#465 - The Craziest Night Of My Life
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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. You know what you're doing. What? You know what you're doing with that fucking mustache. What? You're poofing out right there. You like it? You're pumping poofing. You know? I don't know what you're saying at all. I don't know either and I, good chance I could be saying something offensive in another country but like, you're pumping, you're pumping, pumping, pumping. Is that good or bad? I think it's good. Okay.

You know, like you got like a good, like a, like a plumpy pump to you today. I have a plumpy, plumpy proof. I don't know that I want to be plumpy. No, but not like you're not plumpy. You got a plumpy pump to you.

Do you know how to give a compliment or you just don't? You don't get it. I do. I give them to you often. You don't know how to receive one, you fucking bitch. Be better at taking them. You just said I was a plumpy plump. You're not listening to me. You're not a plumpy pump. You got a plumpy pump to you. I don't know how else to explain it. I don't know how to receive that. I don't know how to explain it.

I often tell you I give you compliments and you go, ah, nice dick. Or you say like, ah, Buddha Chubba. Or you try to be fucking cool. You ignore the fact that I'm complimenting you, you fucking bitch. Be open. Be open. Be open to compliments. I'm very open. Be open to compliments. I'm completely open. So learn to take. Learn to take some right now. Compliments. Take it. Take it all right now. Take it easy on me.

I'm not giving it to you easy. Well, I'm not giving it to you at all. Thank God. Yes, we can agree on that. Yeah. Oh, I wanted to talk. Speaking of taking it, giving it, and rough, and soft, and whatever. Why? Well, where are we going? This is not Patreon. Just so you know, this is a weekly episode. Be careful. I went back to the box. Oh, my God. This fucking hellhole. So for those of you guys that are either new to the show or don't remember this fucking hellhole, Joey has gone to this...

Night experience. I don't know what it would be. It's a club. It's a club. It's a club called The Box. And you pay a stupid amount to get in. And the last time you went, someone was throwing knives. They were throwing knives. Someone was doing salacious acts upon themselves with a dildo. Dildoing their asshole, yes. There it is. And there was something regarding some form of live sex.

Yeah. Okay. 100%. Can I ask you a serious question? Okay. Why go back? Because. Because why? Because it's. If the last time you went, someone was there shoving a rubber cock in their butt. Yeah. Why would you go back for the chance of seeing. It's hilarious. Is that funny? Yeah. Or. No, it's hilarious. Is it? Yeah.

Just admit that maybe you want to see someone. I don't want to. It's not that I want to see it. It's just like a ridiculous thing. But if you're going to a play. And they play good music. Let me put. Okay. That might be a good reason to go back. Yeah. Let me put it like this. Yep. If I eat a Hot Pocket and I get. How are you going to connect these things? Just follow me here. If I eat a Hot Pocket and as your family lovingly calls it, I get the diadoodle cha-cha-cha. Right. Which again is diarrhea according to Joe's family. Correct. Correct.

You would tell me, well you- I probably wouldn't tell you that. I love Hot Pockets. They give me diarrhea all the time. But you would say, you'd say like, oh, well if it messed with your stomach, you probably shouldn't have it again. Right. And then if I had it again, you would say what? You must really like Hot Pockets to endure the diadoodle. Dude, you're being dramatic. I'm not being dramatic. You're being dramatic. Just admit that you, it's a place that you go to where a bunch of crazy shit happens that you never see. Before this time, how many times have you been? Once.

You changing the angle of your head doesn't change my answer. So the answer is one. All right. All right. So then let me just talk about it. This whole shit sucks. Whatever you're doing sucks. The place. I will say this. Obviously, you're right. God is not present in the building. These are God forsaken buildings. God is not here. He's not present. You wouldn't allow it. I will say that. But it's, you know, it's funny. I can't.

You leave that place going, what the fuck was that? Exactly. And I would, the first time I'd leave that place and go, what the fuck was that? I never need to do it again. I'm not going to lie. The first time I left there. You had an inkling to go back. You wanted to go back so bad. I immediately left and was like, I need, I like, like, I need to go back. Crazy. Didn't want to go back the next day. I wanted to let it marinate. But that was like six years ago. This is a legitimately wild. Yeah. It was, it was crazy.

Good times. Did you have sponsors? Did you shower after? Of course I showered. Okay. Immediately? Yeah. Immediately. What's immediately? You get home and you jump in the shower. Oddly enough, when I got home, I ate pizza. That's true. I ordered pizza. I had a slice of pizza. But at that point, I did forget that a man shit on one earlier. Read these ads. Read these ads. I did forget that a man shit all over a piece of pizza, but then I got home and I had some pizza, and then I went to sleep, and then I... Yeah. Anyway, we do have some sponsors for today. Yeah.

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I'm a double, I'm a, I'm, I'm, I'm a dude, duder. I know, you know, uh, but can't believe you went to the box again. Uh, just putting a nice little bow on top of everything. Yeah. You put bows, you do gifts, you put bows on stuff. You get those bows and sticky bows.

Oh, I'll do that. I won't tie a bow. Oh, the people that like... For like Christmas, I'll just be like... Yes, yeah, the people that like tie underneath and then over and stuff like that. If you had to rank your ability to wrap a Christmas resin from 1 to 10, 10 being the best, where are you? I'd say I'm a...

Between a six and a half and a seven. Oh, that's not too bad. I'm good enough that I can do it and look presentable, but there are some stuff where I'll literally just crumple it and I don't even care. Yeah, if you give me something that's a cylinder, come on. A cylinder I could do. I can do boxes. You know how toys would come in that it's like the paper backing and then it's the plastic on the front and it's slanted at the top? The top is just getting coot, coot, patoot, poop. Right. I will say this.

Around Christmas time the holiday season I know how much Joe hates that with no war on Christmas When those tick tocks are popping up on my for you page of people just like finding something and wrapping it Hey, what you never seen those people wrapping gifts? Yeah, it'll be like oh, how can I how would you wrap this and they make like a little bag at a wrapping paper? I've seen that. Oh, yeah, bro. I've seen that. Yeah. I'm a big wrapping fan All right, you know, yeah, I like wrapping. Do you like wrapping? I

Or do you like it's like, I gotta do it. I hate it. Really? Yeah. I like it. Pour a couple glasses of wine, throw some Christmas music on. Well, yeah, that's usually what ends up happening. And then you stop rapping and then you just dance. No, I'll like do it. I can do it. It's just sometimes I've like misjudged music.

How much I need And now I'm just like Alright, fucking Oh yeah, you have to like I do that sometimes But I've One side of this is like A little fucked up Yeah I've done that a couple times Becca's actually gotten She's like taught me How to be like really good Like you put it on the paper Is she just nasty at it? Bro, filthy What is with women That are just so good At wrapping gifts? I don't know, man It's unbelievable They've got good Wrapping fingers You know what I'm saying? Like she knows how to like

In like one moment. And it's like, good. But like my mom is like good at like judging and like getting it correct of how much paper she needs. And like, it's like perfect. Old people are crazy, dude. Yeah.

Old people are crazy. They are with their rapping skills. She's intuitive with the paper. She's very good with that. I can see that. My mom is a very good rapper too. Dude, you got to see my mom with her fucking thing of tape. It's unbelievable. Really? Pet, pet, pet, pet. And she just like tapes it and just like, it's not even really trying. She's not aiming. Well, they say that a good... She's like pet, pet, pet, pet. They say a good gift wrap only needs one piece of tape. And it's like... Who said that? People say that. Let me tell you something. At least...

Six for me without quest you go tape there tape their sides tape tape The tape on the side sometime. Hey, you got it. Yeah tape over that hole you made it You made it fucked up a hole, you know, and then like oh shit. This part is like a little raised There's like a little lip there tape that down. Yeah. Yeah, you know what i'm saying? Yeah

And then do you ever put like an extra little bow around it and shit? Yo, I don't like that, by the way. What, bows? No, like when people, like you get a thing and you wrap it, right? And then you get like string or ribbon or something that goes around this way and then around that way. Oh, yeah. I can't even open this thing. You gotta wrap it like you're a fucking, a deli worker. Yeah, you're wrapping this like sausage? Yeah, it's like, all right, you put it down, you turn it, you doot-jit-a-pot. Yeah, and I'm like, I can't even get the,

the fucking thing open for us. Well, what Santa does for our house is Santa wraps each of the kids, each of the people in the house stuff in different wrapping paper. So like, Miles' wrapping paper is all one type from Santa. Then Ruby's is all one type from Santa. And then Maeve's is all one type from Santa. That's a lot of paper. Mm-hmm. Santa, Santa, he has to get a lot of paper. How do you buy, how does Santa buy clothes?

Gifts for children. Like do you go like a number? Like how do you even it out? Well, it's easy when you... Well, Santa. Yes. Remains a child at heart. Yeah. Don't... Santa remains a child at heart.

And you just, honestly, it's a gift that Santa has. He has just a feeling. Got it. There's just a feeling. Right. And also with young kids, you know, realistically, like a one-year-old like Maeve, Santa didn't go too crazy for Maeve because she was so young. Right. Right.

But he started going a little crazier for Ruby. Yeah. And then as Miles has gotten older, Santa knows that it's a lot less of little things and it's more bigger things. He's entering technology age. That's right. So Santa had to really figure out... If I'm going to say this, it's like a sixth sense that Santa has. A sick one? Sixth. Sixth. Sixth sense that Santa has. Yeah. And Santa just knows. Okay. Santa is...

really good during the holiday season. And Mrs. Claus, also really good. So imagine you got Mrs. Claus and Santa, both good. I'm confused at what now you're trying to say. Both Mr. Claus and Mrs. Claus have a good understanding of what to get, how much to get. You're going to get there. Yeah.

I could see you being Uncle Joey Santa. Bro. When you have kids, Santa Claus and you are going to be like, fucking this. Yeah. It is a drug. And it is a capitalistic drug. Capitalistic drug. Capitalism has made this a drug. Yeah. Giving your children, with Santa's help, gifts. Yeah. Also getting cookies in return. Santa's smart.

Santa's smart. Just give me some of these delicious cookies. I don't know. That's all I need. Piece of celery. I like celery. I know you do. The reindeers love their snacks. Right. Santa's reindeers, they get hungry. I think Santa in my house would like a cinnamon bun. You know... I think he'd like a cinnamon bun. I think Santa in my house... Like a big fat cinnamon bun. Santa in my house has actually evolved. Right. Milk and cookies...

He's had his share. Give him a nice scotch. A scotch! And a, you know, a glass of wine. Ooh! You know, and maybe a nice, you know, charcuterie board for Santa. Santa, like, he's had his sweets. Now he wants his savory. You know what I'm saying? I'd like a cinnamon bun and a charcuterie board. Leave that out for Santa. Leave that out for Santa. Try and mix it up a little bit. You never know. Santa might find out he has different tastes.

Lobster. Whoa. I've heard Santa loves crab and lobster. I've heard that too. You've heard that, right? Like butternut squash ravioli with like lobster bits in it. I think Santa would love that, to be honest with you. I think Santa, recently he's been doing more of like a carnivore diet. So like a burnt ends and baked mac and cheese Santa's been really into.

I don't know that Miles is going to make burnt ends. You'd be surprised. That motherfucker can cook. I actually believe that. I also just referred to my stepson as a motherfucker. Yeah, no big deal. Anyway. Oh, also, I wanted to tell you, because we're going to talk about Santa forever. Hold on. This is a short thing. Hold on. Go. I'm going to edit out that motherfucker line. Why? Because I feel bad. He's not listening. I feel bad about saying that. Josh, please do it. All right. Go. Go.

I got a tweet, by the way, that I wanted to talk about. It showed up in Portuguese, and I don't, I don't speak it. No fala português. Nos. No. No, I don't. So, I... No, no, chuchuco. Don't try to speak it if you can't. Fala português, chuchuco. What's going on? I don't know what that is. I just asked, can you speak Portuguese, cutie? Chuchuco? Chuchuco. That's cutie? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Um, but I gotta, I gotta tweet. I'm trying to remember more Portuguese. Do you want to try and read this before I show you? Yeah, actually I do. Let me see this in Portuguese. I want to see it and see if I can read it and offend two countries. All right. Don't press anything. Cause I like, I cropped out what it actually means. Okay. Just, just read it. Okay.

Wait a sec. Go ahead. Okay. So you... So that might have been fucking great. Or it sounded sort of French and Spanish at the same time. Portuguese is. Is it? No. Um...

Oh, I thought that wasn't recording for a second. Oh, that would have been bad. So it actually means... Do you have any guesses? Well, I saw homosexual in there. Homosexual's in there. Gratuity is in there somewhere. And Joe Santagato's in there. He is. I'll be honest with you. I need to see it one more time to get a full breadth of what it could possibly mean. But sounds like someone is pretty gratuitous with you being gay. The tweet says...

I wanted... Uh-oh. Wanted? Yeah. Past tense. Past tense. Okay. I wanted to do an absurd amount of homosexual whoredom and gratuitous debauchery with Joe Santagata. Gotta say... Two things. Debauchery. Crazy. Crazy. Homosexual whoredom is wild.

Right? But also wanted. What have I done to not be in the want? It could be the plump and puff. Maybe there's a language barrier and they still want to. Well, yeah. You know, sometimes in other countries...

They might not translate one-to-one to what it means here. That's what I mean. So, like, whoredom might just mean, like, sexy play. You know? Homosexual whoredom. That's an incredible... An absurd amount of homosexual whoredom. Homosexual whoredom and debauchery. Yeah, and gratuitous debauchery. Gratuitous debauchery is one of the funniest... Crazy shit. What is that? I think of gratuitous debauch... When you think of something that's debaucherous, it's, like, kind of, like, over-the-top...

Like over the top for the sake of being over the top and crazy. So like gratuitous. Absurd amount of homosexual whoredom as well is like, we don't need both of these. Well, you could put those two together and you get a fucking, you get quite the gay cake. Yeah. You know, think about it. This is a recipe for a big pancake. Think about it like this. You like cured meats, right? Yeah. You like cheeses, right?

Yes. Good things on their own. Right. Bring them together. Smack them together. Now you got a gratuitous whoredom of gay sex. Yeah. And debauchery. Of meat and cheese. Of meat and cheese. Yeah. That's what this person is doing. Yeah. This is the recipe for a big old gay time, for sure. So we don't have any insight as to what happened from the want to wanted. No.

I'm, I'm, I'm, yeah. I don't know what happened. I don't know if maybe it's a, it's a language. Take your hat off real quick. Why? I just want to see something. Your hair looks good. Your mustache looks good. Thank you. So maybe they were into more of the twink version of you. Maybe. That does line up with the whole homosexual part of it. Homosexual, whoredom, and gratuitous debauchery? Yeah, that lines up. Like when you were clean shaved. Yeah. Hair flip.

Bean head on full display. Bean head on full display. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might have been more of a... There was more whoredom. ...debaucherous possible homosexual whore. Whoredom. Yeah, yeah. I have less whoredom. And now look at you. I have less whoredom. I mean, I don't... We don't have sex because we're not lovers. Right. I think you have more whoredom to you now. You got a whoredness to you now. You don't think so?

Same thing to say. You just got like more of like a, the mustache like leaks like, ah, fuck. You know what I'm saying? No. Yeah, it does. Let's just go on record saying I don't know what you mean, but you're a little whore. I can see the twinkle in your eye. No, I'm not. Oh. I mean, I'm a whore for my wife. That I'll fucking. What do you think I meant by that? I don't know. That's why I said, I don't know. I'll whore it up for her any day.

I feel like you would. And I do, bitch. That's what I'm saying. I throw this motherfucker back. I don't. I'm not throwing anything back. You are a whore. I'm not throwing anything back. Really? Because it's the first thing you said. I mean, I dance. No one's talking about dancing. I throw it back with a dance. Bang. Bang, bang.

You know? Bang. Bang, bang. You know what I'm talking about. I do. I don't. But I'm trying to understand. You know what? We're going to pivot. You know what I just thought of randomly that popped in my head? We went after the Seattle show, which was fucking awesome. Thank you guys for a really great time. Seattle, you turnt up. Turnt up? We went to dinner. Yeah. Music was flowing. Bro. We had a couple glasses of- What was that place called? Okami? Okami?

Oh, no. It was Ume. Umi. Okami? It's called Ume. Okay. I think. It was like a Japanese place. The best playlist ever. Ever. That playlist was wild. But the car ride home, someone played Freak-A-Leek on the... That's right. And I was obviously loudly rapping the parts I was allowed to rap in Freak-A-Leek. Want to make sure we throw that out there. Also, the intro you nailed. Yeah. Well...

W boom boom what's up dominic? Yeah, i'm all here. Yeah, i'm not gonna do it right now But the best part was the one o'clock two ding dong. Yeah. Yeah I did that and joey almost pissed his pants. I forgot about that part of the song Yeah, one o'clock two ding dong and she right there and she know who she came with Right, you know where her clothes are supposed to be. Where are they supposed to be off and over there? Is that part of the song? Yeah, nice

And then he says like, "Drink a little, smoke a little bit, drink a little bit." Suck a little dick or something? I don't think that part's in it, but he does say, "I need a girl I could freak with." Yeah. And she'll try shit. She's not scared of a... Big dick. There it is. And she loves to get her... Pussy licked. By another girl, 'cause I'm not drunk enough to do that. Those are the... Yeah, that's what he said. Petey Pablo. Shout out to Petey, man. Not a gentleman. Shout out to Petey. Petey Pablo come on the show?

Bro, what the fuck would we talk about with Petey Pablo? Tell us about the... Tell us. You wrote Freak-A-Leek. So Freak-A-Leek, where did you start? What is an idea like that? The genesis of the idea. The artistic approach that you brought to Freak-A-Leek. Did you also bring that to... Is Crystal and Sabrina real women? Yeah. Who is... Yolanda. Monique. Christina. Yolanda. Yolanda.

These are all very, you know, interesting. He also did the lead-in for, it was like the intro to, what was that? Goodies, right? Yes. My goodies, not my goodies. I got a sick reputation for handling broads. All I need is me a few seconds and more. And when I rap, you don't remember that part? I do, I do. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Two songs. Shout out to Petey. Now he's got a couple more. He also was in Drumline. Was he? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't remember drumming. The opposing school brought out Petey Pablo trying to cheat. They got a ringer. They brought Petey out. It's fucked up. Is Petey Pablo a notorious drummer? Atlanta, no, he's not. He was a famous rapper in Atlanta. Well, yeah, and I know, but I'm saying they brought him out. For a drumming competition. That's like me bringing you out for a not going places that are weird competition. Yeah.

It doesn't make sense. No, they brought him out as like, here's our celebrity while they did the drums. That's like if I'm in a chef company. Have you never seen Drumline? I have. I don't remember it. It was 2006 when I saw it. Watch it again. It's a good movie. What year did that come out? What year? 2008. I'm saying 2006. Eight. Eight. Eight. 2008? 2008. That's... Nick Cannon, Drumline, man. 2008, 2006. Both wrong. 2002. Holy fuck. Yeah, we should have known. Yeah. Should have known.

Right around the time. Right around. It was a dark period. Yep. Yes, it was. It was hard to remember that time. Right. But you never forget it, though. Don't. Don't ever. Speaking of that, we do have some sponsors for today. The first one being, how you doing? This is our job.

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All right. And they also have other stuff, not just underpants. They have other stuff that's really great, too. Yes. Socks, too. So check them out. Yeah. I know that we're getting out of here soon, but did you see our fucking... One of our biggest nightmares has come to fruition? Don't. What would you say if, like, if you were having a nightmare, what are this... By the way, I had a nightmare the other day that...

I've been having nightmares. I had a nightmare the other day that we showed up to a show and I had to step off stage to go use the bathroom and Francisco, the poet, was there and he wasn't dressed in his poetry outfit and I looked at him and I was like, you're crazy. What was that? That was the nightmare I've had. Is that real? Or are you trying to set up a stupid joke? No, no, no. That's a nightmare I had. You had a dream of a live show. Yep.

By the way, you have a lot of weird dreams about the shows. You realize that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on over there? I don't know. Right before you went to go to bed, you're like... I haven't been sleeping well lately. No? No. It's like, I don't know. I just can't explain it. I've been having, like, serious nightmares where, like, people are killing themselves and shit. That's bad. Yeah. Forget those. What would you say are, like, top three worst nightmares you could have? In terms of, like, give me, like, a general concept.

Being chased. Okay. Being chased. That's a big one. And then you can run, like, slow. Yeah. Or, like, I start to be able to run fast, but then, like, I don't know. They're just always closing in. I don't like that. I hate that. I've had ones where, like...

Oh, the teeth thing I don't love. Oh, when your teeth fall out? Yeah, but I... I don't really care about that. I've had it where it's like I'm just biting down and my teeth are crunching together. You ever bite something and you hear something like crunch and you're like, what was that? And you immediately check your teeth and they're all good and you're like, wait, what was that? You ever do that? And then it tastes like... Like, you know when you go to the dentist and they drill and you can like taste that like smokiness? Yes. I've like...

bitten something and then like my teeth like kind of hit each other. Yes. I smelled that and I'm like, I just broke my fucking teeth. Yes, I have. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, I have. I hate that. Yeah, that sucks. I hate that. I hate it. I hate it. But what I was going to say, so the story that came out is that there are some NASA scientists that were supposed to be coming home. I know. And there was an accident. What happened?

I'm not quite... Something happened with the craft that was supposed to bring them back or something like that, and now they're stuck there until next year. No. Dude. I refuse to be stuck in space. Dude. And it's a man and a woman, right? I don't remember exactly how many people it is. There is not something more terrifying than being told, like, you're stuck in space. Or I guess... You ever hear the story of there was some scientist guy who was on Rogan, and he was like, I lived for, like...

six weeks at the bottom of the ocean and he's like and to use the bathroom you never heard this story no he goes uh to use the bathroom we had to swim fuck off into like a tent and you just use the bathroom in like in the water and then you swim back to your fucking like your pod so you can get back into whatever you're staying in and he's like why can't

Wait, if you're at the bottom of the ocean. It's not like the bottom of the ocean, but it's like down far enough that like it's pitch black. So I have to get into a full scuba gear to go take a leak? Yeah. No. Well, maybe not a leak, but definitely a crunk. But he's like, I do my thing and then I go to like get back to like my pod and there's a giant eyeball in front of me. Shut the fuck up. I swear to God. I swear. You never heard that story?

I would not make it, bro. The two worst. I would not make that. But yeah. Yo, that honestly is like freaking me out just thinking about that. I'm not going out. I'd rather shit and piss my pants for a year. Then I'm not going outside. Oh, yeah. In like the fucking dark ocean. No, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't even, I'll do you one better. I wouldn't even have like the ability to see the outside. Don't have any windows. No windows. Don't have any glass. Because if I look out and I see one thing.

Also, what was the... Wait, how big was the eye? He said a giant eye. He said it was a giant eye. And apparently it was... I don't remember if he said it was a giant squid or another animal, another fish, but like, regardless of what it is, dude, an eye the size of... What is this? A fucking...

Pizza pie? A pizza pie. An eye without crap on it. An eye the size of a pizza pie. An eye the size of a pizza pie. When your moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie, that's s'more.

That makes no sense. It doesn't make any sense. And that song kind of sucks. Wait, what is it? When the sun hits your eyes? When the moon hits your eyes. Like a big pizza pie? Like a big pizza pie. When does a pizza pie hit me in the eyes? Well, I don't know. Does that get hit in the eye with a pizza? I don't know. I think it's meant to say like when the light of the moon shines in your beautiful eyes, that's love. That doesn't even make sense either. No. When the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie, that's amore. Okay.

When the moon hits your eyes... And then there's another line to it! Like a big pizza pie! There's another line to it, and it's like... When the sun hits the zoo, like a pasta fagiol... That's some other... When the moon... Now I gotta look up... What is pasta fagiol? You don't know what pasta fagiol is? No, I don't know. It's like... A soup?

Pasta? It has a little pasta in it. Hold on, hold on. I've never been hit. When the moon hits your eyes. It's Dean Martin. So this guy was hammered when he wrote this. Probably, yeah. He's up to cigarettes. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore. Right. Which doesn't make sense. When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore. That's true. That is true. Because you're a drunk.

Just like good old Dean. When the stars make you drool, just like pasta fagiol. Oh, okay. The stars make me drool. Why the hell? It's so embarrassing when you drool now. When you're a grown man and you drool, it's sad. When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet, you're in love. What the fuck? What the hell does that mean? How high up is this street? When you walk in a dream, but you know you're not dreaming, signore. Signore.

What? It just- It doesn't even make sense! Lucid dreaming? Why are we loving these songs that were written by fucking middle-aged men that were hammered and beat their wives, probably? I don't know about Dean Martin. Pasta for Jules sounds good, though. You never had pasta for Jules? I don't know what it is. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. I'm looking that shit up right now. I'm pretty sure it's the soup.

How do I spell Fajul? I'm not going to tell you. Pasta? Yeah, it's the soup. Italian famous soup that translates to pasta and beans. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, this is not spelled the way I thought it was going to be spelled. How did you spell Fajul? It's F-A-S-U-L-E. How did you spell it? Or F-A-G-U-L-E. How do you spell it? It's F-A-G-I-O-L-I.

Fagioli, that's right. Passo Fagioli. Yeah, I just... Yeah, Joey... No, I didn't. I wasn't going to... Yeah, you were going to spell it that way. I don't blame you. Nor was I going to try to pronounce it either. Yeah. Well, you should. You're Italian. Half. Half Italian. So maybe... Remember your roots, bitch. What am I being yelled at for? If you're told you're in space for eight years and then you're told you need to be here another year. If I... Wait, they've done eight?

I think it was an eight-year mission that they've been up there. I thought it was short, and then now they have to stay a long time. Another year. Maybe it was. Doesn't time move slow, fast, or something? I'm not even going to answer that question because I don't know how. Eight-day. Eight-day. Sorry. Eight-day mission. Very different than eight years. But now another year. Yeah, that's tough. Do they have enough food? I hope. And you can't just, like, give it to them. You can't just send them shit. How do you do that? It's like, we're going to throw some steaks into space.

How do you get them food? Well, that's like the Martian. Did you watch the Martian? All right, hold on. How do you... This isn't my first thought, but it is a thought. Mm-hmm. How do you... Crump? Like, ejaculate?

In space. Because, like, a year without that? I love how Joey says, this isn't my first thought, and it's the immediate first question that he asks. No, I'm just saying because it's a year. Like, you could go, like, months. Joey, some people don't need a fucking big jerk-off king like you. It's not about jerking off. It's about ejaculation. Some people don't need jerk-off jack-off. You don't have to ejaculate for a full year? That has never happened to me. But you could do that? Probably not.

So then what are you arguing? I mean the same way they probably like just fucking do it in a bag and zip tie it and burn it. Burn it? I don't know! Can't burn it! Why not? Also, we're just gonna have a bag of jizz in there floating around. And then you burn it! How? Incinerator! In space? Yeah, you could have indoor fires in space. You don't know that! I kinda know it. They don't have a stove up there. I think it's all just like... Well, I'm sure their spacecraft has some form of an incinerator.

So like it. How do you think? You're sure they have an incinerator? I said incinerator. Hello. I think. I think. Do they? I think. I think. So I think what they do is their spacecraft has an incinerator. It's like a garbage can. So you think that they're jizzing and burning the jizz? I imagine that would be the smartest way to get rid of that. How do they brush it? Why didn't you go for piss? Because that I assume that they have that figured out.

I'm sure they got fucking jizz figured out too, Joey. You think they stopped at piss and crap? If it's only eight days, you don't have to figure out jizz. Everyone can go eight days. You're right. Eight days. But a full year, all of a sudden now it's like, whoa, hold on. Now I have to beat this thing. I'm sure they have some form, some form of a jizz disposal system.

On these crafts. You think about it too. It's a full year. So everyone up there, we're human beings. I think it's only a number of months. I don't think it's going to end up being an actual full year. Even so. Like, it's a long time. So you got to be like, all right, go do whatever you got to do in there. In a separate pod. This is terrifying. It's scary as shit. This is the scariest thing. Obviously, I know you're scared because of jizz. I was just about to ask the dumbest question. Actually, no, this is probably not a dumb question.

Do they have like Wi-Fi or something? They're able to communicate somehow. I assume there's some form of a neural link. Bro, hold on. The idea of Wi-Fi and Bluetooth already is just like absurd to me. I don't get it. I never will understand it. The fact that we could then put it in a thing in space? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. What? Unless I'm mistaken.

It goes to a satellite out there and then it fucking bangs it back to us. Oh, maybe they got even stronger. Why? Maybe they just like, yeah, exactly. They're sitting next to the modem, you know? So what do they got to worry about? Right? Yeah, that's true. I didn't think about that.

Wow. Crazy, right? What the fuck is going on out there? It makes no sense. I don't get it. I couldn't be in space. I couldn't be in space. Well, fuck no. And I couldn't see our planet and go, that's us all right there. And we're in this. I would fuck me up. I'd like to see it, though. Nope. If someone drugged me. Nope. And then put me up there. Nope. And then drugged me again. And then brought you back to the box. Yeah. Yeah.

No, but if I was drugged and then like up there like, oh my God, this is it. And then they drugged me again and brought me back down. Then I'd be okay with that. So if someone drugged you. Yeah. Trained you while you were drugged. No, like throw a suit on me and just. Just throw casually, just throw you in a spaceship. Yeah. So in the, I assume days it would take to get into space.

Days. The process of getting into space. Yeah, you can get into space. So you want someone to drug you, put you on a suit, put you in a rocket, and just fucking blast you off? Yes. Insane. Seeing the Earth...

From fucking space. This is- see this is what- this is what happens when you're fucking one of those weird wanderlust traveling fucking weirdos. Joey wants to see fucking Copenhagen in Christmas and this and that and beaches with sand and pa-pa. You're gonna reach a point, you're gonna hit a glass ceiling where the only way you can get your fucking fix is by going up into space. And then, then you're gonna be stuck there.

And you're going to have to make potatoes out of your own crap. And then you're going to be fucking miserable. Oh, the Martian. You just described people who like traveling. So to stop all this, go home, sit there with the blinds closed, and don't see anything. Fuck you. I'm going to space. I'll eat a fucking potato made out of your shit. Only if you watch the person crap on it first and shove it into their own face, right?

Full circle. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming and hanging out. Again, go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You can find us individually or at TheBasementYard on all forms of social media. Thank you. If you guys are coming to the Texas shows, TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Joe, God might not have been in the box. Maybe God is here. Sign off. Okay. You guys can go follow me at JoeSanagata. Go follow the show at TheBasementYard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all.

We'll see you next time. I don't know what that was. Don't ask me. Yeah, I don't know.