Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the Basement Yard, Frank. How's it going? Don't you fucking dare deny what I'm about to say. Deny? Yes. What? Don't you even try to fucking deny it. What? What do you mean what? First of all, sunglasses indoors, alright? Don't try to deny this. Joe Santagato, Jeffrey Epstein- What are you doing? Kidding.
Before we recorded literally mere seconds Joey presses the record button and then he goes oh wait Gets up and you run and you said I wanted to wear my sunglasses. I
I don't understand. I feel like we're doing a production and you don't break the third wall. I think it's the fourth wall that you break. Well, whatever wall it is, you've broken it down. You've broken all the walls. I like to show people into our world. They want to see the sausage and you show them your sausage. Speaking of sausage, cool hamburger hat. Moving on. This is a very cool hat. This is the pit beef hat from the Bowie Bay Sox. Bowie? Bowie.
You know I love my hats. Yeah, you do. And I was very, very excited when I saw that there was a hat with a beef sandwich on it. Because you're a big fan of beef sandwiches. Be honest with me for a split second. Who the fuck isn't? Vegetarians. I think vegetarians like meat. They just choose not to because it's like posh. You know, it's like bad, bad. I think it's probably, you know, it affects them too. Some people are vegetarians because it's like...
You know, whatever. I'm trying to be healthier. Because their body can't eat meat? Figure it out. Yeah, what the hell? When I was younger, no one had a peanut allergy. This country is soft. Oh, let me guess. You're allergic to what? Pizza? Loser. Figure it the fuck out. I love that. I love when people like boomers get upset that people are deathly allergic to things. Yeah. It's like, oh my God, with the fucking peanuts, dude. Yeah, it is funny because- Just eat it.
This is also back in the day when like they would have a fucking a tummy ache and like it would be like in a hospital for a week and a half or like you couldn't breathe. So, yeah, you know, you were called fucking the soft R word. You know what I'm saying? The soft R. Oh, God, I got it. Hard R is completely different. Hard R is a little more. I mean, they were using that word too. I'm sure they were. But...
Yeah, I don't know why they think it's so cool to be sick and die. Like, it's like, yo, be a man, dude. But also, like, the mentality that, like, your brain could just be stronger than, like, your, like...
You know what I mean? Like, oh, you're not, you're going to wear fucking sunscreen. You fucking pussy. Yeah. And it's like, dude, this is just science that we're fighting. Never wear sunscreen. I didn't either. Now I always wear it. Yeah. Now I do because I, I have like, you know, I still get a nice gold on me. I put, I put, uh,
Joey has sunscreen on his lips all the time. Sunscreen chapstick. He has it anywhere we went in DC, which we just got back from. He would fucking sit there and you also put it on. If I'm being honest. No, no, no. You put it on like you're going, getting ready to fucking take down like three, six inches. Is it my fault that putting on chapstick is not manly? How do you want me to do it? Like, how the fuck do you want me to do it?
That's stupid. That's not stupid. That's smart. Toxic masculinity. It is toxic. It is. Absolutely. 100%. Where do you think I learned it? Fucking sunglasses and doors over here. That's good. It is funny though. Like I would be, we'd be walking around in DC and I just look over you and you're just like,
First of all, no one's doing that. No one's doing that, okay? I was protecting my lips from the rays, okay? The UV was 10, for Christ's sake. I imagine you doing it. I should have got a video of you and put it up with that. I've been a nasty girl. Yeah, I was lotioning up these lips. Partly because the... I forget what company makes those ones, but they taste that good. It's the one with the monkey. It's the one with the monkey.
There's a monkey on it? There's a monkey on it, isn't there? I don't know. Is it a monkey? Don't talk like a baby.
But no, they taste really good. That one was a banana. You ever just want to chomp down on a fucking chapstick so bad? Most chapsticks. Bro, you remember back in the day, like in middle school, lip gloss was fucking going crazy. Dude, well, if you were a guy with lip gloss on. No, bro, I didn't have lip gloss on. You got called some other words. Yeah, for sure. But no, there were girls that would have lip gloss, and as soon as they take it out, these things stunk.
But good. Oh, I love the lip gloss stink. And I was like, yo, let me chug that. I also love the sound of it pulling out. Just like a, you know, like a, oh, like a fucking farty chapstick. Yeah, a little queefy chapstick. But like the lip gloss, I'm always just like, damn, bro, I want to put that on. And they would always do this. They do this.
Yeah, yeah. And it's like, whoa, dude. I know, bro. What's going on? I loved it. Fucking pause algebra. And we're talking about like, we're talking at the height of like the juicy couture, like sweatsuits too. So that mixed with the lip stuff, and I just wanted to put it on, but I also didn't want to get called gay, which I would have if I got an intro. And you probably did. Yeah, yeah. For many other reasons. Yeah.
No, I... Sorry, me too, baby. It's all right. Yeah. What was that? I don't know why I did that. I don't want to unpack it. It was funny because I went to middle school with people that were of like... They came from more money. Like, it's funny. Middle school and like the first two years of high school, I was with people that lived in like a very... I shouldn't say very, but like a more affluent part of Queens.
And like, then I switched and went to like fucking like, you know, like Cholita Central, you know what I'm saying? And so, but like, it was funny because like, that was like the juicy guitar. That was the iPods with the fucking knitted iPod sleeve.
Oh yeah You remember that And like they'd be like Mine's pink And I'm listening to Maroon 5 You know the whole album And I'm like Chill out And also those belts That would light up and stuff Man the combination Of all that shit I was just like really into So of the time You know what's gonna be weird I loved sweatpants I still love sweatpants I'm wearing sweats right now baby On women Oh
For some reason, I was just like very into those sweatsuits. I was like, also anything written on a butt. I'm like, this is great. Joey's in. It was a little weird that they were like- It didn't say Juicy. It was a little weird that there were like fucking 15 year old girls walking around with on their butt it wrote Juicy. Like the marketing there was not- Bro, way younger than that. It was very weird. We're talking about 12, 13 year olds with Juicy across their butts. Like that's weird, Juicy. It is. Mr. and Mrs. Couture. Honestly, it wasn't weird for me though. I don't know.
At the time, we were of the time. I am 11, 12. But a teacher, I'd be like, bro, get this shit out of here. Yeah, it is. I mean, listen, we can put it into the fucking, you know, the vault of ways that big companies have sexualized little girls. Did I ever tell you? Okay, your turn. Go ahead. I was just on point.
Don't worry about my point. I thought you were wrapping up a sentence. Big Joey was ready to shut me up the moment I talked about big companies starting to fucking sexualize children. But no, no, no, no, no. Wait, what? What fucking groundbreaking statement were you going to fucking... First of all, it actually does... It is a good thing to say. But like, what were you saying? I was saying just another... We'll put that in the fucking vault of like another company sexualizing children when they're fucking little kids running around with on their asses as juicy. What is the deal?
Bro, why? What is the deal? It doesn't make sense. Just Spider-Man and pony shit. Spider-Man. Ponies. Yeah, go ahead. Name all your toys. But Spider-Man could be for girls too, bitch. I know. Don't fucking do that. And ponies could be for boys, bastard. Absolutely they are. I fucking loved playing with little horses when I was younger, dude. I'll be honest with you. And Polly Pockets. I gotta be honest with you. I think there's a whole...
Ground like there was a whole part of therapy We haven't touched on yet where like we start to discuss like all the cool girl toys we couldn't play with I was playing with him I know I want but I felt gay about it You know what I mean? Like I felt like people like we're gonna make fun of me for it and like Like that that was mean I honestly didn't I don't I don't I don't know like you know what it was back then like you could you could like
Have a tribal tattoo sleeve and shoot a basketball the wrong way. And miss. And everyone's like, this kid's fucking gay. Yeah. So like, you're just used to gayness. Like being called gay to the point where I'm like, yo, I'm playing with this Polly Pocket. I'm gay either way. I feel bad. I didn't feel like... When I just said like I felt gay for it, like it sounds like I'm...
contributing to the standard at that point. I do feel bad after saying that. Get this motherfucker. No, but like... Get that motherfucker. I feel like that was the thing. It was just like, you can't play with these toys. Like, you better know how to shoot a basketball because if not... Yeah.
You're going in... You're probably fucking jerking off boys, little Frankie. That's why I was fucking hitting the threes. Yeah, Joey was hitting it. And then I was fucking playing with Polly Pockets when I got home. He was... Anything miniature, I was in. I was like, ooh, a small toy. That's definitely a weird way to put that. What? Anything miniature, I was in. Like toys. Like small toys. I know what you're saying, but like... That was like... There's a level of like therapy we haven't touched on yet where it's just like, damn, like I wish...
I wish I had cool, like, what was that thing? Skip it? I wish I knew how to play with the skip it, dude. I used to play with a skip it. I am horrendous at it. Also, cool, but if you're not good at it, like I wasn't, really dangerous for your shins.
This thing would whip around and crush the bones. Well, we had, we had razor scooters and I remember I tried to do that trick with the razor scooter where you like skid and then like flick it around and it hit my shins. I told you my legs, mostly scars. That was not an exaggeration. Frank, it was definitely an exaggeration, but it's okay. You've had a few scars on your leg. No, no. If I were to shave my leg right now, you'd see the abundance of scars on there. Yeah.
Also, shout out to that girl in the DC show in the front row. She had a shirt on that said, my legs are mostly scars and I'm like more comfortable in the dark. And then it was a drawn picture of like Batman with like fucked up legs. Damn, that's fire, honestly. Trump recently...
Whoa! That's what I was looking for. He recently had a line where he said something like, mostly battle wounds. I take more wounds than anybody else. And people have been tagging me in it just saying like, his legs are mostly scars too. You know? So me and Donald Trump. I believe that though, because he's like, he's lily white. So like, he probably- Do you think scars are like, I feel like, who's, where do scars show more? On whiter people? I would say on darker skinned people because the scar tissue comes out and it looks whiter.
Does it? But when it heals... Yeah, it looks... I don't know. We should actually probably transition into talking about... Let's talk about skin color in depth, Frank. Yeah, let's. I don't think either of us know where that is going. I don't know, honestly, but... Anyway, I want to talk about something. I had a really cool experience this morning. Pissed my pants. So... But didn't know I pissed my pants. Technically, I didn't piss my pants. Tell me you peed the bed. What happened is... Tell me... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me ask the questions before you give all of the correct answers. Okay, go. Go.
You peed the bed? No. You forgot that you were sitting down and forgot that you had to pee and you pissed your pants? You're never going to get there. You're on the wrong track here. What happened was I dribbled and I didn't know. A basketball? My penis. Oh, your dick ball. Yeah, so I had went to excrete some urine, which is what I did. Can I say that? There's got to be a better way to say it. Is excrete just for poop? Excretion?
I think it's secrete. That might be it. What is excreting? Excreting is like... It might not be anything, honestly. You shoot it out your butt. Excreting is like when you're in the Bancrete and then you leave. That's excreed. Got it. Excrete is separate and expel is waste. So technically you're right. You were excruciatingly excreting pee. No one was in excruciating pain. Well, you tell me that every time you pee it burns. Don't put that out there.
That does not happen. That only happened one time and it was in high school and I thought I had gonorrhea and I could not sleep at night. It was a UTI because I didn't wash my football girdle. Okay? Yeah, my girdle was... His jock strap. Yeah, basically. But I...
But yeah, this morning I woke up and I peed and I was wearing shorts and I was just kind of free balling it. Big piss. But I had to walk the dog. So like, I'm not going to get fully dressed to walk the dog. So you went out full commando. Yeah. Okay. In shorts. In shorts and like a shirt. The most dangerous time to be commando is shorts. We agree on that, right? I mean, I'm not going to flip upside down like a bat. I'm just walking the dog. You never know. You never know what could happen. What if someone pantses you? Remember pantsing back in 2018?
Yeah, but I'm 32. If someone pants me, it's a crime. I'll tell you one better. It's been a crime the whole time, Joey. Yeah, exactly. But when you're younger, it's like you do it to your friends as a joke. If one of my friends did that, I'd be like, I'm getting arrested or you're getting arrested. Or both. Can't be doing this. Depends on where you are. You might both get in trouble. That's true. That's a really good question. I don't care about your story as much. Clearly. If your friend pants you in front of a school or something...
Who gets in trouble there? Everybody loses. Everybody. Have you ever been... Has anyone ever gotten pantsed in front of you and then their ding-dong is just like... Yeah, yeah. Happened to me. Your ding-dong was not... No, no, no, no, no. Your ding-dong was...
And that's not what I was saying. I'm saying someone got pantsed in front of me. Oh, okay. And then I had a flopping penis. Of course. There was a penis there. Yeah. Yeah. I was at the park too. That's crazy. That's crazy. Crazy place to be pantsing. Very illegal place to get pants. I think that the person who did the pantsing was just trying to get the first layer but accidentally grabbed both. They did both layers? Yeah. That's why you... I'm not going to give the weight of pants someone.
I've never pantsed anyone. I don't believe that for a second. I'm pretty sure I pantsed you. Without a doubt. And you pantsed me, bitch. Okay. Yeah. There's been an exchanging of pants for sure. But I went to the bathroom. I peed. The brotherhood of the doubling pants. I'm waiting for the crowd to die down so that I can start speaking because it's really loud in here.
The elevation is just unbelievable. I'm sorry. It was there. I had to. I know. You don't want me to tell the story. I can tell. But I was peeing. Shut up. Duh. And then I went... I was like walking the dog. So I don't know. I wasn't paying attention or something. And usually when I get into my elevator, there's a...
mirror, but I took the service elevator because it was like, I always hit both because like, in the morning especially. God forbid, yeah, I get it. What is God forbid? God,
God forbid one comes before the other. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know if that's God forbid, but whatever. So I get into the service elevator. No mirrors in there. I get downstairs. I'm walking out. I say hi to the doorman guy. I get outside. Big piss. I see this. There's a dog in the building that I love. His name is Ted. And I know his owner. So I said hi to the wife. She was walking the dog. And then, you know, whatever. And then when I got home. You saw that you had a big fat cock pee stain. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, it was like see this is the thing I'm gonna it was very clearly pissed So here's the thing is I have been out and I've gotten dribble drables all over my you know I know and then you throw the water on that's the trick, but I didn't know I know that's tough You got I'm sitting there with a spot or the dot. Yeah, you had a little bit I often I wonder if I could still pee my pants and I try to like I don't know I guess you can call it edging but I edge my piss and
Right? You know? Did I use that term? When you're outside? Anywhere I am. I could be outside. I've been on the show before. Wait, wait, wait. You're home and you have to piss and you'll sit on your couch and be like, I'm just going to hold this. I wonder how far I can get. I do that with poop though. Oh, that's danger, babe. Well, that's why I do it. That's crazy. I do it because it's like, oh my God, I'm so scared. But like, I'm good. I'm right here in my house. You just like to just like fucking control your crap, don't you?
I like to just like, I like to edge my piss a little bit. So like, I, cause like I saw something once and it was just like, you don't realize that like your brain has been basically, you know, uh, conditioned to stop yourself from peeing. So like, it's not like you're like, you have to hold it. Your brain teaches you, like you're taught growing up to hold it and then you let it go. So I was just like, I have to pee right now. What happens if I just don't, if I just let go?
And I went and it was like, and I stopped. I was like, damn. So I do like sometimes like little like piss experiments in my house. What the fuck are you saying? Are you saying that you sit on your couch when you have to piss? It's mostly when I'm standing. What significance does that have? The fuck? I don't know. But like you see if like you're like testing your body. Like let's see if you will piss on yourself. I'll call on your bluff. Because I haven't pissed myself like fully pissed myself in years.
A number of years. I mean, that could be two. It could be one. A number is a number. Yeah, it's true. No, the last time I remember pissing myself was in middle school. Oh, too old. I might have actually been high school. Way too old. How'd you do that? I was... Were you in school? I think I've told this story years and years and years ago, but for any of our new friends that are here that are joining us for the first time or not back then...
I was in I remember because I remember the school I was at and I think it was middle school so probably middle school and I remember the school I was at probably go ahead also I would hope that you remember the fucking school you went to no because I went to I went to one school from 7th to 10th grade and then I changed so like I remembered I remembered because I was talking on what detail does this have in the story this kid can't tell stories
I remember the school. Oh, hold on. I'm an incredible impeccable storyteller. I am an impeccable storyteller and don't piss me off. I was sleeping at my dad's and it was the night before I was on my next hell with my like the girl. Yeah, it was the girl that I was talking to and I had at night like a can or two of Coca-Cola and
And like we were talking on the phone and whatever. And, you know, back then, three minutes after 6 p.m., nights and weekends, baby. You remember that Sprint? I do. Sprint. And then they bought Nextel. So Sprint and Nextel. I had a Nextel phone at the time. Now we're going to talk about phones? Jesus Christ, this kid. And I woke up in the morning. Bed was wet. I was wet. I remember...
And then the phone was fucking like boiling hot. Like, you know when you get in your car and you touch the fucking steering wheel and it's so hot? You have radioactive piss. That's how hot my phone was. I love this story. And I couldn't... My dad had bought me the phone and I couldn't tell him like... That you pissed on him. I pissed on... Not only that I was a fucking young adult, a teenager and pissed up my pants, but then...
That I had pissed on my phone and my phone was done ruined gone like wasn't turning on What and he and he's sitting there and he's like, what is this? And I don't know if my dad was doing like, you know Kind of like he was actually naive or he was just trying to save the thing is saturated and pissed We could all smell piss, but I didn't want to admit that I peed so I told him I was like, it could be maybe this maybe that I was like, maybe it was like it was a little sticky Maybe it was a wet dream, you know I'm
The first time Frankie told that story on the show, I lost my mind because the fact that he thought telling your dad that you came all over your phone so much to the point where it's broken, you thought that was better than just saying, like, I accidentally pissed the bed. Like, how is that less embarrassing? I'd rather... What did your dad say to that? I don't know if I followed up. He was like, no. No.
He's like, no. Your dad's like, I've came before, dude. It's not like that. Take it easy. Your dad's came before. You are his come, dude. You ever think about that? You're your dad's come. You think about that? I just said that to you. Yeah, but you're yours. How about that? That's what I said. There you go.
Do you think you've done something? Do you think that you said something to me? My dad, I think he thought that I had spilled Coca-Cola, like left it next to the bed and it spilled all over me in the bed. You know, I don't think I asked this question when the first time you told the story, but like, I don't think that we even really addressed the fact that like, you're saying you drank Coca-Cola.
Like as if that's some explanation as to why you're in high school pissing all over yourself. Bro, if you drink a can of Coke, two cans of Coke before and then roll over and go to sleep. Bro, I've drank 30 ounces of water before going to sleep. You know what happens? I wake up and I pee in a toilet. I remember when I was a kid, I would have dreams. I've almost pissed the bed since, but I haven't. Of course. But like in my dreams...
I dream of like going to use the bathroom. So that's how I know that I need to use the bathroom because my brain knows like if you're peeing in your dream, you know, they say like you die in your dream, you die in real life. Bullshit. If I'm peeing in my dream, I'm pissing in real life. You know how many people have died in my dreams? Yeah. And they're saying if you die in your dreams. I think I have. I can't with confidence say I have or haven't. I think I was shot like in a school. Wow. Well, way to...
Maybe get to the ads. Or maybe... We do have some sponsors for today, actually. That was fucked up, but that is true. I'm not lying. I am telling the truth here. I don't know. Yeah, take it easy. Don't drink all that fucking tea. You'll piss yourself. Moving on. We do have some ads for today. The first one being... Hello! Hello!
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I'm not wearing pair of these right now. I got a box full of them. I love them. Frank's wearing them. So you know the difference between me and him right now? When I sit down, you hear...
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We also, we dropped that documentary, babe. Yeah. We did. We dropped it. It was a day of self-reflection, you know? It was crazy. Oh, well, I mean, yeah. I just like had a normal day. Frankie went and got a rum bucket and 400 lobsters, which I'm very jealous of. Oh, I'll show you the picture of what I got, bitch. You want to see what I fucking got? No, no, no. I'm hungry. Don't, don't, don't, don't. I'm going to show you because I enjoy, I honestly took it to send it to you, but I forgot to send it.
Why is it green? It was blue. Same question. Why? Does it matter? Was it like blue raspberry flavor? It was tropical vibes was the one I got.
And it was like incredible. That's fire. But came out. If you're seeing this on... You drank a bucket of rum. Yeah, whatever. If you're seeing this on Patreon on July 1st, the tickets go on sale today at 10 a.m. Eastern. Pre-sale. Make sure you use the code BASEMENT. Yes. At TheBasementYard.com. At TheBasementYard.com. And then if you're seeing this on July 8th, we're not sure how these tickets have moved. They could have sold out. We don't know, but...
Definitely, if you are interested in coming, go poke around. Go fart around. They should be available for general sale at that point in time. So we are in awe consistently. We love you guys. Our lives are wild, and we don't get it. Not at all. I'm going to take the glasses off. But thebasemirror.com.
Fuck. I mean, we're doing Radio City. But yeah, the show comes out today. I mean, I guess this episode is on Patreon today. Yeah. But also, there's an episode that goes out live. There's a lot of episodes, honestly. We've had to bank some episodes. Yeah, we've needed to switch up some recording stuff because we're going on the road and all this shit. But, you know, basemirror.com. Use that pre-sale code BASEMIRROR. Go get yourself some tickets. We want to see you guys there, man. We're really excited. On the road again.
Well, I can't wait to get on the road again. The life I love is making music with my friends. And I can't wait to get on the road again. I didn't know the second part. I just knew the on the road again part. I don't know why I know that. I don't know any other Willie Nelson song.
Is that Willie Nelson? It is Willie Nelson. I don't know any other Willie Nelson song. That guy's still alive. Can you believe that? It's all that weed, brother. Yeah, he just looks like a mummy. He's still performing too. Unbelievable. Speaking of mummies, I don't know if you heard, but Ariana Grande's in a little bit of trouble. She's in a little bit of trouble. For mummies? Well... Know what? How are you making this somehow fit together? Well, the mummification process... Nope. Nope.
If you're gonna let me, let me. I know the process. Okay. I don't actually know. Yeah. So then shut up. What do they do? You don't know about canopic jars or anything, bitch? Who? What do you know about mummies? Nothing. What'd you say? Charizard? What'd you say over there? Canopic jars. Canopic...
Yeah. The jars that look cool that they put their organs in. This guy doesn't know anything about mummies. Wait, they put them in jars? Yeah, dude. Damn. Mummies are fucking crazy, bro. Like, that was real shit. Remember when people were afraid of mummies? I gotta be honest, I'm a little afraid of mummies still. Hell yeah. What would you do if a legit mummy just walked in here? Bro. Well, anytime I've seen mummies, they're like walking slowly and like this. I'm like, I could just punch the fuck out of this thing. Yeah, but what if it grabs you?
Because that's what all those old monsters... They're brittle. If you watch those fucking early... Like the Basil Carlo or whatever his name... I think that's the name for... I don't know what that is. That's Clayface, the villain in Batman. But those old... Which actually he has ties to this because technically Clayface... All right, we get it, Peter Pan. Jesus. But...
Like they were all these like crazy movie monsters, like the fucking the what the fish one. What was it called? The fish one. Aquaman. The monster of the deep or something. No. Then there's Frankenstein, the mummy, the werewolf, the werewolf. He would just choke people.
Brother, if I was a werewolf, I'd be eating people. Eating, clawing, clawing, you know, go like you're not biting at the. You're not going to watch the original movies from fucking, you know, the 20s. But like, that's what they do. Like the werewolf would just come and just be like, and it's like, dude, claw and bite, man. Yeah.
But the reason I'm relating it to Ariana Grande is because she's a little bit of hot water. People are a little upset with her. People are upset with Ariana Grande? Ariana Grande, yeah. Okay. Because she said, people found it insensitive that she said that her dream dinner date would be Jeffrey Dahmer. Yeah. What would they eat at this dinner? Ugh.
We know what he would eat. We don't know what she would eat. Yeah, probably gay black men. Yeah. That's why I related it back to mummies. Speaking of mummies, he was running an amateurish mummification. Got it, yeah. Well, he was running a restaurant, it seems, over there. I don't know if he was eating them. Wasn't he eating them? I think he was doing a lot more just like experiments. He was preserving them. He had heads in his fridge. Yeah. But people were just like, I think families of Dahmer's victims
And we're just like, what a stupid thing to say. Honestly, honestly. Go ahead. Before the documentary, still dumb, but less whatever. Bro, documentary? What documentary? I thought it was the show with Evan Peters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So after the Netflix show and there was all this like, this is so fucked. You're like glorifying what this guy did or whatever the fuck. And after that, you're like, yeah, that guy. That's who I want to go with. The guy who eats people?
But also, like, I guess look up the actual quote because I wonder if she actually put in there what the reasoning was because I am being honest.
I know that there are a group of people that try to be fucking, you know, niche and try to be, you know, like, you know, go against the grain and say, like, who do I think is the best leader of all time? You know, Hitler, you know, and it's like... Gave really good speeches. Yeah, yeah, and it's like, okay, but, like, legitimately, what would Ariana Grande, pop music sensation slash actress, talk to Jeffrey Dahmer about?
Yeah, what the fuck are you guys going to give him? Homosexual serial killer from Milwaukee. What are they talking about? Ariana Grande. Yeah. Like, what is he going to ask her? What do you guys have in common? What kind of...
And someone said, too, it's clear that she's just trying. I actually think it was KFC from Barcelona. On a website, it says Grande said she had talked about Dahmer with a group of young fans during a Q&A early in her career. What's going on? What the hell? Too much Dahmer lore. Hey, listen, we've been lucky enough to meet a lot of people that say very kind things to us and are fans of our show, both in New York and as we're going and doing these shows.
If at any point Dahmer comes up in those brief interactions, something has gone awry. Like something is off. I think that she just said Jeffrey Dahmer is pretty fascinating. Yeah, but not fascinating. Like what are you going to do, criminologist Ariana Grande? I don't know. Pick his brain and talk to him about like what is she going to do? Like tell me why you did it. I was infatuated with serial killers when I was younger. That's how it starts, man. There is definitely. First of all.
Legitimately, that's how it starts. Ariana Grande is like, oh, he's pretty fascinating. It's pretty cool. And like, I don't know, what do you think is going to happen when this guy is sitting across from you at dinner and he's like, you ever squeeze a cat's head like really hard? And she's like, oh, this is fascinating. This is really interesting. Tell me more. You know? Well, it's like... What does a guy taste like? This is... Take it to hell easy. Yeah, that sounded a little... Honestly. It's just, it's funny because...
What is she going to do with any of the information she gets from that? And also, being that into serial killers, I hope we're at a point in stage and realizing that is a massive red flag. There is something interesting about them, the psychological aspect, absolutely. That's probably what she's referring to, Frank.
She wants to sit and hang with him, brother. Yeah, I don't want to have dinner with the guy. Like, fucking, what's his name? The guy from Nickelodeon that was pen pals with John Wayne Gacy. Oh, yeah. That didn't set off any alarms to people? I was going to say Josh Peck. That's not right. Well, his name is... I'm not going to say his name. I don't want to fucking... Josh Peck was from Drake and Josh. No, I know. There's connections, but we're not going to do that now. Just like...
Like, that is strange. Like, these people, like, Charles Manson got married. You know what I mean? I know he didn't physically kill anyone, but, like, still. I mean, I'll say that he killed people. Well, you would be legally incorrect. He was responsible for deaths. That is another. That sounds like killing. That is, no. Did he pick up a knife? No. As far as we know. Well, then you also believe that the Saw puppet was responsible for all the deaths.
Not a puppet. The dude who was doing the, bro, by the way, the ending of the first Saw. What a fucking twister. I honestly, any time I close a door, I try to reenact that closing of the door. I do that constantly. Game over. Game over.
I like shut my fridge and like yell at like an avocado in my fucking fridge. Like game over. And I slammed it. I remember when I first watched that movie, my sister showed it to me and she's like, you'll never guess who the killer is. So I literally like a piece of shit was just like him, him, him, him, her, him, her, him, her. And still couldn't fucking get it. I, yeah. I don't like when people do that and they kind of ruin it. It's like, cause now I have to like, now I'm paying attention to the point where it's like,
I'm trying to ruin the movie. Like, I just want to be right and I'm not enjoying it anymore. Bro, I love her to death, but Becca is the worst person to watch, like, thrillers or horror movies with. Because it's like, oh, that's not... And then you're like, stop. She'll watch and she'll literally just be like...
Foreshadowing, foreshadowing. That's what that is. And I'm just like, yeah. Or if it's one that I've seen that she hasn't, she's like, he's the killer, right? He's the killer. I know. And I'm just like, just watch the movie. I actually just saw this yesterday, but it's an old clip. But you remember Matt Pavich? Of course. So he put up this stand-up joke. I don't want to butcher it, but like...
Go check him out on Instagram, Matt Pavich. But he has a clip where he talks about Netflix and chill. He's like, I don't know where Netflix and chill came from because whenever I watch Netflix, it's usually Netflix and then just him going like, can you shush? Can you shush? And then he stops and he just goes, I don't know. I don't know. How could I know more than you know? You know, like all the questions. It's like, wait, who's that? I'd be like, I haven't seen this. Well, you know what it is with Becca? And we've figured it out.
For her, it's a defense mechanism because she grew up in a Christian household that she couldn't watch horror movies. So now she sees it and she just laughs at it because it's like... Is she scared? I don't think she's really scared. I think her brain just has like...
fucking figured out a way to just kind of like take the piss out of it a little bit. You know what I mean? Like we watched... Oh, you're getting a little British there. Good for you. Takes the piss out of it. He's taking the fucking piss. I also said posh earlier in a non-ironic way. Yeah, what is this dude? He's slowly transitioning into Harry Styles or something? I have been told I resemble him.
Negative people have said that. Positive people. No. Positive people have said that. But yeah, she liked to feel better about the fact, to not feel scared. She's just like, she sees like, and she's like, oh, that's clearly CGI, so I'm not scared. Or like, that's clearly fake blood, so I'm not scared. Do you like scary movies? I love scary movies. Really? I love them. But I'm not... Do you like being scared or when you can sense that like, oh my God, this is going to be a scary scene? I...
What do you do? Because sometimes I'm like, what the fuck, my phone? And I'm like, look at my phone.
Like in a scary movie, like, you know, like the music is like building up and I'll be like, who's fucking texting me? Oh no, I watch, I fully watch, I'll rewatch scary movies. I'm not the level of like horror fan that like has like the streaming service where it's like all the like schlocky, you know, B, C horror. Don't know what that word means. It's just like the horror movies that are just known for like their gratuity. They're like torture porn basically. Like, like I haven't seen. Did you say gratuity? Gratuity, yeah. Like I haven't seen it yet. I think that's the wrong word.
Gratuity? It's gratuitous. Isn't gratuity like what you tip at a restaurant? I think it can mean a couple things. Are you saying like gruesomeness? I think it can mean... Gratuity? It can mean different things. I hope it's wrong. Gratuity? Something... Extra? Something give...
Wait a sec. Hold on. Go ahead. No, read it. Because it does fit, but also I'm not finding... Google 20% gratuity. No, but like it is normally... It's like the fucking... What's his name here? What's his name? Oxford said like it's a tip. But then there's another definition where it's like something given voluntarily or beyond obligation usually for some service. So like...
Technically like... That's a tip, my guy. No, no, no. But like gratuitous violence is the term in which I'm using it for. It's like they're doing it just to do it. Like there's no point to do it. Okay. So... He's digging. He's digging out. That's a good job. I'm not going to lie. You got dirt underneath your fingernails from crawling out of that hole. But like... You're like...
I haven't seen it, but like the Terrifier movies are like that. Disgusting. They're not. There's no point to them. I started watching it. I was 10 minutes in and I'm like, this guy's already cut a girl in half and eaten her fucking liver. I'm good. That's like the human centipede movies. Same thing. Okay. I actually liked those though. Liked is crazy. Liked is crazy. Ariana Grande wants to have dinner with you next.
Yeah, no. But I love scary movies, and I'll watch them over and over and over. Did you see Centipede 2? I saw all three of the centipedes. I've never seen Centipede 3. I'll tell you this. Centifreed. The human centifreed was the worst of them. I think I watched them with you. Maybe two we've watched together. No, I think we definitely watched two together. I saw one like three times.
Yeah, one was like the tame one. Two was like, this is wild. That guy jerks off with sandpaper and I'm like, definitely something wrong with that guy, bro. What are you talking about? And then three, like there were two scenes in three I couldn't watch because they were just insane. Poop? One of them involved poop, but like not how you would imagine poop. Like the guy, it was like, so unless I'm mistaken, it's like a prison warden and his thing is like to like torture the prisoners. He wants to make a human centipede.
Okay. And one of the prisoners is like a real piece of shit or something. And he has a colostomy bag and he pulls the guy's colostomy bag out and like fingers it. And then... The warden? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's another one where he has a jar. A real fucking sick twisted bastard. I mean, put that guy in jail. If that guy was like, I would love to have dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer, you'd be like, yeah. Yeah.
Like, if I was getting married and they were both guests, I'd put them at the same table. What a strange dinner date that would be. Ariana Grande, the director of Human Centipede, and fucking Jeffrey Dahmer. And then the guy, you know, the Nickelodeon guy that was pen pals with John Wayne Gacy. Yeah, and John Wayne Gacy in full clown makeup. Terrifying. Just disgusting people out there in the world. Yeah, fuck them all. They deserve every bit of pain and torture they're getting in hell, if there is one.
Yeah. You know what? We're going to get to that. Actually, I don't know if I could say that, but we'll figure it out. But we do have some sponsors for today. The first one being, hello, Stitch Fix. It's like having a personal stylist, okay? They're going to send you new clothes. You go onto this website. You fill out a style quiz. You tell them what you like, what your sizes are, what kind of...
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Taylor Swift. Her jet. Oh, I was going to say Joey. No. Careful. Those Swifties. I'm not trying to fucking fuck with the Swifties. What are you talking about? You better be a Swifty, bitch. I'm a Swifty too, apparently. See, he just added that last one. I don't know. I don't know. Am I? I don't know. Will they allow me in? Are they gatekeepers like Star Trek fans or will they be like welcoming? There is an outside chance that I'm at a Taylor Swift concert at some point this year. This year? When the hell are you going to get the chance to do that, Joey? We're fucking away for most of it. After the tour. After the tour.
A cold Swifty tour? It might be. Taylor, Miss Swift. Right, because she's watching. I think, at least. If not her, one of her buddies is.
whatever buddies invite us me I would love to go we would love to come maybe some of our friends you saw Travis Kelsey was out there on stage yeah good for him I'll bring the family I'll wear the top hat I'll give you this you can fully raise my two girls my two daughters to be in your image like that is something that you will if you want it you know
Dude, I'll put on the top hat and do whatever that was. It was like a silent movie out there that Travis Scott, Travis Scott, Travis Scott wasn't up there. That's for sure. It definitely was not him. But yeah, Taylor Swift, apparently her jet was like spray painted. Vandalized. Yeah, I saw this, that there are oil protesters that not only did they vandalize Taylor Swift's private jet, they also vandalized Stonehenge.
The rocks? The rocks, dude. What did Stonehenge do to you? Those poor rocks. They're just good, big, little rocks. And they can't, what are they going to do, bro? They can't do anything. They can't defend themselves. And also, of all the monuments and things like natural wonders of the world that we have, although that's not a natural wonder of the world. Henge. What did Stonehenge do to you? They're just rocks standing there, dude. Seems like a nice guy. Like,
I can understand if you're upset at the Eiffel Tower because it's like the French, the bourgeoisie. You know what I'm saying? And it's so pointy. It is a little pointy. It makes it feel evil. It does. Honestly, it does. Also, things that are very tall feel evil. They do because they are literally just a celebration, especially in America, of capitalism. So go vandalize something else. Something tall. I'm not saying to do this, but it would make sense if you were to vandalize the Empire State Building.
Why? You gotta be careful with telling or suggesting people do anything to buildings in New York. You just did that. Don't do that. That's what I said, don't. But like, I can see Stonehenge. It's just stones. What did you do? How tall are they? They're probably not even that tall. They're not even that big. They're maybe like 25 feet. Because back then... 25 feet? Maybe smaller? How tall is rocks at Stone... Stonewall? 16 feet. 16 feet.
13 feet. Oh, little guys. 13. They're just cute rocks. Yeah. Why do you have to be mean? Where is it? England? It is outside of England somewhere. It's just a collection of rocks having a meeting. Exactly. Exactly. They have done nothing to harm anyone. If anything, that is the least symbol of oil production.
I think that they chose it because like people love it and it's like a... Hey, oil protesters. It's awareness. Hey, oil protesters. I feel bad for the rocks. They're just rocks. Yeah. Why do you do that? I also feel bad for Taylor Swift's private chat, but something about her tells me that she'll be okay. I'll tell you this right now. And I wanted to say this on stage, but I completely forgot. But when we went to DC, we flew. That flight...
Is a minute. Basically. 35 max. It's legit. Yeah. I think legitimately it's like 39 minutes or something for us. Like in the air. And we got there and immediately I was like, oh, I get why Taylor Swift doesn't give a shit about the environment. Like I totally understand because that's awesome. Like imagine having to throw up for...
Imagine having to fly Three hours Drive three hours But you could just fly And it's like a half an hour Yeah Oh my god I actually saw a TikTok I mean there is something Flying coach doesn't make sense Because you get there an hour before Then you wait And then you fucking Like it ends up taking About the same time It would probably take to drive Yeah But like You know It was just cool To be like Boo And you're there I'm in DC You know what I mean Yeah And I actually saw a TikTok Of her Like
She like broke the record for like shortest flight and it was like two minutes just to beat traffic Which is like bro, that's a little crazy Obviously, we're we're like this is ridiculous like maybe shouldn't do that the the goddamn environment What are you fucking thinking? Yeah, he's Swiss. Absolutely. I'll come to your concert, but you know, whatever but I will say
Even the people who are like, bro, this is horrible for the environment. Like, we should not... Like, you have to admit, pretty cool, though. Also, you know who's saying that? The people, those incredible people out there that have never sat in five hours of traffic for no apparent reason at all. I am a different thing in traffic. Joey, you are one of the worst people I've ever seen in traffic. I hate it. Because you... Like, I could sit in traffic and be like, this sucks, but, like, what am I gonna do? Can't. Joey...
Can't do it. It's not like that. So, like, fully believe and expect if and when Joey buys another private jet, he will be taking private jet flights from his apartment to the studio. No. Yeah. It's obviously hyperbole for the sake of comedy. Yeah. I mean, I think if something... Like, what's the cutoff? What's, like, what's the middle ground for the people who are like, bro, that's... I think, honestly...
I think anything under an hour shouldn't be a flight. Obviously. Like, we legit... Also, for DC, it was like this. We got up, we went down. Oh, you mean an hour in the air? Yeah. Oh, no, I don't agree with that. No? I think if it's under an hour, drive, obviously. Oh, no, yeah, duh. But I'm saying, like... No, I think you should be able to fly to Boston. There shouldn't be...
Anything under an hour. Sorry. I think that's... Maybe I'm crazy. But like, if Boston is like the example you use, just do a circle. Just do one circle, make it an hour, and then touchdown. Like, you shouldn't be... There shouldn't be any flights under an hour. Nah, nah. I don't believe that. I don't agree with that. But...
Two minutes on a flight is crazy. It was two minutes. I mean, but I don't know if it's fucking real. I mean, I just saw a TikTok video, so I don't know. I would ride private, but I'm afraid. Me too. Honestly, I don't know that I want to fly private anyway. I think it's like $10,000. That's crazy. A flight? Yeah. What does that mean for you? Bro, you saw that? I know you guys saw that really quick. Frankie was just like...
And then pointed at me. No. But you were going to take a private jet for $10,000 just now. I was not going to take a private jet for $10,000. If it, honestly. Would you get on one? If it was like a cross country, like a five hour flight, I would consider. Oh, that I would. If it was not $10,000. I would only take a private plane like. 30 minutes. Under three hours.
But to go across the country, that's way too much panic for me. Really? Yeah, because I just... Just keep it small. Just keep... Listen, just give me a parachute. As long as I know I have a parachute readily available, I feel okay. How do you... Frank. Actually, how hard can parachuting be? Is that stupid to say? Bro, it seems and looks, and this might be blind confidence and stupidity and ignorance all working at the same time. It is, by the way. But go ahead. I just imagine you jump out, you got a backpack on, and you just pull...
I will say my legs would probably be everywhere. Like it's, it's hard. I've done the indoor skydiving thing and it's like not easy. Come on, bro. You start spinning. You're fucked. Just stop spinning.
That's all I'm saying. It's been debunked just right there. You're spinning? Stop. Also, if you're depressed, bro, it'd be happening. Just stop being depressed. Yeah, that's it. Just fucking smile. You got anxiety? Don't think about it. Don't think of anything. Yeah, what could be anxiety? Stop thinking about it. Your mom died? Get over it, bro. Yeah, who cares? She's gone. Nothing you can do. Right. Being sad ain't gonna fix it. What's it gonna do? You're gonna sulk? Meaningless. But, bro, no, I mean...
I think I could figure out a parachute. Yeah, I could figure out a parachute. Bro, I saw a video of two planes that like... It was four people who were like jumping out and parachuting and shit. Skydiving. I don't know why I was there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the planes hit each other. Uh-oh. And then they had to jump out and like...
imagine that? I know that there's like some science behind like you need to be a certain height in order to like release to do what is it? To deploy your parachute but like what does that mean? What does that mean? A parachute bro I'll just land like I'll just land on something soft. I'll be alright. What? I'll find a hay bale or something land in that Assassin's Creed style. We'll be good. A hay bale is definitely not soft. Like a big ass hump of hay? Yeah.
A big ass hump of hay. Yeah, that'd be alright. I think that would hurt you, buddy. Nah. You ever see the video of the guy who jumps out of the plane with no parachute and then just lands in a big... I'd love to net. What you just said was nothing. I'd love to land in a net. Why? Or I'd love to land on like those big... Like you see like stuntmen jumping off buildings onto like big like...
And the air pops out the side. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Like Tom Cruise doing a front flip off a four-story building. Yes, I would love to do that. Bro, that guy's a sicko. You ever see the video of him driving off of a cliff on a motorcycle? And he just like, and then let's go with a motorcycle. He actually did that multiple times. You see the one where he jumped the building and broke his ankle and got up and kept running with a broken ankle?
I did see that. Yeah, that guy's crazy. He's like, yeah, I think I broke it back there. Let's tape it up and do it again. I'm like, yo, dude. You broke your ankle, man. Yeah. Crazy. Like, take a fucking break, my G. Tom Cruise, man. What a guy. But yeah, Taylor Swift, man, she got her shit vandalized. I feel a little bad for her. But it was orange paint, which is dope.
Yeah, anything. It makes it look cooler. Yeah, just finish up the whole thing. Oh, no. Keep going. Give me the coat. Yeah. Also, they sprayed the side of it. If you want to make some fucking... I'm not trying to... Taylor, if you're watching this, I still want to come to the show. I want to say love story. We're friends of the show. But if you really wanted to do some damage, bro, the windshield. Don't do the side. No one cares. You can still fly with the side. Holy shit. I didn't even think of that. I thought you were going to say the bottom. So people can look up and say, that's Taylor Swift.
You think you can see the bottom of airplanes when they're like up in the sky like that sometimes no Do you ever see airplanes? I don't know if I should say this then don't when I'm sometimes when I'm like walking around and then I see an airplane I just imagine it You know what I mean stop stop seriously stop don't stop I'm dead serious don't fucking complete this thought now I feel like I'm getting I'm I'm
earning a seat at the table with Jeffrey Dahmer and Aaron Agrande here thinking about that. And it's not that I'm like fantasizing, like I want it to happen. It's just like, I'm scared. Stop. I do that when I look at the moon though, or like the sun. I'm just like- Wait, you look at the moon and then picture it like what? Just getting bigger and crashing into us or something like that. Bro, there's videos on TikTok or shit like that. I know. That's why I don't go down that-
Nightmare you ever see the video. It's like fucking not AI, but it's like a you know, whatever CGI shit But it's like you're an astronaut. It's like POV You're an astronaut on the fucking moon and then the earth just starts exploding And then you're stuck and then you're like my what am I where am I? You know what you do in that situation you take off your mask and you just freeze Yeah, you saw all right. See you later everyone, bro. That's crazy. How long do you think you could last in space?
Like in a space station. No, no, no. A space station. Like you're in a space station. I mean, you need resources. So like, I don't know. If you had some rations. Some. I need lots. Okay, but if you had enough to sustain the rest of your life, you think you're making it? I think at a certain point in your life. No, yeah. It's just me by myself and I got like nothing. You have one other person. Who? Someone who like... Someone I don't know? That'll make me kill myself quicker. If I'm being honest. No, someone who like...
is like the 13th best person in your life i'd have to sit here and draw numbers see i'm just saying like it's a person that like you like but it's not like i think because of like where like now being a husband and dad like it doesn't matter who's up there if it's not my kids or my wife i don't it doesn't matter who it is it'll just prolong the inevitable so if we're stuck in a space station you're gonna just open the window kill us both yeah i probably yeah i don't know
Open the window like you could fucking crank it down. Yeah, just like crack it. I'm pretty sure they account for people not opening windows. I think my heart would explode. Yeah, it'd be all right. Because my heart rate would just sit pretty at 190. Yeah, you'd be dead. And it, you know, probably three days of that and it's a wrap. What could be... I also saw a thing that Japan... Did we talk about this? No. They're like...
Oh, a building that goes into space? I don't know if it's a building. I think it's just like an elevator. Bro, I'm never going to work for it. There's no way that works, dude. Yeah, I know. There's no way that works. Japan... But also, it's Japan. Japan... It's Japan, though. We'll give you this. We'll give you one of these, but it ain't going to work. I don't... I don't know. You've given us a lot of really cool stuff. To be fair, I didn't think that Saudi Arabia was going to fucking build a line city, but they're doing that. A line city? You never heard about the line? They're doing, like... It's like...
miles long or something and like a mile wide and it's like they're building a city in the middle of the fucking desert and it's just like a line so it's like yeah I mean it's crazy that we're able to even do something like that also they're just printing money money's not real money's not real and legitimately not none of the points everything's made up none of it matters literally we're living we're all on borrowed time
Too much? Yeah, I mean, you don't have to. We're talking about the moon exploding. You don't have to say shit like that. Anyway, Taylor, please, we would love to get on stage. We don't even want to just go to your concert. We do want to be on stage and be a part of the show in some capacity. We would like some attention as well. We would like to make this night about us in some way. It has been about you for a while. Time to switch it to us. I think it would be nice if you gave someone else a shot for just a hot sec. And if you need me to play the guitar as well, I'll do it.
I can't. He'll fake it. He'll fake it very well. I can fake it very extremely well. And you will be shocked at how well I can sing music. Sing music. Yeah, you would be shocked by that as well. Or maybe we could open. I don't know. We'll figure it out. But let us know. Send me an email.
Anyway, we'll see you at the show. Yeah, we will see you there, and we really appreciate you giving us your time. Taylor Swift is coming to the rest of the shows at the Basement Yards. If you haven't gotten your tickets, she's going to come to all of them. If you haven't gotten, I don't even know what's available, but expect Taylor to be there in some capacity, obviously. Yeah, exactly. She was at all the other ones, too. She just asked to not be seen. Exactly, yeah.
But yeah, that is all for this week's episode. Frank, where can they find you? At Valvers885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez on all the forums and social media. And make sure you go check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBasementMirror. Go to TheBasementMirror.com. Check out all the information about our upcoming Basement Mirror Experience shows. Yep. And you can go follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at TheBasementMirror on TikTok and Instagram. And yeah, man, go to TheBasementMirror.com right now. There's tickets for the Radio City show. Use the pre-sale code if you need one. It's Basement...
Let's sell this motherfucker out. See you guys there. See you guys next time.