#451 - Did You Know This?!
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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard, ha- *laughs* Frankie? No, no, no, no. I mean you immediately pulled out your bicep. 'Cause it's fucking rad. Also just wearing that shirt and it's kind of like folded so it looks like a little cross-eyed. Which side is me? We look very similar. I- I know, I know, I know. Your side is obviously the green-eyed one because you're a green-eyed girl. Yeah, I wish.

I had that skin tone. Yeah, you don't. Like a nice tan? Yeah, this gave us the same skin tone. Not... Not, yeah. And like, even when I'm during the winter months when I'm a little more, you know, pale. Yeah. You say fair, but I don't like that terminology. It seems... Your skin is fair. Dated, yeah. And yours is unfair. Unfair skin. I don't... It seems... It's not fair. It seems a little dated.

Even at my lightest, I'm not that. Yeah. I'm not that. I get it. Pointing feels like don't, you know? Well, I'm not that. I'm not that fucking disgusting mess. Your skin. Yeah. What are you looking at? You're looking at me. Why are you looking at me? I'm just looking at you. I know, but I don't like when you look at me. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I am jealous of your gray hair. I want them.

Want gray hairs no and you're really committing to this kind of like shave bush mustache. I know I don't know good every time I tried it now. You know you're making me look at myself Don't look at yourself. You look great. I think you look awesome. I think you look great I do have the hair the silvers going the silvers are cool, and they're silver not gray another gray. Oh

Stop. They're gray. I wish because like, look at me. You want to have like the Pauly Walnuts? I kind of do. Do you? I want the Mr. Fantastic, you know, like gray sides. Mr. Fantastic? Yeah, well, maybe if you put your fucking nose in any other form of media. Sorry that I don't read your comic books. The Fantastic Four. Well, you knew where Mr. Fantastic was from, so you know something there, bitch. Yeah, I didn't know that. He's got the side streak.

And he's getting played the new movie by my twin, Pedro Pascal. I thought it was John Krasinski. Oh, I look like him too? All right. No. Wasn't he Mr. Fantastic? He was in the Doctor Strange movie, but they're not continuing that casting. They did a new casting, and they just announced all of it. I can't keep up with your inability to follow this stuff. I also could care less, honestly. The whole sentence hurt me. Are you going to hawk a loongie in here? I have something in my throat.

Frankie, don't you dare spit on the ground! Okay, alright, okay. What am I supposed to do then? Just kid. Um, I have a question by the way. I thought about this coming out of my sleep. Oh boy, Joey, for those of you guys that don't know- No, no, no, this is a good question. Joey sleeps weird. Frank, this is a good question. Well, he sleeps with his hands on his fucking cock and balls. Someone is gonna wanna steal them in the night. No one wants your dumbass balls. This is a good question. And I need you to think about it. Don't be like crazy off the bat. No, no, no, hold on. Shut up! Okay.

Do birds piss? I've never seen bird piss. You see bird shit. But birds have cocks, don't they? How do they do sexes? Do they piss? Because I've never seen piss. I've seen bird shit, but where is the piss? I have seen bird shit an uncomfortable amount. Also, most times I make eye contacts with dogs is when they're pooping. I don't like that. Yeah. Do birds pee-pee?

Yes, the answer is yes they do. But where and when? That's- I don't think- We would have seen piss! It's like catching like, you know like when people have like those wildlife cameras and they'll be like "Oh look we caught a skinwalker" or "We caught like an animal that we thought to be extinct for, you know, 80 years"

No one has video or footage... No one talks about bird piss. ...of a pissing bird. Yeah. Getting crapped on by a bird is... It's sad. Bro, there was a kid that we grew up knowing. This kid's Sebastian. I was at the park with him. Knowing is loose. Yeah. But... He tried to fight Joey. He did try to fight me one day. And we had to set the record straight and say, you're not going to fight him. He told me, fuck you. And I said, no. No. That was my reaction. And then he...

Rode to the middle of the street through his bike on the ground and walked around it in protest of you. You remember that? I do remember that. This guy. He also lived in a half house. Now you're giving me too much information, though. It wasn't a halfway house. His address had a half in it. Yeah, which is something you gave us something to make fun of you for, dude. Yeah, when you're kids, it's crazy. Fuck your... Like, come on. You can't do that. The reason why I even brought him up is because I saw... I was at the park and a bird shit on his face.

This kid has been losing since 1996. Let me tell you. But the reason... But I'm saying, you've heard of like, oh, if a bird poops on you, it's like good luck or whatever. But like...

What about piss, bro? No piss? I would say that's more good luck. There isn't piss. That's the point. No, there is piss. Where is it? Have you ever seen it? No. So what happens to it? It gets in the air. Like, you ever been walking and you randomly feel like, did I just get wet? Like a droplet of water hit my arm or something? Yeah, if you're walking under the train. No, that happens in the big blue sky. No, it doesn't. Maybe sometimes it's bird pee pee. Or maybe it's rain. Rain?

Yes. But it's way less crazy than bird piss. I didn't look it up because I don't know. Birds obviously piss, Joey. So hear me out. They have dicks. Do they? They have dicks. I've never seen it. They have berginas. I don't know if they have like traditional wieners.

They may have some other thing going on. Well, ducks! Corkscrew cocks. They do have corkscrew penises. Ducks got corkscrew cocks. Yeah. Go ahead. What do you want me to Google? I don't want you to Google anything. I know you're gonna Google... Do birds piss. Do me a favor. Yeah. Don't Google that. Just go straight for what I imagine would be the coolest bird penis. And that would be an eagle. Eagle dick. Eagle penis. No, dick. No, dick. Walk me through what you're seeing here, babe.

You remember in Spongebob where the old lady who was like CHOCOLATE Yeah, and she was just like a thing and then like a spine? Yep. That. That looks like a goose's... I assume this is a penis? Yeah. Do... Let me just... Do eagles have a penis? Eagle penis. Eagle penis. Cool penis. They don't have them!

Most birds don't. There are almost 10,000 species of birds and only around 3% of them have a penis. Wait, whoa, whoa. What the fuck? Penis-less.

No penis. Dickless birds. I don't like this. These include ducks. Ducks, no. Geese. No, we saw ducks' cocks. We saw the corkscrew cock. Oh, this might be the ones that have them. Okay. Yeah, those are the ones that have them. Ducks, geese, swans. Okay, I just want to make sure. You're throwing a lot at me today, Joey. Ostriches and emus, duh. Penis, penis birds. Yeah, of course. Ostrich, big dick energy. We know that. Eagles, no penis.

This country's national bird doesn't even have a penis! You fucking dumb Americans! Flamingos, no penis. That makes sense. Knees though, they got knees. They got crazy knees. They got legs for days. Penguins, no penis. Kinda makes sense. They don't need, they can't fly, they got no dicks, they're just losers out there. I love penguins, don't even. Albatrosses, don't even know what they look like. What the hell is that? That's a lot. What the hell is that? Is that a car? It is a bird. That's a car, Joey. No, it's a bird, but I don't, I don't know. It's not a bird.

Oh wait, this says have completely lost their penis. So where did they go? Maybe they had one at one time, but then evolution took them away. Bro, if Darwin never told me you can lose your dick.

If you don't use it, you lose it. Dude, this is kind of crazy. Listen, we need a zoologist. Now I got to look up if they piss. Well, I have to imagine. So now we're just going to piss. How do preggies, how do female birds get pregnant? The birds do the dance. That's the big thing. It's like birds, like guy birds are just like...

And then girls are just like, all right, come on over. But then if they don't got dicks, what do they do to do to do to? I think they have something else that's like, like a. Well, like fingers. We don't want that. No, like it's probably just like a, like a tube or something. I don't know. I honestly don't know. What is a penis? If not a tube. It's fair. They are to be somewhere a little longer. Like Joey, for first name is a straw. Um, but where are you with the bird piss now?

Now, honestly, I don't know because birds can chip. And they drink a lot of fluids. Do they? Yeah, you see birds drinking water all the time. Yeah, I guess. What about hummingbirds? They suck the nectar out of those shits. Yeah, yeah, hold on. Do birds piss? I don't like this question. Mainly because... No, they don't. Birds do not release urine from the body through an opening at the end of a urethra. Once the urine passes through the urethra...

to reach the so they got uteruses but they got some chamber the urine and feces mixed together so it's that's why they got wet crap they got wet crap because it's piss and shit it's piss and crap so technically they do piss but it's not their crap so they'll yeah it's pissed with crap yeah they piss with their crap they crap out a cocktail of pee poop yeah that's crazy so they do piss so but is that peeing though so it's not pee pee if it's

If I put Coca-Cola in a cup and I add water, what do you say you're drinking? A mixture of Coke and pee. When you have diarrhea, do you say, I'm peeing? You do. No, I don't. You say you piss out your butt all the time, Joey. It's an expression. Oh, there's big butt pisser over there. But if a scientist asked me, I'd be like, I'm not peeing, I am pooping. And I think actually diarrhea is the absence of an, it's like you have not enough water in your system that your body just spits it out your asshole.

How does that make sense? Don't ask me. I don't- Well, we don't have to go down the diarrhea dark alley. I'm talking about birds pissing here. Dark alley of diarrhea is a dark, dirty place to be. You can say that twice. I will say it again. The dark, dirty place to be. But birds, they don't piss. It is piss though. But it's not traditional piss, is my point. Okay, traditional piss, but what's traditional piss? Human piss? Just because you pee a certain way makes it the tradition? Other animals piss, you idiot. That's what I'm talking about. What animals don't piss though?

And birds have been here. Wait, dinosaurs were birds? Dinosaurs were pissing before animals were. Humans were pissing. Wow, that's true. Did T-Rex's piss? Technically, no. This show is so stupid. I think they did because it's a mix. You ever see Jurassic Park 3? He bottles T-Rex pee. Does he? Yes, he does. A little kid that's lost on the island. There's Spinosaurus coming for him.

So maybe they do pee. I don't know. But the point remains, birds don't piss. And that's shocking to me. No, birds, they do pee. They just don't pee the way that you're finding it acceptable to pee. It's not that it's acceptable. I just... You said traditional, Joey. Traditional. Outside of the traditional, people would call that abnormal. So you're thinking that the way that they pee is an abnormal way.

When I am sitting here and suggesting that birds existed before humans existed in some capacity. So maybe pissing their way was the norm, was the tradition. And then we came along with just these massive huge dongs everywhere. People are just like, oh, that's the way that we pee. Now this is the right way to pee now. I don't like that. But the number of animals... Revisionist history. That's what you're doing right there. I don't know how I'm doing that. I'm saying there's a lot of animals that pee like humans.

Horses. Dogs. Horses. Piss. Cats. Cats. Piss. Bro, cat piss is worse than human piss. I would rather my house be doused in gasoline than cat piss. You're basically, it's the same thing. Stinkiest piss. It's the stinkiest piss. Why is it so stinky piss? Because that's how they mark their territories. But like. And also, they don't pee like a stream. It's like a fucking like spray. Like it's like for bees. Yes. Cats pee spray? It's like. Pfft.

No, it's not. Bro, it's like if you fucking throw like a stun grenade in here and it fucking pops and sprays everywhere. Wait, hold on. Now you have to look up. They don't have streams of piss. They have a spray of piss. They can have streams, but mostly it's just like a spray. It's like a. Is it really? Yeah, dude. Cats piss.

This is a big piss episode here. This is a big pee-pee episode. Wait. Look up Google cat piss. Cat piss spray. Google cat piss. Google gaga? What are you saying? I was just saying gaggle coot piss. Oh, now I'm just getting sprays to mask the scent of cat piss. But I want to know, how do cats pee? Yeah. I think boy cats, it's more like a stream because they got wangs. There's two pictures of...

Of cats. Oh, it does look kind of spray. Interesting. I didn't know that. Dude, animals, dude. From someone that had a cat, their piss sucks. It does smell like this. It's no, it smells way worse than piss. It's like cigarettes, you know, like it is. You can't get it out. You can't get out of your clothes, bro. I know you have a cat because you smell like a little piss. Did I smell like cat piss? Not, no.

Did I smell like cat piss? Not all the time. Did I ever smell like cat piss? Sometimes I can smell some piss on you. Really? I can smell that you have a cat. So if I can smell that you have a cat, I'm assuming I'm smelling piss. That's fair. We had a cat that pissed. It wasn't like... We had a cat that pissed. It's not that you smelled like piss. You smelled like a cat. Which kind of smells a little like cat piss. That's what I'm saying. Some percentage of that is a urination.

I'm sorry you had to smell cat piss on me. It's okay. Well, so you agree. To what? It was a problem. So say that. It wasn't. You feel good? Say it wasn't a problem. Say it. Why? Say it. It wasn't a problem that you smelled like cat piss. Well, no, but see, that's not what I'm asking you to say. Yeah. No, it was only a small portion of the time. So there's a, so when, in addition to hating birds, because they're rats with wings, they're also- I don't hate all birds. I don't want to be on the same team.

No, no, no. Same team. Owls are sick. Sick. Eagles, fire. Birds of prey, yeah. Vultures. Fuck those. What? Those ugly bastards. And I fuck with crows, kind of. Crows I do because they're kind of just like... They do their own thing. Yeah. Ravens are...

I've never seen a raven in real life. If I did, I'd be, I'd swear I was going to die that afternoon. I'd be very scared as well. You know, it's like people are like, Oh, you're afraid you saw a black cat. If I saw a raven, dude, I'm gone. I also see black. It was like, you see a black cat walk across the street. Then it's bad luck. I've seen that. I've seen black cats my whole life. Maybe that maybe my life, maybe we can't tell we've had bad luck. Maybe our position of privilege is here and we could have had an even bigger one because we saw so many black cats have fucked us up.

Or it's just like an old wives tale. Which, by the way, took me until age 27 to know that that's old wives. I thought it was old wives tale. Yeah, we just spoke about this, I think. Just saying. Yeah, well, that's because your brain has physically, you know, not allowed you to see things outside of your own little box that you live in. Yeah, I'm sure it's a little box. Speaking of little box, I had Taco Bell not long ago.

You just wanted to talk about Taco Bell. I said box. You're like, speaking of boxes. Dude, Taco Bell. I had Taco Bell and it came in a box. Taco Bell. What'd you get? I mean, you had your famous order. My famous order. Cheesy Gordita Grunch. Grunch? Who the hell? What happened to you? I will say this. It's like the Grinch put in Taco Bell. What? TM, trademark. If they take this idea, they're stealing from us. If Taco Bell did like a limited time like Christmas thing and it was called like the Cheesy Gordita Grunch.

And it was all green. What do you think? You just fucking made a billion dollars with that stupid idea? Is that what you think? Oh...

Who wants to eat a green taco? That was like when the ketchup companies were like, make it purple. I don't want that. I had it and it was good. I don't like that. They're bringing it back. I shouldn't say the color. They're not bringing the coloring back. They're bringing back like a ton of flavored ketchup now. Like Heinz is doing like. That's fine. It's like habanero ketchup, dill pickle ketchup. Good. Those were good. But like just ketchup, but it's green. Bro, I'm eating a green hot dog. This looks disgusting. Oh.

Like, you don't, you can't get grossed out by that. If hot dogs weren't green, you wouldn't like them? No, I think I... You're going after hot dogs for their fucking appealing look, Joey? Yeah. Nah. You want hot dogs because you know. No, I just don't want to eat something that looks green. Because it's a snappy... Like, rotten. Fucking something that's going to punch you in the mouth amount of meat.

Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs. I know that, but you're getting crazy with your eyebrows. Hot dogs, man. You know I can't talk about hot dogs and not be over the top. If Taco Bell released a hot dog. I'm staying far away. Really? That's a double damage right there. A fast food hot dog? I've had all fast food hot dogs. It was Sonic. Is there a slow food hot dog? It's all fast food, Frank. It's a hot dog, for God's sake. I'll say this. The worst hot dog I've ever had in my life.

Up there. One is that Sonic hot dog I had. Sorry, Sonic. You're not going to be brand ambassadors anymore. Is that the one where they have rollerblades and they come out? Yeah. I've never seen a Sonic like that in my life. Oh, I've seen multiple. And they're on skates. And they're fucking on skates. They're coming out like fucking- Twisting? Whipping and just like giving you a hot dog. It's kind of dope. Yeah, you'd think, but the hot dogs were not good. But also the worst hot dog I've ever had.

My dad took us to a Colombian burger joint. Oh, I think you told me about this. Dude, it came out with like a slice of like cold...

deli ham and like mustard and i know people out there are just like did it well even forget about the mustard everything else was just it made it so bad it's good this thing when i bit into it it that's where the bird piss went into this fucking hot dog well how about the fact that you are going to a colombian restaurant and ordering hot dogs my dad told me it's a columbia burger joint

Yeah. And we went, it was a real place on Northern Boulevard in, I guess it was, I was gonna say Astoria, but it was Queens, Jackson Heights probably, right? Yeah, or like Corona. East Elmhurst, Corona, whatever. It was called Ecstasis. Who? Ecstasis. What does that mean? I think it's ecstasy, but like they sold hot dogs and burgers. Yeah, okay. So, word of advice. If you ever go to a restaurant that is named after a drug addict,

Don't order their hot dogs or hamburgers. Come on into cocaine. Get a hot dog. Yeah, so... Bird piss. I just blew your mind, though. I'll be honest with you, not where I expected the episode to start off. That's what I'm saying. Like, people think... Like, I know that, like, sounds like a funny question, but, like, when you really ask someone, like, yo...

Do birds piss? They're going to be like, yeah, oh, oh. Because then they're like, yes, of course. Then you're like, but where is the piss? Because it doesn't exist on the streets in the world. They piss in their butt. They piss out their butt because that's the route. But honestly, also, wouldn't you kind of wish, like, if you, like... No, I like peeing. Let's use you as an example. No, don't use me as an example. You love to just kind of, like, anytime you sit down to use the toilet, you, like, it's like a whole load of laundry is falling out your butt. That's not true. So...

You might as well piss and shit out of the same place because it's just more efficient. Honestly. I like peeing though. Honestly, very efficient of birds. Everything all at the same time. It would cut time in half. Also, if they had wieners, they'd be less aerodynamic because they would have a wiener. Hell yeah. So that's probably why they're like smooth. So they could glide through the air. That's why they lost their dicks because big...

They were probably all out of whack when they had wings. Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know when they say if you have a... Which you probably shouldn't do this according to dermatologists, but when you have a skin tag, people tie floss around it. You know I've... I've done that. I used a nail clipper and clipped one once. That sucks. I forgot where it was. That sucks. I had one that I... It was on my thigh. I had one that I tied floss around it and it took two weeks and it hurt so bad. I took a... I took it...

Why can't I speak? I took a nail clipper and it hurt. Yeah. And it bled a lot. It bled a lot. Dude, it was like someone shot me in the leg. There was blood pouring down my leg. That's crazy. I was like, what am I doing? Where was the skin tag? It was like on my thigh. You want to have your day ruined?

Probably not. Well, I'm gonna. I remember I was a big fan of like the Viva La Bam, Bam Margera, you know, that era of fucking MTV. Yeah, where you're wearing like one of those... I was not wearing any etnies. Beanie with the brim on it? No, I was not wearing any etnies or what were the other brands that... Famous? Anything, Kira, famous, you know, anything that you could have bought at a fucking...

How does this tie into skin tags? Well, his uncle famously was Don Vito. Oh, yeah. And there was an episode where he lifted his uncle's arm up and, bro, the skin tags looked like Velcro. He had so many of them. What are you... Oh. I gotta Google this now to show you. No, I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. You're Googling bird piss. Wait, why did he do that? Did he, like, cut them off? You're Googling bird piss. I'm Googling Don Vito Viva La Bam skin tags. What?

Did he, uh, did he like cut them off or something? Or he just like, I don't know, but it was gross, but no pictures of the skin tags, but a ton of pictures of Don Vito. Yeah. Who doesn't not look like my dad kind of. Oh yeah. He also got in trouble for some Don Vito. Not your dad.

I was like, what the fuck did my dad do? Your dad, maybe keep those two names away from each other. Got it. Some stuff. Okay. Why did you bring up Don Vito? Skin tags. I just said it. What do you mean why? So wait, when you did the floss thing, you're supposed to just leave it? You had a bowl? But they were like, every day, tighten it a little more. And it fucking hurt, dude. It stung so bad. Why didn't you just cut it?

Because I was a bitch, dude. I was a little baby. You know, like I didn't want to like that would have freaked me out. Did you tell anyone you were doing it? Yeah, Becca. She helped me do it. This was recently? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought this is when you were like fucking eight. You can still see the scar. Scar? Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. It was a big bitch too. Like it wasn't like... You were like, I've had enough of this. Like one day it was so small forever. And then one day I looked at it and I was like, ew. Yeah. It looked like nuts hanging out. Like...

It was so uncomfortable. You had a ball sack? Yeah. And I said to Becca, I was like, I need to get rid of this thing. And she's like, well, you know, and we talked. And like, that's what people were doing. And I did it. And every day I would tighten it a little, a little more. Bro, for two weeks. What did it look like? Was it getting all like snow? No, it was... Bro, for two weeks, nothing happened. And then the last day I woke up and it was just a pebble. Wait, I'm confused. Like...

Oh, you do that and then it goes away? I thought it falls off. Well, it falls off. That's what I'm saying. But like the idea is like you're cutting off circulation. So like gradually through time, it gets like worse and worse and worse and worse and worse. For two weeks, nothing happened. And then all of a sudden, this thing was just dead one morning. Like it clung to life for fucking two weeks. And then the last day, it was just like, all right, I'm gone.

And then it just went back in. And it was just literally, it was like a little pebble. And I just like, it still hurt to touch it. And then I just fucking went, and it just popped off. And you bled? No bleed. No bleed. No bleed. I was bleeding like crazy. Well, because you would, gradually it closed off. Like you kind of like...

I was just like, oh, it hurts so bad. And I was just like, fuck it. And I just like, ah. And it just cut it. Oh, I've done that to like warts. When I was a kid, I had gotten like warts on my feet. Bro, you used to always have warts. Chill the fuck out, Joey. Chill the fuck out. No, I didn't. You still always have one. You had a big wart on your hand. I did. And I got rid of it promptly. But it was white. Because I have... Do these ads. Do these ads.

Do em and then we'll talk about this Joey because I don't like you're trying to fucking defend me You always has warts just if I was walking around like some fucking troll or some gremlin fuck you do the ads What do we got? Always had warts Bro, okay, okay, okay. We do have some spots

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Joey's social security number. If you don't want it, I'll give it to you. I got it for you. No, but if you're coming to any of the basement yard experience shows, we're getting back after it. The boys are back at it. We're getting ready to go out into the wild and scream at the top of our lungs in front of a crowd of people. So thank you for giving us the opportunity to do that. But also we'd like these shows to be

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We'll see you there. Joe? Oh, big... So back to it! Oh, yeah, I forgot. I had warts twice as a kid. One was on the bottom of my foot that you never would have fucking saw in your entire life, you stupid, dumb idiot. The other was right here. So let's say I had them all the time. Okay, you want to talk about something?

Answer this question. Hold on. But you're fucking pitching me as some fucking gremlin gargoyle wart under fucking having under a fucking bridge. No, I'm not. I'm saying you had warts. I had on my hand and I can still see the scar from it when it was fucking plucked off like a piece of salami. Love salami, hate those warts. But I will say this. Did you chew on your wart? Joey. Joey.

Did you chew on it? Joey, chewing insinuates that there was some level of pleasure I was getting at it. When you mean that I take it and bite it and try to rip it out, yes, I did that. He was chewing on his work. I'm not chewing like a gum. You would... Joey, I would throw this cup... Like a little rat! I would throw this cup at you as hard as I fucking could if my whole family's well-being didn't rely on it. Okay? I...

Yeah. And I didn't chew on it like it was fucking bubble gum, Joe. You bite it, though. You bite it. I bit it to remove it, and it came back like a bastard. And yes, I would freeze it, because that's what you did when you got them. You would fucking go to CVS or Rite Aid or Eckerd, if you're nasty, and you would fucking buy the little thing, and you would freeze it. Did it hurt? No. But it got like...

It didn't work. So I had to go to a dermatologist and he just fucking, bro. Did he cut your hand? I suppose mom took me to a dermatologist. Why? I don't know. Where were your parents? I don't know. But took me to a dermatologist and he literally looked at my hand and he goes, okay. Because it was right here, right on the top of my thumb. I tried everything. Duct tape, Vaseline. Duct tape? People say like cover it in duct tape, it'll kill it and then you can just rip it out. Like literally like...

Like starting a fucking war. Now I don't know what warts are. I didn't know you could rip them out. Yeah, of course. They're like viruses basically that just kind of show themselves and stuff like that. You know what I'm picturing? You remember in Halo, the flood, the little ones? Yes. The brains or whatever. Yeah, kind of. But on a human skin. Right. And I went in and he was like, all right, we'll get rid of it. That day? Yeah. Oh. I was like, all right. And he goes, listen, I'm going to numb it.

And then I'm going to do this thing to get rid of it. I was like, all right. Numbed it with a cream. And he comes with a needle, which I'm not a... I don't mind needles. They don't bother me. You know, I'm not a fucking fan. But like, I'm not like a person that sees a needle and like passes out. Yeah. And he puts the cream on it. And he comes with the needle to poke it. And the cream numbed it. So I was like, oh, that was the number. This is probably injecting some medication to like kill it from the inside out or something. Because that's the thing. It's like you need to kill the roots. Like a fucking weed. Okay. Or it's...

And he goes, all right. And I'm like, oh, okay, done. And he goes, nope, just sit right there. He comes over with a scalpel, literally like butter, dude. He just went, gone. He cut your finger? He cut, just, look, look, look, gone. Like, ew, so you just had like a hole in your hand? So I had a hole, and what was crazy too, I don't know if this is going to bother you. Have you ever seen like,

Big industrial like electrical cables and they cut them in half and you see it's really just a little like a bunch of little Cables in there. Yeah. Yeah, there's some like phobia that people have of like little small holes or something. I forgot what it's called Okay, but when he cut it I could see all the little holes of the of the of the of the the roots and then like 30 seconds later It started to bleed not even 30 maybe like six or seven wait. So how'd you get all the those out? I?

So he comes over. But I thought you were going to say that you bit them out. No, bitch. He comes over with this thing that kind of looks like a pick that people do for their teeth. Oh my, this is way too much. You know when like people like the, like the dentist have like that big metal hook and they go in and they like fucking destroy your gums and they're like bleeding. It's a bad idea. And it's like you just... The Grim Reaper thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not a scythe, Joey. But...

He goes, all right. And he puts it over it and he presses a button. It's a cauterizer. So what it does is it burns it. So I'm sitting there and I will to this day never forget the smell of my burning flesh as he is cauterizing the roots of this wart and gone. Never came back. Haven't had one. Did it hurt? No, because it was all numb. Afterwards. It was a legit hole in my thumb.

And it was in the summer and I was told I couldn't go in the lake. That's devastating. You went in the lake. Right into this lake. I would put like a fucking like, I put a what's it called? Glove on. Like my dad always had like latex gloves for like work. And I'd put one of those on and literally would duct tape to my skin around it. And then when I got out of the water, it got wet every time.

I'm picturing you as a kid playing in water with a yellow duct taped gloved hand. Yeah. We'd go tubing, everything. And when I'd come out of the water, I'd douse this thing in hydrogen peroxide. Yeah. And it didn't get affected. It hasn't come back since. Well, Frank's covered in warts, everyone. No! And what was the one on your foot? How'd you get rid of that? That's a great question. I don't remember. Where do you get a wart?

It's like a virus. You catch it from someone else that has warts. Got it. So who are you sticking your foot in? Well, Joey. Nobody, dude. I do remember there was a fucking dirty dumpster idiot in our neighborhood that had them on his hand and like dapped me up. And after I dapped him up, I saw it. I was like, fuck, now I get wart. Is that how you get it? Skin contact. Yeah. Well...

That's that, I guess. I don't know. Anyway, I wanted to talk about the portal. There's a portal now. Where is it? Times Square? Yes. I don't know if it's in Times Square, but it's between us and Ireland. And Dublin, right? Dublin. Yeah. You got to say it right. Dublin. They're European people. You might as well give them some fucking respect. I'm trying here. Dublin, Ireland. Dublin. But there's like a portal where it's like a live feed between Dublin and New York. Mm-hmm.

Who thought this was gonna go well? Dudes. Who? It was done by... How do you police something like that? It was done by, like... Well, the police. It was done by some, like, Irish artist who was just like... It's like an art installation. And it's like, oh, I'm going to... I can't do Irish. Yeah, it's okay. I can't. I can't. No, I can't. Don't try. Don't try. But, like...

Come on, dude. Have you not seen enough Side Talk NYC videos to know this would be a bad idea? Well, to be fair, they did it to us first. From what I saw, I saw a video of them putting up a picture of 9-11. You didn't see that? I did, I did, I did. Yeah. I saw the one where some woman just threw her tits out. Oh, I didn't see that. Not cool tits. But the only thing... Not sick ones.

Was that in New York or in Dublin? In Dublin. So she was Dublin tits. Yeah, basically the New York one is just all people like throwing up like just like fucking gang signs and shit. And then like my understanding is like the part of New York where they put it in, there's like a ton of homeless people around there. So like I think both areas have an issue with the homeless. So like it's just a lot of homeless people on it now. People mooning.

I mean, dude, if there's a portal, a live thing, like what do you think is going to happen? You remember when Shia LaBeouf did that thing in Astoria? Yeah.

He will not divide us. And it was a live feed at all times at this one place. And people would just show up and do the weirdest shit there. Some of our friends showed up. Yeah. Some of our friends showed up to just like dab them up. And it's not like it was like roped off and like security. You just walk right up. Bro, he was just standing there. So people were just doing like the weirdest shit on this thing. And it's like, obviously this is going to go bad. Well, when you, the internet has become so like,

When you try to do something in the sake of trying to do it good, like something like that. Because the idea of the art installation is wholesome. Yeah. But the internet is going to tear you to absolute shreds. Yeah. A woman's going to walk over and be like, I'm going to pull out these dublish. Dublish? Irish. I guess New Yorkers, Dubliners. Dublish? Dubbies? I don't know. That's probably. Not to be confused with Dobie.

The elf. The favorite house elf, yeah. RIP by the way. Yeah, I mean, don't give it away. Sorry, I'm giving it away from a property. That shit was devastating. One of the saddest deaths in a movie ever. Honestly. Bro. That. My dog Skip. Joey, for some reason, is the only person that cares about- Have you seen Marley and Me? Yeah, fuck that movie. Marley and Me? Yeah. Why? Why put that to film? Why? What is the point?

I guess to make people who don't own dogs understand why it hurts so bad. Yeah. Because people that don't own dogs don't feel anything ever, right? I mean, it's... Okay. I don't have a child, so do I know what having children is like? No, but at least... At least you could fucking, like, imagine it. Yeah. Bro, now having children, dogs, I'll fucking shoot a dog in the mouth right now. Why? I won't do that. I won't. I'm not. Yeah, I will kill you.

Shoot my dog. Fucking relax. I'll fucking beat your dog with a pipe. Frank, that would be the last thing you ever do. Yeah? Would you kill me over hurting your dog? Yes. Really? If you killed my dog? I would never kill your dog. I'd hurt it. I wouldn't. I don't like this conversation. This is not funny. Hypothetically. There are people that actually do this and it's not funny. If you punched my dog, I would go insane.

More than three times. Nah, you wouldn't. Oh, if I punch a dog once, you're cool with it? Like, if you were like, yo, and just fucking hit him, and he, like, squeaked? Squeaking, bro. Yeah, like, nah. We ain't squeaking around here, okay? Nobody squeaks my dog. That's why the fucking my dog skip thing. You hit the fucking dog with a shovel, this dog survived? What the fuck? Dogs are pretty resilient, dude. Not with shovels. You hit me with a shovel hard enough, I'm lying down. Well, that was a dumb little dog, too. Like, he probably should have died.

That dog was driving at one point in that movie. That's a good dog. My dog skipped. We went and saw that. The story is the tale is old time. Went to see it for Joey's second grade birthday. Yep. Birthday party. Frankie cried. I cried. I think I cried. Oh, I cried at the movie. I cried because I told the girl that I liked that I called her gay. Yeah. And then she was like, what the hell? And I was like, that was mean. And I cried about it. Yeah.

That's how you learn. That's how you learn. In third grade. Shouts, Ms. Paul Graben. That was actually, I believe it was second grade that your birthday. Oh, Ms. Macchio then. 1999. She was not a fan of ours. You know what's crazy? Is my mom recently told me, it was like, so my mom came to one show, the New Haven show so far. Thanks, ma. I'm kidding. And she said, I don't know if I ever told you this, but when you were in second grade, you kept...

You and Joey kept getting in trouble for talking and making people laugh in class. And she's like, this is like an actual wholesome moment here. So sorry, we'll get right back to, you know, hitting dogs with shovels. And she goes, I remember I was so like kind of worked up that like you weren't listening and getting in trouble and stuff like that. And Miss Macchio said like about us, mainly more about me because I don't remember if she specified you, but like you were in trouble with me. So probably us. And it was like,

This kid is going to do something and be on stage. Miss Macchio? Miss Macchio, the old dirtbag. Wild way to describe her. Sorry. But she was very mean. Was mean and old. Was definitely old. Definitely old. So we can call it. That's crazy she said that. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Wow. That's wild, right? Interesting. I remember she flipped out on me multiple times. She flipped out on me because I called our friend Ricardo's water bottle a nipple and told him sucking on it was like sucking on a titty. What?

The things you remember, man. I don't remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do remember, though. Remember there was this kid from India that came to our class late? I don't remember his name. It wasn't the famous one, Pooja. That was third grade. No, this was a guy. Okay. And I remember he came to... He might have showed up in October, so it was a month we were in school already. And I remember...

I was like, you know what? I'm going to do something nice. And it was like partner up with somebody in the class. You picked him. And I was like, oh, I'm going to partner up with him. So I was like, hey, man, you want to be my partner? To like get him like associated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him acclimated. And we like... Everything was fine. And then...

It was later that day, I think. It was like, oh, pick a partner. So I kind of looked over him and I was like, and he just went with someone else. I was like, dude! What an absolute bastard. Who did he go with? I don't know. I don't remember. But I remember being like, bro, I was trying to be nice and now you're doing this to me. What an absolute bastard. And then I was just by myself. Well, I would never leave you by yourself. I know, but you're on the other side of the room. You have an A. I have an S. I'm all the way back here. You're over there with the A. That was true. That was true. And also they kept us apart for very specific reasons, which I can't really remember.

The one, since we're talking about Ms. Macchio, I know, you gotta get to the ads, shut up, was the famous story, and I don't know if people remember it, or if we've really told it, is the, when I called a girl in our class Judge Judy. What? You and I were at lunch, and something happened, you know, we were fucking around with our friends, laughing, ha ha, he he's, and...

One of the girls like said like that's mean like basically we probably said something making fun of somebody else and like they like stood up for someone or something along those lines and I was like, all right, Judge Judy and you fucking lost it. Me? Yes. Laughing? Hysterical. Okay. And she got upset and the rest of the girls because this is at the time when second grade 1999 if you were friends with girls guess what that made you? A girl. Gay dude. That too.

And all the girls started yelling at us. I don't remember this. And it was at lunch and we got in trouble. And then Miss Macchio back in the class after lunch was like, let's figure out what happened. And it was like, how do you remember? I remember this bro. So clearly, I even remember where you and I were sitting and she's like, what happened? And as it, as she said, what happened? All the girls at once started talking.

Every single one of them started meanwhile, I'm getting roped into this all I did was laugh and I look over at you and they're yelling at me and us and I went I do remember this actually and we've you and I Tears like just bald crying laughing. I do remember. I do remember what you're saying that that moment sounds familiar Yeah, I can't see it. Obviously like that does sound familiar, but I don't dude. It's crazy All right, judge Judy

And if I told you who it was, I can give you first name. No, I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't. Give me a letter? No, I can't. It'll give it away. There's something about this person that I don't want. Okay. All right. You know what I just saw him say? Owl. I heard owl. And I don't know what that means. So, well, maybe you shouldn't have said it. Why? Okay. We'll talk later. I don't know what that means. Go ahead and read these ads, Joey. Anyway, we do have some ads for today. The first one being...

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GetKickoff.com slash basement for that first month for a dollar. All right. Special offer that applies to new Kickoff premium customers for their first month only. Subject to approval and only available at GetKickoff.com slash basement. Terms of offer are subject to change. All right. There you go, folks. I'm a tundries. You're a what? Boy is a tundry boy. You know, you got me saying that now. I don't say it out loud, but I say it in my head.

But when Frankie's hungry, he says he's tunders. And for some reason that makes sense. It's something that the family and I started doing because the kids around everyone takes it and, you know, say, says things in like little cutesy fun ways for family and stuff like that. Baby talk. You do baby talk to your dog all the time. I mean, not really. So with, you know, she say, Oh, I'm tundish. I was like, who is a tundery?

Are you going to do that when your kids are like 16? No, probably not. But I'll miss it. I don't know. I feel like you will. I'll miss it. You know what's really cute now is Ruby will specifically for breakfast ask with whatever she's eating, she'll ask for toast with butter. Why? Because she likes toast with butter. What do you mean why, Joey? I thought there was going to be a reason. But the cute part of it is she goes, Dada, can I have toast with butter?

all right, this is so cute. With bar. Bar. Like she can't, it's so, it's so cute. And Maeve is getting to talking a ton. So like, she'll just be like, I want, I'm like, what? Like when she wants to get picked up, she sits there. She's like, ah, I stuck. I'm stuck. Yeah, she does. I'm stuck. And then like, if I like have like a cup in my hand or something, she'll go. Mikey, one day I was like, he's three years old. Uh, but I was at my,

sister's house and he's like got all his toys and stuff so he's showing me everything and he's like I'm like who's this and he's like Spider-Man first of all there's nothing better than asking a child a question and them answering it nothing better so cool right who is that who am I I do it all day what is this what sound does this make yeah all day kids knowing stuff is fucking incredible because I'm always just like how you know but he was just going over like oh this is whatever so I pick up

Doctor Oc? Tipos. Doctor Oc, yeah. And he says, I'm like, who's this? He goes, Doc Oc. That's what Ruby says. Doc Oc? Well, no, she says Doc Oc, but like I'm sure. No, no, no. He says Doc Oc. Oh, that's not good. Well, I mean, it's just how he's trying to pronounce it. Oh, okay. But then it's fine. That's what I said from the beginning. Like, okay. And you're like, what?

No, no. Because it's the Spidey... Doc Ock. It's the Spidey and his amazing friend show. Bro, Ruby's obsessed with this show. She'll go... I think it's a girl, right? Doc Ock is a girl. I mean, in some of the comics, it is... You know, it's not Otto Octavius. It's...

I forget her first name, but it is a female. But when we'll watch it, I'll sit next to Ruby and watch it, and I'll play into it. So I'll be like, oh no, they stole this from the city. Who's going to help? And then Spider-Man will come through. I'm like, yeah, Spider-Man. And Ruby does it with me now too. Yeah. So anytime she watches it, she'll go, oh, it's Galbi. Galbi is Green Goblin. And like fucking Doc Ock will run in. She goes, oh, that's Doc Ock.

It's so fucking cute. Yeah. And then rhino, she'd be like, uh-oh, a rhino. So she can say rhino pretty well. What are you doing here? No, I was- You're making fun of the way that my daughter, a three-year-old- No, I'm saying it's exciting. It is very exciting. When they can actually say the word, because there's words that Mikey just can't say, right? But then there's other words, and I'm like, Jesus. Yeah, but you know what, though? And you'll get this when you're a parent one day, because your only child right now is a dog, which doesn't count and doesn't talk, because it's too stupid. Pfft.

There is a level of like when kids mispronounce things you don't want them to fix it because it's so cute the way they do It yeah, I mean eventually you're gonna be there. Oh, yeah when they're like 30, you know what? All right of a certain age, but like it's cute like miles for years never said memories He called them which honestly is even even makes more sense than the word memories. He called them remember ease Remember ease way better

I like that a lot. A lot better, right? But you want them to keep that little childlike innocence where they just call things their own things.

Yeah. It's so fun. Rememberies. Yeah. That like makes sense. Yeah. At the end, what the fuck is a memory? Now that you're thinking about it, you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't like it. You're supposed to remember. You remember the thing. So you remember the Reese. It's a remembery. Yeah. Where does the word memory come from? Memory. I think it's just a word. I just opened my phone and it's Don Beto still. Memory. Memory. Word. Origin. I mean, it's probably going to tell you Latin origin.

By the way, is that the first language ever? How does everything trace back to that? I think the first spoken language. Interesting. Yeah, so it comes from the Latin word meaning memoir, which is a mindful remembering. Ooh, like memoir, because you're remembering. You're mindfully remembering your life, a memoir. You're saying memoir? Yeah. I thought it was memoir. But it comes from the term in French. Oh. O-I-R is all French. Oh.

Yeah. Other ones. I don't know how to speak French. I don't think there's an O-I-R in that. No. It's croissant. C-R-O-I-S-S-A-N-T. Yeah. That's R-O-I. I said O-I-R, you dyslexic dummy. What's wrong with you? I don't know. Come on. I was getting it wrong. You were. Yes. Also, I have written down here something about cat food. What did you say? You're like, yo, write down cat food.

The vegans are back, Joey. They're back and they're at it. As they be. Okay. So, as you were saying how much you hate vegans. I never said that. You were saying it pretty often and loudly. I feel like that's you. Well, apparently, you know, vegans are now seeking their protein intake in the form of, you guessed it,

Cat food. Really? Yeah, dude. What's wrong with you vegans? Just eat a burger. First of all, cat food is disgusting. Worst of the... Feline animal foods. No, just any animal food. Like other animal food is like... Like a dog treat? I'd eat those. Have you? I've tried a dog treat. I had a bite...

I had a bite of a milk bone. Wet dog food, though, sucks. All whack, whack. But that's because that looks like cat food, though. When I was a kid, I wouldn't be able to feed my cat wet food because I'd gag opening the can. I feel that way about tuna fish. Oh, it's just tuna fish, dude. It's disgusting. No, it's not. And also the water that's in this tin. It's just water. Ew. It's covered in tuna. Okay. Fish. What would you do if I took a shot of tuna water in front of you?

Bro, don't. Yeah. That's horrible. I'm going to mix it in with a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Are vegans actually doing that? Yeah, I saw a Redditor commenting that they've been seeking protein intake from cat food, which sucks. Is there good protein in it? Is...

If there was a million grams of protein in a single tablespoon of cat food, you eating it, Joey? No, because the dump that I would take would be just like life altering. All right. All right. So let's bring it back down. Also, no. I was going to say 50 grams of protein in a tablespoon of cat food. Oh, I might. Are you kidding me? 50 grams in a teaspoon? Dude.

You're done! It's not you're done, but like... You fed me cat food once for a video. That's right, I did. You bastard. Yes, I am a bastard. You are. You are a white bastard. Let's make sure we specify. Jesus. Well, the shoe, look at it fit. Yeah, what? Watch the shoe fit. That's not it. Yeah. Anyway, how was the cat food? Disgusting. I tried baby food. Also not... Some of them are good. Some of them are good. Oh, baby food, honestly... No, some of them are whack.

Well, which ones? Like, they have like meat. Yeah, those are gross. Those are gross. The mango, like I had like mangoes. Banana shit. Banana, well, bananas. Banana stuff. Yeah, good. Mad good. The only thing with the bananas though that's tough is like they mix it in with like so much lemon juice. So you're drinking like a lemon banana. You're mixing like a lemon banana. Really? Don't like it. Did you guys buy or did you make...

Baby food a little bit of both. We did a little bit of both I think it was harder with Ruby we made more and with Maeve we bought more but also yeah by the you know, but we were good we're figuring out just like I can't do this Yeah, but also Maeve ate a ton really still our best eater to date nice She'll eat all day non-stop. That's like Mikey. He just eats anything. I've seen him eat like steak. I

Yeah, yeah, Becca. Just anything. We've given the kids steak, fish, anything. I wish my parents fed me more fish when I was younger. Well, isn't that why you have like a sensitivity to shrimp? I don't know that I have that, to be honest. Well, you've had it and you got itchy. So I'll help you here. Yeah, but I don't... I am not a fucking allergist or what do they call them?

There's an actual term. Smart people? For the doctor. Yeah. I will tell you right now you got one. Maybe. But no, that's not how you get an allergy. Your body, if you have something, you don't have it your whole life, your body will probably just be like, oh. I love how you threw in a probably there because that, again, is not how that works. Well, no, they say like, you know, again, old wives tales will say. If you have an allergy, you have an allergy.

Yeah, but you can get, it could be a mild sensitivity that you can get over if you have something enough. Is that true? Yeah. When I was on the plane back from Miami. You said that like the dumbest person in the world. No, but I was on the plane back from Miami. They were like, someone in here has a severe peanut allergy. So if you have any peanut products, don't open them. I didn't know that if you just open them, someone can have a reaction. Yeah, there are some people, I knew someone like that, that if it's in the air, it'll fuck them up.

That's terrifying. I knew someone in college that she had told us she was just like no peanut stuff while I'm around basically. And it got so extreme. So where I went to school, there was a main road that went all the way down through, you know, through West Haven, Orange into like Milford. And right next to that road was a Five Guys. And she would like, maybe she was overreacting and like trying to like garnish some attention, but like would like driving by a Five Guys fuck her up.

Yeah, because they cook everything in peanut oil. Dude. Peanuts. Thank God. And also, when we went to the Yankee game recently, I had to order food if you were going to get a drink, so I got a pack of peanuts. Massive pack of peanuts, by the way. Insane amount of peanuts. Yeah, that's a lot. But I was eating a few of them, and as I was eating them, I was a little scared. What are you scared of? Because I know I'm not allergic to peanuts, but for some reason, I was like, these are so dangerous to some people.

And like that was kind of freaking me out. What a hero you are, Joey. Hero? I'm saying I'm scared. The opposite of hero. I'm like literally eating it when I know I don't have an allergy and just being like, this could kill a person. Yeah. It's scary. Yeah, it is a little scary, but whatever. You don't have allergies, right? None that I know of. I just have allergies.

Even then, none that I know of. Really? You never get allergies? No. Fuck you. No. Like when we went to the inking game, you were fucking getting beat in the face. I was. You know, I was perfectly fine. I mean, every now and then I'll be like, I'll wake up a little like, but I'm not like to the point where I'm like, like, remember how bad Danny used to get it growing up? Yeah. I think he still gets it pretty bad now. Yeah. I hate when I'm like all snotty. Yeah. Because of my hands. Yeah. You're gross. That's it.

You ate your warts. Let's relax. Let's not forget about that, all right? I would. I would. I would, and I'm not gonna. Just want you to know that. Thanks. Anyway, that is all for this week's episode. Frank, where can they find you? Being not like a bird and taking a big fat piss right after this.

I don't even, uh, you guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at the basement yard on Tik TOK and Instagram. And if you're coming to the shows, go to the basement yard.com slash submit, fill out the form and we will see you out there. All right. See you guys next time.