food. And then there's big eggs. There's like seven eggs. Oh.

And she eats all the eggs too. There's a lot of eggs. Where does it go? I don't know. How is she eating all that? I don't know, dude. I do not know. But. And I love the little, they have like a scoop spoon. The ones like you get it like a. I love those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear what you're saying. I've stolen a couple of those spoons. I'll be honest. It's crazy. But I don't really know what the whites have cornered.

Racism. No, no, no. And mukbang. Oh, and mukbanging? I don't think. I mean, clearly hot dogs. Look at Joey Chestnut. This dude, he's got hot dogs. He's got hot dogs. Yeah, yeah. He's got hot dogs begging for life. That's true. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You know, but.

I gotta admit, I'm... Like, a little part of me is just, like, proud of Nico Cado Avocado. A little part of you. I mean, anyone who loses fucking 200 pounds, that's, like, insane. Dude, I was one of those people who was just like, yo, this guy is, like, killing himself for our entertainment. And not even... I'm not, like, watching it, so, like, I imagine his fan base. And now he's just like... But I will say this. The whole, like...

I'm one step ahead. Why are you being dramatic? You don't need the theatrics. That's from me. King Theatric. Yeah, that is from him. That's a big statement coming from you. You just don't need it there. You're supposed to be spooky or cool? Yeah, you're whispering and making it like you're Darth Vader. Are you going to kill us? Oh, you brought it up. Darth Vader? Yeah, RIP our boy, James O'Jones. Literally, as I left here, I heard it the other day. I was very upset.

Crazy, that guy's voice. Yeah. Don't. That was my impression. That was horrible.

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We have like, out of first, no reason outside of just pure happenstance, have spoken about tongues on two different occasions in this episode. When were we talking about tongue? Starting the episode, talking about our strong tongue, the thing under our tongue, your tongue butt, pussy, whatever you call it. Oh, and then the tongue parasite. And then the tongue parasite. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

And now we're talking about... Yeah, remember in like... I remember like we were around. But like they would always say like in ancient Egypt, they would like cut off people's tongues when they wouldn't talk and stuff like that. Yeah. That's crazy, right? It's also gross. I feel like the tongue would bleed a lot. Well, yeah. I don't think they're doing it for... Yeah, you gotta be crazy to be able to like cut a tongue off or a finger off.

Like if I needed to cut my finger off because to save my life or something. What finger are you going with? Pinks. I was going to say. Maybe the ring finger? I would say that, you know, not my wedding ring finger, but like this one. You could take it. I don't give a fuck about it. Even a middle finger. I don't care. I can lose a middle finger. Yeah, actually, maybe the middle finger. Yeah, if anything, it's worse to get flipped off by someone who doesn't have a middle finger there because it's just like. There's a story there. There's a story there. Actually, maybe the middle finger.

I would do... I don't know. But I don't think I could do it because I'd be grossed out. I'd be like, ugh. Both middle... I mean, you wouldn't saw it, Joe. You'd have to just like fucking suscice it, you know, make it like... One big swap. One big old swang, you know, just like that and just fucking... Ow. Why did I do that? I don't know. Yeah, I think so. You would have to just like slam it.

Middle finger, right? Yeah, I'd lose a middle finger. But I would be grossed out. I'd be like, I don't want to look at it. Like, patch it up and then I'm good. Oh, like you wouldn't want to see your severed finger? No. I kind of would. I'd want to see it and just be like, bye buddy. I would keep it in like a glass case above the mantle. Oh, you already have a mantle. Here lies my fucking middle finger. Yeah, you know, you just lean on it and drink whiskey and look at your old finger. This is going to sound fucking stupid, but like...

I get sentimental with stuff like that. Fingers. Well, like my own stuff. You know what I mean? Go. Like if I get rid of a pair of socks or something, I'm just like, damn, what have those socks been through?

Yeah, I do. I really, really do. We're very opposite when it comes to that. We are. And I've noticed Becca's like you. Like Becca's just like, oh, okay. Throw everything out. I love throwing shit out. Well, she keeps stuff that are sentimental, but like there's other, like I know I'm over the top with it. You know what I mean? Like it's an issue for me. Do you keep all of like your birthday and Christmas cards and stuff? Yes. You have all of them? Most. I'm sure during the weekend. So how do you decide which ones to throw out? I don't.

You just said most. I've accidentally lost some, like, or misplaced some. It's not like I, like, actively go, like, all right, this one isn't making the cut. So a random uncle sends you a card. You have that. Probably, yeah. I just, you know. It's also weird, too. Like, I remember this might not make any sense to you because you don't care for your, like, grandparents. But I, like...

I remember my grandparents, like my grandmother's handwriting was fucking like a work of art. Unbelievable. Dude, old people, like handwriting used to be art because they'd get beat in school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then beat at home. Right, yeah. And pretty much beat anywhere they went. Exactly. But now, like think about it. Do you have anything with your grandparents' handwriting on it?

I've seen stuff. My mom has it. But that's cool. My mom has unbelievable handwriting, too. My mom, too. It's like a typewriter. My dad, on the other hand, the dumbest handwriting I've ever seen. I've never seen my dad use a lowercase letter in his life. My dad's handwriting is also huge. Massive. My dad used to sign reports or whatever from school in print capital letters. No signatures. Joe! Joe!

They'd be like, clearly you wrote this. I'm like, no, my dad's the one. Okay, not me. I don't remember my dad's signature, but my mom is a pretty nice handwriting. But like handwriting is no longer a thing that people care about. Which is crazy. It is kind of crazy. I will say, maybe I'm being an old bastard here. Yeah. But like, have nice handwriting, people. It is fair to say, right? We agree that you shouldn't

Teachers shouldn't be beating children and parents probably should not be beating their kids at home. We agree. But in a world where there's a lot of beating going on of children, there's amazing handwriting going on. Better handwriting. So... Yeah. The penmanship versus the beating...

They went in the right direction. Now listen, correlation may not mean causation, but we don't know until we test it out. I'm going to choose to believe that if you do hit your child, they have better handwriting. Possibly. I'm not going to go that far. I'm not going to go that far either because Keith was hit and his handwriting sucks. It looks like if I'm using my left hand and I'm drunk and my eyes are closed. Gotcha. Okay. Um,

But like, do you ever think about that? Like one day you won't have like, these people will be gone. Who? Oh, the really good handwriting people. Not just that. I'm saying in your life. Oh, one day your, your, your aunts and uncles and parents will be gone. And like, do you have anything with their handwriting on it to like, cause that's like a piece of history. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. So like, that's one of the reasons I hold onto this stuff.

Just as like a keepsake, you know? But like Becca one day pulled out a letter that she had from her grandmother and she was like, I will never get rid of this because it's the only piece of handwriting I have. And I was like, damn, that's like, that's cool. That's like, I'm going to cry. You know what I mean? Like that's, that's, that's awesome.

I'm like, I hope my kids are like that one day. Like they want to keep something with my handwriting. With your dog shit handwriting? Don't, don't, don't. I have better handwriting than you. They'll be like, did a bird write this? What the fuck is this? I will say this. I will say this. You do have very nice, big, fat, bubbly letters. But overall, my handwriting is way cooler than yours. Drunken high? No, I'm very serious. We can test this bitch right now if you want me to grab that.

If yours is cooler, what does that mean? I just think I have cooler handwriting. It's more memorable. Yours is just like, "Oh, who wrote that?" Fucking a typewriter. Mine has personality. What does yours have, Joey? It's a very good way of thinking about it. Alright, I'm gonna get this and I'm gonna show you what my handwriting looks like. Sure. Okay. And you're gonna show me what yours looks like. Okay. But where are we writing? You can write where you feel so comfortable writing. Any word. Not any word. Okay. Alright. We're both gonna write the word.

Write down your favorite slur. Oh, well... No, what are we writing? Write down the word "friend." Okay. Seriously. Like, not trying to, like, do anything different. Just write down the word "friend." I'm gonna. Are you gonna play by those rules? Yes, of course I will. My handwriting has personality. No, it does. Seriously. Way cooler than yours. Oh! Oh! Look at your white rice handwriting, you fucking banana. What's this, you stupid fucking idiot?

That's how I write my Fs. You're an idiot. I'm not an idiot. Yes, you are. I'm not an idiot. And fuck you. I'm not an idiot. Whack. Write the word, write the word matrimony. Frank, give me a word that I can spell. How did you get it? Write the word, write the word Pikachu. Okay. Okay.

Look at how cool my Pikachu is and look at how just fucking like, like salt and pepper yours is. You said don't do anything different and then you're over here attaching three, four letters together? No, no, no, Joey. This is not, this is not me trying different. That's legit how I write. And you know that too. You've known me long enough. Like if I were to write, give me another word to write and I'll write it right here and I won't like do anything doctored. You'll see me write it. Go.

Whoa. Padre. What? Padre. Oh, okay. All right. Bitch, what do you have? Hold on. Let's watch Joey write his Pikachu. A lot of silence here. Pikachu. What's the ending letter that you wrote there? Because that's not a... I don't know why you added this thing to the U. This is Joey's dumbass fucking...

Bitch-ass handwriting. And that's mine. You're a hater. You're just a hater. Seasoning. Seasoning. I'm not a hater. You're a hater with stupid handwriting. Fuck you. That's what I think. It bounced back at me. Karma. Because you are rubber. No, I'm rubber. You're glue. Whatever you... Whatever. Frank, where can they find you? At Valrose885 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez.

and all the forms of social media go check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard continue to support us and then folks go check out the basement yard on all forms of social media we love all the love and support and engagement that we get on that so keep it up joey right back at you uh yeah go follow me at joe sanagato on all uh platforms and then go follow the show at the basement yard on tick tock and instagram

i'm writing your pikachu yeah okay and honestly you talk a lot about my handwriting but i want to say one thing i remember like clear as day it was one of the first days of school in second grade and you got screamed at by miss macchio because everything in bubble letters we had to write down the homework and he was doing it in bubble letters and she walked over and

Lame dude. Yeah, well, because I'm- What do you think? We're all just going to wait for you to be done? I like to be inventive. I like to be fun, playful, happy. What do you like, Joey? Mr. fucking typewriter. Fuck you and your handwriting. I'm sorry. I love you. You see the way that he speaks to me? This is abuse. This is not. I'm abusing. It's not abuse. I'm being abused. It's not. It's love. I'm being abused. But you guys can go follow me at JoeSanning. I'll go follow the show at TikTok and Instagram and that is all. See you guys next time. Later.