Shownotes Transcript
- Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. - Ooh, smoking.
Frank got a new t-shirt and now he's acting out his t-shirt. It's 30 years old. It's 30 years old. This is my favorite movie ever. What's 30 years old? The mask. Oh, I thought your shirt was 30 years old. No, no, no. You got that off Amazon. Yeah, yeah. It was made to look vintage, but it was actually printed last year. It was purchased for me, so I don't know any of that information. And actually, I don't even think it was off Amazon, but... It looks nice. I like it. I like it a lot. It's one of my favorite shirts now. A lot scarier than I remember, honestly. God, 30 years old. Can you believe that? I can believe it. I'm 32. I'm older than the movie.
I really don't like this attitude that you're fucking starting off with. Fuck you. This was like the first, like, this formed my personality. This formed my humor. A lot of who I am is 1994's The Mask starring Jim Carrey. Frank, no, it's not. Yeah. It's just you like the movie. No, no, it is. What part about your personality was shaped by The Mask? I think his playfulness. His, uh... What? What?
His apparent like mischievousness. Isn't it mischievousness? Mischievousness. Whatever. It is a lot of who I am. You're not mischievous. I think I used to be. Now I can't be. You used to be mischievous? Yeah, because as a kid you're mischievous. Now as an adult it's just called being a criminal. Right. You know, that's why like as a kid you're allowed to be mischievous. You're allowed to be like, oh, I'm going to play pranks and fuck with people. Did you do a lot of pranking? I like to try.
i know like but like i i know you faked your death to your sister i did fake my death to my sister um that was psychotic every now and then i just throw a little random one in there like i'll just like pretend to sneeze you know just to see if anyone catches me see if i can still keep people on their toes you know that's you oh the big mischievous man he pretends to sneeze he's got the whole world he's just so funny in that movie when's the last time you saw you don't really this is what this
This is what Joey's doing. This is what Joey's doing. Shut the fuck up. This is what Joey's doing. Is he hasn't seen something and doesn't care about it, but then he's going to go watch it and he's going to slide it in to make it parts of his entire personality. No, I'm not. And people are going to be like, I've always liked it. This is what you do. No, I'm a very upfront, forward, and honest person with what is about my fucking personality and shit like that, bitch. You see what he just said? Everything you just said meant nothing.
thing by the way one that's one thing i want to get out of the way two you're the one who's sneaking it in right now not really sneaking exactly it's not sneaking i'm in your face i'm blasting all over you i am i don't know you're not doing disgusting disgusting
For you to come in here and be like, I think that I was shaped by the movie The Mask is like an insane thing to say. I don't think it's insane. I think that there are a lot of parts of our personality that we don't realize. Now I'm throwing it. Now I'm shaped by The Mask. Absolutely. I think we as a society. We as a society. Yeah, The Mask. I'm not saying The Mask. Has changed society. I'm not saying The Mask. But if we want to use that as an allegory to represent all of society, then we shall.
I don't want to do that. Well, I'm just saying, there are pieces of media that we encounter at a young age that shapes us. We spoke about this the other day. Two girls, one cup. That was one. Unfortunately, that was one. Kids in a sandbox where she shoves a dildo in his pee hole. Why does it have to be all these dark web fucking sex videos that you're watching? I don't know. No, but do you remember that video? I remember. I saw them too. I'm not happy about it. Do you remember Church of Fudge? I remember Church of Fudge. I remember Guy One Dar. What happened to Church of Fudge?
Would poop, dude. Yeah, what happened? Explain it, because some people don't know. Weren't they nuns in there? It was a nun and a priest. Yeah. I think the priest farted. Very blasphemous. Just want to put that out there. We didn't do this. The Church of Fudge did. Wherever they may shall rest. Church of Fudge. It was a less popular one than Two Girls, One Cup and the Sandbox one. But it was a priest who was farting and shitting into a nun's face.
Fucked up. Saw that right after I ate a pizza. And I was like... Yeah, we saw that at... I don't know. Finn's house. Yeah, we can say it. It's all right. Saw it there. I was eating a pizza. I immediately put it down and walked home. Yeah. And that pizza stayed there for probably eight months. Also, if you... Listen...
If you're going to fart and shit in someone's face on video, you don't have to be dressed like the clergy. You know what I'm saying? Like, why are you doing that? The act of what you're doing is fucked up enough. You don't need a blaspheme on top of it. You don't need to be a priest. You could just do that God forsaken act without trying to bring God into it. God is already not there.
Don't try to bring God into it. Right, yeah. You know what I'm saying? You could do it in plain clothes. Do it in your favorite t-shirt. Or just do a nakey-bakey. Or that. Just save... Clothes are expensive. At least the girls... The women, the nice women of Two Girls, One Cup didn't have any... This is not a Patreon episode, so we all know. It's going on the web. Didn't have any nun outfits on. They were naked. They were not members of the nunnery.
That's not it. Are you sure? What's it called? The... Sisterhood. Not the clan. That's definitely...
What's the house that they all go to? They all live in a house. The Episcopalian. No. What the fuck is that? Cool word, I gotta say. Yeah, it is not bad. The ministry. It's like a C, a C. Convent. Convict. Convent? Is it the convent? Convent. I think it is convent. Yeah, okay. I used to thought it was the nunnery too. It's crazy. But there are so many other pieces of media that shaped who we are growing up. And I think...
Everyone can speak to that. You don't remember watching... I definitely know that you were a fucking freak for, like, Little Giants, Mighty Ducks, fucking Remember the Titans, and you became Big Boy Joe Jock Boy because of that. I... I...
Watch those movies because I was interested in sports already. To this day, you're like, oh, fucking Flying V. You know? Oh, shit. Frank, you can't just watch movies. He's so dramatic. He's like, this movie shaped me. You are who you are. Maybe because people are...
Maybe because unlike fucking psychopathy over here, maybe people are moved by pieces of media to feel something. Not looking at a wall and just depending on how big their bank account is, you fucking rich bastard. That's not what happens. I think that you're just dependent on something that you like. And you're like, see, this shaped me. I like the movie. It shaped me. See, it's important. Oh, Joey's getting real now. Joey's getting real now. Don't make me cycle. He's going to therapize this whole fucking episode. Cut the cameras off. No.
The mask? Your hair looks nice today, by the way. Thank you so much. Nothing in it, just right out the shower. Ahmed's bringing me a hat that he purchased for me because Greg, being a bastard...
Greg had nine strikes one of those shows. That Seattle show? That Seattle show, he fucked up six times. No, no, no. It was the second LA, I think. No, it was Seattle. It was Seattle. He fucked up. Let's be honest about something. Jokes aside. He wore jeans the night before, to be fair. He doesn't wear jeans. Yes. So he was all thrown off. And he works probably harder than any of the other people on that, in our crew. How hard is that? Well, ratio, babe. Ratio. Yeah. But he did fuck up several times within like a 10 minute span. Yeah.
And one of those times was I asked him to buy me a hat and he just didn't. Yeah. He didn't forget. I told him and he just didn't do it. No, I think... I don't know. Whatever. But...
You got the hat. I did. Ahmed's coming with it. I was going to wear it for the show, but Ahmed's not here yet. So here we are living the dream. Living the dream. Watching the Olympics. That's all I watched on the flight back home. The whole time? Yeah. I just, I put the Olympics on the TV. What was on the, like what sports? They were going back and forth. I kind of like the coverage. It's kind of like a red zone. I don't like the song. I don't like the song. Song. The Olympic song. It annoys me. I don't know it. It's like triggering when I hear it. Fem, fem, fem.
Isn't that like graduation? Yeah, that's it. I thought that was like graduation. No, graduation is not that one. It's another one. I can't remember the graduation one. I actually believe it's called Pomp and Circumstance. The graduation song. Don't tell me that. I don't want to know that. Why not? I don't know. It's stupid. It was also Macho Man Randy Savage's entrance music in WWF at the time. You didn't know that?
You don't know that! Pumps and circumstance. Pump and circumstance. Got it. I kind of want to look it up now, can I? No, no, no. So what sports were you watching? I don't even remember. There was some like track. The Olympics, folks. It was mostly like track that I was watching. Oh, cool. Running? I love watching that. God, you guys are so annoying, dude. Ooh, there was women's discus. I do like that! Those bitches were throwing! I gotta say, I do like when they throw the discus. I do like when they do shot put.
And I do like the javelin. I hate shot put. I have convinced myself. Who throws like this? I know that it probably goes farther. There is like a specific. How heavy do you think that thing is? That's got to be like 40 pounds. 40 pounds? 30 pounds, right? He's already down 10 pounds. Maybe 20? How heavy? I'm pretty sure Brock Lesnar's daughter does shot put. Yeah, she is.
In men's competition, it's 16 pounds. In women's competitions, it's 8.8. Damn. We'll never have equality. 8 pounds is heavy too. 16 pounds is heavy as shit! It's a little lighter than 40. I backtrack a little bit. I apologize. It's not half. Welcome back to us not knowing anything. Well, that's because the Olympics hasn't sponsored our show yet. Olympics? Why? Like, why not have us, like, sponsor us to do the show? We could do the Olympics.
Oh, they're running fast. Oh, shit. They're throwing hard. Wow. Look at them throwing that fast. You ever... I always get so nervous during the relays of track when they're like handing off the baton. I'm like, don't drop it. That's the closest like I've ever felt to being... You've done the baton. ...in Olympic sport doing the baton race because like it is literally like a science. Like... You got to like run with your hand behind you and you got to put it in. And then you got to wank. I don't know if you're wanking. Then wank.
And you need to like... And then the person in front of you starts to run and you need to like time it and everything. That shit is crazy. Yeah. That shit is absolutely crazy. Did you do the relay in fifth grade? I'm pretty sure I... Or like around there, yeah. I did the... I think I did the sprint and lost because there was a fucking... The Michael Phelps of PS2 growing up was Dennis. Yeah, yeah. This kid won every gold medal at everything. That's the only reason why. I've had second place medals and won DQ in first grade that I'm not over. Yeah. But...
I only won in fifth grade because he wasn't in the relay. I, without exaggeration, I tried to join events that I didn't think he would be in. So like one year I did like the three-legged race. I remember when you did the three-legged race. I remember like being like, this is my moment. Yeah. And I, you guessed it. Didn't. Didn't moment. What was the thing where it's like you sit on something with wheels and you scoot?
Oh, first of all, yes, I know what you're talking about. Not an athletic event. It was not an athletic event at all. How it doesn't make sense, but it was just like a board on wheels. Yeah. And it had handles on the side. And you're like, go, go, go. Yeah, but you couldn't like kick and you had to like the whole time you had to kick. Who did you do the three-legged race with? I'm not too sure, but I think it was Demir. Okay, that's good. He was an athlete. He had a jumper.
I don't know. He's an athlete if you count fucking throwing Exodia down on the battlefield. You know, one time he fouled me really hard during basketball and then he went out for a layup and I pushed him. You snuffed the shit out of him. I pushed him and he hit the fence and there was a little spike and he got like a hole in his arm. Bro, this kid just, he didn't, he was looking at me and crying and I was just like, chill. That's crazy. I just kept backing up. I'm like, chill, chill, chill. It was cool. He was a cool kid though. He was my friend. A couple years ago when we talked about him on the show and I messaged him
To like see if he would like say what's up like or like send in a story or something about the show Ignored you and they completely ignored me really? Yeah. Hell. Yeah, you fucked up the mirror. Shout out you fucked up. No, that was dope No, no, no, no, no awesome. No, but I I Know last we spoke about the Olympics. I didn't watch anything, but I did watch something this time. Well, it's the fucking shooting Oh the fucking Turkish guy
I didn't see any of that. Dude, people are showing up with like gear, like some fucking like spy kid glasses and shit. I was just going to say that. A guy coming with a mirror that's blocking one eye. It's like, how is this not cheating? And this guy just walks like out of... In sweatpants. Like if you've ever walked by like...
Like Italian American Club in like a major city you've seen people like this all the time They look like they are just like that's all that they have a long sleeve like sweatshirt on in the summer cigarette this guy showed up bang Walked out so far some fucking that's some shit. Yeah, that is cool. I like that He should have had a cigarette just and you see all the other nerds they have like a
Arm pads and yeah, I know there's science to it. I know there's a science to go up there and raw dog and pow I saw someone saying like it's crazy that America didn't get the golden shooting Yeah, and it was like well because they're hitting targets not each other. Yeah, that's kind of sad. I mean, it's It's a joke to make for sure. Have you ever like? legitimately thought you could compete in any Olympic sport and
Never. I never thought that I actually could. I convinced myself. If you had to pick one, like if you had to compete. Done. I got it already. What? Javelin. Throwing a javelin? I'm pretty sure I could throw a javelin very, very well. Based on what? Got it.
Okay. Based on delusion and psychopathy. Based on delusion. Also, someone threw a javelin in the mask and that shaped his life. So it's in there with him. Bitch. Has anyone thrown a javelin in the mask? I can't think of it. No, they haven't. But like, I've seen enough javelin throws and I just convinced myself like I might be able to do this. But like, okay.
Javelin, I feel like, is a tough one. Is there any of the sports that legitimately, if your life depended on it, this is the sport that you had to do the best at, which one would you pick? If there was an Olympic event for sunflower seed eating, I'm pretty sure I could place. Are you listening to the question or are you in fantasy land? Because I'm saying which one that does exist. I'll save you time because that sounds like it's going to be silent for a half an hour. I just said curling.
Which, it's probably hard, but like that to me seems like more doable than like... Well yeah, you've played enough shuffleboard that you could probably... I'm not beating anyone in swimming, bro. Yeah, no, no, no. Swimming is crazy. Absolutely. I can barely get down and back, bro. I'll say this. If sunflower seed eating was an Olympic sport, your boy might be in there. Honestly. Honestly. Do you think I would do well in that? What is the competition? I don't even know how to win. Eat a hundred sunflower seeds the quickest. I've never seen you eat seeds fast.
Man, you're missing out. Let me tell you. I'm not missing anything. And also, I know technically it is a sport, but if they allowed pencil diving in the diving competition. Pencil diving? A pencil dive. You think you're good at that? I think I'd be pretty good at that. Bro, I dove off the boat in Connecticut. You did a good pencil dive? No, I did a good fucking Olympic dive. Look at this thing. Get the hell out of here.
But your feet are all fucked up. My feet are perved. You're going, no, no. And you're going out. You need to go down for Olympic dives. Bro, I'm jumping off a boat. How am I going to get fucking straight down? Exactly. You go up, you go down. Maybe if the boat had a diving board, then I could give you a little something here. I mean, now we have to rent the yacht with a diving board. Oh, boy. I don't think that they come with diving boards. I'm pretty sure if you pay enough money, you could get a diving board on a yacht, Joey. I don't want to. You ever actually been on a diving board?
Yeah. Crazy. It's tough. It is kind of nuts. It's bouncy for sure. It is bouncy and also like...
I don't want to jump that high. If you time it wrong, your knees will, like, kick you in the face. Yeah, because you need to jump as it's still, like, down so it brings you back up. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten enough practice on a trampoline that I think I could do it okay, but, like... See, I don't like fucking with those either. Oh, I love trampolines. Can you do a backflip? No. No, I can't. Front? What do you do on that? You just jump like you're on a bed? I do. I play with the kids on it. But, like, sometimes I'll do...
It's funny when miles and I go on it. I'll be like I'll be like all right miles Let me see if I still got it make sure I'm not rusty and what I'll do is I'll jump as high as I can come down straight on my back and while in the air I'll I'll do a flip and I don't land on my feet. I land on my face got it, but it's pretty cool Yeah, and he said he'll go still got it does he that's awesome Does he flip not really we're not big flippers in our house. I
We're not taking risks. Not a big flippy household. No, no flippies? No. I will tell, when we were kids, we went out to the McGrath's house on Long Island, and they had a trampoline.
And the parents would sit outside and just change smoke ciggies. Like I'm talking like, yeah, bad. Nice. One is bad, but a lot of bad. Right. And we would do the thing where it'd be like, yo, watch us. And we would jump up and we would go straight down. And then at the last second, we curl like fucking like Jeff Hardy swamp, Swanton bombing.
Anyone have any questions? I have a question. Call on me. Call on me. Call on me. Please. Okay, Joe? What the fuck do cigarettes have to do with that story? Also, what was the point of the entire thing? To talk?
Hear myself talk? Oh my god. Spend some time in there? I've almost killed myself on trampolines. I'm not fucking with them anymore. So, okay. Curling is the only Olympic sport you think you even have a slight chance of being pro in. I'm sure there's other ones. I don't even know. Breakdancing! Breakdancing's in the Olympics now. Breakdancing! I'm not good at that either. If you give yourself ten minutes. Ten minutes? Sorry, alright. To do what? Every day for a year. To breakdance. You don't think you could be good at it?
I would definitely not pick that. I would pick other shit before that. I'm just saying I have the confidence. We know that. We know you have that. We're going to call it confidence that I believe if I put my mind to anything, I can and will do it. Yeah. And so far, I've not been proven wrong.
Really? Yeah. I don't think that's true. Where? When? I don't know. You have a lot of things that you just say. You're training to dunk a basketball. When's that not going to happen? I mean, I've not yet tried to actually dunk the ball yet. I'm just training. So if you just never attempt to do things. Technically, if I never attempt to do the thing, it means I've never failed. Wow. So we don't know. When are you going to be honest with yourself?
I'll tell you this. Ain't going to be today, baby. Do you know, I pulled up this thing about sports you didn't know existed. I don't think these are in the Olympics, but I looked this up because break dancing. We were talking right before we started recording that break dancing is now. How does Japan ever lose in break dancing? Really? I would have said the Philippines, but I think China won. Are they big break dancers? I thought. Oh, I don't know. I don't know either. It's probably backpedal a little bit.
I just they feel good at it. Yeah. Well the Joppa walkies are Japanese. You're getting crazy. Look this up. I don't want to know we look this up I think it's a collection of Asian like Asian Americans from different nationalities. Yeah I will say when white people breakdance drives me nuts. Hmm drives me crazy get out of here You're not allowed to do this. I just don't like it like it just it cuz they're not I don't know it also like looks horrible regardless of race
When break dancers are like getting ready to break dance. When they're doing this thing. When they're like... Yeah, when they're like... I hate it, dude. And I'm like, just go. Just do it. It's like the lead up to a sneeze. Like you don't want it. It's like... Yeah, it's just not... Just fucking sneeze already. Just start breaking dance. I don't like that. And also...
Maybe that started as being like an actual warm-up thing like they're just like warming up their arms and stuff to do breakdance I just but now it's just like they do it for flair and I don't like it Well, they're like either you better be getting ready to spin and land on your head You know what I mean? We peaked as an as a world and you got served and then even stomped the yard But although that was coming down a little bit the yard. I definitely wanted to do that peace in my head I was like when I go to college
I'm going... Also, in what world am I going to one of these colleges? Zero. To breakdance? Well, no. Do the stomping thing. Hold on. In what world did you go to college? Let's start with that one. Yeah, that world doesn't exist. Yeah, a different variant of me has gone to college. I did not. But I remember watching that movie and being like, this is the coolest thing in the world. And then what? Am I going to...
Like an HBCU college. Yeah. Well, no, there are other colleges. So like my school is not known as a historically black college or university, which is what HBCU stands for, I think. And I love the, I think at the end there. But we had historically like black and Spanish fraternities and sororities on our campus and they would step on,
Would they do it at like house parties? They would do it everywhere, dude. Careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful. You don't want to accidentally offend. Oh, I don't want to actually do a call and then I start beef or something. Bro, it would literally be like 11 p.m. and you would hear their call through the fucking echoing through the campus. And then you would just hear like, and like, yo, that shit looks sick. I'm not going to fuck around. And a part of me wanted to do it and I was like,
I don't want to offend anybody. Yeah, well, I also like... Yeah, I don't look good in, like, boots. So, like, I can't... You look good in boots. Do I? Yeah, I've seen you in boots. You look pretty good in boots. When did you see me in boots? I've seen you wear boots, like, casually. Casual boots? Like, you look good in boots. Really? You know what it is? You have a good, like...
From the knee down. I got a good leg? That part. Right, right, right. Your thigh and ass sucks. Don't talk about that. We've established that. But I got a good knee down. Yeah, knee down. Pretty good. Boots good on you. Okay. Do boots. More boots. I'm gonna do more boots. You gotta do cowboy boots when we go on that basement yard experience tour in Texas. I might have to buy some boots. You might have to fucking...
Two-step your way into that state and then get dragged out. Yeah, dude. Why not? Fuck it. Yeah. Boots are incoming. So if you're in Texas, look out for the boots. Why do you say that like that? Boots are incoming. You said incoming. Boots are incoming. Better. I thought that's what I said. When you said incoming, like they're in Allen coming. We do have sponsors for today.
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You don't think you could be a good break dancer. I know you're white. We've already established that. Frank, I'm not breaking any dance. I think you could. I really... Joey, you think you're a good break dancer? I am confident in my abilities to do things that if I commit to wanting to do something, I think I can do it. And I think you're the same way. You're very versatile.
I can't break dance. I know you can't right now, but if you woke up tomorrow, look, hey, you couldn't previously tell any tasting notes in wine and you're a level one sommelier now. You could do it, right? I'm never going to be a Jabawaki. I'm not saying level of Jabawaki. That's another level. You think I could probably spin on my back? Yeah.
I think you could do backspins. Maybe. I think you could do that thing where, like, you're crab walking and you throw a leg over and then you go the other leg over. I know what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't look like it's hard at all, but they do it really fast, you know? Yeah. Also, you could do the thing where you bring your legs around and you're like, you know what I'm saying? I feel like I've tried to do that before. I'm pretty, I am 70% sure I could do it right now.
I'm not gonna ask you to do it. Yeah, there's not a lot of room in here. After we record, I'll show you. Okay. But I have strong wrists. I'm pretty sure I can do it. You have strong wrists? I think I do, yeah. Okay. What is that? Proving how strong your wrists are? That they didn't snap just now? What other sports are on that fucking list that you looked up? Well, we haven't even gotten to any of them, but the first one, chess boxing.
That sounds fire. Alternating rounds of boxing and then you go and sit down and play chess. That's awesome. A physical game of mental game, mental game, physical game. This is incredible. This is domination over another man. I know we've spoken about this before. Yeah. I don't know if we've done it on the show. Where do you stand with e-sports? Do you believe e-sports are a sport? I guess let's back up a little bit. Yeah. What do you define as a sport?
competition, I guess. I don't know. Okay. Are you limiting it to just physical competition? Are you... I'm not like a gatekeeper of the word. People go so hard, like, if it's not basketball, it's not a sport, basically. I don't care. It's competition. That's all it is. I think competitive eating is a sport, for sure. Okay. So then do you consider esports a sport? Sure. Like a subsector of it? Chess. Chess? Chess.
If someone wanted me to, I would. I don't care. I think I used to subscribe to the whole, like, if there's no, like, physical exertion included in it, it's not a sport. Because a lot of people, like, I remember there was a big conversation about, like, baseball. Like, how much of a sport is baseball? When the fuck was that? Because baseball is one of the main sports. Because people would see, like, Prince Fielder and CeCe Sabathia and go, like, these are athletes? This is not. This is a joke of a sport. Right.
But they suck off Babe Ruth. I don't know. But I think I've come to like I've broadened the understanding of what I believe a sport is. So I do think like chess is a sport. Esports is a sport. Yeah. I don't know why anyone would even really like care to have that argument of like, no, this isn't because their whole identity, their whole identity has been tied to being a certain type of athlete. But you can be that. You can still be that.
I know. You know. I'm just saying. I'm trying to speak for the fucking morons in the world. I know. I know. What the fuck are you yelling about? I'm on your side. You're right. I am a little worked up. But yeah, I mean, I think eSports, it's a competition. If you want to call it a sport, I don't care. It's an eSport. It's email, not mail. It's email. It's electronic mail. Yeah, I guess. This is an electronic sport.
I will say this. I will throw a bone to the purists out there about sports. When they have like draft night for like NBA 2K and everyone gets dressed up in suits like the NBA draft, now we're flirting with psychosis here. Why? Because it's just like that's a little too much to me. I don't think so. I think it looked great.
I don't know about that. I will say it is funny when like... It just feels like too much. I think the part of it that's funny is like the marketing of esports. Where like you'll pass by a fucking billboard and it'll be like Kobe Bryant like jamming it down on fucking somebody. And then like you look the other way and it's, you know, Wayne Gretzky fucking absolutely nailing someone into the boards. And then you look and it's like...
A gamer? A bunch of gamers like on a bus like this. Yeah. And it's like, come play with Sonic Dwarf and Trickle Fox. I do think that like... That part is funny to me. Yeah. The names are funny. Like they do like a... I like how they have... But like that's fun that they have names that are not their names. Like their names are like Chet, but their real name is just like... Yeah. Sonic Dwarf. Yeah.
That's mad funny. Oh, here comes Imperial Titsmacker X32. It's incredibly difficult to be a professional gamer also. Oh, yeah. You have to dedicate yourself like you would any other professional. I do, honestly. I'm going to say this with zero psychopathy or delusion. I do think there was a time... Oh, no. ...where our friends could have legitimately... If we had known what it was going to turn into...
We could have been professional gamers. Yeah, I mean, anyone could have. No, no, no, no, no. We had the skill and the time played. If we had just like, if someone had said to our parents, like, listen, like this is going to be a legit sport. They can make millions of dollars a year.
We could, I do believe we could have done it. I mean, I mean, yeah, you think that. No, no, no. I'm with, don't do that. No, I know that you think that. Don't do that. What am I supposed to say? You are correct. No, you support my logic here. I said, yes. I am presenting an argument with logic and evidence. I don't, no evidence. Evidence is how good we were.
Compared to who you played. It's matchmaking. You match with people who are the same level as you. This is before there was skilled-based matchmaking. I don't know that. So you kind of went in and you were fucking thrown to the wolves, baby. Yeah. If they had Call of Duty Zombies as a competition, we might have been a problem. Frank wants to create Olympic sports for the things that he thinks he's good at. He's like...
Sunflower seed eating and Nazi zombies or whatever. Of course! Are they all Nazi zombies in Call of Duty? Some of them are Nazis, some of them are not Nazis. But some zombies are better than others. You would do the same thing! You definitely want an Olympic sport of being a gaslighting piece of shit. Yeah, okay. This guy, he's a fucking manipulating gaslighting piece of fuck.
See, all the stuff that you throw at me. You throw back at me? What's the thing? Gaslighting. That's what you're doing. No, what's the, it bounces off me back. I'm rubber, you are glue. Whatever you throw at me bounces back to you. Sticks to you. Rubber and glue don't match now? No. What? No, I'm rubber, you're glue. So whatever you throw at me bounces off me and sticks to you. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. So rubber and glue, like glue doesn't stick to rubber? We're different. You're glue. Yeah, but if something, glue to anything is going to stick to it.
But they're assuming in that situation where you're saying, I am rubber, you are glue, meaning like... You're glue. I am rubber, you are glue. No, I'm rubber. I'm the one who says the rubber. I'm just saying. I said it from my point of view. I'm the rubber. The recipient is the rubber. Right. You're the glue. Right. The insinuation there is that...
Glue is not going to stick to rubber. That's not what that means, you idiot. Yeah, it is. No, the glue is throwing something at the rubber. It's going to bounce off the rubber. What is glue going to throw? It doesn't have arms. The insinuation is that you're mixing the glue on the rubber. No, it isn't.
I am rubber, you are glue. Do you think this? Because you're stupid. How is that stupid? That's what it is saying. No, it's not. That is what it is saying. No one's mixing rubber and glue, you idiots. I am rubber, you are glue. Whatever you throw at me bounces back and sticks to you. This is easy.
It bounces off the rubber, and then once it touches the glue, now it's stuck on the glue. I'll be honest with you. What did you think it was? I've talked it through, and now I kind of see what you're saying. I'm probably wrong here. No probably. Definitely. I thought it was like a...
You know, you're a rubber entity and I'm a glue entity. Yes, and like we're hugging and it's just like bounce, you know, like fucking like get off of me. Why would we be hugging? You're hurling insults and stuff. I'm saying I'm wrong here. I'm explaining why my logic was incorrect. This is gaslighting. I know you're wrong. No, this is not gaslighting. I'm admitting fault, bitch. Thank you. I do deserve a round of applause. My God. I thought it was like, you know, like people. You thought they were hugging. I didn't.
I thought it was like, you know, guys, Frankie does fuck with me on the show a lot and like pretends that, you know, whatever. And like plays it up sometimes. I, I promise you when it comes to expressions, he's useless. He can't get them right. You get them right like 70% of the time. I don't think useless is a proper term. 70% of the time you have it like just wrong. It was Robert Glenn.
I thought they were honking. When you said rubber and glue don't mix now, I was like, what the fuck does that even mean? Rubber and glue don't mix. Oh my god, that's so good. I thought there was a mixing thing. I did. I did.
I did. You know how people say like, oh, don't mix oil and water. You know what I mean? You ever do that? Of course I have. That was one of my science experiments. Yeah, it was one of my science experiments in elementary school. What is a lava lamp? It's like a combination of like oil and wax and like another fluid and stuff like that. Bloop. It's really cool. It is. My mom got me a lava lamp in like 2018. I was like, what is this?
What year do you think it is? Bro, the original ones were like insane fire hazards. They all are. I mean, it has to be hot as fuck. No, now they're not as bad. Like now the solution is like, it doesn't need to be as hot in order to like be lava lamping. Be gloopy. Be gloop to gloop. Yeah. But originally it was like that shit got like hot.
You remember that thing where it was like a ball? Inside? It was like electricity. You had one of those. I did. It was in my closet. And I used to go in my closet and shut the door behind me and just put my hands on it. Be a fucking wizard and shit like that. Oh, the electronic tricity is in my hands. The electronic tricity. The electronic tricity. The electronic tricity is going through my hands.
Oh my god. That is so stupid. That is dumb. I used to do that too though. I used to be like, oh, you know what? You'd charge up your power. I thought I was like... And you'd be Emperor Palpatine. You'd be like, oh...
I literally do that, I'm not kidding. The bad guy from Star Wars. I put my hands on things and then I just go like this. Yes, dude. Yes. I need one of those. What is that shit called? Electric ball with static. That's not it. Electronic-tricity, dude. Electronic-tricity. Dude, 100%. Electric ball. I would fully commit to being Emperor Palpatine. I'd be like, do it. You know, and fucking do it.
What is this shit called? Electric ball with fingers. Oh. This says plasma. Way cooler when it's called plasma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plasma ball? It looks like this for people who don't know. It looks like that. Oh, dude. It's on a little stand. It didn't have that many. It didn't have that many. You just put your hands on it. It didn't have that many. You would have like three in there and then you'd put your hand on it and it'd fucking bang.
And it would get right in your hands. You could see your bones. And you could see your bones. Yeah, you could see like the like, oh, dude. Those are so cool. What the hell happened to us as a society? I don't know, bro. We have failed. We need more electronic balls. Electronictricity needs to come back, dude. Where have you been?
Electronic tricity is a crazy thing. Do you remember like Spencer's sold like a whole line of like shocking things? Like one was like a pen, a pen, gum. You loved that shit. I did. I had, I had a couple of them. Did you have the one that was a trap? It was like a mouse trap. Yes, I've told you this. I broke my grandmother's finger. It was gum. I thought she was just being overdramatic. Turns out,
Her hands were mostly fucking dust at that point. They were porous, yeah. It was like she had osteoporosis. Yeah. But I had the pen. I had the gum. I had the ball. I had... We had the game, remember? It was like handles and it would like go in a circle. Wait. A game? It was like a roulette game. And it would go in a circle. Everyone would grab a handle. Oh.
And it would go in a circle and it would fucking hit someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fun times, man. I hate being shocked. We were better as a society when we would just openly just like try to fuck with each other by shocking us. Yeah, every time I was like, yo, can I borrow a pen? I'd be like, how do I? Yo, you want to know something super serious? I, I. What? It's funny to say right now.
I uh super serious I as a kid I had one of those pens which ones the one where you click it by the way it me up for life anytime I click a pen now I'm a little afraid but I was on the train on the way back from middle school I already know this is gonna be made up I swear on my children this is not made up okay people were holding the pole like you know in like the middle of the train it was like a single pole and I and I put it on there and people went like what
And they didn't get like fucking full shocked. You shocked a train? I shocked not the whole train, just the people that were holding it. There was like three people holding it. You put the pen on it? I put the pen on it to see if it would work. And people were just like, oh shit, what the fuck? What the hell was that? I swear on my children I did that. How cold did you feel?
You're like, oh, I hold the power. A little cool. Well, then I had to go home and recharge. Yeah, of course. Your house. I didn't have one of those fucking cool plasma balls. I don't know why we hid it in the closet. I have a question. Yeah. Yeah, why did you hide it in the closet? I don't know. I would just go in the closet because it was dark, I guess. I don't know. The dark did make it cooler. What would happen if you broke the glass around it? I don't know. Would you like, is that like the key to time travel?
obviously not i'm joking you're getting electronic electricity okay electrocutionated yeah whoa i i wonder like what would happen if you broke the ball around the plasma ball and like if you just grabbed the if you grabbed the shaft like would it like yeah would it yeah i don't know bro probably electrocute you i don't know if it's actually like a what is it because it's not electricity no it is
But you can't see electricity, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you can. If they arc. What does that mean? Arc. If, like, the electricity arcs, you could see it. Like, oh, shit, that's arc? Yeah, like, that's electricity. Uh, what? Yeah. You can. Do you remember that day when Astoria, the sky was blue? Yeah. It was because of electricity, I think.
You haven't said anything that's answered any of my questions. And you're ending with, I think. I don't know why I bother listening to you. We do have one more sponsor for today. God damn. We've done to hurt you over the last fucking four hours or something. My God. You remember that day? It was electricity. Yeah. The power plant blew up in Con Ed. I assume it has something to do with electricity. I think you could see electricity. Like...
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Need to look up this thing the plasma ball. Are you looking it up? I look so I'm looking up if you could see electricity and I am gonna tell you something lightning bingo, so that's what I was gonna say lightning is a form of electricity I know that at but then also I found a video of what of electricity electronic tricity look babe look so you could you could you could agree that that is fucking texts
You can agree that's a power line. Now watch this. Watch this. Electricity, babe. That's electricity. That's fire. You're seeing electricity. What do you mean, dude? That's electricity. Why am I able to see it? Because of electricity. The answer is that way. I don't know why you could see it, but you can see electricity.
I'm sure fucking our buddy fucking Hank Green is gonna grab this and be like, "Well, you're seeing the electricity reacting with oxygen." Do not ever, EVER try to do his voice. Ever. You're right, I shouldn't. Let's be very clear about something. If it hasn't been clear before, he's way smarter than us. Oh, how hard is that? But, he's gonna grab this and he'll have an actual answer, but like, that's electricity. You've never seen Ghostbusters?
That's what electricity looks like when they shoot the- Frank, that's a movie about chasing ghosts. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. But what I'm saying is like they based the look of the shooting the fucking plasma gun. What is it called? The plasma pack. What is it called? I don't know. The proton pack. Third time's a charm. Off of electricity. Look at it. It looked like electricity. All right. Well, I don't know. Maybe this thing will just electrocute you straight up. Or do you think if you did it in a dark room that it would hit the walls?
And then you touch the walls and you get all the energy. Yeah. And you could be like Dr. Manhattan. You'd probably be dead at that point, I think. How much... Do any part of you like wonder if like, you know, you watch all these like comic book movies and all this stuff. Any part of you think like, we've not tested if getting bit by a radioactive spider would fucking do the right thing and make a Spider-Man? Is there any part of you that would be like, I wonder?
I used to. When you're at that age where you're like, I got new sneakers, I'm the fastest man alive. Yeah, go ahead. I've done that before. Yeah, we know that. So when I was younger, when it would come to that kind of thing. Well, I told you this a couple episodes ago. I used to think that if you got bit by a bat, something would happen. Yes. You'd turn into a vampire because you were an idiot. Well, I didn't think actually you would turn into a vampire, but I thought something would happen. I'm just saying like...
I thought something supernatural would happen. I thought it would- like, if I get hit with enough volts, will I then have the power of electricity? You know what I'm saying? You won't have the power to stand if you get hit with enough volts. I know, but- Did I ever tell you the story about my dad getting electrocuted? I think you did. Wasn't he on a ladder or something? Was he?
But he was holding two... I think I do remember this. Two stories, actually, real quick. My dad used to work construction. He used to turn us into child slave... Labor. Slaves. But there was one time he was holding something, and then he accidentally grabbed the other one. So much electricity passed through his body that the light turned on. And he was like...
Dude, we were laughing so hard and he gets so mad cuz he's just like you think that's fine I could have died could have died honestly honestly I'd be pissing you too. But I'm not thinking of that I was like my dad screamed he got a lot of screams. Or you were thinking about that and you were like maybe maybe. Bro and there was another time we were putting up sheetrock and We're all holding it Why am I laughing already? My dad's holding it
I don't know what was going through his head because we didn't drill nothing yet. Yeah. We're just holding it up and he just goes and puts his gun down on his fucking head.
It's sheetrock. You got something in your mouth. It's sheetrock. It just fucking breaks on his fucking head. Dust goes everywhere. Dude, I was on the ground. Does any part of the story have to do with electricity? No. Okay, gotcha. The other one did. Oh my God, dude. When I used to work on construction sites, I would get in trouble, but people would get upset because I would take my knife and pretend I was a 1950s greaser and slice up the drywall.
Is that allowed? You would slice up the drywall? Yeah. Like a greaser? Yeah. Like a pinky grinder? Because on these... Basically, yeah. So on these construction sites on every floor when they were getting ready to do the carpentry work for that floor, there would be stacks of dozens of fucking...
Regular sheets of drywall and I would I had this blue like cobalt like knife on me and I had three settings on it and I would take each setting I'd open it and I'd fucking like And then I closed that one and I do and I would like look at like oh look at this one compared to that one like that blade made this much of a gash and stuff like that. Why are knives so fun? Dude, or like swords, you know how bad I want to fucking have a real butterfly knife and fucking I used to know how to do that.
Fuck out of here. It's not hard. My uncle taught me. He sat me down and taught me how to do it. And you never cut yourself? No, because the way that you flip it, even if you go like this and it hits your hand, it should be like the outside part. It shouldn't be the blade on your hand. I need to get you a butterfly knife. I feel like I remember how to do it. It's not hard. It's not that many moves. I wish I had the knife that, you know, like the knife that, like, it's like the metal handle and has a little, like, twirly, like, the, like, fucking edge guards on it. And then you press it and it fucking...
Dude! Bro, I had one of those as part of my Halloween costume. Really? Carried it everywhere. Everywhere? Dude, I wanna like... It wasn't an actual knife. I know, I wanna act this out. I don't wanna make this a real actual thing, but like grab someone and just be like, you're gonna give me your lunch money. And then like put it against their cheek. Cut their cheek. Get their cheek a little bit. Get the cheek. Get the cheek a little... Yeah. Just cut their cheek a little. Just a little cheeky cut, you know? No, I don't know. And just be like...
Mommy and daddy aren't gonna have you to come home to what I was like a big thing like what'd you say mommy and daddy are not gonna have you come home to What the fuck was that you'd be a horrible criminal? I know I would was I have a good heart putting a blade on someone's face don't feel like putting it on their cheek and she'd be like ah You're just like pointing. It's just like a little bug just a little a little baby blood And I think it's scoop up with the knife and I can I
Like, just, like, a real evil piece of shit, you know? Like, I'm pretty sure they did it in, like, It, where he, like, grabbed him and he's just like, all right, boys, who wants bacon for dinner? You know, because he was a little fat kid. Anyone ever pull a knife on you? Yes. I feel like yes is my answer, but I can't remember. I think there are answers outside of the one that I can remember, but the only one I can remember was at Target. Oh, what does that sentence mean? Like, I'm pretty sure it happened... Oh, more than once. More than once. Okay. But...
The one I remember specifically is at Target. Someone pulled a knife on you? Yeah, dude. So I know we joke about it. What was he trying to steal? Xbox controllers. And you were like, hey, man. And he was like, hey. No, so they had, I guess, who cares? They would put these specific tags on the controllers so you couldn't just take them off of.
And on the peg that they're on, they had a thing on the end, like a locking mechanism, so you couldn't just take them off. Someone would have to come take them off for you, and the idea is they hold it, they bring you to so you can purchase it, so less chance. But there was a guy that came in, and we saw him fucking with it, and it looked like he just ripped it off.
But, so, I did the whole, like, kit and caboodle about, like, making sure, like, I went around about the whole process to make sure I could actually, like, apprehend this guy. And he gets to the front, and as he's getting, as he's, like, trying to, like, run out. He's running at this point? He's, like, starting to run by, like, all, like, the cats.
cash registers and shit and as he's starting to run out he sees me and he holds a knife and looks at me and just fucking takes off and I'm like holy shit I was like dude you can take it it's not fucking it ain't worth it I got stabbed for a fucking Xbox controller yeah that shit was scary man if you save the store from someone stealing shit you should be able to get that money like whatever that's worth you should get personally
Because why else am I... I'm not going to put my life on the line for a fucking Xbox. Damn. Big box retail. If you hear this, Joey's got the ideas here. But you gotta... There are some... You might be careful because there are people that get busts of thousands of dollars and shit like that. Good. But they have to put themselves in danger to stop it. I mean, the idea is that you're not supposed to put yourself in danger. It's supposed to be like...
Hey! Safely. I mean, yeah, you're supposed to call the police so they're there when their guy runs outside. It's crazy, man. I've seen some shit. Anyone ever pull a gun on you, ever? I thought it was a gun at the time, and then I found out it wasn't. That Halloween, when someone opened the side and went like this out the fucking car door, and we all ducked, we found out it was a paintball gun. Yeah. But... I remember when I...
That was the same one where I threw an egg in the car. Yeah. They opened up the thing and I kept running and I just heard shots and I was like, my friends are dead. Yeah. Same. Exact same. And I pray that never happens because that would freak me the fuck out. Yeah. I mean, no one pulled the gun on me, but like someone...
Handed you a gun Brandished a gun Without anyone knowing And we were like Put that the fuck away Yeah Not in New York Because that would be crazy It was in a state That I will It was Texas It was Texas It was Texas You had to guess Person Texas The person was out with us And they wanted They asked us to walk them Back to their car And Because it was in a
So we were like, yeah, no problem. We'll walk you back. Walk this person back to their car. They opened their car trunk and they said like, look at this. We said, get that the fuck out of here. Put that right the fuck back in your trunk. And then haven't spoken to that person since. Yeah. The gun thing is scary. A little scary. I don't like it. I don't like it. I would like it in my house if I lived in the subs.
Yeah, we've discussed that as a possible... But I'm not taking this gun out unless I'm shooting it, to be honest with you. Because I'm not getting shot. Well, that's the thing, man. You brandish a weapon, you better be ready to shoot that bitch. That's what I'm saying. I'll shoot it into my fucking ceiling just to scare somebody. Well, you gotta hope no one's upstairs. Well, yeah. And also, bullets will come down eventually, so you need to be careful of that.
Bullets will come down. What happens when you shoot a gun in the air? It comes down. And someone dies? It can if it hits someone. That's crazy. Mythbusters did an episode on that. Did they? Yeah. And it comes back with like the same force that it was shot. I would assume it's very high. Well, yeah. Not just because of the high, but just like the speed at which it's going and then it comes... It's fucking crazy. But eventually it would have to slow down, no? I mean, it slows down and then...
picks up. Yeah. You know, go watch it. That's fucking crazy. I'm pretty sure all the episodes are on Max. It's a good show. Fun to watch. God. Max, sponsor us. We just plug Mythbusters. We're simple. Bro, if this show ever got to the level of like Joe Rogan show or something, you would just be firing off all these like
Apple. HBO. Make a TV show about us. I mean, Joe Rogan, that's the podcast, the biggest podcast, so yeah. Yeah, I think it is the biggest podcast. Anyway, I think that's all we can do for today. You want to do a couple more minutes? No. Can I see your shirt? Open it. Take it off. No. Wow, you got a lot of brown sugar right there, huh? That seems racially motivated. I'm not going to ask. I'm talking about hair. That's what you call hair? Brown sugar? A little bit.
We've got to get out of here, folks. FAlvers885 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvers, all the forms of social media. Check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard, and then check out TheBasementYard on all forms of social media. It's always fun everywhere we go, and it's fun. And it's fun. Guys, if you haven't filled out already, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit if you're coming to one of the live shows.
submit your questionnaire, little thing. We pick out the best ones. We do them at live shows. It's been a lot of fun. We've had some interesting conversations, especially at the end of Seattle. That was bananas. Yeah, that was nuts. But yeah, so it makes for a fun time at the show. So don't forget to do that. And you guys can go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram and go follow me at Joe Santagato on whatever social media platform you use. Whatever you want. Yeah. And that is all. We will see you guys next time.
When we see you guys. The next episode. And the next episode. The next episode. And the next episode. What? I don't know. Wasn't that like a snoop? See you guys next time.